#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.

[giantkillerjack]

Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!

Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*

Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!

[sophswritingthings]

I Just binged your apothecary wife series (SO GOOD BTW) and hear me out

Mizu x reader, but reader is kinda similar in the sense that they pretend to be a man in public , OR fem presenting woman who knows how to fight. And basically them being a power couple

(Imagine reader has something like dual swords instead of a katana, or like something fun and cool) 👀👀

Also i want mizus gender so Bad

pairing: mizu x fem!warrior!reader

warning(s): swearing, blood, injury, uhhhh a little nsfw? I made it as sfw as I could with what my mind wanted to do 

a/n: dude. you guys are so SMART. and yes, I want mizu's gender as well. i already am having thoughts about fuckin next halloween 

summary: you had been mizu's dueling partner for years; and only recently had the two of you gotten together. you joined her on her quest to kill the three white men in japan. and you two are absolutely a power couple, ready to kick ass at all time—and your passion for one another grows day by day.

word count: 874 words / 4,710 characters 

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mizu came back up from her fight, covered in blood; severed limbs scattered around her. and there you were, her lovely partner, on the other side of the fight.

you were also drenched in blood, your hair tied back and a flower (which she had given you) tucked in your hair splotched with blood. you were wielding two swords in either of your hands, smiling at her.

she walked over to you, each step concise and filled with purpose. she gave you a quick kiss on the lips, making you drop your weapons at your sides. she always found it cute how you let your guard down so much with her.

“you still manage to look so beautiful, even like this,” she murmurs against your lips, brushing a hand through your dark hair. 

“as are you,” you whisper, titling your head back to give her access to your neck. she takes the gesture happily, pressing soft kisses on your neck. it drew soft sighs and smiles from you.

“we need to get cleaned up.” she murmurs, dragging you down the cliff. you still wore a kimono, to which you tucked you swords under.

you still needed to be seen as a lady, to pass by. underneath that little facade was the ass kicking badass that mizu loved so much.

you stopped at the ocean, a small tide pool closed off by rocks. she was stood behind you, slowly removing your blood soaked kimono and dropping it to the sand.

you shivered as the cold wind brushed your skin. your partner was behind you, breathing in your presence, kissing and biting the skin of your neck.

it felt so damn good, little soft moans and sighs escaping your lips as she did so.

mizu chuckled against your neck, standing up straight. she pulled your hair down from its updo, doing the same with hers. she tugged off her own blood soaked clothes, taking your hand and leading you into the warm tide pool. 

you hummed, sitting in your partners lap, your forehead pressed against hers. her fingertips gently caressed your waist.

you were so beautiful, like this. so kind and gentle on the outside of the that fighting persona; so sweet, so beautiful.

you had gone from being so serene and sweet to pissing her off.

you splashed water into her face, giggling as you did so.

she wiped the water from her eyes, opening those gorgeous blue eyes with an unimpressed expression. she raised an eyebrow, only slightly.

“I will kill you.” she hissed the words, but there was no truth behind those words. you knew what she said was bullshit, an empty threat.

she’d never lay a finger on you, well, not in that way, at least.

“ah, uh-huh, sure you will, my darling,” you giggle, wading backwards through the pool. “I would like to see your attempt.”

her expression changed with a smirk across her face now, her hair dripping wet as it felt on her face. the sight was one to behold.

mizu waded under the shallow water, grabbing your ankles and dragging you under with her.

you let out a little squeak of surprise, laughing as the bubbles floated to the surface. 

the two of you popped up from the water again, your body now pinned against the rough rocks. her soaking wet body kept you pinned there; your wrists firmly in her hands.

you giggle, “how the tables turn, I see,” you murmur, gazing up at mizu with hungry eyes.

mizu didn’t say a word, brushing your hair behind your ear. 

“uh.. mizu..?” you were getting worried from your partners silence, gazing back at her. she typically had some stupid thing to say in these kinds of situations.. but here she was, silent as the wind. “I-is everything okay?”

“I love you.”

those three little words left her mouth. 

your eyes went wide, gazing back at her. she had never said anything like this, not to you, not to anyone. you weren’t sure she even said it to herself.

“I love you more than I think you could even phantom,” she whispered, leaning into the crook of your neck, kissing tenderly. her body pressed yours, drawing a soft moan right from your chest.

“I..” your voice trailed off, trying to return the passion in which your lover showed you. “I.. I love you too..”

you whispered the words. you were too wrapped up in the moment, with the ‘I love you’ and the way she were pressed up against you.

you could hear her whispering tiny little I love you’s in between passionate kisses. It was clear she meant it; and she was going to make that clear. wether it was with words or actions, it didn’t matter.

you loved her so much.

you would most likely follow her to the ends of the earth, if she asked. and you knew she would do the same for you.

you were devoted to one another. as partners, as lovers.

devoted to your love, to your passion. It wasn’t an obsession, a worship, one sided.   you were equally devoted to one another; and that was clear from miles away.

she would tell you she loved you to her very last breath. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: mizu is the person to get so devoted to her lover that she dies protecting them and I need that. I need it now

[themason]

Quick and Dirty Jupiter’s Legacy Review: They Did Josh Duhamel’s Fake Beard Dirty

In a lot of ways, Jupiter’s Legacy delivers: it is mediocre superhero escapism that spits out just enough plot twists to interest viewers. But in the ways in which art reflects reality, it is DUMB AS FUCK.

An ensemble cast of superheroes—Josh Duhamel, the only actor I recognized, plays the Superman-esque Utopian—I  think I'd have been 10x more into this show if the fake beards and wigs were of a higher quality. And I mean that. I would 100% dig a gray-bearded, long-haired, farmer Josh Duhamel... If only his fake follicles weren't so distracting. Maybe my standards are too high, as the muttonchops in the British dramas and mysteries I watch are top fuckin' quality, but I must not digress...

Like much of the work by writers I followed in the early oughts, this Mark Millar adaptation follows the various stages of life. Millar and other writers of his generation (and gender) have spread their tendrils throughout media the last 20 years as they chronicle the stages of their lives through pop culture: the manchild years, early marriage years, what it's like to have young children, reckonings with their own aging parents, and finally, what it's like to be an overbearing father with teenagers that hate you.

Mark Millar must have had teens that hated him when he was writing this initially*—or was recalling the ways his overbearing dad raised him—because the show is mostly about the family dynamics of Duhamel's character's family, which includes his spunky and faithful wife (Grace), too-hard-on-himself son (Brandon), and rebellious celebre daughter (Chloe). All of them have superpowers, and it's Duhamel's 120-year-old ass attempting to guide them responsibly through those powers. Comically, though the quality of the tantrums of the kids are analogous to teens, they are actually in their early 20s in the show.

(*Admittedly, I haven’t read the 2013 comic series, and am not certain how closely the show follows it. So maybe the comic is more opaque in its intentions than the show 🤷‍♀‍.)

The thing most people will hate about Jupiter’s Legacy is that there are multiple timelines. More than you can keep track of. Parceling out story tidbits seemingly at random. I'm ambivalent about this, tbh. I don’t mind feeling lost in a plot, but I can see others having problems with the jerkiness these timeline cuts bring to the flow of episodes. Ultimately, the freedom to jump between 1929 (right before Duhamel and his super friends received their powers) and 2021 (and sometimes in between) ends up feeling like a crutch for the writers to lazily lean on. But, this is the quality I'd expect from Netflix, as they seem to prefer to waste money and not time. Were they less stingy with time, maybe the writers room could have had a few more months to work out tighter scripts with fewer flashbacks.

At the core of my problem with Jupiter’s Legacy, and the core of the plot of the show, is "the code"—a set of rules Jupiter's Legacy's senior superheroes created and follow. The code: supes do not govern, and they do not kill. The do not kill aspect don't sit right with me specifically. As times have gotten tougher in the show, the do not kill rule has gotten harder, and the younger, new generation of heroes is finding it more difficult to understand why it exists, let alone abide by it.

And, of course, an important character eventually does kill. And thus, this further complicates the world heroes and villains alike live in, and this is doubly true for Josh Duhamel's Utopian.

At one point in episode seven, while discussing the “no-kill” code with his sister, Utopian’s son Brandon says, "You have to make a choice, otherwise you're just standing by letting the world go." Which is ironic since this is a show that does not make a choice. What “choice” do I mean?

It’s difficult to watch a show about superheroes acting as world police without thinking about the real-world police. This is doubly true when one of the subjects is whether said superhero “world police” (as I’ve dubbed them) should be allowed to kill dangerous combatants. The problem isn’t that the show “takes a side” when it comes to real-world violence. The problem is that the show pretends the subject doesn’t exist. Violence at the hands of superheroes and the ensuing effects are just utterly outside of reality. Of course, this is escapism, right? But escapism or not, there are other ways the show attempts to parody the real world, from the strained experiences of an overbearing father and his kids to the portrayals of celebrity lifestyle through the Utopian’s super-daughter, Chloe. I think I case could be made that the “code” is actually a fight against an increasingly fascist world (both on the show and in reality), but the metaphors get so lost in translation and muddled by real-world-problems that they seem meaningless to me.

I’d love it if I could JUST view Jupiter’s Legacy as a clumsy metaphor for all of our daddy issues, but it lives in a world where police violence exists. And when it’s engaging not only with the concept of whether the powerful should kill but batshit ramifications of that violence, like the superhero trope of supervillain “escalation,” it becomes real hard to find the show compelling.

Ultimately, the overall story itself isn’t about whether superheroes should kill—which ends up being a pawn used by both sides for control and power…but that doesn’t stop that single component of the show from being a distraction. By the time the last episode ended, I found that the way that the overall material had been handled left the Machiavellian plot twists inert. Which is not to say I saw them coming or did not see them coming, but to say that I just really didn't care.

[slutsofren]

I’m begging you to please give us more Kylo & Mistress AU!! Whatever you want to show us, first time ever together (sex)? Or more details on the honeymoon?

I have been thinking a lot about Mistress and CEO Kylo’s first meeting and subsequent affair, I really do love them,,, so much,,, so fucking much,,,, the attitude,,, the power shifts,,,, the playful air that engulfs them,,, ugh swoon,,, Anywho, once I got started on this, I couldn’t stop. This monster is big for a blurb lol

You can read it on AO3 here 

** CEO Kylo & Mistress AU: the meet-cute, first date sex, Bazine calls when y’all are fuckin’ and you let her listen, kind of vanilla since this is the first date and all, more in-depth into CEO Kylo’s background. I hope you enjoy this shenanigan as much as I did, Anon!

First Time Meeting and Second Missed Calls

Your phone had buzzed for the second time that night, yet another missed call from the filth of a man you were to be meeting tonight. You gave absolutely no second chances for potential business associates, especially if they’re late to the very first meeting. You rose from your seat nearby the window, asking the server to redirect your bill to the bar as you planned on drinking a couple glasses of wine to soothe your irritation.

Tonight was one of those nights where you bothered to wear heels, something you once learned from a mentor in college about appearing powerful and showing you would never bow to a man in this industry. That you could easily poke an eye out with the length of the heel. It always worked.

It had taken you some time to grow accustomed to loving your body, each and every inch of it was yours and you’d be damned if you let some man make you feel like you were less than because of your gender and curves. You loved yourself and that was that. You’d claw out the eyes of the next man who would belittle your business practices based on your gender, you would always come out on top.

You caved in and ordered whatever sweet dessert wine they offered, something few knew about you was your sweet tooth and how you’d love to sneak a delectable treat in once in a while. You drummed your fingers against the countertop, your other hand began fingering your wine glass. You took these few quiet moments to watch people, trying to silently guess why people were in Momofuku Ko on this particular evening during this very hour. A small game you enjoyed playing to pass the time.

Next to you, a woman stumbled to the bar nearly dropping her martini all over your silver dress but breaking the drink in her hand. A quick glance at her and you knew she was plastered, her loud and obnoxious voice scratching your ears. She looked relatively hopeless as she looked at the shards of glass and dripping liquid from the counter, the mess she made matching the mess her presence had.

You rolled your eyes as you checked your dress and purse quickly, making sure this miserable woman didn’t ruin your items.

“Hey! Can I get another mart-,” she tried to yell at the man behind the counter before a man cut her off, placing his hand on her shoulders from behind her. He shot you an apologetic look and faced the bartender.

“My apologies, sir, would you mind calling a cab for this woman, she seems to be out of her mind,” he stressed the last few words in her ear. The bartender raised a brow and nodded, motioning for some help from a nearby server.

“Hey you,” she threw her comments at you, “why are you dressed like a slut in front of my-” the man pulled her away from you. 

She protested, throwing her hands which way and that trying to stop herself from being promptly escorted from the premises by some security. Once she was gone, the mystery man looked at you once more, fixing his tie and suit.

A small smile left your lips as you raised your glass to him, “Wild night?”

He let out a huff, “It would seem to be.” He took long strides and sat on the opposite side of you, avoiding the broken glass and dropped alcohol.

“Your wife,” you pressed on. Curiosity nipping at your heels.

The man let out a grimace, “That obvious?”

This time you let that smile you’d be holding in appear across your plush lips. “My apologies, Mister-?”

“Ren, Kylo Ren. May I buy you another glass of wine for the inconvenience of having to see that woman’s unpleasant side, Miss?”

You paused a moment pretending to think, even taking the extra long couple seconds to suck in your bottom lip and bite it oh, so gently. “You may.” You reached your hand to his, introducing yourself to him. That meeting that brought you here was far away from your mind now that your phone hadn’t rang for what seemed like hours, maybe that fool got a clear picture that you did not offer second chances.

Before long, you two had moved to a quiet section of the restaurant. You both talked and drank the wine you prefered. Kylo said it was a new adventure since he mostly kept to whiskey but you could tell he was charmed by you and you with him.

Slowly yet surely, you found yourselves inching closer and closer to each other over the course of your conversation, his warm arm pressed around your shoulders as you both talked from everything from business pet peeves, to stock prices, and fashion. 

You looked into his eyes and for the briefest moment, you felt guilty. This was a married man, you clearly saw his wife earlier. Kylo held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking straight into your eyes and you felt as if he was looking into your soul as well.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” he whispered your name.

“You’re married.”

“I am.”

“Then why-”

He leaned back in his seat and tore his eyes from you. He looked at the plate of food in front of him, to your hand that was still on his knee, then to the wall ahead of him. “We didn’t marry for love, if that’s what you’re wondering. I am a terrible man, I’ve burned people, I’ve caused deaths of some, I’m fire and brimstone to others. One thing I am not, is a liar.”

He took a pause, letting you absorb his words. “Bazine is my wife but it’s more of a title than an actual relationship. She owned a wonderful portion of a business I wanted to acquire and merge with my own and the condition for me to take full ownership was to be married to that dreadful woman for five years. Afterwards, I could divorce her and leave it all behind and do whatever I wanted with that company. At the time,” he finally admits, “it didn’t seem like I was sacrificing much, instead I would be gaining that much of a stronger footing over those who kept me down for so many years.”

“Delayed gratification,” you prompted.

He let out a chuckle, “Yeah, something like that. That was almost three years ago. Three years of dealing with Bazine- her drunkenness and mishandling of the company. It’s been a long three years and will be an even longer two more.”

Kylo looked at you once more and grabbed your hand, raising it to his lips giving your cold fingers a warm kiss, “Come, let me take you to your hotel.” You conceded and followed him. After all he expressed about the complications of his arranged marriage, you felt for this man. In all his struggles he just looked worn and tired and you could tell he hid it well.

You both shuffled into the cab after Kylo insisted to settle your bill with his, his warm wool coat was draped over your shoulders, covering the sparkling silver satin your dress shone like tiny starlights.

The fifteen minute or so taxi drive from Momofuku to where you stayed at the WestHouse Hotel was cozy. Kylo didn’t press on your thoughts and you admired the comfortable silence that came with being in his presence. You let yourself lean on his body, trying to absorb some of his warmth that he radiated since you met him.

Upon your arrival to the hotel, Kylo once again insisted on paying for the taxi as he did at the restaurant, “Spending this evening with you was the first time in years where I wasn’t expected to be a certain person or act in a particular manner. Being with you tonight was truly a breath of fresh air.”

