#bc they all live in toronto and i’m so far away…..

[starfiyah]

do you ever feel yourself on the edge of a depressive crying session and you’re trying so hard not to give in

[writingonleaves]

i never could've seen you coming (i think you're everything i've wanted) - nico hischier

pairing: nico hischier x original female character

warnings: swearing, mentions of death and cancer, a substantial amount of grief, so much fluff, medical school inaccuracies probably, angst if you squint, way too many mentions of all three hughes brothers..like an absurd amount (but it's part of the plot, i promise)

title: "the blue" by gracie abrams

word count: 19.7k (whoops!)

author's note: got WAY too carried away with this one lol so you may see more of this little au bc i really fell in love with it. this turned almost into a study on found family / siblinghood?? i hope you all enjoy it just as much as i enjoyed writing it and creating this little world. takes place in the 2023-2024 season.

*****

In hindsight, it probably would’ve been smarter to live closer to work and actually be in the city.  But when word got around — well, her mother telling her best friend — that Clementine was going to be even close to New Jersey, she had, in order, Luke, Quinn and Jack texting her within an hour of each other.

Lukey Hughes

Clemmy!! Congrats on the residency. Heard you’re gonna be across the river from jersey?? 👀

Quinny Hughes

Congrats on NYU! I’m happy you get to go back east even though I won’t get to see you as often. Don’t let Luke or Jack annoy you too much. Love and miss you! ❤️

Jacky Hughes

CLEMENTINE

you’re coming to new york????

you have to live with me please please please it’s not that far

and luke will probably be here next season and ik he’s your favorite 

When Clementine Sandoval found out she was placed at NYU Langone for her combined emergency room and pediatrics residency, she thought two things. Holy shit, she actually has made it this far. And holy shit, she’s excited to go back closer to home, after spending undergrad and med school in the west coast. She’s found a love for California, but nothing beats the east.

She called Jack for his birthday days after the Devils got knocked out of playoffs. She doesn’t get to talk to Jack and Luke — any of the Hughes brothers, really — as often as she’d like. She sees them even less, ever since she left for California and they moved away to Michigan from Toronto. She always tries to see Quinn and Jack whenever they come out to play at San Jose, but otherwise, that’s it. She hasn’t seen Luke since the Hughes family graciously invited her and her mom to Luke’s draft almost two years ago. So whenever she does get a chance to catch up with her childhood friends, it’s always a treat.

It took Jack — and Luke — exactly 34 minutes over the phone to convince her to move in with them. The largest part of the discussion was how much money she’d contribute for rent. She was adamant to split it three ways evenly. Jack shot that down immediately, and that resulted in a slight — read: intense — disagreement (“I don’t give a fuck that you’re making $8 million a year, Jack Rowden. I’m paying my part of the rent.”). He refused to back down, and they came to an amount that she was semi-happy with, though she insisted that she’d be in charge of buying groceries. Deep down, she knows he and Luke will fight her on that too. 

She finished out med school, went on a 10-day vacation to Europe with her friends and went back to her mom’s place in Massachusetts for a weekend, where she grabbed the key that Jack had shipped to her. Her mom helped her pack the car, and off she went to Hoboken, where she’d be living by herself in the extremely spacious apartment until Jack (and Luke) came back for pre-season in September. 

Residency started off without a hitch, Clementine loving the fact that she got to actually work with patients more. The commute to the hospital isn’t ideal — a 10 minute drive to the station before hopping on the train for almost 45 minutes — but after years of having to drive around everywhere for years, it doesn’t faze her much. It’s a time to decompress after a long shift and reflect or wake herself up for the long day ahead, and it gives her time to read or listen to music or podcasts on the train. Some of her fellow residents live nearby and are always gracious enough to let her crash on their couch after particularly grueling shifts. The first two months are peaceful if tiring, the apartment always being a welcomed silence when she walks in. 

Early September arrives, and she’s coming home after an overnight shift when she walks out of the elevator to the apartment. She thinks she might hear voices coming from inside her apartment, but they’re more likely in her exhausted brain, so she turns her key and pushes open the door. 

It takes her a moment while taking off her shoes to freeze. There are voices in the apartment. She carefully walks towards the voices, heart starting to race, before it immediately calms down and relief washes over her. 

“Jesus Christ! A warning would’ve been nice. I thought someone broke in.”

All three Hughes brothers turn their heads towards her, all looking a bit worse for wear probably due to the fact that it’s just past 7 am. Though it’s nothing Clementine hasn’t seen before. When your mothers are still really close after playing soccer together at UNH and both families happen to settle down in nearby towns in the suburbs of Toronto, you’ve all seen each other the morning after sleepovers. When you’re an only child and call these three your brothers, you’ve practically seen everything. They all blink at each other before someone — Jack — comes to their senses. 

“Clee!” Jack exclaims, sliding in his socks across the floor to pull her into a very tight hug. She feels gross and probably doesn’t smell much better, but she can’t bring herself to care as she hugs Jack, smile widening when she feels both Quinn and Luke putting their arms around her as she’s put in the middle of a group hug. They eventually let go, and then she hugs them all individually. 

She pouts, looking up at Luke. “This is so unfair. You’re so much taller than me now.”

Luke smirks, ruffling her hair. “Good to see you too, Clemmy.”

She beams up at him. “Happy birthday, by the way. Big 20!”

“Thank you.”

She yawns. “So what’s going on? I thought you two weren’t supposed to be back until next week.” She points at Quinn. “And what are you doing here?”

“Not happy to see us?” Quinn teases. 

“Always happy to see you guys. But I did just have an overnight shift and I need to be in bed within the next 20 minutes.”

“We know.” Jack says excitedly. “Did you not suspect anything when I was asking specific questions about your schedule for this week?”

She thinks back to the last time she FaceTimed Jack. He did seem awfully inquisitive. She shrugs. “I’m too old and tired to question your antics anymore, Jacky.”

“You’re only 26?”

“And you just turned 20. I’m old.” she says to Luke as he passes her a glass of water. “Quinny, aren’t you supposed to be in Vancouver soon?”

“Yeah, actually. I’m only here for the day to go to the US Open and celebrate Moose’s birthday. I’m on a flight out tomorrow at noon.”

She pouts, but her heart warms at the reminder that these three are still so close. “So soon.”

“Captain duties, am I right?” Jack says. 

It takes her a moment to realize what he just said before her jaw drops and she whips her head towards the eldest Hughes. “Are you serious?” Quinn just nods sheepishly. “Quinn!” She wraps him in another hug again. “That’s incredible. Oh my goodness. Congratulations!”

“Thanks, Clem.”

She places her hands on his cheeks. “I’m so proud of you. Not surprising at all though. Do Ellen and Jim know? I bet they’re pumped.”

“Yeah, they do. It won’t get announced until Monday though.”

“That’s awesome. Holy shit, Quinn.” She looks at the younger two. “So are you guys back for good?”

“I am. Jack isn’t. He has to go to Vegas for media day the day after tomorrow.”

She blinks. “I’m confused. Then why the fuck are you all here? You could’ve just gone to Vegas early or something. Or not make the trip here and come back when you have to be back.”

“To see you, duh. I wanted to see you on my birthday, and it’ll be awhile until we’re all in the same place again.” Luke shrugs. Like it’s not a big deal. Like they didn’t just fly from wherever the fuck to Jersey for barely a day before two of them have to fly back across the country because they wanted to see her and be together. 

“God, I-just,” she yawns. “That’s so disgustingly sweet. And I love you three. I really do. But-”

“You need sleep, yeah. We figured. Well, good news for you, you’re not needed until later anyways!” Jack beams.

She blinks. “What’s later?”

“We’re heading to Aunt Lara’s to celebrate Luke’s birthday. Mostly an excuse for some of the family to gather one last time for the summer.” Jack says.

“Also to celebrate Quinn getting captain,” Luke adds with a small eye roll. 

“And I’m assuming I’m coming to that?”

Jack blinks like she’s being ridiculous. “Uh, duh. And I know you have a day off tomorrow, so you can’t use that as an excuse. Geegs wants to see you. Everyone wants to see you, to be honest. Mom’s making your favorite just for you.”

She lights up. “Her pumpkin pie?”

“Yup.”

“I’ll be there,” she salutes to them as she stops at her bedroom archway. “Have fun watching tennis. I’ll see you when you get back?”

“Mmhmm. We’ll drive there together.”

“Brilliant,” she blows them all a kiss. “Goodnight. Or good morning. Whatever.” They all snicker as she goes into her bedroom, beelining for the shower. 

She emerges from her bedroom again at around 1:30 p.m., her stomach begging for food. She wipes the sleep away from her eyes as she heads towards the kitchen. She reaches for the coffee machine and pauses when she sees a sticky note on the handle of the pot. 

Left some pasta for you in the fridge. xoxo Quinn

She smiles, making herself a cup of coffee before opening the fridge and reheating the chicken alfredo pasta. She waits for the microwave to beep by checking her phone for the news and any unread messages (the only one being from Ellen, who’s thrilled that she’s coming by tonight.)

After eating, she realizes she should probably get something to bring tonight, and ventures a few blocks to a nearby florist. Fresh flowers can’t hurt, right? After she pays for the bouquet, she has a double take walking by the bakery she only treats herself to after an especially exhausting day. Luke has always been weak for chocolate chip cookies, and this bakery does them like no other. She grabs a box of a dozen.

Around an hour later, the front door opens again and Luke practically vibrates at the smell of the still-fresh cookies on the counter. All three of them dig in as she quickly changes, putting on a basic blue sundress and pulling out a sweater in case she gets cold. It feels like it’s been forever since she’s worn anything that isn’t scrubs. She spritzes some perfume on and ties on three very important friendship bracelets that have somehow not fallen apart even after almost a decade. 

As expected, when she walks out, Quinn’s the one who notices what’s on her wrist first. He grins, surprised. “I didn’t know you still had those.”

She shrugs, fiddling with the loose threads. “They were very important to me. They still are.”

Jack stops chewing and his eyes widen, finally realizing. “Holy shit, Clee. We made those for you, like..”

“Right before I left for college? Yeah.” She takes the last bit of a cookie out of Luke’s hand. He doesn’t even bat an eye. “I don’t wear them as often anymore because I don’t want the possibility of them getting ruined or losing them at the hospital or anything. You know I wore them when I opened my acceptance letter into Stanford, right? And I wore them under my shirt when I had my interview with NYU.” She thinks she sees Quinn’s eyes water. She definitely knows she sees Luke swallowing roughly as Jack stares at her with some sort of reverence in his eyes. But she also knows her boys and just shrugs, changing the subject to make them more comfortable again. “We leaving soon?”

“Yeah. Let me just take a piss,” Luke says as he walks towards the bathroom. 

“I call dibs after!” Quinn calls out. 

“What the fuck?” Jack exclaims. “I need to go really bad too.”

“Just go to the one in my room, Jack.” She says, rolling her eyes. He huffs, giving Quinn a glare before disappearing into her bedroom. She sits down in the chair that Jack had just been occupying. “God, I can’t believe I’m gonna be living with those two. Am I regressing?”

Quinn snorts, “Probably. How is residency, by the way?”

She sighs. “Good. Busy and tiring and really fucking hard, but that’s to be expected. I’m currently in the NICU, so it’s been interesting seeing all the babies and the reasons they’re in there for. They’re also just so fragile, which, obviously, but it’s been good. I really love it.”

Quinn hums thoughtfully. “That’s badass, honestly. But everything you do is badass in my eyes.”

“Well, it’s quite badass in my eyes that one of my dearest friends is the captain of the Vancouver Canucks at 23.”

She feels a bit of a thrill at the blush that so easily paints his cheeks. “Nothing compared to you saving lives.”

“Hey,” she warns. “None of that here. We don’t do that.”

He just nods, leaning in to kiss her temple gently. “I’m sad that I’m gonna be seeing you less now, but I’m so happy for you. Least I’ll worry less about Jack and Luke now that you’re here.”

“Oh please. You’ll always worry about them.”

He hums, not even giving an answer because they both know the truth. She wraps an arm around his waist, tucking herself into his side and even though he’s standing and she’s sitting, she feels the most comfort she’s felt in awhile. 

Nothing brings her peace like these three boys, who have always believed in her and loved her before she was anything. They could be shouting at each other and never let her get a word in and she would still feel right at home

Later that night, as she’s catching up with everyone and eating Ellen’s pumpkin pie, she’s reminded that this whole family has always brought her peace. Ellen has always said she’s like the daughter she always wanted and Jim has always been like a father to her, especially the last decade. Geegs treats her just like she treats all her grandchildren, fussing over her and insisting that she needs to eat more because “you must be so stressed all the time at the hospital, running around and saving lives.” Everyone important and close to them have always known that the Hughes brothers and Clementine are the kind of package deal that will always be strong, even if it spans countries. It’s the three boys and Clementine always.

As she watches everyone sing happy birthday to Luke, watching him tower over everybody, his face poorly lit with the candles, she places both her hands over her heart while he blows the candles and everyone cheers. 

This chapter of her life is already shaping up to be pretty damn good.

…..

She’s had October 12 circled in her calendar ever since Jack convinced her to move in. The day of the regular season home opener of the Devils. 

After her shift, she ducks into the staff bathroom and changes into leggings and a Devils jersey, Hughes and 86 on the back. Jack and Luke lost some sort of bet that had the latter pouting and the former in absolute glee. She had just rolled her eyes. She’d just wear her 43 jersey to the next game. 

As she’s clocking out, one of her fellow residents and probably the one she’s closest to, Emilia, just raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t know you were a hockey fan.”

Clementine shrugs, swiping her ID card through the reader. She never distinctly mentions her relations to America’s Hockey Family or whatever the hell the media calls them unless directly asked, but she’s sure she’s dropped some hints at happy hour, especially when asked why she’s living in Jersey. “Practically grew up with three of them. Osmosis, perhaps.”

Emilia must connect the dots because she offers a small smile. “My husband’s a big Rangers fan, so don’t tell him I said this, but Jack’s fun to watch. He’s shifty.” She laughs and bids her friend farewell, walking towards the elevator. 

Jack and Luke got her a seat in one of the boxes that’s reserved for family and significant others, the home opener bringing in a larger crowd than usual. She doesn’t know anyone, but that’s okay, because right when she walks into the box, a beautiful blonde strolls over and introduces herself with a big smile. You must be Clementine. I’m Ryleigh, she says, Dawson’s girlfriend. Jack told her to be on the lookout for her. 

She makes quick friends with Ryleigh as they grab a drink and situate themselves. The younger girl introduces Clementine to Kristen, her adorable boy Henrik and Barbora and her sweet girl Adelka. She kneels down to play with both kids, mindlessly answering questions about her life from the women. It’s refreshing getting to speak to people about things that aren’t solely residency or medical school related. 

God, she needs to get out more. 

The opening night celebrations are fun, and she cheers extra loudly when Jack and Luke’s names get called. Everyone’s on a high after a 4-3 win, and Clementine dutifully follows Ryleigh and everyone else out of the box and some tunnels that somehow lead towards the locker room. Her stomach is filled, thanks to the food and the drinks, and she’s happily buzzing. She’s excited to be able to hopefully watch more games now that she’s living here. 

Around 30 minutes later, both Jack and Dawson come out at the same time. She briefly watches as the couple embraces before Ryleigh turns to introduce Clementine, who smiles as Dawson wraps her in a friendly hug. She bids them both goodbye as they walk out.

“Clee! Did you see my goals?” Jack says after she hugs him, ruffling her hair. 

She rolls her eyes with a smile, adjusting his collar. “Of course I did. Saw the two penalties too. Good game, Jackson.” 

He beams like a child who just got a gold sticker. “Thank you.”

“Where’s Luke?”

“Taking his sweet ass time.”

She instinctively shoves him. “Be nice.”

Jack opens his mouth, no doubt about to say something snarky, before something beyond her shoulder catches his attention. “Neeks! Come here for a second.” She turns around to see maybe one of the prettiest guys she’s ever seen in her life. Obviously, she knows who Nico Hischier is, but goddamn, is he beautiful up close. 

She sticks out her hand with a small smile. “Captain. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Just Nico’s fine,” he smiles, shaking her hand before running his hand through his hair. Gosh, he’s cute. “You must be Clementine. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

She automatically grimaces. “Oh no.” She turns to Jack. “Are you just as mean to me behind my back as you are to my face?”

Jack’s jaw drops. “Absolutely not! I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m so nice to you.”

Nico laughs. “It’s all good things, I promise. And anyone who has dealt with Jack since he was a kid is a good person in my book.”

“Hey!” Jack says indignantly. “Clee loves me.”

Both Clementine and Nico decide promptly to ignore him. “You’re living with Jack and Luke now, right?” Nico asks.

“Yeah. It’s cheaper than living in the city, and it’s nice to have them around again.” She says. Jack beams. 

“You were out west before?”

Shit. Does Jack talk about her that much? “I was. I did my undergrad at UCLA, and then went to Stanford for med school. So the last eight years, I’ve been a west coaster.”

“But back east now?”

“Back east now.”

“For..residency? Right? Is that the next step?”

“Yup. I just started my residency at NYU in July,” she grins cheekily at Jack. “And now I get to bother this one all the time.”

Luke comes out and brightens up, adjusting his beanie. “Hi Clemmy!”

“Hey Lukey,” she goes on her tiptoes to give him a hug. “Good game.”

“Thanks,” he mutters into her shoulder before pulling away. “I’m hungry. Do we still have the chicken you made yesterday?”

She snorts. “Yeah. Unless someone ate it during the day.”

“Yay,” Luke says sleepily. “How was work?”

“Not as tiring as playing a game, I’m sure.”

Luke pulls a face. “Liar. You’re a doctor. And you deal with kids all day.”

“I’m barely a doctor. And I love kids.”

“Still.”

Jack snorts. “I think we should get the big baby to bed.” He expertly avoids Luke’s slap. “See you tomorrow, Hisch?”

Nico nods. “Get some rest, you two. Good game. And it was nice to meet you, Clementine. I hope I see you around more often.”

Clementine grins. “You too, Nico. See you around.” She puts her arms around both Jack and Luke’s shoulder. Or tries to. “Drive me home, friends.”

In the car, as she’s in the backseat and looking outside the window, after Jack discreetly nudges him, Luke turns around to look at her. “So, Cap, huh? He’s a pretty good looking guy.”

She immediately knows what they’re trying to do. “Absolutely not, Luke. You are way too young to be trying to set me up.”

“What?” Luke whines. “I’m just saying. I saw you two eyeing each other up.”

“You’re seeing things.”

“Wait,” Jack says, making a left turn. “Moose, you might be onto something here.”

“I know I am.” Luke says, in a matter-of-fact voice that it seems like only youngest children can get away with. “Clemmy, you have to admit that Nico’s cute.”

‘Okay, sure. He’s objectively attractive. I could say the same thing about you. Or Jack. Or Quinn.”

“Ew,” Jack says, like the middle child he is. “Also, you’re totally his type. Pretty. Smart as hell. Lowkey. Doesn’t care that he plays hockey.”

“I’m also a resident right now, so I got no time to date, Jacky.”

“You’ve never had time to date,” Jack points out. “When was the last time you went on a date anyway?”

“A few months ago!” She says hotly. She will not let them know that her romantic life has been dry for years. 

“With who?” Luke shoots back.

“Another resident, actually. Thank you very much.”

Jack snorts. “And how did that go?” She pouts. “Exactly,” Jack says. “Maybe the key is to expand your horizons. Get away from the snobby doctors you always complain about.”

“Let it go, Jackson.” She warns. “Before I start harping on you two about your love lives. If you bring girls home, keep it confined to your rooms. And don’t even think about giving them my shit.”

They both cackle as the light turns green, exchanging knowing looks that Clementine misses. 

…..

She’s coming back from a brutal overnight shift when a familiar voice asks her to hold the elevator door open. She blinks as Nico blinks back, dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He looks awfully cozy. She can imagine that she looks like she got chewed and spit back out. 

She musters a smile. “Hey there.”

“Good morning,” he smiles back. “You coming back from work?”

“Yup.” She presses the button for 17 as the doors shut. “What are you and Jack and Luke up to today?”

“Not sure. I think some of us are going out to breakfast. Would you like to come?”

She chuckles, leaning her back against the wall. “I appreciate the invite, truly. I just feel like if I have to be awake for 10 more minutes, I might collapse.”

He bites his lip and stares down at his feet. She thinks it’s endearing. “Right. Sorry. Of course you’re tired.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she says. “Residency life is weird. Almost as weird as a hockey player’s.”

The doors open and Nico nods for her to go through first. “I don’t know about that. I live a pretty simple life.”

“Interesting way to define simple, Captain.” She teases. And he shrugs modestly. Clementine starts to wonder if there’s any arrogant bone in his body. He waits as she unlocks the door, closing it behind her. She walks in to see Jack pouring out a glass of juice and Luke sitting on the couch. “Found someone who may be of interest on my way up.”

She listens to Nico greet the two as she puts her bag down and lets her hair out of her ratty ponytail. “Wanna come to breakfast with us?” Luke asks with a hopeful smile. 

“Sorry, Lukey,” she says apologetically. “I’m literally a walking zombie right now. Another time?”

He pouts. “Fine. I miss you though. I feel like you’ve been MIA.”

“I wasn’t the one who was just on a long ass roadie,” she points out, giving Jack a side hug.

Nico looks around. “You guys do something different with the place? It looks different from what I remember.”

“We gave Clee free reign to spice it up a bit when she came here in the summer.”

Nico hums. “It looks nice. More…”

“Lived in? Homey? Clean?” She jokes, downing a glass of water.

The captain laughs. She watches his dimples deepen and blinks to herself several times. “All of the above,” he says. “I especially like the pillows.”

She beams. “Thank you. My mom embroidered the pillowcases.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come with us, Clee?” Jack begs. “We promise it’ll be quick.”

“Next time,” she promises. “I’m so, so tired.”

Nico clears his throat. “The team’s having a Friendsgiving thing in a couple of weeks since we’ll be on the road during actual Thanksgiving. I don’t know if these two have mentioned it yet, but you’re totally invited. It’s just gonna be the team and their families or whoever else they want to bring.”

“Is it at your place?” Clementine asks. 

“No.”

“So is it really your invite to extend? I don’t want to intrude.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “I was gonna ask you tonight. Hisch just beat me to it. It’s at Toff’s place. Of course you’re invited, so please come.”

She yawns. “Unless I have an overnight again, I’ll be sure to come. And even if I do, I’ll try to reschedule.”

“Atta girl,” Jack says. “You really need to get out more.” Clementine just flips him off, making Luke and Nico laugh.

“Enjoy your day, boys.” She calls out as she walks to her room. She hears them all yell out some sort of response before closing her door.

(As soon as she closes the door, Jack nudges Nico’s shoulder with his. “Make it less obvious, dude.”

Nico’s eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. “Make what less obvious?”

“That you’re interested in Clemmy.” Luke says dryly from the couch. “That’s basically our sister.”

“What?” Nico hisses, aware that she’s right down the hall. “I don’t-I mean, yeah she’s pretty. But I barely know her.”

“But you want to. You’ve wanted to ever since we showed you pictures of her,” Nico doesn’t even have the chance to defend himself as Jack smirks like the menace he is. “Don’t worry, Cap. One day you’ll catch her when she’s not sleep deprived and acting as an actual human being and you’ll be able to sweep her off her feet.”

Nico swallows. “She doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d fall for that.”

“She wouldn’t. Which is why you’re perfect. So many of my friends throughout the years have tried to hit on her. Hasn’t worked once.”

“Aren’t you, like, four years younger than her?” Nico says. “That’s probably why.”

Luke scoffs. “Good point.” He’s been less pushy about it compared to Jack, partially because he’s not as comfortable with Nico yet and partially because he’s not Jack. “She’s a good one though, Cap. You’d be lucky.” He says. 

Nico just nods.)

Early the next week when Clementine goes in, she finds out that one of her babies in the NICU she had been taking care of had died. It’s not necessarily the first time she’s dealt with death in her young career, but it’s still not easy. She goes through the rest of the day robotically, simultaneously trying to pick apart what she could’ve done differently while trying to forget about it completely. 

The only upside — if there is one — was that she wasn’t there when the baby’s parents were told. Fuck, she’s not looking forward to when she has to do that one day. 

