#support victims of trauma

[platypuspokemon]

I was looking for books on Amazon regarding age regression with no success so I gave up and started looking for simple cute coloring books. I added a handful to my shopping cart and hadn’t realized that I accidentally added something specifically designed for the DDLG crowd. I was horrified. There are people who defend DDLG and they’re all messed up. The second D stands for dom or dominance. The whole dom/sub thing is exclusive to the BDSM fetish community. Adding a fetish/sex component to little space is abhorrent and even the BDSM community wants nothing to do with it because it’s simulating pedophilia/sexual abuse. There’s no reasonable way to justify having sex with someone in a regressed state. It’s literally illegal under some circumstances. So I definitely agree 100% with littles who won’t associate with people like that. If being a caregiver to a little includes dominance, punishment, humiliation, powerlessness, and/or sex then I don’t even know what to say. It’s just horrifying and sad and the rest of the world looks at you with contempt and disgust. If you can’t understand why you need therapy.

[grungycxvern]

can writers / fandom members please stop uwu-ifying trauma victims?

if your character went through trauma, it doesn’t make them a cute anxious uwu bean. it makes them a trauma victim / survivor. not everyone reacts the same to trauma. yes, people can be anxious or shy after trauma, but that is one of literally countless trauma responses.

characters aren’t gonna forever be defined by their trauma. let them move on and be happy at some point in time. nobody is lingering on their childhood trauma for 100+ years. yes, they can still be affected by it or still think about it every now and then, but not every day is just about their trauma.

you guys will get so pissed when trauma caused narcissistic personality disorder to develop and call that person abusive. you guys will call them abusive, call them slurs, tell them they’re a monster, tell them they only care about themselves.

npd forms off of trauma. it’s not a term you get to throw around at abusive people. npd is a fucking medical disorder and if you call people abusive for having a disorder they couldn’t control, don’t ever talk to me.

if you want to write a character with trauma, do it realistically. trauma victims are not little uwu babies, they can have extreme psychological issues, personality disorders, dissociative disorders or anything else that stems from trauma. they can be more closed off, defensive or act rude to other people because that’s how they learned to survive. they can be more codependent on others and terrified of rejection because they never felt like they had a solid relationship with anybody. they can still be or act normal after going through trauma even if the trauma was life-ruining for somebody else.

stop infantilizing trauma victims.

stop uwu-ifying trauma victims.

acknowledge that other trauma responses exist.

[homoquartz]

i think it's worthwhile to think about how crystal put the pause on her and charles's fling.

because i'm sure there were a lot of reasons (including getting her life in order), but her breaking things off is immediately preceded by her having a nightmare where charles's rage and violence towards the night nurse was framed in direct parallel to david's abuse of crystal.

i think charles is a source of great comfort for her, but he also triggers her. his anger SCARES her, which is part of why she yells at him in the next episode about his rage issues.

it's something i think would be good for them to work out a bit in a second season.

[neuroticboyfriend]

if someone is regularly cruel to you, that's not okay at all. it doesn't matter if they do good things sometimes. they're hurting you, repeatedly. they probably aren't even giving you genuine apologies, right? at best, they just keep trying to justify their actions and wrap it up in pretty language and confident tone, don't they? does that sound like love and care to you? does that sound like anything other than self preservation and an attempt to keep control over you, so they can keep abusing/neglecting you without consequence?

that's not love. that's never been love. you deserve infinitely better, and i hope someday the both of us fully understand what it means to be safe and loved, as a mundane part of life. because that's how it should be. this is not all there is.

[siriusremusblack]

People need to stop with the victim blaming. It’s always “SA is bad” until it’s someone you don’t like or to someone that isn’t conventionally attractive. Those that blame the victim, defend the perpetrator in some way or make it seem like a good thing are equally as sick and disgusting as the actual perpetrators. I don’t care if it’s fictional or otherwise. Grow the hell up.

