#I really want to quit the event for trans day of visibility

[mitamicah]

I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore

[the-guilty-writer]

Criminal Minds PRIDE Fic Challenge!

Here we go! First writing challenge ever and I'm even more excited about the theme. During June I ask fic writers to challenge themselves a little bit by writing a piece that is LGBTQ+ inclusive!!! Don't let the topic intimidate you; If you want to participate, but don't know where to start, there are prompts to help. All the fics will be collected in a Masterlist that will be avalible by July 1st.

Note: if you have accessibility issues with this post (or any of my posts!) let me know and I can send you the information in an accessible format.

Prompts and rules are under the cut!

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These prompts are only ideas to help get you started! You can write any LGBTQ+ centered fic you want! Feel free to modify any of the more specific prompts to your liking.

Prompts:

Character coming out to their friends/family/the team.

Character's found family is more supportive than biological family when they come out.

Characters go to a pride parade/festival/event!

Characters discuss queer coding in media.

Character(s) explains their new, queer relationship to a child.

Character 1's child comes out to them. They go to Character 2 to ask what they wish their parents would have done.

Character 1 is having an identity crisis (gender or sexuality). They go to Character 2 for help.

Character 1 is confident about their identity. Character 2 isn't, so they ask for some advice.

Character 1 takes Character 2 to a gay bar for the first time to act as their wingman/wingwoman/wingperson.

Character 1 is unsure if they're attracted to or envious of Character 2's confidence in their identity.

Character has been dating Morgan, but realizes they're not attracted to men. He isn't sure how he ended up in this situation twice, but it's the perfect opportunity for him to play matchmaker for his ex girlfriends.

Character comes out to the team (or it's just pride month) and Penelope goes a bit overboard with decorations.

For the writers who are intimidated by this topic or unsure if they can write it: write something with GN!reader. It's less intimidating than you think, and it can make someone's day to be able to read a fic they might otherwise not relate to!

Bi and Pan Prompts:

Character 1 has always thought they were straight, but they realize their feelings for their best friend, Character 2, are more than platonic.

Character 1 is in a straight passing relationship and worries about the visibility of their queer identity. Their partner is incredibly supportive in helping them express themselves.

(NSFW) What does Emily really do during a sin to win weekend?

Trans and Nonbinary Prompts:

Character 1 gives Character 2 a gender affirming haircut.

Hotch teaches Character how to shave.

JJ teaches Character how to do make up.

Character finds themselves needing gender affirming clothes. Rossi makes sure they have the best of the best.

(NSFW) Character 1 gifts Character 2 gender affirming lingerie and it gives them quite the confidence boost.

Aro and Ace Prompts:

Character 1 keeps trying to set up Character 2 with people/telling them to find someone to help ease their stress. Character 2 has had enough of it.

Character has a monthly spike in libido and it makes them question their identity. Spencer tries to help with a ramble about science (NSFW add on: and a few other ways).

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Rules:

The fic can reader insert, OC, character x character, general fic, etc. as long as the character(s) is from Criminal Minds (yes, even the ones I don't write for).

Fics can be any genre and can be platonic or romantic in nature... and yes, this includes smut (I know, I know my brand is ruined. Oh well). You must be 18+ if you are going to submit smut. You all know I love platonic fics very much if not more!

You can write something new or dig up something you've already written! I'm also happy to add on fics that are sent to me after the masterlist is posted.

Tag me in your fic or message me the link. Please list the ship, content warnings, and have a 1-2 sentence summary of your piece! If you have multiple pieces, you can submit a mini masterlist.

Be kind and respectful! Reach out to me if you have any concerns. This blog is a safe space!

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Thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins for the support and for sending some of the prompts from discord! (and telling me it's safe to tag @foxy-eva for this too)

[quaddmgd]

Fuck it, life update.

I can finally say that I'm done with my job. I was stuck there for an entire year, dealing with shitty coworkers and even shittier higher-ups, with each month bringing even more things to worry about without any rise in pay. My back problems (and arguably my eyesight) worsened a lot over this year, I was being overworked, often working six days a week, guilt-tripped into taking unreported overtime and all I got is a workplace injury that put me out of work for a month and a half and... hormones!

So basically, I'm trans. I kinda suggested it a few times in the past, but since I'm on HRT, feeling much better in my own body, I'm much more open and proud about it. I live in a country where informed consent isn't enough and I had to spend a lot of money and time to get hormones.

I started working on getting hormones in october and due to it requiring multiple meetings with specialists, some bureaucracy and some mistakes made by my psychologist, I only started HRT on July 1st.

That's how long it took me and I only really started earning money after January because of how costly the procedures are (and how little they paid me I guess).

So, after January it was "working until I get hormones", with the start of July it was "working for as long as I have the strength and no boobs".

Funny thing is, a few days after starting HRT I suffered that workplace injury that put me out of work for a month and a half - partially because of our shitty healthcare, but who am I to complain?

Technically it was a broken finger, but I'm reality it was just a crushed tip. I could do all I wanted in my free time, just had to have it splinted. I got to rest after almost a year of working with no days off, all the hell I went through, all the transphobic assholes I was working with. Most importantly, I got to experience some of the first hormonal changes in the safety of my home.

Funnily enough, my boobs started developing about two weeks after starting HRT (much sooner than I thought they would) and by the time I went back to work they were already visible (and bouncing when going down the stairs uwu).

Getting changed with a group of transphobic boys could soon end up being dangerous so I knew it's time to give them a quit notice. Oh and my employers pissed me off by guilt-tripping me for getting injured, I guess, and trying to cancel my scheduled week off.

It was already decided - the moment I come back, they're getting a quit notice. And they did. They didn't even ask why I'm quitting and tried to put me on forced overtime once again. This time instead of coming to work, I went to a local pride event <3 (the way they do overtime is illegal where I live and they can't force me to do shit).

I finished my last night shift on a Saturday morning and now I'm looking for a new, less physical job, ideally not requiring getting changed with other people. Even though I'm lucky to look quite feminine, you can only get so feminine living your life on testosterone and I'm going to have to continue boymoding for some time.

I'm not really going to list all the things that happened at work since it's not a place for that. Along with a few coworkers we were considering reporting them to a labor inspectorate but no one wanted to take action with me. No one really wants any change. And I just want to forget about all of it. I just want to focus on my transition and on getting a more comfortable job.

It's been hell of a year. I lost my parents and most of the family after coming out, I heard a few transphobic jokes at work (thankfully not directed at me... i don't think anybody suspected anything), I lost so much money and went through so much to get these stupid pills.

But I'm so much happier. And quitting the job is only a small part of it. Since I started emotionally changing on hormones, I finally see things a bit clearer, I understand my emotions, I can finally cry when I feel the need to, I'm so much more creative, I'm feeling so delicate and I even find myself more attractive, I feel more in my own body, even though most changes probably haven't even started... and much more (just some things I'm going to keep to myself :3). I underestimated how good the emotional changes on hormones must feel. I would never want to go back.

It feels so good to finally be on estrogen and be out to my friends. I'm feeling much better.

Wish this was written better but I'm still kinda hungover from the last few weeks and I didn't feel like splitting the job and transition into separate posts. But I'm for sure going to continue talking about the latter because it makes me so happy.

[feralaot]

AOT characters + an FTM!reader s/o

I had a few requests asking for different characters with an FTM reader so this is just a compilation combining all of those!

warnings: brief mention of dysphoria, brief mention of transphobia

modern setting

Armin

oh lord he’s so sweet. he almost cries when you come out to him because he’s just so honored and happy that you trusted him enough to tell him something like that

after coming out he immediately drops your dead name and uses your preferred pronouns on the spot. he cares a lot and wants you to know that he supports you endlessly

if somebody says something rude to you armin will try to passive aggressively educate them because that’s his boyfriend they’re disrespecting 🤬

if you’re post op and are comfortable with being shirtless around him, armin might offer to paint on your chest and scars. it’s a huge part of his love language and he wants to show you that your body is beautiful no matter what it’s been through. flowers, landscapes, constellations... anything that he thinks is beautiful

with that being said his favorite flowers are cornflowers so expect a lot of those being painted on your skin

Jean

don’t even worry about anyone purposely misgendering you or saying something disrespectful, jean will literally beat them up no hesitation

he’s not very good at comforting someone but he sure does try. awkward pats on the backs calling you handsome and reaffirming your gender identity will probably be the method

he’s definitely a himbo and doesn’t understand it completely so you can expect to get a lot of questions from him about your identity but he won’t push any boundaries or ask uncomfortable things

he does however try his best to research on his own and educate himself to learn what to do to best suit your needs and be as respectful as possible :)

really doesn’t care how masculine you look or how well you pass, no matter what he’s gonna claim that he’s “the worse looking one” in the relationship and he’s totally okay with that

Levi

seems like the kind of person to not give a shit what your gender is. if he likes you and you like him, why should it matter? he doesn’t mind at all is what I’m basically saying

however don’t let that fool you. he’s very gentle and never pushes your boundaries. he’s also going to throw major hands with anyone who’s being transphobic 🙄

while he does seem to give off the attitude that he doesn’t care about anything he does care immensely about you and your mental health. he’s open 24/7 if you ever want to vent to him, he’ll listen with no complaints and be very thoughtful.

he’s surprisingly accommodating for you. obviously being levi’s anything is a difficult task since he’s so closed off to people in general but if he really trusts you then you’ve definitely earned it and you two are inseparable

his love language is using lots of positive affirmations and validating words like “handsome”

Hange

we already know that hange is going to be over enthusiastic about you and your transition, especially if you decide to medically transition. they’re gonna want to know everything about it and always tag along to your bloodwork tests

they’re also hands down the best shopping buddy, they’ll always offer to take you to whatever store you want and buy you whatever clothes you want

if somebody were to say something rude about you or them hange wouldn’t even bother trying to explain they’d just go straight to yelling profanities because “you can’t help stupid” 🙄

if / when you get top surgery they’ll be babying you through the entire recovery process; making sure you took your meds, making sure you have enough blankets, making sure you’re never hungry or thirsty. it’s adorable but can get just a little obnoxious after a bit LMAO

if you aren’t publicly out and don’t want other people to know quite yet, rest assured that it’s completely safe with hange. they may be a loudmouth but they know that this is a level of trust that can never be betrayed. they refer to it as “confidential”

Reiner

we have another himbo here that doesn’t know much about it but he sure does try his best to learn everything he should know so that he doesn’t accidentally say something insensitive

eventually he becomes well versed in vocabulary and quickly realizes that, yes, he is in fact gay for being attracted to you

he asks a lot of questions but stammers and stutters and apologizes as he expresses them. a lot of his questions are asking for clarification on things or specifics for how he can best accommodate your preferences. what’s okay to say in public? how do you prefer to be addressed? he sweats bullets honestly

he’s the most willing to go to pride events because we already know he’s a flaming homosexual and is willing to be loud about it, you’re his boyfriend and he’s gonna be proud of it

he’s gonna validate you with small mocking compliments like “ugh, stop being so damn handsome, I can’t even look at you!”

Bertholdt

when you came out to him he could tell that you were visibly nervous, so he immediately pointed out that it’s absurd to think he would be uncomfortable with it. he’s supportive all the way with whatever you decide to do and will be there for guidance if you ever need it.

he always offers you his clothes because naturally they’re probably very baggy compared to your normal size so a lot of your closet is just sweaters that you’re borrowing from him but he doesn’t mind because he thinks you look adorable in them 💗

I think he’s sort of touchy but it’s not something you see from him much in public, only in private. every day he would ask what you’re okay with, especially if you’re particularly dysphoric. he also checks in through the day to see if anything has changed

if you’re post op and comfortable with being shirtless he would like to gently trace your scars and tell you affirming things about how your body is beautiful, your scars don’t define you if you don’t want them to, etc

he’s very gentle and considerate and will never press you for details that you aren’t comfortable sharing or push any boundaries whatsoever

Annie

she acts like she doesn’t care very much but in fact she’s very grateful that you had enough trust in her for you to feel safe coming out to her. she doesn’t think a lot of people trust her but once you told her this fact she felt.... appreciated

she already knows a bit about gender stuff (porco is a trans guy too, so she had to deal with him when he was going through his transition as well) so you can take it easy and not have to worry about explaining things to her very often

she always reminds you to take your hormones or any medication you need, she’s very thoughtful and probably remembers your schedule better than you do LMAO you better take care of yourself or she’s coming for you

she says a lot of things like “handsome” and “my boyfriend” completely on purpose because that little flush on your face you get when she does is always worth seeing

if you’re okay with it, she’s very physically affectionate and will gently touch your chest or kiss your scars, just making sure that you know you’re appreciated in her eyes no matter what anyone else thinks about you.

[betweentheracks]

LGBTQ+ and Queer Operated/Founded Brands

A composite list of some of the notable brands I have worked with or been in contact with throughout my time as a stylist. Rooted in queer communities, founded by LGBTQ+ designers, and dedicated to pursuing gender inclusive styles as well as providing an uplifting community committed to showcasing the talents of LGBTQ+ persons. A number of these also have a deal of activity in supporting POC or black owned and operated fashion brands and design studios. 

Otherwild: Los Angeles, California. 

Queer identified and woman-owned, Otherwild was established in 2012. It is a store, design studio, and event space. They offer apparel and accessories, as well as lo/no-waste home cleaning products and personal care products. Very grassroots and have a foundation of ethics and sustainability, working in earnest to establish a countercultural relationship to exploitative, extractive, and excessive consumer capitalist culture. They’re quite cost-effective with fair pricing on their range of products.

Rebirth Garments: Chicago, Illinois.

Entirely gender non-conforming, Rebirth Garments caters specifically to all non-binary, trans, and disabled. Their clothing line is custom made upon order, touting a distinct lack of standard sizes since part of their mission and manifesto is to tailor their styles to exactly the consumer’s specifications regardless of body type. Their party line is “Radical Visibility” and have a zine under the same name; their manifesto expressed as a desire to establish and nurture a community of people that have been excluded from mainstream fashion but are still deserving of an outlet to feel confident in expressing pride in the intersections of identity. Their materials are all vibrant and wild, bold and exuberant as a means to challenge the ableist and sizest ideals of mainstream fashions which still centers on gender and binary conforming styles. -- They also offer virtual lessons on accessibility, entrepreneurship, and much more. 

Automic Gold: New York City, New York.

Queer owned and queer operated all inclusive jewelry, Automic Gold promotes their products as the most comfortable and versatile jewelry available. The founder is genderqueer and makes a point to create truly genderless accessories and does so with designs that specifically mix and warp the essence of masculinity and femininity, bringing together that which is both outside and inside to form that which is beyond. Sustainable and eco-friendly, all of their jewelry is made from reclaimed gold and 100% recyclable material. Automic Gold is the only known jeweler that carries rings in sizes 2 to 16 and utilize this point to shade the fashion industry for being so constrained by sizing standards. 

Wildfang:  Los Angeles, California/Portland, Oregon.

