leothecloud

[leothecloud]

What My Borderline Episodes Look Like:

•Suicidal Ideation

•Short and quick mood swings based on my interactions throughout the day

•Black or white thinking

•Castotrophic thinking

•Paranoia

•Psychosis

•Strong core beliefs about myself and the world around me

•Anger outbursts

•No sense of identity or self

•Pushing people away

•fear of abandonment

•insecurity

•self harm via substances or physical harm

•Splitting on other people

•Self blame

•Feelings of apathy or emptiness

[leothecloud]

Dieting and Working Out As A Trans Individual~

—BEFORE— I begin I want to say that this post is for those who are considering it/don't know where to start. For those who may need weight loss for a surgery (some surgeons suggest it) and health reasons. For those who are thinking about trying it out. For the many many reasons someone may want to~

This is not me giving medical advice—This is all based on my personal journey/experience and to help give ideas on things. Please consult with a doctor about a huge amount of weight loss/your diet.

Where to start—

Do not start with goals immediately. Start with writing down reasonable ideas on what type of weight loss you want to achieve. If you want fast weight loss and to lose a huge amount a doctor is needed. If you want to find a specific diet such as Keto please inform your doctor and get their suggestions as they know your body's medical history and can alert you to any risks with specific diets. If you want to slowly lose weight and ease into things try to write down a reasonable number you want to lose every week to two weeks. Example: 1 or 2 pounds a week/two weeks. Do you want less fat, more muscle, more defined curves, etc? Write down what can be achievable for you right now in this present moment. Example: I want more muscle and less fat so beginner weight lifting/cardio may be the best bet.

Write down different ideas you may be interested in regarding workouts. Some like sports, some prefer a gym, or maybe you want to workout at home. What types of workouts do you feel your body can handle and benefit from?

Dieting is similar. Write down different diets you know you have an easier time with. Ones that you can work on and do. Do not start off strict immediately.

When you diet slowly cut out/down things. It can be hard to stop certain foods like carbs or sugar cold turkey. Lower the amount or intake you can have over time. You can have something here and there but lower how much of it you eat.

Look into what type of workouts are out there and available for you. I put together a workout playlist with yoga first for stretching, beginner weight lifting second, and cardio third. Altogether its an hour and a half of workout and its beginner friendly and things I am currently physically capable of doing.

Your body will be sore for a while at first so make sure you have access to ibuprofen. That specific drug is also anti-inflammatory.

IF scales trigger you I would suggest finding a way you don't have to weigh yourself often or you don't have to weigh yourself at all. I never do. Scales make my self-esteem plummet. Its okay not to pressure yourself with numbers or weigh yourself every week.

If you don't know how much you want to lose but you still want to lose weight that's okay too! You don't need a goal. You can take it at your own pace and just learn as you go.

[leothecloud]

My Aceness is

•Not experiencing sexual attraction

•Not experiencing physical or aesthetic attraction

•Rarely experiencing Emotional Attraction

•Rarely experiencing Romantic Attraction

•Zero preference for liking any gender or sexuality

•A huge amount of Platonic Attraction

•Being sex favorable some days and repulsed other days

•Enjoying intimacy like hand holding, hugs, cuddles, and kisses on the forehead

•Not enjoying French kissing, mouth kissing, and any form of sexual touch in public

•Not a trauma response and tired of people assuming that

•Not a choice or decision I make

•Not me being broken in any shape or form

•It is who I am

[leothecloud]

My top surgery finally got approved. I am agender and you might wonder how top surgery may look like for someone like me. Here is why I want top surgery and my goals for top surgery:

•I don’t identify with either gender and feel a disconnection to my chest.

•I still get gender dysphoria regarding my chest because I would prefer not to have it at all.

•Even though I still present somewhat masculine I do not want to be a guy. I don't want to be a girl either so not having anything and being more neutral is what makes me comfortable.

•I want to be as flat as I can be and I don't want to keep my nipples. I plan on getting a blank chest and a large chestpiece tattoo.

•I still want to dress in different gender expressions without having a chest that makes it obvious that I was born a girl.

•I still consider myself as part of the trans umbrella. This surgery is for my mental well-being.

[leothecloud]

Sex and romance are opt-in not opt-out. You don't need a reason not to do them. You should do them because you want to not because you feel obligated to.

[leothecloud]

My feelings and thoughts that happen as someone whose Asexual:

•Having a libido without sexual or physical attraction towards others.

