#the worst of themselves
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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elementalladymallorie:
“And in that moment, I feel like the thing I saw was that actually your greatest strength is overcoming all of the pain to just keep trusting. And so I think that's what I'm gonna take and learn from you, with your permission. Or without your permission because I'm a rebel now.”
-Prism’s good bye to Laudna.
"I think what I learned what was that you overcame all this pain and kept on trusting. And I think that's what I am going to take from you."
-Prism's good bye to Laudna.
#this knocked the air out of me it was so surprising and incisive#i think a lot about that moment in the desert outside bassuras with delilah telling laudna that she can’t trust anyone; that people will#only betray her in the end; that she’s better off alone#and i think of her up in that tree in the twisted version of whitestone; telling imogen that she’s not strong enough to fight delilah; that#she hasn’t been able to for 30 years#except that that’s not true. for 30 years her killer in her head showed her the worst of humanity; for 30 years humanity showed her#the worst of themselves#and she fought it. she found a way to still see the good in people; to trust them; to still make agonising room for connection#and somehow she builds herself a little family#and then it happens again. she dies; and wakes up; and relives the whole nightmare#she says she’s not strong enough but when the time comes; fearne puts laudna’s thread around delilah’s neck. her friends might be doing the#damage but it’s laudna’s resistance that got them there. every inch gained is another in the decades long war that laudna has been waging#because despite all the pain; she kept on trusting#anyway; it was a hell of an observation from prism
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God something kills me about imagining the High Five Heroes as they were described at 14 years old, being led out into the forest by Porter, an adult they supposedly trusted. Fledgling adventurers jumping at the chance for special treatment by a teacher, to get a leg up on the competition.
Kipperlilly with her pigtails. Ruben with his braces, sandals and puka shell. Tiny Oisin, not having hit his growth spurt yet, with Mary Ann even tinier. Lucy Frostblade, described as a "kind soul".
All them walking to this clearing every day to watch their instructor slaughter monsters and ask them to give the killing blow. In Ruben's dream, he was terrified walking to this clearing!
All of these kids who had their shitty, petty grievances manipulated by the adults in power over them to serve a cause of rage and conquest with no concern for their wellbeing. A cause they were asked to die for.
#the rat grinders are shitty but its porter (and jace) who made them into the worst versions of themselves#dimension 20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#original post#fhjy spoilers#rat grinders#kipperlilly copperkettle#kipperlily copperkettle#ruben hopclap#lucy frostblade#ivy embra#oisin hakinvar#mary ann skuttle
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👌Content™
#comic#comics#funny#content creator#content creation#writing#drawing#fanart#artists on tumblr#arting#tumblr#before you presume the worst please understand that i draw a steven universe fancomic#and this post is about Very Strong Opinions people have in re: plotholes in a children's cartoon#but seriously dont put content creators on pedestals#dont put ANYONE up there#they will just fall off and hurt themselves and others in the process
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Obsessed with the degrees to which james wilson is a messy bitch. Primps and preens himself whenever he realises his boy best friend is stalking / sabotaging / psychological-warfare-ing him. Slept with his terminal patient. Immedicable people pleaser. Chronic adulterer. Three ex wives. PROPOSED TO HIS GIRLFRIEND AT SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING? Fuck you doin in the oncology wing my boy. Psychiatric ward is on the left corner
#Soooooooooooo obsessed about him becos you see him and youre like “oh houses responsible friend who exasperatedly keeps him in check...”#Like resident pretty boy heart of gold heartthrob with an inclination to taking care of his poor tortured friend#Like as run of the mill as you can get#Then six seasons theyre stringing each other up in booby traps in their shared domestic apartment. Girl what the fuck#Like james wilson is not crazier than house i wld say but like 2me. Its not even something thats quantifiable#theyre so wildly unhinged in different ways#ITS SO CRAZY.................... BY BEING TOGETHER THEY MAKE THEMSELVES THE WORST AND BEST VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES ITS CRAZY#So many thots abt them........ going2 spend the rest of my life trying 2 get them down on paper#gregory house#james wilson#hilson#house md#johan being crazy about yaoi md
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I love you, trans people with intellectual disabilities. You deserve to have the same opportunities as everybody else, and that's because you are a person. You deserve to be happy. Intellectually disabled trans people deserve the exact same respect, recognition, and love that (should be) afforded to everybody else.
