#that’s all i can think of rn but i could come up with more if i had time
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Hear me out, comforting Sevika.
She just lost the closest thing to her best friend, has to take over his responsibilities, and take over Jinx duties plus the addition of Isha. Poor baby is stressed.
Imagine this. After giving Jinx the guest bedroom, setting Isha up in the same room(I feel like she would want to sleep on the floor, she seems like that type of kid.) Gently coaxing Sevika into the bath, washing her hair with the expensive shampoo and conditioner that made her hair the texture she loved so much. Then settling with her in the bed, bringing out the protein infused Peanut MnMs(I feel like she would be a protein fiend.) and setting her favorite record on before cuddling until you both fall asleep.
Just a moment of peace among a war, I dunno I need to hug her rn,
oh yeah i love this soft shit like this
gonna combine this with two more asks (just to spoil the shit outta her hehe)
@lushh-s3vik4s: Can we hear about the stories when sevika was younger? Like the trouble she got into 🤭 like reader and sev just chilling on the couch and she starts telling reader about what she did as a child 🤭🤭
and @cewl-casper: PLEASE ANYTHING WITH EATING SEVIKA OUTTTTT. The new episodes got me feeling some type of way. I NEED TO BE BRUIED BETWEEN HER THIGHS
men and minors dni
isha eats four servings of dinner, then passes out on jinx's shoulder, snoring and drooling at the dinner table.
you chuckle, shaking your head at the pair. "seems like you've been jinxed, jinx." you say.
she huffs. "she won't leave me alone."
"'s the same thing silco said when he first took you in." sevika mumbles across the table.
jinx rolls her eyes, but you can see a tiny smile pulling at her lips.
you gently nudge her foot under the table, pulling her wandering eyes to you. "tell me the stories about sev as a kid." you request. sevika groans beside you, and jinx grins.
"you never told her?!" jinx asks, pointing at sevika with glee. sevika buries her face in her hands, and you chuckle, kissing her forehead.
"it's fuckin' embarrassing--"
"she'd go up to piltover dressed in this frilly, ruffly dress, find the biggest mansion she could, then she'd put on the waterworks, tears and snot all over. when someone would come outside to see what's wrong she'd say she was lost. 'course the suckers would take her in and call the enforcers-- but by the time they got off the horn she'd be gone-- and so would as much of their silver as she could carry." jinx giggles.
you grin, looking over at your wife. "how old were you?"
"i dunno. i started when i was five but i kept at it until i was like twelve." she says with a shrug. you laugh.
"she tried to teach me and vi how to do it when we were kids, but i could never get the crying right, and vi refused to wear the dress." jinx chuckles.
you smile, kissing sevika's cheek and stacking the plates on the table. "jinx, i want the two of you to stay here until shit up top blows over." you say. sevika huffs beside you, but she doesn't say anything to revoke the offer. jinx pouts, her pink eyes fluttering back and forth as she tries to think of a way to worm her way out of the request. "where the fuck else are you gonna go?" you ask. "half of zaun is looking to turn you in for some cash, and there's a fuckin' team of enforcers gassing the streets to find you. c'mon. take it as my thank you for fixing sevika's new arm."
finally, jinx relents with a gusty sigh. "fine. we'll stay." she says. sevika grunts and takes the plates to the kitchen. when she's gone from sight, jinx whispers. "thank you."
you smile and shoot the kid a wink, walking to the living room to make up the pull out couch for her and isha. you'll make them both bathe tomorrow-- tonight, they need sleep.
isha doesn't stir as jinx settles her under the covers, and before you can even turn the lights off for her, jinx is passed out beside isha, one of her arms curled around the girl.
you chuckle, pulling the blankets over jinx's shoulders before heading to the bathroom.
sevika stumbles in as you're drawing up a bath.
"get in." you gesture to the tub. sevika raises an eyebrow at you.
"you're awfully bossy tonight." she says, slowly working to strip her clothes. you chuckle, holding her hand as she steps into the tub, then gently helping her arrange her new arm so it doesn't get in the water.
sevika sighs, her eyes falling shut and her shoulder slumping as the steam and bubbles envelop her.
