#tomorrows shouldnt be so bad... i think
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istherewifiinhell · 1 year ago
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give me a task that requires a power sander ANYDAY over the shit i had to do today. like sure the physical strain but i feel like the mental entertainment is... clearly apparent to anyone whose used one/can picture it and its the right kind of pervert with a real can do attitude.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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family outing
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lesbianjonimitchell · 11 months ago
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maybe i should wash my hair in case i die of sepsis
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avocado-frog · 6 months ago
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Month old writing share game
Thanks for the tag from @elsie-writes i procrastinated hard on this one but I think that the rules are just to share a bit of writing. So here's a little chunk from something I just wrote:
One time, a few years back, when Logan was nineteen, Lily was twelve, Jaxon was just about eleven, and Dylan was eight, they went to the park. He took them to the park to distract them, sometimes, but he didn't remember the specific reason that time around. Dylan had wandered off a little while after helping Logan pack sandwiches at home- after Lily and Jaxon already left- to go to the garden. Two older men, fifties or sixties, one in blue overalls and the other in a plain, grey shirt were teaching them how to use a rake. A woman a bit younger, dirty blonde hair in a bun behind her head, had a pocket of seeds for Dylan to plant. Logan sat on the bench to watch them, a bit warily. But they seemed friendly enough. Jaxon, usually, would run off to go find people to play with. He was sociable, he liked making friends, but even that day, as sunny as it was, it was still too early for kids his age to start coming over. Mostly, it was the parents of toddlers who wanted their kids to run off some energy. Sometimes, the toddlers would try and get him to play, too, and Jaxon obliged every time, but he seemed content with just his sister today. He didn't have any interest in gardening with Dylan. Lily was by the monkey bars, standing on top of the black platform underneath them. Jaxon sat on the ground, digging a hole in the bark with his hands. Lily jumped up to grab the bars, but she was getting tall enough that she didn't need to jump as high now. Once she had a grip on the yellow metal, she pulled herself up to sit on the top. She sat there for a while, talking to Jaxon about something Logan couldn't hear at the distance he was, and given his attention was split between them and Dylan.  Lily had swung her legs over the bars and leaned down in between the gaps to hang upside down, and of course Jaxon wanted to try.  He jumped up, just like Lily did, grabbed onto the bars, and it should've been a forewarning when his hand slipped before he regained his hold. He jumped up to sit on the top bars, and then his leg got caught in between, and he fell backwards trying to untangle himself.  He had picked the bar closest to the platform. Hanging upside down, right above the edge of the black platform, with his leg stuck in between the bars. He must not have been really thinking past getting his leg unstuck. Logan heard a woah, are you okay, that caught his attention just as he managed to free himself. And then he fell. And hit his head on the edge of the platform and hit it again as the rest of him landed in the bark. Jaxon hadn't even cried, which was astonishing to Logan, who had shot up like a rocket and rushed over to check on him. Because Logan would've cried hard if he hit his head like that. Twice. Lily had scrambled down to see if he was okay, too, but Jaxon only sat in the bark, moved to sit with his legs outstretched, one hand making a circle in the wood bits, blinking like he was confused. There was a steady stream of blood gushing from his nose, too. His eyes weren't quite uneven yet, but Logan didn't think for a second that Jaxon got away without a concussion. He instructed Lily to go watch Dylan, tell them where he went, while he took their brother home to check on him. Jaxon blinked again. Logan grabbed him by the arm, dragged him to his feet, and dragged him home, having to hold his own sleeve against his nose because Jaxon wasn't doing it himself.
Open tag since this is a month and a half old sorry lmao
#the ages at the beginning are mostly meant for me to keep track of The Timeline#also this is unedited so if there's any weird sentence structure i'm fixing it tomorrow so don't point it out. anyways storytime with isaac#one time when i was in the third grade. about eight or nine years old. i was on the monkey bars at my school#so we had two playgrounds for recess. one was for kindergarten to second grade the other was from third to fifth graders#the third to fifth graders one was bigger. the other one was smaller#so i was on the smaller one with this girl i knew named verity and she was trying to show me how to hang upside down#but i was too big for them so when i tried my leg got caught between the bars#and there were these two bars that were kind of like step ladders to reach. if you were a little kid who needed help reaching. which i wasn#so i fell and cracked my nose on the first bar and hit my head on the second#the kid verity was FREAKING out. crying screaming etc#she ran to go get the teacher and i have this vivid memory of being like really dizzy and just staring at the bark and not moving#because it didn't hurt as bad as verity thought it did + i think i was confused and trying to piece together. why that just happened to me#the nurses made me go home and i had the sickest black eye and a concussion while i got to sit in the back of my mom's office#with a minion's ice pack#it hurt like a motherFUCKER after like two hours though#giving characters things that happened to me as a kid is a good fun time#also i shouldnt have been hanging out with verity. bestie once dug a hole in the grass and burrowed herself a hole to escape the school#via dent in the fence. like a fuckin woodland creature bro#rambles in the tags#writeblr#wip: rosemary
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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wastelandhell · 2 years ago
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deranged rambling
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hoshiina · 4 months ago
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chat we are SO BACK THERE WILL BE A POST TOMORROW
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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zoppzoop · 6 months ago
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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stamplerfag · 1 month ago
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Hey, you're not a bad person. If you don't know any better then you simply didn't know any better. That doesn't make you worthy of shame or hate. You're not a bad person.