Women found, women run, women oriented. Wildfang is seated in the belief that women can and should wear whatever they want and be whatever they want. They give much of their profits to charities and organizations that center on the rights of the oppressed communities, namely queer, reproductive, and immigrant activism. Their collections offer full suits tailored to a female body, workwear made of truly durable materials to outlast even the worst of working conditions, and button ups that won’t gap at the boobs and are not super form-fitting. They promote the sort of modern feminism that holds no underlying toxic ideals of woman’s superiority, and works in the name of women having their rights unrestricted so that they can live their fullest lives with a true sense of self and self-worth alike. 

STUZO CLOTHING: Los Angeles, California.

Steeped in the ideals of love, people, and life STUZO celebrates existence without emphasis on identity. Women owned and black owned, STUZO offers apparel with no gender bias with designs meant to invoke thought and feeling; an experience of the self, expressed without boundary. STUZO looks at clothing as being without life and therefore cannot be limited by borders of gender; textiles worn and filled out by consumers breathing life into them.

PYRAMID SEVEN: Chicago, Illinois.

A niche brand; they provide boxer briefs for periods, not gender. Their philosophy and belief is that regardless of where you fall on the gender spectrum or identify yourself as, if you menstruate you should be wearing their briefs. Designed with comfort and protection in mind, PYRAMID SEVEN briefs offer assurance that there is no longer a need to worry about leakage or bagginess - discomfort does not exist in their brand. These briefs are made to be used either in tandem with menstrual products of all kinds or even for free bleeding, it’s all at behest to comfort during an uncomfortable time. They are also advocates of privacy and neither reveal themselves too freely nor make comments on their consumer base, only expressing the validity of their representation being that of all who menstruate. 

Fluide: Brooklyn, New York.

Beauty brand founded by a mother’s goal to establish a gender-expansive beauty line to celebrate under-represented faces and voice, supporting young people’s self-expression and creativity. Fluide is queer oriented and offers a full range of vegan/cruelty free cosmetics for all skin tones + types and gender expression. Their belief is that makeup is joyful, transformative, and meant to be inclusive of all with a wish of being expressive and to invent themselves as they want to be seen. They are a platform of queer voices showcasing queer beauty and work with many LGBTQ+ non-profits and advocate for revolutionizing the world of fashion and all of it’s mainstream conception of beauty standards and create a style space of authenticity.

Official Rebrand: New York City, New York. 

A unique brand founded by a non-binary artist, Official Rebrand revives discarded clothing and remakes designs by breathing life back into what was unwanted. The mastermind behind the concept paints or otherwise alters (rebrands) items that have been cast aside and turns them into works of art which in turn proposes an anti-waste alternative.  The rebranding process strips clothing of their proposed gender categories and promotes the fluidity of identity. Official Rebrand dominates the medium where art and fashion overlap, reintroducing his pieces without any sense of today’s arbitrary societal constraints. 

PHLEMUNS: Los Angeles, California. 

Black and queer owned/operated, PHLEMUNS is a non-binary all inclusive brand that seeks to merge elements of nostalgia and modern contemporary fashion. With a goal of bridging the gap between high fashion and every day communities, this brand takes what is called a slow-fashion approach to their designs and crafts meticulously and intentionally on styles meant to be seen as accessible, inclusive, and wholly unisex. This is a brand which exists in the grey areas of society, fashion, and thrives on the idea of intersecting identity. 

NO SESSO: Los Angeles, California.

The brand name itself is Italian for “no sex/gender” and the fashion it produces truly encompasses this meaning. This is a fashion house that cranks out collections specifically targeting conventions of art, fashion, and culture. Their lines offer ranges in color, fabrics, prints, and reconstructed materials but their true signature is hand embroidery. Much of their collections are made from upcycled fabrics and materials found at flea markets and make use of patchwork designs as a motif of their community-based foundations. Think streetwear but couture, and this is what NO SESSO is defined by. 

gc2b: Maryland, USA.

Trans-owned, founded, and operated. gc2b produced the first chest binder and snapped off transitional apparel and established themselves as the first gender-affirming company in the industry. The credence of the company is comfortable, safe, and accessible binding options designed by trans people for trans people and to accomodate the vast spectrum of humanity. gc2b has donated over 6000 binders to those in need and sponsors over 100 LGBTQ+ organizations while working extensively with LGBTQ+ communities and charities to raise funds and awareness. 

Likely I will revise this post from time to time and update the listing. 

I really like being able to use my position as a platform to provide notice of undervalued communities within the fashion industry and world of style. I have often purchased outright and incorporated many key pieces of some of my most notable styles and ensembles from LGBTQ+ brands that deserve recognition and think of it as a soft promotion of their talent and falls within the conduct my company expects me to abide. 

Originally I did intend to have links in this post to make checking them out easier, but I was having some issues with tumblr being crotchety and had to forgo them sadly. Still, I encourage anyone interested to take a peek at their online sites or social medias - they’re all very lovely and inspirational!

[thetorchwoodarchive]

Found family event masterpost

Thank you for all your submissions! Below the cut is the list of Torchwood fic recs focused on found family, as submitted by you, our followers!

we built a family (home) by myre ( JackIanto | Complete | 17844 | M )

When Jack gets back, things are different—he’s different—and he’s not sure where he fits anymore, but he should’ve known that there was a place reserved just for him.

Ianto Jones' thoughts on Life, Death, and Summer Squashes by Arnica ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 17762 | T )

The first thing he remembers afterward (and the rest of his life will always before and after Thames House now) is waking up to the sound of hospital machinery droning away, Gwen's head heavy on his legs as she drools on him with Rhys snoring away in the chair next to her, his hand spread wide across her back, head tipped back as he sleeps. Then there's Jack, sitting sideways in the window with his gun drawn and resting in his lap as he does something with the wrist straps in his hands.

Two of Us Are Hung From the Same Twisted Rope by ShastaFirecracker ( JackIanto, ToshOwen | Complete | 15799 | T )

An accident with some sort of brain-scanning alien device leaves Owen and Ianto sharing Ianto's body. Hijinks and nightmares ensue.

Does Africa Know a Song of Me? by etmuse ( JackIanto, MarthaTom, GwenRhys | Complete | 17618 | T )

Jack gets a call from UNIT. They need his help in Namibia. And when they arrive, Jack and Ianto (because Jack wouldn't leave him behind) discover the only communication they have with the team is letters.

Torchwood One Archive by james ( JackIanto | Complete | 11346 | M )

AU after season one. Jack has returned to Torchwood and to Ianto. Ianto is determined to make the best of it but he knows it won't last forever. Their time together threatens to get even shorter when the Doctor shows up unexpectedly.

In Bits and Pieces by reiley ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 83306 | M )

Sort of a fill-in-the-blanks story throughout the entire series: How they pull the pieces together after the world shatters, focusing mainly on Jack and Ianto, but all the others are there, too. Takes place between 'Exit Wounds' and 'The Stolen Earth', goes through all of series 1 and 2, and far back into the past.

Lost and Found by Kaneko ( JackIanto | Complete | 3642 | E )

Straddled over the rift, the Hub was a place where things were lost and found. Strange objects washed in like driftwood. Things went missing. There was never any sign of where they'd gone.

Personnel Issues by PinkFairy727 ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 41434 | T )

The Torchwood Three email newsletter: an excuse to gossip, bitch, plan dates, fight, and discuss squirrel rats. Co-authored with sparking_off.

Warnings: canon character death and swearing.

Just this once by Beleriandings ( JackIanto, ToshOwen, GwenRhys, LoisEsther | Complete | 239639 | T )

(Everybody lives.) (Or: when a certain Doctor arrives to save Owen Harper from a stricken nuclear power station, it begins a chain of events that will lead Torchwood Three down a very different path. From time locks and telepathy to tea and coffee, high-speed chases to unresolved sibling issues, their new lives (and new and old loves) may be different, but their bonds of friendship and family grow stronger every day. But when every child on earth starts speaking with one voice, the team are torn apart again as they’re forced to fight for their lives, and to confront monsters they’d thought they’d left behind in the past. But with all of them working together – along with some allies they’ve made along the way – Torchwood Three will stop at nothing to save their friends and set the world to rights. The consequences will ripple out across the universe and into the distant future. But they have to start somewhere, and the present is as good a place as any.)

Club Wales by pocky_slash ( Gwen&Ianto, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 19898 | T )

In the wake of Jack's disappearance, Gwen finds comfort in a new friendship with Ianto. Gossip, bonding, and other hijinks of understanding ensue.

Hell or High Water by aliciajazmin ( GwenJohnTosh | Complete | 3102 | T )

Toshiko, Gwen, and John have been married for a year now, beginning a life of adventure and crime (but only against those who deserve it). A mission going wrong results in the discovery of an orphan.

The three of them and the orphan must then decide what they want for their future.

A E I O Moo, I love Y O U by aliciajazmin ( GwenJackIantoRhys, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 627 | G )

Jack finds a new song to introduce to Anwen.

AKA Roses are red, violets are blue, Jack likes to sing: A E I O Moo.

Never Has He Ever by Jackdaw816 (JohnAndy | Complete | 1666 | T )

Hub lockdowns are great for juvenile drinking games and revelations of the self

Coping by innocent-until-proven-geeky (JackIanto, Gwen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack | Complete | 910 | G )

After the events of Exit Wounds, Jack, Ianto, and Gwen are exhausted.

Hug by innocent-until-proven-geeky ( Gwen&Ianto | Complete | 401 | G )

Not-wanting-to-let-go hugs.

March 31st in the Torchwood Family Household by innocent-until-proven-geeky ( JackIanto, GwenRhys, GwenJackIantoRhys | Complete | 117 | G )

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! Please enjoy this little ficlet of trans Torchwood polycule. In my headcanon, Ianto is a binary trans man using he/him pronouns, Jack is genderfluid using he/him pronouns, and Gwen is nonbinary using they/them pronouns with Torchwood and she/her pronouns in public.

Here For You (a friend's night out) by BookWerm ( Ianto&Tosh | Complete | 354 | T )

An answer to the prompt : “I’m their best friend” with Ianto and Gwen or Ianto and Tosh

The Lonely Cheryth by BookWerm ( Alice&Jack, Steven&Jack, Others | Complete | 6581 | G )

Steven's Uncle Jack is a mystery. One that he's determined to solve.

A fic through quite a bit of Steven's life (yes, he lives through Children of earth) that was quite a bit of fun

A Moment (An Eternity) by Clare_Hope ( JackIanto, ToshOwen, GwenRhys | WIP | 10923 | T )

Owen slid underneath the closing door just in time to escape the room about to be flooded with radioactive coolant. Tosh didn't die of her wounds because with Owen there, she got medical attention before it was too late. The entire Torchwood team made it through that terrible day. Everything should be alright now. But Jack is really, really not alright.

Below 20° Celsius by Clare_Hope ( JackIanto, Team | Complete | 5182 | T )

20° Celsius is generally considered to be the lowest a human's body temperature can be before dying. This is bad news for Jack, who is a bit colder than that when he's pulled out of Cardiff Bay after drowning continually for a couple hours. The good news is that he doesn't have to deal with it alone.

Work Friends by Clare_Hope (Ianto&Tosh | WIP | 3431 | T )

After everything that happened with Mary, Ianto is the only one who doesn't seem uncomfortable around Toshiko. She can't read his mind anymore, but pretty sure she knows what he's thinking: We've both seen someone we thought loved us killed by Jack. I understand. I might be the only one who understands.

Of Motion in Perpetuity by Beleriandings ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 106708 | M )

When Gwen, Jack and Ianto investigate a cold case from end of the nineteenth century, they find themselves pulled back in time against their will, fighting to protect each other and to get home.

Conditional Iteration by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto, GwenRhys | WIP | 35431 | T )

Gwen can only watch, helpless and raging and grieving, as Jack and Ianto die in Thames House. The next moment though, she finds herself pulled out of time, back to the moment it all started to go wrong. Maybe second chances aren't in quite such short supply as she thought.

Coffee Break by firesnap ( Gwen&Ianto | Complete | 2069 | G )

Gwen and Ianto steal a few minutes to chat and make plans.

Another Rainy Day by SerenityJane ( Team | Complete | 3088 | T )

Tosh darted the occasional look at the closed door, curiousity warring with courtesy. So was Gwen, but she looked more like someone was dangling sweets in front of her nose and telling her she couldn’t have them. No prize for guessing who the candy was. Owen was watching the girls, and desperately trying not to think of pink elephants.

The Right Kind of Doctor by joonscribble ( Owen&Team | Complete | 2008 | R )

Three times Owen Harper was good at his job. Set between season 1 and 2.

Stargazing and Truth-Telling by earlybloomingparentheses ( JackIanto | Complete | 4632 | T )

A month after the events of "Exit Wounds," Jack Harkness heads off to an unknown galaxy on a mission for UNIT, and Ianto and Gwen are left behind to stare up at the stars and wonder when he's coming back. As a small act of rebellion against Jack's perpetual mysteriousness, they decide to play a game: they have to answer each other's questions with absolute honesty. There's a lot Ianto needs to get off his chest, his feelings about Jack Harkness not least, but the truth is tricky--it's never safe, and it's certainly never easy.

ghosts in my head by Sholio ( Team | Complete | 2637 | T )

Owen doesn't sleep, but he does dream. And the dreams he gets are mostly nightmares, because of course they are.

Facing Light in the Flow by engagemythrusters ( JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 3821 | T )

A slice of a life nobody had dreamt they would ever have.

The Door Wide Open by sherlockpond ( GwenRhys, JackIanto, ToshOwen | Complete | 5333 | G )

Torchwood incurs a tough life on its field operatives.  They deserve times where they feel like they need to be vulnerable in  front of each other. [6 times the team were emotionally honest with one another - set during various points of S1 and S2]

Flatpacked by Beleriandings ( Ianto&Rhys, JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 6946 | G )

Rhys has a day off, and decides to spend it peacefully looking at homeware in Ikea. He's not expecting to bump into one of his wife's coworkers there; much less, a shapeshifting alien that likes to eat batteries. But then again, that's Torchwood for you.

On saving the world, and what happens after by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto | Complete | 2447 | G )

After the events of Journey's End, Gwen and Ianto wait for Jack to come home.

Domestic Disharmony by thirteeninafez ( Gwen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 3163 | G )

In which Jack and Gwen get stuck in the Archives and discuss green milk, thermostats and Ianto Jones.

After the events of Journey's End, Gwen and Ianto wait for Jack to come home.

Pastries, Avoidance Tactics, and a Bottle of Scotch by pocky_slash ( Gwen&Ianto, JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 6220 | G )

In which Gwen said something she regrets, Ianto makes a poor dinner choice, Rhys offers sound advice, and Jack has a key. A different sort of "Meat" post-ep.

Respite by Beleriandings ( Gwen&Ianto, GwenRhys, JackIanto | Complete | 2591 | G )

Even by their usual standards, Gwen thought it was absolutely fair to say it had been a rough week.

Blood on Steel by Sholio (Owen&Ianto, Gwen&Jack&Owen&Tosh&Ianto | Complete | 12257 | T)

An alien booby trap turns the Hub into a deathtrap. Lucky thing it doesn't react to someone with no vital signs. Now Owen is their only hope. More specifically, he's Ianto's only hope.

The Cartography of Feeling by Sholio (Owen&Ianto | Complete | 20846 | T)

"We're sodding gladiators," Owen said. "Fuck this entire day and Jack Harkness too."

