#shes literally in her 50s and im fucking 24

[truthdarespinbottles]

Literally dreading going to work tomorrow

[27treks]

our neighbors are from fucking hell they've been pouring oil down their drains and got the whole 2nd floor flooded and destroyed the laundry room below them so now we have to go to the laundromat and its over $5 for a single load just to wash....

[martyrbat]

oh tracy chapman we're really in it now....

[idkwhatever580]

AGATHA ALL ALONG EPISODE SEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Back at it again with the thoughts on Agatha all Along episode 7. I’m ready for this ride. Buckle up cowgirls.

OMG LILIA DONT DO THIS TO ME

Okay. I didn’t really need the recap but I totally watched the recap.

RIO HAS BEEN MENTIONED.

2:50

EX

best friend

Iconic. I knew there was something between them.

2:56

HOW DARE YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU DONT DISRESPECT WANDA MAXIMOFF. SHE (possibly) GAVE HER FUCKING LIFE FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL CUNT

3:30

HAH this had me literally cackling bro ✋😭😭😭

It’s so iconic though like. Me too girl

3:42

What in the hotel Transylvania?!

3:45

You can be my mistress

3:52

SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATE YOU BITCH

Guys… I hate that little twink

4:14

You can see the hurt in her eyes. That cut deep. And I hate teen for it. There’s no way bro. I’m so angry. She is gonna be a meanie now 😖🔫

4:40

FUCKING WIZARD OF OZ (and wicked. Come at me) I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT I LOVE WICKED TOO IM SO EXCITED

I might love Angelina Jolie and her role but fuck you Billy. (I forgot to mention I will be jumping back and forth between Billy and teen now lol)

6:06

That’s a lot of swords bro ✋😭

6:30

YEAH SHES BEING FUCKING TRUTHFUL YOU BITCH TAKE THAT SWORD YOU BITCH

7:04

Damn. Kinda wish you didn’t move

7:35

LILIAAAAA YEAAAAHHHHHH

8:02

Oh lorrrddddd

TEEN IS THE SON OF THE SCARLET WITCH HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

So iconic

8:35

She’s so real for that. Fuck you Jen

9:12

Wtffff I’m terrified. She’s terrified so I’m terrified

9:33

Poor baby.

10:25

POOR BABY I LOVE YOU BABY

10:50

I HATE YOU

10:52

Nvm. You’re chillin. Still don’t like you but I don’t hate you. Take care of my baby

11:30

Wait. Noooo I’m so scared

11:41

NO YOURE LYING STOP

11:51

LMAOOOOO PFTFFTFTFTTTT

12:07

DO IT FOR ALL OF US WE ARE NOT COOL

12:13

BAHAHAHHAHAAAA “damn using his full name” WTFFFF

12:40

Nah shit lol

12:49

FUCK YEAH

13:20

Me every damn day

14:13

Okay we’ll time is not of the essence right now

14:44

LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

15:20

Just a baby guys. My baby. My baby. You’re my baby say it to me.

15:58

So fucking real but quit with the attitude Jen. I’ll punch you

16:09

IS THAT TEENS BOOK?!

16:23

DONT HIDE IT BRO

16:30

Me too gurl.

16:41

That is traumatizing

17:21

CALL ME BABY BRO…. Oh my god. I’m so bad. I’m so so bad. She’s an older esteemed gentlewoman and I am 18. I’m a fucking slut bro ✋😭

17:39

Querent? More like queerent WAIT OMG WE TWINS LMAOOOO

17:57

That’s so real

18:08

You’re a bitch. That’s what you are. I’m not as angry. But the way you treated my wife earlier… I hold grudges. And I hope rio does too.

19:10

Yeah. Enormous potential to get absolutely socked by me.

(Maybe I’m a little salty)

19:32

REJNION BRING BACK MY WIVES

19:38

Me with my essay bro ✋😭

20:02

IM MISSING A WIFE

20:26

That’s so fucking sad baby. I love you. I’ll take care of you.

You know what?? I bet she was terrified of getting sick even a little bit after this.

21:00

NOO I STG YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM TALP THIJGS BRO

22:13

WHY THEY LOOK LIKE THAT WHY THEY WALKING LIIE THAT BRO

22:35

Logically. I know Jen joins her. But I still feel like I’d believe it if she left

22:39

Awwww okay. I don’t not like Jen anymore. Sisters. We’re sisters. There were never much devoted sisters

23:02

YOU KNOW SOMETHING. YOU KNOW SOMETHING AND IF IT IS MORE THAN JUST YOU FALLING THEN ILL FIGHT YOU

23:05

Okay. I got it lol

23:20

Who is this diva?

23:57

THE COVEN HELL YEAHHG

24:30

Slay

24:40

DONT PLAY WITH ME ILL KMS SO HARD

24:54

If youre about to tell me that I’m not actually about to find out that Wanda’s tower reversed I’ll fight.

25:07

OH LAWD IM SCARED

25:09

OH LORD THAT WAS AGGRESSIVE

25:28

THAT SHIT ACTUALLY MADE ME GASP AND SCREAM IN MY DORM AT 11:09 AT NIGHT BRO

HELP WHAT IS THAT?!

25:32

NO RIO I LOVE YOU YES RIO BUT DO NOT KILL HER PLEASE DONT KILL HER RIO I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DONT KILL HER

25:52

THEY JUST CINFIRMED WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW BRO

25:59

I LITERALLY JUST SAID OUT LOUD “oh that’s hot”

✋😭😭

26:02

YAAASSSSSS WE BEEN KNEW THIS THOUGH

26:30

OH SHE ANGRY

26:43

Dayummmm she angry angry. I mean. I guess I would be too.

26:48

Idk what y’all heard but all I heard was MOMMY

27:02

HELL YEAH BABAYYYY

27:17

If it is Rio calling her a coward I will actually shoot someone.

