#thank u so much for indulging me!!
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hi i rly like fengqing and i want to Yell
do you think they planned the nan feng and fu yao thing together, or both just separately showed up and were like "........"
hi yes it is Yelling About Fengqing Hours
the funniest version of events is them showing up completely separate—that feng xin and mu qing both independently thought of the exact same idea, and show up literally within a few minutes of each other. and obviously they see through each other immediately because the plan was nonsense to begin with. so they are are dying to call each other out. except they can’t because they would reveal themselves so they are just seething. half of them yelling is out of frustration because they can’t acknowledge the massive elephant in the room
can u imagine. u haven’t had a civil conversation with your best friend in 700 years and turns out you guys still think the same way. and you can’t even acknowledge it out loud or you’ll ruin the plan (the same plan. the exact same, identical, shitty plan.)
#fengqing#tgcf#rambling#ask#thank u so much for indulging me!!#i need a tag for them#yelling is a love language#that works#idk man i just have. i have so many thoughts about them one day they’re just gonna come out of me#nothing i am thinking makes any coherent sense rn but them. they. augh
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CREATOR GAME TAG - post some of your gifs before and after coloring!
thanks for the tags @rjshope + @heybaetae ♥
i never save my psds because i fully just make things up on the spot, so i made these from scratch today :') unintentional all concert footage but that's all i have saved, so yippee!! (which makes sense bc concert footage is THEE MOST frustrating in the entire world i want to d word!!!!!)
anyways i usually just keep it minimal and try to erase white washing and shitting lighting and etc etc, the usual suspects. it's not always perfect but i try!! and i learn more and more every time i make new stuff, so that's fun :D
(cr. to namuspromised and dwellingsouls)
tagging: @sevencoloredstar @taee @cordiallyfuturedwight @kimtaegis @jkvjimin and anyone else who wants to!
#tag games //#i never know how to tag these for my blog but u kno what#im doing my best out here ok#i hate the yoongi one on the bottom i hate that concert dvd so much but u kno what#we commit we do what we must#the tae one is pretty good thats kind of a slay for me tbqh#anyways im gonna stop talking ot myself i admire everyone so much#everyone is so talented and i am happy to just be here okay thank u for indulging me
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having a strong hyperfixation on dan and phil in the year 2025 is so interesting bc my brain is having the normal hyperfix urge to learn as much as i can abt them and gather new information and i have to sit down and be like girl youve been here basically ten years at this point you know everything theres not anything new for you to learn
#like the hyperfixation has been there the whole time i promise like it hasn’t left me once in this past decade#but when it flares up particularly strongly is when i struggle bc theres nothing to feed the adhd#ofc it’s not as bad at the moment bc of tour thank god and lots of new videos#and theres so much backlog to watch like there are things for me to consume!!!#but that feral indulgent hyperfixation learning mode your brain goes into when you get hooked on a brand new thing for the first time#and you can go down the rabbit hole for weeks watching and reading new things and never running out of content#yeah thats nottttt going to happen with dan and phil that ship has LONGGG sailed#i suppose this is a recurring theme across ppl in all long term fandoms but i’m really feeling it atm#want to go back and watch all their old stuff to placate myself but i dont think i could emotionally survive that#bc id be watching videos of them at my age and then i’ll crash out so bad you’ll never hear from me again#god the dnp brainrot is evil rn#SOOOOOOOO BAD!!!! SO BAD!!!! so bad…..#dan and phil#happy birthday phil u mean so much to me… my favourite 38 year old man#dnp#tilda rambling
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Dying Star
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
- - - - - - -
Sam’s words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didn’t realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.
Pairing: Sam x Darlin' / Reader
Word Count: 4,053
Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]
A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it
Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the ‘Talking About the Future With Your Vampire Mate’ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.
This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:
‘Dying Star’ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain
‘Fix What You Didn’t Break’ by Nate Smith
‘No Plan’ by Hozier
The roof of Sam’s house is far from a ‘cushy’ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldn’t trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant there’d be anyone other than him lying next to you.
Some people might counter that it’s an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights you’ve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people don’t know you as well as they think they do.
You’ve known luxury. Quinn might’ve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.
Once you’d latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasn’t to be wined and dined, it wasn’t to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasn’t even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.
It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.
That’s what you both really wanted.
At least, that’s what you told him you wanted.
That’s what you told yourself.
You only got what you asked for.
To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.
