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Into a Lighter Dream - A Diana [Zero Escape] Fic
[Read on Ao3!]
Rated: M (16+) Zero Escape/Zero Time Dilemma Diana/Sigma (not the focus) Content Warnings: Standard Zero Time Dilemma Content Warning, Suicide Attempt, Suicide, Death of Children. Words: 2.5k
Summary: So the twins have been teleported. And then what of the four left behind? There is no one coming to save them. There is no hope of escape. They'll come to their own end, by their own hand, then.
A look into the after math of The Hope of Two ending.
–
It’s somewhat tricky, balancing a baby in one arm and holding a pencil in the other, but somehow Diana manages. Somehow Diana manages, she thinks, sums up most of her life pretty well. Somehow she manages her way through a marriage and a divorce, somehow she manages her way through a death game, and barely she manages the aftermath thereof. It’s strange though, because somehow it’s the waiting that’s the hardest. Those long 10 months, where the inky threads of death just streamed into the corners of her vision ever slightly more with each passing day. And yet, in some way, it was the most blissful she’d ever been. The first indulgence she’d truly had in an age, a love that felt sturdy when everything was rocking.
Musing on this, idly, Diana leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Phi’s forehead. She spares a moment of thought for her other daughter, the Phi sent back in time. And then again, to her son.
“Let them be safe. Let them find their happiness.” Diana whispers in her own head. It’s the same words she’s repeated to herself ever since she sent her children back, whisked away into a corner of space and time she’d never see.
But the Phi in her arms is the one who remained, still left behind. The only Phi left in this world, with her namesake having vanished. Again, Diana takes a moment to wish for that Phi’s happiness and safety, though the ache in her chest reminds her it’s fruitless.
Somewhere though, there must be a Phi living something different. Somewhere, Diana believes, she is living happily. Diana, Sigma, Phi and Delta, all peacefully in one place. No turmoil, no games, just the picture of a normal family.
This world is far far from that ideal. Diana feels a bit like an animal, laying down wounded. There’s a sense of peace washing over she recognizes as acceptance.
In a few hours, she will sleep. Following which, she does not expect to wake up.
Diana frowns down at the paper doily. It’s not exactly the best suicide note, but it’s not exactly a suicide note either. Everything’s half done here, half a life lived, half a romance she shares. What’s the point in worrying about it any more?
With the end so close, Diana finds her fears washed away. After living so much of her life in a constant drone of worry, it’s almost startling how still she can find herself.
Acceptance, even of her inevitable demise, can be a beautiful thing. The fading of her colours becomes a soft pastel, so it’s still beautiful, isn’t it?
Her pains have become nothing but a dull ache in the back of her mind. Yes, her stomach gnaws away at herself even as she tries to satiate it with water. She hasn’t eaten in a week, it’s unsurprising. But what had felt like her organs being pulled into a black hole at first has faded now. Not because she isn’t hungry, but because there’s nothing left she can do about it.
It’s just acceptance now. It’s all washing away.
The pencil slips out of Diana’s grasp as she finishes the note, rolling right off the table and onto the floor. There’s no reason to pick it up, so she leaves it. Let the lounge feel a bit lived in. Let there be prove she had lived for once in her life, even if only for a short time.
Diana slumps back against the couch, tucking Phi in closer to her chest. The baby stares back at her, bright wide eyes, taking in everything about her mother’s face. Diana smiles, giving her daughter another kiss on the head. She deserves so many more than Diana can give her. She deserves so much more than this.
They all do.
She’s too tired to mourn anymore. After the mania and madness of the past 10 months, it’s just… going to end. And it’s a strange feeling, because in some ways this had been the primary thought in her mind ever since Sigma had told her about the food supplies. Even with everything, the fights, the sex, her own children- every thought she had was accompanied by a shadow, a reminder that soon, it would all go away.
If there’s one comfort Diana can take, beyond knowing that Sigma will be there with her, is that they’re taking it into their own hands. Agency is a comfort, particularly in a place like this.
(In the back of her mind, she knows she never had any true agency. She knows everything, each step she takes, the precise positioning of each molecule of her body holds the exact space in time someone had calculated for. It makes her feel like each of those atoms are scratching up against each other, buzzing with an urge to lurch, to send reality spinning out of place, if only to be free for a fraction of a second.)
Phi fusses in Diana’s arms, somewhat restless. She’s not fussy, not usually, though Diana supposes she doesn’t have much ground to stand on with that claim. Phi is merely days old. Still, Diana just knows. She’s her baby, of course she knows. For everything she’d studied, for all the scientific data she’d memorized in college, for every dissertation she’d read, nothing compared to really holding her own daughter in her arms and knowing the power of a mother’s love was both real and magic.