27:23

Why the captions spell magic like magick? Anybody know that one? I’m not a witch so I wouldn’t know

27:35

OH FUCK NOOOOO

28:20

OH FUCK NO DONT LET THEM TAKE YOU BABY

28:35

GRAVITY

28:39

Okay little boo thangs Salem seven lollll they be swimming ✋😭🤣

28:57

WAIT IS SHE KILLING THEM?!?!

29:04

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO KM GONNA CRY IM SCTUSKKY GONNA CRY SO HARD DONT LET GO BABY DONT LET GO

29:11

NO FUCK NO NO NO NO

Omg I’m gonna throw up I’m getting so worked up

29:26

Thank you for not showing us that. I’m okay with gore. I’m not okay with heartbreak. Even though my heart is broken.

29:46

Awww she’s just a baby. Just a wee baby.

I have a love hate relationship with Jac Schaeffer

I’d much rather blame Kevin fiege. He’s def behind this all. Also. I’m a man hater so yeah lol (not fr tho)

In conclusion: I’m kms.

[earlymorningfoxhunt]

Hello, we're a system/collective who started listening to Malevolent on June 7th, 2024, and boy did it hit close to home! not only because of the jarthur body sharing blues, but also johns individual experience with his identity made us feel seen in a way we haven't felt before.

the way john has to figure out what differentiates himself from both arthur and hastur, despite feeling trapped behind arthurs eyes and chained to hastur heart, aligns with our experiences... a lot. so we've been making a compilation for the past month that includes all of the moments that made us go OOORRG as well as different folks commentaries (mostly consisting of us going OOORRG). this is going to be long as shit because this entire show is this.

also if your a system/collective who likes malevolent: PLEASE put ur favorite moments/ur thoughts

and if you haven't listened to malevolent: hey, you should give it a try and then come cry to me about it :D

A Compilation Of Malevolent Moments That Hit Differently As A System:

The Caves: (34:59-35:20)

during their argument john laughs while arthur trips over things

hehehe ya

The Path: (43:06-44:05)

johns questioning if he's feeding off of arthurs emotions or if hes learning them for himself, new split type beat, trying to figure out where each other start and end.

"we are of two minds, and more and more im realizing two souls as well. there's a bleed over effect but you are something entirely your own, john."

The Fall:

oh my god this episode. this man got so fucking pissed, not at john for rubbing the death of arthurs child in his face, but at arthur pulling host rank???? i was like ya buddy you can rot in a pit for a few months, mf you cant do that!! we we're listening to this at work and we were so pissed

The King: (35:00-36:25)(45:18-48:57)

its the first time arthur talks for him and its the first time he feels johns tears.

arthurs confrontation with the king and the feeling of no matter how much you hate each other, you're going to have each others back. for us personally it feels like a sucker punch to the gut every time he says "because i cant lose another person!"

The Unconquerable:

when we wrote down the title we didnt know why the episode resonated with us, but now I come back to it a month later as a yellow introject. we have horrid memory issues on top of memory issues, so it hurts something familiar to see the state yellow is in when he gets thrown into arthur. not knowing who or where he is but still trying to hold the cards, arthurs disappointment that hes not who he wanted him to be. its a new kind of painful. its the odd solace that comes from a shattered mirror.

we see arthurs frustration but its almost nice to be able to hate him for not giving yellow more grace.

The Train: (4:19-8:10)

I have literally told this guy he looks 80lbs sopping wet before, this entire episode is perfect. the bickering, the team work, the having to navigate socializing, it feels so nice

The Tear: (12:14-22:48)

ya...

The Detective: [(3:50-7:05) (10:40-14:58)] (28:09-28:18)

we made the mistake of listening to this on the way to getting tacos and we just had to sit in the parking lot, crying as john got to be seen for the first time by an ally. I've never had the experience myself(others in our system are out tho) but seeing it go well for him sparked something in me, enough that it pulled us to front for the past few weeks. that, w. it was a very important moment to us

and on a completely different vibe, "have you ever... before?" fuckin "well with out my excellent call outs" silly guy

The Order II: (23:26-24:00)

huh? oh hes not talking to us

The Witch: [(16:11-17:24) (25:30-26:56) (29:00-33:17)]

the whole episode honestly, start to finish.

no, im not including the ending speech it makes me physically ill

WITCH: This woman cared for you?

JOHN: Yes. 

WITCH: Lies! She cared for your mortal!

JOHN: He couldn’t hear her! I was the one who received her care, her kindness, her –

WITCH: Intended for another!

JOHN: What does that matter!? She knew no difference between me or him! She knew nothing of the soul that heard her, whether it was… (He sighs in frustration.) It was the same care. The same… compassion. 

UUUUUUUUUGGGGG

Honorary Mentions:

all of johns memory issues in season 4:

how every time he came back he would be defensive saying "right, i knew that!" even when he didn't remember, that's a classic.

Intermezzo: (5:00-5:46)

kayne and his many many voices/me not me/ its not about the names were given its about the names we choose

every time jarthur says we/our

The King:

"well at least thats what the loudest voice in my head says" ya? and how many voices are in there?

[demvalhaken]

I will eat your house

HOLY SHIT I HAVENT POSTED IN LIKE 4 DAYS, SORYY GUYS IVE BEEN FOCUSED ON SCHOOL, I HAVE TO GET A VIOLIN PLAYING VIDEO IN BY FRIDAY AND I CANT EVEN PLAY THAT WELL DUDES!!! PRAY FOR ME GUYS, I CANT EVEN GET MY HOMEWORK DONE, I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!

