#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

[majorproblems77]

Hello LU fans! I'm back with another LU update analysis! :D

Are you ready cause there's so much to unpack I'm gonna be here a while. Like last time I'm gonna put a timer on lmao, see how long this takes me.

As always grab your popcorn and drink of choice, cause we need hydration in this life.

all art belongs to @linkeduniverse and Jojo, and if I pull panels from any other pages I'll let you know where it's from! :D

Obviously spoilers for Dawn 8 :D

And a note, I've not played TP or WW, you'll see why thats important later.

Let us begin, shall we!

Man, Poor wild, he's probably beating himself up like there's no tomorrow right now. He looks HORIFIED.

Probably because in technicality, he failed.

I love how he's holding his sword here too. Kinda acting as a shield to the conversation.

Same expression as wild. He also looks horrified. Infact the resemblance between these two in uncanny.

Man time really is the dad isnt he. Unimpressed dad look at 12'oclock. Jokes aside he doesn't look angry about it. He looks like he now gathering information from those who finished the fight. As we know once he left with Twilight he was the only other one to not make it back to the fight.

Thats a fair sentence, thinking about it, I think the only other game where Iron Knuckles appear is in one of Hyrule's games? I'm surprised he's not mentioned anything about it.

Most of the others do have armoured enemies though. So while the others dont have direct experience I assume they have the basics.

All but, Sky and Wars None of them fight armoured enemies like that in their games.

I assume because he's defeated this thing like it was a guardian (Stasis and then wailing on it cause that's what i would do lmao) He assumed it was defeated when it exploded into pieces. Like guardians are prone to do. tbh he was probably gonna go back to look for loot at some point.

You tell them Wind. The small hero, underestimated by everyone BUT Time. Was correct thank you.

Justice for the windy boy.

God Wild really is beating himself up about this. I love the fact that we see four's reaction to this statement. As to be honest. Over the last few nights, Four and Wild have had plenty of bonding moments. These guys are gonna become best friends.

And now we get Time.

The way he's looking over these panels. That look. He know's he's the leader of this group but something that Time isn't used to is making Permanent mistakes.

He has the Ocarina of Time, and when he was back in Termina every time something went wrong he could just play the song of Time and restart the three-day cycle with no trouble at all.

Time, as a person. Isnt technically used to failing.

This panel is stunning. It's what I assume is going on inside his head. It's so pretty. It's so detailed it's just oh man easily one of my favourite panels.

now you know i had to talk about panels with my beloved blorbo in.

first off he's so pretty. Jojo has really outdone herself with just how amazing these updates have looked. The lighting the shading its all just so incredible.

The first half of this panel with Sky's face. He, He is beating himself up about the injury. He had nothing to do with it but he cares so much about the rest of the group he feels bad. He kinda looks like he's thinking about it. Like he can see it. Like time did but we dont see inside Sky's head.

Makes me think about what exactly he saw.

And Twilight's face, he looks so sad. His little pout. Poor wolf boy, which we can now call you properly as the rest of them know now.

And to be honest I'm glad he's standing his ground. Mr, My injury isn't that bad before falling over. the stubborn ranch hand strikes again.

The parallels from this frame and the one from later have been mentioned elsewhere but I'm just gonna post the frame here as it's turned up. Run you coward lizard. Run.

Captain link is back. Poor warriors, he's still showing signs of being stressed. He's one of the only one's who hasn't been able to rest over the downtime that they've had. He's been busy being in charge of the group while Time was out.

I can only assume it's only a matter of time before this comes back to get him. Maybe he is next on the chopping block? (Pun kinda intended) Something could happen and he messes up and gets hurt of causes someone to get hurt.

oh and also

THE SCARF

THE SCARF THE SCARF

IT HAS RETURNED ALL HAIL THE BLUE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BLANKET WARRIORS NEEDED YOU.

None of us did, Hyrule.

The boys ever, I'm glad they are talking about this like this. And that it's legend who's starting to throw ideas out there like this. As the one who's got the most experience in the group, it makes sense that he would be the one to start offering ideas as to Why not just how.

Because you pissed it off Sky. Because half of you pissed it off. In fact I do believe he had a bunch of panels in Shifting Shadows pt2 where you indeed pissed it off.

The entire reason it started running from you and Twilight had to track it was because of FI's reaction to his sword.

Wait... that explains the guilt. It is actually potentially Sky's fault. Or if he's anything like I think he is. He remembers that fight with the shadow and knows.

He knows.

Also, with clenched fist Sky is ready for a fight. Next time the shadow turns up I assume he's gonna go after it when it's inevitablebly goes after Twilight/Wild. Maybe he'll jump in after being told not too because the Master sword appears to be the only thing as of right now that can fight the red stuff that comes off the shadows sword.

did you hear Warriors shiver? I did.

And you'd know all about that wouldn't you Four. :D

Also

Mandatory Sky appreciation picture

Him's my beloved blorbo. He's wonderful. Such a lil guy. Bestest bean. My beloved. /pl

Anyway moving on

Oh yeah, the amount of power that the items list contains We've seen the arsenal that they have between them (in the December art).

We saw what just Time could do.

Now add the rest of them and the enemies dont stand a chance. They've just gotta figure out how to either avoid the weapons of each other or work as a team with the arsenal in hand to fight better.

Like imagine if Twilight used his gale boomerang to send Wild into the air.

(Writer brain go brr, gonna write that down)

It's basically Revalis Gale.

This man is so damn dramatic I love him

And here's the parallel frame

the shadow running towards Warriors vs running away from Twilight.

You know thinking about it... Shadow didn't shapeshift until Twilight did. The push towards Warriors was when shadow thought they were on level footing.

But when Twilight went after Dink, he was the one who had to flee because he lost his advantage.

ANGRY SKY ANGRY SKY ANGRY SKY

The man is pissed that Shadow hurt Twilight. He is so damn mad and I think that he is saying what he would assume Fi would. (With more emotion because well, Fi)

Also that last frame.

TIME AND SKY ANGST ON THE HORIZON?

time is looking towards the master sword. And he looks angry. This will absolutely have gone unnoticed by the others because if they saw he was angry it was probably just because of the conversation topic.

god I love the dynamic here and I'm excited to see if it goes anywhere

Him's I love his simple way of agreeing its wonderful.

I approve to wind let's go blow some stuff up!

Hyrule shows the group why he is called the traveller. The man just wants to go on his adventures let him go!

Sky is so proud of himself

this face says 'Look guys I didn't give it to the weird toilet hand! :D'

I love this man a healthy amount.

One last thing before I go

I love this update as a whole, seeing the group gear up and getting to see the layers of the armour and straps and fastenings being put on while they are having this discussion is amazing.

I'd give you a collection of pictures but Tumblr is being rude and I can't post more than 30. So you can have these as all four panels show what I'm talking about.

Twilight adjusting his gauntlets warriors adjusting his scarf.

Hyrule attaching his shield to his back and putting his sword strap on.

God, I love this update so much. It was amazing and I very much enjoyed it. Let me know what you think! :D

Thank you as ever for reading my rambles i appreciate you :D

Have a wonderful day and dont forget to hydrate! See you next time!

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S03E08 - Sleeping Beauty

Okay episode which gets good with character interactions. In fact, I don't really get bored with S3 up until the end where they put some lackluster episodes.

You see one kid being mean to the other, then a minute later you cut to an interaction between parents and you realize why.

These parents are awful.

Charlie: "You have never seen a fairytale before?" Sarah: "I have, except I find them all insufferably sexist". Charlie: "Well, they offer historical context". Do they? Because I don't remember dragons in my history books. Anyway, I'm with Sarah on this one and luckily I didn't grow up with them.

It is interesting, however, that Charlie seems to know quite a bit about these things. I distinctly remember no boy would ever be convinced to sit down and watch these movies.

Sweet potato jerky? Why does that sound so tasty? It's a dog treat.

This is just an excuse to get Sarah home.

"Your new place, which I see for the first time ever, is really incredible!"

Have I mentioned yet on this rewatch that Charlie must be taking kickbacks to be able to afford a house like that? No?

"Kids are loud". Water is wet.

Too cute.

"I guess they're alright". Make up your mind. More importantly, isn't there ample space on the couch next to Charlie for Sarah to sit? What's she doing over there?

Jesse calls from work, Joe is also over there, NO ONE is surprised that Sarah is at home with Charlie and Rex.

See? Instead of reacting to Jesse's antics, react to the fact that your detective and your head of forensics (your? I have no clue) are playing house instead of being anywhere near the precinct.

"Rex is a detection dog. His alerts establish reasonable suspicion to search". Well, thank you, Sarah. Charlie never actually explained it. I wonder if this actually holds up.

I can actually imagine the writers at the start of the season trying to come up with a reasonable excuse for those searches based on Rex's nose. At some point, they might have even opened a law book. I don't think that it would hold up in court to say that a police dog smelled illegal substances and rule based on that but it might give probably cause for a search. All this changes depending on where one lives, though. And if they find something, well, then you have your proof right there. The whole gist of it is to make sure the search is legal so you don't jeopardize the entire case.

"The dog ruined my favorite pants". Maybe you shouldn't have run?

"He's trying to hypnotize me. You're all witnesses."

"So Rick is not the owner of our... glass slipper". I think Sarah is about to whack you with the case file.

Sarah: "Where do you think of starting?" *Rex barks* Charlie: "Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, too, partner". Guys...

Why do I think this was taken from when they're looking for the stepmom in the end of the episode? He looks too serious and very much in a hurry, which is not something that he is supposed to be in the current drive.

"I can assure you there are no drugs in this house". Charlie literally has a drug sniffing dog with him, how do you think he's not going to find anything?

I think the lady's excuse that she's going through a brutal divorce actually did get a bit of a reaction from Charlie. Not that he'd give her the drugs back, of course.

Dad-influencer. I hate this age.

"What was your babysitter doing in the back of your truck?" I can't believe there was a logical explanation for this other than "We were having sex".

"You don't think it's possible to have a platonic relationship with an attractive woman?" Wise move not to answer that.

