#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog

[huellitaa]

i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn

[flowerandblood]

The Price of Pride (6/?)

[ canon • Aemond x Royce • female ]

[ warnings: kissing, mutual masturbation, infidelity, smut, the angst, sexual tension, imprisonment, abuse of power, manipulation ]

[ description: Prince Aemond finds a solution to the disproportion in the number of dragons between Dragonstone and King's Landing: he decides to find dragon blood and, like his half-sister, train dragon riders. He takes as his target the daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce, whom he abducts and imprisons in the Red Keep. Slow burn, darkish, insolent, arrogant Aemond. I have combined several requests here: (dragon blood female & prisoner female). ]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Never before had the wooden ceiling of a bed seemed so interesting to her.

The Maester was trying to be gentle and his touch was respectful – she knew that, but still what he was doing, the fact that there were other people around behind the cream curtains made her tense, even though she knew the verdict would be one.

When the examination was finally completed she sighed quietly and swallowed hard, rising on her elbow – she lowered her skirt down thinking she wouldn't give them the satisfaction and cry – Maester's voice and what he said was like honey to her ears.

"She is a maiden, My King. I have no doubt."

A moment later, she heard the sound of a door opening and closing with a loud slam.

Prince Aemond gave everyone an expression of his fury at this obviously unfounded accusation.

She took a quiet breath as someone pulled aside one of the veils – the king's face seemed satisfied, as if not the end result but the fact that he had once again shown his brother who had the last word was his reward.

"I am relieved, dear cousin, that you have come to no harm under my brother's care. I hope you understand that in no way did I mean to offend you or undermine your virtue." He said lightly, knowing that she could not reply anything other than to confirm his certainly sincere and good intentions.

"I am grateful to you for your concern, Your Grace." She replied, looking him straight in the eye, to her surprise feeling neither bitterness nor regret.

This would at least cut off any further gossip about her and the tongue of the servant who had given her pleasure that day, as promised by the prince.

She guessed he would not leave it at that.

"I wish to see your dragon and judge for myself the value he will bring to the upcoming battles. I also want him to stay in the Dragon's Pit with the rest of the dragons and not with Vhagar." He said, and she nodded, knowing that there was no point in standing up.

This brother or another, what difference did it make.

"He is still wild and untamed, my King. Accustomed to freedom. I fear that sudden confinement may kill his spirit." She replied softly.

Aegon nodded.

"I may yet change my decision. For now, I want to see him."

In accordance with his desire, he, she and a retinue consisting of several members of the Kingsguard, including Ser Criston Cole, set off on horseback to Vhagar's lair where the two dragons rested.

When they arrived, she felt joy, or rather a new kind of it, one she had experienced for the first time when she saw Sheepstealer.

Her dragon squawked happily at the sight of her, coming quickly up to her on his paws, watching her from all sides, intrigued, paying no attention to the other newcomers.

He was as sweet as a baby, she thought with tenderness, lonely for long years, craving tenderness, understanding and attention as much as she did.

He was everything she was, which is why the moment she first looked into his eyes she knew she would succeed in taming him.

She knew what he needed and she was able to give it to him, and he reciprocated.

Her dragon was the only man she needed.

"Magnificent. Fierce. And large indeed. Bigger than Sunfyre. Very well." Exclaimed the King with a smile, clearly pleased and reassured.

When his brother was not next to him he felt in control of the situation again.

She stroked the muzzle of her dragon, for some reason also smiling, its scales under her skin hard and rough.

"We are at your service, my King." She replied, wanting to be sure they would leave her alone.

She just wanted to be close to her dragon, nothing more.

"Good. You and my brother will take turns patrolling the sky daily. This will relieve the burden on Vhagar and allow the prince to attend to other, equally important matters." He said, and she nodded.

"Present our subjects with our new dragon. Show them that we are stronger than ever." He commanded, and she held back the smile of amusement that pressed across her face.

Is that so?

Outside? Maybe.

But inside, they were one rotten fruit.

"My King."

Flying over King's Landing was a kind of liberation for her – she felt she was showing not only the world what she had become, but more importantly her father.

She hoped, feeling the wind in her hair, whirling on the Sheepstealer in the skies with laughter, that Daemon was throwing his cups in Dragonstone out of rage, cursing the day she was born.

Although she hated her heritage and her name, it was the dragon that saved her and gave her life meaning.

It felt like they understood each other without words, that one move of hers was enough to make him change his flight course to where she wanted or dive down.

Once they landed, she always spent a bit of time with him, lying on the grass beside him, stroking his muzzle – she wanted him to know that he wasn't just her tool that she used.

No.

She felt something completely different that filled her heart wonderfully.

Love.

Looking out of the corner of her eye at Vhagar lying in the distance, plunged into a deep sleep, completely ignoring them, she wondered if these were the feelings that Prince Aemond had for his dragoness.

You should fall to your knees before her, you fucking whore, not laugh.

This was not an expression of his pride then.

It was an expression of his deep affection for her.

She smiled at this thought, recognising that at last she understood him.

Her expression was gentle and contented when, walking down the corridor of the Red Keep with a guard who did not leave her side, she came across him, apparently heading for Vhagar's liege.

"Where have you been?" He asked disturbed, seeing her riding attire.

She sighed quietly, pulling her black leather gloves from her hands.

"The King ordered that we take turns patrolling the skies. I have done that duty today. You may rest." She said, and he swallowed hard, something expression in his face as if he felt discomfort.

Another thing he was taking away from him, she thought.

"Leave us." He directed his cold words to the guard. He nodded and walked away with the quiet clang of his steel armour.

The prince moved away towards the cloisters, and she moved with him.

He didn't want anyone to hear their conversation.

"What did you say to him?" He asked, looking sideways, as if he couldn't bear to see her.

"To whom?"

"To my brother. Did you betray me?" He asked coldly, throwing her a drawn-out, stern look.

She sighed heavily and shook her head, closing her eyes, tired after the physical exertion, not having the strength for his baseless accusations.

"How?" She asked, his jaw clenched, his body upright and tense.

"Don't play a fucking fool. You know perfectly well what I'm referring to."

She laughed at his words, shrugging her shoulders, bringing him to the brink of fury.

She could see it in his wide-open eye, in his feral, furious gaze.

"I know, but I haven't told him anything and I won't. It's not in my nature to complicate a situation where I'm comfortable. Being your enemy is not my desire. The lack of your unity drastically reduces my chances of survival, and having tamed the dragon, its value in my eyes has increased greatly." She said lightly, looking him straight in the eye, seeing that his hands entwined behind his back were clenched into fists.

He hated it when she spoke to him like that, but he couldn't do anything to her in public.

"I also wish for you to continue to teach me the language of Old Valyria. In return, I will report to you on what I am asked and what the King tells me to soothe your troubled soul." She hummed with a smile, watching with satisfaction as he drew in a loud breath and licked his lower lip, apparently trying not to use his hands on her long neck.

"Do we have an agreement, my Prince?" She asked, cocking her head.

He sighed, glancing sideways, and shook his head, clearly not believing that he had consented to such humiliation.

"In the library. Every day, right after supper."

She learned of Lady Floris Baratheon's arrival in the Red Keep from her maid – braiding some of her hair at the back of her head, she told her of what she had seen.

"Lady Floris arrived in a brown gown embroidered with gold thread. Her hair is black and long, pinned up in a braid, smoothed down in front, her forehead high, her gaze proud and solemn. Her smile, in my opinion, has no lightness or conviction." Said Lysa, and she giggled under her breath, looking at her and herself in the reflection of the mirror.

"What a harsh judgement. Perhaps it was that smile that the prince found so charming that he chose her." She replied lightly, thinking with amusement that her cousin was surely writhing in agony right now, entertaining his betrothed.

Good, she thought.

Let him suffer.

"Perhaps, however, the memory of that day must spend his sleep." Said Lysa, gracefully weaving one of her strands in with the rest of her hairstyle.

She blinked, intrigued.

"What do you mean?"

Lysa looked at her surprised, as if snapped out of her reverie.

"Don't you know, my Lady? It was on this day that Prince Aemond killed Prince Lucerys. That poor boy. His mother searched for his remains in madness and despair, but apparently there was nothing left of him but his cloak. He was devoured by Vhagar." She explained, and she swallowed hard, feeling a cold sweat run down her back.

He says that Luke's death was an accident, but I don't know if I believe him.

I don't recognise him anymore and I warn you that he's unpredictable.

She was sure she would eat her supper as usual in solitude, but it turned out that the King had held a small banquet and she was to attend.

Aegon wanted to show off her dragon and what she had done, while humiliating his brother and his betrothed, she thought wryly, walking there reluctantly.

When the door opened in front of her, she saw a long table, on either side of which sat the royal family and their loyal lords with their relatives.

She did not know where she should sit or what to do, the King, however, decided to take pity on her.

"Ah, here is my dear, fearless cousin. Come here, my Lady, I have assigned you a seat next to my brother. Perhaps your presence will lift his spirits." He called out, and she swallowed hard, lowering her gaze, knowing that she couldn't react to this, that she just had to survive it.

She sat down in the only empty seat, between her cousin and the king's wife, Helaena – she was pale and sad, staring off into the distance somewhere with empty eyes.

She still had not come to terms with the death of her son.

However, as she sank into her grief and sorrow, the King, on the contrary, was bubbling over with a desire for revenge, ready for action.

When she glanced sideways, all she saw was his hand clenched into a fist, his familiar scent reached her nostrils – she swallowed quietly, twisting in her seat, feeling a pleasant pulsing between her thighs, for some reason remembering how pleasant the touch of his fingers was there, sinking into her damp folds.

She reached for her wine cup and took a loud sip from it, not bothering to look to the side, her gaze fixed on the Queen Alicent who sat opposite her.

"My Lady." She heard an unfamiliar female voice directed in her side and she let out a quiet breath, taking another sip from her goblet, hearing her cousin twist restlessly in his chair.

She looked at Floris Baratheon and forced herself to give her the kindest, warmest smile she could afford. Floris was also smiling; had it not been for her gaze, she might have found her expression even sympathetic.

However, her eyebrows arched in some sort of compassion, a sign that she wanted to show her false understanding.

"I congratulate you on taming a dragon. No one expected you to succeed." She said softly, shaking her head as if filled with sincere admiration.

The corner of her mouth twitched, but she managed not to laugh.

"I didn't believe it myself, my Lady. I was convinced that I would burn and become dust." She replied lightly, not taking her eyes off her.

Several people at the table chuckled at her words as Floris watched her for a moment, playing with the small gold ring on her heart finger.

"The gods have spared you. Will you stand to fight your father?" She asked, as if giving her a challenge of sorts.

"Enough." She heard her cousin's impatient voice between them directed at his betrothed.

She, however, found that she was happy to answer her.

"My dragon lacks experience and composure. I will be a mere support for the King and the Prince." She replied, and Floris leaned back, intrigued.

"Support indeed needed." Aegon added, popping a grape into his mouth, biting through it with a loud crunch. "On which we all agree. Now, music!"

For the rest of the feast, she pretended to be very focused on her piece of roast, which she ate slowly, knowing that she couldn't flee immediately if she didn't want to offend the King – she didn't hold him in special esteem but she knew that he held her in some sort of affection, and after what he had accused her of after his son's death, she feared that one wrong move on her part would be enough for her to fall back into his disfavour.

True, the responsible parties had been found and the King himself had brought them justice, however, she could not let him begin to think again that she had helped her father let them into the keep.

He had to be sure that she was faithful to him.

They both had to be sure of it.

Him and his brother.

She swallowed hard, pulled out of her reverie, feeling a shudder when her cousin's knee pressed against hers. She was sure he simply wanted to change position, he, however, spread himself out comfortably, leaving his leg where it was.

Should she move away?

Do nothing?

What was that supposed to mean?

She glanced sideways at his hand out of the corner of her eye – she could see that his fingers were tapping the tabletop in some nervous, impatient gesture.

Their lessons.

Was he trying to tell her to leave and go to the library before he did, so as not to frustrate his betrothed?

She wanted to ask him that, but couldn't, so she decided she would do what she thought appropriate and simply stood up, nodding her head at the King.

"Your Grace. I will retire now, if you will allow me." She said softly, and Aegon nodded.

"I allow it." He replied, his voice through the amount of wine he had managed to drink like a babble.

Gods help me, she thought as she bowed to him and the Queen Dowager, without bestowing even a single glance on the prince or his betrothed.

She waited in her chamber for half an hour, changing in the meantime into the more comfortable, casual silk robe the Queen had given her, throwing it over her nightgown, tying it around her waist.

When she finally stepped outside her guard furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"Prince Aemond wanted to meet me in the library. Take me there." She said – the man hesitated and sighed heavily, indicating with his hand for her to go ahead.

Her cousin was already waiting for her – he gave her one protracted glance from over his open books, his eye open wide as if he was surprised by her appearance, candles all around him.

He nodded at her to sit beside him in the chair, and she did so, leaving her guard outside the door.

He moved one of the books towards her and opened it to a page he apparently wanted to discuss with her.

"We'll start with the basics. The most important and simplest terms." He said matter-of-factly, sliding another book towards her and leaned in, his clearly defined cheekbone close, too close, pointing his finger at one of the words.

"Jelmor." He hummed. "North."

"Jelmor." She whispered, feeling the tension in all the muscles of her body.

"Ñāqon. East."

"Nāqon."

"No. Roll your tongue at the n." He said, looking at her out of the corner of his eye, something in his gaze from which her heart struck harder.

It seemed to her that his iris was black.

There was something obscenely intimate in his bent figure, in his slightly parted lips, in his proximity, the place between her thighs all swollen, increasingly moist and warm.

"Ñāqon." She whispered.

"Better." He hummed, his gaze never leaving her face even though his finger moved on to the next words, as if he knew this book by heart. "Vēzor. South."

"Vēzor."

"Endia. West."

"Endia."

"Muña. Mother." He said, something flashed dangerously in his gaze, as if he knew exactly what her reaction would be and he was not wrong.

She froze, clasping her hands on her thighs, feeling her heart begin to pound like mad, the tightness in her throat indicating that she felt pain.

"Muña."

"Mmm. Kepa. Father."

She swallowed hard, looking at him with eyes glazed from tears, feeling her body begin to twitch. His lips parted slightly, as if what he was doing to her, the fact that she was vulnerable aroused him.

"Repeat." He whispered.

"Kepa." She said, feeling a single, heavy tear run down her cheek.

Kepa.

She shuddered, looking up at him in horror as his hand rose to her cheek, his thumb lazily rubbing the wet mark from her face.

"Trēsy. Son." He continued, his voice like the sound of water, calm and quiet.

Tender, as if he were moved.

Why?

She sighed as his hand traveled lower, his index finger running over her jaw.

"Tresy."

"No." He said. "Trēsy. The letter 'ē' needs to be read deeper, as if you want to sing."

"Trēsy."

"Tala. Daugther."

She shook her head, pressing her lips together, feeling that she couldn't do it, the feeling as if he was driving needle after needle into her heart made it difficult for her to get anything out.

She sighed, closing her eyes as he leaned lower, in some natural reflex pressing his forehead against hers, his hand sinking into the skin of her neck, his warm, excited breath enveloping her face.

She involuntarily clenched her thighs together, feeling the wonderful, familiar pulsing and tickling between them.

"Tala."

"Hāedar." He exhaled, something in his voice from which she felt her nipples harden, peeking through from under the fabric of her robe. "Little sister."

She opened her eyes, feeling a shiver run down her spine.

And that was a mistake.

He was looking straight into her face.

She sighed when she felt his other hand on her knee, moving slowly up to her thigh.

"Hāedar." She exhaled, feeling her cunt begin to leak with desire against her will.

"Lēkia." He said, as if he had done something definitive, a quiet moan breaking from her throat as his hand closed over her womanhood. "Older brother."

