#they couldve been more to me than a friend. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

t00thfull · 9 months ago

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my captain

i seek a way through, but for that i have to turn around and face the path i walked down already; i have to face you.

i cup your cheek in my hand and whisper "i never got over you. you took another path and i never got the chance." you're silent. the wind is speaking more than you.

i seek a way out; i am holding you and crying for something i could have had, something i missed on my first pass through here.

it is dark now, i've continued walking. i feel your breath on the back of my neck, i see your face reflected in the puddles. i know missing you is pointless, i need a way through.

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animentality · 2 months ago

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it's always super weird when you find out someone you thought you vibed with doesn't actually like you that much and really just tolerated you.

maybe it's just a neurodivergent problem. maybe normal people can always tell.

i can never tell. you talk to me a lot about our many shared interests, we hang out a lot, I thought we had chemistry, I felt comfortable with you and you never seemed uncomfortable with me, and you never told me I upset you...

but I guess I'm the idiot for being an open book and always telling people if they've done something I don't like. and for being willing to have hard conversations about boundaries from time to time.

my bad.

#gonna start lying like the rest of you #ah yes let me pretend i like you #im starting to think these kinds of people are just too insecure to shut down a friendship #like you just need to have friends to the point where you tolerate my existence #even tho i am offensive to your sensibilities #like come on bro #thats sad #just dump me #it wont bother me #not everyone is capable of tolerating me #thats alright #but say something you pussy #stop wasting both our times #pretending to be my friend hurts you more than me #i have real friends #i dont need parasitic pseudo friends who just need to feel wanted #im done with that #i know what a real friend looks like #youre not it and im not it for you either #i couldve been if you were honest #but people are not honest with others or themselves and thats what i hate most about people

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bittercappuccinu · 3 months ago

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tried drawing a wallpaper for myself :)

shadow alone below because i like how he looks more

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sth #my art #i surprisingly really like how shadow turned out #and yet at the same time i hate sonic lmao #there’s something about how he looks which bugs me because it doesn’t look right beside shadow #he just looks unfinished and i can’t think of what to add 😭#oh well #i got too tired to put more effort into it though and idk if i have the motivation to come back to this later #also i drew both of shadow’s inhibitor rings rather than him just losing one #yeah idk #sonic gives one to rouge but i like the idea of him having one to keep as well #I’ve seen other people with this headcanon too #i just think sonic deserves a memory of shadow too since he tried to save his life. maybe they couldve even been friends had shadow ‘lived’#but anyway whatever !!

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imageingrunge · 1 month ago

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Corphyeus did feel like a mustache twirling villain at the end of DAI but at least they gave him that cool speech "I saw the throne of heaven and it was empty! God is dead and we killed him! I will lead the flock back to the righteous path now that I know the truth™" but Elgarn'an and Ghilian'nan?? Their whole raison d'etre is 'blighted gods do evil shit' that's it. Meredith had a red lyrium Idol driving her insane, but that is not the whole reason she becomes evil. She had to witness her 7 yr mage sister become possessed by a demon and burn down her house killing her whole family in the process. That causes her to follow the Templar Order, gives her a very negative outlook on mages, and makes her strict in her governance of Kirkwall's circle because she believes she is doing the right thing by protecting mages from themselves. The idol just speeds up the process of her become more and more paranoid about mages, and one can argue, she wasn't entirely wrong about the mage situation in Kirkwall (see crazy serial killer necromancer running around for two whole acts). If they weren't going to do anything interesting with Elgarn'an and Ghilian'nan then they should've dropped them and focused solely on Solas.

#dont get me started on the executors plot point it adds nothing to the story and takes away a lot of complexity from the world of thedas #anything epler has had abt it sounds like cope!!#personally i feel DA games work better for me when the stakes are lower DAI was kinda pushing it but the way u act as a herald of a prophet #made it work it and the way the inquistor looks sounds and acts like some one no younger than 27 feels more believable #that they can be a leader of men BUT rook??#comes off as very goofy 19yr old giving life advice he picked up from reading how to win friends and influence ppl #the saddest part of all this is the elven gods couldve been SO interesting if they wrote the religious and political implications for it #cuz it was very weird posing as Neve's elven man slave when infiltrating the venatori cult #as they worship Elgarnan in all his pointy eared glory as a god meanwhile im just standing there?? second class citizen?? hello???#datv critical #datv #da posting

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cosmicdenro · 2 months ago

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'rhm and wilhelm trying to hang out but their duties getting in the way so much so their relationship deteriorates throughout the months but in a way that makes them prone to jealousy of others getting to spend more time with the other and unable to figure out what the other even enjoys enough anynore as a gift' for tonight sir?

