#youve made such a difference in my life without knowing it!

[aviad1b]

the Zionist movement was started by predominantly secular people.

i must strongly disagree. if you define "starting Zionism" as Hertzel then sure, but i think we can both agree that this is a terrible definition, as Zionism as an idea existed well before. you did however refer to the movement, not the concept, and to that I say - the first 'Aliya had both religeous and secular people participating, as far as i know. the Zionist movement was one of cooporation, not distinction (although there sure were tensions between religion and secularism).

i admit that i didnt know about the subtle message in Yemei HaChanuka - i have a very hard time accepting that. ive always thought of this song as a song that binds together both aspects of the story, referring to both the temple and the Maccabim (as in, the miracle had a part but so did the effort of the Maccabim, and it is not to be ignored). i understand that this is my own interpretation, especially if the intentions when writing the song were different.

you're right that Anu Nos'im Lapidim isnt about Israeli miletary victories, obviously it was written before that. i must ask you something. you know the pasuk

לא תענה על ריב לנטות אחרי רבים להטות

?

it is thought that this pasuk originaly, without punctuation, meant to NOT solve conflicts by the decision of the majority. after the destruction of the second temple, Jewish scolars had to think of a way to maintain decisions, without signs from god. so they made a different interpretation:

לא תענה על ריב לנטות, (אלא) אחרי רבים להטות

meaning, that decisions ARE to be made by the majority. why make this change? our of understanting of the current situation, to sustain life in a changing reality.

when we say נס לא קרה לנו or אשר חוללו המכבים, i kinda look at it like that. i dont care if god exists, in a sense that question is irrelevant. the reality is that if we dont stand and act by ourselves we will be wiped out. whether that is the intention of god or it happens because there is not god, thats irrelevant. we need to act ourselves. thats how i see these songs, and i do believe that early-modern Zionists had this idea in mind: sustaining life in this reality. a reality where we have to act ourselves, instead of being prone to חסדי הגולה. i have a similar view for the song by Levin Kipnis about Bar Kochva. in a sense it's a mashal. it's to take inspiration from.

lastly, youve referred to the Apikorsim, and i must ask a genuine question: is that not a derogatory term? so far ive only ever seen it paired with minim. idk, whenever i heard that term used for me it was for the same people referring to me as a Hebrew-speaking goy (which i could make an entire separate post about)

[in case there are any goys reading: the term got itself isnt deogratory at all, it just means not Jewish, but when directed towards a Jewish person it gives a very strong conotation of exclusion, a way of saying "we are the real Jews and you arent"]

does diaspora jumblr know about the Nes Lo 'Kara Lanu (נס לא קרה לנו, a miracle didn't happen to us) controversy?

[wraithsoutlaws]

you know i had a fun little vp idea i wanted to do for the cyberpunk anniversary but i haven't had the energy to even touch it recently so i'll just settle with saying that this game impacted me in ways i never thought it would when i first picked it up 3 years ago. i knew i would enjoy it, i had been looking forward to it for a long time, and despite a ~controversial~ launch, i had a fucking blast from day 1 (on ps4 no less). regardless of bugs and memes and public dunking, the story grabbed me like nothing else could at the time, and it reignited so much of my passion and motivation for art that i had lost in the clutches of mental illness and i'll always be grateful for that. it introduced me to so many wonderful people (some whom i carry very close to my heart), and maybe most personally surprising, it gave me an outlet to understand parts of myself that i had been too afraid to acknowledge for a long time, the courage to accept and embrace myself as non-binary, and allow myself to just BE without trying to convince myself i'm crazy. that's not what i expected from the get-go but it's been a really fun journey to be on ngl

[opal-owl-flight]

For the Future.

Got a new cloud brush that I wanted to test out! Then it became a whole writing spree abt 3's dreams WJEJK. Just A Squid will continue soon.

More deets abt 3s dreams under the cut!

Maybe its bc I was sitting in a conference room earlier today. But I basically asked them about their dreams while there... why they keep doing what theyre doing.

In my minds eye I saw them flying a kite.

“(I want to protect the world. Keep it safe.

…Let it stay safe so the children can continue to do what Im doing now.)”

…but what about you?

“Four wants to become an engineer, and Laika wants to try out the music scene. Me?

My time for that has long gone.”

:(

A soft chuckle. With a hint of yearning, quickly hidden with a gentle smile.

“(Dont feel sad. Ive found purpose in what I do. Im doing it so everyone else can follow their dreams.

Its also a job.

Its okay that I dont have to love it all the time.)"

…if you had the choice to live a different life, would you?

“(…I dont know if I can answer that yet.

If I didnt live the way I have, where would everyone else be?)"

You can still have fun, you know.

“(You see this? This is fun! Watch!)”

and they twirl that fancy kite theyre flying.

“(I made it myself.)"

...the twirling stops, and their eyes kind of mist over. They look down, into the threads they were manipulating.

“(Listen.

I do have a dream. Its to live in a world without war.

…Im doing everything I can to make that come true.)”

and once youve achieved that peace, what then?

The kite twirls again, making a figure 8 over and over. 3 shrugs, eyes following the figure.

“(Maybe Ill fly more kites.)"

------------

3 doesnt have...dreams beyond their captain duties/related to war and if one asks them enough, theyll find out that what 3 does in peaceful times are what they once did in childhood

Clutching onto what little they were allowed to experience; flying kites, singing songs, making art, remembering stories

Its something that hurts so damn much to see,3 clinging on their nostalgic memories and yearning for more of those moments.

They dream for peace, for rest. the reason they clutched on those memories was bc it was the few times they experienced that kind of peace

[muiitoloko]

I adore your writing youve got such an amazing style! I was just wondering if youd consider writing a Karl Hoffmeister story but the reader is a virgin? Maybe his new wife? Obviously your plot lines are always amazing and I'm sure if you chose to it'd be amazing it's just an idea :)

Title: The Arranged Alliance

Summary: A young woman navigates the complexities of an arranged marriage to a powerful industrialist, finding unexpected tenderness and the possibility of love amidst the union born of convenience and ambition.

Pairing: Karl Hoffmeister × Fem! Reader

Warning: Smut

Author's Notes: Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing! 😊 I’m really glad you enjoy my style. Your idea for a Karl Hoffmeister story sounds fantastic, and I hope you’ll love the one I’ve prepared for you. Thanks for the inspiration! 😊

Also read on Ao3

Karl sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh as the two of you entered the bedroom after the wedding reception. The grand festivities had done little to alleviate your nerves. You barely knew Karl, having had only a month to get acquainted. During that brief period, Karl had courted you, giving the appearance that you had a choice in the matter. But the reality was starkly different—your father had made it clear that you would marry Karl.

Karl Hoffmeister, one of the biggest industrialists in the country, was a man much older than you. Your father knew that marrying you to Karl would grant him significant influence and power. He had seized the opportunity, practically throwing you at Karl, who had accepted the arrangement with a calculated indifference.

Now, here you were, in a finely appointed bedroom, the weight of your father's ambitions and Karl's expectations pressing down on you. Karl’s hooked nose cast a shadow over his face as he looked at you with his piercing eyes, his mustache twitching slightly. His baritone voice broke the silence.

"Come, sit with me," Karl said, patting the space beside him on the bed.

You hesitated for a moment, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering wildly. Gathering your courage, you walked over and sat down, smoothing the fabric of your wedding dress nervously. The room felt oppressively quiet, the grandeur of your surroundings doing little to comfort you.

Karl turned slightly, his eyes softening as they met yours. "I understand that this situation is... less than ideal," he began, his voice gentle but firm. "You were thrust into this marriage without much say, and I want you to know that I am aware of that."

You swallowed hard, nodding slightly. "Yes, it's been overwhelming," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Karl reached out, taking your hand in his. His touch was surprisingly gentle, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. "I will do my best to make this easier for you," he said, his eyes earnest. "You may not have had a choice in marrying me, but I will ensure that you have a voice in this marriage. Your comfort and happiness matter to me."

His words were unexpected, and they brought a small measure of relief. "Thank you," you replied softly, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders.

Karl released your hand and stood up, walking over to the window. He looked out at the night sky, the moon casting a soft glow over his features. "This union, while arranged for convenience and power, does not have to be devoid of companionship and respect," he continued. "I want us to find a way to coexist harmoniously, to build a life together that is more than just a transaction."

You watched Karl with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity in your gaze, but you said nothing, remaining silent. Your eyes roamed around the bedroom, trying to familiarize yourself with the space that you would now share with your husband. The room was grand, filled with elegant furniture and soft lighting, yet it felt foreign and intimidating.

Karl, in the meantime, began to take off his tie, his eyes never leaving you. He examined you closely, appreciating the sight of you in your wedding dress. You were beautiful, intelligent, and kind—everything he could want in a woman. He had to stop himself from attacking you, tearing that dress, and taking your virginity as he wanted. But Karl was not a savage; he was a gentleman above all. Besides, he could see the nervousness radiating from you, and he didn't want to frighten you on your first night together.

Yet, it was his wedding night, and he intended to enjoy it. His gaze became more intense as he finished removing his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. "You look stunning, my dear," he said, his baritone voice soft but laced with desire. "The sight of you in that dress... it's almost too much to bear."

You blushed, feeling the heat of his gaze on you. "Thank you," you replied softly, your voice trembling slightly.

