#I TRIED SENDING HER AN ASK ABOUT SOMETHING WEEKS AGO AND SHE DIDNT REPLY

[kavehater]

Okay after freaking out about alhaitham it’s time to be neurotic again that girl is freaking me out sm :D

[sturnlsstuff]

MISSED YOU | chris sturniolo

| ".... god, i hate that i missed you so much"

pairing: dealer!chris x fem!reader

summary: your dealer has been out of town for almost two weeks and after he's finally back, he texts you needing to see you.

warnings; smut, dom!chris, sub!reader, p in v, pet names, praising, unprotected sex, dirty talking, hair pulling, rough sex, car sex, crying, public¿ sex, cursing, mdni

a/n: literally my first fanfic after a looong time so please bear with me, if its bad... you know why. english isnt my first language so sorry for any mistakes! also its a little long 😭 part two here !!

~~~

she laughed at some joke her friend made and took another bite of her pizza. it was late friday afternoon, she and her bestfriends were hanging out, since there was nothing else to do. everything was great, until her phone buzzed. she looks at her screen, immediately smiling when she sees his name. she wasn't even aware that her lips had curved into a smile.

her friends were too busy with their own conversation, so she uses her moment and grabs her phone, reading the message from chris. she hasn't heard from him in over two weeks, she had no clue what he was doing, or where he was. she also didn't want to ask, hating the feeling of being too desperate. and it's not like he owns her any explanation either.

chris: u busy?

she bites her lip, fighting the urge to smile again as she replies back.

y/n: hi to you too

y/n: yeah im out with friends, whats up

chris: having fun?

chris: when u gonna be home ma?

y/n: like in an hour or so

chris: can u hurry up? c'mon kid i miss ya

y/n: you do???

she can't help but genuinely grins this time, her eyes widen a little. did he miss her? or was he just saying that to make her give in? he always knew how to talk to her, to make her going feral over him. but she wanted to believe he means it this time.

chris: hell yeah i do

chris: get ur ass out here

she looks at her friends, that were still yapping about something, that she couldn't care less about right now. she needed to see him. he never said he missed her before.

y/n: then come pick me up, im sending u the address

chris: omw gorgeous

chris is already in his car, when she sends him the address. not being able to see her for over two weeks, made him think. A lot. he has been her drug dealer for over a year now, there was tension between them since the beginning, so it didnt take them long to finally fuck at some party a few months ago. and since then, it's happening every now and then, usually they meet to smoke together, then they end up all over each other.

after a few minutes, he parks the car in front of the pizzeria, finally seeing her. she made a stupid excuse for her friends to leave, not being able to hide her excitement, so they just could assume what was going on.

chris gets out of the car, looking her up and down, licking his lips as she was only wearing a black crop top and baggy camo pants. he personally loved those, especially on her.

he opens the door for her, a smirk playing on his lips. "get in."

she tried her hardest to act casual, but just seeing him after a while, in all black outfit, was enough to make her dizzy. and she could swear he got a haircut. his hair was so much shorter, and she loved it.

she smiles, keeping the eye contact while getting inside the car. he closes the door, his eyes roaming all over her body as she walked towards him. he snaps back to reality, getting to the other side and climbing back into the drivers seat. he was feeling so many things that he couldn't express.

"missed me so bad, you couldn't wait an hour, huh?" she speaks up, putting on the seatbelt and looking over at him, while he starts the car.

she notices the way he looks her up and down, his eyes stopping at her exposed skin a little too long.

"i've missed my favorite customer." he smirks, going back to the eye contact.

"yeah, your favorite customer... right." she says sarcastically, trying her hardest to keep her cool and not to blush under his stare.

he grins before replying, focused on keeping his hands on the wheel instead of her body. it was getting harder with every second. "yeah, the one i always gotta give free stuff to."

"oh, dont act like i force you to do this..." she scoffs, still looking at him. "you know i always want to pay you."

"i know y'do... doesn't mean i will stop givin' it to you for free though."

"see, and that's crazy."

chris rolls his eyes, loving and hating at the same time, how she always had to talk back to him. he's driving, planning to go to her house, but the way she's looking right now, and especially her attitude, is making him crazy. he feels his dick getting harder with every second.

"whatever, ma. i know you secretly like it."

"yeah, sure." she mumbles with sarcastic tone, her eyes still watching him. seeing him driving was one of her favorite things in the world, he always looked so good. she appreciates, that he gives her stuff for free or cuts down her prices, but dealing was his job, he was making money out of it, so she always felt bad when he didnt want her cash. "what made you busy for so long? thought the cops caught or some shit"

chris bites his lip, his eyes glancing over to her for a second, before focusing back on the road. he never felt so desperate like right now, just having her in his car like that...

once he hears her question, he snaps back to reality and smiles. "the cops? please, sweetheart, they can suck my dick."

chris changes his direction, spotting an empty parking lot and he drives there. "i was out of town, had to deal with some business... nothin' to worry about now." he explains, parking and turning off his car, and his stare travels to her, scanning her face and body. "you're so curious...."

she nods, now understanding why he wasn't texting her these past two weeks, she was a bit ashamed 'cause she honestly thought maybe he got bored of her, so she didn't text him either. she still got some weed until yesterday, so she also had no reason to.

"why would you stop here?" she asks, looking at him with a little frown, but once she sees his smirk, the realization hits her. the excitement filling her body, the tension between them so noticeable, it makes her shiver.

he stares at her for a moment, adjusting his pants and then suddenly he unbuckles his seatbelt, sitting back in his seat so there was more space now.

"c'mere."

her eyes travels down on his lap, seeing the noticeable big bulge even through his jeans. she blushes slightly, looking back at him, the smirk still playing on his lips and it makes her weak in her knees.

"chris..." he cuts her off by reaching over and grabbing her chin, tilting her face closer to his.

"y'gonna do what i said, or keep talking back?"

she immediately unbuckles her seatbelt, moving over the center console and she gets into his lap, straddling him. she wasn't gonna act like she didn't miss him too, because, goddamn, she did. she presses herself onto his hard dick, watching him closely, and seeing how desperate and frustrated he was right now. It made her feel a little bit of a power, that she decided to take advantage of.

"now, was that so hard, ma?" he smirks even more, trying to hide his growing need for her, but his hands moves to grip onto her thighs. he felt the urge to touch her all over.

"you know, fifteen more minutes and we would be at my place-"

"you really think, i would wait fifteen fucking minutes, when i havent seen you for two weeks, and you look like that?" he loves the way she looks at him, with such admiration. she was so pretty in his eyes, he never felt this type of desperation for anyone ever before.

"and who's fault is that?" his hands grips her tighter and puts her closer in on his lap, making a little bit of friction, that he so desperately needs. his fingers digging into her skin, while he stares into her eyes.

"shut up for once, yeah?"

"make me." she smirks, challenging him. he doesn't have to hear it twice, loving the attitude she's giving him right now. his hand moves up from her thigh to the back of her neck, pulling her face closer and he kisses her roughly, grabbing her ass with his other hand as he does.

she smiles against his lips, immediately kissing him back with the same intensity, and she grinds down against his clothed dick, feeling her own need growing with every second. she missed the way he kissed her, she missed his lips, his hands all over her, his body against hers. she missed him and she hated to admit that.

she slides her tongue into his mouth, he bites her lip in response and lets her lead the kiss. moving up his hips to feel her more and not being able to hold back, he groans against her lips. he never felt so needy before. he pulls away for a moment to speak, and starts trailing kisses down her neck, squeezing her ass, before his hand moves up, caressing the skin on her exposed stomach.

"god, i hate that i missed you so much."

it slips from his mouth, he doesn't think much about it as he sucks on her skin, but for her it meant everything. she tilts back her head, giving him more space and she grinds against his lap some more, running her hand through his brown hair. he lets out a growl as she grinds down on him, making him even harder and he bucks his hips up again. lifting up his head from her neck his stare finds hers, the noticeable lust in his eyes made her bite her lip to hold back a moan. the smirk coming back to his face once he notices her flushed cheeks.

"what 'bout you, huh, ma? missed me too?"

she closes her eyes, their face so close to each other, it makes their lips brush when she replies him back.

"yeah... i did"

he grins, his hands playing with the waistband of her pants. that's all he needed to know, that she missed him as much as he missed her. even though they both were aware, they should'nt.

"how much, hm?" he unzips her pants, she lifts herself up, gripping his shoulders to balance herself and helps him take them off. then she straddles him again, trying to hold back her smile, but not being able to.

"want me to show you?"

he groans after her words, feeling her wet panties pressing against his hard dick and he bucks up his hips again, being so desperate, that he was ready to beg her. he starts marking her neck again, his hand traveling between her legs, massaging her clit through her underwear. her breath hitches in her throat, she lets out a little whine and grips his hair slightly.

"so wet already... shiiiitttt... all this f'me, huh?" he says against her skin, bitting on it slightly and making her moan. he adds more pressure, circling over her clit. "lift this shit up."

his tone demanding, he wasn't asking. she lifts up her top, revealing her breasts. he looks at her now, his eyes going back and forth between her tits, and her face. "fuck... not wearing a bra? fuckin' slut..."

he licks her hard nipple, then starting sucking on it. her hand tightens in his hair, tilting her head back and she lets out more whimpers. she was supposed to be the one in control this time, she craved it and saw how needy he is, but the way he's touching her, makes her losing her mind. he then pulls her panties to the side, running his fingers through her wet folds and suddenly putting one inside her. not even giving her any time, he just starts pumping in and out, adding another finger after a moment, now stretching her out. he pulls away from her nipple, looking at her face.

"c-chris..." she moans quietly, trying her hardest to keep the eye contact, but struggles to do so. her hands now traveling down his chest and unbuckling his belt.

"yeah, ma? y'like that?" he tries to keep his cool, still working his fingers inside her dripping pussy, curling them and making her whine in response. "look at you... so, fuckin' desperate on my lap. missed my fingers, huh? want some more?"

she desperately nods, squeezing around his fingers, but once he feels that, he pulls them out immediately putting them in his mouth to lick them clean. she whines, pouting her lips when he stops.

"show me how much you missed this dick then."

she bites her lip, unzipping his pants and with his help, she pulls them down to his knees, his boxers following after a second. chris leans his head back against the seat, gripping her hips as she gives him a few strokes before pulling her underwear to the side. she runs her thumb over his tip, collecting the precum and spreading it all over his cock, using it as a lubricant and then she lowers herself slowly on his cock, the movement making them both moan out loud with pleasure. she stays like this for a moment, needing to adjust after these past two weeks without him.

"fuckk...so tight...your pussy was made f'me.." he groans, tightening his grip on her hips and he watches her closely, as she finally starts moving on him. he’s holding himself back from moving up his hips and taking over, trying so hard not to thrust into her. he loves the feeling of her body against his and he’s missed it so much. he needed it, he needed her and he hated that. the feeling just kept growing, making the space in the car feel even smaller.

he pulls her back down into another kiss, this time more sloppy, continuing to move his tongue against hers, tasting her. she kisses him back, starting speeding up her pace and now bouncing on him harder. his dick hitting just all the right spots, making her moan loudly while chris tries to focus on the kiss and not to lose his composure. he wanted to take over, he always did, but the feeling of her riding him like that, has him gripping the seat. he grits his teeth, trying to keep himself together and he knows his patience wont last long. he looks up at her again, his eyes glued to her face.

"fuckkkk, ma.... takin' all of me so well... shit..." he hisses, when she speeds up even more. "so good.... s-so good f'me...."

she grips into his shoulders more, moaning loudly at his praises and she continues moving. chris is in complete ecstasy as she picks the pace up, a feeling like he hasn’t experienced before. there's just something about her on top and taking what she wants, that's got him feeling so many things at once.

“fuck.. just like that” one of his hands grab her ass, giving it a squeeze and then slapping it. "fuckin' slut... you like it? fucking in my car? takin' it just like a little bitch.... yeah? shitttt..."

he moans now not being able to hold back, and he starts thrusting into her. she gasps for air, her eyes closing shut as she tightens around him. "oh, wanna cum, huh? not yet darlin'...." he grips her hips more, his tip hitting her g-spot with every move.

"chris i-"

she cuts herself off with another moan, not being able to think straight. she digs her nails into the back of his neck, her head falling down on his shoulder and he immediately stops. her eyes snap open, she lifts up her head to look at him, a smirk playing on his lips.

"you better don't look away f'me, ma.... wanna see your pretty face y'know? and keep makin' those sexy little sounds...got it?"

she nods, but it's not enough from him as he speaks up again. "use your words baby, c'mon... you aint that fucked out of your mind yet, hm?"

"i got it, just... please..." she whines, moving her hips, wanting to bounce on him again, but he stops her. she pouts. "chrissss......"

"get to the backseat." he demands, after scanning her face for a while. he wanted to give her all the pleasure she deserves. he wasn't even thinking about himself, he couldn't care less about his release. he just needed to make her feel good, making sure no one else can do what he can.

she pulls away from him, now moving over the center console again, struggling a bit but she gets into the backseat. chris obviously smacks her ass as she does, what makes her squeak.

"chris!"

but he just smirks, pulling off his pants and boxers all the way down and throwing it on the passenger seat, so it wasn't in the way. he gets on the back himself, there was little space, but enough to get into his favorite position. chris puts his hand on her back, forcing her to get on her knees and hands on the seat, as he positions himself behind her. chris loves the way he can get her all desperate and begging, so he teases her now. he moves his tip along her folds, making her whine. then he slowly puts it in, but after a few seconds he pulls back again.

"chris...." she whines, knowing he's playing with her now.

"yeah, baby?"

she bites her lip, her face pressing into the seat and she lifts up her hips more. "stop teasing me, please...."

he grins even more, slapping her pussy with his dick and then he suddenly pulls his cock all the way in, making her gasp and scream out of pleasure. the new angle let him hit all of her sweet spots.

"whatever you want, princess." he starts thrusting into her with a very intense and fast pace, going as deep as he could. the car now filled up with her moans and the sounds of skin slapping against each other. he grips her hips tight, keeping her in place. he can feel her squeezing around his cock again, and he lets out a growl. "c'mon.... cum all over me...wanna see you while y'do..."

chris moves one of his hands, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back, having a good view on her face. her mouth wide open, letting out loud moans, her eyes rolling back.

"oh my god!" she cries out, gripping the edge of the seat like her life depended on it and she releases, the wet, squelching sound coming from her now louder. he groans, kissing her neck and whispering into her ear.

"you feel so good... cummin' like that f'me... such a good girl.."

she moans, squeezing around him again, the overstimulation now making her shiver as he keeps going with the crazy pace, not slowing down at all. he lets go of her hair, her head immediately falling onto the seat and he grips by her hips again, making sure she feels him as deep as he wants her to. he growls, being on the edge himself.

"i'm... close.." he mutters, throwing his head back. "gonna fill you up, yeah?"

she whines nodding desperately, but then he smacks her ass giving her a sign to answer verbally.

"shit! yes, fuck, yes chris, please!" she feels tears filling up her eyes from the pleasure, a few of them coming down her cheeks moment later. chris bites his lip, feeling her tightening around him. he moves one of his hands between her legs, now rubbing her clit, while still thrusting hard into her, but his movements getting sloppier. she cries out, her legs trembling and his dick twitches, finally cumming inside her, his warm sticky release filling her up and dripping out of her. he curses under his breath, digging his fingers into her skin, leaving bruises as he does. she feels him cumming, and the overstimulation from him lazily massaging her clit and still hitting her g-spot, makes her finish again. the pressure in her stomach now becoming too much, unable to hold back, she feels the liquid squirts out of her in waves.

his eyes snap open, looking down at her and he growls. he slows down until he eventually stops, after they both ride out their highs, this time not wanting to overstimulate her. looking at the mess she made, he can't help but feel a bit cocky about it.

"shit, ma.... squirtin' all over me, huh? is it how it is now?" he smirks, a little surprised that he made her do that but he couldn't be more proud. he pulls out of her, letting go of her hips and her body immediately falls onto the seat. she's breathing heavily, not being able to reply yet. "that's my fuckin' girl.."

he runs his fingers along her inner thigh, collecting her and his cum and he leans in a bit, covering over her. he looks at her fucked out expression and the smudged mascara on her cheeks. "look at me."

she opens her eyes, her mind blank, body shaking. he puts his fingers into her mouth, she immediately cleans them up, tasting both his and her release on her tongue, making sure she keeps the eye contact with him while she does that.

"you're so hot." he says now kissing the tears on her cheeks away. "took me so well..."

she smiles, seeing his flushed cheeks and messy hair sticking to his forehead. it was her favorite view.

"y'good, kid? don't go all mute on me now.."

"don't call me that...." she mumbles, trying to get her sarcastic attitude back, but she was absolutely spent right now. "i'm fine."

he just grins, gently patting her cheek before he pulls away. she slowly lifts herself up, trying to fight her trembling legs and she sits up now, facing him. not being able to do anything more yet, her glare moving to her legs and the seat she made mess on. she feels her cheeks growing hotter, now suddenly embarrassed and trying to ignore his stare. this never happened to her with him before and she didn't know what he thought about it.

"sorry about... the seats" she mumbles, grimacing.

he raises his eyebrows, now seeing her embarrassment and he doesn't understand why. it was a little surprising but he felt so proud. he already wanted to make her do it all over again. "you f'real? don't even say sorry, ever again."

she's still not so sure, blushing even more as he wipes her cheeks from the smudged mascara and then runs his hand through her hair, trying to fix it a little bit. he smiles softly. "gonna clean this up later, don't you worry 'bout that, okay?"

chris then reaches into the center console for the tissues, grabbing them and spreading her legs with his hands. she watches him closely seeing how he starts just gently cleaning her up. this simple movement makes her feel the heat rising from her cheeks down to her neck, so she just covers her face with her hands shyly. not really being able to understand why is she so embarrassed this time, he grabs her wrists, forcing her hands to move away from her face.

"y'gotta be kiddin' me. don't hide from me, ma." chris mutters. "not when you made such pretty mess in my car."

with a quiet sigh, she lets him take her hands off of her face. she chews on her bottom lip nervously while he goes back to cleaning her up, touching her slightly as she was made from some kind of glass. it was even cute, how he just made sure she was fine. it's not their first rough sex, but this one was definitely more intense and for some reason felt so... different. she had this strange feeling in her chest, just seeing him focused on wiping her legs and how he didn't seem to care about his covered in her release seats. once he's done, he sits beside her, wrapping his hand around her shoulder and pulling her close. she doesn't like the silence, even if before it was never awkward, this one was bothering her as she couldn't stop feeling unfamiliar emotions.

"i ran out, by the way." she suddenly blurts out, making him laugh. there was no way in hell this girl was real.

"yeah? good to know. gonna give y'some more later."

"im paying this time."

"oh, you've paid enough already." she immediately looks up at him, smacking his shoulder and he chuckles in response, pretending to be in pain. "woaaahh, bein' a little brat again, hm?"

"that's not funny, im giving you money." her tone shows no objection, he smirks and nods, knowing he won't take anything from her anyway. they sit like that for a moment, before he speaks up, knowing he will get another hit after that.

"soooo... round two?"

"christopher, i swear to god."

_____________________________

a/n: oh my god this seems sooo long 😭 tell me what yall think, i feel like i kinda fucked up with the whole dealer vibe but lmk please! i honestly enjoyed writing that so who knows..

[imthebadguyyy]

A/N - based off of this sinful photograph

Suggested listening - Wildside by Normani and Kiss It Better by Rihanna

Wildside

Pairing - Lewis Hamilton x Reader (fem!littlemix!reader)

Fandom - F1

Summary - You've been on tour for a while, and you miss your loverboy. But when he surprises you on tour, its bound to get spicy.

Warnings - smut (not well written)

The snap of hips. The soft groans and moans. The sound of pants. The sound of Rihanna's 'Kiss It Better' blaring through the walls. The bed knocking against the wall as Lewis's hands squeezed your hips, the intensity of the thrust pushing the bed against the wall. The high pitched moan that left your mouth as you reached your high, eyes closing as stars exploded behind your eyelids, as your boyfriend came right after you, your walls clenching as he came. Even after reaching your high, you didn't want to open your eyes, far too consumed in the earth shattering pleasure that was coursing through your veins, until a soft hand reached to pull your chin up, soft brown eyes looking into your own, clouded with lust and euphoria.

Pulling your mouth into his in a heated kiss, Lewis moved his hand to rest on your bare stomach, squeezing your tummy softly as he deepened the kiss. Pulling away he let his head droop onto your bare chest. "That was.." he began, far too blissed out to think of an adjective. "Godly" you said, chest rising and falling rapidly, trying to come to terms with the intensity of your orgasm. Laughing he leaned back up to kiss your nose, before standing up and walking to the bathroom. You heard the tap running, and the sound of the dustbin opening and closing. You closed your eyes again, the aftershocks still coursing through your body.

Opening them again slowly, you saw Lewis walk towards you, towel in hand, and a lazy smile on his face. He gently cleaned your thighs, finishing with kisses on both of them. He reached up and wiped your torso, which was gleaming with a thin layer of sweat, before running the towel over your nose, cheeks, eyes and mouth. He dropped the towel in the clothes hamper near the bathroom door, pulling on his boxer shorts and and pulling out one of his t shirts from the cupboard. "What about the clothes on the floor" you piped up, finally beginning to wake up from your post pleasure state. "When did it get so messy?" He said, spotting 5 different clothing items in 5 different corners of the room. "When you decided to run your hand up my dress in a restraunt" you replied, throwing him a fake glare.

"You liked it" was his cocky reply, smirk spreading over his face as you flushed and ran a hand through your hair. "I did not" you lied, watching as he raised his eyebrows. "Oh really ? Thats not what you were saying 5 minutes ago- oh wait, you weren't saying anything at all. You were too busy moaning my name to say anything else-" "OKAY fine I loved it. Now shut up and bring your fine ass back for cuddles"

*-*-*

That was a month ago. Now you've been away for nearly one and half months, away with the girls on the LM5 tour. You loved touring, it was the best part of being a singer, getting to see the music you girls made together come to life on a stage in front of thousands and thousands of screaming fans. It was a thrill like no other. The only problem was that you were away from home. Distance was never an issue for the two of you, after all, he was a Formula 1 driver. It was very rare that he was home, except during the breaks and the gaps till race weekend, but ever since you two had started dating, he tried to be with you whenever you could. Sometimes, your shows would be in places where the races were too, and then he'd definitely turn up. But it was a difficult thing to do all the time, and some nights on tour were spent pulling all nighters as you talked to each other on the phone, till one of you eventually fell asleep.

But you knew when you started dating him, this wouldn't exactly be a regular relationship. The two of you were doing your dream jobs, and they were both extraordinary. And you were willing to put in the work you had to put in to make the relationship work, and you did. Yet here you were in Madrid, feeling heartbroken and desperately wanting your boyfriend by your side. It had been a rough couple of weeks, you were jet lagged and tired, and although this was the second leg of the tour, and you had had a break, it was tiring. It was hard going to bed every night alone, when all you wanted was to cuddle your boyfriend.

Little did you know, Lewis was feeling the same. In fact he had missed you so much, he had told Angela and his publicist to cancel all events for a week, while he flew out to Madrid to see you. He had missed you, he had missed you more than he could put into words. But he also wanted to surprise you. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled down to Leigh Anne's contact, and sent her a text.

Lewis, Leigh Anne

Hey. Is Y/N asleep ?

Hey! No, she's in an outfit fitting.

Okay that's good. I need your help with something.

Sure how can I help ?

I want to surprise her by coming to see you guys in Madrid.

Oh thats wonderful ! She's been a little down in the dumps. I think she misses you.

I miss her too.

Let me know when, and I'll send a car to pick you up.

I'll be there on Saturday. Landing at 3:15 and I should be at the hotel by 4:30. Then I can get ready and surprise her at the show.

Okay done. I'll send the car around 5:30,so you can rest for a bit. You should be here by 6. The show's at 6:15.

Thank you! Can't wait : )

I'm so happy youre coming to see her ! I'll let the girls know.

*-*-*

As soon as he had finished texting, Lewis decided to start packing, the prospect of seeing you again sending a buzz of happiness running along his veins. God, he had missed you a lot. He turned to Roscoe, the dog sitting by his feet, looking up at his dad with his head cocked to one side. "I'm going to go see Mumma, Roscoe" he explained, smiling as the doggo barked in response. He wouldn't be able to take him to Madrid, he'd have to leave him with a dog sitter, but he couldn't feel too bad about it, since he had had Roscoe with him even when you were gone. And besides, Roscoe enjoyed the dog creche. He couldn't wait for Saturday.

Later in the evening, he sat down with a glass of wine, while the ringtone of your FaceTime rang through the empty house. After a few more seconds of ringing, the call was picked up, your tired face coming into view. "Hi darling" he said, noticing the tiredness in your eyes, and how much you were struggling to keep them open. "Hi bubs. Did you finish eating?" You asked, rubbing your eyes. "No, I've ordered soup" (did anyone get the reference ;) "Oh okay" was the reply. "What about you? What time is it?" "Its 9:20 AM" you replied, gently rubbing your eyes again, forcing yourself to stay awake.

"9:20? Thats pretty late baby. Why are you still sleepy?" "We were recording till 4 AM, so Im functioning on like 5 hours sleep right now" "Oh damn. Go back to sleep then baby" "Can't, rehearsal" was you reply, making him furrow his eyebrows. "Okay I guess. But don't tire yourself out" "I won't" "I love you" he said, smiling at you. "I love you"

*-*-*-*

The Madrid show was always a fun one. The fans were loud and you loved it. They were one of the best crowds you girls ever played for, and the show had its own adrenaline and excitement. But it was difficult to give a 100% when you were tired, but you really tried, you did. During Power, you hit highnotes you didnt think you could, during Woman Like Me you danced like there was no tomorrow. During Wasabi, you brought your sass level up to a 1000. It was during Bounce Back that you caught sight of a very familiar face in the audience. Unable to actually grasp if you had actually seen Lewis, you turned to Jade, who was on your side, and looked back at the crowd and back to her, asking for confirmation.

The smirk she gave you was answer enough. After that, focusing on giving an excellent performance increased tenfold. Every swirl of your hips, every flip of your hair, every wink you threw at the audience, it was all five times sexier. In the crowd, your boyfriend was well aware of what you were doing, and it was fair to say that you were succeeding at it. He could feel an uncomfortable sensation around his pants region, as his cock twitched uncomfortably in his pants. He couldn't wait till the show was over, and you two could have a show of your own.

*-*-*

"That was amazing darling!" Lewis said, spotting the 5 of you in your dressing room. "Oh look its Mr. Loverboy!" Perrie said, cackling as you rolled your eyes at her, before running up to your lover and jumping into his arms. "Hiya Bub! I missed you!" "I missed you too love. That's why I surprised you. I couldn't stand another day without you at home" he said, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you stable as you jumped into his arms. A chorus of "awws" echoed throughout the room, as the girls watched your cute little interaction. What wasn't cute however was the comment Lewis made in your ear, hiding his face in your ear so that the girls couldn't see. "I can't wait to get back to the hotel. I saw the performance you were putting on for me baby. You have no idea how hard I got, how uncomfortable I was standing in front of so many people when all I really wanted to do was fuck you"

You could feel your mouth become dry, and your heartbeat quicken, and you could feel the area between your thighs become wet. You tightened your grip around him, letting your crotch rub against his very softly. "I think it's time to go" you mumbled against his ear. "Okay girls, as lovely as it was to see you, I think it's time we go back to the hotel. I'm pretty worn out from travelling as well" "Yeah I'm pretty tired too" you replied, faking a large yawn. "Alright then, we'll see you guys tomorrow!" Leigh Anne said, leaning forward to give you a hug. After you finished hugging all the girls, the two of you made your way to the car, eagerly waiting to get back home.

