#this post is honestly just so i can vent this stuff somewhere

[youregonnabeokay-kid]

okay, i’ve held off long enough. time to brag a lil (a lot)

I FREAKING NAILED THAT SCRIPT!!!

sure the words weren’t exactly the same but a) it seems like 911 has a lot of ad-libbing (sentence structure isn’t composed in a way that would fit the script + previous script and scene side-by-sides) and b)  the general conversation was the same

as someone who’s at the (very) beginning of their screenwriting journey it just makes me so happy that i was able to figure it out like AJSHEIWJKAKWNSKDK

DID YOU SEE THAT!!? I KNOW SCRIPT! I KNOW WORDS! I KNOW IT!!! I FIGURE OUT!!! I SCREENWRITE SO I KNOW SCRIPT FROM SCRAP OF SCRIPT!!!!

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

[rockandrolldisgrace]

yeah but i really got fucked over by the people i told this abt loll

[the-s1lly-corner]

I did see that you're getting a bit tired of TADC asks, so feel free to put this on the back burner or ignore it entirely. That said, the TADC cast w/ a reader who has anger issues. (The reader isn't mean or a jerk, they just have emotions that are difficult to control so they can be prone to lashing out.)

TADC cast x reader who has anger issues!

uuhuhuh! this post is mostly just a lot of the characters and the reader communicating and all that because we love a thriving relationship in this house!! so apologies if some of the segments come off as.... repeating.. written as neither romantic or platonic, up to you really

CAINE:

very good at taking you away from the situation thats making you angry; i mean the dude can teleport, so getting you away from somewhere is not an issue for him... however, if you would rather he make up some excuse so its less.. embarrassing..? (this goes for other instances of intense emotion/overstimulation! bro is a king!) he will make up a scenario where youre needed elsewhere so it naturally look like you.... have to be needed... you know? basically a "mom can you say no to this so i can say you said no because i dont want to do this social thing with someone?" energy. or maybe im weird... probably defends himself if you lash out at him, but he wont lash out back. just pushing that hes not the reason youre upset (of course if this is a scenario where hes innocent) he cares about you a lot and he doesnt like seeing you this way, so its likely that hes going to power through it and help you calm down and find a solution... though if you need alone time, youre going to have to tell him as he might not be able to pick up on your body language and hints

POMNI:

probably a little intimated when you get heated about something. should stress that shes not scared of you but you can get a little intense. tries to make a list of things to help you with regulating your emotions... though given that pomni seems to be more of an anxious person rather than an angry on, some of her stuff may not work... maybe? breathing exercises definitely work, as well as detaching yourself from the scene... actually, i think pomni might be pretty solid with calming you down. as for lashing out, i dont think she would be able to stop herself from getting at least a little bit offended, especially if shes just trying to help. please be sure to apologize to her and make it up to her, lashing out at innocent parties isnt okay. hell, lashing out at guilty parties isnt okay too sometimes (this is more of a case by case thing, obviously)

RAGATHA:

very patient but i dont think she would stand for you lashing out at her when shes trying to help. very careful about not pissing you off and stresses communication between the two of you and is able to read when you need some alone time. to the lashing out thing, if you (verbally) attack her for no reason its definitely going to hurt but she knows better than to respond with anger... maybe... really depends on how shes doing and what you said. will either anger you further or make you see youre kind of being an ass to an innocent party, you know?

thinks... pretty good if you need someone to rant or vent to, very open and always offers an ear to you. tries to come up with solutions so you can avoid situations where you become angry, as well as coming up with stress relieving activities to calm you down. 10/10 love ragatha

JAX:

honestly between all the characters hes going to be the one whos going to be pushing your buttons the most. sure he cares about you, but youre not totally immune to his bullshit, you know? like yeah hes less annoying when it comes to you, but he still acts like a douchebag most of the time and pranks you every now and then. i think thats an issue for another post, though, soooooo.... so basically you getting irritated and eventually totally pissed off with jax isnt that rare of an occurrence and since jax isnt the most emotionally mature hes probably going to make a joke of it until he kind of. realizes hes actually causing issues. then he finally drops it and leaves you be. smart enough to know that you need some time to cool off, will at least make an attempt to apologize or make it up to you. probably the worst out of the bunch to have as a partner since he hardly takes shit seriously or with care... this is all coming from someone who enjoys jax, buuuuuuuuuut yk?

KINGER:

honestly the king of comfort, and i think this still applies to non-sadness/anxiety emotions. would be taken aback when you lash out at him? yes, but he will try not to be offended. bros mind is clear when he notices youre so much as slightly upset and hes working on trying to find a solution. takes you to his pillow fort. i dont think he would ask for an apology if you lash out at him unless you say something truly horrible; feels as though you were vulnerable and werent in the right frame of mind... honestly really understanding about it because he cares about you a lot, you know? not much else to be said; tries to dethatch you from the thing thats setting you off, tries to calm you down, and takes verbal lashings with grace.. though i do think some of his patience may chip if its a constant thing. but i think thats a side thing because anyones patience and understanding can only go so far, and ultimately this is an issue the reader themselves is going to have to work on

ZOOBLE:

the most likely to argue back with you if you needlessly lash out at them. zooble takes no bullshit, and if theyre trying to help you and you get onto them for trying to be a good partner/friend then they arent going to be nice about it. like i think they would say some stuff back, before sulking off. this one is definitely going to need to take a lot of time. its not so much that zooble does bad with conflict in the case of "they shut down" its more a "they can possibly instigate it due to them getting caught in their own emotions" soooooo.... you BOTH are going to need to talk about this and smooth it over if you want the relationship to last. communication and shit is key, guys. obviously this can get very heated and drawn out if zooble was innocent and just trying to help, even more so than if zooble was actually the problem. because in that case, then zooble can understand that they did something wrong and at least deserved it a little... but if they actually did nothing and were just trying to help you? no, thats not going to slide with them...