Karl stepped closer, his shirt now hanging open, revealing a broad, thick chest. He reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair away from your face. "I want to make tonight special for you," he murmured, his fingers trailing down your cheek to your neck. "But I also want you to feel comfortable. This is as much about you as it is about me."

His touch sent shivers down your spine, a mix of nervousness and unexpected desire. "I... I appreciate that," you stammered, unsure of what to say.

Karl smiled, a reassuring yet predatory glint in his eyes. "Why don't we start by getting you out of that dress?" he suggested, his voice low and inviting. "I promise to be gentle."

You nodded, standing up slowly. Karl's hands moved to your back, finding the intricate buttons that held your dress together. He worked them open with surprising ease, his fingers brushing against your skin, sending electric shocks through your body. As the dress began to loosen, he leaned in, his lips grazing your ear. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, his breath hot against your skin. "I want to see all of you."

The dress slipped off your shoulders, pooling at your feet. You stood there in your delicate undergarments, feeling exposed and vulnerable under his intense gaze. Karl stepped back, his eyes raking over your body with a hunger that was barely contained. "Perfect," he murmured, his voice thick with desire.

He moved closer, his hands sliding over your bare shoulders and down your arms, pulling you against him. You could feel the heat of his body through the thin fabric of your chemise, his arousal pressing against you. "Do you trust me?" he asked, his voice a seductive whisper.

You looked up at him, your heart pounding. "Yes," you replied, your voice barely audible.

Karl smiled, a dark, knowing smile. "Good," he said, his hands moving to the ties of your chemise. "Because tonight, I want to explore every inch of you, make you mine in every way."

He untied the chemise, letting it fall away, leaving you completely bare before him. His eyes darkened with lust as he took in the sight of you, his hands roaming over your body with a possessive, yet gentle touch. "Lie down," he commanded softly, guiding you to the bed.

You obeyed, lying back on the soft sheets, feeling a mix of fear and anticipation. Karl followed, his body looming over yours. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a fierce, demanding kiss, his hands exploring your curves with a relentless hunger.

As his lips trailed down your neck to your breasts, he murmured against your skin, "I will make you feel things you've never felt before. Tonight, you will know what it means to be truly desired."

His mouth closed over your nipple, sucking gently, while his hand moved between your legs, parting your thighs. You gasped at the sensation, your body arching towards him, a newfound desire igniting within you.

Karl's fingers found your core, probing gently, noticing that you were still dry. He didn't worry too much about it, eager to learn what made you excited, what made you wet and ready for him. Karl released your nipple and looked at you, seeing your flushed cheeks as you looked down where his fingers still caressed your folds.

"Have you touched yourself here before?" Karl questioned, his voice a low, seductive murmur.

You looked up at him, your blush deepening before you turned your gaze away, unable to meet his eyes. Your reaction was all he needed to know the answer. He could almost see you tucked under the sheets, your fingers exploring your own body, trying to find pleasure in the secret moments of solitude.

Karl's lips curled into a knowing smile. "So you have," he said softly, his fingers continuing their gentle exploration. "I can almost picture it... you, lying in bed, your fingers slipping between your thighs, seeking the pleasure you so desperately crave."

Your breath hitched at his words, the image he painted igniting a spark of desire within you. Karl's touch grew bolder, his fingers pressing more insistently against your folds, seeking out the sensitive bud of your clitoris. You gasped, your hips instinctively lifting towards his hand, a wetness starting to gather as your arousal built.

"That's it," Karl murmured, his voice a dark, velvety promise. "Show me how much you want this, how much you need me."

He continued to tease and stroke, his fingers becoming slick with your growing desire. "You see, I want to know every part of you," he said, his breath hot against your skin. "I want to learn what makes you moan, what makes you beg for more."

His fingers slipped inside you, probing and curling, finding that sweet spot that made you cry out in pleasure. "I want to be the one who makes you come undone," he whispered, his voice rough with lust. "The one who makes you forget everything but the pleasure I'm giving you."

You were lost in the sensations, your body responding eagerly to his touch. "Karl," you moaned, your hands gripping the sheets as your hips moved against his hand. "Please..."

"Please, what?" Karl demanded, his eyes dark with intensity. "Tell me what you need, my dear. I want to hear you say it."

"Please, make me come," you begged, your voice trembling with desire. "I need it. I need you."

Karl's smile was predatory, satisfied. "Good girl," he murmured, increasing the pace of his fingers, his thumb circling your clit with just the right pressure. "Let go for me. Show me how much you need this."

The sensations built to a crescendo, your body arching as the pleasure overtook you. With a cry, you came, your release flooding over his fingers as waves of ecstasy washed over you. Karl watched you with a possessive hunger, his fingers still moving gently, drawing out every last bit of your pleasure.

As you lay there, panting and spent, Karl withdrew his fingers, bringing them to his lips. He tasted you, his eyes never leaving yours. "Delicious," he murmured, his voice a dark promise. "Now, let's see how much more you can take."

Karl pulled away from you, hurriedly kicking off his shoes before stepping out of his pants. Standing naked before you, he was an imposing figure, his body solid and well-built, his thick penis standing erect. You were still recovering from your orgasm, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him. Nervousness crept in as you took in his naked form, the reality of what was about to happen settling heavily upon you.

You had never seen a man naked before, but you knew what was expected in sex. Your mother had given you a lecture before the marriage, her words echoing in your mind: “Open your legs, take whatever he gives you, and don't complain. Sometimes it can be good, other times not.” You tried to steel yourself, determined to follow her advice.

Karl positioned himself above you, noticing the fear in your eyes as you looked at his thick penis. His expression softened, his eyes filled with understanding and gentleness. “Do you want to caress me?” he asked softly, his baritone voice soothing and calm.

You looked up at his face, your own flushed and nervous. “I... I don't know how to do that,” you admitted, your voice trembling.

Karl didn’t accept that as an answer. Taking your hand, he guided it to his erection, placing it firmly around his length. “Just do as you think best,” he encouraged, his voice gentle yet insistent. “Feel me, explore me.”

Your mother's words to always obey your husband echoed in your mind as you hesitantly began to move your hand. Karl's skin was warm and smooth under your touch, his size intimidating. He let out a soft groan as your fingers wrapped around him, his eyes never leaving yours.

“That’s it,” Karl murmured, his voice thick with desire. “Just like that. Do what feels natural.”

You tried to follow his instructions, your hand moving tentatively at first, then with more confidence as you felt him respond to your touch. Karl’s groans grew louder, his hips thrusting slightly into your hand, encouraging you to continue.

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice a seductive rumble. “You’re doing so well. Keep going, just like that.”

Your movements became bolder, your hand stroking him with more assurance. Karl’s eyes darkened with lust, his breathing growing heavier. “You have no idea how good that feels,” he murmured, his voice a low growl. “How much I want you.”

His words sent a shiver down your spine, your own arousal building again despite your nerves. Karl guided your hand with his, showing you the rhythm he liked, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made your heart race.

“Now, my dear,” Karl said, his voice a husky whisper. “I want to be inside you. I want to feel you wrapped around me.”

You nodded, your breath coming in short, shallow gasps as you lay back, spreading your legs for him. Karl positioned himself between your thighs, the tip of his erection brushing against your entrance. He paused, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation.

“Are you ready?” he asked gently, his voice filled with concern.

“Yes,” you whispered, your voice trembling but determined. “I’m ready.”

Karl leaned down, capturing your lips in a tender kiss as he slowly pushed inside you. The sensation was strange and overwhelming, a mix of discomfort and pleasure as he filled you completely. You gasped, your hands clutching at the sheets as he began to move, his thrusts slow and gentle at first, then gradually building in intensity.

“Relax, my dear,” Karl murmured against your lips, his voice a soothing balm. “Let yourself feel everything.”

You tried to do what he asked, attempting to adjust to his length, but it felt like he was splitting you in half. He was thick, and it hurt—a lot. But Karl seemed to be enjoying it immensely. You observed him, his eyes closed, chin slack, speaking in German. You clung to his thick body, pressing your fingers into his back, as Karl spread you even wider, pushing your legs flat against the mattress.

"Liebling, du fühlst dich so gut," he murmured, his baritone voice husky with desire. "You're so tight, so perfect."

The pain mingled with a strange sense of pleasure, your body slowly starting to accommodate his size. Karl's thrusts were slow and deliberate, his eyes opening to watch your reactions. He leaned down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, his mustache tickling your upper lip. "Relax, mein Schatz," he whispered against your mouth. "Let me make you feel good."

He moved his hand between your bodies, finding your clit and circling it gently. The sudden jolt of pleasure made you gasp, your hips bucking involuntarily. Karl smiled against your lips, increasing the pressure and speed of his fingers. "That's it, let go for me," he urged, his voice a soothing command.

Your grip on his back tightened, your nails digging into his skin as the pleasure began to build. "Karl," you moaned, your voice a mix of pain and desire. "It hurts..."

Karl slowed his thrusts, his eyes filled with concern. "I know, darling," he said softly, his fingers never stopping their gentle circles. "But I promise it will get better. Just trust me."

You nodded, trying to relax, focusing on the pleasure his fingers were giving you. Gradually, the pain started to ebb, replaced by a growing sense of fullness and pleasure. Karl's thrusts became deeper, more controlled, his eyes locked onto yours. "You're doing so well, Liebling," he praised, his voice a deep rumble. "So beautiful, so responsive."