The car ride home was tense. The tension was apparent in the air, reverberating through the air, choking you in a way you revelled in. The air was thick with tension, and it was suffocating you in the best way possible. It was almost too much to take. When the hotel came into sight, you practically leapt out of the car, and rushed to the door, an equally ruffled Lewis beside you. But he was not going to give in to you so easily. He enjoyed seeing you flustered. And he was not a person that gave someone what they wanted when they asked for it,no. He was going to have you desperate for it. Smirking to himself, he made his way to the reception, grabbing you by the waist as he went.

Throwing him a confused look you followed, slightly frustrated. "Hello sir, how can I help you?" the man at the reception asked, eyes going slightly wide as he recognized the two of you. "Hi! I just wanted to ask, till what time is your pool and spa open?" He asked, sliding his hand down to the back of your dress. "The pool closes at 10 pm sir, and the spa at 9 pm. We open the pool at 7 am and the spa at 11pm"he replied, struggling to maintain his professionalism as he spoke to one of the best drivers in Formula 1. "Alright thank you. And what time does breakfast start?" Lewis asked, hand pressing down on your ass, ever so discreetly. "Breakfast is from 6-10 am sir" "Thank you so much"

Next to him, you were fuming. Of course he was going to ask questions to which he already knew the answers to. A painful throb between your legs made you let out a small whimper, and the man at the reception looked at you with concern in his eyes. "Ma'am are you alright?" He asked, eyeing your stiff posture and tense state. "Yes, just tired, thank you" you replied, a little stiffly, but it was hard to concentrate when Lewis's promise of fucking you senseless kept replaying in your mind. "Alright then, good night" Lewis said, biting back a smirk at your flustered state. He knew getting you all riled up would lead to some seriously earth shattering sex, and he couldn't wait. But first, he definitely wanted to tease you, to push you over the edge, just a little more.

Your room was on the 16th floor, and as the two of you made your way into the elevator, he eyed you up and down, eyes lingering on the curve of your breasts. The minute the door shut, he pushed you against the wall, capturing your lips in a steamy kiss you'd be remembering the next day. His hands moved to your ass, squeezing hard, eliciting a moan from your lips. The moment your lips parted, he was pushing his tongue into yours, his other hand coming up to pull on your hair roughly, relishing in the gasp that left your lips. As suddenly as he started, he stopped, pulling back and standing almost nonchalantly against the wall.

Trying to wrap your head around what happened, you gripped the wall with your hand, feeling your legs grow weak to a point where you felt like you couldn't stand on your own. You could feel your wetness dripping, threatening to run down your thighs, as the throbbing became even more painfully exciting. You looked down at the floor, eyes closing as your frustration grew more and more by the second. Finally, with a little 'ding', the elevator stopped at the 16th floor. The moment the door opened you stepped out on wobbly legs, trying your best to walk properly. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. As you turned one long corridor, Lewis suddenly grabbed your waist, pushing you against the wall again, to reach down and suck on your neck. You let out a gasp, and tried to run your crotch against his, but the retaliated with a slap to your ass, smirking when a high pitched moan left your lips. Lifting you up against the wall, he mumbled against your ear "the key card" your clouded mind was unable to process the words, too consumed by slight relief you were getting. "Get the key card baby" he repeated. This time you noted it, reaching down to his pants pocket to pull out the key card. You couldn't resist running your hand over his cock, feeling how rock hard he was. The thought of him fucking you senseless returned, and you let out a groan.

Grabbing the card from your hand, he opened the door, propping you up against the door in your bedroom. His eyes were filled with a raw, animal desire, as he dropped the card on the floor and reached up to unzip your dress. He ripped the zipper down, your dress falling to the floor in a crumpled heap. He locked his eyes on your heaving chest, hand reaching up to grab your chin, pulling you in for a searing kiss. His hand slid up your torso, reaching behind to unhook the red lacy bra you were wearing, letting it drop to the floor as he took in the glorious sight in front of him. You waited, wanting him to just touch you, but he just stared, eyes looking into yours, clearly saying "beg for it"

You couldn't help the soft "please" that left your lips, too desperate for some sort of touch. "Please what?' Lewis said, tightening his grip on your waist. "Please" was all you could say again, nearly whimpering again at the rough look in his eyes. "Use your words baby. Now, please what?" "Please just touch me!" You finally gasped out, moaning loudly when he licked a stripe down your chest before taking your right tit into his mouth. His hand fondled the left one, running his thumb over your erect nipple, the rough pad of his thumb sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. His mouth sucked on the skin of your tit, before moving down to bite down on your nipple. You gasped again, pain and pleasure coursing through your body as his tongue ran over your nipple over and over till it nearly felt raw. He switched his actions, moving his mouth to your left tit instead, letting his hand harshly fondle the other. He continued the same process of biting, licking and sucking, till he was satisfied with himself. "I fucking love this baby. Seeing you all wet and needy for me. So what do you want? My mouth? My fingers? My cock? Or does my baby want them all ?" He asked, watching as your pupils dilated and you let out a strangled moan.

You let your crotch rub against his thigh, gasping when the friction went straight to your core. "Look at you darling. I asked you what you what you wanted, and you picked my thighs? Well, I want to see you dripping. I want to see you cum on my fingers, my mouth, my thighs and especially on my cock. I'm going to make you cum over and over and over again till you can't even stand on your own fucking legs. I want your thighs to be shaking around my head. I want to see you moan and groan and scream my name so loud, by tomorrow everyone in this hotel will know my name, because you'll spend all night screaming it" you moaned again, his words going straight to your core."Please Lewis, God, just make me cum please!" The desperation of your cry was enough for him to carry you to the bed, dropping your body onto the soft mattress.

He pulled of shirt, unbuttoning every button so you could see him do it. He could see your eyes grow dark, as his compass tattoo came into sight. You had told him it was one of your favourites, and he had used it against you ever since you had told him that. Smirking at you, he climbed onto the bed, lying down between your legs. You pushed yourself up against the headboard, spreading your legs wide for him. His eyes grew dark, as your core came into his view, shimmering with your juices. A near animalistic growl left his mouth, the sound hitting your core. He moved so that he was situated right in front of your core. He let his eyes take in the sight of you in front of him, snapping back to reality when you let out a groan of frustration. Throwing you a devilishly reassuring smile, he inched neared and nearer, till his nose was nearly touching your clit. Then he just lay there. Not moving. You could feel your heartbeat hammering against your chest, chest heaving up and down, an alarming intense feeling growing in your tummy. Finally, when it became too much you let out a small scream of frustration "Oh for fucks sake Lewis please just fuck me!" Your outburst brought a smile to his face. "Oh I will. Just not yet" and with that, he ran a finger along your slit, before finally slipping it into you. You let out a moan, finally getting the friction you had been desperate for. His fingers circled your clit, thumb gently pressing down, before he removed it,only to slam it back down on your sensitive clit, earning a scream of pleasure from you.

He slipped a second finger into you, scissoring around your clit, as your desperate cries of "oh, oh baby! Fuck, fuck lewis-" were lost in the heat of the moment. He leaned his head down to your core, letting his tongue run along your slit too, before licking around it, collecting your wetness on his tongue, before letting it harshly circle your clit. You bucked up into his mouth, feeling his tongue wrap around your clit. He sucked the nub harshly, his fingers still moving in and out of you. "Oh God, Oh GOD, Lew-I- oh! Oh God!" Your broken moans were music to his ears as he sucked your clit into his mouth. You could feel a strange intensity growing in your stomach, feeling a lot stronger than your usual orgasm. The band in your tummy was threatening to snap, but you needed that something more to help it snap. That something more came when Lewis sucked your clit into his mouth, letting it rest in between his teeth, before flicking it with his tongue.

With a cry of "Oh fucking hell, Lew-" you camr gushing into his mouth, your juices coating his fingers and gushing onto his tongue, as he let you ride out your orgasm on his deadly skilled tongue. Well, he had got his wish. Your thighs were shaking around his head, as your body tried to come to terms with the intensity of the pleasure coursing through your body. Looking down, you saw him with his painfully hard cock, grinding down on the sheet, as he let out a moan at the relief the bedsheets gave him. Raising an eyebrow, you patted your thigh, signaling him to come over to you. "You loved on me so well bubs. But I can see how hard you are. Do you want to use me to get off?" You asked, watching the effect you had on him. All he could do was nod, as you sat up on your knees. "Stand up" you ordered, getting up from the bed as well.

You walked over to the wall, letting your body rest against it. Somewhat confused, Lewis followed you, standing in the space between your legs. "I tried to get off using your thighs didn't I? I think you'll enjoy it as much as I did. So use me. Use my thigh. Get off" looking at you in pure shock, your boyfriend moved forward, groaning when you pushed your leg against his throbbing cock. He relished in the friction, slowly beginning to move against your leg, moaning when he began to rub against your leg. He began to hump your leg faster, as the pleasure began to build up in his body, before you reached your hand down to cup his length in your hands, moaning when you realized your fingers didn't quite meet. You ran your fingers along his length. You pumped him, letting your thumb circle his sensitive tip, eliciting a soft whine from him. You circled faster, moving down to your knees, and letting your tongue run up his shaft very softly. Above you, Lewis slammed his hands against the wall, groaning when you took him into your mouth.

But a part of him still wanted to cum inside when he was fucking you (in a condom, because wrap it before you tap it) so he pulled you back up, smirking when you whined. "I know baby, but I just really wanna fuck you now. Back on the bed please, unless you want me to take you here against this wall" practically running, you clambered onto the bed. You watched as Lewis pulled out a condom, ripping the packet open before climbing back on top of you. He let his hand rest on your hip, eyes temporarily losing some of the animalistic need that had been present in them. Leaning down, he connected your lips together in a kiss, a searing, intense kiss that took your breath away. "Ready love?" He asked, looking into your eyes, looking to see if there was even a slight hint that you didn't want this. But you did.

With a sudden jolt, he thrust himself into you, groaning when your warm walls clamped down on him. His hips thrust into you, starting off slow, letting you adjust to his massive length. "My sweet baby,taking me so well. Does it feel good?" You couldn't even respond, mouth agape, as his the pace of his thrusts increased. "Answer me" he said, suddenly stopping. Almost crying out at the loss of pleasure, you looked at him with desperation. "Yes yes, fuck it feels so good, please don't stop!" "Thats all you had to say baby" he said, before pushing in again, slowly. Then, he pulled back out. Looking at him in confusion, you gasped when he slammed back into you, a high pitched moan of "Lewis!" leaving your lips. He moved so that he had a better hold of your hips, rocking the both of you back and forth, the intensity of his thrusts was so much that the bed knocked back against the wall. What he wasn't expecting was for you to take his left thumb up to your mouth, running your tongue over it before sucking on it.

Moaning, he started thrusting into you even harder, shifting so that he was directly hitting your g spot. "Oh, God ! Oh fuck, Baby that feels so good please keep going keep-oh!" The cry that left your lips was so loud, you were sure Perrie in the room next to yours had heard you. "Fuck baby, you take me so well" Lewis said, as he nearly hammered your g spot. He was so, so damn close to cumming, and when you leant up and bit a sensitive spot on his neck, he came, gushing into the guard between you two, but he wanted you to cum to, so he reached down to pinch and rub your clit, still riding out his orgasm in you, moaning when you came with a scream. He winced when your core spasmed on his sensitive cock, and he pulled out slowly, before collapsing next to you. Panting, you curled up to him, letting your hand rest on his compass tattoo. "Okay that was Godlike" you said, earning a tired laugh from your lover.

"Yeah it really was. I missed you" he said, allowing you to nuzzle into his neck, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. "I missed you too" you replied, kissing the tattoo. "I love you too" As you lay there together, still revelling in the moment, your phone buzzed. Reaching over to check it, you saw your groupchat with the girls flooding with messages.

-*-*-

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Y/N, I'm filing a noise complaint. 🍆

Jade ✨ - Pez 😂 let them be. It's been a while for her.

Leigh 🦋- She really got some tonight huh? 😏

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️- LOL she did !! And it was obviously some goooood 'some' *wink wink*

Jade ✨- I could hear em too, and Im on the other end of the hall.

Leigh 🦋 - I know I did too! Must be some damn good sex. 😏

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Go Y/N !!

Jade ✨ - Can't wait till she reads this.

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Are they still going?!

Leigh 🦋 - No 😂 she's reading the messages. Y/N!! Yoohoo!

You - yes I'm here 🖕🏽

Jade ✨ - Did you have fun babe 😏

You - ..... yes

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - babe you can't really say no because we heard you

You- Im not saying I didn't have fun. But you guys need to calm down.

Leigh 🦋 - But its funnn

You - okay byeeee ❤

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - Going for a round 2 😏?

You - okay I said bye.

Leigh 🦋 - she is !!

Jade ✨ - Go babe !

You - I need to leave this group.

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - No we love you !! ❤

Leigh 🦋 - Yeah don't leave us ❤

Jade ✨- Don't leave meee ! ❤

You - Haha I'd never leave you girls ❤ now bye.

Jade ✨ - bye babe !

Perrie 🧚🏻‍♀️ - bye you sexy minx 😏

Leigh - bye hun 💙

*-*-*

Smiling to yourself, you put your phone away, to see Lewis looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "Who was it?" "Just the girls" you said, cuddling back up to him. "What did they say?" Giggling, you looked up to him and kissed his neck. "They said they're going to file a noise complaint. And they asked me if we were going for a round two" "Were we really that loud?" He asked, looking at you in surprise. "Yeah, even Leigh heard us and she's at the end of the hall!" "Damn" Lewis said laughing. "Well," he said, looking at you again, with a cheeky look in his eye, "they were right about one thing" "And what is that?" You asked, smiling at him mischievously. "We are going for a round two"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

@maxverstappenx @grandestrategia (because you are worth it 🦋💙)

[poguestvff]

CALL ME BACK P. 2 — JJ MAYBANK

in which, JJ and Y/n finally reconcile whilst sat on the bathroom floor

taglist | masterlist | 1.8k words

warning(s): very small descriptions of wounds, angst if you squint, fluff, for the most part, and nothing else i dont think. she/her pronouns part one !!!

The ringing of the phone beside her hadn't made y/n budge instantly. She wasn't expecting a call, her parents knew where she was and who she was with, her friends knew where she was and who she was with. she didn't exactly think there was a reason for a phone call so she let it ring. When a soft ding followed it, the boy beside her let out a sigh.

She raised from the bed, sitting up as she stretched her arms above her head. Y/n picked up her phone from the small table as she noticed the photo she had tried posting finally went through, the tagging of Topper's account making his phone go off as well. She swiped down to the notification center, finding a voicemail from JJ. Her heart seemed to sink within her chest momentarily. She hadn't seen that name in a couple of days, hadn't come in contact with him in a couple of weeks.

It wasn't something she wanted, it was something she needed. Something they needed; Space from one another. She should've seen it coming, hurdling at her at a rapid pace since the time they'd began dating, but she ignored just about every sign until it was right in front of her. She never blamed him, she never would blame him. Y/n understood he had a troubled time showing affection, he was her best friend after all, she knew him in and out, there was no reason to not hold a candle to his name.

Seeing his name made a mountain of things run through her head. Questions upon questions on whether she should listen but a gut feeling made her decision final as she lifted the device to her ear. "Uh, hey. Hey, Y/n/n." She could hear the shakiness, the sound of hesitance that wavered within his voice. "I don't know why I called... Yes, I do. I just really need someone right now and—and everyone's gone. I didn't know who to call except you. Just... just if you get a minute call me back." Then the line went silent.

She looked over to Topper, the boy sleeping sound beside her on his stomach previously though now he lay, staring right back at her. "Was that maybank?" He asked in a groggy tone, a yawn following as he rubbed at his eyes. She hummed, pushing her legs over the side of the bed. "Why did he call?"

"I uh... he didn't say." she said in a low, confused tone, holding the phone in her lap. She couldve called him back, she probably should've. But she didn't know how she'd react if she heard his voice and have to listened to his pained tone again. She typed out several different messages, all in preparation to send but she couldn't decide on which one immediately.

"It's too early, just go back to sleep." Topper said, pulling lightly at the back of her shirt. She looked over her shoulder to him, seeing a tired smile on his face that she didn't reciprocate. "What?"

"I really have to go, Top." She told him as he let out a sigh, turning over on to his back to stare at the ceiling. "He needs me—"

"Just like how Pope needed you to come to dinner the other day or like how Kiara needed your help to chose an outfit."

She clicked her teeth, shaking her head as she stood, setting the phone on the bed. "Don't be an ass." She muttered, grabbing her hoodie from the floor as she threw it over her head. "This is different."

"Tell me how it's different."

"It's JJ! That's how it's different." She exclaimed, hands tossing up before settling at her hips. "If he needs someone and I'm the person he calls, it's not for a dinner date and it's not fashion advice. it's because he genuinely needs someone."

She wasn't quite sure why Topper was so upset over this. they weren't dating, they were just close friends. Friends who spent the night together, watching comedy movies until they cried of laughter. Nothing more, she didn't doubt that for a second. Especially when she knew even when she did these things with JJ, there was always the happy, bubbly feeling within her that didn't feel the same with Topper.

And so the boy rolled his head over to her, fingers thumping against his chest. She couldn't tell what was going on in his head. He hadn't looked angry and there wasn't a frown on his face. It almost looked like he was expecting this, expecting her to defend JJ, tooth and nail. "Then go, y/n."

He looked like he had more to say, like he was biting his tongue, but if he had, he kept those thoughts to himself. "I will." She said, grabbing her phone and her keys, placing them in her back pocket to leave the thornton house.

She sat in the drivers side, pulling her phone from her pocket as the second she'd opened it, JJ's contact was still there. She still hadn't decided on what to send and so she finalized her messaging that she was on the way, sending that she was on her way and a heart. Which, ironically, was the same heart, once again, that they had sent weeks ago before for the last time in their last and final text conversation.

Driving the direct route that she'd known to the chateau had made her stomach feel unnerved. She’d recognized every turn, every stop sign, and the dirt road leading up to the plot. Finding that the front door was not properly closed, clearly slammed as she remembered that the screen was missing a screw causing it to need to be closed slow. The creaky door made someone in the house move as Y/n entered. "JJ?" She asked, making her way further into the home. "Jay, it's just me."

Another noise came from the bathroom as she moved around the corner, seeing JJ sat on the floor. The back of his head was against the wall and his eyes were closed though soft tear streaks shined across his cheeks from the way the light hit them. He opened his eyes finally, only side eyeing Y/n as she stood at the doorway. "i'm sorry."

"Don’t even think about apologizing." She said, pushing his feet back lightly to open the bottom cabinet, finding the medicinal items she needed. She sat in front of him, her knees digging into the hard wood floor below them. She could feel his eyes on her every move while she poured the alcohol onto a small hand towel. "This is gonna sting."

"I know." He replied, a sad smile coming on her face as she began to clean up the small cuts on his cheeks and the split lip. Her opposite hand held his chin lightly, dragging the towel lightly over his skin. She avoided all eye contact, he knew that for a fact as his eyes darted around her face.

She sat back on her ankles as she pointed at his shirt. He nodded, arms raising though wincing in the process as she rushed to his aid, helping him pull the dirty tee from over his head. The bruises that had become more prominent in the time of him waiting on the floor had caused for a heavy feeling to settle in her chest but she didn't say a thing, continuing to work in silence to help ease his pain just enough, leaving at one point to grab a cold beer from the fridge to place against his abdomen since there wasn't a single thing in the freezer other than the quarter filled ice tray.

"So...you and Topper." He said as she tilted his head to the side to clean the blood from the side of his jaw. She gave him a rather chagrined glare. "Sorry, just looking out."

"You don't have to look out anymore." She mumbled as he frowned. "And no... Topper and i— never." she cut herself off.

He went silent for a second, feeling the way her short nails scratched at the side of his cheek lightly. "You’re wrong." he said, suddenly, in Y/n's opinion as she gave him a confused look. "i always have to look out for you. like... like how you're doing right now."

"That’s different." She said for the second time that day.

"You wanna tell me how?"

She sighed, placing her hands in her lap as she sat back. "It just is, JJ. I’m sitting here cleaning your stupid... wounds like old times. This is nothing new."

"And because you and topper's friendship is new, it's different?" he asked. She placed her hands over her face, letting out a low groan against them. "It it's different because we're exes? Because you and Topper dating shouldn't be any of my concern now? News flash, you and Topper even remotely being friends was one of my concerns when we were friends."

She moved her hands from her face, staring at him. "No. what? No, what are you talking about? I didn't even come here to argue about topper, I don't get why it's even a topic right now." she said, her voice faltering near the end before she began leaning forward again to place a bandaid over his cheek.

"Because you know..." he trailed as she didn't even bother stopping. "You’re not... his."

"So what? I’m yours, is that what you're insinuating?" she asked, collecting the trash into her hand.

He didn't answer immediately, fiddling with his fingers in his lap instead. "Yeah." He mumbled. it was clear to him that she had not expected that answer. She stopped, pulling back again, so they could look directly at one another. "I didnt just call you because I could, I called you cause I needed you. I couldve called anyone but I called you because you know me best and i know you best. I know you well enough that you'd drop whatever you were doing for me. That's selfish, yes, but I needed you. Not want, need. A want would be that i want you back."

He was right because that's exactly what she did. And she knew him well enough to see the way he suck his shoulders just slightly in fear of what she'd say next. What she did next. Y/n's hands moved to rest on both of his cheeks, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his forehead before hugging him to her chest. "It didn't work out the first time." She told him in a lower tone.

"That was a trial run, i know what not to do." It was a joke, she knew. He had terrible timing. She heard the emphasis on the ‘I’, implying that he was the only one who made mistakes with the relationship. She let out a very minimal laugh at this, shaking her head at his antics.

She pulled back, running her thumb over the bandaid on his cheek. "We know what not to do." She correct him, placing a gentle kiss to his lips that he returned.

And within that moment, They both knew they were neither a want or need for one another. They were both.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hey, how is your day going so far? I hope it's splendid! Can I request an Arthur x reader where the reader is recovering from self harm and he is proud of them? You can choose it to be sfw or nsfw. Thanks in advance! :)

Hey Anon, Thank you for your ask. I 'm okay and I hope you are doing well,too?! I am soooo sorry this took me so long but I finally sat down today and wrote your request. I was thinking about that request since you first send it to me. It was a beautiful one but also a tough one. Itˋs a sensitive subject and I was struggeling with how I wanted to write it. I was afraid to write it in a way you wouldnt approve so I am a bit nervous posting this and I hope with all my heart that you will like the result. This request was close to my heart but a bit of a struggle until I finally sat down. I am sending love to anyone. Especially everyone who had to go through this or still does go through it.

Words: 1900

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm

Arthur nervously chewed on his pencil ,while the blank page of his journal was staring at him like it expected something good to happen. More than one good thing happened in his life recently and he absolutely hated how difficult it was for him to put his emotions into words. Words worthy of how he truly felt about not being alone anymore. He felt like the emotion of it was a seed he didnt knew how to water properly ,to make it the flower that was a written page in his diary. One he would like to show to you , randomly in the middle of the night. To proof how he felt inside. Blooming.

He always felt like he wasnˋt good with words but so much better with showing his feelings off in a different way. A movement of his body when you were slow dancing across the bedroom, a piece of music hummed into your ear while he was pulling you closer, the touch of his thumb brushing your cheek before he leaned in to kiss you. Body language was his way to express what was growing deep inside of him. A love so immessurable, he was becoming a new man. And you were his garden he wanted to spent the rest of his life in. He wanted to build a cabin right in the middle of the gardens heart and plant roses and violets. Once he figured out how to water them and which flowers demend more sunlight or which ones prefered the shadows. He wanted to learn every aspect of your soul. Flower by flower. Petal by petal. To let his roots grow towards yours. Arthur touched the artificial flowers on his desk. They reminded him of who he used to be. Unreal and far from what he desired to be. No sunlight could have touched him  enough to let him grow.

Until there was you. His garden. He finally became what he was supposed to be. A sunflower. The flower of joy and happiness. But also the flower of the man who once drank yellow painting to commit suicide by putting happiness inside himself. At least that was the rumor Arthur heard on tv when he watched a documentary about Vincent Van Gogh. And he was quiet fascinated by it. Somehow the though was relateable to him. In a very abstact, sad, beautiful way.

„Last week“ he wrote , trying to draw a sunflower but it just didnt turned out the way he intented to. „She  finally felt comfortable enough to wear a short sleeve in front of me. I guess that means she really does feel save around me. Ah, it means the world!“  Arthur smiled to himself when he drew a tiney heart and filled it in. His heart was so full of you. Just thinking about the way you took off your comfort sweater for the first time to show him the scars of the past ,created a feeling in his heart he couldnˋt name. 

It has been a while since you let him know about your struggles with self harm. And Arthur could tell that it wasnˋt an easy thing to do. He would always remember the moment he first saw your naked arms. The pattern of hurt on your fragile skin. This moment of vulnerability and strengh. He wanted to kiss it. Arthur wanted to kiss along every single scar to show you how beautiful you were to him and how much he belived in the power of a gentle lip kissing where it hurts the most. But he didnˋt. Arthur wasnˋt sure if it was the right moment yet. He didnt wanted to do anything wrong. So he just sat there, thinking about placing kisses all over, while he picked his own eyebrow with his fingers.

„One day“ he wrote underneath the heart „I will kiss  her scars and she will feel what I felt when she was taking care of me“. Arthur put the pencil down and took a deep drag of his cigarette. Smoke filled his lungs but he wished it was your breath instead.

A familiar noise interrupted his daydream as he put the remains of the cig in his pink ashtray. „Hey darling, Iˋm home“. Your voice made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The way you called him darling was music in his ears. His favourite song he repeated in his head when he was at work or taking the bus. He sometimes hummed the words „Hey darling“ , as if it was a prayer. „Hey darling Iˋm home“. Home. That was never the word he would have used to  discribe the place he was living in. Never what he thought of when he felt the worn fabric of his couch underneath his naked skin or was lying in the bathtube, checking for how long he could handle to keep his head under water. This place with all itˋs heavyness wasnˋt home. But it transformed into a home eveytime you opened the door to wrap your arms around him. A genlte kiss upon his forehead. His noticlable frown  underneath your lips. Hey darling, Iˋm home. You are home, finally. We are. A home.

Arthur shifted his position ,so your lips immediately found their way to his forehead. „Forehead kisses“ he thought „Are her way to tell me how much she cares“. He closed his eyes for a moment. His dark lashes covering his piercing eyes like a curtain, to feel the moment with all itˋs gentleness. When Arthur opened his eyelids again he noticed something wrapped around your wrist. His heart stopped for a moment. The thought of you harming yorself again hit him so hard he forgot how to breathe. „Y/N…are you….okay? Oh my god…“ Arthurs index finger reached out for your wrist. He barely dared touching it. His tear filled eyes blurring his sight.

„Yeah, I am. How was your day, Arthur?“ you replied as you sat down on his lap to kiss the corner of his mouth. You noticed his lips trembling underneath your own. A tiney earthquake emerging from within. His day was okay while he was sittin on his desk thinking of all the beautiful things he could write to you. Until you came home with a hurt wrist. Now nothing remained okay. Seeing you hurt was worse than his own pain. Your wound was his wound. Arthur held your face between his hands, unable to responde with a kiss.

