#the whole place was filled with love!!!!
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BILL HAD LOVE! HE HAD LOVE! AND HE LOVED!!!
#the last of us#this is literally 100x better bec it served the same purpose of helping joel come to the conclusion that he needed to protect ellie#he had someone to make his life colorful#i loved that the set design made his house so pretty at the end#like the blues yellows greens#so many flowers#the whole place was filled with love!!!!#i cannot be normal about him and frank#also they did frank so right#i loved his big smile when bill first served him food#he was so :DDD#i knew then i was gonna be emotionally destroyed when he died
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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Lighthouse
#ellster plays#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#dav spoilers#they really made this place feel SO homey. love watching it fill in and light up and GROW 😭#im so sorry taash i love you with my whole heart baby but your room is very bachelor gym-bro chic. surprised by the lack of neon 💙
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Finally made a Parapluesch OC, introducing Mama Oz ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#Parapluesch#Do I need to tag all of them? I don't want to so I won't lol#I can tag my original I guess :P#Mama Oz#She's based on this absolutely ridiculous and darling object I found at the same place I got my new-to-me video games haha#So apparently in the 60s this specific type of - magazine rack? in the shape of a kangaroo?? was made??#Ridiculous. So ostentatious. I fell in love immediately and had to make her into a Parapluesch#Like as soon as I laid eyes on her standing there I was like ''Oh you're from Die Anstalt'' - Instantly started filling in her backstory#Mama Oz's deal is your classic Stages of Grief - in her case from losing a child#Since she's a plush she never had an actual baby but she lost Her Child if you get me - she stopped being played with#And so she projects that grief onto others and adopts them in an attempt to get Her Child back#Except if this new relationship isn't within that framework then she rejects it and goes to the next one#She doesn't really realize that she's inconveniencing them by trying to adopt them and limiting herself from forming lasting connections#Not allowing change or growth - stagnating and trying to reclaim something lost#One of my favourite parts of Die Anstalt is that each of them is shown to have flaws#They still need and are deserving of help! But their uglier symptoms aren't shied away from#Dolly and Lilo use self-harm as a coping mechanism#Sly is shown to seek out the high at times and be short and destructive#Dub takes pride in his overwork#Kroko is surly and prickly#Don't even get me started on Dr. Wood lol#So it's fun to imagine what Mama Oz would be doing to - even by accident! - harm herself or others#The whole point of helping them is for them to become their best most comfortable selves :D#I also think what's especially funny is that I've been Meaning to make a Parapluesch OC for /years/ now#I always planned for it to be a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis since that's in the DSM and I had a design and route planned and everything#No. Kangaroo magazine rack. Okay#Lol
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"jayce has two hands!" yes and they were both holding viktor in the end <3
#idc abt hcs but people trying so hard to put v and m on the same level in jayce's life in canon just pisses me off#he did love her but like irl it doesn't mean it was meant to last or be all that; a lot of different things came in between them#there's different kind of love with different intensity and it's ok#that “why can't he love them equally” bs is so disingenuous when the show literally tells you the opposite#you can dislike it or criticize it but there's no way yall saw jayce saying his place was by viktor's side after bringing him back to life+#sleeping in his lab in hope that he would come back; hallucinating his gf morphing into his “bro”; having a whole round of regrets and+#understanding what he wants and needs to do; coming back from the au and being “distant” to her; having his mind filled with viktor;+#CHOOSING to die with viktor instead of coming back home to his loved ones bc he loves him sm and think this is equality#idk there's always something to argue against a mlm ship even from fans and in the climat we're in now with l*nke it's just annoying me#like people will deny jayvik's romance but then turn around and try to diminish their special bond BC it is too gay/close to their taste...#truth is viktor has always been his first priority no matter how lost he got to the point that even his life work ended up being abt him#in a personal AND cosmical way
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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hi 13 second clip that i will be obsessed with for years to come because mikksy and lombo are doing mikksy and lombo things in the bg as they usually do how are you doing
theres something about mikksy looking over to his left and spacing out but when he sees long brown hair in his periphery he turns towards it, sees lombo struggling to pass off the cup and stares at him until lombo comes his way. the pining is palpable. i can feel it from here. he has the targetting program of a turret hes locking on.
also someone seems to either dropped a hat(?) or something of that nature because right as lombo steps forward to where mikksy is he bends down to get it but mikksy seeing him, also makes to reach for it but lombo seems to have it covered so he just bows like a chicken for a bit because his gentlemanly code intiated (rare sight) seeing a beautiful man bend down to retrieve an object...
and then after lombo comes up he immediately gets an arm around him and ushers him into his side. MANS GOT A FULL TOOTHY GRIN ON SEEING LOMBO. TH- AND HE REALISES HOW BIG HE MUST BE SMILING BECAUSE HE JUST CLOSES HIS MOUTH AND TRIES TO PLAY OFF THE FACT HE DIDN'T JUST HAVE THE GOOFIEST GRIN ON HIS FACE.