(Or: Owen and Ianto are abducted by aliens and forced to arena-fight. But the worst part might be the control device that connects them in an emotion and pain-sharing bond.)

Haul Out the Holly by Flamingbluepanda (JackIanto, GwenRhys | Complete | 1069 | G)

Sometimes you need a little magic in your christmas

with a lil’ help from my friends by Flamingbluepanda (JackIanto, GwenRhys, OwenTosh | complete | 1307 | G)

Everyone needs a Hug sometimes, Torchwood Included

(Or, five times Jack thought about hugs and the one time he thought of nothing at all)

I’ll think of you each time I watch from distant skies by Violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys, Jack&Team | complete | 3749 | T)

In which Tosh makes a discovery and the team comes together to show Jack how much they love him.

Halfway Back by Sholio (Gwen&Jack&Owen&Ianto&Tosh | complete | 13953 | T)

Team Torchwood run a sanctuary for magical creatures, and this time they've got a basilisk on their hands.

Team Means Pack by Sholio (Gwen&Jack&Owen&Ianto&Tosh | complete | 2615 | G)

Post-Countrycide in a universe with werewolves.

Stormwrack by Sholio (Gen | complete | 2111 | T)

The last time Owen was in the Brecon Beacons, Welsh cannibals tried to eat him. This time, it was pouring buckets on him, and he was dead. At least the latter might help with the cannibal problem, although given his luck, probably not. They might just consider him well-aged, like a side of bacon.

Sky’s the Limit by Blackkat (JackIanto, SuzieTosh, Ianto&Suzie | series | 6,694 | T)

Ianto and Suzie meet as strangers on a rooftop, and bond over aborted suicide attempts, failed plans, bastard fathers, and the fact that they're batting for both teams. Friendship is a beautiful thing.

Forever and What Comes After by violetmessages (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 10028 | T)

“Hm, imagine if they did,” Ianto said. “Torchwood would have to come out of retirement.”

In which Gwen and Ianto relax at a spa, Jack and Rhys attempt bad science, and Anwen is just along for the ride.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by paycheckgurl (JackIanto, GwenRhys | complete | 3351 | T)

This wasn’t exactly how they planned their Christmas going, but they were going to make the best of it.

Remnants of a Forgotten Past by paycheckgurl (Gwen Cooper & Jack Harkness & Owen Harper & Ianto Jones & Toshiko Sato | complete | 7523 | T)

Torchwood's latest case hits close to home for Tosh when it seems to center on Lodmoor Research Facility's Newest project...of a destructive off world variety.

Written for Torchwood MiniBang

Midlife Crisis by Princessoftheworlds (JackIanto | complete | 371 | T)

"You do realize," begins Owen one day during their usual lunch meeting, chopsticks dangling from his hand, "that technically, Javic is your mid-life crisis?"

Found you made us a star by Princessoftheworlds (JackIanto, OwenTosh, GwenRhys | complete | 6477 | T)

Millennia after having lost their team, Jack and Ianto set about reuniting with old friends and crafting a Torchwood for a new future.

[autumnblogs]

Aside Glance: The Palpable Absence of the Dubiously Canonical

So you might have noticed throughout my writings that I have at the same time avoided directly talking about any of the expanded universe material while also occasionally alluding to it just enough to make it noticeable. At least, probably.

So to nobody’s surprise, let me say;

I don’t like the Homestuck Epilogues.

Before I dig into why, I wanna dig out what I think I actually do like about the Homestuck Epilogues. CW: for mentions of suicide, sexual violence, fascism, genocide, etc. Spoiler Warning for the Homestuck Epilogues, although if you haven’t read them by now, good; don’t. Keep reading for my thoughts on the Epilogues.

I do like that the Homestuck Epilogues say quite loudly and clearly that Fascism Is Terrible, and that Neo-Liberals are often Discount Fascists at best in terms of the material effects they have on the world that we have to share with them. They can often end up being interchangeable, and events can cause someone with a temperament predisposed toward Neo-liberalism down the path of bloody reactionary sentiment the way it did with Jane.

Homestuck has always been a pretty soundly anti-authoritarian work, and pretty aggressively contemporary work, so it makes sense that Homestuck^2 would reflect an internet culture rabidly obsessing about the politics of the Trump-Era United States, cast its villains as parallels to the Trump Administration, the grody religious movements it catered to, and the hyper-rich dingalings who benefited from it.

I do like that the Homestuck Epilogues develop the theme of criticizing the author and continues to call attention to its narrators, this time by explicitly casting them as villainous, and morally ambiguous/incomprehensible respectively. A central idea in Homestuck is the relationship between Author, Audience, and Characters, and the blending of the lines between them.

I like that it calls attention not just to the idea that a story’s narrator is an agent themselves, but also to the reality that the narrator may not have the best interests of either their readers, or their characters in mind. I like that the authorial powers of these characters are represented as overtly dangerous and evil when they are addressed at all.

I also like that the Homestuck Epilogues are rather brutally honest about the fact that sometimes, the people that you grew up with - your close friends - grow apart from you, and turn into kind of bad people. I’ve watched that happen in real time, and have had to stop hanging out with people because they just kind of... turned evil. That’s something that needs to be discussed more in fiction, and more honestly than the usual way. When the most visible example of like, someone you knew and loved turning into a bad person is like, Anakin Skywalker, maybe the world needs more stories about that.

So good, that’s what we’ve got for things I think were good to say. Well done.

What don’t I like about the Homestuck Epilogues?

In a word, I think, they are cruel. Relentlessly cruel. Even actively malicious.

Homestuck has, of course, always been rather mean-spirited and adversarial, pretty much since page one. And really, so has Andrew’s writing in general, since the days when he ran the site Team Special Olympics. His humor walks a fine line between and outrageous and genuinely offensive, as he dares you to say, “That’s fucked up!” so he can respond “it was just a joke, where’s your sense of humor?”

But the Epilogues transcend the usual sardonic envelope-pushing we can usually count on Andrew for, and instead opt to sink their teeth into the readers in an assault on the senses, and on the sensibilities. Reading the Epilogues is a brutal experience to endure emotionally, and in a lot of places, morally offensive.

And they are this way practically from the first page; our very first impression of the Homestuck Epilogues is a content warning that presents itself in such a way as to be almost unmistakably parodic. The stylization as an AO3 work, particularly in the context of Homestuck, where these sorts of overzealous content warning pages are associated with preachy jerks like Kankri, it comes across as a direct challenge to the viewer, and by a challenge, I really mean an attack. It is a mean-spirited joke at the expense of people who have a desire to curate their media experience - and then the authors have the gall to say that the one of the goals of the Epilogues is to challenge people to curate their media more.

Every time a character could conceivably make a bad decision, or become a more ill-conceived version of themselves, they somehow manage it, which becomes all the more unbearable because of the identification of character and audience that has been the case throughout all of Homestuck. If Homestuck introduces us to this entire cast and says, this is you, the Epilogues seem to follow up with and there is nothing good about you. Jade Harley somehow transforms into a grotesque caricature of a trans-woman, a girl who is sexually incontinent and predatory in a way that is directly tied to her having a dog penis - a state of being which the text variously slut-shames her for in Meat, or alternatively uses to blame her for ruining Dave and Karkat’s relationship in Candy.

John Egbert is severely depressed and dysfunctional, and this leads him either to go off and kill Lord English to chase the thrill of adventure and his own sense of purpose (in direct opposition to the all-but-explicitly-stated takeaway from Homestuck which Dave gives us, that the better option is to just leave the story alone altogether - explicitly the worst decision he could make according to the rules of Homestuck) or descend into decades of nihilistic solipsism while the world disintegrates around him.

Dirk’s worst natures take over him and transform him into a person who can only conceivably be satisfied either by becoming an arch-villain, or by murdering himself.

The Epilogues are aggressively cruel to Jake English, choosing to double down on the lack of emotional resolution he suffered from at the end of Homestuck, and squarely placing the blame for his own misery on his own shoulders, in a way which is pretty hard to read around, which is part and parcel of the general malice which Homestuck has historically treated mentally ill characters with. Nearly all the kids in Homestuck have suffered incomprehensible levels of mental and physical abuse, and the text expects them to simply overcome it sheerly by force of will. Sure, Jake is miserable but it’s his own fault, the text seems to say; if he’d just get his act together, like Dave, maybe he could get on with his life without being mind-broken by Dirk, or raped and whipped by Jane.

This isn’t even to delve into the flagship reveal of Homestuck 2, that Rose and Jade in the Candy Timeline have not only had a daughter of their own (without telling Kanaya), but that furthermore they have replicated their own trauma in her. Rose and Jade’s daughter has grown up completely emotionally alone, in the care of her Moms’ archenemy.

The point in all of this is not that the Epilogues have made everyone behave out of character or anything like that - I think it’s clear after a re-read especially that all of this is a conceivable direction that these characters could have taken. Rather, the Epilogues reliably choose to believe the worst of the characters of Homestuck in terms of their writing decisions. Everyone always makes the worst decision that they could make, or at the very least, nearly the worst. And because of the identification of reader and character, we can’t help but take away from that a sense that this is what the authors think of us as well.

And in case it wasn’t stated explicitly enough, a running theme throughout the Epilogues is that all this conflict and badness taking place is, to some extent or another, because we the audience are looking at it. As Andrew stated in relation to the Epilogues, there’s a kind of Happily Ever After possibility bubble around the characters that intrinsically collapses into conflict the moment we observe the events again - in other words, by participating in a story, we the audience members are somehow complicit in the characters’ suffering. Yet not all stories must be driven by conflict - and who triumphs and who fails in that conflict says a lot about what a story has to say about real life.

The Epilogues engage in a kind of voyeuristic cruelty, a kind of pessimism and cynicism, a kind of relentless ugliness that I have seldom seen, and to what end? The whole thing seems to me an attack on the audience.

Aside from general, abstracted claims toward authorial intent (which I think is there), I also want to say that, I can’t emotionally engage with the Epilogues, for a personal reason; as somebody who has struggled with almost daily suicidal ideation for most of my adult life, the way that the Epilogues deal with that subject goes from troubling to malicious and hostile in its treatment of Dirk’s suicide.

And staying personal, while I haven’t had to deal with some of the other sensitive topics that the Epilogues handle recklessly, handle them recklessly they do - Jake is serially raped by Jane, and in a way that he serves as a vehicle to move the plot forward, rather than with any kind of compassion for Jake’s condition. The possibility that Tavros Crocker might be being molested by Gamzee is brought up flippantly in one scene and played off as a joke.

The Homestuck Epilogues play at maturity through handling dark themes and sensitive topics, and reveal a profound immaturity in their authors because of the ways in which they are cruelly, insensitively handled over and over again.

I guess I’ll close with the least egregious thing. The Homestuck Epilogues just aren’t funny. Even at its bleakest, Homestuck has always been funny. In their relentless pursuit of cruelty, and the shared misery of their audience and characters, the Homestuck Epilogues forgo even this most basic element of Homestuck, which Andrew has always described as being basically a comedy.

Anyway; I will not be doing a thorough analysis of the Epilogues. I hate them too much and they suck.

[darkfalcon-z]

So you want to write a fic/draw fanart about Sun Wukong, but you don't know anything about macaques? I'll share some interesting facts with you I found in the internet (I'm not a primatologist/ethologist, so take it with a gain of salt) there is this cool youtube channel that is mostly about Rhesus Macaques, but you may get bored soon watching because those guys are mostly chilling, eating and grooming all day long and the don't do anything dramatic. Also be warned there are a lot of monkey channels that are essentially animal abuse. Stay away from those - if the monkey is a pet it's animal abuse, if a lot of accidents happen to the monkeys that's staged and it's abuse as well. I’m just writing down things you may want to play with in your fic or art.

Side note: this should be obvious, but if you want to write a fic with Wukong you actually need to do the research into Chinese culture and history.

Now back to macaques (it's mostly about rhesus or I'll specify otherwise):

- they have matriarchal society, girl children are preferred over the boys, because the boys would leave the natal group one day, usually when the dominant male decides that he doesn't want them around any more. If the boys grow up too big the dominant male may by too weak to kick them out on his own and he'll have to wait for the support from the females. Smarter and bolder boys may be kicked out earlier, because dad sees them as potential threat. Meek sons of low ranking females may stay longer because they are not a threat/not related to the dominant male.

- there are more females than males in the troop. The males that are the part of the troop usually outrank most females because they are bigger. Outsider males, who only drop by to visit or to mate have lower status, though. So you are in a cushy position if you secure yourself a place in a troop, but if you are a lone male not so much.

- girls inherit status of their moms, they are just below mom in hierarchy, but their place in ranking drops when their sisters are born - younger daughters have higher status.

- youngest daughter of the dominant female becomes next queen. To become the boss the male needs to kick out the previous top male and to gain approval of dominant  female. Only the top male in the group can mate with the queen and the pair is supposed to have babies every year. I’m not sure how Wukong would fit in a sexual politics on the group, given that he’s most likely ace. Figuring it out may be one of the plot lines in the story.

- lesser males defend the troop on behalf of the top male, who only fights if the things get really serious.

- top female is the leader for life, top male is replaceable.

- status of females in the group is relatively fixed but your status drops if you have multiple boys in the row, because no one is is going to support you when the boys leave. Having multiple daughters boosts your ranking because they'll have your back. Being in the good graces of resident males, particularly the dominant one won’t hurt you either. But you need to be careful, if you become too bold the high ranking females will put you in your place.

- higher ranking members take food before lower ranking ones, they’ll take your food away if you eat out of rank. Even from your cheek pouches.

- you generally chill with macaques of similar status.

- higher ranking members will discipline lower ones, but they are usually more tolerant towards the babies (except if a baby takes a desirable food out of rank).

- macaques sleep in trees. They also huddle together.

- rhesus don’t eat meat. If you left them meat they won’t touch it/will drop it as soon as they realise it’s meat. They only eat insets, mostly ones they’ve picked while grooming. Long tailed macaques eat meat and shellfish.

- When we are at that long tailed macaques can use stone tools to open shells. It’s awesome but also kind of a problem because long tail macaques have voracious apatites and they will eat as long as there’s food so they are in danger of bringing to population of shellfish to extinction and forgot their technological advancement as a result. In contrast rhesus only eat as long as they are hungry and they will leave even the most attractive food when they are satisfied.

- rhesus eat fruit, seeds, nuts, shoots, flowers (particularly nectar), occasionally leaves and they can eat human food like bread as long as that food doesn’t have meat in it. I’ve seen rhesus eat spoiled milk :/

- they also eat soil, they do it because sometimes plants they eat have toxins and soil helps with that. Also nutrients possibly.

- they have very clean fur. The spend a lot of time grooming (1996 adaptation got it right). You want to romance a potential partner, you groom, you spend time with your family, you groom, you sit alone, you groom yourself, you want to persuade other monkey let you babysit her kid you groom her and then you groom the kid when she finally lets you, you want to make up after a quarrel, you guessed it, you groom. You are a lone bachelor and you’ve met your old auntie, who used to babysit you, you groom. It is all purpose social interaction that also keeps lice and tick of your fur. Macaques don’t generally get flees because they sleep in trees, while flees hop on their hosts from the ground, but they’d rid of fleas any way with all that grooming.