„Are you…. Are you hurt?“ he whispered, pointing at your bandage. He wanted to be here for you. Now more than ever. His mind was travelling back to the day you found him with a bleeding forehead after he hit his head against the wall. He recalled your hand resting on the spot that hurt so much and how it lead to the first forehead kiss he received in his life. Thatsˋs when he knew he wasnˋt all alone in this anymore. Thats when he knew that, yes there will be bad days , even together but he didnt had to face them on his own anymore. There was someone looking after him. Someone willing to ease the pain. To heal his wounds. Old or recent. He remembered how gently you held his hurting head, fingers brushing  back his hair to clean the wound. Heˋll never forget the first act of kindness and love from a loved one.

And now it was his turn to tell you itˋs going to be okay. His turn to take care of your wounds.

„No baby, Iˋm not hurt. Iˋve got a little suprise for you…“ Arthurˋs eyes glanced deeply into yours „A…. surprise? What do you mean?“

You lifted your arm smiling at him. Thats when he noticed your wrist wasnˋt bandaged but wrapped in some kinda foil. You slowly started to unwrap it, a big smile lingering on your face. „Darling, I hope you like it“.

Arthur couldnt belive his eyes. Were once was a scar six letters showed. Written on your wrist. Six letters so familar, he started sobbing.

„Oh Arthur….“ You touched his cheek „You like it?“

He covered his mouth with his right hand, mumbling.

„I thought about this  for a while now. Getting your name tattooed to cover my oldest scar“.

A single tear ran down his happy face „Thats…. Just…. Wow. I…. donˋt know what to say. Thatˋs my name. You got a tattoo of my name. „ Arthur couldnt stop staring at the letters. „Can I….touch it?“.

 You smiled „Not yet, itˋs still fresh and I need to put some cream on it.“

„Oh! Yeah…. Of course.“

Arthur tried to understand what was happpening right now. A minute ago he was afraid you hurt yourself again and now  he found himself looking at a tattoo that was his very own name. Part of you.

He felt your other hand touching his blushing cheek „I really wanted this to remind me of how beautiful things can happen after experiencing so much pain. There is this scar and itˋs still there but somehow it belongs to my past and it doesn´t define me. It never did. And now there is you. The light that came after the dark. The one who understands my scars and eases the pain by loving me for who I am. I love you, Arthur, I love you so much itˋs so demanding and beautiful and …..now youˋre always on my mind, in my heart and under my skin.“

Arthur gently lifted your hand, careful enough to not touch the tattoo. „I love you“ he whispered „Can I…. can I kiss your…“ goosebumps covered your skin as his upper lip found itˋs way to travel across your arm. Soft kisses, thoughtful and warm, scar after scar. You couldnt help but cry a little. Arthur froze „My god, Iˋm sorry I only wanted to…“

„Donˋt stop“ you whispered through the tears „Please….“

The light in Arthurs eyes came back when he realized it was happy tears running down your cheeks. Tears of relief and inner peace.

„Remember when you found me after….“

„I do, Arthur.“

„That was the first time I felt truly loved“ he breathed, while he continued kissing your skin.

„You found me at my worst. And loved me. Especially where it hurt the most“

You closed your eyes, concentrating on the softness of his lips. His presence was medicine. Calming and warm like a favourite sweater.

You remembered  very well. It was the day you knew that you would give the world to protect this man. The beautiful soul that Arthur was. You couldnt change his past but write his future. You and him together. Sitting in front of a blank page, where anything was possible.  Every yet unborn poem was demanding to be written. Every small moement of happiness. And when the pages get torn and some parts get blacked out, you would be here to put a sticker on it. Heart shaped. One thatˋs glowing in the dark. So when he openes his journal at night he couldnt see the scribbles and blacked out parts. Only the bandage that was love.

Just like the words written on your wrist.

Arthur.

 

„I wanna do the same for you“ he mumbled between the kisses „Loving you where it hurts the most…so...“ he lifted his face, looking at you „…where does it hurt?“

„Every inch untouched  by your loving hands“.

Only a heartbeat later Arthurs thumb gently brushed over your bottom lip as he whispered „Let me take care of that“.

[brelione]

Rivers (The Best Boys)

Warnings:Car crashes,mentions of sex,blood.

Im sorry in advance.This shit might hurt.

Series Masterlist

Rafe glanced over to you, obviously knowing what this was about.He gulped and nodded, agreeing to go outside to speak to Topper.You tapped your fingers on the table anxiously as they walked outside of the house and slammed the slider door behind them. 

“What do you think thats about?”Kelce asked, setting down his burger.Shit.This was it, Topper was gonna find out what you and Rafe did.It was bad enough that they knew about the kiss but this was even worse.

And it didnt help that you told Topper that you didnt like Rafe like that.Now all you felt was guilt.Guilt for hooking up with Rafe,guilt from even talking to Topper about your problems when you knew that it would probably put stress on him.Now you were screwed,head in your hands.

“You guys did things while we were gone?You kissed her last week, you gave her a hickey tonight.Whats gonna happen next week?Are you gonna get her pregnant?Do you even care about what’s happening in her life?Do you even fucking care about her at all or is she just another one of your toys that you use for sex and then just ditch?Do you not care that we all made a deal?Do you even realize what youve done?”Topper had tried his best not to yell.

Rafe stared at the blonde, eyes wide. “Dont even say that I dont fucking care about her!You’re the one that went along and dated Sarah and wouldnt shut up about it to (Y/N)!I would never-I would fucking never.You dont even know what we did!We didnt even do anything-she was freaking the hell out earlier, punching herself and hitting thins.She probably smacked herself on something before I showed up but no.You didnt even think of that possibility your mind just went straight to me fucking her.Do you know why?Its because you’re jealous.You’ve always been jealous of Kelce and I and we’re fucking tired of it.”Rafe glared, waiting for Topper to throw a punch.

He didn't though,simply staring at Rafe. “You guys didn't do anything?”Topper asked.Rafe nodded, the action barely visible in the dark.This is exactly what Kelce had feared.He was always right about most things.You even accused him of being a prophet once. 

“What time is it?”Topper yawned,sitting up on the couch.You shrugged,reaching for your phone and looking between the tired boys. “What time do you guys think it is?”You asked,turning on your phone and checking for yourself. “Umm....I dunno....like 9.”Rafe shrugged.You looked over to Topper,waiting for his answer. “I think its eight.”He answered,still half asleep. “Im gonna bet its 11:47.”Kelce replied,waiting for you to confirm.You glared at him. “Fuck you,propet.”You grumbled.

“But you still kissed her.You knew what you were doing and you did it right after we all made that deal.Do you just not care anymore?”Topper asked, still angry.Rafe stood there, not knowing what the correct response would be. “Right, alright.Im gonna go home, you guys have fun.”Topper went back in the house,slamming the slider door shut behind him.

Rafe opened the door, following him inside and praying to whatever god that would listen that his friend wouldnt throw a fit.Topper simply grabbed his phone, taking another sip of his soda. “Im going home.I’ll see you tomorrow.”He went to rush past you, making your heart drop.

No hug,no forehead kiss and no explanation.Something was seriously wrong. Even when he was in a bad mood he would still give you a hug and peck your forehead before he left.

“Topper-you didnt finish your food!We didnt finish the movie either!”You exclaimed,making him stop near the door and turn around. “I know, I know.I just think I should go home now, i’ll see you tomorrow.”He opened the door, about to leave when you stopped him again.

 “Text me when you get home!”You shouted to him, seeing him nod quickly before closing the door behind him, getting into his car and driving off.You looked up at Rafe, the boy still standing by the slider door in a silent shock.

 “What happened?”Kelce asked, looking between you and Rafe hoping for an explanation for Topper’s sudden exit.You couldn't say anything, too afraid of what would come out,instead just resting your head in your hands.

Rafe gulped, trying to figure out what to say.He didn't understand why he should have to hold his feelings back because of Topper’s feelings.It wasn't fair to you or him. “Did I miss something?”Kelce asked, still not understanding.

Rafe shrugged,sitting back down next to you at the table,looking at the empty chair that Topper had been sitting in a couple moments ago. “I don't know.Were you guys arguing about something?”You asked Rafe,turning to face him in the chair.He shifted nervously, looking away from you.That little nervous action gave you the exact answer you needed.

 “Alright, lets just sleep it off and enjoy our night.It doesn't have to be ruined because Topper decided to go home,okay?”Kelce asked,eating a chicken nugget.You nodded, feeling uneasy.Topper never did this.He always hugged you before he left, he wouldnt just walk out like that.You created a new note in your phone, typing something and showing it to Rafe. 

Does he know what we did?

He read the message,quickly shaking his head. “Hey,what are you guys doing?”Kelce asked,leaning across the table in attempts of seeing the phone screen.You quickly placed your phone down,looking up at your confused friend. “Nothing,Kelce.Don't worry about it.”You told him,bouncing your leg up and down.

Something was very wrong.You didnt know why you felt so sick all of a sudden or why you were shaking,snapping out of your thoughts when Rafe reached his hand across,his hand on your leg to get it to stop bouncing. “Lets take our food and finish it in the living room while we watch the movie.”Kelce suggested, already standing up.

Topper drove down the street,approaching the bridge that made him so nervous.There were two bridges on the island,the one that separated Figure Eight from The Cut and the one that was built right over a quickly flowing river that lead from one mainroad to another.

It was the quickest way for Topper to get home from your house, it wasnt his favorite way because it always cause him to be anxious but it was quicker than the twenty minute alternative path.The bridge was old and was a popular spot for drug deals and couples that were looking to write their initials somewhere.

It had been built sometime back in the sixties before the river started to rise and the current became strong.He drove slowly,his heart pounding quick.He wished that he had taken the other way but it was far too late to leave now,already half way down the bridge.

He must’ve been shaking more than he realized,everything happening quick as he lost control of the steering wheel,sending himself right through the rusting metal bars of the bridge.

Time slowed down as the car fell from the structure,hitting the cold,quick moving water.He was forced forward as the front of the car hit a large rock,smacking his head off the steering wheel,the seatbelt locking a moment after.The cold water was filling the car quick,the whole vehicle submerged,Topper trapped by his seatbelt,unconscious.

“Topper hasnt texted me.”You frowned,checking you phone for the upteenth time within that half hour.Kelce’s eyebrows furrowed,leaning his head against your shoulder. “Im sure he’s fine,maybe he’s just tired and fell asleep when he got home or something.”That was probably a very logical explanation to a normal person but to you it seemed absolutely ridiculous.

Topper would always text you when he got home.Rafe nodded,agreeing with Kelce. “I wouldnt worry to much,its Topper.What’s the worst thing that could’ve happened?”Rafe asked,none of you paying attention to the movie.

Pennywise killing and manipulating people definitely was not helping with the situation. “Im serious.I think I should call him.”You mumbled,pressing the call icon,holding the phone to your ear.No answer. “He didnt answer, something has to be wrong.”You insisted.

Kelce took out his own phone, deciding that maybe Topper was just ignoring you and Rafe for now.His thoughts were proved wrong when Topper ignored him too. “Yeah, hes probably just asleep.”Kelce put his phone away, pulling you close to him in attempts to calm you down. “Should we go to his house?”You asked,looking over at Rafe.

He decided to just pause the movie, figuring this would be a long conversation. “He’s asleep, (Y/N).If we go there we’ll have to throw rocks at his window so he’ll wake up, its not like any of us can drive there.”He reminded you.You shrugged, feeling Kelce’s hand grip yours,his thumb rubbing circles. “Do you think he’s mad at me?”You asked, hoping that that wasnt the case.

Rafe shook his head, throwing the thought of that out the window. “He has no reason to be.He might be mad at me-he’s definitely mad at me but he’ll be over it by tomorrow.He’ll probably call in the morning, it’ll be fine.”Rafe forced a smile on his face.

You just had to hope he was right, leaning into Kelce,your arms around his torso.You noticed a look of jealousy on Rafe’s face, understanding why but choosing to ignore it.The way Kelce was shaped made him very easy to hug and cuddle with,his sweatshirt smelling like McDonalds and cologne. 

“Lets watch something that’s not scary.”Kelce grabbed the tv remote,exiting out of the movie before either you or Rafe could fight him. “I vote that we watch Victorious.”You looked up at Kelce as he flipped through different options.He looked over to Rafe, silently asking for his opinion.

Rafe gave him a nod,watching as Kelce’s fingers twirled your hair,grazing over your temple and cheek as he pushed it past your shoulder,beginning to braid it.The first episode of Victorious was playing.You were sure by now that you had seen the entirety of the show at least twenty times.

You had listened to the soundtrack even more than that, Kelce being the one who insisted that you listen to it. “What time are you guys leaving tomorrow?”You asked,eyes glued to the tv.Kelce sighed, not wanting to think about the fact that he had to spend the whole day with three of his cousins. 

“Maybe like….10.”Kelce answered, knowing that you probably wouldnt be awake at that time.You looked over to Rafe,waiting for his answer. “I dunno….I should probably be there early so Ward isnt waiting for me at the door.He’s gonna be up my ass all day.”He had seen all the texts from both Ward and Rose on his phone.

They were furious.It didnt really matter though, the worst they would do is yell at him.They couldnt really ground him, he was an adult anyways. “Sorry.”You muttered.Rafe grinned,shaking his head. “Dont worry about it,that party was stupid anyways.I swear to god I thought there was gonna be a fight between Mavis and Eleanor.”He chuckled,earning a smile from Kelce.

 “Imagine that, the two of them just hitting each other with their canes.What would they fight about?Like,how dare you take my pie recipe and claim it as yours you old rat!”Kelce tried to sound old,his voice squeaky like he had a bad cold.

You laughed,messing up the braids Kelce was trying to do in your hair. “Or like, my grandson is prettier than yours and they have the same father!”He continued,glad he could make you laugh when you had been so stressed.Your eyes widened,sitting up. 

“Wait,do their grandsons actually have the same dad or are you fucking with me?”You asked, unable to tell if he was joking or not.Kelce shrugged. “I mean, Im just saying that they look similar.Rafe,stop laughing and listen.Im just saying ive never seen Owen’s dad in the same room with Joshua’s dad.Have you?”He asked, his tone becoming serious.

You thought back to all the parties and events you had been forced to go to,trying to think if you had ever noticed either of the boys.They were two years younger than you and your boys meaning that you had never really had to pay attention to them at all, always caught up trying to beat Topper in virtual cup pong.It was one of the few virtual games that he was actually good at.

“You know,I dont think I have.”You admitted, giving into his theory.Rafe rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “There’s no way, doesnt Joshua’s dad live with him?”He asked, trying his best to remember.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, about to answer when you spoke up. “He could be living a double life!People do that sometimes.”You reminded him.Kelce shrugged, trying to think of more ways to prove his theory.

Topper’s eyes opened again when the water was up to his knees.All he could see was black,his legs feeling numb from the cold,his left arm hurting like it had never hurt before.He cursed,trying to unbuckle his seatbelt but to no avail,the material digging into his neck and the car swaying from the tough current.

He reached for his phone that had ended up in the cupholder, only then noticing the blood coming from his sore arm.He chose to ignore it,dialing 911 as fast as he could,tears streaming down his face.If only he had taken the other way home.

 “911,whats the emergency?”A feminine voice asked,hearing his shallow breaths from the other end of the phone. “My car- I drove into Crescent River-The water is in my car.”His voice sounded like he was drunk,probably because he had bit through the tip of his tongue when he crashed. “What’s your name?”The woman asked, sending everyone to the river to search for the car.

 “Topper-please tell Rafe that im sorry!Tell (Y/N) that I love her!Please-fuck im gonna die.”He began sobbing, knowing that he’d never see you or Rafe or Kelce ever again.He wouldnt be able to apologize for all the dumb shit he had done over the years.

He was going to die because he and Rafe got into an argument about you.He couldve laughed.It was funny how the universe worked. “Topper, you’re gonna be just fine.Help is on the way.Can you break the window?”The dispatch asked.Topper tried to move,everything blurry.The rush of water filling the car was loud,the cold liquid now up to his chest.

 “Somethings wrong with the seatbelt!Im stuck-I cant move.I cant fucking move and the water is so cold and I cant move….god please just tell my friends that im sorry.”He cried, lifting his head up so he was staring at the ceiling of the car,getting as much air as he could before the car would be completely full. 

“Topper, you can tell them yourself.Help is on the way, please stay on the call.”She waited for Topper to say something else, for any sign that he hadnt drowned only to hear the sound of static before the call cut out.

“Are you guys tired yet?”You asked the boys,pulling a blanket up to your chest,still in Kelce’s lap. “No, im not going to bed until this dumbass admits that he’s wrong.”Kelce insisted, annoyed by Rafe. “Im just saying the I never saw JFK’s son when he was younger and Matt Dillon in the same room.”Rafe repeated it for the third time,still not being helpful.

 “Because they werent friends!”You shouted at him, Rafe flicking your forehead. “You cant be friends with yourself!Now listen.13 bloodlines of the illuminati,right?Right.So they discover time travel so JFK’s son assassinates his dad because he couldnt support his passion for acting,right?So then he goes back in time in a different time line to become an actor and change his name to Matt Dillon.Its just like Spiderverse!”Rafe exclaimed, trying to get you guys to believe him.

You shook your head,looking back up to the tv. “Rafe, did you even pay attention to Spiderverse?”You asked, making him finally shut up. “Wait, I want to watch conspiracy theories now.”Kelce mumbled,his fingertips now tapping against your hip.You handed him the remote, letting him put on top ten craziest conspiracy theories.

When the ambulances,cop cars, fire trucks and rescue trucks showed up Topper had been without air for nearly two minutes.The lights of his car were dim but they were luckily able to spot it,sending the divers down.They were in full gear,helmet and radio included.

There were two divers,seeing that the glass had given out and smashed,some of the glass causing small cuts over Toppers body.The were able to get the car door open,cutting off the seatbelt,telling Schoope through the radio that they had gotten him,fire fighters waiting for them to bring his body up,handing him into the arms of the fire captain who then got him onto a stretcher,letting the EMT’s take him.His arm was bent in all sorts of ways,a large cut at his hairline,blood still flowing from his mouth.

“You guys believe in the moon landing, right?”You asked,moving in Kelce’s lap so you could see both him and Rafe.Kelce was hesitant to answer, not knowing what to think after watching that last theory.Rafe bit the inside of his cheek, making you groan.

 “Really?”You asked, checking the time to see that it was already two in the morning. “Hey, im gonna go upstairs to sleep.Will you guys stay in the guest rooms?”You asked,sitting up with the blanket around your shoulders, cold despite the fact that you were wearing Topper’s hoodie.

 “Why?”Kelce asked, letting out a loud,dramatic yawn. “Because the door is right there and so is the window...at least in the other rooms it’ll take longer for them to kill us.”You explained, grabbing your phone off the table.

 “Alright, im setting alarms for 8,8:30,9 and 9:30.”Kelce announced,setting them in his clock app.You sighed,knowing that his alarms would probably wake you up as well. “For why?”You asked,already at the end of the staircase. “So I can make you guys breakfast.”He answered in a tone that made you feel dumb, almost like the answer was so obvious.

 “You dont have to.”You replied, knowing that that wouldnt change anything.He shrugged,not really caring.Rafe turned off the tv,standing up and stretching out his limbs,almost touching the ceiling.You laid down in your bed after saying goodnight to them, your eyes wandering to the closet,to the window,to under the bed.

The fact that somebody had probably been in your room without you even knowing freaked you out.You turned on the flashlight on your phone,keeping it on as you scrolled through tik tok.That was probably an even worse idea since your entire for you page consisted of serial killer facts because of you liking too many Criminal Minds videos.

Eventually you decided to just go and sit in the bathroom,just so you could be anywhere else but your bedroom.You sat on the toilet,checking if Topper had been active on Snapchat,Instagram or Tumblr.Nothing.That was very unlike him even if he had been tired and fallen asleep as soon as he got home.

After twenty minutes of sitting on your toilet you decided that you couldnt go back to your bedroom.It was too creepy.So here you were,tiptoeing across the floor of your own house to one of the guest rooms at the end of the hall,knowing that’s where Rafe was.

You let out a soft sigh,carefully opening the door. “Rafe.”You called out to him softly.You could barely make out his figure on the bed,arms and legs spread out like a starfish.You sighed,deciding not to bother him.

You used your flashlight as you made your way down the hall,opening Kelce’s door. “Hey,Kelce.”You whispered,seeing him move,eventually sitting up and squinting,trying to figure out what was going on.

 “(Y/N)?”He asked,trying to make sure that you were you and not some imposter.You let out a quiet sigh of relief,entering the room and closing the door behind you. “Hi.”You answered,sitting at the end of the bed. “Are you okay?”He asked,turning on his own flashlight,flipping his phone so the screen was against the mattress,the small light making it so he could see you.

 “Yeah,cant sleep in my room.Can I sleep in here?”You asked.He tried to hide how happy he was,nodding. “Yeah,yeah thats fine.”he patted the spot next to him,grinning as you slid under the covers,your arm falling over his torso,head against his back as you closed your eyes.He eventually turned on his side so he could face you and you could get more comfortable,holding him like a koala,your head resting on his shoulder.

You couldnt remember anything after that which meant that you had fallen asleep clinging to your friend.You woke up when Kelce got off the bed,leaving a frown on your face. “Go back to sleep.”He whispered to you.

When they got Topper ot the hospital they were still trying to find out how bad his injuries were.He was still knocked out,eyes twitching every few moments as he was rushed down the hall and into surgery to fix his mangled arm,removing the glass that had been lodged deep inside his leg.They were glad to find that none of his injuries were fatal despite him being technically dead for 15 seconds when they had first got him out of the river.

It was determined that he had a pretty nasty concussion that would take a good couple of months until it was completely healed.The surgeon had to stitch the long cut on his hairline shut,bringing it forward ever so slightly.They had noticed his medical records,calling his mother to tell her about the horrible accident. 

“Is the car okay?”She had asked,making the nurse who had called frown and tell her no,the car was definitely not okay. “Unfortunately im in California so I cant be there.Maybe just give his little girlfriend a call.”She suggested carelessly,not even bothering to ask about the condition her son was in.

Something about the way she said it sounded like she was disgusted by the idea of you.Almost like a child talking about vegetables.The nurse had asked for the number of his girlfriend,his mother reading off yours that she had stashed in her phone just in case of emergency.

When you woke up you were warm and comfortable,seeing two texts.One was from Kelce to let you know that he had left and that eggs and bacon were on the stove.The other was from Rafe telling you that he had left and got home safely.

He probably only texted you that because he had seen how worried you were when Topper hadnt.You checked your snapchat notifications,seeing that you had lost your 785 day streak with him.That really made you upset,knowing that it would take two years to get it to that point again.

You sent out your streaks,getting up with a loud yawn,stumbling as you made your way downstairs and into the kitchen,a shiver running up your spine from the cold tile.A glass plate sat on the stove,a layer of tinfoil covering it.

You peeled off the foil,placing the plate in the microwave when your phone rang.Your heartbeat picked up,hoping that it was Topper calling to tell you that he was sorry for nto calling you last night and that he was perfectly fine,frowning when you saw that it was an unknown number.

 “Hello?”You asked,hoping that it wasnt gonna be ghost face on the other end. “Um...is this Topper Thornton’s girlfriend?”the voice asked.You frowned,looking around your kitchen.You had no idea who it could be or why they would think your were Topper’s girlfriend but you decided to go with it anyways,saying yes.

There was a pause before the woman spoke again. “Im sorry to inform you but your boyfriend drove into Crescent River last night.He’s got an awful concussion and a severely broken arm as well as 12 stitches.He’s currently at Kildare Hospital if you’d like to come see him.”The woman explained.

And just then everything was over.You were always terrified of getting a call like this.That Rafe had overdosed at a party or that Kelce had been hit with a golf club to the head.But you never thought it would happen.

You felt like you couldnt breath,your hand gripping the phone so hard that you thought it might crack.You didnt know how you would get to the hospital.Rafe was at home and would take too long to get to your house,Kelce was at his cousin’s house on the complete opposite side of the island.

You knew what you had to do,grabbing your keys that had stayed in the junk drawer for the past two years,a layer of dust covering the metal.You rushed out of your house with nothing but your keys and phone,not bothering to slip on pants or even grab your bag,going into your garage in a rush.

You couldnt even remember turning on the car engine,speeding out of your driveway and leaving a trail of black marks,driving straight to the hospital.The car smelt like stale doritos for a reason that you couldnt understand.

The last time you had used this car or even drove was back when you were seventeen and nearly passed out while you were driving,too scared to try it again.It didnt matter now,your foot not leaving the gas pedal,hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that your fingers hurt,pulling into a random parking spot at the hospital,not even checking your parking job.

You held your phone and your keys in the same hand,sprinting and nearly getting hit by another car in the process,gasping for air when you reached the front desk. “I-I need to see Topper Thornton.”You spoke quickly,almost coughing.

The nurse’s eyes widened,realizing that you were the girl she had spoken to on the phone. “(Y/N)?”She asked,wanting to be sure before she told you what was important.You nodded,wanting this to be over so she’d tell you what room you needed to go to. 

“He said on the 911 call that he wanted you to know that he loved you and that he wanted Rafe to know thay he was sorry,I thought you should know.He’s up in room 234,2nd floor just two doors down.”She told you,a sympathetic look in her eyes.

You didnt think too much about it,running up the staircases because taking the elevator would waste time.You glanced at the rooms,trying to remember if she had said if the room was on the left or on the right.You found the room after a few seconds,preparing yourself before opening the door.

The lights were dim,the tv off.And then there was Topper,looking like he was dead.His left arm was put in a cast from his mid bicep to his hand,bent so the it was at a ninety degree angle and wresting on his stomach.

A few pieces of hair had fallen over the dark blue stitches that kept his skull from being visible,his eyes closed.An oxygen tube settled at his nose,multiple IV’s in his right arm,the heart monitor keeping a steady beat.

You were grateful for that,watching the lines move up and down,memorizing the sound of the beeping.You sent Rafe and Kelce text messages,telling them what had happened,deciding to keep the words that Topper had said to the dispatch to yourself for now.

After a long twenty minutes of sitting there a nurse came in,surprised to see you. “He should be waking up soon.Are you his spouse?”She asked,writing down something on a clipboard.You nodded,still keeping up with the lie figuring that it was the only way you’d be allowed to stay in the room with him.

 “Alright,he should wake up any moment,hun.”She smiled at you before leaving the room,closing the door quietly behind her.You rolled your eyes,figuring that she had spoken that sentence five other times today and that she didnt actually care about you or Topper.

You found yourself scooting your seat closer to the hospital bed,running your fingertips along the palm of his good arm.His eyes slowly opened,shutting again for a moment,slowly adjusting.

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[sp00kybitme]

Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

[beatrix-kidd0]

our love story.

we met a few years ago, when my hair was the longest its has ever been, and his hair was brown after months of dying it different tones of bright colors. after me, his hair would always stay the same color. i dont know if it was my fault, or the fact that i really loved his natural color, and he loved how i loved it. 

we started talking because we had mutual interest. we met through mutual friends, went to the same school but he was a year older, we would some times catch each other on breaks at the same time, smile, and keep going. but sometimes we would react to each others stories ‘oh i love that movie’ ‘i love that radiohead song’ we had a very similar taste on movies and music, and i really like spending time reading, he liked playing videogames, our conversations started becoming longer every single day. still at school we acted casual, like two not so close friends, i dont know if it was me, i got so nervous when i saw him that i almost could really open up, i started getting worried, thinking the only time we would conecct would be via text. for me, i never considerd anything romantic with him, i knew he just got out of a relationship, heard it from a friend of a friend, and i knew how gorgeous is ex was, there was no way in hell he was choosing me after her. but i liked him as a friend. we would see eachother at parties and nod, some parties i started getting flirtier, i could help myself, the more alchohol in my sistem, the more flirty i became. just casually bumping into him all the time, touching shoulders, looking at him while he pretended to not notice but i knew he did. but he also was very sweet, he would always ask me how was i, and laugh whenever i told a joke to the crowd. even though i tried my best to not speak that much when he was arround, i didnt want to embarace myself. he was so cool, and confident, and i was none of that. 