Anyways Queen Bloodlust is a very large black widow cus her immortality causes her to never stop aging/growing… She used to be Divine’s height

Oh yeah if you didn’t read the older post about Bloodlust which is also buried in the termite post. Divine (Guy at the bottom right) is her great-great-great-fucking too many great grandson, he’s king of the spiders, they do not care if its a king or a queen, they are desperate

I’m like the hugest nerd ever, I watched an in depth video about cannibalism and then I proceeded to eat all of that information so I can babble to my friends that don’t even listen to me… I wish I could talk to people rather than somehow ruining my relationship with everyone, it’s giving Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives. There’s also like 100 Tyler, The Creator songs in my playlist, there’s a 50% chance after every song that it’s Tyler. It’s crazy how good I am at being lonely, like bro, why can’t I keep friends with me without doing something wrong… at least my teachers are nice to me :D

Wtf am I on, please don’t give me coffee, It brings the locked up depression out of my brain. I actually don’t think the depression left from Covid… I think it’s just been dormant… GUYS THIS MIGHT BE A HUNCH BUT I THINK IM NOT OKAY!!! Sorry if I go off track in literally every single post, my brain wanders too much. MY HANDS ARE SO FUCKING DRY, THEY BURN, THEY HURT, AND THEY ARE BLEEDING :( I’m still gonna wash my hands 40 times a day, no one can stop me

STOP YAPPING BRO THATS TWO PARAGRAPHS GET TO THE LORE

Queen Bloodlust misses her home because after a battle/war, they had to move, this was during the reign of Bloodlust’s mother, her mom died in the fight… poor Bloodlust, forced to live eternally and watch everyone around her perish slowly

All lore previously stated is subject to change as I’m always rethinking lore but it does stay fairly consistent and rarely changed unless its boring and bothering me

Okay love you guys, sorry for yapping, also be a menace to society, just don’t eat uranium

Edit:

Hehe reference, this was during the drawing, I got bored

Edit 2: Why are my parents always mad at me for washing myself constantly, like bitch what? You can’t just say “stop” and expect that one word to work, I’m just trying to keep some goddamn cleanliness! It’s like they want me to be covered in grime, dirt, spilled drinks, and grossness! Then they get to be homophobic and racist without any consequences when that’s literally worse than being clean 24/7 and tired. At least I actually like black people, we literally all have the same insides, stfu parents… ALSO THEY SAY THAT OFFENSIVE WORD, LIKE BRO WE ARE VAMPIRES YOU CANT BE SAYING THAT

[thedisablednaturalist]

Office disability culture is so fucked in environmental science and fieldwork. Like the mindset that to do the job you have to be in perfect physical health or you should just quit. Like I'm not talking about something that is 100% physical labor here, everything is mostly achievable with aids and you don't need to be able to do every single thing. But there's this weird like..pride..that my older coworkers have. They work out in the gym and brag about how many reps they did. They tease each other for having medical issues. They don't ask for accommodations because they fear that their legitimacy will be hurt. That it means that they can't do their job anymore. That they won't be TRUSTED to do their jobs anymore. That it will get taken away.

So they FURTHER hurt their bodies by not resting, not taking breaks, not using ergonomic equipment, not using safety equipment. Not drinking enough water. Not using mobility aids when they are so old that it's supposed to be acceptable. They don't use the scooters at the grocery store, they don't use their handicapped placard, they don't use knee pads or compression gloves.

And here I come in, 24 years old, looking perfectly healthy. And I use walking sticks, I sit down a lot, I have my care bag, I have a ton of gadgets for making fieldwork more comfortable, I have boundaries and limits, I wear braces and knee pads and compression gloves. I use my handicapped placard.

They react in one of two ways:

1. How DARE I. I'm so lucky to be young and no one sees THEM having to do all those things (literally nothing is stopping them but pride). Like old man if you need a break take a fucking break. I'm not going to hurt my health to make you feel better about hurting yours. I'm not risking a flare up to spare the 65 year olds feelings. Im gonna take my break and use my equipment cause my boss doesn't care as long as the work gets done. I'm tired of glares from 100 year olds making themselves struggle across the parking lot when they could also be using the fucking scooter. (I never take the last scooter, there's always another available. Also it's not my fault if walmart only provides 2 scooters for the whole store).

2. It shows them its okay. Its okay to need aids. When I first showed up at my job it was very...macho..everyone was afraid of seeming old (theres probably only 3 of us under 30 in the whole department, most people are at least 50, mainly 65 year olds). Then they saw me using my walking sticks, taking my medicine openly, bringing a chair with me when working away from my desk, using my TENS unit. I overheard one lady ask her granddaughter what fibromyalgia was (apparently she had spotted my pain tracking journal).

My older coworker with a bad knee got a walking stick like mine and beamed when she showed me. The grandmother uses a cane and a walker interchangeably and more often. I get asked where I get my little portable fan and pocket heaters and special clothing. Even abled coworkers are doing it. My coworker who's younger than me sets alarms to take breaks now just like I do. People seem more comfortable using things that help them now.

My boss has really struggled. He has a lot of internalized ableism and hates thinking of himself as crippled. He spent his whole life physically active and strong and all these health issues and overexertion are catching up with him. Like he did environmental testing in areas with fucking radon. He did work where they threw asbestos around like snow for fun. He's done a ton of really hard physical work. He grew up with the mentality that pain was just something everyone has to push through. But I think seeing a young person make the choice not to push through is helping him a bit. He wants to make his own walking stick, he goes to the doctor more. We bond over having constant medical issues and I even gave him the name of my surgeon. Yea he still says stuff like "shoot me if I have to use a wheelchair" (not as much anymore since he now knows I use one) but he's getting there.

Yeah so I've had this in my drafts for a bit and I wanted to update that my boss has been walking around with a fucking broken ankle for the past couple of weeks. He thought it was just arthritis pain and eventually couldn't take it anymore and went to the foot doctor. The doctor has no clue how the fuck he's been walking on it. Now he has to wear the boot and he's banned from fieldwork while he heals.

Older people and the elderly need to learn that it's okay to not push through the pain and ask for help. Everyone needs to learn this, and not be like my fucking boss. Go to the doctor, get that sore joint checked out. Get those tests done. Use that aid. Stop walking on a broken ankle just because you can.