THE WAY LOMBOS CHEEK IS SO SMUSHED INTO HIS SHOULDER HE BARELY REACHES. PERFECT SIZE TO SNUGGLE INTO THE COLLARBONES. IM SORRY WHERE IS PLAYGROUND BULLYING PRETENSE??? SO WE'VE LOST THAT. WE'RE JUST GONNA COURT EACH OTHER NOW. WE'VE FINALLY ADMITTED TO THE ELEPHANT IN YHE ROOM AND WE WILL BE ACTING ON OUR FEELINGS HONESTLY. IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING. IT ONLY TOOK BOTH OF YOU BEING DRUNK. OKAY.
Panthers Championship Parade | 6.30.24
#niko mikkola#ryan lomberg#florida panthers#btw this was the cats concert livestream that was used as a live feed on the displays on the beach venue#and i was trying to look it up again but aparently cats removed the live from their official yt#im in mourning we've lost such a good archive of the whole concert just so they could post a recap and mini videos of the speeches#THEY PRIVATED IT MOTHERFU-#anyways back to your regularly scheduled programming#mikksy whos always quick to tease lombo its practically his first instinct instead gets rewired to treat him preciously#the way lombo snuggles in his side when mikksy wraps an arm and drags him in.. thats lombos place...#toothy grin is when you know mikksys down bad#he usually tries to downplay all his smiles with little twitches of his lips and tries to school his face#but big grin? oh terribly in love#theyre so drunk oh my god#all it takes is a little alcohol to sweeten them up...#can you IMAGINE what the hell they did at e11even oh my god#anyways they were acting so sweet and the next day lombo signed with the flames so you can imagine the angst in that#speedrunning their relationship and then lombo is running away across the border... call that a classic case of cold feet.#or really quick feet lmao#there is a story here that my brain is filling in and oh OH#girls its really just you and me on this splish splash waterlog ride get comfortable
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Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´;ω;`)
#I'm late...#I'm sorry I wasn't able to watch the episode by time last week but again. Food poisoning. And then the new chapter came out#I feel like I had much more to say when I started watching it last week...#Mmmmhh. I really like when bsd animation uses the colored lineart effect for flashbacks / subspaces (Anne's Room‚ Poe's books).#I think it's one of the prettiest and most original things of the bsd animation.#I've always felt like the Natsume reveal was a bit coming out of nowhere lol.#Here's this legendary ability user everyone knows but no one has ever seen with this immensely unthinkable powerful ability...#That the reader literally wasn't ever made aware of in the previous 49 chapters lol#After all that build up‚ his ability even feels a little underwhelming.#Which I suppose was the intended result‚ but I'm not sure it really works all that well in the end.#Then Naomi's words “Come to think of it‚ the things that happen when Mii-chan vanishes [...]‚ disasters are stopped every time”#really feel soooo out of place when so-called Mii-chan was never before mentioned up to this episode (╥﹏╥)#But I'll stop complaining. It's nothing big really#Fukuzawa and Mori's relationship is very homoerotic. Tbh#I looooove the ss/kk I don't even have much to say just watching scenes of them interacting together fills my heart of a warm feeling :')#The animation quality is very poor and the drawings are very undetailed but really I love ss/kk too much to care.#A lot of emphasis is put by the fandom on Atsushi's cruel remark towards Akutagawa in this ch/ep and it *is* cruel but really...#Akutagawa had literally just attacked Atsushi in a death-threatening way‚ futilely and completely unprompted#I can't find it in myself to blame Atsushi if he was irritated and lashed out at him.#And all their other moments are just so cute. What do you mean Akutagawa is deeply interested in understanding Atsushi's motivations.#What do you mean Atsushi can't get Akutagawa out of his mind!!!! They're so cute#So many more cute moments were cut out too rip lawnmower line you'll always be missed rip date line you'll always be missed#I feel like Pushkin's character is another instance of‚‚‚ Wow me and the author's morals really don't align at all#I really don't like the narrative of “weaker people will constantly try to harm and take advantage of strongest ones”#random rambles#Fun fact when I watched this episode for the first time I asked my mother to join me. Because I know a ss/kk scene was coming and I really–#didn't want to watch it alone. Well as it turned out the whole first half of the episode was dedicated to old man fighting–#and she gave up after that 😂😂 But I'm still grateful to her for trying.
