#I want to have other examples but my brain has decided to forget every character ever

[jankwritten]

Siri search for “characters who were raised a way that never felt right and they always thought it was their fault until they realized the world isn’t what they were taught it to be and they’re suddenly filled with an intense, deep-seated hatred for the system they were forced to live in and actively contributed to and dedicate their lives to undoing the damage the system has done all while never feeling like they quite deserve the peace they found after the dust settled”

[sessakag]

Hi! I'm really curious about your writing process because you're writing so many stories simultaneously which i think is really impressive. 💖 Do you already know what's gonna happen in the story such as the ending? Do you outline the plot before starting a story or is the plot decided as the story goes? Do you also forget what happened in the previous chapters so as that you have to reread them before writing the next chapter?

My writing process can be summed up in one word: chaos.

Absolute chaos, no joke. I am always all over the place, bouncing from one fic to another, files everywhere, folders everywhere, docs everywhere, like omg, its so disorganized on my side of the fic but its like a disorganization I can navigate quite easily most of the time😅and yes, I write a lot of stories simultaneously, but its on a bigger scale than folks see, lol. I've been working on 8 unpublished stories at once alongside Prey and Butterfly for the last month or so🤔my brain is just always going, and it switches from one thing to other, sometimes within minutes, sometimes days, sometimes hours, and then I get super fixated on whatever has my attention at the moment and the words just come pouring out of my brain😅I do take breaks when my hands and wrist start to ache, though that only makes me think of more stuff to write about.

I usually have a very clear vision for my fics, they're like movies or tv shows that I live through and experience inside my head, but the majority of the decisions on how to get to point A to B are made on the fly and I do not constrain myself if the story takes me somewhere other than the "clear vision" lol. I'm allergic to following guidelines. I just can't write like that, I have to like, feel the story as I write and if I can't experience the feeling of it then I go a different route, planned or not. it's hard to explain it without sounding like a crazy lady😅but yeah, I'm all feels and instinct with my stories, not much deliberate structure, though I have tried that before, and I was bored to tears and started dreading writing. Prey is a prime example of this. I planned on writing it one way, Prey!Naruto told me no🤭

I know how just about every single one of my fics are going to end already. I may not know how I'll get there, or what will happen in between, but I do know for a fact how they will conclude(unless the story demands a different end, but it's not likely to happen I don't think). I've already written the end for Butterfly, Monster, A Cure For Love, Prey, Dirty Little Secret, most of my unpublished fics and partially finished Secrets but I'm iffy on that one since I'm torn in two directions on how to conclude it. Once I get to the sequel I should have a better feel for it. But yeah, the end of these stories are already ready, they're just waiting for me to get there😂probably one of the reasons why I linger so much on fics so much🤔I already know they end and wanna have fun until the party's over🤭

I do forget things sometimes and need to re-read my stories, though for the most part, my fics are like movies I've seen a million times and I remember them just fine. I mostly re-read to pick up the momentum I had before I left, or to "get back in character" with the characters in the fic. Like if I've been writing Prey for an extended period of time, and then want to go to a fic where Naruto is more in line with his canon self, I'll have to re-read the story to put that hat back on, or listen to music that's less idgaf trap rap and more Naruto OST🤭but forgetting what happened in the previous chapters nah, not really. Not unless I'm having an episode or something, lol. Then Idk wtf is going on🤭

Anywho, hope this answered all your questions, but feel free to ask more!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some questions about recent posting!

Anonymous asked:

How do I gain access to this 🔑 account?

Just DM me, Anon! We just need to make sure that you are an adult and would be okay with the stuff that we post there.

Anonymous asked:

Why are u against ur stuff bein tagged as x reader when some of ur ramblings could be considered as such?

It’s because that would be misleading, Anon.

We don’t have anything against “x reader” stuff, but this isn’t the type of content that we create, and even though some of my ramblings could be considered as such, this isn’t the intent. Whenever I write headcanons and use phrasing like “you’d have to really try to piss this guy off”, I’m not doing it with the idea of you-the-reader interacting with the character – it’s more of a generic statement about that exact character and their personality.

We ship characters with each other, and even if one of the parts of the ship is not a major canon character, a mob or just some rando we came up with for the sake of the story, none of this feels the same as “x reader” to me. We focus on their interactions with other characters and with other potential people within the story, which, in my head, is the opposite of the “x reader” posts. It’s not “if you, the reader, were to date Trey, he would act like that”, but more of a “Trey is the type of person that does this when he is dating someone”, implying either one of the existing ships or some random student.

Of course, you can still read those posts as if they were written to be hypothetical scenarios for the reader, but when it comes to tagging, it could create awkward situations. Like when I draw Malleus (just an example) doing something flirty, in my head implying that the other party is either someone we ship him with, or that it’s just a generic drawing, and people assume that it’s “x reader” because someone tagged it as such, which leads to them being then disappointed that we ship Malleus with Lilia of all people and don’t want to play along with yume comments. It’s just ends up being uncomfortable for everyone involved, and, I’ll say it directly as well, it is uncomfortable for us.

Sorry for rambling, and I hope that makes sense. Once again, it’s not like I have anything against it, it just wouldn’t be truthful to tag our posts like that, just like it wouldn’t be truthful to tag them as Leechcest or Idivil because those aren’t the ships that we are depicting.

Anonymous asked:

Nerd Kalim is hurting my brain 🥵 Can we get him a harem full of gyarus? NRC has plenty of them...

(related to this drawing)

Hehe sorry~

Oh god, Kalim and his gyarus… Every bottom is a gyaru now, congratulations Kalim… Honestly though, Jamil has such nice sporty gyaru vibes!! But they would look so cursed together with Kalim’s nerdy looks lol In a good way.

For some reason, we talk a lot about Kalim’s harem these days hmmm. There is another ask I’ll reply to hopefully soon related to the topic of Kalim’s harem…

eh-nonnie-mouse asked:

Azul may be hard as a rock but Idia's as soft as a bun ( I'd like to think as bony and lanky as Idia is. He's got some cushion on his ass)

Also Idia if you keep poking Azul might decide to poke you somewhere else 😉

Awww, this is so cute! Idia being unexpectedly soft… Azul needs to be careful with how and where he’s poking him, he could leave marks everywhere~

I feel like I always end up drawing Idia “finding out after fucking around”, so to speak. He keeps pestering Azul, and Azul keeps “poking him” in the right places as his revenge…

thestarlightfae asked:

Is Idia commenting on Azul's muscles?

Yep! He keeps forgetting that Azul got them pecs…

thestarlightfae asked:

Alright! Another question as I read through the headcanons! When you that Leona may have had a relationship with twst!Zuzu do you mean the canon one-Kifagi/Negi-or an oc of yours?

I’ll answer all of your questions!

I should also clarify: I didn’t mean that he had relationship with twst!Zazu, I tried to note that this is NOT him that I’m talking about! We haven’t seen the event, so I have no idea what he is all about, but based on the vibes, I don’t think he would fit that role. This wasn’t about any specific OC either; it’s just that when I look at Leona, I can picture him having an older male figure in his life at some point. Someone that he secretly admired and maybe had a connection with, but at this point in his life it’s just a thing from the past. Nothing too deep, I don’t really want to dive into it lol Just a thought that I had.

Also! I just noticed his gold nail-polish! Its pretty, but Kalim is wearing too much gold, he needs more variety (comment on his character, not your art: you art is amazing as always). I bite my nails so I never wear nail polish cause I'll still end up biting, and it tastes really bad. On the topic of nail-biting, do you think and of the twst boys bite their nails?

I’m glad you liked the art, thank you so much!! Yeah, Kalim really is the king of gold lol It looks good on him… even though it’s excessive sometimes. But now I wonder if Kalim bites his nails. Weirdly, I feel like he doesn’t. 🤔 But I’ll think about it some more + about other characters as well, and write a proper post about it! At some point…

Also, have you seen the Scalding Sands event? If so, do you think Najima is a top or bottom?

Haven’t seen it, unfortunately, so no thoughts about Najma :( But I like her design…

I'll go now! Thank you! Have fun the wild journey of my adhd thoughts! Please lmk if I'm being too much and I'll try to tone it down next time!

No worries about the thoughts and questions, thank you for your ask! Feel free to send more; I am pretty speedy with my reply this time, but god I am grateful for everyone’s patience…

Wait! One more! I personally headcanon Leona to have some sort of Alcohol (that word is way to hard to spell) dependancy! What do you think? Do you think any of the twst characters use drugs/ or drink excessively? Do you think any of them are addicted? Alright! Goodbye for real this time!

…this is also a topic for a post that’s going to take longer for me to think about, so for now I’ll just keep being grateful for your patience! It’s an interesting one to think about, and I might group it with some other ask I’ve been wanting to address already…

Thank you for your questions <3

[darlingkirstein]

can I ask how you go about developing your stories/plot? I think coming up with an idea is (semi) easy because ✨vibes✨ but how to you actually turn that into a story? there's so much (character, backstory, plot, arcs, etc.)

I'm anxious to know how it is your going about developing home beckons the wanderer. Are you using any sort of method? I can't see you using a "point a to point b" method. It feels more complicated.

I know what I want to write but developing that is daunting. (In general and time wise)

Are you at all getting impatient with the development of your stories? Sometimes I forget a story can't just instantly be entirely plotted within the span of a week.

I apologize if this was too invasive, feel free not to answer, but if you do, I greatly appreciate it <3 take care love

it's not invasive at all!!!! these are all super great questions — and i hope my answers can be helpful and ease some fears!! and ofc, always feel free to ask more questions if you have them! :) i'll include some screenshots from my planning documents because i am a visual person so maybe you are too and that'll help :)

every story is different for me, and some are far more demanding and complicated than others. but, generally, it's outline, outline, outline. i have never been able to just write without having an outline backing up, unless it was for a one-shot or something more simple. another tool i have found extremely helpful and honestly essential for me is discussing my barebones ideas with others and watching them grow with the combined brain power behind it. if you have people in your corner supporting your ideas, let them help you!

so, for developing a story, start with your major idea. then, just start coming up with little ideas, anything, doesn't need to be in order. discuss with your friends, whatever helps! write those ideas down somewhere. i personally use a combination of my notes app, google docs, and the app notion to organize my thoughts.

notion tends to be where i start — i'll jot down little ideas i have, basic stuff needed to kickstart the rest. here's an example for the cult au:

google docs tends to be where i flesh whatever i did in notion out and have it more accessible. here's an example from thespian's coquetry:

for me personally, i have recently started spending a lot of energy into the development of the story/background before writing it. that also tends to be why i take forever to update/publish. let me get into the four things you specifically mentioned! characters, plot, backstory, arcs.

characters: stories depend on characters, and they need to feel real and have the capability to connect with the reader! i myself sometimes struggle with feeling like i don't do a well enough job with this. the main thing here is motivation — what drives this character, what is their goal/purpose, what makes them do whatever they are doing for the story? this goes hand in hand with their personality and their actions, so deciding what motivates them is important! this also ties into their backstory, so yeah it's important! their motivation will progress the story and explain their every action, so start there!

i can reference hbtw here actually, because it may be the story of mine where the character motivations are clearest — eren is motivated to go home to his family again, while mikasa is motivated to sustain herself financially by taking eren on their little quest. these motivations kickstart the plot and are essential to how it'll progress.

tldr; start with motivation, build from there, go to personality, hobbies, interests, quirks, etc.

backstory: this can be two things! either it's the actual world-building itself or its individual character backstories. since you're particularly interested in hbtw, I'll reference its development!

this story has been an absolute beast in terms of backstory/world-building development. this is why i say my process is dependent on the story, because this one is very involved and time-consuming. this is the place where you'll need to be the most patient if you're writing anything with a complicated world to develop. i am attempting to make hbtw as original as possible, so that involves a lot of building from scratch. right now, with the help of @strscrossed, i am working on the development of the eight regions in eldevane — this involves geography, economics, people, religion, history, and more. for example, i developed a history of eldevane's rulers and major historical events because, even though the story takes place decades later, i wanted to lay down a strong foundation to make the world feel real. this story is kinda stuck in world-building hell right now because i want most of that finished before proceeding because of how much eremika will be directly interacting with the world and its little intricacies. this is a daunting process, and its time-consuming! more on the frustration later.

basically, overall, my method for backstory development is to take it one step at a time and go slowly. there are also a lot of great resources for developing the world! http://arcadia.net/Cruinne/DnD/Articles/worldbuilding.html#language — this is an extremely (maybe overkill) detailed list of world-building things to consider in fantasy/sci-fi/etc. settings. the details matter, basically! also, consider your favorite medias and look at all the details there that feel small and inconsequential but develop the world and make it what it is. same with characters. what do you find interesting about this character's backstory? it is no danger to study fiction that you consider to be great? if you love it, you can learn from it :))

arcs: gonna do this first because it leads into the next bullet point. when you're starting to develop the plot, what helps me personally is putting a little shape to the plot, dividing it into crucial sections that are encompassed by one major plot point/resolution. if you divide your story into chunks, it may make development easier. for thespian's coquetry, i divided the story into three 'acts' and an epilogue to divide the plot more evenly in my head and make it less overwhelming.

this way, i'm able to break things down — when i think of a new plot point, i sift it between the three parts; where does it fit most? this makes placement of things less overwhelming, because it'll at least be confined to act i, ii, or iii. so decide these major headings and i find it'll help you compartmentalize things more accessibly.

plot: this is where its tricky for me. i have the exact same problem with every single multi-chapter story that i write; i know the beginning, and i know the ending, but it's everything in between that is muddled and less clear.

so, if you're me, you imagine the start, then (or oftentimes first) you imagine the ending — now, what has to happen between those two points for the ending to feel earned? what plot points will draw the characters closer to this pre-destined conclusion? most important in this is conflict. what conflicts happen to drive the plot? there will more than likely be multiple answers. there will be the overarching conflict/challenge (the dangerous journey of taking eren back home in hbtw is the overarching challenge) — but there will also be mini-challenges that serve the big one overhead. this can be inter-character conflict, quarrels, fights, disagreements, etc., but it can also be more external — challenges in their journey, little roadblocks that must be overcome to progress the story and maintain interest. there is only so long that a story can sustain itself without some degree of conflict; if things are smooth sailing forever, what's the point? if eren and mikasa's journey to eren's family happened without bumps along the way, sure it might be cute and wholesome, but it's not interesting, and the beautiful thing about stories is how they can interest and ensnare the reader's attention.