Men can and are SAed, it is not just women. Little girls AND boys get SAed. I’ve seen posts of men talking about their experiences and how their fathers, uncles, friends and sometimes even teachers play it off as if that was good for them. Where they explained how they were told by people things like “were they hot?” “Good job” and more. It’s literally sickening. Oh and don’t get me started on how it’s always “well what were you wearing?” To anyone that’s been SAed. It doesn’t matter. It is not the victims fault. It is the perpetrators fault. They need to control themselves no matter what gender they are. You could literally look like a homeless person and be a victim. You could be wearing a hoodie and sweatpants and be a victim. They don’t care what you’re wearing they just do what they want to you because they’re sick in the head like that. They don’t care.

I am tired of this. It doesn’t matter if it’s a fictional character you’re talking about. That character’s trauma should not be dismissed. “Why? They’re just a fictional character they’re not real” ok and? People relate to characters. Dismissing one character’s trauma just because you don’t like them or they’re not conventionally attractive or they’re poor, or anything about them that you deem makes them lower, is horrible. If you dismiss one character’s trauma just for that you could be dismissing a real person’s trauma that is the same/similar to what that character went through and that is NOT ok.

Do not dismiss anyone’s trauma. Real person or fictional. You might not think it was that bad but YOU DID NOT EXPERIENCE IT YOURSELF. Everyone experiences and process things differently. Something that seems normal to you could be a traumatic experience for another person. Do not dismiss others trauma.

[chronicsyd]

ykw? now that I've mentioned this hypothetical I'm gonna make the Wildest hot take that I'm sure No One will agree with but I'm gonna make it anyways:

Caitlyn is a victim of Ambessa's meddling

And before you all start typing away cuz I can already feel your comments coming, No this Isn't me justifying what Caitlyn does. This is me explaining that What she does is reactionary to all of the shit that Ambessa has set up, Ambessa is the bigger problem here and No One is willing to discuss it. They slap Everything onto Caitlyn and call it a day.

Because like I mentioned in my hypothetical, we do originally see Caitlyn still vouching for those in Zaun, saying innocents will die if they bring Hextech weaponry into Zaun solely to make Jinx pay for her actions. Which in turn causes Mel to agree with her, not just because she's against what her Mother's demanding (because she Knows that Ambessa's just puppeteering Salo), but because she also feels that Hextech should be a Last resort in any given situation, Mel still has compassion. Unfortunately, Mel still has to compromise with her fellow councilors, so they settle on sending the Enforcer's after Jinx, just without Hextech. This in turn is what causes Ambessa to set up the attack on the memorial. Because what the councilors have decided isn't going to start a war with Zaun, which is what she's looking for. She needs a catalyst to have people calling for so much blood that not starting a war is no longer an option.

Now I will admit, her bringing up becoming an Enforcer is one of her mistakes. She says to Vi "you can show not all of Zaun supports Jinx" because she believes this. Not just from Vi, but because Jinx's attack was her own, other Zaunites didn't attack the Council, she did. She says "I thought you were on our side" because she thought that Vi would understand because like her, she's lost a parent to an oppressor (and Before you start, I'm talking about Jinx oppressing Caitlyn specifically here. When Jinx threatens her, kidnaps her, and takes away her mom; she's specifically targeting Caitlyn, and for the most part, Caitlyn has been pretty helpless against her. therefore, that makes Jinx an oppressor of Caitlyn). But this causes her to think deeper about it and realize that asking Vi to put on the badge was the wrong thing to ask of her, she says so later in the episode. (btw, it's clear that Caitlyn secured Vi's enlistment Before offering the badge, not after being rejected, y'all are just reaching with this take because you're so blinded by your anger at Caitlyn (ironic isn't it?). Because 1) why would she even have the badge to begin with? But 2) it's pretty clear with with Maddie coming up and talking to her, that Enforcer's have been talking about Vi and Jayce going rouge after Silco's simmer facility for a bit now. And that they're all seemingly impressed with her and how Caitlyn stood up for her, they think that Vi's already agreed because Caitlyn hadn't asked yet)

When she's talking to Jayce, she says that "she understands how easy it is to hate them". because while yes, it is arguable that she was ignorant to people in Zaun back in S1, she didn't see how easy it was for her fellow people to just hate them. Especially after Vi showing her what life was like for people in Zaun. But that was before Jinx went and killed her mom (and gave her her whole baggage of other traumas). But it's still being shown to us that she doesn't lump all Zaunites together just because of Jinx's actions because she still remembers seeing everything down there, she doesn't hate them like other people do.