I'd definitely like to ask the Hudson and Rex production where they get their car brand covers because in greek tv productions their look like shit.

"Everyone I know drives this car". This is a 50K Mercedes. Where are we?

I did not have sexual relations with Stacey Nielsen". Okay, who put that in there? I can't listen to it without laughing.

Sad that it wasn't some kind of threesome. She was just carrying their child.

The production getting their money's worth out of the new house.

"She made this for me. It's some sort of woman with... one, two, three, four... seven kids?" "These are dwarfs" lmao

Snow White was in witness protection? Maybe in the next Disney installment.

Sarah: "You don't need a prince for a happily ever after". Get that man, Sarah. Do you have any idea how many men would protest that statement?

Joe: "Nice of you to join us this morning". Don't do this, Joe, we keep trying to extricate him out of the office, let him be late for once!

Charlie: "Rex took forever to get out of the house this morning. Rex: "Don't you dare sully my good reputation!" Charlie: "Okay. I took forever to get out of the house this morning". I love their suspicious looks and also, I WANT TO KNOW! What happened? What are they hiding from us? WHAT??? What did you cut out?

"Need I remind you, Charlie, that warrant-less collection of DNA is not admissible in court?" Maybe. I mean, we sometimes base an entire case off of it.

Seriously, why is he so chipper?

Sarah: "Stacey's not the mother". Joe: "I'm sorry, what the what?" Charlie: "Yeah, what Joe said". You can tell Sarah loves delivering such news.

Again with the looks.

I believe that a person having a perfectly good womb should be able to use that womb however they see fit, including getting paid to carry the baby of a couple that for whatever reason can't or won't do that. The law's intent should not be to police people's wombs but to make sure that children shouldn't be born and grown to be taken advantage of. So it should be legal in cases of parents who want to have a child, and illegal if for example one was to gather fifty women and grow children through surrogacy to take advantage of them (not the only example, just one I thought of). Taking advantage of your body's ability to carry children for monetary gain so that they can be ultimately raised in a proper family that wants them is not the same as taking advantage of children.

"I had a glass of wine at lunch." "Was it served in a salad bowl?" Burn!

Why would you bring the kid to the place her stepmom might commit suicide?

Rex to the rescue once again. I think I've seen this on Kommissar Rex too.

Big damn hero.

"What a needless tragedy this all was". I've seen so many certifiably stupid deaths on crime shows, this doesn't even rank at the top 20.

Suspiciously big enough space for Rex to jump onto. But looks weird before that. Also, thanks for squashing by beer/wine theory like a couple episodes later. I am now thinking that the wine goes with the couch lol

"I think you'd make a great mom." "You're a great dad. To your fur baby over here." "What do you think, pal, you like being my fur baby?" Rex's growl sounds like he wants to bite anyone who says the word fur baby again. Maybe that's just me, though.

It's a good thing Sarah has an alternative plan to motherhood because I can see the future and I suspect it will take a long time.

Again, the case didn't grab me. But they spent sufficient time outside of the office and mostly in Charlie's new house that we just saw for the first time that I didn't mind.

[marimbles]

Hope you don’t mind me asking lol, I stumbled upon your blog and I see you are in the throes of Ouran hyperfixation 😅 What are your opinions on each member of the host club?

yes im definitely in the throes thanks for noticing<3 lol. i'd be delighted to share my opinions on each member of the host club !! this will be LONG bc i have a lot to say about these binches (also this will have manga spoilers). so i'll put it under a cut

Haruhi—honestly what's not to love. she's scruffy and apathetic and grumpy and direct and 300% done with everything, including gender conformity. "these damn rich people" yes king go off. also you're so valid for being 90% motivated by food. it's such a perfect and fascinating idea to drop a person like fujioka haruhi into a group of ridiculous dramatic people like the host club and see how they fare. impressively well, actually. she cleans up nice and is surprisingly charming and intuitive underneath the apathy. but this is only what you find out in like the first episode!!! she grows so much over the course of the story, especially in the manga, and it warmed my heart so much and made me so proud of her 😭 how her relationship with the host club members changed her as a person and even enabled her to better pursue her lifelong dreams. ugh. i love how falling in love with tamaki gave haruhi such a beautiful character arc. first her resistance (which was both understandable and hilarious), because he's so STUPID and RIDICULOUS and in her mind is the last kind of person she'd want to be with, but then she realizes how much she has learned from him and how much he's opened her heart, and she's so inspired by him—to experience new things and understand people better and challenge her preconceived notions and grow to be a better, kinder person, which will make her a better lawyer too. she's actually so brave, to step out of her comfort zone, and connect with others, and to learn how to accept help, when she closed herself off as a coping mechanism when she was so young. she has so much patience to deal with the host club theatrics and a lot of patience with her dad, who is also rather theatrical lol. she had to grow up young and mature so fast and i like how through the host club she learned how to have fun and let other people support and admire her too. ugh i just love her! she has such a soft and good heart and she learns to love so deeply even though it initially went against her nature! she's soooo stray italian greyhound coded to me.

Tamaki—my favorite. one of my favorite characters of all time now actually. im just obsessed with him. i already have a weakness for blond boys with sad backstories and i blorbified him so so fast. as a longtime adrien agreste stan it was inevitable, once i learned about his existence. i saw the most pathetic drama queen loser in all of fiction and i went "yeah he's perfect." i loved him as soon as i watched an episode but i think it was this post that really sold me on him and convinced me to read the manga. i mean isn't he just the guy of all time. as a sillyguy myself i can't not adore him, because he is SO silly and SO dramatic and SO larger-than-life ridiculous, and i am just a big fan of that. but at the same time he has a surprising amount of depth, revealed little by little, that just made me fall even more in love with him as i learned more! cause the thing about tamaki is that everything about him is over-the-top and outlandish—including the size of his heart, and the way he cares about other people, and the lengths he will go to to help them. he's like incredibly narcissistic and incredibly selfless, at the same time. such a fascinating contradiction to me. he has such big feelings whether it's overwhelming grief over a stranger's sob story or unbridled excitement over a mcdonald's happy meal toy. i think all in all tamaki's character can be summed up with one word: love. he just loves everything and everyone to an incomprehensible degree, and that love is transformative. he loves his broken family to the point of wholenesss, and his lonely schoolmates the the point of chosen family, and haruhi to the point of courage—because he was just as confused and afraid as she was, and they both learned to be brave enough to love in a way they always thought was impossible for them. he just loves the whole world and it loves him back, because when you put that much love out there it's bound to be reflected back to you. i love how essentially tamaki annoyed all his friends into becoming his found family lol, because as stupid and obnoxious as he is, he cares SO much, and that's how he won each one over individually, to the point that they'd do practically anything for him. despite being pretty obtuse about himself he's very intuitive about other people and he is able to see them as they really are, in a way they couldn't even see themselves yet, and understand them to a degree that allows them to understand themself. anyway im always crying about him, cause. yeah.

Kyoya—man i love him. so calm and cool and collected and lowkey an evil genius. i love how he plays off tamaki so perfectly. they truly are a married couple lmao. but again!!! in signature ouran fashion, there is much more to him than meets the eye! they're all so much more than the "type" they are assigned! because yes kyoya is the "cool one," the genius one, the guy who always has a plan, the one who's constantly strategizing internally and weighing pros and cons and thinking 9 steps ahead, who only does things for his own benefit … but also underneath he is so passionate. he has all the emotions he tends not to show. fear and anger and grief and love. the anime did such a good job of portraying this because sometimes i think about that scene with him painting inside the golden frame and then it zooms out and he's made a giant beautiful work of art outside the frame, with every color, and i just sort of wanna cry about it. the hidden depths of kyoya ootori...i love that, like haruhi, he learned that it's important to have fun, and if your best friend is a complete idiot, it's good for you! (albeit sometimes detrimental to your health and sanity, lol.) again i loved how they handled it in the anime where in the end he shows his father how intelligent and powerful and in control he was, just to let all of that go, because he found what made him happy, and that was more important than any of it. i love a guy who forms unbreakable bonds first against his will but then puts his whole heart into them! who learns to defy expectations and forge his own path! who learns that happiness is its own end! MAN!! ok also the part in the manga where he spends his whole paris vacation searching for tamaki's mom and completely exhausts himself and falls asleep in the street because of it, just because he wanted to be able to report back to tamaki that she was alive and well. i might cry. im a tamaharu shipper but i have a very soft spot for kyotama.

Kaoru—i get emotional about him sometimes. he is sooooo 😭 ok because at first, the twins are identical both in looks and personality. but as the story progresses, their individuality becomes more obvious, and kaoru reveals himself as the more emotionally mature twin. i love the twins for being mischievous and silly and obnoxious and just a tiny bit evil sometimes, and for always making fun of tamaki (i mean SOMEONE has to), but they both have a lot a depth underneath that which makes them so dear to me 🥺 and kaoru. oh. baby boy. he's so intuitive, often seeing what hikaru is unwilling/unable to see, and so self-sacrificial, always willing to put his brother's needs over his own. the way he was developing feelings for haruhi the whole time, just like hikaru was, but he was the first to realize and admit it to himself, and he gave hikaru space to figure it out too. and then how he is honest with haruhi and confesses to her but in the same breath tells her that his relationship with hikaru is too important to jeopardize, so he bows out gracefully even as he speaks up. UGH! sometimes i just think about that part in the manga where he talks with haruhi about how he wouldn't know what to do if he and hikaru wanted the same thing and both couldn't have it, and then later they have a box of cookies and there's not enough for everyone so he saves his for hikaru, and then haruhi points out that he found the answer to his question, didn't he? about what he would do if they wanted the same thing? so then he ends up stepping back to let hikaru pursue haruhi instead of him, promising to support him, and helping him grow and mature into a better person. wahhhh...... he's a sort of tragic character to me honestly. like it makes me a little sad to think about him. but he just has a good heart, and he ends up happy because the change he was afraid would make him lose the relationships that were most important to him actually made them even stronger.