so, create little conflicts, big ones and important ones, and smaller ones more readily resolved. conflict drives the story. i think if there's one thing to take away from this total yap session of mine, it's that. seek conflict, and you'll find a plot.

please let me know if you have any questions or want me to clarify anything about everything i just said!!! i know it's a lot!! but i wanna be super helpful for your story!

now, you're absolutely right about hbtw being a very non-linear process. most, if not all, of my stories are developed like that. you develop as the inspiration takes you — i have been jumping between developing backstory/world-building which has bled into plot point development. it's one big system that works together — figuring out one thing often leads to another eureka moment in another aspect. me and stella developed the religious ceremony for eren's home region and that bled right into the story.

to answer your last question, ABSOLUTELY. i'm a very impatient person in all aspect of life, but i find it so frustrating when the ideas in my head cannot be immediately translated onto page. i was at first trying to rush through hbtw world-building before i was starting to burn myself out and realized that doing that was counterproductive and a total inspiration killer. this has been a very big challenge for me with all my stories. i'm rather meticulous, and i need to know the details and everything before starting, but sometimes i just want to be done with the planning and plotting so i can start. it's a perfectly normal feeling (or, i hope it is LOL)! you're eager to get your story somewhere, and you feel like there's an invisible wall that you keep banging your head against. i know that feeling well! writing can be an exhausting process, but it's the end result, finishing a story/chapter and sharing it with the world that feels very rewarding.

my overall tips for story development:

be patient and go slow — stories deserve nourishment, not ham-fisted neglect! your story deserves the time it needs to flourish!

jot down every idea you have. every single one. even if you're not sure you'll use it — better to have and not need then to need and not have. you really never know!

it's okay to go out of order! don't force yourself into a linear path if that doesn't feel right — it's never felt right to me! develop in whatever order you need to develop.

lean on your friends if they're willing! i probably would've given up on a lot of my stories already if not for my friends. (special shoutout to @random-millennial, @likesunsetorange, @strscrossed, @sinigangsta-ao3, @karizard-ao3, and others for always being willing to help me/listen.)

use online writing resources! there's so many articles and reddit posts (feels shameful to recommend reddit) and such with experienced writers happy to share their experiences and provide advice!

model after media you enjoy — can be books, movies, shows, manga, whatever!! figure out what you think the creators/authors/screenwriters did well and consider emulating it. you obviously like it for a reason! everyone gets inspired by someone else. don't feel like you're not a 'real writer/artist' because you reached out for resources or inspiration. you are real, and you're doing it!

HAVE FUN!!!! i'm a hypocrite because i often take all this way too seriously and get easily frustrated but promise, it's more fulfilling when you're really having fun doing it :))

i hope some of this was helpful!!!! apologies for the total yap session, i know this might be sorta overwhelming??? hope not! like i said, feel free to reach out with more questions, and i'd love to help you out individually if you'd be interested! all love and best wishes on the development of your story — manifesting nothing but success your way, and thank you for trusting me to help!

[rou-luxe]

as the certified #1 Alfons enjoyer, could I get your opinion?

so I've been listening to your alfons playlist (it's really good) but I'm also making one for myself that has more songs I'm into as well, and I was wondering if "chosen" by dua saleh fits him? I only know him from the eng server (and a few translations), so I would like an expert opinion before I commit to adding it.

only if you have the time or want to check it out, that is!

NAH MY BROWSER BROKE TRYING TO ANSWER THIS ASK

HELP... I'M THE #1 ALFONS ENJOYER NOW... 😭😭 AND I'M BEING CONSULTED FOR THIS... HEKJFKDHVKDLFJ

oooo you're making a playlist too??? could you send it once you're done 😇

ngl I'm from english server too (I know a bit of JP but I'm lazy 💀). checking this out right now. I am always free for Alfons research... I'm going insane...

about the song you mentioned - the verdict is go ahead 👍 I'd say it is more about him in a general way. says a lot about intoxication and the thrill. but honestly if I'm not sure I go pull up the lyrics and do an analyzation before deciding 💀💀

I forgot to make the thumbnails for the other LIs to publish the playlists thank you for reminding me 🌝

rambling under cut

my irl said "you probably think the alfons playlist is a masterpiece don't you? 😔"

I didn't think much of it at the time

Until I went on a listening marathon

speaking of my choice in songs for these playlists... it usually includes (examples from alfons playlist) - LI singing to MC - MC singing to LI (I would like to point out "KOE" - ASCA and "MEMORIA" - Eir Aoi. The main songs out of place. These songs are mainly about grief and loss, or forgetting someone / something. Alfons' MC, post-curse.) - joke / troll songs / inside jokes especially in alfons'. more hidden though. (Tom Lehrer is the most obvious) - vibe of LI - music mainly (eg. Chogakusei, "Loveit?") - vibe of LI - lyrics only. sometimes these songs don't really fit the LI musically but we cope

usually when making character playlists I keep these playlists to myself or just leave them public but never mention them publically like on tumblr - my brain works differently and I understand every little reference but that means I'd need to explain these playlists 💀💀

there are few songs that I feel suit them perfectly in both music and lyrics. these songs tend to be near the top of the playlist. however - due to certain headcanons occupying my brain recently about Alfons' curse, some songs feel out of place

some songs made me curl up and cry when in alfons context specifically - "House of Memories" - P!ATD - "Flight of the Crows" - Jhariah - "KOE" - ASCA - "MEMORIA" - Eir Aoi

there will be an explanation for alfons' at some point... not now though irl life is getting pretty busy

[thegeekyartist]

hellooo, this is from the questions for writers game: 4 (dealer's choice), 10, 17, 30, 40 💌

Hellooooo! Thank you for also always playing these ask games with me 💖💖

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

I'm really proud of all the baking elements in The Big Bloody Bake Off. I've worked in bakeries and candy stores for most of my life so I had some knowledge, but doing a LOT of additional research and incorporating all of it into a fic without it feeling boring or textbook was a bit of a challenge. But I feel like I conquered it fairly well while still allowing the love of the act to bleed through.

10. How do you decide what to write?

I've always loved daydreaming about my favorite shows/characters. Even as a kid I remember going to bed imagining different endings to whatever new Psych or Bones episode aired that week. It never occurred to me until a few years ago that I could actually be writing them down. Now I get these struck-by-lightning moments when I'm thinking about an idea and realize "Oh. There's something here." Then I can't help but feed the muse -- like with the 9k Star Trek oneshot I wrote all because of a trucker hat I saw at the thrift store.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

Oh god I have several that have been floating in my brain. I've been really getting into Star Trek, and I've had this idea of a pre-Federation Earth vs. Vulcan Romeo and Juliet with Spirk that I think has some teeth if I could just make myself write it.

I typed out a few hunks of a WWDITS/Cyrano de Bergerac fic maybe two years ago that could be fun to someday return to. It would be set around s3, Nandor wanting Guillermo's help to woo Gail, but of course he starts falling for Guillermo instead. (a little bit of a twist on the OG plot but I think I could make it work).

I love writing romcoms. I feel like if any AU makes enough sense and it fits somewhere within that genre then I'm all for it.

For one I've already written, my She Loves Me/WWDITS was *definitely* a niche interest that was written just for me lmaoooo I was like "If no one is going to write this super specific AU based on a 1960s musical that only me and two other people in my life have seen, then it's just going to have to be me."

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I'm gonna be honest and say that most writing feels out of my comfort zone lol. With my painting students I talk a lot about the artist plateau -- the stage when you feel like you're not improving because your taste is greater than your skill. You know WHAT you like to make and what you want it to look like, but you're still trying to figure out HOW. I talk about how it's a frustrating but important step of the artistic process in order to develop your own style and body of work.

And then I sit in front of my computer and forget everything about that lesson and sob in frustration all over the keyboard.

Every fic I've written has challenged me in some way, whether it be stylistically (I wrote a poem and published it anon once that had a unique structure), or creating a specific voice (like younger Guillermo), or more recently outlining basically novel-length stories (like my wwdits Cinderella AU or a Good Omens one I've been working on for over a year 🫠). I feel like all of them have made me a better writer, even if it still feels like I'm not where I *want* to be yet. Each one informs the next.

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Yessssss. I love rereading fics. My favorite fics to read are really immersive longfics, and I save all my favorites on my kindle (which has basically become my fanfic device) to return to often. I love digging back into a cozy AU, especially this time of year. (Like HOL for a completely random example..😉)

[aqueeracademic]

morse being queer (and other commentary) pt 14:

season 4, episode 2, “Canticle”:

- so far this season isn’t very gay 🫤

- i miss jakes ‼️‼️

- SINGGGGG BITCH

- this music video would be a target pride ad tbh

- don’t even try to say i’m wrong

- wait isn’t this episode super gay?

- IT IS

- omg

- get ready for me to go absolutely ballistic

- character hasn’t even introduced himself yet and we r already seeing his entire ass

- also can this lady stfu?

- “‘kiss me.’” “what?!”

- morse panicking every time theres even a suggestion of physically intimacy is so….

- anyways

- as someone who grew up in colorado, i forget constantly that weed has ever been illegal

- the way morse looks at the younger brother when he meets the band

- clocks the queer and is immediately interested 🥰

- i actually have 0 clue if that’s the gay one i’m just guessing

- “never did anything for me.”

- thursday smokes pot and listens to the grateful dead is my new hc for him

- “you ever tried it?” “i’m a serving police officer!” MORSE U ARE LAME BOO BOO BOO

- “you put enough beer away.”

- TELL EM THURSDAY

- “beer is brain food.”

- YOU TELL EM MORSE

- [i am fully joking. smoking is bad for you, and i would never encourage it under any circumstances. i would also never shame anyone for partaking. i do vouch for the legalization of drugs such as marijuana and shrooms tho. just do what u wanna do!]

- i love summertime because they’re all walking around in just their shirt sleeves 🥰

- thursday and morse just laughing at this lady is so real of them

- the daughter immediately becoming attracted to morse because of how he talks to her mom is the realest shit i’ve ever seen

- i am obsessed with The Wildwood

- like i said in the tiger episode, the episodes where a woman is guilty are always more interesting and this one is the PRIME example

- let’s not pretend like loads of rock songs aren’t based on poetry

- they could have been onto something 🙄🙄

- this band is a bunch of 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

- debryn choking morse ???????

- like okay

- pressing up against his back and shit

- i love these two together

- given the marching band coats they’re all wearing i wanna say this band is supposed to represent the beatles during their sergeant pepper days which had me wondering which of the beatles this writer thinks is gay

- joy pettybon is SO ANNOYING 🙄🙄

- this song is an absolute banger

- so basically the position the gay guy has in the band is the same as john lennon for the most part

- so this writer thinks john is a lil 💅

- and i respect that

- however!

- the english band that was supposed to tour with the kinks and got denied their visas was the Moody Blues so they could be referencing that band also

- THURSDAY IS SO MEAN

- pettybon’s daughter is kinda…

- jk

- free her from this hell tho!

- the way he goes 🤫 at her after she asks him not to tell about the cigarette

- i’m obsessed w him 😭

- the way her talking about homosexuals is not even an outdated argument

- like

- we have not progressed

- props to this guy for standing up for himself and other queer people

- and i hate that nick is the one she said all that homophobic shit to directly

- i know morse hated her ass

- “he’s a pervert” SHUT UR BITCHASS UP

- as a gay, i can guarantee you gay people want nothing to do w ur dirty ass kids

- “it was about love. she said it was dirty. how can love be dirty?” “well if it isn’t then i suspect you aren’t doing it right.”

- HES FUCKING GAY

- this man jessop is talking about writing about the queer experience and wondering how it can be dirty and morse tells him that if it isn’t a little bit then he isn’t doing it right

- that’s like a quadruple entendre

- he’s fucking queer and that line alone proved it to me

- also good on him for telling joy her supporters got violent with jessop

- she’s a bitch

- her performative goodwill-doing is SO ACCURATE

- HOW HAVE WE NOT PROGRESSED???

- oh this bettina girl is a hoe

- good for her!

- morse instinctively straightening up when he decided to have a drink w her 💀💀

- he’s such a whore

- this girl straight up called his life sad because he’s alone 😭😭😭

- like she’s right but goddam girl

- “you seem lonely”

- FINAL STRAW

- death by chocolate is so wild

- the way she catches morse’s eye the day after and he just looks away 😬

- “the threat was made against you. so far as i can see, you’re still here.”

- GO MORSE GO

- the way morse smiles while jessop goes off about pettybon

- and the way that after they accuse him he looks to morse

- people go to morse for comfort in every scenario i hate it here

- OMFG I HATE JOY

- her daughter has NO FRIENDS and sought comfort in an older man via CONVERSATION because her father died and she’s projecting and her mom slaps her across the face for it

- like what the fuck 😀

- i. hate. her.

- the way nick is mourning a lover this entire episode and we don’t know until the very end

- and the way that queer people had to mourn silently for lovers, dead or alive, just because they couldn’t be together

- and people still now have to do that

- i’m sick.

- this is my favorite episode if you couldn’t tell

- combines my two favorite things

- gay people and the 1960s progressive movement via its ties to rock music and bands

- like i live for this shit

- also detectives

- i love a detective

- “comparing his [nick’s] lyrics to james joyce and oscar wilde” AKA TWO QUEER AUTHORS (joyce was only alleged it’s never been proven)

- like how did people not clock him as a homosexual

- tf?

- trewlove is so real for being a serious police officer and genuinely a genius while also being a boy band fan

- the reverend literally shit himself to death

- i’m not laughing 😐😐

- morse listening to rock and roll agenda ‼️‼️‼️

- nah this girl is wild for showing up to his flat

- him letting her in is even crazier

- his face when he says “no more than usual” IM SCREAMING

- why is he so 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

- i’m gonna lose my mind over him

- her asking him if she’s gonna burn in hell and him being like 🫤 like girl he does not believe in hell

- YOU WHAT

- “i love you” GIRL WHAT?????????