GANGLE:

okay now gangle is the "freezes up and perhaps even flees" when there is conflict, so if you lash out at her shes probably going to get really upset (like sad and feel guilty) even if she knows that she has done nothing wrong and youre upset at something else. not so much as she SUCKS at offering a distraction or means of calming you down, but she.... isnt the best at calming down a really ticked off person.... might just wait for you to cool down... if you said something mean to her please remember to apologize because knowing gangle, shes not going to ask for one out of fear that she might be pushing, or she might outright believe she doesnt deserve one. though i think that might be self projection WHOOPSIE

[vampziry]

i havent manifested as much with the void, it’d be much for some but for me it isnt, but just what i wanted, anime merch, money, a job, friends and food. i am honestly about to be manifesting for other aspects of my life, im a minor still and i cant do a lot of moves because im studying all day and my parents are super strict, mega strict i’d say. i sometimes feel trapped at home, my pets died and i dont have time for anything at all. i barely go out and im always manifesting money mostly because i had to stop working and my parents arent filling their provisions role here, istg. i wanna take care of myself by myself alone and i’d like to move out or revise my whole family, i have a lot of problems and this is just a little vent because i think that some of you are getting too comfy with me thinking i have everything for granted just because i can tap into the void easily, you can do it too, not my fault u dont apply what u learn.. i did upload a success story months ago, before my break. its there somewhere, i might tap into the void before next month to fix some stuff going on, manifest a better life for me and help my mental health cause i’ve been feeling horrible and unworthy of everything, i’d like to start the year feeling amazing and being the best version of myself. ofc i guide you all with what i’ve learned and i appreciate that y’all are always tuned to my content but some of you press me too much in dms, i offer you help and then when i give u the help u dont even say thanks or disappear completely, or ask me to do everything for you. i cant, its your journey so please… be respectful i’ve worked very hard on my blog, i even tell y’all to check my most liked posts because those r the ones that have what youre looking for, i’ll make a masterlist soon.

[mystic-wolfs]

Introduction + Important Stuff

Hiyo! We're Mystic-Wolfs, which is our preferred online collective/system name, nice to meet you ^^

Why we? We are a DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) System, which in very simple terms means we did not have an easy life and it caused our consciousness to not fully form so there is more than one living in the body, so we refer to ourselves with plural vocabulary since it feels more natural.

How to adress us? Please address us by our collective name if you mean us as a system, or the name you see the post signed off with if you talk/mean to the person directly. Otherwise, we use She/They pronouns on a system level (until stated otherwise!).

What else is there to know? We are an adult, at least bodily, are Autistic, have a bunch of psychiatric and other medical disorders/illnesses, are disabled. We are also survivors. This of course is not nearly all that there is to us, but those are the key things (in sense of how we function). So due to our Autism, I would highly ask to be patient and nice to us.

We are also collectivley Asexual, so please respect this as well.

Our DM's are also always open to friendly people ^^ (I promise we don't bite hihi)

What can I expect on here? A lot of fandom rambles, opinions, poems, thoughts, art, WIP's, but also Triggering content that could count as NSFW (these posts would obviously be spoilered and be warned with TW's and everything, but since we are filled with trauma, it has to go somewhere (in forms of vents/vent Art). If you dislike such content please don't consume those posts or leave this page entirely to stay safe! We would hate to cause harm)

Supporting/Safe places:

💜 Plurality in all (respectful) forms 💜

(While we're very much traumagenic, we are open to talk to other forms of plural people as long as they are respectful to us and our experiences, we are open to learn more too)

🩷 Neurodivergent people + any disordered people (mentally and bodily) 🩷

❤️ LGBTQIA+ (including xenogenders and neopronouns) ❤️

🧡 Age Regression + Pet Regression 🧡

💛 Introjects of any kind and/or origin 💛

💚 Self diagnosing (as long as done respectfully) 💚

🩵 Alterhuman, Nonhuman, Otherkin, Therarian, Fictionkin 🩵

💙 Cosplayers and Furrys 💙

💜 (Honestly all respectful nice people ^^) 💜

Fandoms we fancy:

Pokemon

Love Nikki

Honkai Star Rail

Sonic the hedgehog

Kingdom Hearts

Barbie

Twilight

John Green books

Sanrio

MLP

Monster High

Undertale&Deltarune

Warrior Cats

Xenoblade Chronicles

Resident Evil

FNAF

Disney

Miraculous Ladybug

Magical girls in general

(Queer nieche) Animes (too many to count)

Personal boundaries (beside DNI):

Unless we give explicit permission please don't touch us or call us any petnames! The same goes for flirting (yes even with those that seem flirty).