"who were you all fighting?" you ask, dragging a stool over to the tub.
sevika chuckles. "vi's an enforcer now. jinx wanted to kill 'er. didn't work."
you snort and shake your head, starting to lather up a washcloth. "poor jinx." you say. sevika quirks an eyebrow at you and you shrug. "lost silco and found out her sister joined the force that killed her own parents within the span of a week. same week she became a mother, too." you say.
sevika snorts a bit.
"isha's a cute kid, eh?" she asks. you chuckle.
"you're a sucker. 's so cute." you tease, leaning forward and kissing her head as you scrub her back.
sevika sighs, leaning into your touch. "you take such good care'a me." she whispers.
you chuckle. "'s sorta my job isn't it? 's why you gave me my ring?"
sevika's responding grin is dazzling, her flesh arm reaching out of the tub to grab your own, fondling the ring she'd given you so many years ago. "guess so, yeah." she whispers, kissing your hand.
you take your time washing her off, massaging her shoulders and scrubbing her scalp, waiting until she's sunk down so far under the water's surface that only her nose is sticking out before pulling the plug and helping her get up.
sevika's sleepy while you dry her off and herd her toward your bedroom, and she doesn't question it when you push her down into bed before dressing her up in her jammies.
it's only when you spread her legs and kneel down in front of her that she starts to catch on, a smirk forming on her lips. "we're doing the whole baby-making thing wrong. think we're supposed to fuck before the kid shows up." sevika jokes.
you snort, kissing up her thigh toward her cunt. sevika spreads her legs farther, sighing as she relaxes back on her elbows. "think you can stay quiet?" you ask, your breath puffing on her cunt. sevika nods down at you with stars in her eyes.
"yeah. i'll bite the pillow." she says, dragging your pillow down the bed to rest beside her.
you smirk, reaching up to pinch her chin and drag her down for a quick kiss, before pushing her down to lay on the bed and burying your face between her thick, powerful thighs.
sevika sighs, pulling the pillow up over her mouth as you start licking long stripes up her cunt, groaning at the taste of her.
there's nothing quite like taking sevika apart like this. she's so fucking strong, her thighs are so powerful-- she could crush you in an instant if she wanted to.
but she doesn't. instead, she lets herself melt into the mattress, giving herself over to you completely. it's a huge show of vulnerability and trust, and it turns you on immensely.
you suck her clit into your mouth and sevika squeaks, her thighs twitching in pleasure. you chuckle against her, sinking your nails into her hips to pull her closer to you. fuck, you could die happy right here, drowning between her legs as she muffles her groans into your pillow.
"you take such good care of everybody, sev." you pull away to whisper, kissing her cunt as you speak. "you gonna lemme take care of you now?" you ask. sevika nods, reaching down with her flesh arm to grab your hand. you chuckle, intertwining your fingers with hers. "fuck. i love you so fuckin' much baby. could die happy between your legs." you sigh before ducking back down and shoving your tongue inside her.
sevika's back arches off the bed, one of her legs hooking around your shoulder to pull you closer to her. you're sloppy and loud as you eat, sucking and slurping on her like she's a ripe peach. you pray to every god you know that jinx and isha are still sleeping, because with the way you're groaning and moaning into her cunt, you're certain you can be heard through your flimsy bedroom door.
sevika's whole body tenses up, her nails dig into the back of your hand, and she cums with a muffled "love you!"
you groan as you lick up her cum, happy to keep eating to your heart's content. sevika has different plans though, and she squeaks as she shoves your face away from her pussy.
you crawl up onto bed beside her, smiling at her as she tries to catch her breath. sevika blushes a little at the sight of you. "you're covered in my cum." she whispers.
"aren't i lucky?" you ask.
sevika snorts, then pulls you in for a kiss. "not as lucky as me." she says against your lips. you grin.
taglist!
@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner
@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther
@sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai
@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette
@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp
@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen
@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke
@lavandasz
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Being a Tango pov enjoyer and Rancher shipper who enjoys angst is so wack for me rn because on one hand I don't want Tango to die because I need more chances for rancher interactions during wildlife and I'd like to continue watching my wet cat of a failure block man fail at killing but at the same time I need him to be the first one out (best for lore building and in general significance) or really just out before Jimmy just so I can study how he reacts to it after watching that one clip where he gets physically upset at just thinking about his rancher being out soon.