Kylo fiddled with a small piece of your hair, lacing it around his fingers before letting it go. The artificial lights from the hotel illuminated his face, much more than the intimate lighting at the restaurant did. Now you took notice of each and every freckle that littered his sharp features and his eyes, how they bore into yours. Anticipating.

“Bazine,” you left your unspoken question lingering in the air between you both.

“She has had her fair share of affairs during our,” he struggles to find the right word, “situation.” You were surprised at his confession, afterall you were fairly certain she attempted to call you a slut for making eye contact with Kylo just before the two of you properly met.

“As I said before, I am many things but a liar I am not.”

Kylo cupped your face and his eye contact never faltered from your gaze. “I will never force you to do anything,” he licked his lips, “uncouth.”

Fuck it.

You grabbed his hand and led him inside WestHouse, interlacing your fingers with his. Behind you, you could hear Kylo give a low chuckle, admiring you from behind as his coat engulfed you. It didn’t matter if you were tall or short, larger or smaller in size, this man made everybody look small in comparison, not to mention how obscenely wide his chest was. He was too damn sexy for his own good and you were daring to drink from that chalice of forbidden wine at any moment now.

In the elevator, you admired how your interlocked fingers appeared together so naturally, how his large hand encompassed yours. Your white glitter painted fingernails seemed to radiate what you were feeling within you, a rush of passion and fervor. If this were to be a one night stand, so be it. It would be a night you wouldn’t forget for a lifetime.

Once the two of you walked past the threshold to your hotel room, Kylo pinned you, throwing your purse to the side. Your back against the plain door shutting it in its place, locking you two away from the outside world. His large hands cupped your face as he did moments before down below at the entrance but this time, this time he kissed you as deeply as he could. You granted his tongue access as your kisses grew heated. Wanting nothing between you if you possibly could.

Kylo dropped his hands from your face to his coat, slipping it from your shoulders and letting it fall to the ground. You took this moment to reach for his belt, slipping it from the loops of his pants, your mouth practically watering at the sound of the leather and metal falling to the floor.

He took your hand in his and led you deeper into the room, watching you like prey as you sauntered and gracefully stepped out of your d’orsay heels without having to touch them. Kylo moved your hair to the side as he began to pull on the zipper that kept you in the confines of the tight dress you wore for the evening, the sounds of the zipper being forced open on your back filled the room and you began to unbutton his shirt, the jacket he wore was thrown about somewhere else. Wherever it landed didn’t matter, only that you both got what you came for.

Each button stripped away revealing the broad chest you envisioned he had, your fingers expertly undid them as if you had been doing this dance with him since the beginning of time.

You both did not make a further move to kiss, only to gaze into each others’ eyes, as if you were engraving this moment in your minds forever. With his shirt unbuttoned and your dress just daring to fall, he raised an eyebrow at you and you let out a laugh before practically jumping into his arms. He kissed you, and kissed you, and kissed you more, trailing each one further down as he stripped the gown from your body. 

Kylo was completely enthralled by you, enchanted by your confidence and ability to not shy away from the reality of who he was, a man who dominated every aspect of his life. He showed it, he showed you and promised himself to show you just how wild you make his heart beat if you’d allow him the pleasure, just as he bound himself to give you an insurmountable level of new highs tonight.

Reaching the top of the panties you donned for the evening, Kylo paused and looked up at you, “Is this okay?”

You placed one of your hands in his hair, feeling the strands tangle around your fingers as if trapping you and never letting go. “Yes, Kylo.” He leaned forward, laying his forehead at your stomach as if silently praying, thanking whatever it was out there that led you to him. Fate intervening.

A part of him wanted to hurry and bury himself deep in you but his skin screamed to stop and take it slow, to let these moments last and treasure your body- admiring each and every curve and dip. He inched your panties lower and lower until they fell and he took this moment to kiss that beautiful spot where your thighs met your sweet spot. After a few moments of soft languid kisses Kylo lifted your leg to straddle his shoulders as he began to kiss, bite, and suck at you.

You tried to keep your composure for just a little while longer, you really did try but once he began his magic, you fervently began to release breathy moans which only encouraged him on. His large hands grasped your ass, your thighs, anywhere those long fingers could grab. His tongue worked between your folds and it threw you overboard into cascading waves of pleasure. 

Two orgasms later, Kylo released you from his hold, letting you stand on your own. As he rose, he kissed his way back up to your lips and you tasted yourself on his tongue. You began to strip his clothes off him, as he did for you. Down to his boxers you led him to the bed and laid yourself down gently, a modest queen size bed for a queen afterall.

You hesitated for just a moment and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this, Kylo?”

Hearing his name drip like golden ichor from your plush lips was a true taste of ambrosia that made his mind spin. Not once has anybody spoken his name as you have, it was always spoken laced in fear, anxiety, or greed but you, you spoke his name with adoration. You looked at him from the bed, turned to face him, anxiously waiting for his reply.

Kylo kneeled on the bed, hovering over you, encasing your body under his as he laid another chaste kiss to your lips, “More than anything.”

You raised your knees and opened yourself up to him. Mind, body, soul. Everything. Your fingers brushed past the elastic in his waistband and pulled the cloth down to reveal his large cock at your core. Grasping his hardened length he let out a breathy gasp and you could see between you both how red his cock was, desperately begging for attention.

“Fuck me,” you whined as you stroked him, “Please Kylo, I want you.”

“I want you too,” he said as he began to thrust into your hand, enjoying how your fingers felt around him. You lifted your feet to rest on his hips as you led his length to your core. He began to kiss all around your face as you let him sink into you, splitting you wide open.

He let out a quiet, “Oh fuck,” as he reached his hilt, burying himself so far into you. His large fingers came up and got tangled in your hair as he began slow ministrations of pulling almost all the way out before thrusting deep into you and beginning that cycle of pure toture and pleasure in one.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered against your neck, eyeing your expressions how your face controrts with each thrust he makes.

“Don’t stop, Kylo, please, don’t stop,” you cried. Your heart opened at his words but you forced those feelings away, unsure of what his intentions are.

Kylo sat up and kneeled once again, taking this moment to watch as his cock disappeared in your pussy. Watching how when he pulls back, his cock is glistening with physical evidence of your arousal. He became mesmerised at how your tits bounced and your face lit up with the same waves of absolute pleasure he felt. He didn’t want any of this to stop.

From the foot of the bed, a phone began to ring and Kylo let out a groan. He ignored it and continued his slow thrusts, fucking you nice and deeply. His phone stopped ringing for the briefest moment then rang again. “Fuck,” he growled. He wasn’t going to stop, no way was he going to stop one of the nicest nights of his life. The phone stopped and resumed ringing one more time, whatever it was seemed to be urgent.

He eyed you and you nodded your head, letting him leave you to get it. “Are you fucking kidding me,” he groaned.

“What is it, Kylo?”

“Bazine.”

Without giving it a second thought, you demanded, “Answer it.”

He turned and cocked his face into a smirk and placed the phone against his ear, “What do you want, Bazine.” He stepped forward back to the bed, you could now begin to hear her slurred whines and cries on the line, screaming at him.”

You reached for his phone and put it on speaker, tossing it to the side of you as you guided Kylo back to where you were before she interrupted.

“Where are you Kylo, how could you embarrass me like that,” Bazine cried.

“You embarrassed yourself, as for where I am, well,” he kissed you. “I’m currently inside one of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life, fucking her nice pussy,” he groaned as you tightened around him at his compliment, “and wanting you to fuck off so we can keep going.”

Bazine let out a harsh gasp, appalled at what he was saying, “You- you’re lying.”

“Say hello,” he motioned to you.

After a moment, you cleared your voice, “I would greatly appreciate it if you’d leave Kylo alone for the night, he is a bit busy fucking me.”

“Stop fucking lying,” she yelled.

Kylo brushed his hair back as she penetrated you, “Fine, if you don’t want to believe it then listen to us fuck and deal with it. Leave me alone, Bazine.”

He began to fuck you once more, letting loose all the lewd noises your pussy could make from how sweetly he rocked into you, deeply caressing each part of you.

You arched your back and he bent down to take one of your nipples into his mouth and sucked bruises on the skin there. Wanting to leave a small part of him on you just as you left scratches on his back. Wonderful scars for a wonderful woman, he thought.

“Oh, Kylo, just like that, don’t stop,” you cried, Bazine already leaving your mind. Kylo reached over to hang up the phone and he threw it against the wall, not giving a shit if it broke. Right now all that mattered was you.

You reached up for him and placed a gentle hand at the base of his skull, pulling him to the side so you could be on top, not once disconnecting your bodies. Kylo gripped your ass as you began to bounce on his large cock, throwing your head back. “Fuck- Kylo!”

He tried, just as you did, to keep his composure but you felt far too good around him and he began to let out just as many moans.

He moaned your name and gripped your ass so hard you hoped there would be bruises there to keep as a temporary memory of this affair. Your neck was exposed to him and he reached a hand up to caress the skin there, sending shivers upon shivers down your spine. “You’re doing such a good job, bouncing like that on my cock,” he praised, “You look so beautiful.”

“Come here, little one,” he reached around you to hold you close to him as he laid you down on the bed. Not once letting you take a moment to think about that little nickname.

Kylo hoovered over you as you began to cry, he had you feeling so good that you couldn’t stop the hot tears that welled in your eyes, “Please, Kylo, go faster, I’m so close!” He took that command and did as you told him, pumping his cock so fast and so hard into you, it was earth shattering. Kylo reached his long slender fingers and began to violate your clit, aiding your desire.

Your back arched as you came around his cock, feeling overstimulated and well-fucked but he still kept going, chasing his own orgasm. Finally, he let out a deep guttural moan as he came inside of you as a sigh left your lips. Your pussy fluttered aftershocks around him, milking him. Kylo kissed you deeply once again, wanting to etch this memory deep into his mind, trying to remember the taste of wine on your lips. When he pulled away he brushed a piece of your hair away from your eyes and your gaze met his. You lifted one of your hands to brush his clean shaven face with the back of your hand. “I don’t want you to leave,” you admitted.

Kylo pulled out, and stepped off the bed. For a moment your heart broke into tiny pieces believing he was going to leave until he pulled the white duvet covers down and motioned you to slip underneath them. He returned to you, covering both your bodies while he reached his fingers down between your folds, pushing the evidence of both your orgasms back inside of you. He kissed your forehead and entwined your limbs together under the warm sheets, “Neither do I.”

[hiccanna-tidbits]

Hiccanna--100 OTP Questions, Part 2

So I said I would finish this OTP question meme someday--and I decided, entirely on random impulse, that “someday” is today!!! My Hiccanna-centered account has not been producing enough Hiccanna content lately, and this simply WILL not do.

QUESTION SOURCE: https://the-moon-dust-writings.tumblr.com/post/159857601812/100-otp-questions