Intellectually disabled trans people, you deserve to make your own decisions about your transness. You are allowed to want for transition or to change your name, clothes, hair, pronouns, or anything else. You deserve support and understanding. I hope you are able to receive that. You belong in this world as your true self. Your transness and your disability/disabilities are not bad things - they are good, and they are important.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#intellectual disability#disability#disability positivity#trans positivity#absolutely *so* tired of people 'forgetting' that intellectually disabled trans people; 1) exist and 2) are autonomous human beings#absolutely hate hate hate the ableism of 'but we have to protect ID trans people from themselves :('#no. YOU deserve to have a say in your life intellectually disabled trans person. you are a person first and foremost#you don't need to be 'saved' from the 'tragedy' of having an ID or from being trans...#...these things are neutral at worst. you deserve whatever support you want and/or need...#...but you aren't ever a bad person for that. you are loved. you are worthy. you are cherished. you deserve to be you
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shuichi posting
#my art#fanart#strawberridraws#danganronpa#drv3#shuichi saihara#character design#don't ask me what possessed me to make this#(its the game grumps play through. the demons have officially returned)#all my aus and head canons bouncing around at maximum velocity rn..#technically this is part of my “the tragedy was real” au / towa kids au#but shuichi (in that au) was kinda just like#what he is on the tin#aka a nice dude taken under his uncles wing post parent death (tragedy) (they were on vacation and got caught up in one of the worst areas)#in my au its like. imagine a weather map with hotspots; that's how the tragedy worked#so shuichi lived in a less effected area but with the rise of infected people (like zombie apocalypse style) (and animorphs brain worm styl#as you cannot tell who is effected by despair and to what extent unless they choose to reveal themselves)#there was a hugeee uptick in crime and shit so he started working with his uncle early on#eventually his uncle went missing (I think its not super hammered out) and he went to investigate#which is when he runs into his like Gang of pregame ppl#(Kaito maki Kaede)#and later some others (towa kid gang [kokichi gang but with drv3 kids] island gang [angie kork n amami])#ANYWAYS its a thing...#ik its been like 3 years since I first posted about it but u can't control the brain worms ig#and I just wanted to do a redesign lmao
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dreaming abt sophomore year class swap bard!riz
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#ft. kalina#fh class quangle#tbh Im not suuuper happy with the bones of these designs yet#but also its just a bit hard to measure up to how strong ''kid who wears suit to school'' is#I kiinda gear the sophomore year design specifically towards like. cameraman-esque aesthetics#kind of dude who's working the light rig And the audio at the same time. dude who's running inbetween two huge tripods#theres also a thing with the freshman year arcade scene that I wanted to draw but just do not have the energy today#maybe in the future! if I can be bothered to draw biz lmao#I wanna draw something for cleric!gorgug first anyway... specifically his death in freshman year#man I'm so glad I tossed bard!riz into investigative journalism that is SO annoying. exactly what I set out to do with my classswaps#can you imagine going to school with that guy. can you imagine going to school with tintin#this also makes kipperlilly vs riz even funnier like influencer vs journalist? it'd be the Worst#man thinking of it I should rework gorgug's design too. currently his sophomore design is really zac core lmao#and zac can pull it off but character design wise its. really nothing. laughs#his junior year design is full aerith at least so that one Im very happy with. what if I tell u cassandra is the deity of#the inbetween spaces in this class swap thingy. and gorgug offers her domain as a stop for folks fresh out of a faith to gather themselves#that being transgender as fuck is kinda coincidental lmao. but well I stand by it I like that#nobody's design has jumped out to me like riz and gorgug yet. adaine I have a prreeetty good idea for#mostly bc shes the hoodie kid this time round lmao. gamer adaine true believers rise up#we take it easy! we take it easy as we go. these comics-lite were real fun to do. I should do that more
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WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT ALIEN STAGE WAS NOT JUST DOOMED YURI, BUT ALSO DOOMED YAOI?