He doesn't want Tango to die and neither do I but if I get to watch Jimmy be even just a bit upset at Tango's death message I think I can call it a win for my silly rancher heart. Just the implications... The way it could be twisted. The fanficsss! Hmmm YESSS. I hope c!Jimmy did break that canary curse. I hope he got exactly what he wanted when c!Lizzie died first during secret life because now he has to LIVE. He has to see the carnage without the joy of realizing his curse is broken. See exactly why the canary curse wasn't necessarily a curse to begin with when you live in a death game and have come to see those within the games as friends and family... I hope he gets to see his rancher FALL. See his allies FALL.
I hope the coal mine collapses rather than fills up with gas. I hope that canary continues to sing long after its favorite caretakers/miners have long since stopped mining. I don't want him to win. I want him to die of neglect all alone because he couldn't find a way out from the new cage he put himself in.
#rancher duo#trafficblr#trafficshipping#tangotek#life series#wild life smp#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#solidaritek#team rancher#team ranchers#call me a watcher cause i be feeding off them negative emotions like it's my last meal.#wlsmp#the bamboozlers#im feeling silly#can't wait for the next Saturday UwU#it'll be a win win for me either way
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Personal vent
Tw I guess
I just need to get this off my chest because it's suffocating me, and everything’s just too much. Also if no one sees this it's okay too cause I just need to write this down I guess, no matter if smone sees it or not.
A year ago my best friend and me fell apart, and she was literally my everything. She never even once lost patience with me and appreciated everything | did. Ofc sometimes she made mistakes, but these were all little nonsenses, I could have ignored. That time I had no idea from life and was just so ungrateful for everything and straight up a shitty horrible person. I said and did so many things that must have hurt her more than I can think off. And then at the end I blamed all the shit on her and why nothing was working in my life. All the time after, I was convinced it was her who ruined everything and why we fell apart, and didn't miss her a bit.
But after that I went through so much shit that made me realize so much things and made me a whole different person.( well I wouldn’t wish it anyone, but for me everything was deserved tbh) Half a year later I was startina to rearet everthing and tried to reach out again. Surprise, ofc I fucked up again, this time not with my cruel behavior, but just idk, I was scared I guess.
Now I suddenly found one of our old chats again. I deleted everything but seems like I forgot this one. And it hurts so fcking bad. I was so ungrateful for everything, and said the most horrible things ever.
The whole last year made me change so so so much, and I can't believe what a shitty person I was back then. I just wish our friendship back, the way we would text until late at night, or how we would go on walks with her dog and then stay at her place and cuddle up while watching Ghibli movies. although I know everything was my fault.
Not in a hundred lifetimes I could make up for everything I did and said, and that's what haunts me so bad. The most I can do for her is to never contact her again, and just idk. But I hate this old self, and I just can't live with the fact that I hurt her so so fucking bad, and probably lots of other people that time too, just because I couldn't appreciate anything, and wasn’t satisfied with myself.
I was clean for months but yesterday I sh myself again, and all the feeling and thoughts I thought left behind me r coming back . It's just, if I wouldn't be here it would be so much better for her and all the people I hurt.
And I don't deserve everything and the remaining people I have rn anyways. I feel like the only way I could make up for all the stuff I did and said is to make sure I'll never do it again, by just disappearing from this world.
I know I would never ever do what l've done back then now, since I know so much more, and I won't hurt anyone in any way ever.
But just the thought of what l've done, and idk but for some reason I could do it again, it makes me despise myself. I don't deserve the people I have rn, and the new friends I made. I don't deserve anything rn. I wish I could think otherwise, but my mind is telling me that the only way to make up and protect the people around me, is to go. Because who says the ungrateful cruel person isn't still somewhere? What if someday I do smth shitty again and hurt too many people?
I‘m falling apart, and idk how to handle anything. And besides all that I’m feeling not rlly good right now generally, and with this weight added now I’m falling apart. I feel like crying 24/7, idk and my mind is just being too loud.
And the most egoistic thing is, all I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay. Also when I know it's not. Also when it's me who hurt eveyone.
