#stupid med school
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Okay I'm done
#i don't wanna do this anymore lol#i truly would trade every experience of the last 9 months to go back to when i was last happy#stupid med school#stupid fucking pathetic life#personal
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If it's not too much to ask, what would Megatron's origin be then?
Ooohhhhehe I love this one.
Megatron is Dredge, a living stone statue or stone giant. Living in the far future. Not as far as Brainstorm, but in the future.
He gets a medical degree, suffers sleepless nights before an exam, and writes poetry. The regular mechs treat him with a little wariness, but no more than that. Overt oppression of monsters is long past, thanks to the efforts of Orion and many other mechs.
Megatron has never and will never meet Orion Pax, but he can see him if he looks at illustrations in historical articles.
#maccadam#monster hunter au#megatron#Orion dies for his ideas at some point in history#so#Megatron never gets a chance to meet him#But thanks to Orion’s efforts Megatron can live a happy free life#in the past he would be forced to live underground and either hide from mechs or work for them#because Stone giants were known as ‘stupid and dangerous creatures’#but in the future#he just studying in med school and writing poetry
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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omg rotations are so fun !! ( cries in the bathroom every second hour because one patient was mean to me )
#med studyblr#medicine#med school#med student#med stuff#premed#just girly things#im just a girl#this is a girlblog#girlblogging#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#stupid girl things#blythe doll#lana del rey#coquette#waifspo#healthcare#slay#girl interupted syndrome#girl interrupted#hell is a teenage girl#hello kitty#kuromi
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me (diagnosed with ADHD): *talks about little funny/annoying things my brain does (because of the ADHD)* my mom (not diagnosed with anything): wow that's so funny, the exact same thing happens to me too! i've never heard anyone else describe that. so random that you get that too. genetics, huh? :))
#sure mom. funny. funny coincidence.#this happens every time i see her#it happened like 6 times today alone#meanwhile my dad and my sister are staring at us like 'your brains do WHAT now???'#she doesn't really know much about adhd#i only got diagnosed a few years ago and she wasn't part of that process at all because she was living in another country back then#and like. i've gently mentioned to her before that genetics seem to play a big role in adhd too#and that actually many people get a late diagnosis when their child gets diagnosed#and it's fine. i won't pressure her to look into it more because she's doing well!#i don't think she needs meds or therapy or whatever at this point#but i just feel like it might help with how she sees herself? because it's so deeply engrained into her that she is Not Smart???#because she flunked out of school as a teenager???#due to bad grades#and like. oh i wish i could talk to that girl#things turned out well for her and she's generally a happy person#but still. i know part of her think she's stupid. and i fucking hate that#anyway i mainly just think this is really funny when it happens#adhd#nd
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So what's the lore with Juniper n their relationship with Vitimir n Hettie?
WELL for both, their relationships go back to their school days! Although the difference being that Juniper and Hettie went to St. Epiderm together, while Vitimir went to a different school (Glandus at the time he met Juniper).
I’ve briefly touched on how Juniper and Vitimir met here, so that explains their first meeting. To reiterate, Vitimir was a shy kid that didn’t really have any friends growing up (aside from bugs/whatever little creatures they spent their time around) and was bullied frequently, so that single positive interaction with Juniper, though small, really stuck with him and he never forgot it. Juniper didn’t forget it either, but being the sociable type meeting and talking to lots of different people, that moment sorta blended in with the rest of their memories. So fast forward to them both working as Coven Heads at the same time, Vitimir immediately recognizes Juniper. Despite Juniper changing a lot since his child self, that one good memory left such a big impact on Vitimir as a kid that he still held that soft spot for them. So of course, when Juniper eventually approached him on their own time, Vitimir already had this layer of vulnerability. Even though they might not have recognized him, from Vitimir’s perspective, there was that sense of familiarity and comfort; Juniper might have changed, but that kind kid was still in him. Now that they have the chance, Vitimir wants to actually get to know this one person who had plagued so many of their thoughts as a kid. And the rest is history!!