#big thoughts about the 2 of them #you jnow rhm isnt gonna leave reg alone as chief and sees him as priority #much to his dismay thanks to the guilt he feels for realizing he wants to prioritize reg at the cost of #barely seeing wilhelm again #he doesn't regret the duty but sure does wish there couldve been a way to see him more often. yknow.#like cmon him hanging out with wilhelm at the orion lounge.... off duty....#the fact reg knew he's out n about to spend time with friends now that they're in space and (mostly) safe... brahhh #safety = spending more time with other people than it just being rhm and reg all the time #they would be the couple who love the other's company but slowly have to realize that #the other may not always wanna be around since theyve got other people too #only natural ofc but it could get so warped with what rhm's duty and loyalty is focused on heeheeee #main trouble with a personal vow is that you have to sometimes sacrifice another precious thing #even if it means time with ur best friend at the cost of them not communicating much and feelings #getting complicated #WOW BIG LONG THOUGHTS. sorry im ill for them now #it is just so cute to me tbe thought that reg would like to provide more time to rhm eventually so he can get silly with wilhelm #as leaders they sure gotta focus work before relationships and i do love me the fics that showcase that between rhm and reg #and how complicated it can get trying to separate work and love #now for me to think the same-ish with rhm and wilhelm

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jankwritten · 1 month ago

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Siri search for “characters who were raised a way that never felt right and they always thought it was their fault until they realized the world isn’t what they were taught it to be and they’re suddenly filled with an intense, deep-seated hatred for the system they were forced to live in and actively contributed to and dedicate their lives to undoing the damage the system has done all while never feeling like they quite deserve the peace they found after the dust settled”

#I’ve been thinking about that post asking about a person’s favorite characters #and I’ve just realized a HUGE factor in mine LMFAO #Gordo? Gavin? Jason? Zuko? Kent? ZAGREUS??#I would say Bakugo but he’s different. he decided fuck the system not for how it raised him but for how it razed his best friend #I want to have other examples but my brain has decided to forget every character ever #and it’s not just characters that rebel or turn against tyranny y’know #like characters where it CONSUMES them.#Katniss Everdeen.#they have to have that rage. that anger.#the DISGUST.#y’know?#okay so I know Jason and Kent never canonically have that moment where they see just how fucked everything was #the screen time to y’know #like if Jason hadn’t been killed he would’ve seen the abuse he endured #if Kent had been more than an antagonistic ex love interest in OMGCP he couldve had really good insight into how fucked growing up queer in #hockey was #like that moment in the bar where they’re watching Jack and Bitty kiss #that moment. that’s the rage #that’s where it starts #‘why can they have it and I can’t?’#which grows into ‘I should’ve fucking had that and they took it from me’#to ‘I will rip this apart with my bare hands until nothing but dust remains’

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snobwhimsicality · 5 days ago

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hello chat i am going to be a hater in tags for a moment (jst finished natlan act IV)

#snobrambles #wow /neg #i heard the story was bad but WOWWW #hoyo you are lost potential the company #you took the topic of war and had so many different routes and perspectives to look into and you went with power of friendship #I KNEW IT WAS POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BC I HEARD MOOTS TALK ABOUT IT BUT I DIDNT THINK ITD BE SO ABRUPT?#im not even mad im just mildly annoyed #there were parts i liked like where youd see differences depending on what you decide to do #like chosing to save one or the other and seeing the consequences #i thought that was neat #other thing i liked was diff chars talking about how witnessing all this scarred them but. i wish they fed into that more #and actually SHOWED that feeling rather than just going “wow! so im traumatized now”#and dude you couldve done more with the ancient names and mauvikas past.#like you couldve at least made it so that the six heros reminded her of the people she knew #give us a bit of sorrow instead of her walking around imagining her old friends and smiling bc tbh that made me feel nothing #and god the six heros thing did not feel well earned #its yae all over again in the sense that it felt like everything got solved way too easily #like wtf were all those losses for. it felt pointless #paimon getting emotional and us probably seperating in the next act was somewhat intriguing #i feel nothing for any of the chars except kinich but thats bc i find him funny #ugh. this story couldve been so much better #war itself is such an interesting topic in stories and it has so much potential and they absolutely fumbled and flunked it #also chuychus death was so abrupt and chasca crashing out made me laugh. sorry. ik it was supposed to be sad but i felt nothing #she was holding back her inner alpha wolf THE GACHA ALLEGATIONS ARE NOT ENDING #i felt nothing most of the time #the only strong feeling i felt throughout the quest was annoyance (cough mainly bc of citlali cough)#dude even the fake sky part felt underwhelming #i dont like how they brought it up out of nowhere and then barely adressed it #“anomaly” ok. ig. so what was all that buildup abt the fake sky for. only to show it and then shove it under the rug #i have more thoughts but tumblrs going to eat my tags to tl;dr: (furina voice) BOOOOOORING