The combination of his words, his touch, and the rhythm of his movements drove you closer to the edge. You could feel your body tightening around him, the pleasure building to an almost unbearable peak. "Karl, I... I'm going to..."

"Let it go, my dear," Karl whispered, his voice thick with his own need. "Come for me."

With a cry, you did, your body shuddering around him, waves of pleasure crashing over you. Karl groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic as he chased his own release. "So tight," he muttered in German, his voice strained. "So perfect."

You clung to him, your body trembling, as he finally reached his peak, a guttural moan escaping his lips. He collapsed onto you, his weight comforting, his breath hot against your neck. For a moment, you both lay there, entwined, the reality of your new relationship settling in.

Karl rolled to the side, pulling you into his arms, his hands gently caressing your back. "You did wonderfully," he murmured, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. "Thank you for trusting me."

You nestled against his chest, feeling a strange mix of emotions—relief, exhaustion, and a budding sense of hope. "It still hurts a little," you admitted softly.

Karl kissed your forehead, his touch tender. "It will get better, I promise. And I will do everything I can to make sure you are comfortable and happy."

You looked up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. "Thank you, Karl," you whispered, feeling a small measure of reassurance.

He smiled, his hooked nose casting a shadow over his face in the dim light. "Rest now, my dear. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other better."

You nodded, closing your eyes, feeling the warmth of his body and the gentle rhythm of his breath. Despite the pain and the strangeness of your new situation, a small spark of hope flickered within you. Maybe, just maybe, this marriage could be more than just a transaction. Perhaps it could become something real, something filled with mutual respect and, in time, love.

Translation:

Liebling - Darling

Du fühlst dich so gut - You feel so good

Mein Schatz - My treasure (or My darling)

[danmeiconfession]

I gotta say the callous attitudes of the Peaklord to go behind SQQ back to discuss his qi deviation and theorizing maybe Possession took place and when that became clear it was not they just did not continue to look further because they like the pretty outer shell of nice SQQ because then it would make them ask what make their shixiong so prickly and what his issues were that maybe it ran deep because how else is he so different otherwise?

 No one thinks of: what if this SQQ wishes to remember? I read once in a fic, and I found it very just, a Lan Zhan amnesiac who says that even if it were painful experiences (33 lashes and 13 years of mourning) they were part of him, that they were dear to him even if painful.

I think that even if SJ hated to have lived what he lived, he did not want to forget he did not want to forget Qi-ge, his fiancée, the courtesans of the brothel, all the women who were nice to him,… or his life, who he is. And who he is with unpleasant experiences: rapes without doubt, abuse, a life without a parent, a feeling of abandonment, the fact that he never felt at home in Qing Jing, that he was not loved by his martial brothers and sisters, betrayal ... and also with things he did.

it's not something they have to decide. If SY were SJ it would be up to SY and SY alone to decide if "something must be done" and if He have to “stay that way.”

I also think that although the peak lords may be right to not appreciate SJ, they never tried to get along with him either. I always found LQG to be very contemptuous without knowing (like all peak lords)

Like it sucks cause they should have talked with him in person your memories what youve gone through as a person and when it comes to his trauma all the girls he put his head down for a nice nap, Qiu Hatiang, Yue Qingyuan "betrayal" all the shit that went down makes him who he is as Shen jiu. They don't talk to him and ask if he wants to look deeper into his memories like they disregard their martial brother who I get they dislike but it makes them scummier in my eyes because wtf they barley even tried ?

Like if it were any of the Peaklords take LQG for instance they would have tried their hardest to get his memories but because their SQQ is more presentable and make them feel more comfortble is disgusting cause they disregard his autonomy.

Who we are is made up of our memories and how our past experiences have led to the development of our beliefs, our coping mechanisms, our very personalities. Without his memories, is SJ even SJ anymore? They may prefer the blank slate, but it requires no self examination for them. They do not have to think deeper like you have about why SJ is who he is, what terrible past he has that makes the reader more forgiving and understanding of his faults. If they did think about that, they would have to do something, wouldn’t they?

Hell, If Yue Qingyuan and SJ were reversed are any of us going to be suprised at the lengths he'll try to go to get his Qi-ge' back as readers but YQ who cares for SJ but lack of a backbone in not trying to recover his memories and not trying is just... irksome. SJ being more all or nothing guy compared to YQ who basically just a water down version of MDSZ Lan Xichen who basically did nothing to his benefit really says something. He's not kind he's a diplomat a politician he's polite is what he is.

YQ character would be much more attractive to me if his indecisiveness just never existed lol. I hate mopy characters so damn much and with a postions as sect leader had he been more firm and not let his shidi do whatever 99% of the things that happened never would have occured. There's only so much you can blame on miscommunication when it actively hurted and harmed the other party. He saw what it did to his shidi and he just did nothing about it right up to his foolish sucide attempt to save his Xiao at the last minute when his legs got sent to him. Wonder wtf he was doing then filing paperwork lol?

.

[crepuscularious]

gentleman

im back, bitches! apparently not a lot of you know that im a swiftie lmfaoaoaoa, so heres something cause slut is my absolute favorite its a fuckin' masterpiece

also, am i the only one who thinks that "in a world of boys hes a gentleman" means something else, lol. cause like this dude is in a group of boys, within those group of boys, but if he's in a group of men its a complete different story?!!??! if that makes enough sense.

one more thing, my short stories arent based on the song itself, its based on one line of the song. a lot of you were confused with my mad one and that it was different from what ne-yo was trying to say in the song. i hope this clarifies it :>

just a quickie for tonight, i feel so lonely hahaha... i should probably get a life

miguel x reader (mostly fem)

"everyone wants him, that was my crime. wrong place at the right time and i break down, then he's pulling me in"

youve been dating miguel for some time now, lets just say your relationship wasnt exactly... perfect

who were you to judge!? he was spiderman, so many females with different ages have looked up to him not only because of his heroicness, but as well as his physique, i mean have you seen that domino chip build?

you didnt mind at first, its not like you werent one of his fangirls before meeting him too, right? but no, you were starting to get pissed, no lie.

this caused a bit of a ruckus between the relationship of the two. a little screaming and shouting at the middle of the night when miguel forgot to tell her that he'd might need to patrol late at night again, or when she saw a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes kissing the masked man on the cheek on t.v! it didnt help when miguel had both his thumbs up and showing it to the camera before swinging away.

"mi vida, please! i told you im sorry. it was only for show, you know that!" miguel said, wrapping his arms around her waist as he places his chin on her shoulder while she was cooking dinner

"i didnt know that i dated a celebrity and not a hero then" you coldly said, turning off the stove and getting only one plate "i already ate dinner, eat without me" you said

but she hates it when someone is eating by themselves miguel thought to himself with a pout. he messed up, big time.

"mi vida, por favor" miguel said, shooting a web at her wrist to prevent her from leaving "im sorry, its my fault. i should have known better than to enjoy the kiss" miguel said, hugging his girlfriend tight

"i only like your kisses" miguel said as he snuck a quick peck on her cheek "maybe this isnt going to work, miguel. between the two of us" she said

this made miguel look at her with sad and torn eyes, "mi amor? im sorry if i was a bit overboard today, i understand my mistakes and i promise to correct them." miguel said, looking into your eyes with nothing but honesty as he holds both of your hands in his

"i know what i did was an ass mistake, and i understand if youre mad. but mi corazon, dont give up on us. i promise ill be better next time, ill know my limits" he said, his hands releasing from yours as he transfers then into your face, cupping it with his huge hands.

he gives you a quick peck on the nose and smiled "i love you, 3000" he said "please forgive me, lets work this out, i dont want us to end'

"you know, miguel. in a world of boys, youre a gentleman"

[mbat]

ok i always hesitate to compare varian and cassandra because i know varian is the fandoms baby but i am always comparing them when it comes to the fandoms reactions to the characters

and theres definitely several factors at play as to why people react differently to them, but the main one im thinking of is the things that made the characters break the way they did

moreso how varians is a very external and fairly universal thing. his father was basically taken from him (by varians own creation no less), and he was begging for help that he sadly would not get for reasons that we understand, but hes a teenage boy and was going through the worst thing he ever couldve, so of course he wasnt understanding, he was begging for help from someone that shouldve been able to help, but because of the circumstances, that just wasnt possible. you really cant argue with the motivation there.

but cassandras pain was always more of an internal thing, something that isnt laid out so clearly for the viewers to grasp, especially if they dont care to pay her enough attention. her motivation is there from the beginning, even. in the first few episodes we saw her trying to be someone, be something, by trying to win that one competition and such. i think its even in the beginning of that episode that we see her do something really cool and some kids start cheering and shes proud for a second, before its revealed the kids were simply only cheering because rapunzel was arriving, which sets up the episode in general.

this theme of her trying to be more but never getting to, and being outshined by rapunzel, or not seen/heard by anyone including rapunzel, it lasts through the entire show. but her breaking point comes when this theme is brought to its strongest, with gothel.

shes shown that her own mother was gothel, and gothel abandoned her to take care of rapunzel instead.