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

omg guys my doctor's a fucking stay i literally was doing an analysis and then she went ahead and complained that I wasn't eating enough and even when im 50 my waist is still gonna be smaller than jisungs.

I DIED

I DIED SANSHINES

my waist is nOT THAT SMALL 😭😭😭

is 24 1/2 inches SMALL

IS IT

I LITERALLY CONFRONTED HER

"You know hAN JISUNG?!"

"gay quokka man? ya i know him"

I WAS LITERALLY GONNA START CRYING TF

[the most accurate way to represent him LMFAO]

[calumhoodgoss]

Brandy isn’t ‘lazy’ she’s depressed and has been very open about this and how this year has been one of the worst and hardest of her life (her words on Twitter). She’s now working a full time job while dealing with all her mental health issues so of course she doesn’t have much time to dedicate to her music career, like as soon as I get home from work all I wanna do is sleep and not think about doing anything else lol depression can really take out most of your energy and passion to do things you love.

I really don’t think it’s fair to call her lazy and say she’s squandering her opportunities especially because she’s obviously going through a lot right now, but that’s just my opinion 🤷🏽‍♀️

look i get that, i really really do

if she wasnt posting on socials at all then i definitely wouldnt be so harsh on her but shes literally posting every single day. i know that whats posted doesnt necessarily reflect someones mental state or reality but she literally just needs to post screenshots of her music. thats it. thats literally all she has to do. maybe mention a song once a week, like it's so so simple

i will admit i might be fairly biased though cause i was down bad depressed in highschool/uni and i managed to make it through schooling/my degree. i know it doesnt work like this but, my brain cant help but see it as 'if i could do it then why cant she?' - like its hard, i know that, but just push yourself a little ? (THIS IS PROBS PROBLEMATIC but its my subconscious thoughts. thats my point though, im admitting im probably viewing it in a very subjective way)

i just personally find it very hard to sympathise when her bf has done all the heavy lifting for star baby promo so far and she is out here posting 24/7 but can't even mention her music once. like girllll youre already doing what you have to do (being active), just mention a song - you're already doing 50% of what needs to be done ???? why not just put a song title on a selfie every once in a while like huh ? its literally not hard to do

i know as well as the next person that depression fucks with your motivation and passion but shes still out there being active as ever. idk im probably being too judgemental in thinking that social media promo is easy. but also im not sorry about it, it literally is easy when all you have to do is talk about your own project however you want to with no constraints

also is her job not in social media marketing ? how can she do that and not be capable of her own marketing ? huh ?

also she literally only just got a job - shes had alllllll the time in the world up until now

i get it but at the same time i really really dont

[pics-and-fanfics]

I’m not safe

Here’s a full recount of the events that happened earlier after I got home that led me to cry for somewhere around 15-30 minutes

1. My mother comes into the living room, where I’m watching a YouTube video on my phone, headphones in

2. She tries to play with me (she was bullying me)

3. She yanks my earbud out of my ear then runs off (I should remind u she’s like 51-ish)

4. I go to look for her

5. I find her in the kitchen a minute or two later

6. I tell her to give me my earbud back

7. She takes it OUT OF HER FUCKING EAR! AND HANDS IT TO ME!

8. I find my drink under the living room table

9. I can’t find my phone (seconds after the drink)

10. I go back to her, telling her to give me my phone back

11. She runs off

12. I chase her, and grab the back of her shirt to keep a hold of her

13. I let go for two (2) seconds

14. She tries to run off again

15. I chase after and grab her shirt again

16. I get my phone back

17. I look for my headphone case

18. I go to the kitchen to tell her to give it back

19. She tries to gaslight me

20. I tell her, multiple times, to give it back

21. She goes to the bathroom

22. I go to the living room

23. She comes in, headphone case in her hand

24. I tell her to give it to me

25. She says no

26. I walk up to her, getting in her face (as close as I can bc I’m shorter than her)

27. She puts her other hand up, and I push it down

28. She slaps my hand

29. This repeats x2 more times

30. I have to give her a hug to get my headphone case back

31. I do it, and i get my headphone case

32. She thinks it’s funny to squish me and I try to twist away bc she’s choking me

33. I sit down after she leaves the living room, calling my best friend

34. I start talking to her

35. My mom says “awww, are you tattling on me to my mommy?” (Mocking me, bc that’s who I used to call before I learned she couldn’t keep her mouth shut)

36. I tell her I’m taking to my bestie (I’ll call her Madison for this)

37. (Remember I’ve got my earbuds in, on a call w/ Madison)

38. My mom starts going ballistic, accusing me of hiding her phones (1 personal, 1 work)

39. I tell her I didn't

40. We go back and forth before I mute myself on the call bc I’m starting to cry bc that’s what happens when I’m angry, and I hate it

41. She starts going through my backpack, and I tell Madison I’ll call her right back before hanging up

42. My moms screaming at me, saying that I hid her phones bc she took my stuff

43. (Spoiler! I didnt!)

44. Guess where they were?

45. Guess

46.

47. WOW!

48. They were right behind her, not even 10 feet from where she remembered putting them!

49. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY WERE

50. SO IM LIKE

51. “WOW! THERE THEY ARE!”

