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Guys, I think my dumb bpd brain decided to "choose" my best friends little sister as my fp...

What am I supposed to do?? I miss her and she is just adorable and I want her to stay safe and I need my brain to not ruin this.

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I've got a date tomorrow!!?????

I hope it goes well, I am kinda very excited!!

Ahhhhhh

It's crazy, like an actual date!!

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Ah shit, after I posted this I got so drunk that I totally forgot that I wanted to make art, oops-

Wine drunk art session, not sure if I'll make art on my body or on a canvas??

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Wine drunk art session, not sure if I'll make art on my body or on a canvas??

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In the mood for banging my head against the wall repeatedly.

Not really eager to exist right now.

Can I please just not have to do this anymore?

Like, my mum literally admitted that want to kill herself, one of my sisters in the ward already, the other should be and my dad is probably going to leave again.

What the fuck?

Whyyy?

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Tell me why we weren't enough?

Seeing you makes me feel too much.

Seeing you makes me feel nothing at all.

I want to forget that you ever existed.

I want you to have never entered my life in the first place.

But still, still I want to keep the time that just felt like living might be okay.

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Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

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Been thinking about my ex favorite person today and now I'm mad at them and really should have seen how terrible it all was but I also still remember feeling so very safe with them so I kinda wanna kill myself now... hmmm

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I did want to kill myself just now, but then I got cigarettes and I still want to kill myself, but first I wanna smoke.

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Just had to call another ambulance because a old man hit his head while falling and there was blood everywhere and I am kinda shook.

Like, I did worse to myself, but he is another human, I was so scared and I feel the really really strong urge to relapse and I still have some of his blood on my hands and I don't know what to do

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Who am I if not a collection of all the scars on my skin, all the people who hurt me, all the sobs that are still stuck in my throat?

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why can’t we know if a person will stay forever, it’s such a tormenting thing to not know.

Like please stay with me till the end, i will do anything for you.

hurt me, make me cry, make me suffer

but oh god, please don’t leave.

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My sister is back in the ward, she has been sober from sh for 8 years, she didn't relapse, but she wanted to, so she went into the ward, I just found out yesterday and fully relapsed...

But it's okay, she shows me that it can be better.

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hii, 17, 21, 28, 29

Yayy, thank you for the questions :>>

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Definitely my DocMartins, I LOVE them, I had blue/black ones but I wore them so much that they literally fell apart so now I wear my red ones, I love them and they are just stable and good and yes.

21. obsession from childhood?

The universe probably and also Harry potter, sadly J.K.Rowling is a fucking bitch and her books are flawed and reflect a lot of her views which I cannot support.

23. strange habits?

I have some tics, but those aren't habits. So probably that I constantly wear socks. I hate my feet touching anything and even sleep with socks. Or maybe that at at specific times I have to touch the floor.

29. best way to bond with you?

Info dump about a special interest or make art with me or just tell me exactly what you think about me :)

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Okokokk

I got more,,

18, 19, 25, 46, 48, 89,

and 53

:)

Fuck yess, more questions :))

Hehehe, I love that, thank you so much :)))

18. ideal weather?

Autumn morning fog with a light breeze but some sunshine. Perfect hoodie wheater

19. sleeping position?

Fetus position, curled up.in my side with some sort of stuffed animal in my arms. But laying on my stomach can also be really nice.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Okay, since I live in austria it's a German song, it's called "Mein Freund, der Baum" and it's by Alexandra. It's a totally depressing song about loss and grief.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Biiiiiggggg clothes. Big sweatpants, big shirt, big hoodie!!! Comfy big clothes.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Funny answer: a lime because my hair is lime green and stuff.

Uquiz answer:

pineapple

you're sharp and witty, and people don't like you. this is not something you should be proud of or boast about. it is sad. break out of your shell. do something kind today.

Tomato

People are always telling you what you are, its really annoying. It's about damn time you stood up for yourself, but your scared. (sorry man) (to-ma-to or to-mah-toh?)

blackberry

you seem cool and edgy but you are an emotional reck that bottles up your feeling until they all explode and come spilling out, anyway your funny and take intrest into emotional stories or songs but feel numb when listening wondering why you cannot feel emotions like that, i an also very sorry because you are me.

My own answer:

I want to be something like cherries, but honestly, I think I'm more of a watermelon. Sweet and stuff but I am a whole lot of mess and you just can't know if I am actually sweet or just boring.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

They are raw and partly bloody, paint all over them covering old and new scars.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Probably whoever my favorite person is at the moment, I'd do anything for them, anything. But also overall everyone I ever loved before. Whatever they did to me, I will always love them.

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83, 49, 43, and 28 :0?

I’m curious :)

Omg yayyyy, thank you so much, I love answering questionsss :>

83. writing or drawing?

Hard as fuck question, can I choose both?? I love them both, but I have writers block sooooo often :(

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Be gay do crime probably, I love the quote and it's very much me.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie, always hoodie, I love hoodies, I live hoodies and I can't without hoodies. Hoodies are everything and they are my life. But the other stuff is also really cool :)

28. five songs to describe you?

Ooooh, I love that question so much but it's sooo hard!! Ahhhh

• I Deserve To Bleed -Sushi Soucy

• Trees II -McCafferty

• Using -Sorority Noise

• I'm not a good person -Pat The Bunny

•Yer Killin' Me -Remo Drive

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I swear I'm good, I swear I can be kind.