#trauma i guess
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what doesn't kill you can make a great stand-up comedy
#what do i tag this so the insane folks can see#relate laugh and cry#shitpost#bastardcore#mental illness#trauma i guess#coping#whatever this means#traumacore#(questionable)
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So it has recently come to my attention that I have... quite a few missing memories of various events and I don't quite know how to feel about that.
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#shes so aroace#i love her sm#also can we talk about how the boys i at least know are actually fucking assholes and tye rudest people ever and insukt every girl at school#and then they're like “waaa why does no one wanna fuck meeeee”#sorry im just speaking about the people in my life obviously this doesnt apply yo everyone#and i dont even know if it applies to anyone besides the guys in my school#youre a literal kid go play whatever bland shooter game you found this week#girls dont owe you anything especially not when you act like were worthless and are only there for your desires#they make me so uncomfortable#im genuinely scared of boys#im sorry#trauma i guess#anyway.#howdy is so cute :3c
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just made the fatal mistake of seeing my mum and now im massively fighting the urge to throw myself in the road
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Every once in a while a repressed memory will resurface and will leave me all like "wow life is so whack. it's low-key kind of a miracle I'm alive."
Like when I was 10 my bullies attempted to poison me by pouring detergent in my water bottle. I almost ended up like Heather Chandler - and the irony is I did in fact have corn nuts packed in my lunch that day XD
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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it kind of gets overshadowed by the horror of the rest of the episode, but. how funny is it that hunter Takes Off His Mask to yell at luz in the beginning of hollow mind. he's the perfect boy i just-
sorry i know it's my usual agenda rearing its head but i do think this is adorable. the Second the rebels are gone, hunter is like well fine. you just tackled me and fucked up my whole arrest and you're an anarchist shithead who constantly ruins my plans. but i KNOW you aren't going to attack me. for some reason i trust you implicitly. i don't need full armor here. what i NEED is for you to see JUST HOW LOUDLY I'M FROWNING-
#like on a doylist level i think they just wanted to animate his face. on a watsonian level. why'd you take your mask off buddy#'YOU WONT UNDERSTAND THE FULL FORCE OF MY GLARE UNLESS I MAKE MYSELF PHYSICALLY VULNERABLE'#i love them both so much. izzy rafi and i watched hollow mind twice in a row today so it's on the brain.#toh#hollow mind#hunter toh#luz noceda#horrible mindscape trauma pals#toh meta#...... i GUESS??
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the thing is that martin thinks it took "two years of crisis and trauma" just to make him and jon compatible and the reason jon doesn't know how to rebut that wildly incorrect fact is because he's barely aware that he had a stick so far up his ass in season one that it grew roots in his brain before he stubbornly and meticulously and with gritted teeth plucked them all out. jon could've plucked those roots out before all the trauma and crises if he simply chose to. and he would. in so many universes. because martin (and friendship and love and connection) is worth it. mic drop
#martin blackwood? a reliable narrator? I think the fuck not#they meet in the worst possible situation to foster a relationship but that doesn't mean they NEED trauma to bond#necessarily#on the other hand. a part of my brain finds the idea that they only find each other in this specific universe weirdly romantic#or well. romantic isn't the right word#but. intriguing I guess#anyway. we didn't get it right but love we did our best#or whatever#tma#jonmartin#jon sims#martin#jmart#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#the magnus archives#ALSO#martin is complicit in the season one incompatibility#though not quite as much
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Begging God to fix you!
(And other tales about religious trauma)
#web weaving#web weave#on grief#on love#webweaving#childhood grief#oc story: pathdog#Pathdog!Catherina#oc webweave#on religion#religious trauma#tw religious themes#catholic grief#no hate like christian love#happy valentine's day#i guess#queer tragedy
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thinking about how law was (apparently??) being raised in the one piece catholic church™. thinking about how he specifically refers to the victories of the strawhats as miracles. thinking about how luffy has a god's devil fruit. thinking about law inclining his head and closing his eyes like he's praying towards the end of gear 5 luffy fighting kaido. is this anything.
#one piece#one piece spoilers#trafalgar law#and I guess I'll throw in a#lawlu#this isn't even me lawlu truthing tbh#i don't know what it is. but this post has been pinging around in my brain for 24 hours#law being raised catholic funny as shit to me btw#90% of his damage i'll chalk up to The Various Traumas and the rest is the catholicism#chinhands. is there a pope in one piece.#also sorry about the horrific quality images these are phone screenshots of a random streaming site
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There is a theory that the way children play serves as a means to simulate and prepare them for the tasks they'll take on as adults. So for all the narrative weight both Jinx and the story give the boxing machine at the arcade it would never have prepared her or the kids to take on Piltover.
What are the two things that Piltovans excel at over their Zaunite counterparts to keep the hierarchy? Weapons and technological development.
When you look at the way Piltovans invest in their children, they don't prioritize hand to hand/melee combat training. Piltovans focus on giving their children experiences in handling firearms, a pursuit that is both leisure sport for the wealthy and a key offense against dissenting Zaunites.
And from the show notes even Jayce, whose family occupies the upper middle class, was sent on educational excursions across Runeterra to explore the world and learn what it had to offer. Without Jayce's education abroad he would never have been inspired to pursue the concept hextech.
