#today he won’t talk to me at all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notefromunderground · 10 months

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#had literally the most fun date with him yesterday he seemed to also genuinely enjoy it #he told me i am pretty like 30 times couldnt stop kissing me told me he is addicted to me and wants to marry me #today he won’t talk to me at all #like turned completely cold towards me #thats men for ya #literally those 2 weeks i had been the happiest i have ever been #i had never ever ever in my life felt that type of happiness #i feel lkke my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces #anyways we must move on #i feel like my life is genuinely cursed

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starfire-s · 7 days

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i hope the next time i open up my heart to someone they truly deserve the love and kindness i give them i hope that this person will care about my feelings and will think through their words and actions but will also communicate when things go wrong and will be able to put aside their ego and realise our relationship is more important than that i hope this person is gentle with my heart

#my divorce was finalised today #and it really sucks i won’t lie #yes i know i deserve better but i also can’t believe i was in this situation #maybe Allah had some lessons to teach me so here i am still learning and trying to heal and grow #hopefully i can also be a better person next time #also even after all this i believe there’s someone out there for me #it was just not who i had initially married #he was a lesson and had to be my first heartbreak and loss too #it’s okay… life goes on #komal talks

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lesbiansanemi · 3 months

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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now

#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today #and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#I’ve been showing what I’ve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself #and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one #but this is the third time it’s had to be replaced and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot more health issues #and they’re not even sure his heart can handle getting it replaced…. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out #and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and I’m so #like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them #I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did #they’re the only family members I’ve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz I’m queer #like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality #if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself #and idk the point is I love him and I’ve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I #hate the rest of my family #but what if he can’t have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if he’s dying and I’m only able to go down and see him one more time #and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine #but man I’m terrified that won’t happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS #and yeah no I’m fully crying now I can’t do this #he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping #and and and I’m gonna fucking throw up #kaz rambles

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alicentflorent · 5 months

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I read that the dyana scene was added last minute so I wouldn't put too much thought into it the writers clearly didn't. Do you think Ali genuinely cared about dyana though?

It was added last minute?!?!!! Well that does explain a lot. Were they even planning on having aegon be a confirmed rapist?

I think a lot of people see the Alicent / Dyana scene as black and white (or rather it’s how they see the entire show)

Alicent is either the evil witch who didn’t give a fuck about the victim or that her son is a rapist but only cares about herself and her family image. Dyana was just a problem to be solved and aegon just needs to keep his depraved nature hidden but they claim she doesn’t care at all about him being rapist.

Alicent only cared about Dyana in the moment and genuinely was trying to help her to the best of her abilities. She saw her younger self in Dyana and truly wanted to help her and felt nothing but disgust towards aegon.

My interpretation is that Alicent was genuinely horrified and had empathy for Dyana. She meant what she said when she told her she believed her and wanted to help BUT she also wanted to protect her family even if she was completely disgusted by her son. There was a moment when she’s hugging Dyana where her demenure changes and I think this is when she realised she needed to do damage control. She paid her to start over probably thinking she’s helped the victim as best as she can while also avoiding a scandal and ‘dealing’ with aegon herself. As for bringing up herself, helaena and how aegons crimes impact them when trying to get her point across - this is an unfortunate part of rape culture, using the “you have a wife, daughter, sister, mother” narrative to get through to men. She cared about Dyana when she’s face to face with this young girl in distress , who suffered at the hands of her son, her heir but like most nobles they care about their own family, privilege and image more.

#also just wanted to add that aegon SA’d Aemond when he forced him to have sex at a brothel when aemond was 13 and aegon was nearly an adult #since people never actually talk about that like they do with the dyana scene and the likelyhood of heleana being a victim too #house of the dragon #alicent hightower #hord #The elite will look at the suffering of the common people like ‘how awful’ but won’t risk their privilege by making real change #this story is following the highest nobility who are all out for their own interests which destroys them in the end #the characters and their actions are all morally grey because they are all complicit in a society that harms the smallfolk #empathy for a serving girl will only go so far #people are gonna hate me for this but there is similar issue when it comes to dany helping mirri but i wont get into that today #rape tw

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casualhedonists · 8 months

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DATING IS SO HARD WTF

#vent to follow in the tags lmao #like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY #and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT #like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn #cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to #talk to them that much #and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything #anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out #and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end #also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like #stopped talking to me for a while #that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason #and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp #okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo #sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3 #｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