During her lunch break, she calls Jack.

“Hello?”

“Jacky?”

“Clee? Is everything okay?”

She swallows. “I’m sorry. I can’t keep track. Do you have a game tonight?”

“No. Day off today. Game tomorrow. What’s wrong? Aren’t you at work?”

“Yeah. I am. Uh, what were you planning on doing tonight?”

“Nico’s coming over and we were just gonna chill. Luke’s going on a date, I think. Or doing something. Shit, I swear I told you.”

She blinks. “You probably did. I just, sorry. I haven’t been-”

“Stop apologizing,” Jack chastises. “How about we get take out from your favorite Greek place and have a movie night? I can tell Nico to come by another time.”

“No, no! Of course Nico can come. It’s your place.”

“It’s yours now too.”

She swallows. “He can come by. Greek food sounds really good though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll order some. Do you want me to go into the city to get you after work?”

“Fuck no. Are you crazy? That would be the worst drive.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind. Clee, I don’t wanna-you don’t sound like you’re okay.”

She tries to steady her voice. Worrying Jack is the last thing she wants to do. “I’m okay, Jacky. I promise. As long as you have the Greek food ready when I’m home.”

“You got it,” Jack softens. “I love you, Clementine.”

“Love you too. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

When she finally makes her way back to Hoboken, she feels a bit better. She hears murmured voices right before she unlocks the front door. 

“Hey,” she greets Jack and Nico. 

Jack barrels over, hugging her tightly with a smile. She involuntarily lets out a relieved sigh. “Lucky timing. I just got the food.”

“Lovely. Let me just take a quick shower and change and I’ll be right out.” She gives Nico a quick but friendly smile. “Hi Nico.”

“Hey Clementine.”

“Be right back.” She takes a quick shower and throws on leggings and a UCLA sweatshirt, choosing to let her hair air dry. When she comes back out, food from her favorite Greek place in Jersey that she discovered over the summer is laid out, along with a glass of iced tea. She could cry. 

“Long day?” Jack asks. 

She snorts, digging into her grape leaves. “You could say that. What’s been going on with you two?”

Jack knows her well enough by now that this is permission for him to ramble about anything and everything, from the more-than-usual brutal game last night against the Stars to how shitty his fantasy team is doing this week. Clementine just munches on her food while the two hockey players talk amongst themselves, her chiming in every once in awhile. She learns more about the girl Luke is currently on a date with (which isn’t saying much, because Jack barely knows anything and Nico knows even less) and complains that none of the brothers tell her these things. She only just found out that Quinn’s in a serious relationship. When Jack tries to protest with that fact she’s literally been on the other side of the country for the last eight years, she doesn’t wanna hear it. 

She finishes her iced tea. “How about you, Nico? You got any siblings?”

“Uh, yeah. An older brother and an older sister.”

“You close with them?

“Extremely.”

“Do they tell you who they’re dating and do you tell them who you’re dating?”

He hesitates. “Usually, yes.”

She gives Jack a pointed look. “See? Be like Nico.”

Jack snorts. “Please. If I were more like Neeks, you would have no one to pick on. Nico’s too perfect.”

She raises an eyebrow, shifting her gaze to Nico and she thinks she sees him blush. Nico clears his throat. “I don’t know about that.”

“Also, never listen to Clee. I’m her least favorite. She always makes fun of me.”

“Not true,” she shoots back. “You’re all my favorites.”

“What are siblings for if not for humbling you?” Nico asks. “I’m sure if you didn’t have Clementine here around growing up, your head would be way bigger than it already is.” 

“Captain’s got a point,” she sings, gathering their trash. She waves both guys away when they reach out to help. “Season’s been pretty good so far, right?”

“Thought you would be too scatterbrained to be keeping track.” Jack retorts.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t check the scores when I can.” She says, poking his side. Jack yelps. 

“You know what? Maybe you deserve to be her least favorite,” Nico jokes. “You’re so mean to her.”

“Hey!” Jack protests. 

“Thank you, Nico.” Clementine beams. “Finally, someone with sense around here. You gotta come around more.”

“Season’s going well, thank you for asking.” Jack sasses. “Oh, that reminds me. Trevor asked me if you were gonna come to the game when the Ducks are in town. Demanded, actually. Said that it’s been too long since he’s seen you and that he misses you. Not like you used to get to see him when you were in California or anything.”

She rolls her eyes. “When is he in town?”

“Sometime in December, I think.”

“Then yeah. I’ll be there. Not like I have a life outside of work anyways, as you always remind me.”

“You know Zegras?” Nico asks, before shaking his head. “Actually, yeah. Of course you do, if you grew up with Jack.”

“Not as well as you might think, though, to be fair.” She says, wanting to assure Nico that he isn’t completely wrong. “By the time Jack got into the development program, I was already out at UCLA. I was out there even before Quinn got into the program. Right at the same time, I guess. But you know, during the summers, wherever Jack is, Trevor usually isn’t far behind. He’s a good kid.”

“Clee kinda really is everyone’s older sister,” Jack says, passing a beer to Nico and a glass of wine to Clementine. “You should see how much Luke’s Michigan boys love her. And they’ve literally only met her once. Or never.”

Clementine waves Jack’s comment away. “It’s only because Luke calls me the most out of you three. And he’s my baby! I literally remember holding him when he was born.”

And the rest of the night is like this, as they exchange stories and memories, some she’s a part of, some she’s not and just likes listening to. Little mention of her work, which she’s so thankful for and knows in the back of her head is a purposeful play on Jack’s part. 

Even though she already wasn’t around when Jack left for New Jersey, she worried about him, especially after his tough rookie year. She still remembers the occasional calls she’d get of him breathing heavily and stumbling over his words and how she could do nothing about it across the country except offer a listening ear and some big sister comfort verbally. 

But now, watching Nico’s addicting smile and listening to his soft, comforting voice, she’s starting to see that Nico stepped up in that role so seamlessly and so well. It’s no wonder Jack always speaks so highly of his captain. Nico was there, and still is there, when she can’t be, whether it’s because she’s physically so far or just doesn’t understand because she isn’t a first overall draft pick. Sure, one could argue that it’s the duty of a captain. But she can tell it’s mostly because Nico is a caring guy.

That puts Nico pretty fucking high up in her good graces already. 

(Clementine retires to bed soon after, not before making sure by text from Luke that he’s safe and good. Once her bedroom door clicks, Jack attacks. 

“So…thoughts?”

“On Clementine?” Jack nods and Nico shrugs casually. “She’s great.”

“Come on, Hisch. You gotta give me more than that.”

“What do you want me to say?” Jack makes some sort of vague gesture and Nico sighs. “She’s quick, smart, funny. Deals with all your shit and you can tell she still loves you a lot. I didn’t-I mean, I knew you guys were close. I didn’t know you were that close though.”

Jack shrugs. “Yeah. Honestly I consider myself as close to her as I am to Luke or Quinn. She’s just, you know, been around for so long. It was really hard when she left for college, but she’s good at keeping in touch, which you know, thank god. Because I’m not. She came to all our drafts and she always makes the time to call or text, even though I know she’s busier than all of us combined with school and residency and all that.” Jack leans back into the couch. “It’s interesting to think about. With Clee, no one else except people who are actually close to me know about her, but she’s just as big a part of my life as my actual brothers. I mean, her mom’s the one who bought me the suit for my draft and Clee saved up to gift me the watch I wore with it. I don’t know. It’s interesting that you can think you know so much about someone but you’ll probably never get the full picture unless you’re there.” 

Nico hums, taking in Jack’s impromptu but astute ramble. “She ever play?”

“Hockey?” Nico nods. Jack snorts. “Nah. Soccer was her thing. Was pretty damn good too, if I remember correctly.” The younger boy shifts suddenly to a standing position. “If you want to know more, ask her yourself, Hischier. I’m tired. Get out of my apartment.”

Nico rolls his eyes, but stands up anyways. “See you in the morning.”)

The Devils Friendsgiving rolls around, and with a large bowl of homemade Spinach Artichoke Dip and a couple bags of pita chips, she climbs into the backseat as Jack starts the engine and Luke fiddles with his phone to pull up the directions. She doesn’t have to go into the hospital until the afternoon tomorrow, so she’s looking forward to treating herself to a couple glasses of wine and getting to meet more people. Luke puts some country song on that Jack starts humming as he starts driving. Clementine folds her legs on the seat as her chin rests on her knees, looking out at the window as the trees blur. She kicks the back of Luke’s seat when one too many country songs play in a row, knowing that they know that she prefers other genres of music. Luke just grunts, before putting on some Noah Kahan and she hums in satisfaction. 

The Toffoli’s house is spacious, and she shuffles carefully up the steps to the house behind Jack and Luke, careful not to slip on black ice. She slips off her jacket, passing the food off to Luke, before taking it back and walking into the warm home behind the boys. She just smiles and stands to the side as everyone exclaims at their arrival. She grins as Cat embraces her, thanking her for the invite. Cat waves her off and looks absolutely delighted when Clementine sets down the dip. Tyler pours her out a glass of wine and hugs her in greeting. 

The journey to being a doctor has shaped Clementine to be good at remembering names quickly, which helps her tremendously as Jack bounces around to introduce her to everyone. Everyone is so welcoming and the sprinkle of kids around makes her smile as well. It’s lovely to see that this team loves hanging out with each other off the ice when they’re not obligated to. She finds herself chatting with…everyone and is almost surprised but absolutely delighted at how kind everyone is. Some of the wives and significant others don’t hesitate to rope her into future plans and their group as a whole and she feels touched. She’s not sure how much time and energy she’ll have to go to some of their gatherings, but it’ll be nice to have some more familiar faces in the city. 

It’s when everyone’s starting to grab food does she find herself standing next to Nico, who had waved and nodded at her earlier when she walked in. “Hey Captain.”

Nico’s smile is blinding. “Like I’ve said, Nico works just fine.”

She shrugs with a chuckle. “How have you been?”

He sees her eyeing the potatoes and scoops some on her plate before he grabs some for himself. and she smiles at him in thanks. “Nothing new,” he says. “Just you know, playing hockey.”

She snorts. “Yeah, I bet. You had a sick goal the other night against the…Caps, was it?”

“Thank you,” he says as they both head towards two empty seats next to each other at the kitchen island. “You watch the games?”

“When I can. Not as much this season as I used to. It honestly used to be really effective background noise when I studied at school.”

His eyes track to her bracelets. “I’ve been wanting to ask you about those.”

“My bracelets?”

“Yeah. You wear them all the time. Is there any significance to them? If you’re comfortable telling me, of course.” He rushes the last sentence, eyes wide. 

She waves him off with an easy smile, pointing at each one of them as she goes through. “Quinn, Jack and Luke each made me one before I left for college. Gave them to me right at the airport before I went through security. Had me sobbing on practically the whole damn plane ride. I don’t wear them to the hospital, really, but otherwise, it’s kinda just habit to put them on at this point.”

“You love them a lot,” Nico observes.

Clementine just smiles, watching Luke play with one of the kids. “I do. They’re good guys to grow up with. But enough of that. Don’t think I don’t remember the explanation you promised me last time, Nico.”

A playful smile on his lips, Nico finishes chewing his food. “Explanation of what?”

“How the hell you chose soccer over hockey, when soccer is the best sport, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Nico echoes, and her smile widens. “I mean, yeah. There’s not much to it. I kinda was good at most sports. I still love watching football, or soccer. My dad used to play professionally, so I still enjoy playing pick up in the summer once in awhile. My brother played hockey, and I wanted to do everything he did. And then…”

“You were really fucking good.” She finishes for him. 

“I guess, yeah. You work with kids, right? Being their doctor?” She nods and he smirks slightly. “Even I know you have to be super smart for that. The journey to being a doctor can’t be easy.”

She chuckles a bit, feeling a bit flattered. “It has its moments. Definitely not the most simple career, by any means.”

“Anything specific with…what is it called? Pediatrics? I don’t really know how specializations work.”

“I’m actually doing an EM/Peds residency right now, which combines training in both the emergency room and pediatric medicine. There’s something about kids and the environment of an ER that I really enjoy, so putting those two together is..kinda the dream.”

“You’re incredible,” Nico says softly. And if she wasn’t blushing before, she definitely is now. Or is it the wine? “Seriously. That’s some amazing stuff. Is that common?”

“Combining residencies?” He nods. “No. Actually, NYU is one of the only teaching hospitals in the country that’s approved for this specific program.”

“So not only are you smart. You’re just the best of the best.”

She chuckles a bit and puts food in her mouth so she doesn't have to respond, because what the fuck? She’s thankful that Jonas and Nate join and divert their conversation so she can gather herself. She’s heard those words from people many times. Nico saying them shouldn’t have her stomach fluttering. 

(Later that evening, Clementine, predictably, finds herself among the moms with young kids, sitting on the floor with her back against the couch, giving them attention and watching them so that their parents can relax a bit more. 

She’s mindlessly talking and playing with Owen, Curtis and Reanne’s 3-year-old son, who’s at the age where he just loves to babble. 

Reanne bounces her son on her knee. “This is Clementine. Can you say Clementine?”

Owen claps his hands. “C-cuh-”

Clementine can tell Owen is getting a little frustrated that he can’t pronounce her name. “Owen, you know him?” She points towards Jack, who’s sitting on the couch a few feet away talking to Nico, Curtis and Jesper. Jack catches them and waves with a big smile as their conversation trickles off. 

“Unca Jack!”

“That’s right,” Clementine coos. “When Uncle Jack was as small as you, he couldn’t say my full name either. So he just called me Clee. Can you say Clee?”

“Clee!” Clementine nods excitedly and laughs with Owen as he says it again. “Unca Jack call you Clee?”

“He sure does. He still calls me Clee. And he’s a big boy now.”

Reanne grins, “Is that true?”

Clementine chuckles. “Yeah. Him, Luke and Quinn all called me Clee at one point. The other two don’t anymore, but I guess it stuck for Jack.”

Owen grabs one of his stuffed dinosaurs. “I like Unca Jack. He always buys me chocolate.”

All of them laugh as Reanne and Curtis shoot Jack a dirty look. Clementine snorts. “Busted.” Jack at least has the audacity to look a little sheepish as Owen doesn’t mind any of them, his attention back to making his dinosaurs fight each other. Owen hops off his mother’s knee and toddles over to sit in between Clementine’s legs, wordlessly passing her a dinosaur. 

Nico’s fond smile stays glued to his face as his eyes track Clementine and Owen. Jack takes note.)

…..

It’s a brisk Tuesday morning in early December, and Clementine is still trying to find her way where she needs to go. She volunteered to spend a few weeks at Newark Beth Israel Medical Center from recommendation by her mentor, since Newark is short a few hands. She’ll probably get used to the hallways and which floors are what the day before she leaves, but she’s not complaining. She’s still in an ER. She’s still working with kids. And she won’t complain about the shorter commute, even if it’s only for a short while. 

There’s a bit of a commotion outside as she’s making her rounds. Her curiosity causes her to scribble some last quick notes before stepping out of her patient’s room and clicking the door shut quietly so the 7-year-old girl doesn’t wake up. 

“Hey Caro,” she stops another resident who’s walking by. “What’s all the commotion?”

Caroline grins. “You didn’t hear? Some of the guys from the New Jersey Devils are stopping by to see the kids. It’s always a whole day thing that’s a fun day. That’s why Doc told us all to clear our schedules as much as we could today.”

Clementine snorts to herself. No, she didn’t hear. “Ah. I must’ve not been listening or something.”

Caroline offers her arm. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” she latches on to the shorter girl’s arm. “You a Devils fan?”

“I grew up in Texas, so to be honest, no.” They both chuckle. “But the guys are great. And it’s always fun when they come around. The kids have a good time too.”

“I bet,” she says softly. 

“Are you a Devils fan?”

She’s about to open her mouth to try and stumble through an answer, but they’re suddenly in a conference room and Luke is bounding over to attack her in a hug. “Clemmy!”

“Hey Lukey.” She pulls away and ignores Caroline’s confused but amused stare. “You and Jack didn’t tell me you were gonna be here.”

“We didn’t?” Jack grins, pulling her into a tight hug. “Well, surprise!”

Clementine just rolls her eyes as she waves at Jesper, Tyler, Dougie and Nico. Nico shoots her a quick wink and she gives him a shy smile before looking away. 

“Sorry,” Jack addresses some of the staff who have been openly eyeing them. “Clementine is, uh, basically family. We actually live together, which she loves.” The whole room exclaims softly in understanding. Caroline gives Clementine a look that has her holding back a laugh.

Clementine just puts her head down with a smile and waits for everyone to come into the room for the official welcome. Her pager goes off in the middle so she has to sneak out of the room quietly. She catches Nico’s eye before leaving and he gives her an imperceptible nod. 

She tries to keep out of everyone’s way as the players pop into various rooms to say hi to the kids and their parents. She poses for a few pictures at request from both PR departments, smiling the biggest when the social team asks for a picture of her, Luke and Jack together. It’s nice to see the kids really happy, and she does stick around in a patient’s room when Luke is reading a story to one of them.

“The kids like him,” she jumps slightly at Nico’s voice. He grimaces. “Sorry.”

She waves off his apology, staring at the scene. “Probably because he’s practically still one himself. I remember doing this for him when he was that age.”

“You’re a bit far away from Manhattan.”

“Yeah. I volunteered to come out here for a few weeks since they needed extra hands. I should be back at NYU after the new year. Had no idea you guys were gonna be here today. Would’ve warned everyone how annoying you all were.”

“You think I’m annoying?” Nico jokes. 

“All hockey players are annoying.” She turns to Nico and flashes a smile. “I’m kidding. Thanks for coming. The kids always love it anytime professional athletes come in to say hey.”

“The least we can do,” Nico says with a shrug. “It’s probably my favorite event of the year.”

She nudges his shoulder, “I saw you earlier, with little Artie. You’re not bad with the kiddos either.”

“Oh, thanks. They’re sweet. That’s a big compliment coming from you.”

“Well, it’s a bit different for me when interacting with kids is part of my job,” her smile widens watching as Jude, the patient, is laughing at Luke’s exaggerated voices. “Let’s leave these two be. Come with me?”

Nico falls into step with her. “Where we going?”

“I gotta check in on one of our patients, who, if I know her, is probably painting some watercolor landscape while bickering with her sister. I’m sure your big brown eyes and smile can keep her entertained while I take some of her vitals.”

Clementine stops at a room, knocks twice on a door with a purple and pink sticker-covered name card taped on the front, Lacy spelled out in big block letters. She peeks her head in. “Hey. Mind if I come in?”

“Do I have a choice?” The 11-year-old girl sasses. Clementine rolls her eyes, shooting her 17-year-old sister Maisie a quick smile. Maisie just nods in greeting before turning back to her laptop.

“I’m bringing a visitor in here too. Be nice,” Clementine warns. Lacy just keeps painting. She opens the door wider and Nico follows her in. “You recognize this guy?”

Lacy looks up and snorts, though a small genuine smile appears on her face. “Any hockey fan living in the state of New Jersey would recognize him. Hi Nico.”

“Hi Lacy. It’s nice to meet you. Can I pull up a chair for a second?”

Lacy shrugs. “Sure.” Nico shakes Maisie’s hand quickly first before grabbing a chair and sitting by her bedside. Clementine gets started on her notes. “I saw your game the other night. Against the Wild,” Lacy says.

“Oh yeah? What did you think?”

“I mean, at least you guys won in overtime. It probably shouldn’t have even gone to that point.”

Clementine coughs to hide her laugh, Maisie admonishes Lacy, but Nico just chuckles. “That’s a fair assessment. You like hockey?”

“Yeah. I used to play. Before all this.”

“Oh yeah? What position?”

“Center.” 

“That makes sense. You seem like you like to score goals.” She hums. Out of the corner of Clementine’s eye, she sees the girl offer a brush and a blank piece of paper to Nico. Clementine smiles to herself. Nico takes the brush. “You got a favorite player on the Devils?”

“Do you just want me to say you?”

“Not if it’s not true.”

Clementine chuckles, “Don’t hurt his ego too much, Lace. He might not be able to handle it. One to ten?”

“Three,” Lacy answers in reference to the frequency of pain scale she and Clementine have come up with. “My favorite is Dawson, by the way. You’re third on my list.”

“I’ll take that,” Nico says with a satisfied smile. “Who’s second?”

“Probably Jack. Or Haula. It depends on the day.”

Nico’s eyes light up as Clementine rolls her eyes to herself. “Jack, huh? Has Clementine told you that she knows him?”

Lacy stops painting for a second. “What do you mean ‘knows him?’”

Clementine gives Lacy a cup of water and waits for her to take her pill. “I’ve known Jack since he was born. Luke too.”

Lacy’s eyes pop open, and Clementine thinks that she would’ve mentioned this earlier if she knew that this was the reaction she’d get. Lacy’s been a hard nut to crack in terms of opening up to her. “Really? Quinn’s one of the best defensemen in the league, in my opinion.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him. He’ll appreciate that.”

“Pretty cool, right?” Nico remarks, carefully dipping his brush in water.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” Clementine says. “I knew you were a hockey fan. I didn’t know you were a Devils fan. Isn’t your dad a Rangers fan?”

Nico grimaces automatically as Lacy nods. “Yeah, but red’s prettier. And the Devils are better.”

“That’s right. And don’t forget it,” Nico says. 

“Hey, Lace. Dawson isn’t here, but do you want me to go find Jack and see if he’s around?”

“Sure. I don’t have my jersey though and I wanted him to sign it.”

“We’ll send you another one and he can sign that one,” Nico says. Maisie tries to protest but Nico just shakes his head. “It’s no problem at all. I’ll send you mine though. To convince you to move me higher on your list.”

“I mean, I won’t say no to that.” Clementine and Nico just chuckle. 

“Be right back,” Clementine promises. 

She closes the door and takes a moment to watch the two. Nico’s trying to paint some sort of sunset and lets Lacy guide his hand, listening intently as Lacy gives him some artistic advice. She’s never seen such softness in someone’s eyes before as Nico is looking at the young girl. And later, when Nico hands her two tickets for a game in January, it’s the most excited she’s seen Lacy.

…..

Clementine finds that she has Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, so the three of them decide to do their own little Christmas Eve celebration — Ellen and Jim are heading to Vancouver to spend the holiday with Quinn and the various family they have out there — before going to Jack and Luke’s family again on Christmas Day. They ask her if Nico can join them Christmas Eve, before going with them to their family’s on Christmas Day, since his family can’t fly out this time around for the holidays. She immediately agrees, and digs her knitting supplies out from the few unpacked boxes in her closet and stops by the fabric store right by the hospital after work. 

Later that night, after a game, Luke waves his greeting before stumbling into his room while Jack beelines to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. He casts his eyes on Clementine on the couch, Canucks game on quietly in the background and a whole bunch of yarn on her lap, her fingers twiddling around knitting needles. 

Jack raises his eyebrows. “Who’s that for?”

“Nico.” The lack of response has her raising her eyes away from her needles. “What?”

“You like him, don’t you?”

“As a person, absolutely. He’s very-”

“Fuck off. You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You like him. Like, stomach has butterflies and all that shit.”

She puts down her needles with a sigh, “Jack-”

“Listen, I know you’re just gonna deny it or whatever. Because that’s what you do. So, I’m not even gonna bother, but Clee. You could do a whole lot worse than Hisch. And he likes you too, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Jack. I’m not gonna date your captain.”

“Why not?”

“Because…I don’t wanna put you or Luke in a weird position.”

“That’s a dumb excuse. Who cares about that? Certainly not Luke and I.” He comes to sit next to her like an eager puppy. “I swear I’m not trying to set you up or whatever. Not intentionally at least. And I really won’t push and let it go if you want me to. But Clee, you seem so at ease around him. And it’s obvious that he just likes everything about you. It doesn’t have to be serious. But maybe just give it a chance before you just shut it down, okay?”

She nods, taking in his words. “Okay, okay. I will.”

“Promise?”

She rolls her eyes, but clasps her pinky with his. They’ve always taken their pinky promises very seriously. “I promise.”

Jack grins, his typical easygoing manner right back. “Good.” 