So, why does the attack at the memorial change things?

Because the attack wasn't made by Jinx, it was made by other Zaunites. Zaunites that she just spent a lot of her time vouching for, being in their defense, giving them benefit. because that's what's happening in Caitlyn's point of view, she doesn't Know (yet, most likely) that Ambessa was the reason that it even happened. She's angry at them and herself because like not shooting Jinx, she's been giving them the benefit when it seems that they don't deserve it. To Her, a peaceful memorial for her Mom that was destroyed by Zaunites that had no reason for attacking them. She Wasn't going to attack them until this happens, because now to her, they're all guilty (keep this in mind, because it actually has to do with her outburst at Vi later).

When she see's that her mom made the vents so that the people of Zaun could breath and not be harmed by the gray, she's so overcome by anger that she uses the gray as a weapon. she plows through the people of Zaun in order to get to Jinx, this is also what she does with Isha later. She isn't thinking rationally at this point anymore, she's simply being controlled by her emotions and thinking that if she kills Jinx it will fix all her problems. And because she now sees other Zaunites as guilty, she doesn't care what her actions are doing to the people of Zaun. they're simply just in her way.

And while Caitlyn says she wouldn't have missed the shot, I'm having doubts about that. Because at that point she's just firing wildly, she misses and takes off Jinx's finger, she misses and hits Vi instead. When Vi grabs the gun and aims it at the ground, look at the face Caitlyn makes here. it goes from shock at what just happened, to looking at Vi in anger. her face Screams "how could you?!" and while Vi's saying she's protecting a child, Not Jinx, that's Not what Caitlyn's hearing. by Vi getting in the way at all, she believes that Vi is still protecting Jinx, that despite Vi telling her to take the shot, that her sister is gone, she believes that Vi was lying to her. That's why she says "I keep telling myself that you're different, but you're not." she now believes that Vi was Never going to kill Jinx, that simply being her sister that was going to be a problem for Vi (because that's what happens in Ep 9. Vi's the one pleading with Caitlyn that "she's my sister" "don't hurt her" etc.). The straw that broke the camels back, however, is when Vi compares Caitlyn to Jinx. Now, Vi's absolutely right in what she's saying here, because Caitlyn has been acting like Jinx (because that's like the whole Point with these two, they're Supposed to be foils of each other). But to Caitlyn, Vi might as well have just slapped her across the face because she just compared her to the person that killed her mom and has been causing all her suffering. In response, she lashes out by hitting Vi with the back of her gun (AGAIN, I'm not saying what Caitlyn did is right, I'm just explaining what's going on and how CAITLYN is currently seeing things).

For a split second, you see regret on Caitlyn's face. She feels bad because she hit Vi, but that isn't quite enough to get her to stay, because the other demons in her head are still convincing her of what she think's Vi's done, so, she turns and leaves.

SO now that we got all THAT outta the way, let's talk about Ambessa appointing Caitlyn as a general shall we?

like I've mentioned in another post, she switches from Salo to Caitlyn because the fool mentioned how much power the Kiramman name wields. Because she simply can't put Herself as leader, oh no no no That would be too obvious. She needs a face for this war to hide behind, someone from Piltover itself, and who Better to Be that face than the new head of the most Powerful house in all of Piltover? Especially now that that new head has been dealing with quite a lot of anger and grief (something that Ambessa is Exceptionally skilled at weaponizing).

She starts with this whole speech of how Zaun has just been attacking Piltover nonstop (despite 2 out of the 3 instances she lists, she Herself is the one that's Responsible), and how "wrath must be met with wrath". Earlier she tells Salo to bring the "Who's who" of Piltover so that Caitlyn CAN'T say no to this because with everyone calling for war, it would look bad for Caitlyn to be like "nah I'll pass thanks". Because you can see everyone's faces, they're Approving of this decision that Ambessa makes, they're Willing to stand behind Caitlyn and the Kiramman name. And so are the Enforcers who Admire Caitlyn, they all begin to pound their chest in solidarity with the Noxian soldiers, they're Also willing to stand behind Caitlyn. and watch the look on her face as Caitlyn walks towards Ambessa, when Ambessa places the cloak on her and swears "her mother will have justice". she's merely starring off, almost in a daze, her rational isn't kicking in, she's merely being lead on a string. here she's being given what she Thinks will solve her problems, and is taking it.

