#source: I am autistic and I care her

[qibilette]

tsunami is autistic here she is talking about her special interests <3

[ ID: A digitally drawn headshot of Tsunami from Wings of Fire. It looks like she’s happily talking about something. In her speech bubbles are several simple black and white drawings: a Cassin's auklet swimming and causing ripples, two weapons crossed, a seagull standing with its head turned towards the viewer. End ID]

[endearingsalt]

The field of psychology knows nothing. We are so fucking behind. It is fucking incredible how much there is a black void where research into autistic adult clients in a talk therapy setting should be.

If you want to get really mad, try looking up specifically autistic adults in marriage counseling. Fuck-all. There were 18 results total, of which about half had to do with couples who have an autistic child, and the other half weren't even about therapy. Like, I'm going to keep looking for a little bit, but this is fucking bleak. I focus my academic papers on autism whenever I can, and it's always hard to get everything I need, but I've always done it. This paper? I don't think there are enough academic, peer-reviewed papers in existence on this planet to meet my source requirements for a 10 page masters paper. Absurd. Shameful. I'm having to go at my topic from the side and add subtopics about how related therapies approach autism because there literally aren't enough otherwise.

This post was going to be a zingy one-liner but then I just kept getting more angry.

If anyone tries to take this rant and claim that I said therapy is useless, kindly fuck off. There are good clinicians out there; I intend to become one of them. I'm training with several others who will be too. I know this field can be better than the state of this research. We have to do better as a collective. The fight for equality is the same here as it is in everything else—urgent, vital, and slow.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

being alive at the time i gleaned some general elements abt encanto but never actually heard we don't talk about bruno beyond awareness it existed popping off & i think i heard like the title recited off key off rhythm but in a way that indicates speak singing nonetheless lol so upon experiencing it it's like oh but it's the Verses? while the last refrain goes harder but prior to that it's comparatively underwhelming to said verses which feels appropriate like verses / pieces of a larger picture & that a "we don't talk about him" as a disappointing Lid on infinitely richer more characterful & dynamic "but: talking about him" instances. like well personally it'd be like um seven foot frame....anyway besides being able to firsthand go like oh damn Real (the kind of thing you know exists if alive at the time) it's like alright hang on lol. one thing when a core theme is yeah like "is it a refuge if 'especial' vulnerability ultimately gets pushed out rather than made safer" subset like the parties whose even observation of truths (problems) & drawing attention to them is seen as Ruining Things, like if you're painted as Making futures that aren't simply what's desired or reassuring rather than a guidance via just observing & sharing the truth. but then it's like whaddaya mean living in fear of bruno stuttering and stumbling you could always hear him sort of muttering and mumbling lmao like now that's just Association between the Truth Perceiving & Telling behavior & behavior that's just apparently distinctive of the same person. & like Not Accidentally when [what if people were magic] specifics are obviously primarily abt a metaphorical meaning & like, indeed it was made clear like oh this situation isn't Just b/c [boo we hate your prophecies] & that [an Ability that isn't directed towards what anyone Wants / is "weird" even by these magic standards] isn't Coincidentally given to someone who just so happens to already be "weird" in other ways & be set up to have a different perspective & be pushed away due to having the supposed "extra" vulnerability of unmet needs / insufficient support, same as someone who doesn't "correctly" have any kind of magic ability....like yeah banger and also like Oh Yeah Kind Of Devastating re: that metaphorical resonance allowing for like [set the metaphor aside] now hang on with this about this disabled family member lol. misinterpretation to The Ruinerrr / The Problemmm / The Maliciousss etc (i.e. the scapegoatinggg) despite their efforts likely entirely to the contrary. then despite like, efforts aside, Just Existing, always kind of muttering & mumbling like & what of it. & then like oh sorry weird pets. weird [auspicious for adaptable tenacious thriving surviving; either way simply creatures, existing] pets.

truly like As Is The Idea I'm Sure quickly becomes like hands behind back standing at the window Uh Oh Sisters musing on all the [disabled person] metaphorical & already literal elements there. blair witching it in contemplation like We've All Been There whether being so resented for the mere disruption of "existing in a group as the 'abnormal' odd one out" or like people talking shit abt anything associated w/you as soon as you've left the room, which is also made relevant like, this wasn't Only directed at this person when seemingly permanently gone, nor were they unaware / unaffected prior....pacing in the Musing parlor like things don't Have to be compared to billions but i only ever even see so many things & it's like billions sure is like "get scapegoated rword" & then said scapegoating is presented as only beneficial & we hate autists & even beyond that it's like, grabbing billions, Imagine If Things Meant To Be About Something Were About Something. quite a contrast when they are & furthermore like, deliberate thought & Care for [who gets scapegoated & why] & the truth of like, people getting pushed aside & out who have a key perspective & are primed / liable to come through for others similarly vulnerable & the supposedly Ruinous, Problems Generating disruptiveness is actually the strongest effort to make essential changes to a group. & come through with like, it'd be undermining thee point if it was "reassuring" us like oh haha people will be supportive b/c bruno will be more normal, so great that it Didn't like no, no Normality Reassurance(tm), presence of abnormalities(tm), Good, & everyone Can Deal b/c if you don't then it's pushing this person away, is exactly what happens, including even if they're still Around but are being mistreated b/c that is entirely part of that pushing away like anyone's victim blaming is ready to pounce at any time but if someone can't stand to stay / leaves b/c they can't see another option like that's not out of nowhere nor Regardless of what full support & flexibility they were getting lol. these Active Measures everyone loves so much, which are everywhere always & would include Staying & Trying To Make It Work & those efforts would be "disruptive" & resented & Bringing It On Oneself & etccc smh

that is to all say like. Woww when clearly basically the core thread was these beats of like, the crucial site of [thee scapegoated], & why that comes down on someone & how that plays out. endless ideas about how someone weird(tm) & disabled (&/or queer. but there's no Or here lol. & again like it's a Context like, to even be the one person without kids? likely not living up to "full" correct sexuality in that way alone; any oppression's logics of "inferiority" being logics of ableism, ready examples being that "inferior" race, gender, sexuality (& their experiences as people classed as inferior) all being pathologized as disordered) are seen & treated as someone Ruining Things & who cannot belong like whew. bracing. winding. which, i also recall like i was watching with headphones & during this one dialogue pause i was like "?? what's this Extra Sound i heard there" & had to go over it like twice before being hit upside the head like well it Was still the dialogue pause but it was also bruno Stuttering in a very quiet whisper for the duration of that pause before continuing like iiiiiiii x_x

[ana-bananya]

Support the Jad Al Haq family

I've been asked by the family to make this post to help clear up the rumors of fraud surrounding them. All of these campaigns have been vetted by trustworthy sources and I have linked proof of verification for each of them. You may see similar photos and wording in their campaigns, but that is because they are all sisters.

Please share and donate where you can to help the Jad Al Haq family be able to reunite with Doaa in Egypt.

kr85,535 SEK/kr300,000 SEK

SEK conversation rate calculator

@dodoomar12345 and her son Omar evacuated to Egypt. Omar is autistic and nonverbal, and is suffering from shock and trauma caused by the bombings he and his mother lived through.

Doaa is seeking to get Omar therapy and enroll him in school, but she needs support to cover the expensive weekly fees for his treatment. Her campaign has been vetted by 90-ghost.

$3,694/$5,000

@free-gaza2 is Doaas other account for her second campaign. This fundraiser is to help her purchase the equipment she needs to restart her sewing and embroidery business so she can support herself and Omar. It was also verified by 90-ghost.

$3,481/$65,000

Vetted by 90-ghost

This fundraiser is for 3 of Doaa's sisters: Tahreer, Fidaa, and Aseel. All of them were recently forced to evacuate where they were sheltering and find themselves displaced again. The funds will be used to help them afford necessities and evacuation so they can join Doaa in Egypt.

@tahreer1990 and her husband Ahmed have 4 children: Fatima, Khamees, Sarah, and Ameer. Ameer is a toddler with a broken pelvis and in desperate need of medical care. Khamees also recently underwent a tonsillectomy without proper conditions/medications due to a severe infection.

@fedao and her husband Hashem have 4 children: Dima, Abdullah, Islam, and Duaa. Hashem has an arm injury and needs medical care.

@aseelo680 is a young ambitious English student who is taking care of their elderly parents. Both their mother and father need treatment to help with their medical conditions, but Aseel cannot afford the care they need. Her father also recently suffered a stroke after losing his home, job, and relatives.

Aseel also has a second fundraiser to help with her parents' treatment and evacuation.

$6,693/$20,000

Vetted by 90-ghost

@/ebenrosetaylor is also doing an art raffle for Aseel's fundraiser. You can read the details here.

£7,301/£20,000

246 on the verified fundraiser spreadsheet vetted by nabulsi and el-shab-hussein

@hanaa987 and her husband Muhammad have a 2 year old son named Youssef. Their family has now been displaced more than 6 times. They were recently forced to evacuate Khan Younis and were able to afford another tent thanks to the donations they received, but they still need support so they can afford evacuation.

$6,000/$75,000

Vetted by 90-ghost

@safaa18mero is a law school graduate who dreamed of becoming a lawyer to support her family. She is currently in need of support to afford milk and diapers for her 5 month old son Amir who she gave birth to during this genocide.

$8,022/$40,000

Vetted by 90-ghost

Additional information can be found here

@falestine-yousef and her husband have a 3 month old son named Youssef that Falestine gave birth to during this genocide. She is struggling to provide enough milk, diapers, medicine, and vitamins for her son. She also fears for Youssef's health because of the unsanitary conditions in their camp. The tent they live in is next to a dilapidated public toilet where sewage, dirt and waste is everywhere, putting her family at greater risk of contracting deadly diseases.

