#that’s how fucking altered i am
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went on pinterest and it was all elizabeth. every single thing.
yk what U have to say about that?
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT WOMAN, HOW CAN SOMEONE ME SO CUTE, HOT AND PRETTY AT THE SAME FIME? IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS I FANNOT
#elizabeth lail#i love you elizabeth lail#yes the writing was on purpose#that’s how fucking altered i am#i swear to god#i can’t function#wtf#what the actual fuck#WHAAAAT THE FUUUCK
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she might've dyed it black but the pink is still showing💘
#AAAAAAAAAAAAA#that's my opinion on the trailer#you guys have no idea how actually insane i am#I. LOVE. VI.#I'M. FUCKING. SCARED.#i fucking love this design#i dont care what anyone says#rip to the time i black boxdyed my hair#the urge to do it all over again now is insane#me being an adult is dangerous cuz i WILL alter my appearance for a hyperfixation and nobody can stop me#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane fanart#vi#arcane vi#vi fanart#league of legends vi#arcane season 2 fanart#arcane s2#fanart#art#my art
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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friendly reminder that plurality is caused by trauma. trauma is defined as an event that has a severe negative impact on oneself. there are going to be dark parts of plurality that no one wants to talk about. the brain created you to cope with what it went through. it's okay to have parts (or wholes) that have “twisted” desires, attractions, innerworld or external relationships, sexual or emotional needs, etc. other people might call you disgusting, evil, immoral, but it's just part of being traumatized. it's going to be unpleasant or unsightly.
read the tags.
#shout out to our multiple pairs of siblings who fuck because of the shit our mom and dad put us through with our sister#shout out to our child alters that would put themselves in dangerous situations with irl adults if we didn't healthily satisfy them#because of what our dad and various friends much older than us did to us#shout out to our various alters with non-con fantasies‚ whether its having it done or doing it‚ because we were accused of doing it to our#family and having it done to us before we were even double digits#you might think we're disgusting but this is how the brain copes#being groomed is not an experience you shake off easily#being manipulated and abused is not an experience you shake off easily#15 years of being groomed is going to make our brain do some “twisted” shit#am i scared of posting this because a friend of mine has this account? yeah. but whatever im sure itll be fine hahah.#system#did#did system#actually did#cdid#plural system#sysblr#osdd#did osdd#osdd system#endos dni#plurality is a trauma response xoxo
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breaking the law and outing myself on the internet because i'm showcasing my senior dance thesis on april 28 at 6:30 and 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time and i want You to see it
we don't have a livestream link yet but we will. in the meantime look at these cool posters and this cool blurb. ok now save the date SEE YOU SOON
#my stuff#my art#these posters went through 14 separate drafts. it was a harrowing and difficult experience#i am Fully Going through it which means 1) physical health is suffering 2) social life also but 3) the thing is going to be so fucking good#sarus is gonna be the best thing ive ever made when we finish it. i Know it#so i want you to see it because it's one of those ambitious stories where everything's bigger than life#and the world is old and young and scary and kind and people live fearlessly and with cowardice#BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. IF YOU JUST KEEP WALKING. this is going to be one of those stories#so many dance blurbs and descriptions are like stupid technical like oh we explored the effect of weighing down our hands and feet#on our Center of Gravity and how it altered the rotational momentum of turns and jumps#or else they're stupid esoteric like oh the wind blew..... and the children wept and all over the world the oceans rose... (global warming)#so i was determined to make this blurb (which is going in the schoolwide email blast) accessible and provocative#and inviting#in a provocative way#im very Locked in rn. im Hyperfocused as fuck. i am not eating as well asi should be but IM TRYING#AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#im inviting all of u bc this is a piece that is going to try and say something and i want everyone ive ever loved to hear it#oghey bye
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this might just be the pessimism talking but there are times when I feel the body positive movement is straight up Over. even stuff from now that’s meant to be body positive, or is packaged in that way, is of a lower caliber. like it feels like it’s gotten worse.