"Lēkia." She moaned and whimpered as his lips pressed against hers in an aggressive, loud, sticky kiss full of their saliva and panting, her palm touching his scarred cheek, drawing a low murmur of delight from his throat.

She touched him.

She sighed as she let her hand sink into his smooth white hair, for some reason seeking comfort in him, an escape from the cold, bleak loneliness and emptiness that filled her heart.

They sank again and again into each other's soft, fleshy skin, his tongue bursting between her teeth as his hand lifted the fabric of her robe, the other clenched in her curls.

She would have cried out in shocking delight had it not been for the fact that his lips muffled all the sound she made of herself as the tips of his fingers dug into the silken folds of her womanhood, dripping and throbbing with lust.

He groaned into her throat when he felt how unashamedly wet she was for him, and she gasped when his free hand slipped from her hair to her wrist, grasping it, drawing her to his body, pressing it against the bulge in his breeches.

He murmured and licked her encouragingly as her fingers tentatively ran over the outline of his swollen manhood, hidden beneath the leather material, hard, long and twitching.

He let go of her hand, embracing her around the waist and pulling her closer as he made sure she was going to give him what he wanted, their sighs of desire melting between their plump lips as his fingers pushed against her hot slit.

She spread her legs wider, wanting to feel it, wanting him to do it to her, but they both jumped away from each other as if burned when they heard the creak of the door opening.

Her cousin wiped his hand, sticky with her moisture in his breeches, looking at his betrothed's figure, pale, and she lowered back the material of her robe, staring blankly at the books open before her.

Was she able to see by their faces, by their quickened breaths what had happened?

She felt shame at the thought that she shouldn't have done this.

She was his betrothed.

She was the one he should be touching like this.

She was the one he should spend the evening with, learning about her body.

"The guards told me I would find you here, my Prince. I did not know you would have company." She said calmly, however, disappointment and understandable annoyance could be heard in her tone of voice.

She swallowed hard, feeling that the material beneath her buttocks was wet with her moisture, her swollen walls pulsing greedily around nothing, begging to feel his fingers again, her nipples hard and sore, clearly outlined beneath her robe.

"I am teaching my cousin the language of Old Valyria. It is the only way she can communicate with her dragon." He said, feigning composure, looking ahead but not at her even though she stopped right beside him.

She touched one of the books and flipped a page, remaining silent for a moment.

"May I join you? I would also like to learn the language of your ancestors, my love." She said, her hand on his shoulder.

She looked at him and saw that he had closed his eye, as if he felt discomfort the moment Lady Floris touched him.

He swallowed loudly and opened his eyelid, his gaze helpless and childlike, filled with pain.

"I will not be able to concentrate with you standing by my side, my Lady." He whispered, his voice weak, as if he had run out of strength.

Floris's hand slid from his shoulder to his forearm, his figure tense, his lips clamped into a tight line.

He didn't look at her.

"Does my presence disturb you, my love?" Floris asked, and she twisted in her seat, deciding that this conversation was too private.

These were their problems, their betrothal, their worries.

Why was she allowing herself to be dragged into this?

"I'll leave you alone. With your permission." She said quickly, wanting to get up, his gaze shifting to her, sharp and angry.

"Daor, hāedar."

She froze in mid-motion with her hands on the table, looking at him in disbelief, feeling her walls clench around nothing at his words.

No, little sister.

Little sister.

She swallowed hard feeling her lips part involuntarily, her eyebrows arching in helplessness, the heat that spread across her chest strangely pleasant and reassuring.

Floris looked at him then at her and shook her head.

"What did you say, my love?"

"I don't allow it. We are not finished yet. Soon her dragon will move to fight at my side and she must be ready. I ask that you never interrupt us again. If you wish, we will take a walk around the royal gardens tomorrow, just as you desire." He said emotionlessly, as if trying to calm a whimpering child.

Floris swallowed hard and looked at her in a way from which she felt discomfort in her stomach, a sense of humiliation, frustration and irritation in her gaze.

"Is it because she is your cousin? Like any Targaryen you prefer your own kin?" She asked quietly, both of them bouncing when his fists slammed into the table, and he sprang from his seat, towering over his betrothed as if he wanted to tear her apart.

She too stood up, grabbing his arm in some helpless, naïve gesture.

"Lēkia." She said pleadingly.

Floris's lips clenched looking at the fact that she dared to touch him, that her prince looked at her and not his betrothed, that it was her opinion that counted, her word that could stop him.

And then Floris' gaze fled lower, to his breeches, and she froze, pale, seeing exactly her answer to all her concerns.

Her hand let go of him when his nostrils stopped twitching with rage, when his jaw relaxed into an expression a little softer, though still frustrated.

He finally looked at his betrothed and licked his lower lip, as if trying to control himself.

"I will consider that you never said it, my Lady. Otherwise I would have to recognise that you intended to insult me and my family. And that would mean, in turn, that my betrothed is a fool. Is that how it is, my Lady?" He gasped in a voice filled with mockery, from which she swallowed hard, lowering her gaze.

Floris Baratheon looked at him with eyes full of tears, and then her gaze turned to her, her lips quivering with rage and grief.

"No, my Prince. I am not." She said, turned and walked away, leaving them alone.

She was unable to look at him – the silence in the chamber, his taut silhouette standing beside her made her feel like her wetness was dripping from between her thighs straight onto the stone floor beneath her feet.

"You may leave." He said finally.

She nodded and moved towards the door on soft legs, walking out into the corridor, thinking that they had both accomplished some amazing feat by not simply fucking each other on that table.

She sighed loudly, running her hand over her face, thinking that maybe she wasn't such a bad person.

She figured that during their next lessons she wouldn't sit so close to him, that she wouldn't look at him or tempt him.

That she wouldn't let him touch her anymore.

She blinked, looking around, only noticing after a moment that there was no guard who should be watching her.

She turned when she heard the rustling of a gown behind her, something long and hard hit her head with all its force, and she fell to the floor with a thud.

It seemed a moment before she lost consciousness that she heard the breathy voice of her cousin's betrothed above her, only a quiet hiss left her lips.

"Whore."

[isaisliterallyhim]

ft. michael kaiser . ooc! kaiser :c . possibly soft! kaiser? . fluff . comfort . gn! reader . established relationships . new years!! . dates >< (kinda more of a hangout) . unreliable narrator

wc: 484

michael kaiser was born on the day where everything was considered a gift. yet his parents never saw him as one — rather, he was seen as an absolute burden.

it hurt the midfielder. to be born on a day in which feelings were to be warm and welcoming, only to be faced with cold and unwelcoming feelings. ironic, isn't it?

kaiser never viewed any holidays as special. no one taught or shown him that holidays were special. could you really blame the poor boy? new years were just more years for him to dread. :(

imagine how he felt at the foreign feeling of warmth from none other than his beloved partner.

the countdown for new years was coming. "mihya!" you grinned, as you clasped your hands with the midfielder's. intertwining fingers. kaiser could hear the excitement and enthusiasm in your voice.

it made him feel a little fuzzy inside — hell he was somewhat flustered about it! a faint smile appeared on his face. the clock ticked, nearing 12.

"it's almost new years!!" one of your friend exclaims. kaiser rolled his eyes out of annoyance. his attitude was well... kinda valid. to be fair, you did force lovingly negotiated with him to go out and watch fireworks along with you n your friends.

"3, 2, 1! happy new year's!"

everyone, well. almost everyone yelled out. kaiser mumbled it but, hey! at least he said it LMAO. the loud ass fire works were an addition to the intensity of the volume. created a gorgeous scene so whatever!

"happy new year's, mihya." you beamed warmly at him. "i'm so happy i'm entering the new year with such an amazing boyfriend like you. you're so lovable, y'know that right?" you continued.

a stupid, mischievous, and sly expression made it's way to your face. he knew it all too well. he crouched down to your level as you pressed a kiss on his lips.

enveloping you into a hug as the fireworks kept shrieking before they blew up. he reciprocated the kiss before holding you tighter.

"ich liebe dich so sehr, mein schatz," kaiser muttered. "i love you so, so fucking much, [name]." he reiterated in english. his accent was so GAHH!!

"i love you too, michael. remember, you're valued, okay? 'love you so fucking much as well." you whispered into his ear. planting a soft kiss on his cheek before shifting your head to position your chin on his shoulder once more.

"scheiße, [name]. you and your damn words." he thought. that warm, fuzzy and foreign feeling was flowing through out his veins. a few tears slid down his cheeks.

seriously, what did he do to have such an angel to be his partner and by his side? his grip on you tightened a little.

"ich liebe dich mehr, immer [name]" he murmured. a shame you didn't really hear it due to the loud fireworks. he was just so grateful to have you.

— ©isaisliterallyhim, 2025

a/n: GODDD MY SWEET SWEET MICHAEL KAISER :(( lowkey teared up while writing this wtf apolgoies for the bumhole plot and the bumhole english jsjsjsjsj cus reminder it id nawt m first lng smh god i love kaiser sm he deserves the WORLD also this wasn't proofread so uh HAHA

[instability1]

so I caught up on TPOT/BFDI

oh gawdddddd I have to talk about Black Hole. My beloved. My shayla

First of all, Black Hole was my favorite character the moment he got introduced in BFB. He's exactly the type I gravitate (har har) towards; monochromatic, mysterious, intriguing lore or origins. See Nightmarionne from fnaf or Ranboo from you know. So there's that.

Next, his personality. A bit plain in BFB, I'll admit, but those glimpses we get into his beliefs with Death P.A.C.T are so interesting. I was already under the impression he hated how easy it was for him to kill/destroy, a fundamental opposite to his nature. He's a black hole. Destruction is basically all they can do, so his desire to go against that had me invested. TPOT only expanded on this further and ohhhh I cannot say how much I'm grateful for that.

TPOT 7-9 had fantastic setup. His argument with Fanny and the way his commitment to the pact is framed as so obsessive that it serves as a detriment to his team and others around him? The way that concept acts as an introduction to his full reasoning? Damn. I applaud all the writers for TPOT because I haven't been invested in a character like this in such a long time. You could practically feel the pain within him when Fanny causes him to kill Tree and how betrayed he felt. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be forced to do something you so adamantly hate by someone you thought you could trust. To unintentially give in to the nature (albeit very breifly) that you've tried so hard to oppose. Man. Oh man. The setup for 10 is amazing. And speaking of 10...

I. FUCKING. LOVE. TPOT 10. Everything about Oneirophobe's Nightmare had me SCREAMING (internally, but still). To start, I love the title, so clever. The reference to Insectophobe, the play on words, One (we don't talk about One), all of it. But Black Hole's nightmare. It's just *sniff*... so beautiful *sniff snoof.* I'm so glad they utilized stuff about black holes because there are so many interesting things you can do (TPOT 15 *cough*) and this just takes the cake. If Black Hole didn't value the pact, if he didn't value life itself, if he gave into his nature, everything would be gone. He'd be alone in a empty void for the rest of his life. Everything, everyone he loved would be dead. Black Hole's die too, but onky after an unfathomable amiunt of time. He'd never see them again. And Fanny finally being able to understand why he's felt so hurt, why he felt so betrayed was so nice. Plus, more setup? TPOT 15?

The sudden change in his personality in TPOT 15 where he's practically having a panic attack the entire time because the universe is breaking. His fear was coming to life. He isn't affected by time the same way everyone else was, so if time broke, he'd still be there. Alone. Just like if he destroyed everything himself.

AHHHHHHHHH.

Again, I applaud the writers. I hope Blsck Hole will continue to get love because oughhh if something bad happens to him I may actually cry. I bet, if the time comes, he'd sacrifice himself to save everyone. That would be... damn. That would be crazy but so him. And it would be a great culmination of everythingalready established with him.

There's so much more I want to say about this character, the series, and everything but I'll leave that for another time. Anyway, if you read this far, I appreciate you kistening to my weird ahh yap session. I love Black Hole. I love BFDI and all its iterations. I will 1000% be drawing fanart. Uhh, peace.

[ic-napology]

Napoleon, Josephine and personal stuff - rant incoming brace yourself or scroll

I finally got a grasp on exactly why I was so struck by Napoleon at 13. And I kept being like that for many years later.

It was how desperately he opened his heart and threw himself in the arms of a nice and graceful woman, one he idealised maybe for just being kind to him.

I aknowledge how Josephine was mainly useful to him for very practical reasons, but I feel that, because of that, Napoleon felt genuine elation and gratefulness to her nonetheless. I think he valued her with an emotional response, even if the reasons of her being the best party were practical. In their marriage he would find social stability. In her house, domestic stability. In her presence, sentimental stability. He had not lived in a house of his own since he was 9, and now his home in Corsica was destroyed.

I feel he kinda put himself in a full psychological dependency to Josephine during the first four years of marriage, which seems uncanny from a character that usually valued logic, pragmatism and self-reliancy. But that was a personality based on what was needed to survive in very hostile environments, not on what he could openly wish on a serene path.

His love letters are said to be "romantic" and "passionate", and in some point they are indeed. (I also believe that Napoleon's letters to Josephine stand out mainly because people don't expect it, based on a certain image of Napoleon as stern and hyper-rational; but I remember some similar lovely passages from other people's letters too from the same age.)

But to me now in these letters he mostly sounds desperate to be loved, after so many years of being on his own on unstable situations. He feels relieved to have found someone he could be openly emotionally vulnerable to and relies in that joy; he shares so much things about his campaign, he was never so open about his feeling on things like in these written words. However, this all seems based on his expectations on how Josephine would be like, on an ideal rather than how Josephine actually was going.

He really idealised her and very much held on that image. In his letters, she is perfect, then she seemingly chooses to be evil to him on a whim. It's not like she was actually dealing with her own toll of traumas, insecurities, especially around husbands and their power, and was not on a condition of comforting another lonely person. Especially not with the dedication Napoleon seemed to pretend. It's still a big thing that she came to Italy while even being sick.

Besides, Napoleon had not lost his insecurities after their marriage nor after her arrival on Italy and she was not going to help him in that, because she couldn’t.

It was inevitable that she would defy him, and I'm not talking about the (not actually proved) affair with Charles. The smallest thing would have been hurtful to a starved and insecure person, who puts huge expectations on a single person and lets himself depend on her actions only to be happy. It doesn't help that Josephine was actively being defiant because of her reasons.

And I relate a lot to her too. I feel she was as hurt as Napoleon by her own experiences, maybe she has been socially and emotionally humiliated even more in her own contexts of living, despite her privilege.

So that's it, I was captured by the voluntary emotional dependency on specific people you hope to receive care from, because you have love starvation and you are desperate.

I personally did that a lot with specific people between long periods of distrust of everyone and of emotional avoidance of everything, because I was regularly deceived. Or wasn't corresponded. That's why I'm still fond of Napoleon and Josephine, and also sad for them. But I know that's a dangerous thing to do for both parties. Don't let others be the only ones to take the toll of your well being. Thanks therapy.

I don't pretend that this interpretation of Napoleon is correct; as you see there's a lot of self-projection in order to elaborate things from my personal life, which is also the reason why I felt passionate about those characters. Maybe it's also your reason too. So yeah, my words have no informative value. But I hope that still might resonate in someone else.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey🤍 may I please request a fluff/romantic or Bi Han. I know a lot of people don’t think he is capable of being romantic but a girl needs some fluff for Bi Han please. Maybe something were he is sweet and caring only towards reader and everyone else he is normal Bi Han. Love your writing thank you🤍

This got shoddy at the end of the drab. 🦦

You were lost within your own head for while when Bi-Han had appeared at your side, gingerly taking your hand within his own, drawing a gasp from your lips as you felt his cold fingers intertwine with yours. ‘Bi-Han. You’re here.’ You breathed out, smiling instantaneously upon being greeted with the beautiful dark eyes of the man you had happily promised your heart to. Your grasped his hand tighter, almost as though you were checking if he was actually with you, rather then some illusion you’ve coincidentally conjured up.