•Distracted during sex.

•Feeling repulsed some days but sex favorable other days.

•Feeling a disconnection between myself and other people.

•Assuming everyone prefers a person’s personality and romance while forgetting I’m ace. THEN being confused when people don't.

•Not understanding one night stands at all.

•Not caring about how someone dresses or how they look.

•Discomfort with sexual innuendos some days but other days making the jokes myself.

•A constant back and forth battle of conflicting and contradictory thoughts and emotions.

[leothecloud]

happy ace week to everyone but this post is specifically for:

the aspecs who don't know what the fuck is up with their sexual attraction

the aspecs who don't understand attraction at all

the aspecs who bounce around between labels and can never pick one that fits you

basically all the aspecs who have ever been confused abt their asexuality

you're fucking VALID and i support you!! i know it sucks to be confused and to not know how to describe your experience. it's going to work out, i promise. and in the meantime, try not to get TOO hung up on labels. they're meant to help us understand ourselves, not to define us. you're amazing 💜

[leothecloud]

What Being Agender is like for me:

•Being neither man, woman, or nonbinary.

•If I didn't have any parts at all I would be 10x happier.

•Presenting as nothing in particular.

•Lack of gender as a whole.

•Having no preferences for clothes.

•Feeling voidlike and not associating with Gender Binarys.

•Gender Dysphoria with my chest, height, and weight.

•Chronic feelings of disconnection.

•Trouble articulating who I am to others.

•People hating on me if I present fem or masc or neither because nothing fits their ideas of how I should be.

[leothecloud]

How my Asexuality shows up in every day life:

Eating food while everyone talks about crushes, relationships, or romance. (Lack of interest)

Not experiencing physical or sexual attraction.

Prioritizing emotional connections and establishing ways to make others feel appreciated.

Apathy regarding sexual topics.

Disinterested in flirting and unable to notice when someone flirts with me.

Experiences discomfort when others talk about sex sometimes.

Shows up with presents or provides words of affirmation for those I care about 24/7.

Awkward sex jokes but doesn't like sex.

Has sexual intimacy once in a while for the emotional aspect of love.

Can go months to years without any sexual intimacy but still values/needs normal intimacy. Example: holding hands, cuddling, hugging, or a kiss on the forehead.

As time periods of not wanting to be touched at all.

[leothecloud]

if certain "passing" tips make you uncomfortable or even dysphoric, you don't have to do them- being miserable and feeling unlike yourself is not worth trying to be unclockable. you have to give yourself some breathing room to express your own personal tastes. it's okay to allow yourself to embrace your own personal presentation tastes while blending in a little bit easier. don't let yourself fall into the traps of shaving too much or not enough, not wearing colors, not dying your hair, wearing uncomfortable clothing, forcing yourself to or not to wear jewelry, forcing yourself to or not to wear makeup, forcing yourself to have a specific hair style, and all the rest.

you're allowed to incorporate your interests into your presentation while still trying to pass. you don't have to completely abandon your own personality.

[leothecloud]

Friendly reminder that xenogenders don't identify as objects or concepts! They aren't saying their gender is, for example, a rose. They are saying their gender is like a rose. They are using recognizable concepts to explain their gender experience. Rosegender isn't thinking your gender is a rose, it's saying your gender is thorny and layered, aka it's painful to try to analyze it further than one already has. I genuinely think there would be a lot more people who support the xenogender community if people would do a bit more research into what it means!

(FYI, I'm not xenogender, I just think xenogender people deserve to be treated better!)

[leothecloud]

Yes, absolutely dismantle the gender binary. BUT dont forget to dismantle the sex binary too. Intersex people exist and they regularly get ignored in both queer and non-queer spaces. There are NOT only two sexes, and us perisex trans people CAN NOT forget that or else we will become like our oppressors, people who say there are only two genders and that what you are born as is what you must stay as. Intersexism must be stopped.

Love you all and have fun destroying society’s utterly limiting expectations of our minds and bodies 🫰

[leothecloud]

TW: Rant

What people think 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 is: Not wanting sex, not wanting relationships, unable to have any form of intimacy, etc.

What 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 actually is: Feeling little to no sexual ATTRACTION for others. The key word is Attraction.

What 𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 actually is: A spectrum where people experience sexual attraction differently than others.