- his face

- boy said

- 😮😧

- “there’s someone else” GIRL U WERE NOT EVEN ON THE ROSTER

- “nick wrote it about me”

- girl….

- and then says she’s not allowed to go to the Enchanted Place but fully lets morse go

- like queen

- she looked at nick and said I Know What You Are and then committed murder over it

- so wild!

- PLEASE IM DYING

- bro gets offered a drink and says no SO aggressively

- trying not to catch the sleeping with suspects allegations out here

- nick reaching for his drink the second barry comes up 😭😭

- i feel so bad for this kid 😀 but i’m normal about it i swear 😀

- “don’t you want to expand your mind?” translates directly to “i know ur gay and u should act on it”

- “you ever tried em [mushrooms]?” “only as part of an english breakfast.”

- and then BOTH OF THEM GIGGLING?????

- morse couldn’t help but flirt huh

- i hate him

- and then smiling at him genuinely and asking him about his interests???

- hello.

- PLEASE THE SMILE WHILE NICK EXPLAINS WHATS BEYOND THE DOOR

- AND THE WAY HIS FACE DROPS WHEN NICK SAYS “infinite love”??????

- he figures it out really early on he just didn’t want to out him

- i stand by that

- “there is no shame. no guilt.”

- and morse finally breaks eye contact and looks away??????

- this scene is so inherently queer

- and then nick finally breaking down over barry 😭😭😭😭

- and morse is just not judgmental

- he KNOWS what happened between them 😐 and he won’t out nick 😐

- i’m normal about this episode 😀

- morse refusing to look at her naked 😧 sir i need you to be normal

- “Well, i hope you’ve arrested him. Dudley Jessop. He’s an abomination in the eyes of our lord.”

- “Strangely enough, the police training manual omits to mention abominations.”

- i just want to point out that no one in this entire show defends queer people the way morse does and i feel like it’s really telling

- just like jessop, he stands up for queer people

- they are comparing the two of them

- and they juxtapose him to nick while also making it clear that there’s something similar between them

- like HELLO????

- wake up.

- writing my dissertation about this episode

- anyways ‼️

- “Thankfully, Thursday and I can remember a time when people were decent.”

- the way morse looks absolutely disgusted by her

- i love him

- morse is literally celebrating in his mind when this lady gets arrested

- he’s so fucking happy 💀

- “he’s hiding something.”

- once again, i fully believe that morse KNOWS that nick is queer

- he knows that nick was with barry

- but he refuses to out him

- morse going back to nick’s spot because he knows where he goes to escape is so…

- morse just understands the queer people in this show and i’m obsessed w it

- nick 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- justice for my boy!

- his brother is so real for keeping the girls away from him

- this girl is FUCKED for fully melting his brain to cover for herself

- i hate her

- debryn is awfully aware of the culture surrounding acid 🤨

- anything you’d like to tell us doctor?

- i like thursday referencing cain and abel

- makes u think it might have been the brother’s doing

- but no!

- i love a lil red herring

- morse finding the proof of nick’s relationship with barry 😬

- he can’t keep it on the dl now

- how unfortunate

- always sucks when ur fellow gays are tied up in murder 🙄

- “it was what he deserved.”

- GET HER BETTINA

- saying that someone deserved to die because of how they were “carrying on”???????

- ma’am

- you married a gay man

- it’s as simple as that

- there’s no need for all this hatred

- just divorce and move on there’s no need to drive people to end it all

- “she’ll be back.” “no. she won’t.”

- GET HER THURSDAY!!!!

- trewlove being a fan of boy bands is the ONLY reason morse solved this case so here’s a shoutout to all my boy band girlies out there!

- it’s me. i am the boy band girlie

- morse’s freckles 🥰🥰🥰

- the lemonade was already spiked when he drank it which means that girl was tripping ballsack and speaking completely normally

- good for her

- he drank so much 💀💀💀

- bro is about to meet god

- ope i was wrong

- nick is bisexual

- bisexual awareness!!

- OSCAR WILDE APPRECIATION

- morse being privy to the contents of a book about… actually i won’t say 🤨

- the book is called Justine by de Sade

- if ur curious

- the contents are sensitive tho so be wary

- ANYWAYS

- i always appreciate queer people from that period using oscar wilde as a means of communication or identifying other queer people

- and the fact that morse knows that off the top of his head…

- oh my god

- chris and nick 💀

- what all of you don’t know is that i assumed chris was the gay one at the beginning of the episode because i couldn’t remember which of them was gay

- and i wrote in these notes that it was him

- and then went back and deleted it because i was wrong and it was nick

- BUT I WAS FUCKING CORRECT

- CHRIS IS QUEER TOO

- i’m losing my mind

- just like morse is about to 🥰

- morse having a bad trip is so unfortunate

- it would b interesting to see him have a good trip and change his entire perspective on drugs tbh

- except that he has an addictive personality

- so it’s actually good he had a bad trip and will never even attempt drugs again!

- we won ladies

- his waist is soO SNATCHED

- morse 🥺🥺

- i don’t wanna know what he was hallucinating but yes i do

- because i’m a nosy bitch.

- “he went to hell and back.”

- thursday gets it

- morse in a wife beater agenda‼️‼️🗣️

- “what day is it?” “corned beef.” “it’s friday.”

- I LOVE THEM OH MY GOD

- i hate it here

- there’s no way that pillow is comfy

- why is it up so high

- oh my god he’s so fine

- GOOD FOR YOU BETTINA

- nah joan is foul for calling him and then not saying anything

- absolutely foul.

- to be quite honest i’m not sure i can forgive her after this little plot point

- so for anyone who isn’t privy to tarot card meanings:

- the hanged man, upright, means the person is experiencing sacrifice and martyrdom. this is obviously applicable to morse as he is very self sacrificial. martyrdom is typically defined as suffering or death to obtain sympathy; this can be applied to morse as he is intentionally being made to suffer by the people around him and it is causing people to swarm to him. we will see more of this in the future.

- the lovers, upright, represents duality and union as well as an important relationship. it is interesting that they chose to display this card upright given he keeps losing people he loves and the card in reverse (representing loss of balance and disharmony) would be more fitting. it does mean, though, that he could be seeing a relationship coming into his life that will provide him balance and unity

[ehlessandraspsyche]

Blog Post 2: sex, gender, and trauma-dumping

Sex and Gender Stereotypes

The lessons this past week focused on the concept of sex and gender, as well as the concepts of brain and personality. It was important to distinguish sex and gender as these two topics are often confused with one another. Sex is the genetic and biological characteristics of a person, while gender is the socially constructed behaviors and roles that are associated with a person. Sex has an influence on gender as this is the basis of gender constructs. The fundamental physical difference between men and women is directly correlated to how gender constructs are created. For example, men are physiologically stronger than women. This ties into the social stereotype that men should do physical labor while women should do less physically demanding work. Gender stereotypes can be harmful to both sexes. Men are expected to be stoic which in turn causes men to repress their emotions. This lack of emotional stability makes men more volatile and less likely to seek help. This can be seen in the statistics concerning suicide as men are more likely to successfully commit suicide than women. For women, the gender stereotype of them being more emotional works against them. Their perceived emotionality prevents them from getting jobs that require a level head. 

Gender Identity and Presentation and my sexual orientation (??)

Coming from the “woke” generation, I try to use the correct terminology as much as possible. We learned in this lesson the difference between assigned sex at birth, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. My first encounter with these terms was when I was scrolling through Tumblr searching for my favorite characters. I encountered a headcanon about their sexuality and I recall being confused by gender identity and sexual orientation. I thought the terms were interchangeable and I’ll admit I often forget the differences between the terms. Reading about a topic is very different from actually discussing it, so now I can recall the difference between the terms. Gender identity is the perception of being male, female, or neither. As a person, I am cisgender and I identify with my assigned sex at birth. One of my closest high school friends identifies as non-binary and they use she/they pronouns. My gender presentation is very feminine. I enjoy wearing skirts and dresses and whenever I wear other outfits my only requirement is that 1) it looks good on me and 2) it’s not masculine. Sometimes, I would wear androgynous clothing whenever I feel less girly on that day. My sexual orientation is… still up for discussion. I don’t really want to place a label on myself because I still haven’t come to terms with it yet. But if I were to place a label, I would be bisexual with a preference for men.

I'm psychologically androgynous (again, ???)

An interesting term that was brought up during the discussion was psychological androgyny- which is where a person displays both male and female gender role characteristics. It resonated with me as I feel that it is how I would describe my personality. As the eldest child and the only daughter, there were certain expectations for me that shaped my personality. As the eldest daughter, I was expected to care for my younger brothers. I was gentle, nurturing and emotional. I was basically an on-call therapist who was ready to hear whatever problem my brothers were having and solve it. As the eldest child, I was expected to be disciplined and set a good example for my baby brothers. I was stoic in the sense that I never showed my weaknesses to them. How could I, when every action that I do influences their decisions for their lives? Since I decided to study in Manila, my brothers also decided to study in Manila as well. I couldn’t openly show signs of distress in fear that they might fall apart once they see their ate crying. I had to be strong. Which is why I identified with the term psychologically androgynous as what my outer gender expression is not reflective of my psychological gender expression. 

Word Count: 665 words

References:

Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopaedia (2023, March 22). androgyny. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/androgyny

Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopaedia (2023, March 23). gender identity. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/gender-identity

Date Written: March 25, 2023

[etirabys]

I finished a fantasy trilogy (Holly Black's Elfhame trilogy) in one gulp in the past two days and had feelings about writing. The ultimate conclusion has nothing to do with the novels but this is a recipe blog so

I found these books extremely readable, with delightful betraying-your-closest-companion flavored twists. And I could never have plotted them, largely because I'm bad at plotting but also because I would have written off some of these ideas as leaning on "too much idiot ball passing" and "unrealistic worldbuilding". (The most magically powerful characters spend a lot of time fighting over macguffins forged by less powerful itemcrafter side characters, and then deriving much of their power from those macguffins – it makes no sense.)

As a writer I would never even have explored these subtrees, but as a reader I'm happy to look past the inconsistencies as long as the writer does a good job of smoothing the carpet over the lumps – and she's very good at it! She also pumps out waves of delicious vibes to build lump-ignoring goodwill: the book features a triggerhappy stressed woman (who is tortured often for plot reasons!) rising to power while serially betraying and being betrayed by her love interest she keeps politically tying herself to, despite herself

After finishing the books I was swimming in the afterglow of fiction and in anger at my limitations. And I thought that this was one of the areas of life where I'm being most irrational. There are simple mechanical ways to stop being stupid if only I can put in the work. There's nothing mystical about writing as a skill; I can identify my weaknesses and brute force my way out of them.

If I'm bad at plotting, I can e.g. challenge myself to write one plot a day and not care about quality. I have just been given strong evidence that a story can be compelling while having a lot of undercarpet plot lumps.

If I'm bad at scene setting, I can do writing exercises about those, too – have a new prompt every day, do 20m of research, write a few paragraphs, bam. Built the habit of reading a bit and then filling out the rest with bullshit, don't get stuck into hopeless deep dives

(As a college student who knew very little about drugs in the US, I once spent precious brain energy reading a 50 page annual DEA report about ratios of fentanyl/etc that heroin is cut with these days. It did not help me with figuring out how my character was being brainwashed, or the social dynamics between his drug dealer captors)

I'm bad at writing many kinds of dialogue, so just read a bunch of the type I want (and have particularly vivid examples bookmarked and ready to review), turn it over, repeatedly feed it to my brain and ask it to regurgitate its like

"identify your weaknesses and work on them specifically" is so obvious. It's outrageous that I'm stuck in this cycle of periodically remembering this, making a weak attempt to fix it, and then falling back into despair and forgetting that there's a concrete! way! out!

like damn, if writing a novel is important to me, I should act like I Really Care, which in other areas of my life means having a strategy doc and a (realistic) schedule and an accountability system.

I think there's a LessWrong saying that goes something like "it may be that you are currently merely acting the role of someone who is trying to solve a problem. Ask yourself what you would do if you really wanted to solve the problem – it may be that you discover a quite different course of action"

(I thought about this a lot when I burned out of tech – for the last N months I'd already given up, but I was afraid to visibly give up and was hiding this from myself, and playing the role of someone who was trying to keep their job)

I should either discover/decide that telling long stories isn't important to me, or act like it is

not sure my life will have been worth it if I haven't written a novel or two by the time I die

[rphelperblog]

Karen M. Mcmanus Quote Rp Meme

[Her books include- One of us is lying, One of us is next, Nothing more to tell,Cousins, and two can keep a secret]

'It concerns me you're avoiding a promise not to murder me.” 

I solemnly swear not to murder you today or at any point in the future. Deal?'”

“I know what it's like to tell yourself a lie so often that it becomes the truth.” 

“I have to figure out a way to live with that, and it won't be by not forgiving other people's mistakes.” 

“Things'll get worse before they get better.”

“I want to kiss her more than I want air.” 

“I guess we're almost friends now, or as friendly as you can get when you're not one hundred percent sure the other person isn't framing you for murder.” 

“We could be surrounded by walking dead in the zombie apocalypse and she’d look for the bright side.” 

“Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” 

“These murder club meetings are becoming a regular thing. We need a new name, though.” “I don't know why it's so hard for people to admit that sometimes they're just assholes who screw up because they don't expect to get caught.” 

“Unless one of us is lying. Which is always a possibility.” 

“Good thing life is long and high school is short” 

“love and hope and beauty still exist, even when things seem impossibly dark.” 

You're doing better than me. I never stop thinking about kissing you.” 

“She's a princess and you're a jock,and you're a brain. And you're a criminal. You're all walking teen-movie stereotypes.”

“I have a really strong feeling that on Wednesdays, they wear pink.” 

“You find out who your real friends are when stuff like this happens. Turns out I didn’t have any…” 

“I don’t understand why the world insists on stuffing kids into boxes we never asked for, and then gets mad when we won’t stay there.” 

“Some people are too toxic to live. They just are.” 

“Are we friends, or just a couple of people without better options?” 

“We’re endgame”

“Sometimes, you don't know what you want until you see it.”

"He doesn't get to erase you from the world.” 