After a lazy Christmas Eve morning and afternoon watching holiday movies, drinking hot cocoa and feeling at peace, she, Jack, Luke and Nico put on some Christmas music and make gingerbread cookies to bring the next day. She scolds the brothers as they start flinging flour at each other but she does it with a smile that hurts her cheeks and a heart that feels overwhelmingly full. “Silent Night” comes on and to prevent herself from fully bursting into tears, she leaves Luke and Nico to shape the cookies and drags Jack to dance around the kitchen with her. She thinks he understands, as he places a comforting kiss on her forehead, Luke looking on in solemn happiness.

(Nico notices all of their demeanors slightly shift, but he doesn’t press.)

At midnight, they all exchange presents under the twinkling lights of their tree. Nico looks surprised when they tell him they all have presents for him, which is funny considering he has presents for all of them. As the youngest, Luke goes first, and his smile is pure ecstasy, as he receives a really nice watch from Nico, new shoes from Jack and a bottle of cologne that she knows he’s been eyeing from Clementine. Jack’s next, as he gleefully reaches for his presents. Nico gifts him a customized Snapback that has Jack tackling his captain in a hug and almost tipping the tree over, and Luke gets him the newest AirPods to hopefully discourage him from “accidentally” putting his through the wash. Clementine gets Jack a nice leather wallet she saw at a vintage shop a few weeks back and he acts surprised that she knows what he likes style wise, as if she didn’t practically grow up with him and watch his heinous style turn into something passable. 

Clementine insists Nico goes next. Jack and Luke get him a joint present of a massive box of assorted Swiss chocolates and Clementine thinks his eyes literally light up, excitedly talking about how you can’t get most of them outside of Switzerland. As Clementine hands him her present, Nico only raises his eyebrows at the large bag. 

“Should I be scared?”

She scoffs, “Just open the bag, Captain.”

They all laugh, Jack and Luke eagerly watching as Nico carefully takes out the tissue paper. Jack laughs in recognition as Luke just shakes his head fondly when Nico pulls out a giant knitted maroon blanket. 

“I know it seems a bit weird,” Clementine rushes to explain as he unfolds the blanket carefully. “But basically, when I started going to the boys’ games, I would get really cold sitting in the bleachers. So my mom taught me how to knit and I knitted myself a huge blanket, kinda like this one. The parents all saw me with it and eventually started asking if I would knit some for them. And I did, so it’s kinda a thing I like to do when I have time now. Makes for good presents too.”

Nico looks behind him to a similar looking white blanket draped across the couch. “Did you make that?”

She grins. “Yeah. I think that one was the one I gave to Jack right before he left for New Jersey. I know Luke has the one I gave him before he left for Michigan in his room.” 

“It’s super warm,” Luke says.

“Clee doesn’t make these blankets for just anyone,” Jack adds. “She only just made one for Turcs last year after he had been practically begging her for years.” 

Nico folds the blanket back up and reaches over to envelop her in a tight hug. She lets herself rest her head on his shoulder. “Thank you,” he says sincerely. “I love it.”

She just smiles, trying to tell her brain to calm the fuck down before she reaches out to grab Jack and Luke’s (and Quinn, he said to her over the phone this morning) gift for her. She pulls out a photo album and immediately starts sniffling. The first photo on the first page is of her holding Quinn at the hospital right when he was born. Written below, in what she recognizes as Quinn’s handwriting: 

Clem holding Quinn for the first time. October 15, 1999. Orlando, Florida. 

She flips through quickly, finding that it’s photos of her and all of the brothers throughout the years, before closing it and taking a deep breath. “I’ll have to look at this more carefully later when I can cry by myself in my room. Fuck. How long did this take you guys?”

“We got the idea when you told us you were moving in, but we really got to put it together over the summer,” Luke says. “It was also fun getting Mom and Maeve to dig up some of the pictures.” 

She wipes her eyes before giving them both individual, loving hugs and sweet kisses on their cheeks. “Thank you.” It’s not enough. Nothing will ever be enough. But she hopes they understand. 

“Well, I don’t know how I can follow that up,” Nico jokes softly. 

“Stop,” she scolds him lightly, taking the wrapped box from his hands. She rips the paper ungracefully and opens the box. In the box are light pink scrubs. When she unfolds the shirt, she sees tiny bluebells adorning the right side, with her initials in delicate white cursive on the right. 

Nico scratches the back of neck. “Jacky mentioned that pink’s your favorite color and I had Luke sneak into your closet one time when you were at work to grab me your measurements. My sister does embroidery for fun so, uh, yeah.”

She has to bite the inside of her bottom lip from smiling too widely. She already knows it’s going to be her favorite set. Before she can think too hard about it, she practically launches herself into his arms, half in his lap as Nico lets out a surprised grunt but easily catches her. She holds on a bit longer, even placing a quick kiss on his cheek before pulling away. 

“Thank you. I love them.”

(Jack and Luke exchange the most obvious look, yet somehow both Clementine and Nico miss it) 

The next day, they make the hour-long drive. Clementine calls shotgun, and has her feet curled up under her, white sweater stretched over her hands as Jack hums along to the Christmas music playing softly in the background. Nico insisted on getting flowers, which is all too much, but she, Jack and Luke are also bringing two bottles of some really fucking good wine so maybe they’re all on the same page. They’re the last ones to arrive, the house already filled with familial chatter, football on the TV, snacks on the kitchen island and alcohol free flowing. She watches as Nico is embraced like he’s been around for his whole life, even though realistically, he’s maybe only met a few of them in passing when they’ve come to a game. Geegs calls him handsome after .4 seconds of seeing him and she, Jack and Luke all snicker watching his cheeks turn red. It seems like it takes not even three minutes for him to charm every single damn person, especially when he gives Lara the flowers. 

Clementine immerses herself in the cheer of holiday and family, happily answering anyone when she’s asked about her residency. She answers questions about it’s like living with the “terrible two” with ease and laughter, because as much as she likes to give them shit, it’s honestly been one of the best times of her life.

Inevitably, because she might not have their last name but has been part of the family for years, she gets a few questions about her love life, or lack thereof. Lara always jokes that if the stars were slightly different, her and Quinn — or maybe even Jack — could’ve ended up together. And Clementine agrees, because those two boys are so lovely and she knows them so well and loves them so much, but the stars are the way they are, and nothing will ever happen romantically between her and any Hughes brother. 

Romance hasn’t really ever been seriously in the cards for Clementine, which is partially self inflicted. She had something in college that lasted for over two years, but since then, nothing has stuck. She’s always used the excuse of school and now residency, and it’s somewhat true. But even she knows she’s running out of excuses for herself. 

As her eyes flit over to Nico, who’s across the room talking to Luke and Ben, one of their cousins, looking so fucking soft in his gray crewneck and dark washed blue jeans, hair too fluffy and the most heartwarming smile on his face, she tells herself to get it together. 

After over two decades of being around hockey boys, she can’t be developing a crush on the captain of the New Jersey Devils. 

…..

On the morning of New Year’s Day, Clementine tries her best to go about the kitchen quietly to make her breakfast, only to find Jack and Luke already there, sipping on their coffees. 

“Morning boys.”

“Morning Clemmy.”

“Happy new year!”

“Happy new year,” she yawns. “Morning skate?”

“We’re skipping.” Her eyebrows shoot up and Luke just gives her a look. “C’mon, Clemmy. We’re not letting you do this alone.”

She swallows and her voice cracks. “You guys remembered?”

“Clee,” Jack says with a sympathetic smile. “Of course we did.” 

Before she can control it, her eyes water and she sniffles. Luke comes up and pulls her to his side, allowing her to momentarily bury herself into his sweatshirt as she tries to gather herself. Above her head, Luke and Jack share a look as Jack wordlessly grabs a thermos from the cabinet and fills 3/4 of it with coffee, topping it off with oat milk. Clementine pulls away and rubs at her eyes. 

Jack smiles at her. “Picked up some croissants from downstairs we can eat on the way. The florist should be open by now.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay,” she turns to Luke again and pulls him into a real hug. She only forces herself to pull away so she can give Jack one too, before going to her room to change. 

They stop by the florist downstairs and she picks out a bouquet of fresh daisies. She watches Luke mull over his options before choosing the white lilies as Jack automatically reaches for the pink peonies. He also cradles a bouquet of sunflowers, and when she gives him a confused look, he just smiles.

(“From Quinn. He specifically requested sunflowers.”

Clementine bites her lip, nodding, the image of toddler Quinn almost yanking the sunflowers in the yard in front of her childhood home before her dad stopped him and explained how flowers grow passing through her mind.)

The drive to the cemetery doesn’t take too long. They may be driving in from a different direction than she’s used to, but somehow, it’s like her body knows exactly where she’s going. Once they arrive, she quietly directs them to the right hill and she takes a sip of her coffee before opening the car door. She tries to take the flowers from Luke’s hands but he just softly tells her he’s got it. She’s a step ahead of the two as she leads them to the correct place. 

She smiles as she comes close, seeing the semi-fresh bouquet of roses she knows her mother must’ve placed there three days prior, 28 years to the day they got married. She watches as Luke carefully sets down all their flowers, and she bends down to help him arrange them in a pretty way as Jack unfolds the large blanket. They all sit down and stare at the stone. 

in loving memory of

Miguel Alejandro Sandoval

April 3, 1968 - January 1, 2015

beloved son, uncle, friend, husband and father

As she starts talking softly, some of her words floating away with the slight breeze, Jack hastily grabs her hand with his and intertwines their fingers tightly as Luke adjusts his long limbs so that his head is in her lap. She uses her other hand to play with his curls and takes a shaky breath as Jack places his head on her shoulder. She talks about how she’s back east now and how much she loves residency and how fun it’s been to live with Jack and Luke and how Quinn is captain of the Canucks now and how her mom, Ellen and Jim are doing well. She talks like she’s chatting with her dad over homemade paella on a Sunday morning, rather than in the eerie peacefulness of Flower Hill Cemetery, which is five miles away from the house he grew up in. Jack and Luke don’t say anything, but she doesn’t expect them to. She’s just grateful they’re here with her. 

When they’re about to leave, the two boys request a few minutes without her and she just smiles, kissing her hand and touching the stone before walking away. She sits in the car and waits, watching as Luke leans his head on Jack’s shoulder. After six minutes, they’re all on their way back to Hoboken. 

After lunch, Jack and Luke head over to…one of their teammate’s places to watch whatever football game is on. They ask, more than once, if Clementine wants to join, but she denies. They both then insist on staying, but she overrules them and practically shoves them out the door, promising that she’ll be okay and that she’ll see them later. 

Around an hour later, she’s finishing up prepping some pasta salad for the week ahead when there’s a knock at the door. She hums to herself, confused. She’s not expecting anyone who doesn’t have a key to the place. She swings open the door. 

“Nico?” She smiles, albeit confused. “Uh, Hi. Jack and Luke aren’t here.”

“I know. I just saw them.” She’s still confused, but she goes to the side to allow him to come in, closing the door behind him. He slips off his shoes and clears his throat. “Happy new year.”

“Happy new year. Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”

“I just..I was at Nate’s,” Ah, so that’s where they went. “And Jack and Luke came in and we were all bummed you weren’t coming and asked why. They didn’t say much, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I, you know, as captain or whatever, asked them if everything was okay and they said it was and I asked if you not being there had anything to do with why they skipped practice this morning and you know them, especially Jack. He’s such a shitty liar. He just said that it may be a hard day for you today, and I wanted to see if you were okay.”

Clementine isn’t offended, by any means. Too much time — nine years worth of it — has passed for her to feel any animosity of any sort about a touchy thing like this, especially when it’s just Jack and Luke looking out for her. She just smiles, reaching out a hand to take Nico’s coat. “I’m okay. But if you really want to know, it’ll take a bit of time. I’m giving you an out, Cap. It is New Year’s Day.”

“I want to know everything about you,” he says, walking further into her place. She’ll have to unpack that one later. 

“Tea or coffee? Or whatever disgusting protein shake Lukey has in the fridge?”

Nico snorts, settling himself down on the coach with the comfortability of someone who lives here. Then again, Clementine is reminded, as he unfolds the white knitted blanket, that Nico’s known the layout of this apartment longer than she has. “Coffee, please. Black is fine.”

“Abysmal,” she remarks, pouring out a cup for him and herself. She sets them down on the coffee table before smiling at him. “Be right back.” She goes into her room to dig through her bookshelf for a specific photo album that she only cracks open during January 1 of every year. It doesn’t take long before she paddles back to the living room, placing the album next to her coffee. She sits a respectable distance from Nico, but tucks herself under the blanket anyway. She watches him sip his coffee for a few moments.

“We were at the cemetery this morning. That’s why Jack and Luke asked to skip morning skate. We were visiting my dad. He died nine years ago today. Cancer,” she says, like she’s recalling a medical fact she read in her textbook. “He was, god, my best friend, really. And the best person, in my completely biased opinion. But maybe not. Miguel Sandoval, everyone used to say — still says — had a heart of gold and a smile as bright as the sun. He loved being outside. Worked as an environmental engineer. He loved chocolate ice cream. He hated mosquitos, always cursed them out in Spanish during the summer just to make me and my mom laugh. He always kicked the ball around in the backyard with me, even after an exhausting day at work. He made the best paella, made it pretty much every Sunday. God, he really did light up every room he walked into. He loved my mom. Loved me. And we loved him. Love him.” She reaches for the album and offers it to Nico, who slowly starts flicking through the pages. She looks on with him at the photos. “My mom, Maeve, and Ellen, Luke and Jack’s mom, played soccer at UNH together and just kept in touch throughout the years. My mom and dad met at UNH too. And then Ellen met Jim, and the four of them were so, so tight, I’ve been told. Double dates, all of that.” She smiles, looking at her mom and dad’s wedding photos. “Ellen was my mom’s maid of honor, and my mom was hers. They always like to remind me that I was in my mom’s stomach when Ellen and Jim got married. Anyways, I was 18 when he died, so looking back, I’m grateful that I even had that many years with him, but at the same time, it felt so short. 100 years wouldn’t have been enough time with him.”

“He sounds like an amazing man,” Nico says softly. 

Clementine smiles with him. “He was. It’s easier now. Nine years is a long time. But during the few years after, it was really hard. I felt really guilty going to UCLA just months after he died.  Was about to throw it away and go somewhere close to home instead, but my mom insisted, knowing it was my dream school. I felt guilty leaving her across the country, in a fucking different country, but it did help that she had people around to support her. It’s still not easy. This time of the year is always pretty hard on me. And it’ll never really go away. But time does heal.”

She takes a sip of coffee to gather her thoughts, as Nico continues perusing the album, laughing at some and cooing at others when the Hughes brothers start making an appearance. They stop at a picture of her father holding Luke right when he was born in the hospital, Jim proudly smiling in the background and young Jack and Quinn looking on. “My dad loved the boys and I don’t even think saying he loved them captures 1% of it. Those boys were his boys. If I didn’t have soccer games or practices, he was tagging along to all their hockey stuff after work and on the weekends. He didn’t know jackshit about the sport at first, but he eventually learned the ins and outs of the game because he wanted to support them. Did Jack ever tell you why he chose 86? Or why Luke chose 43?”

“I think Jack just said it was a family number or something,” Nico says. “Didn’t go much into it.”

“My dad’s birthday is April 3. 43. I think all of them wore it during their first year at the program. And then Quinn and Luke decided to go back to it in college and beyond, obviously. 43 doubled is 86, of course, but my dad, who was also a middle child, used to say Jack’s personality was so big and bold that it doubled his siblings’. The boys loved him just as much as he loved them.” By now, the tears are gushing down her cheeks. “Sometimes, I think that the three of them took the loss harder than I did. He never got to see them play for their country. He never got to see them get drafted. He never got to witness their first points in the show. And fuck, my dad would’ve cheered so loud. Would’ve been so proud. Probably is so proud, wherever he is. But, you know, during the big moments, and the little ones, we all know he’s there. I just know he is.”

“He is.”

She calms herself down a bit and chuckles. “Sorry, I know it’s a lot.”

“No, no.” They shift closer to each other and she leans into him as he puts an arm around her shoulder. “It’s not a lot. I-thank you. For telling me all of this. Thank you for trusting me.”

Clementine just shrugs, but the weight of her shoulders feels heavy. “I’ve never felt the need to justify to others what the Hughes family means to me, but telling people about…this usually gives them some context. I frankly don’t know if I would’ve survived and gotten through it without them. It’s more than just family friends at this point. It’s family, but it’s also something so much more. I get reminded everyday how lucky I am to have them.” 

(She swallows, thinking back to her ex-somethings that could’ve been something more had they not let their insecurities show after finding out how three of her closest friends are not just guys, but nationally scouted hockey players, thinking back to a splattering of girls who she thought were her friends but subtly changed their attitudes when they tried to get Clementine to put a good word in, thinking back to some who brushed aside her own accomplishments to fixate on her pseudo-brothers’ careers. She’s never directly mentioned it to any of the boys. It’s not their burden to worry about. But even if they aren’t as smart as her, she thinks they have an idea)

Nico nods. She thinks he may understand, weirdly enough, despite the different circumstances. It seems like Nico just understands a lot. Nico smiles, setting the album back down gently on the table in front of them. “Your ability to love greatly. Your natural protectiveness. Did that come from your dad?”

“Yeah, actually. I love my mom, of course. But she’s always been more of the tough love parent. I think the protectiveness was more of just the situation I was put in, being the oldest out of all of us and also an only child. But the love…a lot of people who knew my dad say we’re very similar in that aspect. So thank you. I’ll take it as a compliment. That means a lot to me.”

She busies herself and sips on her coffee. Nico clears his throat. "You can feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I just…did your dad’s situation influence you to want to become a doctor?”

“Sorta. I kinda always knew that I wanted to do something in science, but it definitely solidified when he died. I did think about going the oncologist route, a doctor that deals with cancer, but I ultimately decided that it hit too close to home. I-I’d like to think that in a profession that’s dedicated to trying our best to save lives, that I have a perspective on death that helps me more than harms me. Helps the patient and their family more too, hopefully.”

“That’s an extremely mature way to look at it.”

“Jesus, Cap. Way to make me feel old. I’m only 26, you know.”

“With all the stuff you’ve gone through, you’re probably more emotionally, like, 37.” Well, he kinda has a point. “But seriously though. What a beautiful perspective.”

“I appreciate that a lot, thank you.” She snuggles more into the blanket, and therefore, closer to Nico. “Bet you didn’t think you’d get this to start off your year.”

She feels the ghost of his lips press to her hair and hopes he doesn’t feel her racing heart. “Perhaps not. But I’m pretty content with how it’s going so far.”

…..

For Nico’s birthday, Clementine asks Emilia, who’s Swiss, what some traditional Swiss desserts are. After getting a recipe for a semi-complicated cake from Emilia from her mother, she gets to work.

She makes two cakes, or Zuger Kirschtorte, the larger one for Nico and the smaller one for her, Luke and Jack. It takes a good chunk of her evening, but she makes it a whole thing, putting on the Devils vs Caps game, measuring ingredients and going back towards her laptop to make sure she’s following the recipe correctly. She’s momentarily grateful that both boys aren’t here, partially so they don’t distract her in case she fucks up but mostly so they don’t start teasing her. She knows they will eventually, but she would rather hold it off as long as possible. 

The cake turns out really good, which is a bit surprising. Clementine’s always liked baking, but she’s not amazing at it. She carefully puts the larger cake in a disposable container, setting it on the counter to give it to Jack and Luke to give to Nico tomorrow morning, putting the smaller one in the fridge. Before she sleeps, she places a sticky note on the lid, “do not touch or i’ll kill you” written out in all capital letters.

(The next morning, Nico smiles when he sees that Clementine had sent him a short text reading “Happy Birthday Cap!! Enjoy your day :)” When Jack walks into the locker room, cake in his hand and beelining towards him, he’s confused. 

“Special delivery for the birthday boy,” Jack says with a knowing smile. 

Nico furrows his eyebrows. “From who?”

Jack nods to the card taped to the top of the lid. “Read the card and find out.”

Nico sets the cake beside him carefully as Jack practically skips to his stall. He ignores what he feels like are multiple eyes on him as he opens the card. He feels his throat dry up. 

Captain, 

Happy birthday!! It’s always a joy seeing and talking to you, so thank you for bringing that into my time in Jersey so far. I tried my best with the cake, so forgive me if it isn’t perfect, but I hope it brings you a sense of home. 

With love, 

Clementine

Nico takes a closer look at the cake and does a double take, before shooting her a quick text of gratitude and carefully putting it into his locker. Hours later, when he finally gets to try it, he closes his eyes in happiness, savoring the taste of a dessert his grandma used to make all the time when he was younger and thinks about the girl who made it. 

Two days later, when Clementine’s at The Rock to see all Hughes brothers together on the ice as the Devils take on the Canucks, he’s hoping to catch a glimpse of her afterwards. After getting a hattrick, he’s on a high and he’s hoping even more to get a chance to see her afterwards.

He comes out of the locker room, tired but happy, and first sees Ellen Hughes’s unmistakably bright smile. He greets her politely, grin widening as she pulls him into a motherly hug. He shakes Jim’s hand before Clementine practically jumps onto him, congratulating him on his hat trick with a happy squeal. He can’t help but laugh and squeeze her just a bit tighter before letting go and ruffling Luke’s hair. 

“Hey,” he lowers his voice so only Clementine can hear. “Thank you. For the cake. You really didn’t have to. It was delicious.”

“Really?” She says, tucking her hair behind her ears and bouncing on her toes. “Oh, I’m so glad you liked it!”

“How did you-where did you get the recipe?”

“One of my friends from the hospital is Swiss. I asked her, and she got it from her mom.”

All Nico can do is blink, because he’s so fucking touched that someone would go out of the way like that. He takes a second to look at Clementine’s beautiful smile and takes a deep breath. “I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

She just beams. Nico wants to bottle it up. 

Right as he’s slipping into bed that night, he checks his texts one last time, furrowing his eyebrows when he sees a text from Luke from four minutes ago. It’s a Twitter link. Confused, Nico clicks on it. It’s a short clip of the broadcast from the game earlier, after he had scored his hattrick. It shows him celebrating on the ice, then pans the bench, fans, before panning to the Hughes family box. He smiles, watching as everyone cheers, but he immediately notices Clementine, in Quinn’s Canucks jersey nonetheless, jumping out of her seat first and raising her arms in excitement, clapping and shouting and smiling.

As he’s watching the video again, Luke sends another text. 

Luke Hughes

Ask her out already 

I’m getting impatient

Nico just dislikes the second text. He watches the video one more time before shutting off his phone.)

…..

Residency keeps Clementine crazy busy the next few weeks, that even though she wants to go to more games, she’s either working or too tired to drag herself to The Rock. She barely can keep her eyes open even when she puts a game on the TV, and is always fully asleep before Quinn and the Canucks on the west coast even take the ice. 

But finally, on a cold Saturday, on their day off, she drags Emilia along to see the Devils face the Canadiens. It’s a plus that she gets to see Cole again, because Cole has the ability to always put a smile on her face. 

Additionally, it’s a noon game, which is super rare. And Clementine takes that as a chance to host a small little thing at their place afterwards with an open invite to any of the players — on both teams — and their families. She can’t keep track of who knows who in the small world of professional hockey. She’s getting some of her residency friends to come too. 

If she has the energy and time to host something, she’ll do it. She used to love hosting in college and med school, even if it was just something as simple as a potluck. She’s aware it’s the middle of the season and they can’t go crazy, but she loves filling her home with love and conversation. 

Right after the game, she and Emilia both bolt out of there, Clementine momentarily thankful that they coincidentally parked close to the entrance so she could fight her way out of the lot within a decent time. Luckily, a lot of significant others offered to bring something or pick something up, so she and Emilia don’t have to prepare that much. Once they reach the apartment, Emilia helps Clementine out with her giant charcuterie board before taking out the tray of lemon squares she had made the night before and starting to cut them. 

Soon enough, everyone trickles in seemingly one after the other and Clementine is bustling around, making her rounds. She practically pounces on Cole, smiling at the sight of his smile and demanding him to catch her up on everything. 

She’s so busy mingling that she forgets to pour herself a glass of wine even though the bottles have already been opened. She doesn’t really realize it until she feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around to see Nico with a smile paired with a glass of wine in his hand. 

