#that was day one of the trauma
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Every time I re-watch Eddie in episode 1 of S4 I'm like hmm I might have made this competent, self-assured young man a little too baby in my writing. But then we get to the boat house scene in the next ep where he's trembling, mumbling and humming to himself as he struggles to speak and I'm like ah that's right, never mind.
#eddie munson#that was day one of the trauma#add to that being actively hunted by his peers. Watching a 2nd person die. Seeing monsters and other dimensions for the 1st time#and my personal fave - BEING EATEN ALIVE. Idk I think he has a leg (yes just one bc the other one was munched on) to stand on with#how traumatized he is from Aftermath onwards#stranger things#eddie stranger things#eddie munson stranger things#stranger things 4
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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holding back (part 2)
early access + nsfw on patreon
#just captain/lieutenant things#ghost and price are an on-and-off-again thing#they take care of each other when it comes up#and sometimes to just relieve stress#they have shared trauma from the loss of price's wing#and simon's whole...wraith business#they've known each other for a long time#and were getting closer before simon's incident but afterwards sort of hurtled into each other#it was really intense and co-dependent for a while but it's levelled out now#one day i will do an explanation post on all the dynamics of poly 141 in this au#in the meantime just enjoy price taking care of his hoard#monster 141 au#ghostprice#captain john price#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#giragi art
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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Thanks for listening to my sad backstory. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan xichen#lan wangji#madam lan#This normally would have been two separate comics but I felt like it was a far better joke to have them together.#Enjoy the rare double feature comic!#I was listening to this episode - scripting out and preparing for a longer and heartfelt comic on this scene.#And then Lan Xichen pulled out his flute and started playing unprompted.#I could not contain my laughter. I know it is trying to be emotionally resonate and the flute is pretty but...#It really does have the energy of “Okay thanks for listening to my tragedies and traumas. I don't know how to segue out of this.”#This madam lan design is inspired by Qourmet's design! Really good stuff that I was not able to do more with in this one panel.#Speaking of...I know it is ambiguous on purpose and we are only told what happened through LXC's POV but...#I always interpreted madam lan's passing as a suicide. I think LXC was told it was illness to soften the blow.#She was stuck in a house with maybe a servant coming by to give her food. One day a month she saw her children.#Of course she was warm and loving in their memories-#She was trying to give them a version of her that would be remembered as such. She wanted to protect them from the truth.#She did her best but she was already dead a long time ago. She must have felt like a ghost haunting a house.#Love to her was waiting. And both her boys inherited that view of love.
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happy mothers day
#comic#mothers day#tw abuse#tw child abuse#tw violence#maybe one day ill make a less dramatic comic about forgiveness and generational trauma#but im not there yet
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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#one piece#kid pirates#eustass kid#killer one piece#op killer the guy ever#and the goober he picked off the street#eustass captain kid#ive been looking at the works of bob peak#i wanna get good like that one day…#also#is the lettering ok#or is it giving graphic design is my passion#let me know#all i learned in typography class was that i should be sorry for existing#and to never letterspace lowercase letterforms#thank u A type primer#i have design school trauma
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Orphan's baby
Cass was in the middle of helping the Batfam along with Batman raids through the the hidden base they had found underground lab in an abandoned hospital messing with a neon verison of lararus pits liquid.
Red Robin had already adjacked the security and was going through the files with Spoiler. Nightwing and Red hood beating up the guards while batman was battling with the main boss behind it all.
She was with Robin as they were taking some samples and destroying the remaining ones.
She had already crack through most of seemingly important hidden rooms that seem to be hiding completely full with containers full of lararus pits with tags of PH4N70M, and a winter blue colored marble in a container sealed to the safe that was spelling out electricity every minute in the container.
It looked important, but why a marble..?
She broke the container holding the marble, taking most of the lararus pits containers as well while destroying the remaining unaware of the glow that pulsed in the marble.
By the time is was to retreat, everything was in the clear as Spoiler needed to unscramble hidden files that were behind multiples firewalls.
They were at the batcave when they were securing the containers of lararus pits for later sampling, only for the marble to be missing..?
She was sure that she place it in her bat waist pouch, but it wasn't there anymore..
Did she dropped it accidentally while collecting the containers of larausu pits?
It was already too late to check back now, so she decided not to tell anyone yet.
Until 2 months later, she started feeling downright sick nauseated. Right after Dinner of Alfred's infamous lasagna Tuesday, but.. it tasted a bland which was throwing her off completely.
She was only dropping down by the batcave to just self analysis herself.. only to stop walking half way the secure containement holding all the lararus pits that they brought back..
She couldn't stop herself from staring at it with vast hunger before the swirl of neon green filling her vision and blank her conscience out the window..
