#trauma makes you do bad shit sometimes
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chronicsyd · 3 months ago
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ykw? now that I've mentioned this hypothetical I'm gonna make the Wildest hot take that I'm sure No One will agree with but I'm gonna make it anyways:
Caitlyn is a victim of Ambessa's meddling
And before you all start typing away cuz I can already feel your comments coming, No this Isn't me justifying what Caitlyn does. This is me explaining that What she does is reactionary to all of the shit that Ambessa has set up, Ambessa is the bigger problem here and No One is willing to discuss it. They slap Everything onto Caitlyn and call it a day.
Because like I mentioned in my hypothetical, we do originally see Caitlyn still vouching for those in Zaun, saying innocents will die if they bring Hextech weaponry into Zaun solely to make Jinx pay for her actions. Which in turn causes Mel to agree with her, not just because she's against what her Mother's demanding (because she Knows that Ambessa's just puppeteering Salo), but because she also feels that Hextech should be a Last resort in any given situation, Mel still has compassion. Unfortunately, Mel still has to compromise with her fellow councilors, so they settle on sending the Enforcer's after Jinx, just without Hextech. This in turn is what causes Ambessa to set up the attack on the memorial. Because what the councilors have decided isn't going to start a war with Zaun, which is what she's looking for. She needs a catalyst to have people calling for so much blood that not starting a war is no longer an option.
Now I will admit, her bringing up becoming an Enforcer is one of her mistakes. She says to Vi "you can show not all of Zaun supports Jinx" because she believes this. Not just from Vi, but because Jinx's attack was her own, other Zaunites didn't attack the Council, she did. She says "I thought you were on our side" because she thought that Vi would understand because like her, she's lost a parent to an oppressor (and Before you start, I'm talking about Jinx oppressing Caitlyn specifically here. When Jinx threatens her, kidnaps her, and takes away her mom; she's specifically targeting Caitlyn, and for the most part, Caitlyn has been pretty helpless against her. therefore, that makes Jinx an oppressor of Caitlyn). But this causes her to think deeper about it and realize that asking Vi to put on the badge was the wrong thing to ask of her, she says so later in the episode. (btw, it's clear that Caitlyn secured Vi's enlistment Before offering the badge, not after being rejected, y'all are just reaching with this take because you're so blinded by your anger at Caitlyn (ironic isn't it?). Because 1) why would she even have the badge to begin with? But 2) it's pretty clear with with Maddie coming up and talking to her, that Enforcer's have been talking about Vi and Jayce going rouge after Silco's simmer facility for a bit now. And that they're all seemingly impressed with her and how Caitlyn stood up for her, they think that Vi's already agreed because Caitlyn hadn't asked yet)
When she's talking to Jayce, she says that "she understands how easy it is to hate them". because while yes, it is arguable that she was ignorant to people in Zaun back in S1, she didn't see how easy it was for her fellow people to just hate them. Especially after Vi showing her what life was like for people in Zaun. But that was before Jinx went and killed her mom (and gave her her whole baggage of other traumas). But it's still being shown to us that she doesn't lump all Zaunites together just because of Jinx's actions because she still remembers seeing everything down there, she doesn't hate them like other people do.
So, why does the attack at the memorial change things?
Because the attack wasn't made by Jinx, it was made by other Zaunites. Zaunites that she just spent a lot of her time vouching for, being in their defense, giving them benefit. because that's what's happening in Caitlyn's point of view, she doesn't Know (yet, most likely) that Ambessa was the reason that it even happened. She's angry at them and herself because like not shooting Jinx, she's been giving them the benefit when it seems that they don't deserve it. To Her, a peaceful memorial for her Mom that was destroyed by Zaunites that had no reason for attacking them. She Wasn't going to attack them until this happens, because now to her, they're all guilty (keep this in mind, because it actually has to do with her outburst at Vi later).
When she see's that her mom made the vents so that the people of Zaun could breath and not be harmed by the gray, she's so overcome by anger that she uses the gray as a weapon. she plows through the people of Zaun in order to get to Jinx, this is also what she does with Isha later. She isn't thinking rationally at this point anymore, she's simply being controlled by her emotions and thinking that if she kills Jinx it will fix all her problems. And because she now sees other Zaunites as guilty, she doesn't care what her actions are doing to the people of Zaun. they're simply just in her way.