We won't share real names of littles or any info that would feel to dangerous.

We won't answer questions relating to "what caused your DID" or "what is your trauma", everything we share, will be our choice to do so!

We aren't your therapist, please don't traumadump without permission to do so.

We won't argue over whenever our expiriances are real or not, it's not your job to decide it, neither are you a professional that treats us.

NSFW is not a problem, however ask if you want to share something like that ect.

Please don't involve us in syscourse or such debates.

DNI:

ANY form of Abelism, Rasism, LGBTQIA+ phobia

Fakeclaiming

TransID's

Pedos, Zoophiles, Groomers, any kind of abusers really

ProAna

You don't belive systems exsists/are valid

Sexualised AgeRe

Anti fictives/factives/introjects/nonhumans (or any other form of sys hate)

Politics

Toxicity in any form

Pushy religious people (we don't care for your personal religion, we would just not want to be part of it and wish for it to be respected)

Anyways this was long, so here enjoy some cutie wolfies and cookies 🍪 ^^

~Mystic-Wolfs

[fix-me-sixteen]

it is i, @the-way-astray, this is my main. that blog's still where all the interesting stuff is. i am trying to take this blog more seriously, but before i can, i have to clear out all my likes. so it may take a while.

hello, i'm stria, i use she/her pronouns. what else is there to say to about me. oh. i love the number sixteen.

banner and profile picture are both art of fitz vacker from kotlc by @/lemontarto (once again, thank you so much, absolutely devouring your style)

assorted tags i'll use, for my various purposes:

#insane post: posts that make me insane (basically analysis/meta)

#good post: posts with a good take

#wholesome post

#lh post: funny/chaotic posts

#useful post: post with useful advice

#fandom post: a post about fandom behavior in general

#story post: posts about a person's backstory, stories, or information in general

#inapplicable post: posts that don't apply to me/i disagree with but i like them/think they're good so i want them on my blog anyway

#interactive post

fandom tags formatted #[media] and character tags formatted #[character's first name] [character's last name] and #[media] [character's first name]

#SIXTEEN MENTION: a post that mentions the number sixteen

#four mention: a post that mentions the number four (which i love too)

#FAVORITE

#stria's parental issues: i vent about my parents. sorry y'all

#stria speaks: i speak (aka my own original post and not a reblog)

#legends: for posts about awesome famous people

#recommendations: usually books, sometimes other media

#polls

#animals (#cats, #snakes, #dogs, etc.)

#tumblr things

#art

#music

#writing

#news

#personal

#political

#my secret fandom: stuff about my other main's media

#PARALLELS/CYCLES/SYMBOLISM/FORESHADOWING: a post containing any one of those literary devices (usually thg)

other random shit about me:

main fandom is kotlc, i have an entire sideblog dedicated to it (@the-way-astray). if i really love something from there, i'll reblog it here. however, i also have a shit ton of posts about other fandoms saved that i need to reblog somewhere so. expect other fandoms, soon, too.

because of the mess i am now stuck in*, i don't use the like feature of tumblr anymore. it just gets too hectic for me, because when i enjoy a post, that usually means i want to be able to find it again, which is frustratingly not possible with the like feature. if i enjoy your post, it's pretty much going to be only reblogs. if i like your post, it was an accident. sorry. honestly tumblr should just hide the button from me so i don't have the temptation anymore.

i cannot reblog a post without saying something in the tags. as i said above, when i enjoy a post, i want to be able to find it again. so that's usually the reason.

i swear and use all-caps with no warning. if you desperately want that to change, tell me.

*if you aren't aware, i spent basically an entire week just cleaning out the likes of my old main because there were too many, and i still have hundreds more to sort through, it's part of the reason why i made this new main, so i'd have a place to put all my non-kotlc related liked posts.

[lucidboba]

This is a vent post on the Lego Monkie Kid fandom and the show. I am in no way an expert on the Journey To The West book so take this with a grain of salt.

I am honestly so sick of the Lego Monkie Kid fandom spreading misinformation around and claiming they know everything about JTTW Sun Wukong as a character when half of them don't even read the book and just get their information from OSP JTTW and LMK.

OSP on their podcast already said they left out a lot of stuff from the book for their videos as it's a summary and might have made Sun Wukong seem more impulsive then he actually are and they encouraged more people to read the book instead so I don't blame them.

What I blame is the part of the fandom that keeps on acting like they know everything when they just watch a short summary of a very long and complex book.

I get it, LMK is different from JTTW and change the original story a lot as it's a kids show. You shouldn't have to read the book just to enjoy the show. But you shouldn't spread misinformation around about the actual book just because you heard it from somewhere and did little to nothing research and just read a couple of short analysis.

This happens mostly to Sun Wukong as there are people saying he was unjustly punished and he didn't do anything wrong or people saying he was a moster demon spawn that deserve his punishment even when Guan Yin had to step in to intervene or people saying he was dumb, entire personality is being impulsive.

He is the Intelligent Stone monkey, the Monkey of the Mind, the monkey that have knowledge of ancient medicine and cured a king, the monkey that almost managed to sued the Devarāja Li if not for the Gold Star Of Venus's intervene, ment to represent the mind in all it's clever chaotic glory. he was one of the top students under Patriarch Puti for goodness sake and was the one who solves most of their problems on the journey. He has his moments of being impulsive and dumb but not nearly as much as people might think.