#will delete later#ha ha funny#vent space#vent post#personal vent#me#aesthetic#stray kids stay#I dunno#writing#girlblogging
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AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????
#THIS IS LITERALLY LITERAAALLLYYY THE BIGGEST FORM OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SUGISHITA COULD HAVE#NOT ONLY IS HE DOING WHATS BEST FOR UMEMIYA BUT HES PUTTING HIS TRUST IN SAKURA TO HELP HIM#AND OH IM SO UNWELL#HIS BODY IS PHYSICALLY REACTING TO HIM MAKING THIS DECISION IM JUST#IM SO PROUD#and then sakura acknowledging all of this too i just love them sm#they really have one of the best dynamics 😭😭😭#wind breaker#kyotaro sugishita#sakura haruka#wind breaker spoilers#wind breaker manga spoilers#ok nvm im still talking bc the second image literally gets me everytime i look at it#first off the way they drew sakura in that scene in the first place is just so beautiful thats the only word i can think for it rn 😭😭😭😭#second seeing this scene from sugishitas perspective and then learning later that the reason he has this reaction was because he thought-#-sakura looked cool and hes never thought that about anyone before just really gives us so much more for their relationship#specially how sugishita acts towards him 😭😭#add that onto what umemiya says to him (which i couldnt include in this post </3) about how hes never really shown emotion to anyone-#-till sakura showed up then it gives us an even BETTER understanding of why sugishita acts the way he does around sakura#my brain is so frazzled by the sun today and words are not coming to me easily so apologies if none of this makes any sense 😭😭😭#ill revisit it another time anyway#also the way they describe all of this really makes it sound like he has a lil crush and its so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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dandelion is indeed the worst but if he’s not present in the next book i would legitimately be sorrowful as the whole thing will become a slog . you basically cannot have the “short stories” era-of-the-timeline iteration of geralt without dandelion, it would be like eating unbuttered bread.
though it’s not like season of storms did them dirty, i wasn’t disappointed with it (… with regards to them), but since it’s literally been over 20 years since the saga was finished i’m trying to prepare for any potential reality
#however i will accept an absence of dandelion IN THE CASE OF we get to see geralt and yennefer living together in vengerberg#but if it’s regular geralt day in the life then if dandelion’s not there it’s gonna suuuuuccckk#i mean as in geralt’s life sucks without him. badly#and it also? sucks with him. good-ly.#it’s august and we don’t have a title yetttt 🥲 and they said 2024 … hmhm sure#i just feel like rupaul ‘and don’t fuck it up’.gif#like i’m excited but also wtf? new witcher book? are we on punk’d?#it’s not going to be the best but i’m hoping it will be at least as good as season of storms. not a high bar ok!#this from the person who was optimistic about the n*tflix show. don’t trust me i like to believe in the future#i was going to say ‘and i trust sapkowski more than i trust n*tflix’ and then i laughed.#i don’t trust him—i don’t even trust the version of him from the 90s and 00s!#one side of me can’t believe i’m still here after the guardswomen of kerack. and the ‘well i’m only gay for clout’ villain motivations#the other side of me is intensely curious wtf geralt will get up to this time and how witcher could maybe even denigrate further#but season of storms ending was actually good and = well it’s not like sapkowski forgot what it was about#then again it’s been 10 years and a bad adaptation since then so im biting my nails#all i ask : please stick with the naming convention of the other books. i don’t want to write an absurdly long or short name or acronym out#sooooo weird that in a few months i will be saying: there are 9 witcher books.#actually rn i just say there’s 7 and discount season of storms as a legitimate heir but mention it as footnote lol#i just hope i can survive until this new book and until its translation LOLLLL#they said translation in 2025 but you know the track record#new book: *releases winter 2024* | english translation: coming 2045!#jk i think they finally figured out that witcher is a money printer so they will be eager to translate it now and not waffle around#they kicked their butts into gear with the hussite trilogy so ! and they made new hardcovers.#the elbow-high diaries#new book 2024
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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I LOVE JESUS CODED CHARACTERS
