#and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)
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words you couldn't hear — satoru gojo
satoru's been hopelessly in love with you for years, but can only confess when you can't hear him. but someday—maybe someday soon—he'll tell you for real.
"How do these look?" you ask, slipping on a pair of noise-canceling headphones and striking a pose. "Be honest."
Satoru, who's been trailing behind you in the electronics store for the past hour without complaining like the best friend he's always been, looks up from the speaker he's been fiddling with. "You look good in anything."
"No, for real." You turn to check your reflection in a nearby screen. "Do they make my head look bigger? I feel like they make my head look bigger."
He snorts, reaching over to adjust the headband. His fingers brush against your temple, and you try not to think about how many times those same hands have absentmindedly played with your hair during movie nights, or how he still unconsciously reaches for you whenever he laughs too hard, just like he did when you were kids.
"That's what you're concerned about? The size of your head?"
"It's a valid concern."
"Your head is perfectly normal-sized," he assures you, his fingers lingering perhaps a moment too long as he fixes the fit. "Though I suppose all that overthinking has to go somewhere—"
You shoot him a look, but there's no heat behind it. Fifteen years of friendship has made you immune to his teasing — well, mostly immune.
You're not quite immune to the way your pulse quickens when he's standing this close, or how he still smells like that same cologne he's worn since high school, the one you helped him pick out for his first date with someone else while ignoring the weird ache in your chest.
"I really need good ones for studying," you say, checking the price tag. "My roommate talks way too much."
Satoru winces at the price. "Expensive. But they're supposedly the best."
"Worth every penny if they can block out her ramblings." You adjust the fit, immediately noticing how they muffle the noise of the shop. "Oh wow, these are actually incredible. Say something so I can test them properly."
"What should I say?"
You arch an eyebrow at him. "Anything. Just need to check if they work."
His expression shifts then, melting into something tender as his lips move. Even though you can't hear the words, something about the gentle way he's looking at you makes your heart flutter strangely in your chest.
"These are perfect!" you say, pulling them off, trying to ignore the way your pulse has picked up. "I couldn't hear you at all. What did you say?"
Satoru leans against the display counter, chin propped in his hand as he watches you fiddle with the headphone cord, a fond smile playing at his lips. "Nothing really," he murmurs, but there's something soft in his expression, something unguarded that makes your heart skip.
You pause, catching the way he's looking at you — like you're something precious, something more than just his best friend of fifteen years. "Satoru?" you say softly.
He seems to catch himself then, straightening abruptly as a flush creeps up his neck. "Ah, yes. Should we, uh." His voice comes out slightly strangled. "Should we get these paid for? Before they close?"
"The store closes in two hours."
"Better safe than sorry." He's already heading for the checkout, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.
What you don't know — what you couldn't hear through those noise-canceling headphones — were three words he's been trying to say for years. Three words that slipped out so easily when he knew you couldn't hear them, when the safety of silence gave him the courage he's never had before.
"I love you."
Simple. Honest. Everything he's wanted to tell you since he was seventeen and realized his best friend was the love of his life. Everything he's been too afraid to say, too afraid to risk losing you.
But for now, those words remain caught in the space between silence and sound, in the safety of a moment you couldn't hear. Maybe one day he'll find the courage to say them again, when you can actually hear him.
Maybe one day soon.
© lostfracturess. do not repost, translate, or copy my work.
#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk headcanons#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#jjk fluff#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#gojo headcanons#soft satoru gojo#satoru gojo fluff
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of painkillers and lenience
...hello! 😭 I wrote this way back in April; it's been sitting in my drafts ever since. Chronologically, it takes place shortly following Atypical Occurrence.
I wasn't sure if I was ever going to post this. I suppose it's more a character study than a proper romantic installment :') but it's an exchange I'd been wanting to write for a long time.
you can find everything I've written in this universe here!
—
Summary: Yves comes down with something. His best friend wonders where Vincent is, in all of this.
—
Perhaps it’s merciful that it’s on a Sunday that Yves wakes up with the slightest tickle in his throat.
Yves has an idea what it means. He’s had the flu enough times in his life to know that it comes on quickly. Maybe if he attempts to sleep it off, he’ll have a better time over the next few days.
Or maybe not. He cancels his Sunday plans, goes through his itinerary. There’s a slew of emails he’ll have to send off, a handful of meetings he’ll probably have to reschedule for this coming work week. He’ll need groceries, too, to last him the week—ideally something that won’t take too much effort to make. Resting now seems like it’d be a waste of time. Best to get everything over with before the illness has a chance to properly settle, he thinks.
He really does mean to stop by the grocery store. It’s perhaps just the timing that doesn’t work out as planned. Between figuring out how to reschedule everything that’s coming up with work—figuring out who he can ask if he needs to reallocate any of his assignments to anyone else, rearranging things for clients, and getting all the paperwork in order—all of it takes him nearly two hours. He wanders into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, finds himself having to turn aside to cough, notes the unpleasant sting in his throat when he turns back around.