‘Of course I’m here, little bird.’ Bi-Han told you whilst pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, letting them linger there for a while before pulling away to gently rest his forehead against your own. His eyes locked on yours, as though he were fearful to look away in the instance that you wouldn’t be there when he looked back. ‘For I could never be content as to keep you waiting for longer then needed.’ He adds as he took this moment to ingrain you eternally within his mind, so that he may never forget who he was fighting for, who he was carving a better future for and who he would vigorously defend till his last breath escaped from him.

Gods did Bi-Han hate being separated from you for long periods of time, truly believing that one day Kuai Liang and Tomas would try to enact revenge for his supposed betrayal, by taking away the one person who gave him true purpose in this life; you. However he couldn’t completely disregard his duties as Grandmaster, for it would be sacrilege. Bi-Han was forever grateful that you never held that against him, and instead fully understand that he couldn’t fully commit to being your lover when there was so much work yet to be done.

‘If it was for you?’ You inquired. ‘I’d wait for as long as I must to see my beloved home safe and sound. So you needn’t worry in keeping me waiting.’ You finished as you then softly pecked his plush lips, cooing softly once pulling away from him, enjoying how Bi-Han fruitlessly attempted in following after your lips. For a man as cold as ice he was quite warm and gentle, but you knew he was only like this for you and you often times felt spoilt by being blessed to see this side of him; The side of him that would constantly hold you face in between his hands when checking you for injuries, his thumbs stroking the skin of your cheeks with such gentleness, as though he thought you were going to break. You even saw Bi-Han during his most stubborn and his most angriest of moments and yet still you called him the most breathtaking man you’ve ever met because to you that was the honest truth.

‘I just don’t want to wish you being bored of me when I come home.’ Bi-Han admitted softly. ‘You deserve a man who is willing to be at your beck and call, to be with you from the early hours of morning, to the later hours of night. You shouldn’t have to settle for less because you feel as though that’s all there is going for you, and instead you should strive for more for you deserve more, way more then any man could possibly give.’ Bi-Han truly meant what he said, he truly believed that you deserved better, never to tolerate less, for he felt like he wasn’t giving you all that he possibly could and it pained him greatly because you’ve him so much throughout the duration of your relationship.

Bi-Han only felt as it was only reasonable to give you an out shoulder you feel as though you weren’t being valued enough, as he always tended to put you and your well-being first and foremost in just about everything. But you saw what he was doing almost instantly and you weren’t about to allow Bi-Han to make a offer a solution that’ll only end up hurting the both of you because despite his tiering duties as Grandmaster, he was a dedicated, loyal and caring lover. You couldn’t have to ask for a better man and never would for Bi-Han was it for you, he was the one.

‘Bi-Han.’ You murmured, taking your free hand to hold his cheek, stroking it reassuringly as you watched him visibly relax within your hold, moving his head to kiss your inner wrist. ‘To be bored of you would be like to be bored of living for while you are a very busy man, you are the most attentive, sweet, caring man I have ever met.’ You pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose before brushing your nose against his, breathing him in as deep as you could. ‘Not once have you ever made me feel less important or less valued. Never. You made me feel worshiped, you made me feel loved, you always found room for me within your busy schedule, and I could never find a appropriate way to express my gratitude to you but I hope to everyday.’ You concluded, hoping that you had gotten your point across that you weren’t going anywhere without him.

‘You don’t need to express anything to me, my beloved,’ Bi-Han reassured you, kissing your inner wrist once more. ‘For the sole fact that you still being here with me despite all my flaws is the biggest gesture I could have ever received and I’m eternally thankful that you haven’t yet given up on me. Do it should be me expressing my gratitude, not you.’ Bi-Han finishes. ‘There’s no need for that.’ You assured him. ‘You’ve done enough and you’ve just gotten back from a long mission. You must be exhausted and in need of rest.’ You then began to pull Bi-Han towards your shared bed by his arm.

Bi-Han wasn’t one to complain, as it meant he got to make up for lost time by laying in your arms and leeching off of your warmth whilst putting his aching body to rest, something his soul had yearned to do the moment he return to the Lin Kuei. ‘That sounds perfect, little bird. That sounds perfect.’

[carryonafi]

where did the party go. (2)

a/n: good lord carryonafi nation FINALLY!! part 2 of where did the party go is here and now i’m working on new projects! the end of the school year is kicking my ass at the moment, but there’s cool things planned and requests will be out soon :) enjoy! and tell me if you’d like a part 3 of this universe where we do some sweet stories from the past. 🤍

content warnings: sexual innuendos, heavy drinking, smoking, mentions of declining mental health

words: 2.0k

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

background: Your relationship with Ashton has been public ever since the beginning, starting in 2013 and continuing to flow and experience the life of 5 Seconds of Summer all the way until the band went on a break at the end of 2016. During those years, you took on the struggles that Ashton and the rest of the band faced which left them all having you as a permanent resident in their life. However, your relationship becomes rocky when Ashton refuses to communicate until the very moment he can’t take it anymore. His impulsive decision leads to you moving out, yet still being in his life because of the others and their friendship with you.

—

After parties were a staple, this was where your relationship with Ashton began, found itself strained, healed… it was an environment that was home to a lot of major events in your still young lives. It had been about 5 years since the first event you had ever gone to, an album release party hosted by a different band which got you into the public position you wore proudly. Ashton never once doubted your abilities to handle the spotlight, you didn’t mind the cameras flashing or the way members of the crowds would desperately call out your name or his. It just came naturally.

It felt like home to be wanted, to be needed by some people. The way those boys relied on you to give them their reality away from their occupations made you feel important, but Ashton clicked with you. His need was different from the others, but you needed him in the same way.

Things started to get rough when the band went on break, but even before… Ashton was slipping and it felt like communication hadn’t been valued enough. One encounter months after your breakup stayed engraved in your mind, the most vulnerable you had ever seen that man. His tears meant everything, even if he was wasted and didn’t realize half of what he was thinking fell from his lips— those tears were real. The way his shaking hands slipped through your fingertips at a desperate attempt to keep you close to him, his bloodshot eyes and wild hair… it shook you just thinking about it.

The nomination for your single sort of fell through, but in this moment nothing else mattered. Finding the drummer was your top priority and not a single disruption would ruin this for you.

The music gently shook the atmosphere, the venue filled with laughter and conversation, some dramatic, bitchy, grateful, maybe elated. These had to have been the most confusing places with everyone’s mixed emotions and different reactions to the winners and performances. Bodies were spread out, yet a tiny bit cramped due to the limited space they had for celebration. After parties were nice for this reason too, it wasn’t like your usual event thrown together and way overpacked with drunk individuals and enough alcohol to poison an entire tolerant frat house.

Finally, you pushed your way up towards the bar and was met with a familiar, inhumanely tall figure. You knew who this was immediately.

“Hey, Luke?” You called, gently tapping on the man’s shoulder.

Luke turned around, a smile lingering on his face until he made eye contact with you. “Shit, hey Y/N!” He beamed, hooking his arm around your shoulders to give you a bit of an awkward hug. You laughed anxiously, blinking to adjust to the dim lights and meet Luke’s gaze. “Good to see you!”

“Good to see you too…” You hesitated. “Do you know where Ashton is?” It seemed his face mirrored yours, curious and full of a need for answers.

“Um… yeah, I think he stepped out into the hallway? Not sure which one though, pretty sure it was over in that direction somewhere.” Luke hummed, making sure you were watching where his finger was pointing to dressed up with a chunky silver ring.

“I’ll find him, thanks Luke.” You nodded, his expression still matching yours as you both smiled at each other and he wished you good luck. Then you were set off on your mission again, weaving in and out of cliques to make sure you didn’t bump into anyone. Apology after apology, cringy glances and excuses to make your way through these people who were definitely way more important than you were.

You spotted a glass door to the main hallway of the venue, might as well try your luck… you pushed it open and was immediately met with still silence. Once the door closed, everything was muffled. You sighed with relief, closing your eyes and standing in the warm entryway light.

“Overwhelmed?” You heard a voice, opening your eyes again and looking to your left to see Ashton leaning against the wall. His tie was loose, top button of his shirt undone with his blazer strewn across the bench next to him. Would it be terrible to admit how quickly you started blushing?

“Uh… sorta.” You hesitated again, blinking innocently at him. “No, I wasn’t. I was looking for you.”

Ashton was expecting you to give a different answer rather than just being “overwhelmed”, but that wasn’t the one he was thinking of. There was visible confusion in his eyes, gently twisting his expression and deepening the subtle frown lines. “You were?” He furrowed his eyebrows, pushing his hair back in a way that told you he had product in it and couldn’t run his fingers through it like normal.

“Yeah, I was. I found Luke, he told me you’d be here, so…” Your breath caught in your throat, looking back at the door you came in through before taking a step out of the way and closer to Ashton. Tension was thick, but it eased once you saw the smile tugging at his lips. Score.

“He’s not too great at keeping his mouth shut, is he?” He looked at you expectantly, making your heart pound even faster.

“Guess not. He never was really.” You shared a grin of your own.

“Remember when we’d want some alone time?” Ashton said softly, straightening his tie again and keeping his eyes glued to your loving face. “I could never really tell him where we were going, next thing you know the whole crew would be with us in the dressing room.” The fondness of the statement made the both of you crack a smile now, it was hard during those years to actually enjoy some quiet time… maybe that’s another buffer in your development as partners. As people.

“Sorry you had to drag me everywhere you went all the time.” You giggled, Ashton instantly shook his head without a second to spare.

“Don’t be.” He waved a hand dismissively at you. “You got me through a lot, you got us through a lot. At the time you were so… normal. A real human being, without a camera, a microphone… you had a life before publicity. We didn’t.” Ashton explained, reaching out for your quivering hand. You had no idea you were shaking until this point, your nerves got the best of you.

“But—“

“That gave me no excuse to treat you the way that I did.” Ashton cut you off, and honestly, you weren’t mad about it because he had just finished your sentence for you. His thumb grazing your knuckles made your stomach turn, unable to hold back the urge to squeeze his hand in return.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. So fucking sorry.” Ashton shook his head, the sincerity in his half-lidded hazel eyes making your own eyes well up. “You shouldn’t have put up with me for that long, but, fuck… would you believe me if I told you I wanted to give you everything?”

“Just— please, stop. For just a second.” You pleaded, looking down at the floor. Without an argument, Ashton shut up. He took a deep breath, still holding your hand and tilting his head to try and look into your eyes.

“I was never angry at you, you know that? I didn’t mind that you needed space, I would have given it to you.” Another explanation to which he listened more intently than ever before, like you were teaching him the meaning of life right before his eyes. “It was your responsibility to know that, instead of leaving me feeling like… well, other reasons.” You mumbled, the implication clear of what you thought the end of your relationship was.

“I see.” Ashton hummed in understanding, feeling relief wash over him once you looked him in the eyes again. There was a bit of silence, making you hesitate to speak again. Thank god Ashton did for you. “Are you alright? Like, in general.”

You nodded, the hasty beating of your heart had come to a calm pattern now that the initial anxiety had washed away. “Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?” Ashton replied the same way, nodding silently which brought a sentimental smile to your face.

“Missed you so much.” He admitted quietly, his voice breaking in a way that had the nerves in your palms tingling with empathy.

“Missed you too… saw you just got done with tour.” You matched his tone of voice, waiting to see if this game of imitating each other would end or if it was simply subconscious.

“Yeah, it was alright.” Ashton scoffed playfully, he loved performing. “Alright” was definitely an understatement for any show he played. However his sarcasm made you laugh again, god was it contagious… he couldn’t help himself from joining in.

There was something a bit different in your laughter, your voice cracked and faltered until a tear was slipping down your cheek and making a trail in its wake. Ashton’s hand slipped around your shoulders pulling you close as you squeezed your eyes shut to avoid letting anymore tears ruin your makeup.

“I… I don’t know why, I just—“

“Shh,” Ashton interrupted you once more, rubbing your shoulder as his lips pressed to your hair. “Don’t need to explain, s’okay.” He muttered, holding you in silence for a few moments letting you take control of your emotions.

“You smell like a fuckin’ gallon of hairspray.” Ashton teased, looking down as you pulled away and left a gentle smack to his chest. The white dress shirt he was wearing now stained with your makeup.

“Not my fault.” You scrunched up your nose, another beat going by as you noticed your makeup on his shirt. “Sorry about… that.”

“Oh, heavens— it’s terrible.” Ashton grinned, shaking his head as he tilted your chin with his pointer finger and his thumb. “It’s okay, it’s just a shirt.” He teased.

A sense of contentment washed over you, smiles adorned both of your faces as Ashton pulled away to grab his jacket from the bench.

“I appreciate you. Really— a lot.” You spoke a little more clearer than you have been, catching Ashton’s attention as you both headed back towards the door.

“I’m glad, um,” Ashton started to put his jacket on, stopping in front of the door to the party. “I’m gonna be in town for a while, would you..“ His hesitance made you smile, egging him on to finish his sentence. “Would you want to get coffee tomorrow?”

“That’s it?” You laughed, expecting a much more intense request than that. Ashton’s cheeks went pink, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’d like that.” A gentle response to soothe Ashton’s nerves just as he did yours.

“Okay.” He breathed, his lips curling into somewhat of an amused smirk. There was some pride in knowing he could still make you feel the way he did years ago, the wit and humor was still there, feelings weren’t too rough… Ashton was at peace once again. He opened the door for you, comically bowing and gesturing for you to walk in before him. Your own smile never faded, entering the venue once again with Ashton trailing behind you like the last year and a half never happened.

Another pass of relief and contentment, the two of you found Luke and the others fairly quickly just by the sound of Luke’s high pitched laugh. Glances were shared between the group, but not a single word was mentioned about how there wasn’t a thick black cloud of negative energy hanging above the two of you. It felt normal again. Normal amidst died down chaos and a place with these guys where you could be content.

Inevitably, fan accounts and press were screaming over your reunion with your ex-boyfriend the next morning. Coffee that day turned into a writing session, a writing session turned into a long night spent talking about what you had missed in each other's life and how intense everything had been up until this point.

[yuzukahibiscus]

Pilgrimage to Takarazuka – Seeing "Arc en Ciel" (February 2024)

So I went to the World of Dreams – Takarazuka.

Writing the following feelings to words is unreal – I had written a Chinese report right away after I returned to Hong Kong.

Perhaps because there was only one day, or because it was just this day that the memories will forever be locked into the treasure chest of my heart. What happened on that day – how swiftly it passed – felt like sand particles falling onto the bottom of the hourglass.

One year later, translating the same for English reminds me of the rollercoaster of emotions that I felt. This blog contains specifics that are rarely said in the Takarazuka fandom space, but I would like to share it regardless.

I'll be grateful if you could read this with a kind consideration till the end.

Before embarking to Takarazuka (January 23 - February 9)

Everything was happening too quickly, to process that I got tickets for the morning (matinee) show on February 11 with an A-seat. This was easier than I expected compared to previous history of buying concert tickets.

And while that was exciting, before the trip I focused on my studies.

During that time, I was still working on throwback posts on my page and looking back on her footsteps from the debut stage to cultural festival and when she was still an underclassman.

Takarazuka is a dream.

For aspiring students, it is the place where they showcase their singing, acting and dancing in this "world of dreams".

For fans, and those who are fortunate to go to the Takarazuka Grand Theatre or the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre, they watch these musicals affirming the positive values of dream and love and happiness.

But dreams are not always granted.

For an average overseas fan, they could only watch through livestreams via VPN or liveviewing.

So before the day of even arriving to Japan, all that "dream" is a mirage. I've learned about Rei for 4 years since the pandemic began in 2020. She's a Top Star who survived through the hardships of this pandemic so for many, her Flower Troupe felt a fleeting moment of time.