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jrueships · 2 years ago

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pg really had THE wag jarebear on his show and proceeded to dish out all his personal onions on his teammates i 😭😭

#it's like watching someone try to therapize harley quinn off her love of the joker #pg does like. zero research 😭 im so #he just relies on his experience to help connect the interviews all interestin-like #but other than that u think hes gonna look into the PAST??? when it's not INTERESTING?? or CONNECTIONS??? no!!#that takes away from playstation 5 p!!!#if the podcast had a normal interviewer... i dont think 1 a lot of players would wanna come cus no duh no selling point #but 2. those that did would be bored #i mean normal interviewer as in like if pg didnt have the status and was just some dude who liked basketball sorry too late to edit #like he really banks on the fact that Hes Pg with alot of these questions/talking points 😭#that jalen green interview...#NOW I COULD BE ACTIN A LIL RUDE. my attention span isnt great so long videos arent my forte #i have SEEN seen em n certainly not ALL of the podcasts #i dont like listening to podcasts in general they scare me but #i watch a few while working out but thats sometimes bcs mainly i like music #BUT FROM WHAT IVE SEEN..#theres been some frequent disconnects that couldve been avoided with just a Little more depth #a Little more diving #good thing paul always has another podcast friend to help 😭 but pg LOOVES asking questions so #sometimes he just be chitchattin 😭#jarens eyes getting all wide when pg brought up d*llon LMAO #im ngl it's kinda entertaining LMAO only bcs it's for the better jarebear!! if pg thinks hes in the right (which he always does)#he WILL speak his perceived truth! they either hit hard or miss harder (..coughdameconflictcough) HE WILL NOT BUDGE!!#and he is actually correct with this one! someone had to say it jaren!! just sorry it had to be pg 😭#but if he pulled that with anyone else and their friend i would be a lot more uncomfortable lol idk #i love the concept of being messy but i could never commit like. i got other shit to do 😭 yall have fun

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 2 years ago

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MAC MAC. SORRY I GOTTA RANT IN UR INBOX I’M HAVING MAD AT GENLOSS THOUGHTS. BUT THAT POST ABT THE BACKROOMS/POOLROOMS AND UR TAGS ABT WHAT YOUTUBERS DID TO IT GOT ME THINKIN. THIS IS THE EXACT PROBLEM WITH GENLOSS. ranboo took an already potentially scary concept—the deterioration of something when it’s been recorded over and over again until it’s incomprehensible, which could have been really cool if he had done it as an analog horror and made it so reality itself was deteriorating around them—and just fuckin. put Ooh Spooky Scary things in it and completely botched the concept. the fuckinggg. hey heres a big scary corporation CLEARLY WATCHING THE CHARACTERS!! ISN’T THAT SOOO SCARY AAAA!!!1! and the wire monster. and the “twist” villain hetch. the deaths. like. do u know brian david gilbert’s video Teaching Jake About The Camcorder??? that’s similar to what i wanted from genloss. if genloss was like some old video or show LIKE A SITCOM!! OR A GAME SHOW!! OR A HOME VIDEO!!! and the first season was was like almost completely normal and the second one was like a replay of the same episodes but Just Slightly To The Left and it progressed until it turned into something horribly irreparably distorted THAT WOULD BE COOL. THAT’S WHAT I WANTED. AUGH. PAIN. backrooms 🤝 genloss: oooh spooky scary monster makes things scary right??? ok sry i’m done i just HADDD 2 RANT. OK BYE

GODDDDD NO WHISKEY COME BACK UR SO SO SO SO RIGHT. I THOUGHT ABOUT GENLOSS AS I WAS WRITI G THOSE TAGS. actualy i was really thinking about the charlie/tommy/ranboo youtube vids where they just say "we're in the backrooms!11!1!" over and over again. like. aughghghhhg. god. genloss rlly is just ooooo let me shove this spooky scary thing in your face with 0 subtlety. there u go i have made horror. like thats NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS.