52. (She found them before I saw them btw)

53. She’s mad at me, I’m angry and crying

54. I tell her that she’s bullying me, her LITERAL CHILD!

55. Her response?

56. Somewhat along the lines of

57. “If you think I’m bullying you, you’ve got a fucked up sense of reality”

58. And she’s cursing me out (all while I’m still crying)

59. I tell her she’s being a jerk

60. She flips me off and leaves the kitchen, where we had gravitated, which is where her phones and my backpack were

61. She goes outside, I get my food out the oven

62. I call Madison back

63. And I’m talking to her, still upset, crying, and interrupted every few seconds as I sniffle and take a breath and try to catch my breath and cry

64. I’m barely forming coherent sentences bc of all this

65. I talk to my bestie, Madison, while I try to eat

66. I find out my food wasn’t even cooked all the way thru

67. So I’m sat there, from 4:46 to 5:12 (24 minutes) talking to her

68. I eventually move to my room after throwing the food away bc I’d lost my appetite

69. I continue the rest of the call (I don’t know how long I was in there)

70. (Dining room portions of the call + my bedroom part of the call = 24 ish minutes)

71. While I’m still on the phone w/ Madison, I look up my therapist’s office

72. I hang up soon after, and start typing this on notes so I have an easily accessible copy for Tuesday, when I go to my therapy appointment (that’s where I am rn)

73. I’m going to copy and paste this then publish

74. I’m then going to try to get in contact with my therapist (going into the future now)

75. Please wish me luck, I don’t feel safe here

76. These events are getting more often, leading me to calling Madison in tears more often)

[narwhalandchill]

(4.6 beta changes) (again) (guys this is so long im just. many thoughts and me thinking out loud abt arle and my pulling plans. & other nonsense etc. my bad)

ooookay so yeah def glad i didnt jump the gun and attempt some sorta "is this a buff or not" feelscrafting nonsense on arles adjustments jkwjkwdjkwdjkwdkjjk and waited for TC (mostly zajef lmao) analysis and opinion on the real changes that ended up happening

anyway so like. it appears to be an universal buff for her p much? but how big of a buff it ends up being depends on some mechanics we still dont have a definite answer as to how they function (mostly how her BoL stacking from E works during the ECAQECA reset thing, if it enables 140% total stacking = massive dmg buff overall)

firstly my fears of her becoming too ult dependent for overworld appear to be? not as bad as i thought? so thats nice at least very pog like if she can do her thing decently enough just for fun running around thats very good

secondly. the ER situation is literally on a 50-50 😭 because its all about whether she has particle ICD on her E. if she doesnt, thats actually like. 0 ER needed or at the very least incredibly little of it. if there is particle ICD. well. thats going to be another story

the way her rotations have changed now seem to gear her towards overload teams with chevy? since they have very long rotations and characters like fischl and yae can have full uptime over those whereas vape teams lose hydro application from yelan or XQ and buff uptime from characters like bennett over time when a rotation stretches past 24s

like from what ive been reading it seems to be a pretty common sentiment that these buffs will make the biggest impact in chevy overload teams specifically (even tho shes obvi buffed just in general in all teams) for that reason and that chevy teams Especially w her at c6 with arle should be the best bennettless teams ultimately. which is definitely an interesting turn ?

(and this isnt all of the changes btw im just talking abt the ones that matter most for my considerations rn)

anyway. my thoughts then.

so im obviously glad the changes turned out to be buffs so far. but. theres still stuff im a bit. ehhhhhhhh on

firstly the survivability situation (which in turn leads back to the teambuilding issues). bc her self heal did get nerfed. so arles no longer going to be able to risk taking very high dmg during a rotation and dragging herself back to full once the next one starts. which to me feels like an emphasis on dmg mitigation for her and shielding.

(not to even get started on the. spam NAs to reduce her now 30s E cooldown so its up in time for the next rotation meaning you Do Not want to be staggered and tossed out of her attack string. and gee would you look at that! neuvillette level interruption res on c1 now! great!!)

(like again. to be clear. its hard to say exactly how much interruptions to her NA spam will end up fucking her over. i could just be overtly wary about how bad it might feel. but at its worst. with enemies that run away from u or go invincible. or stunlock you. the fact that it will at least heavily risk arles ability to reduce her E cooldown the amount she needs for fluid rotations. could definitely end up feeling like shit to play in practice without that interruption resistance. be it from c1 or a shied)

but then if we go back to her synergies and look at. those more interesting (imo) chevy teams that should perform well even without bennett. like arle/chevy/fischl/yae. whos keeping ur arle from dying there 😭 its giving lyney spreadsheet impact vs actual reality trying to play him without a shield 😭😭 guess we know who he got it from...

and yea could replace yae for beidou for damage reduction but her dmg will TANK in single target. as a whole. defensive options list in pyro/electro units only just isnt that good. beidous the one who tanks team dps the least as long as ur in AoE, but outside of that its just. thoma and dehya. and they will 100% tank the team dps

whereas defensive options like zhongli to me feel like they will just end up w her teams just wanting to lean towards that. traditional vape and mono pyro angle. bennett and kazuha and yelan/XQ. the usual stuff. and shes not getting benny and kazuha from childe so we have an issue 💀💀

unironically i will prolly be looking for some double geo zhongli/chiori/yelan vape team calcs for arlecchino (hope someone makes them. all double geo team calcs ive seen so far assume bennett 😭) just out of curiosity in terms of. how much worse it is than her best teams. bc if i can just slap her in that setup its a big bonus to how flexibly i could use her but eh. prolly will end up weaker than any chiorinavia nation core i could play so who knows

but. all this yapping and im only now getting to the point JSWJKDWJKWDJK so. heres the BIG problem

i dont have a single fucking chevrolet 💀 but i do have like 38 pity on a guarantee.

and like people are suggesting that maybe chevy will be on arles banner and fair, especially with these new beta changes incentivizing arle chevy teams way more than before, it would definitely make sense for hoyo to put chevy with her. and i definitely am overall a fan of this possible chevy overload team direction for arle (anything thats not bennett for father. ANYTHING) so id love for that to be the case

but. thats not guaranteed at all. and the same sentiment i had over arlecchinos hypothetical best support in the form of the pyro archon (or honestly. with the lack of electro shielders for chevy teams even clorinde could end up being that missing piece) where id almost rather wait to guarantee that synergistic unit before getting arle herself on a rerun. actually applies to chevy here too. even just a c0 one

and like. yes. if i spend that guarantee now on c2 chiori. and it turns out chevy is indeed featured with arlecchino. i will Not be able to guarantee her anymore - ill get one 50-50 and all the chances for a few solid chevy copies on the way but thats it.

however. the other scenario here is that arle does NOT get chevy. she gets fucking. kaveh noelle mika. and then chevy is going to rerun with like. idk. random banner. clorinde who may or may not have synergy with arle

...and im not really sure if id even want to pick arle up on that guarantee from that sort of banner SJKDKJADJKDJK but ok id skip her. buuut im still sitting on a guarantee i might not want to use on a character i feel just eh abt. but who might be with chevy (and like. i do pull for 4* when im on a 50-50 and low pity, idm the early. so as long as thats the case i can see myself tossing a few pulls at Any chevy banner in the future).