then the insomia started to kick in, every time i would live a party i could go to sleep, just thinking of facing him, making out in a bathroom, him telling me he liked me. i hated myself for slowly thinking more and more of him, because i knew he didnt think of me that way. but i could fucking help myself. 

one night we had been texting the whole day, we started texting like that, just two friends constantly texting about very stupid stuff, but always waiting by the phone to see his name pop up on my screen and bring me a silly goofy smile. i was out with my friends, and i got drunk, every time i was drunk i fucked up, he knew that, i told him i was going out with some friends. while my friends were talking about something i wasnt really paying attention to, i message him, it took him two minutes two replied my heart was on my cheast.

hi, u up?

yeah. arent you with your friends? have fun

yeah, also a bit drunk

ha ha 

and i wanted to ask you something.....

okay?

what is this? we talk all the time, but we pretend we dont know each other at school.

her friends started picking up on her worried and nervous face. her heart on her cheast. she couldnt tell her friends something so vulnerable like gettin rejected right at the same time they were laughin about some silly storie. she could tell them. so she lied, said her dad texted her she was worried about responding because she was drunk. after a couple minutes, he replies.

im sorry. im awkard, u know. i really like you. as a friend, maybe even more. but just got out of something so serious. 

she didnt knew what to say. she chugged what she had of her beer. 

ha. ok. no worries.

but then she felt something in her chest, and she had to come clean.

actually, yes. i think i might have feelings for you. and i dont know if i can keep talking to you like this.

she had never been this honest with him before. it felt good to stand up for herself, but at the same time she was not ready to loose her over a drunk night. 

oh. yeah i have feelings for you two

so?

lets go on a date

she smiled. she could stop smiling. she excused herself to the bathroom, she had to scream. 

really? u sure

im sure. lets go have a couple beers, get to know each other on person. i really like you and i dont wanna lose you.

cool. same

cool.

they went on that first day, and then a couple more that week. they started spending one day with eachother, one apart, one with eachother, one apart. they had such a flow when they talked to each other, it was easy. yet they had never kissed. she counted five dates, no kissing. their dates were usally at a park, very early in the evening, one day they even went for breakfast at nine am, so it wasnt really making out time. but she felt like that was his way of telling her she was a friend. he liked her comments on music, and movies, he would watch all the films she recommended, and he would tell her to watch the ones he liked and waited for her review like a little kid. he loved when she waited for him reading, and how she send him little messages after every date whenever she got home thaking him. he liked her nose, and her hair, and the eyeliner she did on her eye. later on, he would try to copy her eyeliner and she would laugh everytime because he would always fail misreably. everything was great. yet every time he would get closer, he could feel her standing a distance away. everytime they were silent, and he though of kissing her, she would rapidly change the subject and get into a deep conversation about the industry of make up cosmetic, or something radom like that. she was always talking, and he loved that, but sometimes wished she realized he wanted to kiss her. either she didnt want it, or she was to nervous. the good answer was the second one. 

one day she was walking down his street, he told her he wanted to show her his favorite coffe store right across from his house, what he really wanted was to show her his room. something very personal to him, but he liked her so much. they had a coffe, a great talk, they laughed. and they went upstairs when the coffe filled them up with energy and joy. she was nervous, he could tell, but she faked it like a pro. she was shaking when they got upstairs. he introduced her to his mom ´mom this is my friend´ she said hi with the prettiest smile and tried her best to be the nicest girl that mom had ever seen, she really wanted her to like her. she like the way friend souned in his tounge, and dreamed of the time he introduce her as more than that.

when they got upstaris, to his room, it was very clear what was going to happend. when they sat down at the bed, she took out of her phone and founded any excuse to just calm down and look at something other than his face for a second. her hands were shaking holding it, thankfully he wastn playing attention. he was so cool about the whole thing. she asked to got to the bathroom and when she got out, he was waiting for her in his bed. he was thinking. she wanted to stay there, as an observer, watching him think in a room that was so personal for him. he caught her watching. 

´come here´

he said and she did. she sat next to him. 

´i really like you´ he said. 

´oh really?´

he stared holding her hand and playing with her palm. 

´you can read hands?´

´sometimes i wish i could read your mind. i never know what your thinking´

´i never know what you are thinking´

´oh cmon, im so easy to read. you must know what im thinking now´

´i dont know´

he got closer. 

´what are you thinking´

´im...´

he got even closer

´im thinking im scared´she said ´im thinking we will have a terrible kiss because im a terrible kisser and it will ruined this great thing we have going on´

´no way´

he got closer. she got out of the bed and stood up.

´im sorry... im´

´i dont wanna pressure you´

´no, no, its me.... its not you...´ she sat down next to him again, and grabbed his hand, she wanted to show she cared. ´alright... kiss me... but do it slowly´

and very slowly. first his hand in her hair, her hand on his jaw. but he did kiss her. their lips conected in slow motion.first very slowly, taking good care of her lips, listening to her request. then, his tounge started working his way through her mouth, very slowly as well. she understood the langeague he was speaking. her nervousness started to go away, even thought she was focues on the kiss, the more their mouth connected, the more passion she felt, the more she let loose. 

´is it good? do you want to stop´he said

´no... no... its perfect´ she said an inmediatly grab his face and kiss him very passionaly this time. he thought it was the sexiest thing she had ever done. 

[carol-thirteen]

jumping in

chapter two: natasha sees your gift

natasha spent that evening going over the schedules. advanced hand to hand combat from 8-10, 10:30-11:30 patching wounds, 1-3 extra workout sessions.

“that’ll explain the muscles then,” natasha whispered to herself, thinking back to earlier that afternoon.

natasha’s plan was to look through the others’ folders too, see if any of them were suitable for her new program but suddenly, she found herself putting the program to the side and her mind lingered on limiting it to a one on one training program instead of a small group.

after tomorrow, she would really have a clearer idea of how to proceed with you training or otherwise. or both.

she was up before the sunrise, her short blonde hair tucked behind her ears. she slipped on her new fingerless gloves and set off for the training rooms.

you were sat patiently, occupying yourself with next week’s schedule, which could likely be unnecessary after this. you had gone home the night before after training wondering why the famous black widow was so interested in you. you had come to the conclusion it was just your gift, but hoped it was something else.

you stayed as nonchalant as you could, keeping up with the show of you being more confident that you truly felt.

“good morning,” natasha broke your focus from the daily update sheets that get left in your mail slot above at your door.

you smiled, acknowledging her, “good morning.” you placed the papers down on the bench and stood up, keeping you feet firmly on the ground in an attempt to calm your nerves.

“shall we?” your fingers fiddled with each other, ensuring they were out of view.

“absolutely,” natasha lifted a hand letting you lead the way.

you stepped into the training room, where two mats were positioned at either side of the room, presumably from a session that night the others hadn’t put away.

“you’d think people would clean up after themselves,” you huffed bending down to pick up the one closest to you.

“tell me about it,” natasha smiled. “do you need a hand?”

“it’s okay, i’ve got it.” you hoped you didnt come off as rude, given any other circumstance you would have let her help but this time, you had something to prove. you wanted to impress her.

so with very little effort, your arms slid under the mat, gripped onto the flattened handles and swung the mat up and over your shoulder. you took several steps over to the side of the room as natasha watched, arms folded yet again and one leg resting slightly further forward than the other.

you dumped the mat on top of the other and patted off your hands onto the same blue and grey training suit. “there,” you finished and walked confidently back to natasha. given her slight smirk you assumed you had achieved what you wanted to.

your eyes focused on the gloves that were tucked under her arms and you got the idea.

“you’re very strong,” she pointed out.

“that’ll be an addition to what i’m about to show you,” you replied. “but thank you.” a slight blush. “can i ask you something first? before i show you.”

“of course,”

“what do you think it is?” you ask, genuinely curious. you have gotten all of different responses and wondered if she had anything different.

“honestly, i’ve seen a lot but i’m thinking maybe invisibility.” you smiled.

“hmm,” you straightened out the arms of your suit.

“am i right?”

“you’ll see.” you grinned. “be back soon, don't go anywhere.”

“wouldn’t dream of it.”

her voice made your stomach flutter and you closed your eyes, letting you send yourself back.

a week ago, natasha had left her gloves on one of the front desks you remembered over hearing conversation from some of the trainees that had found it. you found them and asked if you could see them.

“we should really get them back to her though,” the small brunette that you knew now as kira, spoke to you.

“you can, i just want to see.” you put a hand into one of the pockets in your jacket and slipped a small coupon for a free coffee that you had kept for later in morning, into one of the folds in the inside. “real leather,” you said turning it around.

you handed it back to them, engaged in pleasantries before heading off to an empty side room to shimmer back to the present.

when you arrived back, natasha took a step back, realizing you must have come in a little further forward. natasha’s eyes wandered your body, where flickers of light were still scattered across you.

“so, what do you think?” you smiled.

“pretty,” she pressed her lips together eyes still finding the odd spark of light. one of which she had caught herself following around your waist.

“what?” your heart stopped.

she looked up, “the lights, the-“

“shimmer,” you finished. “i call it a shimmer.”

“so when you do this shimmer, where do you go?” she asked and with that question you stepped forward. there was approximately 4 steps to be facing her. which means there was less than 4 seconds now for you to decide what to do next.

don’t be a wimp y/n, you told yourself. just do it.

you pushed the easy response to the side, the one where you would just ask her to check her right glove. you instead, gave her a calm and almost flirtatious look. you tried not to tread on dangerous waters, this was after all some kind of recruitment but there were no rules, were there?

you kept eye contact as she watched your every move, diligently trying to figure out what you were doing. her eyes followed your hand as it went to hers, hanging at her side. your fingers touched the leather again as they had just moments go.

“real leather,” you muttered. “right?”

“yes,” she replied, her voice low, following the same volume as you. confusion, intrigue and something more she was feeling too. “what are you-“

your fingers brushed hers and you undid the glove, your fingers slid underneath the material and pulled out a coupon.

“but that wasn’t-“

“wasn’t it?” you tilted your head, watching her eyes squint and face begin to frown at the small piece of paper. you smiled.

“you lost it last week,” you looked up at her. her other hand fell down from resting on her hip, to join the other holding the coupon.

“i did,” she looked back up at you. “it’s a coupon for two free coffees.”

“it is,” as much as you tried to repress it, a slight blush spread across your cheeks as you thought about what you were about to say. “it expires today, we better go before the 10am rush after training. i feel like you have some questions.”

natasha smiled and you let her slip the glove back on, “very smooth.”

“so is that a yes?”

“it is.”

natasha again, lifted her hand and let you lead the way, knowing that now, that feeling you had, may have just been confirmed as reciprocated.

[starrystarrybabe]

Oh, How the Mighty Fall [In Love] CHAPTER SIX (Ben Hardy x OC)

CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE

Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.

DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write.

Hello, everyone! I’m currently writing this to make sure I don’t have a panic attack thinking about all the schoolwork I have to do. It’s finals season and a bitch is stressed. My brain needs a break from all the work I’ve been doing. I hope y’all enjoy this chapter and plz send me messages about the fic or feel free to submit content you want to make regarding the fic and the characters in it!

-- casey

TRIGGERS: implied sex, familial judgment, relapsing, cursing

FACECLAIMS:

Kelly Gale as Lily Anne Mercury

Sira P. Kante as Ezichi Adebayo

Erika Linder as Bronwyn Ryan-Hughes

Bree Kish as Madigan Ryan-Hughes

Lily Anne is a very work-oriented woman. She’s always bound and determined not to waste a single minute, and tries to do as much as she can in one day as humanly possible.

For this reason, she made a recording studio both underneath Garden Lodge and learned how to sound mix and use music making technology for herself, because she does not want to depend on someone else to create the songs for herself and her band.

It is a tradition for everyone in Room 301 to basically move in during the recording time. They’ve done it for years now, and it maximizes efficiency and the amount of content they can produce.

Ezichi is an early riser and often wakes up before the rest of the band, cooking them breakfast and making them tea. She even takes requests from the rest of the band as to what they want to eat and will take out Reykja for a walk before she goes out to pick up the ingredients.

Naturally, Lily Anne is confused by Reykja’s insistent paws pushing her cheek at the crack of dawn instead of Ezichi’s. She even leaves the bedroom door open so that the puppy can jump up on the bed and wake her. When Lily Anne walks out of her room with her tiny dog, she’s confused by the closed door, but figures that maybe Ezichi was worn out and just needed her sleep. It’s understandable that she would get tired of waking up so early.

When Bron and Madi come downstairs two hours later expecting breakfast made by their favorite guitarist and find that the food has been prepared by their frontwoman instead, something is clearly not right.

Lily Anne knocks on Ezichi’s door. “Ezichi? Are you alright?”

She hears the rustling of sheets and a grumble in response.

Lily frowns. “Do you need Advil or something?”

She then hears quieted voices and leans in to try and hear what is being said, and raises a brow when she catches fragments of cursing.

Ezichi clears her throat and speaks up. “N-no, but I could use a cup of tea. My voice feels a little raw.”

Lily presses her lips together before looking down at the cup in her hand. She takes her tea the same way as Ezichi, with soy milk and one sugar packet, and figures that Ezichi could use the cup more than her. “I have a cup right here, I’ll just bring it inside.”

She turns the handle and before Ezichi can protest, enters the room.

A bra falls on her head from the doorway above her, and she takes it off, looking over to see Ezichi with the rumpled covers held up to her chest and her braids out of their usual bonnet, in a mussed up bun. Her underwear is in front of Lily Anne’s slippered feet, and next to her is Gwil, looking away with a beet red face.

He looks at Lily Anne and nods, acknowledging her presence.

Lily Anne nods, back, face neutral. “Hey, Gwil.”

“Hi, Lily,” he replies quietly.

Lily purses her lips and puts the teacup on Ezichi’s bedside table, looking at her friend and giving her a tight-lipped smile.

“Sorry, Lily. I should’ve told you, but you were beyond angry at one of Bron’s song ideas, and I figured--” she begins apologetically, before getting cut off by Lily Anne’s dismissive wave.

“It’s alright, darling. We’re all adults here.” She turns to leave the room and pauses in the doorway. “Anything you two want? Tea? Food? Plan B?”

Gwil speaks up, smiling bashfully at Lily Anne. “Earl Grey tea with one packet of sugar would be just fine.”

Lily Anne nods, leaning against the doorway. “Anything else?”

Ezichi looks down, rubbing the back of her neck with the hand not holding up her covers. “Scrambled eggs and a Plan B, please.”

Lily nods, turning to go downstairs. “Got it. It’ll all be downstairs when you’re ready. I’ll just… close this.” She closes the door and heads downstairs to the kitchen, sitting down and resting her chin in her hand.

Madigan looks over at Lily. “Is she alright?”

Lily nods. “Her and Gwil should be down shortly.”

Bron snorts into her cup of tea, grinning. “I told you that we weren’t the only ones shagging, Mads.”

Lily makes herself another cup of tea to distract herself from the sudden urge to light a cigarette. “You’re washing the sheets, not me, alright?”

Bron smirks at her wife. “They could handle a little more liquid before they need to go in the wash.”

Madigan winks at her wife, and Lily Anne’s face squints up in disgust. “Jesus, Bron! I know it’s happening but I don’t need that much detail.”

The pair giggles and Lily Anne shakes her head. She’d kill for a cigarette right now.

---

Lily Anne throws down her headphones, rubbing her temples as she listens to the track of her singing. She’s tried to make this line sound perfect twenty times already, but it just isn’t coming out right, and she’s at the end of her rope.

“It sounds great, Lily! Can we just move on?” Bron asks from her reclined position on the couch, her head in her wife’s lap.

Lily shakes her head, turning around to face her. “No! It sounds like garbage, Bron. It’s not right yet. How do you not notice it?”

Ezichi and Madi look at each other, and Ezichi speaks up. “It’s good, Lily. I don’t see why you’re so upset about it.”

Lily Anne wrings her hands, groaning and covering her face.

Madigan stands up, placing a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “Why don’t we move on to another song, Lily? What about that one you just wrote?”

Lily looks up at her friend. “Which one?”

Madi smiles. “The one you named Waiting Room.”

Lily groans. “I can’t do that right now, or I swear to god I might cry.”

Ezichi shrugs. “That track could be really good, though! You’re in the right mood to sing it.”

Bron sits up. “Who knows? You could have a voice crack like in Gimme Shelter!”

Lily sighs, rubbing her eyes. “I guess… I’m just in a mood today. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with me like this, darlings.”

Ezichi hugs her friend from behind, resting her chin on the shorter woman’s shoulder. “It’s no problem, Lily. We put up with it because we love you unconditionally.”

Just then, Lily gets a text, and pulls out her phone.

Jamal (#1 cousin): are you coming to the reunion today? a bunch of cousins from Zanzibar are coming over to visit.

Jamal is her cousin, and one of her favorite members of her biological family. Lily frowns at the text. She didn’t get any notification that her family was getting together today before now.

Lily Anne: i didnt know this was happening. your mom didn’t say anything about it to me when we spoke last.

Jamal (#1 cousin): they made plans for this literally a week ago. she probably got stressed and forgot to tell you.

Lily Anne: got it. what time is this happening? i should probably do it just to get a break from recording. it’s been a rough day in the studio and nothing good is coming out from me.

Lily Anne looks to her bandmates. “Apparently there’s a family reunion today of my Indian relatives. I should probably go, I haven’t seen them in a while.”

Ezichi removes herself from Lily Anne and raises a brow. “Are you sure? The last time you saw all those people was at your grandmother’s funeral, and that went less than well.”

Lily Anne nods, closing her eyes. “I know, I know… but I’m not doing myself any good wasting time here, and maybe they’ve chosen to be a little less judgemental since Auntie Kash told them off then.”

Madigan sighs, looking over at Lily. “I don’t think going will do you any good, but I’m sure Kashmira and Jamal will appreciate you being there. I know Jer would appreciate it as well.”

Lily nods, smiling. “She always did like seeing me at family events.”

Her phone buzzes again.

Jamal (#1 cousin): it’s in three hours. If you’d like to come early, im sure mom would be happy to help you with your sari and catch up with you. i know i’d love to have some time with you as well before all hell breaks loose.

Lily Anne: got it. I’ll pack up my stuff and be over in a little bit.

Jamal (#1 cousin): great! i’ll tell my mom.

Lily stands up, sighing. “I’m going to the reunion. If you guys want to make music, feel free to record whatever you want, but I am going to take a shower and head on over to my Auntie Kash’s house as soon as possible.”

Ezichi, Bron, and Madi nod, smiling at their friend.

“We’ll record some of the backing tracks and drum lines today. Have fun!” Madi says, smiling.

Lily smiles back at her and leaves the room, pausing at the top of the stairs as she hears her bandmates talking.

“She’s in a mood because she didn’t come last night like the rest of us,” Bronwyn says.

Lily Anne frowns and shouts downstairs. “You’re an absolute wanker, Bron!”

“At least I’m not a sexually frustrated one!” Bron shouts back up at her.

Lily Anne stomps away, slamming the door with a huff.

She really wants a cigarette.

---

When she gets to Kashmira’s house, she knocks on the door, holding a bag with her sari inside of it. Her cousin Jamal opens the door and grins, hugging her. She gladly hugs him back.

“You’ve been a stranger as of late,” Jamal says when they pull apart. He points to her arm. “Is that a new tattoo?”

Lily Anne nods, smiling. “It is! I got it in New York after performing at Madison Square Garden, in memory of Jim and Freddie. It’s a tree-mallow and a zinnia.”

Jamal smiles, admiring the tattoo. “I like it. Were those their favorite flowers?”

Lily Anne nods, smiling. “Yep. Tree-mallow was Jim’s, and zinnias were Freddie’s.”

1994

Lily Anne sits in the dirt with a large sunhat on, making a small hole in the ground as her father coaches her through how to do it.

“Now what we do is we-- no, we don’t put a worm in the pocket of our overalls, put him back in the hole-- we put in the seeds,” Jim says, placing five zinnia seeds into Lily’s open palm as he takes the squirming creature and puts it in the dirt. “Drop them in, love.”

Lily Anne does as she’s told, and looks up at her father with big brown eyes. “What next, Daddy?”

Jim smiles and points to the pile of dirt next to the hole. “Take the dirt and cover the seeds, and pat it all in.”

Lily Anne nods and takes handfuls of dirt in her tiny hands, putting it back in the hole and using one hand to pat in the dirt gently. Then, Jim leans down and waters the dirt, and Lily Anne giggles, putting her hands out to turn the dirt on her fingers into mud. She does this and laughs, rubbing her hands together and clapping, splattering her face and overalls with specks of mud. She then looks up at her father, eyes wide.

“Whoops,” she says, lisping on the ‘s’. “Sorry, Daddy. I ruined my overalls.”

Jim smiles, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, flower. Gardening is all about getting messy. We can wash the overalls.”

Jim would call his daughter flower, since she was not only named after one, but Freddie loved watching Jim plant different kinds of flowers and take care of them. They named her Lily because that was the first flower Jim ever planted at Garden Lodge. It seemed only fitting to call this lovely little girl flower.

Lily Anne smiles wide, and puts some dirt on her cheeks, giggling. She loves getting messy, and this is one activity where she won’t get scolded for getting her clothes dirty. She’ll take advantage of the opportunity to go wild in the dirt if her dad allows it.

Jim laughs, holding her wrists. “Not that messy, flower! Let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

Lily Anne giggles, and hugs her father as he picks her up, bringing her inside.

---

“Daddy?” Lily Anne asks, abandoning her rubber ducky to face her father.

“What is it, flower?” Jim asks, putting shampoo in his hands to wash her hair. He gestures for her to turn around, and she does.

“What kinda flower did we plant today?” she asks, facing the mirrored wall. She can see her father’s face become soft, and a smile graces his lips.

“We planted a zinnia flower, love,” he tells her as he begins lathering up her hair.

“Is that the yellow one you always grow?” she asks, smiling.

Jim nods, and uses cups of water to wash out the suds in her hair. “Yes, it is. You’re very smart, flower.”

Lily Anne grins, revealing a smile with teeth that are beginning to grow in every direction.

Jim looks at the photo of Freddie he has on the toilet seat beside him before looking down at his daughter. “Do you know why we plant zinnia flowers, Lily?”

Lily purses her lips, her little face scrunching up in concentration. After a few moments, she shakes her head. “No, Daddy. Did you tell me why already?”

Jim thinks for a moment before shaking his own head. “No, I don’t think I have, flower.” He washes his hands in the bath water before grabbing her conditioner. “We plant zinnias because they were your Papa’s favorite flower.”

Lily Anne turns, grinning. “Really?”

Jim smiles and nods, beginning to lather up her hair again. “Yes, Lily.”

Lily smiles, and becomes quiet after a moment, resting her chin on her knees. Her facial expression changes to one of deep thought, and she blinks, looking down. Jim becomes concerned and once he’s done washing out the conditioner in her hair, gently takes one of her cheeks in his hand and turns her to face him.

“What is it, flower? You’re thinking very loudly,” he asks, sitting cross-legged on the fuzzy bath mat to be eye level with her.

“Did Papa see me plant that flower?” she asks.

Jim takes a moment to think and smiles gently at his daughter. “I think he did.”

Her eyes light up, and she moves quickly, splashing Jim in the process. Her chin rests on the edge of the tub. “Did I make him happy?”

Jim nods, holding out a towel for his daughter. “You always make him happy, flower.”

She climbs out of the tub and lets her father wrap the warm towel around her, giggling when he begins to dry her hair. “No matter how old and wrinkly I get, I’ll still make him happy?”

Jim nods, wrapping a towel around her hair. “You will always make him happy, Lily Anne.”

Lily looks up at her father. “Will I always make you happy, Daddy?”

Jim kisses her cheek. “Of course, flower. You could never disappoint me.”

Lily smiles as her Aunt Kashmira helps her with her sari, pleating the black fabric around her waist. She’s been catching up with her aunt and holds back a giggle as the older woman’s hands touch her sensitive waist.

Kashmira smiles, looking at her niece fondly. “You’re almost thirty years old and you’re still as ticklish as you were when you were a child.”

Lily Anne grins and allows her aunt to place the fabric over her shoulder, smoothing it out. “I’m almost thirty years old and I still can’t put on my own bloody sari.”

Kashmira shrugs and hands Lily Anne some heavy gold bracelets to put on her wrists. “Saris can be difficult. Especially this one. Your grandmother always did like the more delicate garments.”

Lily Anne nods, and looks in the mirror, admiring herself in Jer’s sari. “Didn’t my Papa help her pick out this one?”

Kashmira nods, smiling fondly. “That he did. She thought that the black with the gold and red would be too much, but Freddie told her that it would help her fit in at his concerts.”

Lily puts on some of Jer’s old earrings, and the gold ornaments dangle heavily on her lowest piercings, causing her to wince. “I always forget how bloody heavy these damn earrings are.”

Kashmira passes a large nose ring to Lily and smiles. “Here’s the final touch to your outfit, dear.”

Lily groans, but puts in the nose ring anyways, looking at herself in the mirror. “Auntie Kash, you’ve made me look like a proper Indian woman.”

Kashmira nods. “I may have gone overboard, but with the whole family coming….” She looks down, concerned. “They’ll still judge you, but at least you’re dressed like you just got off the plane from Zanzibar.”

Lily sighs, looking over at her aunt and holding her hands. “I appreciate you making me look the part, but between the two fathers, my unorthodox career choice, and the fact that I’m only half Indian, one outfit won’t make me any less of the family disappointment. But your efforts are appreciated.”

Kashmira looks tiredly at Lily, squeezing her hands. “I just want a calm family reunion without any drama.”

Lily squeezes her aunt’s hands back and smiles apologetically. “It won’t go down that way and we all know it, Auntie Kash.”

Kashmira nods before groaning, shaking her head. “Oh, shit.”

Lily frowns. “What is it?”

Kash sighs, rubbing her temples. “They have a new reason to throw a fit.”

Lily looks down, pursing her lips before her eyes widen in fear. “Oh, no. Is Jamal dating a non-Indian girl?”

Kashmira shakes her head. “No. But the tabloids have caught wind that you’re dating a non-Indian boy.”

Lily rolls her eyes, groaning. “First of all, the tabloids are full of bollocks. I’m not dating anyone at the moment.”

Kash raises a brow and crosses her arms. “Then what is your relationship with that Hardy boy? Because it looks pretty romantically charged to me.”

Lily sits on her aunt’s bed. “We’re just friends, Auntie Kash. No more, no less.”

Kashmira looks at her niece skeptically. “I heard that you two are trying to quit smoking together from Brian.”

Lily nods, looking up at the older woman. “That’s true! We are. So far, we haven’t broken, and it’s been a few months.”

Kash is quiet for a moment and sits down next to her niece. “I’ve also heard from Roger that when you weren’t on set, he was very much upset about it.”

Lily Anne scoffs. “Roger is full of bollocks and we all know it.”

Kashmira looks over at Lily. “The account was confirmed by Brian.”