personally i think that that alone is pretty damn understandable of a motivation even without the further context, but seeing as this theme has been going through the entire run of the show, its just even worse. rapunzel never means to make cassandra 2nd place, but she has been before she even had memories or thoughts. of course cassandra would break about that.

but if you dont care about cassandra... it just looks like shes throwing a little tantrum about it.

but spending your whole life in the shadow of others, and then several years in this one specific shadow, its not fun. its not great. you grow resentful, you wonder why its like this, you blame others for not bothering to ever truly look your way. at some point you fully blame everyone else and not yourself because youve been doing everything you can and it still isnt enough for them.

im gonna go even more off track here but i also think about that one episode where its a flashback and its an episode that i think bothers some people when it comes to this, i know it bothered athena p (good youtuber but her opinions on my favorite shows hurts me inside). when cassandra had the chance to live her dreams, go to the kingdom of women warriors, but she chose to stay home and be rapunzels friend.

and i guess my best summary of it is... wouldnt you rather stay home and have your first friend ever, whos offering themself up on a platter to you? instead of going somewhere far away that youve never been to before, surrounded by strangers? she could likely always try going to that place later (i headcanon that she does after the show after all), but i cant really blame her for wanting to stay home if she could.

so of course it has to suck that the whole reason you gave up on getting your dream sooner only hurts you more. that she put her dream on pause to make her first friend right there at home, and that friend only (unintentionally) hurt her.

and idk like i said i definitely think theres more factors at play as to why people like one more than the other (for example theres way less time for varian to do fucked up things even though he does do a few lol, but cass has a lot more time)

(also i didnt even MENTION that she was being manipulated the entire time she was using the moonstone but whatever. i can absolutely see people being like 'wtf just dont listen to zhan tiri lol ez' and that would just scream that they dont understand manipulation but whatever whatever whatever)

but yeah i just think a big thing is that. not everyone has experienced what cass experienced, not everyone paid enough attention to her to even care about what her whole deal was, not everyone even sees the big deal with the things she went through. but varian has this very understandable reason that you dont need to think too deeply to see why he does what he does.

this isnt a hate post to varian btw i dont dislike or hate him lol, i just think about cassandra so much its unreal

[1-800-c0sm1c]

꒰win it all !꒱

to build hype around the new season, your arrival to the games was kept a secret up until it went live, and some legends had more notable reactions than others.

character x legend!reader

includes crypto, octane, and mirage !

a/n : im sorry ive been gone but look i made you some contenttttt daddy made you your favorite open wide 🥳. im noticing a severe lack of apex fanfics rn so here is my contribution ��.

warnings : mentions of stalking (average crypto behavior), drugs (average octane behavior), & mentions of hooking up (you guessed it, average mirage behavior).

CRYPTO // TAEJOON PARK: 

crypto doesnt like surprises, period. its one thing if its mediocre like a birthday party, but a whole person was hidden under his nose and he had no idea? unacceptable.

in summary, youve shattered his ego simply from your presence. not cool.

hes not really known for looking approachable either, so unless youve got the balls or stupidity to talk to him, hell keep to himself and sulk. this sets back any plans he had in the back of his mind by a whole season.

when you introduce yourself to him on the dropship he practically ignores you, acting as if anything else is more interesting than this small talk.

"hi im y/n, ive heard a lot about you from mirage. nice to meet you!" he rolls his eyes, witt is always one to blabber about others.

you scoff at his response, "dont expect me to be as open and idiotic as elliott." he almost adds you to that list, but holds back on it. if anything lifeline has told him holds weight, you could be useful to get information from the syndicate.

"im crypto by the way." he continues, if he plays his cards right you could almost be worth his time.

getting paired with you and mirage was almost comical, its as if the games were trying to make his life as hard as possible.

you got along annoyingly well with mirage, but you seemed more hesitant when it came to crypto, which was truly bothered him. (it was not jealousy at all. he was not jealous whatsoever. nope, definitely not.)

hes struggling to interact with you, like he does with most of the other legends, but youre a different case due to how useful you could be to him. thats usually the reasoning he uses when he racks his brain for ideas to come across less mean without irreparably ruining his reputation.

as if his prayers had been answered, a few hours after your first game you appear in the doorway to his room with a piece of high tech equipment in your hand. but your expression is different from how it was before. you appear upset, how can you be angry with him already? youve barely interacted!

if you want to be pissy, so can he. "can i help you? he asks, annoyance in his voice. "im almost sure you can, brilliant hacker." you drop the equipment in front of him on his desk, distracting him from his current project. he scowls. "what exactly am i looking at here?" you roll your eyes. "you tell me, this is clearly yours right? found it in my room." 

he examines the object, looks like a hidden camera. "ive never seen this before, if you want me to fix it call someone else, im not tech support." he pushes it to the side, but youre not having it. "nuh-uh, you cant brush this off. i know youve created the cameras used to record the games, this has to be your tech!"

so you think hes stalking you? thats a good idea honestly, he wish he had thought of it first. "just because i created those doesnt mean i also designed this. looks like someone else wants to keep an eye on you. got anyone in mind?" you pause for a moment, letting his words sink in. why cant it just be an open and shut case?

"i have no idea, i just got here! is anyone else even knowledgeable enough to design something like this?" he shrugs. "looks can be deceiving." "will you at least help me figure out whos stalking me?" he wants to say no. he knows its bad news, especially for someone like him to get involved in. but its a great opportunity to get closer to you. closer to his end goal, and despite it truly not being the only reason, he decides its good enough for him. "i guess i can make time, tell me about your interactions since youve joined." 

from this point on, you and crypto get much closer, it feels like he knows everything about you. (maybe he does honestly 💀.)

but you can tell hes getting frustrated when it comes to the hidden camera, and you cant help but feel like a nuisance. 

on the surface, crypto looks like you are whats stressing him out. why hes angrier than usual, why hes drowning himself in his work. and in a way thats true, but not exactly.

in reality, hes more worried for your safety. your arrival was an entire surprise, so how could someone have infiltrated your room to begin with? he cant figure it out, and almost entirely forgets the original reason he wanted to get to know you. 

its no longer a matter of getting information, that can wait. he has all season after all. but someone else trying to watch you? he wont tolerate it, and wants it to be the first thing thats fixed, he likes you much better when youre not paranoid, not like him.

OCTANE // OCTAVIO SILVA:

HYPED!!! another legend is always exciting to octane, even more so when he gets lucky enough to be paired with them.

octavio can be a bit much at times, but you match his energy almost perfectly! 

dedication to the apex games, and genuinely having a great time, not finding him annoying??? he should ask if youre into hard drugs too at this point.

anyone who goes up against the two of you on a team together should fear for their lives. octane swears hes never had so much fun in a match before. (almost as much fun as id have if kings canyon was in the map rotation this season ☹.)

theres a voice in the back of his head that he cant shake, telling him youre someone sent from the syndicate to mess with him, or maybe something worse.

he doesnt want to risk making you upset with him (like some other legends) so he reluctantly keeps these thoughts to himself, but due to his online personality being so similar to his real self, you almost immediately notice a change.

you decide to confront octane after the match, and originally he completely disregards your questions.

"what are you on about, compadre? im fine, really!" but youre not having it, and octane knows youre not going to drop this so easily.

"i just cant help but think this isnt how you usually act outside of games." you shrug when he asks for your reasoning of pressing on. "well how would you know? you just got here." he chuckles. "which i think is exactly why youre hiding things from me. i understand though, its hard to trust someone you just met. i only had an outsiders perspective up until a few hours ago."

"thats exactly whats so scary about you amigo. you seem like youre some fuckin syndicate spy!" "why? because we get along?" octane sighs. maybe having a legend who understands him is a bad thing. its easier to justify someone who hates him, theres plenty reason to. but like him? enjoy his company? hes confused, to say the least.

hes frantically reaching for one of his stims, if his mind is going to be racing so frantically, the rest of his body might as well do the same. "lets leave this here for now, yeah? ive got some videos to film!" he gets up quickly, but stops dead in his tracks when you offer to help him with his stunts. he whips around back over to you. "you sure?" you nod with a smile that might make him more energetic than any stim could. "alright cmon cmon cmon! i hope you known how to hold a camera, if you miss any good shots im gonna be pissed!"

rumors start about octanes elusive camera operator, all kinds of misinformation spreads too, some of it crazier than others. 

you personally find it funny, sometimes tempting the viewers by almost flipping it around to show your face, but youre stopped by octane and his ridiculously fast reflexes everytime.

"hey hey amigo no need to ruin the mystery! plus you totally just didnt film that awesome stunt i just did! what am i paying you for!?" 

you try your best to stop yourself from laughing, but at this point youre sure it must be obvious its you behind the camera, youre just going along with the "mystery" because octane asked you to by whispering in your ear that it "increases his interaction" or whatever influencer bullshit. (you were more focused on his voice than what he was saying tbh 🧍.)

the other legends are sick of you two at this point, and are just about ready to expose the "secret" to get octane to shut up 😭. when i say you guys are always together doing stupid shit i mean ALWAYS!!