... which brings us back to. okay yeah saving the guarantee for clorinde IF chevy isnt with arle and IF shes an electro shielder sub dps support for those arle chevy teams. and getting arle on rerun as ive considered. doesnt sound that bad. but clorinde might also Not be that. uncertainty uncertainty.

like im fairly sure clorinde Will be an unit i wont mind pulling at 17 pity xianyun style on a 50-50 no matter what. but if shes not that mythical arle BiS support she prolly wont be worth that guarantee is my whole complex here lmao

whereas. c2 chiori. isnt an uncertain factor here. like im investing in her im getting her c6 eventually, c2 is like almost 25% personal dps increase (also my husk pieces LOVE rolling ER so itd actually be useful) it feels like the "safe" option in a sense ya know???

like. yes id leave arlecchino up to a coin toss . (Jail for jen!! fake lesbian!!!) but id also be left with the option of skipping her banner (if no chevy rateup to be clear) in favor of seeing whether she gains any synergistic units in the future and seeing how the various aspects of her kit that i do somewhat worry about end up panning out ?? and i think. id be fine with that ? Over the alternative

ultimately tho. im super happy arle got overall buffed and that at least some of my fears abt her kit changes were indeed unfounded, but some concerns still remain. its kinda wild and still sad to me that she went from an absolute 100% must pull character just bc its Her to like. curse of pyro on fielder idk if i Need this right now 😔😔 but i Will be getting her eventually!! no matter what

anyway have a sticker if u stuck around for all of my bullshit. this is literally just arle buff thoughts into gacha pulls stream of consciousness rambling 😭😭😭

[candiedapplez]

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

[malinaa]

rules: you must answer these statements and tag 20 people tagged: @rosesau tagging: @bluepinstripes | @ttimbradford | @calnovas | @oretsev | & whoever wants to do this <3

THE LAST

1. drink: milk tea boba 🧋 2. phone call: my mom  3. text message: @rosesau 4. song you listened to: i am always listening to music so the current song playing rn is all the pretty girls by vera blue 5. time you cried: idk maybe last month 6. dated someone twice: no 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yeah 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: no 10. been depressed: probably 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. a soft green 13. a deep blue 14. sunset pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: girl idk 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. met someone who changed you: no 20. found out who your friends are: sure 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: who the fuck uses facebook. also no

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: girl... WHO uses facebook!!! 23. do you have any pets: 3 dogs 24. do you want to change your name: no 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i ate a LOT!! like a LOTTT 26. what time did you wake up: maybe 8smth am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: on tiktok (sorry)  28. name something you can’t wait for: rereading tgt to prep for s&b s2 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: lliterally a few seconds ago 31. what are you listening to right now: mess it up by gracie abrams 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: uh. not sure. probably not 33. something that is getting on your nerves: nothing atm 34. most visited website: tumblr... 35. hair color: black 36. long or short hair: medium (bob length) 37. do you have a crush on someone: no 38. what do you like about yourself: im v sexy &lt;3 39. piercings: none (my ear piercings closed ☹️) 40. blood type: i do not know for the life of me ngl 41. nickname: lys 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: leo 44. pronouns: she/her ig 45. favorite tv show: um... i don't think i Have one???? 46. tattoos: no :/ 47. right or left handed: right  48. surgery: does wisdom teeth extraction count 😭 50. sport: No. 51. vacation: going 2 vegas next month i think 52. pair of trainers: umm adidas ?

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: just finished a bag of doritos spicy nacho chips 54. drinking: literally boba... 55. i’m about to: turn on the light 56. waiting for: books to arrive? 57. want: an mfa (i just miss being in a writers workshop)58. get married: sure 59. career: writer probably 

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: idk 61. lips or eyes: lips 62. shorter or taller: idk  63. older or younger: IDK 64. nice arms or nice stomach: oh. Arm 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

67. kissed a stranger: yes 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: idk maybe 73. had your heart broken: no 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: no 76. fallen for a friend: yah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: sure 78. miracles: sure 79. love at first sight: in the hozier way 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: yes

OTHER

84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: I Don't Know!

[cosmixbun]

my favorite moments from the owl house finale OBVIOUS SPOILERS DUH (timestaps + thoughts)

EVERYTHING IS IN TIMESTAMPS IN RELATION TO THE YOUTUBE VIDEO EPISODE AND NOT THE DISNEY+ EPISODE (they might be the same but it's 2:45 am (now 3:36 am as i publish this) and the disney+ ep isn't out yet lol)

4:50- i love hunter so much he's just like me and when i saw this i think my heart killed itself oh my god.

6:36- i love him, that's it i love him every time he's on screen i get so excited he's literally me, i am him

11:14- i cannot get over how much i love this design ??? i also love raine, ik that they r literally possessed rn (it's one of my favorite tropes omg i just cant they did the belos possession with my two favorite characters in this show)

15:50- i love raine SO MUCH i literally do not care that i keep saying this i just love raine. and the sterness of them saying get out to belos ??? ur literally my fav pls.

