#teaching consent

[mental-mona]

Omg so much this!!! There's always that one relative who's all "give me a hug and a kiss!" and then gets offended when the kid doesn't want to and tries to guilt them into it. Parents effectively or literally teaching kids that they have bodily autonomy, but not with relatives is just a really bad message. Being like a friend's mom and basically teaching your kids from birth thru adulthood that they have zero bodily autonomy and must show physical affection every time Mom or anyone else wants...yuck. Pretty pretty please don't do that. (Did I mention that this mom only had sons?)

Script in my family that I wish had been in place when I was little: "Relative, if [Adult Autistic Sister][small child] wants to hug you, they will. If not, too bad, it's their body and they decide who touches it. Please don't try to guilt them or force them into it."

Always, always ask, with both kids and adults. Modeling consent and boundaries can only be a good thing.

Can we normalize asking children if we can hug them?

Children deserve a right to make decisions about this sort of thing. Forcing children to hug or kiss relatives they don’t want to can not only be upsetting, but also teaches them that they should do things they’re not comfortable with to not hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t think I have to spell out why that’s a problem.

Teaching children about this is good for their emotional well being but also teaches them about consent both giving and receiving it.

[everybodysinvited]

Consent = F.R.I.E.S.🍟

Consent! What is it and what does it look like? There are many aspects to giving consent, it's not just about saying "yes", so why not use the acronym 'FRIES' to remind yourself of all the things to consider when giving or asking for consent.

F - Consent is Freely given: you should never pressure, coerce or force someone into saying yes to something, this is not consent. You must respect when someone says no. You should feel confident and happy when you consent to any activity with your partner(s).

R - Consent is reversible: it is okay to consent to something and then change your mind, if you're not comfortable, say so and ask to stop. If your partner changes their mind on something you should respect their choice, and if they are willing, have a conversation about their decision.

I - Consent is informed: you should know what exactly you are consenting to and your partner(s) should too. It's good to discuss specifics beforehand and what you're both comfortable with.

E - Consent is enthusiastic: when someone is giving consent consider their tone and body language. Do they sound happy, upbeat and are they being proactive? Or do they sound hesitant, reluctant or closed-off?

S - Consent is specific: when someone says yes to one activity, it does not mean they consent to other activities. If someone has consented to something in the past, it does not mean that they have consented to doing that activity again in the future, you need renewed consent.

Image & text descriptions in ALT

[janegilmore]

New Post: https://janegilmore.com/teaching-consent-extract-2/

Teaching Consent extract # 2

This is a slightly edited extract from my book, Teaching Consent: Real Voices from the Consent Classroom  

(Content warning: discusses rape, consent, survivors)

BUY YOUR COPY of Teaching Consent from Body Safety Australia and support the organisation that published this book and, more importantly, does the daily work of teaching consent in preschools, primary schools, and high schools all over Australia. 

What does pornography tell teenagers about consent? 

Pornography is not a single, monolithic thing. Much of it, particularly the stuff thrown out on free websites, shows sex without condoms or consent or pleasure. Free pornography almost never includes foreplay. The actors either start naked, or they whip their kit off and launch into penetration in the first minute. Ethically produced pornography, which often includes consent, affection, foreplay, and shared joy is also distributed ethically, which means it costs money and has age requirements, and is therefore rarely accessible to teenagers. The pornography they can access frequently depicts rough anal sex, enormous penises, unrealistic body shapes, painful penetration, and group sex. Viewing such things exclusively, with no context or understanding, can lead to teens having awful experiences. Watching pornography is also much more common among boys than girls and often teenage girls have never even heard of the acts their partners have been conditioned to believe are everyday activities. 

A few years back, Deanne was running a consent and respectful relationship class for a group of Year Ten students (fifteen to sixteen years old). Her program for this age group has a section on the basics of pornography. For example, that it’s not meant to be real sex, any more than the Fast & Furious movies are real driving. As she was talking, she noticed a spike in interest from some of the boys. Such a spike is common, and it almost always means they’ve seen pornography and have questions they think they can only ask each other. She started expanding, running through some of the things she knows are featured in almost all free pornography. Being slapped, choked, spat on, or sworn at are common viewing, but are rarely things inexperienced teens would initiate of their own accord. 