…Right. Luxury.
While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning.
You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinn’s idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and you’d take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.
The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasn’t the type of comfort you’d been seeking.
As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didn’t fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.
Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldn’t fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.
He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasn’t normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.
How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.
You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.
You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadn’t threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldn’t move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?
As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking he’d won.
The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesn’t even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.
You’ve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.
“I don’t wanna replace it, Darlin’. It’s not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.”
The static clears, and music flows through the radio’s old speakers once more.
You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way he’s lying has his hat pushed forward, and it’d be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it weren’t somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All he’s missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and he’d be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isn’t.
His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. He’s the image of peace in moments like these, and you’re drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days you’ll find some of your own, but for now you’re more than content to bask in his.
As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.
You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that you’ve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You don’t fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Sam’s and you’d hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesn’t prize it too much or he wouldn’t have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.
“If I buy somethin’ it’s because I wanna use it. Now quit frettin’ and get over here.” You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.
Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.
“I asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. I’m nobody's captive.”
In spite of your best efforts to relax, you’re still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.
You’re made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.
“Burning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took what’s left of me.”
You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.
For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.
…You must be more tired than you thought.
As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.
“You were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.”
Sam’s always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.
“Picked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ain’t a tattoo, loved me even when you didn’t have to.”
“Sam.” You squeeze his hand to get his attention.
He squeezes back in acknowledgment. “Hm?”
“I want you to look at something.” You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.
He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the music’s volume to give you his full attention.
You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You don’t say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.
"What—what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
You scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh. "No—no I mean—like... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."
You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.”
Sam’s brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.
“I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your aura—even with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.
"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don't—I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion they’d been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.
Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. “Darlin’, I am right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. “Eugh, gross. Uh… sorry. About that.”
He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. “It’s completely fine, honey. After all, I’ve been covered in plenty of your, uh… various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is child’s play.”
He leans to his right, reaching back and pulling—of all things—a handkerchief from his jeans’ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.
As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you can’t stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. “You know, you really aren’t beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.”
He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. “It’s a practical thing to have on me, ‘allegations’ be damned.”
You shake your head with a smile of your own, but don’t disagree. As you’re visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. “I’ll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, and…” He eyes you for a moment. “…that jacket of yours too, given how long you’ve probably been wearin’ it.”
Normally you’d argue that it hasn’t been that long, but come to think of it, you actually can’t recall when you last washed the thing.
Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. “Fuck, Sam... I’m sorry for… whatever that just was. I don’t know what came over me.”
His expression falls into something serious again. “You never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like… you needed to feel that.”
You nod quietly, but don’t elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. “Darlin’. What was that about? The—the askin’ me not to leave. Are you… afraid that I’m gonna leave you?”
You close your eyes, weighing out your response. “…Not in the sense that you’ll break up with me or something, no.”
His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. “If it ain’t that, then—” He remembers how you mentioned ‘forever’ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. “Oh. …Oh, Darlin’, no.”
You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. “Is this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uh… turning discussion?”
You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. “…It’s your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldn’t have said what I just did, I—I don’t want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t been playing on my mind. The thought of you… leaving. Like that.”
He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. “I… think I maybe should’ve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasn’t talking about any time soon. I didn’t want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but… I also wasn’t trying to imply that I’ve got plans to do it next week either.”
You bolt upright, voice cracking. “Next week?! I sure as shit hope not!” You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.
He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “I’m not, honey, I’m not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? I’ve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.”
You groan, head pounding. “I heard you, I did, I just—fuck, I don’t even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking I’ve only got—I don’t know—some odd years left with you, and…” You sigh, trailing off.
Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.
Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. “…Can I get closer to you?”
You nod. “…Please.”
He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. “You’ve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.” Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. “You… you’ve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livin’ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.”
“…Really?” Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, so… unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.
“Yes. Really. I mean—” His voice takes on an edge of humor. “If you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? …I think I’d like to see it through. For as long as you’re there to see it with me.”
His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. “…I’m makin’ you cry again…”
You shake your head, clearing your throat. “No—No, it’s okay. It’s good. They’re… they’re good. It’s… relief.”
He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. “Yeah?”
You nod, leaning into him. “Yeah.”
As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. “Can we… lay back? For a bit?”
He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. “Of course.”
He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.
“Sit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, it’s gettin’ late. There’s no plan. There’s no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.”
Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey… he smells like home.