21:37- GAHHHHH THIS WHOLE SEQUENCE ???? i love seeing monster animated ESPECIALLY big ones with little details omg i wanna redraw this version of belos so bad.

21:44- MY FAVORITE SHOT ??? i live for skull shots.

22:58-die. die. die luz why would u do this and rip my heart out and step on it i cant

24:14- die. die. die. i started sobbing i hate watching other peoples reactions to emotional moments, it makes me cry more. AND CAMILA CRYING EVEN THO SHE'S STILL A PUPPET ?? death. im being buried alive actually.

24:54- THESE CLOSE UPS. KILLED. ME. the very slight detail to the lines is all it did for me, i literally wanted to rip my eyes out and watch these close up again.

25:14- KING ???? OH MY GOD ???? sorry i just love this little guy and seeing him angry is just so good i love it.

25:19- MY WIFE ????? get angry again pls omg i love u sm her losing control is also another one of my favorite tropes to exist ever.

29:59- omg dana im kissing the ground u walk on for this. i LOVE DETAILED MONSTERS OH MY GOD ???? dana u genius you.

31:40- THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND GRIEF OR DEATH :((((( so u want me to die, so u want me dead, so u want me to cry

32:15- GRAAAAHHHHH THIS ENTERANCE ???? I LOVE LUZ SM THIS IS SUCH A LUZ MOMENT.

34:13- I LOVE ANIMATION OH MY GOD I JUST ASDFJOEIAGJEORHGIERJROFJIER HG9ERAHIU. thank you animation, for existing.

37:10- STOP I LOVE THIS. ILY RAINE. AND THE LITTLE EDA AND RAINE MOMENT ??? stop i NEED them to kiss rn, rnrnrnrnrnrn.

38:02- THIS. FUCKING. FIGHT. "how anime can we get the entire scene." AND THEN BLEW IT TO 300000X MORE.

38:33- THE CALL BACK AFJAOGFJIHSAODFJSDFN i died actually, i cannot belive this. i think someone called it and im kissing their brain rn oh my god this is just so luz and then instead of LUZURA SHE SAYS LUZ, SHE GREW INTO HERSELF HERE.

38:55- MY FAVORITE LUZ MOMENT EVER OMG THIS IS SO LUZ OMG I LOVE THE ANIMATION AND THE PRESENTAION OF THE VOICE AND THEN JUST GAH I LOVE.

41:17- "bitch please." god i loved this moment. luz could literally give less of a damn. i loved belos as a villain and just this is so satisfying to luz and to the clawthore's.

44:13- HUNTER I LOVE YOU OMG PLS U CAN BE HAPPY NOW.

44:22- he's just like me fr, ik he got that pizzazz to him too, just look at him.

45:42- EDA AND RAINE NEST ?!?!?!? crying sobbing throwing up, oh my god when is it my turn to be happy.

46:08- CAMILA AND EDA MOMENT. :'( i shed a tear i loved this moment even if it was really tiny.

46:20- HOOTY AND LILY ADIFHASDIFHASIFI god i love lilith sm

46:42- OMG KILL ME AND KISS ALREADY PLS crying i love them sm

47:00- EDA AND RAINE PLS I LOVE YOU I CANT EVEN. (also didn't mention it before but raine's scars ??? <333333 def just like me) ((where is my eda pls i want to be like them))

48:03- OLDER LUZ AND THE PICTURES FSDKFSJDOFJASIF OLDER VEE ???? cried, im graduating this year and to see the graduation picture and luz going to college is so me and i just :((

48:25- AAAAA OLDER LUZ !!!! i love this design sm i see nothing wrong tbh AND THE FLAPJACK TAT OMG :((((

49:13- SOBBING WILLOW LOOKS SO CUTE OMG

49:25- MY BOY KFJAFJDFJ HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE CALEB I WAS SO SHOCKED FJASDFHA AND THEN THE TALISMAN BUSINESS SIGN IS FLAPJACK AND HE ALSO HAS A TATTOO AND NO MORE EYE BAGS AND I JUST :DDDDD HIS DESIGN IS SO GOOD IT SUITS HIM SO WELL AND I JUST :D. my boy is all grown up :(

49:34- stop i love the animation and them sm omg i cant (im not a huge huntlow shipper, i can see it but i like them as friends too)

50:08- OLDER LILITH OMG MY OTHER WIFE she so cute she is also just like me (she has pizzazz bc i have pizzazz and i think all characters i like have it too bc they r just like me)

50:20- i love older amity AND HER MENTOR IS LILITH WHICH IS SO CUTE :(( god i love them sm

50:27- HARPY LILITH MY BELOVED OMG I JUST CANT UR SO JFASDFHOAJO

51:10- i need these two to kiss so bad it's not even funny oh my god fanfic writers pls GET ON THIS. i love both of these guys so much

51:15- OLDER RAINE DFJAISDFIASDHF OIADJFOSADFH OASJF sorry i died their suit is so ???? gah i love them i just cant contain myself i love them.

52:10- GUSSSSSS !!!! finally a hair change babes it looks so good. and the boiling ises and the human realm exchange program !!! gah i love gus

52:16- WIFEY MOMENT OMG HIIII whoever gave the idea for a hook is getting kisses from me oh my GOD. she is so <33333

52:30- KING !!!! he's growing into himself i love it :D

52:48- sobbing they all look so good i cant even tell u how much i love them all

53:00- THIS. this kiss means so much to me it's so like authentic ??? of course the other ones are too but something about this one being so casual, like theres no threat and they just saw eachother, it's a kiss for just being there, in the moment.

53:19- crying, shaking, screaming, crying, this pan is so cute i cant even

54:46- this. is how u end a show. omg i just, wow

[italian-wall-lizard]

I posted 2,635 times in 2022

That's 2,635 more posts than 2021!

