burned0utstar

[burned0utstar]

bpd introduces a new form of self-harm wherein we love someone, hand them the power to destroy us, and drive them to actually destroy us if they refuse to finish the job alone.

[burned0utstar]

I don't want to do this anymore, I am not stable enough for this, I want it all to stop and fuck off.

Just in a constant state of being oblivious, high and drunk and just out of my mind. Just gone.

I hate it here. I hate this reality, all the wars and fascists, the genocide, the loss of our human rights.

I hate not being able to help. To stop it all. So I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know how to help my own people, the person that is most important to me.

[burned0utstar]

I love you. Omg, I love you. I LOVE YOU. Oh my God. I love you.

[burned0utstar]

reblog to wirelessly transfer all of your dysphoria to jk rowling

[burned0utstar]

I missed you today. I wish I could hold you. I need you. I love you.

I miss your hands, your face, your smile, your voice, all of you.

I need you. I need to see you. And hear you. I can't do this without you.

I want to hold you, sleep besides you, hear your heart beat.

You are my everything.

[burned0utstar]

I forgot my water and my keys at home and I'm already in the fucking train and can't go back and I hate it and I don't know what to do or where my keys even are??? What should I do now? I am so lost

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This isn't right. I shouldn't be here. It's wrong. All wrong. He will leave me. He doesn't care anymore. He would be here if he cared.

This is bad. I am bad. I am terrible. I know he can't be here. But he should be. His texts sound wrong. I know it, I know he will leave me. I can feel it.

[burned0utstar]

They are here again, watching me. They stand there and watch, I can hear them breath and see their shadows.

They won't hurt me, but they will judge me. They will see me and decide over my fate.

[burned0utstar]

as a severely mentally ill 14 year old, I remember thinking “the medical system would treat me better if I was physically ill and not mentally ill” and then I coincidentally developed multiple chronic illnesses and found out that actually they dgaf even when you’re essentially bedridden

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Fuck fuck fuck fuck, I knew it, I knew I was to much.

I am just too much, I shouldn't have asked, I am too annoying, I'm sorry.

I should have known. I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have asked. He hates me. He fucking hates me. I am too annoying. I am bad.

I am a bad human, why did I ever think he'd like me?

[burned0utstar]

I'm worried. I wish I could help him, if I could, I would do whatever it takes, and if I take all his pain instead, that is fine, I just want him to be happy.

He is the love of my life, my everything, my amazing boyfriend, and I just really hate seeing him suffer. He shouldn't have to, he is too kind.

I am just so scared and worried, I don't want to lose him, I can't lose him. He is all I want and need. He is my perfect darling and I am not ready to give him up.

[burned0utstar]

If this is life, why would I want to keep it? Everything is purposeless and so far away. I could be a black hole, the way I want people to be close, but destroy them on impact.

[burned0utstar]

Thinking back to when little me did everything for attention, hr deserved better, but still, I'm hanging on to the tactics, it was so easy to feel wanted with another person's body pressed against mine.

[burned0utstar]

Fuck this, I hate him, I hate all of them. Fuck it. Really. He can go die for what he did to me. He should be dead. He hurt me and and so many other people so so much, he deserves it. He should be dead. He has to die. I wanna kill him myself. Take a bat and bash in his head, look him in his eyes while I slash his throat and he bleeds out infront of me. He deserves it. I deserve to not live like this.

[burned0utstar]

GUYS!!! HE LORE IS TOO MUCH, I AM DONE.

MY EX BF IS FRIENDS WITH MY EX ROOMMATE AND I AM 99% SURE THEY ADOPTED HIM INTO THEIR BAND.

I TOLD MY EX ROOMMATE AND HIS GF I WOULD COME TO THEIR CONCERT BUT THAT WOULD BE SO AWKWARD, HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT MY EX BF BUT I NEVER SHOWED HIM A PICTURE AND HE STILL WENT BY A DIFFERENT NAME BACK THEN AND I DON'T WANMA RUIN IT FOR ALL OF THEM BUT WHAT??? HUHH??? HELP PLS???

Btw, my ex bf has a lot of rape allegations that came out after we had already split up, personally, I do belive them because he did rape?? at least sexually assult me several times.

My ex roommate knows about this because I told him back then, after I got out of the mental hospital. This is terrible and ai really really do bit know what to do and I feel terrible...

[burned0utstar]

Am I allowed to be angry at my sisters? Is it not horrific to want them in this house? I know they suffered and died here. I know they got lost in the chaos.

Isn't it selfish to keep them? Isn't it bad to want them back? I know that they had to leave me. I know that our mother's a wreck.

I just wish that they would have saved me. I just wish for them to return. I just want to be able to leave this. I just want to no longer burn.

I met a boy called icarus, he was a kind, gentle soul. I wondered if he would fall soon, like I had fallen before. I wondered if he tasted fire, before he was torn by the storm.

I wanted to meet his parents, shake them and make the see. I wanted to hold him closer, but he would have drowned with me.

But am I allowed to be angry? If they left me here to freeze? If my sisters are just victims, what does that make me?

[burned0utstar]

And he said

Maybe I can still save you, maybe it's not too late yet.

And it's the simple things that hold me, with soft hands, looking at me with love. They keep me afloat when everything else is falling apart.