Not to mention their favoritism of the Six Eared Macaque, they baby him as if he wasn't the representation of what Sun Wukong would be like if he actually didn't have any control and just did whatever he wanted. Now LMK Macaque actually is trying to help MK in season 4 which I am very happy about, but JTTW and LMK are very different. So please, if you want to say JTTW Macaque did nothing wrong, don't use LMK as source.

Now the show have some flaws that I feel need to be adress. The show deviates from the actual book a lot which I have no problems with as it's a kids show but how much deviations are you allowed to have to the point of being an bad representation of the actual book. They said they consulted Chinese experts on the book which sometimes you can tell but other times, it just doesn't feel like it.

But there are also some fans that spread nonsense around and because they have a lot of followers everyone just believes them without more research. It made the show just feel like another bad adaptation in a sea of plastics that just so happens to float above the rest of the bad adaptations the book have gone through.

Which is a shame, you can tell a lot of thought and hard work have been put in the show with it's stellar animation, amazing voice acting, beautiful soundtracks and some actual moments that can put you to tears. But I wish the fandom would stop taking information from the show and stop saying it's exactly like the book. It made just enjoying the show and interacting with the good part of the fandom with it's beautiful fanart and great discussions harder to enjoy when all you can think about are the inaccuracies people are spewing around about the actual book.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my long rant. I really needed to get this of my chest.😮‍💨

I might rephrase this at a later date if I'm unhappy with it.

[littletealseal]

TW: animal death mention

Wish I wouldn't keep starting these posts like this but!... hey guys, been awhile hasn't it?... muh

Ok but for real a lot has been happening in my life since I last fell off this website... again, I've been doing some stuff with my girlfriend and spending time with her too, we've been working on some projects that aren't art but video game related so that's also a thing... and then the biggest thing to shake my world up...

My dog Vanilla Swirl... has sadly passed away...

Ik ik this is kinda a big thing to drop but I feel I need to just get it out there because while I knew my life would be flipped from the trauma of loosing her.. I didn't know it would be this bad. Like ever since last week when we had to put her down (she was very old at 14 years and was ready to move on ) I felt like I had zero energy, even less energy than I already had issues with! I couldn't bring myself to check in on people I knew and even games for daily stuff, plus I got a bad stomach bug last week as well so that didn't help anything.

I'm not trying to gain any sympathy but to just explain where I've been and where I want to go with this blog.

I deleted my last art piece since I honestly felt after thinking on things it was a very stupid post to make, "not needing certain things" I was so dumb to think that stuff, because I'm needing to regress more than ever due to all this trauma being hurled at me now, not to mention just getting through each day without any problems. Man this post is sounding more and more like a vent post huh?

I honestly want to get back into drawing, because it's something I've always had at my disposal, my ability to draw and create. I'm honestly getting real tired of just letting my abilities rot away and not being able to do anything with them when I need them most. I want to perfect my skills and go somewhere with them, so from this post forward I'm going to attempt to post a drawing (being a doodle or full illustration) here or on my mains just so then at least I can get back into the swing of things, just like how it was when I was a kid 💔

I'm not sure when I'll make a digital drawing since I want to get a proper setup for that (since with how things are with my tablet and it's cables it's driving me NUTS ) but look forward to some classic paper and pen doodles from me :3

See you guys later c:

[snarky-wallflower]

This is definitely a vent post. I try not to make these. And honestly, please skip over this. I just need to talk into empty air.

I can’t sleep.

it’s four am, I have a class at 8:30 in the morning, and I can’t sleep.

Getting Threads was a mistake. I’ve just been scrolling it for the last hour and a half, and…god, the amount of people I’ve seen who are just as sick as I am, if not more so, the amount of people I’ve seen terrified for the future—people are going to keep fighting, I know, but it’s terrifying seeing what effects have already happened. It’s terrifying seeing the logic of those who voted for Trump, the logic of those who voted third-party—I can’t claim to understand the American electoral system, can’t claim to be an expert…but…god.

I am so, so scared for my friends. My American friends, who all deserve so much better than this bullshit. Who shouldn’t have to fear their rights being taken away. I hope every initiative from Project 2025 is blocked. It’s sickening, it’s horrifying—and I know Canada’s problems will only be increased by the fact of who’s in power right now.

my mom called me yesterday, maybe an hour after I found out. She asked if I seemed sick. Somehow, despite being able to talk about it here, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it with her. I just said I was tired, yeah, and didn’t bring anything else up. I’ve never been much good at communication, maybe that’s why.

…it’s really fucking sad I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about this with her. I genuinely do think part of that is on me. They do want me to communicate with them. I just got so used to hiding—both fandom and otherwise—that it’s…hard, for me, to talk about a lot of real things with them.

(Like, I remember accidentally putting a TGOA poster in frame when I was on a call with my dad and my little sister. They almost seemed amused by it, and I just dismissed it by telling them it was a show I liked. Maybe I was being over sensitive. I was probably being over sensitive. I kind of get panicky when they start showing any form of interest in stuff I like. Shoutout to when they put on Wolf 359 in the car and I was convinced they were doing it to make fun of me, while they told me they really weren’t. That was months ago. It’s something I need to work on.)