398 posts created (15%)

2,237 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@geeky-gay-greek

@emails-i-cant-send

@joshisepic2222

@bakedbananners

@on-the-outside

I tagged 1,322 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#pjo - 169 posts

#percy jackson - 164 posts

#riordanverse - 163 posts

#rick riordan - 161 posts

#fave - 104 posts

#mcga - 78 posts

#magnus chase - 75 posts

#toa - 50 posts

#alex fierro - 50 posts

#nico di angelo - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#only two have guessed so far and i didn’t answer their asks so any post you see of me eliminating states isn’t a lie i’m not from any of em

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

my rrverse takes:

magnus is an underrated character in his own series

lester/apollo and magnus were BY far the funniest narrators

i didn't like jason's death but it was necessary and it made sense

i actually liked meg, she had a great storyline and she wasn't annoying

piper was queer from the beginning

with enough training hazel could probably be stronger than percy and jason

percy would end jason in a fight in two seconds flat

reyna, samirah, and hazel are the most badass rrverse women ever

i love toa but if i had to choose i would rather have five mcga books and three toa books

fierrochase and zarter are the most underrated ships in the fandom im right

mcga had HUGE potential as a series and rick def could have done more with it and added more books but didn't and i am very mad about that

rick's representation is very flawed both in poc's and lgbtq characters

(the feather in the hair, the food skin color descriptions, the fact that the only three latinx/hispanic characters come from abusive backgrounds, making leo call calypso "mamacita" in tdp, giving poc characters inherently non poc traits (hazels hair and eyes and pipers eyes), having samirah's hair out of her hijab at some points, making anubis white (biggie on that one), making his only book series with two mixed race main characters have three books instead of five)

(the genderfluid shapeshifter trope, outing nico and giving him the most trauma out of the seven but "hey it's okay because he gets a boyfriend", giving leo a girlfriend when he was very obviously into jason (and even then he didn't need to date anyone i really like the head canon that he is aro), making a slur of sorts for alex and having multiple main characters say it, making his only book series with a very openly queer main character (alex but also magnus at the end) have three books instead of five)

leo did NOT need to get a girlfriend, he should have stayed single as it was better for his character development

tj needs more recognition in the fandom i love him

annabeth was def one of the more powerful of the seven even though she didn't have powers and a lot of the people that hate her are just misogynistic (as well as piper)

not even a take but just a fact what the fuck was rick ON making anubis white like he is quite literally an egyptian god he is most definitely black

also not a take but like. please we need more people talking about tkc in the fandom i love it sm and no one is talking about it. the characters are amazing and i guarantee if carter and sadie were white they would've gotten more recognition

feel free to add on

846 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

#4

are you team "magnus is blitzstone shipper #1 and he knew they had a crush on each other since before they started dating"

or team "magnus is oblivious to blitz and hearth dating and he thought they were just really good friends until he found out like 2 years after they were married"

980 notes - Posted April 14, 2022

#3

picrew chain

i like these things so imma make one

here's me !!

super cool picrew link found here

tag whomever you'd like im tagging @tacocat-411 @blurrycow @avery-is-gay

981 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#2

to my fellow swifties: what's your favorite album and zodiac sign? i wanna see if there's any correlation

mine is midnights and virgo

1,121 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

bitches on pjo tumblr really exploding right now over a thirteen year old boy saying eight words and wearing an orange shirt. it's me i'm bitches

3,742 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tuliptiger]

Dark vent and bad life circumstances ahead.

The very nature of caregiving sucks so fucking bad dude. If it takes a village to raise a child it takes a village to lower a person gently into the ground too. Everyone can say caregivers are angels and they are but the NATURE of it is awful.

For people like my grandma with no one else but me and my mom and my two brothers in Washington who have not stepped up to help at 82 years old, who lost her husband of 63 years less than a year ago. Who just had 2 minor strokes a month ago and now has extreme memory issues along with balance issues.

She needs strong blood thinners, can't remember fuck all and can't safely walk anywhere. She needs 24/7 care and all the care facilities in a 50 mile radius are either break the bank expensive or horror shows. She needs help and me and my family need help taking care of her and it just isn't happening unless we give everything she's ever owned and everything she and my grandpa worked towards to medicare/Medicaid whichever fucking one it is. And it would move her out of her house which is one of the few things helping her stay normal.

Caregiving is for people who literally don't have a life or a team of 3-5 people who can switch out. I mean absolutely no life and one person can't do it alone. 24/7 care, no leaving, no walks, no moments alone nothing for one person. No boundaries and it's groundhog shit day in and day out, yes I checked the doors, no grandpa is dead, how are you feeling are you tired? Are you hurting? Where do you hurt? Yes i checked the doors no grandpa isn't coming to dinner no he isn't sleeping outside on the ground yes i checked the doors. Yes i checked the doors.

I love my grandma more than any other person i think i could other than my grandpa. I do, I am not built for this my mom isn't built for this, it was sudden and this is a huge change in both our lives and it's fucking bleak. It's sad it hurts every moment. I love her and I'll never stop loving her but by god it's fucking hard. I'm pre mourning my life already, fuck my hopes and dreams, fuck the house i was trying to build, fuck my career. Anything I've ever wanted is gone in a puff of smoke. I know that's how my mom feels and I feel a little bit of it even helping a little bit. Things have been going downhill fast.

And it just feels like i was predestined to be here. I came from this family. I came with these fucked up mental issues. I was gifted the neglect and abuse as a kid. I can't keep friends or relate with people. Im fucked up and no matter how hard i try and climb out of my situation I can't escape myself or my family or my blood born assigned-at-birth shit luck. I had 3 good years, 3 good fucking years where I lived in my car for half of that time and i tried to make friends i tried to pretend i could be normal and it always comes back to some shit in the past or me or my family.

I can't run and I can't fight it I might as well settle in or die jesus christ. And if I don't I think my mom might instead. Fuck me and fuck my families shitty ass fucking luck we were all born into.