#tw talk of mental health problems

[burned0utstar]

I'd like to kill myself please.

I don't know how to survive letting you go fully.

I don't know how to survive seeing you change from afar.

[heartnosekid]

hey friends, i wanted to share some things that are going on in my life right now. mostly for possible support, since it is really difficult going through this right now and i wonder if any of y’all have been through the same.

in july, i had three psychogenic non epileptic seizures (PNES) which required me to go to the hospital. they were caused by extreme nervous system stress, i.e. ptsd and panic attacks combined with the fact i was trying to self medicate with cbd and delta 8. super scary, never experienced a fear and strangeness like that before.

since then, i have had like. no full seizures but instances where i felt like i did before the onset of having the three in july.

i am now coming off cymbalta, the second SNRI i have had to come off in the last three years. i am experiencing pretty intense withdrawals and i was wondering if anyone else has had experience with cymbalta withdrawal as well and if anyone could tell me what their experience was like.

essentially my withdrawal symptoms are feeling similar to how the onset of the PNE seizures felt, and i am kind of just. i guess super scared. i have a support system IRL, but regardless of that, whenever i have these symptoms, i feel so alone and isolated. not necessarily in a lonely way, but in the way that i feel the extremest thing is going to happen and no one will be able to help me, if you know what i mean.

so yeah. i’m sorry to vent here, health problems have really been kicking my hind-end in recent years and now the seizures and withdrawals on top of it has really made things more complicated. and i wanted to know if anyone else has any similar experiences, because if someone has shared my experience, it will somehow calm me down. i will be responding to all comments left on this post btw.

as always, i love you all. very very much. if i miss any trigger tags on this post, please let me know and i will fix it accordingly.

- ish 💕

[venriliz]

why is the concept of showing empathy for drug/alcohol addicts so hard to understand for some ppl? v.v they suffer too sis, that problem has to come from somewhere and i bet most of them would rather not be addicted in the first place. some people don't know what nuance is i swear. am i crazy for having empathy with addicts??? i don't think so.

[endlessmidnights]

At this point I have two options:

Die

Recover

I don’t have energy for either so I’m just gonna suffer

[fella-lovin-fella]

something i find upsetting about my doctor refusing rescue medication for my anxiety is that like. stress causes a lot of physical health issues. this is a proven fact that's widely accepted in medicine.

my chronic anxiety is having a massive toll on my body, because i am constantly feeling high stress, without break. if we remove the anxiety label from it, is this not a medical issue that can and should be treated?

[xxskyethetiredemoxx]

Why should I have to go through all the shit I go through on a daily basis when I could just kill myself? Like what's actually the point, when I can just easily do smth that'd fix all my problems? And I won't even be alive to see the consequences!

[bpdorexic]

bpd isn’t fun or cute or quirky. i developed an ed and a sh addiction because of it. i’m constantly on the verge of killing myself, even when things are going well. i will always be paranoid in my relationships - no matter how many times i’m reassured, i’ll always be convinced the people i love never have and never will feel the same way about me and will abandon me once they realize that for themselves. if i don’t desperately cling on to others to try to avoid that abandonment, i push everyone away. my suicide feels inevitable, and even if nobody cares that much about me, i still care enough about them to try to mitigate any damage once i do finally kill myself. i feel like an incomplete person, a puzzle with broken and missing pieces that doesn’t even match the picture shown on the box it came in. if i don’t feel empty, i’m filled to the breaking point with emotion and i can’t express any of it in a healthy manner. the only way i can cope with either of those states is sh or suicide, regardless of whether i’m experiencing a positive or negative emotion. the yandere trope being romanticized and people calling bpd things like “beautiful princess disorder” downplay the seriousness of it and i just wish people would see that. i wish i could be different. i wish there were some magic pill that would take away all this pain. my only options are suicide or intense therapy and a hell of a lot of work over the course of years, and i don’t know which i’d prefer.

[leothecloud]

TW: Rant

What people think 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 is: Not wanting sex, not wanting relationships, unable to have any form of intimacy, etc.

What 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 actually is: Feeling little to no sexual ATTRACTION for others. The key word is Attraction.

What 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 actually is: A spectrum where people experience sexual attraction differently than others.

It is a sexuality that may or may not include sex depending on what that individual is comfortable with just like other people. Non aces may sleep with others without being attracted to them. So can Aces. Non aces may only be comfortable with certain forms of intimacy. So are Aces. Non aces may feel uncomfortable with sex at times or say no to sex. So do Aces. Some Ace folk want a purely romantic and platonic relationship while others may not experience any attraction at all and are AroAce.

Asexual individuals have boundaries just like other people. There is no us vs you. The only thing different is we experience sexual ATTRACTION differently. Some aces still have a libido even without wanting a sexual connection with someone else. Some don't. It is a ✨spectrum✨ just like every other sexuality. There's different variations of attraction. There's emotional, romantic, sexual, platonic, etc. There's different boundaries people have and some people don't want anything at all and that is okay too.

