#i am immeasurably stressed right now
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wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#(in the following tags)#i am immeasurably stressed right now#i need to talk to my doctor about getting a booster to go along w/my adhd meds#bc this has been a problem for a while but i think it's about to come to a head#and i'm very scared for when that happens#maybe also talk to my school's disability services#bc Good Fucking God i'm already overwhelmed#it's 11:56. should i just go to bed? i have so many things left to do#when do i even have the time to go to disability services. and i've heard a lot of schools' processes w/that are slow and overcomplicated#fuck. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.#i think i'm spiraling#i'm worried that if i don't get a degree i won't be able to find a nice enough job to support myself independent of my family#and i don't want to be stuck with them forever#i really really don't#maybe i can talk to disability services sometime tomorrow morning. see what they can do#i think there's mental health services too. i hope they're decent#i just feel really bad right now. and it's only week one.#it feels like time's moving too fast but too slow at the same time#classes take forever but my free time zips by and runs out way too quick#and when it's gone i've completed maybe one or two things. out of several. if any at all.#i just don't know what to do. it's only been three days.#maybe i can drop a class; i think i'm taking enough to still be considered a full-time student with one less thing on my plate#i hope so#fucking damn it#how do people do this??? for multiple years????#and i feel selfish for saying this but i hope if y'all see this post you'll interact with it somehow. even just a like.#i want to know someone hears me
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Woo, it’s about time I made one of these… *cracks knuckles*
MORE ABOUT ME!!!!
HIIII!!!! My name is clegfly, or just cleg!!!! I’m an artist/ writer / professional paint drying critic/j. I’m just a silly girl doing silly things, don’t mind me. I use she/her pronouns and I am aroace!!!
LIKES
BULLET POINTS BULLET POINTS BULLET POI
Pancakes. All day. All the time. Everywhere, anywhere. Pancakes
That goes for bacon too
JELLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!1!1!1!
Why are these all foods what else do I like uhhhh
Warm. And cosy bed. And fire. And all that stuff
OLD COMPUTER AESTHETIC!!!!!! N64!!! WINDOWS XP!!!! ALL THAT SHIT
Bugs in theory
PLANTS
MUSICAL THEATRE
Graphic novels
Video games… ough my beloveds
Books
Okay now this is too long
Oops
Sorry
JELLYFISH JELLYFISH JELLYFISH
The ocean full stop actually
In theory
CHINCHILLAS
Uh
Yapping
Analysis
DISLIKES
anything on my DNI >:((((
Bugs in practice
Sport
Exercise
I’m literally hero omori
Commitment
Stress
Internet drama
Anyone who gatekeeps like. Anything.
INTERESTS???
All day every day, baby.
MAINS
OMORI- main interest as apparent by one peek at my blog… The brainrot is immeasurable and everlasting. Send help. It’s been almost four years. I love this game, its characters, story, EVERYTHING so fucking much. I’m like a billion pounds in debt to it also. I will be homeless but at least I will have my big ass heromari collection.
PMMM/ Madoka Magica- my favourite show! Consisting purely of sparkles and sunshine!!!! Why are you crying??? I’m sure not!!!!
DDLC/ Doki Doki Literature Club- another favourite of mine!!! I see a well-written cast of characters I deeply relate to go through extreme horrific horror beyond any of their comprehensions and I’m SOLD!!!
Coraline- the horrors are all consuming, but at least it’s both a visual and extremely well-written treat!!!!
TADC/ the amazing digital circus- won’t lie, watched this show when the pilot dropped and LOVED it, but forgot about it after a while as it didn’t stick with me. Then episode three came out and I’m now reduced to a blubbering mess whose brain is now significantly comprised of two fictional chess pieces. What happened? I don’t know. Send even more help.
LITTLE GUYS THAT HURT MY BRAIN SOMETIMES
Petscop
Fnaf
BATIM/ bendy and the ink machine
BSD
Deltarune
Undertale
Hawaii: Part II
SUBJECT TO CHANGE BECAUSE IM PROBABLY FORGETTING LIKE 20 AND ALSO HAVE LIKE 20 STILL TO DISCOVER
HOBBIES?!2!2!
Ya!!!! :D
Art
The main thing I do on my silly little page!!
…in which the art is mostly unfinished doodles… but that’s okay!!!! We ball anyway
YOU CAN SEND THE CLEG REQUESTS!!!!! ALL DAY ANY DAY UNLESS I SAY OTHERWISE!!!! Do not expect premium quality though lmao. (And also nothing related to DNI. Shouldn’t have to say this but. Uh. Yeah)
You cannot yet commission the cleg :(
Writing
Currently on a writing hiatus and have been for a little while (5 MONRHS WHAT) but… i do!!!! That!!!! Aka I write fan fiction AGH
Mostly. Heromari stuff. Actually all heromari stuff. I think I have one fic that isn’t heromari and it’s one I co-authored I love them your honour…
Yeah
DNI
Bit of a bummer, but I gotta set my boundaries to keep the weirdos out!! That being said, do NOT interact with my blog whatsoever if you:
Are a shotacon, lolicon, proshipper, pedo, etc etc etc. (yucky. Yuck yuck yuck. Fuck off)
Are homophobic
Are transphobic
Are aphobic/ arophobic (why. Why are you even still here)
Queerphobic in general actually get OUT!!!!