Lily puts her head in her hands, groaning. “We’re just friends! That’s all! Friends who try to quit smoking together and spend hours in my garden talking about our issues, and walk our dogs together once or twice a week when we’re both around! That’s all we’ll ever be!” She looks up at Kashmira, hunched over.

Kashmira takes a moment before rubbing Lily Anne’s back. “That song you wrote--”

“Was about him. Yes. I wasn’t exactly subtle, and he still hasn’t made a move. Joe told me that he’s in love with me, but until I hear it from him, I will not get my hopes up.” Lily Anne huffs, shaking her head.

“Have you ever considered making the first move?” Kash asks gently.

Lily Anne looks at her aunt like she’s crazy. “And risk getting my heart broken? Hell fucking no! I’ve been there, done that, and I hated it. I give it a zero out of ten.”

Kash sighs, looking down at her niece. “Listen. I don’t know this boy, but he seems very nice, and different from the other men you’ve dated before. I think he’s just scared.”

Lily Anne stands up, gesturing to herself. “I am an average twenty-nine-year-old, racially ambiguous woman with a meager height of five foot two. I sage my bloody house and garden daily like an old woman. I go to an animal shelter once a week to pet all the animals. What’s so scary about me?”

Kashmira looks up at her niece. “You are a stunning young woman with a voice gifted to you from the gods and a stage presence that is one of the most powerful of any artists in this time. You’ve been through hell and back and haven’t given up when most would. You project confidence and do things that most people only dream of. Yes, you garden and go to animal shelters and aren’t physically imposing, but that makes everything else you do even more impressive. You’re special, Lily.”

Lily rolls her eyes, “No--”

“Yes. You are. Most everyone can see it. He sees it, and he’s afraid that he makes a move, he might lose it. Think about this, Lily: if he asks you and you say yes, he gains the world. If he asks you and you reject him, he loses the world. Would you so easily gamble the world?” Kashmira puts her hands on Lily’s shoulders, forcing her to look at her.

“...no,” Lily replies quietly. “Aunt Kash, I would buy the whole bloody world for him. He deserves it. But I thought the same thing about Frank, and look how that ended.”

Kashmira sighs, smiling gently. “Ben is different. You know it in your heart that he is.”

Lily rests her head on her aunt’s shoulder and lets the woman hug her before she hears the doorbell ring. Kashmira pulls away and fixes Lily’s hair.

“Lily?”

“Hm?”

“At least consider making a move, alright?”

“Alright, Auntie Kash.”

---

Lily Anne greets her cousins, a fake smile plastered on her face. It’s hurting her cheeks to keep this up. She’s ignored two comments about her weight, three comments about a gray hair, and five comments about her tattoos so far. The key is to take the compliments about the sari and block out the backhanded aspects of them. The family is sat around a coffee table, and cups of tea are being handed out by Jamal and Kash.

“Lily Anne, how are you? I heard that your band is nominated for some awards this year?” one of Lily’s older family members asks, smiling at her.

“I’m good. Everything is going pretty well, and yes, we are probably going to be nominated for some awards. The album did very well,” she responds, smiling.

“I also heard that the album is about your upbringing. I certainly hope you mentioned your Zanzibarian roots in some of the music,” a cousin named Kira asks.

This one is particularly bothersome and has always rubbed it in Lily Anne’s face that she is the better Indian girl, and the family is more proud of her than Lily.

“Yes, Kira. It is. I have a whole song in our mother tongue, and if you listened to my album, you’d know that,” Lily says, eyes flashing in anger.

Kira lifts her nose, sipping her tea. “I don’t listen to rock and roll. No offense to you, Lily, but a genre of music that glorifies crude behavior and encourages… questionable life choices are not what I want to expose myself or my children to.”

Lily Anne is about to respond but feels Kash squeeze her shoulder. She sips her tea instead, quieting down as the conversation continues.

“Lily, do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you chose a less risky profession?” Kira’s mother asks, looking at Lily with concern.

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you hadn’t married someone twice your age just to please your family?” Lily snaps back, sipping her tea.

One of her male cousins groans, rubbing his forehead. “Lily, we say this because we love you--”

“Bullshit!” Lily exclaims, putting down her cup. “The only ones in this family who truly love me are Kashmira, Jamal, and Jer.”

“Don’t curse in front of my children, Lily!” Kira exclaims, wrapping an arm around her little girl. “Don’t listen to her, my love. She’s just overreacting.”

Lily looks at the girl and puts down her teacup. “Darling, let me ask you a question.”

The little girl looks over and nods in approval. “What is it, Lily?”

“Answer me honestly, love. Do you want to grow up and be a housewife like your mother?”

The girl bites her lip before shaking her head. “No. I want to be a scientist, Lily.”

Lily nods. “Alright. If you get married, do you want to choose your husband or wife?”

The girl nods, and smiles. Her eyes light up. “Yes!”

“Alright! One more question, baby girl: do you want to express yourself with cool clothes and art?”

The girl bounces on the couch, grinning. “Yes! I want to have lots of overalls and sweaters and wear sparkly nail polish!”

Kira squeezes her daughter and the girl’s face falls. She leans back against the couch, quieting down. The tension is thick, and Kashmira clears her throat.

“There are some toys in the other room if you kids want to play with them. Go have fun, kids!” She says, watching as the children run off to play.

When the kids leave the room, one of Lily’s older cousins looks at her with a harsh glare. “That was ridiculous, Lily. You’re acting like a child.”

Lily scoffs, standing up. “At least I’m not acting like a wanker. Children are open-minded, and they love openly and have all these wonderful dreams, and wankers try to shut them down. So yes, I may be acting like a child, but children don’t reject people who need love and support just because of their sexuality or profession. Wankers, however, do just that.”

She moves to be in front of everyone, and spreads out her arms, gesturing to herself. “I am a person who despite all her flaws deserves support and love from a good family, and I have found a wonderful family in Roger and Brian, and my wonderful band members. So was Freddie. But because he wasn’t a perfect Indian boy, you left him out in the dust.”

“We care about tradition—“ Kira begins, glaring at her cousin.

“Fuck tradition!” Lily Anne exclaims with a barking laugh. “When has tradition ever been better than compassion and unconditional love? Jer, Bomi, and Kash bucked tradition, and they ended up being close with my Papa, who blessed them with his talents and generously provided for them if they needed it. All you greedy bastards expect me to help you out because I have money, and to do it because we’re related, but I am in no way obligated to help a group of wankers who have never done the same for me. So take your tradition and your judgment and shove it up your asses, because I won’t tolerate it anymore.” Lily Anne turns to Kash and Jamal, sighing. “I’m sorry. But I need to get away from these people before I give in to my desire to drink a gallon of bleach. I’m glad you thought of me, but I’m clearly not a valued member of this family.”

Kashmira nods, hugging her niece. “Thank you for giving it another go, at least.”

Lily smiles at her aunt. “I’ll meet up with you another time.”

Jamal hugs her and she grins, kissing his cheek. “Feel free to call me whenever, alright?”

Jamal nods, smiling. “Of course. I’ll let you know when I’m free to meet up.”

Lily nods, and as she leaves the room, she looks at the stunned Indians and hisses at them. “You make me proud to have the last name Mercury. I’d rather die than live as a Bulsara because of you all.”

The door slams behind her and she huffs, getting into her G-Wagon and letting out an anguished scream.

She wants a cigarette so fucking badly. She can’t take this anymore.

She then remembers that there’s a spare pack of Marlboros in her glove compartment and before the rational side of herself can act, she opens her glove compartment and takes out the pack and a lighter, fumbling with a cigarette and placing it between her lips.

As she lights it, she feels a wave of guilt and disappointment wash over her. She’s failed herself, and most of all, she’s failed Ben. She could throw up from guilt right now, but something about meeting with her family just put her over the edge.

She puffs on her cigarette and quickly inhales the entire thing before chucking the butt of the vile thing out the window and following that up with chucking out the whole box before speeding away.

She has to call Ben and face him, and she has to tell this to him to his face because she has fucked up so badly and he deserves nothing less than that. Parked in front of a random house in a suburb, she calls Ben with shaking hands, blinking back tears. He answers within five rings, and she’s faced with him on the phone screen, reclining on his couch with Frankie in his arms.

“Hi, Lil. How are you?” He asks, smiling. “I like the nose ring and the sari.”

She bites her lip, looking down and running a hand through her hair. “Th-Thanks. I wore it to a family event today.” Her voice cracks.

Ben frowns, and sits up, examining Lily Anne’s face. “I’m guessing that it didn’t go well?”

Lily Anne looks up, wiping her eyes. “Worse than it usually does.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Lily Anne sniffles, leaning back in the driver’s seat. “My nasty cousin Kira— she’s a real bitch, always has been-- and the rest of my extended family chose to openly judge me about my life choices and then claim that it’s only because they love me and are concerned for me, but that’s horseshit and I fucking know it.”

Ben nods, biting his lip. “So… I will admit that I don’t know much about your culture, but I can guess that it’s not very supportive of queer people, tattooed people, or entertainers.”

Lily Anne nods. “I got judged for all of the above. Throw in some more guilt tripping and you’ve got the whole picture of why I’m seen as a family disappointment.”

Ben sighs. “Jesus, Lily. I’m so sorry.”

Lily Anne begins to tear up, shaking her head. “I-I don’t know why I thought it would be different, but I just wanted to see if my family would finally accept me, but—“ she shakes her head, tears beginning to fall. “Nothing changed. It just got worse.”

Ben looks at her sympathetically and wants nothing more than to wrap her up in a hug and let her cry it out. “I’m so sorry, Lily. You deserve a better family than that, and you have so many people supporting you other than them. Their opinion doesn’t matter.”

Lily nods, her hands shaking. “I know. But something in me snapped, and-- and…” she begins sobbing. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I fucked up so badly. I broke my promise to you.”

Ben looks at Lily Anne through the screen with nothing but empathy in his eyes. She wipes tears from her own eyes, sniffling. “It’s alright, Lily. You’re only human.”

Lily wipes her eyes, shaking her head. “But I made a promise to you--”

“We both knew it was possible for one of us to break. Or for both of us to break. Addiction is hard, and sometimes we relapse. It’s alright, Lily. I’m not mad at you. I get why you did it.”

Lily Anne looks at Ben and sniffles, wiping her nose. “I just… I’m so upset. I cussed up a storm, caused a scene, relapsed, and to top it all off, I didn’t even get to eat everything I wanted to!”

Ben takes a hand through his hair and lets out a little laugh. “Today really hasn’t been your day, has it?”

Lily Anne laughs as well, wiping her eyes. “Yeah, it hasn’t.” She begins laughing after a moment, covering her mouth.

Ben smiles. “What’s so funny?”

Lily grins. “I’m so beyond sad and angry that I just have to laugh, and I can’t believe that I’m still so bloody upset about not having any food!”

Ben laughs as well, leaning back on his couch. “What food do you like?”

Lily smiles, wiping mascara from under her eyes. “There’s a place in London that I love called Indian Palace, and it has the best tikki masala, chicken korma, biryani, roti, and samosas that I can get without going to Kash’s house. At this point, they know my order by heart, and all I need to do is call and they know what to make.”

Ben nods, smiling. “I’ve never had most of those dishes before. I’d like to try them.”

Lily grins at him, snickering. “Most of it would be too spicy for your tastebuds, darling. Even mild would hurt you.”

Ben scoffs. “Listen, Mercury. I can handle some spice in my food.”

Lily shakes her head. “Not like Indian spices.”

They both take some time to compose themselves, and Lily Anne takes a deep breath.

“Do you feel better now?” Ben asks gently.

Lily nods, smiling. “Yes. Thank you for being so understanding and cheering me up, Ben. I appreciate it.”

Ben shrugs. “I know you’d do the same for me. If I can help you out in any way, I always will.”

Lily smiles, nodding. “The same goes for me. If you ever need anything, you know what number to call.”

Ben nods before frowning as Frankie barks. “Frankie, what’s going on? I’ll walk you in five minutes, girl.” He turns back to the camera apologetically. “I’m so sorry, Lily. Frankie is being impatient.”

Lily shrugs, smiling. “It’s alright. Go walk her and give her a treat for me. Thanks for talking with me, Ben.”

Ben smiles. “It’s no problem. I’ll see you soon, alright?”

Lily Anne nods and ends the call, sighing and leaning back in her car.

She listens to Leather and Lace on repeat until she gets home.

---

Ben walks into the little Indian restaurant the next day, and a hostess comes up to him, smiling.

“Welcome to Indian Palace! Are you waiting on anyone or would you like a table for one?” She asks, preparing to pick up a menu.

“Actually, I’d like to order something to go,” he says.

The hostess pulls out a notepad, smiling. “Of course! What would you like?”

He looks down at the notes on his phone. “I tried to remember everything she said she liked from here, but I can’t. She’s a regular customer here, though.”

The hostess nods. “What’s her name? I’m sure we know her usual order.”

“Lily Anne Mercury. She’s a friend of mine,” Ben says.

The hostess grins. “We love Lily! I know exactly what to get her, don’t you worry.” She begins writing down an order. “She’s the best, isn’t she?”

Ben nods. “She is. Also, she had a really bad day yesterday and didn’t get to eat any of her aunt’s Indian food, so if you could add what you feel she’d enjoy, I’d appreciate that greatly. I don’t care how much it is, as long as it makes her happy I’ll pay for it.”

The hostess nods and adds a few more items to the order. “Alright. Sit down and it should be ready in twenty minutes. It’s really nice that you’re doing this for her, and we’ll make her our top priority.”

Ben nods and sits in a booth, waiting for the food. The order is large and he doesn’t know what most of it is, but he doesn’t care. He trusts that the restaurant will take good care of Lily. All he has to do is be the deliverer of the food.

Twenty minutes later, the food is prepared and he carries the bags out to his car, driving off to pick up Frankie and go to Garden Lodge.

---

Lily Anne is penning the lyrics to a new song when her doorbell rings, and she gets up to look at the security footage. She sees a beagle and a tall blonde at the gate, and bags of what looks like take out. She opens the gate from inside, and opens her front door, leaning against the doorway in her sweats. She smiles as Frankie runs up to her and picks up the dog.

“What is all this, Ben?” She asks, scratching Frankie behind the ears.

Ben carries the bags inside the house with him and places them on the large kitchen island. “You said you wanted Indian food. I got you Indian food.”

Lily blinks, looking at the bags of food. “This is enough to feed a small village, Ben. What am I going to do with this much food?”

Ben smiles at her as she puts down Frankie. “I asked the hostess at Indian Palace what your usual order was, and told her that you had a bad day, so she should add whatever she felt would make you feel better. I don’t know what most of this stuff is, but it all smells great.”

Lily bites her lip, shaking her head. “All this must have cost you a small fortune, Ben! You didn’t have to do this for me.”

Ben shrugs. “I wanted to do it for you. Don’t worry about the money. It’s worth it if it makes you feel better.”

She smiles, and throws her arms around Ben, hugging him tightly. “I could cry right now I’m so happy.”

He hugs her back, grinning. “As long as you’re not crying from sadness I’m okay with tears.”

She looks up at him and grins, eyes bright. “You’re literally the best. You even brought Frankie to make me feel better.”

He shrugs again. “She always makes me feel better. I figured she would make you feel better too.”

After a moment Lily pulls away from the warm hug and begins to unpack the food. She squeals in delight when she takes out the tikki masala, jumping up and down. Reykja scratches at her pant leg and she looks down, shaking her head.

“We’ve discussed this before, darling. No spicy human food for you,” Lily says, looking down at the puppy.

Reykja whimpers and the woman sighs, ripping off a small piece of fresh roti and holding it down to the dog, who happily snatches it from her fingers.

“You’re a spoiled thing, aren’t you?” Lily looks up at Ben. “Can I give Frankie a small piece of roti? It won’t hurt her.”

Ben nods. “Sure thing. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Lily gives the beagle a piece of the bread and the dog takes it before running off to play with her friend. Lily watches as the two bolt to the corner of her living room filled with toys. The dogs get along so well, and it makes Lily happy to see the two fur babies playing together.

Ben looks over the large spread of food, and raises a brow when Lily laughs at the sight of an orange drink.

“What’s so funny?”

Lily smiles at the drink. “This is mango lassi. It’s like a mango smoothie, but less thick. People who can’t handle spice need it to soothe their tongues.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Very funny. I think I can handle eating some of this food without needing it.”

Lily raises her brows before snorting. “Sure thing, Ben. We’ll see what dish breaks you.”

---

“Holy shit. Lily, pass me the lassi,” Ben begs, his face flushed beet red. “My mouth is on fucking fire right now.” Lily laughs and passes Ben the drink. He got through at least five different kinds of chicken before he tapped out, which is actually pretty impressive. The curry can be quite spicy, and it certainly isn’t mild.

“You did pretty well for a white boy, Hardy. I expected the tikki masala to get you,” she comments, passing him the drink.

He drinks it desperately, and when he’s done panting, he wipes sweat from his forehead. 

“Fucking hell… that’s delicious, but holy shit-- dear God!” He takes another slurp as the spice comes back for a second round. “It fights back! What kind of food fights back?”

Lily Anne leans back, grinning. “Indian food. At least for more sensitive tastebuds. I’ve been eating this since I was a baby. I’m well-acquainted with spice.”

Ben leans back, catching his breath. “I see why you like this so much. It feels comforting when it’s not setting your mouth on fire.”

Lily laughs. “Yeah, it does. My Nanni Jer made the best curry, and this is pretty much exactly what it tasted like. Her’s was spicier, though.” Ben’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, causing Lily Anne to laugh. “You wouldn’t survive dinner at my Aunt Kash’s house, but it sure would be entertaining to see you try.”

Ben rolls his eyes, and looks over the different dishes that have been laid out over the coffee table. “I’m so glad you enjoy watching me suffer.”

Lily shrugs. “You gave a valiant effort, and that’s enough for me. I’m proud of you for trying everything. The rest of the food would definitely be too spicy for you, but I’ll be fed for a good long while.”

Ben gestures to the vast array of food. “Good. That’s less grocery shopping you have to do.”

Lily looks over the containers of takeout and shakes her head in disbelief. “I still can’t believe you did all this for me. What did I do to deserve this? I fucked up big time and this feels like a reward.”

Ben looks over at her seriously. “Progress isn’t strictly uphill. It can fluctuate. But it doesn’t matter how many times you relapse as long as you continue trying to quit. You need to be easier on yourself, Lil. Sometimes we need a little comfort in order to get back on our feet again.”

She looks at him tiredly and sighs. “I’m trying to be better to myself.”

Ben nods. “I know. But you’re struggling with that, and that’s why I’m here.” He reaches out and squeezes her hand.

She smiles, squeezing his hand back and closing her eyes. “Thank you, Ben.”

They fall into a comfortable silence, and both contemplate just how far they would go for one another to be happy.

TAGLIST: @andtheytoldustotellyouhello @plethora-of-things @borhap-socials @everybodyplaythegame @i-the-fangirl @deakydeakydeaky @shisterfackisback @samanthadegaro @lv7867 @fatbottomedcurls @redspecialty @haisimsim @peterparkeroos @teenwolflover28 @ixchel-9275 @alessandra-elle @onexlittlespark @queenficarchive @leah-halliwell92 @rrrogah-tayluhh @maddistudiess @queen-fam @evrsncnewyork @reddiefreddieee 

[fireandbloodtargaryenn]

End Of Our Time Part 7.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warning: Slight Angst.

Summary: Reader and Bucky are going through one of their roughest patches ever, which ultimately leads to the words you never wanted to hear.

The days and weeks after the worst day of the reader’s life and starts to begin her life without her husband as she moves on as best as they can and moves onto to Bucky’s best friend Steve Rogers.

A/N: I hope that everyone has enjoyed this series and i’m also grateful for the positive feedback from the first five! And I hope you guy have been liking the series so far as put alot of work into it. I apologise for spelling and grammar errors as always.

Still taking requests too! Im open to anything including one shots and series too.

Master List | Prompt List | Catch up here. | REQUESTS ARE OPEN SO SEND ME YOUR REQUESTS. |

Tags List:

lovely-geek @rebelfleur22​

The next morning and as you stretched yourself as you gotten yourself out of bed and happy gotten out and made your bed as you were in another good mood for once in recent months.

On your way out you picked up your signed divorce papers in a heavily sealed envelope and made your way towards the foyer and put it in the secure chute to be mailed off to the right people

As you made your way back to the kitchen area’s you saw Bucky out of the corner of your eyes, as usual you’d ignore him, the usual pang of hurt and pain was there from where and he hurt you just over two months ago now.

Moving on from was now the easiest part now that you and Steve were sort of a thing now and now being with Steve was starting to get alot better and now starting to be happier was going to be a very good thing with moving on.

“Y/N...” said Bucky as he stopped suddenly when he saw you.

You stopped and turned around slightly with a cold expression on your face already half way down the hallways “I’m really not in the mood for you today for James.”

“Please Y/N...Just hear me out” Bucky starts plea with you as he started to walk towards you. 

“Not today James.” as you turned and then continued to walk away from James again for the second time and had no intentions of going back.

“Sharon left me, please, just give me a chance.” as he tried to catch up with you.

You then turned and walked towards Bucky slowly “...what?” you said slightly irritated. 

“No...I gave you change after chance to come back to me! You chose Sharon over me and look how that turned around. I’ve filled those papers and sent them off. The damage is done, the damage YOU caused which is now irrversible! You brought this upon yourself!” you raised your voice slowly.

Then you walked off to the kitchen to eat some breakfast before you went off to do some training for your next mission. Some of the team, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Sam, Clint and Thor were scattered between the joint lounge room and kitchen.

Nobody took much notice your presence while you were making your breakfast then Steve walked over towards you, he knew that something was wrong or something happened before getting here

“Mornin’ beautiful, who do I have hurt to get that look off your face.” said Steve as he rubbed your back gently.

“It’s Buck...Sharon broke up with him and wants me to give him a second chance and well...I turned him down...now that im kinda with you.” you sighed through your teeth.

“Geez Y/N...I’ll have to try and talk to him again, I have an important question when you get back from training ok?” as he kissed the top of your head and walked off try and to talk to Bucky.

Walking over to the island counter top and sitting on stool and pulling your stool in as you watched Steve walk away from you, Natasha and Wanda walked over and sat either side of you.

They asked about how your date went and you explained the whole story to them and after talking and explaining the whole story, then you explained what happened with Bucky this morning and eating your breakfast in between.

The three of you all getting up and getting ready to go train and Wanda wanted to tag along as well since she apparently had nothing else better to do since Vision was busy helping Tony.

After eating breakfast, mingling with the team and finished your training session as well, it lifted your spirits and made you feel alot better, Bucky and you were never in the same room together since splitting two months ago and has since distance himself from the rest of the Team.

Your next mission was coming up in the next few days and you’ve been spending most of your time with Natasha preparing for this mission and being your first mission since your separation.

Coming out of the training room and telling Wanda and Natasha you needed to get cleaned up and take a long shower, you say your goodbye’s and told them that you’d see them later this afternoon to catch up over mission details.

After your shower, you walked out of your room and find the hallway empty which was strange, usually there is one or two people walking up or down or other foot traffic, something felt different.

As you walked out, you accidentally walked into Steve “Y/N! Oh i’m so sorry! I needed to catch up with you, want to go out to the balcony, the one that has the main view of the city?” asked Steve

“Sure Steve” you replied.

Once getting onto the balcony, you noticed the beautiful views of the city below you, seeing all of the teeny tiny people and tiny Matchbox cars on the ground below, it was a fascinating sight as you and Steve walked to the edge

Then you and Steve both looked at each other and quickly broke the gaze as you wanted to look over and take in the current surroundings and how gorgeous the weather was also.

“Y/N...I've wanted to ask you a really important question” said Steve, who was slightly nervous.

“Yeah?” you answered.

“Since last night, I wanted to ask you when we were out for dinner, but didnt know how to word this, then I couldn't find the right words at your door last night, now I need to ask you here. I know we have gotten extremely close lately and we’ve known each other for years and I don’t just ‘like’ you. I love you Y/N, will you go out with me?” Steve asked.

“Of course I will Steve!! I love you too so much!” you squealed as you flung yourself onto him and Steve hugged you back.

This was one of the most happiest and exciting times, you were so happy and exciting to finally start a new chapter and with a new boyfriend.

[jackandmarksavedme88]

Anything But Average

TW: Alludes to some violence. @weirdmixofweirdness i had a brain and thought: why not pull up desktop mode ONTHEFREAKINPHONE. DUH 😂🙈

Formatting sucks but. Yeah.

@ashphoenix06 @nekob00

**************************************

Chase sat at the bar, his second glass of whiskey in his hand. He didnt want to go home, JJ and Jackie would want him to talk. And he just didnt feel like talking now. Itd been so long since she left it seemed...but seeing her today, across the street, holding hands with some guy theyd gone to school with, it seemed she was his just yesterday.

"Oh suck it up. She didn't want you. Youre here drowning your sorrows, and shes onto the next dick..deal with it" he thought to himself, draining the glass and waving for another.

"Ya know. Thats the cheap crap. You really wanna get blasted theres better stuff.." The bartender said "Yeah well. Im just drinking. Not getting crazy."

His phone buzzed and he looked down, laughing to himself at the meme Jack had sent him. Then a text came through from Alison She was Jacks friend that had become close with the Septic guys over the last few years. Based in Texas in the US they didnt see her in person much, but Chase and her communicated almost daily

A:Heyyyy. Whats up?

C: *picture he took of Stacey and her boy toy* Thats a guy we went to school with 😑. They were 'friends'

A: Dude. Thats a downgrade. Although she was never good enough for you anyway. Only good thing was the kiddos

C:yeah. It still hurts like hell though.... I need to run away. Get out of here. Theyre going to her moms for a month or so for school holidays and i dont want to be here.

A:well. You could always come here? My Dad and step mom are leaving so i have my cabin on the ranch plus the main house to myself for like a month. You should come!

Chase sat and pondered this. Him go to Texas? With horses and a lake and a bunch of land to explore with fourwheelers....that sounded like heaven

C: Are you for real? Because i could seriously use that lol

The phone rang with Alisons ringtone "Hello?"

Alison: Hell yes im serious! Itd help me out because i don't really want to be by myself out here that long. And you sound like you could use it. Seriously. Fly in, ill come get you and we can tear some shit up

Chase laughed 'alright. Be careful what you ask for Allycat"

Her laugh echoed across the line "Ohhh im shaking Mr Brody. Figure out a flight and let me know!"

Chase told her ok and hung up with her, immediately finding a flight that left in a couple of days "I am outta here" he said

************* 'Wait. So youre going for a month??' Jackie said in shock , 'Just like that??' He was standing in the bedroom door watching Chase pack. He had to be at the airport in about 2 hours

"Yeah. I need to get outta my head and Ali offered. So Im going. I think it'll do me some good. She has a computer and Stacey said i could skype the kids, they wont be in town anyway... I just need this Jackie" The hero stared at him knowingly and then nodded 'ok. Just be careful.... Hey..She ever say anything to you about her going MIA a while back?'. Chase shook his head. Thats one thing he hoped to get out of her. Even Jack had tried to get her to tell him where she'd been, but no dice. 'Hm. Ok. Well, let us know when you get there man...'

Chase zipped his suitcase and grab his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. 'I will bro. Thanks for understanding' he hugged his brother hard and then grabbed the suitcase and left.