Deanne noticed one of the boys was close to tears, so she wrapped up and moved on to the next topic. At the end of the class the boy followed her out (again, this is common, and Deanne was expecting it). She said hello and asked whether he enjoyed the class. “When they need to tell me something they don’t want the others to hear, they’ll usually find a way, but then when they’re standing in front of me, they don’t know how to start,” she told me. “Imagine walking up to someone you don’t know and asking if there’s something wrong with your sexual fantasies or your erection. Or spilling out your deep fear that your body is weird because one boob is bigger than the other. I’ve heard it all before, but they don’t know that, and they’ve never asked these questions before.” 

The boy struggled to find words, then it all came bursting out. He had a girlfriend, and they were in love, the way you only fall in love when you’re sixteen. They’d tried to have sex a few times, but his girlfriend always started crying and he was frightened and confused by her tears. More than anything, what he wanted to do was make her happy and he didn’t understand what he was doing wrong until he’d heard Deanne explaining the sex depicted in pornography is not real sex. He’d been in sex education classes. He knew the mechanics of sex but, before he met his girlfriend, his only experience of sex was watching online pornography. He told Deanne he’d tried to do what he saw in those videos “because those women looked like they really enjoyed it”. He knew his girlfriend didn’t like it and stopped immediately but neither of them knew what else to try. They were miserable and confused, both thinking the problem was with them, not the violently misogynistic pornography he was attempting to re-enact. He became tearful again when Deanne told him that neither of them had done anything wrong and that it was good that they didn’t like hurting each other. She told him pornography is not meant to be educational. It’s entertainment for the adults who might like such viewing but it’s not how many people like to have sex. She told him that the best way for he and his girlfriend to learn how to touch each other in ways they both enjoyed was to tell each other how they feel, what feels good and what doesn’t, and to not feel pressured into doing something they didn’t like or want. 

Tearful Boy was unusual in that he asked for help from someone he knew was knowledgeable and non-judgmental. But nothing else about this story is unusual. I’ve heard versions of this from so many teenage girls, horrified and bewildered by what they perceive as aggression from boys they thought were sweet, or fumbling experiments with touch that suddenly turned into shaky attempts at violent sex acts. All teenagers who experience this are frightened and confused by it, and almost none of them know where to find help.

BUY YOUR COPY of Teaching Consent from Body Safety Australia and support the organisation that published this book and, more importantly, does the daily work of teaching consent from preschool to Year 12.

Note: In the introduction to the book I wrote about the difficulty of telling children and young people’s stories when they cannot give fully informed consent for their stories to be made public, and how this usually leads to their stories being ignored and forgotten. There are no factual accounts in this book. They are multiple threads from a myriad of stories woven together to tell the true stories of sex, consent, rape, survival, joy, and shame.

If you think you recognise any of the people in this extract (or in the book) it’s because their story is so familiar, not because I wrote any of it about a single encounter.

All of it is true. None of it is you.

#TeachingConsent

[temporal-discounting]

Feeling a little feral about Consent King Stede today. The way he is just so consistently respectful of Ed's boundaries.

It's most obvious in the way that Stede initiates physical touch - especially after Ed makes it clear that he needs to take things slow.

But it goes beyond touch. Ed cuts off his attempt to say 'I love you', drawing a clear line in the sand. And that is a line that Stede continues to respect all the way through season 2, even holding back when Ed says it to him on the beach. One day, Ed will be ready for Stede to say it, and it will be one of the happiest days of Stede's life. But until then, he will respect Ed's wishes and communicate his love in other ways.

The way the consent is depicted in Ed and Stede's relationship is just so beautiful and so carefully done. It's not heavy handed, it's not preachy. It's just... really fucking sexy, actually. Long live OFMD.