“For you,” Nico says softly. Somehow, it stands out above the loudish volume chatter in the apartment. “Got the last of it in that glass. Figured you might want some.”

She accepts the glass with a grateful smile. “Thanks, Cap. This one is one of my favorites.”

“I figured,” he says. She raises an eyebrow. He smiles a bit shyly. “On Christmas, you brought two bottles of that when we went to see Jack and Luke, and well, your, family. And I’ve seen at least one bottle of it at the apartment every time I’ve gone in recently and I know for a fact that Luke doesn’t like wine and Jack doesn’t know a shitty one from a good one.”

She snorts. “You’d think that allowing them to sneak some from my glass at family dinners for so long would’ve given them some taste. Instead, Luke has decided that a shitty beer is always his go-to and Jack’s go-to drink is a margarita like a psychopath.”

Nico chuckles, amused. “Bashing on Luke’s drink of choice is fair, even if I don’t agree, but what do you have against margaritas?”

“Many of my not-so-great moments in college have started with tequila,” she says with a shudder. “Even the smell of it makes me want to throw up these days.”

He laughs as she sips on her lovely wine. “Party animal back at college?”

“I wouldn’t say so. But work hard, play hard was the motto for a lot of my friends, and I wasn’t always strong enough to ward away their pleas.” She nods at him. “How about you? Is your drink of choice actually beer or are you normal?”

“I’m not picky. Beer’s pretty huge back home, though. So it’s what will usually be shoved in your hand whether you like it or not.”

“I went to Zurich two years ago for a friend’s wedding. It might be the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to.”

“Zurich’s great,” Nico smiles, his eyes flashing in a way she hasn’t seen before. “The whole country. It’s beautiful. It’s home. There’s nothing like home.”

“You miss it during the season? Or are you used to it by now?”

“Mostly used to it. It makes it all the more special when I do go back in the summer, you know? Also, it’s nice to have Siegs, Schmido and Timo here. A little taste of home even though we’re so far from it. Remind me again where home is for you? Toronto, right? Or Michigan?”

She chuckles. “It’s tricky. I grew up in Toronto, but my mom lives in Boston now. And you know, I was out in California for so long. So Toronto, but also Massachusetts, but also California? I don’t really know. But I’m also going to be in Jersey for the next four-ish years at least, so right now, it’s New Jersey.”

“And you’re happy with that?”

Clementine looks around the apartment with a giddy smile. “If it’s gonna look something like this, I think so.” 

“Clem!” She turns her head to see Cole bouncing towards her. He halts quickly though. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You’re good, man.” Nico says, shooting one last smile at Clementine. “Enjoy the wine.”

“Thanks for getting it for me.” He nods once and gives a friendly pat to Cole’s shoulder before walking towards the living room. 

Cole looks between Nico’s retreating back and Clementine, a mischievous smile growing on his lips. She narrows her eyes. “I don’t like that smile, Coley. What do you want?”

“Nothing! It’s a lovely little thing you have here. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Anytime. You looked great out there earlier.”

Cole puffs out his chest a bit and she refrains from rolling her eyes. “You think?”

“Well, I’m not an analyst. Or a coach. Or an expert of the game of hockey in any way. So take all my opinions with a grain of salt.”

“Sure,” he says, leaning his hip on the counter behind him. “But with the amount of hockey games you’ve watched in your lifetime combined with how much you’ve been surrounded by it all your life, I’d say you could give even the best analysts at The Athletic a run for their money.”

“Not by choice,” she grunts. 

Cole just smiles. His default expression, which Clementine can’t help but just adore. “Sure, Clem. Sure.”

“You’re being weird. What do you want?”

“For years you’ve been around hockey players. For years you’ve been around them flirting with you. And you finally crack because of the Swiss captain?”

She plops a few nuts in her mouth. “Whatever Jack and Luke have been feeding you, ignore it. You should know better.”

“They’re not feeding me anything, thank you very much!” She gives him a skeptical look. Cole, like the weakling he is, cracks. “Okay, maybe they have. But I’m also not blind, Clem. Hischier’s well-liked in the league. I think you two would be good together.”

She points at him playfully. “It is not your job to be thinking about these things.”

“Then whose is it?” He shoots back, playful smile still on his face but with a more serious tinge on the edges. “Clem, we’re not 16 anymore. Give us some credit. Let us matchmake a little.”

She snorts. “With love, absolutely fucking not. I know Jack has this fantasy in his head that I’ll date his captain and it’ll be all great, but he needs to chill.”

“He told you that?”

“More or less. He’s not subtle.”

Cole shrugs. “I’m not pushing, Clem. I’m not Jack or, even worse, Trevor. But just, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not just a fantasy in Jack’s mind. He adores Nico. And you know he thinks the world of you. Maybe he actually sees something there. I don’t think he’d encourage it so much or fuck around with that just to fuck around. You’re some of the most important people in his life.” 

Clementine sneaks a look at Nico, who’s literally just existing, and she can’t help but smile. At the sight of his smile. At the sight of him talking to Emilia. At the possibilities. But she turns back to Cole with a dimmer smile. “I don’t know, Coley. It’s not that-Nico’s amazing. He’s honestly just so…good. I don’t think he has a manipulative bone in his body. I just feel like I come with so much baggage, you know? No one’s gonna want that.” 

Cole makes a noise in his throat. “Okay, first of all. It’s not baggage. It’s life. Everyone comes with some sort of baggage, so that’s stupid. Second of all, you have so many people who already love you despite the ‘baggage.’ What’s adding one more person to that list?” 

She just hums. Cole offers her a smile, before switching topics to the Taylor Swift concert he went to last summer, which she knows he’s bringing up just to rile her up.

…..

On April 3, Clementine wakes up for work, to see that Jack and Luke are already awake, much to her surprise. She looks to the kitchen island and sees a plate of blueberry pancakes. She smiles sadly — her dad used to always make blueberry pancakes for breakfast if the boys were over. She doesn’t say anything and just hugs them both tightly as they all dig in. She has to run to work, and kisses them both on the cheek before heading out, promising to see them tonight.

After her shift ends, Clementine ducks into the staff bathroom to change. No jersey this time, but a cropped black Devils crewneck she cut herself with skinny jeans. She bids farewell to her coworkers before swiping her keycard and hopping on the train to Madison Square Garden. She’s meeting up with Emilia, who had the day off, and her husband Tony to watch the Devils take on the Rangers.

She’s grown to love The Rock, but going to a game at Madison Square Garden is pretty cool, even if she gets playfully chirped by Rangers fans multiple times as she walks in. She happily sips on her rum and coke, chatting with Emilia and Tony as she sees the seats slowly fill with blue. Hockey is always fun to watch, but she hasn't been to a game yet that has a rivalry quite like this one. 

As the game starts and she naturally gets into it, she finds herself having a moment where she wishes her father was in the empty seat next to hers. Luke scores a goal, and for a split second, her fingers itch to reach out to hug him as if he was there. She shakes it off and just keeps cheering and playfully getting up in Emilia and Tony’s faces while trying not to spill her second rum and coke for the night. Seeing the 43 on Luke’s jersey makes her emotional and she bites her lip to keep herself together.

Afterwards, after a tough 2-1 loss, she bids Emilia and Tony goodnight as she tries to find the path to the locker rooms, even though she always insists that she doesn’t need an all-access pass or whatever, especially at an away game. But Jack and Luke always insist (“We’re literally all going to the same place after anyways. And this one is at MSG. We gotta make sure you haven’t been injured by their fans.”) and she’s learned to pick her battles with them. 

It’s a nice enough night out, so she decides to wait outside instead of inside the hallway, texting Jack and Luke that she’s outside the exit. She ends up chatting with Jared, one of the guys on their equipment team, about how his daughter is just about to finish her first year of med school at UMass before the doors swing open. As usual, she gives Luke and then Jack comforting hugs, kissing their cheeks and ruffling their hair. Various members of the team start trickling out and she greets them all with smiles, chuckling softly as Dawson wraps her in a tight hug. 

Since MSG is decently close to Newark (without traffic, that is, which is practically impossible for New York City), a lot of the guys drove together to come to the arena this morning. So she watches as they debate who’s getting in whose car, since apparently it has to be different from this morning because of who lives where and a bunch of factors Clementine doesn’t understand. As long as she’s getting home somehow, she doesn’t care. 

She’s tuned them out so it takes Jack calling her name twice for her to pay attention. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“Do you mind riding with Neeks?” Jack says, waving his hand around. “We have a bigger car and it’s easier if we drop off Nate, Holtzy and-”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine,” she turns to Nico. “You sure you have room? I can always just take the train back.”

Nico snorts, “Jack and Luke would kill me if I had you going back on the train this late. I have plenty of room in my car. I’m just taking Bratter back.” 

“Only if you’re sure,” she says, before nodding at Jack and Luke. “See you both at home.”

(She misses the look that the boys all give Nico)

She insists that Jesper take the front seat, practically shoving him and quickly climbing into the back, making Nico laugh. Somehow, the traffic in Lincoln Tunnel is bearable and they’re in Jersey City in just over half an hour. Clementine hops out to give Jesper a hug once they reach his place before sliding into the passenger seat. 

Nico hands her the aux cord, as Jesper had been auxing earlier. She gives him a look. “Are you sure?”

He looks behind him before pulling back on the road. “Why wouldn’t I be?” She hums in response, satisfied, before shuffling one of her playlists. “When do you have to go into work tomorrow?”

“Uh, not until after lunch.”

“Perfect. Are you hungry?” 

“A bit actually, yeah.”

“Wanna grab a quick bite to eat and maybe a drink? I know a place that’s pretty close to here.”

She looks at the side of his face with a smile. “Yeah,” she says softly. “That sounds great.”

Nico catches her eye quickly, and smiles back. “Okay, great. Yeah.”

Within 10 minutes, Nico parks his car in the parking lot of a beer garden. It’s lively, but not crowded enough to overwhelm her. The outside patio is beautiful, and Nico just looks behind her with an encouraging smile. Without thinking, she grabs his hand and they walk in. 

He confidently strolls up to the bar, greeting the bartender, who seems to recognize him and greets him with a friendly handshake, causing her to let go of his hand. The bartender, Adam, he introduces himself as, is already filling up a pint of beer for Nico as he asks her what she wants to drink. She orders herself a rum and coke. He asks if Nico wants “his usual” for the food order and Nico nods, also adding something else that he says too fast for Clementine to decipher. But Adam just nods, before saying he’ll put the order in and goes to prepare their drinks. 

“You come around here often?”

Nico shrugs. “I guess. A bunch of the boys do. It’s a good place to hang out and grab some food.” They both grab their drinks and Nico leads her to the outdoor patio with his hand hovering over her back.

She slides into her seat, putting her hair up and taking a sip of her drink. “I’m sorry about the loss.”

“It’s not the end of the world, since we’ve already clinched playoffs…”

“But it still sucks?” She finishes for him. He nods, and she offers a sympathetic smile. “I get it, especially against the Rangers, I’m sure. But you guys still skated really well.”

“Thanks.” He smiles over his glass. “How was your day?”

Clementine blinks repeatedly, her throat suddenly feeling rough. It’s more likely that he’s just asking to be polite, but the fact that after a tough loss, he’s interested and cares enough to even ask. He must notice something shift in her eyes because he softens, hands itching to grab hers. She does the job for him, grabbing his hand probably too quickly. But before she can think too much on it, he loosely intertwines their fingers on the table. 

She clears her throat. “Honestly, not the best. Ending on a good note though.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

She chuckles weakly. “Would you even wanna hear it?”

“Of course I would.”

She finds nothing but sincerity in his eyes. She takes another sip of her drink. “One of the our cancer patient’s chemo results came back ineffective, which is just…so fucking shitty. Docs aren't deterred though and they talked with the kid’s parents today about targeted therapies which is good…” she trails off with a shrug. “Just being in the room as they broke the news, it…I don’t know. It’s always tough. Had me thinking.”

“Back to your own dad?” Nico asks carefully. 

Clementine nods, surprised that he remembered. Before she can respond, their food comes and her stomach is happy seeing the large tray of loaded fries in front of them. They dig in for a moment and she nods. “Yeah.”

“Do you do anything special to celebrate? For his birthday?” He asks. 

“Nothing really set in stone. I always try to do something, whether it’s watch his favorite movie or listen to his favorite songs. Something small and personal. I’m usually not in town to visit his grave, but my mom tries to go. He used to always make blueberry pancakes, so Jack and Luke made some this morning, which was sweet.”

“Jack and Luke know how to make pancakes?”

She snorts. “I’m just as surprised as you are. Yeah, so nothing crazy. Called my mom during my lunch break just to make sure she was all good.”

“What does she do?”

“She’s a teacher. 5th grade. So 10 and 11 year olds. She loves it. All the teachers have their own little group. She has her summers off to travel and spend time with family and friends.” Clementine pulls out her phone, quickly finding a picture in her camera roll of her and mom earlier this year at her graduation. “Good old Maeve. Irish to the core and proud of it, yet still can curse you out in Spanish pretty well. Says that that was one of the first things my dad taught her when they were in college.”

Nico laughs. “I still automatically switch to Swiss-German when I wanna curse and chirp. It takes a couple of seconds to translate to English in my head. But sometimes it just sounds so much better in Swiss-German that I wish people could understand.”

“Do you think in Swiss-German still, or do you think more in English?”

“It depends. I would say day to day, definitely Swiss-German. But if I’m at the rink and I’m, you know, talking to the team and stuff, usually English. I’ve trained myself in games to think pretty much in English now, since it’s so fast. But if I’m tired, my brain just switches back to Swiss-German.”

“That makes sense.”

“Do you speak any other languages?” 

She wipes her fingers on her napkin. “I speak enough Spanish to be able to get by, though it’s not as great as it used to be. Apparently I was fluent as a child.”

“Is all your family in the states?”

“Nah. Every year during the summer when I was a kid, we used to go to Spain and Ireland to see family over there. I haven’t gotten to go back there in a few years, but I’d like to at some point.”

Nico hums, just as a waiter comes with a plate of two large chocolate chip cookies. Clementine grins at Nico, who just nods at her to dig in. “Where in Spain is your family from?”

“Seville area, so more south.” She smiles, picturing Seville in her head, some of the rum and coke finally hitting her. “I loved getting to see where my dad grew up. Playing soccer in the fields where he played. Eating at the small restaurants he used to eat at. Remember when you asked me where home was?” Nico blinks for a moment before nodding. “I think I lied. It’s physical places sure, but it’s always been more of the people for me. And their joy and where they feel the most joy. So if we’re basing it off that, home could be Seville. Home could be Cork in Ireland. Home could be Toronto. Home could be Boston. Hell, home could be fucking Michigan with Q, Jack and Lukey even if I’ve only been there, like, three times.” 

“Well, where’s home for you at this second? Right here. Right now.”

“I don’t know. Everywhere? Nowhere?” She looks down at the table, eyebrows furrowing at herself at how emotional she’s getting. She blames the rum, from just now and earlier at the game. “That’s a depressing answer. I’m sorry. I guess, I just, when Luke scored tonight, the 43 on the back of his jersey, for a split second, I thought my dad was sitting next to me. I reached out to the empty seat next to me like he was. But he wasn’t. And I’m so, so sad he wasn’t.” She sniffles, “I’m sorry. Fuck. This isn’t-”

“Hey, hey.” Nico assures, holding her hand across the table again. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, okay? Nothing. I promise.”

She doesn’t let any tears fall and just stares into Nico’s comforting eyes with a small laugh. “I feel like you’ve seen me emotional a decent amount considering how short of a time we’ve known each other.”

“That’s okay. Emotions are good.” She chuckles again and his dimples grow deeper. “I-I figured today might be hard. I wanted- I wanted to check in and make sure you were okay.”

“So you only asked me to grab food for ulterior motives? Not just cause you wanted to hang out?”

His eyes widen almost comically. “No! No. I-I love spending time with you. I just-”

“Relax, Nico. I’m just messing with you,” she giggles as he rolls his eyes. “I appreciate it, though. Really. I think you’re too kind to me.”

“I’m just the right amount of kind to you.” 

She watches as he finishes off his beer and has a sudden urge to lean across the table and kiss him. 

…..

(That night, when she comes home, she expects Jack and Luke to be asleep. They aren’t. Instead, they’re both sitting on the couch, some random hockey game on quietly in the background. Their heads snap in her direction as the door clicks shut. 

She immediately holds up her hand. “Don’t even. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Hear what?” Luke says. “That you’re fucking our captain?”

“Crude, first of all. Untrue, second of all. And third of all, and most importantly, you guys are annoying.”

“You’re deflecting,” Jack sings. 

“You haven’t asked me a question,” she shoots back. “Goodnight, you two.”

They both groan. “Can you both just get over whatever the fuck you two have going on and make it official?” Jack whines. 

“Goodnight,” she repeats, walking to her room. “Don’t forget breakfast tomorrow!”

She collapses on her bed and screams into her pillow)

…..

If Clementine’s completely honest to herself, making it to the home games for the playoffs is a priority because she just wants to be there just as much, if not more, than she wants to be there to support. Hockey with stakes is nerve wracking, but it’s also a completely different game than the regular season. Even after what could be the most bone-tiring day of work, she’s excited to have the next month or so be filled with as much hockey as possible. She doesn’t even try to fight when Jack and Luke automatically put her name down for a ticket for every home game. Even if she won’t be able to make it come the day, she’ll just leave it for one of their friends. She heard that some of Luke’s Michigan friends are trying to make it out, to which she’s simultaneously elated by but also dreading. Their apartment will not be quiet for the foreseeable future.

The day of their first game against the Penguins, she doesn’t have to go into the hospital, since she had just done two overnights in three days. She sleeps soundly until 2 p.m., and crawls out quietly, knowing both Jack and Luke’s door are shut as they’re taking their pregame naps. She pours out a cup of coffee, makes herself a sandwich, before settling on the couch with a textbook beside her and her notebook on her lap. 

She hears Jack and Luke start getting ready, shower heads running and closet doors opening and shutting. When they both come out in their game day suits, she insists on taking a picture of the both of them, to which they both groan at. They relent, and she sends the picture to Ellen, Jim and Quinn, before squeezing them and telling them good luck, promising them that she’ll see them afterwards. 

After they leave, she starts getting ready, humming to herself as she heats up the flat iron to put some waves and volume into her hair. She figures she has the time, and she hasn’t done anything to her hair in awhile. 

As she’s about to put the flat iron to her hair, someone knocks on the door. She rolls her eyes and yells out, “You two have keys, you know? Use them for once.” No response, just three more knocks. She huffs in annoyance, sets her flat iron down and walks to the door. 

“I’m going to fucking kill-oh.” It’s Nico, in his perfect game day suit with his hair styled perfectly. “Nico. Hey. Aren’t you supposed to be-”

He kisses her. 

Oh. 

He’s still kissing her, both his hands on her cheeks and she finds herself fisting his shirt. He’s still kissing her, and she doesn’t want him to stop. He tries to pull away, but she pulls him back in, and she smiles against his lips at the little noise that comes out of his mouth. He tastes like mint and home.

He does eventually pull away, flushed and delighted and flustered. “I have to go.”

“You have impeccably shit timing, Cap.”

They both chuckle. He takes a hold of her hands. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just had to.”

“Why?” She’s not letting him go that easy.

He squeezes her hands. His stare is making her feel the most seen she’s felt in awhile. “Well, I-I have a long answer that I don’t think I can think of right now. But the short answer is that I like you. A lot. And I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day at the hospital and every day since.”

She swallows, straightening his shirt that she messed up. “Go. I’ll see you after the game, yeah?” She kisses him on the cheek before forcing herself to back away. With one last grin, he shoves his hands in his pockets and turns around. She leans her hip against the door frame, “Nico?”

He turns back around in the middle of the hallway, “Yeah?”

She grins, fondness in her skin and bones. “Good luck. You’ll be great.” With one last salute from him, she closes the door. She leans her back against her door and lets out a little squeal. 

…..

(The second Nico walks out of the locker room, all she can see is him. His hair is messy as all hell and he looks exhausted, but his face lights up, and for the first time, she knows it’s because of her.

Without another word, she walks over to him and kisses him. It’s hard to ignore the cheers and whistles from the other people around them, but she ignores them, catching her breath with a giggle. She finally hones in on the other people in the room. Dawson’s grinning, Ryleigh shoots her a thumbs up, Curtis is audibly ‘aww’ing, Jonas is yelling something that she can’t understand but Nico can, judging from his blush. 

“Ew,” Nico and Clementine whip around to see Luke with his nose scrunched up. “Like, I’m happy that you two finally, you know, got your heads out of your asses, but ew. I don’t wanna see it.”

Jack, who’s right next to him, is just grinning. For once, he’s saying nothing. Clementine’s suspicious. She narrows her eyes at him. “Nothing to say, Jacky?”

“Nothing Hisch doesn’t already know,” the two centers exchange a look that has her whipping her head between the both of them. “He’s just lucky we already played Vancouver so he doesn’t have to encounter Quinn.”

“You guys are ridiculous,” Clementine scolds. “Leave him alone.”

“Never, especially not now. Now he’s really stuck with us.” Jack beams. “You gonna ride with Cap or are we taking you home?”

She pokes Nico in the side. He looks down at her with a sweet smile. “Drive me home?” She asks.

“Always.”

For herself, but more to annoy Jack and Luke, she kisses him one more time. They both groan as Clementine feels Nico’s smile against her lips.)

part two here!

[tayloralison]

Idk if I should bother trying to go to Toronto because I live in BC so it’s so far away and I already went to Seattle but I literally sat behind the stage in the 300s by myself (still had a good time but you know) and idk it’s all so expensive 😭 also I’m a student so fall is not the best

try it bestie!! if it doesn't work out and you can't go, you can sell your ticket too. i'm in alberta so also not close but I'm hoping to go too. let's see how the prices are when the presale begins <3

[lonelyreputation]

What about if you were in danger and the police rescued you? And after a long night you finally see Shawn and reunite with him. What would be his reaction? (Do this like the period one) 🥺 Im just in a cutesy protective huggable softy Shawn mood

hello hello we’re gonna ~tweak this just a tad bc we are #DefundThePolice and put that money into better equipped social services on this blog 

(also it’s a little lengthy, nothing ~too long, but I don’t want it clogging up people’s dash so that’s why I put the keep reading tab on)

 ((also it’s not edited so!!! heads up for chaotic writing!!!))

OKay so Shawn would be on a short little promo radio tour to promote his new song and you would just be back home in Toronto doing what you usually do. But then one day you noticed someone discreetly following you and then you noticed it again and again over the next few days and it wasn’t until you were walking with Aaliyah down a street lined with shops that you noticed that the person had a camera so you nudged Aaliyah “I don’t want to scare you, but I think that paparazzi has been following us…And I've noticed them before.”

And so she would be really concerned and her first question would be “have you told Shawn?” and you just shook your head bc you were used to paparazzi but it was weird that they had been following you ~without Shawn present. Aaliyah thought it’d be a good idea to cut the walk short and lose the photographer, so you were making your way toward your car and out of nowhere the paparazzi jumps out and starts asking you a lot of personal questions and getting into your personal space and you’re trying to be polite, not wanting to give the paparazzi what they wanted––a reaction out of you.

And as you were getting into the passenger seat of Aaliyah’s car, the paparazzi yanked your elbow and you were pulled out of the car.  You were shocked and really really scared and Aaliyah started yelling about how Shawn would press chargers against them and they eventually ran off.  You quickly got back into the car in silence, arms crossed over your chest, as Aaliyah started driving to get as far away from the paparazzi as possible. She kept asking if you were alright, but you didn’t say anything bc you were totally freaked.  You had come across your fair share of invasive paparazzi and crazed fans, but none of them had touched you so violently.

Aaliyah took your silence that you were not handling the situation well so she called her mom to explain the situation to her and give her a heads up that they were on their way to the house. Aaliyah called Shawn next and he answered with a chipper, “Hey, Ley, what’s up? Done spending the day with y/n?” 

You cringed in your seat and Aaliyah offered you a sad smile before talking with her brother, “That’s the thing…there was an…incident.”

“Incident?” his happy voice dropped and you heard him walk away from wherever he was because the sounds of people talking grew further away and all you heard was silence, “What happened?”