But for me, I felt oddly different. When you start to love a person, you'll understand more of herself and the values she believe in. She's someone who values "seizing the moment" but also cherishes those things and the encounters she's had. So even though I'm not her, I'd like to believe that she wants to live every day without regrets, and every day is fulfilling rather than brief to her. I wanted to understand more about her philosophy of crafting her roles, and there began my journey of learning Japanese and even opening a fanpage to translate her words. She used to say,

I'd be happy if you think "She's an interesting one" (laughs). After all when you think that ”this person and what she's doing is interesting", "when I watch her performances it's interesting", that's the happiest for me. — Yuzuka Rei in the Long Interview in Kageki December 2022 issue.

So I selfishly think, even if Takarazuka doesn't allow these fanmade translations, breaking the language barrier allows me to share more about her story, her attitude in life and more people can be interested about her. From 2021 to now, opening this fanpage is a little honour I have because different people say "Because of you, I know Yuzuka Rei and I learn how precious she is". I'm not saying everyone should say thank you to me, but these words always give me strength and motivation.

I set off to Japan on February 9 and I was still feeling "it's been so long, Japan", a vacation when I put aside worries and frustrations over school and work and inhale in the sweet air of Japan. Of course, I felt satisfied because now I can proudly say that I said more than arigatougozaimasu (thank you) but communicating with locals (even hearing a nihongo jouzu 日本語上手 = you're good at Japanese occasionally!) confirmed that my efforts in Japanese <=> English/Chinese translations have not gone in vain.

Tokyo (February 10)

I have never thought I'd be this lucky.

I stayed in a hotel in Atami, Shizuoka and our dinner is at the Viking Sal in Imperial Hotel. I didn't believe that upon leaving the hotel, I'd see the 13 letters of "TOKYO TAKARAZUKA" and I rushed to the theatre like a puppy who hadn't had a meal for days. I parted ways with my family who continued to shop nearby while I began navigating around the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre. This was where the sense of unrealness bridged with a touch of reality.

Snow Troupe was performing "Boiled Doyle on the Toil Train" in the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre at Japan time 4pm so there weren't many people inside the lobby. I was too excited I almost ran into the theatre until I remembered that I couldn't enter without a ticket. I got some posters – the Snow Troupe performance, Moon Troupe performance "Eternal Voice" and the Flower Troupe performance I'm watching "Arc en Ciel" – and headed to the building opposite the theatre where Tokyo Quatre Reves was located at.

It was the pre-closing performance on February 10 and there was a costume exhibition of the Sakiaya (Ayakaze Sakina x Yumeshiro Aya) Top Combi. Knowing that Saki would be retiring by herself, I knew I had to see this. There were costumes from "Too Short a Time to Fall in Love".

As I entered the Tokyo Quatre Reves, I felt like skipping on clouds - I was careful and excited. I saw many fans shopping and packing their desired merchandise into the baskets. I felt like we were all children, because everyone was happy inside this world of dreams. It dawned on me that I was no longer looking at pictures but being present in that surreal space was a joyous experience.

It was the Flower Troupe opening day and thanks to my "coordinating" personality in MBTI ("a power J", if you will) I took the opportunity to purchase the goods just as I had planned. Besides, I also noted what I had to buy on behalf of my friends and gifted postcards to the online mutuals I am fortunate to befriend over the course of my Takarazuka fandom journey.

Here's the full list I got: a theatre bag, acryllic card sets, keychains, Yuzuka Rei and Hoshikaze Madoka and Minami Maito and Hozumi Mahiro stills (they probably knew I was coming, because how on earth could I have found myself THE ReiMai Exciter!! still!?), the A3 special feature stills, performance booklet, ANAN Special Cover, opera glasses and postcards.

This took me half an hour, and for the remaining time, I strolled along every lane, each corner (the Blu-ray corner, the stills corner, the postcards corner, the goods corner, the music corner...) leisurely, hoping to remember every location. Looking back, I was grateful to have shopped there, because the Takarazuka Quatre Reves was packed with people, I wouldn't stand a chance getting all that I need!

D-DAY: Takarazuka, February 11

6am. From Atami to Mishima, to Nagoya, to Takarazuka - this was a 3-hour continuously-transferring train ride. It was dizziying at first, because I could not afford getting on the wrong train so I asked the train staff for some assistance too.

I could finally pen my letter when I sat down on the train. I also got a pink envelope letter writing set before I left Quatre Reves the day before and had thought to write the letter spontaneously during the train ride. I had prepared some cute doggy stickers for Rei and Madoka.

Just like Rei thinking of what to say to the audience during her speeches, what often comes to mind when I write is: what do I want to tell her? Because it's a good way to start and it's like conversing with an old friend. Here are the contents of my seventh letter, which I will reproduce in full:

Dear Yuzuka-san, Hi, it’s Hibiscus from HK! I’ve always been calling you “Rei-chan” in previous letters, this time I want to call you “Yuzuka-san”…^^ Yuzuka-san, I’m finally going to Takarazuka. I’m going to see your graduation performance on 2/11. I’m so happy and also excited for it. I’ve been a fan of Yuzuka-san for four years. In this time, I’ve met different friends and in the HK cinemas and in livestreams, I’ve been able to see many of Yuzuka-san’s shows, but coming to Takarazuka is ever more moving for me. This time I want to share a secret to Yuzuka-san. I want to write about why I learnt Japanese. Actually if it wasn’t Takarazuka I wouldn’t have learnt Japanese. It’s really “I want to learn more about Takarazuka’s charms!” that I learn Japanese “on my own”. In these 3-4 years, there have been more Takarazuka fans, but there aren’t many who know Japanese. So I’ve made a fanpage for Yuzuka-san. In this account I translate Yuzuka-san’s performance information and speeches. Why is this a secret? Because this won’t be allowed in Takarazuka. Why do I continue to do this? This is what I think “selfishly”, but I want more overseas fans to know about Yuzuka-san! I don’t know if you will like this secret, but if you don’t mind I’d be grateful😌💗 (Also in my previous letters I’d ask a friend to check for me, but this time I wrote this letter on my own). I’m taking the train on the way to Takarazuka and I’m so excited. Also, with the letter I also put a sticker inside. I got this in a HK stationery shop. It’s a black dog but it’s not a pomerenian…But I thought “this is so cute I want to give to Yuzuka-san!” So if you like it, I’d be happy to:) I’ll meet you in the theatre. Love you!

I placed this in the post office at the Takarazuka Grand Theatre. This was the closest post office to Rei receiving it and I was delighted to see the Takarazuka chop on my letter, rather than the sticker that was always pasted whenever I air-mailed my previous ones.

A bit of a fast-forward in time: I arrived in Hong Kong to see my Instagram fanpage wiped out, bombarded with emails of multiple reports for copyright infringement. Now that I offer you what my letter read, you may understand the potential consequences. The representative of any sienne fanclub has the responsibility of screening the letters, to ensure that they do not contain dangereous, illegal and threatening contents. So some guessed that, maybe the representative of Rei's fanclub read it, deemed it inappropriate and took actions.

Some may find this a foolish action to confide this information to Rei. Yet in hindsight, I thought, if I had already translated such contents in a public page, I would have considered the risks. Had I been afraid of this "open secret", I would never have started.

I had always wanted to tell her about this, and never knew the 'right timing'. But I thought, now or never, I will tell her when she graduates. Perhaps I am not the best fan to her, because I am evidentally infringing the Japanese Copyright Act for all this. But selfishly, I just want more people to know about her. Whether this justification makes sense to you, this had been one year ago - what's done is done.

Then, I immediately began my second letter - my first to Madoka. And it went like this,

Dear Hoshikaze-san, Hi, I’m Hibiscus from HK! I’m 21 years old and I’ve been a Takarazuka fan for 4 years. It’s my first time writing to you, so I’m nervous. The first musical I watched of Hoshikaze-san is "Flying Sapa", the 2020 Cosmos Troupe performance. That time, Hoshikaze-san’s hair was red and it left an impression on me. Also in 2021, you became the new Flower Troupe combi with Yuzuka-san. You played Eva in “Sorrowful Cordoba”, which your singing is amazing of course, but your chemistry with Yuzuka-san was impressive. Also in “The Fascination!” when you sang “L’amour” on the silver bridge alone, I thought, “You’re quickly transformed into a Hanamusume, so I’m happy for you” Hoshikaze-san in Cosmos Troupe is of course amazing, but the Hoshikaze-san as a Flower Troupe sienne showed us new charms of hers, so I’m surprised but also great that happened. (In my next letter, I want to talk about how I feel about your photobook, so I hope you look forward to that!^^) Actually, I’m now taking the train to Takarazuka because I’m going to see Hoshikaze-san and Yuzuka-san’s graduation performance on 2/11. In these 3-4 years, I was able to see many Flower Troupe performances through HK cinema livestreaming (my first was “Years of Pilgrimage” “Fashionable Empire”), but coming to Takarazuka this time is ever more moving to me 💕 I look forward to Hoshikaze-san’s Catherine because your still picture is too pretty Also with the letter I also put a sticker inside. I got this in a HK stationery shop. It’s a white dog and it makes me think of Kuri-chan so I want to give to Hoshikaze-san!” So if you like it, I’d be happy to:) I’ll meet you in the theatre. I’ll support you before the day of graduation comes.

20 minutes before the show opened and I was sprinting at the Takarazuka station to the theatre with @matchala on this exhilirating day (which I've met with her in Hong Kong last February 2nd). I was given the seat 1st floor-Row 13-Seat L2 and then as I snapped the obligatory kangeki (theatre watching) picture, the lights dimmed and it was show time.

Her alto voice rang through the speakers as I heard the opening announcement live for the first time. It reminded me of her 'Ready Steady Go' cover of L'arc en ciel where her voice really reveberated (響いて呼んでいる君の声).

The dream is about to begin.

Below includes spoilers of the show. But this musical has its gravest of faults, so I will be reviewing it from personal recollection.

Seino Asuka played Yves who walked on the silver bridge and relayed the history of Paris to the audience. Itsuki Chihiro played Yves' great-grandfather Pepe, who was talking with 'Young Yves' (Koharu Himeka), Seino' role's grandfather of the same name. Their interaction was loveable.

The mirror ball reflected the refractions of light and as it spinned, the curtains drew up to reveal a curvy staircase for the prologue. The Arc-en-ciel was a prominent theatre troupe company in the 1940s which was what Rei had said in the rehearsal report that they wish to showcase 'the royal classic of the French revues, a stage only presentable by THE Takarazuka.'

Then, she appeared.

Perhaps, the construct of time went by differently in the world of dreams than in a real world. Because her appearance was so radiant, and so dignified.

Omg, she's real, I had gasped.

In her best attire - the classic black tails, top hat and cane, Rei played Marcel, the etoile dancer of Arc-en-ciel. Marcel welcomes us to the premiere performance and more musumeyaku and otokoyaku enter scene.

For the next three hours, I made a mental note that we'd be having the blu-ray and last day versions recorded, so I must have stared until my eyes sored to concentrate on producing an SSS angle of Yuzuka Rei all by myself. It was unbelievable to see her move and dance in such a fancy way with a suit. She was truly a mannequin in motion. She also sweated a lot (because of the hot stage lighting, maybe?). Through Marcel, I could also see his concentration and sincerity in the performing arts, which mirrored Rei's approach too.

There are two highlights in Rei's Marcel. Marcel plays a pierrot in one of their musical scenes The Clown in Montmarte. At first this jester proves himself to be a symbol of joy and reflects the happiness of the Parisians. But as Pepe sings the last lyric which goes, 'Left alone is the pierrot', she undresses the baggy costumes until she is left with a silky shirt and thick pants. Since I was watching this before the first day footage was even released, I was at awe with how sexy the scene unfolded itself: I was not expecting it! I also found her exasperation and frustration the most attractive emotions in her characters so when the etoile dancer Marcel shows that annoyance of playing 'only the clown in the theatre', I could see why I became a deer in headlights locked behind the opera glasses. Rei had commented in the rehearsal report, "As my first time playing a pierrot, when I heard Itsuki-san sing, the melody itself is warm and bright, but the song contains this emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I think clowns represent both joy and despair so I want to deepen this symbolisation." Marcel appears twice as a pierrot in this musical and I always love when musicals add repetition because you could see the contrast of Rei's interpretations in both scenes.

What's more is Marcel playing the piano. Rei's Franz Liszt and her starring musical "Years of Pilgrimage" is my absolute champion among her other works. The former Cosmos Troupe Top Musumeyaku and her classmate, Misaki Rion had praised her, "Rei is the best at playing piano among our classmates; she used to play it to us whenever we asked her. I wish to hear her playing in a live stage performance one day." Of course, it was unfortunate I couldn't witness The Franz Liszt live, but I was truly surprised and elated to hear Marcel play the piano! Once for Catherine's accompaniment and another for a jazz song 'SWING'. Jazz is one of the main motifs of the songs which represents freedom and liberation. I was so glad to hear her playing before she graduates and I was really eyeing on her skills the whole time.

What a blessing to witness Madoka's Catherine's singing in the Grand Theatre with such grand acoustics! She played another strong woman for her final role and looked stunning in long dresses (as expected of the Grace Continental model). As the provisional director, Catherine has a stronger sense of endearment to Arc-en-ciel than Marcel so this divides the two at first. Marcel is upset with only playing a clown role and judges Catherine for not understanding his discontent, since she has been the star songstress as the queen of Arc-en-ciel. We later know that Catherine can give in her all for Arc-en-ciel. Her voice becomes an asset and to allow the continuation of performances, Catherine's stance never wavers and that's also Madoka to me - determined and relentless in her gaze.

The loveline of Marcel and Catherine is by far my favourite chemistry of Rei and Madoka. A love shared by two confident people, sparking in sarcasm and sweetness. They are unlike Elio and Eva as the inevitably-reunited siblings, Chronosuke-Kira as the fated lovers, Dale and Jerry as the mistaken couple, Liszt and Marie as the 'crossing boats of the night', Antonio and Pamela as the impossible pair, Rudolf and Mary as what history told us, Thierry and Pamela as aspiring youth, Reisaburou and Oharu as childhood sweethearts. That was the Reimado history, and concluding it with Marcel and Catherine, I felt like this echoed Rei and Madoka, who both strongly defended Flower Troupe amidst all cancellations. They have such mutual love and respect for each other in a satisfyingly alluring confession.

Marcel and Catherine have a scene in Marcel's bedroom when they talk about their dreams after the occupation. Marcel wants to learn modern dance in America, and Catherine has always loved singing, and wants to sing for the people, to convey her emotions to them. The exchange is simple yet heartfelt, like the relationship of Reimado. This also hints to me their post-graduation careers, so I had hoped they could continue to share their love for dancing and singing to others.

I was also paying attention to Hozumi Mahiro, or Hotti. Hotti's Robert was very handsome. I was grateful she had a centric scene for the resistance army and even got to flex her somersault (Hotti is good at acrobatics!) Besides, Ichinose Kouki's Paul also played the piano, which was double the surprise. Yuki Daiya's Pierre had sharp dance moves as Marcel's choreography assistant. Kinami Raito's Daniel was debonair in the second lieutenant role in The Clown of Montmarte.

The charm of a live performance was how I could feel the power of Flower Troupe. From their choir of singing, to their synchronised jazz dancing, their dominance was intimidating. Of course, seeing Rei dance in real time also blew me away. How did her waist move like that - as expected her use of muscles in dancing was impressive. It was a great sense of satisfaction,

I had previously written these words: Yuzuka Rei's philosophy in leading the Flower Troupe is moving. She wants to grow with the members, so that they all improve in a comfortable environment and they won't feel anxious, but still have the motivation to improve themselves. That is how she heals their inner child, and preserves their love for the stage.

I believe we could love the actors but still criticise a play. Surely, the musical highlighted Rei and Madoka's strength of dancing and singing and was quite romantic to shape their relationship but the historical context was executed disrespectfully by Koike-sensei.

It is risky to approach a Nazist-occupied Paris context from the start. Nazism is an extreme ideology and Koike-sensei had already done a musical of the related era in "My Name is Bond". For a "world of dreams" that delivers the image of handsome otokoyaku and the cute musumeyaku, it was definitely unnecessary to see Towaki Sea in a Nazi uniform, especially when she'd be the next Flower Troupe Top Star.

