leothecloud

[leothecloud]

Being asexual is like being the one person who wouldn't participate in gym class. Some people are upset with you. Some people don't care and let you skip out. Overall, you just aren't interested in gym.

[leothecloud]

My trans experience is being Agender. My Agender experience is a disconnection from the binary. It is not aligning with any form of fluidity or masc or fem. It is a state of being void of anything. I am not nonbinary. I am not fluid. I am not a man or a women.

I am simply me. I exist as neutral as possible. I have preferred pronouns. I still have dysphoria because I don't want any organs at all. However, I don’t want the opposite gender’s organs either. I want to be blank like a canvas. I have Zero ties to gender.

This is not everyone's Agender experience. Many view themselves as fluid or a form of nonbinary etc. This is simply me.

[leothecloud]

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTAL HEALTH

What Unhealed Borderline may look like:

(note I have quiet and self destructive BPD)

•Refusing to discuss whats bothering them.

•No self identity or sense of belonging.

•Quick and short mood swings based on interactions with other people.

•Feelings of chronic emptiness and sometimes apathy.

•Substance Abuse or Self Harm.

•Attachment issues with specific individuals.

•Being distant with most people.

•Dealing with your problems alone because you're afraid of being a burden on others.

•Falling silent and shutting down when things bother you.

•Age Regression.

•Anger internally/towards yourself.

•Irritability and easily frustrated.

•Unstable relationship dynamics.

•Pushing others away.

•Feeling like you only can rely on yourself.

[leothecloud]

Being Agender is like ordering a cake and not knowing what to order sometimes.

[leothecloud]

What ADHD may look like:

•Not sitting still and feelings of being restless. Having a ton of energy and nowhere to put it at times.

•Forgetting conversations or tasks while doing the tasks.

•Loss of time due to hyperfixations. Losing track of time in general.

•Talking fast in a way that leaves you without breath.

•A constant flow of information or thoughts in your brain.

•Social Anxiety.

•Easily distracted and not being able to meet goals.

•Having multiple projects and never finishing any of them.

•Being Absent Minded or daydreaming.

•Easily bored and frustrated.

•Short memory span/attention span.

•Relestlessness and irritation.

•Trouble speaking in front of others.

•Overstimulation and hypervigilance.

•Unitentionally interrupting others when they talk.

•Low Self Esteem and issues with confidence.

•Starting one task then changing it to a different one.

[leothecloud]

My experiences as an Agender individual:

PLEASE keep in mind this is mainly me being frustrated with peoples ideas, conceptions, and assumptions about me. It is not me hating or upset with how others identify. I am simply expressing that sometimes we shouldn't assume things about anyone at all because it can be hurtful in the long run towards individuals.

•Because I am assigned female at birth people will only like me/be interested for my chest and body.

•Because I am AFAB people assume I am a transman since I dress in only shirts and jeans. They have this idea of who they view me as in their head without asking me anything.

•Because I am Agender people think I will accept all pronouns and language but that is not the case for me. Not everyone will accept anything. Some people have preferred pronouns as a person Agender.

•Because I am Agender most people will think nonbinary. While a good amount of agender people feel that way that is not my lived experience or how I feel. I 100% identify as void of any gender at all. I don't align with or connect with any gender identity. I view myself as completely androgynous, absent, void, empty, neutral, etc.

•Because I am AFAB and Agender people look at my husband and I and assume we are related or a heterosexual couple. Irony is he is LGBTQIA+ and I am ace and agender.

•My chest always makes people clock me and because of that it causes dysphoria.

•My voice giving me away constantly as I tend to be higher pitched when I feel anxious, insecure, or feeling small.

•Gender Dysphoria not because I want something I don’t currently have and identify with but because I don't want any parts at all.

•Feeling disconnected to any form of gender expression or binary.

•Identifying as underneath the “trans umbrella” but not identifying as strictly trans.

[leothecloud]

Apathromantic (The root word being Apathy) - Is someone whose orientation form of "romance indifferent" which can also be used as a title. It does not distinguish if the person does or does not have romantic attraction, but just that they are indifferent in receiving it or acting it out.

This is me. I am indifferent with romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean I do or do not experience it. My experience has been I can be romantically attracted to people rarely but I am mainly platonic. I am in a middle area and am indifferent towards others for the most part.

I got the definition from asexuality.org and they have a list of knowledge about ace spec.

[leothecloud]

Your sexual or romantic history is your own business and not information you owe other people.

[leothecloud]

Dieting and Working Out As A Trans Individual~

—BEFORE— I begin I want to say that this post is for those who are considering it/don't know where to start. For those who may need weight loss for a surgery (some surgeons suggest it) and health reasons. For those who are thinking about trying it out. For the many many reasons someone may want to~

This is not me giving medical advice—This is all based on my personal journey/experience and to help give ideas on things. Please consult with a doctor about a huge amount of weight loss/your diet.

Where to start—

Do not start with goals immediately. Start with writing down reasonable ideas on what type of weight loss you want to achieve. If you want fast weight loss and to lose a huge amount a doctor is needed. If you want to find a specific diet such as Keto please inform your doctor and get their suggestions as they know your body's medical history and can alert you to any risks with specific diets. If you want to slowly lose weight and ease into things try to write down a reasonable number you want to lose every week to two weeks. Example: 1 or 2 pounds a week/two weeks. Do you want less fat, more muscle, more defined curves, etc? Write down what can be achievable for you right now in this present moment. Example: I want more muscle and less fat so beginner weight lifting/cardio may be the best bet.

Write down different ideas you may be interested in regarding workouts. Some like sports, some prefer a gym, or maybe you want to workout at home. What types of workouts do you feel your body can handle and benefit from?