LINK TO PART 1: https://hiccanna-tidbits.tumblr.com/post/635744326176129024/hiccanna-100-otp-questions-meme-part-1 51. Does either of them know how to fight? I mean...canonically yeah, they both do??? Lol I mean Hiccup has his fire sword and obviously would know how to fight with the weapons he makes/invents, and Anna literally just instinctively grabs a sword to protect her buddies in Frozen 2 and I mean we all really love Sword Anna anyways and also she PUNCHES A MAN OFF OF A BOAT so long story short yes they can both fight 52. What do they do for Valentines Day? Anna rents a rom-com and pulls Hiccup down onto their couch to watch it with her, and he kinda internally groans because he figures it’ll be something super sappy and cheesy and Anna will just be squealing with delight the whole time. Legit as soon as the first scene begins, Anna begins brutally roasting the main couple. Turns out it’s a really terrible rom-com and Anna rented it solely to make fun of it. Hiccup is like “aight this definitely wasn’t what I was expecting but I’m on board” Also Hiccup gets Anna like 3 boxes of fancy chocolate because...do I really need to explain? Anna gets Hiccup a particularly aesthetic floral arrangement for their kitchen table, something she knows damn well he secretly likes but would never admit XD 53. Who swears more? Anna, for sure. This tends to surprise people, but Anna is actually a notorious pottymouth when she gets comfortable XD Hiccup has a pretty big and borderline pretentious vocabulary, and so he tends to express his frustration in more...articulate ways when things don’t go his way. Like he’d stub his toe and just say “wow, I’d literally rather saw off my other leg than have to deal with this right now” while Anna, in the same situation, would let loose every curse word known to man XD 54. Who has the better comebacks? Hiccup, absolutely. His smart-ass comments to every conceivable situation on earth go absolutely unmatched. Anna can’t help but envy how he can almost instinctually pull out a near-perfect snide remark within seconds, whilst she, at best, thinks of the ideal comeback in the shower 3 days later. 55. Who would start a fight with another parent at a bake sale? I feel like Anna would seek out the most passive-aggressive, bitchy, entitled Karen and just wait with barely-concealed anticipation for her to say something super awful so Anna can just nail her in the face right in front of all the other moms Hiccup and their kids, meanwhile, can’t help but be awed at their wife/mother’s impressive Right Hook 56. Who reads buzzfeed? Anna. Hiccup keeps being like “you know half the stuff on there is total bullshit, right?” and Anna just shrugs like “who cares? It’s entertaining!” 57. Who is the hopeless romantic? Anna, good god, ANNA. After the whole Hans debacle I imagine she’s a bit more subdued about so openly showing this part of her personality, but at heart she just can’t stop being a romantic. Once Hiccup catches wind of this, he naturally makes a point of frequently surprising her with Grand Romantic Gestures and such, which makes Anna’s entire face go bright fuckin red as she cries out “NO STOP WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS YOU’RE TOO NICE” 58. Do either of them know how to do a handstand? Nope! They’d both fall on their faces and it would be hilarious. 59. Who can rap better? I love the idea of them both being looped into a rap battle somehow and Anna just dreading it immensely because she figures they both really suck and then when it’s their turn Hiccup comes out and busts out the BEST, MOST SAVAGE RHYMES Anna has ever heard COMPLETELY ad lib and the poor girl just goes completely catatonic with shock for like 10 minutes. 60. Do either of them want to go sky diving? See initially I was gonna say Hiccup definitely would not because it would give the poor boy an anxiety attack, but then I remembered he basically skydives in canon??? And Anna strikes me as a bit of adrenaline junkie too, so fuck it--yeah, I think they’d both enjoy it. 61. What do they usually text about? They talk a lot about movies, games, books, and shows they both like, I imagine--Hiccup especially likes to overanalyze them to ridiculous extents and Anna thinks this is adorable. The rest of the time, they send each other dumb memes and talk about random animal fun facts. Anna likes to brag that her boyfriend knows more lizard trivia than anyone else on the planet, and how many lizard facts does YOUR boyfriend know? Probably little to none, you big loser. 62. Who is the dramatic one? Anna is INCREDIBLY dramatic. Although Hiccup certainly does have a “dramatic flair,” as he puts it, I still think Anna can out-dramatic him, at the end of the day XD Although perhaps admittedly not by much. 63. Is either one confrontational? Anna certainly can be. She’s usually pretty friendly, but if she ever feels like she’s being challenged, demeaned, mocked, or generally not taken seriously, she’s ready to go to WAR. She certainly not as soft as she might look! I imagine there’s situations where someone is being a dick to either Anna or someone else and Hiccup has to physically hold her back to keep her from just decking them XD 64. What is their favourite cuddle position? Probably just good old-fashioned spooning. Hiccup actually really loves being the little spoon (because Anna just makes him feel so damn safe), but he is loathe to admit it. They also have one I like to call the “Needy Cat,” where Anna just goes and completely drapes herself over Hiccup when he’s sitting on the couch. He’s usually in the middle of doing something else, and is forced to find ways to play video games/read his book/watch his show around Anna XD 65. Who are their favourite musical artist(s)? Hiccup has exactly 3 music moods--pretentious classical stuff (to listen to while working on inventions), obscure underground 90s hipster bands no one’s heard of (to play air guitar to when no one else is home), and some more well-known emo/alt rock stuff (to sing along to in the car dramatically). I can see him liking Panic! at the Disco, The Killers, Fall Out Boy, Linkin Park, that kinda stuff. Anna, meanwhile, likes the trashiest, most generic-sounding pop music and refuses to apologize for dancing to it in the car XD She is most DEFINITELY a Swiftie, no question. She also likes some “edgier” bands like Paramore and Hey Monday. She went through a hardcore Avril Lavigne phase in middle school and she still totally listens to her but is embarrassed to say it. Also I feel like Anna would be into 90s/early 2000s boy bands??? She relates to the boys’ endless pining and just flips the genders in her head so the songs are about Hiccup (before they start dating obs) XD I AM DEFINITELY NOT SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE HERE, NO SIR 66. What are their parenting styles? Anna would probably be like...kind of stern, when she needs to be, but intensely nurturing as well, if her relationship with Elsa is anything to go by. Hiccup would be a pretty laid-back, chill dad who would probably try too hard to be cool and make no end of absolutely horrible dad jokes XD They both lowkey seem like the kind of parents who would end up letting their kids get away with a lot though lmao 67. Who would be the more laid back one? Hiccup probably. I mean, he IS the pacifist/diplomat guy, besides have you MET Anna??? Girl absolutely has NO chill. 68. Who listens to more vulgar music? Anna, surprisingly! Hiccup just kinda enjoys what he enjoys and doesn’t really feel the need to “prove” anything by listening to songs that swear a lot. Anna purposely listens to vulgar music to feed her hidden rebellious side and because it makes her feel badass XD She honestly kinda hates being written off as 100% wholesome and innocent all the time and will readily pull out the “I’M NOT A SWEET LITTLE FLOWER I SANG ALONG TO THAT SONG THAT JUST SAID FUCK SEE” line whenever given even the slightest chance XD 69. Do either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know? Kind of depends on when in both their timelines they meet. If they meet in the middle of HTTYD 1 or Frozen 1, they probably wouldn’t tell the other right away that they have a dragon and an ice-powered supersister, respectively XD I definitely think they would as they came to trust each other, though. Also I read a headcanon that Hiccup has burn scars from the Red Death incident where he lost his leg, and that’s why he wears so much armor and generally long sleeves--and I kind of love that. So maybe Hiccup would be cagey with Anna about how he lost his leg and that whole incident for a while before he finally opens up to her about it. Other than that I feel like they’d be pretty honest with one another, other than maybe trying to hide the more embarrassing parts of themselves to impress the other person XD 70. Who is their go to couple for a double date? Jackunzel, obviously! They’d probably all go to an arcade or an amusement park or something else pretty fun and high-energy. 71. Do they tip the waiter/waitress on their date? I mean yes, they’re not huge assholes????? 72. How do they work out a fight? I imagine Anna tends to get more worked up and yelley and loud, while Hiccup doesn’t raise his voice much at all but can say some damn cutting things if he wants to. Since Anna probably gets angrier, I imagine she apologizes first, whether or not the fight was actually on her or not--it’s just kinda this girl’s default to apologize for everything XD She’d probably say sorry for yelling and probably overreacting, while Hiccup would also be EXTREMELY apologetic if he realized he crossed a line with one of his jabs at her. I imagine a lot of what they fight about is Anna doing some impulsive Dumb Shit^TM and Hiccup just being like “oh god DAMMIT that’s DANGEROUS you can’t just go WORRYING me like that!!!” and Anna getting offended because she kinda views this as him being a little overprotective and not trusting her to make her own decisions. Ironically, Anna occasionally also gets mad at HICCUP for doing Impulsive Dumb Shit, so he’s not always nearly as much the Voice of Reason as he thinks XD Hiccup also sometimes gets mad at Anna for not taking better care of herself (take it from a fellow ADHDer--we tend to Wallow in Despair sometimes, or straight-up forget to do basic care things like eat lunch XD)--I have an IRL friend who reminds me a lot of Hiccup and he’s ALWAYS getting on my case about not eating enough, not drinking enough water, constantly berating myself, stuff like that. I imagine Hiccup sometimes slips into Mom Mode with Anna when she gets in a bad spot, which she appreciates after the fact but kind of annoys her at the time because she wants really badly to be independent and all that. Basically TL;DR most of Anna and Hiccup’s fights can be resolved by Anna and Hiccup agreeing to next time Use A Brain Cell before they do a thing, or Anna agreeing to take better care of herself XD 73. Who brings home an illegal pet? In literally every AU possible I like to think that Hiccup brings home some variation of illegal pet XD I mean, it’s probably just a dragon (”just a dragon” is never a string of words I imagined myself using in that order like what do you mean JUST a dragon lmao) in a standard crossover timeline, which he basically does in canon, but I do love the idea of a modern AU Hiccup showing up to their apartment with some kind of weird exotic monitor lizard from Bali and being like “I found him in an alley, he’s gonna live with us now” and Anna is like “D: Is someone gonna arrest you???” And Hiccup is like “Nah, no cops followed me home” and Anna’s like “Okay!!! :D” and then goes to PetSmart to buy a big fluffy bed for her new scaled friend XD 74. What side of the bed do each of them sleep on? I honestly don’t think either would care much, and they usually sleep in a tangled-up mess anyways so by morning you can’t really tell who started on which side XD 75. What is their favorite photo of them two together? One from before they got together: I’m just imagining a big group photo with the Entire Squad (Rapunzel, Jack, Merida, Moana, etc.), and Anna has her arms laced around Hiccup’s neck and her chin on his shoulder and a GIANT smirk on her face. Meanwhile Hiccup is laughing and trying to push her off, but his cheeks are BRIGHT fucking red and he’s trying really unsuccessfully to hide it because he’s a pale boi. Anna loves it because you can so CLEARLY see Hiccup’s blush, and she loves to tease him about how flustered he got around her. Hiccup loves it because it reminds him of what was probably the first time Anna was THAT openly cuddly with him, and how exhilarated and giddy he felt the first time he had her that close to him. 76. Who takes longer in the bathroom? Probably Hiccup, if only because I HC him as a bit of a germophobe who is a tiny bit obsessive about washing his hands sufficiently. 77. Who has more songs on their ipod? Anna, mainly because literally every time she hears a song she likes she’s like “!!!!! Gotta download it!!!!” LITERALLY EVERY TIME. And she wonders why her ipod is always running out of space XD 78. What movie did they first see together? As of the Modern AU Hiccanna one-shot I wrote ages ago, Revenge of the Ancient Dragon Masters! XD If we’re talking movies that actually exist, I imagine it would be a Marvel movie, a Star Wars movie, or some super-fancy-CGI high fantasy epic. 79. What do they like to see each other in? You mean like...which of the other’s outfits would they find the sexiest??? Aight, I’ll take a stab at this. Anna gets literally SO fuckin thirsty every time Hiccup wears his dragon rider outfit (the one from HTTYD 2), like it shows off his cute skinny body in the most perfect possible way whilst making him look like a badass and oh how Anna DREAMS of feeling him up in that! (One day, she finally gets to! XD) She’s also very into the scale armor from HTTYD 3 when she’s in...a very different kind of mood XD As for Hiccup, his favorite outfits of Anna’s are probably her coronation dress and her queen dress, mainly because he loves how she looks in green. He also really likes her travel outfit from Frozen 2, mainly because it’s sexy AND practical and damn, he’s gotta admit, that’s a nice shade of purple and she absolutely SLAYS in it XD 80. Who makes jokes during inappropriate times? Honestly both of them??? Like neither are great at picking up social cues, and Anna canonically DOES do this in Frozen! (Remember her comment about ice-selling being “a rough business to be in right now”???) I can see both of them attempting to lighten a tense mood by making an ill-timed joke, hoping to make things less uncomfortable, and they end up making everything MORE uncomfortable XD Honestly sue me, I love the idea of these two idiots bonding over how terrible they are with social cues in general 81. At what age do they discuss the possibility of children? I imagine not til like...their early 30s, if ever. Like I mentioned in the first part of the questionaire, I actually am not sure if they would even want to have kids at all, but if they DID decide to, it definitely wouldn’t be until they’re older and have settled down a bit, and have (somewhat) gotten both of their lives together. 82. What do they love about each other the most? Hiccup loves Anna’s energy and optimism, and how she’ll basically cheer him on and believe in him with all her being no matter how high the odds are stacked against him. And oh boy does he LOVE how hard she can kick ass when push comes to shove, and how goddamn overprotective she is of him. The sword skills and the general willingness to punch problematic people in the face are definitely up there as well. She’s like the perfect blend of fun and badass, and there’s never a dull moment with her for him. Anna adores Hiccup’s connection with animals and general animal skills, especially with the more less-loved and “scary” of the world’s creatures (i.e. dragons lol). She also loves and admires the shit out of his intelligence and inventiveness, and wishes she could make contraptions half as cool as what he turns out. And, of course, she loves that he’s a pretty humble dude who's actually pretty insecure about his accomplishments, and isn’t some cocky guy wanting to shove them in everyone’s face. And, of course, she loves his sarcasm and his dry sense of humor, and few people can make her laugh as hard as Hiccup can. Before she met him, she had no idea pessimism could be this entertaining XD 83. Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focus’s on the small details? Hiccup is very detail-oriented--he has to be, in order to make any of his contraptions work! Anna is very much focused on the big picture and gets stressed and exasperated trying to keep track of details--she figures she’ll either sort through the details as she goes, or Hiccup will help do it for her XD 84. What would they write on their partner’s social media’s for their anniversary? One of my IRL friends wrote “Happy anniversary bro, you’re pretty great” on his girlfriend’s instagram for their anniversary, and she wrote back “Happy anniversary, you’re a good buddy, I love you” and I just XD That’s the EXACT kind of weird dorky nonsense I can see Hiccup and Anna doing for their anniversary tbh 85. Who is bad at math? Anna, bless her soul, needs a calculator for literally EVERYTHING. Hiccup kinda trained himself to be decent at doing math in his head, since he often has to calculate measurements for his inventions and whatnot, but Anna is absolutely atrocious at it and generally would like overly-complicated numbers to not be anywhere near her. 86. Who googles everything? Probably Anna, mainly because she’s pretty forgetful and doesn’t trust her own memory half the time so she feels the need to verify everything on the internet XD 87. Who does stuff on impulse? Anna 100% canonically does, although Hiccup has some shades of this too more than he would ever admit, in fact, for someone claiming to be the Voice of Reason 88. How do they comfort each other when they are helpless to do anything about the situation? Hiccup’s approach is probably just to try and distract Anna and take her mind off of it, which he’ll do by either trying to make her laugh, telling her a story, or explaining one of his inventions to her (which she never gets bored with btw, because everything that boy gushes about is fascinating to her <3). Basically he figures if he entertains her enough, it’ll take her mind off of whatever is freaking her out and she won’t fixate on it as much. Anna’s approach is more to accentuate the positives in a bad situation (although like I mentioned in Part 1, not really in a condescending “count your blessings, it could be worse!” kind of way, but more in a “I hope he’ll feel better if he focuses on happy things” kind of way, if that makes any sense?) and also focus on when Hiccup DID do great and utterly kick ass and tell him he’s always better than he thinks he is. 89. What is an inside joke they have? If anything, him calling her “Tiger” as a pet name (which I think I mentioned briefly in Part 1??? Can’t remember) is this, because in my mind it developed because whenever Anna is about to do some Dumb Shit, or punch someone she really shouldn’t in the face, Hiccup has to physically hold her back like “Whoa, slow down there, Tiger!” This happens so frequently that eventually it just gets shortened to him nicknaming her “Tiger” and all their friends are kind of baffled as to why XD 90. Who makes the other smile with almost no effort at all? Hiccup barely even needs to start talking in funny accents or imitating his dad before Anna is just DYING laughing. She thinks he’s the funniest damn person on earth. He honestly gets a kick out of her impressions too--she can do some pretty amusing ones, if that deleted coronation dress-up scene from Frozen 1 is anything to go by. So the feeling is mutual!!! They’re super good at making each other smile and laugh with little to no effort!!! 91. What is their favourite holiday? I feel like Anna especially would get REALLY into Christmas/Yule, mainly because of how much Elsa can spice it up with her powers. And judging by the OFA short, Arendelle gets very hyped for the holidays in general, so it’s probably hard NOT to have a good time. Anna probably also like Mayday a lot because the dancing, the spring cheeriness, and the flower-related festivities are definitely to her taste. Hiccup just likes the energy and general vibes, and would rather sit back and relax and watch Anna dance around and have fun XD Also dun best believe they BOTH get hella into Halloween, because they’re dramatic motherfuckers who loves to dress up, and it gives Anna an excuse to buy a shitton of chocolate and eat all the leftovers XD 92. Who is the one that is calm and collected while the other is angry and destructive? Lmao Anna is definitely the “berserker” of the two of them. She DOES tend to get destructive when she’s angry, if being ready to fight a giant-ass snowman and smacking a wolf in the face with a lute is anything to go by. Hiccup is definitely the calm and collected one, and very rarely gets genuinely angry. 93. What is their favourite board game to play? Does Dungeons and Dragons count??? I can totally imagine Hiccup being hyped up over that or some other super nerdy RPG game and being so enthused to show it to Anna, who just falls even more in love with him after seeing how EXCITED he gets about it. Of course he’s super eager to teach her, and TBH Anna has a really hard time getting it at first because DAMN these rules are COMPLICATED, but after she finally gets the hang of it, she realizes she absolutely LOVES DnD and RPG games in general (I mean...have you SEEN OFA??? Girl gets just a little TOO into reminiscing about her old play-pretend toys XD) and she and Hiccup constantly geek out about it together. 94. Who accidental sets something on fire? Anna, 100% also this is an ever funnier question if applied to Hiccanna in my Fire!Anna AU 95. Who has the car ready while the other is robbing the store? Anna is waiting while Hiccup robs the store, if for no other reason than that Hiccup is much better at Stealth Mode than Anna is XD Anna’s uncoordinated ass would probably knock over like 5 shelves’ worth of merchandise before reaching what they were actually trying to rob XD 96. What artist/group did they go to for their first concert? I M A G I N E  D R A G O N S lmao Look what can I say Anna likes the Imagine and Hiccup likes the Dragons 97. Who sleep talks? Hiccup. He mumbles about dragons a lot. Sometimes he jolts awake randomly and just yells out “THE DRAGONS ARE IN TROUBLE!” and Anna has to calm him down after she dutifully manages to not burst into laughter at this. Doubly funny if this takes place in a Modern AU. 98. Who is the more social one? Anna! Hiccup generally prefers to either keep to himself or hang out with animals. 99. What are their karaoke songs? For some reason I feel like anything by P!nk??? Idk why, but I can see them like rocking out and singing along to p!nk songs together and getting really into it. Also basically anything by The Killers and, at Anna’s request, The Chainsmokers (Hiccup thinks this is very basic music indeed but goes along with it for her sake XD). AND “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons. And they sing it LOUD. 100. Who would get up on stage and make a fool of themselves just to make the other laugh? Highkey both of them??? I kinda feel like Hiccup moreso though, if his little comedy routine imitating his dad in HTTYD2 is anything to go off of. He definitely wouldn’t be averse to making an idiot of himself to amuse Anna, especially since she’s so damn cute when she laughs. Anna, for her part, loves returning the favor, and is all about trying to do all sorts of Goofy Antics to amuse her boyfriend. And she’s overdramatic af, so she gets WAY too into it XD

[jynzandtonic]

asks + answers (4/26)

Yo yo yo! I’ve been working my through my ask box, and wanted a way to answer some of the anon questions without feeling like I’m spamming y’all with bazillions of short info posts.

Instead of “killing two birds with one stone,” my mom would always say “feeding two birds with one seed,” which is a lot cuter, and also who the fuck is going around throwing rocks at birds for fuck’s sake. 

In that spirit, I hope this type of post is a good way to feed the birbs. xoxo

ANON ASKS:

Heyyy! So you have a masterlist?

Yes, or at least the humble beginnings of one! I just got a laptop last week, so I’m excited to finally get my shit together.

Today, I’ve been getting together all the fic links, and I’ll also be including links to browse all posts for each individual boy. The vast majority of what I’ve written is in ficlet/drabble/HC form, aka snaccs and thots, which will prove more timely to catalog. You can always track #jyn z snaccs for HCs and #jyn z thots for ficlets/drabbles if you don’t want to miss ‘em!

feels pretty shitty to see you responding to all these other asks but not the ones I’ve sent. oh well   

I thought about just deleting this ask like I did with the small handful of similar ones I’d received before posting about pausing writing requests to catch up, but considering this came in just a few hours ago, it’s probably worth addressing.