Hikaru—i think i have a slightly softer spot for kaoru, but i really really love hikaru as well, and i think his character arc is one of the best in the series. he's definitely the brasher/less mature twin in the beginning, who tends to let jealousy and anger get the better of him and he lashes out sometimes because of his frustration and confusion about his own feelings. he struggles with self-awareness and kaoru knows that, which is why he gives hikaru opportunities to self-discover and figure himself out. hikaru falling for haruhi and admitting that to himself and others, even haruhi, was so important for him as someone who always defaulted to keeping others out and viewed everyone but kaoru as an outsider. he really didn't trust anyone but kaoru with his thoughts and feelings, but being part of the club made him open up, examine himself, and consciously choose to mature. one of my favorite hikaru moments is when he dyes his hair dark to show that he's an individual who is separate from his twin and wants to be viewed as such, but at the same time he makes it clear to kaoru that being individuals doesn't mean they have to drift apart or be any less important to each other—and he's determined for them to stay just as close even as they pursue separate paths for the first time in their lives. i also love his rivalry with tamaki over haruhi and how that affects him and forces him to grow. another favorite moment is when he demands that tamaki open his eyes and encourages him to not let his trauma get the best of him. instead of letting tamaki stay ignorant of his feelings for haruhi, which would be to his advantage, he makes tamaki realize them so they could have an equal chance to pursue her. he has so many sweet moments where he feels conflicted about tamaki, wishing he was out of the picture but also feeling so much gratitude and affection for him. he just really loves tamaki, and really loves kaoru, and really loves haruhi, and that love that started out with so much hurt and jealously makes him grow into a more selfless and genuine and mature person, when he finally, like kaoru, bows out and chooses to be happy for tamaki and haruhi. ugh he's a good boy even though he acts like a turd sometimes. lol.

Honey—i don't have as strong of feelings for honey as the others i've gone over but he is still a great character! obviously he's adorable, and i just find him very sweet and enjoyable. and of course the fact that the sweets-obsessed boy lolita who carries around a stuffed bunny is actually a genius and also a martial arts master who can take down 50 guys singlehandedly...yeah it's pretty dope lmao. i love how he learned from tamaki the meaning of true inner strength—not pretending to be something your not for someone else's sake, but being unapologetically YOU and embracing what makes you happy! honey learns to comfortably live a seemingly contradictory life, because he openly loves his cake and cutesie stuff but he remains a strong and well-respected leader and master of the haninozuka martial arts. it's funny and but also very fitting to me that in the manga he ends up with the girl from the black magic club—someone who's different from him in what appears to be every way, but honey is not afraid of contradiction and appreciates people being themselves!

Mori—he's the host i least connect with, just because he doesn't get much focus and also barely speaks lol. but i still love mori! i really admire his loyalty—just the truest friend anyone could ever ask for. he and honey are such an iconic duo. his "lovely item" lol. it's really sweet how much of a natural protector he is—not just how he looks out for honey but also haruhi and the whole host club. he's a very compassionate person with strong principle. one of my favorite mori moments is when he demands a fight with honey just so he feels like he has the right to tell him what to do and remind him to brush his teeth when they're apart for college haha. also shout out to the part where tamaki desperately asks "do you ever think about kissing honey-senpai" because he's freaking out about haruhi and mori says no but later is shown worrying that he screwed tamaki up by lying, because he does actually think about kissing honey 😂

ok this concludes my Opinion Of The Hosts soapbox hour, thank you for asking and sorry i answered:) tldr i love them all lol

[unopenablebox]

god this is long sorry. mention of various familial deaths previously mentioned on this blog cw or something

🌸 is now having an issue at work that's likely to cause them a great deal of stress/emotional distress for like a medium length period? im expecting that they'll be really busy and need emotional support/benefit a lot from having things reduced in friction e.g. me taking care of dishes and food more etc.

which is, you know, fine. except that well

as you know my grandfather died last week and i spent most of last week 1. in a state of paralyzing terror about my own work thing, now resolved 2. traveling on short notice so i could be emotional/logistical help for my dad whose father just died, which i did like. a moderately ok job at i would say. i was better than nothing

and also my mom has 1. had a lot of feelings about her recently dead father brought up by all this 2. also been having a lot of feelings about him because w the exception of coming back for the funeral she has been staying in my grandparents' house in another city so she can sort through and get rid of his belongings AND 3. my grandmother, who had to go and come back w her for the funeral which she found exhausting bc she's 92, is increasingly confused/obstinate and this causes my mom lots of stress and angst directly and also again about her dad being dead bc thats why my grandmother is coping worse.

and dealing with all of this in person was really tiring and also helping to organize/cook for/personally host Mourning Shabbat Dinner on one day's notice was exhausting, and also i guess i am also one of the people whose grandfather just died and other grandfather died like six months ago but i don't really think there's a ton of space for me to consider if i think that's relevant

and to be honest i was kind of looking forward to this week as one where i could take it easy a little mentally, like, my mom would still text me random distressing mementos of my grandfather's early life, but work should be pretty chill this week & my dad still has a lot of his family & friends around him so might not need me quite as much & i do have to try and manage my not-entirely-voluntary new trainee at work but nothing terrible happens to him if i fuck up it a little; & so i basically did nothing but get home and pass out last night because i figured it would help me feel better & i could spend more time w 🌸 later in the week and get back on track

but instead-- this. which is fine, right, i have slack, i can do the dishes and make some dinners and try to be distracting and helpful and reassuring. but it turns out that if 🌸 is having a hard time and i need to express feelings/want emotional support i talk to my mom. and my attempt to express the concept "well i'm a bit stressed out because i was hoping to be able to recover a bit this week and save my emotional reserves for supporting you and dad, and instead this happened, so now i feel really preemptively exhausted and anxious and a little sad that i am going into month two of it being impossible to have pleasant relaxed interactions with my partner" was so impossible for my mother to process right now at her current level of exhaustion/distress that she literally just fell silent and then changed the subject without ever directly acknowledging it, which is. not typical for her. so she's clearly not available for anything resembling me needing emotional support from her. which is again incredibly understandable.

but, you know, it turns out there are three people on earth i can call if i am having a hard time and they are all having a much more direct hard time and i am mainly having a hard time about how upset they are. so. instead i guess i will say nothing to anyone? and vaguely regret not forming more highly emotionally intimate personal friendships with people? i suppose technically there's two other people where it wouldn't be an insane overstep but one i haven't talked to in 6 months, one lives in australia now, and theyve both always been way more busy and stressed and hard-to-schedule than me and i don't think that will be changing ever

at least i have a blog i guess. writing this is probably good or something. i mean it is but i don't know if this is going to perform the same function, i don't mean to denigrate the benefits i get from having online friends, which are considerable

[gloriaglorheart]

(Lavender Song Kids story) Alya's Diary 1

I wrote this a while back on the eldest daughter of my Glory x Alphy ship! Also, technically small spoilers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many years has it been?

The expectations?

To be who you aren't?

I can't even remember when it started.

I think… ever since I was born?

Dad has always said that I looked like grandma. I have her eyes and hair.

To be honest, I thought I just looked liked dad! That was until I saw the photos of grandma. We both get our looks from her.

She was beautiful…. stunning.

Dad always had nice things to say about her. She was kind and thoughtful, sweet and caring. Always wanted to do the right thing. She supported dad when he became a sorcerer, only wanting him to be happy above everything else.

He looks so sad when talking about her…. he misses her.

It use to make me wonder what he thought about me?

I asked him the question many times, I even asked it to mom.

“… I feel… joy. Like my own mother brought you to us. Now I just want to do for you what she did for me, Alya.”

He would always say it, use to be awkward about it at first.

I use to be honored looking like grandma. I was happy to resemble a beautiful and incredible woman. Dad always made sure I did too!

Mom would always agree with it too. Though a part of me couldn't help but wonder if it's cause she rather I didn't resemble anyone from her side.

I use to feel proud…

My great grandfather…. Schedar….

He made me stop feeling this way.

I keep trying to tell myself that he misses his daughter a lot, which is why he does this to me…

But why does he get upset when I don't act the way he wants me to? Why does he expect me to act like grandma?!

Dad has gotten into many fights with him over it…

They are having one right now…

I can hear the yelling.

“She isn't her! She is her own person!”

“So you're telling me you haven't struggled seeing your mother in her eyes?”

It's always been like this.

Adrian and Twila don't have to suffer with it as much as I do. They take slightly more from mom after all.

I'm kinda glad for that.

I don't want them to hear what Schedar says.

I can't help but try to avoid looking in mirrors now. All I see is her.

She's everywhere.

I don't want to think I'm looking at someone I don't know when I see a mirror!

Mom has always been trying to comfort me through this. Being someone other's rather you not be. How could Schedar do this to both of us?!

Dad is a strong sorcerer, he's always been skilled. Mom is the North Star, she brings hope to everyone. I'm glad they will fight for me… but…

How much longer can they keep this going?

Am I making things worse for them by looking this way?

I'm trying to get mom and dad to agree to let me cut my hair. They have been working on finding someone who can cut my hair the way I want it to be cut. However, I have heard what mom told dad.

“She's getting it cut to go against Schedar… She shouldn't be changing herself all because of someone's view on her…”

….Mom, you don't know how right you are…

I use to love my long hair, I liked it being styled to how grandma would style her hair in the photos…

I use to feel connected to grandma…

Now this feels like the only way to break free from Schedar's views.

Maybe after I cut it, he will stop? He will see me for me?

No…

That's why him and dad are fighting right now.

I am an adult… I should be able to handle this… right?

I feel like the fighting will happen again very soon tho…

Mom says that in the Stellar room… it's one of her tasks to keep track on when the constellations need to pick new sorcerers. So she can go to them and help them with the transition.

Dad won't be happy with what she found out…

Normally I would be happy… but now?

I'm scared the pressure will increase on me….

Mom… dad…?

Will you both still at least love me? Even if I fall to your fates?