“Your secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when I’m lyin’ under marble, marvel at flowers you’ll have made.”
You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.
“My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. That’s how I know now that you understand.”
Yeah, you’ll take this over ‘luxury’ any damn day.
“There’s no plan. There’s no race to be run.”
Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.
“The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.”
“…Sam?” You whisper into the night.
His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. “I’m here, Darlin’.”
“There’s no plan. There’s no kingdom to come.”
You smile. “I… I’d like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.”
It takes him a moment to recall exactly what you’re referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. “Then let’s see where it takes us, yeah?”
“But I’ll be your man if you got love to get done.”
He presses a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ve got plenty a’ time.”
A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted fanfic#redacted fandom#sam collins#samuel collins#redacted tank#fanfiction#fanfic#my writing#one of my last Redacted posts didn't make it into the tags. which wasn't a big deal since it wasn't something important#but i spent some real time and effort on this fic so if tumblr yeets This post into the void i Will cry. and then painstakingly repost it#i've got big feelings about Sam and y'all r gonna see it whether u like it or not /lh#anyways hey this fic was unexpected. and much like Midnight Hour the production time was relatively fast thanks to the power of Fixation#i was gonna post the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding and then work on a Boothill oneshot and then maybe the [N]MbD New Year's fic#but i've been feeling Some Kinda Way lately and i guess i needed to project it onto Sam. so this fic took precedence#i humbly offer my first contribution to the Redacted fandom. pls don't attack me if they're OOC /hj#i'm out here doing my best to walk the line between canon compliance and self-indulgence#also i know that bright thing in the header image i used can't be Sirius. it's gotta be like. a planet i think? not sure which one tho#i've never even seen a planet that bright but my sky isn't all that dark so maybe they Can look that bright in some places#idk. the image description on Unsplash doesn't say. but 'planet' is in the tags so that's my guess#the only thing i've seen be that bright in the night sky 'round here is military flares. but maybe it's to do with how the photo was taken#a n y w a y s point is. the star Darlin' sees isn't That bright but the photo was too fitting not to use
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ANGEL i am so proud of you for getting a job baby 💕💕
- 👾
babe, i'm gonna cry thank u so much!!!!! i know i say this all the fucking time and u guys are probably sick of hearing it-- and i know it's ridiculous to say that a silly smut blog has changed my life, but it TRULY HAS!!! this teeny tiny online community of lovely dykes and queer women and people who love sevika has provided me with such a warm, encouraging, FUN place to grow as not just a writer, but a person too! and i can never fucking thank you all enough for it <33333
#real life tears in my eyes i'm choking back rn#i'm getting my period tomorrow so i could cry at a leaf falling off a tree rn but still. ilysm pixel#i love all my readers so much#thank u for indulging all my silly ideas and constantly encouraging and inspiring me u guys have truly changed my life <3333#sweet asks <3
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woe!! Destan and Sebastian be upon ye!!
beautifully illustrated by my wonderful friend @forystr (WHO ALSO HAS COMMS OPEN RIGHT NOW YOU SHOULD GET ONE WINK WONK)
his comm links are here and here :)
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#sebastian vael#sebhawke#da hawke#femhawke#hawke x sebastian#destan hawke#destian#not my art#crying I love them so much......... the TENDERNESS#seb's earrings make me teehee and giggle#arthur thank u so much for indulging my turkish seb headcanon <3#hugs to u my friend#these are so phenomenal just like all of your wonderful art#get u someone who looks at u the way they look at each other....#art 4 me ❤️
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hello hello! I hope you don't mind me dropping by but I just want to say I love your art so much, the way you draw vashwood is just so sweet and tender but can I just ramble about the way you draw Vash especially? More specifically, the way you draw his expressions when he's looking at Wolfwood???
I just LOVE the way you draw Vash's expression because the way you make him look at Wolfwood is so soft 😭😭😭. There's just something about it that's so tender, like whenever I look at Vash's expressions in your art I just think "that is genuinely someone who loves another person with all their heart" and it just mends and breaks my heart at once, you capture Vash's love for Wolfwood in ways I can't explain 👏
It's unbridled love mixed with the fear of hurting Wolfwood in their relationship. It's wanting to spill so much affection but holding back in fear of messing up. He looks at Wolfwood like he's longing for him so earnestly be it pre-relationship or even when they're already dating it's just so??? 💕💕💘💞💖💖💞💕
There's just something so tender and heart wrenching at the way Vash looks at Wolfwood in your art, it gets me really emotional and I hope you have a lovely day/night for real <33!!!