[determinate-negation]

update on doaa’s campaign!

if i could get your attention for a second- i’ll make this quick. i have posted before about doaa’s campaign, here is a longer post with more info. this is a verified campaign.

basically doaa @dodoomar12345 and her 5 year old autistic son omar are currently in egypt after fleeing the war and genocide earlier in the year. omar is non verbal and has been severely traumatized by the war. treatment and special schooling is very expensive, and like many other gazan refugees doaa was forced to leave with very little.

thanks to your support she was able to raise enough money to buy a new sewing machine so she can restart her sewing business in egypt and have a source of income! below are photos she sent me which she asked me to post ❤️

however, she still needs help. when she evacuated gaza, her husband stayed behind. understandably she's extremely worried for him, and her son omar is very attached to him and is suffering a lot without him there. i can only imagine how difficult it is trying to care for a young autistic child completely by yourself, worried that your entire family could die at any second.

please help doaa raise enough money to evacuate her husband when its possible. this will also help support her parents and six siblings who are still trapped in gaza.

its really amazing that through your participation in this campaign doaa was able to reopen her business and start rebuilding her life after war and destruction. she and her family still really need help though. please keep participating in this campaign! your donations really make a difference

52 SEK = $5 USD

104 SEK = $10 USD

261 SEK = $25 USD

1044 SEK = $100 USD

kr164,544 SEK raised of kr300,000

(converted to USD- $15,878 USD out of $28,730 USD)

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

Hey Hey Hey. you Motherfucker. You Can't Just Leave These In the Tags. Come Back Here and Elaborate to me

OH HOORAY YOUR INBOX IS OPEN AGAIN !!!! HAIIII

so. exciting sunny character arc you've probably been waiting for for YEARS:

after an ENTIRE DECADE of avoiding this episode like the PLAGUE, i finally took the liberty of ( and by liberty i mean i was Forced by a friend who was visiting . you know who you are /lh ) watching ... happy holidays and a merry berry day.

I did it. i watched the whole thing. it was suffering and it was terrible and i felt like i was gonna explode from sheer emotion,

but i did it. and

A) having spheria be in this episode would have been SO so good and juicy for the DRAMA and also because she DESPERATELY needs more elaboration on her dynamic with sunny. THEYRE SIBLINGS. SOLD FREQUENTLY TOGETHER DO NOT SEPERATE!!!! i GET that they didn't wanna overload the episode with characters but if ANYBODY, ANYBODY was gonna be included in this episode? about SUNNY AND ZAC?? IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER. That is her BABY SISTER and her BROTHER IN LAW. y'all got me fucked up

B), I have a new found burning hatred in my heart for Dr. B. neither him or betrayus are off the hook and im GoIng to Kill Them. Again

this has been character arc updates with sunny. im gonna go explode the fucking netherworld now /j

Well I'll be damned!! 👀👀👀👀

What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall watching you react to this episode- 😭😂 Well done!!

Yup, BIG QUESTION MARK over why Spheria wasn't added. I would've fumed if it were my sister 😤

We at least got to see Sir C reacting to them, maybe he eventually told Spheria the news? Reluctantly, of course, because Zac and Sunny ended up being fake clones. I bet that didn't sit so well with Spheria...

[4str0nuts]

DEEP DIVE INTO HORROPEDIAS AUTISTIC CODING : A GIANT ANALYSIS THING

ALTERNATE TITLE IS WHY THE FANDOM SHOULD CHECK OUT HOW THEY TREAT AUTISTIC CHARACTERS

Disclaimer before I go in; i’m using the global translations and the english voice acting as I am on the global server lol. This may affect some things but hopefully not a lot! Also i’m using this video [https://youtu.be/ygAkz4L2AMo?si=elrUeXGompMKYXUJ] for my proof and will provide timestamps!

Horropedia is one of the most loved characters in Reverse:1999 (bc haha funny autistic guy) , yet I literally see no serious posts discussing his character or even going into his character— even at a basic level. I’ve kinda been off to the side observing how the fandom treats Horropedia and it makes me question if people actually like him or some alternate version of him. Yeah sure this is a problem in every fandom but I’m too attached to Horropedia and i’m going to make it everyone’s problem.

There's all sorts of mischaracterisations of him where his autism is reduced to him being an “asshole” and “uncaring”, or that he is some funny reddit meme sona when that’s the case at all! Every other character gets to have serious posts yet when it comes to a very blatant autistic coded character, suddenly no one knows how to act despite the fact the fandom (going off of the twitter fandom here) prides itself on neurodivergency; so I’m here to dump a ton of analysis on Horropedia using ingame sources as proof as well as my own knowledge (as someone who is autistic myself), whilst also debunking mischaracterisations of him. I’m also doing this as I don’t think people treat Horropedias autistic coding seriously, seeing it as silly and thus ignoring all of his character.

Jumping straight in, Horropedia is not an asshole and is actually quite a caring character, even if he doesn’t show it conventionally. To me, it’s quite obvious that he cannot understand people at an emotional level, and always relies on his logical way of thinking no matter the situation; for example, when he broke Blonneys camera, he clearly does not understand why she is mad/upset and instead tries to comfort her logically rather than emotionally. Even when Blonney is very much showing she is mad, Horropedia cannot process that and cannot understand until she actually explains it [Part 5 54:07-57:20]. I can see why people may see it as an asshole move since he tells her to be “reasonable” over the camera breaking, though it is clear that this is another one of his autistic traits as people with autism have a hard time connecting with others’ in an empathetic way(which can come off as being blunt and uncaring) yet no one seems to mention that. Despite this, he still offers her to buy her a new camera once Blonney vents out to Jessica, coming to terms with what he did and making it up to her. [Part 12 2:10:37]

Adding onto the last point, Horropedia shows concern and care multiple times throughout the story. Even if he is bad at comforting people, he still tries to acknowledge what is wrong in regards to the situation. I’m trying to keep this short as I don’t necessarily think this is due to his autism but a cool detail I found with the English voice acting is that his tone gets softer when he’s more genuine (it could be seen as masking but shrug. Not too sure on this one as I'm making this point to show he does care in his own way.) He constantly makes sure everyone is safe and goes out of his way to protect others [Part 4 51:08 , Part 6 1:16:18-1:16:39], which is a small detail I think people gloss over. It’s just nice seeing Horropedia care for others in his own way since I struggle with expressing affection / emotions like him.

Back to his way of thinking, it’s practically plastered everywhere that he thinks in a logical way and takes everything at face value no matter what, which is a trait associated with autism. At the very start of the very event, he even breaks down Vertins joke and still a conclusion was that she wasn’t the person he was looking for (knowing full well she was) [Part 1 11:06-11:50]. Horropedia also explains things at face value— in a basic and straightforward way no matter what it is, which is another example of not truly understanding things at an emotional level! [Part 9 1:42:45-1:43:09]This does not mean he does not consider the consequences of a situation, and Horropedia actively avoids situations where it poses a threat / harm to others. Mentioning this to point out how some people in the fandom treat him like he is stupid?— Despite how he is the basic definition of a nerd with references to it all over his character and voice lines! Yes, he could be seen as careless considering he goes to Green Lake just like that with no approval, but he certainly isn’t oblivious to dangers around him. Horropedia himself explains that he is into horror movies because of how illogical they are(stating how it is like a puzzle), not necessarily the fear of them; so it makes no sense for Horropedia to directly put himself or others in harm's way.

Still relating to his way of thinking, Horropedia uses his horror logic so he can understand situations around him. He directly links back to his special interest to understand things— and to an extent others— better, special interests are a trait exclusive to autistic people! By using his horror special interest, he can understand the world better from his perspective. I don't even need to get examples of this because throughout the Green Lake event he makes references and links to horror movies, basing predictions on what to do in order to survive in the stereotypical like scene of Green Lake. Horropedia is full of reasoning, and despite his “debatable manners” (thanks Sonetto),he is not always too absurd with his predictions. It baffles me that people treat Horropedia like he is some happy-go-lucky kid, running head first into danger; he takes the time to understand a given situation in a way he would understand before doing anything.

Another really obvious thing is that he can’t understand social cues, or the body languages of others at all. Essentially he cannot read the room. The whole “I know the rules of social courtesy” [Part 12 2:19:19] line doesn’t necessarily mean he understands social cues— rules are (usually) based in logic and reasoning, and not emotions. Social courtesy just means the rules of society (or the foundation in this case? eh), and Horropedia knows he HAS to abide by the rules or else he will be in trouble. Something seen as ‘basic’ and ‘simple’ to people considered ‘normal’ by society may be hard to grasp by people who do not benefit from society (autistic people). Horropedia understands the ‘logical reasoning’ of how someone acts but he can’t connect with or understand someone else’s emotional responses. Literally look at most of his interactions with the film crew and Blonney, Jessica even steps in at one point to stop him from making the fight between Jason and Blonney worse [Part 6 1:11:38]; and even then he tries to use logic to break down the situation. Horropedia can’t pick up on social cues for the life of him, including body language and tone.

Smaller point here but I have a feeling Horropedia’s tone is hard to understand to some of the characters. Tooth Fairy couldn’t tell if Horropedia was joking towards the end of the event , where he shows off his “sense of humour”. Nothing much to add here I just found that really interesting…

Ive rinsed out all the notes I’ve taken on Horropedias autistic coding so far…….. feel free to add on more….. I may have gotten some things wrong because I have been working on this for a few hours straight. Surprisingly I still have more to analyse outside of his autism so if people are interested let me know bc i’m desperate .

TLDR: horropedia is autistic thanks for reading.

[ominous-feychild]

Hi, guys. It's me, Barlowe.

No fun aesthetics, none of that. We're addressing the election today.

I never thought I'd be political on my blog—and, in fact, avoided it except for where I really wanted to get things out to everyone, like Project 2025—but circumstances have forced me to step up.

For those who want to see my actual Writeblr intro, you can find it here. This post is getting pinned to my blog for a while.