“No matter how awful the rest of my life is, my hair still manages to look good.” 

“You don’t think about what’s outside. Or who. Especially if she’s better off forgetting you exist.” 

“It's not nerdy to care about fonts!” 

“Welcome to life in a small town. You’re only as good as the best thing your family’s done. Or the worst.” 

“You can be right in principle and still wrong in approach.” 

“People who never get told no are so bad at hearing it.” 

“Who do you want to be? The guy who goes along or the guy who stands up? This is the time to decide.” 

“I just want to stay wrapped around him for as long as possible, fighting sleep and forgetting about the rest of the world.” 

“Plenty of people get cheated on and don’t lose their minds. Take me, for example. I threw a vase at his head and moved on. That’s a normal reaction.” 

"I don't need your commentary if you disagree, by the way."

“That's the kind of person you can get away with killing: someone everybody else wants dead.” 

“People like to think they're open-minded, but if you toss a tired gender stereotype on their path they'll run with it every time.” 

“We’re like the Kardashians, except without any money.” 

“Nobody should be that good at so many different things. It doesn’t build character.” 

“It means that we’ll wind up together eventually. It might take a year for us to sort everything out, or two, or ten. Whatever. But it’ll happen.”

No matter how much you care about someone, things change when they used to be around all the time an then suddenly, they're not.”

“If I'm not thinking about one shit storm, I have to think about another.” 

“Everybody has secrets, that's nondebatable. The only question is whether you're keeping your own, or someone else's.” 

“How do you make that choice? Between what you need and what you want?"

“She's a pain in my ass and I can't remember why I wanted to kiss her so badly a few minutes ago.” 

“At this moment, I’ve never wanted to do anything as much as I want to grab his face and kiss every inch of it.” 

“I’m the omniscient narrator” 

“I thought you would look how you talk like a constipated gnome.”

that airhead homecoming princess turned badass ninja investigator,” 

“I can’t stop thinking about how rare it is to have someone you can be completely real with, even when things get raw and uncomfortable and a little scary. Especially then.” 

“Like we're some kind of hip high school murder club without a care in the world.”

“Because God, it's beautiful when that boy smiles.” 

“Leave the past where it is” 

“We all make mistakes, right? And almost never see the fallout coming.

“Silence falls as we get lost in our own regrets.” 

“If you could be anyhwere in five years, doing anything at all, what would you pick?” 

“Apparently if you’re going to bring someone in, you have to take someone out first.” 

“The loneliness of that settles over my shoulders like a heavy blanket.” 

“I wish he'd listen, because if anyone knows how badly you can screw up your life when you decide you're not good enough, it's me.” 

“You gotta shoot your shot when it comes...Who knows if you'll get another chance?” 

“Explore the magic of longhand writing. It's a lost art.” 

“People get very angry when police officers are accused of a crime, but that anger is often displaced toward the accuser or the victim. The conflict between obedience to authority and personal conscience is well documented.” 

“Which I realize is pretty uninspiring, but so is high school dating.” 

“Come on, just for an hour till we finish the movie. You can meet my lizard"

“Everyone got secrets right? What really matters is how far you’ll go to protect them” 

“In the interest of full disclosure, I stole baby Jesus, and it was definitely to mess with her.” 

“Here's the thing about powerhouse people: you have no idea how much they take on until they can't do it anymore.” 

“I used to think about that, sometimes, when I wondered what parts of her might still be alive.” 

“but if years of reading true-crime books and watching Dateline have taught me anything, it’s this: it’s always the boyfriend.” 

That's not a line. I have an actual lizard. A bearded dragon named Stan.”

“You're not perfect. So what? Welcome to the real world.” 

“I think the two of them are the real deal. She‘s still the one he wants. She‘ll probably always be the one he wants” 

“If I ever actively chose somebody instead of just letting myself get pulled into whatever orbit will have me.” 

“Sorry your mom drove her car into a jewelry store while she was high on opioids and had to go to rehab for four months.” 

“or maybe we’re finally figuring out that we haven’t been normal for years and it’s time to redefine the word.” 

“Well, I'd like to try. If you want to. Not because we're thrown together in this weird situation and I think you're hot, altough I do. But because you're smart, and funny, and you do the right thing more often than you give yourself credit for. I like your horrible taste in movies and the way you never sugarcoat anything and the fact that you have an actual lizard. I'd be proud to be your girlfriend, even in a nonoffical capacity while we're, you know, being investigated for murder. Plus, I can't go more than a few minutes without wanting to kiss you, so - there's that.

[vergeofpanic]

Ok, but since I keep remembering tumblr exists every few weeks/months, it's time for me to spam posts to make up for the time that goes by where I forget that this cursed platform is somehow the best place for me to rant about fandoms nobody asks about since I personally know absolutely 0 people on this app so I don't have to worry about things like I do absolutely everywhere else

Anyway, time for me to talk about the relationship between Diluc and Kaeya and how the fandom misreprests them a lot.

Firstly, before I start, I dont care about ships in the fandom and only go by what I know is true, such as the mistranslation in the English version where they are called adopted brothers, instead of sworn brothers. (Sworn brothers are a popular romance troupe in China as well as a lot of eastern countries. I'm not overly knowledgeable in what countries and regions have sworn brothers, but if you want an example of sworn brothers in other fandoms, the only example I can give you off the top of my head is Cale and Alberu from Trash Of The Count's Family)

Anyway, just wanted to first clear that up. I understand if the ship makes you uncomfortable because of the English version of the game/translation, but don't attack KaeLuc shippers for it.

Anyway, onto the actual reason for this post. In the Genshin fandom, it's extremely common for people to make angst about Diluc and Kaeya's relationship, mostly showing it from the POV of an Adult Kaeya reminiscing about his time with the Ragnvindr's. My issue with the fandoms portrayal of their relationship, however, is the way they make Diluc act towards Kaeya, as well as Kaeya's reaction to it all.

Just a little heads up as well, this post gets derailed very quickly from how the fandom misinterprets Diluc and Kaeya's relationships with each other into an analysis on the characters instead. By the time this post is fully written, it will hopefully come back around to the original point of the post, but who knows. A lot of stuff I analyse in this post can also just seem like a huge stretch and something that doesn't matter at all, bit my brain has already decided I need to write about it, so that's what I'm going to do.

I will be discussing the backstory of both these characters, so if you don't want spoilers, please don't continue to read this post. I am also not fully sure of some events in the backstory, so please let me know if I made any mistakes with some parts of this.

As most of the lore-followers of Genshin know, Kaeya was welcomed into the Ragnivindr's family by Diluc's father, Master Crepus, after his father left him there and declared him as Khaenri'ah's last hope.

From what we learn in Kaeya's character story, he and Diluc were seen together constantly back when they still got along. Diluc, at the time was also described as a warm individual (and many people believe he used to be a lot more similar to Bennett and the other extremely bright and cheery pyro users), and Kaeya was described as his eccentric friend and supporter, making sure they got through each challenge they faced smoothly.

We find out in Diluc's character story that he was the youngest ever Calvalry Captain of KOF, who worked hard to achieve the dreams his father had for him.

After Master Crepus was killed by the backlash from using a Delusion, described as an "unknown evil power" and dying in Diluc's arms, he left the Knights after having been given an unspeakable order from Inspector Eroch to "conceal the truth" from the citizens of Mondstadt of what had happened to his father.

From what we can tell from Kaeya's character stories, which give the most information on the relatio ship between the two of them, Diluc became angered by Kaeya after he stood behind him as Master Crepus died, instead of being by their sides in the man's final moments. I believe it is also said that Kaeya could've saved Master Crepus but had hesitated for moments to long and by the time he took action it was already to late (i'm not completely sure on this one but I've seen a lot of people talk about this being the main reason Diluc was angry at Kaeya so yeah).

After Master Crepus' death, Diluc left Mondstadt to fight the Fatui, leaving his vision behind and instead using his father's Delusion, before returning back to Mondstadt years later (also i believe he got blacklisted from Snezhnaya which i find hilarious and I hope that when the game finally adds Snezhnaya that we can see some of the townspeople speaking about it)

Anyway, now that I've discussed their backstory, I'm going to discuss how we see them interact with each other in dialogue and scenes throughout the game. I'm mostly going off what I can remember and find online, but if you have any more examples let me know and I'll be sure to add them.

Let's start with the first ever scene we see with the two of them. Just after Kaeya and the Traveller defeat the Hilichurls at one of the 4 winds domain. We see Kaeya interact with the Abyss mage that had organised the ambush. After learning that The Abyss are the citizens of the fallen nation Khaenri'ah, the homeland of Kaeya himself, we can see that he seems to be one of the only characters in game who interacts with the Abyss as more then monsters. While this is going on and the Abyss mage starts to cast a spell, Diluc comes storming in, fist and sword blazing. We don't really get much from this cutscene, however, we do see that the two characters know each other, in a less then friendly relationship.

Throughout what I believe is the only other cutscene from the actual archon quests in the game, we finally get to witness the hostility between the two characters. While Diluc is the one who seems the most hostile out of the two of them, it's clear to see that Kaeya is at the very least, intentionally annoying Diluc. He uses the nickname the Diluc himself expresses his dislike for (in what I believe was part of the scene just before Kaeya joins in on their conversation), as well as talking in a way that mislead both the Traveller and Diluc multiple times by leaving out certain information that made him seem as though he was going to report it to the Knights. In the end of course, Kaeya does agree that he won't tell anyone about Diluc's nights as batman, however, you can clearly see how he messes with Diluc through the conversation.

Next up is the Golden Apple Archipelago 1.6 event. Firstly, we find out that Kaeya ice-bridging is canon, and secondly, we get a lot more insight into the relationship between the two, getting what is our first moment of understanding and agreement between the two in the form of one of the Echoing Conch Shells found on the beach.

Looking up the event on YouTube (because it's been 6 months since the event and I'm gonna be honest, there is no way that hell i can remember any of their dialogue off the top of my head) I have been able to find multiple compilations of the two of them interacting (a favourite of mine being "Kaeya mocks Diluc for 2 minutes straight") we can see just how bad the animosity between the two of them can be. Just looking at the fact they both scoffed at the idea of having to travel to the Archipelago can be a big enough clue that the two can't stand to be around each other for long.

Kaeya also makes the observation that Cryo and Pyro are incompatible, both a reference to Diluc melting Kaeya's ice-bridge, as well as a dig at the fact that the two of them can't get along because of their clashing personalities; where as how used to get along because both of them were much friendlier and warmer towards themselves and others, were as now both of the are cold towards everyone, with Kaeya enjoying watching others struggle and Diluc not letting himself get close to others in fear of losing them or being betrayed by them. (And yes, it is extremely hard not to smile when Diluc says Dodo-King)

When we find an Echoing Conch Shell on the shore of one of the archipelago's shores, we get to finally learn about how Kaeya and Diluc used to be. It's not a long scene, but it's something that highlights a part of the divide between the two of them. When Kaeya makes a comment about them collecting shells, or sea-bird hunting like they used to, Diluc seems to almost be in disbelief at the idea that Kaeya still remembers how they used to be when they were younger, which seems like it may be part of the reason the two don't get along now. We can interpret this as the reason that Diluc has been so cold and easily angered by Kaeya is because he felt betrayed by the idea the Kaeya didn't care about the memories they shared from when they were kids. This can also lead into why they had the fight that unlocked Kaeya's vision.

Like I had mentioned, Kaeya had stood behind Diluc and his father during his death, so he never said his final goodbyes to Master Crepus. From the way I had read the character story, this was the main reason why Diluc was furious at Kaeya. This may mean that Diluc felt that Kaeya didn't care about the relationships and memories he made with Ragnvindr family because he didn't come to say goodbye to the man who treated him like his own son, and that may be where the resentment and animosity that Diluc held for Kaeya has stemmed from all this time. Diluc could have just been holding onto this version of Kaeya that only used the Ragnvinder family for food and shelter, instead of seeing them like a family as Diluc had.

Finally, the last scene I can currently remember that exists in the game. Venti's story quest. Venti's storyquest is rather innocent at the beginning, with (I believe it's Venti himself but I think he might of also tagged along for shits and giggles) asking for help with something. He asks the Traveller to go around Mondstadt with him to witness and record the imaginary friends of Mondstadt's children. After we see just how messed up Timmy has gotten after being abandoned by his father, along with having all his pigeons being slaughtered in front of him daily, Venti asks us to see if Mondstadt's adults also have imaginary friends. We end up spying on Diluc and Kaeya + some NPC's in midst of one of their conversations. This is probably the best scene to showcase that Diluc isn't the only extremely hostile one in the relationship, along with us witnessing who normally escalates the arguments between the two.

"Oh? And if I did have one too many, what then? You'd throw me out along with the trash, is that it?"

"'Throw you out'?"

"You know... the same way you threw out father's legacy? You sold off his mansion - or maybe you've forgotten?"

This scene right here, in what will forever be one of my favourite story quests in the game, is what got me to start think about the fandoms portrayal of these two.

If you remember the way I described the fandoms most common/popular interpreting and content surrounding the two (which you probably don't), I explained that their relationship is nearly always made into angst.

However, in angst, no matter the fandom your in, there is nearly always an antagonistic of some kind, though lots of the time that antagonist is something like depression, mental issues, self esteem issues, etc that often end in hurt & comfort scenes. But when it's angst about two people with a bitter history together we often see one of the two characters involved being portrayed as the villain in the relationship, and in Genshin's case, it is nearly always Diluc who is given this role.

People chose the character they make into the villain in a few ways. Some people do it based solely off of which character they prefer over the two. A case of this in another fandom would be c!Tubbo from the DSMP roleplay, who is often turned into a villain like character for the sake of making c!Tommy or c!Ranboo look like they are completely in the right for all their actions.

Another common reason for making a character the antagonist in the relationship is by how they react to certain scenarios. It's best to describe Diluc as a character with a short temper when it comes to dealing with Kaeya, especially when a lot of people don't pick up on the more subtle reactions and antagonising that characters do, which is something that people don't notice Kaeya do often unless they are someone who is just extremely good at picking up on those kinds of hints.