She’s being far too idealistic than she has any right to be, but she’s earned the right to have a little misguided optimism by now.
A mother’s love is real. A mother’s love is magic. And with her magic, Diana rocks side to side, rocking Phi with her, and whispers her spell.
“Let them be safe. Let them find their happiness.”
Maybe she spends a few minutes in that daze, a murmured half lullaby, maybe longer.
It’s only when Sigma sits down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her in a touch closer, that she’s pulled out of reverie.
Once it would’ve startled her, but there’s something about Sigma’s embrace that she finds herself relaxing into without even thinking about it. If Diana ever mentioned it to Sigma, she’s sure he’d explain it as the morphogenetic field, her body remembering the other lives they’d had together, or such and so. And perhaps that is the case. Diana won’t rule it out. Personally, however, she’d pinpoint the cause as something simpler.
Sigma makes her feel safe. That’s all.
“Everything’s set up,” Sigma murmurs, pressing his words to the crown of Diana’s head. “If you’re ready.”
How do you ready yourself for something like this? No matter how much she’d been preparing for this, mentally or physically, she’d never be ready.
But the note she’d been writing was finished, and that was all that was left to complete, so in that sense…
“Mmhm.”
She can’t get the words out, but she nods anyway, humming in affirmative.
Sigma squeezes her a little tighter.
“We’re going together. Don’t worry.”
The worry has long since bled out of Diana, pooled at her feet and spilled across the floor. So she won’t worry. She won’t.
She stands, slowly so as not to disturb Phi too much. Sigma follows, bringing his arm down to help support Delta, carried on his right shoulder. It’s probably not the safest way to hold him, but it won’t matter soon.
They walk out slowly, Diana casting glances around each part of the room as she bids it farewell. It’s not exactly like she’ll miss this place, after everything she’s been through here, but in someways, she supposes she will. Contradictions like that only make sense in a place like this.
“It was a good letter.” Sigma whispers, in lieu of a farewell to the space. “You did good.”
Diana nods. She’s appreciative, and flattered, but it’s getting difficult to express it.
And slowly, step by step, they make their way through the halls until finally. The last room. The relaxation room.
Diana steps in carefully, minding the large box-shaped contraption set up on the floor. It resembles a fog machine, in fact most of it was a fog machine, but with the modifications Sigma has made… it couldn’t be called that anymore. It’s function had changed, the weight of it’s worth was altered. No going back from that.
A long black cord runs out from it, up towards one of the beds in the corner. A chunky “on/off” switch breaks off the clean line of the cable, sitting right at the foot of the bed.
Diana tries not to think about it yet. Not quite yet. She turns her attention to the dial on the wall.
“What environment would you like?” She asks, though they have already had this conversation several times, and settled on an answer long ago.
“The sky pattern.” Sigma answers, though Diana’s fingers have already begun to twist the knob. It clicks, clicks, and the walls, floor, and ceiling all distort around them until finally coming to the sky pattern. Diana’s favourite, even now.
The clouds soar past them, off into a non-existent distance. Freedom that has never been, and never will be.
“Perfect.” Diana murmurs. “Shall we go, then?”
Sigma nods.
Carefully across the room now, Diana keeps away from the walls though she knows the sky is only fake, the drop off into the sky unreal.
(She’d tried it once, less than a month into confinement and in a drunken haze. Turned the pattern to clouds and stood near the edges. Closed her eyes and let herself tilt, teeter forward. Willed herself, begged for something to just slip. Slammed her head against the wall and sunk to the ground, sobbing. Hits her head against it again. Again. Maybe this time something will change. But it doesn’t, it never does. Until Sigma had found her, and simply carried her back to the lounge, lying her to rest on the couch. He’d been so gentle. So warm. She’d almost considered doing it again just to feel that kind of embrace.)
Sigma passes Delta over to Diana, and she settles into the hold. She clutches both her children to her chest, feeling the miniscule sound; their hearts beating in sync.
“Let them be safe. Let them find their happiness.” She thinks without even trying, even when she knows it’s got to be too late.
Sigma settles down onto the relaxation room bed, taking a moment to position himself comfortably. Carefully, he keeps the “on/off” switch tucked into his right hand, but doesn’t hit the switch just yet.
“Join me,” He says once he’s settled, “Love.” He finishes, and Diana’s heart could just break in two when he talks like that. It’s enough to make her want to slap him, try and claw her way out just a little more.