******* Chase sat in the passenger seat of the truck, still speechless at Alison's appearance. He was expecting the Alison hed seen two years ago; but shed been training and gained muscle and holy hell. She was dressed in cutoff red shorts and a sleeveless black shirt. When she ran up to him at the airport hed almost stepped on his own bottom jaw. Her auburn hair gleamed in the sun as she talked about everything she had planned for this weekend

"Uh...chase..you ok? Awful quiet there bud" she looked over at him. Chase shook his head to clear his brain 'yeah. Yeah im good.... Hey. You look incredible!"

Alisons face flushed 'aw. Thanks' she laughed. "So. Here we are" she pulled the truck up to a gate and punched in a code. As she drove onto the ranch Chase stared out the window.

'Holy hell Alison. This is gorgeous.' They drove for another fifteen minutes, passed the huge main house and pulled up to a log cabin.

'Alright. Let's go in.' She grinned and stepped out of the truck. Chase smiled and followed her. She walked up the steps and unlocked the door. As Chase walked in he laughed. A Sam pillow and Pink Mustache pillow decorated the couch on either end.

'Really Alison?' He said, picking up Septiceye Sam "Hey! Yes really!' She said laughing. 'Just because im friends with them doesnt mean im not going to buy their shit!' He shook his head, all awkwardness gone.

There was the Alison he knew, a goofball with an affinity for Markiplier and Jacksepticeye.

She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling some steaks out. 'You hungry?' Chase nodded. 'Hell yes, ive been needin some of your cooking!' He said, his smile lighting his face. 'You know. Im gonna have to teach you how to cook Mr Brody.' She grinned at him. And he looked at her wide eyed "um..alison. You sure you wanna do that?' "Um. Yes" she said. Grinning at him. 'First lesson..music!' She pulled up an app on her phone and music began drifting through the room. Chase shook his head. Yep. Still Alison

****** Chase watched as Alison danced in place as she cut up some vegtables and potatoes. She was barefoot, singing along to the beginning notes of 'Small Town Boy' by Dustin Lynch, he smiled as he stood up from the barstool he was sitting on... Vegatables could wait He walked up behind her and took the knife from her hand, she turned to him 'what are you-?' Chase grabbed her hand and pulled her to the open kitchen floor and started dancing with her. She threw her head back and laughed as they swayed and Chase sang along

* I'm a dirt road in the headlights I'm a mama's boy, I'm a fist fight Kinda county line, kinda cold beer Little hat down, little John Deere I kinda give a damn I kinda don't care You see that girl standing right there She loves a small town boy like me She's my ride or die baby She's my cool, she's my crazy She's my laid back in the front seat She's my with me to the end girl My turn-it-up-to ten girl....* Alison laughed and sang with him. She was in trouble if her stomach and heart were going to continue playing Zoo escape with him here. Shed been friends with the guys a while. But this was out of left field. She hadnt expected her heart to try to beat its way out when she saw him standing there at the airport. His green hair had been replaced by a natural brown and his eyes shone as blue as ever. When he saw her and smiled as she started to run toward him for a hug, shed almost fallen over. This would be a very interesting visit.

*********** They were sitting on the back porch after dinner. Chase was watching Alison animatedly talk about training with some of the guys in her Dad's work, laughing when she knocked over her water glass when her hands flew into it 'Oh shit!' Alison cried out. Then she just started laughing and Chase couldnt help but laugh along with her as he went inside the sliding glass door to the kitchen and grabbed a towel and handed it to her. She mopped up the mess and then sat back down, still giggling.

'Well. Still gracefull as ever i see Miss Calaway' Chase said teasingly She stuck her tongue out laughing 'oh fuck off Mr Brody' They laughed and then sat in silence, watching the lake.

'So.' Alison said quietly 'how are you...really?'

Chase smiled at her 'you know.... Earlier this week i was in hell. Seeing her with him opened old wounds...but being here now i feel a little better. Like i can breathe. It hurts still. But i can breathe' Alison nodded and reached over and squeezed his hand 'im really glad you came. I needed some company...'

She dropped her hands to her lap and stared out at the water. The energy around them shifted and Chase could sense something hed been feeling all evening. Something was weighing heavy on her. 'Alison....whats going on? You never told me what happened that two week span you quit replying to anyone..and ive left it alone this long but.. i can tell now sitting here it wasnt a case of being too busy with fun stuff to look at your phone' Alison looked down, a mixture of sadness and guilt shadowing her face. He was talking about last year. Even Jack had tried to get out of her where shed been...but she hadnt told a soul. Only her family knew. Tears welled in her eyes... that had been during a bad time for Chase...she remembered the pain in the drunk texts from him that shed read when she got the phone back...

She stood and walked over to the railing. Trying not to cry and failing 'Hey...alison im sorry. I didnt mean to-..' Chase stood and walked up beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. She turned to face him and burying her face in his chest, silent tears rolling down her face for a moment. Then she took a deep breath, stepped back and wiped her face 'Sorry...its just... I never apologized for not being there for you. I read those texts a million times after the fact and... Im so sorry Chase'

Chase stared at her shocked 'thats whats upsetting you? Alison, i send angsty texts to my brothers every time im freakin drunk' he laughed. "You dont need to apologize. It was a bad point but nothing for you to feel guilty for being absent for... But i would like to know where you were. We all know when you reappeared you were different." Alison stared into his eyes, hed had never noticed how green they were. She was searching...but for what? 'Chase.... Not even Jack knows what happened...' She took a deep breath '....i was in the hospital.' Chases mouth dropped open in shock 'What?! Why???'

She stared at her feet and was quiet for a minute. 'Do you remember Chris?' She asked. Chase grimaced at the name, he remembered Chris. He also remembered the broken nose and black eye he gave him a couple years back when he saw him shove Alison to the ground "Yeah. Your boyfriend that no one liked?' She nodded 'yeah. That one.... God i shouldve listened to yall. ' Chase put his hand under her chin and lifted her gaze to his and spoke softly 'what did he do ali?' She swallowed hard. 'Short version? Got mad that i wanted to leave the country to come see yall.... Tied me up and used me as a punching bag for 3 days....'

Chases eyes widened in horror 'what the fuck....howd you get away???' She snorted 'my Dad came to find me.... Imagine for yourself how pretty that was' Chase knew it hadnt been.

Her father was famous for being called The Undertaker. Almost seven feet tall and 300lbs...and Alison was his little girl. His first daughter. His pride... Oh lord that couldnt have been good....

'So' she continued 'i was in the hospital for a good while... Actually the first time i texted you i was still there for another week.... ' Chase pulled her into a hug 'Ali im so so sorry..my God if i had known...' Alison laughed 'if you had known you wouldve been deported and arrested for murder...no i didnt want anyone knowing. Im the one who stayed when yall told me to leave. I'm the idiot.' Chase leaned back, arms still around her. 'No! Its not your fault. I dont care what we told you to do. You want to see the good in people. You want to believe everyone is good and thats an amazing trait. You should never think thats stupid' She smiled and leaned into his chest savoring the warmth and safety.

Later, after they had said goodnight and gone to their rooms, Chase lay there awake. He could still feel her head on his shoulder, feel the warmth from her, and his heart skipped. "What the hell is going on ??' He hadnt felt that since high school...that first skip of the heart when you find someone.... 'Oh grow up Brody. Shes your best friend and doesnt need your damaged ass complicating her life..' Little did he know she was in the room at the opposite end of the hall thinking along the same lines...

****** A week had gone by, they danced around the flirtation and the obvious tension that lay under their banter. The day before it had rained, creating mud puddles everywhere. Now it was sunny and muggy out. Alison excitedly threw a pair of 4-wheeler keys to Chase and grinned as she pulled her ponytail through the back of the hat she was wearing. Chase watched as she bounded down the front steps and followed suit. They were both in jeans. The day before Chase had bought a cheap pair of boots he could get muddy. They were heavy but at least it wasnt his sneakers. They headed down the path between Alison's and the main house. Chase studied her as they walked. He hadnt been as brave since the first night. He wanted to say something....anything. But he wasnt sure where to start. 'You good ?' Alison stopped walking and looked at him, his face flushed slightly "Yeah, im good. Ready to tear up the mud' Alison laughed 'well the shed is right over here. I keep mine here since its closer to my place' They rounded the bend in the path and came upon the metal shed. She unlocked the door and walked in, pulling the tarp off the two four-wheelers. She threw a michevious grin at Chase as she climbed on hers "You ready to get dirty?' She laughed Chase grinned 'Hell yeah!' He climbed on his and they roared to life, Alison shot out of the building and took off, he threw his head back laughing and started after her

****** After about an hour or two of flying through mud and water puddles, they were sitting on the edge of the lake on a blanket Alison had laid out under the big umbrella. Chase had his shirt off as it was wet and muddy. He looked over at her and couldnt help but laugh. She had mud streaked down her arms and some on her nose.. The only part that wasnt spotted was her legs. Shed taken off the jeans and was in her swim shorts that had been under them.

'What?!' She said

'Youre a little...uh...dirty there girl' She laughed 'you should see yourself, your floofy hairdo aint cuttin it kid' she said as she reached over and messed up his hair, dirt falling out 'Hey!' Chase cried and grabbed her hand as he chuckled 'you leave my hair alone. Youre just jealous' Alison laughed and rolled her eyes. 'Yeah. Ok' They sat next to each other in silence, her knees pulled up and arms wrapped around them. She leaned against his side and looked like she was ready to fall asleep on his shoulder. Chase scooted over to the far side of the blanket and laid back, then pulled her down so her head rested on his chest and an arm was around her. His pulse raced and she easily fit in his arm and curled against him.

She sighed contentedly 'hey Chase... Anytime i need to lay with someone im gonna find you. Because youre really comfortable' she said giggling. He laughed 'ok. But youll have to come across the pond a lot' 'Hmm' she said thoughtfully 'ok. Im good with that. Ill come over there for some Brody cuddles' He squeezed her and smiled. 'Hey....Ali?'

'Yeah?' She shifted her head so she could look up at him. Her heart raced as she caught his eyes. Shed been having trouble concentrating on anything since he took his shirt off and this wasnt any easier.

'What are we avoiding here?' He asked... He hadnt meant to be so blunt but it just kind of came out that way. 'I mean. We're good and normal and then other times its so freaking awkward..i dont get it' 'I-.' Alison didnt really have an answer for that. She knew what she thought she was avoiding. But she wasnt 100% sure. 'I dont know.. I mean... I think its obvious theres something to talk about. But neither of us wants to say it'

Chase stared into her green eyes intently 'Well if you want to say what i want to say, then fuck this silence. Tell me'

Alison sat up and looked the other way and he followed. 'Its not just that easy for me Chase.... I dont know what you want...i dont know what im supposed to do..i dont know wh-'.. '

He grabbed her chin and turned her face towards his 'what i want is for you to shut up and kiss me...what youre supposed to do is stop rambling and let me show you'

With that he pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her. Slowly at first and then harder. She sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back. They pulled away breathless and stared at each other.

'Now alison' he said, his voice husky "Whyd you wait so long to do that?' He grinned and pulled her to him again and kissing her deeper, laying back, her laying halfway across his chest. After a moment she pulled away and laid her head down on him and laughed 'Holy crap' He laughed out loud, 'yeah... Thats one way of putting it' He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her in his arm, they both drifted off..

****** It was a month and a half later. Chase stood by the front door. Nervous. He didnt want to leave. They hadnt been what youd call official..neither of them labled it . Sure they had held hands, slow danced with each other, kissed and gotten close..but it wasnt like *that* was it?... And now he was going home. He wasnt supposed to feel this way. His heart wasnt supposed to ache like this....

Alison stood in her room making sure she had her keys and phone...stalling. "What the hell...why is this so damn hard. Hes my best friend....a great kisser...but my best friend! Its not supposed to be like this' she thought to herself. Walking out she caught his eyes and saw her sadness reflected there

'Are you ready to go?' She inquired, trying to sound happy

"....you want the truth or the answer thatll make you feel better?' He chuckled.

'Chase...' She stood by him and grabbed his hand... 'I know, i know. We live a million miles from each other... I just didnt think it would-' 'Hurt this much?' She said, staring up at him He sighed and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in and kissing the top of her head. 'Yeah' She opened the door and they walked out to the truck.

******** 'Seriously. Come out sometime, the boys and me will show you a good time' Chase said Alison smiled at him ' Definitely...ill miss you. Thank you for coming. I had a blast'

Chase smiled and her 'And stop standing so far away.' He grabbed her hand and pulled her close 'its harder to kiss you goodbye from over there....if thats okay.... Just one last time?' She smiled and nodded as a blush crept to her cheeks he leaned down and kissed her, both of them holding on longer than they intended. 'Alison...dont be a stranger' he said. Hugging her one last time and picking up his bags. 'I..i wont Chase. Tell everyone i said hi'

She waved goodbye and watched him walk toward his gate, then turned and headed for her truck. When she got inside she let go of her control and cried. The tears didnt stop until she was back to her place. She walked into the room Chase had been staying in and found one of his worn shirts folded on the bed with a note and a small bottle of cologne. She smiled and cried a little reading it

'I know its not the same as falling asleep on me. But this is the cologne i use, you can wear the shirt or use it as a pillow case... Ill miss you' She laid down on the bed and could still smell him as she drifted to sleep

******** 'Dude. You were supposed to go over there to get happier. Now youre just more mopey. What the hell happened?' Jackie asked Chase

They were in the living room, Chase sprawled on the couch. It had been almost two weeks since he came home 'Jackie. Just leave it alone man. Ok? I dont want to talk about it'

'Chase, you need to talk about it. I havent seen you like this ever. When Stacy left you cried and drank and talked about it... You dont even drink anymore. You just sit and watch tv or sleep' Jackie said, worry coating his words.

Chase sat up 'look man. Im an idiot and i caught feelings at the wrong time and the wrong place. Ok? And it hurts because i cant be where i need to be and where i want to be at the same time! I dont drink because then i dream about her and....'

His words drifted off Jackie came to sit by him and put an arm over his shoulder ' you always dream about Stacy though. I thought the sleeping pills helped with that'

Chase put his head in his hands 'Bro. This isnt about Stacy. I never thought id say this but i think this hurts worse'

Jackie was shocked. He couldnt believe what had just come out of his brothers mouth 'Then...who? And what did they do that was so bad???'

Chase shook his head 'thats just it. Nothing bad. It was all amazing... But.. Damnit man. I just wish it wasnt so fucking far, you know?' Jackie thought for a minute and his eyes widened and mouth dropped as he caught on

'Holy shit you mean Alison???' Chase's head shot up 'Jackie if you tell anyone so help me ill strangle you' Jackie put his hands up 'No no. I wont..but..what happened?' Chase laughed 'nothing like that... We just kissed and cuddled a lot and... I really think i fell for her man and i dont know how to process it... I feel like I'm losing my mind.' Then he opened up and told Jackie everything about the trip. His brother just sat and listened.

*************** Two weeks later...

'Alison!' Jack ran over to her, shed begged him to pick her up at the airport but hadnt wanted anyone to know. Hed been happy to oblige. Confused. But happy

'Jack!' She ran over to him and hugged him hard. Shed missed this goofball

'Ok so are you going to tell me whats going on?' Jack said as they grabbed her bags and walked outside to where the Uber was waiting for them

' um.... Its a little hard to explain. But.. I just had to come ok? Im actually meeting my Dad tomorrow. Theyre here because of a movie shoot. We are all staying a month or so.'

Jack shook his head 'i know when youre lying. Theres something youre not tellin me Ali' She looked at him. Knowing hed either laugh or help her... Well only one way to find out

'Jack....when Chase stayed with me for that month... We..I.... I fell for him ok? And i think he feels the same way. And this last month has been hell because i cant stop thinking about him. I know it sounds crazy but i had to come see him, and yall. ' it came out in a rush.

Jacks mouth dropped open in shock. 'You mean...youre the reason Chase has been so mopey? Thank God i thought he was on about Stacy again' and he laughed 'So. Wanna suprise him?' His smile conspiratorial Alison grinned. She shouldve known she could count on him.

*********** 'Well why do i need to go Jack? Why dont you?' Chase whined into the phone 'i dont feel like talking to anyone about filming man. I dont have it in me' 'Chase. Youre going. Trust me. Just meet the agent at the park. Theyll be by the river. Itll be a good opportunity for you man' Jack said on the other end of the line, trying to keep from laughing. 'And what about the others? Jackie and everyone left the house today. They said they were staying with you tonight because you were filming some stuff. Why cant i help?' Chase questioned 'Look Chase. I need you to do this for me. Ok? Please bro?' Chase rolled his eyes 'fine. But this better be a good meeting' Jack hung up the phone and laughed 'oh trust me Brody. Youll love it' he said to himself. Shooting alison a text. 'Now we wait'

At the house Chase threw the phone. He wanted to be mad but he knew Jack was just worried. Hed been holed up in his room since he came back, hadnt touched his skateboard in a month, hadnt even looked at his PS4.. All he could do was go through the photos from his trip. Hed talked to Alison on facetime and she seemed to be happy, was training and riding horses. She had sent him phtos of her and her Dad and little sisters... He felt like he was lying to her. He said he was okay, just more tired...but the reality was he wanted to beg her to come to him. He wanted to tell her he thought he loved her-- but he just kept a smile on his face because as long as she was happy, thats all that mattered

****** Later that night Alison sat on the bench. Nervously playing with the hem of her dress she had bought that morning. He should be here any minute.... What if he was mad...what if he didn't want her here? What if.... She recieved a text from Jack

J:Hes there.

Her heart pounded. Now what? She sat and waited...hearing footsteps

* Chase could see someone on the bench by the water and headed that way. As he walked his eyes focused on the figure. Their hair was an auburn color... That thought made his heart ache as he remembered brushing Alisons from her face... He got close enough to the bench and the figure stood and turned toward him. His heart jumped and he almost fell down 'Al-alison?' He whispered. Not believing what he was seeing. 'Chase..' She said softly. Her face broke into a smile as tears filled her eyes. She ran to him and he embraced her. He finally let go and looked down at her grabbing her face with both hands "ali what the hell are you doing here?!' Tears rolled from her eyes 'Chase....i couldnt stay away anymore. Im sorry...i know i shouldve told you but i didnt know if you wanted me here and-' her words were cut off as he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. When they pulled back he looked at her for a long minute and then spoke as he wiped her tears 'Dont ever apologize for making me this happy...ever. Of course i want you here. Its been hell just talking to you on FaceTime and not being able to say what im thinking. My God Alison i missed you more than i thought possible' She smiled and kissed his cheek and hugged him again. Savoring the feel of his arms around her

'Cmon. Lets go talk' he said pulling out his phone to call a ride 'I got it' she said grinning 'My dad loaned me a driver for my trip' she called someone and said whered they be. As they walked to the road Chase saw a black limo waiting and laughed 'Well. That beats an Uber'

As they rode he just stared at her. She was looking out the window. His heart beat faster. She came....she missed him so much that she came all the way here. He smiled to himself and then shot Jack a text

C:'Youre an ass for letting me walk into that unwarned....but thank you man'

J:no thanks needed. I did it for both of you. You both deserve smiles on your faces man. Now put the phone down... Also Jackie said to tell you 'stay in your own room' 😂

Chase laughed out loud and covered his face. He was going to have to smack him Alison looked over 'whats so funny?' She reached for the phone and snatched it before Chase could stop her 'alison i wouldn-' he warned laughing 'Oh my god.... Im gonna have to smack him when i see him' she said laughing as her face turned red. They both giggled and Chase grabbed the phone and turned it off after sending 'tell him i said ..' Followed by a couple of middle finger emojis

***** They walked into the house and Chase locked the front door before grabbing Alisons hand and kissing her again. He couldnt believe she was here. Alison leaned into him and kissed him back and then said smiling 'i cant believe im standing here' Chase laughed 'i cant either! I mean...why would you come all this way??' Alison locked eyes with him. 'Because... I never knew i could miss someone so much Chase. Honestly it was driving me nuts. I got tired of having the pictures from your trip and FaceTime with fake 'hey buddy' bullshit..... But i wanted to say it to your face.

Chase nodded. He knew exactly what she meant.

** Alison had been there a week and couldnt get over the fact that she was with him. Chase was sprawled out on the other side of the king sized bed and snoring. They had both decided to stay in the hotel room she had reserved for her time here. Chase wasnt used to such a huge bed and Alison laughed thinking back to his face when he first laid on it. She laid her book down and reached over, brushing his hair back and smiling. He stirred and blinked at her sleepily "Ali-- you ok babe?" Her heart jumped at that name. She felt a blush spreading as he sat up and his bare chest became visable. "Yeah- yeah. Was just admiring how cute you were when you sleep" He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair "what. Are you saying im not cute when im awake? " "Well....when youre asleep youre much quieter" she said laughing. His mouth opened in fake offense and then he grinned mischeviously "Oh. Okay.." He rolled over and caught her and tickled her and she laughed and squealed. 'Chase! Chase! Okay i give i give!!" He stopped and looked down at her as he laid across her and laughed 'youre pretty cute yourself Alleycat " he kissed the tip of her nose and she craned her mouth up. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her and she wrapped her arms around him. He still wasnt used to the sparks that went through his brain with her. That first night hed stayed with her they... Caught up.. quickly. He was still addicted to the taste and feel of her even after as many times hed experienced her. "Ali-" he whispered as he placed his forehead to hers "Yeah Chase?" "I...i think... This is gonna sounds insane' he laughed She pushed him up so she could look in his eyes "Baby...what?" Chase stared into her green eyes. Never having been more sure of what he was about to say...knowing if he didnt hed never sleep "Alison..... I love you...and i know thats crazy. I never thought id ever say that to anyone with this feeling behind it after her....but honestly if she walked up to me right now and asked me to come home...id say no. Youve made me feel whole. You make me the man i want to be. Even my kids when i saw them yesterday asked why i was so happy... ' He stopped and grinned sheepishly "i kinda talked about you a little...they want to meet you. I told them maybe in a couple of weeks..but thats up to you..Stacy was cool with it if you are..' She stared at him, not knowing what to say. A smile broke across her face and her eyes misted over "Chase...id love to meet them..." She pulled him to her and kissed him before saying quietly 'and Mr Brody...you should know. I love you too.." *****

[isabella22305-blog]

Bucky ~ Russian Part 1

Skye sat there, crying and sobbing. She did not like her new... body adjustment. It made her feel different, and dangerous. It gave her strength that she couldn't posess correctly. She didnt want to go out with this, as people stared at her. She felt like a monster. And that was all because of her arm... Her new metal one.

About two weeks ago, she was on a mission with Cap, Wanda, Sam and Natasha. And of course she got flung and a huge truck got dropped on her and basically smooshed her right arm. All she can remember is seeing a huge truck being flung towards her, and Cap carrying her and running, calling out to people. All she could hear was a ringing noise when she looked up and Cap looked terrified while carrying her.

A day after, she woke up and thought that everything had been alright. Until they told her and showed her what happened and what they had to do in order for her to survive and still have an arm. She didnt notice before because she was in long sleeve, and she could move it perfectly fine. It didnt feel any different, except she couldn't feel what she touched.

She remembered the same day Bucky visited her and cheered her up a bit. She got an arm like Buckys , but Stark said that he would make a new one for her that's as high tech as Bucks.

But to her, everything was different.So a week later, she got her new arm. She had to be careful, considering her arm was metal. But she also couldnt take it. The way she felt about it and the way it made her feel made her feel horrible. She was ashamed of herself for not being more alert on the mission.

She looked in the mirror in front of her bed that she was currently sitting on, looking at her metal arm. She was currently in a black tank top, so that she can see where the metal meets the skin. It almost made her sick.

She sobbed, as she stared into her own eyes through the mirror. Her long, curly brown hair framed her face, almost covering the sides of her cheeks, catching her tears.

She then felt her phone buzz next to her. She picked it up, and looked at the notification. Message from Bucky

She tapped on it, entered her password, and sniffed.

B: Want to hang out? Steve and the rest are out on a mission and I'm bored.

She instantly started typing. She did not want him seeing her like this, nor did she feel up to doing so. Even if she did stop crying and got back to normal in the matter of five minutes, her arm was going to be on her mind the whole day.

I can't today Buck :( I dont feel good right now.

She replied back and chewed her bottom lip. Knowing him, he's going to show up anyways. But she was hoping he wouldn't.

B: why? Are you ok? Are you sick?

She sighed out, not wanting to explain.

Im not sick, don't worry. I'm just sad.

She waited a while before pressing send. Great, now she was telling Bucky her problems.

She huffed out a breath, and wiped her tears with her hand. She was going to try to stop crying. She had to. Plus, it's just an arm, she told herself .

But she looked in the mirror again, and she couldn't hold back. She felt her tears drop onto her legs, as she brought her knees up to her chin and hugged her legs. She shouldn't be this sad.

"Oh skye." She heard a voice say, and she looked up. Bucky walked towards her, sat down on her bed, and hugged her close, as she hugged him back, crying into the crevice of his neck.

She felt his metal hand rub her back, comforting her. "What's wrong? Shh, it's ok." He said, as she sighed, her hot breath giving him a shudder.

"I hate it. Bucky, I hate my arm. My right one, the metal one. It makes me feel bad that I lost an arm on the most simplest mission." She said, sniffing, holding back tears so it seems like she isn't going to cry anymore. But to Bucky, she looked like she was going to burst.

"Skye, your arm..." She stopped hugging him, since he leaned back. But then, he picked her arm up, and held it in his. "Is beautiful. And that mission was not simple. At all. They weren't even going to send you, but you wanted to. You tried harder. And thats the best part. This shows who you are, Skye. You are strong, willing, beautiful...." He held her hand up to his lips, and kissed it while looking into her eyes, making her breathe heavy.

"And plus, we are the special ones. We have metal fucking arms. It's like we have our own group or something." He said and chuckled, making her giggle out one. She didnt even notice the tears going down her cheeks. He stared into her eyes. Her beautiful brown orbs made him go in a trance.

"Ты красива." He said. She then snapped out of their eye contact thing, and she felt a wave of satisfaction. She did not know what he had said, but she loved the way it rolled off his tongue. She knew it was russian, since she heard Natasha swear and argue with it.

He smiled at her, the expression on her face looked confused but touched.

"What did you say?" She asked, wanting to hear him say it again. She wanted to see confused, but she was intrigued.

"Ты красива. I said you're beautiful. " he said, and bit his bottom lip. She rubbed her thighs together. I can't believe Bucky speaking Russian is turns me on, she though to herself.

She chuckled nervously, and smiled at him. He could obviously tell something was up. And he had a thought about what it might be.

"Мне нравится, как ты улыбаешься мне, как ты кусаешь губу. Я люблю, когда ты дрожишь, и то, как ты нервничаешь вокруг меня." He spoke, getting closer to her, as she backed up towards the head board. She gulped, her southern region throbbing.

He spoke until her back met with the headboard, and he straddled her, as he stood on his knees on either side of her legs. He towered over her slightly, as she bit her bottom lip. She forgot all about her arm from how wet she was.

"Tell me, Skye.." he said, putting his two fingers underneath her chin, lifting her head up slightly so she can look into his eyes. "Am I making you nervous, Skye?" He said in a quiet, deep voice.

Her breath hitched, and she just stared into his eyes. "Y-yes." She whispered, as he brought his face right next to hers, as their eyes closed, and their lips ghosted each others. He slowly kissed her, as she stayed still, letting him get to feel her lips.

She then kissed back. She didnt know why, but she was nervous. Whenever he was around her, she got all tingly and she instantly felt better. But she was always nervous. He trailed down to her neck, kissing and sucking.

"Кукла, я хочу убрать мысли о твоей руке из тебя. Я хочу спать и увидеть, как твое маленькое тело дрожит подо мной." He muttered against her neck, making her buck (heh) her hips up, feeling her stomach turn. Bucky speaking Russian to her made her feel things that no one else has made her feel. And she loved the way he can control her with just his voice. And he did too.