So, hi. Barlowe here.

I'm an autistic lesbian with health issues I'm too poor to treat.

I'm currently in a relationship with a Mexican-American woman.

My older sister, although we don't really get along, is trans.

I do not care about my relationship with her. What matters is that she is in legitimate danger. Because of the results of the election.

My girlfriend? She's in danger, too. She had people yell and spit at and shove her during Trump's first term, and she had little to nobody she could turn to for help. Like me, she's chock-full of struggles and disabilities. So much so that I almost want to say she's had it even worse than me in that regard.

But I won't be comparing struggles here; that's not the point.

My little sister is still a teenager. She lives in Florida.

As a 13-year-old, she had people call her a slut for wearing a tank top.

A tank top.

It's Florida. It's hot.

She was 13.

Do you know the amount of rage I felt when I heard that?

I'm a nonviolent af grown-ass adult and I wanted to track down those kids to beat them tf up. I wanted to teach them a lesson to never treat my little sister like that again.

But they aren't the source of the problem, do you know that?

The source of the problem is their parents. The media. The internet, and echo chambers full of disgusting, sexist pigs who reduce women—and girls—to nothing more than sex objects for men.

“Grab 'em by the pussy.”

Did we all forget that?

Did we all forget how disgusting that pathetic excuse for a man is?

Did we ignore all of his crimes, all of the things he's done?

Why? Because Harris is a black woman? Because she's mixed? Because she's flawed? Because she didn't deserve to win?

Listen to me.

That's not good enough.

Maybe she didn't deserve to win. But do you know what?

Nor did Trump.

Trump deserves to be IN JAIL.

He's racist, he's xenophobic, he's sexist, a rapist, a homophobe, a convicted felon, and so, so much more.

And yet here we are.

How did millions of people vote a man like that into office?

I would've gone running for the hills at just ONE of those things?

... but that's not the point.

We're here now, except... things aren't quite as clear-cut as we've been led to believe.

There's an interesting saying that goes something like:

“People most often expect from others what they know of themselves.”

And what did Trump most love screaming at the hills?

That the votes of 2020 were rigged.

And he said to “find votes”.

Well, it looks like he found them.

Or, at the very least, he's gotten rid of Democratic ones.

There were bomb threats called in on democratic-leaning polling locations, machines “didn't recognize” ballots, democratic ballots were rejected for inane reasons, and ballots were burned.

Do you think a man so obsessed with so-called “rigging” wouldn't engage in it himself? Whether he truly believed it or not—which, it's been proven that he didn't, and only claimed so to rile up his cultish followers, causing January 6th—who's to say he wouldn't do it himself to “even out the playing field” so to speak? Who's to say a man like him wouldn't claim election fraud 4 years in advance just to pull the wool over all of our collective eyes later?

I'm not saying that he hasn't won.

But I am saying it's not goddamn over.

There's petitions you can sign demanding for recounts [EDIT: THEY DELETED THE LAST ONE!!!! THIS IS A REPLACEMENT!!!]. You can contact Harris to beg her to not take this lying down. You can—and SHOULD—contact the White House directly.

Listen to me.

Check out Project 2025.

My sweet, lovely girlfriend has been shoved and verbally abused—harassed into literal agoraphobia that she's already slipping back into just because of the election's results—by people who ate up the hateful rhetoric of the Right.

She lives in a Blue State.

Even while my trans sister was male-presenting, she was treated differently—coldly—before she cut her hair short again. Suddenly, people would smile at her on the streets again.

She's since started transitioning, and what about now?

My little sister was physically bullied while she lived in Texas.

They, too, are lucky I was never around for that.

Now, in Florida, I doubt she fares much better.

My friend, who's a teacher in Texas, has been forced to publish under a pseudonym and try their complete and utter best to hide their writing so they're not fired for her job. Why?

Because the MC's nonbinary.

My friend is terrified for their son, growing up in a world like this. They're terrified to have another kid—which they want—because 'what if it's a daughter?' They don't want to bring a girl into a world like this.

And they don't want to risk a pregnancy that can end their life.

People all across the states are being forced to give birth to the children of their rapists... or die because of complications in the womb.

Babies are being forced to die slowly in the womb rather than humanely, through “abortion”, after it's clear they're dying, but “still have a heartbeat.”

Queer folk, PoC, and immigrants have been targeted and live in fear for their lives. They deal with VERY real violence and harassment, even if you don't see it yourself.

This is all the lasting effects of Trump's first term as president.

He and his followers spread a hateful rhetoric strongly aligning with Hitler's before the man took over. They fearmonger and sell out minorities as the reason everything's wrong in this country.

They make minorities a scapegoat, and make them into targets.

Regardless of the actual results of the election, these so-called “victories” for the Right only embolden the bigots to act more and more egregiously.

It doesn't matter if you're “one of the good ones”. It doesn't matter if “most Republicans aren't like that”. It doesn't matter what you think.

What matters is reality.

And reality is: a Trump victory means victory for the extremists.

They ran with it the first time.

What do you think they're going to do with it this time?

This all isn't to sound doomeristic, though—I think we still have a chance. I think Trump's rigged this thing for a reason. I think we need to push for this stuff to be exposed.

But it's going to take everything we have, guys.

Sure, maybe Harris isn't perfect. She's questionable af in a LOT of places, and I personally hate her stances on Palestine. I'm sure most of all of us do. But, do you really think Trump will be any kinder?

Do you really care to doom everyone else off of the miniscule chance that he'll decide to help them?

Listen: Harris isn't trying to turn the States into the next fascist dictatorship. Trump is. Harris isn't showing EVERY single “preparing for a genocide” red flag. Trump. IS.

Petition for recounts. Tell Harris not to give up.

And contact the White House telling them this is not acceptable.

Complain about the bomb threats. Complain about the lost ballots. Complain about the tampered-with ballots. Complain about the burned ballots, complain about the rejected ballots, and don't stop fighting tooth-and-nail like Trump kicked and screamed after the 2020 election.

Don't give up. It's not too late.

And, to my followers?

Let me make this abundantly clear.

If any of you voted for Trump? If any of you wanted him to win, or for Harris to lose?

Then get the fuck off my blog.

I don't give a shit what kind of relationship we've had in the past, or if you liked my writing, or any of that.

A loss for Harris is a win for Trump—it's that simple.

You aren't morally superior for choosing not to vote for Harris no matter WHAT reason you had for it. You aren't morally superior for finding her dubious, for hating her views on Palestine, or for refraining from choosing either of the two evils.

You're a coward.

An enabler, comforting yourself by telling yourself “at least you didn't have a hand in {whatever turned you against her}”.

Sure, you didn't kill the sheep.

But you left the gates open for the wolves.

And that makes you responsible for their deaths.

You knew the risks of leaving the gate open. But you did it anyway.

And, to any of you who voted for Trump?

I want you to know I HATE you.

No matter what, no matter who, no matter WHY.

I consider you all equally responsible for anything and everything that happens as a result of his presidency if it comes to be.

It isn't “just politics”.

It isn't something you can just wipe your hands clean of.

Maybe you don't have to face the consequences for the things that come from this, but I, the people I love, and countless others do.

It's not “just politics”.

It's our fucking lives.

And I hope, one of these days, you learn to regret it as much as the rest of us.

So, to those of you who left the gate open?

Do yourself a favor.

Get the fuck off my blog before I find out you did.

[gab-has-adhd]

HELLO, I AM CURRENTLY IN A GREAT NEED OF HELP ⚠️⚠️⚠️

PLEASE STOP SCROLLING FOR A MINUTE AND READ THIS POST 🙏🏼

Thank you.

My name is Gabriel, I'm a 28 years old disabled agender person. I have ADHD, BPD, generalized anxiety, chronic depression and untreated PTSD. I am an artist, and I have no other job besides this one, for now.

This is my girlfriend, Olivia. She is 30, agender just like me, disabled just like me. She has BPD as well as untreated PTSD, and she is autistic.

For the last three years, we were surviving thanks to a monthly allowance she was given due to her being disabled and unable to find or keep a job. This allowance has been stopped due to her being judged "not disabled enough" and "capable of finding a job". She isn't. I don't want to give too many details about our life, but she is currently deeply incapacitated and cannot work. She has asked to get her autism diagnosed on a psychiatric level, which is necessary for her to be given the proper care for her issues.

We will now be given an allowance for job seekers. But we have learned today that this allowance, for the next two months, will be much less than it usually is because of complicated details I do not have the right mind to explain right now.

We will be given around 700€ for a month. 1400€ total, for the months of March and April. You can imagine how 1400€ for two months is a ridiculously low amount of money for two people.

I will try to find a tiny job that is compatible with my own struggles. In the meantime, getting help from other sources will really, really come in handy.

I AM AN ARTIST. I DRAW DIGITAL ILLUSTRATIONS, AND I AM OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS. ALTHOUGH I AM STILL STRUGGLING TO GET OUT OF A HIATUS, I WOULD BE VERY HAPPY TO GET MORE COMMISSIONS. HERE ARE A FEW EXAMPLES OF WHAT I CAN DRAW.

AND HERE IS MY PRICE CHART:

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN COMMISSIONNING ME, YOU CAN CONTACT ME ON THIS TUMBLR ACCOUNT OR ON @lubelzoldyck-artworks , YOU CAN ALSO SEND ME A MAIL AT shynesslubel.art@outlook.com 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

IF YOU ARE UNINTERESTED IN COMMISSIONNING ME, PLEASE CONSIDER D0NAT1NG, EVEN A SINGLE BUCK CAN HELP. YOU CAN D0NAT3 ON THIS LINK:

IF YOU CANNOT COMMISSION NOR D0N4T3 (AND I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY) PLEASE, PLEASE AT LEAST SHARE THIS POST AROUND. REBLOG IT, SHARE IT ON OTHER WEBSITES, GIVE IT VISIBILITY, I AM PRACTICALLY BEGGING HERE. PLEASE HELP US.