- other multi purpose gesture is showing the rump. You do it to say you’re sorry, to ask for something (usually for other monkey to let you babysit) and when you are flirting. The other monkey make hop on your back to show domination, accept apology or reconciliate. It kind looks like a copulation from afar.

- lip smacking is for showing affection and signalling you want a hug.

- open mouth stare signifies aggression (I think 1986 Wukong does that, when he faces his enemies (?), but I haven’t seen that in other on screen performances).

- yawning with teeth exposed is also aggression/threat (without teeth it’s just yawning).

- barking sound is also a threat.

- showing teeth in a grin is stress/apology.

- they scratch themselves more when stressed (and it’s depicted in several JttW adaptations).

- those guys may steal your food, steal a bag if they think it may contain food and even steal your other possessions in order to exchange for food (or sometimes just to play).

- they know if they show up with a baby in their arms they are more likely to be fed by humans. But at the same time they don’t like humans near their babies.

- macaques get redder during mating period (that is winter), males with more and darker red marks are considered more attractive by females.

- baby season is in the summer.

- girls are usually more developed at birth and grow up faster.

- yearling girls are super interested in the new born babies, boys are usually less interested but they help out sometimes as well.

- nearly all females love babies. They may not want to give the baby back if they are babysitting.

- usually both moms and dads prefer daughters. But there are exceptions because those monkeys are individuals, some actually prefer little boys. There are also females, who don’t like babies that much and little girls who are not interested at all in their younger siblings.

- if a baby dies a mom or babysitter can carry it for days. Sometimes they even carry around miscarried foetuses. They will groom the dead baby as well. Apparently if you’ll try approaching mourning mom other troop members will attack you.

- rhesus males don’t practice infanticide, because the females only get in oestrus at fixed time of the year, long tailed macaques supposedly do to make the oestrus come faster.

- most macaques figure out their own reflections relatively quickly.

- they love how to swim, they are good swimmer and they like to high dive. But they can overestimate their abilities and it’s not rare for them to drown.

- Macaques are somewhere around 2 feet tall (generally shorter than a human toddler, standing up they’d probably reach to your mid thigh depend how tall you are) Sun Wukong is 4 feet tall, that’s as big as modern 7 year old, perhaps he could passed as pre teen in Tang period because people used to be shorter in the past and it took longer for kids to grow. Anyway he’s small for a human but huge for a macaque.

- now for sexual dimorphism (people with trans head-canons take notes, I’m not telling you want to do, but only what you can play with):

- males are bigger and with bulkier shoulders (Wukong is huge anyway, so this one may not be so important),

- males have longer (more prognostic), squarer muzzles and bigger fangs (all male primates have significantly bigger fangs than females save for humans), females have shorter and rounder faces, you can more or leas tell the sex of an adult from the face after you’ve watched them for a while.

- females tend to be redder, both on face on on the buttocks. Older females tend to be redder than younger ones. Males get redder on the face and balls during mating seasons. Males often have only red marks on the upper part of the face, some just look as if they are wearing red eyeliner. Meanwhile a lot of females have whole faces red. I suppose female also get redder during mating season, but it’s not that obvious.

- lactating females have sagging beast, they are visible but usually not particularly big. Females, who don’t lactate don’t heave breasts. They may still have long nipples (in contrast all males I’ve seen have small nipples).

- males have quite big testicles comparatively to their body size, the balls reach almost to their kneed during mating season (when the macaques is on all fours at least).

- like most mammals they have penis bone.

- mounting time is less than 8 seconds for rhesus but the mount multiple time during the same event. Male hops on the top of female and often supports himself by holding her shins in his feet. Female often reaches back grab him with one hand.

- bonnet macaques are known for homosexual behaviour (they are known as the bonobo of macaques).

- Macaques are supposed to have periods but also oestrus cycle?? apparently

- it seems like all rhesus with leucism are female (??) or at least the condition occurs much more often in females. Those monkeys have golden fur and transparent nails. Usually leucistic monkeys are low in group ranking. You may include this fact if you want to write an underdog story.

- usually rhesus fur is combination of light grey, light brown and orange. Head and shouldered tend to be greyer, lower back and legs tend to be more orange, forearms tend to be darker grey, while the belly is much lighter than the rest.

- the winter coat is longer an thicker.

- Rhesus macaques typically have dark nails. They have nails, not claws. In fact almost all monkeys and all Old World monkeys have nails. Hand looks very much like humans. The thumb is just a little shorter and the palm just a bit different shape but you’d be hard pressed to find any hand resembling that of a human even among other primates, you’d get cebids and maybe great apes and that’s it. Actually macaques have closer thumb to finger ration to humans than other great apes.

- macaques do not knuckle walk like apes, instead when they walk on their flat palms.

- the hand does not resemble cat paws at all. It is not padded like cats or dogs’ paws. It looks almost like human hand but with hair on the top.

- needless to say macaques are very dexterous. Their hands are optimised for object manipulation.

- they have longer feet with pointy heel and opposite big toe.

- it’s not rare for rhesus to have brown palms even though they have light pink faces.

- rhesus have relatively short  tails. Also no Old World Monkeys have prehensile tales (but you don’t have to draw, just have fun, heck I draw Wukong with long tail even though I think he’s supposed to be rhesus).

- the limbs are also relatively short with arms being shorter than legs.

- those guys are incredibly resilient and can survive losing a limb or two without human medical intervention as long as there are no predators in the area. They can also heal open broken bone.

- also while they discriminate against macaques with golden fur, the don’t seem to discriminate against monkeys with missing limbs or many other deformities.

- oh, yeah, about that, they care for injured macaques or at least if the injured one is their sibling.

- macaque bites aren’t very likely to pierce human skin (zoo keepers claim)

- but be warned you don’t want macaques saliva or other body fluids anywhere near your person because over 80% of their adult population (and about 25% of juveniles) carries monkey herpesvirus B. It hardly cause them any harm but mortality rate in infected humans is over 70% (at least that we know of, fortunately it does not usually spread to humans, there have been only about 40 cases on the record, all in the lab setting). Important note: this virus spreads sexually. Wukong may carry this virus without being aware.

- they have cheek pouches so collars or clothing that is tight around the neck is bad for them. If you put collar on a macaque they wouldn’t be able to eat properly because they usually put their food in the pouches and then gradually swallow.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

currently t posing as hard as ever thanks to also being stuck in [i can't believe i have to create what i want to create] mode... comradeship... ✨🔮🍺⚡

ugh smh at all of us attempting to create anything......comrades in this mess for sure B/ when will we learn

✨ Favourite aesthetic?

i can enjoy some like Muted Atmospheric type palettes......like, dim lighting / atmospheric distancing, maybe some monochrome-leaning stuff, Desaturated Colors which is wild as i never use this aesthetic myself lmao and am being unusually “restrained” if i choose Non-100% Saturated Colors.......i like some nighttime / dusk type Visuals although then within that i like both like, more ~realistically~ muted/dark stuff And Also like stylistically brightened / more saturated blues than you’d Really see at night, plus maybe some Warm Lighting from some source, don’t have to lean full thomas kinkade with it or whatever but it’s good. and Sunset type lighting where there’s both like, some colorful Lighting but also more desaturated shadows.......i don’t go so much for earth / jewel tones really like, either Lighter & Brighter or Darker & More Muted is my like Palette sensibilities apparently

🔮 Any advice you would have given 10 y/o you?

i have to like count out like what year of school are people in at whatever age....that’d be circa 4th/5th grade i guess?? not much going on. 4th grade was that one [several scenes from julius caesar] where it was like oh this is pretty clear You’re A Theatre Gay (which i only put together v recently for how obvious it was lol) and also of Course You’re Trans lmao like, may as well explain not only what Being Trans is (i don’t like, particularly remember when i became aware of That Being A Thing was?? like i know i knew by 14 but...) and go ahead and explain being Nonbinary coz it Was a good few years before i like, heard of that as a concept.....speaking of the Circa-’10s Dialogue i could’ve explained “you aren’t obligated to like, lgbtq-dom to Come Out to your family” b/c my Attempt at that only inconvenienced me and it’s just not a good/true sentiment for anyone lol........took a minute to like, get Perspective on things where i had this assumption that i’d Age Out of what turned out to be more inherent issues like [you are autistic, and also queer, and ppl don’t always just Make Friend Groups by high school age lol] and [family dynamics are not all Like This and it seems like the ‘rents approach is Wild b/c it is and it’s not Really going to fundamentally change so just don’t worry about the Continual Strife lol not on you actually] like, there’s a real On The One Hand But On The Other matter where my getting to go away to college gave that chance for some crucial Distance / Perspective on things about myself and my existence, but also forever in “i kind of hate school despite whatever parts are alright-to-good” club and did i need to rack up the tuition-etc Costs, would i have been able to get the Perspective in high school? probably in part but i also would’ve probably hated the [academic] part more and also would’ve been around most of the same ppl since kindergarten and yet i was sitting at the Odds N Ends lunch table probably just reading, so even though i was also not magically Socially Thriving in college, it was better from that angle too.......maybe could’ve told myself to do Backstage Theatre Stuff, since there was that issue of “i like to Perform but didn’t quite enjoy Family Members seeing it lmao”......compromise about your theatre gayness? who knows. generally tell myself to not worry about being Not Unruly as much, see: [the conflict is inevitable and too fundamental] lmao from many angles......who tf knows what primers on [Political Awareness] i could give a 10 yr old, that’s sure developing more in those years............idk like there’s Much 2 Consider but at the same time even Theoretically i’m not pressed to mess with the timeline lmao. like really just Maybe the small tip like “people are trans and specifically being nonbinary is A Thing and you are not obligated to Come Out To Parents” like, lord knows you get enough of their [i suspect and resent my progeny is not gender &/or sexualitying Correctly] without even bothering to confirm it for them

🍺 Favourite drink?

damb.......i like a Coffee alright for like, non-practical reasons i.e. all caffeine is likely to do is make me even sweatier than usual........tea can be pretty good, i like fruit / mint flavors (separately...).......sweet tea / lemonade combo (or just sweet tea ft. like a lemon wedge) pretty much fucks, or just regular lemonade on its own lol.......orange juice is okay, teresa was talking abt orange juice And apple cider last night like yeah apple cider’s okay, i went from liking apple juice to finding it intolerable and now i think i Can power through it w/o enthusiasm but apple cider is always great. grape soda is good and so is orange soda, sprite, ginger ale......and also Grape Juice is rly good......s/o to Water, idk that anyone’s enthused or anything on average but thank you for the hydration........idk i’m just out here like Sipppp........just wanna avoid anything Overall bitter really (tea / coffee always gotta be sweetened.....if i’m having Alcohol it’s gotta be like some cocktail and even then i've like multiple times tried and failed to just power through a pina colada. various unsweetened Teas have also just been like, i’d rather have the plain water. oh yeah and sparkling water, tf is going on there, Gross......avoided it wholly for years but last i checked cherry juice Specifically is intolerable 2 me) but idk i guess yeah if you take the Average of everything the answer is just like. water.........this just epitomizes my Asks Answers lmfao there’s no real answer but i take forever writing down whatever thought crosses my mind in the course of figuring it out and go tl;dr n/a or [the most boring answer possible]

⚡ Ever had a Greek Mythology phase?

i feel like i’m sort of forgetting some aspects to the “not really but kind of” answer like, most summers i’d Partake in some sort of daytime 2-3 week Activities camp lmao and i feel like one of them of yore mayyyybe had some kind of greek mythology theme to it b/c we had yknow like these smaller groups and i think we had to come up with Skits explaining greek myths b/c our like 4-5 person group did Arachne and i’m fairly sure that everyone else’s was along those lines lmao nothing Completely Different.......most of what i really remember was like, first of all it’s that “i cannot simply Think Of An Idea” problem lmao like tf do you mean Create A Skit......but it wasn’t just Me so we worked around it lol. and anyways the most Memorable thing was like, the day before we were gonna Present these skits we were like “uh how are we gonna have a Visible Spider’s Web” and one of the people were like “i have like a sheet with a spiderweb design on it” and we were like are you gonna forget to bring it though, and then she forgot to bring it, and when someone in our group like told An Adult like “uh what do we do if a sort of essential prop is Unavailable” we were unhelpfully brushed off with “you’ll just have to use your imaginations” and so we bitterly were like Oh Is THAT The Sentiment Then............and what we did is like, i don’t remember what [sort of chorus / narrator] greek god i happened to be playing but i was the one to hold up the “web” like wow amazing weaving here, as per the myth of arachne, and since we didn’t have anything and were told to just use our imaginations to rectify the issue, i held up the corners of Absolutely Nothing and announced it was sure an incredible woven spider’s web, i.e. the audience had to Imagine It.........a real memorable event of Inspired Pettiness from us like 9 yr olds or whatever the fuck. lmfao. of course nobody would’ve given a shit either way but we were somewhat pressed about it so it was fun to just like, get that Stress brushed off and in turn go “ah fuck it then” lmfao

[sleepsnumber1fan]

This makes me think about a lot.

I am a fat trans nonbinary person and I am happy with myself and my body.

Im on T and I havent had top surgery, I dont bind and I slide back and forth a lot on whether I want to have it cause I like my body most days.

But I dont see a lot of people like me unless I go to big queer events.

In my daily life I am quite visibly nonconforming on purpose because I want people to know that Im trans/nonbinary, but Im disabled so I can’t actually leave the house much.

So Ive been thinking about whether I should upload pictures of myself outside of tdov so that I am a lil more visible to others who are either trans/nonbinary and fat or those who just have never seen people like me.

And on the one hand tumblr is a pocket of anonymity where I can talk about my interests, my disabilities, my transness, my life without really having it tied to my face or my name or me.

On the other, I want my community to see more people like me who are happy to exist and comfortable in their bodies.

Im also terrible at making facial expressions but Ill think about it. Cause I think this is important to me.

“Hey, um,” he says, obviously trying to hide some urgency, “can I ask you for kind of a weird favor?”

I’m standing behind the Flamingo Rampant book table at this trans conference, in Seattle, where I have been standing for two days. I’ve been visiting with friends, greeting acquaintances, and talking to parent after parent after anxious parent of trans and nonbinary kids looking for reflections of themselves. I’m a little tired and a little hoarse, a little dry-mouthed and a little hungry, and I feel, standing here, like I have been in service all day but also I like this young fellow and I love to be helpful, so I nod: yes.

He pours it out: “We’re doing top surgery show and tell across the hall. It’s pretty packed, but everyone who came to show their results is, like, me-sized. But a bunch of the guys who are looking to check out results are more… you-sized. So I was wondering, if I watched the books and all for a few minutes, could you maybe…”

“Go in there and be fat?” I ask.

He laughs nervously, all 5'5" and 115 pounds of himself, compact and sleek as an otter, and nods. “Basically.”

And so I do.

[kemeticcalloutsfromthepublic]

We’d like to begin addressing this thread:

here

We apologize for this post being so long but there is just...so much here.

@thetwistedrope response:

“ Anonymous When your "joking with friends" ends with a transwoman in pain and bullied and in tears, an abuse victim having massive anxiety attacks, and another innocent commentator being *bullied into deleting their blgo and then gaslight off the server as a scapegoat, it's gone too far.  Honestly, it would have been better if you and your friends realized you guys went way too far and stopped trying to double down and just admit you went too far and made amends.