“What time do you get in? Aaliyah ignored his question.

“We’re finishing up something now––I’ll be home tonight––Aaliyah, what happened.”

And so Aaliyah explained the situation to Shawn; how you were on a walk and told her about the person following the two of you and how you mentioned to her that it wasn’t the first time you saw them following you. Shawn was silent on the other line for a solid five minutes after Aaliyah stopped talking. You could feel how angry he was through the phone. You could just picture his jaw clenched, fist balled tight by his side, and eyes staring straight ahead with a murderous glare.

“Y/n?”

It was the first thing Shawn said to break the silence.  His voice sounded strained, full of worry, with a hint of failure laced in.  He kept thinking to himself how he failed to protect you.

You didn’t realize how much the situation truly frightened you until heard the sound of his voice and you brought your hands up to your face as you let out a sob. 

“Aaliyah? What’s happening? Is she hurt? What––”

“We’re just pulling up to Mom’s now, we’re safe, she’s just shaken up.” Aaliyah said as she put the car in park.  She reached a comforting hand over to rub up and down your back.

“I’ll be home––” from the speaker phone in Aaliyah’s car, you could hear Shawn pushing through a door and running down a hallway, “Andrew! Andrew, I need to be on the next flight to Toronto––I don’t care––Cancel whatever––A fucking paparazzi physically hurt her I need be home.”

You heard Andrew making some phone calls on the other end and after it was confirmed that Shawn would be home within three hours, the call was ended and you sat in her car crying for a little bit longer.  Once you felt your tears dry out, you and Aaliyah walked into the house where Karen was waiting for you with a cup of tea, one of Shawn’s sweatshirts and an icepack for the bruising that was already starting to show up on your arm.

You stayed on the couch, Aaliyah sat next to you with an arm wrapped around you because she didn’t want you to be alone.  You don’t know how long you stayed on the couch with her, but you heard the door open with so much force that it hit hard against the wall and saw a glimpse of Shawn running right past you and to the kitchen where Karen was.

“Where––She’s here, right? Where––”

“She’s in the living room.” 

You heard his steps pound on the floor as he ran back to the front of the house.  You looked up and saw that his hair was a mess, probably from all the times he was running his fingers through it out of stress, and his shirt was wrinkled and half untucked from his jeans.  Aaliyah gave your shoulder a squeeze before she slipped away and Shawn was fast to take her spot on the couch.

When you felt his touch, your silent façade crumbled and you cried into his chest. Sure, the whole ordeal with the paparazzi left you frightened, but you felt more safe than ever with his arms wrapped around you. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you––I don’t know why they thought that was okay––I’m sorry––I have Andrew contacting places to see if they have outside security footage––I’m so sorry.”

Every time you opened your mouth to tell Shawn to stop apologizing bc it wasn’t his fault, you would only cry more, so you didn’t say anything.  When you felt your cries start to dwindle away, you felt your eyes flutter shut, exhausted from what happened during the day.  You felt a kiss be pressed against the top of your head, “Sleep.” Shawn whispered as he kept you held close to his chest.

And even though the situation you had found yourself in that day wasn’t ideal, you knew that Shawn was doing everything he could to find out who the person was that hurt you.  And you knew that he wouldn’t let anything happen to you, he loved you too much, so you fell asleep in his arms feeling as safe as ever.

[gottlem]

‘let me go’ but like angsty lemyanka maybe if lemon is moving back to nyc from toronto 💔

here u go ! the most angsty thing i have ever written and will probably ever write. i havent proofread it bc its late, im tired and i got a bit carried away and ended up writing 1.7k words so.... yeah. hope u like it ! <3

“let me go”

Lemon and Priyanka were clearly in love. Everyone knew it, everyone could see. Deep down, they both knew that they were, but no matter how many times they ended up in eachothers beds, it just never came up. Because if it did, well, Lemon’s not too sure what would happen. But it would be a lot, maybe too much. So she decided to stick with friends with benefits, nothing more, and it worked. For a while. Until she didn’t know what counted as overstepping anymore and calling Priyanka her friend just felt like a lie, even though it wasn’t, not really. But the ‘not really’ part is what fucked her up. 

Lemon could only deal with so much. She had her walls, they were strong and tall and Priyanka was the only one who could get through, but they just didn’t feel like they were protecting her anymore. One day, she feared they would become a little too high, a little too unstable, and crush her. And she didn’t want Priyanka to have to deal with that. 

She had already made the decision to move back to New York before she even admitted it to herself. She tended to listen to her brain over her heart - you’re less likely to get hurt that way. Somehow, this time round she couldn't quite tell which part she was listening to, but before she knew it, she was on the phone to her friend Jan asking for a place to stay. 

Jan was more than happy, albeit a little concerned, for Lemon to live with her for a bit, claiming she could use the company and the help with rent. It was a win-win situation. Though, was Lemon winning? She wasn’t so sure, she was however very stubborn and once she had made her mind up, there was no going back. It would be nice to see her New York friends again, they hadn’t fallen out of touch but things are always harder when you’re so far apart. Besides, she needed a change of scenery, she missed walking the streets of the city that never sleeps. 

The real reason behind her decision was Priyanka. She didn’t tell anyone about it but Jan, knowing she would need at least some form of support once the train arrived. She just couldn’t bear to keep up with whatever their current situation was, but also she wasn’t sure she had the courage to talk about her real feelings, so the only option she could see was to just run away. They could keep in contact, a couple of texts and maybe a bi-weekly phone call, and Lemon could find some other girl to fall in love with and then she would be over her. 

She didn’t know how to be in love, and even if Priyanka could show her, she didn’t know if she was ready, if she was prepared. Because love was scary. Commitment, too. It’s not that Lemon was scared they would end up breaking up, she was scared that they would never break up. She was still young, and while some people long to find the love of their life early on, Lemon found herself staring at hers right in the face and it just felt too overwhelming. 

She had started hinting to Priyanka that she missed her New York friends about a month before she planned to be leaving. Priyanka would suggest a week’s visit, and Lemon would just shrug it off.  She just didn’t want it to come out of the blue when she finally told her that she'd be moving. And yet, all her hints didn’t stop Priyanka from being surprised. 

It was dark out, and the pair lay not so comfortably in Lemon’s bed. It was too hot but neither had the energy to do anything about it, so they stayed there in silence, Lemon slowly building up the courage to speak. 

“Hey, Pri?” She barely recognised her own voice, hating the crack that came out when she started speaking. Priyanka hummed in response, turning her head to face Lemon’s, eyes trained on the side of Lemon’s head as the yellow haired girl stared blankly at the ceiling. Eye contact would be too much, she didn’t want to see Priyanka’s face when she told her. 

“I’m moving back to New York.”

Silence. 

More silence.

Then, the shuffling of covers and creaks of floorboards as Priyanka grabbed her stuff and left. Somehow Lemon didn’t register any of it until the door had shut behind her. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, Priyanka showed up at her door again, not too long after the sun rose. She looked tired, but Lemon said nothing because she probably looked the same.

“Sorry for just, leaving. I, uh, I was pissed off? I think?” Lemon’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, you were pissed? At me? Priyanka, I get that I could have told you sooner but don’t pretend like telling you would have made me change my mind.”

“Wouldn’t it? Why are you moving anyway? When are you moving?”

“I miss my friends. I miss New York. I need a change, a get-away. I leave in two weeks”

“Jesus Christ,” Priyanka almost stomped past Lemon, sitting on the couch with an angry thud.  “You’re telling me, you move to New York in two weeks, because you miss your friends, and I am only just finding out now? That is bullshit, Lemon”

Of all of the reactions Lemon anticipated, this was not one of them. They never argued. They always poked fun, never too serious, always having a good time. But this was new. Lemon didn’t even know how to argue with Priyanka. She didn’t even know how she was supposed to react to hearing her full name, and the way she said it too. Lemon couldn’t quite place a finger on how Priyanka was feeling, not used to not being able to read her like an open book, and she fucking hated it. But if Pri wanted to argue, then they were going to argue. Lemon didn’t make this decision on whim, she needed to do this, she needed to move, she didn’t have a choice. 

“God, Priyanka, do I need to tell you everything? It’s not like I’m your fucking girlfriend!” She regretted saying it the second it came out of her mouth, no matter how true it was. They avoided the word ‘girlfriend’ like the plague, but apparently this was the line that needed to be crossed to have this discussion.

“No, you don’t need to tell me everything, but if you’re moving to New York? Yeah, maybe tell me. Maybe mention it before you have to leave in two weeks, for fucks sake, Lem”

She had stopped shouting, her voice sounding a bit more tired and defeated that angry. Things were complicated. Lemon thought running away would be the easiest option. And maybe she was right. Maybe the easiest option was still hard, but it was too late to change her mind now. The damage had been done, and now Priyanka knew that she would be getting on the train in two weeks time, and they didn’t know when they’d see eachother again after that.

They spent all day talking. Avoiding direct eye contact, getting goosebumps every time their hands accidentally touched. Unsaid ‘I love you’s floated around them, taunting them every time Lemon went over her excuse for moving. They hid behind sad smiles and even sadder eyes, but never managed to actually surface, not like they ever did anyways. 

They pretended like nothing happened the next day. Instead, they opted to make the most of the last week and a bit left they had together, refusing to mention the fact that time was slipping, or how much they would be lost without each other. Lemon spent her nights on the phone to Jan, planning logistics, but mostly trying not to cry about how she was leaving the woman who was quite possibly her soulmate in another country for however long without telling her how she feels.

Her final day in Toronto came round after what felt like a short eternity. She was only slightly ready. Her yellow suitcase rolled next to her and she drowned out the noise of the train station with her earphones on full volume. A coffee warmed her shaking hands as she waited for the train she was obnoxiously early for. Not long past before she felt someone sit down next to her and place a hand on her shoulder, startling her from the daze she had managed to force herself into.

Of fucking course it was Priyanka. And of course she was looking at Lemon with tears threatening to shed. Lemon placed her hand in Priyanka’s after taking out her earphones, and gave it a small squeeze.

“I don’t want you to go” Lemon wished she could kiss her and say she didn’t want to go either. But she couldn't because she would be lying. She wanted to go. She loved Priyanka, and Priyanka loved her. They both knew it, without it being said. But Lemon just wasn’t ready. 

“I know. I’ll miss you” Priyanka shook her head and tears began to fall down her cheeks, one by one then all at once. 

“God, Lem, what went wrong? Do I have to fucking beg you to stay or something? I don’t understand why you have to move all the way to New York, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do without you here”

Lemon refused to cry. She absolutely refused. When she felt the back of her eyes stinging with tears, she simply shook her head and pushed them back. Not now. Not in front of Pri.

She took her other hand, and looked Priyanka in the eyes, inching in closer and closer. 

“Pri, I’m going, and it’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna be fine, and you’re gonna be fine, okay love? It’s time to just… let me go.”

Lemon released her hands and stood up, the action followed by Priyanka, who gave her a bone crushing hug, still crying. When she finally let go, she gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and Lemon had to hold back her tears for the millionth time within the past five minutes. They looked at each other for just a moment, once again opting to not say anything, despite it being their final chance. Lemon gave a small nod, as if in response to the silence, before turning away and walking to her platform. She didn’t look behind her. And if she stopped holding back her waterfall of tears the second she faced the other way, she could hide that from Priyanka too.

[imaginingsoftly]

Baseball Trivia - Josh Anderson

Type: Y/N insert shorts, strangers to enemies-ish to lovers, series

Requested: No

Warnings: standard swearing

AN: This will be a shortish four part series. It’s complete, so I’ll put the next one out Wednesday.

She was never going to an athletics conference again. There was too much testosterone and not enough actual conversation about their field, and was now the biggest waste of $300 Y/N had ever spent. In a room of 250-plus communications directors, she was one of maybe 20 women, and all of them had somehow managed to get themselves seats in a clump on one side of the room. Y/N, on the other hand, ended up in the row with all the washed-up college athletes that were convinced they could still play. The guy on her right was rambling on about how hard it was not to check out the female athletes to the guy on her left, who was agreeing emphatically. Fucking assholes. 

BU’s communications director was on the stage rambling on about keeping social media current, like he had any fucking clue how to do that. Y/N knew for a fact he didn’t even know how to post to Twitter, let alone how to run an effective page. Honestly, most of the keynote speakers were useless. Having 20-plus years in a field like athletics communications didn’t mean much besides knowing most of the other people who had also been there for 20-plus years. The actual job had evolved tremendously in the last 5 years, let alone since they first came into the field. It wasn’t just about writing press releases and keeping track of records any more. They were the people who wrote articles about the teams for the athletics website, the ones who live-tweeted games and kept the social media pages current and innovative. Y/N could almost guarantee most of the speakers didn’t even know how to send a tweet. 

The two assholes on either side of her grew tired of being sleazy, and decided to torture her instead. Y/N took a deep breath when she noticed their attention turn her way. “So, sweetheart, what exactly do you do?” Y/N rolled her eyes. Those fucking assholes were really going to call her sweetheart? 

She cut a glare at asshole #1 on her right, and he actually flinched a little. “First of all, don’t call me sweetheart.” Asshole #2, the one on her right, actually snorted, and Y/N raised an eyebrow at him as well. “Secondly, I’m the Senior Manager of Communications and Media Relations at UBC in Vancouver. I coordinate the press for all of our athletic teams, as well as organize all of the social media pages and our website.” The two were silent, and Y/N smiled slightly. “So what do you boys do exactly?” BU’s director finished talking before either one had a chance to answer, and it was almost too bad. She was looking forward to watching them flounder. Really, her job was a big deal. To be the person in charge and also be a female was a big deal, but to also be her age was pretty big too. At 26, she should probably still be working a low-level job, probably just now getting out of the internship stage. Senior management was usually relegated to guys like Mr. BU, who was old enough to be her dad, but hey: she was good at her job. 

Cam, one of Y/N’s classmates at BC, was thankfully waving at her from his spot in the back of the room, and Y/N slid away from her seatmates without a goodbye. Hopefully she’d never have to see them again. “So,” Cam called out as Y/N got closer, “was it enlightening?” Cam laughed in response to her eye-roll, and Y/N pulled the taller guy in with a laugh. It was nice to see him again. After BC the pair had gone their separate ways, and now they were on opposite coasts. Cam was fortunate enough to find a job close to home in New York, while Y/N had found herself on the far side of the continent in Vancouver. It was weird, after being together almost constantly for four years, to see each other maybe once a year, but it had worked out for the best. 

“Listen, Cam, the guys on either side of me spent the entire time talking about checking out the college girls. They were older than us.” Cam reacted appropriately, making a gagging noise, and Y/N was again thankful to have a person there with her. “Any chance I can get you to go out tonight?” Cam made an apologetic face, and Y/N groaned. “No, you have to come with me so people leave me alone.” 

Most of the time, people assumed they were together and guys left her alone. If he wasn’t there, guys would be bothering her off and on all night, and she never attracted the good guys. She was a magnet for married 40-somethings who liked younger women. “Sorry, babe,” Cam said apologetically, “but my flight leaves in like 2 hours. I’m headed to the airport like now.” He reached out his arms for a hug, and Y/N grudgingly obliged. “I am excited to see you in the city in a few months, though!” The two smiled at each other, and Y/N walked with Cam until he reached the bus taking a ton of the conference attendees to the airport. “Have fun, Y/N. Go be wild for the night.” He kissed her on the cheek with a smirk, and Y/N shook her head at him as he climbed onto the bus. She would go out that night, Y/N decided, and she would deal with those men if it meant doing something spontaneous for once. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bar looked welcoming, in a part of the city that looked a little less young and crazy than the part near the conference and her hotel. Distance from universities, Y/N had learned, meant everything when it came to bars. The ones close to Ohio State had been wild, and full of college kids. Definitely not her scene. This bar, on the other hand, was perfect. It was homey, sports memorabilia on the walls and country playing from the speakers. Y/N got a beer from the bartender and settled in on a barstool, staring up at the television screen above her. It was playing a replay of the Blue Jackets game from earlier that day, a Sunday matinee performance that had turned into a minor brawl with the Penguins. 

She sat in silence for almost an hour, waving for another beer about 45 minutes in. At one point three men threw themselves onto the barstools next to her, arguing emphatically about some video game, but they thankfully left her alone. 

At some point the argument between the boys had become goofing around, and then they began arguing again. “I’m telling you, man, the Yankees were the first ones.” One of the guys mentioned baseball, and Y/N’s ears perked up. Baseball was her favorite sport to work at UBC, even if the guys could be even more cocky than the hockey boys, something she’d previously thought impossible. 

Out of the corner of her eye Y/N saw the guy next to her shake his head in disagreement. “No way, man. I think Toronto was the first team to retire a number.” Oh, sports trivia. Y/N smiled. This was her specialty. 

“Technically,” Y/N interrupted, “The Habs were the first professional sports team to retire a number.” The trio turned to look at Y/N looking confused, and Y/N caught the eyes of the guy who’d mentioned the Yankees. He was pretty, with blue eyes that somehow managed to be kind and intimidating at the same time. She held his stare as she continued speaking. “If you were talking about just baseball, then it was the Yankees. They’ve also retired more numbers than any other professional sports team.” Y/N trailed off as the three continued to stare at her wordlessly, and she smiled nervously. 

It was starting to get awkward when one of the guys finally spoke, and Y/N almost slumped over in relief. “How the hell do you know that?” The guy that spoke, whom she now recognized as Seth Jones, was starting at her disbelievingly. Actually, now that Y/N thought about it she recognized all of the guys. Boone Jenner and Josh Anderson stared at Y/N on either side of Seth, and Y/N sat up a little straighter. Athletes. She knew how to handle them. 

She shrugged in response to Seth’s question. “I’m a sports fan. I like random facts like that.” Y/N held out a hand. “Y/N. Nice to meet ya.” Boone grabbed her hand first, and Y/N relaxed at the sight of his smile. There was something welcoming about him. Seth followed suit, gesturing at the other two guys. “I’m Seth. That’s Boone, and this,” he shouldered Josh, “is Josh. We’re also sports fans.” Y/N smiled at the three of them, and Josh reached out his hand to her as well. His hand was warm, and she found herself caught up in his eyes again. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N,” Josh said, and Y/N had to fight to break his gaze. “Are you from the area?” She shook her head and looked away to clear the fog that had taken over her brain. “I’m from out of state,” she said. “I work for a university’s athletics department, and I’m in town for a conference.” She answered what would probably be their next question quickly. “And before you ask, yes I knew who you guys were. Baseball has my heart, but I do love hockey as well.” The boys all looked at each other and grinned.

Boone clapped Y/N on the shoulder, and she smiled up at him. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. So outside of knowing more about sports than everyone else, what do you do?” 

Y/N laughed. “I work in athletics communications. We’re in charge of social media for the university athletics, coordinating press, stats, all that fun stuff.” The guys were all nodding like they knew what she was talking about, and she laughed a little. “You know the promotional videos and other random crap that gets posted on social media?” They all nodded at that. “I’m part of the crew that designs those. I’m the person who live-tweets games. I’m also the person who decides which reporters get to talk to our athletes and which athletes are going to be available for pressers after games.” 

Seth whistled. “That’s a lot of shit Y/N, how the hell do you manage all of it?” She waved her arms. “No,” she laughed, “I don’t do it all alone. We have interns that help, I just need to make sure that everything gets done right. I actually have an intern that developed a concept for an absolutely incredible intro video for our women’s hockey team this fall that I can’t wait to help her put together.” The guys all nodded along like they were following. It was refreshing to talk about her job with people who kind of understood what she was talking about, outside of the people she worked around all day. 

The conversation moved on from there, and eventually Boone and Seth left the bar, the latter leaving with some girl while the former headed home alone. Josh remained, hooked on the increasingly drunken words coming out of Y/N’s mouth. At some point they had moved on to embarrassing stories about themselves, and after Josh shared a story about biting it in front of his new team Y/N only felt it was fair to share her first-day horror story. “So I’m sitting there thinking I’m doing a great job, like maybe this internship was gonna work, when I get a text from my boss.” It was her biggest mistake as an intern, and really her biggest mistake in the field period. “It turns out I was live-tweeting the hockey game on the women’s basketball page.” Josh had the appropriate reaction, widening his eyes and gripping the hand Y/N had settled onto the bar top between them. 

“No!” He exclaimed, throwing his head back when Y/N nodded in response. “What did you do?” He was genuinely invested, and Y/N’s mildly drunk brain was having trouble computing that. Why in the hell did a professional athlete seem so interested in the behind-the-scenes world of college athletics? 

It didn’t matter. She had a story to tell. “I totally panicked. Like I’m on the phone apologizing to my boss, who’s not yelling but sounds waayyy disappointed, and at the same time I’m trying to delete all the tweets. It was hands-down my worst day on the job ever.” Y/N met Josh’s eyes again, and the expression changed. They grew warmer, a little more fiery, and Y/N found herself leaning forward to meet his kiss halfway. 

She was never going to be able to kiss someone like this again. The couple of other guys Y/N had kissed in the past were good, but Josh was wow. Granted, players generally had a good amount of experience in that department, but maybe that just meant she needed to kiss more players. It was pure passion, and Y/N groaned when Josh’s hand found its way into the hair at the base of her skull. He tilted her head back to kiss her deeper, and then broke away suddenly. “Please come home with me.” Josh’s words were whispered into her ear, his proximity sending fireworks through Y/N’s brain. There was no question. She was totally going. 

Josh smiled when Y/N nodded in response. He slid a fifty onto the bar to cover their drinks and then some before grabbing Y/N’s hand and tugging her out the door of the bar and into the street. They were close to his apartment, a little less than two blocks away, and his hands were all over her as they stumbled up the stairs and into his place. It was modern, with lots of windows and some random abstract art she was sure he hadn’t picked out for himself, but that was the extent of the tour she got. He practically carried her into his room in his haste to get her clothes off, and Y/N settled in to enjoy the night. She had a feeling it was going to be a good one.

Getting out of Josh’s bed was the hardest part of Y/N’s night. Not only was it comfortable as hell, but the man sprawled across the sheets was tempting to cuddle with. If it wasn’t for her early morning flight Y/N might have stayed, maybe gone another round, but the flight was coming up fast and she still had to get back to her hotel across the city and then to the airport. Y/N paused as she exited the bedroom, considering for a moment leaving a note or her number, but then she decided against it. It’s not like they’d ever see each other again, right?

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Oh Disneyland Paris sounds fun yeah! Were you and your roommate already close then? I went to Walt Disney's world with my aunt and cousin when I was like 11 but it would've been way more fun if I could've taken my best friend with me for sure. Maybe we can go to the one in Paris now that she lives just 3h away from me! Oh I see, sounds like LA was really fun for you yeah! your roommate didn't mind third wheeling tho? Hahaha

Yeah Canada is beautiful but what I liked about it the most was the massive improvement in quality of life I had compared to where I was living before and just being able to be who I am and people accepting me for it. Not being worried about violence 24/7 felt pretty fucking great too. So yeah I highly recommend living there if you ever get a chance. But I am loving Portugal so far, people are a bit more judgemental here tho but I like that it's easier to travel to a lot of countries I've always wanted to go to. Everywhere you go there are pros and cons tho so sorting out priorities is key. But Toronto is my favourite of all the places I've been, before living there for a year I had already been two times!

Jesus 50 states, sometimes I forget how big the US is. And you can totally do it if you plan it out! After watching Bly Manor tho I really want to go to Vermont especially during autumn season looks really pretty! There's this fic I love (only the sun by prestonarchives) where Dani and Jamie go on a road trip from Vermont to Maine and I did their entire journey on Google maps street view bc I was so obsessed with this one chapter fanfic I had to immerse myself entirety in it hahaha. So now I want to go there irl. Here's the link if you haven't read it before!

https://bit.ly/3BLy4WR

Omg I totally remember reading that on CBML and being a bit confused bc I was like why would she think you can't see the moon from the great wall of China HAHAHA but I thought it was really funny and endearing yeah it's even funnier now that I know you said it irl haha.

Oh so ENFP-T means extraverted, intuitive, feeling and prospecting personality with a bit of turbulence. Which just means you're curious, perceptive, enthusiastic, an excellent communicator, festive and good-natured. On the other hand you can be disorganized, unfucosed, a people pleaser, overcommitted, too optimistic and restless.