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You ever start getting a bit emotional thinking abt the concept of one of your own ocs. Bc yeah
#ramblings#oc posting#nina#being a robot made without the capability of experiencing true emotion slowly learning what it's like to feel#learning what joy is. what anger is. what sorrow is#learning how to love. how to hate#feeling whole yet incomplete at the same time#not knowing how to fill the holes in your heart. not knowing you had one in the first place#but still feeling an unbearable emptiness inside#and not knowing why#not understanding because you weren't programmed to understand#you were only made to please#sorry i'm suddenly having brainrot over ocs i literally never talk abt#i'm just. ough
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in a perfect world frontiers would've leaned more heavily onto the elements of exploration and combat, taking the wonder rise of lyric wanted to create with the way it places the player into ancient ruins and abandoned facilities to learn more about them, and replicating the love that went into unleashed's werehog gameplay that gave us a fleshed out combo system and a competent beat-em-up. alas sega is a coward, and in this essay i will -
#soda offers you a can#admittedly rise of lyric doesn't exactly give you the lore it wants to because of Everything#i imagine having to rewrite the whole story last-minute for a game you know is a lost cause does not motivate you-#-to motivate you to create new lore that's in line with the new guidelines you have to follow#but it has the spirit still. RoL lets you explore these old places yourself and see everything that remains in them#it gives you material to work with and lets you fill in the blanks#it draws attention to these things and shows them to you and tells you hey! people were here once!#frontiers gives you structures but a funny pyramid isn't really enough on its own#it's all just weird buildings and structures and not much else. it's strange but simultaneously not enough to make you think#RoL gives you old machines and vast chambers filled with technology and dig sites#and those all have personality to them and they feel like something#frontiers's structures rarely feel like anything even if you know they're supposed to#they're neat but not much beyond that#and the combat is. fine. but it's no unleashed. and there's a reason people mod it all the time#frontiers has the building blocks for a game that combines several things i love but the execution falls short unfortunately and it pains m
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so i've been playing the sims fallout 4 for like twenty hours, half of which i spent basebuilding and decorating :D
moved into the Red Rocket fuel station next to Sanctuary, it's a nice place if you ignore the molerats and the toxic waste underneath XD so far i've set up a little greenhouse on top of the station, added a bedroom in the back office, and a breakfast nook at the counter. things are still a wip, but i figured out how to use wall-through connectors so we're making progress :3
the goal is to have a very decked out sanctuary and a cozy living space at the red rocket just for myself and maybe future companions if i like them enough :D resident rustbucket Codsworth and certified cute pup Dogmeat can stay forewer :3
yea had to move out of Sanctuary because the settlers kept walking into my house which was annoying, and honestly it makes more sense from a roleplay perspective that our character wouldn't want to live in a run-down, bad memory-inducing version of their former home lol
also the toys have a purpose too, i kinda imagine my character knows deep down that Shaun probably isn't a baby anymore (she can't consider the fact that he may not even be alive), but she still collects toys for him because she only ever remembers him as a baby and can't really think of him in any other way - collecting toys for him is a coping mechanism, but also it keeps her hope alive
the cats are there because i love cats, end of story XD
#excuse the hud-filled screenshots haven't yet figured out how to bring up the console on a hungarian keyboard#am very early in the game tho so i know it's been out for like 9 years but no spoilers please#fallout#fallout 4#inky's mind#named my character willow and codsworth can actually say it how cool is that#also love the random christmas tree from lord knows which dlc it's so out of place lol#am a bit annoyed tho i had Shaun's special book on my nightstand and one day it just glitched out of existence#also the game crashed so hard at one point that i couldn't even open task manager i had to restart the whole pc#and i have a beefy boye so y'know it kinda shouldn't have problems running fo4#then again it's a bethesda game so i don't expect much
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review of every type of meat that’s ever been subjected to me
disclaimers: this will include offals when I have personal experiences with that. score is subjected to personal taste and accessibility price- and prep-wise. YMMV, etc., etc. "meat" here includes non-mammal non-avian animals, as long as it comes directly from the body (which means eggs and such are not included). I tried to find the closest english word for some of these that I only know as local ingredients, but the taxonomical orders at least should be correct.