[thealmightyemprex]

Sci Fi Month Review 7 : Roger Cormans Fantastic Four

For this review…..We're looking at something special,the unreleased Fantastic Four movie

In this 1994 film Scientist Reed Richards(Alex Hyde-White ) and his companions Sue Storm (Rebecca Staab ),Johnny Storm (Jay Underwood ). and Ben Grimm(Michael Bailey Smith) take a space flight to study a comet,but things go wrong and the four find themselves changed with extraordinary powers and in the clutches of the mysterious figure named Doctor Doom (Joseph Culp )

So Marvel is huge now in mainstream American pop culture ……But that wasnt always the case.I'll just be honest people ,I am hesitant looking at pre Blade/X Men/Spider-Man live action Marvel adaptations cause they can be …Rough .I mean theres some gems ,I will always love The Incredible Hulk TV show starring Bill Bixby and even have a soft spot for the subsequent TV movies based on that show …..But then you have the 1990 Captain America movie ,Nick Fury Agent of SHIELD starring David Hasselhoff and of course,Howard the Duck .One that has always fascinated me is this film because in fandom circles for many years it was infamous for being the Marvel movie so bad ,they never released it (Which isnt the case truth is more complicated and capitalistic ,basically the film was a way to maintain rights ),a film you could only find as bootlegs at conventions,seen as a geeky oddity along the same lines as the Star Wars Holiday Special .Now you can find it on youtube (Which is how I watched it ) ,and having watched it……I think this film is kind of underrated and I am sad it did not get a proper release

So I gotta explain myself :As a kid some of my earliest comic memorie were reading the Stan Lee and Jack Kirby run of Fantastic Four ,and my dad had the complete series of the 90's Fantastic Four cartoon ….So the Fantastic Four have a special place for me .From the pathos of the Things plight ( a man trapped in the body of a monster ),to the sci fi adventure,to the romance of Reed and Susan ,to the grand villainy of Doctor Doom(Heck a slew of great villains),to the feeling of family ,the Fantastic Four appealed to me .....And I am kind of grumpy that Fantastic Four lacks a great adaptation that captures the spirit .Now there is no shortage of Fantastic Four adaptations out there.....But most of them,at least for me,are kind of mid ,specifically the film adaptations have left a lot to be desired .The Tim Story duology has the humor and the four leads relatively right ,but drops the ball in that they dont DO much and completely misrepresent the villains ,and 2015's Fant4stic might be the worst comic book movie I have ever seen .However this film ,while not the definitive film version I crave and not really a great movie .....IS the BEST movie version of the Fantastic Four and a fairly decent super hero film I feel

Now there is a lot I could make fun of ,its very flawed,like keep in mind ....This was produced by Roger Corman ,they didnt have much of a budget ,so the visual effects are a bit cheesy and bad(The CG Human Torch looks like he is straight out of Reboot ) but I dunno I find them charming .The only lack of budget thing that bothered me is the dialogue of Doctor Doom.....In that they didnt either have the money to loop him or think to loop him(HAve him record his lines later ) which is a problem cause Doom is clanking about and is wearing a mask that muffles his speech......So I dont know what the main villain is SAYING sometimes (Credit to Joseph Culp who does project very well so I know 75% of his dialogue but that 25 % is annoying ).My main flaws are the romance elements ,from the creepy Reed falling for Susan who he knew as a child to Ben and ALicia being in love despite meeting ONCE(And even that scene is a bit creepy ).We also have a subplot that frustrates me as the film has two villains ,Doctor Doom of course.....But then you have the Jeweler.Now the Jeweler was supposed to be the Mole Man ,a guy who due to his physical appearence has cast aside society to live underground and was actually the fours first villain.....Till Marvel said "NO you have the rights to this select group of character,not the Mole Man " ,so he was reworked into the Jeweler ....And I think they should have cut him out.Now I like the idea of his subplot ,him falling for Alicia and trying to make her his queen ,inviting Ben who has now become the monstrus thing to joing his group and Ian Trigger actually gives a great performance ,being creepy but also having a sense of sadness (He reminds me of what Tim Burton tried to do with the Penguin in Batman Returns ) ,and while the name is changed,its a good adaptation of the Mole Man .........Pity he adds nothing to the film other then causing the accident that makes the four the four and kidnapping Alicia,things that Doctor Doom couldve easilly done .I mean it folks in the grand scheme of things,the Jewler is pointless,he never fights the Fantastic Four and he just kind of runs off before the third act .I like the performance and the plot idea,but it shouldve been reworked or cut

Thaaaatttt said.....I still like the movie.....BEcause of the Fantastic Four movies.....Its the bonly one to get that Fantastic Four feel to me:A fun lighthearted sci fi adventure and thats what I want from Fantastic Four .The Four feel in character,its accurrate to the source material andits the only one to get Doctor Doom right at ALL(Actually keeping that he is the King of Latveria and hinting at doombots ).Yes the film is low budget but it makes that budget work ,heck the comic accurate sewn spandex costumes for the Four are charming to me because in universe the costumes are made by Susan and they legit look like something she could make herself (An issue I have with a lot of superhero movie costumes ment to be handmade ).Doctor Doom looks like he stepped right out of the comics with the green cloak and tunic combo and metal mask /armor ,I love this look for Doom .The Thing looks pretty good too with an animatronic face that brings to mind the old Jack Kirby design and stunt man Carl Ciafalio gives a good physical performance (THoughI do find it amusing that the Thing is SMALLER then his human persona Ben Grimm,played by Michael Bailey Smith ) .No one in the main cast is bad ,alll these actors are giving it their alll .I have already discussed my soft spot for Ian Trigger as the Jewler, Rebecca Staab is a good Susan ,and Jay Underwood is a suitable Johnny .Michael Bailey Smith is a good Ben Grimm and he also does a decent job voicing the Thing and bringing the appropriate pathos (Though I do wish he had the Things signature Brooklyn accent ).Alex Hyde White might be my favorite Reed Ritchards really selling both the scientist and the leader aspect .Biggest props have to go Joseph Culp,who delivers a great performance despite being in a vfery uncomfortable costume with a mask that muffles his speech,and is able to project well ,make grand gestures (Inspired by real tyrants like Mussolini ) but also make him a fun eloquent villain who still has a sense of humor with a good hero villain dynamic with Reed .Also he is CONSTANTLY evil laughing ,and I dig it

I like this movie ,there is clearly a lot of heart in this movie .....Which makes me sad that the film was mistreated by those at the top.Its not a lost masterpiece ,but it is an highly entertaining B movie that pays tribute to its source material

@ariel-seagull-wings @filmcityworld1 @the-blue-fairie @amalthea9 @goodanswerfoxmonster @themousefromfantasyland @angelixgutz @princesssarisa @theancientvaleofsoulmaking

[golden--doodler]

I SAW ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE.

This is my official warning for extreme spoilers because I want to give my full, uncensored thoughts.

However, before getting into all of that, I wanted to say beforehand that this movie is a part one. It ends in a cliffhanger which caught me completely off-guard, and I just want to tell people who haven't seen it yet that this is only the beginning of this particular story. If anyone wants to watch this movie at home when it comes out on video/streaming and just catch the conclusion in theaters (or at least I hope it's the conclusion) because that would be more satisfying to them, I want them to have that ability, and be aware of this.

Okay, now getting into the actual movie, oh my god it was freaking incredible 🥳. I want this movie's art style more than anything. Somehow they improved upon the magnificent, ground-breaking animation style of the first, and made it even better! Gwen's universe has this super cool, almost painterly art style (which is the best way I can describe it) and everyone moves in such a fluid, distinct way.

And speaking of Gwen, I love how the movie opens with her and briefly shows what her relationship was like with her dad and Peter. It makes it all the more sadder knowing what Peter's inevitable fate is. However, the moment Gwen reveals herself as Spider-Woman to her dad is even sadder because despite everything, he's still afraid of her and everything that's happened, and it's absolutely gut-wrenching. I really want to give the girl a hug.

Not only that, but the fact that they used a joke that wasn't even originally going to be in the first movie (the whole bagel joke was just something made off-the-cuff that ended up making it into the final cut because it made everyone laugh so much) and turned the person that said joke happened to into a genuinely tragic character and menacing supervillain is nothing short of massively impressive. I adore the villain in this movie because of how genuinely terrifying he ends up being after being shown in the beginning to seem like just another sad bank robber. By the way, that entire scene is freaking hilarious. And the way that his entire life was "ruined" by Miles and the reactor, so he in turn wants to ruin Miles' life, is so awful, yet one can definitely understand where he's coming from. I can't wait to see what they do with him in part two, and what that final battle's going to be like.

I love how they reintroduced Peter B. Parker, and they gave him a daughter who is the cutest little girl, oh my gosh. The way he's such a proud, excited dad, showing off photos of her on his phone, is the most wholesome thing ever. And his whole heart-to-heart with Miles was really sweet, too. I can't believe meeting Miles is what caused him to want to actually be a father after originally divorcing MJ because he was too afraid to be one 🥺

Miguel is also an interesting character, and this exchange was fascinating:

Gwen: We're supposed to be the good guys!

Miguel: We are the good guys.

I don't want him to become a villain, exactly, but it's clear he's misguided, and I'm sure he'll continue making rash decisions and hunting down Miles in part two. I think his reasoning for wanting to sacrifice one person to save a ton more gave me Infinity War vibes and I'm wondering what they'll do with him next.

Oh yes, and I loved Pavitr Prabhakar, the Indian Spider-Man variant. He was effortlessly talented and also just a genuinely nice guy. I always love it when effortlessly talented people are also genuinely nice. They could've made him a jerk so easily, but they didn't, and I appreciate that.

I also want to praise this movie for the fact that it gave Miles' mother more to do. I adore her speech to Miles about wanting what's best for him, and that there will be people in the future who don't believe in him like his parents do, so he needs to look out for himself and "that little boy". She's such a fun character and a wonderful mother.

This is usually the spot where I'd put any criticisms, but honestly, the only thing I could really say in that regard is because it's a part one, there is definitely a lot of setup. But all in all, I think it's great even on its own, and it leaves you wanting more.