The final reason I can think of that applies to this is the fact that most people believe that Diluc is the one solely at fault for how the two of them are no longer on good terms with each other, and yes, this is true to some extent, however, it's also obvious to tell that Kaeya is making it difficult for Diluc to even think about rekindling their relationship with each other, especially when anything Diluc says anything that Kaeya takes in slight offence, he seems to bring up Master Crepus as a way to make Diluc seem like a horrible person for selling the mansion they all used to live in together. If anything, the reason why Diluc did that is because his coping mechanism for grief is to get rid of anything that may end up reminding him of that person.

I remember seeing someone comment something on a Diluc and Kaeya angst tiktok that has stick with me ever since I saw it.

"It's not that neither of them care, it's the fact they have different coping mechanisms"

As some context to this comment, the tiktok was just a little animatic where Diluc and Kaeya seem to be getting along, until Kaeya makes a joke about Diluc trying to kill him in the past, and it ended causing Diluc to shut down and put all his mental walls up again. I believe the idea itself was inspired by the echoing shell from the Golden Apple Archipelago, and this video and comment was what inspired me to finally make a post/rant about this solely so I can finally stop having this whole thing loop in my head constantly.

Anyway, this comment is what led me into a huge deep dive into the relationship between these two.

The reason that they seem to be unable to get over their grief when it comes to eachother is because of the way each of them cope. I mentioned this a little earlier, but Diluc's coping mechanism is to avoid memories of the person he's lost. It's a common coping mechanism and you'll often see people move away and sell the house they lived in with their loved one because they can't think of living in a house without that person anymore. Maybe if I'll and Kaeya had started to get along more before Diluc left to hunt down the Fatui then maybe he might of kept the mansion, or maybe he wouldn't of left, but again, this is just how Diluc handles loss.

Kaeya on the other hand is someone who seems to make jokes and uses humor to cope with these kinds of things, which is another common coping mechanism that is often looked down on. People who cope like this are viewed as insensitive and even are accused of not caring for the person who passed away. He is also very open when talking about Master Crepus and even utilises his death as a weapon against Diluc, but Kaeya is also someone who never got to talk about the deaths of his lived one's from Khaenri'ah, so it's not a huge stretch to assume that he is open about Crepus because he never got to open up about his own family dying and leaving him alone. He may be constantly using Master Crepus' death against Diluc as a way to say:

"Hey, you may have lost father, but I lost him aswell, along with my motherland"

Its because of how much these two coping mechanisms clash that their is so much animosity between the two. Kaeya thinks that Diluc is being selfish for leaving Mondstadt so soon after Master Crepus' death, when he himself also lost someone who was a second father to him, and is probably angry that Diluc sold the Ragnvindr Mansion without consulting him first, but at the same time Diluc is angry at Kaeya for treating Crepus' death as a joke, constantly being so open to others about it and using it against him and acting as though he deserves to be upset over it when he didn't didn't care enough to say his final goodbyes to Crepus before he passed.

Its clear that even with the hostility between the two they still care for each other; at least a bit. Even though they constantly fight, Kaeya chooses to go to the Angel's Share for his drinks, even though he could go to Cat's Tail to get the perfect drink without the added hostility, and Diluc doesn't kick Kaeya out of the tavern unless he's drinking far too much and needs to be escorted outside for safety purposes. It may just be the Angel's Share is a place they have a truce at as it was their father's tavern, but it's still nice to think that they are willing to put their differences aside in order to honour Master Crepus' legacy.

This went on way longer than expected and I don't think anyone is going to bother reading it because of how many spelling mistakes and errors their are bound to be in this post, but I spent 2 hours on this and put way to much work into it for me to just delete it. I applaud anyone who actually read though this whole thing because it was a pain in the ass to write, and its all been typed out on my phone because tumblr on my computer is way to confusing. If you want me to make more super long winded rants about more topics, from Genshin or other fandoms you'd like to see my perspective on, let me know and I'll look into it at some point.

- Amir

[recurring-polynya]

Do I mind if I ask how you approach writing longer fic? I've always struggled to write anything more than maybe two chapters long and I'm curious if you have a particular method to how you approach such stories.

Thank you so much for this ask! I absolutely love it when people ask me for writing advice because it makes me feel like a Smart Person Who Knows Things.

Before we start, here is one grain of salt to take all of this with: I have a naturally long-form brain. It is very hard for me to write something less than 1k. Short fiction is great, and there is nothing wrong with sticking to short things if that's what your brain likes to do.

So. You have decided to write a story. This is going to focus on "stories". Some people write fic that's more freeform or whatever, I am not going to cover that. What I mean by a story is this:

It starts

Some stuff happens

It ends

It is highly probable that your story contains a change of state, which could be that a villain is defeated, or a goal is reached, but it could also be that character falls in love with another, or someone learns to like broccoli.

I like to start out by completing the sentence, "This is a story where _______". This is basically like coming up with a summary for an ao3 post, except that it doesn't need to be catchy. Lots of different kinds of things could go in that blank! It could literally be what happens: This is a story where Ichigo goes back in time and punches young Aizen in the nose. It could be about what you want to explore: This is a story where Hitsugaya gets a better understanding of his zanpakutou. It could be about the vibe you want to achieve: This is an AU where everyone is in a punk rock band and has cool hair and outfits. The idea of this is to clearly define what you, the author, is interested in writing. Make sure it feels right! Maybe you pick the first one, but when you say it out loud, you say, "You know, I really just want Ichigo to go back in time so he can horse around with young Renji and Rukia and punching Aizen in the nose is just an excuse for that." That may sound dumb, but it's fine, actually! Most people don't read stories strictly for the plot, they read stories for the implications of those plots! Will my favorite two characters kiss? Will there be funny interactions between these two groups of characters? Will there be sick fights? Stories are excuses to have scenes. Sometimes, you will have a story where the interesting sequence of events is the draw, but the point is to know what you're about.

Once you feel happy with your "mission statement", you need to decide the bounds of your story: where it starts and where it ends. It may be easier to start with the end. In some cases, it may be obvious from your mission statement: everyone gets home, a villain is defeated, Kenpachi realizes the meaning of friendship. On the other hand, let's look at that punk rock AU. You've picked a vibe, but you don't really have a natural story arc. It has to have a destination, though, otherwise, it's not really a story, it's a recipe for 3 chapters of an abandoned fanfic. So brainstorm a little: Maybe they get a record deal? Maybe they win a Battle of the Bands? Maybe Byakuya accepts that the band is actually good and tells Rukia he is proud of her. Do not settle for a plot just because it works. Pick something that makes you excited! You're the one who is gonna have to write it!

I said that we needed to pick a beginning point, too, but I'm actually going to skip that for now. The next thing I do is think of all the Big Scenes I want to write, the ones you are hype to write, the ones that pop in your head as you think about the premise. Make a bullet list. They don't need to be in order. The descriptions don't need to be super detailed, but write down anything about it that is important to you. If there's a mood or a snippet of dialogue or a joke you want to make, go ahead and jot that down so you don't forget it later. What you're doing now is putting broad blotches of color on a canvas, filling in space and leaving the detail for later.

Once you are pretty happy with what you have down, try to arrange it in chronological order. Put your end at the end (if it wasn't one of your big scenes, add it now). The next task is figuring out how to traverse your scenes. You've already picked out where you want to spend the majority of your energy. The rest, I regret to tell you, is your slog writing. Now, it often happens that you will find joy in some of these scenes and your best writing may occur there, but that's serendipity. These are the scenes that you are gonna have to make yourself sit down and write, so you honestly want to limit them to just the ones you need.

So how do we do this? Look at the first thing on the list. Can you start there? If so, congrats, that's your beginning. If you can't, what needs to happen to get to there? Where can you start so that you can get to your first fun scene as soon as possible? There. That’s it. You’ve picked your beginning, good job! Now, go through the rest of your list, and add in things that must happen, even if you don’t particularly look forward to writing them. The characters need to travel from geographic point A to point B. Shuuhei needs to say something that Izuru hears and misinterprets. The Central 46 makes a new law. If you have a good idea of how these things happen, go ahead and write them down, but it’s okay if you don’t know yet. Fill in all the blanks so that if you think of each bullet list as a scene, you could read it as a story, start to end. Once you get writing, you might add more scenes, or move things around or whatever, but you should have a thing that functions as a story.

If you struggle with this, an alternative is a story with a very strong structure that is going to guide you though what you have to write.Here are two examples from my own stories Hold On, Hold On (which is only one chapter, but the principle is the same) is structured around the 5 stages of grief. Not Broken, Just Bent takes place over roughly a week, and I just decided what happened every day of the week. See You on the Other Side takes place in the middle of a bunch of canon events, which worked at mile markers.

Congratulations. You’ve just made a rough outline!

Special note for avoiding burnout!: I am a slogger. I will drag myself through the broken glass of an interminable plot to get to a single thirsty scene. That's why, at this stage, I try to look at the ratio of what I want to write to what I must write. It's gonna vary for everyone, but this is a hobby, and if looking at this proto-outline makes you feel deeply tired, maybe this isn't a good story to be devoting your time to! Can you carve it down? Can you chuck two scenes you really want to write and get rid of 80% of the slog? Or maybe you can't! In that case, just write that thirsty scene as a standalone drabble! Or just go work on something else! Maybe in the future, this one will come back to you and you’ll have a fresh idea or a renewed enthusiasm for it.

Another thing I sometimes like to do at this point is to write out some notes about my characters and their motivations and moods. Character A is homesick. Character B is so determined to defeat the enemy that they are having a hard time being sympathetic to Character A. Character C cares for both A and B and is trying to support them both. This is sort of background info that you want to keep in your head as you are writing. Depending on the type of story you are writing, this might actually be the main plot, or it might be happening subtly, but adding to the emotional impact of the story. It’s very easy for me to write these sorts of emotional arcs, but if you struggle with that, you may wish to go ahead and made a more detailed outline for that, too.

Now, it’s time to start writing! I am great at beginnings-- it is very often the case for me that the opening scene was one of my Big Tentpole Scenes. (Before you hate me too much, I make up for this by being double horrible at endings; just let me have this) Usually, I will start at the beginning and write linearly for as long as I can until I get stuck. Then, I will look forward on my outline and do the next chronological scene that I feel like writing. In general, if I sit down to write and there is something I have an urge to write, that trumps everything else. Inspiration is a precious commodity, and you should embrace it when it hits! You can slog any day. I will occasionally hold off writing a scene that I really want to, because I am saving it, like a prize for myself for getting that far. This is a very personal process of figuring out what motivates your brain and then giving your brain what it needs to be its most productive.

Eventually, you will run out of things you are excited to write, but the good news is, you’ve got a bunch of story now! Odds are that what’s left is going to be a lot of those connective tissue scenes, and you’re just going to have to do them, except that now, because you’re connecting two concrete points instead of two abstract points, it will be a lot easier. You can continue running jokes you’ve started. Maybe you invented a cafe in an earlier scene where your characters hang out and you can have them return there. Try to think of ways to make these scenes more fun, both for yourself to write and for your reader to read. 

Around this time, I like to start refining that rough strokes outline into what I will call an “as-built” outline. (This is an engineering term where you update your plans or models for something to reflect any changes that had to be made along the way). This is a great activity to do at times when you feel like you have writers block. I write down every scene I have written as a 2-3 word blurb, in order. I break the scenes into what I think makes logical chapters, and I will do a word count on those prospective chapters and write it down. As you do this, you will realize that maybe you can move a scene from here to there, which will make it 1000% easier to write. Things may be happening too much, or you’ve got the characters eating three times in the same chapter. If you have subplots and dangling threads, this is where you make sure they get closure. I know this sounds very headache-y, but you are so far along in the story at this point that it’s really not-- it’s a way to look at the problems you have left. Use some sort of formatting (I like to bold things I haven’t done and sometimes I put them in red) and it gives you a very visual to-do list.

You specifically mentioned multi-chapter fanfics and I admit that I don’t tend to think in chapters, I tend to think of the story as a whole and just break it up where it feels natural. The as-built outlining I described is very helpful in making sure that my chapters feel balanced. They don’t necessarily need to be the same length, but I like them to have the same amount of stuff in them. One chapter may basically contain one long scene, and other may contain many short ones. I don’t tend to, but you can certainly have a fanfic that varies between short and long chapters, that can actually be an interesting effect. But like I said, I always like to know what I am doing, and so having it mapped out, you can say “welp, this is what I’ve done, how do I feel about that?”

Polynya, you may be saying at this point, do you write the whole fanfic before you post any of it? and I regret to inform you, the answer is yes. A lot of people write as they go, and I have made one attempt at this and I didn’t like it. I don’t like locking myself in, I just need to be able write out of order and go back and change things. Here is the story of a little in love: someone gave me an AU prompt and I got mildly obsessed with it, and wrote 5 snapshots drabbles in that universe, ending with a slight cliffhanger ending. I probably should have stopped there, but I decided to keep going. I wrote out an outline of 5 acts where the first act was detailed to the degree of each chapter being specified. The chapters here were much smaller than I usually make chapters: 1-2k. I wrote act i and ii and it was actually great, and then I hit act iii which required a lot of set up for misunderstandings and a mini romance arc. I couldn’t wing it, but nor could I figure it all out with outlining. I write dialogue in almost sort of an improv “Yes, and...?” style, so until I do it, I don’t know what’s going to happen. So, what I did was treat the second half of act iii as a complete story in the process I describe above, wrote the entire rest of it, and then posted it. One might notice that the chapter lengths grew to 3-5k each. I have two more acts to go, and I haven’t decided how I am going to do them yet, but I suspect I will treat each of them as their own mini-stories.

(I will admit that in Heart is a Muscle, I tend toward chapters that are about 10k long, and this is honestly too long, someone should smack me. If you like punchy chapters, 1-2k is good. I think 3-6k is probably an ideal chapter length. Is this how long the chapters are in my latest fanfic? Absolutely not.)

Okay, so there’s one more step, which is quality control. I am habitual re-reader-- I read my fanfics-in-progress over and over and over while I am working on them. I understand that not everyone does this, but I am usually the primary audience for my own writing, and this is the actual fun part for me. Nevertheless, you should re-read your work at least once, to make sure it hangs together.