MIRAGE // ELLIOTT WITT:

a flirt wbk. expect to be invited to lots of yacht parties.

mirage is known to have a very welcoming aura, and you noticed this the second you first interacted on the dropship. (anyone wanna take me out? come find me 🤭.)

you guys are on the same team for tdm, and he is almost constantly by your side.

someone sneaks up behind you? hes already sending a decoy their way so you can get the upper hand.

in case you miss? no worries, hes right behind you with pinpoint accuracy. (talk about a great first impression.)

you guys absolutely crushed the opposite team 50-15, and mirage hurriedly rushes over to you the second the match is concluded to invite you to his celebration party that night.

youre more surprised he has the energy to still keep going after such an intensive match, and you barely get the chance to say maybe before hes walking away excitedly.

uh, actually i might sit this one out-" "cool, cool, cool. ill see you tonight!"

lets just say things get… interesting on the mirage a trois 😀.)

you hooked up on the boat okay, youre not the first (and might not be the last either.)

parties werent necessarily your thing, but after elliott had practically won the game for you today, you figured showing up was the least you could do to return the favor. you were honestly just hoping the yacht didnt blow up like youd heard about his other ones doing…

you arrive way later than everyone else in hopes that you arent the first person there, but your current situation is almost just as awkward as everyone assumes you managed to get lost on your way here. (as if you could miss mirages yacht if you tried…) however, you probably did look just as lost as everyone assumed you were while trying to find mirage in the sea of decoys and other party guests.

when you finally stop getting bamboozled and find the real mirage, you try to explain you were only stopping by out of politeness, but hes not having any of it. "what do you mean youre leaving already? weve gotta make up for all the partying time lost while you werent here!" he hands you a drink and leads you to a table with crypto and wattson, who seem to have just had an… important conversation interrupted with your presence.

"if theres anyone you wanna get to know in the games, other than me of course, these are the legends!" youre almost amazed at how mirage chooses to ignore the awkward atmosphere hes created, and manages to smooth it over in record time as well. crypto looks as annoyed as ever, meanwhile wattson attempts her best at a conversation with the group, and you almost wish you never showed up in the first place.

‘almost’ is the key word here, you knew deep down you didnt really have anywhere else to be, and going along with whatever such an attractive legend says was surely better than staying in your dorm room and missing out on a night of fun. which is exactly why when elliott leaned closer to your ear and said something that definitely wasnt pg-friendly, you downed your drink and made quick goodbyes to his friends before leaving to a secluded area of the yacht with the party host himself. 

i think by now the other legends are just waiting for you two to finally announce theres something between you. 

everyone, and i mean everyone seems to know, and i swear rampart is one more flirtatious comment away from exposing your corny asses during the next match.

however, youre hesitant. youre still incredibly new to the games, isnt it odd for things to be moving so fast?

sure, elliott is great, but you cant help but have an anxious feeling in your stomach, and making the mistake of looking at comments online surely isnt helping either.

mirage noticed your shift in behavior immediately, hes been around you more than any of the other legends, and he expects to be the first to hear of whats troubling you (if youre okay with it, of course).

he might not seem like it at first glance, but mirage really is a great listener. despite your first impressions of him making him out to be well… a party-loving flirt, he has so many more layers to him than whats on the surface level.

when he gets serious, hes not cracking his usual jokes, although hes still got his awkward charm. 

"i just… feel like were moving too fast. its only been a month since ive joined the game after all…"

he thinks for a moment before responding calmly, "well i mean, if you wanna take things slower, all you had to do was ask. besides we have all the time in the world! as long as you dont have some secret plan to leave the games or something, than were fine!" you smile at him.

okay, maybe he does still joke a little bit, put i promise its fine in context 😭😭.

can you tell i like crypto (especially jealous crypto) a totally normal amount 😦 totally not inspired by the mcc song by derivakat 🫶

[psychabolition]

Why and how do you reject diagnoses , treatment and recovery?

The why is answered quickly ,. For a lot of us "treatment" doesnt help or actively harms us . Its not uncommon to face psychiatric abuse as part of your treatment plan: including conversion therapy, physical violence, social ostracization /isolation, stigmatization or severe side effects from psychiatric drugs which can include brain damage and death .

So how do we stop thinking that we need treatment from professionals to feel better and to lead a life that we enjoy when we know it doesnt help us ? The biomedical model and its logic make us feel this way. We're told that we have an illness that causes our pain and that can only be treated by doctors and psychologists. But this model is inherently contradictory and that we have an "illness" thats the cause of our pain has never even been scientifically proven . If youre labelled with depression you dont have low serotonin, if youre labelled with schizophrenia theres no genetic defect, if youre labelled as adhd/autism your brain doesnt look different than the brain of people without the label. "mental disorders" are not an "illness" by medical standards.

Also, the logic of the model doesnt really make sense. Your 'mental illness' can never "cause" anything because its solely a descriptive label (every psychologist will admit this !! - all diagnoses are just a list of descriptions of specific behaviors/experiences/ways of thinking), its never the reason for anything. I think we need to avoid the circular logic of "well i do x because i have y condition (which was diagnosed based on clinician observations of x) and my brain is simply broken in a way requiring me to submit to expert clinical management and surveillance". I think its highly misleading to talk about symptoms of an illness since saying 'I am suicidal because Im depressed' is the same as saying 'Im suicidal because Im suicidal'(remember: its only a descriptive label!!) - it doesnt explain anything. I think its really unhelpful and also simply not scientifically backed up to think about any experiences/struggles/distress that we have no matter how unusual/painful/norm deviation as an 'illness' of our minds/brains.

The way I depathologize myself and reject the (bio)medical model is by saying that I think of a lot of the experiences that got me diagnosed and that also made me label myself as "ill/disordered" as simply a deviation from "neuronormativity" (=whats societally deemed 'normal' to think/feel/do depending on your assigned gender/age/socioeconomic status/...). So when I say that "Im neurodivergent" what I mean is that I "deviate from neuronormativity". And when people are not neurodivergent I say that theyre "neuroconform" - which simply means that they manage to conform to what society expects of them .

If you define neurodivergency in this way it includes 1) suffering more severely in our current society than others do 2) being neurodivergent because of positive experience and/or negative experiences that youve made 3) your neurodivergency also includes experiences that havelnothing to do with the reason why you got labelled as ill/sick/dysfunctional/disordered . Like being politically radical in some way - like for example if youre a communist or an anarchist or queer or simply just very different and norm deviating . 4) it includes queerness that is currently pathologized (I like to use the concept neuroqueer).

These new concepts and understanding of myself made me get better in the sense that I trusted again, after years, that only I know whats best for myself . And to be true medication and therapy has only ever harmed me and made me get worse. I can now ask myself whats actually causing my pain and struggles, and its never been my own brain that simply " reacts wrong " . When Im doing really bad it always has a real cause in my real life and theres always something that can be done (even if this means overthrowing the current social order in society)

[mdhwrites]

The Grimwalker as a concept was so weird. Mainly that Hunter was all 'ohhhh no we cant tell them im a spooky Grimwalker!' But... why would anyone care? The only reason given is that hes a reincarnation of a guy nobody even knows or cares about. Theres not even like, a spooky myth about Grimwalkers because its got such a vague ruleset and premise. He's barely different from a demon.

That COULD have linked to the demon discrimination plotline youve talked about, but there is none so it cant be that. Which i understand was partially because Dana wanted the gays to just exist, so she scrapped discrimination in general. But, a big part of forming cultures and identity is 'Otherness'. People compare themselves to others and define themselves by how theyre different. So scrapping discrimination ends up making the witchs and demons feel like nothing. They have nothing to compare their identity and culture against because theres just no conflict to spark comparison.

This lack of substance also means the fans don't care about Grimwalkers. See the moring comic where the Grimwalker was turned into ANOTHER way to say 'haha Boscha so cringe amirite? point and laugh because she has nobody who loves her.' even though the grimwalker is to reincarnate the dead.

OH MY GOD I'M SO HAPPY SOMEONE ELSE NOTICED THAT! *SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER* Like I know Mark just writes Boscha how the entire fandom sees her (which hasn't helped me enjoy A Hint of Blue, not that I think it's good regardless) but seriously what the fuck!? Why do that to her except just to be mean!?

*sighs* What were we talking about? OH RIGHT! Grimmwalkers.

So for why Hunter has anxiety, it actually is because TOH is doing a very basic clone/artificial human storyline with Hunter and those arcs are actually a lot more internally motivated than externally motivated. Clone lives a life believing they're their own person, then one day finds out they're not, perceives themselves as less because of this distinction but then in the end decides that regardless of their origin, they are their own person and so throw off their shackles, embrace who they are and become better for it. It has nothing to do with race and while it is baby's first clone story, I also still like it conceptually because, well, there's a reason why it's the default clone story. It especially is good for kid's media because while the clone can struggle with the anxiety of it, their friends never have to actually be bad or discriminatory against them because the point is loving yourself for who you are and not who you were made to be.

But I've talked before about how this basic framework actually has a Catch 22 built into it when it comes to Hunter... Which apparently Tumblr wants to tell me I've never done before. Thanks search function. The short version is that this template requires not only a rejection of what they were made for but for them to become distinctly different, usually opposite, to their purpose/original. For Hunter, he only knows Belos so this takes shape in trying to be the opposite of him. The problem is that the opposite of Belos... Is Caleb. Who Hunter mimics in every action he takes after getting away from Belos. There's literally no way to follow this template without adding complexities like him accepting his true origin and being okay/happy with that, something that was probably unlikely in general but especially wasn't going to happen with the shortening, which I will actually give people for. Because the Grimmwalker twist happens so late, they either had to cut it or had no time to actually do anything with it which like... Why not cut it? You did nothing with it and it actually made sure you didn't have the time to actually have Hunter reject Belos' morality so that his redemption doesn't come across as self serving and for survival more than an actual, you know, change to his beliefs.