But… Diana is so tired. And so hungry.
Gently, Diana positions herself tucked into Sigma’s body, pressed so close they might as well have been one person. Her head rests on his shoulder, positioned so that she could look into his eyes. Phi lies against her chest, and Delta is shuffled over so most of his body lies on Sigma’s.
Sigma’s embrace is warm and tight, as he reaches his left arm around his family. Diana feels, if just for a moment, that everything was worth it if she got to hold this second within herself.
“Ready?”
“One second…”
Diana tucks her hand into her shirt, pulling out the necklace she’d kept tucked away. Her fingers are shaking a bit, so it takes a bit of effort, but she manages. Slowly, clumsily, Diana turns the key for the bluebird music box. And turns. And turns. She turns until the box cannot possibly take anymore, and the springs inside the device whine in protest. Then, she releases it, and tinny music notes begin to fill the room.
Sigma smiles quietly.
“Needed a bit of mood music?”
“Ha ha.” Diana deadpans, but she’s smiling at him, “I just… wanted to listen to it one more time.”
“I know.”
There’s a moment of silence, or rather, the quiet melody of a music box filling such. Phi’s eyes widen a bit as the tune goes through, seemingly enamoured by the sound.
“I’m ready.” Diana whispers, before she can change her mind. So before anyone can say anything else, Sigma flicks the switch from “off” to “on”, and the room begins to fill with Soporil B.
“This’ll keep us out for… how long?” Diana whispers, voice nestling in between the melody and the quiet fssshh of the Soporil smoke machine.
“The canister I found in the transporter room had approximately… 25 litres in it, give or take, and the machine is set to run at steady intervals to prevent it from burning out the supply.” Sigma replied, whispering the explanation in Diana’s ear, “As we are already exhausted mentally and physically, and none of us have eaten or drank in the past few days, it should knock us out pretty hard.”
It’s not the Soporil that does the killing, Diana knows. It’s the starvation, and primarily, dehydration they’re banking on. Collapse the internal organs, let heart failure kick in. Sleep through all of it. That had been the plan ever since Sigma had managed to find the canister of Soporil in the transporter room, tucked in a lower cabinet. It was strange how they hadn’t noticed it before. Almost as if it had been placed there deliberately after it had been clear there was no chance of complete survival. Even when the plan had been to transport themselves, not their children, they’d worked to set this up for those left behind.
If it was deliberate, just Zero cleaning up close ends, then Diana supposes she’s grateful it’s something cleaner like this. Slow, maybe, and even in a haze of drugged-up dreams, she’s sure the pain won’t completely vanish… but it’s better this way. Better to go together, to dream anything, and simply slip further into that dream until nothing remains.
Diana blinks.
It’s a slower thing than she’s used to, the weight of her eyelids grows stronger with each moment.
“Ss-Sigma.” Diana says, words starting to slur slightly, “I love you.”
Sigma just hums quietly, for a moment. Then,
“I love you too, Diana.”
“I love you.” Diana repeats. “I love you. I love you. I wantta be the last- last thing… I say. You… and Delta and Phi, I- I love you. I love you.”
It’s such a messy love. She’d call it broken, but that would imply there was ever a time that what they held wasn’t tattered. It’s always been like this. A bit charred and melting. Like a moment frozen in time, like a snow globe, like a bird in a cage, the sort of love captured in this bubble. But it’s really love. The details are blurring away in the Soporil fog.
The music box notes distort and shift, they twirl into birds songs on the breeze. Diana doesn’t feel the weight of Sigma’s arms, of Phi lying on her chest. Her body dissolves along with them, until they’re all nothingness together.
Maybe she’s dead now. Maybe she’s still dying. It’s all a fog. It’s all fog.
The play is over now. The story is done.
It was all for nothing, and yet it was so integral, to everything.
The actors have bowed; said their goodnights. The lights on the stage have all shut off.
One day, Diana thinks, someone might find them. Four bodies in a state of decay, find their bones all on top of each other and not be able to tell who is who.
But for now, for the rest of her life, Diana listens to that music box. To the sound of her family breathing.
Her thoughts don’t make sense anymore. Her mind is a cloud, the room is a cloud, it’s all a harmony of abstractions.
It’s a field of white.
It’s the absence of anything.
It’s over now.
…
Goodnight.