I am asexual panromantic. I experience very little sexual attraction. It is rare. That does not mean I am not okay having sex. I have sex with my partner for the emotional part of sex not for sex itself. It isn't about ✨sex✨ for me personally. Its about the raw emotional love and connection I feel for him during it. I experience romantic attraction. I experience emotional attraction. I still can connect on a mental level with my partner. I am not broken. I still can have relationships with others.

Asexuals are not Ｂｒｏｋｅｎ

Asexuals are not Ｗｅｉｒｄ

Asexuals just haven't met 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯

They know they are on the ace spectrum even without sex. Even without dating or even when they've dated and had sex. I met my dream partner and I am still ace. That will not change because it is my sexuality. It is how I experience attraction. Saying we haven't met the one who will change us is erasing our lived experience. It is denying the truth which is we know who we are and what we want.

Our sexuality isn't a burden. Not everyone needs sexual validation. Not everyone wants sex or a sexual form of intimacy or intimacy at all. If a non ace person told they're partner their sex drive isn't present or told them No it would be seen as a boundary and would (hopefully) be respected. It is still a 𝘉𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘺 when an ace person says it. It is still a no. It is just as valid and needs to be just as respected and if you are pressuring your ace partner that is the same as pressuring someone who isn't ace. That is just pressuring(and SA). You aren't changing them. You are just crossing a boundary out of fear that they don't reciprocate how you feel or because you prioritize how you feel more.

Asexual folk can reciprocate your feelings without needing to have sex or attraction. There are many ways to show how one loves the other. Words of affirmation. Providing support. Checking up on you throughout the day. Giving gifts or bringing home your favorite snacks. Doing the tasks you asked them to do. Telling you how much you are appreciated. There is more to a relationship than sexual attraction and sex. There's more to the ace community than one form of asexuality. There's more to everything.

[bijoumikhawal]

a lot of the talk about Bushnell is reminding me of my "the "mentally ill" have their right to violence revoked" thing again

like. When you're deemed mentally ill, suddenly you must stress how you are more likely to be a victim of violence than a perpetrator to be deemed as human. Because any violence you commit, as a crazy person, is bad. It cannot carry rationale, because you are crazy. If I, as an autistic person, hit someone who was hurting me and got in legal trouble, I can be referred to as just "crazy" instead of as a victim responding to an aggressor. It's an underdiscussed area of dehumanization.

And that's before we talk about intersectionality, and before we talk about how this factors into the idea of ODD, and the "violent" responses patients have to doctors (including those who simply aren't white, and those forced on meds that hurt them, and those resisting sexual assault, and-).

But this is not just interpersonally political, it is political at scale. Black men were targeted by schizophrenia diagnoses during the Civil Rights era (and this is also around when schizophrenia became a "scary" illness). The crazy cannot have valid political criticisms, as a movement (remember that being "crazy" is a vector of oppression abd marginalization) or as individuals in other movements.

Ive seen both the sentiment of "oh Aaron is gonna be slandered as crazy" and exactly what the sentiment warns of- "we can't valorize suicide from the mentally ill". And the first isn't wrong, because society at large does view the "crazy" as lacking political agency, but it's lacking.

Bushnell had been trying very hard to get out of his military contract without being imprisoned at best, while witnessing genocide and knowing he was complicit. He may not have had clinical depression normally, but that would inspire a mental rational response of situational depression (and yes, mental health issues can be a rational response to horrible circumstances). Further, I know of instances of self immolation that WERE done by people who did have long standing mental health issues and were done to protest the treatment they'd experienced that caused them and that resulted from their existence. Mental illness and divergence from the norm is more complicated than just "these people are incapable of rationality, they are incapable of political thought, and they are incapable of agency".

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[burned0utstar]

I miss him. So much.

It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.

I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.

[junos-cacophony]

I’m stressed, tired, sleep deprived, lonely, memorizing something, doing research, studying for 3 quizzes & worrying about writing something tomorrow. You don’t know how much this has affected me tonight

[goldensspine]

Tbh ⭐️ving is the only thing that gets me trough depre$$1on

[endlessmidnights]

It’s one of those times that I just want to unalive myself

[intrusive-thoughts-only]

I knew from the start this was coming, every time you fled and then came back to me…

This time seems like it’s really the end of this story.

My fantasy gone astray, my delusions gone array….

You have killed me.

[hoperosmerta]

July (prose that I woke up at 6 to write)

I'm  scared

"Why are you scared? don't be scared I'm  here for you"

He said, but in less than a week he fled from the scene, leaving me confused. I didn't know what to do with myself or what to do about you. another part of me was stolen from my insides, the part that gave me life. Then I lay lifeless. 

The worst part is I told him of the mess I was in. He didn't care for helping me clean up.

Now does it make sense for me to have lost my shit with him? The issue is that now i'm the villain in his side of the story. even when I almost took my own life because I was trapped in a web of isolation from the spider of your lies, false promises, and how you just left.