Asuka's Yves is also a narrator. When the Nazi scene begins, the siennes playing the Nazi step upfront, and they even collectively salutes to Hitler. One may say that each musical has its antagonists, but it really wasn't appropriate to do salutes (that are illegal in Germany) on a grand stage.

I also didn't like how some Japanese fans resulted to sympathise Hitoko's character. When her Friederich and Hoshizora Misaki's Annette had a loveline, it was uncomfortable to watch because it almost wasn't realistically possible and it seemed twisted to believe their story was romantic. I felt bad that a new Top Combi had to convey this awkward relationship before their debut.

That the Arc-en-ciel was only concerned with whether they could perform jazz was an understatement. I also spoke to a French friend who said that there were other social issues that the play could have focused on, because it was such a difficult period of time during the Nazi occupation in 1940-1944. I felt like Yves could have conveyed more about what Paris was going through and her role was easily weakened by the subpar writing (this was even worse than her Takuminokami in "Genroku Baroque Rock")

As commemoration, here are Yuzuka Rei's comments for the musical recorded in the programme:

When I knew that I'll be playing a talented dancer in my last Takarazuka performance, I've been imagining what kind of presence this role should play in the musical. Paris is in the state of turmoil, and it is through performing arts that Marcel learns about becoming a real person. As the musical emphasises the importance of approaching the stage, I relate to many parts of the story as a stage performer. My feelings for the audience, for the stage, and for my co-stars are something so close in contact to my daily life; protecting the French revue was also similar to the time when we continued performing amidst the pandemic, so I believe the role of Marcel was created only for me. It's certain what he wants to do and what he aims to do, but in the beginning, his relationship with others seem lacking. Later on, he has more things to protect, and I've been looking forward to create this process, from how he's only working on his own, to taking action because of others. I only worked with Koike-sensei in "Poe Clan", but I could feel how he delicately created this new stage for us, so I want to do well too. I can feel how he's pouring his ideas and the energy for this performance, so I want to do my best. Hoshikaze plays Catherine to whom I have disagreements with, but this is resolved surprisingly early, so I'll think of how to balance the difference in our interactions. It's a process when we inspire each other and grow, and these are roles we haven't done before, so I'm looking forward to how our relationship will be created. This is a two-act but there are many fantastic musical numbers. Personally I'm happy there are jazz scenes that are my favourite. Not just the 'royal revue' type in black tails, silk hat and cane, but I'm also excited to do a solo dance as the role of the pierrot that I've never done before. There are other solo songs, like 'Wavering but not sunken', a duet song with Catherine 'Nouvelle Arc-en-ciel' which has a beautiful melody - all of these are what I want to emphasise and rehearse well. There are many scenes that I'll be singing and dancing with the revue members 'Swing' which I'll be singing with Towaki who plays Friederich. I'm happy these are scenes that could show how everyone is creating scenes in a revue within a show. To those who have supported me for a long time, or to those who are watching Takarazuka for the first time, I'd be glad if you could feel that I'm happy to have watched this performance today.

After the musical, the finale began. Towaki Sea wore a pink military uniform and sang on the silver bridge and finally I could watch it at an ease of mind. I'm sure she'd lead well for the future of Flower Troupe. Then came the rockette. After that, Rei appeared in a magneta and hot pink ruffly costume and danced with the musumeyaku in 'La vie en rose' and later she changed to red and danced with the otokoyaku. It reminded me again of the electronic music beat and otokoyaku dance combo in "Poe Clan". Then Towaki Sea changed in gold and led her group otokoyaku dance with the other otokoyaku. Then, Rei and Madoka had their last duet, wearing a sea blue of costumes.

Finally, Rei had her solo dance. I had forgotten that a graduation musical has that at the end when the Top Star is alone on stage. So the deja vu hit me strongly.

I felt like returning to the epiphany when I saw her solo dance in "DANCE OLYMPIA" and "BE SHINING!!" She was enjoying the stage to her own and I once again questioned the flowing of time. Every dance step was adequate and not excessive and her harmony with the music was a flawless combination of art. Her smile, her energy was full to thank the audience, to show her love to the Takarazuka stage. At once, I sensed the bluriness of the opera glasses, or maybe because I was about to cry...

Hoshizora Misaki was the etoile of the parade and then I saw how quickly the Flower Troupe members descended the stairs. Reality and fantasy began to disintegrate: was I waking up from this dream?

Frequent-goers applauded as each sienne bowed, but I was just staring through my opera glasses, remembering how all these siennes looked to the very end.

Tears finally fell when I saw Yuzuka Rei in those rainbow feathers, because I knew that this first Takarazuka live stage viewing is coming to an end.

She concluded the parade by singing from 'Unwavering but not sunken' which lyrics went like this:

Even in scorching summers And in excruciating winters We are fearless As we face the winds and sail high We walk hand in hand We hold pride and take allegiance That we may be wavering, but never sunken

Yuzuka Rei, all words are truly lacking to express my emotions in this journey. but ‘thank you’ will be the most appropriate phrase you have taught me to cherish.

[bubblegumvolcano]

🐬 hi, could you maybe do a blurb of a rg!ken x reader where ken is feeling insecure about not being good enough or basically not feeling (k)enough, and reader just sort of comforting him and reminding him that he is loved and enough? tyy <33

ofc! here u go;

(🐬)

Ken sat on a bench on the beach alone, his head resting heavily on his hands. Self-doubt settled within him, leaving him feeling unworthy.

It was nighttime, so most of the dolls were asleep.

You, however, just happened to be taking a solo walk on the beach and noticed Ken sitting there, looking lost in his thoughts.

You hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether to approach him or not, but concern won over uncertainty. You'd never seen a Ken look this way.

With a deep breath, you walked up to him and sat down gently beside him. "Hi, Ken," you said softly, giving him a friendly smile. "Mind if I join you?"

He looked up with a bit of surprise. "Hi, Barbie. Yeah, sure," he replied, trying to hide the emotions swirling inside him, smiling a small smile.

You sensed that he was going through a tough time (which was something extremely rare in Barbieland) and chose your words carefully. "Is everything okay?"

Ken sighed, relieved to have someone to share his feelings with. Usually he would lie, because you're a Barbie, so he'd rather not dump everything on you. But right now? It was too much for him to carry.

"I've been feeling like I'm not good enough lately. Like no matter what I do, it's never going to be enough for anyone here."

"Ken, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for," you said, trying to sound reassuring.

Ken's eyes softened, and he gave you a grateful smile. "Thanks, Barbie. It's just hard sometimes, you know? I see all these confident and successful Kens and Barbies around, and I kind of feel like I'm falling short. I think I might have to talk to therapist Barbie."

"Ken, you don't have to compare yourself to others. You have your own unique qualities that make you special," you said, your voice gentle.

"You have a way of making people feel valued, and your presence brightens up any room."

He looked at you, a hint of something unspoken passing between you both. "That is so nice, Barbie. How did you notice that?"

"Oh, I notice a lot of things about you," you replied, your smile holding a hint of playfulness.

Ken's cheeks flushed slightly as he spoke, "You know, you have a way of making everyone around you feel special, Barbie."

You felt your heart skip a beat at his words, the subtle hint of admiration in his voice not going unnoticed. "Thank you, Ken. That means a lot to me." Although every Barbie held that skill, it was still sweet of him to say.

As the moon shined over you, the two of you sat there, enjoying each other's company, each lost in your own thoughts.

"Barbie," Ken said, breaking the comfortable silence between you, "thank you for being nice to me."

"You don't have to thank me, Ken. We're friends, and I'll always be here to support you."

You placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You're Kenough."

-

to join the sleepover, click here!

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

i was 15 when i first saw you on tv. i saw your curly hair, your cute face, heard your angelic voice and immediately knew it was over for me. and i was right. over 12 years have passed since that moment and not a single day has gone by without me thinking of you.

at first i was drawn to you because i thought you were cute, but as time went on i realized we actually had things in common. we had similar experiences with being bullied and struggling with mental health. something that i've always admired about you is how you remained kind and loving despite everything that you've gone through. your ability to see the positive in everything and make the best out of every situation is something i would love to have as well.

your talent and passion for art and music was one of a kind. your stage presence, your songwriting abilities, your vocal abilities, your overall versatility. you always put your heart and soul into everything you've created.

one of your greatest joys was making people happy. you wanted everyone to feel loved, valued and appreciated because you knew what it felt like to be ignored, ridiculed and made fun of. you've given the world all of your kindness and in return, the world has spat in your face.

even though i didn't know you personally i know you doubted yourself a lot. but you never had a reason to. we lost a kind, talented and brilliant person when you left us.

liam, i wish i could've had the opportunity to tell you all this in person. how you helped me through dark times by just existing and being yourself. how grateful i was to be alive at the same time as you. but now you're frozen in time and all i have is memories, regrets and unfulfilled wishes.

it hurts to know that you'll never get the chance to live the life you deserved. if this message somehow reaches you, i want you to know you were so incredibly loved and you always will be.

i will always be angry that you were taken from us so soon and i will never stop wishing that your story had ended differently, more pleasantly.

thank you for everything you've done and the person you were. the world didn't deserve you.

i will always love and miss you x

[selfdevelopment25]

Self Discovery

Self-Discovery: Giving Myself Back Every day for me was a day to race against everyone else's expectations, most especially my own, my teachers', and my family's. I always felt as though high school was about grades and accomplishments. Edgar Allan Poe described a kind of competition that lasted forever at that time and did itself into its representation of ghoulish smirk. The very pressure to perform, the deadlines, and never-ending demands just intoxicated and drained me to unrecognizable levels. I subconsciously became target-happy and forgot the journey itself as I resorted to the outcome.

A realization came sharply. There was a dim thought behind me of not really having fun living. I had friends, but they felt distant I was merely going through the motions. I did not appreciate brief moments of joy: laughter on breaks, a family member's quiet support, or even on my personal growth. So absorbed was I in what I was not that I failed to see what I was.

But self-discovery has a way of making you sober. Nothing melodramatic; rather, like being struck with a softer warning note. One day, in solitude and under the weight of everything, I simply asked myself: If not this way, then how do I want to live? I was chasing something obscure, with stress and self-doubt answering for me when, quite simply, I held all the power to reshape my experience.

So I started small. I allowed myself to feel the pressure without being consumed by it. I reminded myself that failing was not the end; it was part of a much bigger process. I learned gratitude toward those who stood beside me, even when I was blind to their presence. I chose to value myself not for what I did but for being me. There are still challenges that I face now; however, I face them differently. I have learned that self-worth is not measured by perfection; it lies in the effort, resilience and the ability to find meaning even in struggles. Who am I? Someone still learning, still growing but now, grateful for the journey.

[i4gonzalez]

Kylian Mbappé

FLUFF ALPHABET

FLUFF ALPHABET: kylian mbappé

summary: things about your relationship with kylian based on each letter of the alphabet. (this is right? idk how explain it)

notes: i had never done a fluff alphabet, so i’m a little insecure about it. anyway, be kind to me;)

ps: if you want me to make a separate imagine about any letter, please let me know.

english isn’t my native language, so i used translator for it

━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━

ATTRACTIVE: physically, kylian loves your smile. your smile was the first thing he noticed in you. kylian is sure that your smile improves his days and always tells you that. he does his best to see you smile every day. emotionally, kylian loves how positive you are. since he met you, he has also become a little more positive. you are like a walking ray of sunshine.

BABY: kylian never had a serious conversation with you about children. sometimes you made a mental list of names for babies, kylian always chose girl’s names while you chose boy’s. anyway, you agree that you are not ready to be parents yet.

CUDDLE: kylian knows that you love that he cuddle you in the back, so he always does. sometimes he also cuddles you supporting his head between your neck and your shoulder.

DREAMS: you two like to imagine yourself in the near future. kylian always imagines you together on the beach, having a lot of free time — since you don’t have much. kylian knows that you love the sea. maybe you could also adopt a dog, it would certainly be called petit (which means small in french)

EARLY MORNINGS: kylian wakes up early every day and — unlike you — this is not a problem for him. sometimes when kylian comes back from morning training on weekends, you are still sleeping or being too lazy to get out of bed. but when he is off he likes to enjoy lazy mornings with you, since you hate getting up early.

FIRST DATE: kylian was a little nervous while waiting for you at the restaurant. When you arrived, he handed you a bouquet of your favorite flower and you smiled. your smile made his nervousness go away and everything was more natural. you talked and laughed a lot that night. kylian gave you a ride to your house and felt very lucky to have gone out with you.

GRATITUDE: kylian feels very grateful and lucky to have you with him. kylian knows that it is not easy to have a relationship with a person who has a public life. since a few weeks of dating, paparazzis have started following you and you both know what the hell this is. after seeing you endure all this madness and several hate messages from his female fans, kylian was sure that you were the perfect person for him.

HONESTY: kylian is always an open book. he has no reason to lie and always talks to you about everything. he is also not very good at hiding things from you, even if it was something small like your surprise birthday party. you value honesty a lot, so you love the fact that kylian is so honest.

IMPRESSION: the first impression that kylian had about you was that you were like a walking ray of sunshine. you were always smiling and being kind to everyone around you. after you smiled at him, kylian was sure he had to ask you out.

JOKES: kylian is not a joker, but he makes a point of thinking and learning several jokes to make you laugh. he knows that you smile easily and loves your laugh. you try to make him laugh with some silly jokes too, but you can never finish them, since you end up laughing before the end. kylian loves it.

KEYS: one of kylian’s favorite memories is from the day he gave you the keys to his apartment. “what is this?” you asked, after seeing that kylian gave you a small golden key. “this is the key to my apartment,” he said. “well... now it’s our apartment, right?” kylian asked, making you smile. “is that serious?! damn k, i love you!” you hugged him and then kissed him for a while.

LOVE LANGUAGE: kylian’s love language is physical touch. he loves to hug you, hold your hands and be together with you. kylian knows that your love language are words of affirmation, so he always makes a point of praising you and telling you how much he loves you. you’ve never been a big fan of hugs, but kylian’s are an exception. his hugs makes your day so much better.

MARRIAGE: kylian and you really want to get married one day. you two are waiting for the right moment. you agree that it would be something small, only with close friends and family. you and kylian imagine what your married life will be like — with ups and downs, like every couple — but for sure the honeymoon is the best part. you two would love to go somewhere that have sea. boats are also indispensable!

NICKNAMES: since the beginning of your relationship, kylian calls you mon soleil (which means my sun in french). you just call him k because you always thought these nicknames with initials were cool.

OBSESSIONS: kylian knows that you love shells. you have a collection of shells (like a kid); there are small, big, beautiful and common. he always makes a point of getting some shells for you every time he goes to the beach.

PETS: kylian and you don’t have any pets. you’ve wanted a dog before, but you realized that neither of you have enough time to take care of one. even so, you have a list of names for dogs on his phone notes. the first name on the list is petit.

QUESTIONS: kylian and you always make a point of asking each other thoughtful questions every day. “how was your day?” and “you know that I love you, right?” are in your vocabulary.

RAINY DAYS: just like you, kylian hates rainy days. even so, when he’s off, he takes the opportunity to rest and watch several series with you. he prefers action series, but ends up giving in when you try to convince him to watch romantic series like bridgerton or normal people.

SONGS: on your first date, the song la vie en rose by emily watts played on the radio. this is your couple’s song. kylian has a very different musical taste from yours. but when you are together in his car, kylian lets you choose the songs you want — even knowing that you will listen to taylor swift all the way.

TIME: kylian and you are a couple for a year and a half. after some dates, kylian asked if you wanted to be his girlfriend — and you obviously accepted.

UPSET: when you is upset, kylian make his better for cheer you up. sometimes, he just seat on your side and be a support for you.