[follows-the-bees]

Gif by @daria-meoi

Stede doesn't just ask Ed if it's okay to hold his hand with words, but with his actions as well. He only lightly touches Ed's wrist and palm, stopping and waiting for his permission, and it's Ed who continues the handholding. Ed moves to accommodate Stede's hand, squeezing once their hands are fully connected.

Gif by @daria-meoi

This is then paralleled in the next episode when Stede stops after pushing Ed against the wall. Not going any further, in fact you can see him start to loosen his grip and pull back, until Ed gives him a nod of consent.

[fjordfolk]

Unless: You want the action to repeat itself because it's super cute and there is nothing inherently wrong with rewarding contact-seeking behaviour, and shockingly it is actually possible to both teach and learn more nuanced ways to communicate with your dog than simply "no" and "when i say so"

[confusedgoldenflower]

[Text] Ace Visibility Week 2024 event, coming October 20-26!

[Text] Ace Visibility Week 2024 AO3 collection.

Prompts:

Tattoos

Picnic

Night out

A break

It seems so long ago...

What have we done?

On that day-

Feels so good when you hold me

Buggaboo

A favor

Secret

Gardens

Sickness

Monsters in the dark

Gift of heart

Clash

Ears

Unnatural limbs

Link to the collection (with a FAQ): https://archiveofourown.org/collections/AceVisibilityWeek2024. Crashcourse FAQ: indeed includes aro stuff; can include sex as long as a-spec is respected; NO pwp/smut for the sake of it; and consent is a MUST.

My first event, I hope y’all will join in the a-spec loving! 🖤🤍💜 🖤🤍💚

Please use tags #acevisibilityweek2024, #aceweek2024 and #aceweekao3. Feeling a bit spicy, use #teachthealloshowtoact.

It’ll be easiest—I think—to keep track on AO3 because of the way it’s set-up, but I will definitely be trolling Tumblr as well (I don’t have Twitter, it scares me). Of course, art and pod fics, etc are welcome.

I know I don’t have a following or a Twitter, but regardless, I hope other aces and allies will join me in this, and we can have it as an annual event sorta like MerMay and AUgust!

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

expecting authors and artists to censor themselves, particularly in romance genres, because "impressionable young girls" could come across their work, work that is not intended for them because it is for adults and labeled as such, is just leftist flavoured puritanical "think of the children" bullshit and I'm not here for it

[zo1nkss]

Has this been done?

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

No, but, Stede's confidence in their relationship. From the moment of "His name is Ed", he knows they are meant to be and he's always acting on it and saying it. Of course Ed is his boyfriend! But the intersection of this confidence and surety for what he's feeling with this utmost respect for Ed's feelings and boundaries. He can't stop his enthusiasm, his love, but whenever he bounds ahead with an "I love everything about you", with initiating hand holding or deepening a kiss or with putting a name to the relationship, he is always so immediately ready to stop and check in that this is what Ed is comfortable with as well. Neither of them ever were in a healthy, consensual relationship before, and Stede's reaction to finally being able to have that is to ask for consent every step of the way. Nobody ever asked him, and nobody ever let him ask, so now he's asking away all the time, and it makes Ed feel so safe and loved I bet.

[pikahlua]

MHA Chapter 392 spoilers translations

This week’s initial tentative super rough/literal translations under the cut.

1-2 私の何を知ってるの⁉︎ わたしのなにをしってるの⁉︎ watashi no nani wo shitteru no!? “What do you know about me!?”

tagline 1 大軍にのまれ！ たいぐんにのまれ！ taigun ni nomare! Swallowed by a giant army!

tagline 2 No.392 ヴィラン名　　堀越耕平 ナンバー392 ヴィランめい　　ほりこしこうへい NANBAA 392 VIRAN mei   Horikoshi Kouhei No. 392 Villain Name  Kouhei Horikoshi

3 フロッピーーー‼︎ FUROPPII--!! “Froppy--!!”

4 奥渡島のダメージで オクトじまのダメージで OKUTO jima no DAMEEJI de The damage I got at Octo Island,

5 くっ…うまく捌けなかった…！ くっ…うまくさばけなかった…！ gu...umaku sabakenakatta...! ggh...I didn’t handle it well...!