Actively shit on any of my main interests. Like ACTIVELY go out of your way to tell me how bad it is (what. What is the point. Just go)
POST ANY NSFW FULL STOP!!!!!!! (I am EXTREMELY sex repulsed and have been especially lately, I will block you on SIGHT)
Are racists/ xenophobes
There is likely LOTS more I’m forgetting so I will update this later… also just saying I reserve the right to block ANYONE no matter if you fit into this criteria or not. If I don’t vibe with you I will politely block you and look the other way!!! No theatrics required
Anyway with all the negative stuff out of the way… I really hope you enjoy my blog!!! I’m just here to have fun honestly and express my ideas and passions and work on a little page of the internet so!!!! Hope you have fun too!!!! :D
#omori#omori au#heromari#intro#introduction#intro post#pmmm#puella magi madoka magica#madoka magica#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tadc#the amazing digital circus#petscop#fnaf#batik#bsd#deltarune#undertale#hawaii part ii#art#writing#fanfiction#omori fanfiction#dni#little heromari shipper box is by omori-archive btw
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fuck everything. i'm going to send in this awful assignment that has caused me such immeasurable stress. i'm going to do it right now. right the fuck now. if my teacher does not give me a passing grade i will kill the both of us in the very classroom we stand. i do not give a fuck anymore. i am done with feeling so terribly over a three-question piece of homework.
#random thoughts#i'm going to be like this in college aren't i.#was like that in middle school. was like that in high school. still there and like that.#now if you'll excuse me i am going to go to history class and hand in my paper and try to distract myself from how physically ill i feel.#so much so that it is almost scary.
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♥୧⋆ ˚。⋆MK Intros Part 3⋆ ˚。⋆୨♥୧⋆ ˚。⋆
warning: flirty
AN: im sorry for being so inconsistent but im back neow^^ Also reader is basically like empress Mileena in this
“I never thought being an empress would be this lonely ”
“I am always here for you empress, in any ways you need me”
“Couldn’t have come at a better time”
———<3———
“I must applaud you empress, you have done marvels for the people of Outworld”
“Getting such a compliment from THE Liu Kang, today must be my lucky day”
“Empress, I hope you realize that I can give you so much more to feel good about”
“Are you sure the people of Outworld will be able to see me fit to rule”
“If they know you like I do, they will”
“As grateful as I am with your words, only you are allowed to know me in those ways”
———<3———
“Thank you for helping me finally enact revenge on Shang Tsung and his advocates”
“I’m just happy all those stressful and somber days are away from us now”
“I will always be immeasurably grateful to have found someone like you”
“Seeing as how your status may bring danger to you, it is vital that I stay close to you at all times”
“You already do Tanya”
“I mean at all times, I’m not letting my eyes off you”
———<3———
“I’m in the mood to kombat, do you think you can tackle me?”
“As long as it’s for a good while”
“We are still talking about sparring, right?”
Credits to @solidsmax @goddesscetrion and @cosmicdes for the gifs<3
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Ok, hear me out (angst, bc of course)
I've been having these thoughts bounce around my head for about a week and I finally decided to post them. I don't know who's going to see this, but whoever sees it needed to. I guess this is for an AU rather than a headcanon, but whatever, just hear me out. I was inspired by The Owl House, specifically Hunter, so maybe that will spark some interest. This is about to be a rant, so I'll go ahead and add the read more thing
Okay, now that I have your attention, time for angst.
SO, in The Owl House, we learn in season 2 that (SPOILER ALERT) Hunter is a grimwalker (a clone of someone who died for those of you who don't know), and that before him, there were TONS of other grimwalkers that Belos murdered for "choosing to betray him" AKA realizing that Belos was an evil psychotic bitch. Also, that Hunter looked the most like Caleb (the dead guy he was cloned of) out of all the other grimwalkers, but he didn't KNOW that he was a grimwalker until a very angsty reveal by his abuser (Belos) who then immediately tried to murder his ass.
ANYWAYS, obviously, as the angst-lover I am, I think about this literally all the time. Then. I started thinking. I absolutely love Alastor, he's such a blorbo. And what do I do to my blorbos? I give them immeasurable amounts of trauma, c'mon, keep up.
What do we know about Alastor? Well, someone owns his soul. He disappeared for unknown reasons for seven years. He is INCREDIBLY anxious about whoever owns his soul - or at least the deal itself (as evidenced by his musical breakdown where he literally TEARS HIS OWN HAIR OUT FROM THE STRESS), and that he's probably going to use the deal with Charlie either for nefarious purposes, or to escape his deal.