This is purely optional, but I recommend it: get a writing friend (if you don’t like re-reading your work, I recommend this even more strongly). If you can get a full-service beta reader, that’s great, but if you can’t find someone, or if receiving that level of critique stresses you out, it’s perfectly valid to just find a friend who will read your stuff and a) shower you with compliments, b) reassure you about parts you aren’t sure about (or suggest ways to help) and c) point out any huge problems you missed. When I am writing a long fanfic, it is a huge motivational factor for me to be able to send my beta chapters as I finish them. If you are already an established writer, and you have people who consistently comment on your fic, they might be overjoyed to get a sneak peak at your work.

And that’s it! That’s the way I do it, anyway! Some people are able to sit down and write a very detailed outline and the write it start-to-finish. Good for them, I say! I have tried this and it doesn’t work great for me. I will admit that some of my fics (especially my early ones) I just sat down and banged out whole-cloth like an insane person and they are generally better than the ones I actually plan out, but that’s not a reproducible process.

As one final mechanical note, I usually write in Google Docs, which I can access on multiple devices (I used to write a lot on my phone), has convenient sharing functionality, and I use the ao3 html formatting script add-in. I generally have two documents for a single story-- one is the outline, and any other notes I want to have handy. I’ll usually put a trashcan space at the bottom for scenes that got cut but I don’t want to lose. The other is the fanfic itself.

I hope this is helpful! Please feel free to follow up with other questions and good luck with your writing!

[witchy-jadda]

rott spoilers ahead

so i’ve given myself some time to think about everything and try to process it all and here are some of my thoughts on trollhunters: rise of the titans...

- straight off the bat, i loved the intro. opening with blinky telling the story of what happened up until this point was incredible. i would have loved if they had circled back to this though (i saw someone else say it should have been him telling the story to jim and claire’s kids and i loved that idea!)

- i also liked that they didn’t waste time at the start, instead they just jumped right into the action which was fun.

- honestly, i thought jim’s plotline throughout the movie where he basically thought he was useless without the amulet was just really not fun to watch. i understand why it was there and it played into the climax but i really did not find it one bit necessary seeing as i felt that we have grown beyond that. i felt it was overused. we’ve been there before and jim is aware that he’s the trollhunter, amulet or not.

- douxie being so soft with nari was genuinely one of the most heartwarming parts of the movie. i feel that we were really robbed of so much potential with douxie in this movie though. we didn’t see nearly enough of him. it seemed that the writers were picking and choosing when to remember how powerful he is. switching with nari and connecting to her are two examples of when they actually used his power, but aside from that they just disregarded it a lot.

- and speaking of forgetting how powerful people are... i’m genuinely so hurt and let down over what they did to claire. do they not realise how powerful she is? did they just forget about her character arc? it sure felt like it. she got to use her powers a few times (connecting to nari, portalling the titan, etc) but mostly it felt like she was saying she was spent and therefore unable to do anything. she is so strong and so powerful, and that’s just so empowering - especially for young girls. and then it kinda felt to me that rott was reducing her to basically nothing more than jim’s love interest.

- okay another quick note, it kinda felt to me that krel’s potential was also pretty wasted? he barely did anything and i just think he deserved more too.

- ew okay i don’t even want to think about it but i know i can’t discuss rott without talking about the mpreg thing. seriously, what the fuck was that? at first, i thought it was going to be a joke. i thought aja and krel were gonna wind steve up and see how far they could go with making him think he was pregnant just for a little bit of comic relief. but then he was actually pregnant. and so i laughed, because even though it was dumb it was kind of funny. weird and unexpected, but kind of funny. but by the time the movie was over it just didn’t sit right with me. looking past the fact that it was just more of them making steve’s character into a joke, i couldn’t see the logic in giving so much time to that subplot when other characters (claire, douxie) and other relationships (claire and douxie’s friendship) were sidelined. maybe if he had gotten a whole season the mpreg thing could have been included as comic relief or whatever, but with such limited time i really don’t see the point of wasting so much time on something so pointless. 

- speaking of steve, i need to talk about creepslayerz... they really deserved more :( like i get that eli literally helped steve through child birth and then named one after him which was lowkey adorable but i loved their friendship so much and i was really hoping to see more of them. i was kind of hoping they’d get to do more as well. look i gave up on hopes of a romance long ago (even though i still really wished it would happen) but i hoped that at least we’d see some more of their friendship.

* by this point my brain has decided to forget absolutely every point i wanted to make... cue the brain fog (we don’t like her) and allow me to take a moment to read back and try to find my point again *

- i don’t think i can stress enough how much i loved the visuals in this movie. holy fucking shit it was just phenomenal. like wow. the art was absolutely fantastic and i’m really hoping for another the art of... book because i love the art of trollhunters and i feel that they could do with updating it to include the newer stuff. but yep, the animation quality was incredible and i don’t have a bad thing to say about it because just wow.

- speaking of art... a moment of appreciation for character designs. just wow wow wow. we love to see such intricately designed villains. we love to see growth in our other much loved characters. and the locations too? fantastic. beautiful. amazing. loved it.

- another moment of appreciation for jim. the hair. the scars. the injuries. the winter jacket. the fact that he looked a little older.... loved it. loved it, loved it, loved it. i cannot wait to spend hours pouring over reference pictures to draw them all.

- and claire... her armor being weathered and worn. her eyes!! her hair looked great as always. i just love her...

- nari nari nari... my goodness, her magic is so beautiful. i wish we got to see more.

- also, the jlaire moments were very cute. their kisses? so soft. they literally love each other so much. i adore them.

- what happened to the babies from the darklands btw? is not enrique just chilling in the lake’s house with a ton of babies? 

- barbara deserved better. i would have liked to see her and strickler happy.

- on that note, why the actual fuck did they think a few explosives would win against magic?? literal ancient magic and these dumbasses were like huh i guess we should blow it up. i’m sorry, what?? y’all are stupid.

* currently trying to think of every possible point that isn’t to do with the ending because i really don’t want to think about that yet *

- the whole thing with archie and charlemagne felt super unnecessary. like usually characters sacrifice themselves and it’s like sad and you can see the reasoning and stuff. but they literally could have gotten out. i really did not vibe with that. it felt like they just did that to leave douxie with no one.

- that trollmarket was beautiful though.

- speaking of trollmarket... they really restored the heartstone just like that? are you joking? i was not impressed at all. the heartstone was dead and gone, could not be destroyed. did they just forget that? half the shit in wizards wouldn’t have happened if the heartstone could have been restored. very pissed off by that. it was dead, that was it.

- okay back to jim... love that he pulled the sword from the stone. it was cute that it was a group effort, kinda would have preferred if it was just him but that’s just a me thing. and maybe me and my daylight tattoo are biased here, but excalibur is not half as pretty as daylight.

- not gonna lie, jim yelling come on trollhunters! kinda got me. i was very emotional watching this.

- i think the most in character jim moment of the whole movie was when he dropped excalibur, he didn’t have his armor, he was all alone and he decided to make a fist and fight the wizard/god with literally no weapon or means of defence. i don’t think y’all understand how much i love this dumb self sacrificing selfless boy. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is literally one of my most favourite characters of all time. i love him with all my heart.

- the armor!! wow wow wow. that was a fucking cool scene. beautiful.

- jim getting stabbed or whatever with that fucking spear thing nearly killed me.

- okay here goes... toby. my sweet toby. jim and toby’s friendship is one of my absolute favourites ever. my goodness. and toby getting in the van and going to save jim was incredible and such a toby thing to do. of course he would think of doing that.

- but like seriously... claire and douxie are so fucking powerful and they were both just like lol i guess we can’t do anything to help jim? i’m sorry what?? don’t tell me that claire wouldn’t go full on black and purple eyes and get herself up their to him. i just... i’m so bothered by the fact that they were sidelined y’all :|

- also, do not seriously try to tell me that aaarrrgghh!!! would let toby go on his own. he would have went with him. he would have followed him.

- literally as jim was falling the first thing that went through my mind was oh aaarrrgghh!!! is gonna run up and catch him.

- and while we’re on the topic of aaarrrgghh!!! why tf did they have such a build up that something was going to happen to either him or blinky for literally no reason? wtf

- aaarrrgghh!!! would not have let toby go alone!!! if he had been there, he would have protected toby, he would have saved him and none of that mess of an ending would have happened.

* ugh here’s the bit i was dreading... the ending *

- first off, i am choosing to ignore it.

- time stone? really? we’re... we’re gonna do this? literally one of the most original things i have ever watched is now - at the literal last possible minute - rip off another movie?? really?? whyyyy???

- i literally cannot express how much i hated it. it was so fucking unnecessary.

- he didn’t need to go back that far!!!

- i’m actually trying to block this out but i suppose i have to at least touch on it. jim would never ever put that burden on to toby. he just wouldn’t. before even looking at all of the other issues with toby getting the amulet, i need to say that. it just wouldn’t happen. he struggled so much with being the trollhunter, he wouldn’t put that on toby. 

- also toby literally never wanted to be the trollhunter?? he never wanted the amulet? he wanted to be a duke and have his war hammer and go on adventures with his best friend and his wingman and eat mexican food.

- okay so um i guess they all just forgot about unbecoming? cool cool cool.

- seriously though, was it not established many times that jim literally had to be trollhunter? and if he wasn’t it would be draal and everything would go to shit? did they just forget about that??

- having jim just decide to give toby the amulet literally takes away from the entire meaning behind jim getting the amulet and becoming the trollhunter. the amulet chose jim. merlin chose him. out of all of the creatures in the world, it had to be jim. he can’t just give that to toby!!

- and as much as i love toby, he would not last a day as trollhunter.

- and that’s not even beginning to mention all that jim erased by not becoming trollhunter. no father son relationship between him and blinky. they didn’t stop steve from picking on eli so no steve redemption and no creepslayerz. is he just going to allow enrique to be taken? toby will not have the same incentive to go into the darklands to save him if that’s the case. strickler will not show any sort of sentiment towards toby either. and then the big one...

- IS THAT FUCKER REALLY GOING TO ALLOW CLAIRE TO NOT GET HER POWERS??? WHAT???

- if jim isn’t trollhunter and the whole thing with enrique doesn’t happen then claire will never get her shadowstaff. let’s be real, strickler probably wouldn’t even need angor rot with toby as trollhunter. somehow i can’t see him making it that far...

- if claire doesn’t have her shadow staff then the whole thing with morgana won’t happen. she won’t destroy the shadow staff and then she will never develop her powers. would jim really rob her of that?

- okay i can’t do anymore, it’s too much for me now...

- i touched on this already in a separate post but i gotta say it again... i did not enjoy the destiny is a gift bit at the end. first of all, jim having toby find the amulet literally takes the meaning of that speech and his destiny away instanty. and second, i just could not stand hearing emile hirsch say the words that belonged to anton yelchin. it was just uncomfortable.

aaand i think i’m done. maybe i’ll have more later but i have a headache now from all of this.

[handsmotif]

The Queercoding of Pinky and the Brain

This originally was just me infodumping to my friends on discord, but I decided it might be interesting to some people on here, so I polished it up and made it an actual essay lmao

To start, we’re going to break this into 2 sections -- the relationship between the mice, and Pinky’s relationship with gender, because queercoding doesn’t just mean gay!

For a 90′s show, Pinky and the Brain (and its mother show, Animaniacs) was very progressive for its time! But there were still lots of things that they couldn’t slip by censors, and thus, that’s where we have to read between the lines. And that is something I wanted to clarify here before we dive in, the actual meaning of queercoding. It’s NOT the same as queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when the people producing certain media purposefully dangle the possibility of queer representation to lure in audiences (most prominent examples are BBC Sherlock, Riverdale, and Supernatural I GUESS? who knows abt that last one anymore), but never follow through, purely for profit. Queercoding is when media producers WANT to write in queer representation, but can’t, usually because the censors won’t let them. So, they must resort to subtext. (example: the policemen from Gravity Falls) It could also be unintentional, simply assigning certain characteristics associated with the LGBT community to characters. (example: Bugs Bunny, many Disney villains) Either way, it heavily relies on the audience picking up subtext, but whether it’s malicious or not varies, depending on the media. Bugs Bunny is an example of positive accidental queercoding, while a lot of Disney villains are negative examples.

Now, to actually discuss the gay little mice! Pinky and the Brain, whether it be intentional or not (based off comments from Maurice LaMarche, Rob Paulsen, and Tom Ruegger, signs strongly point to intentional, but it’s never been explicitly confirmed), is an example of positive queercoding.

There are many moments that I could pick out to discuss here, but we’ll start with some VERY on the nose gay metaphors. 

Remember Romy? If you don’t, that’s their actual biological son! Romy came about due to a cloning accident, where their DNA got combined and spat him out. 

There’s SO many things I could say about Romy. Every appearance he makes has an overarching gay metaphor as the plot. His first appearance in the episode Brinky (yeah it’s literally titled their ship name), it deals with his dads (WHICH I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT, he DOES call them both dad, and they do both call him their son) disapproving of the fact that he wants to leave home and not follow in their footsteps of taking over the world. Brain even goes as far as disowning him whenever he tells him, which is certainly something a lot of queer people can unfortunately relate to. Also seen a lot in this episode is Pinky and Brain arguing even more than a married couple than usual, which pushes Romy away even further. Later, when Romy eventually does leave, and Brain starts to regret chasing him away, he tries desperately to reach out to him, but Romy doesn’t want anything to do with him. They end up tracking him down to an apartment building, where Romy is now living with his human girlfriend. When questioned about their relationship, the girlfriend, named Bunny, goes off on a tangent about how people shouldn’t judge others based on labels or relationships (hello?), and that Brain needs to be more tolerant. Brain apologizes and Romy forgives him. Happy ending.

Romy’s only other appearance is in the comics. Essentially, the plot of this one is that Brain wants to become the president of the local high school’s PTA, but he needs Romy’s help to make it look like he has a normal home life. He also enlists the help of Billie, the obligatory Woman introduced to make sure Brain doesn’t look as gay as he actually is, that he has a crush on. She pretends to be his girlfriend, and Pinky pretends to be Romy’s uncle, while they make up the story that Romy’s actual mother was lost at sea. Because if the organization found out that Brain has a son with a MAN??? THINK of the controversy! Anyway, the plan works, and Brain actually manages to get elected as president. Throughout this though, Pinky gets WEIRDLY jealous that Brain keeps brushing him aside for Billie. To the point where during Brain’s inauguration, Pinky actually dresses up as the wife/mother lost at sea and storms into the room.