Only to wake up in her room on her bed, 3 empty containers with not a inch of lararus pits left inside as if it was wiped-or licked clean. She hide the containers under her bed and stood quiet later on as nobody had noticed yet what she had done.
She doesn't know what had happen, but the nausea and sick feeling went away as if nothing happen.
Hopefully it would be a one time thing...
Bruce and his long lines of lawyers had disbanded the GIW completely over the illegal experimentally on sentient aliens of another world which they tried to label them as ghosts until they tried to accused Superman of being one of them which quickly label their entire Government supported work as hate crime and was steady being searched, along finding a couple of missing traumatized teens, adults and children that had vanished the months before in the other hidden labs.
...
....
.....
She had her head in her hands as she silently groaned when she peak her eyes between her fingers to see several dozen empty containers and immediately close her eyes to try and pretend she didn't see them.
It only been 5 months since that incident and she had seemingly got away with it, but then nausea came back with vengeance like no other, and the increased appetite was new, but yet it didn't filled her belly with the bland taste or satisfaction even though she did felt a bit feint during the couple of night patrols despise feeling energized earlier.
Something was wrong and she know it as she went to the only person who could help her right now.
She went to Alfred straight away silently explaining the situation going on because she honestly have no idea was going on with her and she know she loves his food, and the feint spells, and the monsterous appetite and the insatiable need to swallow a crapton of lararus pits with twelve milkshakes and fourteen bags full bat burgers.
Alfred could only stared with his eyebrows raising slowly with every word spilling out of her mouth.
Alfred helped her get examined in the batcave medbay, and 2 hours later the blood result came in.
Case was pregnant, but It was a almost cryptic pregnancy.
Alfred didn't had the equipment out for a ultrasound at all yet, but from he know from Cass it was during the Raiding of that hidden lab and her being in contacted with this 'marble' that seemingly disappeared after she grabbed it.
That was 7 months ago, but luckily Alfred caught it in time before it literally became a cryptic pregnancy.
Oh the ultrasounds pics of the little baby fetus with his fast beating lil heart beating were precious as he got tiny misty eyes a bit compare to Cass's awestruck look staring at the screen then back at her belly.
He does help get extra vitamins pills, and call her off of Crime duty until further noticed . Bruce on the otherhand was concerned but all he got from Alfred was the You Better not investigate this because I have major blackmail of embarrassing toddler photos against you.
This is Alfred moment that he been waiting for since Bruce became a new adult but not yet sired a baby at the Wayne Manor at all. He is savoring this for the memories and scapebooking time. He is cranking opened that forgotten but clean baby nursery of forlorning hopes.
2 months later, By the time Cass was ready to deliver the baby on February 11, and at February 12th, 12:01am.
Wren Alf Cain was born premature yet crying softly into the word.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp prompt#dcxdp#de aged danny#cassandra cain#there not enough mom Cass#there usually Bat dad#dad jason todd#Dad Dick#Dad damian#Even step became a mom as well#now i shall bring Mom Cass into this fandom#danny gone through some major trauma after being captured by the GIW#what i search up is Cass is 18 so don't yall come at me#cryptic pregnancy#magical pregnancy#alfred has been waiting for the day one of the wayen adopted or not to have a child and he is READY#i feel like he prayed for Bruce to get married and has a baby but instead he ended up with adopt addiction genetic#oneshot#the outcome is up to your imagination
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[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [PART 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Don’t Let it Reach the Heart]
you dropped your crown king
[This comic is part of my dbhc au, following the chaos and panic that ensues after Doc and Xisuma try to get Etho back online at the start of s9 after a very rough s8 finale that leaves him a little. broken. It's set to the vibes of Joywave's Destruction!]
#dbhc#ethoslab#xisumavoid#docm77#dbhc doc#dbhc xisuma#dbhc etho#etho#xisuma#doc#hermitcraft#hermitcraft au#destruction#art escapades#slinking away after this one#alternate captions i considered:#uh oh!#:skull:#xisumavoid and the terrible horrible no good very bad day#i will now be ignoring my inbox for the next 3 months#hermitcraft dbh au#tw gore#tw techno gore#tw glitch#tw eyestrain#tw blood#tw limb loss#tw head trauma#lmk if you need me to tag any more tws!#dbhc art
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“It could’ve been worse.” It could’ve been BETTER. It could’e been EASIER. It could’ve been lovely. It could’ve been beautiful, it could’ve been fun. It could have been simple, it could’ve made you HAPPY.
You can drown in two feet of water just as simply as you can in an ocean. Stop downplaying what happened and neglecting your feelings. Kill that idea with fire. Or at least acknowledge that what happened was bad without immediately trying to justify or dismiss it.
#trauma#trauma recovery#punkstyle#<- that's my tag#if you can't do this yet#try changing the sentence#'x was bad but it could've been worse'#NO#try 'x was bad AND it could've been worse'#it's a slight change#but it makes a difference#trust me#and maybe#one day#you'll get to the point you can drop off that part altogether#this isn't something that you can change in one day#but it's something you can work on#exercise it#like a muscle
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*All the brothers entering Lucifer’s study*
Asmo: You wanted to see us Lucifer?
*Lucifer’s chair turns around revealing MC*
MC: Lucifer is no longer with us
Beel, dropping to his knees: HE’S DEAD???? NO! IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!!
MC: WHOA! Beel!! Lucifer isn’t dead, he’s on vacation for three days!
Beel, wiping tears away and standing: Thank you for the clarification….
#obey me#obey me shall we date#omswd#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me beelzebub#obey me mc#obey me lucifer#it’s called trauma sweaty#this has been living in my brain every since that one lesson or event#where lucifer left for a few days or something#anyway this quote fit them too well#source: gravity falls
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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!
Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*
Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!
#original#the last unicorn#tlu#peter s beagle#molly gru#schmendrick#schmendrick the magician#two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol#because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb#the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE#mostly zoro's blades from One Piece#normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and#then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU#and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele
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I was having a rough night so I went to my favorite funny website IsMercuryInRetrograde.com
I’m not a huge believer in astrology, but the website only has two pages:
If it’s in retrograde it says yes, which feels weirdly validating.
If it’s not in retrograde it just says “No, something else must be bumming you out,” which always gives me a little chuckle.
Fun silly website. Yay.
Except this time
YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT.
The fact that unless I lock myself in a room with only pre-written or pre-recorded material that I’ve already read or watched and know is safe I CANNOT GO TWELVE FUCKING HOURS WITHOUT HEARING ABOUT THIS FUCKING WAR.
It’s killing me. There are no breaks. I open any website or social media app and it’s an immediate bombardment of info about the war. I go watch a YouTube video and then there’s a fundraiser at the end.
I flip through channels and see news about an antisemitic attack or a bombing in Gaza or Rafah.
I leave notifications on and get a text from a friend who sees a “rape is resistance” sticker on her walk home from school.
I go to look for pride merch and see watermelon merch mixed in as if war is some kind of gay accessory. I look through a fandom tag and see cartoon characters in a kids cartoon drawn with Palestinian flags.
It’s fucking endless. It’s insane. I just wanted a few days without having to think about all of it so I could recharge and I haven’t even been able to go a continuous 12 hour stretch without something or someone shoving the whole thing in my face.
It’s not healthy to live like this. I already have PTSD. And I’m trying with all my might not to retreat fully within myself but this is fucking killing me.
And I am someone who is pro peace and pro ceasefire and pro Palestinian welfare and anti-Likud but also anti-antisemitism. I do nothing but promote interfaith and intercultural organizations devoted to fostering peace. I want this war over.
And yet I’m fucking stuck in this perpetual hellhole of awful news and constant imagery about war and death and antisemitism and Palestinian suffering. And it’s too much. Why can’t I even go 12 hours. It’s killing me.
The fucking mercury in retrograde website‽ YES. SOMETHING ELSE IS BUMMING ME OUT AND ITS YOU.
#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#ptsd#psychological warfare#inescapable#social isolation#literally has anyone been able to go one day without seeing shit about this#trauma stuff#I/p#israel/palestine#israeli palestinian conflict#arab israeli conflict#I just want peace#and a break#I am not doing well#I am trying#but I am breaking
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kevin day
watched a man be cut into pieces when he was 12 so he would understand what happens to those who defy the moriyamas
was raised in a cult, subjected to extreme labour and pressure and expectations from a young age, running on 16 hour days with no privacy and little to no autonomy
was raised in an environment where everything hinged on his ability to play. was deprived of food and rest if his performance wasn't satisfactory
was abused physically, emotionally, psychologically by his coaches, his godfather, his 'brother'. was forced to watch said brother inflict unimaginable torture on his friend for years
was forced to hide all of that due to also being a celebrity and growing up in the public eye
unexpectedly had to remove himself from that toxic but familiar environment, leaving his friend behind, in order to survive
had to learn how to function outside of that environment while adapting to a new team and using his non-dominant hand for everything in mere months
so yes i think he deserves some respect
#my posts#my aftg posts#aftg#kevin day#the foxhole court#all for the game#you know how at one point renee says neil is more like her and andrew#than the other foxes#i don't like categorizing them like that or comparing their traumas#but taking everything into account i do think kevin is also a bit more like them#it's just insane to think about. i can't imagine how he keeps going every day#and i wonder like. does he know. has he begun to understand what's been done to him
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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