As for how interesting Grimmwalkers are... They're just clones. Boilerplate, boring clones. Make a body based on another person, put memories in, BAM! Got yourself a clone. Doesn't get more classic than that. It's hardly even magical honestly besides the components, especially with how it actually doesn't give them magic despite those components, or have weird quirks since they're not actually made of flesh and blood, elements that the fans have had a lot of fun with that the show never does, though admittedly part of that is due to how late it happens. Then again, all magic in TOH is boring so it's not likely they would have anyways. Also, you know, a lot of shows will do a single clone episode and have more fun and magic to it than TOH does with one of their core cast members being one so *shrug*

Now, for the final part, I do want to also touch on the 'other' aspect because while discrimination is one way to do it, you can get this across in other ways. One such way is the core defining trait of the Grimmwalker from a tangible standpoint: He doesn't have magic. In a society that mostly has magic, him not having it is a big deal. It's literally what gives him and Willow their first connection as a couple, as insulting as that scene actually should be to Hunter.

And then Hunter is 'fixed' when he gains his magic. His 'other' status removed because he's a real boy now. *SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

I have so much more I could say about TOH and 'The Other' (made a blog about a lot of it between writing this draft and publish) but I'll leave it at that so it actually stays on topic instead of the half a dozen tangents I've deleted. None of this makes it good by the way and with how TOH tackles most subjects like this, it's incredibly unlikely that more time would have made it better. After all, being a Grimmwalker is only one of like a half dozen TANTALIZING character/arc concepts for Hunter that are never addressed. The fact that he is trained to kill witches and likely has. His relationship with the Isles because he doesn't have inherent magic. The fact that he is filled with such care for the nation and its government that it blocks out all else in his world. How a sheltered child reacts when they suddenly have freedom and are thrust into the wider world. Etc. etc. that are just footnotes to the writers more than anything to actually build a complete arc around or else they wouldn't have just keep adding to the angst bucket without actually resolving any of it.

So of course Grimmwalkers are bland while being a fine to good concept that's then made terrible by narrative implication or neglect. That's EVERYTHING to do with Hunter.

======+++++=====

Sidenote for this one: It is funny that Dana wanted there to be no bigotry in the Isles when her villains entire scheme is through religious persecution. You know, bigotry. Whole other blog I could go into.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[444-athena]

To Him.

warnings: pedophilia (if i missed any please tell me!)

I was gonna write this on paper, keep it on theme with all my other notes. but they were crushes that normally ended up with nothing happening. You're different, and it makes me feel sick.

You make me feel sick. How you could do all of that with me and then walk away like nothing happened. How you continued not only showing up at other sessions but MY SESSION and acting like nothing was wrong, like we didn't do anything in the front seats of your car.

That fucking car man. And how I cant see a black and red car, or a ford fiesta, without feeling cold all over, like I'm back there in that car where all of that happened. Where you did things that no twenty two year old should have done with a sixteen year old.

At least it only happened in the car once right? But it didn't did it? You weren't happy with once, or one place. No it happened four fucking times and once was at my fucking WORK. We stood in the back and after E--- walked in, i had to pretend like nothing had happened. As if a few minutes before you didnt ask me to get on my fucking knees as if no one could catch us. K----- was there that night. She's fucking 11. She could've walked in. But hey, makes it more fun right?

Fun. That's all it ever was to you. For me I actually thought you liked me back. How fucking pathetic that was to think. And how you made me believe it too. With all your fucking reassuring words and all of your texts, what seemed like your full attention. But you got bored of me. Fair enough, since theres probably girls your own age who would be better for you. I always noticed how your snap score would magically go up over 40 in a night even though not one of those were to me.

It fucking hurt. Knowing that all you ever wanted me for was a quick shag. And when i made it clear i didnt want that, you stopped the attention. And some fucked up part of me debated on giving you what you wanted, just for more of your attention. It fucking hurt so much i cried over it. I cried over you, and you probably never even gave me a second thought.

Do you though? When you see me, do you remember those times as much as i do? Do they fill you with a sense of dread and unease like they do for me? Probably not.

It seems like you dont give a shit if you hurt me or not, only if you got caught.

you tried getting me to lie to my fucking best friend for you. I couldn't do that though, of course E--- knew from the start. You're so stupid to think she didn't. You only told me not to because you like having the control and you cant have that if other people know. you dont have control of what they say and who they could tell.

You make me sick. Because when i look at you all I can think about is the words you told me in the car, your face so close the mine, the words you typed to me late at night, when I still thought you cared about what i had to say.

But I dont just think about that. because I know what you did to other girls. J---, I----, D----, H----. and theyre just the ones I know about. Who's to say theres not more? Fuck, they're the only underage ones i know about. and the 17 year old from when you were 21.

J---, 17 and you shagged her, then threatened her best friend to not tell anyone, saying she'd be fired from her only job.

I----, 16 and you found her facebook and followed her to her ice skating. Twice youve done that now. She's even sent a picture of you there to the group before.

D-----, 15 and you touched her in the tits "accidentally" 8 times since fucking JULY. 7 months.

H-----, 14 and you did the same a few times to her.

17, 16, 16, 15, 14. It goes up to an 8 year difference here. How fucking young are you willing to go? How sad is your fucking life that you resort to this?

How do you sleep at night, knowing what you've done is beyond me. When I got told the stories over text i thought i was about to throw up. I felt so bad for the girls. But I also feel bad for me now. because now I realise how bad that situation was.

So I just want to ask, when you see me, do you feel any guilt at all? Do you feel sorry for what you did? You know it was wrong, you told me you could go to prison for "those jokes" even though we both know they weren't jokes and you meant what you said to me. You said the same to D----, saying "sorry D--- i could go to prison for that" making jokes like that after touching up a 15 year old at 22. Just sickening.

Do you feel any guilt at all? Or are you just afraid that someday you might go too far, do this shit with a girl who will tell someone and that you'll finally get caught for the piece of shit you are?

I hope you do get caught one day. And I hope I'm there to see your life crumble. You think your so untouchable but really all it takes is for 5 teenage girls to tell someone who will believe them to completely fuck your life over.

Fuck you and your fucking ford fiesta. One day I hope I can see one without feeling sick.

Go and fuck yourself E------.

[xpy-poems]

I've been feeling really overwhelmed with all the news about luigi mangione lately and especially today and have been struggling to find an outlet/someone to talk about it with... luckily tumblr exists ig. I've been ruminating on the topic all day (and being woefully unproductive) because I'm thinking, like, what would've pushed him that far? So tbth from the content I've seen today, it seems like LM was dealing with some serious back pain/surgery/recovery/lack of improvement, which can have a serious impact on your mental health.

Personally speaking, I have had chronic back pain for the past 7 years. For around 5-6 of those yrs I was having trouble getting diagnosis and treatment with little to no improvement, until I was finally able to get a doctor to essentially prescribe me an MRI, majority of which was thankfully covered by my mom's insurance from her work. I'm young enough that I can still use her insurance, and I can't even begin to imagine the costs without it. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression ~2yrs ago, which my doctor told me can be seriously impacted by prolonged and/or constant pain without relief (the feelings of hopelessness when youve spent years seeing dr after dr, physical therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturist just to manage the pain, not even relieving it... doing countless excercises and stretches that even hurt to do... it's tough), and my pain isn't even debilitating. I can pretty much function normally (just with constant mid to low level pain) but guys it fucking sucks. Just existing is like 5x harder sometimes-- no one talks about how exhausting it is to be in pain 😭 and I don't even realize it myself sometimes until someone mentions it. (Thankfully, my dr was again able to 'prescribe' therapy for me and get it covered by insurance 🙏.)

From what I've read, LM was dealing with *debilitating* back pain and potentially recovery from a surgery that, by all accounts, would've made no difference and could've made things even worse, and being 26, he would no longer be reliably covered by a (his parent's) health insurance. Whether he had his own, I don't know, and in this economy, there's no guaranteeing it would've helped. Having chronic pain, his premiums would likely be astronomical, if anything he needed would've been covered by a different provider to begin with.

I can't really make any conclusions (not knowing him or his situation on any sort of personal level), but I can't imagine the mental health struggle that comes with all that, especially coming from what looks like a really active, able-bodied life. Not to mention how the state of the world and society impacts the mental health of anyone who thinks too long about it (hello gen z nihilism). Add that to the way our society treats men's mental health, and it looks to me a lot like hopelessness, aggression, and the sense of no other choice plus nothing left to lose.

(I've been thinking and being depressed about this all day, if you couldn't tell)

Edit: I can't tell if everything is still alleged or if anything has been confirmed, but IF (if!!) he had done anything, these would be my thoughts on it, based on what we know about him publicly.