It is a sexuality that may or may not include sex depending on what that individual is comfortable with just like other people. Non aces may sleep with others without being attracted to them. So can Aces. Non aces may only be comfortable with certain forms of intimacy. So are Aces. Non aces may feel uncomfortable with sex at times or say no to sex. So do Aces. Some Ace folk want a purely romantic and platonic relationship while others may not experience any attraction at all and are AroAce.

Asexual individuals have boundaries just like other people. There is no us vs you. The only thing different is we experience sexual ATTRACTION differently. Some aces still have a libido even without wanting a sexual connection with someone else. Some don't. It is a ✨spectrum✨ just like every other sexuality. There's different variations of attraction. There's emotional, romantic, sexual, platonic, etc. There's different boundaries people have and some people don't want anything at all and that is okay too.

I am asexual panromantic. I experience very little sexual attraction. It is rare. That does not mean I am not okay having sex. I have sex with my partner for the emotional part of sex not for sex itself. It isn't about ✨sex✨ for me personally. Its about the raw emotional love and connection I feel for him during it. I experience romantic attraction. I experience emotional attraction. I still can connect on a mental level with my partner. I am not broken. I still can have relationships with others.

Asexuals are not Ｂｒｏｋｅｎ

Asexuals are not Ｗｅｉｒｄ

Asexuals just haven't met 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯

They know they are on the ace spectrum even without sex. Even without dating or even when they've dated and had sex. I met my dream partner and I am still ace. That will not change because it is my sexuality. It is how I experience attraction. Saying we haven't met the one who will change us is erasing our lived experience. It is denying the truth which is we know who we are and what we want.

Our sexuality isn't a burden. Not everyone needs sexual validation. Not everyone wants sex or a sexual form of intimacy or intimacy at all. If a non ace person told they're partner their sex drive isn't present or told them No it would be seen as a boundary and would (hopefully) be respected. It is still a 𝘉𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘺 when an ace person says it. It is still a no. It is just as valid and needs to be just as respected and if you are pressuring your ace partner that is the same as pressuring someone who isn't ace. That is just pressuring(and SA). You aren't changing them. You are just crossing a boundary out of fear that they don't reciprocate how you feel or because you prioritize how you feel more.

Asexual folk can reciprocate your feelings without needing to have sex or attraction. There are many ways to show how one loves the other. Words of affirmation. Providing support. Checking up on you throughout the day. Giving gifts or bringing home your favorite snacks. Doing the tasks you asked them to do. Telling you how much you are appreciated. There is more to a relationship than sexual attraction and sex. There's more to the ace community than one form of asexuality. There's more to everything.

[leothecloud]

Like/reblog if you think that you don't need to medically transition to be transgender

[leothecloud]

For those who need reassurance:

You don't need surgery to be valid. You can have surgery and be valid. Whether you are on hormones or not you're valid. Your gender expression can be anything in any form and you are valid. There is no right way to be Trans. You are enough. People cannot choose who you are. You do/can and you are beautiful.

[leothecloud]

My Body Euphoria Goals and steps I am taking to achieve them~ (I hope this helps give others ideas)

Top Surgery requires a letter from a psychiatrist or therapist, a surgeon, and insurance approval. It was also recommended that a lose a little weight prior to surgery for anesthesia purposes and surgery purposes.

Weight Loss. The goal weight is 150 which requires a 120-pound weight loss. Achieving this through yoga, weight lifting, and light cardio such as swimming. Portioned meals also help.

Facial Masculinization Surgery requires another letter and will take place after being healed from Top Surgery. Needs Insurance approval too.

Tattoos to help cover scars and display art on my body. Plans: half sleeve and five more tattoos to add to my body since I already have a good amount. I also want to eventually get tattoos to cover my top surgery scars.

Piercings to help self-esteem. Planning on getting snake bites, nostril, both flats, and both upper helix done.

[leothecloud]

it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't have, want, or try to look like you have a beard. it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't pack or don't want to. it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't really wear men's clothing. it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't bind. it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't have a deep voice. it's okay if you're a trans guy and you don't pass. it's okay to be a trans guy and just be for a while.

people push trans guys to get to the end of their transitions way too fast. it's okay to just be pre-t for a while. it's okay to be never-t. it's okay to not get surgeries. it's okay to take it slow and think. it's okay to not rush into changing your name or socially transitioning. it's okay to take it slow

there are lots of ways to be a trans guy. it's okay to take it at your own pace