I wonder what Jamies and Danis mbti are as well as their zodiac signs 🤔 I think Jamie might be an ISTP-A bc she's definitely an introvert, very practical, stubborn, assertive, layed back and energetic at the same time. And Dani is either an ENFP-T like you or an ESFJ-T with the whole selfless thing going on.

AE already made it canon that Jamie's an aries (and it makes sense) but I can't figure Dani out. I've thought about her being a leo ♌ bc she's generous, passionate, warm-harted and dominant in her own way and THE HAIR haha. But she's got some pisces ♓ vibes going on too...idk. aaand I'm back at it again with the astrology signs haha.

To be fair your recent drunken exp it was dark and at least you didn't think the road sign was a bear or something (don't know what kind of wild animals you've got over there) that you wrestled with and ended up in a ditch and your best friend let you believe that happened for 3 years up until recently haha. 😂 but yeah some things happen for a reason, having life threatening health issues doesn't sound great tho, but I guess it's a good thing it stops you from drinking too much and making dumb decisions. And hey maybe I secretly want that to happen again idk maybe moving countries is not exciting enough, I have to go out and make a complete drunken fool out of myself in a completely foreign place hahaha. I guess that did kinda happen last month when my best friend came to visit me from Spain and we got drunk on wine, I got lost on the way back home and it was way past curfew. 🤔 shit I'm 29 will I ever learn...

Episode 9 is 😢😍🥰😰😭🤬☠️ just the worst roller-coaster I didn't even know I was on. Haha I was more pissed off than heartbroken the first time I watched it ngl.

Well then maybe the way you do accents is friendly and funny so people can't really get mad at you haha. Like Dani! Oh so that's called a Geordie accent! I see, it's really really cool. AE said Jamie is from Lancashire but that's a whole county isn't it? Idk if there's a specific accent to this region. Knowing you speak kinda like Jamie is something else tho, I think if anyone who spoke like her ever talked to me irl I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what they were saying 😂 just the accent haha.

Oh so you already have 4k something words for it nice. I'm kinda starting to feel an obsession with this medieval AU growing in me, I made a Pinterest board just for it ngl hahaha but I'm still resisting creating anything for it, I did a face study yesterday for Dani and Jamie to see if I finally pick up the idea and just do it but my brain was still like "I don't want to do this rn" and was just being a little bitch about it so I'll just let it cook for longer see if we can reach an agreement eventually (if ever) haha.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend! Even if it left you feeling exhausted in the end. And yeah it makes sense for you to say you don't have favourites haha! Have a great week Colour, take care! 👋✨

Yeah me and my roommate have been friends since we were like 14 so when we went to Disney Land we asked if we could be roomed together because we've been best friends for that long now... been best friends since school and now we live together. She's seen me at my best, my worst, has seen me in all my stages in life and has been there for a lot of the rough stuff I've been through and I've been there for all the stuff she's been through!! Nah she didn't mind at all we had some moments where me and my ex would just go and be a couple and have dates but my ex didn't want me travelling that far alone so invited my roommate too because she didn't like the thought of me flying 11hours alone or being in airports alone so my roommate came with me and we had a great time Awwh good I'm glad it was such a nice place and that you didn't worry about violence all the time but I'm so sorry you ever had to worry about that anyway that can't be easy. I would honestly love to live in Canada I really hope I get chance one day... I'm glad you're loving Portugal but sorry people are judgemental there but I am glad it's easy for you to travel around to other places... oh yeah every place has it's pros and cons I mean England has some pros but it sure has a lot of cons too so I know all about that Yeah America is SO big but I do want to get around all 50 states at some point and I am stubborn enough and determined enough to make it happen eventually even if I don't get around them all until I'm like 70 I'll make it happen haha!! No I haven't read that fic but it sounds amazing so I'll definitely check it out thank you for sending me the link Yeah... that really happened to me and it was just a dumb moment where I had this momentary lapse of knowledge in my brain and now I look back at that question and I'm just like... "you idiot" and this is why people are shocked when I get questions in quizzes right because I have said some really dumb stuff but I'm glad people found it funny and endearing... and I'm glad it makes it better to know I really said that haha Oooo I didn't know that, I like that and I think it's definitely fitting for me!! I think from what you've said about what ENFP-T means Dani could easily be that too and I don't know anything about the other one but I will take your word for it matching Dani because you know way more about this stuff than I do. I have no idea for Jamie though. And with zodiac signs I love that Amelia looked at Jamie and thought she was an Aries, as for Dani I have NO idea what her zodiac would be... in CBML she's a Leo but in MoU with what I have planned for her birthday she'd be a virgo but I don't know anything about zodiacs... all I know is all the pieces I've ever met have been the opposite of what Dani is so maybe that has something to do with their whole charts but I know a lot of other people always make her a Pieces and I trust what other people say about zodiacs more than what I know about them because I really know NOTHING about them haha Nah I knew it was a road sign because of how heavy and hard it was- nah we have no bears where I live... I don't think we have many dangerous animals where I live... got a couple of badgers that can be pretty aggressive but that's about it we don't have much that is scary here or at least not in the little part of England I live. Having life threatening health issues has been hard and since having my spleen removed in January (that was the surgery I needed to try and fix the issue I had) things are even harder now because I have to take antibiotics for the rest of my life to stop me getting any infections because if I ever get a chest infection now or a really bad cold it can be really dangerous but I take it all in my stride and not drinking is just a way to make sure the antibiotics actually work properly and to make sure nothing happens to me... and like you said, means I don't do anything dumb too... haha drunken stories are the best I have been lost a few times when I've been drunk... and I don't think you do learn, I have siblings that are

like 40 and still do dumb shit... I know at 27 I am still doing dumb shit too I don't think I'll ever learn haha 😂 Its such an emotional roller coaster and honestly I was just devastated the first time I watched it... no TV show or movie has ever made me cry the way Bly Manor did when I first saw it and it still makes me cry now. I can cry just thinking about that last episode. I definitely mean it in a friendly way so I hope it comes across like that. Yeah the accent in Billy Elliot is a Geordie accent and its my favourite accent there are other accents around the north that are called different things. Yeah Lancashire is a county and again in Lancashire there are loads of different accents I can't really pinpoint Jamie's down to a city I just know it's Northern. I'm from Yorkshire but don't have a strong Yorkshire accent I just have a Northern accent, like people never believe I'm from the place I'm from because I don't sound like I am but you can definitely tell I'm northern... honestly there are so many accents in England... you can drive for two hours in any direction in England and the accent will change like two times at least it's insane... see a lot of people say that but I am not a HUGE fan of the northern accent and I think it's because I grew up there. I much prefer Dani's accent to Jamie's but like I said to me, Jamie just talks normal there is no accent really haha Yeah 4k words for it but it's all jumbled up it's not like a chronological story yet it's just all over the place haha but I hope I can get it all structured properly soon!! Awwh good I'm glad you're already interested in this medieval AU!! That makes sense you're resisting creating for it but I think it's so cool you did a face study for Dani and Jamie even if you didn't wanna finish it I think letting things cook for a while is always a good idea if you're not in the right headspace right away I had such a good weekend but I am so tired and today I had a busy day too celebrating my roommate's boyfriend's birthday so I've had so many days that have been so busy and right now I am just really to sleep haha!! Yeah definitely don't have favourites but I have spent more time with one of my nieces than the others simply because I always look after her if her mum and dad are working and I'm not... like until I start this new job I am looking after her for an hour every day after school while she waits for her mum and dad to finish work but I don't have favourites haha!! Thank you so much I hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week too!!

[icks4van]

So I’ve never been to a catfish gig before and in fact the only concert I’ve ever been to was when I was like 12. And I’m so scared for when catfish start touring again because i would have nobody to go with me and I would have to take like a 2hr train to Toronto and navigate on my own. I desperately want to see them live but I have no idea how concerts work. Do people actually que for like 24hrs? Like is that actually a thing because as much as I’d like to be front row I have a tiny little peanut bladder and would have to abstain from drinking any liquid for at least a day before queuing if that’s the case. Plus I genuinely don’t think I could do that without someone with me as I am riddled with anxiety. Lol I’m turning 20 soon I feel like I should be mature enough to do this on my own. Have you got any concert advice for my pathetic soul?

oh my friend you have come to the right place! i’ve been to a shit ton of gigs in my life that have ranged from area tours to tiny dive bars so i’m more than happy to give some advice. queuing far advance of the show is definitely a thing like you can have people camping out and shit but you absolutely do not need to queue for 24+ hours before a show. if you want to be more sure of your place in the crowd getting there a few hours early does help and that’s oftentimes what i like to do especially if the venue is larger. there’s a lot of shifting that goes on once you actually get in there and especially when the show starts so nothing is guaranteed tbh like there have literally been times where i’ll be smack dab in the middle of a crowd and then end up finding my way to the barricade by the end of the night lol. 

ALWAYS DRINK WATER BEFORE A GIG ITS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO !!!! as a person who also has the smallest bladder known to man, i know that it's tempting to hold off on drinking water to prevent having to go later but that always goes terribly wrong when you go to shows and are in the pit. people end up passing out a lot of the time and you definitely do not want to be one of those people. my advice is to pace out your water drinking like be hydrating well in advance of the actual event and don’t only just chug a bunch of water right before you go in because that’s what makes you have to go really bad later when you’re already stuck in the crowd. also if you find yourself in the crowd waiting for the band and having to go to the bathroom chances are that feeling will go away once the show actually starts. 

going with someone is always a safe bet and i know the struggle of finding someone to actually go with all too well. most of the shows i’ve been to i had to drag my father along with me bc i had no one else to go with lmaoo. we’d go and i always ended up ditching him so it would basically be like i was there by myself lol. going with a friend is always super fun or a sibling! don’t be afraid to ask a friend to go with you even if they aren’t into the band. i’ve gone to shows with my friends for bands i don’t even listen to and it’s still a fun experience everyone. or if you have siblings maybe ask if they’d go with you. i dragged one of my brothers to a wallows concert one time and he didn’t even know who they were but now he’s into their music lmaoo. literally, anyone you’re close with are good people to ask to go with you. or if you want to come down to the states i could always go with you to a catfish gig lol actually tho 👀

[watchmegetobsessed]

okaaay so this is a kind fo teaser of this fic idea i’ve been thinking about for days now and im posting it bc i want to see how you’d like the story, if you are interested in it, so please leave feedback on it! im not going into another work with my other WIPs if yall don’t dig the idea, so let me know what you think!

warning: please don’t read this if you can’t handle talking about murders and weapons and all... this is a maffia/mob au, this is literally gonna be filled with all of those lol

maffia/mob au teaser:

Have you ever dreamed about having an arranged marriage on your twentieth birthday with the son of the man who is the head of Toronto’s biggest mob? No? A bunch of bad guys with guns in their belts standing in the room, watching you with hawk eyes, ready to kill anyone any minute, even you as well, because no life matters to these men.

You are wearing a white lace dress that brings out your curves perfectly, makeup on point, hair in an elegant, low bun as you stand a few feet away from the registrar you supposes is about to shit his pants knowing damn well what kind of crowd he is in. Your uncle at the side, excited for this day to come, because he has been planning on it for over a decade. You are being sold to a Mob and quite frankly, you are not even mad about it. You knew this would be your life, you were told at a very young age that this is your destiny and you knew nothing else than this, so you feel even excited because it’s like your fate is finally reaching you… Have you ever dreamed about this? No? That’s a shame, because for me, this is reality.

The sweet taste of revenge in my mouth is intoxicating as my hand is holding onto the ridiculous bouquet in my grip, something we picked up on our way here to make it look like it’s a real wedding, when it’s as far from being normal as it can.

I glance over at Kevin for a second and he nods at me.

We’ve been waiting for this day for a long time, Kid. It’s finally happening. I can almost hear him say it.

The double doors open and I don’t have to think twice about the identity of the man who walks right in with confident steps. Manny “The Scalpel” Mendes is a ruthless criminal and boss, head of the Mob that runs all dark businesses in the city of Toronto. I’ve seen the man only once in real life but his face is burnt into my mind forever. This was the face my parents last saw before they were brutally murdered by the man who is now heading in my direction with a satisfied grin on his face that I want to wipe off with your own fists, but instead, I smile back at him.

“Joana, you look amazing,” he compliments stopping right in front of me, two of his guards standing close behind him.

“Thank you, Sir,” I nod politely.

“Are you ready for your big day?”

“Absolutely,” I nod with a small smile and it’s clear he likes what he sees. An obedient piece of arm candy, just perfect for his son. Wives aren’t really part of the businesses around here, women are seen as objects, pretty decorations, toys in the bedrooms for the men that run everything. Little does Manny know, I will not be the angel I’m appearing to be now.

“In this case, let me introduce you your soon-to-be husband, my son, Shawn Peter Raul Mendes.”

Stepping aside he turns to the door and moving my gaze from his satisfied grin to the entrance I finally see him.

Shawn Mendes definitely inherited the best genes of his parents. The tall, muscular guy I watch walk in is surely the favorite of women and I wonder why he really need an arranged marriage. I can’t imagine him having trouble to get himself a wifey, but it’s a luck to me. The fitted suit must have cost a fortune and I wonder if his hair is the creation of a very talented hairstylist or those curls are just as bouncy in the morning as they are now. He seems focused, maybe a little worried, but he is doing a great job hiding his emotions, only that I’m excellent in reading people. His honey eyes move over to me and as they meet with my glare, my ears start ringing for a moment. It’s the moment I’ve been thinking about every day in the past fourteen years and now that it’s really happening, I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. After all, this is my wedding day and he is my future husband.

It’s a bad thing I’m already planning on killing him.

Shawn stands right in front of me, eyes glaring down at my slim figure and for a moment I think he is about to say something, but he remains silent.

Manny orders the registrar to start and I stand next to Shawn in front of him as he say his usual speech, talking about love and uniting two souls for the rest of their lives.

His life is going to be short, I think to myself and almost even smile at the thought, but manage to keep a straight face.

“Now Joana and Shawn, please join hands and face each other,” the officiant croaks out and I can feel all eyes on me as I turn to face Shawn who does the same. He moves his hands and they meet mine in the middle, the warmth of his touch almost causing me to shudder. His eyes are intensely burning down on my face and I wonder what he is thinking about me.

Does he think I’m pretty? Is he mad he has to marry me? I force myself to focus as the officiant continues his speech.

“Joana, do you take Shawn to be your husband?” he asks and I say my answer loud and clear so everyone in the room can hear it.

“I do.”

“Shawn, do you take Joana to be your wife?”

His answer arrives a little slower than mine, for a second I even think that he is about to say he doesn’t, but then he finally speaks up.

“I do.”

The lack of enthusiasm in his answer would be hurtful to any bride, but not to me. I couldn’t care less if he wants to marry me or not. I won’t cry into my pillow all night long because he didn’t seem happy saying I do.

It’s silent in the room as the registrar finishes off his speech, but I could swear I hear a round of relieved sighs following Shawn’s answer.

Shawn pulls a black diamond ring on my finger, the rock so big and heavy I’ll surely feel the weight difference between my hands from now on. Then you put the subtle white gold ring on his finger and sign the papers, making the wedding official.

“And now, you may kiss the bride,” the officiant finishes, but Shawn’s answer comes so fast, I’m sure he has been planning on saying it the whole time during the ceremony.

“No kiss. The ceremony is over.”

His hands let go of mine fast as if I had the plague and he walks away, joining a group of congratulating men, leaving me stand there just a tad bit hurt, but mostly excited that the plan is officially on.

From now on I will be working on making the Mendes family pay for what they did to my parents while they won’t even know who is trying to ruin them from the inside. Because who would be suspicious of a gorgeous, stupid little girl when Toronto’s number one Mob is collapsing right in front of the eyes of the man who has killed so many? That’s right.

No one.

[sunshinejs]

The Last One

This one takes place during the Toronto show and supposedly is Connor’s last show (LISTEENNNNN my boy is coming to asia as well and i’m highkey mad bcs i’ll be back in uk for my studies by the time he comes to my country :( ) hope you enjoyed this one x

Word count: 3.2k -ish

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The day you were dreading for weeks was finally here.

 The morning of the big show in Toronto, and also the last concert of the North America tour, you quietly worked your way around the kitchen to get something to have for breakfast.

 Honestly when your best friend since childhood, Shawn, approached you last year asking if you wanted to join him and Brian on tour as his personal assistant, you didn’t think much was going to happen. Sure, you were blessed to be given the opportunity to travel around the world with your two best friends but you didn’t think you would get too attached to anyone on tour.

 Until you met Connor, of course.

 You met Connor late last year at a house party Shawn threw for his new tour family, in hoping to familiarize everyone with each other. So, yeah you met Connor briefly but you two didn’t talk much and you noticed he was the quite-shy type of person. That night after the party, you followed him on Instagram after seeing all the people Brian had tagged in his photos and he reciprocated it.

 You never saw Connor again until a few days before the tour started. He shyly approached you and introduced himself (like the gentleman he is) properly to you, and that was when you two started getting to know each other.

 It wasn’t even 3 weeks into the tour that everyone realized you two were very attached at hips. When there was Connor, there was you (for most of the time) and vice versa. You two did most of your work in pairs; he accompanied you on coffee runs and help you organize the tour schedules; you stayed up with him till the late morning while he edited footages and gave him your inputs on his montage ideas.

 And of course, it’s no surprise that the first one who catches on the little heart eyes you and Connor sneakily send to each other when the other one wasn’t looking, was Brian, who immediately told Shawn about it. The both of them could not stop teasing you and Connor separately about it until it completely annoyed you. Alessia and Liv caught on it not too long after the boys and the four of them basically made it their life mission to get you two together before the European leg of the tour ended. You didn’t know at what point their mischievous plans worked, but true enough you and Connor became a couple just like they knew you would

 The past few months have been absolutely crazy but you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. The late-night shenanigans with your friends, sneaking off with Connor for private date nights, crazy parties (4th of July and Shawn’s birthday to name a few) and the adrenaline rush from constantly waking up in different cities.

 As day passes by, you were getting more fearful for that one specific day where everything would end. The day where everything changes for the entire tour family because it was the last day where Connor, Alessia and Liv would still be around.

 “Morning baby” Connor snapped you out of your thoughts. You smiled softly to yourself as you lean back in his touch and let him press soft kisses to your neck “Whatcha thinking about, pretty lady?”

 “The past few months” You admitted; putting your hands over his and intertwining your fingers together “Thinking about how hectic it was”

 He chuckled lowly and you felt him nod against your neck “Yeah, it’s been the craziest times of my life”

 “Crazy in a good way?”

 “Crazy in the best way” Connor confirmed and slowly spun you around so you were facing him. He smiled softly and rest his hand on your cheek “Because I met you”

 You sighed and leaned forward so your cheek was pressed against his bare chest as you listen to the beating of his heart “I don’t know how I’m going to go on with the tour without you” You muttered softly, trying your best not to cry.

 “Hey,” He called and wrapped his arms around your body “We can worry about that when the time comes, baby. Tonight, we’re going to have the best night of our lives, you hear me? One last one for the road”

 Connor felt you nod against him and he pressed a kiss to your head “We’re going to be fine, babe”

 “There’s my favourite couple!” Another voice spoke up and totally ruining the moment you and Connor were having. Connor groaned at Brian’s voice as you let out a laugh and pushed yourself from Connor’s chest “Morning to you too, Bri”

 “What’re we having for breakfast?” Brian asked nonchalantly as he walked past you and Connor to drop his dirty mug in the sink.

 “Cereal” You answered, moving away from Connor and grabbed two extra bowls from the cabinet “There’s hot coffee waiting for you in the pot”

 “This is why we’re best friends, y/n” Brian sighs happily and went over to the coffee pot “Brashier, you’re lucky to have her ya know?”

 Your cheeks flushed when you noticed that adoring look Connor was sending your way “Yeah,” He agreed without hesitation “The luckiest”

xxx

“Your usual” You announced to Shawn as you handed him his coffee cup.

 Shawn looked at you gratefully as he sets his phone aside “Thanks, honey” He smiled, looking over your shoulder; expecting to find Connor not too far behind “Did you go alone?”

 “Yeah,” You shrugged and plopped down on the couch beside him “It was just a couple of blocks away”

“Connor didn’t go with you?” Shawn frowned after taking a sip of his drink “You two always go on coffee runs, no?”

 “Ah, that’s what you’re wondering” You chuckled, slipping your phone out of your pocket “But no, Andrew needed to talk to him about something. It’s fine, you know? Soon enough I’m going to be doing it on my own anyways”

 Shawn sensed that tone in your voice and he just knew you weren’t completely okay. He leaned forward and placed the cup on the table before turning his body to the side so he was facing you “Are you okay?”

 “Hm?” You looked up from your phone. When you saw the serious look he had on his face, your eyebrows furrowed “Yeah, I am. Why’re you asking?”

 “y/n” He warned “I know when you’re lying to me”

 You knew whatever poker face you had one was not working because Shawn could read you like a book; has been that way for as long as you could remember. You took a deep breath and exhale through your mouth, “It just hit me this morning that it’s the last day and it’s been bugging me”

 Shawn nodded understandingly, “Did you two talk about it?”

 You shook your head no “He said we’d worry about that when the time comes”

 Shawn knew you were going to continue so he kept quiet. “I don’t know how I’m going to do the tour without him” You told him shakily “We’ve been doing everything together, you know? How am I supposed to let go of that and fall back into a routine where it’s just me?”

 “Honey, you’re not alone” He confirmed, sliding an arm around your shoulder and let you rest against him. You started sniffling and he could tell you were silently crying “Hey,” Shawn called softly as he rubbed your arm “I know it sucks but Brian and I are still around, okay? You come to us anytime. I could go with you for coffee runs, Brian could help you out with the schedules, we’ll make it work”

 “And we’ll fly him out” Shawn promise, “Whenever you feel like you can’t handle it, we’ll get him to come out; doesn’t matter where we are. Everything’s going to be fine”

 “I can’t ask him to do that for me” You shook your head “He’s going back to UCLA, Shawn. I can’t be the selfish one to ruin his future just because I’m feeling clingy”

 “You are his future” He corrected, firmly “I’m telling you, y/n, Connor is so madly in love with you; that kid would walk to Antarctica if you asked him to”

 You let out a giggle as you wiped away your tears. Shawn pulled away from you so you two were facing each other “I bet you all think we’re one of those super cringey couples who can’t be away from each other for more than 5 seconds”

  “We definitely say that all the time,” Shawn shrugged “But we know how much you two complete each other. You two are good for each other” He added with a smile “Think about how shy he was to even hold your hand in the beginning, now he goes around yelling how everyone should be jealous he gets to kiss the most amazing girl in the world”

 You groaned, burying your face in your hands to hide the redness of your cheeks “He really didn’t have to embarrass me like that”

 “Come on, y/n, you know you love hearing it” He teased.

 “Shawn!” Tiffany pops her head into the green room “I need you next door to try on an outfit!” She ordered then smiled to you “Hi honey!”

 You smiled, waving to her “Hi Tiff”

 “Duty calls” Shawn said enthusiastically as he stood up and grabbed his cup “You’re going to be okay?” He asked you with concern.

 You nodded, standing up as well so you could give him a hug “Thank you,” You muttered against his shirt “Thank you for being my best friend, Shawn. I love you”

 He smiled softly and pressed a kiss to your head “We’re stuck for life, bug” He teased, knowing you hated the nickname he gave you when you two were seven “Love you too, dork”

 xxx

 It was a tour ritual to have everyone from Shawn and Alessia’s team form a big circle before Alessia’s set and they both would give words of encouragements. Tonight’s one was a little more emotionally then you thought it would be. With Connor’s arm wrapped around your waist and your hand gripping onto Liv’s hand, you were trying to keep that fake smile on your face.

 “… It’s been the best few months” Shawn smiled warmly to all the people present “I couldn’t ask for a better team and to have Alessia with us for the European and NA tour has been truly amazing”

 “It really has been great” Alessia agreed with a smile and tears in her eyes “Thank you for keeping everything so fun and exciting every day. For all the laughter and smiles. It has been a blessing to be with everyone one of you”

 “Hell yes!” Brian exclaimed “Ten years from now, we’re going to think back about this tour and we’re going to get all emotional about it, because we knew we had a pretty sick time as one family!”

 Everyone laughs, most of them with teary eyes having to be separated from the people they’ve called family.

 “On three,” Shawn put his hand in and everyone follow suit. They huddled for once last time and cheered loudly together.

  “You are not going to make me cry right now” Alessia shook her head when Shawn requested that they (him, her, Brian, Connor, Liv and you) moved to the corner of the hall for a group talk “No way in hell, Mendes”

 Shawn laughs in return and slipped his arms around her and you while the six of you gathered in a circle “It’s been a fucking crazy ride, hasn’t it?”

 “That’s thanks to you, man” Connor spoke up from your other side. When you looked over at him, you noticed the tears in his eyes as he continued to speak “I’m so grateful that you took me along with you on this tour. It’s been so great having to work with you and being around all of you 24/7. I’m really going to miss it”

 “Shut up!” Brian cried, trying not to tear up “Shut up! Stop trying to make me cry!”

 The rest of you let out a laugh and Liv teased him “Craigen’s gone soft, huh?”

 “The rest of the tour is going to be great” Alessia stated with confidence “You’re going to kill it, Shawn. And knowing that Brian and y/n are still going to be around with you tells me that it’s not going to be boring for either of you”

 “Nothing’s going to be the same without you three” You shook your head with a sad smile on your face, “Exploring the cities aren’t going to be as fun as it was when it was the six of us. Everything is going to be so different”

 “We’re one video call away,” Liv promised “Wherever you are, whatever time it is, we’re there”

 “And you’ll be back before you know it” Connor confirmed as his grip around your waist tightened “Then we’ll meet up and go back to being complete idiots doing stupid shits together just like we were on tour” He grinned.

 Shawn chuckled, “That’s the plan, man” He nodded.

 “I love you guys, for real” Brian stated. “Group hug?”

 “Group hug!” Alessia exclaims as the six of you squeezed yourself in for a big tight hug for one last time.

 “Do you guys want a picture together?” Josiah spoke up from behind after you all pulled away. He was smiling, proud that he caught the moment of the group hug he knew was very special for the six of you.

 The six of you posed for him a few times as he took many photos and then Alessia was off to perform her set.

 You, Connor, Brian and Liv were standing by the tech booth near the front barricade for Alessia’s set. For every show, you tried your best to come out in the crowd with the other three during her performances, and now that you were watching her for the last time; you just knew you were going to miss seeing her go crazy on stage.

 “Tonight’s a bit special and also emotional for all of us,” Alessia spoke into the mic after the song ended “Tonight is my last show as the opening act for the Shawn Mendes tour. I wouldn’t have been able to perform in so many different cities so to Shawn and the crew, thank you so much for letting me be a part of this amazing experience. And to the fans, thank you for all your support. I love you all from the bottom of my heart”

 “As you know, I just released an EP today…”

 “And one of the songs talks about my entire experience of being a part of this tour,” She continued to explain while grabbing her guitar from the side. The crowd cheered loudly for her “About the people I’ve been blessed to meet and work with for the past few months”

 “So, this one is dedicated to my tour family” She concluded as the drum starts playing while the big screen behind her starts a countdown from 3 to 1.

 It started with that old video of the six of you from Germany that Connor filmed; exploring the city late at night after a couple of drinks in the bar. The video continues to more random moments throughout the tour that were filmed by different people.

 Tears were forming in your eyes as all the memories came rushing in while looking at the short clips projected on the big screens. The ones of you, Alessia and Liv lip syncing to a song you couldn’t remember; Shawn and Brian pulling the whipped cream prank on Connor; dance sessions; playing tag around the arenas together; silly rehearsal sessions with the bands; water gun fights by the lake.

 You turned around from her, feeling all these emotions rushing into your body. When you met Connor’s gaze, you saw the tears in his eyes as well. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his chest. The crowd was singing along with her as you let the tears roll down your cheeks, burying your head in the crook of his neck.

 “Baby,” He muttered in your ear “I love you”

 He pushed you away just enough to look at your face. Connor wiped your tears away and you smiled at him softly, mouthing “I love you too” before tip-toeing and pressing your lips against his.

 The arena was so loud but at that moment, it felt like it was just you and Connor in the room. And to you, that was the only thing that mattered.

 xxx

 “’M tired” Connor muttered as he slips into bed behind you around 1am. He wraps his arms around your body and pulled you closer “Can we sleep through the morning tomorrow?”

 You laughed softly and turn your body to face him. The room was dark except for the table lamp illuminating low light from Connor’s side of the bed. You nodded, “Whatever you want, bub”

 Connor sleepily smiled at you and laced your fingers together “Shawn told me what happened” He admitted a minute later.

 You huffed in annoyance that your best friend ratted you out when you thought he would’ve kept quiet about it “Of course he did”

 “You know I’d go anywhere with you, right?” He asked “I’d walk to you if you asked me to”

 You snorted, thinking back to the exact thing Shawn said earlier in the day “Yeah, Shawn said the same thing”

 “I would love to continue the tour” Connor stated as he brought his hand up to your head and ran his fingers through your hair “I want nothing more to be with you, babe”

 “But UCLA” You answered for him when you noticed the pause in his sentence. He smiled sadly and nodded “I get it, bub, I do” You told him.

 “I promised my parents” He said softly “I promised them I’d put university on hold for 6 months max and it took me a lot of convincing to make them agree”

 “I’m not asking you to go against your parents, Con” You shook your head “But I can’t deny that tour is going to be hard without you”

 “I know, sweetheart” Connor said with sympathy “But it’s just 3 months, okay? I promise it’s gonna be quick and then we’ll see each other in December”

 You nodded “Yeah, I guess. And hey, what’d you think if I enrolled there next year?”

 “UCLA?” He asked surprisingly “Really? Wasn’t University of Toronto the plan?”

 You shrugged, “It was the plan because I wasn’t open to any other options but now… Maybe I can start looking around outside of Canada too. Shawn’s taking a break from performing next year so he doesn’t need his personal assistant”

 “You coming to UCLA would be the dream come true for me, love” Connor sighed happily “But what about your parents?”

 “My parents would say yes if I told them I wanted to study in the UK” You said in a teasing voice “So, I think they’d be fine with me studying in LA, babe”

 “Come to LA after Christmas and I’ll show you around the campus” He said before letting out a yawn “Make sure it’s really what you want, you know?”

 “Mhmm, sounds like a plan” You agreed “Now let’s sleep, pretty boy. Shawn has that party tomorrow night and that idiot is going to get all of us so wasted till we can’t walk”

 Connor chuckles lowly, before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to your lips “I love you, babe”

 “Love you too, bubs”

[winnipegpatty]

untimely conversations | s.m. one shot

a/n: this if for the anon that requested shawn and reader get in a fight at his parents house. this is 3k full of nice angst. please send me your feedback and check out my masterlist and also consider buying me a ko-fi if you enjoyed it (links in the bio)!! love youuuu!

“My parents want to have dinner with us this week?”

They were cuddled together in bed on a Wednesday night, and Shawn was tired from the studio work he’d been doing early in the week.

“Sounds nice,” Y/N replied groggily, “Haven’t seen them in a while.”

Shawn nodded before yawning, “Just been so busy.” His voice was quiet and heavy with sleep.

She nodded against his shoulder before she kissed it lightly. She started drawing small patterns on Shawn’s stomach, liking the way his stomach rose and fell with his breathing. They were quiet for a while, and Y/N was sure he must have gone to sleep, his breathing having evened out slightly.

“If my mom mentions an engagement,” Shawn said softly after a while, “just, don’t get upset, okay?”

Her fingers stilled against his chest, going completely flat over his heart, “Why would she ask about that?”

Shawn sighed, turning slightly so that he could see Y/N’s face. “Well, you know Karen,” he said using his mother’s first name. “She’s a little traditional in some respects, and she’s just, uh,” Shawn stammered for a moment, unsure of his words.

“Shawn,” she wandered, “What’s going on?”

“We’ve been together for almost three years, and living together for a year a half, and I think she’s just getting tired of waiting around for it to happen.” Shawn let out a breath, slightly blowing over top her head.

“Did she actually mention this, or are you just assuming?” Y/N tilted her head up slightly to look at Shawn’s as they lie side by side.

“Not exactly, but she hinted strongly, you know how mothers do.”

Y/N was silent for a while. The truth was, she had to agree with Karen. It’s not that she had expected Shawn to propose quickly or anything, not at all. Especially not with the life he lived. He had to be cautious with who he let in, but the question of whether or not to let her into his life had long since passed. She’d squeezed her way into every aspect of Shawn’s life. He wrote songs about her, brought her on tour often, talked about her in interviews. She’d met his family years ago and was a regular in his friend group at this point. She was sure after moving in together that it would be the next step, but they’d been living together for a year and a half and there hadn’t been any progress in that area. And she wasn’t exactly upset with Shawn about this. She loved Shawn and enjoyed the life they spent with each other. But Karen’s expectation for them to get married wasn’t entirely far fetched.

“Well,” she finally spoke, “I won’t get upset.”

Shawn nodded before leaning down and kissing her lips lightly, whispered his love to her in the quiet of the night. They fell asleep not to long after, both completely bone tired from a hard days work.

___

Friday came around, and the dinner with Karen and Manny was set to start in thirty minutes. Y/N was still struggling to find the right outfit, something cute and dressy but not too cute or too dressy.

“Which one?” She asked Shawn, coming out of the closet holding up two vastly different ensembles.

Shawn, not looking up from his phone where he was typing furiously, “Either is great, babe.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “You didn’t even look, Shawn.”

Shawn, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from his phone, looked at the two options before saying, “Left,” and then returning to his phone.

“You sure that’s not too...sexy?”

Shawn huffed, “Y/N, I don’t care. My parents aren't going to care. They love you, just pick one.”

She turned, frustrated with Shawn’s lack of help, and returned to the closet, eventually choosing a completely different outfit all together. Ten minutes later she emerged from the closet, ready to go. She grabbed her clutch from the bedside table and asked Shawn if he was ready.

“Mhmm,” Shawn mumbled, standing up robotically as he followed her out of the condo on autopilot, reaching the car in no time.

The drive to the Mendes household was quick and quiet, as Y/N stared out the window, watching as they slowly left their familiar surroundings of downtown Toronto and headed towards the land of suburbia, Pickering.

“Andrew wants me in the studio all day tomorrow,” Shawn said as they hit the halfway mark between Toronto and Pickering.

Her eyes left the window and snapped to Shawn, shocked. “What? It’s Saturday Shawn, and you’ve been there all week!”

Shawn sighed, tapping the steering wheel, “I know. But recording is almost done, and he doesn’t want to have to have to book another week.”

Y/N looked down at her lap, flicking at her chipped nail polish. “I thought, maybe we could do something together tomorrow though…”

Shawn glanced over apologetically, “I know, I know… Saturdays are usually our day together, but I’m sorry. You know what Andrew wants, he gets.”

“It’s not just Saturday, Shawn…” She trailed over quietly.

“There’s nothing I can do. It’s out of my hands, I just wanted to let you know.” Shawn responded, frustration lacing his tone.

Looking back out the window where a light snow had begun to fall, Y/N stayed silent for the rest of the drive trying not to think about the fact that Shawn seems to have completely forgotten their third anniversary.

Once they’d made their arrival, Karen and Manny greeted them warmly, welcoming them into their home and bringing them out of the cold snow.

“How are you doing, baby?” She asked Shawn sweetly as she kissed his temple lightly.

“Good, work has been crazy, just really tired lately.”

She nodded in understanding before pulling Y/N into a hug, “And how you are, darling?”

Y/N hugged her back lightly, nestling her head into her shoulder searching for a sense of comfort, “I’m doing fine,’ she finally responded, pulling back slightly.

Karen eyed her for a moment before replying with a sharp nod, “That’s good.”

Manny got the two of them drinks, and together the four of them wandered into the living area, each finding seats around the room, Y/N sitting next to Shawn, but not touching. Their legs weren’t pressed against each others like they normally would be, and Shawn eyed Y/N for a moment where she was sat. He decided to not say anything, instead turning his attention to his parents.

“How’s Liyah?” He asked.

“Oh you know, just being a teenage girl,” Karen smiled sweetly.

Manny sat up, leaning slightly towards Shawn, “You know she started looking at universities last month.”

Shawn’s eyes widened, “What? No. Already?”

“Well she is almost seventeen, love.” Karen laughed.

“Don’t remind me,” Shawn grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What schools is she looking at?” Y/N asked, entering the conversation.

“Mostly local stuff, but she is looking at a few in Montreal and BC. And two in the States and one in London.”

Shawn’s jaw dropped, “Why does she even need to look at so many schools?”

Karen laughed, “It’s early in the process honey, she’s just looking at lots of options. She’ll narrow it down when it gets closer.”

“Li is so smart,” Y/N whispered, almost as though she were talking to herself, “She could do anything.”

Karen smiled softly at the young girl, “She is a bright one. We got very lucky with our two.” She directed her smile at Shawn, who was probably already blushing. Y/N didn’t know though because she was only looking at her lap, thinking about how lucky she thought she was for having someone like Shawn. Wondering where they went wrong and lost communication.

At dinner, Manny and Shawn carried most of the conversation, with Karen and Y/N only piping in for a few one liners here and there. But Y/N was content in her quiet place. Retreating to the back of her mind, that’s where she liked to be anyway. It was the place where people couldn’t hurt her, she could really only hurt herself.

“So, Y/N,” Karen asked later in the evening. Their plates almost empty and they were finishing their second glass of wine. “Are there any big plans coming up for you?”

She watched Karen for a moment, not entirely sure what she meant. “No,” she answered, “Just the usual at work. We’ve got a pretty big case right now that we’re working on, trying to find a good stable home for one particular kid who’s been in and out of homes for a while.”

Karen hummed sadly, “That must be hard, seeing so many kids living rough childhoods.”

She nodded, “It is, but we’re there to help and to try and connect as many kids as we can with stable, loving homes.”

“Do you ever think about having kids of your own one day?” Karen asked innocently.

“Mom--” Shawn warned, stepping in immediately.

“What?” She raised her hands, looking at Shawn. “It’s a simple question, with absolutely no relation to you, unless you’ve changed your name.”

Shawn rolled his eyes, looking at his girlfriend, “You do not have to answer her if you feel uncomfortable.”

Y/N turned to Shawn, “Why would that make me uncomfortable?” She rolled her eyes at Shawn’s childish behavior before returning her gaze to Karen. “I’d love to have children eventually. But I don’t see it happening any time soon.”

“Well some things take…” Karen paused for a moment, glancing at Shawn, “Time.”

Shawn leaned back in his chair, groaning. “Mom, please you said you wouldn’t do this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Shawn.” She took a sip of her wine.

“Shawn, it’s fine.” Y/N said, lightly placing her hand on his bicep.

“Is it such a crime to wonder whether or not my own son plans on ever getting married?” Karen directed the question to Manny, who wisely stayed completely silent on the manner.

“Mom!” Shawn shouted, frustrated. “We have talked about this so many times, why do you always have to bring it up. Just stop! Y/N doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. You don’t need to ruin the evening with this conversation every goddamn time we come over!” Shawn huffed, running a hand through his hair.

Y/N coughed uncomfortably, saying quietly, “Well, I’m perfectly fine discussing it.”

Shawn’s pupils flared, studying his girlfriend for a moment, not entirely sure why she was being so difficult right now. Shawn just wanted this conversation to move forward, but it seemed that everyone in the room was working against him. “What do you mean?” He criticized.

“I’m just saying,” she breathed out, “that it’s not an entirely unfair question ask.”

Shawn grinded his teeth. “You want to talk about this here, right now, in front of my parents?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she explained. “I’m just saying your mom is right to wonder when you might want to get married considering you’ve been dating your girlfriend for three years. Or did you forget that it’s been three years?”

If there ever was someone who resembled one of those cartoon characters with steam coming out of their eyes and their face burning red, it was Shawn right now. Y/N had never seen Shawn quite so livid, but frankly she didn’t really care.

“So what? You wanna get married?” Shawn snarled. “We can get married.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and didn’t bother responding.

“No,” Shawn said, completely on edge now. “You want to talk about this? Let’s fucking talk, Y/N! You want to be a goddamn brat and demand that we discuss this in front of my parents, then let’s do it.You want kids too, I know you do. So how many? Do you already have their names picked out?”

“Shawn, that’s enough.” Karen said, finally stepping in.

“It’s fine, Karen.” Y/N whispered, defending herself, but still not responding to her boyfriend.

“No, it’s not,” Karen reprimanded, looking towards her son. “We never taught you to speak to women like that.”

“Give it a rest, mom.” Shawn said, standing up from his chair, pointing his finger at her defensively. “You started this in the first place. I told you not to bring this shit up, and you did it anyway.”

“Shawn,” Karen warned, equally as defensive as his son. She was ready to make any war he waged.

“Karen, really,” Y/N said trying to defuse the tense situation, “It’s fine. It’s very clear that Shawn doesn’t want to discuss marriage or anything of the like. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me.”

“No, no. That’s not it.” Karen said in a calm motherly tone, trying to reassure the younger woman of her worth.

“Maybe that is is.” Shawn whispered, refusing to meet Y/N’s gaze.

Karen’s eyes snapped to Shawn, filled with anger. Manny’s weary gaze watched as Y/N’s eyes welled up lightly, she coughed trying to cover her hurt.

“I am not ready to get married, why is that so unacceptable?” Shawn wondered.

“It’s not,” Karen said in a stern, but calm voice. “What’s unacceptable is your current behavior and the way you’re speaking to your girlfriend, whom you’re supposed to love. If you’re not ready to get married, that’s perfectly alright. You’re both young. You have a lot going on in your careers. But if you’re unable to speak to your girlfriend in a calm, not demeaning manner then I believe I’ve completely failed you as a mother. You should never feel comfortable speaking to Y/N like that under any circumstances.”

Shawn looked down at his feet, shuffling uncomfortably. It had been a long while since he’d had a disappointed mother speech, but he’d recognize the tone in her voice anywhere. It was the kind of speech that tore your gut apart from the inside out with worry because you’d managed to disappoint your mother. There were very few feelings worse than this one.

“You need to apologize to her.” Karen spoke again.

“Mom,” Shawn moaned, “I’m not a five years old anymore.”

Karen’s eyes widened, “Could have fooled me.”

Shawn’s shoulders hunched over in embarrassment, finally looking at Y/N. He held his hand out to her, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut when he finally saw that she’d been crying. “Can we talk?”

Y/N took his hand, following him down the hall and into his childhood bedroom. Shawn closed the door behind them, leaning against the door. Their hands, still lightly clasped together, hung loosely between the two of them.  

“I’m sorry!” Shawn whispered.

“Saturday’s our three year anniversary,” Y/N rushed at the same time Shawn spoke.

“Wait what?” Shawn asked, eyes wide in shock.

Y/N’s lip wavered, knowing Shawn really had forgotten. “Our three year, it’s tomorrow. And you didn’t even remember.”

“No, it can’t be it’s not even…” Shawn trailed off, thinking back on what month it was and how far they were into the month before he let out a, “Fuck.” He hit his head back on the door. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Y/N tugged on his hand, turning to face him on the door. “I don’t care that you don’t want to get married. Or that you don’t want to get married right now. Or have children or whatever. We haven’t talked a whole lot about those things, and I’m perfectly fine with that. But when you didn’t remember our anniversary, it killed me a little bit inside. Shawn, I know that one day I want to marry you. I know that one day I want to have your kids. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the only person for me. There’s no question in my mind. I don’t care when those things happen. They could happen tomorrow or in thirty years. I just know that there’s not a single day I want to live without you. And you forgetting something like that, really makes me question if you like that towards me or if I’m just a familiar comfort for you.”

Shawn reached out, cupping her cheek. “No, no please don’t say those things. They’re not true. I could never ask for anyone greater than you. There is no one more perfect for me than you. There’s no one else I think about, no one else I’d rather be with. It’s only you. And it’s always going to be you. You’re absolutely the person I see by my side at every major event in my life down the road.” Shawn rested his forehead against hers. “This is a fucking weak excuse, but it’s all I have. Work has been insane, and I should have put more priority on your and our relationship, but I didn’t. And for that I’m sorry. I am sorry for forgetting something so important. There isn’t an excuse that makes up for that. And I’m still going to have to go to work tomorrow, but I swear to god, I will make it up to you. Please  forgive me. For everything. For what I said to you like a fucking idiot, and for the way I’ve treated you over the past few weeks.”

Y/N pressed her lips against Shawn’s, savoring the taste of wine on his lips. “I forgive you,” she said as she pulled away. “And I love your parents, but can we go home now because I really don’t want to have to deal with aftermath of that situation we just created.”

Shawn nodded, chuckling lightly. “I second that. I don’t think my mom has ever been more disappointed in me before. Not even when I broke up with my first girlfriend over text message.”

Y/N cringed, “Shawn.”

“I know, it was bad.” He laughed lightly again. “I love you.” He said through a trail of kisses on her jaw.

“I love you too,” she whispered. “But the apology isn’t going to come quite as easily next time if you talk to me like that again.”

“Noted. Now let’s go home.”

tagging: @peacedolantwins2 @rosecth @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @yourwonderbelle (let me know if you wanna be added!)

[paycies]

hello  pretty  peeps  !  i’m  already  so  happy  n  excited  2  be  here  tysm  for  the  warm  welcome 🥺🥰my  name’s  dani  ,  i’m  20  &  i  reside  in  torONTO /  the  6ix  /  best  city  in  da  world  ,  which  puts  me  in  the  est  tz  !  i’m  obsessed  w  machine  gun  kelly  n  that’s  really  all  you  need  to  know  about  me  SJFDSFS .  but  i’m  super  excited  2  be  bringing  my  babyg  paycie  ,  she’s  a  wild card  but  also  a  lil  sunflower  &  all  the  more  info  about  her  is  under  the  cut  +  some  wanted  connections  !  like  this  &  i’ll  slide  in  those  dms  to  plot  bc  i  wanna  plot  w  every  single  one  of  u or  you  can  also  msg  me  on  discord  @𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958  !!  ♡ ♡ ♡

» • * — ( madison beer , cisfemale , she/her ) . i think i hear righteous by juice wrld coming from apartment 2308. doesn’t paycie miller live there ?? i heard they are a twenty one year old student/model from manhattan ,  nyc , but they’ve been living in the apartments for three years . they come across a bit - reticent and - stubborn , but they also seem like they could be + quixotic and + adroit . whenever i see them , i think of hoop  earrings , graphic  tees  &  red roses . oh , and don’t forget to follow them on instagram at @payciem !  

*  𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠  .

full  name  :  paycie  anne  miller .

age  :  twenty  -  one .

astrological  chart  :  libra  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  leo  rising .

hometown  :  manhattan  ,  new  york  .

sexual  orientation  :  pansexual .

character  inspo  :  lexie  grey  (  grey’s  anatomy  )  ,  brooke  davis  (  one  tree  hill  )  ,  moe  (  lemonade  mouth  )  ,  mariana  adams  foster  (  the  fosters  )  .

*  𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦  &  𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡  (  death  tw  ) .

ok here we go

paycie was born an only child to the most loving parents

born and raised here in manhattan

her mom was an aspiring model when she met paycie’s rockstar father

they got married only after knowing eachother for a few months , but they were so deeply in love it didn’t even matter

they had paycie about a year after being married

and they couldn’t have been happier to have a lil girl!!

her mom and her were two peas in a pod growing up , her dad would always find them playing dress up together ,  doing  eachother’s makeup , etc

they acted much more like best friends than like a mom/daughter , but there was never a problem w it

paycie was a very well behaved child , always having a soft demeanour even from the very beginning

so ya growing up was great for her , her dad’s career was at it’s peak , her mom stayed home to take care of paycie , so she always had her mom around , she ended up in private school that she enjoyed , made lots of friends & couldn’t have wished for anything in life

( death & car accident tw ) fast forward , paycie’s now 17 , while her dad’s away on tour  ,  her mom dies suddenly in a car accident . this was by far the worst day of paycie’s life , she never in a million  years  imagined that her mom would be taken from her , and with absolutely no warning

her best friend in the whole world was gone and she had no idea how to move on from that

obviously her dad’s tour was cancelled & the tabloids went crazy with the story

the two of them struggled to get any privacy  , paparazzi always waiting outside their house , etc sstuff like that

it was horrible n they hated it

but paycie quickly fell into a depression, stopped going to school , BARELY made it through her senior year but by some miracle she did end up graduating ( she didn’t attend however )

( anxiety tw ) she had to go on medication for depression & anxiety during this time as well , as she was struggling w panic attacks and such and still does sometimes to this day

her dad’s career diminished because he too was lost without her to work , & he wanted to stay home 24/7 to take care of paycie

it took a long time for the two of them to be able to figure out how to continue living life , but they did it together & as a united front

paycie and her father’s relationship continued to grow much stronger after her mom’s death , obviously both of them needing eachother to lean on

fast forward abt a year or two paycie decides she wants to go to college to study fashion , something her mom always loved & got paycie interested in

she’s taking a few music courses as well 

so now she’s here living in her lil apartment that she adores and trying to live a simple life .

she really hadn’t been interested in being in the spotlight like her dad was , although her instagram following is what allowed her to gain modelling gigs after she turned 18 , being able to book a few big ones , to get money to help pay her tuition and other expenses 

she enjoys it a lot but at the same time lowkey hates the idea of being famous , after how the media had such a big affect on her w her mother’s death

so she’s conflicted and tries to focus on school most of the time

*  𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦  &  ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠  . 

paycie is a very kind and gentle soul

she’s quiet and tends to keep her thoughts to herself , when she’s around people she doesn’t know well

don’t get me wrong she can converse very well , but when it comes to meaningful conversations , you’ll only get that out of her if she completely trusts you

ummm she wears her heart on her sleeve tho and dreams of an epic love like her parents had although she gets scared of being hurt the way her dad was

which stops her from forming attachments easily

but at the same time her heart is so huge she can quickly form a soft spot for people once she gets to know them

if you’re her friend she will literally go to the ends of the earth for u , she will do anything for the people she cares about

she’s always experimenting w different outfits !

but she also loves hanging out in a hoodie and sweatpants w her hair in a messy ass bun , it’s her fave

on the weekend you’ll likely find her watching friends for the 100000 time in her apartment w a box of donuts 

she does love to have fun and go out and get drunk w her girls and dance all night yk , 21 year old stuff <3

i’m still developing her always but yAH .

* 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠  .

i want all da connections pls so like if u have anything ur dying for lmk & paycie can fill it  !  i also have my own wanted connections  HERE  , so  pls  come  plot  w  me  hehe  ♡

& ty for reading this whole ass mess , ily  !

[coquitowcinnamon]

something i haven’t done since 2009 (nobody asked and yet)

1: What eye color do you find sexiest? 

honestly, for me, it’s more about the gaze itself, u kno?

2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha?

café 

3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?

i would ask the person to draw over the one i have

4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

always lived in the metro area at home but its still an island so i guess both? and yes!

5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)

my titi nitza

6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now?

papaya 

7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?

i raised my hand when the teacher asked a question, got my turn and my dissociative ass just told everyone about how it was raining (this is a longer story)

8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?

i remember period stains were very common? i can’t remember much of these years

9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?

appreciated the sentiment but getting a giant teddy bear from someone that liked me (you would know i absolutely despise these) 

10: Pirates or ninjas? Why? 

pirates bc they get to travel more (at least in my head they do)

11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?

i have! there’s this tiny island where i live. my brother and i went for summer sometimes and i remember there was this very high tree all the kids climbed to watch the sunset. 

12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?

i loved it. i liked to twist the whole thing and then let go to feel my hair moving. ngl i jumped on one today when i went for a walk

13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?

i would have a dog. always wanted one and never could.

14: What’s your most favorite part of your body?

i like my hands

15: What’s your most favorite part of your personality?

do i have one? lol 

16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?

both?

17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?

sad to say, yes, this year

18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?

see previous question

19: What’s the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten in your life?

some risotto with calamari at a tiny place close to where i lived in Madrid

20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?

butter and butter

21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 ½% milk?)

2%

22: Which continents have you been on?

North America, South America and Europe 

23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?

not really

24: Backpacks or satchels?

backpacks

25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?

all of them if i had them. my whole closet’s black

26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

it has to be between spongebob / fairly odd parents / teen titans

27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?

i wouldn’t </3

28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?

toronto

29: Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on?

sju to nyc to madrid

30: The latest you’ve ever slept? 

2pm?

31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free?

hell yeah

32: Do you pick at scabs?

when they itch tf doesnt everybody

33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?

all of them gimmie a salad

34: How far can you throw a baseball?

idk but i used to be quite good at softball

35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?

australia

36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?

all of em except nepalese. they’re all so goooooooooood yo

37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?

wherever as long as i can feel i’m testing myself

38: A relationship with love or one with sex?

bark bark BOTH

39: Do you eat enough vegetables?

i’d like to think i do

40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?

i pass on horror, vouch for thrillers

41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public?

heeeeeeeell yeah (discreetly tho lol)

42: Do you swear in front of your parents?

si puñeta

43: Coolest thing you’ve ever been for Halloween?

i was matilda and everybody could tell so that’s cool i think

44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?

platinum gray 

45: Do you want to get married? Have kids?

neither :-)

46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.

lol yia

47: City or nature person?

both beech

48: Have you ever used something other than “makeup” as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?)

does glitter count?

49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you’re a guy?

damn right i CANT

50: Post 5 awesome things about yourself. BRAG AWAY!

i can be chill if needed

i can be loud if wanted 

i love to bust a move anywhere i can 

movies / series / coffee meet ups everyday

i like to think im a good friend

[sierratheory]

Honestly if 5SOS are going to pull this girlfriend shit they dont deserve my support at all. I’m not a fake fan, I’ve stayed with them since the beginning of their career but they’re overriding the fandom like they don’t respect us at all. Quit with that ‘ur not a true fan if u dont like the gfs’ bullshit bc now I understand why people left the fandom, I used to think it’s not THAT deep but now I’m a degree away in my boiling point. I can’t believe they are playing us like this.

Everyone is so mad, and I totally get it. Why is she on the song if she can’t fucking write one without Luke holding her goddamn hand and writing the fucking words for her. It’s like they live in their own little bubble and are like “fans will buy it anyways they love us”. Like that only goes so far. At this point I’ll probably just listen on Spotify and not drop a dime on them. I haven’t preorder the album, nor did I buy tickets to their Toronto show, even though I wanted to go.

[laurahphoto]

Amazing music photographers around the world

We’re currently facing a world crisis unlike we have seen in a generation. Due to shutdowns of pretty much all normal life, the music industry has completely shutdown touring. Festivals and tours all over the world have been cancelled, and the loss of income to all of those connected to that industry will be devastating. 

This is my very small attempt at trying to help out some of my favourite photographers, nearly all of whom are affected by these shutdowns. I’ve tried my best to link to all their print stores, instagram and websites, but if there are direct ways you want to help them, please reach out. Give them a follow. Share their posts. Tell them how amazing they are. Spirits are low right now, and boosting someone’s spirits is one of the best things we can do to get through this.

We’re all in this together. I hope you discover your new favourite photographer.

UK/EU

Bethan Miller // Cardiff, UK

Bethan Miller is a Cardiff based photographer who works within music, event and wedding photography. I’ve followed Bethan’s work for years, and seeing her come as far as she has, and being a full-time freelancer is incredible. She tours regularly with rising UK band Holding Absence, and her work with them truly captures their moody-vibe.  PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Corinne Cumming // London, UK

Best known as ‘Captured by Corinne’, one of the music industry’s NICEST humans on the planet, London based Corinne is also an incredible photographer, from her work with Rock Sound with some of your favourite bands, to her unmatched stunning studio work with Drag Queens. I feel so proud when I see her work - we would often share the pit together when we were newbies and now she’s a full-time photographer and owner of her own studio, Hot Dog Studios.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Isha Shah // London, UK

Honestly, a true legend. Isha’s work is so vibrant, innovative and quite genius. She’s able to work with a range of artists and musicians, and also inspires other creatives with her creative collective, Platform London. Never afraid to speak up, Isha’s no BS attitude makes her so unique, and honestly my feeds would be way too quiet without her. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Jennifer McCord // London, UK

Finding beauty in the minimal, Jenny’s work is emotive in the way she photographs some of the most delicate moments, no matter whether she’s shooting live music, portraits or weddings. Seeing her grow from shooting hardcore shows to working with Ellie Goulding, Jenny is IN DEMAND, and there’s a reason why.

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Phoebe Fox // London, UK

It blows me away that Phoebe (SHOTBYPHOX) is only 22. She has toured with artists such as Anne Marie, SWMRS, Anteros and The Amazons and is a powerhouse of beautiful content. Her work is clean, bold, and simply stunning.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Zac Mahrouche // London, UK

Zac shoots a lot of live music, but also creates some really beautiful editorial/fashion photos. I can always look to Zac’s work for inspiration, and I love the way he presents his work across socials.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Doug Elliott // Brighton, UK

The moody cold tones of Doug’s work make it really atmospheric and cinematic. It’s been amazing to follow Doug’s journey over the years and see him work with artists such as Against The Current. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Martyna “Gingerdope” // Stroud, UK

One of the most unique viewpoints in music photography come from Gingerdope. She captures some of the most delicate, overlooked moments on tour, and has introduced me to some of the UK’s best indie bands. 

ONLINE STORE // INSTAGRAM

Ellie Mitchell // UK

Ellie is a machine, and seems to be always touring! I admire how she works within particularly male-dominated genres and has become one of the most consistent music photographers out there. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Arne Desmedt “CardinalsMedia” // Antwerp, Belgium

I’ve followed Arne’s work for a while, and he always delivers stunning, dynamic live photos across multiple music genres. His portfolio is an endless stream of incredible shots.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Sarah Louise Bennett // London, UK

Another amazing woman working in the music industry, and killing it with every shoot she does. Sarah is so hardworking, producing stunning covers/features for Upset & Dork magazines and continuously setting the bar high. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

CANADA

Brandynnleigh // Calgary, AB

One of THE most creative photographers out there, I love the concepts and essence of her work; there’s a story within every photo and there’s a vintage feel to them that works perfectly. Brandynnleigh is based in Calgary and shoots live music as well as portraits, conceptual projects and landscapes.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE 

Lindsey Blane // Vancouver, BC

Ok, I’m biased, because Lindsey is one of my closest friends but also a ridiculously talented human, a bit of a workaholic and someone who gives every project 110%. When we met, we were both working at a camera store (in different locations) and she stalked me on Instagram and messaged me on Christmas Day 2016, and within weeks she was sleeping on my sofa a couple times a month, so she could come over to Vancouver from Victoria and shoot some shows/build her relationships with artists. It’s paid off and seeing her work with some of the biggest artists in Canada is mindblowing.

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Brandon Dacosta // Toronto, ON

Brandon works with a range of indie artists including Canadian bands Bearings and Belmont. His work is so energetic and he checks off everything live music photography is all about. Brandon always delivers stunning content, and as a photographer who tours so much, he will need as much support as possible!

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Shayla Lee // Edmonton, AB

A multi-talented incredible human, Shayla has continued to develop her own unique style and approach to her work, particular with electronic and EDM acts. We were introduced by Lindsey Blane (she threw us all in a car and took us to Bumbershoot) and have been great friends since. Shayla is also a writer and runs her own blog, Femme Riot. She attends more festivals than I knew existed and creates weird and wonderful photos/collages. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE // FEMME RIOT

Timothy Nguyen // Vancouver, BC

One of the most humble, kind humans I’ve had the pleasure of calling my friend. Having road-tripped down to Seattle for Warped Tour and Bumbershoot, Tim is always so much fun to be around, and you can always lean on him for advice. An amazing photographer with a big heart, you’ll see him catching no sleep and shooting 5 gigs in one night. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Kelli Anne // Vancouver, BC

My favourite Kiwi, and potentially one of the funniest people I know, Kelli has come a long way since she started taking photos on her phone at concerts. She is now one of the most consistent live music photographers, continuously producing incredible content. Her portrait work is always STUNNING and I’m jealous of how she achieves those warm dreamy tones.

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Bailey Morgan // Vancouver, BC

I’ve only known Bailey a short amount of time, but she is slowly becoming one of my favourite photographers. She has a heart of gold and creates beautiful visuals, working mainly with music, portraits and families. She recently set up Rebel Gal Creators, a collective of womxn photographers.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE // REBEL GAL CREATORS

USA

Heather Hawke // Los Angeles, CA

Heather is more than just a photographer. She works within the music industry in PR, runs her own magazine - Decorated Youth and writes thoughtful articles and interviews. She also has really great taste in music. She’s a hard-working powerhouse, and a wonderful human. Support her work!

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE // DECORATED YOUTH

Sara Feigin // New York, NY

I met Sara at a gig in London waaaaay back. She moved back to the States, where she is currently working as a photographer and writer. Her artist portraits are among my favourite, and she continues to blow me away with her consistency. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Kaytlin Dargen // Fargo, ND

I know her as ‘kaydargs’, I’ve loved her work for so long. She has such a unique style and perspective, always putting out incredible work. She works with lots of bands, and I loved her recent album cover for Hot Mulligan. A true artist, and a big inspiration of mine.

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Carter Howe // Los Angeles, CA

Carter’s work feels like a movie - dramatic and emotional. I love how her photos are so well executed, and how she finds beauty in the ordinary. 

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Alyson Coletta // NJ

A live-music photographer who’s work continues to always make me feel like I was at the concert she shot. She always captures ‘the moment’ whether it’s an arena or tiny sweaty show. Message her to buy any print off her IG/website!

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Maggie Friedman // New York, NY

One of the most active music photographers, she’s probably shot at least five of your favourite artists. Minimum. A content-machine, Maggie’s work is always outstanding. You can buy a print buy messaging her!

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Melodi Ramirez // Austin, TX

A versatile photographer, often switching between bad-ass live music and strong bold portraits.

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Cina Nguyen // Washington, DC

Known as her handle ‘ilikeyourface’ on IG, Cina creates art-pieces with her surreal, dreamy photos. I could honestly look at her work all day. 

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Victoria Sanders // Chicago, IL

Victoria Sanders does’t just photograph concerts - she’s an advocate for pushing for more women in music, and cofounded The Photo Ladies, bringing together a community of women around the world who work in music. Oh and she takes amazing pics, of course.

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE 

Gina Scarpino // New York, NY

Inspirational portraits & live music photos, Gina’s got a real eye for visual concepts, and I always admire how well she executes all of her work.

PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Natalie Somekh // Newport Beach, CA

Natalie has a vintage feel to her portraits + live music photos which are super dreamy. Message her for prints!

INSTAGRAM // WEBSITE

Kat Nijmeddin // Los Angeles, CA

Kat is a photographer/designer who works with Pure Noise Records. I really love how energetic her photos are, yet her tones are soft and pastel colours which create a really cool style. PRINT STORE // INSTAGRAM 

[sunriseskog]

comethru- Auston Matthews

Request: n/a this was entirely self induglent bc im sad and ive had comethru by Jermey Zucker stuck in my head for weeks

Word Count: 2,267

Warnings: cursing, angst, dudes being assholes, mentions of tr*ding auston

A/N: ive been on hiatus for a long ass time so any feedback is more than welcome!!!! also i am fully aware that i used this gift for my last post but its hot and i dont care

It had been a little over a month since Auston left. No… that’s not quite right. It had been a little over a month since Auston left Toronto. It had been just barely under a month since you had left Auston.

You weren’t entirely sure who the trade surprised more, but you did know for a fact that it had had a far greater effect on you than it had on Auston.

He had remained optimistic in the beginning. After all, Buffalo is barely a 2-hour drive on a bad day. On a good day, he could probably make it in an hour and a half. But the two of you had quickly reached the conclusion that either of you driving 4+ hours a day wasn’t practical, and it wasn’t fair to whoever drew the short end of the stick, pun intended. You knew he would never ask you to move for him, hell even moving in together had been a stretch for you, but you also knew that there was an unspoken expectation that eventually the both of you would relocate closer to the arena.

Before he had even reached the border, you had managed to convince yourself that this short distance relationship would cripple your relationship before you could even begin filling out the US immigration forms to move with him, let alone actually convince yourself to do it. So you backed off. You knew that trying to exhaust what was left of the relationship would only end up destroying you the both of you more than was necessary, so you let go. You knew it wouldn’t take him long to pick up on the fact that you were becoming distant, taking longer to respond to texts, barely calling him back and conveniently timing your responses with the specific intention of him not being able to pick up. You may have been stupid, but you sure as hell weren’t subtle. You knew that as long you were the bad guy in the scenario, it wouldn’t take him nearly as long to get over you, and as long as you remained in control of the situation, you knew that you’d come out of the tail end of things perfectly fine.

And you were. You were absolutely, positively fine. But that was all you were. You weren’t good or great or doing well, you were just… fine. You were off-kilter, sure, but you were surviving, and that was honestly all you had come to ask of yourself. You were sure that the other shoe would drop soon enough, you had ridden the high and now you were at the plateau, but the comedown seemed to always be lurking around the corner.

One too many sleepless nights in a row had come to significantly impact your sleeping schedule. It had gotten to the point where your boss had come to expect your work day to end at 5 am instead of 5 pm. It was nice, though. To see the city when it felt like no one else could. To have your whole day to yourself, even though it was technically night. Everything was much quieter, and there were moments where it felt like you might be the only person in the entire city to be awake, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You rarely interacted with anyone, you didn’t even wake up until hours after the last of your coworkers had left the building, and every errand you had to run could be completed via the self-checkout of the 24 hr supermarket a few blocks away from your apartment building. You weren’t lonely by any means, you just so happened to be alone.

Except on game nights. You were never alone on game nights. Luckily, there weren’t very many Toronto residents that enjoyed watching one of their franchise players play in a different teams jersey, but you still couldn’t help but punish yourself by watching his games whenever they were on at the sports bar you frequented. You told yourself that as long as someone else put the game on, and as long as you left with someone new before the game was over, then it wasn’t nearly as pathetic as it seemed.

An issue arose the first time Toronto played the Sabres. You hadn’t checked the schedule, you just knew that there was a game. You also knew that if you were ever alone when a game was on you would curl up with far too much ice cream and a borderline dangerous amount of rum, neither of which were ideal. Immediately upon entering the bar, you knew that it was far too crowded for there to not be a Leafs game on, it was nowhere near baseball season, and the sea of blue jerseys couldn’t be for any other team. An involuntary wince consumed your face as Auston’s name reached your ears, it seemed like every congregation of fans in the entire establishment were talking about him, and a cursory glance at the nearest screen confirmed your fears.

The bad news was that if you stayed, you would have to watch Auston play, which was bound to be painful for any Leafs fan, but this one would hurt you just a little more than all the others— the knowledge that he was just across the city weighed heavily on your shoulders as you pushed through the crowd to find an empty stool somewhere. The worse news was that there was no way in hell a single guy in here would be willing to leave before the game was over, so you’d either have to watch all of it and then fuck the feelings away, or go home and watch all of it and probably end up crying for a majority of the third period. The former seemed like a more viable option at the time.

Now, though? You wished you had just gone home. Because it turns out you were wrong, there was a dude at the bar who was willing to leave before the end, as it would turn out, he was ready to leave before the second period was halfway through. That should have been your first red flag.

In your defense, you had a lot of other shit going on, and your brain was far too preoccupied coping with the stress that the game was bringing to consider the fact that the nice guy who had been paying for your drinks might not turn out to be that nice after all.

On the cab ride back to your apartment, you found out that his name was Sam and he was a lifelong Leafs fan. The two of you bonded over having grown up around hockey without actually playing it, and you even shared a cigarette at the entrance of your building’s lobby. It wasn’t until the two of you stepped into your living room that things took a turn for the worse.

The framed and signed Matthews jersey on the mantle had been more of a joke than anything else, all of your friends thought it was funny while the two of you were together, and you hadn’t had anyone over since the breakup, so you hadn’t found a reason to convince yourself to take it down. The look of disgust on Sam’s face as soon as he laid eyes on it would have been a fairly convincing reason if you actually gave a shit what he thought about you.

“That’s borderline sacrilege,” he commented, gesturing towards the display. You shot him an incredulous look, waiting for him to give any indication that he was making a joke.

“What?” You questioned, not really confused, just wanting to clarify if he was saying. What you thought he was saying.

“You can’t seriously call yourself a leafs fan and still support that guy! He’s a traitor,” He asserted. His over passionate gesturing indicated that he was genuinely this invested in the topic, which should have been your second red flag.

“I mean c’mon, (Y/N),” He continued. “You’re not stupid, are you?”

You couldn’t help but scoff at how pretentious and condescending he was being, without seeming to realize that he was acting like an absolute prick.

“I can assure you, Samuel,” You drawled sarcastically. “I am anything but stupid, but you have got to be absolutely moronic if you genuinely believe that I’m going to let you fuck me after speaking to me like I'm a goddamn child. Your kinks are your business but that's not really my style,” you sneered as you moved towards the doorway in order to invite him to throw himself out so you didn’t have to bother touching him any more than you already had.

“Now why don’t you get the fuck out of my house, dick head,” You spoke as your lip curled and your brow quirked, gesturing through the doorway to drive the point through his thick skull.

“Gladly,” He scoffed, slamming his shoulder into yours as he stepped past you. “Not like I’d want to fuck a whore like you anyways!” He shouted over his should as he started towards the stairs.

“Open your mouth that wide again and I’m gonna have to ask you to chortle my cock, Samuel” You responded, giving a middle finger to his back for your own satisfaction. You had never been one to censor your insults, and over the years they had become more and more lewd. This, of course, had never really presented itself as a problem until you caught the eye of your neighbor as you turned to storm back inside of your apartment. You couldn’t help but wince apologetically at the old woman, giving her a repentant head nod as you shuffled back inside.

You let your back hit the inside of the door, sliding roughly down until your tailbone hit the hardwood floor beneath your feet. Of course, the first substantial interaction you had in over a month would turn out to be a spectacular disaster. And of course, it was because of Auston. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t his fault, you just really really needed someone else to blame right now. You carded your fingers through your scalp roughly, and let out an elongated groan in the hopes that it would satisfy the overwhelming urge that you had had to scream at the top of your lungs for the past month or so.

As you stared at your own intertwined fingers in an attempt to calm yourself down, you couldn’t help but notice that your fingers were shaking. This wasn’t a recent development by any means, but this was the first time that you had noticed it being this aggressive. It usually only happened when you had coffee, which was why you had abstained from it for a majority of your life. As you looked back on what your routine had become, you realized that through all the late nights and later mornings, you had been popping caffeine pills and ordering espressos far more than the ‘one-time thing’ you told yourself it was. The realization that your life had done a complete 180 in the span of 5 weeks began to weigh on you, and it seemed like your mind was consumed entirely by flurries of memories of bad habits you had fallen back into and the lifeless moments you had spent floundering, convincing yourself that you were fine on your own, despite the fact that that was anything but the truth.

It didn’t take very long to find his contact picture in your recent messages. You hadn’t had much of a reason to talk to that many people lately. It took longer to open up the message thread, trying to prepare yourself to view the unbearably awkward finality of your most recent messages to each other. The preview underneath his name only served as a painful reminder that the last time he had texted you was to say that he loved you. And you hadn’t said it back.

You weren’t sure if he was going to respond, hell you went sure he was even going to read it. For all you knew it was entirely within the realm of possibility that he had blocked you a while ago. You knew exactly what to say, surprisingly, that wasn’t the hard part. Of the few letters that you typed, the closer you got to reaching out to him again seemed to calm you down more and more. By the time you tacked on the question mark at the end, your fingers had stopped trembling for there first time in what you could assume had been at least a couple of weeks. You let your phone drop to the floor as soon as you hit send, either he would be here within the hour or his response wouldn’t be worth reading. Those were the only options on the table. Either he was going to come and the two of you were going to get to be okay for a little while, or it truly was the end. If that was the case then you really didn’t want to see what he had to say. You heard your phone vibrate from where it laid just a couple feet away, and as much as the desire consumed you, you couldn’t bring yourself to move to see what it said. So you sat there, and waited to see if you would be able to hear those oh so familiar footsteps ascending your staircase again, responding to your oh so familiar request.

‘come thru?’