[battry-acid]

From your recent piece with Colossus in it, I would love you to elaborate on the autism mention!!

If it’s a hc, I love it, I have never thought of it before and it just makes a lot of sense

absolutely!!! apologies for the incoming ramble

yes it's only a headcanon, not actually canon (for now). i've always related to colossus both as a neurodivergent person and as an artist due to how it's easiest for him to communicate his feelings through art, and how he otherwise normally struggles with words. that is the main reason i view him as autistic, among many other reasons. the many other reasons are listed below!

<< DISCLAIMER: when i talk about x-men characters, unless i'm specifying a particular IP/media, just assume i'm talking about the original run of the all-new all-different uncanny x-men comics and how the characters are portrayed there. 1975-1990 is the sweet spot. that is the "source material" to me, the blueprint of what roles those characters are made to serve and what their most prominent traits are. yay >>

1. COMMUNICATES BEST THROUGH ART

piotr specifically says "my pencil can create far better pictures of this land...than my poor words." in "prison of the heart" (this story appears in vol 1 issue 5 of classic x-men as it was cut from the original run of UXM. it takes place between issues 97 and 98). yet he still calls his drawings "not very good". he thinks he's terrible at communicating no matter how he tries to do so.

to summarize in the story, he falls in love with a fellow russian immigrant with an artistic heart named anya. he expresses his affection by giving her a drawing of her performing, "from my heart to yours". it is the purest way he can express how he feels.

and yet, it doesn't work out. he protects her by turning into colossus, a show of his care for her, and she runs from him in fear.

this sequence makes my heart EXPLODE. mfw autistic people get called heartless all the time for struggling with empathy

the way he talks and acts as colossus is entirely different to how he talks and acts as piotr. it's obvious by how quickly his voice dies in his throat when returning to his unarmoured state. he was boasting such confidence in armoured form, and when it's over....all that confidence is gone. this is the purest example of how he switches between confident and quiet, protected and sensitive, physically and emotionally between forms.

from then on, he's afraid of himself, and more afraid to express himself. he continues to hide his art and he avoids forming stronger bonds with anyone other than fellow x-men, and even that is hard for him. he has intense rejection sensitivity (like meee) and i think he has incredibly high levels of empathy (LIKE MEEE) which is as much an autistic trait as low levels of empathy are. he cares so much, he cares so much it hurts, so he has to protect himself.

it is a common theme with the characterization of piotr that his powers are defense, they are to protect himself and others. he needs to protect his sensitive heart. so large, so compassionate, but so fragile. he may be able to protect himself from physical harm in his armoured state, but he cannot protect himself from emotional harm no matter what he does. he still has his weaknesses, impenetrable skin or no.

2. STRUGGLES IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS

when he gets another chance at romance in "first love" (classic x-men vol 1 issue 21, also in UXM issue 115) he is afraid. he says that he is afraid repeatedly and uhhh there's a lot of things that happen in that story that i am going to avoid talking about right now (it has triggering content and is recognized as a problematic portrayal of indigenous pacific islanders. boy oh boy do i hate the savage land. i may talk about this more in depth at another time if somebody wants me to!) it's like, yay, they don't judge him for being a mutant, or for being afraid!!! but at what cost (bad things happen to him)

and this is, of course, not the only instances of piotr having issues with romance. he seems to constantly experience issues in relationships due to his insecurities, rejection sensitivity, and (very reasonable imo) fears. he has as much trouble expressing his affections for someone as he does verbalizing his discomfort in others' advances towards him. because even when he has said no in the past, some have not listened to him. so he chooses to stay silent. I ALSO HAVE HAD THESE ISSUES!!! it can be so hard being in relationships (romantic or otherwise) as an autistic person, it can be so hard learning effective ways to communicate, it can be so hard constantly fighting to be treated like a person. that's what he feels like to me. he does make progress over time, but it's difficult for him, and he never truly masters it.

3. HAS HIS HEAD IN THE CLOUDS

there's also the entire aspect of piotr of being a bit oblivious at times. sometimes it's to depict him as a younger member of the group with less experience, or as the russian who doesn't understand american customs, or just simply a guy off in his own world that only snaps back to reality when he has to focus on a fight. he ain't the leader for a reason, he's a follower type of guy. my favourite thing ever is when they talk about him like he isn't there and he's just "?"

i don't know why they repeatedly depict piotr as just "❓" red question mark emoji personified but i never want it to stop. i actually adore it

but just being a little oblivious isn't enough sometimes. sometimes they gotta push it. sometimes he's portrayed as being so stupid that he can't even count!!! love to see it! (/s) people looove to insult his intelligence. people looove to call him an idiot both in and out of canon. don't that just remind you of somethin? of having your intelligence questioned all the time solely based on how you act?

you see this struggle to advocate for himself, or being a bit naïve in his hopes for another person, in every single depiction of piotr. or, at least, every single accurately characterized depiction of piotr. in as long drawn-out plot points of piotr feeling as though he can't join the x-men in x-men: evolution, from as small instances of deadpool grabbing his ass in the deadpool movies and him clearly being kind of uncomfortable but giving up on trying to sway wade, you see him struggle to verbalize how he feels. he always says nothing. he's called the strong but silent type for a reason.

4. PREFERS TO PLAY IT BY THE BOOK

on a different note, we get to see how much he loves rules and schedules and routines. he is definitely a goody two-shoes at times in terms of how inclined he is to follow the rules no matter what, usually because that's what he thinks xavier wants him to do. it takes encouragement for him to want to do something other than what he understands to be the socially acceptable thing to do.

just one mere example of his nature to follow the rules:

this one panel is single-handedly one of the best representations of how the three of them interact with each other and what makes them such a fun trouple

there's so many more examples i could point out, but it can all be summarized simply by the fact that he is always a follower, never a leader. he doesn't like to make the rules, he just likes to follow them. he likes to have a clear idea of what he is expected and supposed to do, and can easily be directed in ways that benefit others the most. i love being told what to do if it means i get to help other people!!! it's so much easier having someone tell me what to do and clearly communicate what is expected of me instead of playing this constant social guessing game i always find myself in.

IN CONCLUSION...

so he's kind of unobservant, emotionally illiterate, rule-oriented, experiences empathy at an abnormal level, and expresses himself best in artistic ways. so what, you may ask? that's hardly enough evidence to be autistic. make him take the RAADS, you fool. and to that, i say....y'know what, fair, you don't have to agree with me, but also i don't care and he's autistic and yay yippee yippee i love colossus so much yaaay he's autistic just like me :D!!!

i have so many feelings about piotr. can you tell x-men has been my special interest since i was 8 years old?

<< also yes i know there is a kitty-sized elephant in the room. if someone sends an ask for me to do so, i may talk about my feelings on her relationship with piotr at some point. that is a whole other can of worms >>

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 8 in series of Dragon Age Veilguard

60 hours in 58 actual gameplay

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Part 7 is here.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Critical review CW strong language.

Well. If I'm right about who the Gloom Howler is, and I'm almost certain after the Cauldron... I really fucking question the reading comprehension of whoever wrote that arc.

She loathed doing what she was ordered to do to the griffins. She saved the last clutch of eggs, left secret clues on where to find the nest kept in stasis, and answered her calling early so no one could get the information out of her. All in the hope that future generations would be worthy of griffins again. And now she's doing the exact opposite? Seriously?

I mean, I'm aware that the supplementary material isn't something everyone is gonna read, but as far as I know the printed materials are considered canon. Which means they've taken a sad, epic story and completely reversed it in a retcon I'm not sure I can forgive them for.

I've marinated myself in the Lore of this world. That's an incredible disservice to her sacrifices to save the last remaining griffins. It's a disservice to the writer of Last Flight, too. That's not even touching on the 'of course when you shove a blade into the bones of a roughly 400 year dead arch demon... it will come out bloody?' Excuse me now? Someone has watched too much jurassic park, because that would be utterly impossible.

Once again, I'm asking myself What. The. Actual. Fuck. were the devs and writers thinking?

Surely they know at least some of us have read the printed stuff?

Did they think we'd have forgotten? Unfortunately for these retconning incompetents, (I am so, so sick of retconning in general, and fed the fuck up with it in this game) autistic and AuDHD folks like me tend to have razor keen memories about our special interests. Whoopsies.

Last Flight wasn't my fav of the books, but it was beautifully written and heartbreaking with a gleaming golden string of hope.

And this is the end of that story? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I can honestly think of only one way they could make that make sense. And my trust in Bioware writers now lives below sewer level, so I'm not hopeful they'll go that way.

It's possible that I'm wrong, but understanding and critiquing media is my actual job when I'm not recovering from a pulmonary embolism. And yes, absolutely, I could've written far, far better material.

How. Can someone please tell me HOW a company that has something as successful as DAI under their belt... makes... this? I swear this game (DAV) is like some of the worst AI written shite I saw in ESO back when I played that years ago.

I guess I should say machine written. Whatever. I've heard ESO was doing that a long while ago. And the blah storylines and boring assed questlines proved it.

This game reminds me of that. Though, I think they were probably written by actual humans... I really have to question where exactly they scraped up the writers for them.

The street? A back alley? A mud pit? Did they give apes access to a keyboard and use whatever claptrap they came up with? (Yes. They did. Humans are apes.)

It's common enough in Hollyweird that writers working on a particular IP (intellectual property... IE Dragon Age or Witcher etc.) often utterly loathe the source material. I fail to understand why or how that would be okay, because we can fucking tell, you know? You can tell when a writer loves their work, and when they don't. And we wonder why so many things in hollyweird fail.

Is that what happened to DAV?