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deus-ex-mona · 9 months

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starting the year ✨wrong✨

#(this is about work ok. long rant in the tags bc auauauauauauauuauauauauauauauaaaaaaaa)#i’ve worked for just t h r e e (3!!!!) days this year and i think im already all burned out lmao #first i was stuck doing 2 workstations bc this freakin’ b o z o of a coworker decided to take the week off without prior notice #and *t h e n* the internal components of one of said workstations kicked the bucket and was only replaced today. sads.#rip to our wasted time and futile fixing efforts though. flashtag wetried #that’s not all t h o u g h i was told that i have to jump to the other work shift bc one of my coworkers is resigning #b u t the thing is. all of the other dudes in that shift are from [insert bordering country] and always speak in their nation’s language #so i won’t be able to communicate well with them for the most part esp s o bs #and if [insert country here] has a national holiday and a l l of them decide to take the day off..#well. um. ahahahaha. im ✨screwed✨#(but speaking of taking the day off… one of said guys on that shift has an approved leave for cny. which is funny bc he’s not even chinese)#(rips if the actual other chinese dude on that team has his leave request rejected bc of that guy lol. happy cny to him ig)#a n d also i was made to (sorta) teach these two new coworkers (of sorts) the workstation i’m at for the week #b u t the thing is. i do everything here by left (didn’t receive formal training either lmao sadge)#and i also couldn’t explain anything well in general bc it seems like my flow of thoughts can’t streamline itself ig #so i think i confused the poor guys more than anything. but like. why me??????? aaaauauaaaaaaaaaa #idk why one of them came back for more ‘education’ from me thoughhhhh #i’ve tried teaching ‘em stuff at another workstation before this and my feedback was ‘wait slow down you talk too fast’ s o o o o .#ig i’ll have to guide them though again in the morning though. sighs. this wasnt in my job description :(#speaking of job descriptions though… this h e l l a annoying guy no one likes who resigned a few months ago (to much rejoicing)…#is!!!!! coming!!!! back!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #w h y. like. w h y. why is he so attached to this company he l l o? why is our manager so attached to him helloooooooo????? why him???????#our workloads literally t r i p l e when he’s around bc he’s just the way he is. auauauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaa #aaaaaaaaaaa i dont wanna work aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #science industry (derogatory) questionable laboratory conditions (derogatory)#felt cute; thought about retiring early idk

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floral-hex · 1 month

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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.

#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now #and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help #if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour #though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving #blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing #and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it #ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much #but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive #uggghhh #I’m too emotional #time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this #I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻‍♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby #IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point #it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important #text

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rosicheeks · 6 months

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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

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schisms · 1 year

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i feel like a huge worthless failure for calling out of work today which is so dumb and stupid like. i’m gonna die someday. and i’m sitting here freaking out about the fact that i’m not working at my minimum wage job. for one day. like what the HELL is that. i’m already suffering which is why i called out but the suffering doesn’t end, it’s just complicated by guilt. and part of me knows i shouldn’t feel guilty, but i can’t stop. it feels like everyone’s judging me because i can’t even do the bare minimum right now. i feel so ashamed, but i’m so angry that i feel ashamed. i know i shouldn’t have to. but i do. it’s like. obligatory. it’s such a disgusting feeling.

#i’m honestly thinking about putting in my two weeks at this job and going to work for liam and his family again #especially if they try to write me up for this. like. i WANT to keep this job and take advantage of the benefits #but i’m not right now nor am i even in any kind of position to do that anytime soon #idk i’m just gonna talk to my therapist tomorrow #working for liam would. FREE UP my schedule MASSIVELY i just. would not be making as much money #idk. he’s gonna talk to his family about it today so. we’ll see ig.#i might make dinner for him and his dad tonight to just. Feel Like I’m Contributing Something #sigh. i feel so awful right now.#my ocd is just so so so so terrible these days the intrusive thoughts won’t stop #my stomach hurts all the time and i’m anxious about it all the time and it’s just.#a vicious and unrelenting cycle i feel terrified constantly. trapped in this hell body