Okay, okay, and the ending. I can't believe a variant of Miles is the Prowler, and I have no idea what that means for the next movie, but I'm so intrigued to find out. God, they really got me, hook, line, and sinker.

There's a lot more I could say about this movie, and I might make another post to add more thoughts that I forgot to add here, but I cannot emphasize enough or put into enough words how much I love it. If you don't mind cliffhangers, go see it in theaters to support it.

[saucedlx]

i really don't wanna get into sub discourse but there's one thought i have

it feels some people really overestimate how much autonomy young adults might have. even incredibly rich young adults, and especially if it's really their parents who are rich; like there's still a shitload of privilege they have that most people don't, but they're not the ones who decide how that money is used, they're not excempt from the control of the person(s) who actually have the money.

maybe it's not worth my time to be defending someone i don't know, who lived most of their life with more privilege than anyone i've even met. but it gets to me when people act like it's so easy to just cut off someone you rely on, even if it's the right thing to do, even if you are a legal adult, even if you have some sort of escape plan. it just feels kinda uncomfortable when people say "oh he dug his own grave like the rest of them". because the other people involved (incl. the one who actually has control over the money which makes the 19yo count as rich) were certainly the ones who put themselves in that situation and accepted all the risks, and he might've not gotten that chance.

it's not like that's the worst going on out there. a much bigger amount of younger and less privileged people are suffering much worse, more systemic injustices and it makes sense if your empathy goes out to them over the sub teen. i just don't get why you'd need to justify why actually it's okay that this teenager died. or i guess i do get it. if you think of one of the victims as not having had autonomy over their fate, their death having been caused by decisions that weren't their own, it kinda spoils the fun there would otherwise be in "rich people ignore constant warnings of danger and suffer exactly what they were warned about". so for them to have all willingly walked into a death trap, people would have to be free from their families' influence the second they become legal adults, escaping that influence has to be some easy action that someone would be foolish not to do. and i'm uncomfortable with people making that assumption and not questioning it at all.

again, i don't know this person and never will. for all i know they mightve thought their dad's exploitative business was epic and cool and were hyped to someday own it and perpetrate more suffering. maybe they were uncomfortable with it and were scared to speak out. maybe they just kinda found it normal and didn't care much. I don't know, and i never will. and maybe that's enough to lose people's sympathies, but to have your death actively cheered for?

iunno i really don't want this to be like "death to rich people UNLESS I FEEL SAD ABOUT THEM!! / tone policing regular people's feelings about rich people" it's just kinda how i feel about the whole thing. if someone uses their power to propagate suffering then i don't really give a shit what happens to them, but it seems kinda fucked to extend that to someone who's never even held that power themselves? but also it's not like lack of sympathy for rich people is the worst thing going on lately. no matter what happens this isn't really gonna matter that much. just felt kinda weird that people tried to justify it by saying "being pressured by your family isn't a real problem"

[olivieraa]

I have 15 mins to spare so I'll talk about that "fujoshi to asexual pipeline" post. heck, prob won't even get this done in 15 mins. I'll draft it and continue when I get back. but anyway.

the first part of the post implies that its probably majority asexuals and aromantics that write the best smut. I can't even express how I personally find this highly untrue. I went back to fanfic land a few years ago. KaiJou is my ultimate pairing and the craving came outta nowhere, so I started reading fanfics for the first time since 2011. I read hundreds. I wanna make this unbelievably clear. I truly don't believe I'm a picky reader. I believe I have very few things that'll make me opt out of a fic. top 3 are probably:

sad ending. generally one of them dying. I can't do it. I feel physically sick for so long afterwards.

the insanely overused and never done right plot-point of "Joey is being molested by his dad. kaiba saves him". I would've considered myself on board with this one (abuse not molestation bc abuse is canon), but they are always done so pathetically bad. my absolute fave KaiJou fic has Joey's dad being abusive as a prominent plot point and it's done v well.

overuse of Japanese words. bruh. might as well write the whole fic in Japanese. I really don't understand this one. someone will literally have a whole sentence from Yugi to Joey going, "Gomensai, Jounouchi-kun." like........... nah.

I don't think any of the above are unreasonable.

but anyway, most fics were bad. very few were good. I was absolutely shocked at how common the bad fics were.

I came across a fic that was incredibly smutty. some of the best written smut I'd ever come across. I was like "how did you... come up with this??" and I left her a review saying her smut was fantastic and she really appreciated it.

the story however could've used some tweaks. but I put it in my faves nevertheless. just for the smut.

my fave fanfic that I mentioned above actually has zero smut in it. honestly, you're just fucking waiting on them to kiss the whole time.

if both these fics had been combined, I'd be re-reading it constantly.

anyway. most fics are bad. they just fucking are. outside of fics tho? oh boy. women have gotten hornier. there's not a single tag that doesn't show the most predominant thing in every tag are "character x self" mini fic scenarios. they. are. everywhere. and they're raunchy as hell. and I highly doubt they're asexual. otherwise they wouldn't be self-insert, no? I immediately thought "Levi", went into his tag, and under like 3 fanart pics, there were 3 self insert fics.

if this is asexuality......... then what the actual fuck is asexuality.

secondly, I wanna talk about this part:

"you're not aromantic/asexual you've just hyped up the ideas of what sex and love are supposed to be like so much that you've alienated yourself from your body and no longer have interest in the real thing that or you've fetishized something you can't actually ever participate in (sex with fictional characters, celebrities, or between homosexuals of the opposite sex) so much so that real sex is unappealing to you. get HELP..."

sexuality wise, idk what I am. I go with bi cause its just easier to explain but I have been told by a few people that I seem asexual. and I know why it seems that way. it's bc everyone around me finds attraction so easy. a dude will talk about how hot margot robbie is and 5 seconds later how hot that girl that walked by is. and women are able to do that too. from henry cavil to ryan gosling or "that cute guy in the canteen" that'll feature collective nodding. it was about 2 months ago I was at a table with 7 women and they just talked about hot male celebs the whole time. at the end of it all I just said, "wow... you're all so straight" which got a laugh.

like yeah, a group of men and women will list off conventionally attractive celebs and the rest of the group will foam at the mouth once the names are mentioned. I don't. I know who is conventionally attractive but that has never been enough for me. I need to know them. and there needs to be a reason for me to want to know them. I actually like ryan gosling. I liked him in barbie, la la land, crazy stupid love or wtv its called, blade runner, etc. and I've seen interviews with him, plenty actually. I think he's an appealing guy. but I feel nothing.

whereas what happened to me one day was that I came across a watchmojo youtube vid and it was "top 10 bill hader performances". my knowledge of bill hader was v little. but I didn't... really like him. I'd remembered when trainwreck came out in 2015 and I saw an interview with him and he seemed rude to me. but the reason watchmojo had posted this video at that time was bc bill was getting rave reviews for his performance in IT, which I hadn't seen yet but was planning to. so casually I was like "fuck it, let's see if IT is number 1 cause I don't even really know what he's in."

to my surprise, and I remember it so clearly, the watchmojo lady said there was a pretty obvious number one spot, and it wasn't IT. in fact, IT was third. so yeah I watched it through to the end and discovered number 1 was from a show called Barry.

I went to see IT. he was brilliant. the best part of the movie.

and let's just say, as someone who absolutely craves originality, and I hadn't watched anime in a couple of years, I ended up watching Barry, my first non-anime in about 10 years.

I fell in love. with the show, and Bill. I thought his acting was absolutely phenomenal. and s2 came out, and it was even better. and he won best actor for both seasons at the emmys. and I was basically obsessed. and I watched every interview with him and he was so funny, so sweet, he had feminist views, he just continously impressed me with every interview. his talent was what made me the most attracted to him originally, but it grew from there.

and so when people hear that the hottest guy in the world to me is Bill Hader, there's a collective

nobody really gets it. like yeah, I would've looked at Bill originally and went "he's definitely not conventionally attractive", but his talent, and then how sweet and funny he was, it what unlocked what he truly looked like for me. and I just couldn't express it to anyone else properly.

I know women are likely to understand me more than men for sure (like jack black has a HUGE female fanbase, whereas you won't get men who have melissa mc carthy high on their list), but women don't get me fully. I've been quite alone with this mindset for a very long time. never knowing how to feel attraction.

one thing I do see irl tho is for men to be with women so out of their league, its clear personality did come first. one of my female friends got with a dude a few years ago that she felt no attraction for whatsoever. but he "saved" her from her abusive household. she lost her virginity to him that same week and they were then bf and gf. she told me "she couldn't believe she couldn't see how handsome he was before". ...girl... trust me, only you are thinking that. you never have to worry about someone tryna steal him, let's just say that. (not that he's ugly, but he's painfully average and she'd be considered a model).

but yeah, me not feeling attraction in any form is like, I also really don't want to have sex with anyone. and men prove how disappointing they are every single day, there's endless proof of that. and with women... its complicated. anytime I go to a gay bar I get hit on my straight men. lesbians don't even glance at me. and then I once went to a strictly lesbian bar and my tall male friend was hit on.

I don't have much luck with women. and I'm not dominant enough to go for it. but I also don't feel attraction to anyone by looks alone.

it's just complicated. and so I choose to be single bc it of how not bothered I am with finding someone. its way too time consuming and it's not a high priority of mine.

so to go back to that post: "you're not aromantic/asexual you've just hyped up the ideas of what sex and love are supposed to be like so much that you've alienated yourself from your body and no longer have interest in the real thing". like... I'm sorry but, all I see constantly are women engaging in sex their man made them be into. choking is talked about so commonly and casually, and I know who started it, who made it as big as it was, but women are convinced men do it for them. oh no no... I've seen it. I've seen how men talk about it. it's honestly been one of the biggest manipulation tactics I've ever seen and women just fell for it. so... damn easily.

kinda like women who aren't gamers but have gamer bf's and its been normalised that playing a video game for 3-4 hours a day isn't that much. when it fucking is. these men don't have "time" to shower. actually, it reminds me of this vid I saw:

Let's just say, the comment section full of women felt called out.