1 何一つ不自由なんかなかったくせに なにひとつふじゆうなんかなかったくせに nani hitotsu fujiyuu nanka nakatta kuse ni “Even though you had not even one inconvenience,”

2 ルールに合ってただけのくせに‼︎ ルールにあってただけのくせに‼︎ RUURU ni atteta dake no kuse ni!! “even though you only followed the rules!!”

3 生きやすく産まれただけのくせに‼︎ いきやすくうまれただけのくせに‼︎ iki yasuku umareta dake no kuse ni!! “Even though you were born only to live easily!!” (Note: This grammar pattern sounds more accusatory than it might sound in translation. The overall message is basically: “How could someone like you, who has only ever had such an easy life, know anything about me!?”)

1 スズメを殺して血を啜って スズメをころしてちをすすって SUZUME wo koroshite chi wo susutte You killed a sparrow to drink its blood,

2 笑ってるなんて… わらってるなんて… waratteru nante... and then you smile...

3 違うの ちがうの chigau no No, it’s different.

4 お庭に落ちてたの おにわにおちてたの oniwa ni ochiteta no It had fallen in the garden.

5 ハイ矯正していきましょう"普通"に ハイきょうせいしていきましょう"ふつう"に HAI kyousei shite ikimashou “futsuu” ni All right, let’s go and correct you to normal.

6 あ　ハイもうちょっと待ってください あ　ハイもうちょっとまってください a   HAI mou chotto matte kudasai Ah, yes, please wait a little longer.

7 すぐそっち行きます すぐそっちいきます sugu socchi ikimasu I’ll be right there.

8 えっと… etto... Um...

9 ええ大丈夫です ええだいじょうぶです ee daijoubu desu Yes, it’s fine.

10 そうですね… sou desu ne... That’s right...

11 強い"個性"を持つ子にありがちな倒錯ですよ つよい"こせい"をもつこにありがちなとうさくですよ tsuyoi “kosei” wo motsu ko niarigachi na tousaku desu yo It’s a perversion common to children who have strong quirks.

12 この社会ではよくあることです このしゃかいではよくあることです kono shakai de wa yoku aru koto desu It’s a thing that happens often in this society.

13 正して消していきましょう ただしてけしていきましょう tadashite keshite ikimashou Let’s go correct and erase it.

1 ���ミコちゃんの顔コワーイ！ ヒミコちゃんのかおコワーイ！ HIMIKO-chan no kao KOWAAI! Himiko-chan’s face is scaaary!

2 やめなさい‼︎何をしてるの やめなさい‼︎なにをしてるの yamenasai!! nani wo shiteru no Stop it!! What are you doing?

3 まるでーー異常者だ！ まるでーーいじょうしゃだ！ maru de--ijousha da! It’s like--you’re a deviant! (Note: I feel obligated to point out that the word for “deviant” also works as a word for “pervert.”)

4 普通しなさい！ ふつうしなさい！ futsuu shinasai! Be normal!

5 あの子ぜんぜん話合わないんだもん あのこぜんぜんはなしあわないんだもん ano ko zenzen hanashiawanainda mon That kid just doesn’t speak on the same wavelength [as us].

1 被身子‼︎ ヒミコ‼︎ HIMIKO!! Himiko!!

2 友だちの血を吸ったって⁉︎ ともだちのちをすったって⁉︎ tomodachi no chi wo sutta tte!? You sucked your friend’s blood!?

3 違うの ちがうの chigau no No, it’s different.

4 怪我してたからちうちうしたの けがしてたからちうちうしたの kega shiteta kara chiuchiu shita no I kissed it because they were injured. (Note: The onomatopoeia here for “kissed” also sounds like the one for “sucked.”)

5 普通じゃない‼︎ ふつうじゃない‼︎ futsuu ja nai!! That’s not normal!!

6 まともになりたくないのか⁉︎ matomo ni naritakunai no ka!? Don’t you want to be normal!? (Note: This word for “normal” also means “decent, upstanding.”)

7 パパ　ママ PAPA   MAMA Papa, Mama.