#this shit has LEFT#the standards are even lower rn than they have been before#and 'body positivity' has been overtaken by images of bodies that are already socially accepted#and commercially accepted#all the way up to and including bodies that are literally just like. plastic surgery shaped#and none of it is for fat people anymore#and where I saw people more openly criticizing shitty depictions of women's bodies in the past i don't see that shit anymore#and the term 'body shaming'. god how far that has fallen#that gets used if someone so much as implies that kim kardashian esque plastic surgeries that people get#are not fucking Women Empowering Operations#like it's gotten so bad that ppl are saying it's feminist and empowering that so many women are getting bbls#and conversations abt how people get pushed into WANTING to make these alterations w constant negative feedback about their bodies#gets put into a neat little 'smh not very body positive of you' argument#where AM i.#sergle.txt#plus size models are getting smaller. conversations abt body positivity have gotten worse. concerns get shut down faster.
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And, listen, I don't really talk about it because personally it didn't read as romantic to me but I am a believer in the beliefs of SagaCasey shippers. Like, they're just fucking right about this one, and I love nothing so much as Saga ripping Casey out of Alan's hands, in no uncertain terms telling him fuck you, he's mine, you can't have him. That is, in fact, the only way for me to read the text. Casey is Saga's partner. It doesn't matter what the story thinks, his belonging to her is unconditional.
#fannish#SagaCasey#Saga Anderson#FBI Alex Casey#and the 'doesn't read as romantic' is more just me being aro#and *choosing* to read it as alterous rather than romantic#I still need them to fucking kiss okay? It's just a question of how I prefer to label the context for the kissing#granted -- I am also a SagaWake shipper!! And *dear god* does that make me a minority position#So I am also holding hands with SagaCasey shippers like they're my brothers in arms#Saga Anderson looks this story in the eyes and goes 'no I will not comply'#'I deserve to be happy. I deserve to get what I want'#And like. *Textually* she is *right.*#This *is* a story about how Saga Anderson deserves to get what she wants#AW2 spoilers#Alan Wake (Remedy)
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crazy to think that people my age want to have sex… and that many of them have had sex before… and that they are actively seeking out people to have sex with….. and that they talk about sex with their other sex-having friends……. couldn’t be me but y’all have fun tho! stay safe out there and stuff
#idk i just don’t think about having sex with specific people. mostly i think about it as a concept i guess#i think it could be a very positive experience with the right person/people#and if someone trusted me enough to share that level of vulnerability with them i would be beyond honored#but y’all just met 8 hours ago!#how do you already trust each other that much!!#and that’s not slutshaming or whatever i just really do not understand#like i still don’t know exactly what i am but it’s definitely some flavor of#asexual#same goes for drinking/drugs tbh#like you wanna go ingest mind altering substances in a loud environment with flashing lights and strangers?#have fun or whatever ill be Literally Anywhere Else. call if you need a dd#this thought prompted by me finding a ‘fuck marry kill: actors edition’ card game on the shelf downstairs#and asking my mom why it was there#and her replying ‘well i got it cause it looked fun and i figured you could take it to (friend)’s birthday party’#and i was like why would i want to do that?? and then i remembered#ace chats
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*crawls onto dash like an axolotl*
i- i am alone. back home. writing time.
#I got halfway through Authority and it's honestly pretty baller. I think the protagonist will connect less with most people but#It still has that juicy juicy deranged Annihilation flavor. Oh your family was fucked up and that's why you can understand The Horrors#I want to carry the author over the threshold bridal style or something.#Also I got halfway through 'Foundations' which was written by a physicist noble prize winner with grossly inflated sense of ego who#was trying to make a religion out of Abductive Reasoning while barely knowing how Abductive Reasoning works. All his social takes#were fascinatingly bad (not wrong to be clear; just bad examples no solid logic) and he also clearly gave the halflife of C14#and proceeded to say that we used it for figuring out Neanderthals were in Europe a few hundred thousand years ago.#I swear to god physicists should have emotional support geologists they can consult on the phone whenever they're feeling#a bit spicy about psychology and philosophy and it would save the world half a dozen bad takes.#His physics and 'layman' outline of how the physical world works though was really good. I quite liked that though. I would've#finished the book except it's my brother's and it's not good enough I would steal it. Except that fucker bought#THE ALTERATION OF ECONOMIC GEOLOGY and for HIMSELF not ME and that I might yoink lol.#Anyway COOL I AM BACK IN MY OWN BED I CAN RESPOND TO SOME EMAILS AND TRY TO AIM FOR CHAPT 34#I hope everyone had a really good Christmas! <3#ptxt
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Mistakes make you human, but angels are supposed to be perfect.