#will NEVER be over asters reaction to the big red button. we were on call and we both fucking SCREAMED over it #HE PUT A BIG RED BUTTON . IN THE HORROR SHOW #like that same exact scene would have been improved just by making it like. a big handle flip switch or something.#even that would have been more subtle than. big red fucking button #aster has this whole genloss rewrite that lives in my brain now. like. we couldve had it all.#theres so much that could have been just like. minor tweaks that would have improved it so much #theres no subtlety. theres no buildup. it's just BAM SHOCK VALUE. wow wasnt that scary #no it wasnt.#i haaaated the fucking monster at the end so kuch. i hated it . it made me so angry #like yes on its own it was really cool. in a different series it wouldve been great #but it was just SO fucking out of nowhere no buildup whatsoever . and i was there fir like 2 goddamn seconds.#oh whiskey jm so mad about genloss again . holy shit. that shit fucking sucked. 0 redeemable qualities im an enormous hater.#everything he could have done wrong HE DID WRONG.#there are a lot of the concepts that are so cool on their own and could have been cool if they were made by someone competent #HE EVEN WASTED THE GODDAMN NAME #like the meaning behind the fucking name is so cool. and he did NOTHING with it. fuck im so angry #asks #friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood

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elegyofthemoon · 1 year ago

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heheh friends :)

#no seriously nothing like spending time and hanging out w friends alskdjfalskjh i feel so much joy #we were sending one of the other students off cuz he completed all his training and stuff so big celebration #it was a lot of fun honestly!! i really wanted to do a little get together so we could all just hang out #we also got ice cream after ;; v;; (they had weird flavors!!!! habby)#it was a nice time i guess i just needed to stop being a hermit in my depression LAKSJDAFLKSFH #friends tag #depression: nooooo you cant hang out w friends youre gonna be a bother!!!!! stooooop #today: :)#snow speaks #anyways its been a good night #except now i realize im like 20 x more of a nerd than i thought before #literally everyone else slacked off for this rotation and im out here stressing and anxious like T _ T yall couldve told me i couldve been #in on it alksdjfhalskjh yall....#and now. i have to make myself study. or attempt to #asdlafkjsdh basically! ride the high #but as soon as the shower happens im going nightnight #fuck around and play honkai some more ig LMAO

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liquidstar · 2 years ago

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yurikuma arashi is probably ikuhara's weakest work imo but i HAVE to give it credit for slapping the word yuri onto fucking everything

#im not saying its terrible btw its just. well its no utena or sarazanmai. but it does have a framed photo that says Yuri Friends #i too am ''yuri friends''#ik it means lily too ofc but something tells me they didnt mean it in the lily way idk #i think my biggest gripe w yurikuma though was the oversexualization. and ofc i KNOW that it was kind of the point #in some respects at least #but i think there can still be ways of portraying than in a more tactful way #like utena's approach was better i think. it didnt have to be like super in your face but still made it absolutely devastating #while in yurikuma's case its honestly hard to differentiate it from just actual fanservice. it doesnt seem distinct from it at all #so i feel like it couldve been more polished... less gauche?#i get what they were going for yeah but i also dont think you can brush of critique of it w just ''well its on purpose'' yknow?#maybe if they had more time to flesh it out it couldve worked. yurikuma felt a bit limited w its 12 episode run #unlike sarazanmai which absolutely nailed it w a short run #but i do think the payoff at the end was good. like the story of the forest girl and the sky girl (or something) breaking the barrier #that was pretty cool like it had some real stuff going for it too so its like. not unsalvageable lol

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despite-everything · 1 year ago

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it can be so fucking hard to be close to people who have very different understandings of time and respect than you.

#im just going to bitch in the notes so i can get it out of my system #it fucking hurts my feelings when my friends are significantly later than they said they would be #they are driving up and visiting me which i do appreciate #but its like. 95% of the time im the one meeting them wherever and whenever works for them #and theyd made it sound like theyd be coming hours ago and they werent #and finally got on the fucking road and their eta was 13 minutes ago and they still arent here #and its like. i get that they have their own lives and traffi and shit #but ive told them many times that it genuinely upsets me when this happens #to the point that if they werent already on the road id just tell them to fucking stay home #its the biggest stressor in our relationship and it seems like theyll get better for a bit after we talk about it #then it gets bad again #and it sucks because i was excited! and now im feeling bitter and upset and i either have to swallow it #or bring the mood down #and im sure they have more shit to do at home so its not like they'll be sticking around for a long time tomorrow #if they do i'll be shocked #but like. id thought of fun stuff we can do and im cool with not doing them but a better fucking heads up would be appreciated #i shouldnt have to ask 3 times to find out when youre coming #especially when i give a very long time between asking to not be a bother #and it just feels like they dont respect me or my time. i couldve done so much more this afternoon #but ive been here fucking waiting for them.#and i told them i was worried this shit would happen once i no longer lived right near them #and they said it wouldnt be a fucking problem. well guess what.#and i have had to defend them to my dad who i live with as well #and then this shit happens. it sucks #anyway. i thought they'd be here 2 hours ago.#whatever. nothing i can do about it now.#tree talks