Which brings us to the point of this post in the first place (kind of???? I might have just been mindlessly rambling there), and the start of my AU. I'm not going to pretend I know who owns Alastor's soul, but I really vibe with the idea of it being either Lilith or Roo, so that's who I'll be thinking of for the majority of this post. What if the person who owns his soul made a deal with him when he first got to hell (or it could be one of those versions where someone sold his soul before he was even born [a sort of "I want your first-born kinda deal] and they let him know when he got to hell which is how he got all his power so quickly), but he managed to either tick them off or get really close to escaping the deal, which lead to them killing Alastor.
Then, the contract-owner realizes, "Oh shit, I kind of need him," and finds out how to make whatever the hell equivalent of a grimwalker is. Thus, Alastor 2.0 is born. However, they can't have him knowing he's a clone - he might find a loophole in the deal that way. So they find a way to control which memories he has. They replace all of the memories the OG Alastor had up until whatever it was he did to get killed in the first place - don't want him getting any ideas after all.
This works fine for the contract-holder for a while, but then Alastor is back on the same shit - trying to find loopholes, backdoors, ticking them off, whatever, and oops, there goes another one. Well shit. Guess it's time to make another clone. So, the process is repeated, and the song and dance continues. However, it always concludes the same way - with Alastor's inevitable "betrayal". Also, none of the clones ever seem to look quite right - sometimes the eye color is wrong, or the height, the cheekbones, or the nose shape - whatever it is, something is always off
So, after many failed attempts, they decide to take a different approach. When they make the new clone, they give them the same memories, everything is the same as the previous attempts, except they don't turn him loose right away. Instead, they keep him under their thumb for seven years - really just until there was something they needed him for. Those seven years were spent conditioning him. They were determined to make him perfect. After all, this clone was the one that looked the most like the original Alastor, there was no way they would let him go like the others.
In his time at their side, Alastor endured unspeakable cruelties - beatings, torture, extreme sensory deprivation, emotional manipulation, sleep deprivation, total isolation - you name it, it was almost certainly done during that time. This is also when his smile was sewn on because the contract holder wanted him to smile more, and used his defense mechanism to torture him (smiled to hide weakness, forced to smile against his will, making the smile itself a constant reminder of how powerless he really is). There was rarely an action Alastor did that provoked his contract holder, but that didn't matter. They convinced him that each "punishment" was earned, that they were simply trying to help him see his own shortcomings and failures, and to make him better. Obviously, this is complete bullshit. However, when you live like that long enough, with no other influences, you become conditioned to believe it.
Eventually, for whatever reason, the contract holder released Alastor on strict orders to go to Charlie's hotel, and Alastor is doing exactly what they told him because he's terrified of the idea of being summoned back to their side. He hates his contract holder, but at the same time craves their approval, because if they're happy with him, then he won't be in pain. However, Alastor has to Alastor, and once he's on his own, he starts looking for ways to escape his deal - but he's sneaky about it. Years of constant conditioning made him cautious. He has no memory of ever searching for loopholes before - a least not successfully (bc the contract holder doesn't let the clones remember those things), so he does the best thing he can think of: he makes a deal with the Princess of Hell herself.
I'm definitely going to make another post about this, probably detailing the reveal. Not right now though because I have homework to do, and this is getting to ungodly lengths
(if you want to see the next part when I post it, keep an eye on the '#grimwalker alastor au' tag. I might just make this a whole thing if anyone is interested. I'll make it a whole thing anyways because I feel like it and deep down I post for myself, but if you're interested, I highly encourage you to ask about it [I don't bite!!])
#alastor#hazbin hotel#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor angst#this idea has had me in a chokehold for the past week#alastor headcanons#toh hunter#grimwalker#mentions of the owl house#grimwalker alastor au#I would say this got away from me except I knew exactly what I was doing#uhhh#long post#alastor's deal#tw mentions of abuse#TW mentions of torture#hazbin hotel au
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Us rolling over over here with a handful of stars and hearts to spread all over when you deserve all of the best!!! Sammyyyy it must be said that you are truly one of the coolest and sweetest folks to exist ever!!! You're always very kind and lovely to us and those around you. Anyone would be so blessed to get to meet you and have you as a friend. Your presence is as warm as the sun and bright as infinite stars! Whenever we get a notification or a reply from you, it's like getting a quick happy hug! I always get so happy when we see you on dash or notifs while we always wish you the best of all. It's always an absolute joy chatting with you as well while I enjoy all of our conversations that we have so far. Your portrayals are wonderful, also! You're so passionate and dedicated to every muses you pick up, I'm constantly amazed by the endless love and care you put out in their dialogues, personalities, general headcanons, etcetera. Like with Timothy for an example, I can always be able to envision him perfectly from your incredible writings and even your headcanons speak volume of his character so amazingly well. Truly, do you make everything and everywhere so much more funner and brighter. No places can be the same without ya! The world needs more kind folks like you. We're super duper happy we could meet and befriend ya, Samstar! You're so amazing. Thank you for being an amazing friend and person overall! We're sending you so much love and light, always!!! 💖✨💖✨💖✨
@devours || ‧₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚₊‧
(/ε\*) you guuuuuys !!! 💖
first of all, did you just . . . know I was heading into a bad week or something? (◕‸ ◕✿) i s2g, the timing for this sweet and most loving message is insane in the way that you legit sent it right when i needed it and i'm legit in shock over that gnhajogdhnjao you're truly too incredible in too many ways and i cannot even being to express how much this means to me in general, but especially right now—
thank you thank you thank you!! (⺣◡⺣)♡*
i realize i'm a broken record at this point, but i do in turn want you to know how much you guys mean to me and how grateful i am that i met you ! (´⌣`ʃƪ) you're one of the first people i've engaged in a long thread with on timmy's account, and i'll never forget how welcoming and supportive you were from the very start (and continue to prove to be!). it warms my heart that not only were tim and micah able to just so immediately click together, but we as their writers had the same thing happen, and it really lends itself to a long-term friendship here that i'm so excited to have the privilege to pursue with you! (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡
your talent is immeasurable, okay? i can't possibly say that enough. your presence is always a warmth on my dash i value so much, and i love that you're always just so pleasant and encouraging to all of your rp partners. it's something this site definitely needs more of, so thank you for setting a great example for all of us. ♡
sending so much love and light back atcha! thank you again so so much for this sweet message! it's definitely brightened a stressful week!