VALENTINE’S DAY: valentine’s day is your favorite date. kylian always does his best to spend as much time with you, in addition to giving you lots of gifts and chocolates. you always make cute cards for kylian.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: kylian always tells you many words of affirmation, since this is his main language of love. he also loves to praise you in french, kylian always says things like “tu es belle” (you are so pretty), “je t’aime mon amour”, (i love you, darling) “vous êtes si intelligent!” (you’re so smart!). you love when kylian speaks in french.

XO: you and kylian are the kind of couple who loves to hug and be together. you two always find a way to touch each other physically. you walk hand in hand, kiss and hug each other all the time. physical touch is the basis of your relationship.

YES: the happiest day of your life was when kylian asked you to date with him. it was on your eighth date, kylian took you to a surprise restaurant, the place was very beautiful and elegant. he seemed a little nervous, so he gave you flowers and held out the ring, kylian said “y/n, i love you! do you want to date me?”. you smiled and obviously say yes.

ZOO: a few months ago, you saw a giraffe while scrolling your instagram feed. that was enough for you to really want to see a giraffe in real life. so, you spent several days asking kylian to take you to the zoo and after some time you finally went. taking some pictures with a giraffe and seeing it in person was amazing, this will definitely be one of the coolest things you’ve done. despite not being a big fan of giraffes, kylian liked to see you so excited and happy.

━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━ ━━━

★ the requests are open! you can also send requests to social media fics or fluff alphabets.

[attendsquoi]

Thea's Quest ~ Ch. 8

Chapter 8: Homefront

Summary: Thea’s having some boy trouble so she turns to Artemis. A strange but eerily familiar enemy attacks the cave.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, impostor syndrome ig

Word Count: 4.9k

Masterlist: Thea's Quest

A/N: I skipped the Terrors episode bc it’s very M’gann/Conner focused but I have an idea of what’s happening to Thea during that day. If you’re interested, let me know and I can write it up or just post the bullet points!

Also this is the longest thing I’ve ever written but I’m so happy with it. I got to add a lot of fun bonding moments with Thea, Artemis, and Robin, so I hope you enjoy. :)

~~~

Being a couple weeks out from the last few missions, Thea was finally fully healed. Even with spending most of her time in the cave, though, she was also quite bored. Thea was sitting in the kitchen having a snack when Kaldur walked through the space.

“Hey, Kaldur!” Thea called, jumping up to join him.

The Atlantean startled.

“Oh, hello, Thea.” He replied kindly, but Thea could tell he wasn’t totally present.

“Hey, what’s up?” She asked, concerned.

“It’s nothing. I’m going to talk with Tornado.” He explained.

“Okay, yeah, let’s go.” Thea said with a smile, turning to walk toward the hangar.

“I need to speak with him alone, actually.” Kaldur spoke quietly.

Thea stopped. Glancing over her shoulder, she could tell he felt guilty. It was weird for Kaldur to pull rank with the team. He was the leader, but he rarely excluded them from conversations. He valued their judgment - especially Thea’s, or so she thought.

Thea’s eyebrows furrowed. His secrecy was giving her a familiar, uncomfortable sensation. She chalked it up to paranoia from her past with Luke, forcing a small smile to her face.

“Yeah, of course, okay.” She remarked.

“Thank you.” Kaldur muttered as he walked past her, out of the room.

Feeling on edge, Thea decided she needed to distract herself. Everyone else on the team was at school, but Thea texted Artemis anyway. They were good friends, and Thea would often receive messages from Artemis during the school day with updates on gossip or complaints about teachers and classmates, even the occasional meme. 

 I need a distraction, want to hang out later? Thea messaged.

Almost immediately there was a response.

Meet me after class. We can grab coffee. 

Where should I meet you? Thea asked.

A notification came through from the maps app with a pin at Artemis’ location. Pulling it up, Thea was puzzled by the address; Artemis was at Gotham Academy. Knowing the girl’s private nature, Thea decided not to mention it.

Perfect! See you soon.

~~~

Later, Artemis and Thea sat outside at a coffee shop. Thea was grateful to her friend for providing some relief, but Artemis looked so tense that she seemed to have a new problem.

“Is everything alright?” Thea asked as Artemis took a sip of her drink. 

The blonde choked on her drink and had to cough. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean anything by it. I just – I’m your friend. I know you’re maybe not telling the whole truth to the team and that’s fine! If you want to tell me anything, I’m here for you – just to listen. And I’d never tell the team anything. If anything, I’m honored that you trust me enough to show me where you go to school. You don’t have to explain anything. I’m sorry. I’m rambling.” 

At that point, Artemis was giggling at the girl across from her. Thea felt a little silly, trying so hard to make a friend and tripping all over herself, but she was glad to see Artemis’ shoulders finally lower below her ears.

“Thanks, Thea.” Artemis said.

Thea could tell she wasn’t going to get more out of her, but was glad she was slowly gaining some trust. 

“Anyway, why did you need to get out of the cave so badly?” Artemis asked, turning the questioning on Thea. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with our resident fish boy, would it?” She teased.

Thea’s face dropped. Artemis backtracked quickly.

“Hey, I didn’t mean – if Kaldur did something–”

“No, no. It’s not that. Or at least – I don’t think so. Ugh. It’s complicated. He just– He reminds me of someone.” Thea assured.

Artemis softened.

“I’m always here if you want to talk.” She said.

“Thanks.” Thea said with a sad smile. “But I don’t think I’m ready yet.” 

“Cheers to that!” Artemis laughed.

~~~

As the afternoon wore on, the girls decided to go back to the cave to spar for some training. Artemis changed into her suit and Thea followed along in civies, though she had brought her dagger with her. They were walking into the alleyway to zeta back to Happy Harbor when a voice made them jump.

“Artemis?”

“Robin!” Artemis exclaimed, startled.

Their young teammate emerged from the shadows; he stood in front of the zeta tube.

“How random that you're in Gotham City, instead of Star City where your Uncle Green Arrow lives.” He noted with a smirk.

Thea’s eyes narrowed. She could tell Robin knew more than he let on and was teasing Artemis. Thea found herself getting defensive on Artemis’ behalf – she clearly didn’t want to talk about it!

“I'm, uh, here to see my cousin. She was in the state spelling bee here in Gotham City.” Artemis lied.

“C-O-O-L. Did she W-I-N?” Robin said, going along with it.

“N-O.” Thea said brusquely, stepping up beside Artemis.

Robin startled as he realized Thea was there too. 

“D-R-A-G.” He smirked, recovering quickly.

“Yeah. Let's just go to the cave.” Artemis said tersely.

“Ladies first.” Robin gestured to the zeta tube disguised as a phone booth.

“Your town. You go.” Artemis insisted.

Robin shrugged and opened the door. The machine announced his departure.

“What a little shit.” Thea stated once he was gone.

Artemis huffed out a laugh.

“Truly.” She acknowledged, stepping into the zeta tube with a snicker and a salute.

Thea followed behind her.

~~~

As soon as she stepped out of the zeta tube, Thea was hit with fire. The light was blinding, and the heat caused the hair on her arm to singe. Her demigod reflexes kicked in, flooding her with adrenaline, as she turned to shield her body best she could. 

“Thea!” She heard Artemis call from somewhere off to her left.

The blast let up, though not without having done some damage, and Thea ran to her friend. Reaching Artemis, she found Robin too, and the three of them booked it for the showers. As they ran, Robin attempted to contact the rest of the team to no avail. When they got there, Robin started turning on all the faucets before shoving Thea under a stream of cold water.

“Di Immortales!” Thea hissed, as the water hit her raw skin.

“How injured are you?” Robin questioned urgently.

Thea felt breathless, but quickly snapped into triage mode.

“It’s probably only a first degree burn, and mainly my right arm.” She said, assessing the damage.

Artemis was pacing behind her.

“I’m okay.” Thea assured, struggling as she floundered for her satchel.

“I got it.” Artemis stepped in. “What do you need?”

“Just open it?” Thea asked.

Artemis did as asked, and Thea grabbed a clear flasked labeled “nectar” and took a swig.

“There. I’ll be fine.” She assured Artemis.

“At least the water is helping.” Robin suggested.

Don’t tempt the Gods. Thea was about to say, when they heard a low groaning noise. The water pressure exploded and the shower heads fell from the walls. The room started filling with water.

“Or not.” Robin mumbled, taking a gulp of air before ducking under water and swimming toward one of the walls. 

“What in Hades?” Thea asked herself.

Seconds later, Robin’s explosives went off and the three were pushed out of the room on a small wave.

~~~

“We need to get lost.” Robin declared as they stood up and coughed, running for the kitchen.

Thea looked around, scanning for an exit.

“The air vent.” She said, breathless.

“Good. Go.” Robin said.

Thea grabbed Artemis’ arm and pulled her toward the vent. Suddenly, they realized Robin had stopped.

“What are you–” Artemis started.

“Downloading blueprints. Could come in…” Robin explained, trailing off as they heard footsteps approaching.

“Go, go.” Robin whispered. 

Thea hoisted Artemis into the vent, doing the same for Robin before following suit, not bothering to close the grate behind them.

“Go left.” Robin muttered directions from between them.

Just as Thea made the turn, crawling right at Robin’s heels, there was a blast of fire through the part of the vent they were just in.

“Styx.” Thea swore, startled.

“Ugh. Too close. Take the first right.” Robin concurred, continuing to give directions. “There should be a vent cover right in front of you.”

Artemis popped the grate, and the three of them slid down the pipe, dropping into the boiler room.

“This way.” Robin directed, the three of them running through the room.

Thea’s arm still stung, but thanks to her demigod constitution, she wasn’t too slowed down, still able to keep pace with Artemis and Robin. 

From above, there came a metallic thud. The three heroes looked over to see a wall of fire, and within it, a humanoid silhouette. As they raised their arms, the fire grew taller, the room quickly filling with smoke.

“Let’s go, let’s go.” Thea mumbled, not wanting to stick around any longer. 

As they ran, the boiler room started heating up, everywhere they looked it seemed there was a new alarm going off or pipe bursting with steam.

“That's not good.” Robin noted. 

The three of them ran behind more machinery as fire started raining down on them. Robin pulled up the blueprints again.

“I know that other access tunnel is here somewhere.” He muttered to himself.

Thea scanned the floor, seeing a vent cover and making a beeline for it. Artemis followed.

“You mean this one?” She asked, getting Robin’s attention as Thea hopped down into the vents, waiting to make sure her teammates followed.

~~~

As soon as they were all in the vent, Thea started crawling forwards, Artemis hot on her heels.

“Hold on.” Robin called. “Locking cave's motion and heat sensors to prevent the enemy from tracking us.” He explained.

Thea frowned as the technology went over her head, but she waited patiently for Robin to do… whatever it was he was doing.

“And I ask again, who is the enemy?” Artemis said, frustrated.

Robin shrugged, then a mischievous smile grew on his face.

“Let's find out. Downloading cave security footage... There.” He said, satisfied.

Thea, Artemis, and Robin watched the camera footage from earlier in the cave. They saw an overhead angle of Wally, M’gann, and Conner working on the bike while Kaldur watches from next to them. Thea felt a pang of guilt as she saw their faces – she had abandoned them over a paranoid hunch. Maybe if she had just stayed in the cave this wouldn’t be happening and they would all be safe. Thea glanced back down at Robin’s holo watch as the recording’s audio started.

“Torque wrench.” Wally called from under the bike.

M’gann handed it to him with her telekinesis. 

“Thank you, Green-Cheeks.” Wally replied.

“I have been meaning to ask. Any problem juggling school work with your responsibilities here?” Kaldur asked, checking in.

“No. Juggling's just one of my many talents. Socket wrench.” Wally replied breezily.

“Cheerleading practice has presented a challenge. Oh, but my first loyalty is always to the team. This team, not the Bumblebees.” M’gann said.

“Artemis starts school today. Do you think she will have trouble maintaining her loyalties?” Kaldur asked.

Thea frowned at his words. His phrasing was weird, and something just seemed off. She couldn’t help herself from feeling suspicious.

“Eh, she'll manage all right. I mean, how much more hostile and annoying can–?” Wally started to talk and then suddenly, static.

“What happened?” Artemis asked.

“Explosion. I'll find another angle.” Robin replied quickly, already typing away.

He pulled up the rest of the cameras. With these new angles, they could see fire and water in different places, but still couldn’t really tell what happened.

“That's it. All four are dead.” Robin sighed.

Thea’s eyes widened as she realized how his words sounded. She hit him on the arm.

“The cameras! I meant the cameras. Uh, I'm sure the others are okay.” He stuttered. “Give me a sec to find the fastest route to the hangar.”

“Yeah. They're fine. They've all got superpowers. They can handle anything.” Artemis muttered, trying to calm herself.

Thea frowned. She knew firsthand that superpowers won’t always save you in a fight. Surely if they could, Thalia would still be around. It felt weird, as a demigod Thea had “powers,” but both Artemis and Robin were so well trained that in this situation she merely had average capabilities – especially with an injury holding her back. She felt a wave of hopelessness wash over her: once again, people she cared about were in trouble, and even her godly lineage didn’t seem to count for anything.

~~~

Robin led them through the vents and into the library. The three began to navigate the bookshelves, searching for an exit.

“There's a secret passage behind one of these.” Robin told the girls, pulling at books trying to open the mystery door.

“Seriously? Cliché much?” Artemis muttered.

“You should see the Batcave.” Robin teased.

But Thea wasn’t paying attention to their words, standing still as they grabbed at different spines.

“Shh. Do you hear that? Footsteps.” She murmured, jogging over to them as they all crouched down.

They heard a mechanical voice begin to speak.

“Artemis. Robin. Thea.” 

“It's Red Tornado.” Artemis gasped, rushing out of their hiding spot.

Robin’s eyes widened, and Thea instinctively shot out to grab Artemis’ shoulder and shove her out of the way.

“Yes on the Red, no on the Tornado.” Robin announced, following the girls as they ducked under a table, running away from the red machine.

Immediately, they were confronted with another, this time with a feminine build. She stepped out from behind some bookcases, shooting fire from her palms. The kids turned and ran, hopping over shelves to put some distance in between them and the machines.

“Who...? What are they?” Artemis asked, pressed.

With the fire in the room, the ceiling sprinklers activated, suddenly wetting the room. One of the machines hit a bookshelf, sending a domino tower falling toward the heroes. Robin finally found the right book, opening the secret passage as the three of them jump through to (at least momentary) safety.

~~~

The heroes landed in a series of tunnel like hallways, Artemis and Thea following Robin as he ran ahead.

“Unh, did you know Tornado had siblings?” Artemis panted as they ran.

“No.” Robin replied simply.

Thea frowned at the reply, but kept running. When they reached an intersection of hallways, Artemis grabbed Robin’s arm, bringing them to a stop.

“So now what? Red Tornado is one of the powerhouses of the league. How are we supposed to take down two of him?”

“They do seem pretty user-unfriendly.” Robin commented with a sad smile.

Thea huffed softly at the reply. 

“Don't joke. They–” Artemis got cut off by an automated voice over the intercom.

“Attention, Robin. Attention, Artemis. Attention, Thea. You have exactly 10 minutes to surrender or the lives of your teammates will be extinguished.”

The threat made Thea pause, immediately concerned for the rest of the team now that they know for sure they’ve been captured.

“We need to move.” Thea announced.

As Thea, Artemis, and Robin ran through the corridors, the countdown continued.

“Eight minutes.”

“We can access the hangar from here.” Robin told the girls.

They stopped as they heard something coming at them from behind. Turning around, they saw a massive wave of water rushing their way.

“Or not.” Robin concluded.

“Will you please stop saying that?!” Artemis stressed.

Thea grabbed both of their arms, pulling them into a run. It wasn’t enough, they didn’t get very far before the water swept them off their feet. 

Thea gasped as the water hit them, submerging them quickly. She managed to swim toward Robin and Artemis. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her breath for too long, but she was a strong swimmer after years of training in the Long Island Sound at camp. She swam over to Robin and Artemis, eyes widening gratefully as Robin passed her a rebreather. 