[End]
#zero escape#ze#zero escape fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic#voids fic#zero escape spoilers#diana ztd#zero escape diana#sigma klim#sigma zero escape#diana/sigma#digma#is that the shipnname#please dont tell me its digma#sigana#thats not better#diana x sigma#zero time dilemma#zero escape ztd#zero time dilemma spoilers
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(+part 2)
#a tale told in three frames…#to everyone who said that other flavours are better should know that i had monster energy like once in my life#and i only did so cause it was the cool thing to do in the alt sphere#but thats all history#im neurodivergent tho so i ended feeling super sleepy afterwards#original art#fanart#digital art#digital illustration#laios dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi laios#dunmeshi#senshi dungeon meshi#senshi dunmeshi#senshi delicious in dungeon#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#marcille dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon marcille#chilchuck#why does chilchuck only have 1 tag??? 😭😭😭😭#procreate#fan comic#+part2?? isnt that the name of the starving artist game??/j
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pioneering something called "gritted teeth optimism" where everything is gonna turn out okay even if i have to bite and claw and gnash my way through it
#personal#ahHahahahHa 😁<- me gritting my teeth#will keep telling myself this until things get better. i hope thats soon
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very late to the meme, it's been done before but. here.
turn on the sound pls
#disco elysium#harry du bois#cop slide#slowly learning to use blender and after effects#i was like 'oh i could just send a ragdoll harry through the slide that would be easier!' no. thats way harder than animating him#i could have done better camera shake but i already spent waaaay too much time on this#animation#blender#_#_fanart#y
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Tommy basically said "the DSMP was good because it was, and still is, loved" and that basically sums up my feelings on the matter too.
#sure you can talk about the controversies about former members#and how the types of people involved in the writing shaped the narrative in ways that are increasingly troubling to look at#but it was also a project that was and still is loved by many of the (to our knowledge) better people involved#and it inspired so many artists and writers and musicians#people made friends through it#it helped people get through the worst parts of lockdown#my opinion of the dsmp for a while now has been pretty bitter. even when i wanted to remember it fondly it was tainted#and i dont think the worst aspects of the story or the ccs should be ignored#but its also so nice to have the opinion of 'yeah. it was good'#despite everything else there was something worthwhile in the dsmp#dsmp#tommyinnit#okay thats enough dsmp posting in 2024 lmao
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9 / 266
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#fanart#jjk fanart#itafushi#jujutsu kaisen fanart#used th itfs tag bc its implied and this is an itfs piece i said so#i dont think ive seen this parallel made yet??? but its ok if it has#i just had the idea hit at gross o clock last night when i ws alr exhausted n had 2 force myself to sleep instead of drawing it#i just . clutches chest . YUUJI#th char development the emotional maturity..#the willingness to put aside his gojo voice personal feelings in favour of giving megumi agency over his own life#rather than burden him with expectations the way every1 has done fr both of them over the course of the series...#tears in my eyes thats my mc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway art notes i think lower one is some of the best yuuji hair ive drawn 2 date#it's kind of similar to one of my 265 redraws but i think i struck a better balance in how thoroughly i rendered it here#proud of my me but also SO grateful tht yuuji has not been fighting me lately#so much yuuji content these past chapters i cant imagine th frustration having to Also fight him in order 2 create content fr them#anyway itafushi kaisen is real and canon and alive and yuuji singlehandedly discovered th cure 2 my mental illness w this line
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Kamala Harris does want "transgender surgery on illegal aliens that are in prison", btw.
So since Trumpists are getting mad enough about the jokes to actually cite their sources, I thought I'd put the source out into my left extremist commie faggot echo chamber, too.
The claim originates from an ACLU questionnaire she filled out for her 2020 presidential candidacy, specifically this section:
She wasn't given a new questionnaire for 2024, and has stated that while her policy on some things may have changed, her values had not. (This most likely means she moved more to the center to appease larger demographics and cut corners to reach compromises. The basic politician stuff.)
It boils down to this: If you're in prison, whether for "illegal" immigration or other crimes, you rely on the state to provide you with necessary amenities, like food and health care. Her argument isn't "hell yeah everyone in prison should get sex changes for free". It's "gender affirming surgery is a necessary medical procedure. If you are in the states care while this becomes necessary, the state should provide it." If you're outraged by your tax money being used on this, consider the massive amount of people being incarcerated in for-profit prisons, on your dime. Then ask yourself if maybe a prison reform might be in order.