#Angelkin#Fallen angelkin#Angel#Fallen angel#Angel introject#Fallen angel introject#Angel alter#Fallen angel alter#Mythology#Angst#Npd#narcissistic personality disorder#I have to be perfect#If I'm not perfect what am I?#I need to be better than everyone else#I need to be better than all the humans#I need to be perfect#I can't make mistakes#I can't fuck up#Not again#Not like I always do#Why can't I be normal?#Normal is perfect#Perfect is normal#Anything less isn't acceptable#How can I be an angel if I make mistakes?#Please tell me I'm not alone#Vent
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i am Confused
your blog is pro-endo
but when i read the url "anti endo system terms" it SOUNDS like a blog that is anti-endo and is explaining endo terms
im anti endo???????????????
I make terms for anti endos
#I am so confused#How did you get the idea that I am pro endos?#anti endo#did#did system#endos dni#actually did#endos fuck off#system#alter#Not a term
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I WENT TO SEE HOZIER!!!!!!!! and it was one of the most beautiful concerts i've ever been to
i will forever think about the spanish girl who gave me a nina cried power themed bracelet. and the person who screamed at the same time as i did when hozier started tmtc and then we just held hands while screaming at each other. thank you for making me feel less alone in my craziness
#hozier#unreal unearth#went to spain just for him#i wouldn't do this for any man#but hozier is the exception#fuck#i'm still reeling and i want to cry and scream at the same time at everyone#that concert changed my fucking life#I HEARD FRANCESCA AND I CARRION LIVE#HE ALSO PLAYED ANGEL OF SMALL DEATH SGDKDGDBFH#actually the entire setlist was fire af#how am i so lucky omg#my brain chemistry has been altered for the rest of my life#i will never be the same person again#and his speech before nina cried power was so beautiful#i fucking cried at cherry wine#the people next to me were sooo lovely and nice#going to concerts alone can be a very beautiful experience!!!!
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#vent ahead#I feel like throwing up I wanna cry and I keep ruminating on shit from months ago#insane how one shitty job just alters your brain chemistry suddenly#I wish I could stop having fucking suicidal thoughts every other day#people say they’re here for you but then they just never fucking check in#how am I supposed to think I can talk to you when you never ask how I am#I feel like all my friends are leaving me and my family is growing tired of me#I can’t keep up with it all#and I can’t get out of my own fucking head#I feel like shit constantly and I don’t seem to be able to get better#Im so tired yall
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"nakagami soemon's research~ explained all in 5 mins (sort of?)" has been uploaded with official eng subs! they have my stamp of approval. touché, official-kun. you get the job done when you want to, don'tcha.
youtube
#text#its true official subs will never come close to fanTL but it is giving me second doubts#i guess it all rests onto S3 and if that gets eng subs right off the bat#if it dont then me gots work to do#if it do then i'll hang up the towel and fuck off to some soshage~~~~#i am diligent but i'm equally lazy okay#but yknow giving it thought im like iunno if i wanna put in all this work & time into TLing something for few alterations#like some things? beyond criminal-#but its passable#also idk how big justicerikai's reach is too---#feel like its def a niche crowd im pleasing but hey could be wrong
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Wish I liked that system I met at the gay club but unfortunately I only like the host cuz all her alters are annoying and rude 😔😔
#the host is suchhhh a sweetie but the alters tell me to shut up and try to use me for sex and such#also the last time we went to the club the one alter was THROWINGGGGG his thirsty ass at our one friend who wants me so bad#but she doesn't want that alter or anyone in the system. and i don't want her (our friend) cuz i want the system host#so it's basically a marla singer/the narrator/tyler durden situation‚ yeah#and i do not want to be involved in any poly drama so Friend and System can enjoy their bullshit idc. fuuuuck that shit#however i am going to get piercings with Friend this weekend and i am very **slightly** into her so 🤷♀️ how uninvolved am i really#not that it matters that much bc System is in a different state for school rn and uhhhhhhh#thank FUCKING god for that. the situation was getting dire#no more drama 🥰#personal
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