#this was an incredibly hard task
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Spent this week stuffing the local little free libraries!
I went through all my books, read and unread, a massive undertaking that took days. Also sweat and tears. Plus some screaming. Maybe some screeching.
But: ✨️ Over 100 Books Unhauled!!!!! ✨️
#little free library#books#unhaul#book photography#about rose#not out of void but out of chaos#this was an incredibly hard task#necessary but evil#most of the books will end up in LFL or donated#but a select few are destined for trade for credit at a couple bookshops
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i can't believe you have to eat every single day like wdym i just did that yesterday???????????????????????
#not to mention you're supposed to do it multiple times a day#HOWWWWWWW#LITERALLY HOWWWWWWWWWWWWW#it's such a big chore#task#whatever#it's fucking ridiculous#and it's not like i don't want to eat#i love food#i just forget#aaaaaaand most of the time it's incredibly hard to even decide on what to eat .#and then there is ofc the fact that you have to MAKE the food#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we mustn't forget the good old Appetite Loss either#isn't living like so fun you guys#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#anyway where is papa toji i KNOWWWWW he can cook some good fucking meals#very simple meals but that's literally what i like okay#he just makes some ramen and it's thee best fucking ramen you'v ever had#mayor of loserville#tw eating issues#oh btw if anybody thinks that i should use some other tw's on this then let me know i never know which ones to add
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#linked universe#character poll#lu hyrule#lu legend#lu time#lu wind#lu four#lu twilight#lu sky#lu warriors#lu wild#very curious on this one ngl#like are we basing this on how physically tasking it was? the emotional toll? the actual irl game difficulty?#cause if it’s the last one Hyrule wins imo#I think I’ll go with time overall tho#like if i actually think of literal in universe difficulty#I think having to memorise an entire towns worth of activity and carefully coordinate while incredibly stressed would be hard#some of the others might have had some emotional difficulties or like the odd difficult puzzle or w/e#but like as a whole
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announcing... the Unknown Pathologic Characters Bracket
This is a tournament of little-known Pathologic characters, from "appears once in-game" to "died prior to the Facebook sub-tangent of a promotional ARG from 2014". I've written short biographies for each of the 32 contestants. Vote for your favorite in each match, or if you don't have favorites, the character you'd call most underappreciated. (It's all a scheme to draw attention to these people...!)
I'm not going to maintag matches during the first round (there are 16 of them), but will do so for the rest. All matches will be tagged #unknownpathobracket, for tracking/blacklist purposes.
Most of these characters have no canon appearance. If you post and/or send me drawings, I'll add them! (unsubtle plot 😏)
Likewise, feel free to submit text propaganda for your favorite competitors via replies or my askbox; I'll append the most recent texts to each matchup.
Round 1, Side 1 is now posted!
#Round 1 Side 1 will be posted tonight once I finish some tasks :-) splitting it in half to not flood the dash badly#not taking sides will be incredibly hard I Have Strong Opinions#unknownpathobracket#pathologic#polls
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hinata shōyō | haikyuu
reference photo: link to the original post on twitter. shot by oremiya14
i don't know the name of the team and the player yet but i'll add them later (i'm in a bit of a hurry so i have to go... sorry!!)
#my art#haikyuu#hinata shouyou#hinata shoyo#took me ~2hrs. a little less maybe#i feel more confident at drawing bodies now. but faces and heads are incredibly difficult#not only the anatomy is hard but the face should also be recognisable#and finding the golden mean between realism and anime style feels like an impossible task#but well. nothing you can do but try your best to learn#on a different note. i remembered i have free will and can draw something besides spy x fam and magus' bride#i wasn't restricting myself to these two works. but i got so attached to the characters that i forgot i could draw someone else#im watching haikyuu for the 3rd time (watched it in 2015 and then one more time in 2017)#it's one of the VERY few animes i don't find cringe after a long break and love just as much as i did during my teenage years#it's a bit too dramatic sometimes but i don't mind that at all#the animation is mind-blowing...#and the humor too#kageyama drawing in the next post... i'll continue my ramble there#traditional illustration#pencil illustration#hq
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Do you think the 22 year old army medic here at the fema/Red Cross disaster relief station is qualified to tell me that no the irregular and newly puffy mole on my back is not cancer and it’s ok to be going through a tough time and the way my father treated me as a child wasn’t my fault and something in me is not rotten and inherently repellent to love and that it’s going to be ok and yeah no that alarming mole isn’t cancer. Or are they mostly like cleaning up cuts and stuff
#not gonna do it but should I ask.#this is about Helene btw lol#things are still really really hard but slowly easing up#now it’s mostly a stage where it’s just incredibly overwhelming to carry out all the tasks that are like basic care for your body#and my undiagnosed autism is Not Thriving in times where a shower is a 90 minute errand and everything sounds like generators everywhere#and the mental load is dialed up to 1000 in a time where it’d be so helpful to just cut corners and coast#given like. surviving a disaster#but me and my nearest and dearest are all well as could be hoped given the circumstances#and I was able to make an apple cake this morning which felt amazing#now if I could just get over this extreme post traumatic fear where I’m fundamentally convinced all drinking water is laden with#poisons pathogens and pollutants#I’d be right as rain!#which is an ironic phrase given that it was rain that caused all this. but anyway I’m chillin#it’s just a little too early yet for me to be in physical or online spaces where helene isn’t really present#because my whole life has been intractably altered and life here is still pretty difficult#but I love it here and I peek in sometimes but also I just don’t have time on my day usually bc of aforementioned difficulties and various#meltdowns and catatonias LOL#ok anyway <3
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ok so one of my problems is that when im at work and they give me an easy task i feel guilty because im like Ok i’m being lazy as fuck and i stress about that and then when im at work and they give me a hard task i feel overwhelmed because im like Ok im being stupid as fuck and i stress about that
#what is the answer why cant my brain accept hard or easy things what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!i think it's just like i feel like#ishould be doing More or Better all the time 24/7 but also im incredibly demotivated and i need small simple tasks or i'll kms#whatever it's not this deep
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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Help Her
#hagumu azumi#magia record#madoka magica#magical girl problems#doing an incredibly silly task of taking cool screenshots of each magireco transformation. and poor hagumu who gave her this#shout out to muffinrecord for making a transformation playlist btw! I've been wanting to meticulously screencap all these for years#but it was so hard to find all of them or in good quality
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odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets
#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually#we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive#i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth#like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system#so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier#like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON#and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time#we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton#it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes#like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks#but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier#we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it#and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking#side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it#like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great#i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully#and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot#also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao
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Okay after freaking out about alhaitham it’s time to be neurotic again that girl is freaking me out sm :D
#like bro I don’t understand wallah I don’t#I’m so confused and it’s literally ruining everything#dora daily#AND I NEVER SAY WALLAH ABOUT ANYTHING THIS IS HOW BAD ITS RUINING ME AAAAAAH#on one hand she’s ignoring me on the other she isn’t and she genuinely doesn’t see any of my posts#on the other she just forgot#ALL OF WHICH ARE SHIT OPTIONS#IT ISNT FAIR#i even tried liking her posts to show her yo I’m alive in case she didn’t see#I TRIED SENDING HER AN ASK ABOUT SOMETHING WEEKS AGO AND SHE DIDNT REPLY#I am trying so freaking hard and it is not working#and it’s fucking me up because what the fuck did I even do man#I didn’t do anything different#why do people ALWAYS do this I don’t fucking get it#it would’ve been much kinder if she just dropped me from the beginning when I was so hesitant with her#before I got so attached because what she’s doing right now is literally not only torture but so incredibly cruel#like I was getting obsessed with this one girl at work once but she ghosted me relatively early on in the very beginning stages of my#obsession coming into fruition and guess what IM TOTALLY FINE WITH IT NOW#BUT SHE LET THE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP FOR MONTHS#then introduced a third party then now she doesn’t even acknowledge me#she is making me sewerslidal and it’s literally ruining everything#any time I would try to study I think of her and it freaks me out#every time I try to focus I think of her and it freaks me out#even when I go to sleep bro#like 8 ish weeks ago or so it literally was making me so messed up that if I hadn’t gone outside for a necessary out of uni task then my dad#taking me sight seeing in said area I genuinely don’t know what would have happened#because the level of rage I felt or whatever it was#was the most insane form of genuine torture ever#THIS WHOLE POST SEEMS NEUROTIC AND I’m just like I don’t even know anymore man#but what do I even do atp like bro
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every time someone tells me "holy shit your life is really hard and you're managing incredibly well" it heals me a little bit. need that verbal reminder from others bcs it rlly doesn't mean as much when I say it to myself.
#personal#not that i rely entirely on external validation but like. it really does help me.#like i can talk about my life shit a bunch but never actually realize that it IS really hard and im managing INCREDIBLY#i need that as a preface before anyone suggests that i need to do another thing to fix a certain problem#like i have a miles long to-do list that im chipping away at#but even for someone not disabled. those are still extremely hard tasks.#especially to suggest them non-chalantly. like i feel like they all need a disclaimer that says#this will take time. this is not something im expecting/recommending you do IMMEDIATELY#bcs of course i want to fix as much as i can IMMEDIATELY. plus I have a warped sense of urgency that does not help.
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#finally made progress on my fic!!! and boy.#it's incredible how the human brain/body works sometimes#i didn't realize how much stress i was carrying about so many different things#in so many sectors of my life#i've taken care of maybe 85% or so of them#at the beginning of the week (or even 48 hours ago) that was closer to 20% or 30%#so huge amount of progress#but because of all this stress i was finding it so fucking hard to write or be creative to any significant capacity#and i kept trying to edit this chapter and just being completely unable to write it#not even because of writers block or anything i think i was just so wound up i couldn't make the words happen properly#in the way i wanted them to#and i couldn't figure out why the whole chapter structure just felt wrong#i knew something needed to be deleted and the timeline was off and and and#but i couldn't figure any of it out#anyways#i took care of all these tasks this week#i sat down after not touching this fix for maybe a week and a half#and i just wrote and fixed the issues in maybe 30 minutes#wow#there's still more to do but the fact that it flowed finally in the way it usually does...🥹#finally finally finally!!!#bc i love making shit about things that i like more than almost anything#and i love sharing the shit that i make#and i think i've been lacking that for a bit because i haven't been able to write#honestly i think that's why i've taken up gif making a bit#because it gives a similar feeling of creation and then sharing with others#even if its maybe not as long-term laborious it still takes effort and creativity#but easier to do when i don't have time to spare but just feel the need to make make make#but anyways#i'm just happy i finally feel good enough to write
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It might finally be worth it for me to get in contact with the office of academic accommodations or whatever the fuck because the sheer amount of feature films my professors insist on screening in class is far more than my back can handle
#being super real here: my back cannot handle sitting or standing for ten minutes. so imagine a 2 hour fucking movie#i'm sorry for angryposting today lol it's been a hard one#and it's incredibly difficult to concentrate on 324356 tasks while your body is screaming in pain#and yes i have done my best to manage it today. it's chronic it's going to be there no matter what i do#so the average student can just sit through a 2 hour movie in class? in those chairs? no breaks or anything? right.
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I'm 0% religious but I want to be a nun so badly... I would be Such a good nun I want to hang out in the convent and do my chores and say my little prayers... do you think I could lie my way into becoming a nun 💀 if I get old enough to get kicked off my mom's health insurance and still don't have a life direction I'm finding a convent and joining idk where or what I have to do there
#all i want is an incredibly Simple life i want to have a job pressing the same button 500 times a day or like sorting small objects by colo#r#you know in the willy wonka remake where charlie's dad has a job twisting the caps onto toothpaste tubes. i want that to be me#i want a life where my only responsibility is doing simple little tasks that allow me to daydream#i was put on this earth to chill and hang out i really was...#op#im sure a lot of nums work hard at whatever they do lol i'm saying life path is either#athiest nun OR worker in the silly cartoon world factory
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when writing poetry about someone there is a very fine line between “This was clearly an impactful person on the writers life” and “Oh You’re Fucking Deranged About Them Aren’t You?”. from experience this is very difficult to balance.
‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️THIS IS NOT ABOUT ROMANCE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#I can’t use their name so all my poems call them ‘my judas’ which is incredibly mentally ill of me honestly.#it’s a healthy coping mechanism I promise#my posts dont forget this tag bro.#I try so hard to be normal when mentioning them#but they did try to ruin my life so it’s a hard task.
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