ouuuuu thank you so so much for your kind words and for taking the time to tell me this T_T !!! i'm glad my expressions for vash's longing gazes at wolfwood is well done enough to have this sort of response to it…
he's the kind of person that has to hold back in both words and touch when it comes to love, when it comes to wolfwood, but i think it's a difficult emotion to restrain, especially when wolfwood is kind enough to let it be.
ultimately, what they're allowed to have is the inevitable shared spaces during their travels, it's the other's physical presence, being next to wolfwood, being able to take him in through the way he simply exists. smelling smoke, seeing smoke, seeing the cigarette between his fingers, seeing the crosses littered across his person, the rosary snug around his neck, his scruff at his chin, messy bangs, messy hair, tired eyes, the canine that peeks when he speaks, and a voice carrying heavy words, but honest, and kind, and one vash could never get tired of hearing, like how he'd never be tired of just looking at wolfwood.
it's of gratitude, it's of sorrow, it's of grief, it's of love, praise, adoration, it's desperate and it's full of yearning. at first, it's a gaze he feels he has to be satisfied with until he's learned that he's allowed for more and at that point, when wolfwood has given him so much, how could he look at him in any other way?
in any case, i def like to make it known and parade around vash's deeeeeep deep deep feelings of love towards wolfwood, so i'm very happy to know i can express that clearly through his expression alone. i Also just love wolfwood so maybe the projection goes from the heart of the artist to the heart of the art.
i ended up collecting a few caps of his expressions just out of curiosity for myself :3 i have much to improve still, i'll keep on drawing vash's loving self until i can get the ultimate loving expression down!!
#asks#thank you for sending this ahhh <333 long asks like these are always so so sweet thank u....#i think one of the most agonizing parts about drawing vash's expression is knowing that wolfwood is going to look at it and underestimate#the depths of just how much vash loves him - or he can acknowledge in a strained pained way that he's cared for#that his feelings towards vash are reciprocated in this sweet manner - but he can't allow himself to have it be deeper#u could say the same thing about vash's reaction towards wolfwood's loving gaze to him. but although ww is similar in vash to complications#when it comes to loving - i think ww knows better of when they're short on time and how he's only got so much time to indulge and plunge#into a short loving paradise with vash. maybe thats too confusing... naturally it doesnt have to be this deep either. vash just loves..#wolfwood just loves... they've both got so much heart and yet restrained due to the lives they have to lead - for the people they have to#protect..... they make me so Ill.
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You ever think about how scary an Enerjak Silver would be.
admittedly, i’ve never read archie, but from what i’ve read on his wiki, i can see enerjak is some sorta demigod-spirit that possessed a few echidnas and has practically limitless power? so yeah if silver got possessed by enerjak it would be terrifying. silver’s already powerful as he is, so if he was possessed by this being with god-level strength, psychic abilities, and reality-warping, it’d be all over. he could probably turn the planet to dust with the flick of his wrist. the universe itself would be the thing at risk, the planet would already be gone. enerjak silver would be cool as hell to see. completely undefeatable psychokinetic armoured boy? it’d look so awesome.
