#I’m scared for my life rn

[pics-and-fanfics]

I’m not safe

Here’s a full recount of the events that happened earlier after I got home that led me to cry for somewhere around 15-30 minutes

1. My mother comes into the living room, where I’m watching a YouTube video on my phone, headphones in

2. She tries to play with me (she was bullying me)

3. She yanks my earbud out of my ear then runs off (I should remind u she’s like 51-ish)

4. I go to look for her

5. I find her in the kitchen a minute or two later

6. I tell her to give me my earbud back

7. She takes it OUT OF HER FUCKING EAR! AND HANDS IT TO ME!

8. I find my drink under the living room table

9. I can’t find my phone (seconds after the drink)

10. I go back to her, telling her to give me my phone back

11. She runs off

12. I chase her, and grab the back of her shirt to keep a hold of her

13. I let go for two (2) seconds

14. She tries to run off again

15. I chase after and grab her shirt again

16. I get my phone back

17. I look for my headphone case

18. I go to the kitchen to tell her to give it back

19. She tries to gaslight me

20. I tell her, multiple times, to give it back

21. She goes to the bathroom

22. I go to the living room

23. She comes in, headphone case in her hand

24. I tell her to give it to me

25. She says no

26. I walk up to her, getting in her face (as close as I can bc I’m shorter than her)

27. She puts her other hand up, and I push it down

28. She slaps my hand

29. This repeats x2 more times

30. I have to give her a hug to get my headphone case back

31. I do it, and i get my headphone case

32. She thinks it’s funny to squish me and I try to twist away bc she’s choking me

33. I sit down after she leaves the living room, calling my best friend

34. I start talking to her

35. My mom says “awww, are you tattling on me to my mommy?” (Mocking me, bc that’s who I used to call before I learned she couldn’t keep her mouth shut)

36. I tell her I’m taking to my bestie (I’ll call her Madison for this)

37. (Remember I’ve got my earbuds in, on a call w/ Madison)

38. My mom starts going ballistic, accusing me of hiding her phones (1 personal, 1 work)

39. I tell her I didn't

40. We go back and forth before I mute myself on the call bc I’m starting to cry bc that’s what happens when I’m angry, and I hate it

41. She starts going through my backpack, and I tell Madison I’ll call her right back before hanging up

42. My moms screaming at me, saying that I hid her phones bc she took my stuff

43. (Spoiler! I didnt!)

44. Guess where they were?

45. Guess

46.

47. WOW!

48. They were right behind her, not even 10 feet from where she remembered putting them!

49. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY WERE

50. SO IM LIKE

51. “WOW! THERE THEY ARE!”

52. (She found them before I saw them btw)

53. She’s mad at me, I’m angry and crying

54. I tell her that she’s bullying me, her LITERAL CHILD!

55. Her response?

56. Somewhat along the lines of

57. “If you think I’m bullying you, you’ve got a fucked up sense of reality”

58. And she’s cursing me out (all while I’m still crying)

59. I tell her she’s being a jerk

60. She flips me off and leaves the kitchen, where we had gravitated, which is where her phones and my backpack were

61. She goes outside, I get my food out the oven

62. I call Madison back

63. And I’m talking to her, still upset, crying, and interrupted every few seconds as I sniffle and take a breath and try to catch my breath and cry

64. I’m barely forming coherent sentences bc of all this

65. I talk to my bestie, Madison, while I try to eat

66. I find out my food wasn’t even cooked all the way thru

67. So I’m sat there, from 4:46 to 5:12 (24 minutes) talking to her

68. I eventually move to my room after throwing the food away bc I’d lost my appetite

69. I continue the rest of the call (I don’t know how long I was in there)

70. (Dining room portions of the call + my bedroom part of the call = 24 ish minutes)

71. While I’m still on the phone w/ Madison, I look up my therapist’s office

72. I hang up soon after, and start typing this on notes so I have an easily accessible copy for Tuesday, when I go to my therapy appointment (that’s where I am rn)

73. I’m going to copy and paste this then publish

74. I’m then going to try to get in contact with my therapist (going into the future now)

75. Please wish me luck, I don’t feel safe here

76. These events are getting more often, leading me to calling Madison in tears more often)

[mindiemakes]

TFW you’re a stress crier so you need hugs from your blorbo

[damthosefandoms]

the thing is I have no idea how to put it into words but dally loves about as hard as soda does. just in a very different, very specific kind of way. soda loves everyone at first glance until it’s proven a mistake and dally loves only a few specific people so much it kills him.

[cable-salamdr]

Wolfcat is sooooo funky to me esp now that it’s confirmed that Sora and Jordana were in school together and drifted apart. I don’t really see them as toxic yuri anymore and more as Jordana somewhat-joining the ninja and they are both confused as fuck about one another. Just exhausted from life and scared of AND for the other person. They have so many issues to fix between each other and themselves, and if it takes them like 10 years to actually get together then I am completely okay with that. No more toxic yuri only weary yuri now.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

new glasses will have you feeling like you can actually see for the first time

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i need mutual obsession

[fifthnailinstevesbat]

watching the last episode of season 5 in 2026 and steve gets fatally injured and then the first notes of when it’s cold id like to die start playing and we all know in that moment it’s over

[frmulcahy]

I’m sick rn so I know I’m not in a rational state but it’s actually only just hitting me for real that winter break is here and I’m done with undergrad and my job of 2.5 years and I’m starting a new chapter and change is happening and I need to remind myself that change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is good change is go

[meowzerz-art]

when life is going awry but at least you have those silly little ask blogs of ur comfort characters telling you everything is okay

[goldkirk]

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[justanartistiguess]

Me rn

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[seventh-district]

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[officiallyossy-haywooddent]

Mun Post.

Gen question ya’ll, should I traumatize myself to appease my inner child and therefore untraumatize myself or should I just stay where I am and not fix anything because at least I’m at a point where I’m not having daily mental breakdowns anymore?

Like actually.

Should I compromise my academics and something I’m really excited about (g11 pilots program) to go back to a place with less exciting academics but at least I’m not super depressed and isolated there?

[totaleclipse573]

Thinking rn about how Terios was raised and grew up on the Black Comet I’ll talk in the tags

[alaskan-wallflower]

(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)

sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.