So... no. I really don't feel like I'm missing out when the average man is an unwashed gamer dude who think he's deserves to be fucking a model for a total of 3 mins until he, and just he, has an orgasm.

What am I supposed to feel attracted to? Talent and intelligence are my first indicators of feeling attraction, and yet... I don't... see it... anywhere. Am I lacking in feeling attraction or are my standards just above the ground and not in hell like every other woman's seems to be? IDFK.

So yeah, maybe I've "hyped up the idea of what sex and love are supposed to be" in my own way bc I don't... want the above. I don't find that at all appealing. that looks depressing af to me. I don't get it. and I don't want it.

omg to even bring it back to Bill Hader for a sec. he was dating Rachel Bilson for like a year and then split up. but this story went around:

so my man out there makes women cum. that upped his attractiveness to me even more. like it took being with HIM for her to come in her mid-30's. he's either skilled or went out of his way to please her. EITHER WAY, hot.

am I WRONG for wanting this kinda man??? (if even a man, I'd prefer to be w a woman but still).

but yes, to go back to the post again: "you've fetishized something you can't actually ever participate in (sex with fictional characters, celebrities, or between homosexuals of the opposite sex) so much so that real sex is unappealing to you"

I do get this. celeb wise, I couldn't give a fuck about celebs. I don't even go to concerts cause I don't care enough. my attraction to Bill isn't bc he's a celeb. but yes, there's a definite problem on here with women writing self-insert fics of them fucking harry sytles, or timothee chalamet, or the supernatural lads. whoever the in-thing is.

...and then yes, obviously the same with fictional characters.

there's no problem finding them hot. they have flawless faces and bodies and appealing voices. everyone finds one or ten fictional characters hot.

but yeah......... the self-insert with them, idk if that's even worse than with celebs.

like, the post is half right and half wrong. real men aren't appealing, but these women will literally claim they're asexual and write the smuttiest fic of them getting banged by pedro pascal.

you're not asexual. at this point is asexuality even real? I have not ever seen proof. honestly.

anyway, I didn't explain that well at all but wtv.

[sweetmusingss]

I smile softly when hearing you recall the memory of the first time that you babysat him. “That was definitely an eventful night. It was the first time I really saw how much he bonded with you and felt comfortable with you. And I came back to your apartment crying and kissed you before basically running away from you. And you somehow still decided to fall in love with me,” I laugh, my cheeks pink as I remembered how embarrassed I was that night. “I could never let someone back in my life who treated me like that. Noah deserves to have a father who has adored him since the moment he met him. It breaks my heart that I will one day have to tell Noah that his birth father never wanted to meet him. It honestly makes me so angry because Noah is the most precious thing in the world to me. How could anyone not want anything to do with their own child?,” I shake my head a bit, also angry on behalf of the fact that you had a father who basically did the same thing to you. “It doesn’t matter now. He has you and I know you will always have his best interests at heart, too. You’re so good to me but even more importantly, you are good to him. I never thought I would be able to trust another man again but you fit into our lives perfectly and I know you’ll always take care of us,” I say, running my fingers through your hair.

“That was an eventful night... If anything, it showed that you were passionate.” He winks at you, not liking to linger on the ‘bad’ times in your relationship. That first night was a lot, especially considering your work-relationship where he was constantly irritated by you and your peppiness, but it all led to where you are now and he wouldn’t take back any of it, the good or the bad. “I can relate to Noah, though. My dad walked out on me and my mom when I was just a baby, he had a different family somewhere else that he liked more. Noah will grow up with an amazing mother, though, and that’s all you need. I just had my mom and I turned out pretty incredible, don’t you think?” He wiggles his brows playfully, nodding at your words. “I’m never going anywhere. Even in the unforeseeable circumstance that we don’t work out, I’d never abandon Noah. I signed that piece of paper and I’m sticking to it. He’s my son, no matter what.”

__

Frank was feeling pretty out of it as the show started, in his own head throughout the first song when he saw that you were not there. It sucked seeing his bandmates’ girlfriends there but not you. Not that you were his girlfriend… but he knew she could care less about him performing. However, you were always there and he was more eager to perform whenever he knew that you were there watching him. He was your biggest fan and he felt like you were his biggest fan, too. He wasn’t performing as passionately as usual but as they started their second song and he saw you, his whole demeanor changed. His face softened and he winked at you before letting loose and moving around onstage more. He was only getting more and more revved up as the show continued, loving to hear you cheering for him after each and every song. He glanced at you every so often throughout the whole show, almost to check if you were still there and feeling overjoyed to see that you were. When the show finally ended, he practically ran into your arms, throwing his arms around you and hugging you so tight, your feet came off the floor. “You came. I am so happy that you came. I thought you weren’t here and I was so sad,” he said before finally setting you back down on your feet gently. “What did you think?,” he asks, smiling when seeing that you were wearing his flannel. “Oh, that’s where that went,” he says, holding onto the flannel for a moment before letting go. “That was going to be part of my outfit tonight but instead I went with this,” he says, gesturing to what he was wearing.

The show was one of the best yet, the crowd being so into it which just caused the band to perform even harder and better. My voice felt raw after screaming along to every song, but I didn’t care, they were my favorite band and I was honoured that I got to watch them perform day after day. I smile as Frank makes a beeline for me as soon as his guitar was taken from him, used to this intensity now, wrapping my arms around his neck and giggling as he picked me up easily; he was small but he was pretty strong. I wrap my legs around his waist as he hugs me, not caring that he was sweaty, unable to stop myself from nuzzling my nose against his neck before he was putting me down, keeping my arms around his neck and smiling up at him. “Of course I came! I was just a little late, sorry, babe.” The pet name just slipped out so naturally to me nowadays. I bite my lip as he grips the fabric of his shirt, it almost feeling like he was about to pull me in against him but he didn’t, letting out a soft sigh as he lets go. “You look good! This is my flannel, you left it on my bus so therefore it belongs to me now.” I reach up and poke his nose, noticing that he was staring at me more intensely than he usually did. “You were so good out there! I couldn’t take my eyes off of you!” 

[igetdepressedandilearnthings]

Yesterday I told my boss I didn't think I would be able to help the department next semester because my dad's situation has gotten worse and I kinda need to be present here in case anything happens. He wished me and my family peace. It was a rather quick conversation actually. I wouldn't usually think twice about talking with someone for two minutes. But this was the first time I actually acknowledged what seem to be the present facts. That my dad might die soon.

Cancer is such an unforgiving disease. I knew that. Even when everything seems to be going well, things can take a turn for the worse incredibly quickly. I also knew that. You should not give yourself false hopes. But I wanted to enjoy this time and that time too. I wanted to have some moments still with my dad and feel like everything is fine. They tell you that the best thing you can do is just take it one day at a time and try to make the most of whatever time you get. That's a lie.

We are all going to die, but we never think it's gonna be soon. Even if you try to live like every moment should be cherished because "you never know which one could be the last", it's very different when you actually know you are close to that last moment. It's hard to enjoy the time you get when you wish you would get a million years more. Or just a few. Or maybe more than a few. Whatever, just more than what you will get, even if you don't actually know yet for certain how much it will be. 'Cause you can already tell for certain it's not gonna be enough. That you might not be able to say all the things you wanted to say. That you are not who you wish you were.

I wanted my dad to see me go abroad and thrive. I never wanted to choose between being there for his last years and postponing my life plans or going ahead but leaving my family alone. I wanted to see if my relationship with him could be different, maybe better, if I went away and spoke with him over the phone every day instead of always living with him. I wanted him to believe in my future. But I'm not sure if he does or if he ever did. I wanted him to see me actually do all that instead of just hearing me talk about it. I didn't even talk that much about it for goodness sake. I never did actually figure out how to speak more with him at all. And now it feels like it really is too late.

I had to admit yesterday that my dad might die soon and I'm still so sad about it. I don't really have anyone to speak to about any of this. My mom is a bigger mess than I am. My sister is still stuck between growing up and not wanting to deal with any responsibility, my dad's situation included. I wouldn't want to be a burden to either of them anyway. I don't have any friends close enough to actually tell them all of this.

And my dad, not only is he the one that's sick but because the fucking thing also went to his head sometimes it's really hard to know if he's still here completely. I just want him to know how much I love him, that I'm gonna miss him forever so so much and that I wish more than anything that he would just try to be as happy as he can before his time comes. That I will be fine, not because I will be fine really, but because of everything he has taught me and the amazing example he set for me.

I wish he knew already. Maybe he does. Or maybe it's not too late to still tell him. But I also dread that. Because yesterday it was only my boss that I had to admit it to. I don't think I'm ready to admit it to my dad yet, and I'm afraid I might never be.

[one-abuse-survivor]

hey there ! anon with the abusive sister here. hope you're doing okay ! (if i've already sent in an ask pls ignore the last one—my memory is super bad rn and i cant really remember if i did or not-)

thank you so much for your kind words !! september went really well and she didn't show up ! i was a bit stressed, and did spend the first two days feeling incredibly sick from stomach cramps. on the bright side, i invited my friend down and spoke to her and her mum about the trauma and they both said that it sounds like i have ptsd (i trust them both on their opinions because my friend has ptsd from something in her childhood that affected her really badly, so she has first-hand experience about living with ptsd). they both suggested that i go to therapy, which i think my parents are warming up to, but we're all concerned about social services getting involved. we've had negative experiences with social services before, and we dont want them making a fuss of things. we're also worried that i might not be believed or that it will get downplayed as 'sibling rivalry.' although, sometimes my parents backtrack and downplay it themselves and say that it 'wasnt that bad' which really, really hurts. i've given up trying to explain how her abuse affected me and i dont really talk about it with my parents anymore, since my mum always brings up something from her childhood which was worse. sometimes i start to wonder if im making it all up for attention, and that my hatred towards her is distorting things...then i remember my lack of memories, a particular event when i was around 12/13 that terrified me, and a mental breakdown i had in the school locker room, in the middle of the day, because of the gaslighting text messages she sent me.

my sister's been causing trouble recently because it was my birthday in early december (the only birthday i can remember was last year's and the year before—i cut her off three months before that first birthday i can remember) and then it was christmas, so she wanted presents. she also changed her name to her birth father's name (we have separate dads, thank god) which upset my mum quite a lot. it didnt help that my mum's side of the family spent christmas together and never invited us down, which sucked and made us realise that, to them, my parents and i aren't very important to my toxic family members. i got over that pretty quickly, though.

i do have a question: how do i comfort myself when im triggered/feeling sad or overwhelmed from the abuse? my dog and rabbit died within three months of each other, and they were my main sources of comfort whenever things got too much or mental illness was too bad. now that they're gone, though, im finding myself feeling quite disconnected from reality—especially now that my rabbit is gone. everything seems more overwhelming then it did before. im not sleeping well, or im sleeping too much (either way im still exhausted when i get up) and i seem to be getting triggered more and more by physical touch and sounds.

thank you so much in advance !! have a nice day :D

Hi again! ❤️

I'm really glad your sister didn't show up during September after all, and really glad you had people around you who were understanding about your trauma.