#ミ★ « ooc »#ミ★ « save »#solarisgod#aaaaaa omg i legit felt my face heat up when i read this earlier today! ;^;#you already offer me so much support i really don't understand HOW i've deserved but like#to go out of your way to send this ??? and to send this NOW of all times?#bless you all so much ;; we appreciate everything you do!
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Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks
🌿🍉🎉
hi, dear. ✨
🌿how does creating make you feel?
with fics it usually goes like:
excited -> focused -> peaceful -> stressed -> sad -> excited again -> focused -> accomplished -> joyful
stuff like gif-making is usually heaps of fun, and the excitement when i find a good parallel and nail a transition is immeasurable 😅
🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?
i haven't necessarily dug that deep into specific details of my trauma but several fics do have bits and pieces based on my life, both the good (🦔🐳) and the bad (🍯🥃). but you can just assume that if i talk about tony's parental issues, anxious attachment, avoidance techniques, coping mechanisms, proneness to addiction, obsessive loving, self-sabotaging tendencies, adhd traits etc. that i often use him to speak my own truth because, well, i did imprint on him for a reason. sorry this got heavy on main 👍🏻
🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)
often! i am so hard on myself as @whinysteve can confirm and it takes a lot to create, let alone to complete a fic, these days. so when i manage to finish something, i definitely do celebrate, usually by having some good dinner and/or a snack. i don't remember an exact moment right now, but knowing k, i feel like she's given me random gifts in the past to celebrate posting a fic, ahah. i also text fandom friends about it, and i have some very supportive people in my corner. ❤️ oh, and i of course make whiny read/beta my fic the second it's done, so i can then have a real life-conversation about it and allow my brain to close that tab. i think that's a rare privilege to have (your own live-in number one fan) and i am very grateful. it's lovely and, all in all, i probably spend 90% of my time sad and feeling like i can't write one sentence, and the rest being proud of myself (especially when i reread my own fic months later and realise it was great all along, or when i get nice comments). 🥹
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I always have thought you were really beautiful and cool and really just an inspiration to us all. I'd never met another Bambi before I found your blog and I'm really thankful that I did.
It's one of those things that really helped me find out who I am and made me realize some things about my gender and sexuality, so thank you!
You're absolutely incredible!
STOP I am literally crying my eyes out right now, you have no idea how much this touched my heart and soul. Thank you so, so much anon. It gives me immeasurable amounts of euphoria and happiness to inspire people and help people figure out their own identity. Queer identities are very tricky and can be hard to find out for yourself, and it can be stressful and can make you unhappy to not know what you feel. To give someone that happiness, to change their life; that is what helps me thrive. I *live* and will die for this community. I love all of you so much and I can't even find the words to express my joy and thankfulness for all of you. Thank you. 🩷
#lesbian#lesbian blog#wlw blog#lesbo#queer#dyke#queer community#wlw#dykeposting#sappho#bambi lesbian#asexual#femme lesbian#femme dyke#high femme#femme#wlw community#wlw post#sapphism#sapphic blog#sapphic#anon ask#April Answers
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I love Kiyoka, but I swear he really is an idiot!
Last week, Miyo and Kiyoka had their first fight when Arata had riled up Kiyoka by accusing him of neglecting Miyo's health to the point she almost collapsed. Kiyoka was upset, but received a further shock when he discovered Arata's connection to his secret investigation to locate the Usuba family to find a solution to Miyo's nightmares. Provoked by Arata's words and discovery as well as combined with stress from his job/impatience with getting to Miyo open up about her nightmares, Kiyoka yelled at Miyo!
He took out his frustrations with her and in the heat of the moment, says he regrets giving Miyo the chance to study, driving her to tears and faints in his arms. Kiyoka is riddled with guilt and finds Arata's business card fall out of Miyo's kimono. Kiyoka drives off with an unconscious Miyo in the night to confront Arata and finally get to the bottom of this mystery.