I’m so, so fucking terrified that if I bring up the election with my family, they won’t take it seriously. My dad is an American citizen. I never asked if he voted. I think he voted for Biden last time around, but I’ve never asked if he planned to vote in this one. He’s made jokes about Trump before. I swear, my family seems to think it’s a joke, that I hate him. I should explain things better—but why is it my job to do that? Why is it my job to explain why I stopped supporting people like JKR, why I don’t like to make jokes about Trump—my parents are adults who can educate themselves. I just never bring up politics if I can help it. I’m a coward for it, I know. But I just…don’t.

Maybe they would support me. But I’m so scared that I would tell them how scared I am of Trump being elected, and they wouldn’t listen. I’d rather be scared than be proven right, even if I don’t know the odds.

an aunt I don’t really text…ever from America asked how university was going for me yesterday. When I asked how she was in response, she said great!! Maybe it’s just because we’re not close, and I’m not brave enough to ask how she feels great on that day.

(god, I hope she didn’t vote for Trump. But I still remember when my grandfather on that side said Jim’s here, and Cassie’s a queer! And I think I saw FOX News on their radio. I just…I don’t know. Maybe I’m being paranoid. Fuck if I know, I’m not going to text them out of the blue and ask! I don’t want to be right.)

I’m not even going to tag this one, I think. I just need to get it out somewhere. I’ll probably delete this in the morning. It’s a 4 am vent post, it doesn’t need to be coherent. Or even reasonable.

[gamblegun]

just wanted to pop in and say that i appreciate your blog, it has given me so much comfort, but i will totally understand and respect you if you delete it. im sorry for all of the hate you've gotten and had to see.

i've been really struggling with how trans men are treated currently and our historical erasure/non-inclusion lately. if i can be completely candid i feel like i no longer belong under the label "trans" and it honestly causes me discomfort. but i'm not cis either. i won't ever go off of T or be a woman or anything like that. i love my body but i don't love being in this community. i honestly can't even connect with the flag anymore. i tried but this recent outpouring of hate has made me realize how forced i felt.

i don't belong and at this point i dont want to mold myself into someone who does. i don't want to be the kind of person that antitransmasc trans people begrudgingly tolerate. i desperately wish i had some kind of third word or third space outside of all of this where i could just exist as a man. i don't care what i am "technically". i just want to be a man and to be left alone about it, not "cis or trans" but Just Some Guy.

reading your thoughts has made me feel less alone as I struggle with this mentality. i haven't found an answer and i doubt anyone will propose or make anything like what i want. but i just wanted to sincerely say. thank you. i would unironically send you $10 if I could (all the spare change I have right now.)

i may privately save some of your posts to re-read when i feel isolated and unheard. if that's not alright please feel free to enforce that boundary and i will respect it.

Hey, first of all I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm glad that my blog has brought some comfort to you, and I hope that wherever you end up and however you decide to conceptualize your identity, you find it fulfilling and peaceful. It's tough rn, I have trouble walking away from this discussion, especially since it tends to jump scare me when I'm engaging with fandom stuff, but a couple months break made me feel better, so I'd suggest setting it down and doing something you enjoy instead if you can. However, I know it isn't really all that simple since a lot of this pertains to irl problems, even just general transmasc isolation, so no judging if you struggle with disengaging. I haven't officially decided to delete this blog, it was mostly a vent post tbh, but feel free to save posts. I have long accepted that whatever I'm sending out into the internet will exist somewhere forevermore lol.

I currently haven't set up anything that I feel like is anonymous enough for my Inflammatory Opinions Blog, and even though I am very open to receiving money lol, I wouldn't want to take your last ten bucks. I'd rather you get a treat for yourself. Personally, I got myself a slice of tres leches cake after work today, it was delicious.

[vivizn]

Re: the tags you put on my post; you don't have to figure out the gender stuff all at once. You mentioned dresses? Try wearing dresses! Try a different set of pronouns, try a new name. None of that stuff has permanent ramifications. Take advantage of your group of non-cis friends for support with the name and pronouns stuff, they'll be thrilled to help. If you're "wrong" and you're "just" a GNC cis guy? That's still a great thing to be, if you're doing it on purpose!

(Future me here, quick info. Context at the bottom, and OP this turned out kinda long so read this when you have 5min to spare.)

Oh, uh, hi

Sorry, didn't expect a feedback on that, i was kinda yelling into the void and i keep forgetting this site is made of people ^^'

First off, thanks for reaching out, always nice to see that happening. And i hope you had, have and will have a nice day. Triple kindness in your face.

Secondly, dresses. It's kind of an ironic love that i have for those? Like, i just like wearing dresses for the bit (or on rare occasions i'll wear my skirt cuz it's faster to take on/off than pants). I say i get giddied up but It's really more because of the reaction of those around me (they find it funny (not in a mean way) so i'm glad i made them laugh).

Thirdly(?), changing names / pronouns. My *checks bio* neo-gendered sibling in christ, i can't even name my OCs, what makes you think i can name ME ToT ? As for the pronouns, eh... idk, i'm fine with keeping he/him i think, keeps things consistant. Again, default settings. I definitly need to try it one day though.