I'm sorry your parents haven't been as supportive as they should be, though. It's awful that they try to downplay your abuse and tell you they went through worse. If your mum had experiences she considers "worse" than yours, then she should go to therapy herself so she can talk about them, and not use them to downplay your own experiences. Trauma isn't a competition, and what matters isn't who had it "worse". What matters is what each individual person needs so they can be safe and eventually heal and/or learn to live with their trauma. I'm glad you have proof of your sister's abuse that you can resort to when doubt starts creeping in. But just in case you need to hear it: no, you are not making anything up for attention. Your sister abused you.

Ugh, it sucks that she caused trouble again during Christmas and your birthday. It's great that you got over all of it quickly, but you shouldn't have to put up with her or any toxic family member's crap.

Also, I'm really sorry for your loss :( It's always hard to lose a pet, but I can't imagine how devastating it must be when they were your main source of comfort when triggered.

Here is a list of healthy coping skills you can check out. Since your pets used to help you, maybe you can try soothing yourself through touch, like using stuffed toys, blankets or soft clothes. They might have the same effect as holding your pets close did. Smells can also be very helpful; have you got any blankets that smell like them? Are there any other smells in general that you like and that you can carry around with you?

Something that can also help is to make an easily accessible list of things that soothe you as you find them. You can make it (and update it) when you're feeling fine, and that way, you'll be able to look at it when you get triggered and you won't have to come up with ways to soothe yourself when you're already in that state of emotional distress.

Alongside the list, you can even have an emergency box filled with things that bring you comfort, like soft toys, fidget toys, things that smell nice, or anything else you can think of that might distract you or make you feel better. When I made mine, I filled it with sticker sheets because stickers soothe me, and also with lists of all my comfort shows, movies and videogames.

Other than that, have you considered adopting another pet? It' might not be a possibility, but if it is, I think it could really help, since you already know that being near animals when you're triggered helps you calm down.

Hope some of this helps, and hope you're doing well. Sending a big virtual hug ❤

[ghostboyjules]

@queerofthedagger Hiii 💕✨ finally back with the promised shared rambling abt the National 😅 this is my second attempt, because after formatting the first one exactly how I wanted it, tumblr decided to eat the post and not even save a draft.. or anything. almost made me cry. just a little bit. ajcjsjfjg I'm gonna put the bulk of the ramble under a break because it's going to be very dumb and messy because I'm very Sleepy and my brain just. started throwing word spaghetti.

(before that tho I did wanna say; when I said "albums/songs" and "favorite" in the same sentence, I knew you were gonna do the incredibly reasonable and sexy bi brain energy move and choose multiple.. 😏 fell into my trap of getting you to talk about multiple things hehehehe 😌💕✨)

If I'm not mistaken (which I very well could be) I think I started listening to them in 2017 - which when I went to look at their albums, really tripped me up cause iaetf came out in 2019 apparently???!!!?? it feels like it's been. so much longer than that.., what.. but then when I thought about it a little more I do remember the day it dropped, listening to it for the first time and accidentally crying at work 💀💀 (me: -headphones in and quietly weeping while trying to take pictures of a part that goes into a helicopter engine- my coworker: bro are you good??)

Also, basically SINCE 2017 I've been referring to them as my "Sad Dad" music, because what I didn't have words for then, I do now. and what it really is, is that the Gender I feel while listening to this band is so.. specific. and the only way I can describe it is Sad Dad. like, it's a nice gender feeling for me IDK WHAT IT MEANS AJDJSKFK I had to explain cause like, I'm not calling THEM sad dads.. I'm calling ME the sad dad in a very gender queer way because apparently that's just how my brain works sometimes. on that note, lemme stop speaking gibberish and get into the music, beginning with the albums

Trouble Will Find Me (NO SKIPS. NOOO SKIPS NO SKIPS... god this album... THIS ALBUM....)

Sleep Well Beast (I think this was actually the first album I fully listened to of theirs.. changed my whole goddamn life - unironically.)

okay I'm choosing High Violet for this one but it was SO CLOSE to being I Am Easy to Find. it's just that for *me* High Violet is more of a 'no skips' album, whereas with iaetf, there's like 4 songs (or more) that are. just. so so incredibly impactful to me but then others that I'm just kinda 'meh' about. (but meh in the way that I still absolutely love them, I just don't listen to them as much as I do the specific 4)

I think I'm gonna have to combine my "fave" song section with the lyrics, because they're just so... they go together in my brain.. AND this is gonna go in no particular order because I literally could NOT rank them if I tried, it's so goddamn hard 😭 this selection is. probably gonna tell you a whole lot more about me than anyone ever wanted to know but HAHA

Pink Rabbits

It wasn't like a rain, it was more like a sea / I didn't ask for this pain, it just came over me

what am I supposed to do with this Matt Berninger? huh? and then skip a few to closer to the end and you get:

You didn't see me, I was falling apart / I was a white girl in a crowd of white girls in the park / You didn't see me, I was falling apart / I was a television version of a person with a broken heart

at first listen this part kinda made me laugh a lil bit. but then I kept listening. and got older. and then really thought about what he means here. and THEN it started fuckin me up. sleeper cell of a song. I stg.

Oblivions

It's the way that you're gonna stop needing to tell me / You want me as much as I want you to tell me / I'm over the threshold / Everything is gonna be totally okay into oblivion

and then the way they sing this next part makes me LOSE IT, it's so so beautiful and moving and has soooo much feeling in it..

It's like a tide in the city lifts me and carries me around / And oh, my mind is made up out of nothing now / If nothing scares you about me and you, never put me down / Oh, my mind is made up out of nothing now

this will probably be one of my forever favorite songs. it makes me so goddamn emotional. I couldn't listen to this song without crying at one point. and now it only happens if I think too hard :') it's just. SO. BEAUTIFUL..

Hey Rosey

I will love you like there's razors in it / And she'll love you like a radiant flame / There's never really any safety in it / Please do it again

this whole song... just. this whole song... my god.

Demons

Can I stay here? I can sleep on the floor / Paint the blood and hang the palms on the door / I do not think I'm going places anymore / I wanna see the sun come up above New York

this whole bridge. just the whole bridge. the bit at the end? when I walk into a room I do not light it up? I *wept* when I heard this song. WEPT.

Don't Swallow the Cap

I'm not alone / I'll never be /And to the bone / I'm evergreen / And if you want / To see me cry / Play "Let It Be" / Or "Nevermind"

and also the part you posted, careful fear and dead devotion... I remember being fuckin STUNNED when I heard that lyric for the first time...

This Is the Last Time

You're the only thing I want / And I said I wouldn't cry about it

😐. this one fucks me up. and the outro?? fuck dude. get me outta here.

Graceless

I am not my rosy self / Left my roses on my shelf / Take the white ones, they're my favorite / It's the side effects that save us /Grace / Put the flowers you find in a vase / If you're dead in the mind, it'll brighten the place / Don't let them die on the vine, it's a waste

there's so many things I could talk about with this song but jfc.. just... whew

Slipped

I don't need any help to be breakable, believe me / I know nobody else who can laugh along to any kind of joke / I won't need any help to be lonely when you leave me / It'll be easy to cover, gather my skeletons far inside / It'll be summer in Dallas before I realize

this song breaks me. still breaks me. will always break me. just like that fuckin line says, I don't need any help to be breakable, believe me. 🙄 sjdjskf FUCK. and the way he delivers the 3rd verse. ruinous. why does this song hurt so goddamn much jfc. but it's so so good.

Lemonworld

I'm too tired to drive anywhere / Anyway right now, do you care if I stay? / You can put on your bathing suits / And I'll try to find somethin' on this thing that means nothin' enough

this is the part that's always stuck with me, but the chorus loves to get stuck in my head too.. makes me wanna lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling

okay, that's all for now.. literally took out like 3 songs because I just.. couldn't get my brain to work any more 😅 but we can always talk abt the ones we didn't get to later 🥰

anyway, thank you so much for answering the original ask, I was so excited to see your answers and I love love love seeing someone else talk about a shared interest, it makes me so incredibly happy, and I hope my answers can bring you as much joy as yours gave me <3 ttyl Mona 🥰✨

Hiii Mona <3 I couldn't help but notice that we were both losing our minds abt the new National song, and because I always need ppl to talk to abt them, I simply *must* ask. do you have a favorite album/song of theirs?? 👀 maybe even favorite lyrics? 👀👀

Jules!! <3 Oh this is such a pandora's box question because the National is just one of my favourite bands... 😭😄

God so albums is already so hard but with it all being very close it's

1. Trouble Will Find Me 2. Boxer 3. I Am Easy to Find

and for songs.... oof. i am bisexual why would you make me choose anything ever 😭😭

Don't Swallow the Cap

Graceless

Weird Goodbyes

Slow Show

Rylan

About Today

Mr Novemeber

Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks

Mistaken for Strangers

Light Years

and i could go on but. i. yeah. top 10 it gonna be 😭😂 and if i got into lyrics we'd be here forever but generally speaking I just really love the way they understate things and then make those punch your teeth out, like in Weird Goodbyes the

your coat's in my car, I guess you forgot / it's crazy the things we let go

or like, in Tropic Morning News (which honestly would deserve a place on that list... anyway) the

oh, what happened to the wavelength we were on? / oh, where's the gravity gone?