They had a fucking blueprint for fuck's sake! DAI was RIGHT THERE. It won GOTY if I recall correctly. No one wanted a game exactly like DAI but dear fucking gods something... not this... would've been far preferable. If they'd used DAI as a sort of map? A guideline or outline? DAV might’ve been a good game. And the sad part is that it actually could have been. With just a little more care, less streamlining to mediocrity, better editing and writing? This could've been another win for Bioware. As is, if it wins anything I'll be suspicious of bribery.

It's just so... meh. Where it's not outright bad.

And even though I'm under media blackout so I can write a truly unbiased review... it wouldn't surprise me if some fans were going gaga over this travesty of a game. Just because it has Dragon Age in the title.

It sucks when you want desperately to love something. But you just can't because you can see the flaws. And the flaws far, far outweigh the good parts.

And none of those good parts are even unique. They're just lifted from other games.

And I got the load up with no CC glitch again. Lost about an hour of playtime figuring out when it happened and which save to reload. I'd really hoped the damned hour long update would've taken care of that.

What a sad mess this game is.

Though on the positive, I do love the new takedown mechanic. And it's oddly satisfying to clear blight. I like tracking things. IRL too. I grew up in a subsistence hunting family. Though, I always just used a camera. I know how to track stuff, so that's fun. I like the ballista and zip lines. There are good parts of the game... but they aren't the parts that really matter.

I had to turn Taash down for Romance because it happened way too fast. I barely felt like I knew them, and my demi ass needs more than what we got before committing to a relationship.

It's warming up with Lucanis, Emmrich, and Davrin. I'm not decided yet. And this is where a polyam mod would be great. There's no reason polyam shouldn't have been included in the game. It could've been just a few characters okay with it like BG3, but the rep and possibilities would at least be there.

I'm incredibly fed the fuck up with the narrative that turns Solas into an awful person. They're trying so fucking hard to paint him that way. They're hammering it home so hard I really can't recommend (at this point) that Sollavellans play it. It's possible that will change, but... sigh. They've even got my Rook saying negative shit about him. Shouldn't that be a choice that I get to make about my Rook? How they feel about Solas?

And if I could kick the incredibly unintelligent and massively fucking annoying Lace Harding off a cliff, I absolutely would. Hard. And laugh while I did it.

Everyone blames Solas. Why is everyone so far up Mythal's asshole that they're forgetting it was always her requiring her bound servant IE enslaved spirit who never even wanted a body (forgetting that part?) Solas to do what she said. That he tried over and over again to dissuade her?

You know, as a friend said, they could've hired a bunch of Ao3 fic writers and paid them in pizza or waffles and come out with better story lines than this.

Oh, but no, it's all Solas's fault. And the narrative is so fucking heavy handed on that that it's honestly nauseating me a little.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Section 9 here.

[sigmxnd]

Palestine info posts (with help links):

https://www.tumblr.com/sulfurcosmos/732456971539775488?source=share

i am constantly reblogging posts with other donation sites, in case any links don't work or you want to give to a targeted fundraiser. ZIONISTS/"NEUTRAL OPINIONS" DNI, YOU AREN'T AND WILL NEVER BE WELCOME HERE. 🇵🇸🇵🇸

~~

INTRO POST‼️ (i'll add stuff if things change/i think of more stuff to put)

hi, i'm sigmund, you can call me sig (or another nickname if i've given you the okay)!! my pronouns are he/angel, i'm biflux, transmasc/demiboy & xenogender 🏳️‍⚧️, autistic, and i'm a MINOR🤬🤬🧨💥 so DON'T BE A /NEG FREAK OR ELSE

also fair warning, i am not an nsfw account by any means, but i do make immature/raunchy jokes sometimes/may reblog things that have mild or vague nsfw stuff in them (never heavily though). i try to limit myself, but if that still makes you uncomfortable then just be careful following or go someplace else, i won't be mad :3

my account is multifandom cause i love a lot of things and i can't pick one thing/put a concise list, but the things i post/reblog/like most often depends on what i'm currently into (right now it's IT 2017), so if you're following me then prepare for a mixed bag that's filled with mostly kitkats (also expect a lot of rarepairs, whether they're joking or not. i loooove rarepairs :3)

don't be scared to send in random asks, especially if we're mutuals!! i forget who i'm mooties with if i don't interact with them a lot, so i'm sorry if i seem like i'm ignoring you or anything 😭😭 i'm also kinda generally nervous to start conversations with people sometimes, but i would love to be friends with all my mutuals :3

i have an ao3 too, my user is also sigmxnd there!!!! i haven't posted in a while, but i'm typically always working on stuff, so just always keep an eye out :3

therian/otherkin & agere account (sfw interaction only): @notmeant-tobeseen

main au ask blog: @thesillyguyscorner-askblog

DO NOT INTERACT: basic dni criteria, vivziepop supporters (i suppose its fine if you don't support her but like the shows, just please don't talk to me about them, it makes me very uncomfortable), ed/thinspo blogs, anti-therian/otherkin/alterhuman, endo "systems"/supporters, dsmp fans/supporters, wilbur soot fans/supporters, demonizing disorders/believes in cluster a/b/c abuse

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 5, Poll 6

Please be civil in the notes. We will block people if we feel it is necessary. A character being canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included. This is not a competition of who is better representation.

Check out the other polls in this round here.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus-The Locked Tomb

Qualifications:

She's a lesbian and the author Tamsyn Muir has confirmed she's written as schizophrenic, based on her own experience.

Okay SO Harrow is a necromancer nun who is also a huge lesbian. She spends the books of TLT series being super gay and repressed about her emotions for 1. Butch lesbian Jesus and 2. Human Barbie the death of God. She narrates the second book (Harrow the Ninth) and is author-confirmed schizophrenic. She experiences hallucinations thru the whole book and has since childhood. She’s also WIDELY headcannoned as autistic by the fandom (me too) because. Because she IS SO FUCKING AUTISTIC (source: I am autistic too)

Schizophrenic lesbian with a traumatic brain injury

Schizophrenic and sapphic

canonically a schizophrenic lesbian. neither word is used in series, she isn't in a position to get a diagnosis and queer identities are so normalised in the universe that labels just don't get mentioned, but she is written as both by an author who is also both.

Canon schizophrenia

Canon lesbian with canon schizophrenia

She's a schizophrenic lesbian with a traumatic brain injury

Propaganda:

The Locked Tomb is pretty popular on tumblr but I might as well submit her anyway

She’s a lesbian necromancer nun. She’s a saint and also woke up the death of God, who is a human Barbie, who she is in love with, tho she’s also kind of married to lesbian Jesus. She’s schizophrenic. She’s scrungly. She puts bread in a drawer. She’s even autistic

Harrow first started hallucinating (visual and auditory) when she was ten years old! The traumatic brain injury and seizures are much more recent. Unironically gotta love a pov protagonist who makes you struggle along with her in sorting out hallucination and false memory to figure out what's going on. Also while Harrow's disability shapes the narrative, the book isn't at all about her being disabled. It's a fantasy/scifi gothic horror novel about being trapped at a work retreat with God.

so many women want her but she’s determined to be in love with the soul of the dead earth trapped in a 10ft barbie doll instead. she’s a lesbian disaster and is trying to deal with both schizophrenia and over 200 actual ghosts haunting her.

a schizophrenic lesbian, written by a schizophrenic lesbian! she's in love with multiple dead women, but she's also a necromancer so that's not as big of an obstacle as it sounds. weird little bone-obsessed necromancer lesbian. I care about her deeply

Author Tamsyn Muir has discussed how Harrow's schizophrenia is modeled after her own experiences. It matters a lot in her eponymous novel, where her inability to trust what she sees and hears is compounded by her self-inflicted lobotomy to save her girlfriend's soul from getting absorbed into her own.

Harrow is one of the protagonists of her series & both her lesbianism & her schizophrenia play major parts in the story. The author has spoken about how she wrote Harrow based on her own experiences, and the authenticity comes through strongly. Beyond that, she's a teenage gothic nun in love with a holy corpse & she's the greatest bone magician ever born. What more needs be said.

She's a lesbian, she's psychotic, she has seizures, she faints regularly and can't rely on her own memory worth shit. And the only reason she's not going to kill god is so she and her girl can escape the cycle of violence. Basically, Harrowhark Nonagesimus is the entire package.

Anything Else?:

Listen. Listen. I’m not doing Harrow justice here. I LOVE her (Submitter 2)

The author is also schizophrenic! Which is pretty cool. (Submitter 3)

The author of the series is openly schizophrenic, and has mentioned in interviews that she's drawing on that experience when writing Harrow :) (Submitter 8)

Wei Wuxian-The Untamed / Mo Dao Zu Shi

Qualifications:

Goes through a somewhat unethical organ transplant (in that the person he is giving the organ to doesn't realize that's what's going on) where he gives up his "golden core." This is like his center of power and by giving it up, not only is he not able to do most of the more "magic" things he could do before, but he's also noticeably physically weaker and gets injured much more easily (and takes longer to recover) as well as faints more often (iirc he only faints once pre-golden core removal and that was after sustaining major injuries and going on for a significant time without any healing while also fighting and traveling). Like he finds ways around it and invents new methods so that he can still do some things that he did before, just via a very different method. In the show we don't really see any characters who aren't cultivators, or at least part of that world, so Wei Wuxian is like the only character we really get to see without a golden core.

Also gotta say that this boy is severely depressed. Like "I'm-going-to-ask-my-doctor-friend-to-perform-a-mutliple-day-long-surgery-on-myself-in-which-I-will-be-awake-where-she'll-rip-out-the-core-of-my-being-and-transplant-it-into-my-adopted-brother-who-I'll-make-sure-never-finds-out-what-happened-even-though-he'll-come-to-hate-me" depressed. he has no value for his own life other than what he can give to others, even if it's his own body. like I think some fans unfairly classify him as being insane when he's really just depressed as all hell and having the worst possible things happen to him one after another and every time he breaks down it causes more trouble and usually people end up dying because of him.