Fouthly? Fourtly? Fourd? Fuck, permanence. You fool. You absolute baffoon (affectionate). How dare you think for a moment have what it takes to handle ephemerality? I literally have mlp themed stickers still in package because i don't want to deal with using them somewhere and later not having them anymore. Either I will give up after the first time someone uses another set of pronouns, or the short period of time where they did will haunt me forever because nothing came out of it. <- also work if i end up changing pronouns, my brain is good at thinking bad. (I also have a suspicious amount of ND friends. Yeah yeah, i know, the idea of seeing a therapist sounds sexier everyday.)

5 (because i'm tired, it's 3am), being wrong. That is actually something i somewhat enjoy surprisingly. Because at least that means i have something to go off of, a starting point. That's usually all i need to start working on anything that require thought (so literally everything). I'd rather have someone tell me to do a thing and then shit on the thing they told me to do than having someone tell me "just follow your heart 🥰🥰🥰". Like, cool bro, how do i do that? Bitch won't move, how am i supposed to follow it?

1/3 of 666, credits. I never know how to close off rants because i always forget the first 3 points i try to make. So uhhh thanks to your patience if you've read through that (i feel like you would), sorry for ranting/venting(?) on what was just supposed to be a positive message i think. Thanks again for trying to reach out, but i honestly think i've got to deal with my other problems before i can tackle my gender (like the o so joyful experience of finding a job. yay.) (<- monotonest voice ever).

original post + my tags for those interested in context, AKA: hi alexxel, hi malt (watch out for the rant in your name, i'm gonna steal it), probably hi gayotic

And a pic of me in a dress because i feel like it

Couldn't find a dress so all you get is a fashion disaster, feat a hat i borrowed from a friend to complete the fit.

[bosskie]

My Way to Be

I did already post this WIP to my previous, long post about my Molluck stuff, but I felt like posting it separately under different tags since I feel like saying this out loud (read more about the WIP from here):

Honestly, I don't know how I 'should' publish my works. Last year, I used those tags but now, I have just felt like going under a rock... So, if someone wants to see more Molluck stuff, there is more art, 3D stuff and just writing about him on my blog, from this year.

I have mainly posted this year only under my own tag since well, they have been mainly WIPs and since I do suffer from my mental health problems, I can feel easily like my stuff is not worth of seeing... I just see mostly all my flaws. But well, I have also vented here since I have needed it and there somewhere I do still wish to be a happy story about healing from mental health issues, after over a decade of having them.

I have changed my way to be because my self-hatred has just become worse, for no reason... It makes me wanna be invisible but I still know that it's something I shouldn't be. I know what kind of paradox this is: I won that Soulstorm tattoo competition while I felt like deleting my submission after posting it since I thought that it's nothing like they wanted and looked bad... This is just a prime example of how it affects me.

I'm only talking about this since I do wish to let you enjoy my stuff if you do. It's like the whole point of having a blog for Molluck, give joy to the others who enjoy Molluck content. I'm not seeking attention but wish to share Molluck love to the people. I do not feel like giving my data to this place just to create for myself since I could do it offline. There somewhere I do wish to bring joy to this world, even my ill thoughts tell me I'm just ruining everything. I could interact more with you if I didn't have these issues; they are just that strong... I can just feel like no one probably wants me to comment their stuff... I know that it's probably not true but the feeling is just so strong...

I feel sorry for being like this but I'm trying my best... Thank you for standing me! I do appreciate all the support you have given even my ill side tries its best to tell me it ain't true... My mind lies so much to me... I still keep trying, just like Molluck after getting his life ruined, in a certain way. It's been like 2½ years with him, and I say it like this because he is very important to me, my precious Gluk. I just cannot help myself with him, OWI just created 'the perfect man' for me... No one else just has made me feel like he does.

I hope that next year I'll have more time to do Molluck stuff... I just have too much ideas but too little time; my life is too busy... I have done no proper Molluck stuff this year because of this, all just WIPS or sketch-ish.

[animedoragon]

this is a vent post, if not interested just skip, thanks 🤠 I just need somewhere to scream into the void

I think I've honestly reached my limit of being nice, unironically speaking. of trying to put effort into relationships that end up blaming me for not doing anything, of trying to decipher other people's cryptic explanations of why it's not working, of trying to put my heart out there on pieces that get ignored or looked down on. like that just fucking sucks and there's only so much I can take before I'm tired. I'm sitting here thinking "wow, these memories will be so precious in the future!" and then they're just tortures.

I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want now. I want to reblog unapologetically and not worry about the likes or dislikes of those who follow me. I wanna have fun. I wanna make fucked up fanart no one but me will like. I want to forget the people who hurt me and start doing shit to heal, since I can't get a damn therapist where I live (and the only one I got sucked ass so badly I had to quit on the third session). and as for all the fun activities and gifts I had planned for people, I dumped them. I burned them all. if I remake them they'll be mine, for me, myself and I. stuff already posted doesn't have a "fuck go back" button after so many months, but I don't care much. what's done is done. and I'm not gonna live with regrets, I hate myself enough to try and carry the mental weight of hating other people.

I wanna be me, and all I can hope is that someone out there will be happy for that.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey! Can you do the news reporter from Metalocalypse x assistant reader plsplspls with a cherry on top? I am not the man who shall not be named. I promise /j

Dethklok minute host x assassistant!reader

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!!! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

RAAAAAH I'm not even taking metalocalypse requests!!!!! But just for you bookie bear <\3

Imagine you two are already close when he gets all burned up, you helping him keep those fresh wounds clean and tidy... I mean I dont know much about burn wounds, I'll admit that, but I do know they can get nasty infections... so helo that man out!