8 わからないの　私わからないの わからないの　わたしわからないの wakaranai no   watashi wakaranai no Don’t understand, I don’t understand.

9 みんな好きなノになるの��マンしてるの？ みんなすきなノになるのガマンしてるの？ minna suki na NO ni naru no GAMAN shiteru no? Is everyone restraining how they want to become the ones they like?

10 なんでみんな nande minna Why won’t everyone

11 ちうちうしないの？ chiuchiu shinai no? kiss? (Note: Again, this is that same onomatopoeia that means both “kiss” and “suck.”)

12 ああ…‼︎ aa...!! Aah...!!

13 あ〜〜〜〜〜〜〜 a~~~~~~~ Aaaaaaaaah!

14 違うんだこれ ちがうんだこれ chigaunda kore This is so wrong.

15 もう根っこが！ もうねっこが！ mou nekko ga! Her core is already--! (Note: This “core” word means literally “roots,” and it’s the same word Katsuki uses to describe what Izuku is like “at his core” in chapter 284. I also can’t remember where but I’m pretty sure someone used the same word to describe Tomura at some point this arc. Maybe Dabi too.)

16-17 人間じゃない子産んじゃった！ にんげんじゃないこうんじゃった！ ningen ja nai ko unjatta! We went and gave birth to a child that isn’t human!

1 だからあなたはフタをした dakara anata wa FUTA wo shita “That’s why you covered it up.”

2 抑圧し仮面をつくった よくあつしかめんをつくった yokuatsu shi kamen wo tsukutta “You suppressed [yourself] and made a mask.”

3 自分じゃない誰かになった じぶんじゃないだれかになった jibun ja nai dare ka ni natta “You became someone other than yourself.”

1 ああ aa “Aagh!”

2 麗日ぁあああ‼︎ うららかぁあああ‼︎ Urarakaaaaa!! “Urarakaaaaa!!“

3 梅雨ちゃん！ つゆちゃん！ Tsuyu-chan! “Tsuyu-chan!“

1 ケロ！ KERO! “Ribbit!”

2 違うそっちじゃな ちがうそっちじゃな chigau socchi ja na “No, not over there!”

3 え e “Eh?”

4 ゲゴッ GEGO “Ribbi-cough!”

5 トガだ！ TOGA da! “That’s Toga!”

6-7 ヒーローは殲滅する ヒーローはせんめつする HIIROO wa senmetsu suru “Annihilate the heroes!”

8 飛び散った血を分身が摂取してるんだ！ とびちったちをぶんしんがせっしゅしてるんだ！ tobichitta chi wo bunshin ga sesshu shiterunda! “The doppelgangers are ingesting the blood that’s splattering everywhere!”

1 ウチまで… UCHI made... “Even me...”

2 この量に抗うには… このりょうにあらがうには… kono ryou ni aragau ni wa... “To oppose these numbers...”

3 全員一丸となってのチームアップが不可欠だった…！ ぜんいんいちがんとなってのチームアップがふかけつだった…！ zen’in ichigan to natte no CHIIMUAPPU ga fukaketsu datta...! “it was essential for everyone to team up all together...!”

4 散らされ…欺かれるのであれば最早… ちらされ…あざむかれるのであればもはや… chirasare...azamukareru node areba mohaya... “We’ll be scattered...and deceived, so the quickest way...“

5 うわああああ‼︎ uwaaaaa!! “Waaaaah!!”

6 最早 もはや mohaya The quickest way

7 止める術は… とめるすべは… tomeru sube wa... to stop her is...

1 そいつを殺せ そいつをころせ soitsu wo korose Kill him!

2 殲 せん sen Anni-

3 滅 めつ metsu -hilate!

4 トガ…ヒミコちゃん…聞いてっ トガ…ヒミコちゃん…きいてっ！ TOGA...HIMIKO-chan...kiite! “Toga...Himiko-chan...listen!”

5-6 私は…！"ルール"を守ることが… わたしは…！"ルール"をまもることが… watashi wa...! “RUURU” wo mamoru koto ga... “I...! [Thought that] following the rules...”