#THIS IS ACTUALLY SO SICK AND TWISTED. EVERYONE WHO RECOMMENDED ALNST TO ME SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES.#YOU GUYS KNOW I AM WEAK TO THAT. CRITICAL EVEN.#ITS MY FATAL FLAW. MY ACHILLES HEEL.#MIZISUA MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELFFF I AM NEVER EVER RECOVERING FROM THIS WHAT THE FUCK#ALSO?????????#IVAN AND TILL????????????? HELLO SCREAMINGG WHAT THE FUCK /GEN#WORST LOVE CIRCLE(?) IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE ITS LIKE THE PAIN NEVER FUCKING ENDS#THIS WAS TRULY OUR ALIEN STAGE#anyway#no one will ever hear from me after the bonus round because i'll either kill luka myself or mizi will kill him and i will die from happines#alnst
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EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK, EVIL MARK!!! I want to be coherent about this season but please picture me foaming at the mouth and running on the walls. S2 being what if Mark's just like his Dad? Insanity. I love this show. Anyways, AU where an Evil!Mark tries to make Our!Mark worse, and Our!Mark tries to make the other better. Something something confronting your idea of the worst version of oneself. Plus, tweaked black and yellow costume because I saw it and immediately went murder hornet lookin' ass and knew I had to draw it. Evil ass Mark. Horrible. I think he should be dragged kicking and screaming into redemption.
#mark and the fact he is fighting for this fucking life to avoid the Many Bad Endings???? im pacing. getting out the red string.#when the season is about who you are and what you could become. when trying to be good is an active choice and a struggle.#RAHHHHHHHHHHH#chewing on the bars of my enclosure...when every mark is evil OUR mark is the outlier. the exception. the OTHER. RAHHHH#dog poetry being mark poetry because how often can you kick a dog before it starts snarling before you raise your hand?#how often can you beat it before it rips into you without mercy? when it bites not at your hand but at your neck?#when does violence for survival and violence for vengeance start and end? when your opponent is down and you keep drawing blood?#circling and pacing and losing my mind over this btw if you care#anyways self vs self gets me going crazy. did you know i loved the end of atsv? because it shows.#i think o!mark would lose his fucking mind at what evil wasp looking mark has done + this mf wasp would LOATHE mark's kindness#they both see the other as the WORST version of themselves and they can't stand it. They can't shatter the mirror but they think they can--#--change the reflection.#evil mark seeing mark and seeing what he USED to be#mark seeing what he COULD be#CAN U SEE THE VISION??????#digital art#invincible rotating in my mind#invincible fanart#fanart#mark my beloved#mark grayson fanart#mark grayson#invincible s2#invincible show#mark like hello this is my secret twin and he is NOTHING like me hahahaha anyways wanna debate about having mORALS and LIFE#mark grayson vs the urge not to accept every responsibility as his own#he's batman coded that way#ok im done yapping#if this happened in the comics in any way shape or form dont tell me JACK SHIT or i will PUMMEL YOU with my SHOES
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An idea I'd love to see is bingqiu time travel... But individually.
Shen Qingqiu dies in the city, travelling back to when he was first transmigrated via the system.
A few years later, luo binghe finds some artifact or mcguffin in his attempts to find a way to resurrect Sqq, and, with the chance of making it so Sqq never died in the first place, takes it.
And they both don't figure out the other also time travelled for ages.
Sqq: wow, butterfly effect works fast! He's even stickier this time around! What a little sheep.
Lbh, internally: if I was even more shameless shizun could have been giving me headpats for EVEN LONGER?? *sees lqg in the background having a sexuality crisis* oh no we don't--
#svsss#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#luo bingmei#bingqiu#scum villain#bingyuan#svsss au#They'd be so ready to think the worst of themselves and the best of the other too#I cannot emphasise enough they don't figure it out for YEARS. Before the abyss! But not! By much!!#Lbhs desire to understand and be loved vs sqq's fight or flight instincts GO
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Need more fics where sj!SQQ and a martial sibling gets stuck in a situation, and instead of them having a bonding moment or something stupid and emotionally healing, sj just pulls out a knife.
#mind you i eat up the emotionally healing tropes#i just think itd be very funny if#'oh no. im in a situation with my worst shixiong. we're at risk of losing our lives. please tell my mother i love her.'#and then the martial sibling(depending on the one)#would try to resolve any bad blood between themselves and sj#and sj just removes a hidden knife from the small of his back that wasnt confiscated or something#and just frees them#maybe he puts the knife through the jaw of a captor or a really formidable beast#svsss#and just goes 'what was shidi saying? i was busy being the only resourceful and useful person in the sect'#original shen qingqiu#shen jiu#cang qiong#og shen qingqiu#og sqq
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What do you think would be lena's courage gaunlet test
therapy
#seriously!#some of the bravest shit a person can do is be honest with themselves#and Lena particularly likely feels she’d just be retraumatizing herself#little does she know the hardest truth she’ll have to face is that she’s her own worst enemy#and no matter how hard she tries to get out from under the weight of the luthor name#she won’t ever allow herself to feel happy or accomplished until she faces the true final boss:#her own inner critic and tendency to self-sabotage#(no i’m not desperately invested in this idea. stop looking at me like that)#ask me things!#anonymous
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my personal headcanon is the vees were unremarkable nobodies when they were alive. i just love it as a thematic throughline for them. they love to let the public of hell speculate on them being famed and acclaimed since before death, but the the truth is they were a d-list failed influencer that got by on cheap controversey and scamming, a broke junkie who burned every shaky bridge he ever had, and a worn-out broadcast production assistant with more rejected auditions and tossed out script pitches than he could count. nobody missed them when they were gone, nobody cared who they were until they were dead.