Sometimes vents to you about them as well, as well as the contract

The contract

I saw a headcannon somewhere that the host is legally binded or whatever to the network, and cannot quit at all. The hc also stated that he wanted to leave after getting all gummed up

And honestly , I love that idea. So much. I'd tag the person but I saw this nearly two months ago and I forgot to like it I'm so mad at myself

Please let him know hes loved and has value, that whole thing above as well as the scarring has done such a number on him mentally

I think most of the time his hair feels.... jsjdjv... because of the products he uses for shows and stuff, but when its freshly washed and clean I think that it's very soft. Give him scalp massages. Trying to keep up with dethklok stuff and dig for information drives him up the wall, as well as the whole stress of the contract thing

He probably gets migraines from the stress tbh

Back and forth banter between you two between when the show is on and when it's not.. honestly I think he likes towing the line between getting caught and

.. not caught

I mean it depends on if you guys are openly in a relationship

You know

Loves hovering around your little workspace, strikes up a bunch of conversations with you

Uses his show host skills to chat up a storm and draw questions out of you to get to know you better

Sneaky bastard you probably don't even notice it yet

And now he knows your favorite flowers and hes dropped off some at your desk with a little note

Depending on when you guys get together determines on how hold he is. Pre burns hes going to be all up in your face and confident, and post burn I think he would he a smidgen less... confident.. even more so when the drooly bits start hanging from his mouth

That being said I dont think he fully reels himself back into a shell, no I think he would still push himself to put himself out to you but

You know

Anywahs I hope you enjoyed this fartboy I know who you are!!!!!!!!!

[system-of-a-feather]

DISCLAIMER SECTION

I'm gonna ramble about race / cultural experiences and trauma (probably) and this time it really isn't a line of thought ignited by syscourse or anything - but I'll tag it's tw anyways cause I'd rather people be able to filter it out than get it out there, but anyways

(for the note this was actually spurred on from a number of conversations I was having with a few parts today at work, one of which being that post about "diagnosed early vs diagnosed late" trauma; none of these points necessarily reply to that but for transparency and context)

For all of this, if any points or topics relate or resonate with you, feel free to comment, reblog, discuss, whatever on this post. Theres a lot of trauma talk on this and some level of details (CW will be provided before each section along with CW: clears), but none of this is really intended as a vent or trauma dump as much as... ya know, just talking about it as it is.

--------

As we've gotten further and further along with our healing, we've come to be a lot more open and comfortable talking about topics specifically relating to our trauma - at least in a C-PTSD / paranoid about giving out things that can be used to hurt us sense - and that is honestly really great and I'm really happy and proud for that

The thing is though, even though we've mostly declawed how easily our main triggers can be poked at and thus enabled us to feel more confident and ok talking about it, we honestly still are hesitant to do so for two main reasons.

One, being a simple lack of motivation to do so as it doesn't really come up and we don't really think about it more than we have to and often when we have to its usually not a place of mind we have the spoons to talk about it - ya know, normal healthy things.

The second though is because we've really come to learn that a lot of people in online trauma and dissociative communities really don't understand a lot of the largest and foundational themes of the trauma we went through and in my experience in the community, more often than not the response I've gotten from sharing that sort of things have always been more uncomfortable at best than helpful or positive.

And I think there are like... maybe three main things about our childhood core trauma that just make it hard to talk about with the tone of the community + the general heavily white area. This isn't meant to be like "oh you are bad if you fall into this" or anything, I don't have any ill intent or "call out" to really anyone even those who might heavily contribute to this cause its not that much talked on afaik. Mostly talking about this in a sort of, I guess commentary? I dunno, food for thought I guess.

But the first area...

as you might expect from this post and some previous ones, is that due to the fact that the community is heavily white-person run and driven and filled with many white peers, a lot of the talk and understanding of "trauma" and what kind of "chronic childhood trauma" typically looks like to form DID is informed by a white and western standard of trauma. And that isn't to say it is WRONG or BAD, but it makes it so that there is an inherent understanding that anything that differs from that is typically "better" rather than looking at the differences in a large scale cultural-context lens. And this sort of stuff has on MULTIPLE occasions had people respond to me venting or sighing about trauma-related stuff and stating that they wish they had that growing up - which I absolutely understand but it is OBVIOUSLY intensely insensitive and lacking in insight. I don't think any of those people who made those comments MEANT bad, but the nature of the discussion of trauma in these spaces being so heavily white centric and run has made it so that people forget to take culture into account and over simplify trauma into this "A is bad and B is - even when bad as well - inherently better". There is probably a level of classism / assumptions based on class as well somewhere in there, but thats a line of thought I hadn't thought much on past just a "yeah that probably plays a role".