As for Hettie! Again, she and Juniper attended St. Epiderm together. Hettie was just as terrifying as a kid as she is now. She was everything- a jock, a princess, a bully, a weird girl, whatever you can think of. Though she’s very open about who she is, everyone around her was always so intimidated by the fact that she was unpredictable (and the fact that she’s both the smartest AND strongest person you’d ever meet is terrifying enough on its own). Most everyone- except for Juniper. To Juniper, Hettie was always such a character. She’s always been so confident and unapologetic, able to command people’s attention without even saying a word. Her unpredictability made everything she did so interesting. Juniper so deeply admired this about Hettie. And the fact that she’s 100% his type only drew them closer to her. Hettie was Juniper’s first ever crush, and that love Juniper had for her never faded. Though as kids, they weren’t in the same social circles, they did cross paths a lot, whether it was through Sonia (Scooter Crane’s daughter and childhood best friend to Juniper, who was also in the Healing Track), or Juniper getting injured for whatever ridiculous reasons. At this age, Hettie didn’t reciprocate her feelings (yet), but she had a fondness for Juniper because he was so different from the other kids for the fact alone that they had a (very obvious) crush on her. And while their crush may have caused them to do embarrassing things, and foolishly being used as her own guinea pig from time to time to practice her magic on, Hettie had cared about Juniper. To her, he always made life more fun and interesting. Fast forward to them as Coven Heads- Hettie has grown a stronger affection for Juniper. He’s changed over the years, but he still makes life so much more fun and interesting. Perhaps now, Hettie admires Juniper for the same exact reasons they always have her. They’re still a bit pathetic around her, but Hettie finds it endearing. Not to mention, Juniper still makes for a good doll to experiment on, and she takes good care of her favorite dolls ;-)
#ask#juniper jazz#vitimir#hettie cutburn#junimir#medical mirror#I HOPE THIS ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION I tried my best to make it sound coherent and not ramble on about certain things 🙏#tried to talk about hettie more bc i don’t think I’ve explained much of the medical mirror stuff publicly yet#or. anything tbh 😭😭#BUT I MEAN I GOTTA GET EVERYONE ON THE SAME PAGE EVENTUALLY SO THIS IS A START 🙏🙏#I can always expand on anything else if anyone wants me to and is curious :3c#you KNOW how much I love yapping about my stupid peacock I didn’t put all my blood sweat and tears into him for nothin 🫰#ALSO!! FUN LIL THING I WAS GOING TO MENTION BUT DECIDED NOT TO IN THE END BC IT WOULDVE BEEN TOO MUCH-#long story short lets just say hettie chose to hang out w juniper during the night of a school dance 🤭#THAT’S ALL I’LL SAY FOR NOW ABOUT THAT i have Art Ideas for that i -really- want to get to one day#okay i gotta stfu now i told myself i was gonna hold back on the yapping 😭😭😭#OKAY WAIT ONE LAST THING-#idk if anyone actually cares but reminder that I’ve got both junimir and med. mirror playlists if you wanna get a better idea of them!!#theyre not perfect but theyre still fun Okay I’ll shut up for real fr now ✌️
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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feeling dire
#definitely mostly pms but also other things . SCARED!!!#lots of stuff happening to create Perfect circumstances for me to have a very bad time#and generally. i am FAR more prone to depression than anxiety but atm i am a ball of nerves#meds on back order. Scary!!! makes me feel like i need to ration my current supply (i rly don’t)#SCHOOL. RLY SCARY. didn’t go to class today. So many assignedments to work on and they just keep piling up!!#need to meet w my prof abt research. SCARY!! bc i have been slacking like crazy 🫠#and the biggest anxiety inducer. Money!!! which is DUMB!!!! bc objectively i don’t need to worry!!!!!!!#but unexpected thangs are in motion so i am having to pay > $700 more than anticipated a month#which again. this is manageable. Not ideal but given my jobs i can handle it#i just wasn’t expecting it and now feel very out of sorts#since i was a little kid ive had this weird truly unreasonable and irrational anxiety abt money#and this is unfortunately triggering a lot of that again#which is bad bc it makes everything else spiral. ex. need to save -> buying less groceries/policing what i eat -> ed relapse#just feeling very very stupid and upset 🥴#pers
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med school has lowkey broken me, my friend asked me a question about football yesterday and I got too nervous to answer even though I knew it