None of you can read for shit, I s2g. The screencap of me being “envious” is a completely separate conversation. “

We would like to address that the Anon seems to be referring to a litany of events rather then listing them in chronological order.  We’d like to add that they are making a good point, but would have benefited their position by being chronological.

We‘d like to point out Devo begins with an insult, ironically she and her friends are the ones who have reading issues.  We’d like to mention that the anon is entirely correct.  The events are going to far.

“My part in the situation with Princess Triangle was not bullying. Full stop. “

We’d like to point out that telling a transwoman her fears are “unrealistic”, and she is making excuses, is wrong, but in this mod’s opinion, borders on bullying, and is in fact transphobic.  You told a transwoman her fears aren’t real so she has no excuse to not out herself, stand up and be put in a position of danger as she felt she was in.

“I never told PT to out themself. I mean, they already said that they were out as a trans woman, so how tf you can make someone who is already out, out themself again is a complete mystery to me. “

We’d like to mention, you were among the people telling her to sacrifice her support systems to stand up and “rock the boat” (as she put it).  Something she was terrified of and didn’t want to be the only person standing up and end up the object of ridicule.  Princess Triangle’s position was one of fear of being left alone and the possibility of being ousted, not from “”comfort”” but from a place she felt she was accepted in and she didn’t want to risk that for a fight not really hers.  We’d like to remind you, Devo and her friends, alleviated her of that fear by making it a reality.  For the record “PT” said she was visibly trans.  Princess Triangle stated they felt like they wouldn’t be safe and they would compromise what safety they had in the group.  We’d like to state that whether or not the group would have become hostile is irrelevant to the point that she felt like her life was in danger, and Devo and co. told her to risk it anyways. To her present mind, Pricness Triangle made it clear she feared reprisals, she feared danger, she lived in that fear, irregardless of validity, so for her, it was real, and she was still being told to sacrifice herself.  To those reading, this should be taken seriously, it is this mods opinion, her following statements and thoughts were in line with this thinking and fear.

“Repeat: All you fuckers are reading inaccurate, edited screen caps in regards to the PT incident. “

We’d like you to prove that the 200+ screengrabs are “edited” and “faked” since you want to now conveniently claim it.  We’d also like to mention that Devo’s friends have tried four different defenses to try and escape responsibility and accountability for what they did.  We’d like to discount this baseless claim.  They are quite genuine.  We’d like to add Devo just doesn’t want to admit her own words are against her own defense of innocence.  The screencaps are accurate, and speak for themselves.  The reality is not pretty.

You have had plenty of time to post the “correct” screencaps.  If these were truly wrong, why haven’t you?  (oh yes, of course, smarmy did and they were the same ones we had posted)  Of course, Smarmy using them to refute things probably doesn’t help your case.

“And I’m sorry, but shezep acting like it was okay to state, quite literally, that we were calling PT a nazi is, frankly, asinine and too far.“

We bring you back to reading comprehension.  We’d like to correct Devo’s staggering inability to read, out of convenience, again, Shezep said you and your friends liken everyone who fails to follow your empty moral leftist platitudes are labeled something horrible like a nazis.  Shezep was making a comment about how toxic the left-wing is, how someone must be an evil person because they do not conform to your left-wing ideals.  A point they are absolutely correct on.  We’d like to state that Shezep did not deserve to be shouted down, shit-talked and ridiculed when they left.  Isn’t Shezep trans also?  We do believe that is two transpeople Devo and co. have bullied, not a very good look for those who ‘champion the downtrodden, discriminated, and totally support LGBTQ+ people...as long as they obey and repeat the correct thoughts and opinions.

“Again, I wouldn’t have handled it that way, but it’s not my server. I’m sorry (except I’m not), but I have no remorse for calling PT out on their complacency. “

We’d like to express our surprise that “feeling unsafe and like my life is in danger” is now “complacency��.  Transpeople need support, they need their support systems, and as Shezep correctly states here, trans people are subject to discrimination.  Princess Triangle was unwilling to be put in a position to be discriminated against and you weren’t pleased.  We’d like to express our utter shock that her status as a transperson, something the social justice kemetics have stated before is very important (‘listen to transpeople when they tell you their experience because they know it better then you do.’ we paraphrased) An important point Devo and co. conveniently abandon when a transperson doesn’t agree with them.

“Us white folks who are able to stand up should stand up.“

We’d like to ask, are you then saying that you did tell PT to out themselves and be put in danger? 

“It hasn’t stopped any of you for coming after me because y’all think I’m not doing enough. Does that make you all transphobic? “

Considering we are correct and haven’t expressed positions such as “listen to trans and poc people when they tell you about their experiences, don’t argue with them, just agree”, toting it as extremely important...No.  We are calling out your hypocrisy, when you violate the important positions and moral tenets you espouse to being of import, only to throw them aside like used tissues when they no longer serve you because you can’t use it to brow-beat someone else.  We’d like to remind you, you have no place telling a transwoman to expose herself to discrimination and danger to serve your crusade. 

“Maybe you should look in the mirror before you toss more bricks at my head. “

We would, but the ample heaps of hypocritical trash you and friends hurl into the mirror, seem to have broken it.

“You can get as mad as you want about how other people talked to PT. Some people went a bit far, yes.“

We must express our utter shock at this statement.  Maybe instead of trying to sweep your wrong-doing under the rug you should call ourselves out and lecture each other over why what you did was wrong instead of inventing hollow defenses to try and deflect blame.  We’d like to state we are just holding you to your own moral standards you and your friends constantly spew.  You seem to not meet the requirements you have set.  We’d suggest you stop defending yourselves and stop the mental gymnastics.

“But at the end of the day, you can’t keep acting as if I can magically control what everyone else does or says. “

We’d like to say, no, but they do listen to you and respect your opinion and would fall back and lay off if you told them to.

“And you shouldn’t keep acting like me telling a white trans woman to consider standing up and pushing back in places where its safe to do so is somehow transphobic.“

We’d like to remind you, you participated in beating down a transwoman, told her, her fears aren’t realistic and don’t really matter.  She expressed she didn’t feel safe and that really should have ended the discussion right there.  You went too far, you know you went to far and you got caught.

“And if it is, you all owe many of us an apology for doing the same goddamn thing to us. I can’t tell you how many times ppl get mad because I’m not out there “fighting the good fight” enough. trans status be damned. “

Considering you tell everyone else they have NO EXCUSE not to ever go out and “fight the good fight”, you’re a hypocrite.  You don’t go out and fight the good fight, what gives you the right to demand others do the same when you refuse to? 

“Esp because you’re reading edited screencaps. “

We’d like to ask...Does it comfort you to pretend the screengrabs are faked and edited?  They are, as we stated, legitimate.  Claiming over and over they are edited and fake does not change the reality that they aren’t. You look like a massive transphobic hypocrite.  And you are, the only shame here should be yours.  We would also like to ask, what proof do you have the images were altered?  There is over 200 of them and that is a staggering amount of evidence to edit.

We would address smarmy’s contribution to the post but we will leave that for our cohort if they desire.  This mod sees nothing of substance in the addition that merits response.

We will move on to @heofspeckledplumage contribution.

“I remind everyone that the screenshots posted by Kemetic callouts from the public are being posted by two mods with a well-documented dislike of both Smarm and Devo. Honestly, that seems to be the main point of the blog is to throw accusations at Smarm and Devo until something sticks. “

We’d like to congratulate you on your own inability to read.  For the record, they all stick.  Have you even read our mission statement?  Your shimmering ignorance astounds us, it’s right there on the blog, it requires minimum effort to look, but that is probably too much for you to muster.  To alleviate your smooth lobes of the strain, we’ve linked it for you, here.  We do hope you will be able to understand all the confusing words.

“KCFTP is not a neutral, bias-free entity. They have everything to gain and little to lose by framing the situation on the server as they prefer and by editing screenshots because they post under pseudonyms. There is no connection that anyone is able to draw between them posting there and their Tumblr accounts, and thus no accountability for anything they see on the KCFTP blog. “

We’d like to address that we aren’t, our “bias” is calling out what we see as wrong.  Your friends are very loud, and they say alot of stupid things we need to address and dismantle.  We have alot to do, and they are the ones who say the most hypocritical and rather foolish sentiments, so we call it out.  We’d like to mention the KC blog is anything but impartial and is also run by the same loudmouthed jesters.

We’d like to mention, why should we be held accountable when none of you are either?  You don’t police each other when you’re out of line, so it is rather hypocritical of you to pull the victim card and pretend you are sunshine and gumdrops.  The point of this blog is to correct the community the social justice kemetics have ravaged and pillaged to the point that it has become a toxic and horrible place.  We’d like to point out people leave the community because of the social justice kemetics and not the others you scapegoat.

“It takes about two seconds of thinking before one realizes that this is so they can stir the pot and say whatever baseless things they wish to and enjoy zero repercussions on their main blogs. “

We must say that is beautiful sophistry.  We are astounded you are a mind reader and can accurately report on our thoughts and feelings, what an amazing power.

We’d like to state nothing we’ve said is baseless, the proof is there, it’s easy to spot, but continue to shove your head in your ass and pretend it’s a dream.  We’d like to state, we never see you address your friends wrong-doing, you never step up and tell them when they go too far.  We have to guess you feel they are in the right.  Bullying transpeople, scapegoating someone at random on the server to blame for the screengrabs, labeling everyone a bigot and racist when they disagree, sending suicide anons to people.  You must be complicit in such thinking that these things are ok. 

“They are cowards and everything they say should be viewed through the lens of people who will stop at nothing to twist words to their own advantage. “

We’d like to say, you are confused again.  We understand the kool-aid is very disorienting, let us clarify: We don’t need to twist anything, that would be you and your friends.  Stop yelling at the strawmen, you’re scaring them.

The advantage is already ours because we don’t lie, we tell you the naked truth and why we disagree with your positions, opinions, and how your bullying isn’t just.

With the number of times you and your comrades have twisted other peoples words to your advantage--to the point where you have created entirely false statements, it is the height of arrogance and hypocrisy to accuse us of doing the same. At least we use your own words against you, instead of lies we made up.

“Stop hounding Devo and Smarm. You all need some hobbies. For all some of you talk about piety to the gods you could surely add some shrine time if you did that instead of trying to make Smarm and Devo responsible for everything the Kemetic community does.Quite frankly, y'all need to stop.“

We find this statement hilarious.  We have ample hobbies and shrine time, thank you for your concern.  The ones who need to stop are”y’all” not us.  “Y’all” have chased so many good people out of this community and made it so unsafe this blog became necessary to try and stem the tide of toxic waste you all vomit into the community.  We must say, for all the moral tantrums and hollow posturing you and your friends do, you do little else for this community.  All you people do is demand everyone be a far leftist, if they don’t you all squeal “BIGOT!!!” like a paniced pig.  You preach morality and commit nothing towards it but armchair activism of the vapidly myopic kind.  We’re sick of it.

You are quite right, Devo and smarm are responsible...They caused the rifts in the community.  They chased people away.  They began the drama with their social justice crusades and demands of kow towing to the groupthink.  They turned the community into an unwelcoming place.  And you helped them.

What was that you said earlier about accountability?  You seem to be ok with dismissing any and all accountability when addressed to Devo and smarm, but you want us to be accountable.  How hypocritical of you.  Clearly you need to spend more time in shrine contemplating Ma’at and treating people well, but wait, none of you really do that do you.  We’d like to tell you to close your mouth and try to really take a hard look at your friends antics. 

The hostility they have reduced the community to. 

We’d like you to spend less time being an apologist for these abusive schoolyard bullies, and more time seriously considering Ma’at.

You all act like moralizing puritanical inquisitors hunting for heretics to crucify, and that’s exactly what you do. 

You vilify good people who love the gods, and when an actual racist bigot sauntered into our community...you were all pretty quiet.  We found that very interesting. 

For all the posts and comments declaring how you loathe nazis and bigots and racists, when a real one showed up you lot barely spoke on it other then “just block kay?”

Then you continue on demeaning and denigrating everyone but them. 

You’re a hypocrite and nothing any of you say should ever be listened to.

The evidence piles up, speckled, and your friends weigh heavy on that scale against them.  Before you spread more lies about us (which is against ma’at we believe), sit down and consider if all the people chased away, all the people bullied out of the community, inventing fake racist gods to worship, claiming the Netjeru aren’t really that important to the religion, seeking to escape repercussions by spreading lies, brow-beating people down, corrupting others, and harassing others until they delete their blogs, consider if their actions...are just.  We did, and we viewed it is not so.  So sit.  The. FUCK.  Down!

We care about this religion, this community and we’ve seen the diarrhea you and your friends have excreted on it, turning it into a hostile and unfriendly place.

We are here to make sure, you are all held accountable.  You’re welcome.

--Memphis and Cairo

[song-birds-stuff]

ZATR smeethood friends AU

I got this idea of if Zim and Tak knew each other as smeets, and how their relationship would be different, and how much different the Tak episode would be and all.

• they met while still underground, Tak was the first Irken to compliment the intelligence Zim showed, and also the first y’all Irken to be nice to him.

• they were usually seen together with Skoodge, they were like the dream team, though said dream team usually ended up causing trouble due to Zim being... a bit of a loose canon.

• while in Invader training it was very evident that despite his skill, Zim had trouble in training, back then, he was so small, so frail, due to being Defective, his PAK was faulty, making him need regular food and sleep, and the lifestyle on Irk makes that hard with the constant military life, thus, when he was young, Zim was physically weak and relatively frail, Tak helped him modify his PAK so adrenaline would help him get through his training.

• during their Invader training, Zim, Tak, and Skoodge were all paired up together, as is the norm for Defective Irkens, during one training session, they were training late, it was Zim’s idea to make up for the lackluster performance in training that day; however, there was an incident, an explosion, the three of them were caught in the crossfire.

• there was fire and smoke everywhere, Zim got the worst of it, he nearly got torn apart and lost both his eyes, his left arm was too damaged for even his PAK to heal, and ended up getting it amputated, Tak had a few burns and some brain damage, resulting in needing the wire seen on her head.

• Zim may have been worse off, but thanks to Tak’s technology, he’d pull through, not to say the surgery and rehabilitation wasn’t tough, originally he’d have to endure three years of recovery, but he pushed himself to just one year, however painful it was; he came back to training with ocular implants as replacements for his eyes, and and new, cybernetic arm, he’s rather self-conscious about it (not that he’d ever admit it) so he kept his arm covered, not ever taking off his uniform, and ocular implants were so well made, one couldn’t tell the difference between them and a real pair of eyes.

• it wouldn’t be found out until years later, but the cause of the explosion was sabotage, and the culprit was no other than Purple, he was resentful that Tak, despite being a Defect, is top of the Irken Elite training classes, and caused the explosion as a ‘joke’ and being the only one to know he’s the one behind Zim and Tak’s injuries, which he mocked them for, Zim acted like it was fine, Purple was one of his idols, even back then, but it definitely angered Tak, Purple messed with Zim the most, taking his prosthetic and hiding it for ‘fun’ he didn’t seem to ever do it around Red, however.