pork: 9/10. classic. a bit finicky to prep and cook, which is why it doesn't get full mark, but re-heats nicely. very versatile, though on the heavy side as is the case with most bigger animals. the amount of fat and gelatin that comes with a belly cut makes it ideal for new year aspic, which very few other types of meat can be used for. pig offals are of acceptable textures most of the times, though they've overall softened as time goes on, which may lead to one point docked as I don't like that texture.
chicken: 8/10. also very versatile and takes on spices very well, but experiences may vary much more due to the large difference in texture and taste between dark and light meat on a chicken. the big reason why I mark chicken one point lower than pork is that I find reheated chicken much less pleasant than reheated pork. phantom extra point for show of skill with eating bone-in chicken with chopsticks. remove phantom extra point for overrepresentation in every offering meal. offals are inoffensive, but overly soft for my taste. blood however is more tolerable than pig blood.
beef: 8/10. I love beef. beef is great to eat and great to cook, especially viet beef, since you're either sautéing it on high or stewing it until it falls apart anyway. but not only is beef expensive, quality also varies greatly with different price points. beef fat is also very hard to deal with and it makes me mad to throw away a whole puck of fat. as a casual source of protein it falls firmly into the "more troubles than it's worth" category. the one thing keeping its score in the high range is phở and beef jerky.
duck: 9/10. far superior to chicken in my sincere opinion, but a chore to eat in the summer. in no way an every day meal, but this only secure its place as a treat, which gets it graded on the treat ladder, and it scores high there. the only thing keeping it from perfection is the heavier musk that limits its versatility compared to its land-bound counterpart.
muscovy duck: 7/10. taste-wise deeper than duck, but texture-wise much chewier, which makes eating it even more of a task. cooking options have been pretty much limited to roast and poach. it being bigger than a duck makes prepping and portioning it just slightly off as well, so most often you go out to eat it, which docks point for convenience.
squab: 6/10. the problem here is maybe lack of dedication to the craft. or maybe it's that it's very little, not very exciting meat for too much effort. putting a tentative question mark here for this score because I believe there is a squab experience out there that doesn't feel gimmicky but will blow the doors wide open to new horizons for me. I see potential in this, and I'm not yet sick of disappointment.
silk worm: 8/10. the reason why it's not getting a higher score is because there's one single dish I like with it as an ingredient, which is roasted dried silk worm with fish sauce, but the reason why the score's still an eight is because that dish slaps mad shit. it tentatively falls on the treat scale because it's not very easy to acquire, but once you get a bag of it you're pretty much set for several months, so I would still consider it casual-meal-worthy. may be an acquired taste, but I fully recommend acquiring that taste.
snail: 5/10. abhorrent texture, mild taste. better as ingredients for more complex dishes than as a standalone protein. my mom likes it though so it gets passing grade.
oyster: 3/10. worse texture than snail, even worse taste. doesn't get better when you season it, only makes the seasoning itself worse. not getting a zero only because it's good for blood and I'm open to a chance of redemption down the road.
shrimp/crab: 6/10. get the same mark because I eat them at the same frequency and the amount of paperwork required to eat them is equally excessive. take on spices fairly well, but it's not enough. if I could hold a crab like a hamburger and take a big bite this score would change. saved from the mid grade by their seasoning quality for delectable summer broths.
eel: 4/10. the only good way I've found to eat eel is to deep fry it until it denatures and turns into basically seaweed chips. this is good for sour soup rice noodle, but for that same palate a number of different fishes do the job better with more personality. it's okay with a heap of sauce japanese style, but the price discourages exploration.
tuna: 7/10, and mostly for canned tuna salad. eaten raw I find it mid and unexciting. a nice tuna salad sandwich is fun and childlike in its appreciation of the simple things though, so I wholely respect it.