#like I immediately started doing my nervous fidgeting with my hands#it is not subtle#and then I said “I can't answer when I'm on the spot”#and then I tried to answer and trailed off and said “I don't know” halfway through#even though I was actually right#it's a little pathetic#but I am so goddamn nervous about getting asked any questions ever#like oh god they're gonna find out I'm stupid#and I did not use to be this way#I hate being like this#I should be able to answer a question MY FRIEND asks me without freaking out#but it's gonna take a while to stop having this reaction#this is one of the things I hate about med school#like people will defend the harsh treatment of students as necessary#but I was so much more functional before this#way more capable#the anxiety this has given me has made it way harder to get things done#or apparently just exist in social settings#well this will be another story for therapy#medblr#med school#medicine#med student#my content#my text posts
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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend
#snap chats#a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday#i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN#unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil#but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble#SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise#and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over#In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too#anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august#and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms#also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures �� my selfie game is dick#maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now#i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit#OH WELL we ball good night#wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush#great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican#ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay
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Med students complaining about zoology and fish being used as examples vs marine science students complaining about humans being used as an example for everything
#uni adventures#medicine#marine science#if you are too stupid to get into med school and kind of like suffering with chemistry and sometimes seeing a marine animal#then just pick marine science#literally why am i in physiology class studying humans again hello help hi#didn't even realise we are complaining about the same stuff jist from different perspectives#we are both studying the same pharmacology tho i am never taking antibiotics out of spite
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He said he was thinking about my baking this morning bc I made a special batch of muffins so he could have some 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
Like sir I've been thinking about you for TWO MONTHS NOW I want a taste of that like you have no idea
#i mean other people are alsoe gluten free and keto BUT STILL#i omly let him have a sample so im sticking with that#whenever i post shit like this i feel like a stupid school girl Jesus Christ 💀#work dilf#this man is happily married but thank god i have self control#for the most part#thanks adhd meds 💀
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I swear to god they should not let stupid people on the subways I’m in hell rn
#to be clear I’m the stupid person#the train I take to school was wildly delayed a lots of people were getting on the 3 and I was like word I’ll do that too I think I’ve taken#that to school#no#it gets off on the same avenue a million streets away#I JUST REALIZED THE TRAIN I’m ON RN IS GOING THE WRING WAY#I don’t even remember where th last tag leaves off#anyway I’m on my FIFTH. FUCKING. TRAIN. to get to school bc I tried to outsmart my delayed train#I’m so stupid it makes me sick actually#and I’m not on my heart meds bc of cardiology tests and I’m nauseous#text post
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blegh
#vent vent vent u can ignore#nothing to make u feel more like the biggest failure piece of shit than#being a college grad living at home and working at a coffee shop#with no prospects 🤍#ive found myself cutting myself off from friends who are actually doing shit with their lives bc i can’t fucking take it#this is what happens when u get a pre-med degree but don’t do well enough to actually get into med/pa school😍#humiliating right????#literally miserable rn 🤍#tw vent#tw personal#and i want to quit this stupid fucking coffee shop job so bad too
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*grabbing fanfic authors by the shoulders and shaking them around* listen. listen. pre-law is not a major. do you hear me? can you hear me? listen !!!
#'im studying pre law' there are no pre reqs for american law school#'pre med' refers to the courses required for admission to medical school that typically results in a biology degreee#you can get a degreee in fuck all and go to law school#mumbles#this is such a stupid pet peeve lmao
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