• years passed, Tak was able to get to her final test to become an Irken Elite early, Zim and Skoodge were on the planet as well to see how it’d go, but that’s when Zim accidentally caused the blackout that ruined Tak’s test, at the time, Zim was stubborn and didn’t believe he should say sorry since it wasn’t something he meant to do, Zim and Tak stopped talking after that, and Tak was sent to planet; Dirt.

• years passed, Zim had interrupted the Great Assigning, and one fake mission given and a faulty SIR Unit, the oblivious Irken was off to Earth, and of course the events of the first episode happens, relatively unchanged.

• eventually though, Zim discovers something about himself while on Earth, something that just...felt right. That he, is a she, Zim comes out as a trans girl, and she experienced little problems with coming out, she didn’t need to change her disguise much, just a new wig, though in the makeup department, she went a little...overboard.

• it was such a disaster, Gaz dragged her to the bathroom to fix the butchered makeup job, mostly because it was too terrible, since then Zim went to Gaz for makeup advice.

• Dib was actually very understanding and accepting when Zim came out, changing the pronouns of his insults towards her, and being trans himself, occasionally gave her advice, which at first, made her skeptical, but eventually was appropriated.

• Zim found no need to change her name, she was still Zim and no other name fit, in her opinion, and as for her voice tone, usually with how shrieky and loud her voice is, but as she had a voice modulator, she could change her voice tone relatively easily (I think she would sound like Zim’s Spanish VA)

• in the timeline of the show, she would’ve come out, at least a few days before the events of Gir Goes Crazy And Stuff.

• when that episode happens, it’s a might...different, when Zim tries to stop GIR at the library, the behavioral modulator is destroyed, so Zim couldn’t just switch GIR back to normal.

• as a result, Zim found no other choice, but to go to Dib for help, who reluctantly agreed, seeing how dangerous GIR was stuck in Duty Mode, within a few days they made special stun guns that would give Zim just enough time to turn GIR back to normal.

• it wasn’t easy, but it worked, Zim worked on GIR as quickly as she could, and the little robot remembered nothing of the event, which Zim found thankful, the event made her really appreciate the way GIR was, she had no intention of changing him ever again, otherwise, it just wouldn’t be GIR.

• as a means of ‘research’ of how a normal human girl acts (and because GIR likes the cookies) Zim joins the Girly Rangers, but surprisingly, ends up enjoying her time there, even getting a few badges and making a few friends.

• being around her new Girly Ranger friends, it began to help Zim open up a bit, and mellow out a little, and with that, she realized the way she and Tak ended off and fell out from their friendship wasn’t right, and for the first time, felt large, horrible guilt, she ruined the life of one her best friends, and she didn’t even apologize and acted selfish and like a total jerk, now knowing better, she hopes to see Tak again, to properly apologize.

• little did she know, she’d get her chance faster than she thought; Tak came to Earth, though rather than meeting at the skool, Tak came to Zim’s house, which really caught her off guard.

• Tak took note of Zim’s new look, and complimented her on it, rather passively, despite her anger towards Zim, it was clear she held some fondness over their friendship in the past, at the least.

• seeing Tak again, it was a bit overwhelming for Zim, she hadn’t seen her in so long, and she wants to apologize for her actions, but Tak doesn’t give her the chance, Tak wouldn’t listen to a word her former friend said, and crippled the base, leaving Zim and GIR to figure out the problem on their own.

• having no other choice, Zim and GIR went to Dib’s house, by this point, they were less like enemies, and more like rivals and occasional friends, so Zim convinced Dib to listen as she explained her and Tak’s history together, and how now she realizes she shouldn’t have left things off with Tak the way they were, she needed Dib’s help, and she just hoped Tak would listen to her next they met.

• surprisingly, over the coming week, Tak did very little actual evil planning, just going about her day, which Zim of course found suspicious, yet she still wouldn’t listen, even avoided her, it seemed.

• it was a rather...tough time, it was the most vulnerable Zim’s ever felt, and it certainly showed.

• that changed one day, when while walking home (well, for Zim, it’d be going to Dib’s house since her base was still out of commission) they ran into an Airolax, the natural enemy of the Irken, extremely dangerous, they’ve hunted Irkens for eons, since before the time Irkens even used PAKs, they skinned Irkens alive, devoured their eyes, and harvested their organs like trophies, no Irken has ever faced even one and survived.

• Airolax were bird like aliens that has razor sharp teeth and talons, and were twice the size of any Tallest, and the hooks on their wings could easily cut into Irken skin better than any scalpel could, this particular Airolax attacked Zim and Dib in the middle of the street, still a ways away from the Membrane household, needless to say, Zim was visibly scared, any Irken with half a PAK would be, which immediately set Dib on edge with how rarely Zim is ever scared of something, well at least honest about being scared of something, at least.

• Zim didn’t so much as hesitate as she grabbed Dib by the arm and ran like hell, eventually resorting to using her PAK legs to move faster with the Airolax flying overhead, making an attempt to make a grab for the small Irken.

• the sharp talons were mere centimeters away from grabbing Zim by the PAK when a laser hit the Airolax in the side, the two looked to see it was Tak, she stepped in front of them, firmly in a defensive stance, her PAK legs out and poised to attack.

• the Airolax attacked relentlessly, Tak lashed with her PAK legs, and shot her lasers, that is until the Airolax spread out his wings, knocking Tak to the ground, ready to strike her eyes first.

• that’s when Zim, not wanting to lose her friend a second time, lunged at the winged beast, piercing her own PAK legs deep into its thick skin, making it screech in pain as Zim screamed insults at him “YOU KEEP YOUR FILTHY DEATH-CLAWS OFF OF HER YOU BIRD-BEAST!!!”

• the Airolax reared back, thrashing about until he slammed into a large tree, knocking the wind out of Zim, but she wasn’t through with him yet.

• As the feathery beast went to attack the two teens, Zim got to her feet, she wasn’t quite thinking straight, the hit possibly giving her a concussion, she reflexively shot out her hand in a motion to reach out to Dib and Tak, only for the Airolax to go slamming into a large boulder, it was shocking, Zim looked at her hands, and realized she’s tapped into her Irken Ability.

• for context, an Irken Ability describes a special ability or power an Irken has and eventually discovers, an example of this is Tak’s ability to hypnotize people with just a flash from her eyes, it’s surprising as Irken Abilities are relatively rare in Defects, Zim herself didn’t think she even had one, but as she found out today, her Irken Ability was psychic capabilities, in this moment; telekinesis.

• Now knowing this, Zim used her newfound telekinesis to throw the Airolax around until finally releasing him from her grip, Tak gave it several good lashes with her PAK legs, and while he was less experienced in combat, Dib grabbed a large, sharp ended tree branch and whacked the Airolax harshly in the throat, knocking the wind out of the large beast.

• with one final push, Zim picked the Airolax up with her newfound ability, and with all her might, threw him at least a few miles away, the overuse of her telekinesis having exhausted her, Zim fell to her knees, totally wiped out.

• Zim hadn’t realized it until after the battle, but in the fight, Zim’s ponytail had come loose, which she noticed as Tak helped her to her feet, arm held over the taller Irken’s shoulder, as they quickly made their way to Dib’s house.

• on the way, Zim finally got her chance to apologize to Tak like she’s been trying to for the past week, she admitted she’s been selfish and stubborn, and accident or not, she should’ve apologized in the first place, Tak is genuinely surprised at the legitimately sincere apology, the Zim she knew years ago was never one to apologize and be honest with her emotions, it would seem being on Earth gave the destructive Irken room to grow.

• Tak calls Mimi to deactivate the crippling of Zim’s base, and truthfully, though there is a part of her that’s still angry about what happened, after seeing Zim again, after so many years, seeing her laugh, smile, it makes Tak’s face heat up, and the heart component in her squeedlyspooch to skip a beat, seeing Zim just makes her...happy, and she doesn’t know why.

• unbeknownst to her, Zim felt the same way, both not knowing what the feeling is, but Dib did, and he was internally facepalming at these clueless teens.

•a few weeks passed, Zim felt like a large weight was lifted off her shoulders now that she’s apologized to Tak, true, it was the first time she actually apologized to anyone, but the point still stands.

• as time passes, Zim actually begins to gain an interest in music, GIR brought home a ukulele and curious, Zim played it, turns out she’s REALLY good, she even got out her invader diary to write her own songs, just about anything, the songs went from just simple notes to having words, the words came when she remembered the poems Tak made in class, and the lyrics just unraveled themselves.

• when they all started music class, and the home assignment was to ‘write a song about a feeling that’s hard to describe’ Zim was ecstatic! The moment she got home, she went right to writing a song, this was the first time Dib and Tak saw her interest in music and were curious about what song the usually destructive Irken would make.

• when focusing on writing a song, Zim would use her telekinesis to float around, usually upside down to help her focus, for whatever reason, when she used her telekinesis on herself, Zim didn’t tire out, she thinks it could be because she’s the source of the psychic power, thus she can float indefinitely.

• weeks passed into months, Zim got an award for her talent in both music and science, and she’d steadily gotten more popular with her music, even getting music gigs and she used her telekinesis in her shows, the humans just thought it was special effects.

• however, the day came that Zim found out about her mission being a lie, the Tallests didn’t care, they never did, and didn’t want to deal with Zim at all, but surprisingly, Zim wasn’t as upset about it as she thought she should be, maybe it’s all the time she’s spent on Earth, learning and growing, growing up, it really changed her perspective.

• the real problem was, the Tallests wanted to take the Earth, for its snacks and artillery, and that would mean, a fight to protect the Earth, the place Zim never thought she’d care about, but after a year and a half, discovering love, sharing her first kiss with Tak on this planet, Earth was her new home, and she was determined to protect it.

• to put it shortly, a war would be fought, not that most of the humans believed or cared, but Zim and Tak created their own brand of fire power, they upgraded their respective ships, made a few other ships, and prepared strong, yet lightweight armor, thankfully it wouldn’t just be the two of them, Dib was ready to defend Earth to his last stand, Gaz and Membrane would fight as well, though not for the same honorable reasons as the other three, the help was appreciated.

• it only took the Massive and it’s fleet a little less than a week to arrive, and it was to war.

• the fight was harsh, and tough, Zim’s robotic arm getting torn off in a fight, but when Tak nearly got taken out by a large ship, Zim went into a blind rage, using both her psychic power, and her own PAK weapons to mercilessly obliterate the ship, upon seeing Tak was okay, floated to her worryingly, confessing she was very worried, even when they weren’t talking, the shorter Irken was scared something would happen, and Zim wouldn’t be able to protect Tak, said Irken eased her worries, promising nothing would happen, they shared a kiss on the battlefield before getting back into the fight.

• it’s looking bad until they get support, from the Resisty, that’s when the battle is turned in their favor, they become victorious! They end up not killing the Tallests, but Zim approaches them menacingly, giving them a single warning: if they ever come near the Earth again, she will kill them herself.

• after that, things went to normal for the most part, the Resisty stayed in touch, Dib and Lard Nar became close, Zim went to her music, now with Tak, who used her poetry skills to write both poems and great stories, also using her intelligence to make incredible inventions, Dib eventually became a paranormal investigator like he wanted, Gaz would grow to become a horror game developer, and they simply, went on with their lives, relatively peacefully.

This is all I got so far, I might make a continuation at some point, if there’s something I should fix at all or any tips, please let me know!

Trans Girl Zim AU belongs to @cutiebatata

[up-in-flames-writing]

I posted 1,073 times in 2022

That's 738 more posts than 2021!

37 posts created (3%)

1,036 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@writting-in-blood

@bookerbluedragon

@treasures-and-beauty

@peashooter85

@insomniac-dot-ink

I tagged 1,072 of my posts in 2022

#reblog - 1,023 posts

#weapons - 324 posts

#swords - 209 posts

#about writing - 121 posts

#daggers - 106 posts

#writing advice - 82 posts

#writing memes - 80 posts

#writing inspiration - 78 posts

#writing meme - 63 posts

#poetry - 58 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#completely ignoring the fact hes a mentally disabled man whos struggling to make ends meet & atruggling to live with himself & all hes done

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Pride commissions

Happy Pride month, folks!

In lieu of the gayest month of the year, I'm opening up Pride commissions, cause I'm a broke queer who needs to pay for his pet rabbit! Yeah, ya heard me right! I'm opening up event commissions before my actual commissions! Isn't that great?

So, this is how this'll look:

If anyone wants a short story or fanfic with a theme of queerness (anything gay, bi, ace, trans, even polyam, literally anything queer) hit me up. All of them are a flat rate of £5 (not DOLLARS, pounds, do the math, don't skimp out) & all of them will be between 1k & 2k words.

If you want a short story, this is how it will work: Send me a private message through tumblr, with a screenshot proving you've tipped me 5 bucks through tumblr (I am not comfortable sharing my paypal account at this moment in time), as well as a synopsis of what you want me to write about. You can ask me for a number of fandoms, & I will let you know if it's something I can write for. And if you want a story featuring your characters, please link me to a few posts talking about said characters so that I can get a feel for their voice & how they act. You can also commission me for multiple stories, although be realistic please, I still have my own life to lead.

Here's also the link to my AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpInFlamesWriting

At the end of June, I will post all of the fanfic commissions at once. If you asked for an original piece, I will send that to you when it's done.

And if anyone wants to request a poetry commission (Pride-themed or otherwise), my rate is £1 per line, with a minimum of 5 lines & a maximum of 20. I will let you know how long the poem is for you to tip me, & then I will send it over.

I also do flower poetry:

This is a piece I made for a friend. For poetry of this style, I will be taking a flat rate of £15, & you can choose the type of flower you want the poem to be about, & I will expect pre-payment as with the fics. If you want a different font, do let me know & I will adjust it accordingly, but for more complex fonts I will be taking an additional £10 for a £25 total. (For transparency's sake, the flower drawing is a tracing of a picture, I didn't draw it. I traced over a digital real life picture of a flower, but I do know how to draw flowers in real life)

With that said, happy Pride everyone! Stay safe, keep fighting for your rights, & never stop being proud of who you are.

22 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

#4

Slava Ukraini

I am Booker Feniks. I am a Polish writer & poet. I stand with Ukraine, & send my best wishes to everyone fighting the good fight. May the old gods watch over you all.

29 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

#3

Yo! I have a Ko-fi now! If you peeps like the work I do, please consider tipping me a coffee! Can’t say I’ll drink it, I’m more of a tea guy, but I’ll still really appreciate it!

https://ko-fi.com/upinflameswriting

40 notes - Posted January 26, 2022

#2

Trans day of Visibility 2021-2022

Happy Trans Day of Visibility! I am a trans writer, & I am making myself visible with these two poems for this special day!

48 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

To preface this: I am yet to watch Our Flag Means Death, but I have read the original Good Omens novel.

And, quite frankly: I am pissed at people who are comparing the two (for good reason) & then saying that OFMD is better than Good Omens because it isn't 'queerbaiting'. That because it has explicit gay rep, it is somehow better (but, quite frankly, I've only seen that being said on twitter, luckily.)

&, sure, you can be happy about explicit gay rep & funny pirates, I'm happy about it too! But to tear down Good Omens just to uplift OFMD is a horrid, acephobic thing to do.