anyway since i’ve never read those comics so i couldn’t go too in-depth with this question due to not knowing enough about enerjak, i decided to try design enerjak silver! :]
enerjak’s armour is seemingly inspired by egyptian royalty and armour, and since silver is italian, i decided to base enerjak silver’s armour on roman soldiers! i don’t know if that ended up coming across in the finished design, but i swear the inspiration is there ehfjejfjwjf. i tried to have it so silver’s quills came out the top of his helmet like the crest that some roman soldiers’ helmets had, also i imagine the visor covering his face is moveable, so he can lift it up off his face :]
#thank you for this ask and sorry it took me so long to respond#i’m vv busy with college but wanted to actually properly answer this so i had to find the time to actually learn about enerjak snxjsfj#i always find it so very sweet and lovely that you always tag me in silver stuff and talk to me about him#i have no idea where u came from but u showed up one day seemingly already aware of how much i love this boy#and decided to help indulge me and i appreciate it immensely <3#hopefully i’ll catch up with the stuff you’ve tagged me in soon#but rn i’m far too stressed and busy but just know that i still love and appreciate it :]]#pacifistcowboyart#enerjak#silver the hedgehog
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Here's another skeb-style art I commissioned from @azaracyy! This time it's TsunaRumi 🥰💖🐟🎀✨ When I sent comm request for it, I expected one set of TsunaRumi but then Cyl decided to spoil me by adding another set of chibi TsunaRumi with them sjhfhsdvfhsfd 😭😭💖💖 This was made back in June and I was really going through it, so this helped me a lot 🥹🥹✨
As always, you can also commission Cyl over here! Her waitlist is currently open 💪
#khr#khre#khr oc#oc#azaracyy#eincommissions#ninomiya kurumi#sawada tsunayoshi#YES IM HAVING THIS PRINTED TOO#I LOVE IT SO MUCH UEUEUUEUEUE THANK U FOR ALWAYS INDULGING ME CYL 💖💖💖😭😭 UR ART IS ALWAYS SO CUTE HAPPY TO BE UR REGULAR HEHEHE#(i need to edit my other posted commissioned arts with the new eincommissions tag)#queue i can't put into words
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I am so in love with Mumbo taking up sewing and making everyone outfits and things. And making Grian his sweater, my heart. And just, everything about the two of them, I love them. T-T Also something about Grian going to find Mumbo in the rain, and now Mumbo is trying to find him after a fire... (also also you keep saying 'if you want' Ange I always want, I love Ange rambles)
-🎀
something about sewing actually requiring long hours of sitting still. his hands are moving, though, and there is progress constantly! he's learning to calm himself and to stay put in a way, while feeling productive and useful. it's a bit of a struggle at first, but he settles into it, finding that it helps him feel calm and grounded <3
and he likes figuring things out! whether it's tailor cuts or patterns or, you know, the redstone for the stage. it puts him at ease to have a problem to solve (a harmless one!!)
and and and. yes!!
him and grian together are so precious to me. so important.
i know boatem circus au fics so far have focused on mostly scar and grian, but this is behind the scenes, and grian had more than just scar to rely on. mumbo's done a lot for him!! and he is so attached, he did his best for mumbo too!
... and. mmhm. mumbo's now trying to find him.
thinking what if he won't? what if this is it? what if he failed?
#ange answers#ribbon anon#boatem circus au#so so so so happy you like the stuff about them!!!#listen#i do say if u want because#insecurities#but also#it really really helps to have further incentive#and excitement#and people asking for things#it helps!!! a lot!#so maybe i always throw that in#feeling a bit shy#hoping for someone to go “yes please”#and indulge me#and making it all feel worth it#you know? <33#(in that way. i appreciate you immensely!!!)#(you've done so much for me. encouraging and indulging me <333)#(but always being so gentle and kind and patient too)#(thank youuuu)
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Update this is how my bag looks like now yipeee 🥳
Closer look onto the badgeeees \>∆</ !! (android camera quality is total ass so sorry if uc snt see much 3:)
(Uhh credits to the awesome tfota and soc artists for this amazing fansrts 🤯 idk theres like too many fansrts form diffrent artidt on this back so yh 🗣️ )
#six of crows#soc#crooked kingdom#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#kaz brekker#nina zenik#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#kanej#wesper#helnik#the cruel prince#the folk of the air#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#madoc duarte (hes actually there if u squint a bit :3)#mindless self indulgence#<- i dont support msi bte judt their music is awesome sauce 🤯#this looks so unbelievably overwhelming ☹️ /pos#like not a single inch of the surface being seen oml 😭😭#anwyays it kinda took me liek two hours to do this but thats ookk#thank you so much six of crows and tfota artists#once again they serve with this delicious fanart!!!#i love this backpack it like brings character depth 😜#now everytimy i look at it i cna just see kanej doing eye contact and thats rlly special to me#ok bye
