#and i mean even if they did i probably wouldnt let them in my life again anyways. like. that trust is forever broken dawg.

[snekdood]

addictions are neutral. but my addiction to doomscrolling sure isnt good for me. esp since i dont really like being here much

[ivysprophecy]

sharpest tools

warnings: dual POV HAHA so im not saying i know jj or that this is how he thinks or whatever im simply doing it for a change of pace and writing style, wanted to experiment a little so by all means if this isnt your thing pls keep scrolling. mentions of extreme anxiety, mentions of chronic pain meds, over the counter meds

word count: 2299

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masterlist

summary: after your fight blows out of proportion both you and jj are left wondering what just happened? and the poor pogues are caught in the crossfires trying to delegate and reunite the two idiots. because neither of them are the sharpest tools in the shed.

jj's pov

"jj... jj wake up," my eyes open enough to see someone crouching in front of me.

why the hell is sarah waking me up?

i move to sit up forgetting i slept in the hammock last night so i swing and struggle for a second before gaining my balance back.

"whats up?"

she hands me a water and some aspirin she snagged from the kitchen, from the looks of it no one else is awake. "just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"i appreciate it sar but im good. i swear," i take a swig of the water before swallowing the pain killers, "theres absolutely nothing wrong," because really i dont know that the fuck is wrong.

"im guessing you dont wanna talk about what happened last night?"

"honest to god sarah im not even sure what happened- that girl kissed me and before i could get her off me y/n swooped in and exploded."

sarah sits criss cross on the grass next to the hammock looking over at me with an odd look on her face.

"so you didnt mean to kiss her?"

"no- sarah i didnt kiss that girl i swear on my life. she was asking me a question about directions and all of a sudden shes got me pinned against the rocks. honest," i hold my hands up in surrender feeling interrogated, "i'd never do that to y/n"

"im not saying you would- its just that we didnt know until last night so... speaking of that. what the fuck was that about?"

everyone has so many questions and honestly i do too, i dont know half of the answers. feels like i wiped out and i cant find the shore.

i just wish she'd talk to me. like im sure if shed just let me get two words in i could reassure her but i dont know what shes thinking right now and its killing me.

i hate it. i hate that i caused this.

but in my defense it kinda feels like she blew it way out of proportion if she had just let me explain this whole thing would be okay.

"i just... i dont know sar- she had all this anxiety about relationships and whatever- i dont really get it but she said she wanted to keep it between the two of us. who was i to tell her no ya know? i just wanna be with her."

sarah just kinda looks at me with wide eyes.

"what?"

"youre like- down bad arent you? youre totally whipped."

"i wouldnt say that-" she interrupts me.

"jj maybanks got a girlfriend... this is headline news," she chuckles making me roll my eyes. i thought we were having a serious conversation, not that i try to have those often but i could use her advice on the subject.

"sarah seriously- what the hell do i do? i barely know what happened last night how am i supposed to fix what i dont know is fucked up?"

"well from the tid bit you told me? sounds like shes massively overthinking and just saw the wrong thing at the wrong time, and it just so happened to fit into her warped little nightmare."

what the fuck did she just say?

"so youre saying this is just all in her head?"

"no- well- kind of... from the sounds of it shes got a lot of anxiety and trust issues. shes probably trying to self sabotage the relationship."

i let out a frustrated sigh, "can you not talk like a therapist for a minute?"

"jj what im saying is you both dont know how to handle the situation. you need to talk to each other, have a real discussion not just scream in each others faces like last night."

"i tried to talk to her! she wouldnt listen!"

sarah lets out a laugh letting her head hang as her body shook from the laughter. pushing some hair out of her face she turns her body to face me more head on.

"jj- it was the heat of the moment and she was scared and upset. of course she wasnt going to listen... now that shes had time to cool off? you might have a better shot."

"but what if she doesnt believe me?" look i dont like admitting that i get a little insecure sometimes, but id rather do that than fuck my relationship with y/n.

because god ive been trying for so long i dont know what im gonna do if i lose her.

i really need to see her. "is she awake?"

"not yet i dont think... why? what are you gonna do?" i stand up running my hands through my untamed hair trying to wake up a little bit.

"im gonna try to make it up to her- make sure shes up by the time i get home. 'kay?"

"home? what the fuck are you talking about jj? where are you going?" sarah stands up as she sees me walking towards my bike. her voice raising so it will carry enough for me to hear.

"dont worry bout it!"

with those final words i take off down the dirt road...

readers pov

ugh. my head is pounding. i need excedrin.

god last night was a horrible combination for my chronic migraines.

i walk into the kitchen and see john b and pope huddled in the corner making shushing noises before turning around to face me.

"there she is!" i shove my hand in john bs face to shut him up.

"its nine am. wheres the medicine cabinet my head is throbbing." poor sweet pope hands me the bottle of pills and a cold water. god bless him. "thank you," i let out a whine as i tilt my head back to take the medicine. "sorry ive got a killer migraine."

"oh-" they exchange glances with one another before pope speaks up in a hushed tone, "go lay down- let the meds work. and drink your water."

i squint at him, seeing how nervous he is. he wants to say something. they both do.

is this headache bearable enough to get this conversation over with? technically yes. should i use it as an excuse to ignore everything? probably not...

"its okay. we can talk. i can tell you want to."

"thank god" jb expresses before pope hits him in the chest, which leads to john b throwing his arms up in defense "what? you said we needed to talk to her!"

"yea but not force her to!"

"guys- cmon its fine. really. i know its a lot so lets just get this over with. yes jj and i had been dating for a month. yes we didnt tell anyone on purpose, i didnt want the pressure. i dont know if he kissed that girl or not but i freaked out and just wanted to be alone. i didnt mean to hurt his feelings but i was obviously upset so i said things i didnt mean. there. happy?"

both the boys look at me with bug eyes, "a month?!" they exclaim together.

"my god- yes. a month. its really not a big deal-"

"yes it is y/n- thats a huge step for you and jj. i thought the whole casual thing would flame out. this is a huge commitment for the both of you," pope reminds me, as if i wasnt aware. i

i was simply trying to down play it to give myself a reason to care less, seems like thats not happening any time soon.

"what are you my doctor?"

"i think what pope is trying to say is... were a little worried about you y/n/n... what happened last night- you kinda flew off the handle."

i whip my head around so fast i get dizzy, grabbing the counter for stability.

"excuse me? i flew off the handle? jj was the one kissing other girls-"

"y/n i think deep down you know thats not true-"

"no- no you dont get to tell me im crazy and then tell me what im thinking- this is my relationship. this is exactly why i didnt wanna tell everyone because i knew youd all stick your noses in it. what happened is between me and jj. no one else."

pope reaches out to steady me seeing me sway a little, "woah- okay maybe we should put a pause in this convo-"

"im fine pope. i just dont see how this is anyones business."

"we're not saying its our business y/n/n, were just worried about you. youre not acting like yourself. you seem anxious, paranoid, you know- just not normal," pope pleaded with me, making me sit on one of the dining chairs.

"right-" john be interjected, "all were trying to point out is we all know jj would never ever put his whatever you wanna call it with you in jeopardy. hes whipped. theres no way he went and kissed another girl."

i see where theyre coming from. i really do. i want to believe it but there are too many things playing in my head that tell me otherwise.

on one hand, i know jj would never hurt me. not on purpose, and to cheat is definitely with a purpose. hes always reassured me that its just me and since we got serious he hasnt given me a reason to doubt him.

but on the other... just seeing her all over him is so hard to forget. it all happened so fast, i dont know how long theyd been kissing for, maybe i got there just as it happened or maybe itd been going on for a while i have no idea. too many factors.

"y/n if you listen to literally anything we say let it be that we know jj loves you," i look up at the curly haired boy whos basically grown to be my brother.

"thats a big word for elmo-"

pope runs a hand over his face with a sigh, "for the love of god be serious for a minute," 'theyre made for each other' he thinks to himself. "just hear him out. please. for some reason he loves you a lot-"

"hey!"

"-and if were speaking freely youre the one whos put all of this at stake because all the rest of know jj didnt kiss that girl. youre the only one who has doubts. so talk to him. please. were begging you."

"... 'we're?' youve all talked about this?"

"of course we have- it all unraveled in front of us what else did you expect? by the way i was supposed to tell you sarah is siked for you- maybe nows not the time," john be stops himself scratching the back of his head.

honestly it gets a giggle out of me.

"okay.. yea. ill talk to him. where is he? is he here?"

pope looks out the window in the front yard, where he can see sarah peeking in before moving out os sight to pretend she wasnt listening in.

"he was here- he slept outside last night. wanted to give you space since you both normally share the couch."

oh... thats- sweet.

fuck. maybe i am screwing all of this up.

"can i come in now??" i hear sarah yell from the other side of the door.

"get in here!" i raise my voice a little testing my headache, which ironically has somehow gotten a little better.

sarah walks through the door. letting out a rather dramatic sigh, "finally. sorry- jj got some big idea and left on his bike a few minutes ago. said to have y'n awake by the time he gets back so... i dont really know what to do now."

john b looks at his wife and i notice... its like how jj looks at me.

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck.

"do you know where he went??" i look at sarah with a begging tone and pleading tone.

she shakes her head "sorry honey bun," she teases with a smile. "but since weve got time... john b, pope, and i will go get some breakfast while we wait for jj to get back. you stay here- give you two some space to work it all out."

"what? no its fine- really you dont have to go..."

sarah walks up to me grabbing me by the shoulder with some stupid fucking grin like shes all knowing, "girl. youre gonna be fine. youll talk, kiss, and make up and be the happiest couple ever. it will be sickening, trust me id know. relax. it will be fine. you and jj will be able to work this out, im sure."

and with that john b grabs the keys to the twinkie heading out the door following wifes orders, with pope following in suit with an apologetic shrug.

sarah gives me a teasing kiss on the forehead, "well be back soon sweetie be safe."

"oh fuck off- bring back bacon and coffee please," she salutes me before walking outside with the boys.

"no one ever said she was the sharpest tool in the shed," john b quips as he steps into the twinkie with a sigh before turning the ignition.

pope hops in the back letting out a small laugh "yea thats for sure."

"neither of them are," sarah rebuts looking over at john b as they all laugh. "theyre both as sharp as a dull spoon"

"what the fuck did you just say?" jb looks over at her with a quizzical look on his face.

"just drive routledge."

[fadeling]

if it were up to me i could fix the alistair companion quest. i mean most people probably could but i definitely would. here's my pitch:

so alistair is a guy who is actually pretty even-keeled throughout the story, although undeniable that he's idealist and naive. the thing that makes him cool is that hes not simply a bumbling fool covering it up with desperate attempts at sarcasm, he knows his own weaknesses and his sardonic attitude lampshades that while also letting you in on the joke. hes always aware of the fact that hes like if a failgirl was a boy and instead of trying to fight against that impression, he shrugs his shoulders and lets it happen. he lives in a terrible world in a faction that exposes him to The Horrors, so he has to operate on a casual, malleable attitude even if that isn't really true to his heart

that discrepancy makes him confused, conflicted, and most of all: extremely vulnerable to moments of extreme genuineness. (his romance works much in the same vein i think) the way his personal quest starts in the game is actually perfect for showing that about him. he gets ahead of himself, he lets his hopes become known and it's obvious how much he wants to Try even if he understands why the warden may reject him. if the warden accepts, it reinforces him getting his hopes up and he unknowingly feels a bit safer in letting hid idealism just exist for a bit

it's for these reasons that i actually wouldnt change how it starts or the way it's initially presented. i'm even going to keep the fact that he thinks hes the son of a maid and has a sister, because thats what eamon told him and i'm sure it was reinforced by duncan too. i dont think it's a problem for alistair to be wrong about his lineage, but something needs to be done about that

so you arrive at goldanna's house (she would also be given a name that isnt fucking stupid btw) and she's not in a great mood because shes busy and these strangers just kind of demanded her attention to talk about he's her brother when it turns out her mother never died during childbirth at all. she worked at redcliffe's manor but she like, left, man. she did die but that that was a few years later and its actually really annoying that i have to talk about it to two strangers.

her rudeness would be more justified because shes just trying to live her life but this guy has to show up at her door and hallucinate a backstory and promptly get his whole world flipped upside down. it's not really something she had the mental capacity for she just wanted to do the laundry.

NOW this would mean that alistair went into this hoping to gain something, but actually lost more than what he started with. losing the ideal domestic family dynamic stings, sure, but the strongest familial ties he had in the first place were with eamon (a little bit) and ESPECIALLY duncan. now he has good reason to doubt both of them, one of them being especially difficult because it's tangled in so much grief too.

alistair takes a chance on something, finally sticks his neck out, and then he gets hurt. the warden can help him process that in a few different ways; you could coddle him by insisting she sucks and was probably lying anyway, or you could encourage him to acknowledge the truth and still persist anyway. there could even be the asshole third option where you tell him that hes too cringe to live idk. there could even be more things to say, the point is that the sentiment of the warden would accurately reflect how his attitude changes when hes hardened thats all

also theres a bonus opportunity for adding another layer of drama between him and eamon with very little extra effort, and thats always good

[wheelerslvr]

hey guys!!

so this is an insanely extremely way too long shot that will probably never happen but as some of u know i attended the paris sfm8 event and met finn (which was literally a legendary experience. i forgot my glasses after the shoot and he literally took them from the lady and gave them to me like 🥹) but unfortunately i didnt get to tell him things i deeply wanted to because i only bought the photo-op and it was a in and out job!!

ive been desperately wanting to tell him ever since we got the tickets how much mike means to me as a character. i got diagnosed with an illness back in 2023 (that will affect me for life) and because of it my mood was significantly affected, and throughout that i also had a falling out with my friends which caused them to not treat me kindly until september 2024, which was already worse enough because i had literally no friends but the one thing that made it not so bad was loving mike wheeler and the show. mike reminds me loads of myself and was my only escape from a couple of things mentioned above so meeting finn meant the whole world to me, i thought the photo op wouldnt be so short but unfortunately not 🥲

i tried ask finn a question (which id say how much mikes helped me beforehand) but didnt get selected and we did try pass it on to staff but they said theres no promises and theyd see what they could do - maybe finn has actually received the news but most likely not, so i thought to take the extremely low chances and try perhaps reach out online?

yes i know this is pretty dumb but if anyone has suggestions or tips or can even try get this to reach finn somehow please do let me know!!

thank you all and as always byler endgame :D

[zombiee-reviews]

Questions upon Questions… Pages 887 - 891

G’day loves. I’ve been waiting a while to post this one. Mainly because… WTF KIQUE.

Introductory to this scene is… Strange? I still don’t understand why Kainan decided to make Marduk a statue.

Anyway, with progression of the scene, it is now really confirmed that Feaf is pregnant.. Zahira notices two cats in the treeline. Again, we are greeted with dark af characters that cannot be spotted unless you REALLY look. Kique, buddy, you need to learn color theory PLEASE. Anyway, in the later pages it is stated that Zioqa’s were guardians of the gods, along with the Rabisu. First of all, nothing is ever stated / hinted at the cats being guardians to the gods, they just suddenly made their appearance in Asmundr. And if so, why does Father never attempt to contact Zahira? And another thing, when did Zahira even talk to these felines that made their appearance from the trees? GAH!

Now here is the kicker, Kainan and Rhov are greeted by a white Rabisu, obviously they can’t understand what he just said.. But, to clear all that confusion, suddenly the kangaroo dogs can talk - even translate! They have only been in the comic for a few pages, you would think they would have been introduced pretty earlier on, because it seems they can understand ancient language as well, showing they have been around for a long time on Aedra. With this also in mind, how did Marduk back on page 859 not recognize the kangaroo dogs as TALKING natives?

We are then graced with a little backstory on the Rabisu. It becomes clear that Aedra was previously an alien planet, Inhabited by the gods? Anyway, on page 890, it looks like Aedra was stripped clean of everything, including plant life on the last panel, so how the hell did Aedra restore itself back to life??

Eventually, it seems the gods had too leave Aedra, not entirely sure WHY they couldn’t take their creations; the Rabisu and Zioqa with them? I mean how the hell did the Zioqa end up on earth, if they were left on Aedra? PLOT HOLE! Besides, you’re going to tell me that these animals survived off of nothing? Why would the gods leave their creations behind to starve and dehydrate to death, if Aedra was stripped of all resources?? Kind of an asshole thing don’t you think? Also, if the Rabisu have lived on Aedra for thousands of years, why are they just now starting to appear? Marduk has been on Aedra for QUITE A WHILE and you’re going to tell me they’re just now coming after him? It’s funny that Kique tries to say, the Rabisu / Zioqa lived underground this entire time, and you’re going to tell me that they didn’t notice Aedra slowly becoming inhabited again and they weren’t curious? Ninmah even states that Father sometimes comes down to talk to her, so wtf Kique? It’s clear Father HAS returned to Aedra and he didn’t bother to scoop up, or even update the “guardians” they left behind? It’s all a bunch of a bullsh*t.

My biggest thing here is, if Marduk is suppose to be the evil, green, alien god thing, then how did he have access to the Akiulfrs energy signal? Isn’t that father’s creations? If Marduk is portrayed to be so evil, then Father probably wouldnt allow Marduk to have any access to HIS creations. I mean hell, Father shoots down Marduk’s green ship in Asmundr. This would symbolize that Father and Marduk are ENEMIES. So how does Marduk know so much about Father? Why would Father keep an enemy so close?

And how did Marduk strip Aedra clean of resources? You’re going to tell me a whole army of people just let ONE dude destroy the world? Kique says “Marduk and his creations” but what creations could aid in stripping an entire planet? The green alien dog looking things don’t look like they could possibly do much, aside from being an attack dog of some sort. Marduk would need some mass weaponry, an army himself, or a crap ton of those green dogs to even make a dent on a populated planet like this. At least I THINK.

And how exactly did he destroy the biosphere, using dogs? That is my ultimate question here. I think it’s quite funny how an entire alien civilization just let one guy go ham on their planet. Obviously, this isn’t the video game Horizon Zero Dawn, but even that explains in better terms how the biosphere got destroyed. I’m scratching my head on this one. Even the dog that is killed by the jaws of the alien dog in page 890 looks healthy enough. C’mon Kique, let’s learn to draw actual sickly looking creatures can we? ( I also hate how Kique draws humans but that’s just a personal issue of mine LOL )

Honestly, if this comic was actually written before hand, we would have learned about this A LONG TIME AGO. None of this shit makes any sense, Kique really floored the comic with this one, because he still has hater energy for his ex-cowriter.

[katerinaaqu]

Unfortunately my mind came up with two more questions

1. More historic than classic texts related

Since men didnt marry until their 30s usually, and im very sure they did not tend to be THAT chaste nor was birth control safe or common (im assuming lol), what happened to illegitimate children? I'm guessing theyd stay with their mothers (who more commonly probably wouldnt be free citizens from all i could guess) if they didnt get abandoned (which probably ended deadly or in slavery often enough ig unless they got extremly lucky?) ....idk just a random shower thought x)

2. Actually text related, again Odyssey/Iliad bc the fixation is still fixating:

How do we know when Iliad/Odyssey was supposed to have happened? We roughly when Homer was supposed to have lived

But from what i remember from the one or two lectures I had on ancient history and troy, there are a bunch of inconsistencies of descriptions in homers work (iirc the example being used was a helmet not worn anymore at the time of writing) but they also mentioned that during Homers time they mightve seen the ruins and archeological finds of that time which he/the oral tradition couldve used as inspiration or more like, coming up with a story for these finds?

So what is that assumption of when it'd happened based on?

The descriptions , archeological finds (tho i think with the whole "did they find troy" story, they wouldve based their assumption of having found the city on the already established time frame of how old the city wouldve had to be), other text evidence? Cultural evidence?

DID Homer mix (to him) historic/archeological/cultursl finds AND (to him) current descriptions/customs/etc?

So many thoughts so many questions fjdjksjsdj

Im curious if/what you know about that, thank you again for your time!! ^^

Oh my! Thank you so much! Your questions are fire! Let's get down to it then! ^_^

Well I cannot say that really they DIDN'T get married before their 30s, it is just that this was considered the ideal age for them to marry

That is because in ancient Athens men had plenty of dues to fulfill to the city before settling for a life such as finishing their education or serving the army etc. In one essence it was considered the perfect time for them to be married given how they have finished all their dues towards the city and society but that doesn't necessarily imply they never got married before that age. It was just considered the ideal. Just like nowadays they say the ideal age for someone to have children is till roughly the mid-30s but that doesn't mean people do not have children early or later etc.

Oh that is a very good question. Indeed by n large the illegitimate children didn't have rights on the family's fortune and by n large they stayed with their mothers unless of course one would adopt them and recognize them officially but of course the status of the children differed massively depending on their parentage. For example if the illegitimate child (or Νόθος, Nothos, "bastard") was a product of two Athenean citizens or from an Athenean and a non-citizen (mētroxenoi) then of course the status was expected to differ. And that of course might have played much greater role for the time when the Athenean pure blood propaganda was high enough. One would expect that being illegitimate was a reason for someone to be stigmatized. Mythologically for example Odysseus was often called "Son of Sisyphus" being insulted that not only he was not legitimate son to Laertes but also a product of a man that was sinful and shameful. So even in myth it was a sign used for offending him (see also my random inspiration on Philoctetes where I partially use it) Historically they say that Diogenes the Cynical Philosopher mocked a boy that was born out of a prostitute who threw stones at public by yelling "Hey watch out you might hit your father!"

So being illegitimate was generally seen as a sign of shame for the individual. Most of information we have are from classical Athens for example the law of Solon Whichever woman her father or brother born of the same father or paternal grandfather should betroth on a just basis to be a wife (damar), from this woman the children are to be legitimate (gnēsioi). And we do see a series of laws as to who is considered illegitimate and what responsibilities or rights they bare. Other writers such as Aristpphanes also mention stuff even in their theatrical plays such as A nothos may not have the participation-right-of-close-relatives (anchisteia) if there are legitimate (gnēsioi) children. But if there are no legitimate children, then the estate is to be shared by the nearest kin. So by n large the illegitimate children have no right to the estate apart from those who were officially adopted although there seems to be a generally smaller amount of money called "notheia" that a father can leave to their bastard children if he sees it fit. I believe initially the illegitimate children still could hold some hope for succession but later on that was less and less possible to happen. Need to research more on that though. For example Plutarch mentions how a child that was born from an etaira (aka official concubine) shouldn't be even looking for their father anymore. Demosthenes also agrees Neither male bastard (nothos) nor a female bastard (nothē) may have participationright-of-close relatives (anchisteia) in the sacred and holy rites (hiera kai hosia) from the archonship of Euclid So yeah by n large we see a separation of the illegitimate chilren from their father unless the father seems to wish to adopt them. A classic example in Homer is Teucer and Ajax. Ajax is legitimate but Teucer even if he is older he is illegitimate. Ajax is the leader of the fleet of his city, Teucer's job is to support him instead and we can expect after Ajax's death Teucer was left alone with no kin due to his illegitimate status. The father usually recognized a child upon the tenth day of its birth in an official ceremony (decate) but that didn't automatically give them economical rites of succession, rather than religious ones. With the latter the classical athenean constitution basically considered anyone not owning land or rites of their family not useful for the prosperity of the land and so the bastard children fell often in this category since as it was above they rarely ever inherit their father's estate.

Which I find quite interesting given how many children in mythology are technically illegitiate born by some god or other and succeed. Quite possibly blood indeed runs thicker than water for high class bastard children over common ones I would suppose. Okay that is a very blunt analysis. I would be happy to search further in the future.

2. Yay! Here we go!

Okay the short answer would be; thanks to Schlieman! The dude dug up the city that we now know as Troy in the 19th century. Ever since the city was thoroughly examined by modern day archeologists and based on not only the descriptions in Homer but also the evidence provided from the city itself we do believe that Troy fell probably around 1200 BC. One key point is that we do not see for example in Homer Doriean greek tribes such as Macedonians or northern kingdoms of Epirus etc which are mentioned later as part of the campaigns of the greek heroes to the north such as Neoptlemous establishing the kingdom of Epirus or Odysseus traveling to Thesprotia to repent himself to Poseidon. We know the Doriean Greeks arrived to the area around 1100 BC so the fact that Homer doesn't include them in his narrative was an indicative of the time the war took place. It is also linked to the fights and wars that we believe happened among the greek kingdoms before the fall of Bronze Age kingdoms and the beginning of the "Dark Ages" at the Iron Age which was the time Homer lived in. Th layers of the city that we now know as Troy are very well preserved despite the fact that Schliman did a great deal of damage by digging deep. Archeologists have timed the layers they discovered based on evidence or stylistic details. The city itself named Troy is not just a hypothesis of modern archeology but it seems to be a roman hypothesis too given that we have found tablets from Roman times speaking on the city of Ilium/Troy. Possibly it was already a tourist attraction for the romans at that time given how it was their legendary origin city through Aeneas. Can we say with 100% certainty this is Troy? Perhaps not but we still have very good evidence to support it. Obviously we cannot be sure of the timespan given by Homer to my knowledge but it is safe to assume a war happened at that time in Troy we just establish it was probably a war over the control of the area the coastline and the crops and the passage with the east.

Homer is actually surprisigly accurate in some things (for ecample Meriones giving a boar tusk helmet to Odysseus and the helmet is very well described and fits the mycenaean counterparts) but yes he uses anachronisms a lot for example the mention of iron weapons in his narrative even if Iron was't widedly used at that time or round shields mentioned were more common in Homer's time than mycenaean times. The same goes with other weapons. It is more a case of anachronism rather than a case of inconsistency. We also see burial customs that are more consistent with Homer's time and later times as well rather than Mycenaean times. Or some politica ideals and so on such as the gatherings for voting among the kings or soldiers or the ideal of straightforward battle or being remembered in eternity which were all ideals we know were establishing by Homer's time but we do not know how much of it is true about the mycenaean times. Which makes sense given how Homer was mentioning things he and his audience were familiar with. Another we can see from subjects of shame and modesty such as Penelope covering herself in a veil for modesty. That we do not know if it was a thing in mycenaean times although in Homer's time we can assume it was more common which was done again in classical times where women should by n large be covered in the presence of men.

Yeah probably it was a mix of oral mythical traditions and historical traditions that survived from mouth to mouth given how we unfortunately do not have much written evidence from that time and since myth and history were often tangled together in ancient greek tradition it makes sense how both travel the same way. Homer probably hears the stories and the traditions and indeed mixes in some of the customs or details more familiar in his time and creates his story. Unfortunately given how the mycenaean scripts are scarce and all of them are logistics and not literature or history, is really hard to be 100% certain on their society and history but it does seem to be a very good amalgamation between history, myth and anachronysm. Homer also provides us so much detail on warfare and wounds that it is estimated he was at war possibly at a high position or that he was trained as a doctor among others. Many of the anatomical details he mentions are simply on point which makes it even more interesting as a hypothesis.

Obviously one cannot use Homer as a historical source to learn about the war of Troy but rather they can use it as a reference as to how these wars of the late Bronze Age Greece passed on to the immediate next generations a few hundred years later.

[rhysricepuffs]

random badeni hcs because i cannot form a normal thought abt this show (this was supposed to include several characters but i got carried away with badeni) (english isnt my first language so pls pardon some faulty grammar) (also pls excuse the messy writing, these are just stuff ive jotted down)

Badeni:

• probably hyperlexic and learned to read at an early age

• used to be ramble a lot when he was younger. he liked to monolouge about random things he found interesting. his ramblings were about things that kids his age didnt care about (which consequently led to some struggles with his social life early on). he mostly yapped about poems/stories he read, but he also talked about the symbolism of a flower he picked, or the name of a random rock that looked cool

• used to be sweet kid :( he smiled alot and was joyful back then

• didnt like that certain things were the way they were, and there was no further explanation to it. why did you have to follow a certain unreasonable rule at school? why was it rude to interrupt someone while talking? he constantly questioned and asked why, which led to many people disliking him. he eventually learned to question internally instead of expressing them out loud.

•gets so fixated while researching/reading and can even continue so several days in a row. The only times he stops is when someone (usually grabowski, and later oczy) checks up on him, and then he realizes that he’s at the verge of passing out

• meaning that he tends to forget his needs and has to be reminded to hydrate, sleep, etc.

• would absolutely lose it over a hug. he’s definitely touched-starved. bonus points if someone plays with his hair :( (not that he would just let anyone do so)

• he opened up to oczy and jolenta over time. he let jolenta braid his hair, and he told oczy about certain academic knowledge he didnt know about (it was his way to show appreciation)

• has a habit to pace around. a complex equation requiring much thought? he paces around. someone spewing illogical, stupid yap? he paces. if he needs some time to unwind? he paces. sometimes, when either oczy or grabowski checks up on him, they see him just walking in circles while tugging his finger around his chin ( like the thinking pose) and he sometimes talks with himself too.

• he would be a bassist in a modern band au; he might appear withdrawn and aloof, but this guy would be willing to take the spotlight anytime (i mean, have you seen some of those bass solos? they slap. literally)

• in a modern au, he’d probably be very conservative about listening to music: his taste would only consist of classical music, refusing to listen to anything else due to classical being “objectively better” because he says so. until oczy came and introduced him to indie, rock, pop, etc. at first he denied the appeal of it, but later he caught himself listening to them out of curiousity and ended up liking it. when confronted about it, he’d just say that it was nothing special while bopping his head to the beat.

• modern au badeni would be so skeptical and frustrated over social media. He doesnt like the nature of it; posting appealing things with little to no further information about it and the blantantly obvious lies and traps people fall for. it was mind-boggling to him. What do you mean that people base their opinions on short form content, when to be able to gauge the reality of certain topics, one would have to research beyond snippets of information? What do you mean that people consciously lie about a product’s effects for the sake of profit? The truth being somewhat obscure wouldnt sit right with him. The only reason he’d ever download such an app would be watch cat videos

• speaking of which, he’d 100% be a cat person. if he sees a random stray cat, he’ll go all pspspspspsp and hug and cuddle with it :) (making sure no one he knows sees him, though). he would own a cat that he would spoil :)

•badeni would wear a type of perfume that smells like a combination of violets and musk (im no expert in perfumery), and it would blend with the scent of books due to him being around them most of the time. but he usually doesnt bother wearing perfume--only on rare occasions where he has to present himself well. in fact, he finds perfumes to obstruct his sense of smell (he does have a strong sense, after all. remember when he called out oczy for reeking of blood?)

• due to his poor eyesight, either grabowski or oczy gave him a description about things that were hard for him to see, such as things from afar, or some small object.

planning to write one with oczy soon :)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello! Merry Chirtmas ! İ just love your blog and can't stop thinking about it ! So, how would tadc react to a female kid reader ? That little girl is cheerful elegant little lady and wear nice Pink dress with bows! She comforted Gangle by saying "don't be sad ! İ love you !" And put some sticker on her mask ! Oh and saying i love you to them before leaving. When Jax is doing something bad she says "Don't be mean! you silly rabbit!"

Caine, Gangle, Zooble, Pomni w/ sweet!kid!reader (platonic)

doing these characters since the wheel chose it (ominously) not sure how much i'll write today but i got a little more in the inbox compared to these past few days so i plan on working that down

CAINE:

basically treats you like his own kid but hes never been a dad before so hes still learning; torn between him being over protective of you or thinking you're indestructible (which... technically you are as long as youre in the digital world). i think he finds your sweetness adorable, though if theres someone in the circus being mean to you (surprisingly i dont think jax would be too mean. a little bit of a butt? yeah but its not much different than an older brother picking on their younger sibling) i think he would pipe up and not shut up until you get an apology. starts watching IHAs more now that you're here, both to see how youre doing but also to make sure its not too crazy for you.. cant help but let the big scary monster/trial pass when you run up to it being nice. literally just snaps the thing out of existence/away/wherever. loves seeing the look of triumph on your face afterwards

POMNI:

nice towards you and probably over time keeps a closer eye on you but in the beginning i think its more like. you following her like a duckling since shes busy trying to find an exit. honestly i think pomni would have a hard time when it sinks in that theres a little kid here in the circus. how did you get here? when did you get here? i think thats what would prompt her in trying to connect with you, thus you gain another guardian figure! sticking true my idea of pomni being uneasy around kids because they can be gross and have no filter and be unpredictable i think at first she would be a little... tense around you, but overtime becomes more comfortable when she realizes youre not like that. definitely going to take a while, though.. shrugs

GANGLE:

definitely finds you sweet, lets you hang around in her room and mess with her art supplies. probably cries harder when you try to make her feel better after jax does something, usually something that leaves her with a broken comedy mask. i dont think she would let you confront jax about it, though... she appreciates the sentiment but shes not about to make it look like she sent a little kid to defend her, thats only going to give jax even more ammo even if you stood up for her on your own. sometimes lets you put stickers on her mask or glitter... ponders.. i think she reads stories to you too, every night

ZOOBLE:

i think ive already said this before but zooble gives off such older sibling energy, and i cant really explain it other than its just the personality and looks... but i guess that doesnt explain much. shrugs. sweet younger sibling, cool but indifferent older sibling. or at least you think theyre cool. and you tell them every chance you guy. i think they would just give a weird "thaaanks.." the first few times before fully leaning into the older sibling role. dont get me wrong like before they wouldnt just leave you wandering around alone during an IHA, hell i dont think they would there wasnt one going on.. but they wouldnt go out of their way to hang out with you.. but eventually they just kind of keep a closer eye on you. check in on you. ask what youre up to. theyre not attached to you by the hip but theyre definitely present in your life as a role model. tries to make you be less nice, gives you the talk that not everyone is nice and sometimes some people fake being nice in order to get what they want. but in kid terms, obviously... well not little kid terms i still think zooble would be blunt but they wouldnt be harsh

[wuucchoo]

Hi! I've recently started following u since I'm a huge megumi stan and I absolutely love your art and your review on jjk. I would forever be grateful if you would give me your opinion on just one question. What do you think abt itadori's and megumi's, relationship do you think it is friendship, smth above friendship or just neutral?

hello!!! thank you for loving my art!! i appreciate it very much ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

as for itafushi, i think its something above 'friendship' and more like 'camaraderie' - coz i think characters who went through life or death situations multiple times together would just automatically have that kind of bond. but to be very honest! i wish we saw more of them outside of jujutsuing some kaisen, just because i would have loved to see that bond develop outside of fights. because it seems we only ever just see the result of that bond and never the actual bond, if im making any sense? but i still do think they're probably what you might call 'platonic soulmates' with how quickly they both mutually trusted each other.

in the beginning i wasnt really convinced about their 'friendship' coz it just came out of nowhere that megumi wants to save this kid he just met. granted, he did saw yuji go back to save his friends meaning yuji is a good kid - still that was sukuna ryomen megumi was letting reincarnate just coz he wanna save one person.

but what made me like their friendship a little better was that moment before the start of the goodwill event when megumi noticed something was bothering yuji. no one else noticed that, and yuji wanted to brush it off like its nothing. but one look from megumi and he admitted there was something actually - but that its okay now. i think thats cute that they can sense when something is bothering the other, even though they only knew eachother for a few days.

and on more moments after that, they seem to understand each other really well. like, the fact that sukuna's reincarnation was the cause of all those random curses awakening/getting stronger and both of them not wanting the other to know coz they dont want to hurt each other. or when yuta was trying to convince yuji that it wasnt his fault back in shibuya but yuji wouldnt accept it - but when megumi came in he accepted megumi's words and understood it. they have a very special bond where they mutually have an understanding, and i think that's very cute.

with that said though, i wish gege could've given us more moments of them all together - including nobara - because on the surface it looks like they're all just acquaintances who didnt have much time to get to know each other enough for their bond to be called friendship. although i do think they have a strong camaraderie, i wish their bond as first year students was shown a lot better - especially since we saw them meeting for the first time. for example, with gojo and geto - we dont need to see them gradually getting to know each other because we as the readers saw them for the first time when they're already friends. but with itafushi, we needed more time to see them gradually be friends. but what happened was, these characters strengthening these bonds behind the scenes, and every time we see them we are only seeing the result of that.

i dont know if im making any sense, but gege seems to struggle with writing character relationships that he actually have to show the audience - this is more noticeable with how he handled tsumiki and megumi's relationship. gege relies too much on us just thinking 'oh, maybe they bonded while we weren't looking' or something like that. imo, gege seems to not know how ((or does not want)) to show characters gradually being friends, coz its either some kind of sense of duty (megumi) or its some memory thats forced upon these characters (todo and choso), just so the characters can jump from strangers to bestfriends/brothers from the get go.

i think i rambled way too much and made zero sense, but what i wanna say is that i believe that yuji and megumi's bond is something that's above friendship - and is a very strong sense of camaraderie and responsibility for each other. and while i did see it, i just wish gege showed that a lot better and made the strangers to comrades to friends transition a whole lot visible.

((i couldnt articulate my thoughts in a more concise manner (ᵕ—ᴗ—) sorry if its confusing (ó﹏ò｡)))

[rockermybuddie]

Rant about my sweet boy Tommy Kinard.

So if you are one of those “OmG JuMp ScArE” or “im blocking you for posting a picture of Tommy”

Just go ahead and scroll or block me, idc.

———————————————

I’m going to start this off by when i first started watching 911 and we shall go from there.

I started watching 911 in 2020 when covid started and it was senior year of high school so we were doing NTI.

I stopped watching it specifically on the episode where they responded to the guy at the car place getting blown up like a balloon.

Why?

Because I couldn’t stand how Buck was treating Eddie.

It was generally pissing me off how Buck was so ‘jealous’ of Eddie in the beginning because he was ‘better’ than him and was able to do things he couldn’t.

Because thats how life is, there is always going to someone who comes into your work space and knows how to do it better than you no matter how long you have worked there.

And yes its a Tv show, i know.

I picked up watching 911 in late 2023 and finished where i left off, so forgive me if what i said wasnt quite accurate.

I literally stopped watching in the middle of that episode and picked right back up in the middle of that episode three years later and never re-watched S1-S2.

I genuinely just forgot i had even started watching it and i knew why i stopped but figured i would give it another try.

I also kept seeing it on my fyp on tik tok and figured i just had to watch his character development.

———-

So what gets me so aggravated about Tommy is when i see and edit of him then it switches to Eddie and i open the comments and everyone is like:

“Omg put a jump scare warning”

“I was abt to block you”

“Ew temu”

“Get him off my screen”

If you dont want to see Tommy then stop watching 911????

When Tommy was introduced in 911 he obviously was an unlikable character.

No one likes a sexist, racist, homophobic.

And I understand why we wouldnt like him.

He was working under Gerrad and we all know how Gerrad is if he were to not follow along with his fellow crew then he would wouldnt of been able to go on calls and would get stuck on cleaning duty.

The whole “he didnt have to follow in their footsteps”

Thats all he could really do back then.

He was introduced as a bad character.

But

Character development.

Haha i like doing the small to big text.

Anyways.

He left the 118 and went to harbor. We had years of not seeing/hearing from him other then that time when Chimney called him.

Obviously he had character development helping Chim.

Dude couldnt stand him in the beginning. Even when Chim carried him out of the building that one time.

So in that time he had time to change his view of things and im sure if was able ro go back in the past and change how he acted he would.

Why?

For Buck.

Both Tommy and Buck had major character development and thats what we like to see!

If we all love Buck now why cant we love Tommy too?

I do hope see Buck learning how Tommy treated Chim and Hen. Yeah Buck will be upset but he will see how Tommy has changed since then.

Gerrad will probably have something to do with that.

Buch changed.

Tommy changed.

——-

People also need to learn

Actor vs character

Lou is NOT Tommy.

He portrays Tommy.

Just because an actor plays a character you dont like doesn’t mean you need to go say hatful things about them.

Lou would never say or do anything racist or sexist.

And if he did/does the internet isnt going to let that slide.

Like come on, we know once something gets said the whole internet will know.

Isnt that right Ryan? (He apologized i know)

And not everyone likes apologies but the thing is people pick and choose if an apology is accepted or not. So either way if someone apologizes it might not even matter in the end.

The internet is going to be the internet.

You dont have to agree with me this was just a rant.

I probably missed somethings i was going to say or maybe i said somethings that are wrong.

Oh well. 

——-

Im going to go clean now. My brain hurts.

[chlorinecake]

I just saw what that anon said and I can really really relate I feel like there's no way I can like them cuz I'm black I feel like. Weird for having a crush on Ni-ki cuz I'm black and even though I know there's no chance anyway cause he probably doesn't date fans obviously lol It makes me ashamed especially because people are always saying "what if / he probably doesn't like black girls/people" and it makes me feel like I'm less beautiful because I'm black and even if he did date fans I mean I'm like SOOOO ugly like atrocious but it makes me feel like even if I was a little bit more pretty he wouldn't like me or would dismiss me cause I'm black or like I wouldn't be good enough or he'd be disgusted or disappointed or weirded out because I'm black and a fan /has a crush on him and besides him it makes me feel like enhypen wouldn't talk to me or treat me the same cuz I'm not Asian or white like I couldn't be a fan or wouldn't be as important or pretty or cool or even just they wouldnt want me as a fan or like me or even look my way cause im black its gotten so bad that people dont evn have to say that anymore (they do but they dont have too) for me to think that way. Like I know we all saw that pretty engene video with that girl with the glasses and i couldn't help but make it about race like thinking would they look at me like that or would I be ugly abd weird cause I'm black ? Or if she was black would they still think she's pretty? Or would they even put the camera on her if she was black ? Anyway I'm rambling but being black is something I struggle with even without people saying the group I like or the guy I have a crush on (Niki obviously) wouldn't like me or would hate me for being black . Or they would be uncomfortable or disgusted with me because I'm black so it's just hard to even see myself meeting them or *even to imagine myself in reader fanfics even if the reader's supposed to be black because I've convinced myself that the only way I'd be pretty or attractive or they'd be friends withe or date me in Ni-kis case is if I was white or Asian* (*just talking about from a fanfic standpoint for this one* but yeah) but yeah it sucks and

Okay, I REFUSE to sit here and let you talk down on yourself like that. I don’t care how true you may think it is, YOU ARE NOT UGLY, Mirah ~ You’re beautiful, from head to toe, melanated skin, curly hair and all. Black women are beautiful, it’s disgusting to me how society has brought some of us to a point where we feel insecure, undesirable, or unworthy of affection from others. My words might not do much to encourage you, because finding confidence (esp as a black girl) takes time. But I really urge you to understand that you can’t expect other ppl to accept you when you don’t even accept yourself. Wish I could give you the BIGGEST hug rn, bc this actually hurts to read :(

Another point, I’ve seen plenty videos of Enhypen (along with other kpop groups) connecting with colored fans in the same way they do with their supporters of a fairer complexion, but I won’t share any of those videos here bc I don’t want you to seek “proof” as a way for you to feel better abt yourself.

On the flip side, let’s say that some ppl in the kpop industry DO have a prejudice (which I’m sure some do): your life and happiness isn’t dependent on their validation.

Let’s not even get started on how a lot of Ni-Ki’s favorite artists are black (Riki Jackson ? Bro would’ve never called himself that if he was racist)… but anyway, colored people like any other group of individuals can b really amazing once they get past their insecurities and embrace the way God made them. Jst know that u can always come to be if your struggling with something or just want to vent <3

[cassedyevihtt]

Solitaire and Radiosilence

I have been listening to these audio books again. About how these characters pour their hearts out online. And how people go through trying times but have friends thats there for them.

Examples of this is Tori she suffers alot alone and has to be there for charlie "i am the one thats suppost to be there when these things happen"

She cant bear the thought of someone being concerned and caring for her. But at the end of the day she feels safe with a person and lets him in. This is extraordinary.

Another thing that are common in fiction in general is that these emotional issues get to a high point where shit has got to go down. Like there starts a fire at Tori's school that makes her properly freak out and thats how she and people around her find out abt exactly how depressed she's been feeling.

Or when Tori sees micheal lose that scating competition. And he rages.

That sort of thing never happens in real life. Most of us suffer in silence. And it never gets this high point. It might gradually go over or it stays for a loooong time.

And if it does get a high point, people are never there to see it. Not the people you care abt most anyway.

Cuz u shield the people u care abt. U dont want them to go around concerned.

I freak out over things. It can get hard for me to stand or breathe sometimes and i can get a bit manic. This is all in my head. I can get easily overwhelmed bc i naturally think alot. And notice alot of things. Especially when doing something new. And not fun. Like work. This is just a basic truth for me. Something i need to live with and be patient with.

And when i get like that, sometimes I just want a hug. And other times i want people to fuck off and I just need a break and a snack. And some sleep. And to make a list.

How nice would it be for someone to know and understand that? I dont want people to be like "oh no will she be alr doing these big things she wanna do in her life?" I dont want them to make me doupt myself. I want them to stand by, see me suffer and see me pull through anyway. Like the push and pull. Both "u got this come on one more step!!" And "now u just chill, tomorrow u work"

Radiosilence has a sequence where Francis goes and finds his sister, tracks her down, fools aled's toxic af mother and finds his sister. Aled's sister and Francis and Daniel and Rain all drive 6 hours in the middle of a schoolday to find Aled.

And i feel like this also only happens in fiction. People truly caring for one another and seeing when other people are hurting and DOING something abt it. Solitaire had it realistic "i saw it comming and yet I did nothing" both charlie and tori said this to one another.

I wish someone would do that for me if they knew i was not feeling well. And i wish people would do that without it needing to be "i think she might kill herself" it could just be "mate, i think she's having a stressy day, so lets bake something nice for her and do something fun together" I mean, it doesnt have to get so serious before friends just contact each other or appear without warning and just hang out or talk.

I think, the friends that i have now, i probably wouldnt have taken that roadtrip for them in the middle of my schoolday. I'd think for them to sort it out by themself. Now, with Aled, the character's got a houndred hints that he was not okay. But in real life u cant tell. People just go around lying and maybe stop texting if they even did much in the first place.

I knew one friend was hurting herself. So i asked abt it. This was before i grew up. She talked abt it and i said for her to talk to me abt it from that moment onward. I also showed concern for another friend who had 'issues at home' I said for her to meet me after school one day where she could let it all out, and I would listen. So i did.

Another friend had panic attacks and I tried to show that i was there for them aswell. I tried to ask how they were, if they were getting help (which they were)

But then i went through shit. And i didn't feel anyone was there. I later told a friend myself, but before that no one really noticed.

I am pretty sure my main friend group knew shit was bad for me at some point. I said i'd done something stupid and they'd all ask what and i couldnt tell them.

Now later we dont really talk. My friend that had panic attacks isnt on the same wavelength as me anymore. We dont have the same interests and they have this other friend that is better. And i pissed of their little sister.

Its just. I think I chose the wrong friends. Friends who just wants to use me and discard me when i have nothing more for them to use, when i don't want to listen to their sob stories anymore. There is no genuine "how are u though?" Bc they do ask just to be nice but in reality everyone knows that they wouldnt be able to take the answer. They wouldn't want to hear the real answer. They just want to feel guilty. They want reassurance. They dont want to be there.

I am ready to move away from this place. I want fresh air. New friends that will take initiative. That wont just wait for me to make a move. But actually come around to my house and check up on me, not bc i seem sad but bc thats just a nice thing to do.

That they will call me instead of me just calling them. (For example one friend I called alot but he never called first)

And this is not me wanting pity. I dont do pity. What i want is understanding. And to be seen. Like micheal and Tori. For someone to stop and invest in the energy to get to know me, slowly. Quality time. Pick up cues and pieces of who i am. Not just the rough tough exterior i have (which I love) but the person inside too.

Maybe I'd like it to be more than one person so that I dont enter some Co-dependant relationship/friendship again. Still a bit hard to trust myself or anyone else after something like that. It has always been hard for me to trust others though.

In reality the only one that can save u is urself. It would be nice to have team players though. Real and actual team players.

[sacredfang]

Hello! I’ve been making a game and wanted to make a character with npd to mix up the character dynamics. The thing is, as you probably know, npd is so stigmatized, which means it’s literally impossible for me to research. So, if possible, I would like to hear some of your experiences with npd (how it makes you think and behave, that type of thing). If you don’t want to answer, feel free to ignore this.

its kind of hard to explain but i can try my best QvQ!

its pretty self explanatory! i do objectively tend to think i am above people when first meeting them. the only people i truly feel are my equals are my very good friends and partners! bit beyond that, even other friends im not as close with, i believe i, and my friends, are better then them. not even necessarily in a malicious way. its subconscious

i do get envious and jealous quite frequently. over someone elses success, their talent, their clothes, or even them getting the attention from someone I want that attention from. obviously it can range, but jealously is fairly prominent in my life. however i usually dont let it impact how i act and treat others. im aware a lot of my jealously is irrational so i dont let it guide me. i also HATE the fact i get jealous. like. im above jealously?? im too good for that??

i tend to believe i am the priority in peoples lives. that i deserve their #1 spot of love and admiration. im objectively very self centered. but despite this, i do attempt to put people i care about first. it may be first instinct to put myself first, but ive learned that in some cases its important to give others more attention, especially if i truly care about them.

punches to the ego are never fun. even small comments that arent meant to be taken seriously could feel like a personal attack. like someone just offended my entire bloodline. especially when it comes to losing a game or an argument. ive found that when people insult my sense of morality it can easily cause me to crash. a lot of my pride is put into being a good person, its what makes me so confident im as good as i am! so when someone implies or even directly states they think i was in the wrong or that im not a good person, i loose my marbles. specifically when i believe im in the right. if i can see a mistake and agree i did something wrong thats different, but when i think my slate is clean, i take full offense to those accusations. i ESPECIALLY cant stand being spoken down to or patronized. that shit drives me INSANE

i also hate being wrong. or proven wrong. or people acting like im wrong. it makes me want to claw a wall. this also applies to positive things! like, for example, if i tell my friend i think theyre pretty and awesome, and they deny it, i get PISSED. like. are you telling me im WRONG? YOURE BEAUTIFUL

and of course i struggle with empathy. i can be compassionate, caring, kind, and sympathetic, but empthy is out the window. i struggle to connect with certain troubles or feelings someone is facing because i cant ever understand how they feel in that moment. objectively, i could understand why they are upset, but i can not relate to those emotions. an internal reaction i often have is thinking theyre over reacting, or that they need to suck it up. even if i know thats not really true.

overall, im very self centered. im low empathy, quickly irritable, i hate being vulnerable, i yearn for admiration, i dont like being looked down, i tend to talk over others, jealous easily, overconfident, fantasize about power and sucess, believe im special, im pretty, who wouldnt love me? and when my sense of pride is hit, i crumble. its easy to split on someone if they are apart of it, even accidentally. and grudges are upsettingly frequent aswell

i try to be private about my personal life. i hate when people know too mucu about me. what if they used it against me? what if they think im weaker than i am? or the ideal version of myself ive created to be viewed is shattered?

however i can be very open and affectionate to my friends and partners (the fear above is still ever present though) the only person i trust fully with my feelings is my best friend who Also probably has npd. so. but i HATE pda.. unless its me. im allowed to do it. but if anyone else does it im fully of hate

i can love. i can kiss i can hold with ease, but when i love it feels suffocating. i feel like i need to tear my partner open and make him hurt just so he knows how much i love him. existing without him is like being deprived of air. he is my equal and he is everything. and i dont want him to treat anyone else like he does me, becuase i am HIS partner and he is MINE. no one else gets that treatement. im downright obsessivive lowkey (highkey)

i also struggle to fathom the concept of people disliking me. if they dislike me then fuck i dislike them too! tf! they can go die!

in the past ive had a few cases of demonizing people to give myself a reason to dislike them or to ditch them. especially after theyve upset me. these days im pretty good at communicating when im upset and fix it, but when i was younger i would just place the blame on their shoulders and book it. not my proudest era

ive learned to handle these traits fairly well with common sense and consideration. i may not have empathy but i still care about being a good person. so even when its instinct to think one way, i force myself to rationalize. to go "Well. No actually you arent the most important person in the world. idiot." so i can keep my shit together lmfao. i care too much about people (and my morals) to let myself fall into my urges and irrational thoughts. i always do my best to approach criticism with an open mind, and id say i do pretty well at it!

ive also found that due to this, i get really anxious at the idea of people being aware of my npd. being aware that i think this way. knowing that they very well could change their opinions of me based off this one fact. its freaky as hell

im sorry if this doesnt make a lot of sense. im the worst lol

[freebooter4ever]

does anyone else have tropes in their own writing that would only make sense to them? if you've ever read multiple fics of mine and come across any background character named 'janet' or any character whose name starts with a 'j' or is similar to that - those are all the same character. Its this weird obsession of mine - to put real life people into my fanfic. And each 'janet' is a new version of my great aunt janet who was, to put it kindly, a holy terror. She was mean to everyone, she hated children (though she tolerated me because i silently did everything she told me to and would help her shell peas on the farm when we visited), and she died old and alone. But her life was pretty sad too - she grew up when women weren't educated much, and she never married and instead of living her own life was left by her older brothers as the caretaker of their mother, basically until the day she died. So in my stories all my 'janet's lead beautifully full and happy lives with lots of friends. None of the main plots are about janet, obviously, but if i need a side character i just plop her in there and invent a better life for her than the one she was stuck with.

I do this with grandma too. If there's a random little old lady in my fic it's probably based on grandma. The most popular being Eleanor from DOA. I even wrote a short story about an old woman who knits and spins her own yarn, and pricks her finger on the spinning wheel to become a superhero and save her suburbs from aliens, but instead of fighting the aliens ends up befriending them and adopts them as a sort of alien cat breed. It was entirely based on grandma jojo, who -if you think my insecurities are bad - is even worse when it comes to believing she can do anything. She doesn't think she can do anything right, so she never wants to do anything because she knows she won't do it well. This baffled grandpa jojo, who used to try to teach her about airplanes and rockets and wanted her to go to college. And this equally baffled me my whole life - when i was really little i apparently wouldnt let her just sit beside me, i made her draw too. So all my stories feature larger than life superhero grandma characters.

And lavender - this is one people have caught me on, lol. Because I use it every chance I get. Grandma callyerdogsoff was a poet and an artist herself, but writing her into stories as a character feels impossible. So instead i use her signature scent. She died in 2010 but sometimes if i think about her i can still smell lavender.

People belittle fangirls, fanfic, and fanartists and say this stuff isn't worth anything compared to 'real' creative work but. I dunno. There's so much more to it than people imagine. I know none of my writing will last beyond my lifetime, and that none of these little tropes will be teased out of it like in english lit class. So whats the harm in writing within already built communities that share an established passion? My 'original' work always feels lonelier than the stuff written with an audience in mind. Why is writing my original work so much better when it just sits there and is never seen by anybody other than me. Compared to the fanfic where im writing my stories about other people's characters and using my words and my particular quirks...and usually interacting with a whole community of friends and fellow writers.

[tengritexas]

Stories of the Khans: Entry 1: Ghengis Khan

Its actually rather surprising I HAVENT brought up this dude of my year on tumblr. As a Tengrist, this is probably the single most influential figure to Tengrism.

And so with that said 👏 lets talk

Ghengis Khan's history and influence is ultimately unknown beyond a book called "The Secret History" which was a book written at his death bed to recount his success and life up until his death.

Ghengis Khan had sucumb to multiple village raids in his early life and with his blood brother, a shaman (which we will talk about later). It wasnt until he came up with a diplomatic strategy to unite multiple mongol villages along the region of modern day mongolia.

You see, it wasnt just his war ability that got him successful, but his diplomatic tactics as well. Even during the seige of China he would kidnap engineers of the great wall and let them live if they would build a machine to destroy the walls (the catapult/trebuchet) this arguablly made Ghengis Khan more dangerous because he knew how to convince people to join him.

Ghengis Khan (during the raids of china) was told by his brother along with other Shamans that he was given divine power by Tengri to rule and scorch the earth. Not much is talked about how this conclusion was reached other than it seemed like a type of prophecy. This is where the Khan's famous quote of "I am the punishment of God" comes from.

Full quote:

"I am the punishment of God, had humanity not comitted great sins, God would not send a punishment like me upon you" (scary as fuck honestly)

Ghengis Khan also had roughly THOUSANDS of decendants but ultimately only recognized a handful to be given authority over the largest land empire in human history.... which then split up to his sons who waged war with one another.

Ghengis Khan told his sons that they were given the torch to finish ruling the world but ultimately the shamans did not agree on this view point. (This is just a side note)

When Ghengis Khan was eventually burried they killed the guards, and then killed the killers of the guards by his command. So... we have no idea where he is burried as a result.

Today in modern mongolia, Ghengis Khan day is celebrated every year around November. Mongolia at the national level still praises Ghengis Khan by name (meaning universal leader) and some believe he will eventually return from the dead (because he talked about it in the secret history I wouldnt place any bets on it lol)

[616nightcrawler]

6, 7, 8

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

jeanscottlogan fans acting like theyre canon during krakoa bc they did that weird fucking queerbait. like sorry guys but its not fucking happening. theyre not canon. those are two heterosexual men sharing jean grey bc she's housewifepilled and heterosexual right now. like come on

also cherik bc i know those two old men are fucking but i dont care that much and its not that deep. and i'm traumatized from people creaming their pants over james mcavoy hes not that hot and the reboot movies are genuinely just not good

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

billy kaplan. im sorry im sure hes a nice little gay boy but YA fans always acting like their boring dark hair/light hair gay couple invented the fucking wheel when it comes to comic book gays. im just so over it. and like everything i've read where he shows up was just not that interesting. YA was not that interesting. its just the kind of gay rep i yawn and turn away from i dont care about it one bit and people acting like its revolutionary when northstar was gay and interesting before billy was even a twinkle in wanda's eye is EXTRA infuriating. billyteddy just seems so disgustingly wholesome and the fact that they got married at 20 is offensive to my people (weird flighty gays in ill defined relationships). talk to me when you're so repressed you become a big evil ice monster and kill all your friends, loser

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

akihiro wouldnt stop badmouthing logan bc laura and gabby are in the room. like i get a lot of comments of this nature when i make my weekly akihiro ramble post like "ohhh he's just letting bygones be bygones for the sake of his sisters" like 1) he wouldnt do that he's bisexual and evil and loves drama and being petty and making his problems everyone else's 2) they dont give a fuck they know logan is a shitty old man. akihiro metas written by people who only got into him post-krakoa. you guys dont GET HIM talk to me when you're rereading dark avengers like a freak

i did all xmen for this one bc they're front of mind always forever but I'm gonna throw in some jojo substitutes bc i'm honestly a bigger hater when it comes to jojo:

6. bruabba its not that deep

7. fugo is not important to the plot at all and acting like he has some sort of relevance to giornos life is just lying to yourself bc you want to ship gio with someone more age-appropriate than mista. like i get it but he barely met giorno before dipping just write your au fic where he sticks around and dont pretend that they had some love connection and no i'm not reading that light novel or whatevs i dont care about this irrelevant boy

8. part 5 is not the best part. in fact its probably the weakest plot-wise with pretty one-note characters and plot twists you can see coming a mile away ESP coming off part 4 which has a solid plot. you guys just like the shippable twinks. AND THATS OKAY. but dont pretend. also jonathan isnt boring you guys are just mean and if you skip 1+2 you're weak

tldr part 5 mid