AND in Don't Swallow the Cap the !!!!

I have only two emotions / careful fear and dead devotion / I can't get the balance right / with all my marbles in the fight

ALSO because I can't NOT mention it the fucking line in Graceless that makes me want to eat glass namely

There's a science to walking through windows without you // plus // God loves everyone / don't remind me

Like ugh there's so many more this feels blasphemous but!! also please please please tell me all of yours I want to hear them ALL they just make me INSANE (and thank you so much for making me ramble about them I'm really terribly normal about them😭❤️)

[your-mom-friend]

Ranking Avatars on a Completely Arbitrary Scale Part 2: Apocalypse Boogaloo

Arson Montague: 11/10. What an icon. She is the moment. I want a full series surrounding her life. She had a Coffee Shop AU with Jack Barnabas and immediately stopped being evil and died. Poor girl. I can't help but find the circumstances of her existence so funny though. Her mom killed her dad while she's been pregnant. The cult didn't even want this to happen since she wasn't "conceived in the flame". According to the wiki they relented since "no one knew how that would even work". They threw away the childcare book because it didn't fit the aesthetic. She still turned out pretty okay. We love to see it.

Annabelle Cain: 8/10. We don't even know anything concrete about her childhood because she might not have told the truth. Go queen give us nothing! Yeah she terrified people at the arachnophobia study but she also used her powers to help Jarchivist and Co. so like? good for her? Confirmed Eldritch Horror.

Nikola Orsinov: 3/10 *in the tune* fuck this shit i'm out! fuck this shit i'm out! No but fr she gave me legit creeps and the forced skincare routine while hilarious to think about just makes me itch all over. Not a fan. Sorry bestie. Do have to give her points for being a whole Demon Mannequin and still being freaked out by The Coffin, as well as for being sassy with Elias. Points deducted for killing Danny

Nathaniel Thorp: 9/10 this man was requested and I had to look him up because i lowkey forgot but when I saw the start I remembered INSTANTLY I love him. He cheated death!! in a game!! what a madlad. Cut off his finger to prove a point lmao. Sad that he was a coward in the beginning but ah aren't we all? He died and then undied and then got better but couldn't eat or drink. What a character. @4bsent-damascus I hope you know you have excellent taste.

Melanie Queen: 8/10. Queen of owning her opinion. Not gonna call her a girlboss or whatever (she is but not for the eye thing) but if there's one thing she's unparalleled at it's owning her opinions. I feel for her! I really do. If I had a ghost bullet in my leg that decayed my morals enough to let me get all the pent-up anger out I would also not want it out. She was horrible to Jon for most of her run, but I also get it? Also, like fucking hell dude she had to mutilate her eyes to get her life back!!

Daisy Tonner: 8/10. She's a good person!! I love her. Points off for being a cop though. But she owned up to the harm she caused! And after disconnecting from The Hunt she worked VERY hard to make sure she wouldn't hurt people again and still allowed it to overtake her so she could protect her friends! Excellent character and she has incredible depth and complexity

Hezekiah WAKEly: 10.5/10 just wanted to lay in the dirt and get some sleep. What a mood. He didn't even really do anything! Yeah he was a little enthusiastic about the grave digging but I feel like that's understandable. If my only good sleep came after I dug graves I too would want to dig more graves. half a point off for murdering his friend though :/ I would've docked a whole point but his friend was a snitch and told the church which is pretty lame. Also it's so funny that the guy that wanted to sleep so bad had the last name Wakely

Maxwell Reimer: 5/10. His last incarnation kidnapped a kid which is a very bad thing to do, so don't. He is kind of a mid character to me honestly. Points for being a body hopper like my man JMag but eh. No real feeling about him sorry lads.

Tova McHugh: 5/10. Diversity Win! The person stealing your life force is a Demigirl! [This is from checking the wiki, where it's noted that Tova is referred to with both she and they pronouns.] This is more from personal dislike of the whole "I can do more so my life is worth more" philosophy they've got going on. Kind fucked up bestie. Was going to be a 4 but I kind of appreciate how much she's working for the philanthropy? In the sense of "I've taken their lives so I need to make it worth it so it wasn't in vain" which is has complicated feelings but I think it's good.

Micheal Crew: 6/10. Overall good character actually. He had some bad luck with the lightning strike and only went after the Lietners to get rid of the thing that was tormenting him. Devoted himself to The Vast and only then was a little insane. Don't think he even actually killed anyone? Just scares the shit out of them. Cool guy.

Julia Montauk: 7/10. Really cool to me actually. Feral, which we love to see. She's got such a fun dynamic with Trevor. She wasn't even like, a bad person at first. Just trying to live her life and then some pool of nightmare ink made heer feral and she's been living that monster hunting life ever since. Points off for keeping Gerry imprisoned and trying to kill Jon. Though I do wonder how she and Trevor managed to get into the UK at all considering they couldn't before

Trevor Herbert: 8.5/10. What a madlad. Showed up in season 1 like "what's up I'm Herb I'm homeless and I may have killed a man". Just wholesale unhinged. He also battled lung cancer. and addiction. and he won!! Incredible. Love his dynamic with Julia and I would've given him a 7 but I forgot about the addiction and lung cancer thing till I looked it up and I think that deserves an extra point that shit is hard.

This is part 2 of this post

Tag list: @pipis-pods @alas-shes-mad @4bsent-damascus @crabussy @u-suck-im-sick

Lmk who else you want to see and I'll add them in the next part (there's so many avatars it's insane there's like 80)

[cassyapper]

anyway so my fanmade avdol backstory

i think avdol comes from a standuser family like the joestars essentially. like you know how stands are implied to be inheritable? it's like that for avdol's family particularly on avdol's father's side. as such avdol's father kinda expects his kids to jsut have stands. but until they do he doesnt pay attention to them. he's like kakyoin in that he thinks nonstandusers are beneath him. i dont think he's necessarily a cruel man but he def has issues with seeing how he fits with everyone else. he doesnt try to bond with anyone unless they prove theyre worth his attention first via having a stand (im still toying with whether i think avdol's mom has a stand outright but she can at least see stands)

anyway so avdol is born. then his sister is born

since avdol's dad is distant with them, avdol's grandma (on dad's side) essentially takes the role of the second parent. avdol loves her so much (as does his sister)

avdol unlocks magician's red when he got angry about something. probably his dad being gone again and avdol is pissed about it and when his grandma tries to calm him down he refuses and it explodes out of him via magician's red. i think the lines on his cheeks are burn scars cause he was crying while it was happening (first from anger then from fear) and the water boiled and burned into his skin cause of the flames. avdol's grandma soothes him and helps calm him down and shows him her stand. he's not evil, he jsut doesnt know how to use it. avdol still wonders if maybe he's an exception on the evilness thing (which is why he's so sympathetic re jotaro)

anyway

so avdol now has a stand and his dad takes great interest in him, esp cause it's so powerful. this makes his sister incredibly sad and jealous cause it used to be her and avdol against the world esp against their dad, and now he's abandoned her too. she eventually deflates and mourns and avdol feels bad but also his dad is rubbing off on him and he tells his sister "it's not your fault you just aren't as equal to him as me" and this ruins her. it makes her sotp trying.  this is lethal cause then when her stand does try to seep in, her mind rejects it because she think it's not possible. thus she starts dying from stand sickness. avdol is frantic and goes on a journey of his own to try and find someone, anyone that could help her, cause his dad doesnt care enough to find someone (he's not uncaring that she's sick but he's like "she'll get better if she earns it" cause again, he has issues). btw that blatant disregard for her is what makes avdol question his dad's teachings

anyway so he gors on an adventure which is how he meets all the standusers he later knows in sdc. they can't really help him cause they dont care about saving a "weak little girl" but they like avdol and respect him and they refer him to the next stnaudser guy. this is shady business though and eventually leads to meeting enyaba in india. enyaba takes note of his potential and says "sure i'll help you look for a cure..."

while they search together, she names avdol's stand magician's fury. anyway so while theyre in india and searching around for something avdol doesnt even know exists, he meets and makes friends with nonstandusers. enyaba doesnt like this and eventually kills some of them to use as puppets for the dirty work. avdol doesnt find out about that right away he just knows suddenly some of his friends disappeared. his remaining friends tell him that enyaba is fucked but avdol is like nooo she can't be she said she was gonna help me cure my sister and they kinda look at each other like mohammed...

well. it turns out enyaba was not helping avdol but in fact was using him to help HER find a stand arrow. when they find it she's like hah! awesome. okay go home now and avodl is like wait what. she’s like oh come on you can’t have honestly expected me to be searching for a way to cure weakness right? so they have a fight and avdol almost dies. his friends save him though. they get him back to india and treat his wounds and avdol shows up just in time to be by his sister's bedside when she passes from stand sickness. avdol tried telling her it doesnt matter if she has a stand she's not lesser after all, standusers can be cruel and grimy and wormy just like anyone else, and that nonstandusers can be brave and heroic and kind, and it doesnt matter, it doesnt, it doesn't, but it's too late and she dies cause se had been listening to avdol’s dad’s rhetoric the whole time she was sick and it just. it was too little too late.

avdol never really recovers after that and it's part of why he puts on that polite, well-composed mask. he never wants to be presumptuous again, never wants to be the reason someone feels that way again, so he always hears people out and he always gives more chances than he maybe should

anyway his grandma renames his stand "magician's red" btw after the funeral when she sees avdol’s stand again (it used to be orange but it changed to red after his sister died cause red was her favorite color). she tells avdol now she’ll always be a part of his soul and he can fight with her strength still and avdol cries and cries and cries and she helps him. yeah

anyway that’s my avdol backstory