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chryzure-archive · 2 years ago

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reading books is always me going wild at the possibility of how good the drama will be, then being baffled and let down by the lack of catharsis a half-page apology scene provides

#the EMOTIONS COULDVE BEEN SO GOOD!!! give me this scene and let me rewrite it i swear i’ll make it amazing #i hate quick apologies and quick forgiveness over something that.. would’ve required more than a simple apology #you let your friends make fun of me and call me a whore? you say there’s no point to you staying in the city even when we’re a couple?#no sorry there’s no easy apologies to let me forgive you #books need to stop shying away from strong emotions!!!#i don’t care if the character’s in the right—i’m reading this book for SOMETHING to happen so GIVE ME EMOTIONAL CATHARSIS!!!!#memorie.txt #.bookthoughts

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sick-as-a-dog · 2 years ago

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×

#wanna know the funniest thing to come from this?#i just realized that during the first relationship i wasnt really in love #or maybe it stopped or it somehow became just traumabonding somewhere along the way idk #but the first breakup wasnt this painful it really wasnt like this at all #sad for sure but nowhere near this amount of agony #but my mate was different i think he was the first i really truly fell in love with #this hurts more than anything else ive been through #all the shit ive been through all the endless abuse i grew up with and was put through all of my life #all the bruises and trauma and scars are nothing compared to the agonizing devistating gaping pain spreading through me rn #i want my mate back i want this to fuckig end i desperately want to die just to escape all of this #the horrible realization that the anxiety and paranoia were fucking right and not just some bpd fuelled worries #that him calling himself aro maybe WAS a warning of this happening after all and i shouldnt have trusted when he said im his exception #the fear that hes going to slowly leave just like the first one did because tbh its unavoidable and understandable #this pain that just wont stop and will never stop because why the hell would it stop im losing my best friend and love of my life #we couldve worked through it if he just didnt give up why did he give up why didnt he want to try literally anything else before this why #he gave up so i probably should too but idk how idk why i cant just fucking give up like he did whats wrong with me #why did this one have to be so much more painful than the previous one even if hes swearing to stay? was everything just lies after all?why

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gothteddiesdotcom · 1 month ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/bigothteddies/767686753892139008/maybe-i-need-to-be-more-harsh-with-people-because

Have you considered showing some of that care to yourself? You wouldn’t want your friends going back to people who make them feel like crap ): you deserve better

whatever I got is chronic unfortunately ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#asked and answered #anon #i’m sorry I know youre saying this from a good place #i am just. not good at caring for myself like that and do not respond well to people attempting to convince me to #anyways #its really not that bad #im not being mistreated or anything #i just chronically put my entire self into loving people I decide I care about #and its frequently not returned #and thats allowed! no ones expected to love me back simply because I love them #but i find myself in…awkward more than friends but also nothing more than friends situations #with a lot of tension and history and complications #and whenever I reflect on these relationships and how much i care about people and how much it couldve been #it hurts !!#i go through it about once a week its not a big deal #ill eat some chicken tenders or somethin and be fine #anyways as I said #genuinely appreciate your care #🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 month ago

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Damn

Health insurance gets a lot cheaper when theyre not taking my moms income into account

#$100/month compared to 400 #i couldve also gotten several free ones but the copays were a lot higher also if i actually had to USE my insurance for more than regular #doctor visits the deductible and out of pocket expenses were way higher #and i dont go to the doctor as much as i probably should but i might start #this one has a $3000 deductible and only 700 out of pocket as opposed to 7000 deductible and 9000 out of pocket #which is more reasonable #i did not check if gender affirming care is covered cuz my mom was helping me and i got stuck debating if i wanted to get into that rn #the anxiety won out in the end #if my dad hadnt been sitting on the couch gaming i mightve been able to push through it #id rather just tell my mom and then SHE can tell other people #like with my autism #i mean. she tries not to do that cuz she hared when her mom shared personal information about her with other people #but mom. pls. i hate talking to people. i will avoid conversations as much as possible. even if its things i want people to know about me #please just tell them for me so i dont have to #at least when it comes to family #i can tell my friends shit #most of the time #but it helps that i have grandmas on both sides that are extroverts that tend to overshare #mom just has to tell them and itll get out there #i use my oversharing grandmas to my advantage #i just have to be strategic in what i tell them #or in most cases what i want my mom to tell them

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