And while Caitlyn says she wouldn't have missed the shot, I'm having doubts about that. Because at that point she's just firing wildly, she misses and takes off Jinx's finger, she misses and hits Vi instead. When Vi grabs the gun and aims it at the ground, look at the face Caitlyn makes here. it goes from shock at what just happened, to looking at Vi in anger. her face Screams "how could you?!" and while Vi's saying she's protecting a child, Not Jinx, that's Not what Caitlyn's hearing. by Vi getting in the way at all, she believes that Vi is still protecting Jinx, that despite Vi telling her to take the shot, that her sister is gone, she believes that Vi was lying to her. That's why she says "I keep telling myself that you're different, but you're not." she now believes that Vi was Never going to kill Jinx, that simply being her sister that was going to be a problem for Vi (because that's what happens in Ep 9. Vi's the one pleading with Caitlyn that "she's my sister" "don't hurt her" etc.). The straw that broke the camels back, however, is when Vi compares Caitlyn to Jinx. Now, Vi's absolutely right in what she's saying here, because Caitlyn has been acting like Jinx (because that's like the whole Point with these two, they're Supposed to be foils of each other). But to Caitlyn, Vi might as well have just slapped her across the face because she just compared her to the person that killed her mom and has been causing all her suffering. In response, she lashes out by hitting Vi with the back of her gun (AGAIN, I'm not saying what Caitlyn did is right, I'm just explaining what's going on and how CAITLYN is currently seeing things).
For a split second, you see regret on Caitlyn's face. She feels bad because she hit Vi, but that isn't quite enough to get her to stay, because the other demons in her head are still convincing her of what she think's Vi's done, so, she turns and leaves.
SO now that we got all THAT outta the way, let's talk about Ambessa appointing Caitlyn as a general shall we?
like I've mentioned in another post, she switches from Salo to Caitlyn because the fool mentioned how much power the Kiramman name wields. Because she simply can't put Herself as leader, oh no no no That would be too obvious. She needs a face for this war to hide behind, someone from Piltover itself, and who Better to Be that face than the new head of the most Powerful house in all of Piltover? Especially now that that new head has been dealing with quite a lot of anger and grief (something that Ambessa is Exceptionally skilled at weaponizing).
She starts with this whole speech of how Zaun has just been attacking Piltover nonstop (despite 2 out of the 3 instances she lists, she Herself is the one that's Responsible), and how "wrath must be met with wrath". Earlier she tells Salo to bring the "Who's who" of Piltover so that Caitlyn CAN'T say no to this because with everyone calling for war, it would look bad for Caitlyn to be like "nah I'll pass thanks". Because you can see everyone's faces, they're Approving of this decision that Ambessa makes, they're Willing to stand behind Caitlyn and the Kiramman name. And so are the Enforcers who Admire Caitlyn, they all begin to pound their chest in solidarity with the Noxian soldiers, they're Also willing to stand behind Caitlyn. and watch the look on her face as Caitlyn walks towards Ambessa, when Ambessa places the cloak on her and swears "her mother will have justice". she's merely starring off, almost in a daze, her rational isn't kicking in, she's merely being lead on a string. here she's being given what she Thinks will solve her problems, and is taking it.
I'm sure that once Caitlyn starts to figure out what Ambessa's doing, not only is her anger going to be directed at Ambessa; but the guilt from the blood that's now on her hands is probably going to eat her alive. She's going to need to make things right with both Vi and Zaun if this has any chance of becoming better but it's rather unclear if that's even going to be a viable option for her. Is there enough time left for Caitlyn to be able to right her wrongs? who knows, it just depends on what they show us.
So all in all, while Caitlyn's actions Are wrong, she isn't this evil, unlovable bitch that just proved that she's been a bitch all along that isn't worth redeeming. thank you for your time.
(before I go, one thing I AM going to say people invalidating Caitlyn's trauma and grief because she comes from a privileged background and therefore "her trauma isn't as bad" is one of the most DISGUSTING things I think I've ever seen. Trauma Absolutely Does NOT work like that. Caitlyn's been through a Fuckton of trauma in merely a matter of Days and is being expected to hold herself together. Yes the actions that she's taking are wrong, I've said this like 5 times during this post, but that doesn't mean her pain and trauma has less value and isn't real. This isn't the trauma olympics, there isn't an invisible line that someone has to cross before you deem "they're allowed to react now")
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 2 months ago
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save them tbh
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the-way-astray · 7 months ago
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hi, hello, yes, if you ever use the word "deserve" with regards to romantic relationships between fictional characters (and real people, honestly) then i kindly invite you to go fuck yourself
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schrijverr · 19 days ago
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I'm pretty sure I made this post before, but I can't find it so I'm making it again. Like last time, I didn't realize this needed to be said, but if a person writes fanfic about a character (and especially if they are postive about them), they probably do not want to hear that you think that character sucks in their comments. Kindly keep that shit to yourself, thank you
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yoonstudios · 1 month ago
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oh my fucking godddddd i wish i could come out to my parents
#maddie.txt#alright rant once again folks. u ain't gotta read it lmfao i'm just whining </3#my dad loves talking about when i'll be married and get a husband and how i'm probably gonna find some random guy in college#i just absolutely hate the fact that i'm assumed to be allo but i kinda get it bc like 97% of the population is allo but still#idk. i just makes me really uncomfortable like bro i don't have a type whatsoever even when i do have crushes i never really think of#marriage and even though i'm technically only attracted to men i know full well that he's not gonna accept it#like my dad was just saying how once i get into college/my career i'm gonna find men that 'check all the boxes'#and btw i have told this man many times that i've never had an interest in having a husband or kids but not even 10 minutes ago he just#told me that even though i don't want to get married/have kids that if god 'presents you with a man' that i should take it and get married#whether i want to or not?? what the fuck???? and he said to my younger brother that he should do the same w/ his future wife/gf which is#absolutely insane. (also dad constantly refers to our future spouses as 'mates' which i find weird as fuck) and just that along with the#fact he outright told me sometime last year that (literally his words) women are 'products bought by men' that have#'time limits and expiration dates' and that's why 'men buy them (women) while they're 21‚ 22‚ 23' so. yeah .#that last bit was a side rant but god i just wish i could be confident he could accept i was demi-aroace it would just make things#so much fucking easier and less weird and uncomfortable but it's just sometimes i wonder where the blurred line is between where my#sexuality ends and where the effects of purity culture begin. and maybe throw in some childhood trauma and witnessing domestic violence as#well. i don't know. the only thing that helps is that i felt 'different' even before Shit Got Bad so that's nice.#in conclusion i wish father dearest know that i'm not allo in the slightest and there's a pretty decent chance i may not get married at all#and i'm very sure god's chill w that. bc like i'm still a normal person with hobbies and shit. i'm just some queer bitch who likes coding#and wildlife photography and has a few weird issues to sort out. i'm just an aroace with exceptions my guy. it's not too hard to understand#also sorry to my friends/mutuals who i haven't talked to much lately. i'm terrible at starting convos but i know that i love you like#the moon loves the earth okay? :)
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zeb-z · 1 year ago
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Bad has so many reasons to be cautious, even paranoid, as anyone else on the island. From Federation nonsense to Dapper being kidnapped to the whole purgatory nonsense to whatever fuckass suit of armor “old friend” was setting up cameras in his house. But it compounds on his regular overly aware paranoid self to this state of hyper-paranoia. And as a demon who can and usually will lie, cheat, steal, and use sneaky underhanded tactics, he expects the craziest extent because he thinks of it, realizes it’s possible, and would use it himself. We saw this very obviously in purgatory - when he thought greens desperate last ditch effort to balance the scale was a super planned out tactic to tip the scale, so he did it first, all the hardcore base hunting, the spawn killing, there’s a reason every other tactic he used usually followed a main channel qsmp post with updated rules - all usually things he was surprised no one else thought of. But then this also piles onto the fact that he has to have things go his way, all the time, and that he’s argumentative as all get out, which led to the debate between him and Bagi yknow. Especially because he’s not just doing it for the sake of being right, he doesn’t think he’s paranoid, but that he’s exercising the right amount of caution.
So like. Listen dude. Yeah he’s got reasons to be paranoid. But his thought process around building vaults for separate cookie caches like they locked up the risus pills, only to scrap it because it’s not perfectly impenetrable, is extreme. His character has hardly been a leading example in someone who has reasonable reactions to things. And even when there isn’t his own children’s livelihoods potentially on the line, he has a need for control, and the most control he has is if he keeps the cookies in his inventory at all times. If he makes himself the sole point in which the others can get ones in a case of emergency, then he can control the variables. The problem is he’s unreliable about himself when he’s at his most rational and healthiest, and he’s far worse with the current memory and health issues he’s been mostly unaware of.
I dunno it’s like. There is never going to be a purely impenetrable base. And it’s not just a case of “Bagi just hasn’t lived through __ yet!”. Bad’s own logic about keeping the cookies on him at all times is flawed under his own logic, because Bagi is right - if someone has enough drive to break into separate secured cookie caches purely for the downfall of eggs, they more than certainly have enough drive to find a way to kill Bad and just take them from his inventory, or to just kill the eggs themselves. All it truly does is give Bad a sense of control, and soothe his paranoia.
#everyone let’s remember rurus’ tweet about bad NOT being in the blunt rotation. he would try to pluck cameras out of your eyes. and he will#make it seem like it’s the most reasonable thing to do in that moment#now this is more me complaining about shit I’ve been seeing on Twitter in the tags <3 love and peace but I’ve got beef#side note - to say the people who are commenting on qBad’s paranoia or this and that are all newcomers who just ‘weren’t there to experienc#-the dark times’ or ‘weren’t there for the egg deaths/nightmares’ like you are not immune to the way bbh can make something seem so#reasonable#he’s got his own reasons to be paranoid. and most everyone agreed that the base idea of a ‘cookie jar’ would need rethinking with security#but to say qBagi (or Jorge’s/other viewers) is shortsighted or naive. when qBad is THE definition of paranoia. of overreacting. like#qBad’s reaction extends from a mixture of care hyper paranoia and trauma response (which is half that hyper paranoia)#and he will pick and pick and pick until there’s nothing left to pick at#sometimes this is helpful. a lot of the time it’s not#and on the flip side it’s like y’all bad cares about the eggs to a ridiculous degree don’t be silly here okay. he does this because he care#even without a memory in his brain he calls them ‘little one’ and is gentle like. he cares#but at the same time this doesn’t always justify his nonsense. his thought processes. he’s Uber hyper paranoid and not easy to reason with#he’s selfish he can and will jump to extremes he’s overly controlling. and he’s the worlds most unreliable narrator#I’ve been saying this I’ll keep saying this he’s an unreliable narrator! this doesn’t make everything he says or thinks bullshit but you#cannot take what he says to himself how he justifies his actions etc etc in private at face value. unless he is making it EXPLICITLY CLEAR#he’s talking from a meta perspective as the creator of his character#you have to take his perspective with a grain of salt. because he will ‘I’m just a little guy and the world is out to get me’ his way outta#everything#there is a difference between reasonable caution from learned past experiences and overly anxious paranoid responses#idk I’m running out of steam sorry this is like a second post with the tags#and again I say this as a huge qBbh enjoyer lmao#mcyt#qsmp#q!bbh#q!bagi#z speaks
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silusvesuius · 5 months ago
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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eclaire-went-bam · 9 months ago
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morals are so confusing sometimes. it's not like i'm trying to do anything malicious, it just doesn't occur to me that most people see these things as bad — to me, some things are just kind of a means to an end and if nobody gets genuinely hurt idrc ??
if i let someone borrow something and they're not giving it back, i don't really see anything wrong with telling a lie about the importance of that item to guilt trip someone into giving it back (eg, so & so gave this to me before they died & it's rlly important to me so i really would appreciate it if i got this back soon ...). not because i want to go outta my way to make someone feel bad, but that's just how i view the world. they are probably maliciously keeping my stuff, so just talking to them wouldn't be enough. so why shouldn't i?
i don't see an issue in hacking into my parents email so i can get the verification code for a family streaming service, it takes me a really long time for it to click that actually People Don't Like Someone Going Thru Their Private Stuff even though i'm not trying to find anything but the verification email
type of things that i don't really realise could genuinely upset someone until i think about it a lot and ask someone for their opinion. i could realistically just ask and communicate better, but i often fall into the pit on never relying on anybody to do something when i put a task in their hands. that will only end up hurting or disappointing me.
oftentimes in trying to watch my own back and keep myself safe from nonexistent problems, i somehow create them
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lith-myathar · 1 year ago
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#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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faebriel · 1 year ago
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hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her
anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]
so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.
or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?
anyway.
like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:
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i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.
beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.
it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she
for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.
okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.
if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway
i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.
i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!
#can i just say whatever the hell lucy grey n snow had going on in part 1 made me so berko btw. like congrats ur my means to an end youre my#symbol youre my buddy? should we kiss? i'll get you out of here / don't make me leave these people behind#BRIDGING OFF OF THE TBOSAS DISCUSSION. i think the thing with crainduo (or at least how i like to depict them) is that they care about each#other extremely deeply and value each other... without being each others number one priority at all times.#i don't think niki plays priority with people she cares for like that; see her relationships with like wilbur and eret in lmanberg#even her friendship with and offering ponk a place to stay in her city after manberg even tho manberg hurt her#as for wilbur: his priority is tommy. like always. if it was just him on the line he'd do anything to get niki thru but it's not#asks#hunger games au#they would truly be such a nightmare in this au like. wilbur's self loathing is SO HIGH due to survivors guilt and trauma and mental illnes#he thinks that niki is So Good and Has It Together meanwhile he is So Bad#and is a mess that she cannot possibly rely on him. she can't possibly need him. she can't possibly want him around#<- and this shit is INGRAINED like. it's not even an active thought pattern anymore it is carved into his brain like a groove#and so shes like. do you even care whether i live or die??#of course he does. but this is the capitol. he cant be vulnerable in a way that matters#and that alienates niki further and this rage and heartbreak is building in her with nowhere to go. and in the arena she thinks it erupts#nah uh. i think its AFTER the area when she has to face wilbur again that she would go full screaming meltdown#ANYWAY !! i really like aus where they have this friction esp because i think like.. idk i think sometimes our views of rainduo are too ros#wilbur kind of forgets about niki sometimes because his self hatred is that bad. niki doesnt get wilburs mental illness and takes it both a#a burden/blame AND a direct rejection of her and her friendship#and they hover just outside of each others spaces anxious and angry and almost self flagellating. GOOD FOR THEM !#anyway Yes this did unlock something within me. thanks anon feel free to add on if u had more thoughts esp re: tbosas and such bc i had suc#a good time watching that movie
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sureuncertainty · 1 year ago
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at first i felt so bad for blocking my mutual who turned out to be a terf, or at least to be transphobic as shit, mostly bc i know this person was having a lot of anxiety about it and made posts about how they were so worried about losing friends etc. over it but you know what i decided fuck that lol good. i hope they feel anxious about it. i hope every transphobe never has a moment's peace
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chisungie · 12 days ago
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#im all for curating ur online space to just the things u like#but whats just annoying to see is when a page shows their stance on a very important political issue and comments r like#“i thought u were a [content] page. why are u bringing politics into this?” maybe YOU would like to stay blissfully ignorant#but to the cc it was important to show people where they stand on it. and its not even off brand for their page either#theyre BUNNY TRAINERS. if this persons been actually reading the things the cc has been posting about its VERY on brand.#its basically taking people away from their living space and putting them in foreign environments and no resources#is obviously bad for their mental and can leave them with trauma. no support system or safety either in undamiliar places.#thats so scary. and to be forcefully removed is the worst part. and she literally says she works w mammals and thats the connection#on why she feels she needs to address it or how she'll support her statement like. its not rocket science.#and anyway i understand curating your online experience but asking why people living in a that country are addressing#political issues is just fucking stupid. AND ITS JUST ONE POST MIND YOU.#and again shes not even like a cute bunny page or anything. shes a bunny trainer.#none of her posts are “look at this cute bunny🥰” its literally shit like#if ur bunny is biting u its scared of u and probs thinks ur a predator#and if u react aggressively ull reaffirm their beliefs and ittl get worse. also some bunnies are so scared that even just yelping#even if u werent aggressive can startle them. so sometimes u just have to just gloves and show them biting doesnt do anything.#LIKE ITS THAT KIND OF SHIT. ofc she would address it this way like it literally makes sense😭#and shes very firm on her stance too! ^^#but yeah my thing is like. im also very shut off from everything but not this shut off.#why do people so badly want to close themselves off from reality like this? it doesnt make sense. esp if it isnt affecting you.#address it and support those who are willing to support others who need the help. you could scroll past one post.#youll live. but other people wont. like it makes me so mad when people shut things out and blatantly say shit like#“ughh politics 🙄” GIRL SHUT UP!!#i do understand if there are maybe graphic pictures attached to every post and you cant take it so you have to block a tag#or avoid news. fine. i understand it makes people uneasy. but this person does not seem bothered by people being wronged.#they just seem to want this to be a cute bunny viewing page. which it literally fucking isnt.#anyway. fuck that person and fuck the rest of you who cant just hit unfollow or scroll past ONE post before you fucking yap.#SOME PEOPLE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE IN DANGER. the LEAST these pages can do is explain whats going on and how its bad.#44597