no, i know im being very hyperbolic about it all and not giving myself any grace. but it feels like my only options are "dont question anything ever so your brain doesnt eat itself alive" or "dont ever forget how bad everything is because youre doing a disservice to everyone if you forget." and im doing the first one because ive spent so long doing this specific thing and feeling very guilty over things that i have no control over and its not good for me. but i know its morally incorrect to be happy in a broken system
and i cant stand the idea of being happy and doing well when its morally wrong to do so. and when other people observe me being happy they will scoff at me and hate me. i dont want to do things wrong ever or disagree with anyone and i would do the right thing if i had the rulebook, you know. but there isnt one because theres no concrete metric to measure the meaning of life and value on. so i will always be "living wrong" because nothing means anything in truth. and i dont want to be wrong to people
#sorry i really appreciate the sentiment#its very very kind of you#(obviously im saying this out loud for attention. or something idk)#you didnt ask for my mind and its not your problem you did a very kind thing#i know i just need to stop thinking about it and i know that the only practical solution is to grow slowly#following my values and morals and the people i am inspired by or whatever#but vis a vis the first dilemma. sometimes it just feels like allowing myself to be distracted is morally wrong#ill forget about this tomorrow. i shouldnt have looked at their blog i guess#but i should have because i need something to open my eyes and remind me i suck and i need to be a better person#with better political values and personal values and awareness of how bad everything is and how wrong i am#like im getting into govt work and im happy about it. both of those are probably bad#because state resources suck and gatekeep people and dont help people enough and the govt is evil#and working is bullshit and society is bullshit and everything is bad#i know both of those things to an extent but im bad because im happy about it and i continue tk exist in the system in a way that#perpetuates it#and im not even allowed to complain because complaining about being a bad person with bad morals makes me even worse#im gonna get off of my phone and play my podcast.#i wish i had a god to tell me what is right and wrong like i used to but i cant ever go back because it all seems so made up to me now#but also i shouldnt need a god to have a moral compass and do things that are good for other people#mmmndbbhjcnbbbabsbbdjgng. hmbmvm
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schizononagesimus · 6 months ago
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being in a family of other addicts is weird, i never really thought of it like that but us all being in town together for my graduation has just been like (ENABLES U) (ENABLES U) (ENABLES U)
#i dont even think of us as addicts rly even tho we all are. like. medically and socially. hell i may not know him but my birth father is in#PRISON for addict behavior soooo#anyway i made some mild drug choices and though i was pretty immediately displeased with the sensations and their consequences nothing#overtly bad happened this time so id call it a neutral thing#i just had a couple beers bc i was sad and my grandad had an entire bottle of wine by himself prior to that#and like a couple beers is Fine but i didnt realize my tolerance had tanked and i shouldnt drink out of sadness and i only got. sadder. so.#at least they tasted good mm duvel (LOUD CRYING) anyway good luck babe by chappell roan#and i had some weed w my dad. i forgot how much i hate getting weed from other ppl bc ive never found a Soul who knows weed like i do so#theyll just go 'oh it's for sleep.' 'no like what strain is it' '8#ignore the 8 lol anyway#'idk' 'ok then is it like hybrid or do you not know' 'yeah idk' cool at least my dad knew the mg#i honestly needed to eat like in a bad way ive had so much trouble eating recently even eating out so this was helpful on that front#think this might be my first like properly full stomach in a while#and i definitely did need the nap but i DIDNT need the muscle pain#so to answer my own question to my dad earlier that was a HYBRID with the worst characteristic of sativa in it#cause that shit makes pain far more obvious sometimes and man has my whole body hurt for a few days#anyway speaking of body pain im helping a friend move tomorrow THEN going to bjj skdnsksms#it's fine im fine#anyway yeah long story long im Good and i couldve refused my family's offers yes and i have before and have often while theyve been here!#but i didnt because we all in my family got that same 'ehhh fuck it i deserve this' attitude sometimes#but nothing blew up this time though i still didnt like it so again. reminding myself that even when it goes well i still just Dont Like It#ergo do not do the thing#sobriety update#drugs tw#lessons of the hand and the mouth
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vse-kar-vem · 8 months ago
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hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)