It’s not terrible yet, but he feels distinctly off. His head feels a little heavy, and everything he does feels strangely—sluggish, maybe. Like he can’t quite manage to be as efficient as usual. Judging by past experience, he’s probably going to crash in a few hours.
He can already feel a headache brewing. Staring at his computer screen probably hasn’t helped with that. If he takes something for it, it’ll probably be at least tolerable when it gets worse.
He opens the medicine cabinet, rifles through the couple bottles and the first aid kit he has stashed in there.
Right. He’s out of Advil.
It’s no matter. Just a quick grocery trip, then—he can grab the rest of his groceries while he’s at it. Yves shuts the bathroom cabinet, grabs his wallet and keys, and makes it all the way to the doorstep outside when the wave of dizziness hits him.
All of a sudden, he feels a little lightheaded. Heat crawls up under his skin, prickling and unpleasant, as if something in him has cranked up the heat generation to the max—but that can’t be right, because he’s shivering inexplicably in the wake of it. He leans his weight back against the wall, squeezes his eyes shut.
Fuck. He probably should have gotten groceries first, before sorting out everything for work. Perhaps going out on his own now would not be the wisest.
He heads back in, locks the door, and—after some thought—calls Mikhail.
Mikhail picks up on the second ring. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Are you busy?” Yves starts, but the words catch on his throat, and he has to stop immediately to muffle a cough into his elbow.
There’s a moment of silence on the other end. “It depends what you’re about to ask me for,” Mikhail says.
Yves swallows. Shuts his eyes. He doesn’t like asking for help, but he doesn’t think he’ll be in any state to be doing this on his own over the next few days. “It’s not that urgent. Just if you have time,” he says.
He can almost feel Mikhail rolling his eyes on the other end. “You’d say that even if you were bleeding out.”
Yves laughs, startled. “I promise I’m not bleeding out. Just—do you think you could run to the store and get me some Advil?”
There’s another, longer pause on the other end. “Any time is fine,” Yves says. A part of him already regrets this. “If you’re busy right now—”
“I’ll be over in a few,” Mikhail says. Then the line goes dead.
—
He doesn’t remember drifting off, but when he wakes, it’s to a knock on the front door.
The knock is just for courtesy, of course. Mikhail is one of a few people whom he’s permitted the privilege—or the burden, perhaps—of having a spare copy of his apartment key.
Yves opens the door anyways.
There, in the windy April weather, Mikhail shuts an umbrella and leaves it dripping at his feet. “You look even worse than you sounded over call,” is the first thing he says.
Yves blinks at him, surprised. “Did I really sound that bad?”
In lieu of answering, Mikhail just looks at him, scrutinizing, the corner of his lip ticking downward. “What is it? An injury? A migraine?” When Yves shakes his head, Mikhail presses forward to pick a stray lint ball off of Yves’s shirt. His hand makes contact with Yves’s shoulder, and he frowns.
Before Yves has a chance to explain, he feels a tickle—not the first, today, and certainly not the last—surface. It’s irritatingly difficult to ignore, more irritating still when he finds himself forced to turn away, to duck into one arm—
“hHehh-!’ hEHh’yyiISCHh-HHEEW!”
The sneeze is rough enough to scrape against his throat. He coughs tightly into his raised arm.
“A cold,” Mikhail says, with a frown. “But usually you don’t take Advil for colds. Wait—don’t tell me this is something worse?”
Yves winces. What is he supposed to say to that? “The Advil was all I needed,” he says. “Thanks for making the trip. I owe you one.”
“No, I’m sure of it now,” Mikhail says. “If it were only a cold, you would’ve driven out to get this yourself.”
“It probably isn’t,” Yves says, neglecting to mention that he knows exactly where he caught this. “Thanks for bringing these. I’ll take the next couple days off. I—”
The next sneeze sneaks up on him. He ducks into his sleeve again, taking another step back.
“hHhEH’iiDzzsCHH-yYew!” The sneeze sends a burst of pain through his temples, and for a moment, he’s glad his face is too deeply buried into his sleeve for Mikhail to see.
“Does Vincent know?” Mikhail asks.
The question catches him off guard. “What?”
“That you’re apparently unwell enough to ask me to pick up Advil for you.”
Yves doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “I told you not to come if you were busy.”
“It’s not a problem,” Mikhail says. “But if you’re sick, shouldn’t he be over here, taking care of you?”
“He’s had a really busy few weeks,” Yves says, which is true, but simultaneously might be true at any point during the year. He clears his throat. “I - coughcough - wouldn’t want him to catch this.”
“So he doesn’t even know,” Mikhail says.
…Perhaps Yves should’ve thought of a more convincing excuse. Mikhail isn’t the type of person to drop an issue after he’s raised it, and Yves had, perhaps, neglected to think about how—for all Mikhail does to appear casually disaffected—he’s one of the most perceptive people Yves has ever met. “He doesn’t have to know.”