Worth noting: In 2015, while Attorney General, Kamala Harris actually argued against providing gender-affirming surgery to an incarcerated trans woman, claiming that HRT and psychotherapy were sufficiently covering her medical needs. She has since obviously changed her stance and assumed responsibility. (I would like to take this moment to remind my fellow left extremist commie faggots that "willingness to learn and rethink your views" is infinitely more valuable than "perfect from the start and unwilling to listen to anyone")
Also found in the source: This image of Kamala Harris participating in the 2019 San Francisco Pride Parade, wearing what I believe to be a sequin rainbow embroidered denim jacket.
I encourage you to read the provided CNN article and the answers to the ACLU questionnaire, as they give great insight into her values.
TLDR: Based.
#we dont have to get into the fact that most prisons fail to provide bare necessities to inmates because you make more money that way#thats not what the post is about#it is frankly baffling to me that the orange wet bag somehow referenced an actual policy stance#i wasnt aware he knew how to do that#fox news had covered it the morning of the debate so i guess thats how i found out about it#but i didnt know he knew how to read#transgender#transgender surgery on illegal aliens that are in prison#politics#us politics#kamala harris#election 2024#queer#trans#ramble#still think that one guy in my comments was a bot tho lmao#better a bot than this stupid#long post#go vote#vote blue#register to vote#vote so we can have transgender surgeries on illegal aliens that are in prison
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to be honest, the ending wasn't my problem. it's not a horrible way to end a show that has primarily been about a dysfunctional but loving family trying and failing to stop the apocalypse. having that family die to save the world but die together and willingly and in the end be reincarnated (ish?) as flowers under the same tree, i think that's really beautiful in a way. it's the details that fuck with me. five and lila are an insane choice, no resolution for sloane, everyone kind of just fucking off and having stories with no payoff that don't actually build to anything, ray just walking out, etc. like the last few minutes weren't the worst, it's really just everything leading up to those moments that were at best highly questionable
#i also think the over arching storyline could have been developed better#ben and jen specifically. abigails whole deal.#like even as im typing this im thinking of more and more shit thats just like ??? why didn't you do anything with all that ???#the umbrella academy#tua season 4
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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THE ACOLYTE 1x05, "Night"
#the acolyte#theacolyteedit#star wars#starwarsedit#swedit#yord fandar#charlie barnett#the acolyte spoilers#manny jacinto#qimir#can you believe they kissed after this and then the episode was over#thats exactly how it ended great job writers no notes#couldnt have wrote it better myself#mystuff#1k
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the most important parts of a bed are - pilow - banky - warm girlfriend
#not words#if you can get more than one in thats better#god i miss being physically near a girl i need to get back on that
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Pega bottom surgery
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so you wouldn't use dark magic to bring falin? would you even touch her remains, shuro? is there a limit where you'd go for her? not eating or sleeping is not a sign of devotion, risking everything you have, every morality, every law without a second thought THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO BE DEVOTED
#HE DONT GET IT WHERE A WOMANS LOVE CAN GO#THATS WHY SHE GETS THE GIRL!!#BE BETTER#YOU FOOL#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#marcille donato#farcille#falin touden
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also by the way i am always obsessed with how spider-people just click and can work together without anything being said in spiderverse . mcu spiderman being like "omg ive never worked in a team” “how are we going to work together” “well im on a team so i’ll lead us" like that was the most boring way to do it . spiderverse instead saying "we just know how to work together because our histories and lives are so linked, its like knowing someone your whole life. seeing the self in the other. our lives rhyme.” LIKE I LOVE YOU GUYS
#also that familiarity and trust being broken is what adds tension. thats so good#seeing someone as family and miles finding out that they never warned him about his dad dying#like thats way better than a fight going badly because three versions of peter couldnt click#because uhhh (checks notes) tobey and andrew werent on the avengers#get real. start loving spiderman. cmon.#atsv#atsv spoilers#spiderman
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yuuji smiling and sukuna making a face like That did u really think i wouldn't do a panel redraw
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#ryoumen sukuna#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 264#yuuji#sukuna#god sukuna's face is so priceless he rly does look like a cat at the vet#AND I MISSED HAPPY YUUJI i would read a compilation of every panel of smiling yuuji in a heartbeat#i also missed pink sukuna :') no context n u can almost pretend we r back in the good old days#anyway i debated adding text 2 this because to me it looks like Let's Take Ibuprofen Together#and since thats Sukuna's Thing (tm) i feel like theres a joke 2 b made there with yuuji saying it 2 him#but i decided against it smtimes simple is best#ok my hand is actually showing signs of overuse im done fr the day i PROMIS E FHFJSFJJ#it's just the meat of the palm pinky side and not the wrist so thats a good sign#ill probably b better tmr . no rest fr the wicked stay strong girl
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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