Anon, I am so sorry you’re feeling crappy about not seeing your prompt(s) fulfilled. I would never want to do something to intentionally make you feel bad. 

For the most part, I answer asks in the order they are received--perhaps peppering in others out-of-order to diversify the smattering of characters/kinks/themes. I write around 2k words a day just for asks. Up until a week ago, I was plinking out every word I wrote on a phone keyboard, too.

The reason you haven’t seen your ask posted is this:

I am just a smol bean. With two opposable thumbs. And a dwindling supply of beer and coffee. I have only been on tumblr for five weeks. I am still trying to figure this whole thing out. I can only write so much. I don’t want to annoy anyone by posting too much shit. I also live with pretty debilitating mental illness... but I don’t need any reason to justify not being able to churn out non-stop content. Yer babe here needs to take care of their basic needs. <3

~~I am try my best~~

Hugs to you. I hope you know you I value you, regardless of how dialed-in I am on this “web blogging” thing.

i loved your thicc thighs snacks and now im listening to lizzo 💖 sorry if this is personal but are you thicc?

How great is that Lizzo album, right? SHE SHOULDA SWEPT THE GRAMMYS DONT @ ME. Anyway. ^.^ I’m so glad you enjoyed the snaccs! 

And hey, ain’t no thang. I don’t think I’d categorize myself as thicc, but I would say I’m on the muscular side. A suitor once told me I had a “powerful butt,” which is (1) objectively funny, (2) a unique compliment, and (3) the best answer to your q.

In general, I’m a body glorifier. All bodies are good bodies. Anyone who says different can go fuck themselves.

the ‘someone you trust’ interaction in Swiped is very ‘i’m the bosses wife’ from don quixote and i appreciate it

HEY, YO, THANK YOU, I AM THRILLED ABOUT THAT RESONANCE

Also hearing Toby say “Yeah, you are the boss’ wife...” makes me rabid.

Nicole really made Charlie’s 6’3 ass sleep on that small couch

There are few things I find more endearing than extremely tall people on furniture that is obviously too short to accommodate them. AD on basically any furniture is in that category for me. 

Also, just to give a quick holler--for personal reasons, I tend to get really squicked by lingering resentment/spitefulness pertaining to the failed marriage of Marriage Story, so I prefer to steer clear of most emotionally-charged conversations around it! xo

You say y’all a lot, are you southern by chance?

Ha! No, I am not Southern. Quite the opposite: Pacific Northwestern. “Y’all” tends to be my default plural pronoun, as it’s quick and gender-neutral. My favorite gender-neutral plural pronoun is “party people,” but that takes a bit longer to type out.

two of my asks in one post! i asked about the baby steps too hehe. would you pretty please tell me about them? i’m so soft for loving daddy clyde 🥺🥺🥺 - 🤠

Howdy, Cowboy! Thanks for being so patient with your Clyde asks xo. I did mean it, though--that gets me a lil’ too soft and emotional right now! Perhaps when I’m not a quarantine sadboi. MORE FILTH TO NUMB THE PAIN!

If I could count down the days until you drop the flip chapter fic I would! I have been absolutely WHORING over him!! Can’t wait to read it!

AWWWWW I am so happy and also JESUS CHRIST ON A FUCKIN BICYCLE FLIP HAS HAD ME WILDIN RECENTLY. I have said it before and I will say it again: something about than man makes my nostrils flare involuntarily and that’s... that’s some shit.

Hello beautiful soul! I've come to ask about my boy Jude? He needs more recognition!! Stay safe!

Hiya, darling dearest! Thank you for your sweet message; I hope you’re safe and healthy wherever you are. Right now, I’m pretty darn stacked with characters to write, and I’ve gotta get my blog footing underneath me more before I consider adding any more boys. In the meantime, stay stocked up on Raisin Bran. ;)

I just have to stop and say you write some of the absolute best HCs and I just love the layout of your snaccs so much

I just have to stop and say that you are the absolute best and I so appreciate you reading and being here. HUGS!

XOXO, jyn z

[tumblunni]

Watching the episode for Lord Shrillington/Sutton Kyou! Except i cant find subs so i have no clue wtf is going on. Ans also this site with the raw episodes had loads of gross pron adverts WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON A PLACE YOURE HOSTING KIDS SHOWS?? you wont much luck advertising here??? Wtf???

Anyway this tiny gentleman bean is cute and i like how they animated his coattails always flowing in the wind like a ghostly flame

Also it seems his japanese name is a pun? Cos the characters were all saying something something sutton kyu before he even appeared, and then his name is just pronounced the same with an O instead. The yokai watch wiki says sutton kyu is some sort of mildly old fashioned way of saying 'weirdo' or something.

Also intetestingly apparantly his anime appearance is completely out of continuity with the games! Like its outright confirmed here that they changed how his powers work. And several times theyve also changed the genders and voices of yokai, so o guess this is just more proof that whenever they turn a yokai evil in the anime it shouldnt be seen as reflecting on the original's character. (I am still so bitter about the kind boyfriend yokai who's literally the spirit of kind boyfriends being turned into a stalker sexual harassment man and his girlfriend doesnt consent to any of it. Ugh...)

Anyway in the games his power is "making you weird and socially annoying" and in the anime its "making you surprised about things and you do a funny scream when it happens". Like i guess thats two very different interpretations of "shrill", except he wasnt even named that in japanese so i guess thats the dub trying to make the two versions have a bit more in common...?

His personality in the games is also stated to actually BE weird and socially annoying, specifically "he's a goofball who doesnt realise how weird he is and seems deluded into believing he's a dignified gentleman". Which is very endearingly adorable! But i guess thats too similar to anime whisper so maybe thats why they changed it...?

So anyway anime Shrillington's power is just making you do adorable kitten squeak screams.

LIKE SERIOUSLY IT SOUNDS LIKE A BABY CAT SNEEZING

Nate gets startled in class and does the cutest scream ever, so he's all embarassed that katie will think he isnt manly. But DUN DUN DUN it was the yokai of adorable screams???

And thus Shrillington tells the epic tale of his backstory that i dont understand a word of except *loud voice* "CHARLESTON" At some point someone says that. *shrug*

So it seems he was a human dude who looked basically the same except drawn more realistic instead of adorable. And he has a wife? A very weird wife?

Its something like she's never seen him scared of anything ever, so she's for some reason frustrated by that and starts pulling weird pranks on him. And he's always very calm and collected and kind no matter how much of an ass she is to him, always being like 'oh you~!'

So somehow it pisses her off that he's a nice and gentle dude and she decides to cheat on him. And be like 'its ur fault i dont love you anymore cos youre Too Perfect and its like youre rubbing it in my face'. Or like..literally just because he's never screamed and she's mad about that specifically?? What a weird jerk this wife is!

So yeah that was the first and last time he ever lost his composure and he LITERALLY DIED

Apparantly of a heart attack??? And like fuckin..his scream when dying of a goddamn heart attack was so adorable and hilarious that he became the yokai of awkward screams. Fuckin hell thats so sadistic and awful! Even the very LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE in the anime are so cruel!

:(

Poor dude

So anyway the protagonists are like ':( poor dude' and then Shrillington is all MWAHAHA I DONT WANT YOUR SYMPATHY I WANT YOU TO SUFFER

Apparantly despute having a sad backstory he's still a malicious yokai that wont be able to be befriended. And thats double depressing that he ended up becoming a legit evil awful dude after all his depressing trauma. He was just a simple fancyman who was shy about his cute screams and the cruelty of his cute scream related death turned him into a cute scream related serial killer! O.o

BUT HE'S STILL SO FUCKIN CUTE DAMMIT

[rfsak2]

Cactus, Part XVII

This took some time to write! Sorry about that. Make sure to hit that little heart to tell me you like it. Also requests are always open, so if there’s something you want to see, holla!

Cactus, Part XVII Summary: Power Couple. The Styles Warnings: None, I think. Some anxiety.

Before we conclude our list of Cosmo’s Top Ten Power Couples of 2021, we thought it only right to include a notable mention, an up-and-comer so to speak. May we present: The Styles.

While we are aware that they are by no means new to the game, both having been active in the music industry for a decade now, Harry and Jamie are a good deal younger than most of the other couples on our list, clocking in at 27 and 26 respectively, and we’re excited to see how they stand the test of time. Married for over two years now (together for nearer to five, we’ve been told) and expecting their first child, the Styles are music and fashion royalty, each very successful in their respective careers.

Harry is of course one-fourth of mega-band One Direction, a successful solo artist in his own right and one of the world’s sexiest men. The band’s most recent album swept the 2021 Grammy’s and their tour has generated multi-millions of dollars in profit. Jamie is one of the top guitarists in the English-speaking music world with roughly 400 writing credits to her name and is an integral part of three successful bands. It is reported that she charges top-dollar for her work and it has been rumored that she bought her now famous tricked-out Jeep Wrangler with the commission earned on a single album.

Styles is of course known also for his iconic fashion sense, credited with the veritable phoenix-like rise of the glam rocker. Known for a delightfully zany collection of custom Gucci suits and a love for a well-made Chelsea boot that is only surpassed, hopefully, by his love for his wife, Harry has indeed proven that unconventional doesn’t mean unattractive.

Jamie is no peahen, however, content to let her peacock show her up. Our girl is a sexy, little rocker who favors a feminine aesthetic with a distinct edge, featuring classic silhouettes in fun and surprising colors and fabrics. She is an avowed disciple of colorful, retro-inspired label Alice + Olivia, having recently purchased a custom maternity wardrobe, complete with leather and suede trousers, from the label, and is said to own an impressive Louboutin collection.

While arguably already a power couple, we hope that they will age like fine wine and that we will be adding them to the ranks in years to come.

“Tired, lovely?”

She nodded and laid her head on Anne’s shoulder. “Exhausted. I think adrenaline may have masked my pregnancy symptoms while we were touring.” She smiled. “Now all of a sudden, my back hurts and my feet are swelling and all I can think about is what the nursery should look like.”

Anne patted her thigh. “Well, I guess it’s lucky that you’re done touring. Can take a break now, yeah?”

Jamie sighed and rubbed her hand over her belly. “There’s so much to do now though. We’ve done zero shopping, except for the antique Spanish guitar we found couple of months ago. I haven’t even thought about birth plans or Lamaze or anything-”

Anne grabbed her hand and shushed her, smoothing over the creeping panic. “Shh, lovely. It’ll be just fine. You, Gemma and I can do all the shopping we need to here in Manchester or in London. By the time you’re ready to go back to LA, we can have everything done, yeah? No need to fret, my love.”

She took a deep breath, her chest still tight and hot. “So you don’t think I’m a horrible mother… t-that-” She took a deep breath and tried to calm down before she had a full-blown meltdown. “You don’t think that I’ve neglected my pregnancy for my career or… or-”

“No.” Anne shook her head and rubbed her thumb over the back of Jamie’s hand. “No, I don’t think that and no, you aren’t a bad mother. You’re a busy working mummy who has taken excellent care of herself and her baby despite being the literally busiest mumma ever. Seriously, Jamie, you completed a world tour with one of the biggest bands on the planet with no problems. That’s impressive for a single woman much less a married mum.

“You are the healthiest I’ve ever seen you and little Evie Stevie is healthy and strong and honestly was there anything more important for you to have been focusing on these past six months? Nurseries and Lamaze and birth plans can be done and taken care of in the matter of a couple of hours. So don’t fret, we’ll make a list and get it sorted.”

Head, still on Anne’s shoulder, she nodded. “Alright.” She sat up and smiled. “Alright.”

“Yeah?” Anne smiled. “Let’s get started on the nursery.”

Jamie smiled as she heard the front door open. “We should probably wait until Haz gets back. He’ll be sad if we don’t seem to value his aesthetic opinion.”

“Seem to value?”

She let her head drop back against the couch and smiled. “Did I stutter?”

Harry grinned and bent forward to kiss her. “I love yeh.”

“Love you too.”

He grinned and pressed his hand against the swell of her belly. “And I love you, Evie Stevie.” He paused waiting for some sign from Evie that she was awake and paying attention. “Never cooperates for daddy.” He shook his head and kissed Jamie’s hair. “Just like her mother already. How are yeh, monster?” He kissed her forehead. “Feelin’ good?”

She nodded. “I feel fine. We’re gonna start working on the nursery, if you want to join us.”

He nodded and lifted a bag over the back of the couch. “Sure. I have something for you first.”

She pulled out a black t-shirt and shook it out. Printed across the front in big white block letters were three lines: ‘WIFE. MOTHER. BOSS.”

She giggled and smiled back at him. “I love it. Thank you.” She reached up and brought him down for another kiss.

“I knew you would like it... “ He grinned against her lips and dropped another bag gently in her lap. “So I got you another one.”

She threw her head back and laughed, before digging yet another shirt out of the bag. This one was white and across the chest it read: ‘Anything you can do I can do pregnant and in heels.’

She snickered as he walked around the couch to kiss his mum.

“Hello, mum.”

“Hello, my dear.”

He took the seat on her far side and tapped her shoulder. “Turn ‘round, love. I’ll give you a back rub while we look at stuff for the nursery.”

She turned, passing the second shirt to Anne so she could see it. “What room are we turning into the nursery, baby?”

Harry massaged gently at her lower back and shrugged. “The office I don’t use anyway? It’s conveniently located right down the hall from our bedroom. Makes everythin’ a bit easier, don’t yeh think?”

She grinned at Anne. “But where would I hide all your presents?”

He hit an especially tight spot and she moaned. “In the nursery, I’d imagine.”

She smiled at him over her shoulder. “We can move your office upstairs.”

He shook his head. “No need. When was the last time I actually used it? We both tend to work out of the studio. Don’t need an office.” He leaned forward to kiss her shoulder.

She smiled. “That’s settled then.”

“We’ll need to have it repainted. It’s dark.”

“That leads to the next question, then. What colors?”

Harry kneaded at her back again. “What’re yeh thinkin’? Are we still thinking gender neutral?”

Anne smiled. “Yellow could be very pretty. Soft.”

Jamie nodded and leaned back against Harry’s chest. “Like an antique yellow? I like yellow.”

“With gray and white?” Harry pressed a kiss to her hair and cradled her belly in his huge hands. “We could have someone do a mural on the wall of little cherubs and angels.”

All but squealing, Jamie leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Oh! That’s perfect. The yellow could be like sunshine-” She sniffled and lifted her hands to her face. “Shit! Why am I crying?”

Harry chuckled and lifted one hand to wipe gently at her cheeks. “T’s the hormones, love.” Suddenly, Evie kicked against the hand still settled against her belly and he gasped. “Evie Stevie, yer awake!” He pressed gently at her skin, while Jamie wiped away a couple more tears.

“Say hello to daddy, pretty girl.”

They both giggled as Evie pressed back against Harry’s fingers. Jamie grabbed Harry’s other hand and pressed it high on her belly where she could feel Evie’s hand. Harry buried his face in her neck and chuckled wetly against her skin. “There’s my baby girl. Yeh playin’ with daddy, poppet?” He chased Evie’s hand across Jamie’s belly before glancing up at his mum with tears in his eyes. “Never gonna get ova this, I swear.”

Jamie reached back and ran her fingers through his hair, before turning slightly to kiss at his tears.

**

Settling into her wicker chair, Jamie resigned herself to simply watching the chaos around her unfold.

Well, ‘resigned’ was strong. This was going to be hysterical. It would just be some much more fun if she could drink with everyone.

At least Harry promised to keep her company on sober island.

Lola, ecstatic in her godmother role (‘You shitting me? I’m going to be the godmother of Harry fuckin’ Styles’ baby?’), had already succeeded at making Mitch very uncomfortable (arguably achieved at their last meeting a year ago) and seemed to be trying to exhaust the last of the quiet man’s patience.

He downed the rest of his beer and Jamie snickered.

“Wha’?”

She accepted Harry’s chaste kiss and pointed to Lola and Mitch. He grinned and passed her a cup of iced berry tea, sitting in a conveniently placed chair next to her wicker throne. “Those two are gonna be hysterical.”

She smiled and sipped at her tea. “At least she’s already married and they live almost a day away from each other. Otherwise, Mitch’d never get a moment’s peace.”