All of a sudden, Artemis was pulled back. Her eyes widened as she screamed. Thea and Robin swam toward her, realizing she’s been grabbed by the water android. Thea grasped Artemis’ arm to try to pull her friend to safety while Robin grabbed one of her arrows, jamming it into the robot’s head and freeing her. As soon as Artemis was released, Thea and Robin hooked their arms under hers and they swam to safety, emerging in the hangar moon pool. In front of them, Wally and Conner were trapped in some lava-like stone.

“Look out!” Wally warned as they pant for air.

They looked up to see a fireball coming their way and ducked under the water, emerging a few feet away, closer to the boys.

“You guys okay?” Robin asked them.

“Forget us. Help M'gann.” Conner demanded, nervous.

Thea glanced up, heart clenching in fear as she saw M’gann and Kaldur trapped in a cage of fire. 

“Aqualad. Is she…?” Artemis asked, trailing off in fear.

“She is unconscious. I fear she... we cannot survive much longer.” He explained.

A wave of guilt washed over Thea. Her earlier suspicion was gone and replaced with shame and fear. All she’s ever wanted is to save her friends, and all she’s ever done is fail.

~~~

The fire machine returned, and Thea, Artemis, and Robin dove under the water again, evading her. They emerged on the stairs, climbing up to the main floor of the hangar. Behind them, the water machine followed. The heroes took defensive stances. On their other side, at the top of the stairs, the fire android touched down, cornering them in.

“I'm almost out of arrows.” Artemis warned.

“Distract her. Now.” Robin instructed.

Artemis shot an explosive arrow toward the android, setting off a flash of smoke. Thea grabbed her arm and they ducked out of the way. At the base of the steps, Robin tried and failed to throw explosives onto the other android. He shot a wave of water at the heroes right as the other android threw a ball of fire. Thea, Artemis, and Robin dove back into the water, swimming through an underwater grate and emerging back in the vent system.

The countdown resumed.

“Six minutes.”

“What do we do now?” Artemis asked, feeling defeated.

“We save them. That's how it works.” Robin replied coolly.

“Maybe that's how it's supposed to work, but those robots already took out our four superpowered friends.” Artemis pointed out.

Thea spaced out, her tactical mind working a mile a minute. She checked her pockets, finding only her dagger and a few golden drachma. 

“How can you be so calm?” She heard Artemis ask Robin

“Practice. Been doing this since I was 9.” Robin said, unworried.

Thea immediately felt protective of the boy. She was reminded of the feeling of meeting seven year old Annabeth: this is just a kid. In that moment she knew deep in her bones that no harm would come to Robin while she’s around.

“What good is that now?” Artemis pleaded.

“We just have to think.” Thea jumps back in. “Jason and Medea harnessed a mechanical bull in Colchis.” She pondered aloud.

“Thea, this is no time for a history lesson! In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not Jason or Medea! What chance do we have against unrelenting machines?!” Artemis snapped worriedly.

Before Thea could reply, Robin realized something.

“Oh, duh! They're machines.” He emphasized. “And one electromagnetic pulse will shut down any machine within range.”

Thea nodded along, pretending she understood what they’re talking about. But she didn’t need to know what an ‘electromagnetic pulse’ is in order to help. Even a bad plan is better than no plan.

“Great. Except you better have an EMP emitter in your utility belt, cuz I know I don't have one in my quiver.” Artemis replied.

“I'm fresh out. But I'm betting we can make one.” Robin said with a smirk.

“What do you say, KF? Doable?” He asked through the coms. 

“Totally doable.” Wally replied.

“Five minutes.” The android’s countdown warned.

“You know, if you had more time.” He amended.

~~~

Regardless of their odds, the heroes figured they had to try. Wally talked through Robin’s com as he, Thea, and Artemis worked their way around the cave, making an emp emitter.

“Med lab. X-ray machine.” He instructed.

Thea and Artemis watched as Robin followed Wally’s instructions.

“Find a small vacuum tube called a vircator that converts high-energy pulses. Reprogram the unit's microwave conversion from x-rays to EMPs with a cascading energy vector directed outward.”

“A ripple effect! Like dropping a stone in a pond.” Robin muttered.

Artemis and Thea made eye contact, not understanding a word coming out of the boys’ mouths.

“A stone with 10 to the 12th power wattage, yeah.” Wally affirmed.

“So I need to hook it up to the cave’s main generator.” Robin planned.

“Which is where?” Artemis asked.

Robin sighed, Thea frowned, eyes wide, as she realized what he was about to say.

“Oh, gods.” She muttered.

~~~

The plan itself was simple, not that many steps, everyone knew their roles. But Thea was wary, the likelihood of complication was… high.

“Four minutes.” The mechanical voice narrated from the intercom as Thea, Artemis, and Robin snuck back into the hangar.

“Okay, make with the distraction.” Robin instructed the others.

The rest of the team began to heckle the androids as the trio snuck around, Robin ziplining toward the generator.

“Hey, Red Tomato, who's your girlfriend? Red Onion?” Wally berated.

“Yeah, and by the way, worst death trap ever. We can escape any time we want.” Conner shouted, keeping the androids’ attention on them

“Cover me.” Robin told the girls. 

Artemis nocked an arrow, and Thea pulled out her dagger, nodding.

“Wally was made for this.” Thea muttered to Artemis, trying to find a moment of levity. The blonde shot her a small smile, but both of their anxieties were through the roof. They watched as Robin landed on the machine, crouching down to install the emp emitter. 

“Rerouting power now.” Robin narrated through the coms. 

A moment passed. 

“It's not working. The circuit's incomplete.” He realized. 

Thea sucked in a breath through her teeth, her body buzzing with demigod adrenaline.

“I need something conductible, a piece of metal–” He spoke.

Thea saw movement out of the corner of her eye, gaze shooting to the androids, one of whom had realized Robin was there.

“Robin, look out!” She shouted desperately, but she was too late. 

Thea and Artemis watched as he was swallowed by a wave. 

~~~

Thea’s earlier protectiveness came out in full force, and she had to stop herself from screaming. She and Artemis watched the scene with baited breath as the android raised his arm, holding Robin in a vertical trap of water. Artemis grabbed Thea’s arm, trying to pull her away and back into the cave.

“Thea! Come on, we have to go!” Artemis hissed in a frantic whisper.

The jostling of her arm was what it took for Thea to snap back into her body. She shook Artemis off quickly.

“N–no, no. I can’t leave him. I won’t!” Thea replied, searching Artemis’ eyes desperately.

The girls gazed at each other in distress. Artemis realized in that moment that nothing would pull Thea away from Robin. But she didn’t have a plan. Feeling tears gather in her waterline, Thea took Artemis’ hand and squeezed it gently. Artemis’ eyes widened, Thea nodded. Artemis squeezed back, the pain and guilt and fear clear in her eyes. Then she turned and ran.

Thea watched her go, wishing things could have been different. She wasn’t given time to dwell. Catching movement out of the corner of her eye, Thea turned back to the scene in the hangar just in time to watch Robin fall to the floor, unconscious.

Her body moved of its own accord, jumping into action to try to save him.

She got down to the floor before being confronted by the Reds. Without any long range weapons or a plan, Thea knew she was screwed. Even so, she worked to duck and evade the attacks of water and fire, making her way toward Robin. Her instincts worked in her favor, the demigod reflexes coming in handy. But of course, good things can’t last forever. 

In a moment of distraction, the water android picked up the torque wrench from the ground and sent it toward her in a stream of water. 

Suddenly, Artemis’ voice alerted her. Thea turned toward her friend, brain working a mile a minute as she realizes the blonde’s plan to surrender. Before she could move toward Artemis, movement caught her eye.

Thea turned toward the torque wrench just as she saw it, only to immediately get hit in the head. She barely caught herself as she fell to the ground before everything went black.

Thea was only knocked out for a second. Propping herself onto her elbows, her eyes focused slowly, blurring before finally clearing. In a second, Artemis was at her side.

The blonde knelt down worriedly, but Thea pushed her off weakly.

“I’m fine – go check on Robin.” She murmured urgently.

Artemis glanced at her one more time before rushing over to the boy and starting CPR. As she did so, Thea’s eyes searched for her other teammates.

“Kaldur! How’s M’gann?” Conner called, while Thea slowly moved herself into a criss cross position.

The Atlantean startled slightly, glancing at the others while still holding M’gann in his lap.

“She breathes. I believe she will recover.” He assured. “What of Robin?” He called to Artemis.

As if on cue, the young boy wonder coughed weakly, turning on his side as Artemis rubs his back while he gets the water out of his lungs.

“He’s breathing too!” She exclaimed, the relief audible in her voice.

Thea sighed with relief, comforted that her friends were alright. Thea stood up shakily, moving to walk over to Artemis and Robin but immediately stumbled. Kaldur’s eyes widened with concern, seeing her struggle, as Thea sat back down and laughed at herself quietly. Fishing a piece of ambrosia out of her satchel, Thea offered him a reassuring smile and took a bite, content to rest for a moment.

~~~

Later, once everyone was relatively stable, the team got to work trying to help Wally and Conner out of their traps. Artemis held a laser cutter while Kaldur supported M’gann and Thea and Robin held each other up.

“Will you quit playing with that thing and cut us free, already?” Wally complained.

“It’s not working, genius. EMP shuts down all machines, remember?” Artemis snarked back.

Thea chuckled quietly, meeting Kaldur’s gaze and rolling her eyes fondly before being startled by a mechanical voice.

“All machines present at the time.” Red Tornado corrected, touching down near the team. “What has occurred?” He asked.

Artemis and Wally scoffed.

“We had a visit from your family.” Robin muttered.

“Your extremely nasty family.” Artemis sassed.

“I was not aware I had relations.” Tornado said.

“Where have you been?” Conner asked, all of them feeling rightfully confused, and a bit angry.

“Monitor duty on the Watchtower. When it became clear cave communications were down I attempted to investigate, but your zeta tubes were also non-functional. I transported to Providence and proceeded here.” The android explained, walking over to the nonfunctioning android “siblings.”

The sudden buzzing from the laser caught all of their attention. 

“Hey, boy.” Conner murmured kindly as Sphere rolled over.

“The pulse has worn off.” Robin and Wally realized in tandem.

Suddenly, Red Tornado froze. He rose into the air, creating twisters and psyphoning the oxygen out of the room. Thea grabbed a falling M’gann, breaking her fall only slightly. The air was getting thinner, and Thea was already dizzy. The room started to spin. Ahead of her, Thea saw Robin hit the ground.

“No!” She tried to call, but all that came out was a puff of air before once again, everything went black.

~~~

“Thea, Thea. Come on, Thea.” A feminine voice murmured.

Something felt wrong. Forcing open her eyes, Thea saw the blurry outline of a figure, simultaneously familiar and a stranger all at once. The details morphed and faded, but she could make out the concerned pinch of her brow.

A bright light flashed in her eyes. Thea squeezed them shut, opening them again to find Black Canary kneeling over her. 

“Holy Hera.” The demigod groaned.

Above her, Dinah breathed a sigh of relief. Sending a subtle nod to Batman, she turned her attention back to the girl.

“I know. You’re okay. You’re safe now.” She assured, carefully helping Thea up.

Looking around, the girl saw a collection of leaguers gathered around the team. Most were with their proteges. Taking a quick headcount, Thea couldn’t find Wonder Woman.

“Diana’s on a league mission, but they’re wrapping up and she’ll be on her way back soon. I’ll get you back to her apartment, stick around until she’s back.” Dinah murmured, answering Thea’s silent question and rubbing her back soothingly.

Thea nodded, taking in her words, then winced.

“I think I’m concussed.” She muttered.

Dinah chuckled sympathetically.

“I think so, too.” She murmured, caring but not overprotective. “We’ll take care of you.”

Thea offered her a weak smile, turning her attention back to the rest of the team.

“What happened here?” Superman asked Artemis.

“What happened? The reds happened.” The archer replied, anger coming through clearly in her voice. “Tornado and his– wait. What? Where are they?” She stuttered.

“Gone. All three of them: gone.” Robin answered gravely.

Thea sighed quietly, leaning weakly into Dinah’s hold. Whatever this is, it’s only the beginning.

[saragarnier]

Love&Work

summary: y/n is a police officer that had a situationship with Jay Halstead, but after him there's another one and he discovered it in the worst way possible.

pairing: jay halstead x reader

warning: i don't know actually, maybe some angst(?) and swearing? mention of sec, just mention.

i don't really like this but i spent so much time on it, that's why i want to share it with you. tell me what you think guys and if you like it i can write a part 2, maybe.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Being a female cop was not easy at all, and you knew that even before entering the police academy; you knew that you would have to demonstrate your value, to demonstrate that you deserved that badge, you deserved to be a cop. It was clear to you since the first moment you decided to be a police officer and you tried to show your value since the first day into the academy.

When you were assigned at the 17th district, you were happy to start your career as a police officer and you just wanted to do your job in the right way, but it wasn’t like you expected. Since the first day you felt judge by everyone in the district, expect for the other female police officers, even if there were few of them. Your partner wasn’t happy about having you by his side, but he accepted that, and he just tried to keep as much distance as he could between him and you, like you were an alien or something to avoid.

Besides that, the first two year in that district went very well; you did your job well and you saved lives, even your partner’s live when he got shot during one shift. Even if you saved him, covering him and applying pressure on his chest, he never really thanked you for what you did; you weren’t angry at all, you knew how it worked and you knew that it was too early to be considered a good agent on the field, especially since you were one of the few women in a men’s world, because that’s what police was considered: a job only for men.

Someone maybe thought that it wasn’t true, there would have been at least someone who thought that women in police was an amazing thing, but surely it wasn’t like that in the 17th.

The only thing you could have done to making thing worse would have been sleeping with someone that worked in the same district as you. You tried to avoid that, you really tried to keep things separated between your private life and your job, but you lost. One night, you met one of the detectives that worked in the 17th district, and you took a beer with him, thinking that there wasn’t nothing bad about it; after some beers, anyway, he kissed you and everything changed.

The next day, everyone knew about it inside the district, and everyone thought that were trying to get a promotion sleeping with one of the detectives. You were fucked.

Asking for a transfer was the only choice for you and that’s how you met him, Jay Halstead. He was just a man sitting in a bar when you first met him, you didn’t know he was a detective and he didn’t know that you were a police officer; you were just two people in a bar, having a drink together. That night you slept at his home and the next morning you were gone, thinking that you wouldn’t have met him again.

Obviously, you were wrong. God, you were definitely wrong.

When you discovered, on your first day at the 21st, that he was a detective in your new district, you both tried to keep that a secret and you also tried to pretend that nothing happened between you two, but you just couldn’t deny the attraction that there was between you and him. And after few weeks you both lost.

 You tried to keep it a secret as long as you kept sleeping together, and, when you ended it weeks after, you were relieved to discovered that he protected you without telling anybody what happened between you two. You were grateful for that because you wouldn’t have been able to deal with it another time.

Even if you were still working hard to become one of sergeant Voight’s detectives, you couldn’t deny that some kind of attraction formed between you and your partner, Sean Roman, after some months. Maybe it was because he was always so kind with you, maybe because you spent so much time together, maybe because you went through difficult moments together, but you ended up dating each other in secret. You weren’t sure if you started dating him trying to forget Jay, since you were pretty sure to have fallen in love with the detective, but you just tried to enjoy that moment, you tried to live it without making to yourself too many questions. You were confused about your feelings, you really were, and you needed time alone to think about it, especially since you started dating Roman right after you heard that Jay dated one of his CI.

It then something happened when you didn’t expect it.

You and Roman were just kissing each other on a night shift, taking just few minutes for yourselves, when it happened. It was a calm night, nothing happened ‘till that moment and you didn’t think that things could have gone worse in less than a minute. You were too much focused in kissing him that you didn’t hear the footsteps, nor you saw him approaching the car were you and Roman were into. The first things you heard were the gunshots fired against you; you didn’t catch a single bullet but Roman did, he caught every single shot and you screamed.