(CW: RAMCOA related topics, CSA, etc)

The second...

is that our relationship with our sister falls awkwardly into the "not programming" in the sense of it's scale and intensity, but it would also be incredibly understated to just call it "conditioning" either and this might just be a "my feelings" on the matter than an actual reflection of the community, but I do often feel as though the nature of it not being either would result in it either being minimized OR people assuming I am trying to claim that I have the same thing as those that experienced programming and its just a really awkward place to be in. There is a lot of black and white talk regarding psychological abuse perpetuated by a person in power who has knowledge of DID and toyed with you as an experiment and project by intentionally learning to manipulate the parts. It wasn't at all the same level of proper RAMCOA, but it also was not just "conditioned learning" as our dissociation was actively targeted as a mechanism to create an unquestioning pet - that of which ended off getting pettled off to the a pedophile.

The complexity and nuances of the trauma and relationship we had with our sister like that combined with the very black and white language regarding trauma talk of that kind has made it just really awkward to try to explain to people because its really not either but as far as I know there isn't a term for whatever it was either. While chatting with a part (forgot which honestly whoops) we were thinking of officially just making our own term of like "trained" but idk, we aren't the coining type of folk so *shrugs*

(CW: CLEARED)

The third area...

Is just how messy and black and white the talk around autism. To those that haven't followed this blog from the earliest of early days, it might seem as though we were recently diagnosed with autism (technically true) and thats it and all, but autism has been a HUGELY prevalent part of our childhood and trauma history and honestly none of it really fits into the common narratives in PTSD / CDD spaces.

Firstly, we were neither really "early diagnosed" OR "late diagnosed" as our parents and my oldest sister (who was early diagnosed) noticed it EARLY on and immediately shaped my entire life around my "Aspergers" diagnosis that I was told I had when I actually never saw a professional for. Regardless, to my knowledge, I was diagnosed with aspergers from age 4 until they changed it to ASD and I asked my mom about it again at 15 or 16 when I started seeing a therapist and found out she never actually had me formally diagnosed. I then became "undiagnosable" due to the disorders that they COULD confirm, plus the weird relationship with my sister, and that I was raised in a "heavily autistic environment" where it was very plausible that I simply learned autistic behaviors as - at the time, thank you DID - I was too high functioning / masking and didn't appear to have significant impairment in any other areas other than being "a bit weird" in terms of how I view society and behavior again, both of which could be accounted for by environment + C-PTSD. It wasn't until well after I cleared stabilization for DID and undid a lot of the intense training our sister put us through, did our masking drastically decrease and it became apparent that yeah, we actually are largely impacted by ASD which ended up with us in the last few months being diagnosed. We were diagnosed early, undiagnosed, labeled "can not confirm nor deny if this is ASD", then diagnosed late, all simultaneously and so we don't really know where our word would fall in the general pecking order of "which group does your experiences fall into".

The OTHER thing is that our two primary abusers were autistic and their autism WAS inherently a part of the trauma that we went through and a lot of the talk of autism on the internet is so 'low supports needs' centric and sugar coated that it is very hard to feel comfortable commenting on how actually ugly and harmful autism can be to the individual AND those around them. This isn't to say its Autistic Abuse or any of that garbage, but my abusers autism is not a negligible or coincidental aspect of their abuse. It didn't make them an abuser, but it was still a large part of it.

(CW: Physical abuse and neglect)

My dad is confusing for 5000 reasons and anyone whose had DMs with me for over a year will know I sometimes share some of the REALLY confusing things about my dad (pretty sure he has DID as well but thats a conspiracy theory), but between his cultural trauma, coming from a """third world""" country, and having missed out on certain learning targets growing up due to the aforementioned first two - he has never been given the information, coping skills, treatment, or context to handle his symptoms in anything close to a healthy way. Its only now that hes (I think) in his 60s that my mom got a better understanding of everything that he's gotten any support, but with the sheer lack of assistance in his childhood, teenage years, and adulthood, its both a large task and honestly arguably not fair on him to try to get him to understand it beyond what is necessary to give him a life worth living.

But again, he had no ability and no tools to navigate his symptoms due to his complex and unfortunate situation and he absolutely did the best he could with what he had. Some parts in the system don't forgive him, but almost all of them understand and respect the intent at least. For example, we were poorly fed (and when we were it was usually garbage; think KFC 5/7 days a week for dinner) until we were 16 and able to drag the family into actually cooking because my dad would get into violent and aggressive meltdowns over ANY food smells, ANY mess, and ANY warmth. Cooking was basically forbidden until then because everyone was too afraid to risk it. Like there is a lot more to that, but its not something I'm given as clear access to and I aint gonna pry, but most of the most abusive behavior from him could very much be stemmed down to a sensory or communication issue regarding his untreated autism and a lack of ability to cope with it resulting in violent meltdowns.

(CW: CLEARED)

(CW: ABA)

Likewise, my sister who had been given ABA, from a young age taught me "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" and directly passed on HER version of ABA and HER understanding of autism onto me, which was just a garbage, intentional or not, way to excuse making me into her pet project rather than actually coping with her own trauma. (Plus 95% of the "information" she "taught" me was garbage including the infamous "having multiple consciousnesses in your head is a normal autism thing as long as there are less than 5" that I clown on every other day)

(CW: CLEARED)

I dunno really how to wrap this up, its like a conglomeration of thoughts we had today so its not really well organized but like... I guess AHEM *puts on my highschool english essay hat*

And so I conclude my essay on *checks notes* reasons I feel weird talking about trauma in online spaces? I think thats the point of this post? Idk I'm just rambling XD