#because villains who didn't start off supremely powerful are more interesting to me#vees#it's not that they CAN'T be better. or that they're simply ignorant of the ways they fuck up others lives#they actually all do have that knowledge of being the underdog. and it's made them all the more shitty#because they never want to be those people again#narratives about people who make each other worse <3#to be clear they were still shitty people in life. manipulative. consumed by greed and envy. all their individual flaws etc etc#but hell made them into the absolute worst versions of themselves#of course what their Worst Self is and the journey/length of time/initial reaction to being in hell varies#like val sees hell as a continuation of the things happening in life. just w/ the power dynamics always privileging him#it's the same drugs and violence. except the violence isn't just survival anymore but the chance to indulge his deeply sadistic desires#vox has completely dissociated from his time alive. that person is dead and he's reinvented himself 1000 times over since then#90% of the time he has those memory files shoveled into a hidden directory#he refuses to acknowledge that he's still haunted by some of the same insecurities from almost a century ago#val doesn't necessarily see his living self in a fond light but he does see that person as fundamentally him#velvette thinks life was full of people who weren't her demographic but fortunately that's been fixed by sinners!#they just couldn't Get Her and that was all their faults#the primary way they view their past selves can be summed up as: scorn (vox) apathy (valentino) and in denial (velvette)#sorry the bulk of the post was in the tags. i will be doing this again#the scorn is the coping mechanism for shame. of course
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my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out
and my poor heart is an open wound A Childhood Friends Au snippet that very briefly delves into Danny's life post-accident. CW: Mild Mentions of Blood, Violence, VERY mild gore ig. Danny briefly recalls getting impaled during a fight.
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What they don't tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it can hurt. That it can hurt more than when you were alive. That when you die, the emotions you die with stick with you like a leech that just won't let go. That emotions are ugly little thorns that stick their barbs into you and grow beneath your skin; or, at least, whatever’s left of it.
Danny is familiar with anger. It kept him warm in Gotham, when his parents weren't home from work and he and Jason were crowding Crime Alley with their presence. It kept him warm in Amity, when the fresh sting of moving was still needling into his heart and he wanted nothing more than to rip and tear into the closest person next to him.
He's familiar with violence. With fights. With death. He's seen people die in Crime Alley probably every day. From overdose, from gunshots, from stab wounds; anything that can kill, rest assured he's seen it. He's familiar with getting his own knuckles rough and bloody when other kids turn and bare their teeth at him and Jason; they're all just starving dogs stuck in a fighting pit, primed and ready to rip out each other's throats.
Black eyes, stomped hands, bloody noses. You name it; he’s had it. Gotham is paved with the blood of her children, and Danny likes to imagine that when he was born, the doctors handed his mother a file and told her; “Take it. He’s going to need it for his teeth.”
Danny’s mom (and dad, for that matter) was too busy trying to keep him and Jazz fed, so Danny stole the file from her drawer with Jazz’s help, and did it himself.
He’s familiar with anger, he thought he was getting better at it these days. It doesn’t come to him as easily as it did before. Of course, that was before Jason died.
Danny is less familiar with grief. Caring kills and Gotham kills the caring, so Danny cares very little about other people. Or he tries to. But grief hurts. His grief hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts like a bug trying to crawl out of his chest; like a rat chewing a hole through his heart. Some days he wants to dig his hands into his hair and split himself down the middle. Some days he just wants to scream.
He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead.
He wants the whole city to hear him wailing, some days. It sticks itself in the back of his throat like bile, and Danny is one wrong retch away from letting it loose. It sticks in his lungs like all the tar he’s smoked in since he was nine. It pushes and aches at his temples, in his head, like his brain is trying to swell out of his skull. His thoughts becoming so loud they threaten to commandeer his tongue.