[ID: Comic panels of Pinky, Brain, and Romy on stage at the inauguration ceremony. Pinky busts into room wearing drag, saying, “Yoo hoo! I’m back from years lost at sea to be with my son and ungrateful husband! Narf!” He then hugs Romy, while glaring at Brain. He goes on to say, “I’ll stand by your side, even though you left me behind!” The people in the audience begin to question this, saying, “Oh great fuzzy bangs!”, “What’d she say?!”, “He deserted her to be with that other woman!”, “What kind of monster is he?!”. Brain then rips off Pinky’s wig and says, “This isn’t my wife! This isn’t even a woman! It’s my roommate, Pinky.” Pinky replies, “Well, yes... But Romy really is my son! Poit!” And Brain responds, “N-Nonsense! He’s my son!” More people in the audience angrily speak up, saying, “What’s that?”, “He lives with a guy who likes to dress up in women’s clothing and the both claim to be that kid’s father!”, “Grumble! Mutter!” /END ID]

Needless to say, this doesn’t end well for them. What we can conclude from this is that homophobia exists in the Pinky and the Brain universe, and our characters are directly affected by it.

Moving on, And-There-Was-Only-One-Bed is a pretty common occurrence with these two. Their cage is big, they have plenty of room for two beds, but? They choose to sleep together? Even in some times where this has been inconsistent and they DO have separate beds, they’re always RIGHT next to each other. (what if we put our minecraft beds together ❤😳)

I would like to mention the episode, You’ll Never Eat Food Pellets In This Town Again! This episode is interesting to say the least. Deals with a lot of the meta of the show. Anyway. In this episode, Brain has a nightmare that he’s in a loveless marriage with Billie. You know, the woman he’s supposed to have a crush on. In the end, he wakes up from the nightmare in the same bed as Pinky.

Speaking of female love interests, Pinky is seen having multiple relationships with characters of different species. Any time this is brought up by Brain, Pinky counters with Brain being too intolerant. An honorable mention with this is in Wakko’s Wish, when Pinky is with Pharfignewton, and Brain’s constant pestering about their relationship could be read as jealousy. Pinky needs a mousy date, after all!

Something else I would like to mention is in one episode (I forget what it’s called, I’ll try to look it up later and edit this), Brain is applying for a job. The employer asks Brain if he’s married, and Brain hesitates before saying he “has a roommate,” but that he’s occupied with his own things, which then cuts to a shot of Pinky applying lipstick.

Leading into part two of this essay, Pinky’s relationship with gender! Pinky has always been very gender nonconforming, and loves to wear dresses, do his makeup, and make himself look pretty. For the most part, this is played pretty straight, and not as a gag, like a lot of shows tend to do! It’s just a casual fact about him that he likes to present femininely sometimes.

This does play into their taking over the world plans pretty often, where Pinky wears drag, usually either to sneak into somewhere. Like in one of their earliest appearances on Animaniacs, Noah’s Lark, where they pose as a couple to board Noah’s, and I quote, “love boat.” After boarding, Noah says to himself, “Who am I to judge?” Okay. Yeah. Alright. Anyway.

I actually had less to say on this than I thought I did, but I wanted to make sure to emphasize that Pinky at the very least is coded as being Not Quite Cis, and that he’s played a key part in helping a lot of people watching the show figure out that they’re also Not Quite Cis. 

Wrapping this up because I’m hungry, but I want to throw in some more honorable mentions that I really do not see any type of cishet explanations for:

They literally go on a romantic date at a very fancy restaurant in Brain’s Night Off. This is played extremely casually, and the only remark from anyone that they receive is that they are “much smaller than the usual clients.”

Pinky, on at least one occasion, daydreams about him and Brain being a married couple, and wanting to be a housewife (the original malewife ❤)

There’s an issue in the comics where Pinky has a crush on another male mouse, and when Brain gets annoyed, Pinky reassures him that he thinks Brain is cute and quite the catch too

Brain attempting to kiss Pinky in the reboot??????

Brain actually did conquer the world once in the Halloween special, because Pinky made a deal with the devil for it, and thus Pinky got sent to hell! Brain actually went to hell and gave up the world to bring him back

Brain was extremely close to conquering the world once more in the Christmas special, but after reading what Pinky’s feelings for him were (nothing romantic, just Pinky basically just praising Brain for being so hardworking and an amazing mouse, and lamenting that he never gets anything for it), he gets so emotional that he sabotages himself and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas instead

TLDR; these mice are very queer and need therapy, and are probably the most heavily queercoded characters that I can think of in children’s media.

[dimonds456]

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

[kanene-yaaay]

Yellow, Black, Blue and Warmth

Kanene’s note: I am very proud of this sdfghjqswerty.

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belong to the anime/manga Boku no Hero.

* This is a SFW tickle fanfic. ^w^)b

* This is Lee!Toshinori with Ler!Hizashi + Ler!Aizawa. Platonic or Romantic. Around 4.500 words.

* This has mouth tickles (raspberries, nibbles, tickly kisses...), teasy nicknames, use of the spotlight system (green, yellow and red) and baby talk. If there is anything that needs to be tagged just lemme know! 

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* Tell someone that makes you feel safe how much they matter to you. If you want, no words are needed. Sometimes just an emoji or ‘this reminds of you’ is needed. Don’t forget you’re especial to someone, as well. <33

[~*~]

“W-wait!”

 His arms twitched on their position above his head and, not for the first time, he felt himself starting to lower them in a desperate urge to hide his flaming face adorned by a soft, uncontrollable kind of smile that only a few people in the world could claim the happiness of seeing.

 A warm hand rested on the right side of his ribcage and nails positioned themselves under his toes, two playful gazes looking at him, warningly.

 “Let’s-” a quiet gasp escaped from his lips when he tried to make a placating gesture with his hands and lowered them further, making the nimbly fingers start to wiggle restlessly on his spots. “I aham sure we can think another solution for this p-problem!”

 Goosebumps ran freely across his body in a wave of warm and excitement as the concentrated, evil black eyes blinked lazily at him, their owner not dignifying himself with an answer before he shoved his face back on the right side of his stomach, nuzzling and humming calmly, his nose exploring, drawing shapes on the ticklish skin, the adult being extremely careful and attentive enough so every vibration seemed to buzz on every and any of his so, so sensitive nerves, leading his back to arch with the unbearable sensation and the “attacker” to smirk in his quietness.

 “I-I beg f-for you to reconside-eek!” He squirmed harder as a low ‘oh’ was pronounced, trying - with not nearly all his strength, if he was being honest, but no one needed to know that - to dislodge the other adult from the newly found sweet spot right next to his hip, which was currently being rustless attacked with soft, barely there kisses that, no matter how much he buckled, refused to move. “Please, please. Yohou don’t have to d-do this!”

 His barriers were starting to crumble, quiet sounds beginning to find their way out of his firmly pressed lips, red growing more on his face as an awed cooing researched his ears and the long, awfully long nails lightly scratched the arch of his feet, making themselves known. They prodded, scribbled and danced skillfully across his sole, circling the weak spots that, for the way the blonde’s grin widened every time he stumbled in a new one, wouldn’t be forgotten that easily.

 And then Toshinori giggled. 

 That was when he realized he was doomed.

“Aw, but I do think we do! Who wouldn’t want to hear more of that cute laughter of yours, my dear squeaky listener?”

 “Hi-hizashi-san!”

 “Yes, my wiggly wiggley bear? What is the matter? You seem rather smiley today. ~” Hizashi sing-sang, an only one finger focusing at that lovely spot right under the ball of his feet that made him squeal in a poorly hidden delight, his laughter starting to overcome his titters. Especially as Shouta decided to be a little more hands-on and weak, almost maddening touches were spidered on Yagi’s right side, not helping at all the flow of high pitched squeaks escaping from his mouth. “Does that tickle? Huh? Does that tickle tickle tickle you so much that it makes you want to give us all that amazing squealing squeals and cute yelps? Aw, isn’t that so kind of him, Shou?”

 “You think that after so much hero work the Symbol of Peace would have gotten at least a bit of a resistance.” Aizawa pointed, not bothering to lift his head so his words wouldn’t be muffled as they hit directly Toshinori’s tummy, not even a drop of remorse on his tune as his act made the aforementioned to crackle, kicking as a series of ‘nonono’s filled the room. “Don’t you agree, Toshinori? Just a few well placed tickles here and there and then All Might would be begging for mercy in a few seconds. Tsk. So ticklish, so helpless, so cute.”

 Aizawa didn’t call them cute often. He did, however, reconsider his choice when his gaze quickly locked on Yagi, a nice feeling bubbling in his chest with the other’s half whine, half giggle, his wobbly, happy smile almost disappearing under all the blush that consumed his features.

  “Right!” Yamada experimentally squeezed his calf, beaming when a guffaw answered him, the leg tugging halfheartedly on his grip, arms hugging himself to not push them away. “But that is no problem! We are teachers, after all. Teachers very capable of teaching him how to increase his endurance, and I think I have the perfect idea of a lesson to help him.”

 Yagi was dying. Part of himself wanted to flee away from all the attention, all the warm, caring touches and compliments and that absurdly insufferable sensation that still tingled his body even now, when Shouta and Hizashi stopped to loom over his form with matching evil smirks, making it almost impossible for him to not hide his face and curl in a silly, rather giggly ball.

 The words of the previous finally sank in his mind and he fiercely shook his head, not trusting his own mouth and trying to not let the amusement he felt blooming on him to drip on his move.

 “Awesome! Thank you for agreeing, tickly listener. It’s amazing to know you’re also as eager for this just as we are!”

 “But I did not-” A true shriek cut his words as Aizawa dug his fingers on his armpits, resulting in a sea of wild giggles to overtake him. The tickles being mean enough to be able to completely dissolve his protests, although also the right amount of light so Yamada’s teasy words would still be able to be heard above him.

 “So!” The Voice Hero clapped joyfully, getting even more excited at the other's reactions. “The best way to be prepared for any situation is to train! Practice! You need to be prepared to all resist to any and every trickys tickly tickle technique that exists, which means scribbles, scratches, squeezes, kneads, nibbles, nuzzles, kisses, spidering, nursery rhymes, and ooooh, of course, raspberries!” Hizashi nodded once, determined.

 “I can’t!” Yagi threw his attempts of forming entire, coherent sentences out of the window, his brain basically short-circuiting on Hizashi’s first examples. “Please, please, I swear! I cahahan’t!”

 “Oh, don’t worry my dear sweet, squirmy listener, it’s really a lot of work to do... But! You will not be doing it alone! Me and Shouta will be here cheering and helping you for hours and hours and hours until you master the whooole lesson. And," the blonde got closer, lowering his tune until his words were just a breath on Yagi's ears, teasing the sensitive spot no matter how much he shrugged and shook his head. "If you get something wrong all we need to do it's just start aaaall over and over again, right, Shou?!”

 “Oh gohod.”

 “Of course, I don’t waste my time with someone who doesn’t have potential.”

 Aizawa’s predator smirk and tone maybe would be scarier if it wasn't broken by Yamada’s loud cooing, the taller coming back to his previous position as he rested a quick squeeze on Shouta's hip, fishing a surprised snort and a warningly glance from the black haired man, who, on his turn received an innocent whistling as an answer. Toshinori chuckled in amusement at the scene, gratefully taking the breather.

 “Better be careful,” Yagi’s tune was innocent, with a titter dropping here and there, still, a dangerous shine gleamed intensely on his blue eyes, “so that lesson won’t backfire on you in the future.”

 Aizawa stared at him, the tip of his lips curling in a barely there grin that heavily contrasted and complemented Yamada’s dramatic gasp in betrayal.

 “Very well.” Eraserhead said, positioning himself on top of his legs, successfully pining him on the mattress. "Let's take care of any riot that might happen right now, then."

 Suddenly, All Might senses all the confidence he felt not a few seconds ago to transform in butterflies flying in despair on his stomach. Shouta’s shadow stood above him, the usual bored expression plastered on his features as his face lowered closer and closer of the blonde, stopping just a few centimeters from his ear.

  Toshinori held his breath in anticipation.

 “Green?”

 Something… something he couldn’t really nominate melted in his heart and for a moment he forgot how words worked.

 He really loved them both so much.

 “Green.”

 Shouta chuckled.

 "Good." He adjusted himself, resting their foreheads together and capturing those blue eyes to himself. "Giggles, titters, whines… every sound you make I will be able to hear clearly so be very, very careful and don't laugh.”

 Toshinori gasped when the feeling of skilled hands, scratching and kneading his side shoot through him. The offending fingers danced slowly, taking their time on each weak spots before switching to another one, a bit too close of his stomach or his spine, completely oblivious to how Toshinori's chest already shook with trapped sounds. Toshinori realized, maybe too late, how their new position prevented him to perceive where Aizawa would attack next, every time the black-haired hero changed his target to an unexpected spot adding a tear in his barriers, the squeaks and crackles getting stronger and harder to contain.

 “So, sweetpea, how would you rate your ticklish experience from one to ten, so far?” Yagi couldn’t help the way his body twitched and squirmed involuntarily at Yamada’s voice, his imagination unhelpfully whispering that, at any moment, any moment now, Hizashi would give up from his purely verbal teases and be touchier. “One being ‘That Is All You Can Do?’ and ten being ‘This Is Everything I ever Dreamed About Please Don’t ever Stop?’” 

 “P-p-lease!”

 “That is not a number.” Aizawa observed, jumping in his friend’s teasing at the same time he stopped, thinking about something until his eyes shone. His voice was velvety, almost as a purring. “But that can be helped. Here, I will refresh your memory.” A finger pressed on the lowest rib on his right and the blonde’s eyes widened, a snort flying from his lips, his head shaking from one side to other, a pleading gaze.

 “Wait! Aizawa, please, wait! I will do anything!”

 “What.” Suddenly the finger was replaced by the whole hand shaped as a claw, the spot where it touched tingled in anticipation. “Did you call me?”