Yes, you've heard that right, calling Good Omens queerbaiting is ace & arophobic. Because Good Omens isn't a tale of two gay men in gay love. It is a tale of two genderless & sexless beings being in love. It is a tale that is FULL of love, without the sex or the kissing. It is a tale that I, & many others who are ace &/or aro can recognise! It is love without the romance, love without the sex, but still so explicitly LOVE, even without the markers of what the heteronormative society deems as love.

All you allos are entitled pissy brats if you think Good Omens is queerbaiting. You are so stuck up each other's asses that you can't fathom a love story not have sex or even fucking kissing! Isn't this what we used to fucking fight for? To desexualise gay sex so that stuck up, self-righteous Christian bigots stopped seeing our love as something inherently sexual? & now you dare turn around & dishonour a queer love story because it is not 'explicit' enough for you. You are all pathetic, hypocritical assholes, & I am not afraid to say it. The community doesn't stop at gays & lesbians, & the A is there for a damn good reason. Do better, or shut the fuck up.

109 notes - Posted April 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[caseycardwell]

Coming out at work

Our stories of what makes a great workplace for LGBTQIA+ people

With thanks to: 

Chloe | Social Media Manager | She/her

Stuart | Senior Clinical Support Worker | He/him

Eliza | Freelance Content Creator | They/them

Linnea | Art Director and Visual Designer | She/her

At SH:24, we are all about sexual health. Sexual health isn’t just about getting tested for STIs or using contraception, it’s also about feeling happy and comfortable with your sexuality so that sex is always a healthy, safe and joyful experience. We have lots of fantastic LGBTQIA+ colleagues, and we want to make sure that they are supported at work. 

To celebrate Pride 2021 (and to get some useful tips on how to improve), we asked some of our LGBTQIA+ colleagues about their experiences in the workplace.

How can workplaces better support and attract LGBTQIA+ employees?

“Be open and actively work to help the community and make it very clear that you support them.” Eliza, Freelance Content Creator

“Don’t just support your staff during Pride month! Support them 365 days a year,” said Stuart, our Senior Clinical Support worker. This was echoed by Eliza, a freelance Content Creator, who added, “Just changing a logo to rainbow during June isn’t enough. Companies should be actively looking to hire us.”

Stuart felt that workplaces have come a long way, with some larger companies having LGBTQ+  networks to offer support, raise awareness and communicate that intolerant behaviour is not acceptable. “But we still have a long way to go, for example, in supporting staff who are Trans and encouraging the use of pronouns.” He felt that training and better awareness of LGBTQ+ issues can help to make better working environments.

Linnea, our Art Director and Visual Designer, made the point that understanding LGBTQ+ issues and needs should be the responsibility of the employer, not the employees. “As a queer person it’s easy to become the only one repeatedly pointing out the presence of cis- and heteronormativity. It becomes a heavy burden to always be the one challenging things. It can make you feel invisible. What sets a workplace apart is if they can listen and take on suggestions about how to make it more inclusive, then build on that themselves, rather than relying on queer employees to point it out every time.”

Chloe, our Social Media manager, agreed. “It’s great when companies actively acknowledge LGBTQIA+ issues and are openly putting actions in place to check complicity or unconscious bias.”

At SH:24, we’ve started to encourage colleagues to add their pronouns to their comms profiles. “Joining teams who automatically put pronouns in their bio is a great way for me to feel seen,” said Eliza. “It’s not common practice yet but I think we’re getting there.”

Can you tell us about coming out at work?

“I felt like I had to make a decision about my sexuality to stop people prodding around my personal life, before I even understood it myself!” Chloe, Social Media Manager

“I very quietly put my pronouns in my social media bio and email sign off,” said Eliza. “People slowly started to notice that I’m using they/them. Once I felt more comfortable I came out ‘officially’ online and in the workplace. I was met with great support. A few people didn’t understand it but they were open to learning.” 

As a Freelancer, Eliza moves between workplaces, which presents its own challenges. “I don’t always feel comfortable coming out with new clients,” they said, “but overall I feel very supported.”

Stuart said he’d never had a big coming out at any workplace. “It’s partly because I’ve worked in places where I felt safe or was aware of other LGBTQ+ employees and could see how they interacted with other staff.” He usually just drops it into a conversation: “I talk about my husband and what we did over the weekend.”

Chloe shared a different perspective. Before joining SH:24, she’d worked as an artist in the music industry. “I was very young when I started. I hadn’t had the experience or time to understand my own sexuality, but people were making assumptions and constantly questioning who I was attracted to and making jokes about it and my appearance.” 

Her management didn’t give her much protection, and Chloe felt they actually played on her sexuality to add some ‘mystique’ to her image. “I didn’t realise at the time, but this robbed me of the opportunity to really understand who I was. I felt like I had to make a decision about my sexuality to stop people prodding around my personal life, before I even understood it myself!”

How important is it for you to be able to be open about your sexuality in the workplace?

“Feeling like the exception to the rule can be uncomfortable, especially if you are recently coming to terms with your identity.” Chloe, Social Media Manager

Sexuality is often presented as something secondary, that’s part of your ‘personal life’ but not part of the workplace. But our business is sexual health, so we’re well aware of the importance of sexuality in all aspects of a person’s life.The workplace is where a lot of people spend most of their time. So we want to know, how important is it for our colleagues to be able to be open about their sexuality at work? 

Stuart hit the nail on the head. “It’s part of who I am and not something I should have to hide. Being happy in the workplace allows me to be more productive.” 

Eliza agreed. “It’s important for me to be myself in the workplace. You spend a lot of time with your colleagues and it’s important to feel safe and to feel and be yourself.”

Chloe talked about active inclusivity. “It’s important to not have your sexuality/gender ‘othered’ in the workplace. Workplaces shouldn’t assume ‘cishet’ identities as the default. You shouldn’t feel like you’re deviating from the status quo.”

“Working for companies where other queer people are visible is really imporant,” she went on. “It’s not always possible, but being in a team with other LGBTQIA+ people makes it a lot easier to feel comfortable about being open about your sexuality. It can make it a more joyful, celebratory experience!”

What do you wish you had known before coming out?

“Coming out is an ongoing process. Each time you start a new job, meet new people.” Stuart, Senior Clinical Support Worker

Eliza was surprised at the ‘outpouring of love’ they received after coming out. “I wish I’d known how scary it can be to come out. I also wish I’d know that more people would support me than I thought.”

Coming out isn’t usually a one-off event. You might come out in different ways to different people all the time, especially in the workplace. “It gets easier over time, as you become more comfortable in yourself,” said Stuart. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Eliza often has to ‘come out’ to voice their pronouns. “As a non-binary person who presents very femme,” said Eliza, “I still struggle to correct people when they accidentally use the wrong pronoun.”

“It’s ok for your understanding of your sexuality to change all the time!” Chloe, Social Media Manager

Chloe reminds us that coming out should be totally up to you. “What do I wish I’d known before coming out?” she said. “That you don’t have to. For me, ‘coming out’ felt quite intimidating, like I had to know absolutely everything about my sexuality before I did it. I realise now that’s not true! In the end, I just started exploring my bisexuality, being more open about my experiences, and let others catch up!” 

What advice would you give someone wanting to be out (in the workplace)?

“If your identity makes someone uncomfortable, you are not the problem.” Chloe, Social Media Manager

“It’s your decision to come out at work if you choose,” said Stuart. “Some people come out with a bang, others don’t. Only you know what is the best way to be you. Each place I’ve worked, I usually come out to the people I’ll be working closely with to start with, then let it happen naturally from there.”

Eliza had similar advice. “Take your time, only come out when you feel ready and safe to do so,” they said. “Most people will love and support you. If they don’t, it’s their loss.”

Linnea said she’d had positive experiences coming out in the workplace. “Most people have been really friendly and open about me having a girlfriend. My negative experiences have been structural (like lesbian erasure) and unconscious biases, where some people have made assumptions about me or my relationship purely because it’s same sex.”

Her advice is to go for it. “Try not to take ignorance personally. People might not know anything about it. I like to assume that people mean well (unless they prove otherwise) and I remind myself that we live in a homophobic society, where everyone learns those narratives and internalises them to some degree. Some people will have had the opportunity to have those views challenged, and some not. Sometimes ignorance is just that: learned behaviour that hasn’t been questioned. There will always be some people who don’t want to or think they don’t need to challenge those internalised narratives, but I like to think they’re in the minority.” 

Can you share an experience when you felt your sexuality was recognised in a positive way?

“When I moved to Margate!” said Chloe, enthusiastically. “It was the first time in my LIFE that people didn’t assume my sexuality, despite me moving with a male partner.” Chloe felt able to be herself right from the start. “I feel part of the queer community there, regardless of my heterosexual-presenting relationship. It’s helped me to work through internalised biophobia - it’s tough to feel like you’re not making the whole thing up when people don’t see you. I feel much MUCH more confident coming out to new people with pride, rather than anxiety that I’ll have to defend myself.”

Linnea had a recent experience with some kids on the street. “These cool kids asked me to take their photo. They chatted to me about queer stuff and I was like, ‘Wow! Maybe they saw me and realised I was gay too!’ That’s never really happened to me before! I was happy to be read that way which I’m always nervous about not being.”

Thanks to Linnea, Chloe, Stuart and Eliza for sharing their experiences. We hope this will be an ongoing conversation. If you’d like to tell us about your experience of coming out at work, find us on Instagram @sh24_nhs. We’d love to hear from you.

published first on https://spanishflyhealth.blogspot.com/

[margot-bargot]

Listen, fam. I'm coming out.

Look, I've been working on the best way to do this for a while. I had a whole long thing typed up & I kept re-writing it for months. But I think I'm just gonna get to the point. I'm coming out. I identify as pansexual. What is pansexuality, you ask? Well, it basically means that I feel attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender. Cis men & women, trans men & women, agender folks, demigender folks, etc. If you've never heard of pansexuality before, lemme hit you with that Wikipedia link real quick to help you out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality . Pansexuality is pretty adjacent to bisexuality & often gets confused for it. However, the two are slightly different in that bisexuality is attraction to two or more genders & pansexuality is attraction to anyone of any gender. A couple things to note real quick before we continue: 1. Pansexuality doesn't mean that you're attracted to EVERYONE you see. It simply means that your capacity to feel attraction isn't primarily based on gender. 2. If you make any jokes about having sex with pans, you're officially a cornball. I'm just giving you a heads up, is all. Sorry but I don't make the rules. So the thing you might be wondering is how I figured this out. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how I could go 29 years without knowing this about myself. But every time I think back, there is one element of my past that explains why it took so long. Growing up in a predominantly conservative christian home, the idea of being gay or anything close to it was a non-starter. It was a sin & a heavily condemned one, at that. As a result, any time a "gay thought" would pop up in my head, I tried to get it out of there as quick as possible. It became an instant reflex to keep that kind of thought out of my head. But I still would feel guilt for the thought, as well as guilt from "lusting" for women. My teens were a confusion time where I was discouraged from even considering an attraction for another gender while also being told I was TOO attracted to the "right" gender. Not a great situation, emotionally. Unfortunately, I suspect it's not an uncommon occurrence for kids growing up in strict christian homes. That said, I felt more comfortable exploring attraction & affection towards cisgendered women (even if it led to "sin" or whatever ugh) mainly because it was instilled in me by conservative christian culture that being gay was worse in the eyes of both God & the church congregation than sleeping with a woman before marriage. If you did that, the church congregation would murmur about you for a bit & engage in some form of slut-shaming hidden under the guise of "asking god for forgiveness." If you were gay? That was a disease. A sinful disease. You'd be quarantined, or ostracized, from that community unless they had the "grace" to help you get therapy to pray the gay away. So, being a massively horny but perpetually nervous teen, I chose to guiltily explore attraction to cis women & push everything else out. In college, my views on both religion & sexuality became more liberal. I no longer thought of being gay as a sin disease (although Sin Disease is a good name for a metal band, now that I think about it). This trend continued after college & beyond, to the point of total acceptance & support for the LGBTQIA community. Folks were gay (including several friends of mine) & that's cool. But I never thought about it for myself. I never allowed myself to really consider the possibility that I could be attracted to anyone else because I always struck the thought down when it popped up in my head. Even though I was no longer religious, I still carried that reflex I learned as a child years ago. The reflex that conservative Christianity taught & encouraged within me. I guess what I'm saying is that religious suppression is a powerful thing. And that only started to unravel for me late last year. I can't point to one thing that started the unraveling process because it really was a culmination of a bunch of different things (such as talking with some cool queer folks about their experiences & finally allowing myself to let in/process non-heteronormative thoughts). It was in late January where I first admitted out loud to one of my roommates that I was beginning to think that I wasn't actually straight. It was really hard for me to find the words for how I felt. None of the established labels (gay, bi, etc) felt 100 percent accurate for me. She actually helped point me toward the idea of pansexuality, which seemed closer to how I felt (I would later talk to some cool queer folks who helped verify some information about pansexuality, where it fit in the rainbow, etc). And a weird thing happened that night. I felt a weight lift off of me. It happened almost instantly. It was like a weight that I never knew was there. And I started crying. Was this what I was carrying with me for 29 years? Was that reflex to kick the idea of anything queer out of my head keeping this weight on me? Even now, with the large amounts of stress/worry that I feel on a day-to-day basis, I think about all of this & it feels like a bright spot in an otherwise dark world for me. Like, the world is going to shit, but I finally figured out this important truth about myself. Anyway, that's a lot of words up there. And I'm not done! I still need to tell you why I'm saying all of this! But I know this has been a long read, so feel free to run to the bathroom if you need to. It occurred to me that I might not be the only one in this situation. If conservative christian culture was able to burrow that repressive reflex that deep into me (so deep that it lasted years after I left the church), it had to do the same to other folks. Maybe there's someone reading this that hasn't even allowed themselves to consider their sexual identity. Maybe someone's reading that's just starting to ask some questions about their identity. If so, I want to tell you that it's okay to question & explore that side of yourself, even if you don't really have a name for it yet. I certainly didn't know what to call myself at first, other than "not straight". You're 100% not alone in this. I'm out here with you, grasping at bits of truth, filling in the gaps, & trying to find answers but feeling so much more free in the journey than I ever did in the comfort of what I knew. If you are in that situation, there are a lot of good resources to help you fill in the gaps & answer some of those lingering questions. If you have a friend in the LGBTQIA community, don't be afraid to ask them about their own experience. Talking with folks who had an experience coming to grips with their own queerness helped me quite a bit, even when our experiences were different. It's just nice to know you're not some unsolvable mystery & that this this thing (whatever you end up calling it) is a very positive thing. If you live in a big enough city, you probably have an equality center that provides resources, access to affordable counseling, support groups, & social events (where you can meet other folks within the community). If your city doesn't have something like that, there are online resources that can help as well. Here's a link for the GLBT National Help Center, in case you're in that situation: http://glbtnationalhelpcenter.org . Hopefully that ends up being helpful to anyone who needs it. It's 2018 & while there have been massive strides in LGBTQIA rights/visibility, there are still many ways in which members of the community are harmed & discriminated against (spearheaded largely by our current administration). We're not in a time where everyone everywhere can feel 100% safe openly exploring their sexual and/or gender identity. I'm a huge dummy in many respects, but if some of the information in this post helps someone feel less alone or points them in the right direction, then it'll be worth it. I realize that there are folks I know who hold more conservative views. They'll probably read all of this (or like, just the first two paragraphs lol) & decide I'm heading straight to hell. If they're being generous, they'll say that they're "praying for me" & pity me as another lost soul. Which, whatever. I'll be fine. If anything, I feel more free than I ever did repressing such a big part of myself. Plus, these are people who voted for Trump (& if they didn't, they are still largely okay with the gay-hating coward Mike Pence). So we're not gonna see eye-to-eye on this no matter what. 🤷‍♂️ Also they can fuck off. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ I guess that's all I have to say. If you stuck around & read all of this, I appreciate you indulging me as I tried to fumble around explaining myself. It's been about 5 months since I first came out to my roommate & I'm happy to finally share the good news with y'all. I'm going to my first ever Pride parade soon. It'll be my first time around a large gathering of queer folk. I normally don't really like being out in large groups (nor do I love highly corporate-sponsored events, which this surely will be). That being said, I'm really excited! I seriously can't wait for this. Probably because it feels like finally being united with a group you never knew you were a part of. It's an event specifically celebrating the idea that it's cool & good to be queer, to be part of this rainbow. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I'm moving in the right direction.