He has no mouth, but he must scream.
Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it hurts more than when you were alive. Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it’s violent. That it’s bloody. Or as bloody as it can be when everyone has no blood.
Another thing they don’t tell you about being dead, is that it’s a lot like Gotham that way.
With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies forget death itself. Blood comes easy, like water, and teeth are encouraged. Bring your own fangs to the fight. Dying is something you can just walk off.
Danny’s been dead for three months. He can’t say he’s been walking it off easy. He’s perfected the art of turning his nails into claws since his heart was still beating, but he can’t say he’s perfected fighting other ghosts.
Scrappy is just not enough.
He feels like he’s back in Gotham again. Back in her death-shroud alleyways, fighting someone bigger than him. But there’s no Jason to watch his back, and Danny has to get himself out of there alone. Or he might just not get up at all.
Black eyes, busted lips. It’s familiar to him like an old scent, Danny isn’t quite sure that he’s missed it. It’s more familiar than his fights with Dash.
But there’s no one else who can do it but him. Not Sam, not Tucker. He can’t lose them too. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t. His heart can’t take another break, he already feels like he’s going insane.
With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies fight like death themself. He learns why when Technus puts a street sign through his stomach one day. It pins him to the asphalt like a moth pinned by its wings.
Danny claws at the metal like how an animal caught in a trap chews off its leg, and every move is blinding pain. He thinks he was howling, but it’s hard to tell. He couldn’t recognize the sound of his voice.
He bleeds green. It mixes in black with the pitch blackhole in his heart, which throbs and twists and cries in time with his reckless panic. The finger-choking terror of dying again strangles out the air he doesn’t need. His blood evaporates, only to reabsorb into him. It just bleeds out again, cycling like a snake eating its own tail.
Danny breaks his nails clawing at the metal, and eventually gets it in his mind to pull it out. So he does, and the end drips ectoplasm green as he gets to his feet. In red-vision, Danny sends the sign back with snarling, vicious fervor. The pain is irrelevant in his rage.
Only after the fight does the hole the pole left start to close. Danny doesn’t shift human until it’s gone. Unlike other injuries, a scar stays behind. Ugly; mottled, it aches for a week with every twist and stretch his body makes. He hates it.
Being dead is agony.
Every part of him is in pain. Every step, every word he speaks, everything he does, it is prerequisite with pain. The body is temporary, but the soul is forever, and death has carved into it with its freezing green hands and left him with never-ending heartache. It has torn from him and stolen what of him it could, and in return it’s left him with sorrow.
His pain is his grief, and he’s sobbed in the safety of his room more times than he can count. It’s still as fresh as the day he heard the news of Jason’s death. He knows, instinctively, that it will stay fresh forever.
In his room, Danny shoves his hands over his mouth and shrieks in whatever, muffled way he can into his pillow. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. He needs to be louder. He needs to be heard. He refuses to be.
Being dead hurts.
#tw mild gore#cw mild blood#cw mentioned violence#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dp x dc crossover#dead on main#dp x dc au#dp x dc fanfic#cfau#cfau danny#obsessed with the fact that danny just has the WORST fucking time after jason dies and baby i can make it worse#*kills you and makes you a banshee and puts you in an irrevocable state of grief*#delicious angst. danny is having the wORSt time ever lol. lmao even#was originally meant to explore the idea that danny can survive lethal injuries as phantom. which briefly got mentioned.#but i got away from myself. leaning reaaal heavy into the fact that danny's a banshee. At 19 he's got a pretty good handle of himself#but imagine being a fresh out the gate banshee. usually they get time to themselves in the zone to cry until their heart's content.#sorry danny. you have school tomorrow and family sleeping in the bedroom next door#kinda proud of myself. you can kinda see how Rath would've occurred here.#danny is going through it rn#was gonna add a snippet about the city's thoughts on phantom but couldnt fit it in
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FRINGE
5.12 - "Liberty"
#fringe#fringeedit#fringe 5x12#episode: liberty#walter bishop#peter bishop#mygifs#myedit#I have many thought about this scene but nothing was coming out coherently so I'll let the gifs speak for themselves#when I giffed the scene of olivia and walter in liberty I knew I had to do the equivalent scene of walter and peter at some point too#i have got to stop doing night scenes lol#they are the worst to color for me
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