In the next episode, Kiyoka and Miyo will confront Arata and the Head of the Tsuriki family, who admits they are the infamous Usaba family and state their intentions they want Miyo! A duel is decided and whoever wins gets to keep Miyo, especially since Miyo says she doesn't care whether she stays with the Kudo's or Usaba!
Anyway the reason why I say that Kiyoka is an idiot is because of his actions afterwards and EXTREME Lack of Communication towards Miyo! I AM FIRMLY on Miyo's side since she was thrown to the wind without any warning whatsoever! (Hazuki was right, Kiyoka is NOT the best at communicating)
Warning! From here on the rest will contain spoilers from the Light Novels! Read at Your Own Risk!
Poor Miyo had no idea of anything about what is going on! She had no idea Kiyoka knew about her nightmares. The reason she didn't tell him wasn't because she didn't trust him, but because she didn't want to trouble or burden him since his work got increasingly more busy.
When Miyo regains consciousness, she is filled with guilt and regret over what she said to Kiyoka, but when she sees him again, Kiyoka completely remains silent towards her! Miyo thinks Kiyoka doesn't want be with her anymore and believes she has wasted all the kindness he has given her. Miyo feels immeasurably guilty and blames herself! What's worse, she had no idea that Kiyoka was investigating the Usaba family and so he basically threw her to the wolves which ends up changing her life FOREVER!
The Usaba's reveal they want Miyo back, but Kiyoka refuses and so everyone turns to Miyo and asks what she wants. Miyo wants to stay with Kiyoka, but since he didn't take the time to explain things or apologize for their fight and believing he doesn't want to be with her anymore, Miyo lies that she doesn't care which family she ends up with!
I can't say I blame her! Seriously who could possibly blame her after being thrown into a situation like that she had absolutely no knowledge of! All she was trying to do was handle her own problems alone as best she can and now her fiance yells at her and her mother's family wants her! WHAT DID MIYO DO TO DESERVE THIS!!! ALL THE GIRL WANTS IS SOME PEACE! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!
#My Happy Marriage#My Thoughts#Anime#Netflix#Miyo x Kiyoka#Miyo Saimori#Kiyoka Kudo#It's a relief to finally get this off my chest#Light Novel
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Life stuff update!
Haven't posted about this first bit anywhere because... wow personal, but it's been a majority chunk of life lately.
Husband put in his notice at his current teaching job a while back. He's been working there for 8 years and is supposedly one of their most valued teachers, yet he barely takes home $100 more per paycheck than when he started. Plus our insurance is insane, taking most of his check every month whilst covering literally fucking nothing (we are still paying off my doctor-ordered biopsy!). PLUS his commute is fucking ludicrous - in the winter he regularly drives over 3 hours a day to a shit job that doesn't pay anything. I barely see him for a hour or two each day during the school year.
Bio clock is ticking, just saying. Never really had that baby-wanting impulse until very recently, and there was absolutely zero possibility of us starting a family while he's at this job. No money, no time, no medical support.
So. Bye. After talking to a therapist to help us through the plunge, we finally decided enough was enough.
He doesn't have another job lined up after summer school, so in August we have zero certain income. Neither off us is particularly panicked about this; the hiring wave for fall teaching positions has yet to happen, and there are several things he can do even if he can't find a full-time job at a local district.
What's looking most likely is actually that he'll juggle part-time jobs for a while. Subbing or other work at a district he's interested in will help him get a foot in the door, meanwhile an afternoon or weekend cashier job at the co-op down the street (where I used to work) has some distinct benefits. First off, he could WALK to work, and the co-op offers higher hourly rates and better promotional opportunities than his current "salaried" teaching job. Add on a big discount at the place where we buy most of our groceries anyway...
Anyway. That's been a lot.
Meanwhile I've been doing the housewife thing. Which actually entails more than just "chores" - I've been doing a huuuuge amount of work on my mental and physical health. I've lost 40 pounds (with 60+ to go) and have completely changed my eating, which has helped immeasurably with CFS, Depression, and life in general. I've started socializing again after years of serious, life-altering anxiety. Basically, I'm getting my life back. Or maybe getting my life for the first time? I was so mentally ill for so long that this really feels like the first time I've been genuinely balanced... maybe ever?
Whether that new peace of mind encourages me back into fandom I have no idea. Fandom social mores seem to have shifted over the years. Maybe it's just the glimpses I see now and then, but the Internet as a whole doesn't seem too anonymous or even like... baseline compassionate for anyone anymore. That's probably a matter of what you make of it, but even so, I'd be lying if I said spending my time in fandom spaces hasn't lost most of its personal appeal. I've been much happier offline, so that's where I've been. I do miss my friends, and I wish they lived down the street and not inside the scary computron. It'd be great to write again, but my interest in fandom work might be over. I'll never say never, but right now I just don't see it. Maybe someday I finally get back into the habit; but it's gonna happen in its own time if it does.