salmon: 9/10. about as versatile as a seafood can get, and is fun to experience in any form. only one point docked for price and lack of excitement - I also, like with squab and oyster, await a life-changing salmon experience that makes this protein perfect once and for all.
clam worm: 8/10. like with silk worm, I only find it edible in one single form, which is minced clam worm patty fried up, but it excels at that one single thing. also stays in the high grade for fun factor of being a seasonal treat.
frog: 6/10. I really like frog legs. it has the tenderness of white fish with the ease of access of a chicken wing, and the taste is delicate in a delightful way. but I really dislike most of the rest of the frog to put in my mouth. this makes it kinda wasteful as a meat option. overall just kinda better enjoyed alive than cooked for like a third of its body.
dog/cat: 3/10. grouped up once again because they're equally unpleasant texture-wise and limited in prep options. I find meat from mammals of this size downward soft in a really off, is-it-going-bad-or-is-it-just-like-this way. the musk borders on off-putting, which is why prep options are limited to heavy seasoning and stew or roast. overall just way too little bangs for their bucks.
rabbit: 5/10. texturally worse than dog and cat, but the musk is much lighter and takes on seasoning much better. not really something you can find casually in the wet market, so exploration of the possibilities here isn't of convenience. this score may be subjected to change in the future.
deer: 6/10. interesting taste, but tough texture and a bit hard to figure out how to season. very hard to get one's hand on in the city, and honestly from my exposure to it I wouldn't go out of my way to acquire a cut. firmly in the "sure, if I come across it" category.
water buffalo: 6/10. beef but chewier. makes for good drinking food, but I barely drink, so mostly not my thing. also limited in ways to prep - most commonly sautéd with garlic or made into jerky. I feel like there's a depth to this protein I cannot access, which makes me mad, but also earns it respect.
field mouse: 4/10. texturally even worse than rabbit, taste-wise extremely inoffensive. verges on the low end because it just raises the question of why. why is this a local specialty. it's mouse, dude. you can not be gentrifying that. they failed to make it a big deal btw so I'm correct on this one.
lobster: 6/10. gets this score for lobster freaks who spent decades studying how to make this big shrimp taste better and furiously honed their craft with cheese and butter and garlic. 80% of lobster experiences happen at the hands of those people, so the median score averages out at pretty ok. I am, however, lactose intolerant, and thus unwelcomed by these lobster zealots. this, combined with lobster being a luxury food, lowers the score to slightly above passing grade.
snake: 5/10. literally the only impression it left me with was that it was snake meat ooh how rare and cool. texturally more pleasant than eel and more versatile, but that ends up landing it squarely in the “utterly unremarkable” zone. at least now I’m pretty confident I would bite a chunk off a snake if I’m ever lost in a jungle with no way out. passing grade for the worth of information.
horse: 7/10. has the taste depth of deer, but with the texture of beef when simmered for a long time. literally had this first time today so my experience with it is extremely limited, but I can't really imagine it being easy to chew if roasted. two outstanding features are that the fat is really nice to eat even in larger pieces, and the blood cooks into a texturally acceptable jelly, which is not the case with any other animal blood for me. score may be up to change in the future as well.
mantis shrimp: 8/10. lobster wishes it has the playful zeal and easy-going nature of mantis shrimp. the amount of paperwork required to enjoy mantis shrimp is half of shrimp's or crab's, and texture-wise it's just better. literally crack this one in half like a flip phone and put some salt and lime on it, that's a treat. so far the gold standard for shelled seafood. only gets an eight because I don't really think about eating it every day, but I have hope this can be turned around in a shocking and life-changing event as well.
anchovy: this one doesn't get a score due to its ritualistic importance. really is included here because I ritually cleaned and cooked way too many of these so a job I was gunning for could go through successfully. it worked btw. still don't know if I recommend it
#bakuspeech#cw: food#cw: meat#obvious disclaimer I dont make it a business to repeat previously proven to be unpleasant experiences#so some of these I limit my exposure to as much as possible on purpose.#hi. Im at my grandparents place. its dark in here#not getting to work on what Im supposed to for a whole weekend is making me antsy#I think I will be able to chip off something for prep during the course of this. but its not gonna be much#anyways Im bored as shit and new food experience dropped today so I guess I sat down and wrote this up#happy solar new year in like a day. hey if you have a new year meal with some meat enjoy it yeah?#cherish the protein. we can learn to love ourselves through loving the meat. and the green and the starch and the spices#have a good night. idk why I tallied this tbh. I just kinda realized how much Ive experienced food-wise#and yet! still very little in the wide world of meals and treats#here's to a future filled with more....