Propaganda:

https://youtu.be/swbXAVADjxY ^ok this clip kinda explains the whole thing better (and obvs spoilers)

https://youtu.be/2wO5nsnkSBk ^and this video is just for fun but it's a little thing about Wei Wuxian & Jiang Cheng because their relationship makes me unwell

Additional Qualifications/Propaganda by @transparent-internet-maker

Kinda surprised ADHD!Wei Wuxian isn't included I thought that was a popular hc. There are several signs: He seems to forget a lot of things, but at the same time he clearly remembers other things that happened a long time ago. He invented a. lot. of things. His mind is almost never where he physically is and he's really smart in that thinks-way-too-much-out-of-the-box-in-a-short-time way. (1/2)

Then there is the fact that he's actually knowledgable, more than most of the others at times, but we see him doing whatever else he wants to instead of studying more often than not. The inventions point and this put together hint at him not being focused and having hyperfixations. And the general view of not studious but still smarter than everyone else just clear adhd I think. NOT trying to hate anyone, I thought I'd just mention this since I've seen a lot of adhd wwx.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, I don’t know what to do about my long time friend, so I reach out to you for help. Your insights are always spot on and I want to thank you for this blog, I’ve learned a lot thanks to you. I’m xnfj, my friend is infp and likely autistic, we’re both 27.

She is really sweet, but I feel confused. The thing is that she doesn’t greet my family or people in general. When we were younger, it felt so surreal that I didn’t know how to react – so I ignored it even if it made me feel terrible. Later I asked her multiple times to greet at least my family members, as it makes me feel weird, she started greeting but only sometimes.

Not only she won’t greet first, but even when someone greets her, she won’t reply, which feels extremely inappropriate, especially when it is my family. It happens all the time when we go places, she won’t greet the host, etc. When I asked her why, she said it costs her too much energy to say hello.

Recently, me and my parent ran into her twice on the street. One time I think she was pretending not to see us, the other time she said hi only to me and quite literally ran away. (Yet I know that saying hi is not such an issue for her when it comes to people she likes, that’s when shouts hello even from across the street, which makes me feel twice as offended – to see this extreme difference of behavior towards some people that oftentimes she barely knows.) Then she acts as if nothing happened. Anytime I touch the topic, she denies it, explains it etc. and doesn’t understand that her behavior affects others – or she just doesn’t care.

I understand that with autism greeting can be difficult, but it doesn’t work for me – also when I made it clear that it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel like I have accommodated a lot of her issues out of friendship, so I am taken aback to see it is one-sided. I really wish we could continue being friends but I can’t imagine hanging out with her without feeling angry deep down.

And even if she started to greet, I would feel like it is forced and insincere. So my question is, what do I do? I am so confused and full of conflicting feelings. Break up? Distance? Explain myself? Or not? If you have any insight, I will really appreciate it. It’s been a month that I haven’t talked to her as I literally don’t know what to say or do. Thank you so much in advance and wish you a pleasant weekend!

----------------------

You say you understand that it "can be difficult" for her but it doesn't sound like you actually do understand. You might feel bad to hear that, but this is not about assigning blame. I'm attempting to pinpoint the source of the problem in order to discover the best solution. As far as I can tell, there are two aspects to this problem:

Problem #1: Lack of Understanding

When someone's psychology is very different from yours, it's going to be very difficult for you to understand each other, because the other person's experience is simply too alien to "make sense" to you. I always say: Just because it doesn't make sense to you, doesn't mean there's no sense to be found. This huge gap in understanding is not an insurmountable problem, but it is a significant challenge to grapple with. It requires you to push your empathy skills to the max.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurological and developmental disorder. "Neurological" means that a person's brain is literally wired differently than the average neurotypical person, which is why we use the term neurodivergent to indicate the difference. "Developmental" means that typical psychological development is somehow interrupted, so autistic people will exhibit some deficiencies in information processing and difficulties with everyday functioning.

Perhaps an analogy can make it more clear: Imagine that a friend was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy and was gradually losing muscle mass and control of their lower body. Even though they can still walk, they need a wheelchair most of the time because it quickly becomes painful to use their back and legs. Would you say to them, "Hey, I'm throwing a big party and since you can walk, I hope you will stand up and greet every person properly when they arrive at the door, otherwise they'll think you're rude and I'll feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by you"? I hope you would never dream of placing such a demand on someone with a physical disability.

A neurological and developmental disorder is not as visible as a physical disability, but it is just as real and can be just as painful. There are certain kinds of information that autistic people simply cannot process very quickly or at all, which means that their mind can easily get overwhelmed by sensory/information overload.

Unfortunately, being different from the norm, whether physically or psychologically, presents a lot of challenges in life. Since you've never had to deal with the kinds of challenges your friend faces, it might be hard for you to understand just how difficult it is to live in a world that not only doesn't accommodate you but actively pressures you to erase yourself. You are very lucky to have the ability to learn and adapt well in social situations. Please recognize that not everyone is equally endowed with this ability at birth.

New situations, by definition, present more unknowns, which makes them more unpredictable. Meeting someone new, in an unexpected time or place, means there's a lot more information to process and keep track of. In the best case scenario, an autistic person can push themselves through a new social situation with certain coping strategies, but it will exhaust them and perhaps ruin their day. In the worst case scenario, they will get overloaded and experience a mental breakdown, which would not only be deeply embarrassing at that moment but could damage their self-esteem in the long term if it happens again and again.

Since there is a lot less information processing to do when interacting with known people in predictable situations, it is quite logical for autistic people to prefer familiar social contexts. If they can feel comfortable, relaxed, and prepared enough, they might even be able to get energized and feel some joy in socializing, which could be a rare occurrence for them. It's possible that you have seriously misunderstood your friend's motivations.

Problem #2: Unreasonable Expectations

You fear the relationship is "one-sided", but that would only be true if the other person were actually quite capable of doing what you requested of them yet still chose not to. She's been trying to tell you that she isn't capable but you don't want to believe it. It seems you are viewing ASD as a psychological problem of "bad choices" or a personal "character flaw", since you still judge her by your own neurotypical standards. If you truly understood ASD, you would see how unreasonable and unfair it is to expect your friend to be like you.

Having unreasonable expectations means you are the primary source of the conflict. The discomfort and embarrassment you feel is yours, generated by you, which means they are your responsibility, and you need to learn to handle them better. Other people bear no responsibility for your feelings unless they have gone out of their way to make you feel a certain way. Is your friend purposely trying to inconvenience you or embarrass you? If not, why do you respond as though being personally attacked? Being NFJ, it's likely that Fe and Ni are playing a significant role in your negative reaction to the existence of someone who doesn't meet your expectations.

For example, due to Fe, it isn't uncommon for FJs to:

believe that similarity/commonality is the backbone of successful relationships, which leads to low tolerance for difference and even approaching differences with skepticism or contempt

believe that "successful" socializing involves everyone following the same social rules and customs, which means feelings of discomfort, embarrassment, or shame are easily triggered in social situations that stray outside the norm

believe that there is something "off" or morally "deviant" about people who don't follow social rules and customs, which leads to boundary violating behaviors that try to change, eliminate, or punish such differences

believe that individuals should downplay, even deny, the things that make them different for the sake of everyone else's comfort

For example, due to Ni, it isn't uncommon for NFJs to:

get stuck with one very narrow point-of-view, which leads to being too close-minded to see, let alone accept individual differences

hold themselves to high standards, which easily morph into unreasonable expectations of others

believe that they know what is "better"/"best" and try to remake the world to match their idealistic (read: unrealistic) vision

Every personality type has its set of common flaws, so it is likely that you have exhibited the above personality flaws unless you've undertaken some serious type development. If these flaws get in the way of your relationships, then you have a choice to make: i) Are you going to address the flaws, which would make you a much more open-minded, adaptable, and compassionate person in all your relationships? Or ii) are you going to decide that it's not worth changing for this one person and that it would be easier to only make friends with neurotypical people from now on?

Your question is about "what to do" in this situation. It's not my place to tell people what to do. I can help you understand the problem and even get to the bottom of it, but the solution should be chosen by you, based on what you believe is best for you.

[littleoddwriter]

Character Analysis: Cooper Abbott (Trap, 2024)

Hello there and welcome to me being painfully autistic (this is meant as a lighthearted joke; but also... yeah)! In order to get it out of my system, I wrote an in-depth character analysis on Cooper Abbott (played by Josh Hartnett) in the movie Trap (written, produced and directed by M. Night Shyamalan). The analysis only focuses on specific points, because otherwise it'd be even longer and more convoluted than it already is. I will make separate posts about the other points I didn't have a chance to mention/analyse (like the relation of Lady Raven's songs to Cooper's emotional journey, technical aspects, acting choices, and pretty much entire scene analyses) eventually, though. This is by no means an "official" analysis, just something I wrote for fun because that's how my brain works and I really needed to get those thoughts out there. But if they spark a conversation, that'd make me very happy, too! Anyone who finds themselves reading this: I hope you enjoy my interpretations, and I'd love to hear your own thoughts if you wanted to share them! But always remember to be kind and respectful!

The points I covered in this analysis:

Surface level traits and facts about Cooper Abbott

Relationship with Riley (and Logan, by extent) In contrast: his wife Rachel

Motivations during the movie (escape, not getting caught, keeping his two lives separate and balanced) Also: motivations for killing (trauma)

Key Conflict + Epiphany: his love for his children and thus, the fear of getting caught

What does all this mean for Cooper as a character, and by extension, us, the viewer?