Lately I've been working on my YouTube thing, though where that'll end up nobody knows. It's certainly not a serious money-making prospect, nor am I aiming to make it one. YouTube actually scares the ever-loving shit out of me, so it's pretty much a deliberate mental health exercise. My whole attitude toward it has been "stress less, make more." So I treat it kind of like a journal of the nail shit that has taken over my life (lolllll), and a chance to pay forward all the relaxation I've gotten over the years watching Nail YouTube. It'd be nice if I could eventually have enough subs to maybe pay for some nail supplies or get some free PR or something, but that's about as ambitious as I get.
Okay my fingers are tired
love you byyyyyeeeeeeeeee
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My Ex Is Here, And My Day Is Ruined.
That’s James. What the hell is he doing here? He’s a junior in his program, isn’t he? Shouldn’t he be an intern somewhere now? Why is he working here?
James: Hello, my name is Jim, and I’ll be your server today. Have we decided on drinks?
I don’t think he recognizes me... Should I be happy about that...?
Mammon: Cola for me!
Levi: Grape Fanta.
Satan: Pinot noir.
Asmo: Riesling~
Beel: Three colas.
Belphie: Mint tea.
Lucifer: Black tea. Hot, preferably.
James: And for you, miss?
Annelie starts.
Annelie: What he said.
Lucifer: Annelie, are you alright?
Annelie: Yeah... fine.
James: I’ll be right back with your drinks.
As James walks away, Lucifer gently takes hold of her hand.
Lucifer: Annelie, what’s the matter? What happened?
The memories are coming back in spades is what happened. The things I told him about myself, the shit we did together. The way it came to an end.
Annelie: ...I don’t think I should tell you.
Lucifer: You know that concerns me more than anything else. Talk to me. Please.
Annelie: You’re not going to like it.
Lucifer: I don’t care.
Annelie: But I care. We just got through something terrifying, and I don’t want to shove this onto your plate too.
Lucifer: Your plate is my plate, Annelie. I take just as much issue with you being stressed as you do with me being stressed, so just tell me what’s wrong.
Annelie: ...that was my ex-boyfriend.
Lucifer: ...
The table suddenly falls eerily silent.
Mammon: He didn’t hurtcha, did he?
Annelie blinks at Mammon, then at the others, who seem just about ready to leap out of their seats.
Holy shit.
Mammon: I can beat him up for ya.
Satan: Forget that, just kill him.
Lucifer: Killing would be too good.
Annelie: Er, okay, calm down before your murderous intent starts to become visible. Yes, he hurt me, but it was NORMAL, okay!?
Annelie clings to Lucifer’s arm as he makes to stand up, actively dragging him down into his seat.
Lucifer: There’s nothing normal about someone hurting you.
Annelie: It was just messy? It wasn’t pleasant, but it’s over. You don’t have to get so feral over a human.
Lucifer: ...
James returns and starts handing out drinks while several of the brothers glare at him. He shifts uncomfortably, his eyes flicking towards Lucifer, who seems the calmest as he drinks his tea. Underneath the table, his magic flickers like electricity.
James: So... do you have an idea of what to order...?
No one answers him.
Annelie: My boyfriend will have the Firecracker Drunken Noodles, and I’ll have the Hellish Crab Bisque.
James: Haah... Got it.
James pauses for a moment, staring at Annelie before his attention turns towards the boys putting in their orders.
James: Are you celebrating anything today?
He makes a vague gesture to Annelie’s and Lucifer’s apparel.
Lucifer: I’m celebrating the fact that my lover is mine and only mine.
Lucifer takes another sip of tea.
James: ...
Lucifer: ...
Annelie: It’s our anniversary.
James: I see. I’ll tell the chef.
He shivers as he walks away again, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he does so.
Lucifer: Why don’t you tell me exactly how he hurt you?
Annelie: Lucifer, I really appreciate it, believe me, but this is not worth hiking up your cortisol levels. Please calm down?
Annelie squeezes his hand, and he lets out a long, slow sigh.
Lucifer: Fine, but... what happened? How did you break up?
Am I getting the third degree now?
Annelie: It was just... we weren’t really on the same page. I always felt like somewhere in his head, he considered me as just... something less than him. We spent a lot of time together, but I’m not sure if he ever really knew me for who I was. I’ve always thought of “love” as an immeasurably deep bond, but I don’t think he ever felt that strongly about me. We broke up because I told him I didn’t enjoy spending time with him anymore, and... well, that’s more or less how we stopped talking.
Better not to mention how badly he handled me saying I didn’t enjoy spending time around him as much as he did around me. If Lucifer hears that he called me a whore while he was upset, James will be leaving this restaurant in a body bag...
Lucifer: I have a feeling there’s quite a few things you left out of that report, but I’ll let you go until after we eat.
Annelie: You’re going to extract every detail of our relationship from me, aren’t you?
Lucifer: Yes, and you’d better believe you won’t remember a single detail after I’m done with you.
Annelie: ;;;;
James: Your appetizers, gentlemen and, uh lad(ies?). Don't want to assume.
James starts setting out the appetizers Beel ordered, passing plates down the table. Underneath Annelie’s is a note that reads:
Can we talk after my shift ends?