#say it with me now !#kaladin#vash the stampede#paul atreides#harry potter#my dear dear#frodo baggins#i think an argument can be made for#gon#but i may be reaching#that’s all i can think of rn but i could come up with more if i had time#it’s just something about a character that has suffering pushed violently on them#and using that pain to be good#and people naturally follow them for it#bonus points if they die and are brought back#or ALMOST die and are miraculously saved#dare i say#armin arlert#hmmmm#maybe maybe
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do you guys think aziraphale heard the myth of prometheus for the first time and lost his mind a little
#marzi speaks#good omens#aziraphale#this is lighthearted but also not at all. i just don’t have big words rn#can you imagine though. aziraphale is gomensverse’s prometheus#he brought humans fire.#do you think he heard of prometheus and suddenly his fear of disobeying god reared its ugly head with a vengeance#do you think he remembered lying to god about it. wondered if it was that that would do him in instead of the original theft#do you think he spent nights upon nights wondering when he would be chained to his rock#wondering when his crow would come eat his liver for all of eternity#do you think he wondered if it already had?#not in the shape of a crow- but of a snake- a charming snake that slithered over and ate his heart again and again and again#he had appeared shortly after aziraphale gave up the sword; after all. aziraphale told him and everything#perhaps that was his punishment. perhaps She was playing a cruel little game by sending him someone he wanted so much but could never have#maybe that was the rock. the chain. the inability to move- to do anything more than sit there in anguish#the crow came in the form of that sharp mind and clever tongue. it dug straight to the core of his heart and tore it to shreds#picked it apart; observed; and ate#do you think he worried on and off about that for centuries. millenia#do you think he thought about it every time that demon of his did something so utterly charming#‘oh- there’s another piece of my heart- a morsel for him to savor again and again’#do you think he thought about it when he kissed. felt those lips on his like a sharp beak straight through his body#do you think he minded. do you think he thought ‘i would lay in these chains forever if you would just do that again; right now.’#do you think he broke those chains anyway.#I’M INSAAANE turns out i did have big words for it
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mmmnnother idea too
#sneak peek#hyperfixation says esau cast in dnd style- but i don't think i'll do em the way i did nezha's doodle cuz that was a horrible way of shading#at least for me personally KEKW-#emelin rambles#to bed i go#i wanna try sleepin early for once#also i find it funny how as a dental tech i know why my jaw is hurting rn#muscle stress would be my guess cuz it's just the side of my jaw around the area of my left mandibular condyle#so i'm currently tryna force myself to physically relax more to try get rid of it quicker cuz it's annoying when tryna eat at times#also i was at an info meeting about a study some university students wanna do with autists regarding noise cancelling headphones#was hilarious considering i immediately began to critique the way the meeting went by telling my psychologist about#how they had the audacity to give a full group of diagnosed autists the OPTION to pick between showing up on a monday or tuesday#cuz we were all fuckin confused and one girl even had to ask like 2-3 times about how tf this would work and when we're supposed to come in#like how dare you tell us we can pick a day- that sparked so much lowkey panic and i could tell by the confusion of all- including myself#just give us a solid day DHFNDFHNDHFGNHDGH
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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Did or does anything inspire your art? It’s so fun and unique
I do have artists (both Established and like Peers/Mutuals) I enjoy and I do pluck traits from art I like as I see fit to mold my own but I don't have any conscious inspiration ykwim...ive had ppl tell me my art looks like or reminds them of things i like, whether "vibe based" (stuffed animals) or a specific media (care bears) but i dont consciously draw inspiration from care bears ykwim... I could tell u i loved archie comics as a kid and i love the art style but thats not a good answer to the question bc it doesnt present itself in my work (and if it does its not on purpose) ykwim...i hope dis makes sense.
I always bring up Urasawa when this question comes up, like I love urasawa's art and often save lots of it for inspiration but my work doesnt really ever come out as an emulation of his as a result, it's more osmosed as I try to figure out how I want to draw, bc I haven't seen anyone who draws the way I'd like to yet. (Also using him as an example, as this is how I feel about all my other "inspirations").