It's no wonder that the two figures that are set to be Piltover's biggest threats from Zaun are Jinx and Viktor, becasue they engaged in the same kinds of games and activities as their Piltovan counterparts.
Jinx didn't have an entire forest preserved to help her practice her sharpshooting like the high houses of Piltover, but she did excel in the few games at The Rift (the arcade) that built on her talents. She's the only Zaunite thus far who's long distance offensive is a strong counter to Piltover's forces.
Viktor couldn't travel the world like Jayce did, but for better or worse he managed to stumble into an opportunity to get real opportunity in research not offered to his peers through Singed. It was through that experience that Viktor knew to turn to Singed when he was at the end of his rope, and the consequences of that will be fully realized in season 2.
Ironically, the kind of skill the boxing game champions is only good for keeping other Zaunites in line. Vander's days of fighting Piltover were way behind him when we first met him, and Vi spends season 1 primarily fighting other Zaunites. It's no surprise the Zaunites who embody the old ideal of strength in Zaun that the game portrays, Vi and Vander, are largely at the mercy of Piltover and end up collaborating with them to avoid further harm.
Zaun's future as an independent city-state couldn't happen if they stuck to their old ideals. The people who stand a chance against Piltover are the ones that not only succeed but excel at playing Piltover's games against them.
#arcane#arcane meta#jinx arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#jayce talis#viktor arcane#i also imagine silco heavily invested in jinx's technical education once he took her in#vander ensured the kids were warm safe and loved but he wasn't planning on advancing them or zaun in anyway like silco was#i guess there's also a parenting metaphor in here about the way a parent can harm their children based from their own trauma and ambition#i also think it's interesting that the boxing game kept score for the players and immediately ranked them for all to see#but the shooting game didn't do that instead players had to manually track their own score against each other#who knows how many kids in zaun actually know math that well to keep up with the game and their competitors#the boxing game also has more space in the arcade and is more centrally positioned for other people to view and admire the plaayers#there's more incentive in zaun for kids to play the boxing game rather than shoot
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I absolutely adore your art and it brightens my day whenever I see it! If it’s not too much trouble, I was wondering if you could do fem!payneland with the orb-ith? Orb-wina? Idk.
That's one hell of a pendant!
Ko-Fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#dead girl detectives#charlotte if she decided to be funny about her trauma: look mum i'm finally wearing jewlery like you always wanted!#orbwin#orbith I guess?
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Some designs from everyone's favourite office sitcom!
#the magnus archives#tma#MagPod#the magnus pod#jonathan sims#elias bouchard#tim stoker#sasha james#martin blackwood#the archivist#the sweet summer children#look at those faces untouched by trauma#my art is too colorful and cartoony for this show but i guess its a coping mechanism#polish martin will be ripped from my cold dead hands#tim is basically chad version of my own coworker
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Something I wish twst to do is show trauma a bit better. And not just the OverBlotters! I want to see Ace and Deuce cover their necks whenever Riddle yells, I want to see Ruggie flinch whenever Leona’s hand gets too close, want to see Floyd and Jade watch Azul as he sleeps making sure he’s still breathing, I want Kalim to close his eyes whenever Jamil looks at him, I want Neige to carefully take a bite and wince at each movement, I want Idia to just hold Ortho so close, I want Lilia to flinch at each sound of thunder! I want to see them effected by what has happened to them and their friends.
#twisted wonderland#my bullshit#I to this day have issues with things on my neck because of trauma and I guess I don’t really feel seen because of it sometimes#I’ve heard the novels go more in depth to this but I wish it was in the game too
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Do you ever get attacked by homophobes about your art?
A lot less than I had initially feared. I think the only times when I've gotten some purposefully homophobic comments on twitter is when I've drawn my dogs looking very clearly in love while mixing in religious elements in some particularly transparent way. But even then it's been more like displeased grumbling than a direct attack. For the most part people have been remarkably chill, I hope it stays that way.
#I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I think I have a decent amount of followers who are practicing christians#and they're fans of the dogs#knowing well that they're a gay couple#and that one of them is a priest with religious trauma#I dunno I guess it feels nice knowing they're there#and support the exploration of this specific set of themes?#answered#anonymous
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what was the point of lila thinking home was a feeling she didn't deserve and could never earn until she found diego. what was the point of them finding deep, meaningful love in each other. what was the point of lila opening her heart and confessing that all she really wanted was a family with him.
what was the point of developing diego and lila over two seasons, creating such a beautiful, chaotic bond, just to destroy it for no reason.
#the umbrella academy#diego x lila#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#what was the point!!!!!!#isn't it great when there's no character resolution and everyone just gets erased from existence#instead of giving us emotional closure they just added more pain and trauma and called it a day#what was it all for exactly. to give the handler a peaceful happy life of all people#don't even get me started on the bracelet or that awful pointless love triangle#steve blackman is gross and so is the way he talks about lila like she's not even a character in her own right but just an afterthought#someone who was there to pair with five while diminishing all that she is#five needed a love story so they just shoved lila into that role as if she were some random accessory to five's story#rather than her own character with thoughts and feelings#a woman's entire character arc is ruined just to give a guy a love interest#i feel sick#i've already mentioned some of this on twitter but whatever#as you can probably guess i'm not going to gif this so-called new season#lila deserved better. diego deserved better. we deserved better
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