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lilgynt · 1 year

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#personal #my mom told me yesterday my brothers paying to have my door replaced today or tomorrow bc he misses me and thinks is affecting our #relationship badly #and she wasn’t supposed to tell me but i’m glad she did cause like #she tried saying she’s getting it replaced immediately grilled her on where the fuck she got that money since i know we have more important #issues and she IMMEDIATELY snitched #anyway i feel complicated. thank you for the door. that you already said you would do. what was the point of all of this #and i’m re reading the messsges maybe i was too mean but also 8 months no door and everyone being mean to me about it #he told my mom he misses me and she said how sweet it was to hear that and i should consider just. letting this go #and she doesn’t want to minimize the door or what it represents beyond just the door #but didn’t really get it when i was like it matters if he’s doing this bc he misses me or bc he thinks he did anything wrong #like he can do both but. i just want to know he’s not thinking i’m some brat for asking for something? normal? or that this won’t happen #again cause this always happens.#she was like isn’t it more romantic that he misses you so much he doesn’t care if he’s right or wrong? girl what the fuck are you on #anyway i feel weird bc like. it’s nice but i didn’t need him to shell this out #and i feel oddly like a brat to get this expressed done from when i said im upset with him #like 20 days later but feels fast. and i wish he could have reached out and talked to me #but also i’ve been so angry and resentful i don’t know if i’d want to talk especially if it’s just the same convo over and over #i don’t need grand gestures i just wish this stuff wouldn’t happen in the first place #and i’m worried that after the door my mom will get upset if i’m still upset with my brother after #and i’m not sure how he thinks we’re gonna get back to talking if i can’t acknowledge he got the door.#like can’t be like hey thanks! also we need to talk about how you use money instead of ur words.#like in this case i genuinely really needed the door but also it’s just hard to be like hey you did this thing that was unacceptable #also thanks for the full tank of gas dinner and 100 bucks. unprompted. anyway it’s unacceptable-#like it sounds stupid right? anyway i don’t know if he’ll tell me or just try to slide back into talking without ever talking about it #i don’t know and i feel like an asshole no matter what route i go #but will say funny i hid that he broke it from him and he’s hiding that he’s fixing it for me something something #i just feel weird about it. i miss him but also don’t miss getting shit from him or the other one lately i’m just #honestly doing my own thing and just getting through the day or enjoying it too much to think about him sometimes #but i do miss him and i don’t want to be constantly fighting or arguing with my family. it’s not a nice feeling.

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cloneboywonder · 1 year

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im so CWCcoded

#anyway my apologies for gaslighting you all about not personal diary posting bc my dad just texted me goodnight and it made me sad #him and my mom both tried to call me all day I feel bad when I ignore them #bc I know they’ll be dead someday and they won’t be able to call me and I won’t be able to answer #and my brothers both tried to call me I know my mom narced that I was weird yesterday and now everyones scrambling to keep track of me #it’s very nice of them but I really do hate being reminded that I’m the family member that like #they’ve all quietly agreed is always going to have to be monitored and taken care of #I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy and Alex haven’t talked about who I’m going to going to live by when our parents are both gone #it was kind of funny Andy invited me to like go install a security camera with him today #I said no but I do think it could’ve been a fun experince #I was gonna see my mom but she didn’t want to go out again so I waited around until my dad tried to call me again #so then be brought me with him to a hardware store where he tried (and failed) to return paint or something #we love a schemer #and then we picked up Andy and got milkshakes but I was ill so he got me real food on the way home #but I’m going to have to find a way to throw it out tomorrow bc I didn’t eat that much of it and I don’t want him to be sad about it #and I have to clean my room bc Lydia will be here soon #I was weepy in the car and my dad kept saying it’s nice you’ll get a few days with her before the concert #I know :-(#to some extent I love that he’s so incapable of handling emotional moods bc he just puts on songs and complains about them #bc he knows I like to complain and I think he gets scared when I don’t talk and that’s his attempt at getting me to #I need to finish my costume and make bracelets and clean my room these seem doable #okay bye please don’t unfollow me #also I love the name doxing bc these are for me and me only and maybe burke when he logs on I love you #my posts

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small-strong-bookish-butch · 1 year

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Is there something Going On universe-energy wise right now (/the whole last week)? Because goddamn things have sucked lately for many of the queer people in my life. Not even in a queerphobia way! Just other stressful life stuff!!

#personal #vague #not-too-specific explanations in tags #i was just about losing my mind (bad) over this cat because I didn’t realize how often he needed to play #and he didn’t have a scratch post for the first week #one of my friends is going through a hard slow relationship thing and idk how it’ll turn out #last weekend both of my siblings were upset with my mom (for valid reasons. and i asked about it)#one of my other friends. i learned recently. is needing to suddenly move because of safety concerns at her current building #(who also lives with the people we do double date night with. one of whom is one of n’s closest friends)#apparently Safety Issues and Shitty Apartment have been going on for a short but intense time for all 3 of them #just now learning that my best friend’s other best friend is going through Big Health things #also i have a new coworker who just Left like 2 times today. she tried to talk to me about it and i should have said i’m not a manager. idk #i feel like she won’t be here long but in the meantime it’s another slightly stressful thing

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hey-op-just-kill-me · 1 year

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