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hell ya! please info dump about casino quartet that would be awesome
STARTS VIBRATING OKAY!! for those who dont know, casino quartet refers to the group/ship name of ash, branzy, clown, and red (also known as branzypierceswagdoons or the abcd's because. Ashswag Branzy Clown and red. Doons) . i am #)(%*@#()%*#(@% about them 4 reasons i will elaborate down the cut ^_^
reason one: oh my GOD the comedic potential of these fuckers is sooooo. not one ounce of communication or sanity between any of them god bless!!! they are all enablers of different things and all make each other worse!!!! they will kill each other over not doing the dishes!!! also the diff dynamics between all of them would be Insufferable like clown and branzy would just do So Much pda during the most inappropriate times while ash and red have to Put Up with it while beating the shit out of each other <3 cue clown and red coming back home and doing God Knows What (not talking about feelings straight up) (repressed emotions) (bullying) and ash and branzy get white girl wasted on whiteclaw of wine or whatever and ash bitches about red to branzy while branzy calls him babygirl (branzy is the only one that can call ash this) (once red overheard this and ash almost killed him) (he had to be held back by branzy and clown so he wouldn't kill him) (<- this one is sponsored by cherny)
ANYWAYS ash and clown r a funny bunch too. clown would Always attempt to get ash to do stupid shit and try to hit him with the big wet pathetic eyes and "but please?? for me.,.." and it only works 20% of the time when ash caves in (do not worry ash bullies clown back) (also literally based off of this) . both of them think they're the most normal ones . red and branzy r literally just vibing. imagine everyone else being insufferable/them being insufferable to others and they're like "omg hiiii bestie ^_^" and they chill and knit while drinking sweet tea together or whatever . they're awesome
REASON NUMBER 2: PUNCHES THE GROUND ok ok. they're like 0 canon content of them IN VIDEOS but u have to understand : the original team chaos had red in the group . and the only reason red left is bc they didn't tell him anything (also ash was asleep like 90% of the time L) but like. i think u Could do smth interesting with lingering feelings abt team chaos Esp considering ash Did go back to red and apologize for s3/team chaos and gave him favors .,.. that's if u wanna go Canon Compliant ofc but i think there Could be something that u could write abt clown and red being Farely loyal and strategic and ash and branzy being willing to betray and both being wildcards. i feel like u could do smth interesting with that (and also if you wanna go romantic) some polymary negotiations might b fun ti explore :thumbs_up: usually the Link between them is clown and red but i've also seen branzy and ash ^_^ either way they r rlly fun to think about either way!!!
i dont really like a reason number 3 so i will put this mangoball edit here . thank u for letting me indulge in my insanity
#mcyt#lifesteal smp#clownpierce#branzy#branzycraft#reddoons#ashswag#casino quartet#clownzy#branzypierce#mcytshipping#lsshipping#<- i guess#tw swearing#media.warning.swearing#tw caps#media.warning.caps#tw drinking#media.warning.drinking#i dont rlly ship them bc i Really like them as ambiguous/unlabeled/they don't event know what they are#but like: still. i love them so much i rotate them in my brain so much!!!#i Need more people to understand them#or like. be Aware of them#<- suffering as the only fics of them are by my friend (hi cherny if you're reading) and Me#anyways shout out to revolution cave they hear my mental illness first hand#anyways thank u for letting me indulge anon ^_^ just saying my dms r open at any time if u want to Talk about them#also to all of my followers: that invitation is 4 yall 2. or anyone really#they r a virus on my Brain#ask.core#swagdoons
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Same anon from earlier who sent that ask about how Dutch would react to javieran. I finished the fic but uh it's porn lol. If you're still interested it's "steady beat" on ao3
anon i would like you to know that i spent the first 20 minutes of my shift sitting in the bathroom reading this and i do not regret a single moment
THAT WAS SOOOO GOOD ARE UOU INSANE !-?/!?:3! JAVIERAN CONTENT WAS EXCITING ENOUGH ALREADY BUT PORN ??? AND SOFT, FLUFFY, HEAD-OVER-HEELS IN LOVE PORN ???????? you wrote this for ME !!!!!!! and i am SO GRATEFUL !-!2!2!3 OMG !!!!!!!!!! it was sooo good i was literally giggling and kicking my feet the whole time, you nailed their dynamic sooo so perfectly imo 😭💔 reading that was such a pleasure thank you for the food !!!!!