#first off i did NOT end up studying! probable executive dysfunction went and got me again! i only managed to study a tiny but before and#now im procrastinating. again. killing myself ! 😁 im actually gonna fail rs tomorrow like who CARES about rs ofuhrkdkfkf it's bad. it's so#bad im in the trenches rn .....#i can physically feeling my brain shriveling the longer i spend online maybe if i finish typing i can get it together and start fucking stu#dying!!!!!!#second this whole i keep posting things then immediately getting second thoughts and deleting 😭😭😭 like its so embarrassing on twitter#discord tumblr everything????? can i not talk to people in a calm and measured fashion???? WHY do i keep typos ???? i am so socially inept#it's not even funny. im sooo fucked#maybe i am a teen going through and it's the hormones making me overthjnk everything buttt#i want normal pills!!!! i dont wanna get diagnosed for anything i just wanna try some medication and see if it fixes me !!! please!!!!!!!!#i.actually need to study or im fucked#so#uh#yeah#id much rather fail rs than history cuz i like history so i have to be normal by tomorrow wish me liuck!!!!!!!#ok so maybe this ventpost is not sad and upset more overwhelmed and angy at myself. whatever! I SHOULDNT HAVE WASTED ALL OF LAST NIGHT#DRAWING FUKDHFKDKFK#wish i could just undo today cant lie 😭 taken a WALK at least instead of languishing but now its 10 pm and im running out of time#im continueing to waste time on tumblr ok no. i AM going to study#vee rambles#proofread this .... also typo ridden! im stupid and i cant speak english someone pulverize me !#also my bried venture onto twitter .... disastrous . i think i've turned many people from neutral or even positive about me to firmly#irritated. great! classic me fikejfldlflslmglslf < keysmash of anger
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truthdarespinbottles · 10 months ago
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Literally dreading going to work tomorrow
#at least i dont have my co taught class tomorrow#bc it turns out my co teacher is a huge bitch trying to start drama#shes literally in her 50s and im fucking 24#and shes bad mouthing me to the principal#i found out bc i had a pre-observation meeting with my principal (all new teachers to the school are getting a principal observation)#and my principal started out with “hey i saw that email CoTeacher sent you a few weeks ago and it was appallinh#extremely unprofessional and cruel#and while i knew my coteacher had CCd my mentor teacher and the instructional coach#she must have BCCd the principal because i never saw her name anywhere in the email chain#i thought it wasnt a big deal and i was overreacting to the inital email (i cried for like three hours)#bc neither my mentor teacher nor the instructional coach ever added to the email chain or mentioned it to me#but now im thinking they just missed it because it was at the semester change#bc it was a terrible email#she basically told me (in professional language) that im a fucking failure and shouldnt be a teacher and am a liability for the school#(she literally did use the word liability)#and was overall treating me like a stupid kid#but then next time i saw her irl (after a five day weekend) she was all smiles and talked as though nothing had happened#so i figured i must have misunderstood or something and decided it was water under the bridge#but learning that she fucking BCCd the principal and the principal found it extremely rude and unprofessional#im second guessing EVERY interaction ive ever had with my coteacher#i thought we had a half decent working relationship#but now i absolutely do not trust her one bit#gonna ask my mentor teacher if we can talk after school
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kimmkitsuragi · 11 months ago
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i kinda gave up on myself for today my brain is kinda on the floor dying
#neg#🗒#my jaw hurts from clenching#it was a good call to actually have my silly time after my class#because if i poked myself with a stick the whole day then......#if im like this after 'fun' activities then lol#but also on the other hand i gotta get myself together#but also im really fucking bad today#i actually am back in my crying in public era yehaawwwww#i cried on my way to class :>#i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. literally none of this should be this hard or overwhelming#feels like im coddling myself too much#but i genuinely cannot do this right now. but i should. ugh#im running out of time but actually no i still have time but actually no i shouldnt be too relaxed bc i will really run out of time then#u know. lol#i am so fucking tense it causes me painnnnn rn lol#god okay it's already almost midnight#i dont think forcing my brain around will do any good if it didnt work so far#try again tomorrow. god. i have so many things to do tho#god. god god god#and the worst part is i ran into a problem and i gotta mail the school abt it and like i fuckimg forgor it's christmas over there#so like. this wont even be resolved presumably until next week. i am so stupid why did i leave this to now#i have time until feb 1 technically but like. im gonna die screaming#i have too many open tabs in my brain already im gonna catch fire and run around screaming#it's fine tho. i really should be fine because i have so many little things to enjoy nowadays#but my brain just wont work. i dont even know what i just wrote. i feel so bad lol#anyway. anyway i shouldnt whine too much because truly it's not that bad. im just stupid and weak as always
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sevenangrybees · 11 months ago
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i guess the question is just what do i do now
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thoughtfulseason · 1 year ago
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wow it is pretty wild that i actually cried in fencing and when i say wild i mean embarrassing because no others cried when hit with the ball (from the foot to the face) not even the children 😐
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