All she can do is moan and whimper and move underneath him. He then move past your collarbone, pecking across the top of her breasts. Due to the lack of a bra, her nipples were hard and visible through her shirt, which sometimes grazed his neck, which made her breath hitch.

He looked up at her, when he got down to her breasts. He took the hem of her tank top and started to lift it up. He went lower, and kissed from the bottom of her belly button, and kissed his way up as he lifted her shirt up farther. She lifted her arns, as he lifted it over her head and flung it somewhere behind him.

She instantly started to blush. Thoughts of her insecure self logged in her brain, and she began to cover her self with her arms.

"No, Skye. You're beautiful. I love the way you look." He said, taking her arms away.He kissed one of her nipples, and traveled to the other one, making her shiver and bite her lip. He then traveled to her right arm with kisses; her metal arm. He looked up at her, as he kissed the part where her skin met the metal, making her chew her gums as he stared into her eyes.

"Tell me somethin', Skye..." He said, trailing up her body with kisses, going to eat lobe, and lightly biting on it, making her gasp.

"Have you ever been touched? Have you ever had a man touch you... kiss you?"

She bit her lip. Maybe that's why I am so nervous.

"N-no..." she whimpered out, as he rubbed her hip bone with his thumb.

"Have you ever pleasured yourself" he growled in her ear, when she ground up her hips into his.

"No."

He trailed the hem of her shorts with his metal arm, the cool metal making her get goosebumps as it slightly touched her skin. It then slipped under her short, and traced her clit with his middle finger making her breath hitch.

"Я хочу быть первым человеком, который разрушит тебя. чтобы заставить вас стонать вещи, которые вы никогда не думали, что вы будете стонать. Я хочу быть первым, кто заставит тебя потерять себя, кукла" he breathed into her ear, as he rubbed her slowly through her panties.

She moaned, rocking her hips slowly against her hand. She had never felt this way before, but she was addicted to it. She craved it.

"Bucky please...."

"What was that? I don't think I heard you correctly, doll."

He looked at her and smirked. Now she wasn't so nervous, was she? He loved how he can make her feel, and he loved the idea that he could make her feel a lot of other things. He always thought that he was incapable of dominating someone else, since he has been controlled before and the idea that he could control someone in a sexual way scared him since he knew how it felt to be controlled. But not in that way. "What was that? I don't think I heard you correctly, doll."She whimpered. The way he said doll made her shudder inside with ecstasies. She wanted him. She needed him. She never felt like this: the feeling of wanting something inside her. "I want you... inside me.." she said throwing her head back as he pushed down on her clit harder and faster through her panties, which were wet with her juices. He chuckled. He awed at her begging. This innocent being was being to get fucked, by him. And he loved it.

"Are you sure you want me, Skye? Do you want me to be the first to make you scream?" He said deeply, looking into her eyes.

She gulped. Of course she did. She was excited and happy but nervous."Yes." She whispered out, just wanting him already."How do you want this?" He saud, so cerely asking this time. He didn't want to do anything that made her feel, uncomfortable, no matter how much she wanted it.She always envisioned her first time being slow and romantic. But with Bucky, she wanted him to ruin her. She wanted him to have his way with her."I want you to treat me like you're using me. I want you to be rough with me, and harsh. Don't hold back, Buck." She said, her heart fluttering as something changed in his eyes.I dont think you know what you're asking of me. I'm a very dangerous man, Skye. I don't think you could handle me if I don't hold back." He said, putting a strand of hair behind her hair. He could just imagine her small body trembling, as he pounds into her swollen cunt. But the thought went to the back of his mind. No matter how rough the sex was, he should always do what she wants. But for her it was different. The thought of him absolutely ruining her made her turned on."I want that. I want you to fuck me hard and do things to my body that will hurt me." She said. She never thought that she would say something like that ever in her life. But she knew she had a pain kink. And because of Bucky, she now has a little "Bucky speaking Russian " kink.He bit his bottom lip, and stared into her eyes. Oh how he was going to fuck her until she can barely keep conscious."Then what I want you to do is lay down fully and keep your eyes closed." He growled, and got off the bed. She layed down fully and kept her hand to her side, and closed her eyes. She heard shuffling, and then she felt him oick up both her hands and bring then above her. Then she heard his belt rattling, and then she felt his belt against her wrists. He's tying me to the headboard.She then felt something go over her eyes. A blindfold. She knew she was in for a treat.

[dreadhaus-literature]

{Story} Cold Comfort

What’s a mortician to do when the love of their life is just out of reach? A temporary replacement is just cold comfort for the time being. It can’t last, after all—

True love never dies.

Chapter One

A Dreadful Dalliance sits at the end of a long, forested road, the gate-keeper to a sprawling cemetery that will eventually be the resting place of every soul in New Senzannini. The Mortuary has been in operation for nearly a decade and has earned it’s sterling reputation as a thoughtful, caring place to bring your loved ones for their last rites and a compassionate send-off to the next stage of life. Owned and operated by Dot Dreadful, the Mortuary handles all post-mortem operations, from the preparation of the departed to the funeral arrangements, and though the morgue is fully staffed with plenty of attentive, devoted staff, there’s only one mortician on staff--Dot. Now that the owner of the Dalliance was growing too pregnant to be on her feet, or surrounded by the chemicals necessary to do her job, it left a gaping hole to be filled or New Senzannini’s only mortuary was going to be temporary closed. That wasn’t an option, and that left Dot Dreadful with only one alternative.

“You’re hiring a temp?” Felina Frenzy, known more intimately by her birth name Monica, glanced up at her best friend with a curious tilt of her head. “Do they even have temporary morticians?”

Dot Dreadful didn’t glance up from the stack of papers in her hand; there was so much involved in handing her business over while she was on maternity leave and she should have started preparing for this months ago. “Ah, yes and no. It’s something of an unspoken code that you help out a fellow mortician if they need it. We often consult with each other on difficult preparations or if one of us is handling a coroner’s report dealing with suspicious circumstances. That sort of thing.”

Monica nodded, turning back to the training manual in her lap. “Were you able to find someone to help you out?”

“The city coroner offered but he’s...” Dot paused in her reviewing, glancing up at the ceiling. “How do I put this diplomatically...he does as well as one would expect a coroner to do when dealing with living, breathing bodies after he spends all day with cold, dismembered corpses.”

Monica laughed, nodding. “Makes sense. So he wouldn’t be any good handling the people aspect of the job.”

“Definitely not.”

“I mean, you know I’m always fine to help you out,” Monica crossed one leg over the other, meeting Dot’s gaze over her desk. “But I don’t know why you think I’m going to be any better handling the people aspect of your job.”

“You’re better with people than you think, you just don’t like them.” Dot turned back to her lists. “I don’t like people either but I manage this job just fine. You’ll be a peach, you always are.”

“...But you’re not expecting me to do the hack and slash part of the job, right?” Monica ventured. She didn’t and wouldn’t tell Dot no, but it wasn’t like she had the technical training to prepare a corpse for burial.

Dot shook her head. “Not at all. I thought of a compromise. Since you offered to help where you could, I figured you could handle the managerial side of things, keep the staff running smoothly, sort of...just sit in this chair right here.” Dot patted the arm of her desk chair. “You’d be the boss, supervising the day to day operations, and I’d hire on a temporary mortician to solely be responsible for the more hands-on part of the job. You guys would tag-team it.”

Monica looked thoughtful before she nodded. It seemed a solid enough plan. “But the city coroner wasn’t interested in working that way?”

“Roger’s a decent guy, but he’s also been the city coroner for like, eighty years,” Dot exaggerated dryly. “He wants to work this alone, and I just don’t trust him to handle the entire process. I’m not going to ask you to try and deal with his gross man ego while you’re doing me a favor, holding this place down while I’m off.”

“I would have been fine, Dottie.” Monica closed the lid of the training binder, handing it back to Dot since the woman as still adding pages to the already thick instruction manual. “I’m not unused to men’s egos.”

“I know, love, it’s not about you not being able to handle it, but more why would I subject you to that when you’re doing me a favor? Especially since I was able to find a mortician who had no problem with staying below and just prepping the bodies for you.”

To Monica, that sounded reasonable enough and why wouldn’t it be? A Dreadful Dalliance has been Dot’s first baby, but now that she had actual babies on the way she needed help taking care of her “firstborn”. Monica had been friends with Dot for years, since before the Mortuary, so of course she’d been here through it’s conception and it’s construction, and it’s subsequent years of operation. How many hours had she spent with Dot in this office, working on her own projects? Being a novelist and illustrator afforded Monica plenty of freedom to set her own schedule and since her newest literary masterpiece was circulating and topping lists, she had some much earned downtime--granted one might not consider managing a mortuary as “downtime” but Monica knew the staff here was pretty much self-sufficient and short of just sitting in here and being present should any emergencies present themselves, it really wouldn’t be too taxing. Dot had spent the last couple weeks preparing that thick manual for Monica to have and she’d also insisted Monica call her if need be. Dot may be approaching the bed rest phase of her pregnancy but that didn’t mean her vocal chords didn’t work--Monica didn’t say this, but she was going to do whatever she needed to not have to call Dot. She wanted to do this, to help Dot out when she needed it, and with Dot taking care of the second part of her job with finding a temporary mortician, it all seemed to be falling into place without a hitch.

“When do they start?”

Dot reached over for her desk phone. “They already have, actually.” She pressed the intercom, connecting her to the morgue in the basement. “Can you come up to my office please, Glad?”

“Can do, Miss Dreadful!”

The chipper reply to Dot hadn’t been what Monica was expecting, especially coming up from the dark, cold recesses of the morgue. She actually blinked in surprise, but Dot just flashed her a smile and turned back to scribbling last minute notes in the margin of the list in her hand.

A scant few minutes later and there was a knock on Dot’s office door before the new hire let himself in and Monica got her first look at the partner she’d be working with over the next several weeks.

“Monica, this is Gladwyn Charles. Gladwyn, this is my closest friend and your new boss, Monica.”

The man Dot named was still in the process of ducking into the room when she made the introductions, his impressive height making the frame of the door a little bit of a hazard. He was wearing a floor length black latex apron but all that did was elongate his already tall frame even further; it stopped at his ankles, revealing polished black dress shoes that were a compliment to his black slacks and the white button-up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He had on a bow-tie that was red rather than black, and that fiery crimson adornment drew Monica’s eyes further up to the same blaze of red that surrounded his head like a halo. Gladwyn Charles was a true redhead, his hair the color of blood, a stain of rose around his pale skin and he wore it long, braided and over his broad right shoulder. it nearly reached his waist, but it seemed even the braid couldn’t tame all the wavy strands, as curls sprang free to frame his square features, brushing the hollow of his freckled cheeks. Gladwyn had a dusting of freckles not unlike stars across the bridge of his nose and the crest of his cheeks, bringing Monica’s gaze to his long lashes and the deep, rich forest green of expressive bright eyes. His glasses were perched a little low on his nose; the frames were silver and square, fashionable and sleek, but Gladwyn’s smile didn’t speak of arrogance that came with wealth. The smile was big and bright, but as Monica continued to stare at him it only seemed to grow...bigger, brighter, reminding her of an animal baring it’s teeth. It was almost aggressive, his smile was so prominent, but nothing dangerous reflected back at her in those eyes--eyes that were riveted to her face. Gladwyn didn’t even turn when he closed the door, keeping his gaze on Monica as he pushed the door closed with one long-fingered hand.

“Ah, Miss Frenzy. It’s an honor to finally meet you,” Gladwyn made a show of wiping his hand one final time on his slacks before offering it to Monica. “Miss Dreadful has told me so much about you. I feel like I already know you.”

Monica stood to take Gladwyn’s offered hand. “M...Monica, please. And your name is...?”

“Gladwyn.” He laughed a little sheepishly, but still hadn’t taken his eyes off hers. “I know it’s a little unusual. You can call me Glad if you’d like. Or Charles, or Charlie. Even Smiley!”

From her desk, Dot’s eyebrow rose. “Smiley?”

“It’s a nickname from college.” Gladwyn answered Dot, eyes still on Monica as he kept hold of her petite hand. “Because I smile all the time.”

Monica would have ventured to bet it had more to do with Gladwyn’s smile being...hard to forget. It was almost painfully wide, as if he were the world’s nicest man. She gave Gladwyn’s hand a firmer shake, and though he released her hand...she felt the reluctance. She’d let his hand go several dozen seconds before he finally released her, but she tried to push that from her mind. Dot had warned her years ago that morticians were sometimes...odd. Like those who work in IT, only certain people want to play with the dead all day long; typically it’s those who don’t play well with the living. Gladwyn was probably just a little awkward from interacting with those who can’t interact back, day in and day out.

“Nice to meet you, Gladwyn.” Monica stressed his name, ensuring she said it right. Gladwyn’s eyes brightened.

“I assure you, Miss Frenzy, the pleasure’s all mine.”

“Monica, please.”

Gladwyn paused, his throat working before he spoke, inclining his head down in a show of respect and slight reverence. “...Monica.”

With Gladwyn much closer, Monica was able to discern even more from the tall mortician--like his tattoos. She could see at least four, though three of them were thick black bands on his left wrist, leading up to his elbow. When he finally turned to face Dot, Monica was petite enough to see there was a smiley face tattooed behind his right ear. Smiley really did seem to be a moniker that fit this unusual mortician. Gladwyn was tall and thin, but he wasn’t without some muscle mass. Now that he was closer, Monica could see his forearms and biceps laced with sinewy muscle, likely from lifting dead weight all day, and though his slacks left a little more to the imagination she assumed his entire frame was the same way., and she’d felt for herself how strong his hands were. Gladwyn was definitely not what came to mind when one thought of the word mortician; well, except for that smile. That was not a normal man’s smile, but Monica also couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong with it. Did he smile with too many teeth? Was it just too...eager? She shook her head slightly as if to clear it, moving to take her seat again--almost startled back into standing with Gladwyn extended his arm to help her into her seat before he took the chair next to her. When she looked up at him, intending to thank him, he smiled at her and her voice died in her throat. Eager was definitely a good word to describe Gladwyn’s smile.

Little did Monica know, but eager was a good word to describe Gladwyn Charles as a whole. The Dalliance’s newest hire initially comes across to others as unassuming, even if he was on the tall side with a head full of long, flaming curls. Gladwyn never minded that he had a tendency to blend in a little in the background; he’s perfectly fine with allowing someone else the spotlight because he’s a perfectly polite gentleman. Nice guys may finish last but Gladwyn would happily smile in the face of anyone quipping that at him with a, “True, but the tortoise always beat the hare, didn’t he?” before turning back to the task at hand. Gladwyn has gone through life with the intelligence to understand human nature, and the self-awareness to know he doesn’t always fit in. He’s aware he’s a little awkward but that awareness also allows him to fake it, to cover his tendency to make others uncomfortable with a self-deprecating joke or by being so polite others simply can’t be rude to him. If one were to ask Gladwyn he’s not sure why others are so put off by his smile; he thinks his smile looks just fine! After all, he practices in the mirror. His teeth are straight and white, and his eyes sparkle a little when he smiles--so what could possibly be wrong with him? Friends in the past have told him he just looks a little “creepy” or “crazy” when he smiles, to maybe try not smiling so widely...but if he’s happy, why shouldn’t he smile with all his teeth? For all his intelligence, Gladwyn can’t figure some aspects of human nature out, and that was one of them. Being too eager, too friendly, too clingy was perceived as a bad thing and he just didn’t understand that. That was why none of his friends ever stuck around for long. That was why none of his previous relationships ever worked out. Gladwyn simply cared too much. He was simply too eager.

Gladwyn slowly lowered himself into the chair across from Monica, eager green eyes devouring her in a way he knew he had to get under control, it wasn’t socially acceptable for him to stare this long but it was an enormous struggle. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful before in his entire life. Dot had told him a lot about Monica, he’d listened with his usual attentiveness but now, now he was calling upon his memory for every single detail from his previous conversations with his employer for the tiniest morsel he could glean about Monica. Even as his mind worked, his eyes did their job in committing everything he could about her to memory; her bone structure was impeccable, feather-light and delicate, and he ran his tongue over his suddenly dry lips at the urge to pepper kisses along her jaw just to follow that tempting line to her throat. Monica sat like an empress in the high-backed chair, her posture so regal he felt the urge to shy away, to shrink back because he didn’t deserve to be so close to her...but how could he not be? Who could possibly stand to be away from such an ethereal creature? Was she even real? Gladwyn’s long fingers pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the focused lenses providing him with further admirings to commit to memory. Their eyes were the same color, green, but hers were brighter than his, a feminine compliment to his masculinity that made his heart skip a beat in his chest. Her hair was short, a bob that complimented her profile so devastatingly he had to slowly grip his fingers along the arm of his chair to stop from wanting to touch her hair. It shimmered, caught the office lights as if flirting with him, teasing him with how soft it must feel.  And he knew how good she smelled; he caught the wisps of her perfume to the moment he’d stepped into the hallway outside the office and now that he was close enough to scent her effortlessly he focused on dragging the scent of her into his lungs, desperate to commit the scent to memory so he’d be able to recall it at will.

The simple act of meeting had never been so poignant to Gladwyn before in his entire life. How many hundreds of people had he met in his decades of life? None of them compared to this, none of them had ever affected him like this, like Monica. He knew her name was Felina to the public but she’d told him to call her Monica, the same name Dot was able to call her...that must mean something. To Gladwyn, it did. She’d shaken his hand, smiled at him and insisted, twice, that he call her by her birth name. A name intimate, known only to family and friends...that included him, now. How nice of her! How sweet...who would have thought a woman so beautiful, so stunning, would also be so kind?

“Gladwyn?”

The older mortician blinked behind his glasses, before turning to Dot. “Y-Yes? I’m...terribly sorry, I must have spaced out.”

Dot laughed, eyebrows raised. “You are wearing a face mask down there, right? Those are some pretty strong chemicals we work with.”

Gladwyn took the easy out with a gracious laugh, his rich tenor a compliment to that ever-present smile on his pale face. “Yes, of course, of course. A thousand pardons, what were you saying?”

“I was saying, Monica is the one I was telling you about, who will be sitting in my chair here while you’re working down in the morgue. She’ll be handling the operations, managing the rest of the staff and funeral arrangements. She’s got full authority and she knows how this place should run,” Dot looked between Monica and Gladwyn with a smile. “And love, Gladwyn has been familiarizing himself with the morgue downstairs over the past few days, shadowing me, and shouldn’t have any problems handling the hack and slash part of the job.”

Gladwyn cleared his throat slightly, his red brows pulling in at the center as a barb of jealousy seared across his chest. He’d known Dot for a couple weeks, knew her to use terms of endearment liberally and it had never bothered him before, but just now, her use of love directed at Monica rose like bile at the back of his throat. He didn’t particularly like that...and he didn’t particularly understand why.

Monica and Dot were both unaware of Gladwyn’s inner turmoil and confusion, mistaking his throat clearing and the shifting in his seat as mere fidgeting. Monica nodded, returning Dot’s smile before she turned it to Gladwyn.

“Shouldn’t be too much of a problem to keep this place running smoothly while Dot’s gone, right?”

“Hm?” Gladwyn locked gazes with Monica before that smile of his returned in full force. “Oh, I highly doubt it. You seem a very capable woman, Mis--er, Monica.”

Monica’s laughter was a touch nervous at the compliment, most especially coupled with the sincerity behind Gladwyn’s glasses. He held his smile while he held her gaze, and Monica had to resist the urge to blush under such open attention. He was certainly a...nice guy.

“I drew up manuals for both of you while I’m gone, and Gladwyn I told Monica to reach out to me if you guys run into any problems.” Dot tapped Monica’s manual on her desk; Gladwyn’s was down in the morgue and he’d already been making use of it. “The Staff has already been prepped to treat the two of you as co-owners while I’m gone, so you shouldn’t have any issues there either.”

“Seems you really have thought of everything, Miss Dreadful.” Gladwyn sat back in his seat; his gaze appeared to be on Dot...but he was watching Monica out of the corner of his eye.

“I highly doubt it,” Dot replied, resting her chin on her hand. “But, I trust Monica and with you here to help her, Glad, hopefully it won’t be too rocky for her.”

“You have my word, I’ll look out for her.” Gladwyn’s smile was once again aimed at Monica. “She’ll be in good hands.”

A nervous flutter of butterflies rushed up Monica’s ribcage and she had to look away; Gladwyn was clearly a man who wore his heart on his sleeve and the genuine show of emotion in his eyes, on his face, made her nervous. Who was so nice this early on? Was it possible for someone to just...be this kind? It had to be, because here he was, giving her a million-watt smile with promise written all over his face.

“Then I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”

Monica took the reprieve where it was offered, looking up at Dot. “What’s that?”

Dot gave her a smile, looking between Monica and Gladwyn with her hands out in a gesture. “How about dinner?”

The Tower was a high-end restaurant with an established clientele, but there was nowhere New Senzannini’s literary elite and established death beautician couldn’t eat if they wanted to. There was no need for a reservation and the trio were ushered from the hostess podium to the best table in the restaurant, immediately; afforded their privacy but with attentive staff at the ready. Dot eased down into her cushioned seat with a sigh of relief to be off swollen ankles but it was something Monica missed, because Gladwyn was standing beside her chair with it pulled out for her, gesturing to it with that curious smile of his. She offered him a nervous but grateful smile in return as she slowly sat down, startled at how easily he settled her against the table. Even for the muscle she’d seen he was stronger than he looked, but Gladwyn would argue she weighed next to nothing at all. He had half a mind to order for her to ensure she was even eating enough; a thought that darkened his brow as he settled into his own chair to Monica’s left. Now that they were out of the Mortuary, Monica could see all of him as he was out of his apron and he filled out his tailored suit well. He’d also rebraided his hair before coming out and with his wealth of hair pulled back from his face in an elegant french braid, Monica had to admire Gladwyn. He was a handsome man. As if sensing her staring, he turned to face her, his smile catching the ambient lighting and she had a new appreciation for his bone structure, the way the shadows flirted with the hollows of his cheeks, the high cut of his brow.

“I’ve never eaten here. Have you?”

“A-Ah, a few times,” Monica nodded. “I’m...surprised you haven’t.”

“Why’s that?” Gladwyn’s head tilt reminded her of a puppy.

“You...well, don’t mind me saying so but you look like you come from money.” Monica was hopeful the low lighting of the intimate restaurant hid her blush well enough as she moved her napkin to her lap.

“Why would I mind such a sweet compliment?” Gladwyn’s voice was rich and warm as he regarded Monica. “I do, come from money, but I don’t get out much. Surely Miss Dreadful has explained we morticians don’t keep much living company?”

Monica couldn’t help the laugh. “I a-am her only friend.”

“Hey hey,” Dot snapped her cloth napkin before pointing between the two of them. “That is a thousand percent by choice. Other people are the worst.”

“I’m not gonna argue with that,” Monica put her hands up, but as she moved to take the menu from their waiter, she was surprised to momentary silence when Gladwyn reached over, took her menu, and then handed it to her. “T-Thank you.”

“Of course.” Gladwyn’s tone was still warm, amiable, but he cut his eyes to the waiter as if daring the other male to say something. When the server cleared his throat and turned his attention to Dot, Gladwyn returned his gaze to Monica and his entire posture relaxed. His smile had never wavered.

The entire premise of dinner between the three had been Dot’s way of breaking the ice between her best friend and the new hire at the mortuary. She didn’t want to leave Monica with this new mortician for hours and hours a day, for weeks, perhaps months, without forming a sort of tentative relationship between the two, for Monica’s comfort level more than anything else. Part of why she’d hired Gladwyn was because he was such a nice guy. She’d called every colleague, boss, and even two of Gladwyn’s college professors to run him through the wringer to make sure he came out squeaky clean but every test Dot put him through, he passed. Everyone had something nice to say about Gladwyn, that he was an eager student, a polite co-worker, a diligent employee. He never called in sick, he never had any brushes with the law; hell, one of Gladwyn’s old employers stated he actually said, “Please,” and “I’m sorry,” to corpses if he mishandled them or when he needed to do something particularly invasive. Gladwyn was polite to a fault, and he was a certified nice guy. Granted, a couple people had mentioned his smile giving them the creeps, and Dot had to admit there was something a little off about it, but you can’t judge a guy by his smile, right? Besides, finding a mortician who wasn’t considered at least a little creepy was like finding a needle in a haystack. Dot had interviewed enough fish-eyed weirdos to know, Gladwyn was as good as she was going to get on such short notice. Judging by the swelling in her ankles just from the walk from the Mortuary to her truck and then into the restaurant, Dot was days away from being confined to bed--so as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers.

Still, Dot lifted her water glass to her mouth as she looked between Monica and Gladwyn; they seemed to be hitting it off well. Gladwyn’s smile was a prominent thing, Dot noticed he really did smile all the time, but it seemed different when he looked at Monica. Dot noticed things like this, she paid attention, but it didn’t raise any alarm bells. He simply seemed to really enjoy Monica’s company and honestly who wouldn’t? Dot had been friends with the other woman for over a decade; she knew the kind of effect Monica had on others and even if Monica would deny it to her grave, Dot knew better. Gladwyn was proof enough; the man was hanging off her every word. Dinner would be the first step to solidifying a good relationship between the two, and as long as this went well, Dot would be confident in going on maternity leave knowing her best friend, and her place of business, were in good hands.

“So, I know plenty about you Gladwyn but Monica doesn’t,” Dot turned to the duo as the waiter took their drink orders to the bar. “Why don’t you tell her a little about yourself?”

Gladwyn would have opened a vein to get Monica to talk about herself, but he swallowed that graphic visual with that smile of his, moving his hands to his lap as he nodded a few times, his attention swiveling to Monica effortlessly. “Well, what about you like to know?”

Monica blinked a few times, unsure what to ask. She floundered a little before blurting out. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Corpse blue.”

Gladwyn dropped his reply like a body onto the table, so serious in his delivery that Monica was left staring at him, her eyebrows slowly creeping upward. “R-Really?”

“Oh, no!” Gladwyn shook his head with a rich laugh. “I’m sorry, no, that was a little mortician humor. It’s just blue, my favorite color is blue, it’s just, you know the corpses turn blue when they’re frozen. I thought I’d have a little fun with it.”

Dot rolled her eyes as she reached for a hot roll from the bread basket at the center of the table. “You know our type of jokes never go over well with anyone.” She gave him a pointed look as she tore open the steaming bread. “Especially when they’re that corny.”

Gladwyn’s laugh was sheepish but genuine, and Monica had to respect a guy who could laugh at himself.

Throwing him a bone, she joined in the laughter, nodding. “No, no, I get it! That was, that was clever.”

Gladwyn paused at the compliment, his posture straightening not unlike a flower given a little bit of sunlight. His eyes were riveted to watching Monica’s chest rise and fall with her laughter, his own pulse quickening as he swallowed around his attraction to her. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? No one ever really laughed at his jokes; he knew they were a little awkward and probably not in the best humor, but she called it clever. She thought he was clever. His pulse reflected just how much he liked that, basked in that knowledge, that such a beautiful woman found his wit to be...worthy of her beautiful laugh. It had sent him over the moon to walk into this restaurant with her; he saw the way heads turned, the whispers that the Felina Frenzy was here and though he felt that curious jealousy again, part of him using his impressive height to shield her from inquisitive, needy stares, there was also pride that he was there with her. That others recognized she was there with him. He really liked that thought.

“May I ask the lady’s favorite color?” Gladwyn took the opportunity to get to know Monica same as she was doing with him. He was eager to know her inside and out.

Monica gestured with a smile. “Blue, too.”