#aw hell naw#luci not gonna be happy#body bag#obey me lucifer#obey me shall we date#shameless#self indulgence#fanfiction#obey me!#LuciAnne
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Hope you’re enjoying season two of ofmd so far!
I’m asking #11 and #34 for the fanfiction writers ask game. :)
I AM ENJOYING IT IMMEASURABLY AND INEXPRESSIBLY, YES, THANK YOU <333
11: Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?
ooh, a good question. i mean, taking a look at my ao3 history (and a not inconsiderable amount of my original work...), I'd probably say, like, complex emotional realities/vulnerability, mundane obstacles, and growth? and the messy space where they exist together. just thinking about, like, hold fast, happy ending, making home, terrible things, closure, good officer... fuck it, even chancellors and changes of heart XD they're all about, to some extent or another, people making it through the everyday, learning to forgive themselves and each other, learning to be vulnerable, choosing happiness and love...
34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.
ah shit, this one's HARD. uhhhhhh.........
tell you what, I AM still really fond of the floral fantasy sequence from Making Home!
Now, Dika, weave the aniseed together, flower and stem, With your soft hands, crown yourself with a lovely diadem Because the blessed Graces grant gifts to the garlanded And snub the worshipper with no flowers on her head. He closes his eyes after perhaps the fifth mental recitation, and savours the memory of Jon’s hands against the side of his face, affixing a little yellow flower in his hair — the blessed Graces grant gifts to the garlanded. He wishes he could lay wreaths upon Jon, crown and adorn him to invite every blessing upon him. He imagines roses and columbines, sprays of lilacs and pansies, and heavy bushels of wisteria; petals and leaves, flower and stem, adorning Jon’s hair, tucked behind his ears or draped over his brow in coronets, braided into the strands when it was still long and glorious, looped around his neck, over his shoulders, down to his hands. He wants to festoon Jon with beauty, until he understands just how gorgeous and cherished he is, until the Graces (whoever they are) finally grant him something that isn’t pain, or suffering, or horror. Martin would kiss him like that, with every drop of tenderness he could squeeze from his heart amidst the heavy, drowsy perfume of the flowers, drowning in their power as much as he would in Jon’s lips, sweeter than any nectar. He imagines Jon tasting of rosewater or lavender tea, unwound and happy for once instead of his awfully familiar stress, strain, and terror. “Everything all right, Martin?” Martin trips out of his reverie, eyes snapping open to the sight of Jon returning from the loo, soft, small, and frail in the doorway to the bedroom, but still determinedly present. Any sacrifice must surely be worth that fact — be worth the open chance to garland him with aniseed.
#ask#likethehotsauce#ask memes#Togas writes things#i wasn't really expecting a response lol so sorry this is so late! XD#thinking of an excerpt was NOT easy#but literally i regularly drink lavender tea now and the only reason i started was because of writing that sequence XD
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Sometimes I wanna talk about the very real ways in which Arthur Fleck saved my life in 2019, but I never do so to the full extent because a) it would most likely trigger some people and I don’t wanna do that at all, especially not in the name of expressing myself, and b) some things are meant to stay between you and the bathroom floor at 3am.
It’s impressive how many times Arthur Fleck has given me the strength to save myself, to scoop myself up off the floor at 3am after crying my eyes out, to not follow my intrusive thoughts of cutting all my hair off because I feel so often like I don’t deserve happiness and my hair is one of the few parts of my body I truly love and feel a connection to, to make a meal when I would rather skip and let myself rot, to not want to go to work but doing it anyway because I know it’s what he would want, to take my time brushing my hair because he wouldn’t want me to hurt myself just to get it done faster, to take care of myself when I just don’t care anymore, to try when I don’t think I have it in me anymore… the amount of strength, joy, courage, determination, and “I’ll just do it for one more day” I’ve received from him, is immeasurable. I got a job in a care home, which gifts me with the opportunity of being able to help people because he inspired that in me. I’m doing a psychology with counselling honours degree because I want to help the real life Arthurs of the world, like my brother, who slip between the societal cracks never to return again unless someone is willing to dig them out. He changed my life, saved it, made it better, taught me better ways of being, healthier ways.
Arthur Fleck really DID save my life, he saved me in 2019 and many a time since, and I’ll forever and ever and ever be grateful for the fact that the world got gifted with such a phenomenal character. I’ll truly carry him with me forever, always trying to do and be in ways he would be proud of, as a way to honour all the things he’s given me the strength to do, all the times he’s helped me to save myself. I would not be HERE, I would not be who I am or where I am, if it hadn’t been for Arthur. It sounds so dramatic, but I can’t properly articulate the seriousness of this post. The people who know, though, know.
I just… I’m curled up in bed right now watching Joker and eating coffee ice cream to sign off the end of another busy day which is full of too much work, too much stress, and not enough time. My body isn’t enough, most days, for all the things I have to squeeze into one day every day, but here right now, under my Joker blanket and hugging my Joker cushion while I watch the film and let my body and mind rest, I feel the most at peace I’ve been all week. My chest is still a little tight, but by the end of the film, that’ll totally go away. Arthur literally and metaphorically makes it easier to breathe and that’s everything.