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medical-angel · 24 days ago
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#why is spending money so harrrd#why am i spending over a thousand dollars a month on random bullshit#and i know my family cant really afford it but they never tell me to stop or slow down because im so physically ill and disabled#they just give me whatever i want and it kind of sucks having to 'sus out' my financial situation with a bank statement every month#i used to spend only like 600 a month but like as soon as stuff gets Bad it just skyrockets#i get that its like because of trauma and childhood resource insecurity and never getting a consistent job/income/financial consequences.#like if i actually got the allowance my parents said i would get instead of saying 'oh well we went out to dinner so i counted your meal as#-your allowance without telling you or giving you the option to get something else instead' then we might not be here#like it doesnt help that bank accounts are noncorporeal so ADHD makes it harder to conceptualize by default#but i also have a goddamn amnesia disorder and DID.#its like alter A bought something nice just for themselves so alter B C and Z should get something too if they want#i don't know how to regulate treats.#and it doesn't help that a lot of my spending is secondhand so if I don't buy it NOW it might be gone tomorrow#and amnesia wise i just don't remember buying and spending that much.#and i've cut a Lot of my spending. groceries are down to 70/a month (thanks eating disorder!)#i no longer buy music. i never have and never will do a subscription to ANYTHING.#but sometimes i just see a webcomic i like had a physical release or i see a vintage toy online and i just Have to have it#i buy so much stuff i dont need and then feel like shit every month when my bank statement is higher than 600#also lbr. a LOT of that money goes to medications and doctors appointments and food so like. ugh im sick of it#rant#vent in tags#financial#compulsive spending
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juno-stuffs · 2 months ago
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okay so i'm actually curious
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glitterdustcyclops · 3 months ago
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chiming in as someone with ADHD & a lifelong struggle to Not Procrastinate: all the Discipline in the world isn't going to make up for having a physical barricade to doing the thing you want to do, so if you find yourself consistently and constantly Mysteriously Lacking the Willpower to "just" do x, maybe stop and have a think for a second:
what in your physical environment could you change or swap or fix or get rid of entirely that would make it way the fuck easier to do things like "put the scissors away when you're done with them" or "hang your coat up as soon as you walk in the door"
do you have a designated hook by the door for the coat to be hung on? does it need to go into the closet? how many steps does it take to get the coat "hung up" properly? make it the least number of steps you physically can, and you will find yourself hanging it up without even thinking about it
what does the scissors being put away mean? do they need to go in a drawer? is there stuff in front of the drawer they need to go into that makes opening the drawer a fucking ordeal every time you need to get the scissors out or put them up? maybe they can sit pointy side down in a cup on the counter instead!
do you notice wrappers just always kind of End Up in a certain spot in your home? is it because that spot is too far away from the trash can, so it takes effort to remember to throw them away? put a trash can there! now the wrappers end up in the trash!!!
seriously, once you notice all of the things around you that are not properly put "away" (whatever that means for you) and just dedicate like 5 minutes to coming up with an easier way to do it, you will find that, somehow, as if by magic, the things end up put away more often than not, and it's way easier and takes way less guilt or discipline to make it be so
Oh and another thing on the topic of personal discipline and efficiency: kill any instinct in you to procrastinate. The small things you can do later always add up to large tasks. Do them as soon as you can instead.
Put the scissors away when you’re done with it. Throw the wrapper away immediately. Hang the coat up as soon as you walk in the door. All those little disciplines will both work in your favor towards a mindset shift of better living, but it’ll also help keep from creating new problems for yourself.
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snekdood · 5 months ago
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addictions are neutral. but my addiction to doomscrolling sure isnt good for me. esp since i dont really like being here much
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