[sapphicscholar]

Anon: Hello! I love your fics & writing! I know you have a lot of prompts so feel free to disregard / no rush! I would love to see more of NB!Sawyer being a mentor to young(er) NB folks. Thx for considering! I really love reading your NB!Sawyer fics they are phenomenal! And I hope your day is going well! :D

From @geofender -  So, I heard that Asia Kate Dillon came out as a non-binary and pansexual person and received the HRC Visibility Award. Idk if u accept prompts but... can u write NB!Sawyer reacting to this news?

From @lilbevmary -  for more of NB!Sawyer (sorry this one isn’t Director Sanvers!)

And for KimberKatie, I'm sorry this is so much later than expected!!

TW for a brief discussion and instance of misgendering

A/N: This chapter brings back Charli from Chapter 127! Apologies for the delay on getting back to Sawyer – I had this chapter all written on my work computer a little while ago but it got deleted and that was just demoralizing…

Chapter Text:

“Damn, they really went all out this year, huh?” Alex whispered, squeezing Sawyer’s hand as they wove through the throngs of people gathered by the silent auction tables and the line from the makeshift bar that snaked through the room.

“Stuff like this is what makes them enough money to keep going through the year,” Sawyer explained, gently tugging Alex over to a relatively quiet corner of the room so they could figure out the game plan for finding the best food and making sure they saw all the people they wanted to see.

Alex settled up against the wall, feeling Sawyer’s arm settling around her waist. She had to admit, the LGBTQ Center had been completely transformed. The fluorescent lighting had been turned off, replaced with strands of twinkling lights and a few spotlights dotted along the “red carpet” for the award night theme. The TVs—more often tuned to the news or to the handful of television shows that had decent LGBTQ representation—had been moved to the edges of the room and were showing clips from other awards ceremonies.

Sawyer glanced around at the different screens, noting Asia Kate Dillon being awarded the HRC Visibility Award on one screen and them presenting the first non-gendered acting award to Emma Watson on the next. They smiled to themself, dropping their head to Alex’s shoulder.

Noting the direction of Sawyer’s gaze, Alex asked, “Nice to get a bit of representation out there, huh?”

“Yeah,” they nodded. Sure, a handful of people out there did not a revolution make, but people like Dillon and Smith were splashing they/them pronouns on mainstream news sites, getting people who were more likely to read Entertainment Weekly than Everyday Feminism to hear about trans and non-binary and genderqueer labels, among others, and learn in a way that didn’t put the onus for education solely on the shoulders of those few out folks in media.

They pulled their gaze off the speech they had pretty much already memorized and scanned the other screens, finding the cast of Moonlight winning their well-deserved Oscars, Ellen Page coming out, and footage from the annual GLAAD awards. As Sawyer moved to turn back to Alex, they noted Charli lingering near the entrance, a roll of raffle tickets hanging from their wrist and a broad smile on their face.

“Should we go buy some tickets? Give Charli a little business?” Alex asked, looking over at the entrance as well.

“Ah, well, they should earn their free dinner,” Sawyer teased. “I’ll go grab tickets from them if you want to find us food.”

“You’ve got a deal. Dessert first?”

“Always.”

While Alex peered over the food table, inspecting all of the options and making small talk with a few of the staff members from the Center she had gotten to know over the past couple of months, Sawyer found their way over to Charli. “Excuse me, I’ll need all of your tickets,” they announced dramatically. “I need to win all of the prizes for my fiancée.” They still beamed at the new title—at the subtle band that sat on their left ring finger—a reminder of the forever they had promised one another.

“That so, Sawyer? Here I thought she stayed with you for love. Didn’t realize it was just your deep pockets.”

“Ouch! You wound me,” Sawyer teased, though they were glad to see Charli in high spirits. As much as they had opened up to Sawyer their first time meeting in the Center, it had taken a while for Charli to begin treating Sawyer as more of an equal—someone they could tease right back instead of someone who was always in the role of mentor and adult and educator.

“Yeah, yeah, somehow I don’t think the hurt will last.”

“Mm, probably not,” Sawyer agreed. “Now, how goes the volunteering? Any fun stories to tell? You know: sharing is caring and gossip is best shared with your dear friend and mentor…”

“You just wanna know if Marc brought the boyfriend that he hasn’t let anyone meet.”

“Did he?”

Charli laughed and shook their head. “He’s been here since noon panicking about all the last-minute decisions. He would’ve been the worst date.”

“Fair…” Sawyer mused, looking around to see if they had questions about anyone else in the vicinity. “Everyone being alright to you?”

Charli shrugged, their smile faltering slightly. “Eh, a few people see the dress and keep calling me miss, but, I don’t know, I guess it’s fine.”

“You can correct them, you know, if you feel comfortable.” They knew that the Center had become something of a safe place for Charli, a place where they could be out and open, could come and know that people wouldn’t misgender them or assume they were straight and cis just because they wore a skirt and lip gloss.

“It’s fine. It’s—tonight isn’t about me.”

Sawyer pursed their lips, not wanting to force Charli to do anything but also knowing just how demoralizing it could get when person after person wasn’t getting it, wasn’t acknowledging that there might be something wrong with assuming a he/she gender binary at a freaking LGBTQ Center event. Catching sight of Alex with a still empty plate talking to one of the Center’s board members who had been trying to talk her into running for a spot on the board now that she spent almost as much time as Sawyer in the Center, Sawyer decided they could hang out with Charli a little while longer, help make sure that they were being treated well even by the attendees who only showed up at the Center for its twice yearly black tie events.

The next few guests were fine. One knew Charli and greeted them with a warm hug as he thanked them for giving up their night to help out, then introduced them to his husband, and the next few were polite enough as they declined the offer to buy tickets, most of them making a beeline for the bar instead. The next group to stroll in brushed right past without listening to Charli’s pitch about the proceeds going to a good cause, and they caught Sawyer’s gaze and rolled their eyes. “Keeps happening.”

“Yeah, well, at least we’ve got a cash bar so that we still get something out of them.”

“Excuse me, miss?” came a guest’s voice as she made her way through the door. “Can you tell me where the reserved seating is?”

“Uh, sure,” Charli answered, gritting their teeth and gesturing at the door and toward the rows closest to the stage. “Left side is reserved for Center staff and awardees. Right side for family and friends of the Center.”

“Thank you, dear. Also, I love your dress. You look so pretty!”

“They do have a rather wonderful sense of style,” Sawyer cut in, throwing an arm around Charli and grinning down at them.

“Oh, ah, yes—yes, they do.”

As she wandered off into the crowd, Charli looked up at Sawyer. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t have to—and I won’t again if you don’t want me to—but I know I like it when Alex does it for me when I’m not quite feeling up to it.”

“Yeah…thanks,” they mumbled.

“Anytime, kiddo.”

“Excuse me, I’m 16 years old.”

“Psh, barely.”

“I can drive!”

“Don’t own a car, though.”

“You’re rude.”

“I’m delightful.”

Charli just rolled their eyes and turned back to the door, almost immediately turning back to Sawyer with an undignified little squeak.

“You okay?” Sawyer asked, all signs of teasing gone as they went into protective mentor mode.

“Yeah! Yeah, um, totally fine,” Charli rambled, their gaze flicking back and forth between Sawyer and the line of people filing in through the main entrance.

Sawyer scanned the crowd, their gaze lighting on one of the high school-aged girls they’d noticed hanging around the Center once or twice over the past few weeks. “Have anything to do with Neeti showing up?” they asked, a knowing glint in their eyes and a teasing smile on their lips.

“No!”

“Really? So your cheeks are just always pink and I haven’t noticed it?”

“Yep, mhm.”

“You should talk to her.”

“We already talk.”

“Why not tonight?”

“She just…” Charli trailed off, finally letting out a dramatic sigh and giving in. “This past week I think…I think maybe she was flirting with me?”

“Do tell! Let me get Alex, hold on!”

“No!”

“Fine, I’ll wait a few minutes. Spill.”

“I don’t know! She just said something about how it would be nice to see me outside the Center and maybe we should get coffee, just the two of us.”

“So she asked you out on a date.”

“I don’t know.”

“No, I’m telling you: she asked you on a date.”

“Well it’s happening in two days—whatever it is.”

“Oh my gosh, we need to make sure she’s good enough for our baby! We need get Alex over here first. She’s better at the intimidation tactics.”

“Ugh, you’re like the embarrassing parents I thought I escaped for the night,” Charli sighed, but the smile they kept trying to hide suggested otherwise.

“Oh, Alex!” Sawyer called out, motioning for her to come over and join them.

Eventually Alex made it through the crowd, two plates of food held aloft to keep them safe. She arched an eyebrow as she handed over a plate. “You bellowed?”

“Charli here has a date this week and is in desperate need of some embarrassing parental figures for the night, which means we need some shitty dad jokes to properly embarrass them. Hit me with your worst puns!”

“Why do you think I would just know bad puns?”

Charli snickered as Sawyer shrugged, looking far too innocent. “I’m just saying, out of the two of us…I’m too funny to tell jokes that awful.”

“I resent that. You’re barely funny.”

“Quite the opposite—I crack myself up.”

“Yeah, yeah, Sawyer. If you’re the only one laughing…”

“Hush,” Sawyer retorted, silencing Alex with a kiss.

“Alright, well, I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone…”

“Not so fast!” Alex called, handing off her plate to Sawyer and rounding on Charli. “Tell me all about your mystery date. Who are they?”

Charli sighed, even though they were secretly pleased that Alex had been just as welcoming as Sawyer. She certainly didn’t have any obligation to—not that Sawyer did either, but at least they were a volunteer—but Alex had been quick to invite Charli over to their home and hang out with old science journals while Sawyer chatted with Charli about their own experience coming out and dealing with assholes out in the world. Every so often she would lean over the back of the couch and chime in with words of encouragement or grumbled threats when Sawyer recounted some of the more egregious stories, but she was just as happy to open her doors and let the two of them take over the kitchen for the night.

“Well, her name is Neeti—she’s the one over in the black pants and the maroon shirt over there. She goes to the private school across town, but she lives kind of close to me. She’s really smart.”

“Dating nerds is the best!” Sawyer crowed through a mouthful of cupcake.

“One day she saw me in the Center reading Macbeth for my English class, and when I threw it down, she came over and sat with me and helped translate it into modern English, told me it helps to read it aloud or see it performed.”

“That sounds like a nice date idea…” Alex trailed off, grinning at the way Charli’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“No, I mean, she invited me over to come watch some of the movies, but I think she was just trying to help me with my homework.”

“Who do you think is more oblivious,” Sawyer asked, a shit-eating grin on their lips, “Charli or Kara?”

“Oh man, I can only pick one?” Alex laughed.

“You’re the worst.”

“That’s factually incorrect. We feed you. Now let us meet your totally just a friend that you have a big crush on who wants you to come over her house to cuddle and watch movies with her.”

Charli grimaced but dutifully waved to Neeti. And, as nervous as they might have been about introducing her to Sawyer, they also knew that Sawyer always had their best intentions at heart. Plus, if waving at Neeti earned them that smile…well, they would wave a hundred times more.

“Hey, Charli!” Neeti greeted them, pulling them in for a hug that had Sawyer and Alex giving exaggerated thumbs up to Charli behind Neeti’s back.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Oh yeah, well, um, I remembered you mentioning it, so…”

Sawyer just barely resisted the urge to let out a loud noise of excitement at the adorable awkward flirting.

“Cool, yeah, I’m, uh, really glad you made it.”

“Yeah?” Neeti beamed at Charli. “I know you’re stuck on door duty for a while, but want me to go steal you some dessert?”

“It would be a shame if you missed out on the cannoli,” Sawyer interjected, unable to resist any longer.

Seeing the look of confusion on Neeti’s face at the new voices, Charli took a deep breath and introduced them: “Neeti, this is Sawyer.”

“You look familiar,” Neeti noted.

“Yeah, I volunteer at the Center. But normally just on weekends.”

“Ah okay, yeah, I come in after school sometimes, but not a lot on the weekends.”

Sawyer bit their tongue and didn’t ask whether it was because Charli also tended to spend a couple of nights a week in the Center working on their homework.

“And this is Alex, their fiancée,” Charli added, gesturing toward Alex who offered a wave and a small smile.

“Nice to meet you, Neeti.”

“You too.”

Deciding the awkward hovering between just friends and trying to date wasn’t the best time to subject Charli and Neeti to an interrogation or shovel talks, Alex turned to Sawyer. “What do you say we go hit the buffet one more time before we find our seats?”

“It doesn’t start for another half hour,” Sawyer protested.

“And you can’t think of any way to spend half an hour with your fiancée?” Alex shot Sawyer a pointed look, trying to communicate that they should leave the two young ones to themselves, give them a chance to flirt awkwardly and stumble their way toward realizing that the liking bit wasn’t one-sided.

“Oh…oh! Okay, sure!” Shooting a wink over their shoulder at Charli, they called, “She means stuffing our faces with dessert and playing 20 Questions, just so we’re all clear!”

“Whatever you say, Sawyer! Whatever you say,” Charli laughed, turning back to Neeti, their broad grin morphing into a shy smile. “So, uh, how was your week?”

Sawyer was tempted to linger, hiding behind a group of tall people, but they let Alex drag them back to the table for proper dinner food this round. “If things go any further between them…”

“If it goes further, you can get in line behind me to make sure that they both have only the best of intentions.”

“And you’ll do the dad jokes?”

“Why do you keep insisting I tell dad jokes?”

“Look, Danvers…I’m not saying it wasn’t adorable, but I do remember the anniversary card you wrote me that began with asking me if I was made of copper and some other element ’cause I was so damn cute.”

“Tellurium,” Alex interjected, grinning and chuckling to herself.

“See! Big nerd—right there.”

Alex silenced them with a kiss, feeling their lips pulling up into a broad smile and fearing another teasing remark was coming. “If you wanna get as lucky as DNA helicase tonight…” She let the threat linger in the air.

“But you’re not even wearing jeans, Danvers!”