#spoonie mom

[joellesolo]

Well, this isn't Barbie level cute, BUT it's my favorite dress and I remembered to close the bathroom door 😂 and who doesn't love AT-ATs (and pockets)?!

[spacedocmom]

31/12/2024 Doctor Beverly Crusher @SpaceDocMom Incoming Transmission…

Remember to celebrate tonight safely! Don't drink and drive/pilot, don't spread pathogens around, don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow. Make good choices! emojis: black heart, blue heart, masked x5, spoon

[septemberstudies]

1/7/25 - Feeling productive today despite a bit of a migraine! I’ve started my internship and just finished my first presentation, re-started knitting a sweater (had to frog a bunch of it and start over lol), finished the first two chapters of boot.devs python coding course, and picked up some books I bought forever ago (for a class that got canceled rip)! Also yesterday I got back into my workout/PT routine and gave myself a gel manicure for the first time. Hope I can keep this up! I think I’m going to try to do lesson one of Bill Vicars’ ASL course today unless more work comes in or my migraine gets worse (hopefully eletriptan will save me though). Feels good to get back into the swing of things after a rough month or two! I need to figure out a better way to format these posts so I’m not just rambling, but this is it for now!

[crazycatsiren]

Reasons I'm basically a cat:

I hate getting wet

I don't enjoy showers or baths

I'm a picky eater

I sleep a lot

I want affections on my own terms

If I say "don't touch me", don't, or I start scratching and biting

When I get the zoomies it's at night

Loud noises bother me

My behaviors are often misinterpreted

[thyroiddiseasediaries]

My absolute worst nightmare happened. My disabled, OCD/PMDD/PTSD fear…

My mother died suddenly.

My caretaker.

My best friend.

My safe space.

My dad is dead, and now my mom.

I hate myself, I want to die.

I want to hurt myself.

I had a nightmare where I cry out for my mom to wake me up and tell me I’m safe and it’s okay. Only to realize as I was doing that… she’s gone. It’s been a week.

Longer since she first collapsed.

I am scared and I don’t really want to live.

But I promised her before they took her off life support that I would take care of myself, I’d be okay. I’m gonna break generational trauma and make her proud.

So I kind of have to keep going, because she’s told me many times that’s what she wants, and for me to be okay and happy and out of that dark space.

But now I’m left with a dirty, disgusting And humiliatingly gross home. Because after my dad died, and during the pandemic our health/mental health declined.

All I want to do is go home and feel my mom there and feel peace and clean it up. Make her proud. But I’m in pain both physically and mentally. I hate being here without her.

I hate how afraid I am to be alone, but desperately need alone time and space to decompress. I’m incredibly fortunate to have family that’s helping to take care of me right now and help me slowly gain more independence. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head.

But it hurts so fucking much I can’t.

She was supposed to get better. We were supposed to get better together. She was supposed to have more time to finally heal from the trauma and wounds that ultimately killed her. I watched her die slowly, I see her lying on the floor.

It hurts more and is more scary than anything I’ve ever been through. It is all consuming, agonizing, exhausting torture.

I wanted to crawl into that grave with her.

I miss you so much mommy.

[eponinesflowers]

being chronically ill and mentally ill like: is the medical professional telling me “relax” repeatedly because they do this with everyone or because i radiate anxiety from my very being?

[skull-soda]

Apparently you’re not supposed to chug Keterolac like it’s candy. I thought it was a light pain killer, oops

[naomiknight-17]

I am very hungry right now but idk if I have the strength to get up and make something to eat...

I was originally thinking of grabbing something while I was out, but since I was offered a paid cab ride home, I didn't end up doing that. You don't say no to a free ride

But now I am hungry. It is a conundrum

[billysjoel]

so my back has been completely out for 4 days now and the only thing that i did differently is getting the steroid injection and i just asked my dad if he thought i should call the clinic to let them know/see if they have suggestions and he seemed like he didn't think so and told me to stop just sitting on the couch.

so now im sitting on the couch crying bc im in so much pain what the fuck else am i supposed to do

[joellesolo]

“Do you guys ever think about dying?”

This Barbie is not good enough for anything… but she is doing the best she can under the current circumstances and that’s okay 💕🎀

[spacedocmom]

19/12/2024 Doctor Beverly Crusher @SpaceDocMom Incoming Transmission…

I will give you all the happy, loving, caring smiles I can while facing you yet still be able to turn to those who threaten you and glare at them with the fury of every protective mother in the universe all condensed into one. emojis: black heart, blue heart, masked, spoon

[britcision]

Hey fellow spoonies, partner’s mom has pulled her shoulder walking the dog a while back, had surgery for it, and still has aches

(My shoulders are about the only thing I got that do not regularly ache)

I wanna get her a heaty shoulder brace for the holidays, any recommendations? Or just ones to avoid?

[spookysalem13]

I had a dream last night 🌙 that I had a baby. That chaos was going on around me but I never stopped my loving gaze towards my baby who was holding my finger in their hand. That my cat Taffy came up to greet the baby & brush her cheek up against theirs, just like she does with me. To Taffy this is her way of showing affection. It's like kisses to her. 🥰

Then my baby turned into a toddler, they told me they really liked dinosaurs 🦕. And I told them it didn't matter who the companies made the toys for. If it was for boys or girls. All that mattered was that they enjoyed it. I played dinosaurs with my toddler in my dream as Taffy was always near, keeping a close eye to make sure they were alright.

Then I woke up. It was the sweetest dream. Yet, a hard one to bare. There's a high chance I may never be able to have children. Even adoption isn't an option unless I'm married, due to my specific health conditions. Not to mention this country has monetized adoption which is disgusting. So it makes it so expensive.

My dream in life since I was young child, whenever anyone asked me. Was always to be a Mamma. To raise children of my own. I used to say I didn't even care if I had to do it on my own. I was always so determined that I was going to be a mother one day.

The day doctors explained to me what the combination of having kids and my health conditions would do to me. My heart broke 💔 instantaneously. Though I never gave up hope that my health would one day improve enough to make it easier to handle.

I was told if I wanted to risk it, I needed to do so by the age of 25. Well I'm 25 now. And my health has been worse than ever before. But I'm still not giving up hope. I will never give up hope that somehow, some way, I will be able to have a child to love and raise and cherish.

I appreciate the moments I had in my dream last night. It made me really happy. I will keep trying to improve my health, I will hope with everything I have as I get older with my specific conditions that they won't hinder my ability to have a child safely for both of us. It's always been my dream and I will forever hold onto it. Despite the odds.

[evilwriter37]

Don’t use other disabled people against each other as a comparison. Just don’t.

[v-tired-queer]

Didn't think I would hate staying home all day as much as I do, but here I am, absolutely despising it.

[persimmontartkisses]

Tomorrow marks a year since my mom died. Today it is my daughter's first Easter. Life has that funny way of continually being sorrow and joy in all things.

I am disabled. My children are healthy and happy.

I miss my mom. I am here with my own children. They smile when they see my face. They call me mama with their sweet little voices and pet my cheek with their tiny fingers as I press kisses into their skin.

I'm constantly a mix of grief and gratitude. Grief for my parents. Gratitude for the people I still have. Grief for the breakdown of my body. Gratitude that I am alive. I hurt in many ways, but I will power through today for my babies. I'll hold the baby up by her hands to take supported steps and help my son comb the underbrush in search of Easter eggs, though it will physically hurt me to do so. The world keeps going with or without me, so I'll do my best to keep up.