#instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moafleco · 3 months ago

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i hate that duality that your mind can be your safe heaven that helps you get through some difficult things, keeps you going and brings you happiness at the worst of times. and at the very same time it could be your worst tormentor that won't let you rest and won't let you breathe, literally for no particular reason at all. and you can't leave or silence it. can't get it to stop when it gets dark in there. can't get the light in when you desperately need to feel a respite instead of suffocation.

#its so difficult #sometimes its too much to handle #yeah particularly today im just.. screaming internally #and the inability to do something YOU LOVE due to your brain having one of those bad days so everything feels fucking BAD is just so unfAIR #its frustrating #the only thing you can do is sob apparently #my room doesnt feel like my room anymore all i feel is fear and dread #i just dont understand why and how it came to this point i want out #nothing grounds me to reality or to my normal state and im afraid #instead of watch fav movie to get better ill count the duration time and decide thats its too long i dont have that much time #i will be painfully aware of numbers and wb scared of them and then ill just not move at all immobilized at place #i cant #all i could do is desperately bother my friends trying to connect to them and hiding that obvious ache #i dont have capacity to soothe myself with my favorite guys and gals from games and movies i dont feel anything at all #and i hate that but also i cant do anything im so idk what i feel like but like im not anything #i lost myself i lost my favorite things to do and my hobbies and my spark and everything i dont even know anymore #on small bad days you could conjure a good thoughts and watch somethinf and think about what makes you happy #theres a void in my head now that just counts and counts and counts and cant do nothing #i will just open up a chat w friends and look at empty textspace i want to connect so badly but i wont send anything just freeze still #i dont feel that im in here but i want badly to be here and yet i cant grasp anything to still keep myself real #and like i have a feeling that in next 2 hours I'll just vanish spmething bad will happn carcrash orso i cantbe spendin much timeon anythin #i hate this #suddenly your brain just want you dead and fills you with dread unimaginable and my dumbass thinks that it's right #that my brain is right and im inclined to believe in this shit. im not but deep down i kind of is so thats why this anxiety causes me probl #ms for the whole week i didnt done anything i just could not i want it to stop #its so sure of itself that i will pass away in couple of hours by unknown reasons that it imagined so why even try

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