7 ヒーローだと思ってた…‼︎外れる事が…敵だと思ってた…！ ヒーローだとおもってた…‼︎はずれることが…ヴィランだとおもってた…！ HIIROO da to omotteta...!! hazureru koto ga...VIRAN da to omotteta...! “I thought that’s what a hero is...!! I thought that deviating [from them]...is what a villain is...!”

8 でもねトガヒミコちゃん demo ne TOGA HIMIKO-chan “But you know, Himiko Toga-chan,”

9 私のお友だちは今 わたしのおともだちはいま watashi no otomodachi wa ima “my friend right now,”

10 そんなルールより何より そんなルールよりなにより sonna RUURU yori nani yori “more than the rules, more than anything,”

1-2 あなたと向き合おうとしてる あなたとむきあおうとしてる anata to mukiaou to shiteru “is trying to face you.” (Note: The word here literally means “to face, oppose, face off with, confront,” but the meaning implied here is that this confrontation is not a merely physical battle but an attempt to address Toga philosophically.)

3 それはただ殲滅するより それはただせんめつするより sore wa tada senmetsu suru yori “Rather than just annihilating you,”

4 ただ確保するより ただかくほするより tada kakuho suru yori “rather than securing you,”

5 困難な道だと思う こんなんなみちだとおもう konnan na michi da to omou “I think it’s the more difficult path.”

6 だから dakara “So,”

7 お茶子ちゃんのこと おちゃこちゃんのこと Ochako-chan no koto “about Ochako-chan,”

8 遅くなったかもしれないけれど おそくなったかもしれないけれど osokunatta kamo shirenai kedo “maybe she was late, but”

9 少しでいいから…話を聞いて！ すこしでいいから…はなしをきいて！ sukoshi de ii kara...hanashi wo kiite! “just a little is fine...listen to what she has to say!”

1 構造が違う‼︎ こうぞうがちがう‼︎ kouzou ga chigau!! Literal: “The structure is different!!” Contextual: “We’re built differently!!”

2 おまえ達が言う祝福も喜びも おまえたちがいうしゅくふくもよろこびも omaetachi ga iu shukufuku mo yorokobi mo “The blessings and joy you all speak of,”

1 私は何も感じない！ わたしはなにもかんじない！ watashi wa nani mo kanjinai! “I feel none of them!”

2-3 そっちの尺度で私を可哀想な人間にするな‼︎ そっちのルールでわたしをかわいそうなにんげんにするな‼︎ socchi no RUURU (kanji: shakudo) de watashi wo kawaisou na ningen ni suruna!! “Don’t make me a pitiable person by those rules (read as: standards)!!” (Note: In an incredibly well-timed turn of events, this ask has become extremely relevant. The sentence above, in content and structure, resembles Twice’s narration directed at Hawks in chapter 266.)

4 そういやトガちゃんって souiya Toga-chan tte “Come to think of it, Toga-chan,”

5 敵名つけねえの？ ヴィランめいつけねえの？ VIRAN-mei tsukenee no? “can’t you [use] a villain name?”

tagline 蘇る記憶…‼︎ よみがるきおく…‼︎ yomigaeru kioku...!! A memory revives...!!

[alexisntedgy]

I love all of the Fight Scene in perfect day/0206 but there’s just something so perfect about robin holding back thomas so that the captain can punch him in the face repeatedly while mary swings at the captain

that feels right somehow

the laws of the universe, in balance

[acespacedweller]

Me whenever Stede and Ed have a fight and people blame one or the other instead of acknowledging that both of them were in the wrong

[saltpepperbeard]

hey wifey, remember when ed and stede

...aheem heem wifey yeah i uh,,,

i might remember that, yeah

[isawthismeme]

[vanmarkus]

every day i think about the utter loneliness of trying to learn about a culture that has next to no written records that has next to no written language and that has been subject to ethnic cleansing and historical erasure and is still subject to segregation and genocide in multiple countries today, but then i think about the people who work hard to keep their communities together and to provide aid to those who need it and suddenly that loneliness feels a little easier to bear