It may not be a monumental thing, sharing the same favorite color as someone else; there are only so many colors in the rainbow, after all--but Gladwyn felt that connection like a bolt of lightning. They...they shared a favorite thing? It brightened his smile, widened it until he felt his cheeks ache but he welcomed the sensation. It made him so happy!

“Excellent choice,” he complimented with a conspirator’s playful wink, trying to play it cool when inside, his heart was turning somersaults. Monica’s laughter was light but genuine and it was wreaking havoc on Gladwyn’s nerves, shredding him until he was rubbed raw, left vulnerable to the next tempting thing she was planning to do. He swallowed again, looking up gratefully as their drinks were brought to the table.

“That better be a virgin,” Monica eyed Dot’s Bloody Mary, and Dot gave her a playful look.

“Only thing about me that is, obviously,” she gestured to her generous bump before taking a sip of the blood red concoction.

“What did you get?” Monica turned to Gladwyn, trying to keep the conversation between them going. She knew without having to ask Dot that the reason they’d come to dinner was so she and Gladwyn could get better acquainted...it just helped he was easy to talk to.

“Ah, you’ve caught me, I’m afraid.” Gladwyn lifted his foaming glass with a sheepish grin. “It’s a Dry Stout. I’m Irish every day of the year, not only on St. Paddy’s.”

Monica eyed the glass; it was so dark she couldn’t see through it, and almost resembled coffee though she knew it to be an ale. She laughed a little at his joke, missing his grin brightening in response as she was still admiring his drink choice.

“What have you gotten?” Gladwyn took a swig of his drink, curious eyes on Monica’s beverage choice. It was peach-colored, bubbly, and served in a long-stemmed champagne glass.

“It’s a Gigi,” Monica supplied. “My family is originally from Italy so I’m pretty well-versed in expensive cocktails from Europe.”

Gladwyn’s laughter was honest and washed over Monica as he gave her his undivided attention; she could definitely respect that the man was genuine, there didn’t seem to be anything fake about him in the few hours she’s known him. It was laughter she joined in on, picking up her flute for a gentle, feminine sip.

Gladwyn watched her without blinking, committing her movement to memory with ease; she moved with the grace of a feline, her manicured nails a compliment to the expensive cocktail kissing her lips the way he longed to do--Gladwyn came from wealth and affluence, he knew what it was to be among the elite but Monica was simply on another level. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest to hear her family was of money, she carried herself like a queen and why shouldn’t she? Her throat worked as she swallowed and Gladwyn felt it like a punch to his gut; his muscles actually tightened, his abdomen turning flips as he struggled to get his attraction under control. Monica was doing something awful to him, stealing all his attention and he’d never once felt such a strong pull to another human being in his entire life. The more time he spent in her company, the less he was confused by what was happening. Love at first sight wasn’t an easy thing to dismiss, but it was an easy thing to pin.

“It’s probably rude to ask your age, Gladwyn, but I’m having a hard time pinning you,” Monica set her glass down, meeting Gladwyn’s gaze effortlessly--because he was already looking at her. “So can I ask?”

“You can ask whatever you like, my dear.” Gladwyn would have aged himself with such a formal saying, but at least the slight accent in his rich tenor made sense now that he’d given away his heritage (as if his hair and freckles hadn’t been enough indication) and that endearment certainly came out smoother than the ale in his hand. “But I’m thirty-seven years old.”

“You don’t look it,” Monica reassured, but that was only partially true. Gladwyn didn’t look to be near his forties, but he carried himself that way, and his smile had some age behind it. Likely, due to his ever-present smile, he also had smile lines near the corners of his mouth and around his eyes.

These lines deepened at her compliment and Gladwyn reached over, putting his surprisingly warm hand on her knee. “Thank you, Monica. That’s incredibly sweet of you to say.”

Monica’s gaze dropped to Gladwyn’s long fingers and she felt him squeeze her knee in response; he made no move to remove his hand and she didn’t...know if she should consider this forward of him or not. She was dressed in black slacks and a ruffle-sleeve button-up, having wanted to start looking the part of boss since she would be taking over for Dot but she could feel the heat of Gladwyn’s hand through the fabric of her pants. She would, for some reason, have assumed his hands would be cold as the corpses he worked on daily, but his hands more closely resembled the fire of his hair.

Gladwyn hadn’t even thought before he touched her--he just acted, closed the distance between them as if he had to do it. He cursed that she was wearing slacks and not a skirt, a dress, so anxious was he to feel her soft skin. He knew it was softer than a lily would be, and he knew she smelled sweeter, too. He slowly dragged his gaze up from his hand on her knee, up her front to lock gazes with her and he searched her face--not for signs of refusal but for acceptance. She had to feel what he felt, didn’t she? There was no way only one soulmate would be feeling the instant connection, the attraction that was driving him to complete distraction. There was no other way to describe what he was feeling but soulmate; everything about her clicked like a puzzle piece Gladwyn had been missing his entire life. She didn’t shy away from his smile, she shared the same favorite color as he did; she laughed at his jokes and she found him to be clever. He knew she thought he was nice because she allowed him to pull out her chair for her and she wasn’t pulling away from his touch, now. She had to be feeling what he was...perhaps she was simply shy? Well, of course she was, she was a proper lady. A right beautiful one. A woman who deserved to be wooed properly, courted in the way a man of Gladwyn’s upbringing could. His smile deepened, and he gave her knee another longing squeeze before he slowly, reluctantly removed it. He wouldn’t push his luck, now that he was more convinced she shared what he was feeling, that slow-burning but all-consuming fire that was licking at his heart like flames.

“Are we ready to order?”

The server started at the head of the table, or perhaps it was simply Dot being pregnant, but it allowed Gladwyn a moment to wrangle with his returning jealousy--because any moment, the man was going to turn to Monica and speak to her...and Gladwyn really hated that. He was staring, unseeing, at his own menu, his mind narrowing to how he was going to...deal with this. He’d never considered himself a jealous man before, had never felt such raw, biting emotion in all his life but then he hadn’t known his soulmate before today. Monica was beautiful, a siren’s call to any man and while he would never blame her for such beauty, no it was his good fortune she was breath-taking, he didn’t have to like others noticing her. His eyes slipped from his menu, moving discreetly to Monica and again, he felt his pulse spike, his throat run dry, and he fidgeted in his seat. If he needed proof, he had it; physical proof. His body reacted every single time he looked at her.

“And you, Miss?”

Monica shifted, her eyes on her menu. “I’ll have--”

“Would you order for me, Monica?”

Gladwyn interjected into the conversation without much forethought; he was only grateful what he’d said made sense. Monica seemed to flounder a little, and he could regret catching her off-guard...but she took her attention off the waiter and it reinforced he’d done the right thing. Gladwyn had to fight to keep his smile from going smug that he’d so easily gotten her attention back.

“O-Of...course, but I don’t really know you very well?” Monica faltered, looking worried. “What if...I order something you won’t like?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Gladwyn set his menu down on his plate with his smile lighting his eyes. “You have impeccable taste. You can’t steer me wrong if it’s good enough for you.”

Monica’s smile was still nervous, still unsure, but Gladwyn looked like he’d made up his mind and she could only nod, turning to order for herself...and for him.

It was a small compromise, Gladwyn still hated that she spoke to the waiter, loathed that the man was admiring her so openly, but at least he’d staked something of a claim on her in front of the other male. It made him feel better, sated his childish, unfounded jealousy--no, it wasn’t unfounded! He had a right to her, to the other half of his soul. That was how it worked. That was the reward for the way he felt about her; he felt so strongly, of course he wouldn’t want someone else looking at her, thinking about her. No one had the right to even dream of touching her, no one except him.

Dinner did what Dot had intended...and it did a little more than she’d intended, at the same time. The two hours passed by in the blink of an eye, the trio exchanging stories, learning about one another and as the time passed, the more Gladwyn became convinced of what he felt to be true. Monica was the other half of his soul, the fabled soulmate promised to hopeless romantics and skeptics alike. She was perfect; she was beautiful, hauntingly so, in that he knew she would be in his dreams tonight--if he was able to sleep from wanting her. She was witty, humorous, intelligent; she was clever and her sarcasm was so biting he nearly wished to be at the receiving end just to feel the scrape of her teeth. When Monica smiled she stole the light from the room; she was radiant, and Gladwyn felt himself drowning every time she turned that smile to him. Her voice was what silk was made of, sliding over his skin until twice he’d nearly dropped his fork against his plate when she said his name. It was...too soon, perhaps, to think of late nights with her body wrapped around his but he couldn’t stop himself from going there, from crossing that sordid line because she aroused him so fervently his appetite was of an entirely different sort. He’d finished two stouts in the hopes it would douse the fire building in his belly but all it did was warm him further, made his brain a little hazy so that the lines between right and wrong blurred further. He was seated beside an angel, his angel, and the expensive food turned sour in his mouth for want to sample her instead.

This must be what it felt like to be lovesick, to be so enamored with one’s adoration that food and drink lose their taste. Gladwyn seemed to have fallen down the rabbit hole with no hope to catch himself on the sides--would he have? If he were honest with himself, no, he wouldn’t have. He dove headfirst down this trap, chasing Monica’s laugh, her voice, the way she looked at him, smiled at him. The way she made him feel should be criminal, he was already so addicted to the man he was when she looked at him. The glasses were emptied, the bill was paid, and all too soon reality was severing his time with Monica and for a fleeting moment he panicked at the void that would be left when they went their separate ways for the night.

“Thank you, Gladwyn,” Monica stood with his help as he pulled her chair out for her, and his smile was a little subdued but still present as he held up her jacket, for her to slip into it.

“It’s cold outside,” he prompted, fighting to keep the hard edge from his voice when it seemed she was going to simply take it from him. He wanted her to wear it. He wouldn’t have her catching cold, and his smile broadened when she slipped her arms into it. “There we are. That’s better, hm?”

Monica’s smile was a touch shy as Gladwyn’s large hands rubbed up her arms, smoothing her jacket and warming her further beneath the expensive fabric. He placed his hand at the small of her back, giving his head a nod toward the door and he tailored his steps to match hers despite their staggering height difference.

“So, what do you two think?” Dot turned from the front door of the restaurant, the valet sprinting out into the snow to retrieve her truck. “Think you’ll be okay to work together for a while?”

Monica turned to look up at Gladwyn but he was already looking at her, and he gestured to Dot with a nod of his head. “Ladies first.”

“I-I, yes, I don’t see any problems.” Monica gave Dot a smile, knowing Dot would be looking for any signs that Monica wasn’t comfortable--this would be a question Dot would ask again when the two were alone in her truck.

“I’m delighted to hear that, as I can assure I’m very much looking forward to working with Monica.” Gladwyn tore his smile away from Monica when he felt Dot was still staring at him. “You’ll be fine to relax at home, Miss Dreadful. We’ll have no problems working together.”

Dot looked between Gladwyn and Monica, making a thoughtful noise at the back of her throat but she nodded, her smile reaching her eyes. “Good. Then you’ll be in charge of the morgue 7AM, Monday morning, Mr. Charles.”

Gladwyn gave Dot a nod, but his attention was already turning to Monica as Dot’s truck rolled to a stop in front of the restaurant. He moved his hand from the small of her back, already loathing the space between their bodies and knowing there’d be more, much more, over the weekend. It was all he could do to keep himself calm with the reassurance that he’d be working very closely with Monica on Monday.

“It was a pleasure getting to know you, Monica. I’m very much looking forward to continuing to get to know you during our time together.” Gladwyn bowed his spine, no hesitation as he pressed his lips to her cheek. “I will see you soon. Take care of yourself until then.”

Monica’s fingers trembled as they settled on Gladwyn’s arm, and she felt his hand steady her waist in response. “H-Have a nice weekend, Gladwyn. I’ll see y-you Monday.”

“I look forward to it.” Gladwyn straightened up, replacing his hand in his pant’s pocket, watching Monica take hold of Dot’s arm, the two girls leaning on one another as the valet opened the door into the winter cold.

Without a word, he gave his keys to the valet but kept his gaze on Monica as she entered the truck, and as they drove off, he kept his gaze riveted to the vehicle disappearing in New Senzannini’s generous traffic. It wasn’t until Monica was out of sight that he was able to look away, the spell of her presence lifted enough for him to feel...completely and utterly alone. The smile dropped off his face fast enough to shatter on the marble floor beneath his dress shoes, and the valet nearly tripped coming back inside after retrieving Gladwyn’s car.

It would seem the only thing creepier than Gladwyn’s smile was when he didn’t smile, but for the first time in his life, he found he had no reason to, at the moment. The reason was currently driving further and further away from him, to live a life separate from him, where she didn’t have to think about him, didn’t have to see him, where he couldn’t see her, where he couldn’t touch her...

...for now.

Gladwyn pushed open the restaurant doors with one strong hand, ignoring the biting cold wind as he stalked toward his waiting car. Monday wasn’t too far away. Besides, the weekend gave him time to prepare, to make room in his life for a very special new someone. It had to be perfect. Everything had to be perfect.

Just like she was.

Stay tuned! ♥ Next Update: February 17th!

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hiiii it's me again😂❤️ Can I have a ff where Artie Is at Arkham and it's his last day in. and x Reader comes to pick him up from the hospital🥺 and they go home together, and as always if you want to add some cuddles or She helps Artie to take a warm bath🥺 It would be nice

Oh my dear friend, thank you so much for the request. It was a very emotional ride and very intimate to write. I hope with all my heart that you will like it. Love you so much!

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

The moment the door opened you felt your heart crumble. That heavy, white door with the tiney window. He must have stared at this window for so many nights.

The bed was empty. For a second you feared that he broke out of the hospital. If that was the case they would find him and lock him up again. Way longer than last time. The thought of being seperated from him for another few weeks or months seemed unbearable. Looking back at the last weeks without him made you wonder how you managed to stay sane yourself. The empty bed, the stillness of his  empty apartment...it felt like the walls were closing in on you. Night for night was spent on his couch, alone, trying to remember his skin on yours, pressing his pillow close to your face to smell the remains of his sweat and shampoo that got caught up in the soft fabric.

He was missing from you like a part of your very own body. And now you`re gonna get your missing part back. Taking it home with you. Filling his apartment with love again.

Your eyes searched for him. That room. Standig between these four walls made you feel snowblind. All the white. Even Arthur was dressed in white.  The only contrast was his dark hair .

Arthur was sitting in the corner of the room. Crumbled up on the floor, like a piece of paper. Like a love letter that wasn`t well written enough to send it, so the writer just formed it into a ball and threw it across the room.

But you wanted to read it. Every sentence. Every letter. You wanted to take that page and uncrumble it. Make it readable again, to realize how beautifully written it actually was. Poetry. The purest form there ever was.

Arthur was the poem who remained unnoticed. Unseen by so many. Even by the ones who wrote him.

The doctor kept looking at you, talked about last night and how Arthur kept whimpering your name. But all you could do was focusing on that one curls that fell to Arthurs forehead. His head was hanging heavy on his shoulders. He looked downwards.

"Artie, darling? I`m here. " you got up to him to knee on the ground.

Arthur finally lifted his head. The circles under his eyes darkened  since you saw him two days ago. He looked exhausted as you gently stroke his hair. A tired smile crossed his sad eyed face. His curls felt greasy like he didnt washed it for at least a week.

"You look tired, darling"

Arthur tried to get up but he seemed so much weaker than he was when he got here.

"Im so tired, Y/N. I`m so very tired." He sat down on the floor again "You`re really here aren`t you?"

"I am.  Its your last day. I will take you home with me now".

Arhur started to cry "Can you please hug me. I need to feel that this is real. I want to hug you but....I can`t"

It was now that you realized that he was still in his handcuffs.

You wrapped your arms around him so tight you felt his ribcage poking you. Silent tears fell from his eyes onto your shoulders.  "I missed you so much, Arthur. I was so incompleate without your breath on my neck at night. "

He nodded, unable to answer. He just cried.

"Cry, sweetheart.its okay let it all out. It`s over now. You can go home with me. No more lonely night in this cold room. We`re gonna go home now and I`m gonna make you a nice, hot bath before we disappear under the sheets.

The doctor looked at you with disguise "A hot bath sounds like a plan. Mr Fleck refused to take a shower for 9 days straight. "

You didnt liked the tone in her voice.

"Why is he still wearing his handcuffs anyway?" you asked.

"Because you can never know with him." The doctor replied, giving him a dirty look.

You wanted to tell her how damn rude she was but you kept silent to not risk anything.

"And he refused to eat,too. We actually thought he wated to starve himself to death in here. Which is illegal."

The anger inside of you grew with every word she said, but you concentrated on Arthur and supported him to get up. "C`mon, darling. We`re gonna leave this place now."

Arthur once again fell into your arms, desperately trying to touch you with his cuffed hands. You held his fingers  inside your fist "You`ll feel better soon, I promise."

The doctor took a step closer and got the keys to unlock the handcuffs. "Goodbye, Mr. Fleck. " her voice sounded cold and heartless. You noticed her taking a step back as Arthur looked up to starte into her eyes. Almost like she was afraid of him. How could anyone be afraid of him?

Arthur didnt answer. The second his hands were free he hugged you with his whole body. So tight it felt like you shared the same jumpsuit. He held your face between his hands. They were as gentle as always. The most gently hands in the world. He seemed different. But still the same. His fingertips stroke your face, your cheekbones and nose, your chin. "I missed touching you, Y/N. Oh, I need to touch you so bad. "  The intensivity of his eyes never left, even when he looked as tired as  he did now. He was so touch starved. Just as you.

"Not in here, Mr Fleck. You know the rules." The doctors voice really got on your nerves. Did she had any idea how hard it was not being able to share your love ? Did she even knew how it felt to be in love? To be forced to leave your other half behind? At a mental hospital?

You both ignored her, touching each others faces "I missed the taste of you" he breathed upon your mouth, right before your lips met. Arthur kissed you with all that was within him. His mouth was dry from all the medication. His lips cracked.  But his kiss was full of love and admiration for you. Full of longing and pain.

Your fingers ran through his messy hair. It was getting even longer than usual. Almost reaching his shoulders.

"Please!" The doctor started to sound angry. "This is not allowed! You`ve got enough time in your hands when you`re out of this building".

Your lips parted again.

"Thats right Dr. Finn. Goodbye." you grabbed Arthurs hand and lead him out of the room.

Before you left Arkham Arthur was lead into the changing room, where he got rid of his white clothing. He looked so much more like himself when he got back. His brown cardigan made him look softer than ever before. He touched the soft, worn out fabric of it, convincing himself that this was all real. Grounding.

It felt good to leave this bulding which became his second home after so many years of being in and out. A home that felt more like a prison since there was someone waiting for him outside these walls.

The whole way home  on the tram Arthur rested his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes. He needed sleep.

"I havent slept for days" he whispered while you sqeezed his hand. "I couldnt close an eye without you by my side. Even the sleeping pills couldnt help."

"We`re gonna make you rest as soon as we get home, Artie."

Artur almost drifted off into sleep on the ride home. Leaning on your shoulder was enough to make him feel save enough to get sleepy.

When you arrived home you took off his sweater and pants "You`re freezing, baby."

"I know."

"Do you still want to take a bath before going to bed?"

"Yeah...please! I feel kinda... dirty".

You kissed his forehead and handed him a bathrobe "Put this on while the water is still running. It will keep you warm. I will make you some soup, okay? You gotta eat something,too."

Arthur nodded "Okay. But...I`m afaraid my stomach cant hold it. They gave me some new meds and it was getting worse again. "He looked ahamed as you walked into the kitchen to boil some water. "Dont worry, Artie. We`ll go slowly. But we have to try. I wont let you go to bed with an empty stomach today. It must have been days since you had eaten something. "

Arthur followed you into the kitchen. He needed to be near you every second. He looked so lost in his bathrobe. So helpless.

"Alright, the soup will be  done when you finished bathing. " you smiled. Arthur mirrored your smile and followed you  back into the bathroom. He stil walked like he had his handcuffs on, which was a sad thing to wittness.

Arthur froze when you helped him out of his bathrobe and into the bathtub. He was even skinnier than usual. His body looked like he was close to a break down. His shoulderbone seemed like it was about to burst through his fragile skin. He`s got some small bruises on his wrists and his tummy was sucked in.

The warm water felt like an embrace as he let himself sink into it. He immediately closed his eyes and awaited your touch.

"I`m so gald to be home" he mumbled as you started to shampoo his sweaty hair. Washing his beautiful curls always felt very intimate to you. You had a thing for his hair. Every strain of it was holy to you. Every curl a poem.

You noticed a small wound on his forehead as you tried not to let the shampoo run into his eyes. "You`re hurt"

"I know. It was my fault. I did it to myself. I`m sorry if I disappoint you"

"Artie, you could never disappoint me. Do you hear me?"

He nodded.

"I love you more than anything, Arthur"

"My whole life I never loved anything else" he replied.

You stopped washing his hair for a second to lean in to kiss him. The warm water dripped down his forehead. You tasted his shampoo upon your lips.

He was home with you.

Life was sweet.

You took the sponge and washed away the pain and loneliness. Every bad memory, every sleepless night at Arkham. You washed it all way. Watching the pain dissappear in his eyes.

Arthurs musicles started to relax under your  tender touch. Even his tense tummy.

He was thankful for all the attention, the love. A smile crossed his face after he got out of the bathtub. You hugged him while he was still naked.

"You feel better now, sweetheart?"

" A lot, Y/N. Thank you. I`m trying to eat some soup now. Just for you!"

"Thats great, Artie. lets do it" you handed him oneof his sweaters. "Um....can I have....would you let me wear one of yours? " he asked with his little voice.

"Of course, Arthur. Oh god, sure. Wait I will get you one!"

A minute later you came back with your fave sweater. Arthur slipped into it like it was his.

"Thank you so much. Its so comortig to wear your clothes".

"Anytime, baby" you got the bowl of soup.

Arthur sat down on the couch. He didnt even asked for a cigarette.

You noticed his eyes watering.

"Whats wrong, Artie?"

"I`m afraid I might throw up. I`ll be so embarassing."

You took the spoon and put it to his lips "There is no reason to be ashamed. The important thing is to try. If you have to throw up its okay. "

"I threw up at Arkham and they yelled at me"

"I´m not gonna yell at you."

"I know....I know that." he whispered.

Arthur swallowed after you fed him the first spoon.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"Another?"

"Yeah"

You fed him three spoons of soup until he was close to spit it out again.

"Its okay, baby. Take your time. We`ve got all the time in the world to make you eat."

"Thank you so much, Y/N. I dont know what I would do without you."

Arthur waited five minutes until he was ready for another four spoons.

"I´m proud of you, Arthur. Really. You`re doing great.

"Thank you Y/N. For helping me with that. I think thats all I can eat for today. But maybe....tomorrow. Or later when I wake up. Maybe you can leave the bowl of soup next to my bed"

"Sure, darling." You kissed the corner of his mouth and placed the bowl on the table.

"Try to get some sleep now. I`ll be right here with you".

Arthur layed down on the couch as you joined him.

His huge blanket covered both of your bodies.

"Finally" he muttered, pulling you close to his heart, burying his face in the crook of your neck, kissing it gently as he breathed you in.

The familiar smell of his own sheets helped him relax.

"Y/N?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Would you....like...sing me to sleep or something?"

"Of course,my love"

Arthur closed his tired eyes as your voice quietly echoed through apartment 8J.

"The moon is a silver dollar shining up in the sky

There is a dream we can buy.

Sweetheart you and I

The moon is a silver dollar

Made for lovers to share

And with you in my arms

I`m a millionaire

Our care in troubles

Will all be small change

Someday they all change

Into a dream come true

The moon is a silver dollar

What a glorious sight

Lets invest at him love

Tonight"

---

@impulsiveclown @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss @sadjesterautumn @therealjokerking10 @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie @jokerflecker  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @nicoleverse @mdme-rosary @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella   @cherrymoon75 @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos

[freakofnormal]

venting

hi everyone i’ve had a really shitty start to the new year and i wanna vent about it really quick. i appreciate if you read this and offer any advice because this whole situation is so frustrating and exhausting at this point.

i started talking to a boy at the end of october. things were going well. we went on dates and he would sleep in my dorm. we kissed. went for drives. kissed more. talked a lot. at the end of november, he asked me to be his girlfriend (of course i said yes). i lost my virginity to him (which i absolutely do not regret). he met my family. everything was going so well. he lives about 2 hours from my home (he lives close to my college) so we’re kinda long distance when i go home for breaks. new years eve, we both made plans and decided to not spend it together which was fine. i was at my friend’s house, pretty drunk. at midnight, i tried to call him and he declined my calls but really i just brushed it off. about an hour later, i got a text from a random number. it was a girl that he was at the bar with. she told me that he belongedto her. she sent me a photo of them kissing. i, obviously, had a breakdown.

i texted him and yelled at him because i was so upset. at the time, he tried to justify it by saying she was his best friend. after going back and forth for a bit, he told me he had walked home (and sent video proof) and went to bed. next morning, we text to talk about it except he is god awful at communication. that day it was kind of okay. i was talking to my friends about it and they were obviously upset and said that i should dump him but then, as i was saying i didnt want to dump him, they said that i should do what i feel is right.

i dont think he did it to hurt me. i think he was very drunk and high (which is never an excuse). he apologized. he said he wouldnt try to justify it. he said he knew it was wrong, and he regrets it and wouldnt do it again. i made it clear that if it ever happened again i would leave.

as days went by, things remained off and distant, but it was kinda okay. i kept wanting to talk it out and communicate because i felt as though he wasnt being completely open with me. i was supposed to drive out to see him on jan 5th, but something changed in which the event we were supposed to attend had changed to being 21+ (i’m 18, he’s 21 and could not skip this event). i was upset but it was fine.

the following week, things continued to feel quite distant, even moreso. he stopped replying to “i miss you”s and stuff like that. i asked if we could hang out on the next saturday and he took hours to reply just to say “no my mom asked me to go to (insert city name)”. a little annoyed but fine whatever. a day or two later, i found out he was hanging out with the girl. i told him i knew and he got a little defensive but ultimately just grew a bit more distant. the next day i asked if he was going to break up with me. he never answered that question.

slowly, things kinda just went back to normal conversation. still distant, but it was progress nonetheless. i’m scheduled to move back to college this coming weekend. today seemed like a good day for he and i. we were texting, things seemed good and happy so.. i texted asking if we could hang out when i got back. i said i could take us to starbucks and buy him coffee. no reply. that was at 4:37pm. it’s 1:16am as i’m writing this. about an hour-ish ago, i got fed up and started crying to my friend.

it felt/feels like he’s avoiding having to see me in person. i texted him again and said “you dont wanna see me.” no reply. i went on to say how i had been nothing but willing to move on and forget that shit. i had only offered love and support for him. i said that all of this wasnt fair.

still no fucking reply. i know he was out at a bar tonight, not very busy.

i know everyone is just gonna say “dump his ass, you deserve better.” but i dont want to break up.. i want to give it another shot. i want to see if things change when i’m back at school and closer to him.

things changed so much so fast. we would text nonstop the whole day. we would talk about our sex life (sorry, a little tmi) and say how much we missed each other and slowly started counting down the days until we’d see each other again. we would send snapchats back and forth of our bitmojis in the love poses. everything was just so much different. it’s crazy to think that a month ago he was here at my house meeting my parents. and now i’m scared he’s going to dump me.

he should be the one fighting for my forgiveness. he should be offering to see me the second i get back to campus. he should be putting in all this fucking effort, but i’m just too fucking soft... i dont know what more i can do..

if you read all this, thank you. i’m on the brink of tears. i just want to talk to him so badly..