Theres tons of different ways to draw every possible trait of a face or body etc, so I just do that, taking shapes and such from other artists i observe along the way without really picking up the influence (and if i do its never for very long), since I've yet to find anything im very happy with
#ive never understood how people do those inspiration boards and you can SEE how all the people they list influence their art#if i could scrounge together enough artists that inspire me then i dont think you'd even be able to tell unless you Guessed#if that makes sense#similarly i do have thousands of folders of artists and mutuals' art i have saved#to go look back at for inspiration...but its not direct inspiration#like zaftiguy2 on twitter (NSFW) is an inspiration of mine....you would never guess though bc what I osmose from his work doesn't#present itself very upfront in my stuff‚ if at all#does this make sense? i feel when ppl ask others this question is bc they wanna see more art adjacent to that of the person theyre asking#but unfortunately its not like that for me ykwim :(#id be much much better if there was someone who drew the way i want to draw that i could copy off of LOL#my art is so bad BECAUSE i feel like im making it from scratch. and im bad at coming up with things#anonymous#skunk mail#so thank u for thinking its unique bc i personally think its very generic as a result#like. entry level art style#off the top of my head artists i LIKE are kemafili manaohu and yawningyawns#on twitter....kemafili is on here though (kemafili1 on twitter)#those are artists i have in my ''fave'' folder. theres others i think but thats the only ones i can think of rn#i also have tons of artist folders saved in general but read my above statements about inspiration#eraserplains is another one... they're on tumblr too#i like raymodule (tumblr) and robottoast (twitter) but again not in a way where im like wow i want to draw exactly like that lets try
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My kingdom for a "So you say” (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#Hhhh they ;; Their ''first'' interaction!#Officially up to three cryings - not that I'm surprised I love Dex <3#My head was fully abuzz during this scene there are so so so many interesting details!#So interesting to see which ''held true'' and which were left behind - which ones became Helix while others didn't!#At this point I almost see Helix as an alternate timeline - kind of like how Defeated is a branching arm off the main body#Not terribly dissimilar but the details that are different are too interesting to let go of so just make it all canon in its own way! Hehe#Especially since Helix is largely from Max's 3rd person perspective so the way he tells it is different than Dexter haha#Very interesting what he leaves out in his retelling hehehehe ♪♫#Anyhow enough of Max he's not even here rn sheesh ♪ ZEX! And Dexter ;;#Hghhghh it's all set up so deviously <3 That fact that up to this point ZEX has been relying on Zelnick especially to give him credence#And then as soon as someone he ''knows he trusts'' comes to throw a wrench into things - Dexter has as much weight or more!#He's specifically engineered to sow doubt and confusion! Gosh what a place to grow his character from <3 <3#ZEX's pride undoes him completely it's So well written ♥ Truly a fatal flaw for VUX and the way he's picked apart aghh <3#And?? The fact that I can hear ''Max's'' voice in ZEX's syntax as soon as he doesn't have a good argument??? Hello????#I know they come from the same base but like!! How!!! Masterful 💖#As I drew it it's a bit out of order - Dexter says he can't protect Max (😭) before ZEX starts crying it all got a bit mixed in my head#I was very emotional at the time you understand haha#It's all so sad! They're so close in some ways to being or having what the other wants but both fall just short#No wonder they took what little comfort in each other they could <3 ZEX comforted by his voice and Dex comforted by caring for his body#They have so little to offer each other trapped as they are ;;#It's all so interesting and distressing!! There's so much to think about as everything falls into place!
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I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore
#I really want to quit the event for trans day of visibility#I just don't see what I can give to the conversation#and I haven't for a while now#there is already a person that does all the posters#when I did the budget it was all wrong#half the ideas I've come up with has been having big holes#and honestly I don't think that comfortable in the group#I feel like I am back at school or university being put in a group for a project that I cannot pull out of because it will affect my grade#or the rest of the group's performance#but there's no grades#there is a performance of sort being the event#and that could still be great#but I don't feel like I have the spoons or the experience for this#I am just smiling (barely) and nodding along#yet a part of me are also scared of dropping out now#there is not a lot of time left#and so it wouldn't be fair on the other people to ditch this last minute#but would it be more fair to let me just tag along not doing anything of value?#and I should probably decide soon since we are getting closer#it is this big dark cloud over my thought rn#I am trying to concentrate on my drawing challenge yet I don't have any joy in it#because all my thoughts go to this event#I don't know what to do#I really don't want to do this#but I did say yes#and I hate tapping out and be seen as untrustworthy as well#micahs thoughts
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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep
#minhmy rambles#for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me#thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know#but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything#and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going#like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok#and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about#like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn#me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then#like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay#and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless#ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay#and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.