She heard voices being raised and turned to see Louis, Niall and Liam caught in a passionate argument with her cousins.

“How many football arguments did you bet would happen?”

Harry leaned around her to watch. “I said no one would start an argument with me, not that there wouldn’t be any arguments.”

She snorted and rubbed a hand over her belly. “Your daddy is a clever one, Evie. Very good with loopholes.”

Harry grinned and leaned over to kiss her, hand covering hers on her stomach. “My girls.”

“Your girls.” She pecked his lips and caught a glimpse of her mom and her sisters clustered in a corner, giggling at each other. “What are they doing?”

Harry turned over his shoulder and she swore they all melted. Sighing, Jamie looked at the suspicious liquid in their pink baby bottles. “They’ve broken into the tequila.”

“You think so?” Harry chuckled into his fist and then smiled and waved, watching as four grown women giggled like little school girls.

“They’re probably hypothesizing on the size of your dick right now.” Her Aunt Linda made a vague motion with her hands and her Aunt Josephine pulled something up on her phone. “Now they’re looking up old 1D videos. Good thing Eleanor, Cheryl and Mitzi are all here. They won’t flirt too much with the boys. Where’s your mum and Gemma?”

“With Nick, who also looks to have broken into the tequila.” Harry snickered.

“We’re gonna play games now!” Lola turned to shout, whacking Mitch’s shoulder lightly, who simply widened his eyes at Harry and mouthed ‘help me’.

Harry nabbed another chair and patted it. Mitch all but ran only barely beating Nick there.

Nick stood behind Harry and grinned, thumbs up around a baby bottle. “Mate, they drink at baby showers here… out of baby bottles.”

Harry nodded and pointed to a chair. “Yeah, ‘know, mate. Sit?”

“Gather around. Gather around.” Lola went to stand at Jamie’s opposite side. “First let’s play guess the belly size! Fairly straight-forward, you’re gonna tear off a piece of crepe paper ribbon approximatin’ how big our darlin’ reina is. Harry’s not allowed to play because I’m sure he’d win. Winner gets a prize, loser gets shamed for the rest of their lives.” Harry leaned over to talk to Mitch and Nick and was interrupted. “Harry is also not allowed to help anyone.”

“I swear I wasn’t!” Harry held up his hands.

Lola nodded decisively. “Good and before you get any ideas Mitch: You’re playing. That’s your god-daughter in there so man up and pick up a piece of ribbon.”

Jamie made a face. “It’s fine if he-”

“No it isn’t.” Jamie mouthed ‘sorry’ at Mitch as Lola passed both Jamie and Harry a clipboard. “Fill these out. Don’t peek at each other’s answers.”

Jamie made a big show out of hiding her answers and Harry giggled. “Monster, what’s the answer to number 3?”

“42.”

One of her little cousins giggled and she winked at her.

Mitch ended up winning and while neither Lola or Jamie was sure just how, they were both convinced Harry had helped him. He also just happened to pick the prize holding the promise of two free movie tickets.

Harry grinned and offered his hand for a high-five. “Redeemable in LA, Mitchy.”

“Wanna go and watch a movie with me, bro?”

Jamie shot Harry a look and whispered so Lola couldn’t hear. “Your daddy is a cheater, Evie Stevie, and Mitchy is even worse.”

Harry pouted at her. “Didn’t cheat, love.”

“Uh-huh.” She shook her head at them and turned to regard Lola as she began to introduce the next game. “Be glad I didn’t tell her.”

“This game is called the Newlywed Game. We’re gonna see who knows the other better. Now they aren’t necessarily newlyweds, but considering they effin’ eloped, we decided as a family that this needed to happen.” Lola smiled at them as the family laughed and Harry shrugged, unconcerned. “There are no prizes in this game. This is just for shits and giggles.”

“And bragging rights.” Jamie shifted in her seat and glared at Ryan, who snickered. “Bragging rights are very important and I intend to win.”

Harry snickered and reached out to grab her hand. “We shall see, monster. We shall see.”

Lola pretended to gag. “So cute.” She motioned to two chairs in the center of their family. “Take a seat and get your white board ready.”

Harry helped her out of her chair and together hand in hand, they walked to their seats.

Jamie smiled. “Just to be clear on the rules… I’m supposed guess what his answer is, right?” She looked up Lola. “And he’s gonna try to guess what I wrote, right?”

Lola nodded. “First question: What do you find most physically attractive about your spouse?”

Jamie snorted and scribbled something on her white board. “Good luck, baby.”

“Don’t need it, love.”

Lola rolled her eyes. “Reveal your answers.”

After reading his answer, Jamie snorted. “You were supposed to write what you thought my answer was.”

He frowned. “I did.” He read her answer and frowned. “Do you really think-”

Lola tutted. “They’re both wrong… shocking. Harry wrote down that Jamie is most physically attracted to his chest/shoulders. Jamie’s answer was his hands.”

“My hands?” Harry made a face. “What?”

Jamie shrugged. “You’re a very attractive man, baby. It’s very hard to choose just one thing.”

“Jamie is also wrong. She wrote down boobs, Harry’s actual answer was her smile.”

Her family aww’d and she snorted. “You big sap.” She ‘whispered,’ “We both know I’m right.”

“You said hands…”

“So? You have beautiful hands. I’m sure I’ve said that before.”

“What is it about your spouse that makes them perfect for you?”

Jamie made a face. “Really? Huh…”

“Do you not know?” Lola looked smug. “Some wife you are.”

“Yeah!” Harry chuckled.

“I know my husband. There are about five answers to that question.”

“Humble.”

She elbowed Harry and scribbled something down. “I also know that he’s gonna lose this game.”

“So far, no one is winning, love.” He grinned and wrote down his answer.

“But I will.”

They turned their boards around and Lola smiled. “Okay. So… Harry’s answer is: ‘He listens.’” She looked down at the answers. “And he’s right. Jamie’s exact answer was: ‘he listens and remembers, no matter how mundane the conversation is.’”

Jamie leaned up and kissed his cheek.

“Jamie’s answer is… right. Sort of. She wrote: ‘She doesn’t judge.’ Harry’s exact answer was: ‘She supports unconditionally supportive.’ We are still tied up.”

“Next Question: What is your spouse’s most-repeated sentence or phrase? Do you find this irritating?”

**

“Harry, please come sit, baby.” Jamie held her hand out over the back of the couch, other hand massaging at the tight skin of her abdomen.

“Yer in labor. We need to go to hospital. Now.”

She shook her head and beckoned him closer. “I’m not in active labor yet, please come sit, Haz.”

He shook his head and continued rummaging through their pregnancy ‘go’ bag. “Yer in pain, love. We’re goin’.”

“They’re just gonna send us home, baby. I still probably have about an hour before they can do anythin’. I’d rather send that hour sitting on our couch in our house then in a hospital… regardless of how nice that suite is.” She started breathing through her nose as another, relatively mild contraction hit.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the checklist. “The hell they’re gonna send us home.”

“I want you to come cuddle with me, Haz.”

“Can’t. Gotta make sure we have everything.”

“You’ve already checked it twice today. We have everything, baby.” The security system beeped, indicating someone at the gate, and she stood, rolling her eyes as he ignored them.

“Sit.”

“No.” She walked right past him, hand low on her belly. He grumbled and she smiled as his hand slid up her side, his other hand cupping her elbow.

“You should be sitting.”

She turned slightly to press a kiss to his cheek. “Walking feels good and it’ll help hurry this up. I’m ready to have a baby.”

He chuckled and she reached up to hit the intercom button. “Hello?”

“Hey. It’s Lola. I’ve got your moms, Gemma and Dante with me… And Niall and Mitch just pulled in behind us… Oh and behind Niall I think I see Liam and Louis as well… What do they drive?”

Jamie cast a look at Harry over her shoulder. “You invited everyone, didn’t you?”

He blushed and pushed the call button. “Do you see Nick? Or Jeff, James and Ben?”

“No Nick for sure. Jeff may be in the car behind maybe-Louis. Wait the gate is opening.”

Jamie smiled. “Then that’s definitely Jeff. See you in a bit.”

“Okay, mama.”

She turned and shook her head at Harry. “We should order food.”

“I figured they could stay here when we go to t’hospital.” He grinned awkwardly. “Thought it might be nice to have people in the house when we come home.”

She wrapped her arms around him as best she could. “Y’know there is always the chance that we’ll be at the hospital overnight… if not a full day afterward.”

He pressed his lips to her hair and shrugged. “There’s plenty of room here.”

“The sheets are clean?”

He nodded. “Had the cleaning service take care of it.”

“Okay.” There was a knock on the front door and they both went to greet their guests.

Her mom was the first person she saw and Jamie smiled, opening up her arms. “Hey momma.”

Angelica wrapped herself around her daughter as well as possible. “M’hija’s havin’ a baby, today!” She cupped Jamie’s face in her hands. “How are you feelin’, baby?”

“Good.” Her resulting wince ratted her out and Jamie looked down at her phone.

“Are they coming closer together?”

Making a so-so motion, she turned to kiss Anne’s cheek. “Has your water broken, lovely?”

“Nope.” Gemma wrapped her up in a hug and Jamie smiled. “Hey, Auntie Gem.”

“Hello, mummy!”

It, in fact, took two hours for her labor to progress to ‘go-to-hospital’ and Jamie had to admit that having their incredibly large extended ‘family’ had been an excellent idea. Having the boys around kept Harry calm and their mothers had immediately went into ‘get-it-sorted’ mode collaborating with Jeff to get food for the next couple of meals ordered in a manner of seconds.

Calm and secure in the fact that everything was taken care of, Harry had finally come over and sat down next to her, sitting behind her so she could lean back against his chest.

They made it to the hospital without incident (she’d been secretly terrified that her water would break all over the leather seats in Harry’s Rover). They pulled into a private entrance and were met by her doula. As she stepped out of the Rover, Harry on one side, Dante on the other.

Almost in time with the closing door, she felt a pop and then a gush of water. She groaned and Harry’s hand tightened around hers.

“Are yeh okay, love?”

She nodded. “Water broke.” She lifted her head and smiled. “That is incredibly gross.”

The doula, a grey-haired, older woman, smiled and tutted. “Part of childbirth, honey. Let’s get you in a wheelchair.”

Jamie went to argue only to be cut off by a much stronger contraction. “Okay… Yeah. Wheelchair please.”

Hours later, well after five the next morning, her doula settled a clean, swaddled little body against her chest and Jamie immediately started laughing breathlessly, tears gathering in her eyes.

“Hello, pretty girl.” Jamie pressed a kiss to her forehead. “My little Evie Stevie Styles.”

Harry gasped behind her shoulder. “Holy shit. She’s beautiful.” He kissed her shoulder and she felt hot tears on her skin as his hand passed into her line of sight. He smoothed a thumb over the back of her hand. “Hello, Evangeline.”

Jamie leaned back and caught Harry’s lips. “We have a baby.” “Thank you.” He smiled brilliantly and she leaned back enough to cup his cheek in one hand. “Thank you so much.” He kissed her again. “I love you so much.”

A Blurb Up Next: Part XVIII

[housebearshouseparty420]

I never wanted to be a revolutionary, I just want to eat candy and watch cartoons all day.

Around noon I got a phone call from the clinic. A lot of times I get a call, sometimes automated, sometimes a secretary and the exchange lasts about 30 seconds. "Hi, can you come in tomorrow?” “Okay” “Great!" And it's cool.

I was dead a-fuckin'-sleep and answered to 'Kenny?' “Speaking!" I said, not wanting to do the whole awkward 'That's me! This is he?' runaround when you're caught off guard, which I very much was. I have social anxiety, I have to rehearse my menu options before I get to the restaurant, it’s bad. I didn't even have time to fake lower my voice to sound gruffer. I was hoping it would be an easy 'Yes? Okay! I'll be there. Bye.' It wasn't. It was a real talk. Who even talks on the phone anymore right?  

It was the national director of the clinic or something, I didn’t really catch the title. Someone very high up, she is the person who runs things. She got an email from the social worker saying things hadn't been perfect, and I thought this might be the case. I had straight-up said I wasn't mad, I didn't think anyone was doing it on purpose. I told the social worker before I left, “I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

So, she asks about my experience at the clinic and I’m like, 'Uhhh less than ideal? Well... I DO like to be called by my name? I don't care what forms say, a requisition with my old name actually makes a lot of sense, but in casual conversation, this matters a lot. If a William wanted to be called Bill I'd hope they wouldn't have to do a big dance... I'm not MAD I just I've really tried?'

Apparently, they are were already planning on changing computer systems, right now it is very binary: Female/Male but they’re hoping the new system will have more options.

And I didn't say, 'I am male, that's the point!' I said, "That's great. There should be an 'other' or little trans box, because a non-binary person might like to be called 'they' or whatever and it should be there as a courtesy."

I was pretty much on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, I mentioned that we had specifically chosen this place based on their little blurb on the website about working with trans people before.

She said that they had, and that's why this was so unacceptable, since inclusivity was like one of their pillars or mission statement or whatever she said, so it's really important to them that everyone feels safe/respected.

So they've talked to the staff, some of it was as easy as explaining that the computer deadnaming me, some techs with English as their second language needing it spelled out for them and society changing, so I mean I get it. They're all taking it very seriously and I do appreciate it, I told her so.

My wife works 9-5 so she hasn't been able to go to every appointment with me, but she's always really good about gently reinforcing my preferences so, right before the sono the worst of the tests, she says she told the tech: 'Actually, he likes to be called Kenny' and by the time I got back from the washroom they were like 'Okay deadname if you could lie down' And I was like, 'Soooo... I am in hell.'

I told the director that it’s really just that any hospital environment is stressful (A nurse and I had a cool talk about white coat syndrome making people extra nervous) at the best of times without being called 'Ma'am.' I'm already uncomfortable enough just being there without making it worse, or using the emotional energy that I need to get me through the more invasive procedures to start correcting and educating people. Trans people should be taken more seriously. It's just not my job when it's a place that says they've already been through this multiple times with other patients. 

Like, it's not just transmasculine people carrying a child, it could be a transmasculine person donating their eggs to a cis female partner, a trans woman going off of estrogen long enough that she can fertilize an egg. (I kinda hate that word, I spent a lot of time on a farm and my mind goes straight to poop.) I’d hate for her to be misgendered in that situation too. And just non-binary people existing. She agreed that in this day and age it shouldn't have to be a big thing.

As a society, we've had over a decade to get used to the idea of fathers carrying. Thomas Beatie started laying the foundation for this in 2007 and I'm sure he was hardly the first, just the first most people had heard of. It made me internalize things really weirdly because my mom was like ‘OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS CRAZY THING ON THE TV!’ He was so so brave to do this, but I had to hear opinions I wasn’t ready to hear and it scared me.  I always felt weird about the movie 'Junior' as a kid. Where Arnold Schwarzenegger's character, a cis man is part of a fertility experiment. In health class, the teacher had joked about in the year 2200 there would probably be womb transplants on men, except that no man would want to. Pregnant men were a punchline and it just rubbed me wrong.  

I never knew how to make the distinction that I wanted kids but didn't want to be a mother. I wasn't really even out as queer yet. I faced homophobic backlash even when I did deny it, but I knew that much. I'd get so mad when people would talk about my future children, not because I didn't want them, but sometimes I just wondered if I could find anyone and that I literally could not think of a world where I would feel safe enough where I could get married let alone have kids.

I've seen such a difference in the last 15 years, so much has changed for the better, with both laws and people’s attitudes in Canada, but it's still a scary world. I feel sick when I think about trans people in the bible belt. But at 17 I never dreamed that I would be on the phone with a big wig having a real, genuine conversation about how to make things better for gender non-conforming people. (I guess I better actually transition after this if I'm starting shit!)

The only reason I'm containing my anxiety so well is because I knew even half asleep that this was one of the rare times when someone was genuinely trying to help me and actually had the power to make a difference, that if I did speak up I would be making it that much easier for the next (pre-T) guy to come in trying to have a baby so he can just live his life and after the first day could go home like, 'It was fine! They called me he! They got it! Maybe this isn't going to be as bad as I thought!'

[commanderfreddy]

Hey. I'm twenty years old now. I've been alive for two whole decades.

When I was like 14 or so, I read an article for teenagers who wanted to become published authors, and one of the pieces of advice it gave was to "not go overboard", reminding readers that your writing style changes a hell of a lot, and very quickly, during your teen years (and even beyond, into your 20s) and so instead of trying to get published as young as possible and ending up with an eventually pretty embarrassing work on the market, the aspiring teen author should tell themself that they would be published by the time they were 20. Well, I did. And I'm not. I realise now that a large part of that advice was actually just a false goal just far enough in the future to keep kids motivated without making the future seem too distant, and didn't really intend for anyone to end up with a book of their own before they hit the big 20, but it still kind of stings to know I didn't meet one of my biggest goals. Okay, if you want to get technical, a short story of mine I entered in a contest ended up in their finalists anthology, which people bought with money, but I'm sure you can all gather that wasn't what I was thinking of when I sat down with a ratty blue notebook and a head full of OCs at age 13.

Honestly, looking at my writing now, I'm glad my Big Work hasn't been published yet. I don't think I'd be satisfied continuing the series with the kind of foundation I'm capable of laying now. But, still. I'm pretty torn up that I couldn't even manage the work ethic to get a single short story finished and sold to a magazine. I've got two in the works, but… Fuck.

I can't stop thinking about the way my mum talks about me. She keeps boggling over the fact that she was only a year older than I am now when she moved to Melbourne, when she landed the job that would keep us well-fed for the rest of our lives, when she got my dad to leave his wife for her. I'm not like that. I've always admired my mum. She's really strong. Powerful. When she enters a room, you know. She takes up way more space than you'd expect any 150cm bespectacled former gymnast to be capable of. She has this way of speaking, this calm force that lets you know she's already won. And when she tells a story, you can feel yourself in the antagonist's place, being beaten down by her. I don't think anyone's ever yelled at her. I don't think anyone can. She just has so much raw energy radiating off her.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do to get the same effect. I can't imagine her being just a kid y'know, someone with no clue what's going on or what she wants to do with her life.

To be honest, I have a hard time thinking of myself as a kid, too.

I lost, I think, a year to bullying that set off abandonment issues I didn't even know I had. I'd just moved, uprooted from my home city by yet another family mistake I wouldn't learn about until I was way older. New kids have a hard time fitting in, y'know? Especially when they immediately befriend the most gender-nonconforming kid in the grade. I, uh. When everyone else spurned me, I grew to hate him, in hopes they'd accept me once I dropped him. They didn't. I took out so much internalised transphobia on that poor fucking kid, who was already getting the brunt of everyone else's ire. I hope he's okay now.

I think that's my biggest regret. I was only eight, yeah, but so was he. I. I don't know.

I don't really know anything, I guess.

I don't know what happened to my life, to the youth I was promised. I don't know how teenagers live, what they do, who they are, even though I was still one just a few minutes ago. I can't drive. I don't know fuckin' anything. How do clothes work, what the fuck? Who am I? I spent so much of my life on the edge of tears, always about to burst but never even getting the catharsis of letting it all out. I think the hardest I ever cried was when I was 12, and I was at a musical with a primary school friend and it ended up running way over time. Her mum was with us, and my parents weren't mad, but just the fact that everything had been thrown out of my mental schedule was enough to make me ill with how violently I cried.

I want to scream so fucking bad. But there's nowhere I could go that I could feel safe enough to scream, I think. No matter where I went I'd always be too afraid that someone would hear me, that I'd disturb someone. I don't want to scream into my pillow, I want to rend the air with my voice and feel my chest burst open with the force. I want to be hoarse for days, I want to scream until I run out of fear, until it's all washed clean out of me. But at the same time I know that screaming like that won't actually do anything, and I'd just feel weird and dissatisfied afterwards.  

Hey, did I ever tell you the abject terror I felt after my very first date? It went really well, we went bowling and then to an arcade, where I let him kiss me. And then my leg jiggled the whole train ride home and I figured that was what love felt like. I went up to my room and thought of that scene in the fuckin' Beethoven movie (the one about that bigass dog) where the enamoured teenage girl flops back onto her bed and her hair splays around her face like a perfectly shellacked halo. I sat down on the edge of my bed as gingerly as ever, faced the wall, and burst into tears.

My mum was so angry when I couldn't explain why I was crying.

"What, do you not want to date him?"

But I did. I wanted to be dated so bad. I wanted to be loved, to be kissed, to be held, to be spoken to.

I never really considered that was different to wanting to love someone myself.

I think it was that same year, later, around September, when I went to Germany, that I actually fell in love for the first time. Back then, I had no idea. I thought I had a crush on an older girl in my cosplay circle, because she had big boobs and was so nice to me even though she was like 23 and I was 16. But, in Germany, I grew to be so fascinated with this girl from my rolecall class (that's Australian for homeroom btw) that I'd rarely spoken to before. We liked a lot of similar things. We had that same tentative "fangirl" approach to gayness that heralded that whole "overinvested ally" kind of self-closeting, and we liked not the same shows or books per se, but we had the same approach to things we loved - over analysis, deep emotional investment, and a desperation to find those tiny slivers of potential in truly shitty series. I wanted to know everything about her. I loved her sarcasm, coming out just as hesitant and awkward as the rest of her words, blending in perfectly and catching me every time. I stumbled over every word she said, just to hold onto them for longer. I'm embarrassed to admit I eavesdropped on her once, in rolecall, when she was talking to another girl in the class about her antidepressant dosage. The emotions I felt when I realised we had similar mental problems is something I doubt I'll ever be able to give a name to. I kinda prefer it that way. A first love should be full of unpronounceable wonders, and a secret solidarity fits well enough for me.

I wish I'd had the guts to actually ask her out.

We had a few moments of silence, just looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak. I know now what I should have filled those moments with. If I'd kissed her, I don't think she would have minded.

I wish I'd gone out with her instead. But I didn't, and I let a perfectly nice boy kiss me on the lips for eight seconds while I stood stock still in a noisy arcade, and told myself that was what I was looking for.

I spent a lot of my teenage years lying on the floor.

I imagine my twenties will be much the same. But I hope, at least, it'll be a different floor, and there will be people lying there with me. Maybe, I think, my youth won’t be so wasted if it gets all of my loneliness out of the way. I want to be ready to learn to love, to learn to speak, to know, to feel, to be all the things I was afraid of before.

I need to go back to therapy, but I know I've made some progress. There are some things I'm not so afraid of before. I'm a lesbian! I'm a bigender lesbian and my name is Friedrich! And those are good things, things that bring me joy and help me understand myself and bring me closer to my loved ones, as well as helping me find said loved ones in the first place. And yeah, there are people I love. I have friends! I've always felt real nervous saying that before. I remember in my cosplay circle there was a lovely girl who said "I love you" every five minutes and I could just never say it back. No matter how many times she said it I was still unable to reciprocate, unable even to call her a friend. But I have friends now, I know it. I love them, and sometimes I can even tell them! Out loud, even. I don't think I'm ready to go first yet, but I can reciprocate. And I call them my friends! And I'm ready to accept that some of the people I was closer to in high school I'm not close to anymore, but there are still some people from there that I talk to on here, and I'm glad I know, and I count as friends too.

I went to get a cup of tea and completely lost my train of thought fuck.

I don't exactly have great memories of the past two decades of my life, and there's still a lot I'm working through, a lot I don't know how to talk about yet. And I know quite a few times in the past I've said "good things are gonna happen" or "I'm gonna change" or whatever, and things haven't really moved. So, uh, I'm gonna set some concrete goals I think. And real ones, that I choose for myself, not given to me as a placeholder until my youthful bravado runs out.

1.      Go back to therapy (by the end of august)

2.      Get a short story published (by the end of 2017)

3.      Ask out a girl (by the time I turn 21)

4.      Be more vocal in supporting my friends, do more things for them, like drawing or writing stuff for them, and tagging them in stuff I see that reminds me of them, telling them when they do something cool and just genuinely trying to be more open with my feelings yknow? (from today onwards)

Thanks for reading, if you managed to get through all that lmao. It's been a weird twenty years, and I can't say growing up on the internet was a healthy thing, but… I'm not too ashamed of who I am today.

[darkcozyforest]

Quotes from my Stagecraft Professor Spring 2017

Okay I am going to preface these quotes by saying that this is a man probably in his late 30′s early 40′s originally from Pennsylvania and now in Missouri. He, along with his wife, has done work in the theatre for his entire professional career. He is the king of dad jokes because he is one. And he has been through hell and back with medical issues that he has gone through or his family has gone through. That said, let us begin:

“White People are like olive oil mayo. We’re not really sure why we’re here. We’re not really good for you. We don’t really taste good.”

“’She’ is a an option. Let’s start breaking those gender barriers. He or she is allowed.”

“Theatre is someone doing something and someone to watch it”

“Hamilton tickets are up to what like 3/4 the GEP of Ghana?”

“You didn’t go to see Spider-man Turn Off the Dark because it was good. You went to see it to see who would get injured that night.”

Yea I mean I guess you could say that Jeffrey Seller has a pretty good track record. Hamilton, In The Heights, Rent, Avenue  Q...”

“Boston took second in the Poker game and said we’re not taking 2nd we’ll take two ones and that is why they are Local 11.Talk about petty”

“To those people who say you must be an actor I say not anymore because I grew accustomed to things like food and shelter.”

“Break down those gender barriers!!”

*When talking about where the Rock and Roll hall of fame was* “IT’S THE NORTH COAST! There’s like a shit ton of water up there!”

“I have never seen someone want to be swallowed by their own asshole so much in their life. He said nothing good ever came out of South Korea and I said ‘oh you mean like my wife?’”

“The Backstage Handbook is the greatest non-religious book known to man.”

“Nails are easy. Put it in, bang it with a rock or a hammer or your friend.”

“I am blue color all the way. Like fuck the man. If you are in administration you are like a turd on my shoe.”

“The president of our university is like our flu shot.”

“If you know anything about opera well... Save that for Monday.”

“Next time someone tells you that women don’t belong in the shop two things. A: BULL FUCKING SHIT! Some of the best carpenters I’ve seen in my life are women. B: Women think things out better than men. Dating back to cavemen when men would just focus on the same thing til it died and women would look at the whole thing.”

“This is the circulur....lar. saw La-la la-la.... Wicked? No nobody?”

“No show tunes playing during shop. You all get distracted and then try to one up each other and then you get hurt acting like idiots.”

“Pi are not squared. Pi are round.” *talking about circle formulas*

“Authority throne? I think that’s what our president uses to tweet out every morning” Other student: “Did you just compare me to--” Professor: “Yupp! Moving on.”

Me: “Then why do we call it a podium?” P: “Because we’re all fucking ignorant. It is a lectern and if any of your professors say it is a podium you walk up to them a slap them across the face and say ‘No that is a fucking lectern”

“Oh...Single clown tear of not caring.”

“And here we have the dead body in the river for a week grey traveler. Look at it. Have you seen CSI Miami? It’s the same color as those dead bodies.”

“You need to know what the Bible, Torah and Qur’an say. And you need to be able to quote Star Wars, Harry Potter and know who fuckin Indiana Jones is.”

“You always wanna be ‘something fucking something’ never “fucking something something. Like if you hear someone say Fucking Billy Bob, you know Billy Bob is an idiot. But if you hear someone say Billy fucking Bob, you know Billy Bob is a badass”

“What the fuck you said it was dry? Yea dry not cured dumbass.”

“For any of you in off campus housing with borderline slumlords for landlords.”

“If I wanted vandyke brown, which is the sexiest brown ever-- Vandyke brown is like being hugged by your favorite coffee and favorite chocolate as it holds you and just whispers it’s gonna be okay. One day I will be able to go steady with vandyke brown but until then it is just a fleeting tryst.”

“Audra McDonald is like vandyke brown in human form. My wife and I were watching the Tony’s one night and for all of you who are in this class because you are actually doing something with theatre you know who Audra McDonald is and you know that she is a gift this world does not deserve. Anyway we were watching the Tony’s and Audra comes out to start singing and I turned to my wife and said ‘I would leave you for Audra McDonald’ and my wife turned back to me and said ‘Good ‘cause I would leave YOU for Audra McDonald.”

“What do I care? I’m tenured. I can do anything short of killing you assholes.”

“My God you read the back of a hotpocket but you can’t read the back of a can of paint? You just wasted $200″

“Very good! Blue’s Clues seems to have paid off”

“We removed Spongebob from his home in pineapple acres, split him in half and now paint with him.”

“Google screaming death sounds of natural sponges”

“The shop hires do immediate death. I am patient. I wait years and years to the perfect time and then get my revenge.”

“Let’s split the tools into tools that can kill you and tools that can’t”

“And here we manipulated spongebob to make a paint cover for a roller. Someone somewhere said hey spongebob bend over and then there ya go”

“Soooo..... ELECTRICITY!”

“You’ve all shuffled your feet across the carpet then touched a friend...or your son because the fucker did it to me first.”

“9/8 time is the holiest of time signatures. It’s a Trinity within a Trinity. Thank you Johnny Bach.”

*Talking about bights in rope* “Think about it, you wouldn’t want a bite in you. Or...well... maybe... you would..... BUT you wouldn’t want your mother knowing you had a bite in you. Well played Mr. Benson (his name)”

“I don’t call you student #12. You a have a name. So do they.”

“Oh my God spell ferrule, it’s in your book.” Me: “What if we spell it with a and u (we had been giving him shit about spelling). Professor: “I will fail you for the course”

“You can make paint brush handles out of anything. Wood, plastic, metal, bones of failed students as I sit at my work bench late at night fashioning them for the next semester.”

*student dabs after giving right answer* *Mr. B gives them look of disappointment* “Hardly dab worthy.”

“The heat is distributed unevenly. Kind of like wealth in a capitalistic society *laughs sarcastically then gives deadpan* Tell me I’m wrong” 

“On today’s episode of how to get away with murder in the theatre.”

“Here we have an athletic director to talk about money and how it should be spent. We’re either going to get funding for the next season of shows or learn how to dispose a body.”

“If you’re gonna murder someone, use a revolver so your casings don’t go flying.”

“Mental illness is a real thing. And it is completely okay to reach out. If you are struggling, let someone know. Because we care. I care. They care. You matter to someone even if you don’t think so.”

“There are two types of performers. Moths and cockroaches. Moths run to the light, cockroaches scurry away. Be the moth.”

“Negligence is you failed to check. Criminal negligence is you were aware and you ignored it. And now for all of you theatre teachers in the class you can be charged with criminal negligence if you get the wrong rigging equipment because I just made you all aware and it says so in your syllabus and will hold up in a court of law ha ha ha.”

“I know that look. That look either means that the cat is in the microwave, the bathroom is flooded, or there’s a mud covered swamp monster. And we don’t have a cat.”

“There are no unimportant parts in the theatre. You don’t have to act either. And now you all have like 8 columns of just some of the jobs in the theatre. How many require acting? One.”

I told you at the beginning of the semester to pick a statement. I can or I can’t. So go ahead and pick one again. Sometimes ‘I can’t’ is chosen for you. The senior who is in a wheelchair will never be able to dunk a basketball in the NBA. But she tries her damndest to do everything else in front of her. ‘I can’ takes effort. I have tried all semester to get you to believe that you can do anything within your power. You have to at least try something first. Can you get ‘I can’t’ out of your vocabulary? You already have so many people telling you that you can’t do something. So don’t tell yourself. Because you sure as hell won’t hear it from me. So you shouldn’t hear it from yourself either.”

[surge42-blog]

Do What Thou Wilt: A sermon by Ab-Soul

Ab-Soul's Do What Thou Wilt album is perhaps one of his most controversial offerings. Soul having called it a love story and female appreciation album, it baffles many listeners when they listen to the album because it seems as if Soulo is throwing too many concepts all over the place.....or is he? After a random listening of the album I picked up a something out of nowhere. EVANGELISM The album starts out aggressive as it kicks off with RAW(backwards). Soul starts out by evangelizing listeners as the Carson native raps "another Baptism by Pastor Black Lip". What is he evangelizing them from? Well it's answer in hook which goes "we don't wanna hear that whack shit no more",which could be directed towards his contemporaries who rap about money,hoes,clothes,drugs dealing, and glorifying the gang life. The "battlemongers"(haters) called him a reject as he puts considering how much negativity he's gained from his previous album "These Days...",but Soul doesn't allow this to deter him. Then comes the most notorious part of the sing,which is a jab at Jay Electronica who was featured with Kendrick over the controversial Control track. It should be noted that there has been tension between Kenny and Jay after the chain of events set off by Lamar's verse. Ab protests that "it hurts when an O.G who was supposed to be a G.O.D is standing next to King Kunta(Lamar) feeling like Tobi",he means that it saddens him to see a respected artist as Electronica shows signs of having an inferiority complex for a song verse that was not really supposed to have bothered him...or anyone for that matter. This song is called RAW(backwards) which is WAR,not physical but rather a war of words,Soul's preachings are a weapon to fight against the problem he is yet to elaborate on. "Cause we don't die, we just multiply,divide and conquer": Ab-Soul's fan base or rather converts keep growing despite any hindrances (These Days...). He warns listeners that "the truth is scary" and that they must brace themselves for his teachings and making the listener anxious. "Wicked as Aleister Crowley" is a line Soul has used time and time again...not to be misinterpreted by any means,he is comparing himself to Crowley because Soul has cult following of fans similar to how Crowley had a cult following of converts. The next song Braille comes in with a wonderful Bas feature. But why Braille? Braille is a writing system used by the blind in place of normal alphabets,it is an unusual alphabet system for the normal seeing person which makes sense as I continue to explain. The song begins with the hook "Try saying something new,ain't nothing new to say, everything been did each and every which way" in reference to the wack shit that Soul spoke of: the repetitive songs about money,fame,women etc. But he continues "you ain't never seen it done like this" meaning Soul is about to bring something new to the masses,something out of the ordinary kinda like making non-blind people read Braille..am I right? The song doesn't seem all that 'new' as you listening to it,Soul uses a generic flow,and raps about the same things he just called wack("we went from Pentos to Benzos" along with the braggadocio that ccomes with hip-hop), although he does keep his witty lines accompanied by Bas' killer verse. This song seems more like a parody of today's music really...until the end of course. The beat becomes distorted and Ab raps "What the tongue can't taste,what the eyes can't see,what the ears can't hear",it's about his subject matter of the album,stating to the evangelized listener that it makes no sense or better yet,it is unfathomable. Huey Knew THEN begins to play its sinister instrumental. This song is about the financial prosperity of the black man as Soul begins with a rendition of The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air theme. Will Smith on the show portrays a young man from his low income lifestyle in Philadelphia moving to a neighborhood of wealth. Soul raps "I gotta shoot a fuckin' free throw to make my point". A longstanding stereotype about the black man is that the only way a black man can make it out of poverty is through basketball. Now onto Huey, the man who the song is named after. He was a civil rights activist fighting for the equality of the black man in order give him a chance to prosper but the system has been designed to keep the black man from achieving: the guns and drugs prevalent in black neighborhoods which lead to gang wars and the likes. Black out is used as a metaphor for death,black out being a minor sleeping state which is considered the cousin of Death which is in turn reaffirmed by the reference of the pale white horse. Telling white lies refers to the underhandedband shady dealings of gangbanging which also leads to the demise of the black man. "White lives matter when I black out" means white people become the topic of discussion in the death of a black man(such as the case of Trayvon Martin). Soul talks about "looking for shortcut to be an icon" but later says he's only doing it for the money,but not in a condescending way,he means he's doing it to make a living for himself as a black man with limited opportunity. And then the line "your 16 is pint sized to me" is referring to the rappers he addresses in RAW(backwards) and Braille meaning that their raps are meaningless to him,and furthermore lack true meaning to him. In the first three songs of the album Soul directs our attention away from these unnamed rappers and directs us towards him instead. This is the evangelism phase of the album. But wait...there's more. Huey was part of the Vanguard and it is a known fact that women were not allowed to join in. This sets the stage for the next song. THE SERMON Now that Ab-Soul has converted you and baptized you into his religion, he begins his sermon to the new and old converts(fans). He begins his song Threatening Nature with "this time around we're taking atheists to church,serving serpents with sermons with curse words". He talks to not only the nonbelievers of God but also the sinners using his profanity filled raps. Soul says his heart pumps the same blood as Jehovah's son or rather Joseph meaning Jesus. White people have long used religion to paint other races as inferior,but this statement by Soul challenges such a notion firstly because Jesus was a human like anyone else and on top of that he wasn't even white to begin with,this is continuing the theme of racial equality from the previous track. He challenges (threatens) the norm(nature) that he is white. Soul then switches the focus from race to something else...gender. He says "coming with lies to tell fairies(women) out of nowhere to help my selfish desires(sex)",Soul talks about how he deceived women into sleeping with him. "My life is about the vices(sin)" no explanation needed. Then he opens the first book of the bible and takes us to the garden if Eden. He talks about Adam,"If Eve never ate that apple he'd be mad sad",apple in this sense refers to Adam's sexual organs(the forbidden fruit),"and would've never pulled the leaves off of Eve and seen all that ass like a true man",Soul details how men use women as sex objects by using the example of himself and Adam and he says its "10 times harder fighting temptation". Men are tempted to feed their primal urges to have sex with women,but he is by no means defending men. Soul criticizes men by telling them that they bow down to pray to a man they don't understand (God) and get on one knee to propose to women(getting married without understanding the true meaning or purpose of marriage). Oh I love this part,"in grade school I learned about HIStory but what about HER story,did anybody ask?". In history women are not represented as much as they should and thus are overlooked in most cases. If it's not about the founding FATHERS,JFK,the first man on the moon, Martin Luther King,or Obama then it's rarely about women. "Tryna flower Queen Elizabeth",in a male run world it seems that in most cases the female power(Queen Elizabeth) is always shut down and dismantled(deflower). Soul says Genesis is the genealogy of Isis. With all that is going on around the world I can bet all my money that we all thought about the terrorist group ISIS...you know I'm right. But I think Soul is referring to the Egyptian goddess worshipped as the ideal MOTHER and WIFE. Isis is held in high regard and using her to symbolize Eve says a lot. "The chicken came before the egg"...uhm,hold that thought for now I'll explain that later. Soul goes back to HIStory when he talks about his ancestors picking cotton to their liberation from slavery today(Huey Knew) but we were so focussed on everything else that we forgot about speaking out on sexism because "the black man could vote before the women could". We sing hymns in church but what about the hers Soul asks with his witty wordplay. "Hilary Clinton tryna get ahead in the senate",Hilary was so close to making history as America's first female president the most powerful spot in the world,something that seemed like a dream at first but the fact that she didn't become president proves Soul's point even more on how the female power is always shut down. Soul says "getting head and I'm sinning"(female sex object theme). Men don't want to see a woman in power,they rather they cook,clean,pleasure them in bed...such a travesty don't you think? TESTIMONY OF THE PRIEST In mid-sermon, Ab-Soul takes a moment to talk about his sins as a man. The beginning of his testimony starts with Womanogany. In the song Soulo uses the imagery of Aphrodite (goddess of love,beauty,pleasure,and procreation) and her son Eros (god of desire,erotic love, attraction,and affection) and how they play tug of war with him. Aphrodite symbolizes genuine love while Eros symbolizes lust and thus Soul struggles between forming a genuine relationship with a woman and sleeping with a woman just for the sake of sleeping with her. This theme echoes throughout the hook that goes "I LIKE girls that's in LOVE with me". Soul manipulates women's attraction to him to please his sexual desires and confirms this when he says "gave her morning wood and rolled my wood in the morning" (one night stand). ScHoolboy Q's part on the hook "From the womb to the tomb nigga,keep that womb in that tomb nigga" is about some of the women aborting their babies(from the womb to the tomb) after Soul defiled them. A SINNER'S PRAYER The testimony continues as Soul details his calls for God's favor (an invocation) in the next song. Soul has been womanogamous(slept with so many women) and worries that his behavior might harm him as he symbolizes pussy as destructive and dangerous (Sexually Transmitted Infections). "That's why the wealthy need welfare",many affluent(wealthy) men have used their money for sexual favors and like Soul they fear for their health. In the hook Soul raps "He is I and I am Him" meaning he is a God...or rather God the Son(Jesus), symbolism he used heavily in "These Days...",and he also raps "I pray to Lord my soul's a G,if I O.D before I awake,I pray I ressurect on the third day". If you look closely at that line Ab is spelling out the word GOD,and also with the ressurection part he is praying it the Lord that he reaches a state of godliness and righteousness before he dies. Soul continues comparing himself to Jesus as people talk about him at barbershops and white kids wanting his autograph, his fame is spreading just like that of Christ, and like Christ he too is challenging the norms of his time. This prayer to God as I said is for Soul to be righteous and flee his sinful nature(sex). But like any recovering sinner he stumbles too as he says "Come suck Jesus'(Ab-Soul's) penis on Venus (desire)" going back to treating women as objects of sexual fulfilment. This is also relates to how women would want to satisfy Jesus in anyway they can(story of Mary Magdalene),the only difference her is that unlike Jesus who didn't seek sexual pleasure, Soul did. The Crowley and Jesus references go hand in hand because they also thought Jesus was spreading an evil doctrine although he was trying to enlighten people. Soul talks about "faith without the 'h' ",it is fait(fate) which is destiny...our destiny to go to "where the arc of the covenant is still" (Heaven). FELLOW SINNERS We move on from the struggling Ab-Soul and focus on his peers on Wifey vs. WiFi. This song is about Soul's friend,Riley. On verse 1 Riley gets arrested for possession of drugsdrugs and we hear the cell doors close on him. The hook is Riley reprimanding his girl(Wifey) for complain about missing her calls when he has to deal with matters of doing time in prison. In verse two Riley complains to Soul about his(Riley's) mother always arguing to him(most likely about his mistakes which lead him into prison), and calls her devil which Soul reacts to by telling Riley to "chill" and Riley continues to insult his mother(misogyny theme) by correlating the word "MOM" to it's corresponding numbers on the dial pad (666). Then we move on to Riley on the inside of prison,portrayed by BR3. This details Riley's survival on the inside of prison and somehow making many to send to his mother. He asks "why did I have to lose the case?" and continues "I feel like Biggie when he lost faith". Riley's life has been controlled by the system because of the life he chose(drug dealing,banging,etc). He has lost faith in having a better future and lost faith in God (although he reaped what he sowed). His life has spiraled and to top things off he suspects his girl is having sexual relations with other men. Riley chose the thug life which is about the masculinity that comes with street cred,and machismo which is evident in his disrespect of his mother and girlfriend. There's a Boondocks reference here. Huey the older brother is the activist fighting for civil rights of black men and Riley the younger brother is the one with an affinity for the thug life. But even with this difference they share one thing in common....they forget about the women. Riley aught to repent from his sinful ways like Soul but he doesn't. IT'S A SINNER'S WORLD Riley is saddened that he had to lose his case. But some sinners were luckier than Riley who are able to elude the clutches of prison. They are better off because they don't allow the system to send them off to every black man's perceived destiny (prison) so they beat the case like runaway slaves fleeing from their oppressors. But they're oblivious to the fact that their actions contribute to the control system. Straight Crooked sheds more light on the situation on people like Riley. "A prisoner's best asset is his liability (lie ability)",the criminals who beat their cases in the court room lied their way out of their situations and misleading the law enforcement (don't snitch). Ab calls the government a Muppet show or rather a joke of a system which is used to keep the black man from succeeding. Huey tries to break this system to give the black man equal opportunity to financially prosper but in failing to do so people like Riley resort to criminal activity to try and financial prosperity. All the efforts seem to be in vain. DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER Portishead In The Morning begins with Soul reviving his Jesus reference by calling himself a demigod (half human half god). Soul tells us he's "the brightest silver lining" and urges the converts at the service to not "make me take my light back". This sentence relates to one of Soul's lines "You can have all my shine I'll give you the light" as in the phrase "shed light"(knowledge/information). Like Jesus he tries to spread a message and urges listeners to withhold this knowledge which has been withheld from them by the system (forbidden knowledge). He asks congregants if they view him as man carrying a message(prophet) or think this is just Soul using a gimmick for financial gain(profit). They acknowledge his intellect but they tell him to dumb it down to gain greater appeal from the masses. Ab-Soul tests the male listeners in his sermon by asking a trick question: "Do you really wanna go to Heaven? Ain't no bitches mentioned". There are no female figures mentioned to be in heaven, all Angels that have been mentioned have been male, God is male,cherubs have various body parts with the head of a man. Soul paints a picture of divine sausage fest but the question is used to test the hearts of men, would they rather go to heaven or go to hell to fornicate as much as they want to. He references his song from Control System "Bohemian Grove" which is about the club of the same name which rejected women from joining, which it has been criticized for being misogynistic. In a way Soul's question is also sarcastic because he knows women are allowed in heaven(I ain't sexist,I'm inviting sisters too) so why doesn't the Grove do the same? Soul grabs the attention of atheists when he says the devil is a creation and not a creator and quotes the scientific law "energy is not created nor destroyed". God is energy because he is the uncreated creator. He uses science to prove the existence of God to the atheist converts. Describing the devil in an opposite way makes him less powerful and godlike and making him more inferior (Soul is not a satanist guys remember that). Soul ends with "God gotta be a thot". Let me explain, this song comes after two songs about sinners and criminals who have no problem in disrespecting women so this is where Soul addresses the misogynists in the room because God gave birth to Adam, thus making him a lifegiver meaning God is a female in that sense so by disrespecting the females you're nalso disrespecting God too. THOT is a term of disrespect for women so therefore if men call women thots(that.hoe.over.there) then you're pretty much calling God a that too....I hope you understood what I meant in that explanation. So when Soulo talks about the blood from your brain and beat rushing elsewhere (penis) and can't think and can't run(function) which is pretty much how men are when they are around these so called thots,they get horny and let their instincts drive them without thinking about what is it they are doing(which is defiling women),so this is Soul sort of asking you "you defile women,do you want to defile God too now?"(obviously the answer from the congregants at Soul's funeral should be no). Soul is teaching them a harsh lesson here to respect women. THE TRUTH IS SCARY Ab-Soul pretty much dropped a bombshell in the previous track which made way for the scary truth he spoke of earlier in the album which is God's A Girl...but it's more of a question from the congregants "Reverend are you really saying God's A Girl?". Some might think Soul contradicts himself,"you shit on us for calling women thots but you call them bitches",but Soul has stated in an interview with Soul that nowadays the term "bitch" is more of a term of endearment, kinda how men calk each other dawgs(dogs) so the female equivalent would be bitch. God's A Girl? is a second testimony by Soul. He starts by saying "you got me crying with a hard dick,I love you so much that I hate this shit",Ab trying to keep to his promise to refrain from his sexual urges says he cares about women that he hates the fact he has this urges in the first place, but then Soul reverts to sin when he says "come have sex with Jesus(Ab-Soul)" and "do your job" followed by a woman moaning during sex. He now uses women as sex objects again and being misogynistic again by telling the woman to do her job(sex). He thought he learned from his mistakes on Womanogamy but failed as he gives in to temptation. He shows the men he addressed in the previous song that "I too am not perfect so don't feel too ashamed when you also slip up". Soul raps "all I got is Goddess,I'm a heroine addict"......Soul becomes womanogamous again. The song pauses as Soul has a conversation and in the background we hear SZA's chorus on God's Reign...you do the math. In the second part of song,Soulo fell off way hard as he talks about going to rehab and the possibility that he might relapse(Soul's repentance and return to sin). He winds up acting like the rappers he addressed in RAW(backwards) as Soul raps about the "wack shit" too such as indulging in alcohol with peers,trying live recklessly like a rock star, getting fellatio in an expensive car and bragging about having more money than certain individuals. Towards the end Soulo contemplates his actions. "On the mountain top about to cry cause it gets so lonely up here",like any rise to fame it gets lonely at the top,he has the money but not the happiness. "Is anyone out there? Can anybody hear me?" is where he references his song from Longterm 2 of the same name where he raps about selling his soul and "Am I the next Shakur or an attention whore"...this is what Soul became,"I could save you with quotes"...this is what Soul needs to be again. This is the point of the song where he gets sense knocked into him and he realizes how much he's fallen and scrutinizes the world around him which is the "generation of complacency (self satisfaction)",the same world he became a part of for a moment. Soul vows to better himself to do the right thing when he puts his "right hand in the Bible with you". In his testimonies he has just revealed to us his demons and vows to try his best to change for the better and to leave his life of self satisfaction and misogyny. Now Jesus (Ab-Soul) goes back to his mission of trying to teach listeners. He raps "my ancestors came on a mother ship so I had to take it farther(father)". A child is born of the mother and lives under the rules and guidance of the father,Soul's ancestor(Adam) came on a mother ship(given birth by God) and lived under the rules of his father(also God). The song title is a question of whether God is a girl or not but the way Soulo puts it he is saying "Yes,God is a girl....but...he's also a man,so he's both" meaning God is equally male and female. This is a powerful revelation from Soul because what this teaches us is that even by divine law men and women are equal(the whole point of feminism). TAKE THE TRUTH AND EAT IT And Now You Know the scary truth Soul was hinting at in the beginning,the theory that the chicken(mother) came before the egg(child). At this point Soul knowing that this is a lot for you take in tells you to "try to relax". This track serves as a revision as Soul rreprises the line "I'm just a youngin' Del Amo"(Huey Knew),"cups with ices"(alcohol from God's A Girl?). Soul talks about being "miseducated, misled,misinterpreted, misunderstood, mistaken,misjudged" and a misfit causing mischieve. Majority of these words pretty much mean "I had things all wrong" and noting the "mis-" prefixes Soul is saying not only did he have women all wrong but also that he was doing them wrong. When he said "all you feminists should be on my dick for this shit" he meant they aught to be Stans (dickriders) for coming with a such a powerful and elaborate means of promoting feminism. Soul says he would change out the 'y' in mystery with an 'i' meaning that he is now figuring out women and what they want...which is to be treated as equals. He references the Bohemian Grove song intro. Thus reminding us of the objective of gender equality. Soul alludes to his conception in the womb as he talks about meiosis and mitosis (cell division) and floating through a body of water(sperm swimming in uterus) and says "And you know why I love my momma so much" is because his mother gave him life(God's A Girl) which hints the hook of the next song. At the end of the song Soul takes a misogynistic pledge which is basically a summary of his old self and also clarifying to the male listeners on what constitutes to misogyny. THE PAIN OF THE PRESENT D.R.U.G.S is a call for help from Soul. Soul talks about his personal and emotional issues and the pain he tries to take away with drugs. Mac sings "I can't help myself I think I need some help" but the only help present to Ab is his drugs which have become his crutches. Towards the end he says "Aderall Admiral give Danny credit",Aderall Admiral is a song by Danny Brown about the drug Aderall. It should be noted that at one point in time Danny went onto Twitter to vent about his internal pain telling people that he doesn't do drugs because it's cool,he does drugs becausenhe has problems in his life and Danny has hinted at suicidal tendencies on his song "30". Soul referencing Danny in such a way tells us that behind the calm shades lies a broken man as we see in the album cover. He openly asks us his "brethren" to alleviate his pain. Ab-Soul has been using the Jesus symbolism throughout the album,so this moment on D.R.U.G.S is reminiscent of Jesus crying during prayer asking God to free him from the suffering he'll endure during his trial and crucifixion. This is the moment in the Bible where Jesus shows that he too is human with fear and pain. Soul is human too with problems like anyone else even though he keeps his composure in the public eye. In the music video for this song Soul calls to check up on his mom(God) and says he'll be coming home soon. But in Soul's background we can see Jerusalem as he says he's coming home(Heaven). This means souls will be crucified for our sins(album art of These Days...) and ascend to heaven. Don't Ruin Us God Said is lyrical reference to Lupe Fiasco's song "They.Ressurect.Over.New" which Soul is featured on. This means Soul will die and rise again (his song Stigmata) into something new and transformed....or rather reincarnated(which is the theme of T.R.O.N) this could also be hinting at Andy Weir's short story called The Egg where God says we are all one entity living out different incarnations of ourselves also giving a secondary meaning to Ab-Soul's line "he is I and I am him,they ain't me and I ain't them" meaning we are all different incarnations but we are one. This theme of unity ties in with the feministic theme of the album of male and female equality or in spirit science terms: unity of male energy(logic and analytical thinking) and female energy (creativity and abstract thought),unity of yin and yang to find peace and thus reach nirvana, a place of no suffering. This is the penultimate conclusion of Tetsuo & Youth which life,death,reincarnation("proceed to the next level") and finally Nirvana. Tetsuo & Youth is the game and Do What Thou Wilt is our instruction manual to get us to nirvana. TRIBUTE TO THE DEAD Evil Genius is a memorial service of Alori Joh(Ab's deceased girlfriend). He gathers longtime Alori Joh collaborator and friend Javonté for the ceremony. Soul first talks about himself as the misunderstood "evil" genius although his motives are good and talks about how Alori would help Soul as a partner in crime and calls her an evil genius too because she understood Ab and his motives. In the hook Soul references the song "Let You Shine" by Alori which he referenced on "The Book Of Soul' too,plus he even samples the song on Evil Genius but the song is distorted and gives it a ghostly feel. The last time Alori was heard was on Section.80 and Control System and so this is like Alori's ghost ressurecting and Teedra Moses' voice which is eerily similar to Joh's indeed makes it seem like she is rising from the grave. On D.R.U.G.S,Soul has a void in his heart which only Joh would've been able to fill and thus Soul realizes even more how alone he is and starts to break down. A BISHOP'S TEARS On Lonely Soul reiterates how much he is misunderstood as he baffles people like the Baphomet. The Baphomet anatomy is all over the place and is confusing and misunderstood by onlookers but in the madness there is meaning,kinda like Soul's lyricism,but the only person who understood Soul is dead and gone and he feels out of place. He sulks in this song telling people to "Leave me (a)lone". He goes back to his crutch,drugs[lavender(purple kush) and pastel green(chronic)]. When he is asked "What happens after Control System?" he replies "the system controls me". The loss of Alori hit Soul so hard and it heavily accounts for his reckless nature in his testimonies stated above and how the depression he felt made him even more vulnerable to the system and sinning. He says "a coward killed my brother Georgiano and his momma"(the thug life/Riley). The loved ones around him are dying and adds on to his depression. The only person who could help was Alori. Soul is the male energy which is destructive in the absence of the female energy (Alori),emphasizing the importance of a woman in a man's life. Soul is the Black Lip Pastor and Alori was his priestess. Alori made "The Love Religion",an album full of live songs dedicated to Soul. In the absence of the priestess,The Black Lip Pastor now takes over The Love Religion and is about to minister to us what the law of this religion is....."Love is the law,love the only law" as SZA sings. Soul gains his composure at this point of the sermon. Ab revisits the past and in a way "The Law" can be seen as a bonus track for "The Love Religion". He talks about getting money to feed his female(Alori). "We are divided to restore the balance" and remember the song by Alori "Happy Medium ft. Ab-Soul" where the couple is engaged in argument(divided) and they make up after Soul says "You know I'm tryna make your family my in-laws". The song is nicely completed by Rhapsody as she says "we took him(men) to heaven where those golds and arcs are at" as a cherry on top to what Soul has been saying throughout the album in the importance of women in the lives of men and reaffirming that male energy cannot function without female energy. THE END OF THE SERMON YMF is Soul rapping up the sermon. The hook basically means that Soul is a sinner like everyone else and in a way states that we need love to get through life. Love for each other not only as blacks and whites,natives and foreigners, but also as men and women. "Another portions of the big picture that you'll leave out of the portrait that you will paint for me",Soul is the portrait,and the woman in his life is destined to finish the portrait and finally make Soul to be whole. God is love God is peace God is a man God is a girl Women are the missing piece of men needed to bring peace into their lives and as such should be treated with respect. Soul is a Young Mind Fuck who is misunderstood, waiting for a woman who'll understand him so Soul can be at peace in this lifetime and reach a state of Nirvana. At the end of the song God in His female personification brings light into this surround by darkness. I'm not sure if I'm 100% correct but one thing is for certain.... DWTW will go down in history as one of Soul's most powerful albums.

[eldritchsurveys]

965.

5k Survey LVIII

2951. You are alone. You take a bus to the mall. The stop is right in the mall parking lot. You window-shop. You don't buy anything. You want to get back on the bus to go home when you realize you have lost all your money. You have no cell phone. All the payphones are jammed with gum. You can not get it out. How do you get the $1.50 you need to get on the bus and get home??? >> I’m sorry, but it’s 2020. I will definitely have a phone. Let’s say my phone was out of charge or something (which is also kind of implausible, I don’t leave home without either my phone being adequately charged or my power pack in my bag, but... hey)... in which case I’d just ask someone for a dollar-fifty. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never panhandled before, it’s not the worst thing in the world. (Also, can I just say... even if the pay phones weren’t jammed, if I was out of money I couldn’t use them anyway, lol. So... yeah...) 2952. How long would it take you to organize your bedroom? >> Not long. I don’t have a lot of stuff. Mostly my problem with organisation is that I get really into it and I want to have a particular dedicated place for literally everything, which is kind of unfeasible in reality. Well, my reality, anyway. 2953. Make up a nickname for your bedroom: >> I’d rather not. 2954. What comes after: I've got a love-a-lee bunch of coconuts (diddly dee) There they are a-standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head... >> I don’t know any of these rhymes (I’m assuming they’re rhymes?). 2955. Where ARE the wild things? >> In the book.

2956. You get a six cd changer for the car, only problem is that you know that once you put in six cd's you can NEVER take them out. Which 6 cd's do you put in? >> --- 2957. Let's play Jeapordy. (Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Dooooo-) I'll give some answers..you give the questions. Ready? Begin. The answer is: Purple Yellow Candle Pepsi Peace Lisa Cotton Flag 42 2958. Pick a letter. List some great words starting with that letter: >> V: Vindicate, vengeance, viridian, vermillion, verdant, vicissitude, verklempt... 2959. Is eight days a week enough to show you care? >> I don’t know, but there aren’t eight days in a week anyway so it’s moot. 2960. Have you told your parents you love them today? >> Of course fucking not. 2961. What is the difference between a number two pencil and any other kind of pencil? >> I knew this once, but I’ve forgotten. No matter, a simple google search would remind me, but I’m not going to do it for this question. 2962. Have you ever cross-dressed? >> I’ve worn clothes that were marketed to men as well as clothes that were marketed to women. Most of the time, I wear them because I like them, not necessarily because I want to specifically give the appearance of being a gender I am not. 2963. Are we living in a world without end? >> I don’t know, but from our short-lived perspective, it would certainly seem that way. 2964. What do you think of that couple that was just on the news who kidnapped a 16 year old girl for a week and forced her to be their sex slave? >> I might remember this, but I also might be confusing it with similar cases, because apparently, this sort of bullshit happens with some regularity. Anyway, I don’t recall having an opinion about the people that do this, aside from, “well, that sure is fucked up”. 2965. Wanna watch a movie about a cheerleading competition? >> Like Bring It On? Sure, that was a fun movie. 2966. Are you singing in the rain? >> Well, no. I’m inside, taking a survey. 2967. Should the sopranos actors ahve been allowed to march in the St Patrick's Day parade? >> I... what? 2968. Is oral sex. anal sex or regular sex more intimate? >> The act doesn’t matter. Intimacy can be present (or not present, as it were) in any situation. 2969. Is it time to switch to Decaf? >> For me, yeah. It’s been that time for a few years now, unfortunately. 2970. Why is it that the truth hurts? >> Oh, because. 2971. How do you feel about: ticketmaster? scalpers? >> I’m not fond of either of these and I avoid them whenever possible (for scalpers, that’s very easy to do; for Ticketmaster, a little less so sometimes). 2972. What are you guilty of? >> *shrug* 2973. Have you ever done any of the following in order to catch a buzz or get high? sniffed glue: sniffed magic markers: ate paste: drank Nyquil, or Robitussen or any other Over-the-counter drug: <-- this was my high of choice. 'huffed' (inhaled or sniffed) any kind of fabric softner, cooking spray or other household product: whip-its: I have also done this. 2974. What gives you inner stregnth? >> Er... I mean, I don’t know. It just happens sometimes? 2975. ::eyes you suspiciously::Where have all the COOKIES gone? >> I sure didn’t eat them, I don’t like most cookies. 2976. What is a good gift for someone you don't like so that it SEEMS to be nice but really 'gets' them somehow? >> This isn’t my area of expertise, you’ll have to ask someone who experiences this impulse enough to have ideas about it. 2977. If you don't like the service at a restraunt would you skip the tip? Why or why not? >> I have never experienced service at a restaurant that I did not appreciate, so... 2978. Apples or peaches or pumpkin pie? >> Er. *shrug* 2979. What Race/nationality was Jesus? >> I mean, I assumed his ethnicity or nationality was... Israelite. I don’t know, man, I really can’t imagine it matters all that much either. As far as I understand it, they didn’t even have the same ideas about race that we’re operating from. 2980. What was one evening you'll never forget? >> --- 2981. Name 13 ways to look at a blackbird: >> What? 2982. Trick or Treat? >> No. 2983. If you had money to burn, what 'toy' would you spend your money on (think monopoly game with real money, luxory boat, a train layout that takes up a house, etc.)? >> I’d prefer not to spend money in that way. I’d probably just be an art patron and throw money at people who just want to make art but don’t have time or energy because of capitalism. 2984. Are you having trouble with aol 8.0? Or if you don't have aol...have you ever been to a podiatrist? >> Whew, AOL... lmao. Anyway, yes, I went to a podiatrist at the beginning of the year to have my big toenails removed because they were basically ruined from, you know, hard living and suchnot. 2985. If you could write your own ten commandments, what would they be? >> I would not do this. 2986. When people lose weight, where does it go? >> -___- 2987. Your mate/partner/wife or husband/longterm boy or girlfriend/etc. has SOMEHOW gotten his or her FAVORITE celebrity's attention. Your sweetie has always thought this celeb was so sexy and now the celeb kinda fancies your sweety as well(although the celeb is not interested enough to stick around for more than one night). Your sweetie wants to have a one night stand with the celeb. Knowing that this is your sweeties one and only chance to bang (or even hang out with) a celebrity (ESPECIALLY their FAVORITE celebrity) you would say: >> I mean, duh, go for it. This sort of thing doesn’t faze me. I hope she has a great time and I hope the celebrity is not a fuckin dick and treats her with some class and respect. 2988. Have you ever seen an Ed Wood film? if yes, what one(s) and what did you think? If no, aren't you curious to see a movie by the person known as the worst director of all time? >> No, I’m not really curious about that. 2989. What kind of bread do you like to eat (white, rye, potatoe, grain, whole wheat, etc)? >> Potato or grain. Or sourdough. 2990. Are you emotionaly articulate? >> Not especially. It’s yet another thing I’m trying to work on. 2991. Does everything happen for a reason? >> Maybe. I’m not sure how pervasive cause and effect is. 2992. Do you take a piece of those you have loved and carry it around forever? If yes, than aren't they still with you even when you are gone? >> That’s how I see it. Also, our personalities are basically amalgamations of people we’ve known (as well as bits added in from media, observation, etc), so that’s another way that people remain part of you when they’re gone. They’ve participated -- even in a tiny way -- in the making of you. 2993. Is it true that the child is worth ten of the parent? >> I have no idea what this means. 2994. Can you think of a door that has closed in your life? Can you think of a window that has opened? >> I don’t really think of my life this way, so I don’t have any examples of this in action. 2995. What does this mean to you: 'Necessity is the mother of invention'?Do you believe that necessity is also the mother of:  courage? survival skills? independance? >> I mean, I guess necessity can be the mother of anything. IDK, man.

2996. What helps you to get over a Major heartache? >> Time and patience. Therapy probably would help, but I can’t afford that. 2997. Can you depend completely upon yourself? have you ever tried? >> Of course not. That’s... just not how humans work. I’m not going to try it just to try to prove biology (or whatever field of science that actually is a part of, I’m not sure lol) wrong. 2998. How can you tell the differance between the end of one part of your life and the beautiful begining of the next part? >> ??? 2999. Have you ever read any stories by Kate Chopin? If not, I suggest that you do. >> That name sounds vaguely familiar, but I doubt I’ve actually read anything by her. 3000. Do you often make the best discoveries when you really weren't looking for anything (or anyone)? >> I don’t know.