I'm sure that once Caitlyn starts to figure out what Ambessa's doing, not only is her anger going to be directed at Ambessa; but the guilt from the blood that's now on her hands is probably going to eat her alive. She's going to need to make things right with both Vi and Zaun if this has any chance of becoming better but it's rather unclear if that's even going to be a viable option for her. Is there enough time left for Caitlyn to be able to right her wrongs? who knows, it just depends on what they show us.

So all in all, while Caitlyn's actions Are wrong, she isn't this evil, unlovable bitch that just proved that she's been a bitch all along that isn't worth redeeming. thank you for your time.

(before I go, one thing I AM going to say people invalidating Caitlyn's trauma and grief because she comes from a privileged background and therefore "her trauma isn't as bad" is one of the most DISGUSTING things I think I've ever seen. Trauma Absolutely Does NOT work like that. Caitlyn's been through a Fuckton of trauma in merely a matter of Days and is being expected to hold herself together. Yes the actions that she's taking are wrong, I've said this like 5 times during this post, but that doesn't mean her pain and trauma has less value and isn't real. This isn't the trauma olympics, there isn't an invisible line that someone has to cross before you deem "they're allowed to react now")

[imagine-to-be-a-pike]

Arthur had every right to hate magic. I won't take back these words.

[irlangelsdiary]

just a shoutout to any survivors <3

i see you.

i hear you.

i know its hard

i know some days are more difficult then others

but i also know you are strong, and brave.

i know you are going to get through this

i know you are going to heal

i know it will take one day at a time

but i know you will heal

we will heal

we will live without our trauma ruining us, we will love ourselves, empower ourselves and laugh and heal and one day it wont hurt as much.

one day.

[whoblewboobear]

The way this Cody Ko situation is hitting me.. I’m gonna have so much to talk about in therapy tonight like. I’m fucking haunted by that “we good?” Text he sent to Tana cause like- the longer you live with SA trauma the more patterns your start to notice that are routine for abusers. I remember getting my own little “we good” text from the asshole that SA’d and then SH’d me for months after. Like it is textbook. They do the same shit time and time again. It’s just- it’s hard and I should tune out from it but my mind comes back to Noel too. And I hope this isn’t hitting him as hard as other victims of SA that were/are TMG fans. Like this blows but it blows differently when you’ve gone through it. I hope Tana is okay.

[carefulfears]

thinking about "you have a life" / "i don't know what i have" + "what do you want, dana?" / "i want everything that i should want at this time of my life" + the perceived shame in scully's loss of normalcy... "unlike you, mulder, i would like to have a life" + "do you believe in the afterlife?" / "i'd settle for a life in this one" + "don't you ever want to just stop? get out of the damn car? settle down and live something approaching a normal life?"

her friend ellen saying, "well, first you have to get a life." tara, pregnant with their christmas gift, saying that life before one grew inside her was "somehow...less, just a prelude," while barren dana cries in the kitchen. "i know you and dad were...disappointed...that i chose the path that i'm on."

thinking about how mulder said, "this is a normal life," and how she smiled. (he doesn't know any different). how, in the end, he said, "hey, scully? i know it's not your normal life, but thanks for coming out there with me."

(christmas before quantico, "i guess i'm afraid of making a big mistake. dad thinks i am." and missy's response: "it's not his life, dana.")

her application to adopt emily was rejected: "you're a single woman who's never been married or had a long-term relationship. you're in a high stress, time intensive, and dangerous occupation."

bill's reaction: "sounds like something your partner would say. this isn't about any little girl, dana. this is about you. it's about some...void, some emptiness inside you that you're trying to fill."

and mulder to the judge: "the fact that she can adopt this child, her own flesh and blood, is something i don't feel i have the right to question, and i don't believe anyone has the right to stand in the way of."