#kieran being trans ☹️☹️☹️☹️#u writing them to have an exaggerated height difference like i do (when i dont think they actually have that big of one) ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#u constantly referring back to javier having a metronome ticking in the back of his head is soooo beautiful to me he truly is an artist of#his own … like how a painter may see a scene out of any landscape they’re in or how a photographer may note the composition of the world aro#und them … javier taking note of kieran’s heartbeat as it is the song of his life is so beautiful. oh the artistry ….#so romantic …… you captured them sooo so well !!! i do so adore how you write them …#that was pure indulgence for me thank you for writing them exactly like i do i feel so fed#a few favourite lines that had me autisiming out:#‘how much further can they go until their veins join together and their blood flows freely between their bodies?#Until their stained souls tangle into binary stars and they are left as one person?#What would happen then?’#first of all; holy shit. oh my god. that’s so romantic.#second of all: SOO SOFFTTT UGGGHH i just KNOW they want to escape it all but more than that they would love to escape into each other. into#love in all it’s glory and in a gentility so rare in the world they live in FAWK GOD I LOVE WHEN LOVE IS SEEN ON A COSMIC LEVEL like it’s so#big that it’s small because it’s in every molecule every atom every breath every speck of stardust making them up#i’m gonna be sick#also#‘He’ll make a musician of his lover yet.’#had me going INSAAANNEEEEE !!!!! INSANE !!!!!!!!!!#SO GOOD I WISH I HAD THE TIME TO YELL ABOUT IT MORE BUT I HAVE TO GET ON THE FLOOR 💔💔💔#please know i loved it so much. truly made my entire day. thank you for sharing that with me. your writing is fantastic you are truly an art#ist#rdr2#(for the sake of my blog organization sorry tag)#javieran#text#ask#hero's yelling at folks again#anon
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SEOK MATTHEW ✧ LOVE KILLA ✧ 230323
#boys planet#seok matthew#ultkpop#kpopccc#underratedidolsedit#iri.gifs#flashing tw#kazlook#usermairin#useroro#i went completely insane this weekend abt him i do not think there has ever been a survival show contestant (snoo excluded)#who ive been this invested in its ruining my life#hes so PRETTY whoever styled his hair im kissing u on the mouth like u dont understand. he sso..............#amn who is so dear to me if the y keep evil editing him im going to attack mnet like i will scratch w my nails so much#pls vote for matthew also thank uuuuuuuuuuu <3#also kaz can attest that i went insane bc he witnessed it i sent him no less than half an hour worth of voice messages KFLDSKLFD#anyways i need to take a nap this was my indulgent moment before i write my two assignmentsfkdsklf#matthew let's debut my beloved guy!!!!!!!!!!!! i believe in u sm#zerobaseone
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You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au
May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?
oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰
nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!
as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.
i guess we'll see!
#thanks for the ask 💖#sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha#rei replies#ssh extras#like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza#for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that#and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it???#bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this#but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂#so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn.#it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2.#but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum.#at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm.#WE'LL SEE.
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you know i had a fun little vp idea i wanted to do for the cyberpunk anniversary but i haven't had the energy to even touch it recently so i'll just settle with saying that this game impacted me in ways i never thought it would when i first picked it up 3 years ago. i knew i would enjoy it, i had been looking forward to it for a long time, and despite a ~controversial~ launch, i had a fucking blast from day 1 (on ps4 no less). regardless of bugs and memes and public dunking, the story grabbed me like nothing else could at the time, and it reignited so much of my passion and motivation for art that i had lost in the clutches of mental illness and i'll always be grateful for that. it introduced me to so many wonderful people (some whom i carry very close to my heart), and maybe most personally surprising, it gave me an outlet to understand parts of myself that i had been too afraid to acknowledge for a long time, the courage to accept and embrace myself as non-binary, and allow myself to just BE without trying to convince myself i'm crazy. that's not what i expected from the get-go but it's been a really fun journey to be on ngl
#yeah this fandom been a little rocky in places but i would be lying if i said this community here wasn't special to me#so much love and passion and creativity to be around and be inspired by#so many people who have been impacted by this silly little heartwrenching game#devs who have poured their heart into it to deliver something genuinely incredible#its one of those strange things that really did fully change the trajectory of this little leg of my life#to think that until 3 years ago i hadn't even touched art in a decade#now there are lovely people who want to spend money on my work#3 years ago i bought my first (and only) refurbished ps4 to play this game and now im sitting on a fancy gaming laptop#ive said it before but vp has been such an important creative outlet too#its allowed me to live my dreams of being a film director. a cinematographer. a writer.#the whole game has let me be so damn self-indulgent sometimes i feel like a kid again just unashamedly playing barbie#finding the JOY of just. creating.#i learned so much about myself through an OC because of this game#it went from 'huh what is this feeling? gender envy?' to being like full blown 'oh yea. i get it now.' so much of my life makes sense kfslf#and i met people who mean the world to me on top of it all#woof anyways#i know i say it a lot but genuinely thank u to yall who have encouraged me and supported me and who enjoy the things that i make#youve made such a difference in my life without knowing it!
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