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@it-begins-with-rain replied to your post “little floof has the best possible time at con,...”:
I'm so incredibly happy for you!!!!! I love how loved you are at that con, and it's absolutely the amount of loved you should be!!!! You are such a wonderful and kind and shining soul, and everyone can see it and everyone looks forward to it every single year! And your Flower Eevee is perfection itself and I'm so happy you managed to get the flowers done in time because they're PERFECT!!!!!!!! Just absolutely perfect!!! I'm so happy you had a few days to find yourself again and decompress after the shitshow that has been the last year, and i wish con was an entire week long for you to just bask in complete and utter blissful fun and recharge!
SOBBING THANK U 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
i frequently feel like i'm Too Much at con sometimes, like my favorite guests would get annoyed at seeing me so much at all their panels/autograph sessions and asking for pics and stuff, but then they do things like call to me BY NAME in the hallways when i'm not even paying attention and haven't noticed them just to actually get me to notice them and say hi back, or ask me if i'm coming to their next show after each one that i go to, or share my ig posts to their stories thanking me BY NAME AGAIN for coming and specifically saying they were glad to see me again and i just cry and melt inside bc they are genuinely the sweetest they could possibly be to me and they certainly don't have to be but they ARE and it makes me feel SO warm 😭😭😭😭
ALSO THANK U FOR KIND WORDS ABOUT FLOWERY EEVEEEEE <3 so many people stopped me at con to tell me my dress was beautiful and so many people asked about it after they took pics and everyone was so impressed when i said i'd hand sewn them all on and said they looked like they were originally part of the dress which tbh is the highest compliment to me, thank u random con goers ilu so much
I ALSO WISH CON WAS AN ENTIRE WEEK LONG SO I COULD JUST BASK IN COMPLETE AND UTTER BLISSFUL FUN bc that's what con is for me every time and i need it fjeiaowfwae i at least sorta wish i'd somehow taken this entire week off after con LOL but the memories are good, the memories and the pictures will help take the edge off going back to work <3
#it-begins-with-rain#hello sorry it was ramble time#i do genuinely tell my friends at con a lot that i feel like i'm ridiculous about my favorite guests and that they just put up with me fjew#but like...if they were just putting up with me i feel like they wouldn't do all the things that they do!!#i know i gave these examples in my tags on original post but fejwaiof still!!!#i must not be too annoying!! HAHA#just SEEING them makes me happy#i watch every panel/performance and just can't stop smiling the whole time#idk i'm just filled with such a childlike sense of wonder and it's insta-smiles and i'm so happy#but to have them be so nice to me back??? more than i could ever ask for 😭💗#anyway i love con so much and i can't possibly explain in words how much this convention means to me but it really is my happy place#genuinely forget about all the shitstorm of issues swirling around irl and get to live in the happiest of bubbles for three-and-a-half days#these tags and this post are a mess L O L
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.
#its so difficult#sometimes its too much to handle#yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally#and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR#its frustrating#the only thing you can do is sob apparently#my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread#i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out#nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time#i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place#i cant#all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache#i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all#and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything#i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore#on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy#theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing#i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still#i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real#and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin#i hate this#suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right#that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl#ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop#its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try
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Hiii! How are you doing? Well, I hope?
I've been meaning to message you, I just wanted to say I appreciate your blog so much and I've loved seeing your posts on my dash during the winter break <333
Thank you for all the beautiful pics of Charles!!
I appreciate your passion :) can't wait to go through this new season with all the lovely people on Tumblr and their great blogs!
I hope you have a great day/end of the week!! Take care of yourself
Hi! Great to hear from you :) I'm doing alright, though I need this break to be over already 😅 How are you?
Thank you for such kind words 🥺 I don't really consider myself passionate or anything like that as I only post silly pictures and reblog even more silly stuff 🤭 but it's great to know you enjoy it! 🫶
I too cannot wait for the season to start! (Hopefully I won't regret saying it lol)
Thank you so much for all the love, hope you're doing well! Wishing you the best ♥️
#i need this whole place to be filled with love#thanks for making my day better and getting me emotional 😭#asks#💌
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