(that last christmas with missy before everything: "there is no right or wrong. life is just a path...just don't mistake the path for what is really important in life. the people you're going to meet along the way. you don't know who you're going to meet when you join the FBI. you don't know how your life is going to change, or how you're going to change the life of others.")

and ultimately, it all leads to a leather couch. and after contemplating that sacrifice of normalcy, what she should want, the decisions she could have made, she says, "i once considered spending my whole life with this man...what i would have missed."

she could've been a doctor, like her father wanted. she could've settled down, married waterston, had a normal life, like her friends and brother wanted. but what would she have missed?

"what if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong?" / "and all the...choices would then lead to this very moment. one wrong turn, and...we wouldn't be sitting here together."

[fxingdead]

I wanna say that sexual harassment isn’t just physical but also verbal. There’s many forms and both are harmful, just because the person never physically touched the person doesn’t mean that it isn’t still harassment. Sexualizing someone, threatening them, or making overly sexual comments to someone after they say they aren’t comfortable with that is still sexual harassment! It’s a form of harassment I don’t see getting recognized enough and I want people to know that just because it isn’t necessarily physical it’s still valid!

[starspd]

something that has given me mixed feelings in my trauma recovery is realizing that people, even abusers, can change.

they can! it’s true! and that may seem scary, like maybe it invalidates our responses (such as desiring to cut them out) but the thing is, even if they can change, even if they DO, we do not have to be there for it.

we do not owe them anything. we can leave them if we want. even if they become to best, kindest person in the world, we can still never talk to them again.

my mom has made changes. not as many as she could, but changes. i still hate her. i still limit contact as much as you can when you live with someone. and i’m allowed to. i don’t owe her shit.

i also used to be angry and aggressive as a kid. i wasn’t a bully really, i was kind most of the time, but when i got angry i couldn’t control it and was known to resort to physical attacks. when i finally got to see a psychiatrist, in my report my dad described it as “when he got angry he would go off the rails, like he became a different person”. that was from many factors, primarily unsupported autism and developing BPD + CPTSD from what my mom put me through.

i have changed. i truly have. and that’s fantastic! i no longer hurt people. i can get snappy, especially at my mom, but i no longer verbally or physically attack them. but another part that can upset me, but i realize is fair, is that the people i hurt still don’t have to like me. that’s hard, it is, but it’s fair and they deserve that, because i deserve to hate my mom too.

people can change. but that doesn’t mean we have to stick around for it.

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

I find it almost funny the women who shame Alicent for being a victim of misogyny in a patriarchy she did in fact NOT create and had always existed. I find it funny because they think they’re better than Alicent, they think if they were in Alicent’s position that they would’ve instead been some feminist icon- no, if you dealt with the same trauma, the same manipulation, the same system that Alicent did, you would’ve ended up just like her. Not better, in fact maybe even worse.

[p2ii]

I feel like there's something to be said about the way fandom will treat characters who's trauma they can personally relate to Vs characters who they cant

[nothing0fnothing]

When I decided to speak up about my experience of childhood abuse as an adult, I wasn't prepared for the level of shaming, victim blaming and gaslighting I received.

I'm not even talking about my experience on this app. That happens, I block, I move on. No, I mean the people in my life, my real life, I had to cut off as a result of deciding to not lie for my abusers any longer.

It was hard, but it was also eye opening. For the first time I had a real understanding into why so few people spoke up for me, tried to defend me, attempted to help me, when I really needed it. When I was too small and too beaten down to speak up, defend or help myself.

My abusers surrounded themselves in a circle of enablers and other abusers. These were the people witnessing my abuse first hand and doing nothing about it. Now I was grown, they were the ones who felt uncomfortable about me telling the truth. Uncomfortable enough to shame me, victim blame me and gaslight me, hoping I'd curl up into silence.

[neuroticboyfriend]

sometimes, you just have to accept you don't know what to do with your life and trust that as you gain more experience, knowledge, and support, future you will figure it out. especially if you're young. it's okay to not know things. it's okay to do your best to live in the present.

even if your present situation is awful, you don't deserve to beat yourself up for being in it, or not knowing how to get out of it. and you especially don't deserve to compare yourself to people with more resources and support than you. your life has been hard enough, and your life is yours. not someone else's.

overall, uncertainty doesn't mean doom or failure. i've found the phrase "if you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there" helpful; sometimes all we can and need to do is just keep going. cause as long as we do that, we're bound to end up somewhere.