[baby-xemnas]

PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE LUZO SABAODY/2 YEAR TIMSEKIP STUFF IM BEGGING YOU

oh its so much....its So cute that u know that panel where they step away to talk like "hey where did the bear guy send you to? 😄" its so casual for what a heavy event it was, and how hard what came after had been.....but i kinda love it you know it's not unrealistic to be like haha its fine NOW so we can laugh and have fun and relax and smile again....just like lawbepo hug on zou - bepo is SO happy to see law that he instantly forgets and forgives all the fear and pain law made him feel, it doesnt matter its over!!!

its the same with luzo at sabaody reunion they are all grins and "i cant wait to rediscover you, I'll enjoy learning how youve changed bit by bit, ill savour it like a good meal" long looks. Because its Safe they are together again and they both, they ALL worked to become stronger so they can stay together, so luzo have that sexy confidence about it and instead of regretting the wasted time they think "nothing can separate us now"

and its CRAZY cuz they've been through so much. from the absolute horror of the initial incident, to the pain of finding out what happened to luffy at marineford and zoro going insane because he isnt there for luffy. luffy going through that and not wanting to live afterwards but being brought back Because he has zoro and the others - no doubt in those tears of love and gratitude there was a mix up of guilt for considering offing himself because it would mean hurting THEM. he is very sorry, it passed.

so reunion is So full of joy and comfort Despite that horrible baggage makes it all the more beautiful for them to feel So Light as they fall into each other like: there you are, my love, my home, isnt it amazing how we sync up so effortlessly again - its pure happiness

not only both of them worked and changed and became so much stronger to be able to stay together, not only did they endure so much pain for each other's sake (others' too but u know. its fucking luzo) they also both discovered a facet of their love that only distance could give so theyve matured with it too

its Nuts

zoros devotion got formed under pressure of kuma fight and his training like a diamond. as ive said i love post ts zoro being a shameless trophy wife/bodyguard who is So openly proud to be a dog its DISTURBING (positive. appreciative)

if luffy was possessive before he somehow becomes Worse much to zoros happiness. But luffys determination to be great to reach his goal is inseparable from his greed and selfishness, and that includes zoro, its crazy really because greed usually implies large quantities but with this its intense greed focused on one person (because zoro is luffys only lover and he wants no other. zoro is the best) which makes it Suffocating. in a way even the fact that "thought of zoro saved me from giving up" kind of = zoro is mine completely, its a batshit logic but thats not unusual for luffy -

luffy doesn't want to become king alone - he wants to do it with zoro and the others, his goal is his life, he is nothing without them and it just so happens that zoro is most important there, not making others disposable just cuz they arent sucking his dick but zoro is zoro, zoro was always different, zoro is the most HIS out of this group of people who will die for him

and they all came back...and zoro came back.. it's like by doing that they signed a second new and expanded unspoken contract between them that yes you are our captain Yes we will see you through the end etc

and luffy is so giddy that zoro is there ..not that luffy doubted him but he really feels like celebrating

😊😊😊

(sorry this ended up being a scattered train of thought and i didnt even talk about them fucking but i did cry typing it up if that helps cuz i love them...)

[retrointhenow]

Broken Barrier : Peter Pan X Reader

Author's Notes: This is a story based off one of my recent tiktoks. My tiktok is retrointhenow, the same as my tunblr here! I have tried shifting before and have yet to be successful. I don't have tips for shifting. I'm also not interested in making a part two for this so please don't ask.

---

"Come on." I groaned staring at my ceiling. It's been about a week since my last shift to Neverland. Things went exactly as I wanted them, I set my timeline as a nice calm period. I had everything I wanted. The boys were nice, the mermaids haven't tried to drown me yet, and life was good. Recently I've had trouble shifting back, time moved slowly in Neverland compared to my actual reality, but I think Peter is starting to catch on.

There was a two month break between shifts and Peter heavily questioned where I was. Thankfully I was able to blame the met,aids but I couldn't use that excuse again. Sometime I forget that the language dialect is different that what I'm use to so I'll slip up when I'm talking. I think that's part of what gives me away. At least I wrote down in my scripts that my clothing was different.

Finally I was able to relax and dream of Neverland. It's hard to describe how I get there. But it's like someone turns on a light and then I'm there.

The island was hot and humid today. I analyzed the terrain surrounding me and noticed that I wasn't to far from dead man's peak. A long hike back to base camp. Without a doubt Peter knew I have arrived. He knew everything that happened on his island.

"Y/n ? That you?" I heard someone call. I walked toward the voice and Devin ran around a tree.

"Oh hey Dev! Beautiful day today isn't it ?" I smiled and joined him on his duties. Devin was my best friend, without me writing that in. He was the first to greet me and actually welcome me to the island.

The boys were a little skeptical about a girl arriving in Neverland. Of course Wendy was there, but Peter only kept her as collateral for the Darling boys. Peter had no agenda for me though.

"Don't tell him I said this. But I think Pan has been worried about you." Devin picked some berries.

"How so ?" I worked at another bush. Of course I wanted Peter to like me, but I decided to let it happen naturally. It's my own desired reality where I could control anything but I wanted something to feel real. Besides, I want to know how he would really feel about me.

"He's been running around the island searching for you. He's had quite the bad attitude as well." He frowned and stood up. "If I didn't know better, I'd say Pan cares about you." I passed my bowl to him and rolled my eyes.

"I would like to think so, but Peter has quite the attitude without me being present. Besides, we was probably doing his island perimeter checks." My heart swelled with joy at the though. Could he actually like me ? No, no he's too busy. But Devin wouldn't lie to me. Then again he is a boy. Best not to get my hopes up.

Together Devin and I made to long trek back to the camp. We talked about what happened since I left last. Fortunately he was easy to gaslight and confuse about my whereabouts. I just took pieces of what he said and included them into 'my' story about where I was. From what I gathered Felix has been running the camp as Pan hasn't been around recently. Could that be because of me ? No, I'm stretching to read between the lines.

"Hey Y/n, long time no see huh?" Felix greeted me. I felt myself flush with worry.

"Not such a long time. I'm never too far away." I tried to play it off. It's hard to live two realities simultaneously. Sometimes I mix up my realities and say the wrong thing. One time I was talking to my real world friends about Felix, forgetting that he doesn't truly exist.

We all hung around camp for a while, tidying up and finishing up the daily chores Pan had set for the day. Pan had yet to make his grand appearance since I've shown up.

"Rumor had it, Y/n, that Pan is avoiding you." Jack, one of the older boys, nudged me.

"Huh? What do you mean avoiding me ?" I picked my head up from the fire and looked at the lost boy.

"I don't know, but no one has seen you for a good two days. Since then he's had this twisted look on his face. Kinda perplexed." He threw sticks into the fire.

You know the saying " speak of the devil and he shall appear"? I tend to think that's true, cause right after Jack said that Pan waltzed in. Everyone went silent, only the crackling of the bonfire could be heard, Aline with the island creatures too.

"Carry on." Pan said. Slowly the noise picked back up. He walked to his tent. The boys started dancing as the sound of the Pan pipe started. Peter played a slow and mesmerizing rendition of the iconic 3 note Peter Pan melody.

"You should go talk to him." Felix sat next to me. I peeled my eyes open as I started to fall asleep.

"About what ?" Pan continued to play soothing songs. He knows how much I love listening to him play.

"Come on. I'm not stupid. I know you like him, and I believe with a best friends intuition that he likes you to." He gave me a comforting smile.

"It would never work anyway." I shrugged.

"You never know. He fronts whoever he's near you. Tries to act tough. But behind closed huts, he thinks about you." Felix stood up and brought me with him. "If things don't work out you can alway, according to Pan "go back to your world". " I felt my body stiffen. No way. I mean, yes Pan somehow knows everything, but he can't know about my world. Or that I even exist outside of Neverland. Might have to make a note about that when I wake up.

I drug myself to Pan's hut and nervously opened the tarp.

"Need some company?" I poked my head in.

"I think you're gonna come in anyway." He sat his flute down and walked to his desk.

"Observant I see." I fully stepped into his room. I had seen his hut before but never fully pictured it. He had a small bed and a decent desk cluttered with papers. He whisked his arm over the desk and the parchment disappeared, most likely to his desk in the Thinking Tree. The thinking tree is his actual home, he only stays in the camp hut for temporary reasons.

"Is there something I can help you with ?" He sighed and turned towards me. Looking directly at me for the first time today. His Forrest green eyes searched my being. I made my way around the hut before sitting on the twin sized bed.

"You haven't spoken to me today." I crossed my legs and cleaned the dirt from under my fingernails. I heard the creaking of his wooden desk from him sitting on it.

"Where do you go ? When you leave here ?"

"I don't-"

"Bullshit." He stopped me. "I know everything Y/n. You often forget that." I folded my hands together and chewed on my lip.

"Something's are unknowable. Even unexplainable." I held my breath and hoped he wouldn't be able to figure anything out. He cracked a smile, he got me. I know magic can pass through the fairytale realms, even to a place where magic certainly doesn't exist ?

"I know you're not really here. In Neverland. You go somewhere else when you disappear for days at a time. Especially that time you left for two weeks. I feel it." He hopped off the desk and walked towards me.

"I'm right here. Sitting in front of you. You're looking right at me." I challenged him. If I learned one thing, it was how to battle with Pan, verbal and physical. I felt my face heat up, my tell.

"I might be looking at you Y/n, but I'm not seeing you. You have this thousand yard stare and sometimes it's like you're not even here." Thousand yard stare ? I just get lost in my own mind sometimes. Unfortunately I fell weak to Peter Pan, no matter what. I could hang with Peter and his games just long enough but I always fell short just before the finish line. Always fumbling the bag.