Dieting is similar. Write down different diets you know you have an easier time with. Ones that you can work on and do. Do not start off strict immediately.

When you diet slowly cut out/down things. It can be hard to stop certain foods like carbs or sugar cold turkey. Lower the amount or intake you can have over time. You can have something here and there but lower how much of it you eat.

Look into what type of workouts are out there and available for you. I put together a workout playlist with yoga first for stretching, beginner weight lifting second, and cardio third. Altogether its an hour and a half of workout and its beginner friendly and things I am currently physically capable of doing.

Your body will be sore for a while at first so make sure you have access to ibuprofen. That specific drug is also anti-inflammatory.

IF scales trigger you I would suggest finding a way you don't have to weigh yourself often or you don't have to weigh yourself at all. I never do. Scales make my self-esteem plummet. Its okay not to pressure yourself with numbers or weigh yourself every week.

If you don't know how much you want to lose but you still want to lose weight that's okay too! You don't need a goal. You can take it at your own pace and just learn as you go.

[leothecloud]

My Aceness is

•Not experiencing sexual attraction

•Not experiencing physical or aesthetic attraction

•Rarely experiencing Emotional Attraction

•Rarely experiencing Romantic Attraction

•Zero preference for liking any gender or sexuality

•A huge amount of Platonic Attraction

•Being sex favorable some days and repulsed other days

•Enjoying intimacy like hand holding, hugs, cuddles, and kisses on the forehead

•Not enjoying French kissing, mouth kissing, and any form of sexual touch in public

•Not a trauma response and tired of people assuming that

•Not a choice or decision I make

•Not me being broken in any shape or form

•It is who I am

[leothecloud]

My top surgery finally got approved. I am agender and you might wonder how top surgery may look like for someone like me. Here is why I want top surgery and my goals for top surgery:

•I don’t identify with either gender and feel a disconnection to my chest.

•I still get gender dysphoria regarding my chest because I would prefer not to have it at all.

•Even though I still present somewhat masculine I do not want to be a guy. I don't want to be a girl either so not having anything and being more neutral is what makes me comfortable.

•I want to be as flat as I can be and I don't want to keep my nipples. I plan on getting a blank chest and a large chestpiece tattoo.

•I still want to dress in different gender expressions without having a chest that makes it obvious that I was born a girl.

•I still consider myself as part of the trans umbrella. This surgery is for my mental well-being.

[leothecloud]

Sex and romance are opt-in not opt-out. You don't need a reason not to do them. You should do them because you want to not because you feel obligated to.

[leothecloud]

My feelings and thoughts that happen as someone whose Asexual:

•Having a libido without sexual or physical attraction towards others.

•Distracted during sex.

•Feeling repulsed some days but sex favorable other days.

•Feeling a disconnection between myself and other people.

•Assuming everyone prefers a person’s personality and romance while forgetting I’m ace. THEN being confused when people don't.

•Not understanding one night stands at all.

•Not caring about how someone dresses or how they look.

•Discomfort with sexual innuendos some days but other days making the jokes myself.

•A constant back and forth battle of conflicting and contradictory thoughts and emotions.

[leothecloud]

happy ace week to everyone but this post is specifically for:

the aspecs who don't know what the fuck is up with their sexual attraction

the aspecs who don't understand attraction at all

the aspecs who bounce around between labels and can never pick one that fits you

basically all the aspecs who have ever been confused abt their asexuality

you're fucking VALID and i support you!! i know it sucks to be confused and to not know how to describe your experience. it's going to work out, i promise. and in the meantime, try not to get TOO hung up on labels. they're meant to help us understand ourselves, not to define us. you're amazing 💜

[leothecloud]

What Being Agender is like for me:

•Being neither man, woman, or nonbinary.

•If I didn't have any parts at all I would be 10x happier.

•Presenting as nothing in particular.

•Lack of gender as a whole.

•Having no preferences for clothes.

•Feeling voidlike and not associating with Gender Binarys.

•Gender Dysphoria with my chest, height, and weight.

•Chronic feelings of disconnection.

•Trouble articulating who I am to others.

•People hating on me if I present fem or masc or neither because nothing fits their ideas of how I should be.

[leothecloud]

How my Asexuality shows up in every day life:

Eating food while everyone talks about crushes, relationships, or romance. (Lack of interest)

Not experiencing physical or sexual attraction.

Prioritizing emotional connections and establishing ways to make others feel appreciated.

Apathy regarding sexual topics.

Disinterested in flirting and unable to notice when someone flirts with me.

Experiences discomfort when others talk about sex sometimes.

Shows up with presents or provides words of affirmation for those I care about 24/7.

Awkward sex jokes but doesn't like sex.

Has sexual intimacy once in a while for the emotional aspect of love.

Can go months to years without any sexual intimacy but still values/needs normal intimacy. Example: holding hands, cuddling, hugging, or a kiss on the forehead.

As time periods of not wanting to be touched at all.

[leothecloud]

if certain "passing" tips make you uncomfortable or even dysphoric, you don't have to do them- being miserable and feeling unlike yourself is not worth trying to be unclockable. you have to give yourself some breathing room to express your own personal tastes. it's okay to allow yourself to embrace your own personal presentation tastes while blending in a little bit easier. don't let yourself fall into the traps of shaving too much or not enough, not wearing colors, not dying your hair, wearing uncomfortable clothing, forcing yourself to or not to wear jewelry, forcing yourself to or not to wear makeup, forcing yourself to have a specific hair style, and all the rest.

you're allowed to incorporate your interests into your presentation while still trying to pass. you don't have to completely abandon your own personality.