“What are you talking about? He’s your partner. I’ll text him,” Mikhail says. It’s then when Yves recalls that Mikhail probably does have Vincent’s contact—exchanged before their trip to France, so that he could text them all to coordinate the rides to and from the airport.
“Wait,” Yves says, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. “Don’t. If you text him, he’ll - snf-! - feel obligated to come.”
Mikhail doesn’t lower his phone. “I’ll just ask him to drop by,” he says. “You can talk to him about it when he gets there.”
But that won’t happen—can’t happen—because Yves knows that if Vincent were to see him like this…
I’d feel terrible if you caught this, he’d said. He’d sounded so upset over it. How can Yves, after all his reassurances last week, admit to him now that he’s faring badly enough to need someone to look after him?
Besides, Vincent probably has enough on his plate already. Yves knows enough to know that in their line of work, taking time off almost always means being swamped with assignments upon return.
“Please don’t ask him anything,” Yves says.
Mikhail looks long and hard at him. He looks as though he’s trying to puzzle something out. “Did you guys get into a fight, or something?”
“No,” Yves says. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then, if you’re on good terms, why are you so resistant to the idea of him coming over?”
Yves squeezes his eyes shut, and then opens them. He can think of a dozen more excuses to field away the questions—that isn’t the hard part. Mikhail has always been good at seeing through his bullshit, but if Yves has to steer this conversation to a close through sheer willpower, he thinks he can do it. But then again—
Maybe it’s fine, he thinks, if Mikhail knows. For better or for worse, Mikhail is his best friend. Yves knows that if he asks him to keep his mouth shut about this, he will.
“Vincent is my coworker,” he says, slowly.
Mikhail’s eyebrows creep up. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Yves says, with a cough. “He is just my coworker. Nothing else.”
The alarm that flashes across Mikhail’s face is unmissable. “You two broke up?”
And there it is—another crossroads, where Yves thinks the easiest course of action would be to reshape the current lie into a simpler one, to keep the trappings of their fake relationship intact. With anyone else, it would be easier, that is.
Yves says, honestly, “We were never together in the first place.”
“But you went with him to France,” Mikhail says, confused. “Not to mention, to Margot’s new year party, and then to Joel and Cherie’s housewarming. Are you telling me—”
“That was all an act,” Yves tells him, and waits for this information to register. “There is nothing between us that’s real. That’s the reason I haven’t called him.”
The recognition settles on Mikhail’s face. Then he laughs, a little disbelieving. “You’re really not dating him? Why would you lie about that?”
“Do you remember Margot’s party?” Yves asks. It seems like the right place to start, after everything. “Erika was there with Brendon. And I was bitter, and—to be honest, jealous—and I wanted to show her I was fine. So I asked Vincent to go with me.”
“That was months ago,” Mikhail says.
“It was easier to just keep up the act, after that.” Yves says. “Easier to have him accompany me once a month than it would have been to stage a proper breakup. But obviously, this is all temporary. I just haven’t figured out when it’s going to end.”
Mikhail is quiet for a moment. Yves looks past him, at the staircase that leads down to the first floor.
“You’ll be fine, then,” he asks. “If you two break it off.”
“Of course,” Yves says. “I know it’s going to happen someday.”
“You won’t be upset at all?”
“What is there to be upset over?”
“From the way you spoke to him, I really thought there was something there,” Mikhail says.
“He is a good liar,” Yves says.
“Maybe so,” Mikhail agrees. “But you are not.”
He says it so calmly, it barely registers as an accusation. But Yves hears it, loud and clear.
“Vincent is attractive,” Yves says. “Anyone with eyes can see that. That’s all there is to it.” it feels wrong, even as he says it. Yves has always known Vincent to be attractive—that much hasn’t changed. But he knows that the feeling in his chest when he sees him at work, in the break room, or at lunch—the unusual ache—is a little more than that.
“Margot’s party was at the end of December,” Mikhail says. “It’s April, now. Margot wouldn’t tell you this, but since I don’t like withholding my feelings from you, I will.”
Yves waits—waits for Mikhail to tell him how all of this has been unduly dishonest, how Mikhail doesn’t appreciate having been lied to.
But Mikhail doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he says: “If you’re still intent on keeping this fake relationship up…” Here, he meets Yves’s eyes, a little sternly. “You should think about who you’re really doing it for.”
It’s only for convenience, Yves wants to say. Now that we’ve set things up already, it’s merely the path of least resistance. But that isn’t quite right, is it?
“Don’t worry about me,” Yves says, trying a smile. “Vincent and I have talked this through already. Whatever happens with our arrangement, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” Mikhail says. He pockets his phone, and then hands Yves the bottle of Advil. “Sorry for the interrogation, then. If you believe it to be fine, I trust you.” Perhaps that’s the worst part of it. Mikhail has never been the type of person to stay quiet about any foreseeable problems, but Yves knows that his agreement now is not a tactical retreat, nor is it an acknowledgment that it’s not worth arguing over something they won’t agree on. Mikhail is dropping the subject because he really trusts him.
Yves just doesn’t know if that trust is justified.
Mikhail turns on his heels, steps delicately past the hinge at the bottom of the doorframe.
Yves clears his throat. “Thanks for stopping by.”
Mikhail nods. “Feel better soon. If you need anything other than Advil, just give me a call.”
Then he’s gone. Yves shuts the front door behind him and wonders just what exactly he’s gotten himself into.
#sneeze fic#snz fic#sneeze kink#snz kink#snzfic#i wrote the majority of this on 4.21.2024 😭 initially with the intention of writing much more#(atypical occurrence part... 3?)#but i think it feels most fitting to just end it here :') that is what i have the stamina for in any case#i feel the need to apologize for how short this is + for the fact that vincent is entirely absent#you can maybe see why i hesitated for almost 7 months before posting it#a couple notes:#mikhail (yves's former college roommate and current best friend) is mentioned in the first installment i ever posted#but he shows up most substantially in foreign home#i am fond of their friendship dynamic... is it obvious? 😭#yvverse#my fic
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This art has been on my mind since I saw it, so... *drops this* *runs away*
~
It's a new thing, this relationship of theirs. Serizawa has never felt more nervous or thrilled about anything in his life.
Reigen and him are, well... a thing, now, he supposes. They've never really talked about putting a label on it, but what he's sure of is that they're definitely past calling each other friends and most definitely past what Reigen used to make him assume is a normal, professional coworker-to-coworker relationship. Which for the record, their previous so-called coworker dynamic wasn't exactly the conventional kind.
There's only one problem, though. Despite going out for dates sometimes, staying over each other's apartments, holding hands and sharing meals and kissing a few times... perhaps kissing a lot of times—neither of them have ever really... confessed. The traditional kind. With the three, simple words that seemed so climactic in romance movies.
It's not like he's afraid that Reigen won't say them back—their time spent together is proof enough that his feelings are reciprocated—but it's just that... the words feel too precious. Too intimate. Something meant to be reserved for grand, special moments. Something climactic. Like in romance movies.
Sometimes Serizawa finds himself holding the words back. They’re always in the simpler moments, too ordinary for something that holds far too much meaning. In evenings where they cuddle on the couch as the TV drones on, neither of them really watching. In times where Reigen laughs or smiles—the genuine kind, not just the ones he puts on display for clients—and Serizawa finds himself breathless at the sight.
In times like this, after they've gone out of their usual bar with one too many drinks; or at least, Serizawa drank three glasses of whiskey and is a little tipsy but holding himself pretty well, and Reigen drank a non-alcoholic lemon sour and is currently tripping balls.
It's raining when they left, and Serizawa's glad he has an umbrella on himself at all times. When they're sharing it like this, under the canopy that is the umbrella, clumsily making their way back to Reigen’s, he can't help but be hyper-aware of their proximity. The way the three words wait at the tip of his tongue, desperate for release.
Reigen's babbling. Loudly, so he could speak over the rain, but Serizawa isn't really listening anyway. He's too busy tracing the lines of his face with his eyes, the barely comprehensible jumble of words coming out of those lips. There's something endearing about Reigen like this, slightly disheveled and hilariously talkative. More so than usual, really, but Serizawa has never had a problem with that to begin with.
Maybe it's the liquid courage in his bones. Maybe it's because he's not just a little tipsy. But this time, Serizawa finds he can't hold those three, precious words back.
"I love you," he blurts out before he knows it. And then the realisation hits him—deliberately, as the alcohol in his system slows everything to a trickle—and immediately begins to panic. "I— I mean, you— you don't need to say it back or anything, it's just—"
"I love you, too."
Serizawa's head turns to look downwards so quickly he has to reel himself in from the whiplash. There, under the shade of the umbrella, the gentle orange light from the streetlamp overhead casting a glow behind him, with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks that could be from the chill or the alcohol or... something else, stands Reigen, staring back at him with parted lips and a look of something like wonder.
"I love you, too," he repeats, slightly lower enough he would've missed it amidst the loud rain if not for how close they are, and Serizawa feels his own cheeks heat up.
Reigen's pupils remain steadily on his face as Serizawa's dart around to search his, and the next moment, they're kissing. He doesn't know who initiated it first; he leans down the same time Reigen reaches up on his tip toes, and their lips meet like it's the most natural thing in the world.
Distantly, he hears the clink of the umbrella as it slips from his hold and onto the wet ground, but he can't bring himself to care enough about the downpour subsequently wetting their suits and hair when Reigen's hand reaches up to cup his jaw. He can't bring himself to care enough about the chill that goes down his spine from the cold when Reigen angles their heads to deepen the kiss, pressing their bodies flush to each other until all Serizawa can think about is every point of contact between them. The way they mold together into one piece. Like two, perfectly fitting puzzles; made for each other.
His hands find themselves gripping onto Reigen's waist, trailing one backwards to the small of his back and up along a shoulderblade to push Reigen impossibly closer. His heart is thundering loudly in his chest that he's almost sure Reigen can hear it even with the rain loudly beating against the concrete.
It feels a little cliché. Like he's in one of those B-rated romcom movies Reigen likes to put on sometimes. It’s something he’s imagined so many times. It doesn’t feel as climactic as he had expected, if anything he feels the same way to Reigen as he had before, and it’s not anything he would even consider particularly special, but it still makes butterflies erupt in his stomach and his heart burst like confetti. It’s perfect. He wonders stupidly why he’s waited so long to say those words.
It must be ridiculous to an outsider; two businessmen, fully suited but drenched from head to toe with rainwater, kissing under the rain as an umbrella lays casually on the ground beside them.
Serizawa can't help it, then—he pulls back, a sudden giddiness bubbling in his stomach and rising up his throat, and he giggles. He can barely blink his eyes open, assaulted as they are by the rain, but he can still make out the look of slight surprise in Reigen's face before he, too, is giggling.
And now this must look even more ridiculous to an outsider than before, and that just makes him giggle even harder.
He's breathless by the time Reigen wraps his arms around his neck, pulling his head back down until their laughter mingles together in the slight space between them and their wet foreheads bump to the other's. He can't tell whether he's tearing up or not from how hard he's laughing as the rain continues to drip down his face. Reigen only seems to pull them closer together.
"God, look what you've done to my suit," Reigen loudly complains, shoving his shoulder playfully with a sluggish hand. "We're so drunk. This is ridiculous."
Serizawa's laughter has reduced to small, rumbled chuckles now. With a gentle direction of his fingers, he floats the umbrella back up to hold it above them.
"Sorry," he says, but grinning still.
“Oh, won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor?
And when you get a taste, can you tell me what's my flavor?
I don't believe in God, but I believe that you're my savior
My mom says that she's worried, but I'm covered in this favor…”
——————————————————————————
Hi tumblr, it’s been a bit but I wanted to share this today! So take SeriRei but kissing in the rain
#hiii OP i hope you don't mind#i saw this the other day and i kept thinking about it#so here's a quick little thing inspired by this art!!#i cant help it sorry i'm so soft for them djdnkwbfje#please excuse any mistakes as ive done this. all in one go apparently#my writing#reigen arataka#serizawa katsuya#serirei
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alright, friends, i might say something you don't like but i think it's important. not just to defend a character, but because i think this is literally making people's experience and relationship with this game worse.
give jimmy like two seconds to exist.
by hating jimmy so much you refuse to even say his name, and judge real, living people for liking him, you are cheapening your experience by boiling down the main character to the most ~yuckiest~ moments. and, by not making a seperate space for hating on him, you are drowning out the voices of people who actually have nuanced things to say about his character. you know, the skilled writers and artists that feed the fandom? limitation is what kills fandoms, you have to know that.
is jimmy a good person? no. is he a good captain/companion/worker? Absolutely Not! he crumbles like dust under any pressure and he immediately shifts blame off of himself, he is an actively harmful individual and it's right to be upset by his actions. i literally had to stop myself from saying "man FUCK jimmy." multiple times because i didn't want to spoil how terrible he got to my friends when i showed the game to them.
but you have to understand; people are more than their actions. thats part of the entire point of the game. thats why its so abstract. you are meant to think about the nuances of their situation.
we can agree that anya was way more as a woman than what happened to her and what she did as a result of it, right? that despite her best efforts, she was a victim of circumstance, and she deserves to be understood and analyzed fully?
then why, seeing a fictional man who has done immoral things, are you so disgusted you won't even draw, write or discuss him outside of hate? what is that doing for you, to ignore literally the main character of the game because of his actions?
now, this is not to say people can't hate jimmy. i understand it! as someone who has been a victim of s/a and abuse, i understand if you hate him and are even triggered by him to the point of avoiding mention of him. (but...why are you in this fandom? ((not aggressive im genuinely asking)))
you can feel however you want about any character, my goal is not to control people. but i thought it was common knowledge to not hatepost about someone in their tag? over actual insight into his character and, you know, the main themes of the game?
jimmy is a man who has struggled his whole life. both him and curly confirm that in the game. he's unable to control his emotional outbursts, and he likely had no idea what to expect from being in fucking SPACE for over a year with people he probably didn't even know before that trip. and pony express and their corporate safety corner cutting certainly didnt help, did it?
for one reason or another, he most likely was never actually taught how to manage his emotions. that's just how it is sometimes, growing up as a man. and it would make sense if he was forced to deal with everything himself, no? he always complains, but he still says he'll handle it. because that's what he's always had to do. and this is just the start of what i could say about what made him the way that he is.
he's a victim too, not only of his own actions.
surprise surprise, people who do awful things can also be victims.
honestly, this entire situation baffles me. how are you going to avoid one of the main characters of the game, let alone the one you play as ninety percent of the time? mind you, curly is also guilty, and i am happy to see at least some people giving him space for nuance. because he is also a victim!!! why is it so impossible to see jimmy as nuanced, when literally every other character also has incredible depth to them??
you're tarnishing and spitting on the beautiful writing of this game just because one character is too icky for you to feel comfortable thinking about for too long. it's horror, you absolute morons. it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.
if you hate jimmy, i dont blame you. but please, please, make your own space for it. be kind to people who want to explore jimmy and the darker themes, and like him for what his character represents. this is a video game fandom, not a witch hunt. and please, learn some fandom etiquette while you're at it, okay? okay. thank you
also just say his name. its not a slur youre not gonna go to hell if you say jimmy. like this isn't as important but still it just feels like a microcosm of this whole thing.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing jimmy#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing crew#mouthwashing spoilers#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing analysis#i am seriously so tired of seeing this#i tried to word this as nice as possible but#GggRRRAAHHH#HES A FICTIONAL CHARACTER HE IS MEANT TO BE EXPLORED.
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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"Mhmm...." Blitz stared at him flatly as Stolas rambled off his answers to the questions, he was so full of shit and it was so easy to see through. It didn't take a genius to put together that the guy was clearly a shut in who probably only left the house when he had to.
"Look, I don't really give a fuck what your marriage is like, but if it was good? Well, I doubt you'd be sneaking away from her to come hide up here during a party. Aren't you royals supposed to love shit like that? That's how it always seems in shows and movies and shit. What even is the theme, anyway?" The imp raised an eyebrow and leaned back a little, that smirk returning to his lips. "As for your 'preferences' or whatever.... That shit's written all over your face, buddy. You think I can't tell when someone wants to fuck me? You've been blushing this whole fuckin' time, I know you're curious about what's under all this~" The last part was said with a gesture to his own body and Blitz focused on Stolas' face, watching for anything to give away what the bird was actually thinking about all of this.
"I get you got shit to do too, I'm not even asking to keep it all the time, I'm just lookin' to negotiate here, y'know? Are you really gonna turn your back on an old friend askin' for help?" The guilt tripping might be a step too far–– especially considering Blitz had barely remembered his name when he set out to make this dream a reality–– but he wasn't been above a little manipulation to get what he needed.
"Okay, how about this? You agree to come shadow me and my team for a day on one of our hits so I can show you how badass and capable we all are and then we can chat about the business plan and Moxx can go over all the numbers bullshit and if that doesn't convince you.... well, then I guess you just aren't a visionary like I am. And if you really just don't wanna let us use the book on our own.... I mean, I did say I might hire you once, didn't I? You want a job that's not boring and stuffy? The pay'll be shit 'til we get things off the ground and I will eat your lunch outta the fridge, but you'll get to hang out with some fun people all the time....... and Moxxie–– actually, fuck, you'd probably love him, he's a fuckin' nerd too." He paused, taking a moment to look the other man up and down before adding. "Fucking tonight is still on the table, by the way. As long as you agree to hear me out. You seem like you could use a good fuck and this bed doesn't look like it gets much action. We should change that~"
A couple of times he wanted to say something but this little imp... well actually not even that little for his species put on quiet the rant here.
"First of all." he started once the other seemed to be done and Stolas had ried to recall the order in which what question had been asked.
He turned his legs a bit to the side, pulling his cape over them and straightening out the silky fabric.
"No, by that definition... I think I actually have not broken a rule." He could go on about the definition of rules and that in his circles 'using the wrong fork' could actually be counted as one.. but he decided to keep that to himself.
"Secondly~ No again. I am not locked up here." Still, he felt kind of called out because the times he was leaving those walls were usually just because of obligations.
"Furthermore, my marriage is non of your concern. Neither is...what.. what my preferences in the bedroom are."
Why was this imp so damn blunt and... correct with his assumptions. It felt weird to have someone throw all of those hard truths at him without any kind of filter.
"I'm giving you a pass, because I have fond memories of the day we met as children.
I just cannot just.. hand over my Grimoire. I need it, because believe it or not, I also have work to do. And it would be very inappropriate to..lend it out for...an maybe exciting night in return.."
#princepsxastra#a different deal au#his special talent is disarming people with his bluntness#and somehow being charming despite how inappropriate and obnoxious he is lmao
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It's supposed to thunderstorm on Saturday so our camping trip got cancelled a-fucking-gain. I'm so bummed out.
New weekend plans I guess 🍹🥴
#going out drinking with my parents then bbq-ing back at their place tomorrow#and sunday my friends and i might go hiking and chill at the beach? thats still a maybe plan though#just sooooooo upset that both camping trips we booked got rained out#how are you supposed to book trips.. it just sucks.. camping sites sell out as soon as they're available in march#like my friend had to set a timer and book as soon as they opened bookings#so what awful luck that the two weekends he booked got rained out#im just so mad that it happened with both trips#were trying to plan a rescheduled trip but weekends are fully booked until fall and not everyone could make a mid week trip#i think my bf and i might just plan a random mid week camping trip because fuck i wanna do at least 1 trip#😭#anyway time to get drunk and play video games i guess.. been so bummed out all day
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#i hate the fact that i have so much burnout that i cannot do shit right now :///#wanted to get up early today play some games for a bit go do some necessary moving stuff i need to do today and then go to my#1pm language class i am taking voluntarily. instead its almost 11.30 am and ive done nothing. not even the fun play games bit :///#idk if can skip the class again but i have no energy to go there. like im genuinely filled with so much dread at the idea of going there#and its been on and off raining and i dont really wanna go out into the rain as well :///#delete later#idk what happened it was okay i was supposed to go visit a friend this weekend which fell through but i have rescheduled that already#and i dont really mind + it will be a way more chill and less hectic trip then so idk what :///
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DATING IS SO HARD WTF
#vent to follow in the tags lmao#like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY#and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT#like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn#cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to#talk to them that much#and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything#anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out#and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end#also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like#stopped talking to me for a while#that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason#and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp#okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo#sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3#。・:*˚:✧。 mimi speaks!
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still reeling over the fact that almost 2 months ago the guy i was talking to (not dating, but definitely 'seeing') took another girl TO MY AND MY ROOMMATE'S APARTMENT to FUCK HER ON OUR AIR MATTRESS while i was ON VACATION THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY
honestly. how do i get myself into these situations
#followed by him being blackout drunk sleeping on our DOORSTEP the very next day#he said he thought it was weird i said i liked him so soon into meeting him#but he would constantly say shit like 'falling for you more now' and 'my friend told my sister i have a new gf now'#like OKAY HOMEBOY#so dude it's so fucked i'll give more details in these tags in case anyone cares for a lil more context#before my trip back to california for sdcc i talked to him#said hey i know we're not dating but while im gone for almost 2 weeks are we gonna mess around with other people? like where is ur head#he said 'you can sleep with other people because you have a higher sex drive than me but i won't be doing that but you go ahead'#and im like okay weird response but okay cool#before i ended up leaving actually i did end up hooking up w someone and when i came back to my apartment he said 'looks like someone had a#'fun night' but he said it like....in a salty fucking way and i was like ur not allowed to be mad bc you refuse to be in a relationship wit#me despite me LETTING YOU LIVE WITH ME AND MY BFF FOR THE LAST ALMOST MONTH#oh yeah that part too#he was evicted and was staying with us for a few nights that turned into almost a month#NO he did not pay rent YES he did eat all our food#YES im an idiot for not seeing his red flags sooner but i was infatuated#so anyway my friend goes 'he's salty you fucked another dude' and im like excuse me how the fuck is he gonna be mad when WE TALKED ABOUT TH#*THIS#now granted it was a day before my trip so it wasn't ON my trip that i slept with someone else#but im like. how are u gonna be mad im gonna go enjoy myself when you've made it painfully clear you want me but want 0 strings#so anyway while im in california my bff calls me like hey dude john is on our air mattress naked with another girl#i was like excusethefuckME#because 1. he wasn't supposed to be at our apartment anymore so i was surprised he was there at ALL#and 2. how are u gonna ever be living RENT FREE with someone and INVITE SOMEONE ELSE OVER TO FUCK IN THEIR PLACE#i could honestly go on but i doubt anyone read this far as it is#this situation has fucked me up#first red flag should've been his name being JOHN
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do you ever feel yourself on the edge of a depressive crying session and you’re trying so hard not to give in
#oh my god. it has not been an academically productive week and i don’t know what’s wrong with me#i’m really tired of living far away from my undergrad friends…..#my friend from cali was supposed to visit but i’m not sure if he’ll be able to and i know he’s able to hang out with our other friends#bc they all live in toronto and i’m so far away…..#ughhhhhhhh . the fomo is actually going to break my heart#and i’m visiting home this weekend and i was excited to see my other friend who was in europe this summer#but she’s being weird about making plans and doesn’t seem that enthused. and my parents want to take a day trip on sunday#so they’re busy doing things they need to do on this day trip and ik they’re not gonna pay attention to me…#and i skipped movie night with local friends today bc i needed to do work and then i didn’t even do that work bc i’m lazy and sad 😔#not even near my period idk what’s going on with me#shadi stuff
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personal vent post/diary entry incoming:
I've struggled on and off over the years with varying degrees of agoraphobia and in the past like year or so I've made massive strides and got to the point where I was able to regularly attend social or otherwise crowded events. since breaking my foot I've gone backwards so much. I'm like terrified to leave my apartment even for work and have missed a lot of it. I've only tried hanging out in public places a handful of times and haven't gone to a single show since I got hurt over a month ago. it's extremely fucking frustrating having so much progress completely lost in a fucking instant
#i was like going through a lot just before this happened but like things were looking up#i was excited to spend my summer having fun with my friends and meeting new people#i havent even been able to properly answer texts besides from a few specific people over the past several days#it feels really unfair#i was supposed to go to a show last night but i bailed at the last minute. i got way too anxious and couldnt do it#im like constantly one extremely minor event away from a panic attack. just at my boiling point 24/7#it really does not help that i have genuine like clinical paranoia about being watched/looked at#and no exaggeration every time i walk into a building everyone looks at me#I thought maybe i was just being paranoid until my friend pointed it out. its unbearable. i cant stand being asked about it#i dont even want to think about it let alone talk about it. but also i cant shut the fuck up about it#im insufferable to myself lmao i cant stop saying 'i used to be able to do that' about shit like dancing and sitting criss cross#or saying 'yeah i was planning on doing that... then i broke my foot....' about shit like going on a float trip etc lmao#like shut up about it already#why do bad things happen to mediocre people
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the fact that overbooking flights is legal and airlines don’t have to go above and beyond to find you either the earliest flight possible or the most convenient stay possible is going to make me a t3rr0r1st. what the fuck do you mean you can only give me a flight three days from now and i have to find my own accommodation, unless i pay for an earlier flight and also have to find my own accommodation. how the fact is it legal to sell something you don’t have
#anatxt#girlie who helped me at the desk also was like no i can’t put you on that flight you’re seeing available because that is actually also#already full :) not her fault she was as helpful as she could be. and i can stay at a friend’s place a few towns away#but jesus fucking christ. saving every receipt lol#had to buy underwear and socks and a shirt and going for trousers today#because for the incoming flight i always carry an extra outfit. just in case bag gets lost or whatever i have wiggle room#since i was supposed to be going home i was only carrying the things i bought with me. can’t get dressed with cheese or secondhand books#thankfully i had like half my toiletries#but still i will be missing a doctors appointment and that genuinely makes me want to cry lol#about to become a road trip person for this#(this one would’ve been 20 hours. lol. lmao even)
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the good news is that I finished a book and it got me out of my reading slump where I would start things, not finish, switch to something else, not finish
the bad news is that "yes daddy" by jonathan parks-ramage is one of the worst written books I've read in a whiiiile. bland expositiony prose, flat characters, a bunch of weird plot detours. Written like a 200-page Wikipedia summary instead of an actual book
the worst news is that it has such intensely favorable gushing reviews on goodreads, and the people who hated it mostly hated it for a different reason, and so I'm left alone like oKAY BUT THE PROSE WAS SHIT, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS
#the writing is LAUGHABLY BAD you guys. how did people like this booooook#but most of the bad reviews are like 'I hated this book because it had too many rape scenes and lots of bad things happen'#BUT MY PROBLEM IS it's so badly written that it's like reading the wikipedia of a horror movie where it flatly tells you the grisly bits#very 'and then four grown men lived in a garden shed as waiters/sex slaves. one of them tripped and hit his head. he's dead now.'#just no emotional impact whatsoever bc this guy cannot write and the characters are all made of cardboard#it bills itself as a gothic/thriller but it has NO grasp of any of the conventions of that genre#there's a weird interlude where the protag becomes evangelical?? and starts going on about The Evils of Gay Sex??#he gets inspiration to commit arson by READING GOOP? AND THIS IS PLAYED AS SERIOUS AFTER HIS FRIEND'S SUICIDE??#how did ANYONE take this book seriously let alone enjoy it#it's SO awful. this guy CANNOT write his way out of a paperbag#it's even worse too bc the main character is supposed to be a professional writer with an MFA and the book is the character's memoir#which I consider tantamount to a plot hole BECAUSE THE WRITING IS SO SO BAD#the sketchy rich old guy and his butler/ex call him Rebecca and he doesn't get the reference?? he has an MFA in playwriting and yet!#it's been a while since I got to write a REALLY scathing 1-star goodreads review so that's cathartic at least
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Look I love my friends dearly and I love listening and supporting, and I will be there for them and I will be the person they can turn to, and I try so hard to be considerate, but I have nothing in me to give right now. Most of my relationships involve me just giving giving giving, and as much as I love doing that (I truly do, being someone my friends can turn to is the most wonderful thing in the world), but I have so few relationships where I receive, and it's especially hard for me right now. Maybe it's cause I'm so busy with my exams and thesis and organising a camp, but at this point I just need someone who will give me a hug and just Be There. Not try telling me what to do, or how to deal with my stress to try "help".
#current closest relationships: my best friend is dating an unbeliever and is already talking of MARRYING HIM (they've been together for like#a month. this is not an exaggeration)#my childhood friend (basically my brother at this point) has just been getting annoyed at me really easily recently so i have to be careful#the dynamic I have with S has always been me giving (which was sth he really needed at first and now thats just the way it has stayed)#my mom (whom usually i go to when I'm struggling) is in England rn and I'm alone in the house with my dad for 2 weeks. It's only been#3 days and it's already HARD#and anyone who I try to tell just want to give me advise. I DON'T WANT ADVISE I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS I JUST NEED SOME SUPPORT#I may just be spiraling cause I haven't had a hug since mom left. this has happened before#sorry this turned out really long :/ it was supposed to be a short paragraph not a Long Post#mine#I'll be okay in a week I think. I will be done with my exams by then and I'll be on a trip with my friends from all over Poland#I love these friends dearly and do (sometimes) feel like I can rest when with them#relacje
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