"You always knew too much for your own good." I smiled sadly. Would I break his heart if I told him he wasn't real in my life ? Even though I had been visiting Neverland for months it felt like years. I felt like I had a second family, I had real fun being with the boys, living in a land of magic was indeed enchanting.

"I know that if we lived in the same reality that maybe we could be together like you want." He stroked my hair and lifted my head to look at him. I tried my hardest to not look at him. He knew, and it broke my heart instead. "Look at me Y/n." I slowly dragged my eyes to look at him, tears filled my waterline.

"Do you think that could actually happen ? Us being together if I was truly here ?" My voice faltered with each word. It feels wrong to ask that. Knowing it's not real to me. I have a real life, not this made up fabricated dream world.

He had moved his index finger from under my chin to my cheek to cup it. He gently stroked his thumb across the area, catching a stray tear. "I think friends don't look at each other the way we do unless we wanted something more." His voice was soft and soothing.

I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. Everything felt so real. "It could never work. It wouldn't be real. For either of us." His other hand held mine.

"For what it's worth. It feels real when we're together."

So was it wrong for us to lead each other on like that ? Pretending what we had was real ? Maybe so, but neither of us had been happier than in the moments we spent together.

---

But eventually I went back to my reality and left Peter in his. I still get visions in my dream of him, but that's all they are. I haven't even tried to shift in months. But we knew this would happen at some point. You can't postpone the inevitable. Now it's time to move on. Move on from something that never truly happened.

Peter's POV

"She's not coming back. Is she?" Felix stood next to me, staring at her empty hut.

"No. But she'll never forget us. We're always going to be a part of her." Felix nodded and walked off to join the other boys. I'll find where she came from, I'll search for her and bring her back.

Until then I'll watch her hut. Waiting for her to walk out, waiting for her to come home.

[otsukare-katsukare]

Hiii since you said you were interested in what others think about the whole Sami/Bron/MITB situation.... I have thoughts and it's a bit much to write in the comments so, Here goes... (this isn't even all the thoughts BTW 😂

@thesmallworldofsamizayn I got to agree a bit there, with your statement of Bron being unstoppable and Sami being the underdog, as well as getting sick of the comments being made about Sami being the Champ. Usually I don't really give into or pay much attention to all the talk, and if I do, it only makes me want to fight harder, but I'll be honest; this time round, Sami doesn't NEED the belt...

He's good enough on his own and he's proven it time and time again. It was a nice icing on the cake type situation (having the belt), but, the point is that there is and was plenty of delicious cake already there! (if that makes any sense) So bottom line, he'll survive without it, he can survive without it. If anything, it'll probably light a bigger fire under him, reigniting that fiery passion of his. The one that keeps drawing us to him and into his world.

Honestly, this is going to sound so bad, but I won't be overly upset if/when Sami drops the belt (note I too am an avid Sami fan and I'd be a bit sad, but not devastated). To me (personally), before he won the IC championship, and even though he had more loses than wins, he was more intriguing to watch. Idk why, and may be it's just me atm, after that long drawn out (weeksss of) Alpha Academy saga - may be that's what's got me feeling this way fn...

A few weeks ago I would have said that they are building up to Chad winning it, but now that Bron and Sheamus are involved who knows the hands the title will eventually fall into. Also, it's going to be hard to get Sami to drop the belt this quick (even though it's been what? A couple of months now already?) when it clearly (you can SEE it) means so much to him... It'll be hard but they'll eventually have to do it. So may be MITB will be it.

Also got to agree a bit here with @shanie too, I would love to see Sami get involved in the BL saga and if there's anyone who believes in redemption, always seeing the good in people, fighting for the greater good, and what's good and right AND against all odds, it's Sami Zayn. He's got the innate need to rescue people out of toxic situations and to fix said situation. So he would definitely fit the narrative if they decide to insert him into it.

BUT the big issue is with the fans. Again. There's quite certainly going to be a LOT of hate if this happens. I'm already hearing rumblings of people unhappy with just the mere thought of it. Saying he's not family so why is he involving himself in it, as much as that's true, have they completely forgotten that he in fact was a THE 'honorary Uce'? The closest an 'outsider' has ever gotten to the family or being 'family'? Heck he almost became 'Sami Uso'.

So in the end people can and will make up their own minds and there nothing anyone can do about it. And also in the end each to their own I guess... (BTW people need to chill out and remember this is fiction NOT real life 😭)

Anywayy just a few of my thoughts....sorry about the long winded answer 😂😅

(no pressure to to respond to this BTW 😊

🐨

hello! thank you very much for these detailed thoughts. youve actually articulated a lot of what i was feeling. first, the fact that a) i dont like seeing fans bitch about sami and b) i especially dont like it when they're kind of right. it is someone else's turn, and maybe yeah that person should have been chad. i was more than ready for it to be chad at catc personally. im not too mad that it's gone in a different direction cause it does actually look like they have other storyline ideas for chad now, but as far as sami's concerned, yeah the belt isn't doing anything more for him now than it has till this point. it's weird to think he hasn't held a title as a face since the nxt championship 10 years ago. but thinking back on that, and everything since, everything he's been so good at - yeah, im not sure that long term champion is the right look on him! he won it in 2014 and lost it devastatingly to kevin 2 months later, and i would not have wanted that to happen any other way.

thing is, i will be sad if sami loses to bron at mitb. especially if he loses clean, not unlike he did to kevin all those years ago, futilely continuing to kick out long after he should have quit until he's physically incapable of doing so. what's maybe harder to explain as a wrestling fan is that i want to be sad about sami zayn. i like those heavy emotions, i like feeling like my favourite character can't catch a break. that's the entire essence of the underdog appeal. further to that, this is kind of the state im most used to and therefore most comfortable in when it comes to characters im invested in. in the words of mitski, i bet on losing dogs. and sami winning was an incredible feeling and so deserved, but i really don't mind him losing! he's both more compelling overall and gets more interesting stories, and just inspires so much sympathy in that position. (look i also like seeing him in pain i'll say it. he clearly likes acting being in pain just as much so everyone's happy i think)

then there's the bloodline and yeah, i'd sit up to watch sami back with those guys especially roman. im apparently one of the few people who really doesn't want roman to come back as a face no matter how much the fans cheer him, but if he is going to have a face turn, it's got to involve sami god damn it. i was just talking with @milk-crater about this, how it makes more sense with sami being a bit more removed, because that makes him a better person to forgive roman, and to be his moral guide. also it's sami, if anyone in all pro wrestling would reach out a hand to a genuienly remorseful roman reigns it's him. all that and the two just have such great chemistry, and it was the baseline for everything that made the honorary uce arc so fantastic and beloved, and it'd be nice to come back to some of that. maybe show these smarks what they've forgotten about why sami is the absolute best again.

thanks again for hopping in my inbox and never worry about being long winded. anyone who's ever been in a conversation with me knows im the last person to take issue with that!

[toadboatt]

For funsies so i dont overthink myself into oblivion, let me start this out by saying "Imagine i am an osdd system" and i will refer to myself as though thats true (i am undiagnosed with denial cycles that terrify me even though i have a lot of evidence supporting my thoughts. Im trying to be respectful, please be nice to me and correct me if this isnt right in any way)

So i just made a comment on another user's post talking about this and i needed to elaborate for myself.

Before realizing i could be a part of a system, we were in a long term relationship and after highschool we became a distanced couple (He was at a univeristy 2.5 hours away but i didnt see him often due to other circumstances). But once we didn't see him every day, it became more and more obvious to me that there were different "versions" of myself. At least two big ones, me when im with him, and me when im home. And the longer time i spent away from him, the more i realized the switch in myself. Memories with him would be fuzzy, i'd be by myself again and realize i was acting so differently when i was with him, but he said i was being he same as usual .

Flash foward, im fighting with myself for months because of the personality switch, but I just thought it was just HEAVY autism masking, even though i couldnt stop, and I felt veryyy disconnected when "masking". My memories were greying and i felt off, like i was watching myself live through a screen. Then, it happened. The part of me that would come out when i was around him stopped showing up. She felt noticably absent.. where did she go?? Then i realized it was strange of me to refer to "myself" as if she was separate from me. Before, i was her and myself interchangebly, but suddenly, it was just me. I was pushed to the front 100%. And i felt so empty when i was with him.. and i didnt LOVE him the same way... i felt lost without her.

Two years later, im host and ive cut my hair and dyed it, gotten tattoos and piercings she never wouldve dreamed of, and i dumped him. My life is totally different now, and also im a transguy now and i started researching systems to make it all make sene. However, shes not entirely GONE though, i still feel her in the back of my mind. Especially since i broke up with my ex. I hear her crying and i feel her pain when thinking of him. Everything i think of him or hear from him (we stayed friends) i can feel her mourning over again. But i feel... nothing. Its like the only emotions i feel about it are just her haunting my mind but those feelings arent mine. She never fronts or really talks, just sits back and watches. Funny too because i think shes the only part of me thats a woman.

Anyways. I forgot the point of this, i just wanted to talk about it i guess.. i think because writing that comment fully contextualized that whole experience for me.. if youve had any similar experiences let me know! Im eager to hear other points of views since i'd say im still in the researching phase lol, thanks for reading if you did. (: