#trauma i guess
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rivers-for-me · 1 year ago
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what doesn't kill you can make a great stand-up comedy
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beauty-grace-outer-space · 9 months ago
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So it has recently come to my attention that I have... quite a few missing memories of various events and I don't quite know how to feel about that.
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scoliosismaster · 10 months ago
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lilyflxwers · 2 years ago
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just made the fatal mistake of seeing my mum and now im massively fighting the urge to throw myself in the road
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samthehyena · 1 hour ago
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Every once in a while a repressed memory will resurface and will leave me all like "wow life is so whack. it's low-key kind of a miracle I'm alive."
Like when I was 10 my bullies attempted to poison me by pouring detergent in my water bottle. I almost ended up like Heather Chandler - and the irony is I did in fact have corn nuts packed in my lunch that day XD
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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crimeronan · 3 months ago
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it kind of gets overshadowed by the horror of the rest of the episode, but. how funny is it that hunter Takes Off His Mask to yell at luz in the beginning of hollow mind. he's the perfect boy i just-
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sorry i know it's my usual agenda rearing its head but i do think this is adorable. the Second the rebels are gone, hunter is like well fine. you just tackled me and fucked up my whole arrest and you're an anarchist shithead who constantly ruins my plans. but i KNOW you aren't going to attack me. for some reason i trust you implicitly. i don't need full armor here. what i NEED is for you to see JUST HOW LOUDLY I'M FROWNING-
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chironeis · 4 months ago
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the thing is that martin thinks it took "two years of crisis and trauma" just to make him and jon compatible and the reason jon doesn't know how to rebut that wildly incorrect fact is because he's barely aware that he had a stick so far up his ass in season one that it grew roots in his brain before he stubbornly and meticulously and with gritted teeth plucked them all out. jon could've plucked those roots out before all the trauma and crises if he simply chose to. and he would. in so many universes. because martin (and friendship and love and connection) is worth it. mic drop
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howlingtothevoid · 9 months ago
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Begging God to fix you!
(And other tales about religious trauma)
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fish-tetris · 1 year ago
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thinking about how law was (apparently??) being raised in the one piece catholic church™. thinking about how he specifically refers to the victories of the strawhats as miracles. thinking about how luffy has a god's devil fruit. thinking about law inclining his head and closing his eyes like he's praying towards the end of gear 5 luffy fighting kaido. is this anything.
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mollysunder · 4 months ago
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There is a theory that the way children play serves as a means to simulate and prepare them for the tasks they'll take on as adults. So for all the narrative weight both Jinx and the story give the boxing machine at the arcade it would never have prepared her or the kids to take on Piltover.
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What are the two things that Piltovans excel at over their Zaunite counterparts to keep the hierarchy? Weapons and technological development.
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When you look at the way Piltovans invest in their children, they don't prioritize hand to hand/melee combat training. Piltovans focus on giving their children experiences in handling firearms, a pursuit that is both leisure sport for the wealthy and a key offense against dissenting Zaunites.
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And from the show notes even Jayce, whose family occupies the upper middle class, was sent on educational excursions across Runeterra to explore the world and learn what it had to offer. Without Jayce's education abroad he would never have been inspired to pursue the concept hextech.
It's no wonder that the two figures that are set to be Piltover's biggest threats from Zaun are Jinx and Viktor, becasue they engaged in the same kinds of games and activities as their Piltovan counterparts.
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Jinx didn't have an entire forest preserved to help her practice her sharpshooting like the high houses of Piltover, but she did excel in the few games at The Rift (the arcade) that built on her talents. She's the only Zaunite thus far who's long distance offensive is a strong counter to Piltover's forces.
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Viktor couldn't travel the world like Jayce did, but for better or worse he managed to stumble into an opportunity to get real opportunity in research not offered to his peers through Singed. It was through that experience that Viktor knew to turn to Singed when he was at the end of his rope, and the consequences of that will be fully realized in season 2.
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Ironically, the kind of skill the boxing game champions is only good for keeping other Zaunites in line. Vander's days of fighting Piltover were way behind him when we first met him, and Vi spends season 1 primarily fighting other Zaunites. It's no surprise the Zaunites who embody the old ideal of strength in Zaun that the game portrays, Vi and Vander, are largely at the mercy of Piltover and end up collaborating with them to avoid further harm.
Zaun's future as an independent city-state couldn't happen if they stuck to their old ideals. The people who stand a chance against Piltover are the ones that not only succeed but excel at playing Piltover's games against them.
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technically-human · 2 months ago
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I absolutely adore your art and it brightens my day whenever I see it! If it’s not too much trouble, I was wondering if you could do fem!payneland with the orb-ith? Orb-wina? Idk.
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That's one hell of a pendant!
Ko-Fi
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wilkoakdraws · 1 year ago
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Some designs from everyone's favourite office sitcom!
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kandyshoppe · 4 months ago
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Something I wish twst to do is show trauma a bit better. And not just the OverBlotters! I want to see Ace and Deuce cover their necks whenever Riddle yells, I want to see Ruggie flinch whenever Leona’s hand gets too close, want to see Floyd and Jade watch Azul as he sleeps making sure he’s still breathing, I want Kalim to close his eyes whenever Jamil looks at him, I want Neige to carefully take a bite and wince at each movement, I want Idia to just hold Ortho so close, I want Lilia to flinch at each sound of thunder! I want to see them effected by what has happened to them and their friends.
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canisalbus · 3 months ago
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Do you ever get attacked by homophobes about your art?
A lot less than I had initially feared. I think the only times when I've gotten some purposefully homophobic comments on twitter is when I've drawn my dogs looking very clearly in love while mixing in religious elements in some particularly transparent way. But even then it's been more like displeased grumbling than a direct attack. For the most part people have been remarkably chill, I hope it stays that way.
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ohrackham · 3 months ago
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
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