“Sean!”

You got out of the car, seeing a man running away in the dark of the night, picked up your gun and followed him at once, asking for backup and for an ambulance at the radio. You really hoped that Sean was okay, you really hoped that he was still alive and that he would have survived; he took at least three bullet and that all because you both were too focused on kissing than in everything else. You shout at the offender to stop, but he didn’t and, knowing that he had a gun, you just shot him, hitting him in his back; he fell on the ground, you handcuffed him immediately, bringing him with you to your car. You needed to be sure that Sean was still alive.

That night was like hell for you: Sean got a surgery and, fortunately, he survived, the offender was brought to the hospital as well but no-one found the gun on him and that’s why you were there, one month later, sitting in a court to testimony your version against the man who almost killed your partner. Everyone from the district was there with you, trying to give you, their support. There was Platt, Voight, Upton, Burgess, Ruzek, Atwater, few of the other patrol officers and even Jay, in all his beauty.

When the defence lawyer got up to ask you some question, you didn’t expect this.

“So, miss y/l/n, I heard that you usually date your colleagues, isn’t it?”

You at once got tense on your chair, looking at Jay and Sean, nervous. Sean knew everything about your “relationship” with Jay, but no-one else did so you should have been relaxed about that. Maybe he was just talking about the thing you had with the detective from your previous district, after all.

But it was not like that, not at all.

Before your lawyer could have even protested, the defence talked to the judge, explaining to him why he did that question.

“Before I got interrupt, I just want to understand if anything happened in that car that could have bring the test to us violence against an innocence without even considering that he wasn’t the offender. I’m pretty sure that the jury would want to see what I found. She had her reasons to react badly, without thinking and I just wanted to expose that.”

You froze, gulping; you really hoped that the judge would have refused, but he let him continue.

“Miss y/l/n, did you have a relationship with one of the detectives back at your previous district?”

 “It wasn’t a relationship.” You responded, tense.

“What was it, so?”

“I slept with one of the detectives, yes. It was just for one night and I was drunk.”

The layer chuckled, like he had you in his fist, under his control, and maybe he really did.

“But it wasn’t the last colleagues that you dated, right?”

Before you could have answered, your lawyer protested again, but he was stop by the judge for the second time in a row; you were fucked, you wouldn’t have been able to avoid that, you couldn’t lie  under oath, you had to tell the truth.

But how did he know?

“No, it wasn’t the last.” You answered, quietly. You looked at him, trying to avoid Jay’s gaze, trying to be relaxed, trying to be strong; you didn’t want to give up, you would have fought again and again if it was necessary. You had to tell the truth and you really didn’t want to, but since you had no choice, you wanted to do it with your dignity.

“Who was the next? And remember that you’re testifying under oath.”

You looked at him in the eyes, biting your bottom lip.

“It was Detective Halstead.” You answered. “But I met him the night before my new job at the 21st so-.”

Before you could have even finished the sentence, he stopped you, smiling widely; you felt Jay’s and every other’s gaze on you, and you felt embarrassed for the first time after you entered the police. Why was he asking you that? Why was he trying to make you lose your job? Why were your love stories important to the case? That man almost killed your partner, and he was torturing you now.

“You just have to answer my question, miss y/l/n. Now, was Detective Halstead the last police officer that you dated so far?”

And that was it.

You finally understood why he was asking you so many questions about your private life; he was trying to make the jury thinks that you shot that guy without thinking at it lucidly just because you were dating Sean. He was trying to blame you, to make everyone think that you confounded him and that because you were shocked not only because Sean was your partner but also because you were in love with him.

Were you, though?

“No.” you answered, feeling Jay’s gaze still on you; you didn’t have the courage to look at him or to look at the others, especially not to sergeant Voight, knowing that you probably have just lost the opportunity to enter the team since you slept with Jay. You lost your career, you lost your dignity, since your private and sec life was put on public, and you were now accused of being a bad police officer.

Beautiful day, wasn’t it?

“Evidence number seventeen, I just got it this morning and I couldn’t inform the accuse before the process. Now …” he got near you and handed you one pic, the same that he just gave to your lawyer and to the jury. “Was that you kissing your partner Sean Roman the night of the attack?”

You gulped, then you looked up and finally you ended up meeting his gaze, Jay’s gaze. He looked hurt and furious at the same time, even if you knew that he had no right to be; you stopped sleeping together almost two months before and he even had a thing with one of his CI, which was illegal, so he had no right to look at you that way. You were the one that would have lost his job, not him, not Roman, you. You were the one that would have been called bitch and slut just because you ended up in the same bed with some of your colleagues and you were affronting that trial, exposing yourself like you hadn’t done before.

“Yes, that was me.” You answered, trying to sound as much calm as you could.

“Now tell me. Were you shooting at my client because you really thought that he was the offender, even if he hadn’t a gun with himself, or were you just trying to revenge your boyfriend without thinking at all? Were you just trying to get revenge? Were you sure about the gun that you think he had? Were you lucid enough to arrest the same man that you thought shot your boyfriend? Was the woman that pulled that trigger the police officer or just a girlfriend trying to protect his partner?”

“Your Honor! That were not questions, he was trying to induce the jury to think his way!” Protested your Lawyer before you could have responded.

The judge, this time, agreed with the accuse and tried to induce the jury to not consider his last questions when it would have come to a verdict. Anyways, you ended up leaving the court knowing that everything you’d done in the past to prove how much you deserved to become a detective, simply wasn’t nothing anymore. You would have been remembered as the female cop that ended up in the same bed with three colleagues, not as the police officer that saved a child, not as the police officer that almost risked her life to save his partner and Jay, not as the police officer that got undercover with the Intelligence to help them with a serial killer.

Your image was fucked.

You were nothing now.

You lost everything.

You lost your dignity.

And even after that, all you could think about was Jay’s expression after he heard about you and Sean; that was when you finally discovered that you really fell in love with him: when you worried about him while your career, dignity and future were crumbling all around you. All you need to be happy again was just one of his hugs. That was what you needed.

Him.

[risnabeaute]

🫧💗✨ Self- Love Needed! 🫧💗✨

hi beautes! 👋🏻♡ ̆̈ I want to share my opinion about self love this time, because yesterday I was feel lost and confused about myself. Having a great concern for your own happiness and well-being is a sign of self-love. Taking care of your needs and not compromising your wellbeing in order to appease others are key components of self-love. Not settling for less than what you deserve is a sign of self-love. Since we all have different ways of taking care of ourselves, self-love can mean different things to different people. Determining what self-love means to you personally is crucial to your mental well-being.

For the enchantment of self-love is something you make for yourself, not something that is thrust upon you, let me ask you to do this. Settle into a calm and serene area, prepare a cup of your favorite tea or coffee, and disconnect from all potential sources of distraction. This will assist you in taking the time and care that you need for yourself. You've already taken a step toward self-love by grounding yourself in this way and giving your all to whatever comes next.

I was really sad yesterday because I feel im not loved, im not worthy of anything and everything getting worst. But I relized I have to manage and controlling myself before myself controlling me, yes that sounds so pity to me but its real. To begin with its not necessary for pursuing radical individualism in order to love myself. It also means letting people love us even when we don't feel worthy of love. Because we tend to punish ourselves severely for not being perfect at loving ourselves, handling our emotions, understanding ourselves, praising ourselves, and feeling confident about ourselves, even when we do our best to do so. We will come to understand that we are never fighting this struggle alone if we allow people in. Then I Ask for assistance what I feel.

Yes, it might be challenging to love who you are. It takes severe consideration and focused action, especially because it's quite simple to give back into feelings of self-love that are accompanied by anxiety, bitterness and and even hatred. In light of this, loving yourself calls for a great deal of courage and strength because it necessitates being honest with oneself and taking a close look at your identity and values. Accepting your flaws, errors, and all of your incorrect turns and poor judgments requires you to embrace everything about you, without exception. This is what it means to love yourself.

You have a generally favorable self-perception when you love who you are. This does not imply that you always have a favorable self-image. That's not easy at all! Accepting yourself for who you are right now, flaws and all, is the definition of self-love. It entails prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being and accepting your feelings for who you are. And then I slowly love my self, and this 3 ways what I do when I feel unloved:

1. DO NOT LOCKED YOURSELF!!

"My advice to you is please don't ever sit in your room and lock yourself away because you don't think you're good enough" -Catherine Tate

When I was upset at teenage I always locked myself in my bedroom then I cried loud, I felt empty, unloved, angry and unworthy at all. And it really sucks, Please, go outside and see beautifull world! There is one thousand reason to smile, to be grateful for what you have, it is not by compring yourself to others but believed that everyone is so beautifull, learn how to love, look for what makes you happy. Go to coffeshop and read book it really make myself better and You so.

2. Belive in Yourself!

Darling, You glow differently, trust me. The key that opens the ignition and starts the car is similar to the belief we have in ourselves. Honestly, without it, we can't get very far. Thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors that aren't in line with our objectives prevent us from moving forward, no matter how hard we try. Consequently, we either fail to accomplish our goals or we intentionally harm ourselves along the way, sometimes in ways that are evident to us and sometimes completely hidden from us. When I belived myself I feel lived, I feel everything happens for reason and I have a purpose to do. So do you are love.

3. Celebrate Yourself!

The act of appreciating who you are right now—rather than who you hope to become or who you view yourself as—is known as self-celebration. It's about standing in your own strength right now, supporting and believing in yourself. And for any cause, at any time, wherever, you can celebrate who you are. This isn't egoistic.

You know what, I used to think that Im not worth it all to celebrate every accomplishment in my life, I think others have more bigger than mine. I relise its all wrong. I have to celebrate mine too.

For example, my birthday was last month, and many people think it's ridiculous that I still celebrate in my life. Do you truly mean it when you say "it's just another day" or "presents aren't important" or "I'd rather forget it's my birthday"? No matter how strongly you believe their truth, it's your birthday, and let's be honest, everyone wants to feel recognized, even if only in modest ways. My birthday has always been a major deal for me, since I can remember, and I look for every reason to celebrate it during the entire month, as well as inviting my beloved best buddies. So there is a picture of mine when I celebrate myself. Lets celebrate ourself!!!!, xo -Risnabeautes

happiest girls are the prettiest

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒₊˚*ੈ🎀⸝⸝🍓✩‧₊˚˃̵ᴗ˂̵𓍢ִ໋🌷֒✧ ༘ ⋆｡♡✧˚ ʚɞ˚ ༘✿ ♡ ⋆｡

[ya-zz]

I just found your work and I’m in love!

I have a small req-

How’d you think Rama would react to s/o having a panic attack?

LMAO YEAH THE 50+ NOTIFICATIONS TOLD ME THAT hahah

Thank you so much though! I endorse the spamming, makes me feel all warm inside ♥

oh hey, my gif is in the Ramattra search- perfect time to use it... (I may try and get one in Shambali Monastery on Friday evening... I kinda wanna get a few different backgrounds for people to use...)

Ramattra x Reader (gen)

Word count: 1107

Ramattra was close to you, more so than with any other human. He didn’t hide it, in fact he openly expressed that he enjoyed spending time with you. Just the thought of being around you brought a warmth within his wires, something of which he enjoyed greatly. 

Seeing you happy made him happy, it made him fall for you more and more. Being able to see your smile everyday made it worth the restless nights he’d spend in his quarters waiting for the sun to rise. As an omnic who rarely, if at all slept, the hours would pass by slowly, almost torturing him. 

Of course, he never made a move, valuing the friendship he had grown with you. He put his feelings aside just so he could keep being by your side. It was the one thing he did keep secret from you and everyone else - that he loved you.

However, as of late, things had been tense around you. The mood swings caught him off guard and he felt constantly on edge as if he had done something wrong. No matter how many times you would reassure him that he hadn’t done anything bad towards you, there was still a twinge of doubt coursing through his wires.

He kept a small distance with you, not wanting to hurt you further despite your assurance. He felt guilty for something he hadn’t done and you noticed it. You were somewhat grateful for the distance, being allowed to dwell with your own thoughts for awhile. 

There was a day, however, when he didn’t see you at all. He was worried, he wouldn’t lie about that. There was a slight twitch in his hands as he’d work, his mind wandering to you and what you were doing.

Only when he ventured outside did he finally find you. You were laying on the ground, staring up into the endless sky as the clouds rolled in and threatened to rain. He approached you, not wanting to alarm you. 

“Hey Ramattra…” You speak out, not moving as you heard the larger omnic approach you from the right. 

“Is everything ok, [y/n]?” He asked, standing above you and looking down as his wires hanged loosely around his head. His shadow covered your face. 

You keep your eyes on him. “Yeah. You wanna sit down with me?” 

“Can I?” 

“Sure. Some company wouldn’t hurt.” You smile, still looking up at him and finally turning when he moves to sit next to you. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, looking down at you. 

“Nothing important.” 

“Are you sure? You have been acting strange lately.” He cocks his head to the side slightly, optics looking at you.

“Sorry. Just some past trauma coming up…” You turn you head back, looking up at the sky again. 

“Oh? Would you-”

“Not really… Just thinking about it is bad enough…” You cut him off. 

He lets out a small hum, turning to face the mountains in the distance. “I am here for you, you know that, right?” 

“Yeah, thank you.” You smile gently, keeping your focus on the sky. 

The both of you stayed quiet, the afternoon going by peacefully until your small whimpers broke the silence. 

Ramattra looks over at you, noticing how you were asleep, chest rising and falling in an erratic rhythm. Your breathing was shallow, eyes shut tight and body shaking as you turn your head to the side, swallowing a hard lump in your throat. 

His sensors picked up a small warning coming from your body, your heart rate increasing quickly as you laid there on the grass. 

“[y/n]...?” His voice was low as he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “[y/n], is everything ok?” He could feel the panic rising in his circuitry, something of which he hadn’t felt for a long time. 

You stirred awake, eyes blinking to adjust to the daylight, your body still in a state of panic as you turn to look at the omnic, tears brimming in your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He spoke quietly, unsure on what to do.

You shifted, sitting up and placing a hand on your chest in hopes to calm yourself down but nothing was working. Your body shook violently as endless traumatic thoughts raced through your head. 

Ramattra grabbed your free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, hoping it would help in someway. When you squeezed his hand back in response, he leant over and pulled you closely to him, the quiet hum of his body aiding you in calming down. 

With the side of your head pressed against his chest, you could hear his inner workings, the soft hum of electric coursing through his body, the soft clicks as he moved his hand to gentle pet your head.

He had heard of humans having panic attacks, thinking them weak for overthinking, but seeing you in distress made him realise that it was more than that. He still had a lot to learn about humans, especially you. 

Eventually, after some time, he felt your body relax against him, the shaking had stopped and your heartbeat a normal rhythm alongside your breathing. He let out a soft sigh, hand not leaving your head as he continued to pet it, gently stroking down your scalp in soothing motions. His other hand had rested on your lower back, another gentle up and down motion. 

Some time passed as you stayed in his embrace, not wanting to move until he finally spoke.

“Are you ok?” 

You look up at him, a small nod and smile. “Yeah… Thank you…” 

“It was nothing.” He tilted his head slightly, optics scanning you. 

You rest your head back onto his chest. “Sorry you had to witness that…” 

“There is nothing to apologise for. I am glad I was here to help.” He continued his motions on your head and back, still keeping you grounded. 

“I usually deal with them myself…” You admitted shamefully. 

“Come to me if you need to. No matter the time. I do not want you to suffer.” He leans down, placing his forehead on top of your head.

A soft sigh escapes you as you lean in closer to him, smiling gently. “Thank you…” 

Ramattra felt at peace with you in his arms, looking out across the mountains. He felt even closer to you now than he did prior, the feelings inside only growing more with each passing minute. He wanted to care for you, to be there for you as much as you’d let him, through the happy times and the painful - he wanted nothing more than to be by your side.