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Anyway listening to Pulse and Anxiety 2 makes me wanna paint the Conclave as Funger enemies. I think they could fuck hard as bosses.
#would be fucking hell fighting them though because of limb limitations.#(quick explanation. there's only so many diff enemies you can have in rpgmaker afaik. the limit is 8.#so in the first game you can fight 2 dark priests with four diff sections of the body (can't recall rn) to attack. and that's the max.#the mob in the second game has 3 enemies but they all only have one 'section' to attack. the limb system isn't available in the mob fight.#because there's 3 enemies with supposedly 5 diff sections to attack if they were standalone. (head torso legs and both arms)#but since there's 3 enemies in the mob it exceeds the limit. so the each enemy is just one whole section and you can't cut their limbs off.)#so yeah explanation over. I'm saying conclave would be shit to fight.#4 for each conclave member and the remaining 4 for cerberus that baldias has i guess.#i think Chronus could put up like. absolute defense felion first turn.#Axus would pull out his fuckign gun lol. maybe it comes out after a few turns? I'm thinkjng like needles but different...#baldias is main damage dealer I'd reckon. Libraria mostly support. i guess Chronus could also deal damage.#maybe Libraria could provoke the player characters into attacking her. like she casts pheromones on herself.#or she casts pheromones on chronus#maybe he's more tanky#I'm not good at game design dont ask for more#I'd need to study miro's style though. which will be a bit of a time.#ah...#ah rambling
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honestly one of my least favourite things about online spaces centered around cluster b personality disorders is that they almost treat the disorders as an in joke. like its never quite anti recovery rhetoric but a lot of the times it feels like it becomes this thing where something harmful gets spurred on as a personality trait to nurture rather than a symptom to keep an eye on. freaks me the fuck out.
it could be because growing up i was pretty familiar with cluster b spaces and i lost a couple of friendships due to it becoming this whole "i have this disorder now i have to knowingly indulge the more harmful and dangerous symptoms im supposed to be treating to really prove i have this disorder!" thing.
like babes i still believe youre borderline, you dont need to go full tilt maintaining a numbered and ranked list of the people most important to you and assigning a fp role to someone who frankly is not responsible for your stability.
#i lost a friend yeeeeaaaars ago like almost 10 years ago now#who discovered npd and started using it as a justification for treating us like shit and seeing us as lesser#which was so fucking crazy to me as someone whos pretty fucking certain they have npd#bc if anything its made me a hell of a lot more aware of how i treat people around me#because like theres a lot worse things i can be than arrogant and self obsessed. but i dont wanna be arrogant and self obsessed AND cruel#like i fell victim to the borderline personality trait shit as a kid hardcore#and didnt realise i was probably comorbid npd til literally last year so i dodged that#but literally the reason i didnt realise it was probably also npd is because of how people dehumanize people w npd#like most of my exposure to npd in my own life has been absolute fucking menaces#but so has bpd. the people with bpd who have remained part of my life have always been people w bpd who keep an eye on their behaviour#bc no personality disorder makes you evil but not monitoring your symptoms does almost always make you irresponsible#like its very weird seeing people in my life react wildly differently to the discovery or diagnosis#like i just have 0 energy for people who get a diagnosis and just use it to excuse their treatment of others#and this comes from someone who was The borderline menace at age 16#i think realising i probably have npd has made me a lot more aware of my own ego among other things#and ive had enough therapy for bpd to feel comfortable navigating most of the npd stuff rn without an official dx yet#bc id say ive already been trying to curb certain behaviour for years now without realising it could be linked to smth in particular#its just a new explanation. but i dont think its an excuse#i hope that ex friend is dealing with his shit better now. i still think hes a dick but he was a struggling teenager so all i can do is like#hope hes grown up and doing better mentally and has better friends. bc god knows our friend group was pretty unhealthy#txt
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