It seems a bit… redundant to say that I love Arthur Fleck, but I do. I really do.
#tw; vent#tw; suicidal ideation#(implication only but still obvious enough that I feel the need to tag it)#this is mostly an appreciation post for our clown boy
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BRUH WHY IS MY MAGIC LIKE THIS🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I LOVE MY WILD ASS MAGIC. I’m grateful I’m naturally positive. I’m grateful I’m naturally powerful. This is hitting the g spot of my soul. I’m headed towards abundance. I believe my dream reality is my reality. Geez. Shit making my heart drop. Ima be violently stunned when I see Laika omg……like STUNNED…..PARALYZINGLY STUNNED. It’s gon be like a SHOCK. Geez. wtf. Like? Lmfao….lemme just stop talking. Rq. I-I-did this.. wait til I fuck Laika shit’s fin be staggeringly mindblowing. Omg. I’m able to tell Laika and emily apart. They energetically feel I’m absolutely all of the zodiac signs. Life only feels more and more infinitely like sex. Behind the scenes I hurt their feelings over me. My Magic’s a megalodon. My Magic only gets more and more infinitely megalodonic. Laika keeps rubbing my pussy. Laika helps me open up. I’m high as a Zillonaire ALL THE TIME^.^🥰🥰🥰✨✨ I be controlling their entire reality that’s crazy. I’m a weapon. Thats insane I see how I control the psychic realm. Laika’s sense of humor along with mine too advanced. I keep shaking my head in disbelief Laika’s real and vice versa. I’m the big bad wolf. Laika’s so unbelievably satisfying. Laika’s available for me. She spreads her pussy open wide for me(chills). My Magic only gets more and more infinitely unhinged. Aint no bitch as fine as me. My Magic only gets more and more infinitely wild. I’m a Zillionaire on demon time. I can say one small thing and my Magic comes up with boundless of creative ideas omg. Laika only gets more and more infinitely terrifyingly real. I talk like a mystical Goddess at all times. Wild how Laika spits on her hand too before touching my pussy she’s fucking sexy. I can’t wait til I look back at this all astonished I actually made Laika come true. Like it’s terrifyingly real babes. The way I express myself is dope as fuck. The way I express myself is goated. Wow Laika’s actually a Gemini. June 6th. Laika’s older than me. She’s deaf…. But can speak like me😩😩😩😩. She’s immeasurably beyond my utmostest unhingedest wildest dream girl. Dang I have so much control over people’s reactions too. Wow I only get good reviews like I’m velociCoaster. Shit. In my own eyes my Magic is a nonstop velociCoaster. My reaction packs the fullness of my intelligence. My Magic only gets more and more infinitely faster. I only get more and more infinitely healed. I don’t stress for the answer presents itself to me. I’ve worked too hard to make it real effortless to trust myself. I only get more and more infinitely aware of the fact I Am Awareness therefore i am the one that holds absolutely all the power of what’s true and what’s not. The words they say is now loyal to me. That’s how I’m disturbingly powerful. My intentions only gets more and more infinitely efficacious. How powerful I am is right in my face. How powerful I am is right in their face(12 new clock notifs). The one that excites me comes true(chills). I only more and more infinitely love my power. The love I have for my power only infinitely increases. Life only gets more and more infinitely satisfying. The love I receive from the Vortex only gets more and more infinitely boundless. The love I receive from the Vortex only gets more and more infinitely Magical. I don’t argue with people OVER THEIR OWN LIMITING BELIEFS while they watch me soar higher and higher to places they could never be. I fearlessly ask for what I want. The Vortex does not know bare minimum, it’s always exceeding and going beyond. How amazing how the without always inevitably matches my within illogically. Dawg Laika’s terrifyingly real as fuck. Imagination imitates life. The statement “imagination imitates life” only gets more and more infinitely true for me. Omg imagine if ruthie and i fucked? Cause I saw in the spiritual world she’s sexually attracted to me. Like damn. I just know she would fuck real good omg. Like PSYCHICALLY I just know she would hit. Even if I do it at their expense it’s still in my favor. Like ruthie’s SEXY AS HELL.
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#how do ppl get through the days#everything is so depressing right now#the whole world is so fucking depressing#i feel like my chest is going to collapse in on itself#i feel like a star already dead just waiting for the rest of the universe to catch up and recognise me for the flaming corpse that i am#literally everything is so overwhelming#too much of everything wverywhere at all times#i just want to stop#just calm down#for a minute an hour#i just want to find peace#i want to be happy#like i am happy for periods of time#but then im alone and i just get flattened by the weight of the world and my thoughts#like someone tell my brain to slow down#im going to another applintment with this new therapist on thursday and hmm#i hope it goes better than lqst time#when she told me to just stop thinking about whats causing me this immeasurable stress and pain#like yeah if it was that easy i wouldve done it by now u fucking weirdo#and if it doesnt go well then#i suppose im back to trying to find a good therapist#fuck my life bottom text#anyway from here on out no one is allowed to give me bad news
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