 Aizawa was adamant about very few things, actually.

 Hizashi chuckled darkly, free of any pity, next to him. “I think he is asking for it, Shou.”

 Do not mess with his cats. Do not mess with his kids. Do not wake him up. Do not eat his jelly porches and, of course, if he gave you the permission to call him by his first name, use it.

 “No, no, no! I meant! I meheheant Shouta!”

 Of course, except for the first two, he didn’t actually care that much for when the others were ignored by his close friends, but - he curled his fingers, watching as Yagi continued to squirm and snicker at every twitch of his fingers - that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have his fun with this slip. 

 “And also,” again, Yamada pipped in, “he just giggled, didn’t you just said him to not laugh?”

 “I did.” 

 “Please! Anything! Anything you want! Just name it! I will givehe you anythihihihing.”

 Aizawa adjusted himself so his lips would rest on Yagi’s neck, he sighed deeply, relaxed. 

 “Then give me your laughter.”

 And he started.

 The fingers dug on his spot, prodding and scribbling in attacks which danced in a perfect synchrony with the fast nibbles assaulting all the sensitive skin he could reach, expertly dodging from all the trashing, the attacks seemingly to only be fueled by his shrieks.

 “An autograph!” loud, booming laughter exploded, snorts and an intelligible mix of half English and half Japanese painting his words stumbling and falling nonstop from his mouth. Yagi lost track of what he was saying the moment a raspberry was placed right under his chin and the hand tased his side, vibrating and vibrating and vibrating there for what seemed an entire eternity. “Rare merchandise! My house! Anything, I swear, anything but this!”

 “Oh my god.” Hizashi braced himself on the wall, his conflicted heart torn between cooing and teasing the other for how much adorable he was being and giggling in joy with his funny reactions. “Oh my god. Shouta, please, don’t ever stop tickling him, this is the most precious scene I witnessed in my whole life.”

 Shouta felt tempted to agree, however, after a couple of minutes, he stopped, shoving his face on the other’s shoulder to hide his own soft chuckles, being accompanied by the residual, bubbling giggles. They waited until his breath became steadier before the one with black, deep eyes stared at the watery, gleaming blue ones.

 “Shoutahaha…”

 “Just one more spot, okay?”

 Toshinori closed his eyes, nodding before trying to hide his expression under his hands, being stopped by Yamada, who took each one of them gently and gave a kiss on his knuckles, lacing their fingers, knowing very well Yagi wouldn’t attempt to pry them away like this. 

 “No hiding your beautiful face, remember?” Yagi wanted to huff in annoyance at the unprompted tease, but it was being said with such lovely care that he couldn’t help but melt under it, especially when Shouta began to bombard the place behind his ear with kisses and small raspberries, descending him in quiet titters and silent laughter sprinkled with sporadic guffaws.

 After a few more of kisses, tickles and fast, inaudible giggles he ceased his attack, giving a last nibble on his ear before getting up from him, letting the Symbol of Peace recompose himself between his blush and gigantic smile, offering a cup of water when his laughter stopped to fly across the room, all of them enjoying the silence as Toshinori drank the liquid, thanking Shouta.

 “Green?” Hizashi asked, stepping a little closer, a shy grin on his lips.

 “Oh my… Why do you have to make me say that?” Toshinori squeezed their hands, huffing and deviating his gaze. “Green.”

 The blinding smile that was sent in his way seemed to have enough shine to light up the whole house. “Let’s jam!”

 The Voice Hero tried to untwine their hands kindly, blinking in surprise when the other only held them more fiercely. He tried again, same result. Behind them Shouta snorted, amused.

 “Giggly bear, my sweetpea, you will have to let go of my hands.”

 “Absolutely not, you will attack me.”

 Yagi stared at him with a challenge in his face, daring the hero to do something about that.

 “Well…” Hizashi winked playfully. “I always have my mouth, and, you know? That wiggly wiggley yummy tummy of yours seems to be asking for a couple or maybe a dozen of raspberries… ~”

 “Wait, no!” Toshinori squirmed, instinctively sucking his belly. “Don’t!”

 “Aw, but that is such a pity! I was thinking about being a bit merciful today, you know? Maybe some skittering under your knees, being sure to give enough attention to every inch of both of them, I mean, we don’t want anyone feeling left out of the fun, of course! Then I would give one or two squeezes on them, a swift under your wiggly wiggley toes, a few scratches on your squirmy feet and voilá! A happy, silly, giggly Yagi ready to go. But, well, now I believe I don’t have another choice except place all the mean raspberries aaaall over your unprotected stomach and sides and ribs and sides and neck and ribs and-”

 “Stop, stop!” Toshinori let go of his hands in order to hug his tingling torso, curling in a defense ball, trying to stop the feeling of the imaginary tickles. “J-just get over it!”

 “Aw,” Hizashi placed a kiss on his temple, smiling softly for a piece of moment before letting it turn into an evil grin. “Your wish is an order, my adorably ticklish bear.”

 He positioned his hands in each leg, grazing his nails from the bottom of his calves and lightly scribbling their way up to the wonderfully sensitive spot under his knee, taking his time to draw spirals and rivers on the skin, being very content to feel the other squirm under his touches, huffs of laughter puffing from his lips. “Hey, Toshi, can I ask a question?”

 “Fuck,” he squeaked when an unexpected pinch was placed on his hip before Hizashi innocently continued his previous attack. “Y-you may.”

 “Right! But, first of all, let me take care of this two...” Yamada smiled, completely unfazed as he sat on the bed, holding both ankles and lifting before resting them on his shoulders. “There you go, squirmy toy! All comfy and unable to wiggle away from my curious, tickly fingers!”

 “He is going to kick you.” Aizawa rolled his eyes, getting closer until he could get a firm, yet gentle, grip on Yagi’s ankles, truly preventing him from moving them. “Here. Now ask your question.”

 “Thank you, babe.” Hizashi relished on the way Aizawa’s ears were painted in red before beaming again at Toshinori, who kept trying to pull his legs away from his predicament, and seeming to take the fact that he wasn’t laughing his head off as a personal offense. He rested his hands on his knees again, one of them squeezing them skillfully while the other scratched the sensitive skin underneath it. “So, Toshinori, what do you think it tickles more? When I squeeze, squeeze, squeeze those adorable ticklish kneecaps or when I tickle tickle tickle them silly?”

 “No, no, no!”

 “No?! Aw, I am afraid that isn’t really the answer I am looking for, darling… But that is okay! Do you know what I am going to do now, Toshi? Huh? Do you know?” 

 Yagi just shook his head, knowing pretty well that anything said would just fuel the evil words dripping freely from the other’s mouth.

 “Not even a guess?” He changed his technique to lightly tease with plentiful of scribbles the sensitive spot with just the tip of his fingers. “An itsy bitsy tiny guess? Awn.” A fake pout adorned his face. His fingers ascended a bit more, now tormenting the thighs, their owner smiling wide as the squirms began to get stronger, drawing circles around the little weak spots he knew that would fish the wildest laughter. “But I will tell you anyway! Because the Tickle Monster is feeling very kind today. I am going to get those sensitives calves riiiight here!” 

 “Hizashi!” Yagi tried to pull his legs again, his giggles becoming more frantic as he realized they didn’t even buckle from their spot. “I can’t. I promise you, I can’t! Hihihihizashi!”

 “But I do think you can! I believe in you, Toshinori. You’re such a strong, nice tickle bug. I think you definitely can take some good cootchie-coothie-coos right here!” He poked. “And here” Poke. “And here, and here, and here, here, here!” 

 Suddenly a sea of pokes - just that, just tiny, harmless, quick pokes that shouldn’t be able to make him feel even more ticklish than he already was - assaulted his calves, some surprising pinches and clawing also making an appearance and disappearing just as fast as they came.

 “Shut up, please, shut up!” Throwing his head with loud, squealing chortles, Toshinori pleaded, his mind overtaken with how much it tickled and how unbearable it was and how amazing all of this felt. 

 “Gasp! Toshi! How can you say that? The Tickle Monster thought you loved his teases. Why would you want them to ever stop? Do they make you feel more ticklish? Huh? Do they? Do all my silly teases and tickly attacks make the big, strong Yagi Toshinori become a very lovely and adorable mess of those cute sounds? Huh?”

 “Don’t you think how great would it be if we just stayed like this forever? Me, here, playing with you and your awfully helpless toes,” at the mention of the new spot Yamada changed his target, making the other to arch his back and shriek in belly laughter as fingers attacked under his toes, tickling and digging unmercifully at every single one of them. “and hearing this wonderful laughter! Don’t even make me start about your laughter! It is music to my ears.”

 When nothing but a series of snorts and loud laughter answered him, the blonde decided to stop his tickles, slowing them until his warm hands just rested there, peacefully.

 Toshinori wiped the single tear that traveled to his hot cheek, just a quick glance in Aizawa and Yamada’s general direction being enough to make his giggles start a-new.

 “I am not even doing nothing to you.” The tease couldn’t be helped, especially as his giggles got stronger and, consequently, quieter.

 “Your hands!”

 “My hands? What about them?” Hizashi shouldn’t be allowed to feel that much smug nor powerful.

 “They’re just…” A flow of intelligible noises fell from Yagi’s lips, and he decided to try again. “They’re just there! It tickles!”

 “Now, it does?”

 “I would never have guessed.” Aizawa deadpanned, watching as the other wiggled and squirmed in protest.

 “Right? I mean, they’re just chilling there. No moving, no tickling and Toshinori attacks them like that! I would feel wounded, but I guess he is really just a very ticklish giggle bug. Shouta, what are we going to do? The lesson clearly isn’t working… Oh, I wonder if there is something I could do to stop tickling him...”

 “Just take them off there!” Yagi gasped when the fingers started to skitter around his ankles, another newly discovered sweet spot that erupted a new round of snorts. “No!”

 “I don’t think there is anything that can be done. We could just stop and stare at him and he would be laughing uncontrollably in three seconds.” Aizawa remarked.

 “He is just too much sensitive, ya know? Just an itsy bitsy touch and you get him all giggly and blushy.” 

 “Am nohohot!”

 “And helpless too. Cute and helpless.”

 “Shouta, plehehease, let me go!”

 “Yean, absolutely.” Hizashi agreed, shaking his head with fake sadness, a tiny grin blooming on his lips. “I guess this is our fate, Sho, to hear him laugh and squeal and snort and giggle-giggle-giggle at anything we do.”

 “A pity.”

 “Enough!” Both stopped, hearing the light of tiredness painting Yagi’s tune. “That- haha, that is enough, please.”

 “Yellow?”

 “Red.” Toshinori smiled, feeling yet too shy to find their gazes with his. “I'm just an old man with one lung.”

 Hizashi snorted, offering him a bottle of water and heading to the kitchen to make his special tea - after all, no one knew a better recipe for tired throats than the Voice Hero himself, - and Aizawa just rolled his eyes, sitting on the mattress and massaging his feet, a calming gesture that helped both to relax as they enjoyed the silence with the phantom laughter and reminiscent giddiness that still ran on their veins.

 “Shouta,” Toshinori lightly hit the other’s thigh with his free feet until the black haired one turned his attention to him, not even slightly prepared for the soft, incredibly soft, expression and gleaming, energetic eyes which found his. “Thank you.”

 Aizawa scoffed, quickly trying to brush off the warmth engulfing his heart and smile that tried at all cost to appear on his features. 

 “It was very… enjoyable.” Toshinori pressed further, tipping his head to the side in an attempt to see his expression. “Your technique is very effective! You don’t rely a lot on verbal teases but the way you can mix different attacks and keep track of which spots bring the most reactions is very impressive! Not to mention-” A squeak broke his thoughts when a mean squeeze was delivered on his calf, Aizawa huffing before massaging the local to make the tingles go away.

 “Continue with this and I will not be above ganging up with Hizashi to wreck you, again.”

 “If it’s Complementing Eraserhead hours and you’re being too stubborn to accept the deserved nice words I think it’s very clear who I will end up helping.” Hizashi remarked as he got into the room, distributing the tea before squishing himself between them, almost spilling the drink as a warning tickle on his stomach made him jump.

 “Hey!” The one being called just quirked an eyebrow at him, almost challenging. Hizashi just shrugged. “It would still be worth it.”

 “Yagi,” Toshinori blinked, surprised at being pulled on their usual bickering, staring Aizawa above the rim of his mug. “Analyses about Hizashi as the ler.”

 An inhumane screech flew from Yamada’s lips. “Don’t you dare!”

 When he was over, sneaking one and other praise for Eraserhead here and there, they were all laid on the bed, limbs entangled due both the magnetism that seemed to pull them together and the fact that if it wasn’t for it, Yamada would have already fled from the room on the shine of Yagi’s first word.

 “I don’t like you.” The one with long, blond hair complained, grumbling when his sentence only made the others snuggle closer, snickering. “None of you. You’re both very mean and dirty traitors and I am going to scream.”

 “Don’t.” Aizawa slurred from somewhere behind Toshinori, his tune showing he was almost asleep. Hizashi, who already forgave them for their “betray” searched for his waist, resting his arm on it and very lightly scratching the base of his back, a spot he knew would make the underground hero absolutely melt. Toshinori captured his free hand, coming close and humming softly as his finger traced the lines on his palm.

 Soft. Good. Warm.

 At some point of the conversation, someone had turned the television on, and for a few pieces of moment the show playing in the background was the only thing that filled the silence.

 “Hey, Toshi.”

 “Yes?”

 “I know you don’t like a lot of attention when the tickling is over but… thank you.” A quick kiss was delivered on his forehead, happy to see no trace of discomfort on the other’s features, only a tiny, timid smile. “Thank you.”

 “Go to sleep, Hizashi.” And then he kissed his knuckles, just like Hizashi did back then, and Shouta murmured something, pulling them closer and Hizashi smiled and the television started to grow more and more silent.

 “Ok.”

 After that, everything was soft, good, warm.

[~*~]

Inspirations!

* That entire AllEraserMic tickle series that I absolutely live for

* The teases from the fanfics of that amazing author

* A very especific post about cute reactions when the lee is being tickled but I can’t find it so please enjoy Onion’s blog (the op)  instead. His blog is gold.