Disclaimer: In the section for his motivations for killing, I will be taking a look at the claim that he has OCD. I, myself, have OCD and am talking from personal experience and knowledge I gathered through subsequent research and therapy; but that doesn't mean I'm an expert or that you have to agree with my takes, just because I'm looking at it through a more personal lens. Speaking of, when I mention his trauma and abnormal psychology as cause for his murders, I by no means want to say that everyone like this is automatically prone to being a violent or dangerous person. That's not true whatsoever, please remember that. (Once again, I'm talking from experience here, as well.) This is merely an interpretation of a fictional character, who was written to be this way. Also, of course, take what I say with a grain of salt. This is just for fun and not meant to be on an academic level (hence the lack of sources because I was mostly talking from what I just know, and obviously the movie itself, such as interviews with Josh Hartnett and M. Night).

Anyway:

To start off, I want to talk about the most basic, certain facts about Cooper Abbott that we get throughout the movie. Who is he on the surface? How does he appear to others? What do we know about “the Butcher”?

On the surface, Cooper Abbott is a cisgender, white, middle-aged (estimated to be in his early forties) male of the middle class, who lives in the Philadelphian suburbs with his family, consisting of his wife Rachel, his young teenage daughter Riley, and his younger son Logan. Cooper is a firefighter, and most likely has been one for up to twenty years at that point, depending on when he started his training and if he went to college beforehand. He managed to create the ideal family life. He’s a very involved and good father, who deeply cares about his children’s wellbeing and happiness, and does anything he can to achieve that, like buying concert tickets to Lady Raven for Riley as a reward for her good grades, and coming along with her.

To others, he appears like the ideal husband and father, and regular citizen. He seems like a completely normal and functioning member of society with good values, a great family, and who works as a first responder in the fire department, which is a noble career to pursue. He generally presents as the perfect example of what the modern man of his status 'should' be. On top of that, he’s incredibly charming and easily makes people open up to him, want to keep him around, and reveal information to him that they wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) give up to other strangers like him. He appears like a friend; even when he’s just met the other person. He’s non-threatening and trustworthy, and also humble. He can be pushy, but backtracks enough with believable excuses and commonly used phrases to make the other person feel at ease and like he’s only a well-meaning person, clumsily and charmingly asking for help or information.

For example, when he asks Jamie about all the extra security at the venue, and later asks to come back to the storage room with him, where he swipes his keycard, all the while making friendly conversation and getting information he needs from Jamie that he shouldn’t even be able to get otherwise. But by letting Jamie witness his “good values” as a family by allowing the other girl to get the shirt first, so as to not start a fight, and telling him he works in the fire department, and helping him with the heavy box, he creates a bond of trust with the other man. In turn, Jamie willingly tells Cooper about the police and FBI presence, due to evidence that led them to believe a serial killer, the Butcher (Cooper), would be at the concert; and later, in the storage room, even going so far as to tell him his secret passcode for security, because Cooper is “on [their] side” by being a firefighter and evidently great father. Another example of that is how Cooper got Riley to be chosen to be the girl for “Dreamer Girl” to get on stage with Lady Raven and backstage later. To achieve that, Cooper talks to one of the spotter’s he sees around, humbly and a little clumsily telling him how grateful he and Riley are to be there, while revealing in a lie that she had just recovered from leukemia, and that all he wanted is for the Spotter to thank Lady Raven for them to put on such a great show and make Riley happy, after having felt “cursed” due to her sickness. All of that is an effective manipulation and a lie, which only Cooper knows, but clearly strikes a chord in the other man that leads to Riley being chosen without her ever finding out how or why.

Then, there is this side of Cooper that nobody knows is his. “The Butcher”, as the media refers to Cooper Abbott’s serial killing. According to the media, the Butcher had been actively pursued by the police and FBI for seven years at the time of the movie, and twelve victims had been found and linked to him, based on evidence. His victims, as far as we know, consist of people of various ages, genders, and ethnicities. The thing they apparently had in common was that they were all good, selfless people. A young father of a two-year old boy, taking care of his parents, while working as a teacher, and even being awarded as “most liked teacher”; and another young man, who is into sustainable agriculture. We are also told about a woman without further details, leading to the thought that his victims come from all backgrounds. The bodies were normally found out in the open, chopped into pieces with a meat cleaver, hence dubbing him “the Butcher”. In the psychological profile of the Butcher, it was determined that he possibly had maternal issues and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is supported by Cooper hallucinating his mother, and evidently having been punished and severely traumatised by her growing up, such as his extreme need for control in every way. His abnormal psychology becomes more and more evident throughout the movie and will be discussed further down.

Now that the more basic facts are out of the way, I’d like to focus on the two key relationships we witness in the film. His relationship with his daughter Riley, and by extension his son Logan. And in contrast, his relationship with his wife Rachel.

The film starts with showing the audience what a great and secure relationship Cooper and Riley have as father and daughter. He lets her happily, and loudly, play her music in the car while singing along, albeit off-key, and encourages her. He calms her down when she’s stressed about being late to the concert, explains to her to not trust random sellers in front of the venue, and continuously tries to cheer her up and get her excited when she starts getting into her own head about things, and succeeds. We are also shown that he cares about her wellbeing beyond the present moment and that they have a trusting bond where they can talk about anything with each other, which is made evident when Riley opens up about her being left out and possibly picked on by girls at school. Cooper shows her compassion and understanding for her situation and feelings about it, and follows that up by making her laugh again and distracting her from it. As well as being emotionally close, Cooper is also physically affectionate toward Riley by often keeping a hand on her upper back or shoulder, and around her head, such as embracing her, and kissing the top of her head on several occasions, all of which she’s happy to receive and reciprocate, and sometimes even initiates herself, making it a mutually close and loving bond they share.

Throughout the movie, we often witness him showing interest in anything that concerns Riley, be that the slang words she uses, her wanting a tour shirt, and most importantly, her hoping to be picked for “Dreamer Girl”. And, of course, while the latter is merely a way for Cooper to find an escape when he feels cornered, by having been shown all of the previous interactions between them, it’s safe to say that he’d at least shown interest and hope for her to be chosen, regardless of his own predicament. Something that’s also mentioned a lot is Riley’s good grades and the concert being a reward for them, which shows that it’s important in their family to work for what they receive, and that said work will always be appreciated and celebrated, which is also later shown with the whole family eating a pie Rachel baked for the occasion. Generally, Cooper is constantly shown to be incredibly involved in his children’s lives and to care deeply about them and their entire being, such as raising them to be confident and independent people with good values.

In addition to how he is with Logan, it can be interpreted that it’s not much different from how he is with Riley, except maybe appropriate for his younger age. Around the house, we can see drawings done by the kids and family photos that underline this. And when they all sit together around the coffee table to eat the pie, Logan is seated at Cooper’s side with his dad’s arm around him, signifying an emotionally and physically close relationship between them, as well. In the end, when Cooper confronts Rachel and confesses how enraged he is, directing those feelings toward her, it amazes him that he’s only angry because he won’t get to see his children again, once more conveying to the audience how important the kids are to Cooper, and how close their relationship actually is. Even if that, to him, is a huge revelation, which will be explored further down.

In contrast, Cooper’s relationship with his wife Rachel looks a little different. While on the photos around the house, they look happy and close to one another; especially on a photo that was taken at their wedding, there is a clear shift away from that when we see them interact once Cooper and Riley arrive at home, along with Lady Raven. Rachel seems reserved and keeps her distance from Cooper. As we later find out, that might have very well been because her suspicions that he’s the Butcher were more or less confirmed when he returned home with Lady Raven, and had Riley tell her that “dad’s acting strange”. Lady Raven does, indeed, confirm it a few minutes later and tells her that “Cooper is the Butcher”.

The movie’s finale takes place at their home again, after Cooper managed to flee from the police and FBI multiple times, having to let go of Lady Raven for that. There, he sits down with Rachel and discusses with her that he figured out how the authorities even got wind of him being at the concert because he knew it couldn’t have been his own mistake, as he’s too meticulous about that, in order to keep his two lives separate. Rachel admits to following Cooper to one of his safe houses, planting a torn piece of the receipt for the concert ticket, and then leaving an anonymous tip for the police that the house might belong to the Butcher. She says she did it to either get them closer to Cooper or prove her wrong of her suspicions, as it dawned on her over time that perhaps he was this wanted serial killer she kept seeing on the news, because he was often away at night, brought home jewellery that he made up lies about where he got the items from, and smelled of cleaning fluid used at hospitals, rather than the one he would use at the fire department.

Throughout the entire conversation, it is evident that Rachel, while terrified, is also grieving. She just lost her husband and the picture perfect family life she had built with him over the years, and is now confronted with the thought that it had all been nothing but a lie for him. Cooper, on the other hand, doesn’t display such feelings at all. He doesn’t appear remorseful of using her this way, nor does he seem to grief what they had now that he knows it’s all gone because he’d been caught. Instead, he is angry, feeling betrayed, and perhaps even hating her for ruining everything for them all. After all, if it hadn’t been for her, nobody would have ever known about his presence at the concert, and none of the things that transpired would have happened at all. But as mentioned above, his anger is directed toward her for the fact that he’ll never see Riley and Logan again, not because he’d been caught or lost his wife along with his children. In fact, he planned on committing murder-suicide with her as revenge and to keep himself out of prison. All of these things point toward Rachel having never been more than a tool to Cooper to keep appearances as a normal citizen without a sinister side to him. He seemed to have never loved her at all; although, perhaps that was true at the beginning of their relationship for a little while. Even so, his love would have been different to what other people would feel, and it is also revealed that he seems to have never felt strongly before, which further supports that he was never actually in love with Rachel.

Since Cooper is the protagonist of the film, we follow him throughout, only ever experiencing anything from his perspective. And that brings me to my next point: his motivations.

The first aspect of this is pretty straightforward. The entire movie is about Cooper Abbott trying not to get caught by the authorities, thus escaping the concert without being detected, and also without ruining it for his daughter. He becomes increasingly desperate to achieve his goals and keep the balanced life he had worked so hard to build, but finds a dead end at every turn he makes, until the second half of the movie. He’s motivated by his need to keep Riley happy and in the dark, while wanting to stay completely undetected and get out of the venue. He can’t let the authorities even see him as a potential suspect, which is exactly why, after several failed attempts to escape, and managing to get backstage, but being faced with the threat of a police inspection, Cooper asks Lady Raven for a private talk, once more playing the card of Riley’s made-up leukemia recovery. Once he’s alone with Lady Raven, he works himself up to revealing his identity as the Butcher to her, showing her his current victim - Spencer, who is captured in a basement - and explaining to her that he can easily kill Spencer with carbon monoxide poisoning by releasing it from a small box in the basement with one push of a button on his phone. Thus, he effectively pressures Lady Raven into helping him and Riley out of the entire venue without going through the police inspections first, as they’ll ride with her in the limousine.

His motivation, after having been outed as the Butcher, is not to escape, necessarily, but to kill Lady Raven, his wife, and himself, putting an end to everything, now that he has no leverage anymore with Lady Raven having managed to have Spencer rescued, and the police and FBI knowing who he is, there’s no escape for him. 

This brings me to his motivation for killing. We know, on a surface level, that he’d been actively searched for his murders for seven years, and that twelve victims have been linked back to him, due to similar modus operandi and location (presumably, since we don’t know about other evidence linking the murders to one killer). We also learn how he chooses his victims when he tells Lady Raven that he felt “the urge” once he saw her behind the curtain at the concert, and explains to her that it’s almost an odd experience for him to feel that way, but that he thinks it’s when he “see[s] someone who thinks they’re whole”, which “can never be true” because “everyone’s in pieces”. This also explains what his victims had in common by being people too good to be true, so to speak. They were seemingly selfless, genuinely good and caring people that might have felt fulfilled with their role in life.

Later, we also find that Cooper is described as “profoundly different” by the FBI profiler, Dr. Grant, and that he’s never felt any deep emotions before or could build real connections to people, according to what Cooper implied about himself, at least. Thus, supporting the thought that when Cooper says, “everyone’s in pieces”, he’s mostly talking about himself and expecting everyone else to be the same way, because all his life he’d been taught that he’s missing something by not being like the majority of people. That leads to the connection to his mother in his motivation for killing.

Throughout the movie, we’re shown that Cooper hallucinates his mother as an elderly woman, implying that her memory is haunting him. With her being shown as an old lady, it could also be interpreted that she died of old age and that the image in Cooper’s mind is what she looked like when Cooper last saw her before her passing. This conclusion is mostly reached by the fact that, as far as we know, the murders only began seven years prior to the movie’s events, and it is often said that there are specific moments in somebody’s life that could trigger such things as killing. Supporting this is the fact that we’re told that Cooper had often been punished in his youth, presumably by his mother, whose love and approval he always longed for, which might have kept him somewhat grounded for most of his life. And thus, her death could have possibly triggered him to give into his urges because there’s no more love and approval to anticipate from his mother. We get a glimpse of that when Lady Raven attempts to deter Cooper from hurting her inside the car, as she pretends to talk to him in a way that his mother might have by speaking in a harsher tone and threatening punishment if he didn’t stop; but then she turns it around and attempts a level of empathy by calling him a “good boy” and saying that “[he] can choose to be good”. He doesn’t fall for it, knowing that she’s trying to get under his skin with things that the FBI had told her about him; but there is some truth in it.

This is especially implied when, at the end of the movie, Cooper is drugged with his own tranquillising powder and hallucinates his mother talking to him; although, as we find out, it’s actually Dr. Grant posing as his mother. She gets through to him by telling him that she’s proud of him for finally feeling such anger, and “not all of [him] is a monster”, and that “it’s good [he’s] stopping the monster”. This scene is also when he reveals that he “thought [he] was pretending, but [he] wasn’t” about his love for his children. So, his motivation for killing would be the trauma of having been constantly punished by his mother for being different and perhaps unruly, when all he ever wanted was her love and approval, only to never receive any; thus, resenting anyone that seemed to have it all together and needing to take it away from them by killing them. This is also represented in his crime scenes, where his victims are found chopped into pieces and scattered all over the location they’re found in, relating back to his comment that “everyone’s in pieces”. 

Something that should be mentioned here is that it is mentioned in the movie that the Butcher might suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) by Lady Raven as she more or less parrots information she gathered from the FBI to subtly alert Cooper’s family to his true being, while pushing Cooper into revealing himself with those pointed remarks.

Throughout the movie, there are small moments that indicate that Cooper, indeed, suffers from OCD, which mostly presents as an extreme need for control. For example, we see him neatly fold his napkins at the stadium, fixing the towels at home, despite more pressing issues at hand, such as checking on his captive victim via camera, while he's at the concert, and often repeating that “[he’s] in control”, and only revealing his true feelings about his situation when he feels said control slip through his fingers. Only in such moments does his mask break, showing parts of his true self, until he doesn’t hide it anymore once it is out in the open anyway. His OCD is not a motivation for his killings, but it is evidently a component of his abnormal psychology that might have played into his mother’s abuse and his subsequent trauma and response; although he could have also developed his OCD as a result of his traumatic childhood.

In addition, the possibility that he has OCD at all is pretty likely due to aforementioned examples, but also how he finds comfort in planning the captivities and murders, just as much as the killing itself, as he confessed to Rachel. The obsessions and resulting compulsions in people with OCD are often linked back to a need for control and comfort, no matter the nature of the thoughts and urges. Obsessing over particular things is normally the distressing part and the compulsion is then something to soothe oneself and momentarily get rid of the obsessive thoughts and fears, thus finding comfort in them; even if the compulsions end up harmful to oneself or others in some way. On top of that, when Cooper feels himself losing the control he had over the situation with Lady Raven and his family, he can’t hold back his immediate reaction of distress and anger by banging on the closed bathroom door and not letting up; eventually going so far as yelling, “open the goddamn door”, uncaring of his children witnessing him in a state such as this, which should be extremely unusual for him. Everything is lost to him in that moment, and he’s caught up in the desperate need to gain back control, that his reaction is disproportionately intense, in comparison to his usual lack of emotional participation in what is happening around him or to him. When a person’s compulsive need for something cannot be fulfilled once triggered, it can lead to such great distress as was displayed with Cooper when Lady Raven was hiding in the bathroom with his phone, therefore creating more credibility to the claim that the Butcher/Cooper Abbott has OCD.

I’ve mentioned Cooper’s relationship with his children and his realisation that he’s capable of deeper feelings and connections a few times already, and now I’d like to take a closer look at that revelation and the conflict it created for Cooper throughout the entire film.

As stated above, Cooper’s youth consisted of being punished by his mother, not receiving the love, care and approval he needed and longed for, which later translated to a trauma response that led him to commit murders. Among all of that, there’s also that he never got a chance to develop normally as a child, which could very well be the reason for his lack of deep emotions and empathy, none of which he ever received or learned to have.

It can also be thought that because of how Cooper’s mother saw him and clearly conveyed this image to him, he had a distorted sense of who he was, fitting himself into the box he was forced into by his mother as a child and never finding a way out of it. Technically, once he grew up and made a life for himself, he could have realised that she wasn’t right about him; but instead, he was stuck in this specific image that he was convinced of and now believed to be entirely true about himself. This image that he was a monster, that he was incapable of love and real, deep connections to other people, and genuine feelings in general. All of it went so far that he had convinced himself that his fatherhood was nothing but a performance to keep cover. This entire time, he believed that when he showed love, care, and interest in his children and their lives, it was only pretense. It’s only during the movie’s events, when he’s confronted with the threat of losing his children to being found out as the Butcher, that he realises just how important they truly are to him, that it’s not all about having a cover, and that he genuinely feels affection for his kids.

This revelation, as amazing as it is for him at the end when everything is lost for him anyway, is also what creates the biggest conflict for him throughout the movie. Instead of just finding a way to escape undetected, no matter what or how, he constantly has to look out for Riley as well, make sure he doesn’t ruin the concert for her and drag her into this. And he has to stay close to her, which means that he can’t leave for long periods of time to figure a way out; even though he tries and eventually runs out of excuses and opportunities as Riley grows more concerned and therefore aware of his strange behaviour. In the end, he does manage to combine both interests by getting Riley to be chosen for “Dreamer Girl”, but it comes with unforeseen consequences when Lady Raven joins them at their home, and the movie’s finale takes place with Cooper being found out and having to escape custody several times.

To Rachel, he admits that his rage is “unfamiliar” to him, as he “never felt this before” and it makes him “feel out of control”; but the reason for it is “amazing” to him because it’s caused by the knowledge that he won’t see Riley and Logan grow up. And when Dr. Grant later poses as Cooper’s mother and tells him that she’s proud of him for feeling such anger, he also says, with pleasant surprise in his voice, “I thought I was pretending, but I wasn’t”, which implies that his lack of emotional involvement has been part of his conflict with his mother all his life, and that it’s reason for him to have believed that he was incapable of such; even when he clearly cared about his children. It never registered to him, until that specific night, that maybe his mother, and by extension Cooper himself, was wrong about him. 

What does all of this mean for Cooper Abbott as a character, though?

For one, he’s incredibly complex. There are many different layers to him that can be explored at length, and I still have only scratched the surface here. There’s this side of him that only he knows about, the Butcher, but also his childhood, which he probably never revealed to anyone before. At the same time, he’s a picture perfect family man, a firefighter, an unassuming citizen, and deep down, a hurt child that never had a chance to heal. And with that comes the fact that his complexity is merely part of being human; especially a grown adult with forty-plus years of experience. His character is an interesting one to take a closer look at because he poses questions that humans are naturally curious about and want answers to, but are also afraid of truly exploring those darker corners in depth. Cooper allows us to go there because he’s fictional and there’s no real harm done when looking into his murders, for example.

Cooper, at his core, is like an amalgamation of those serial killers whose names we all know, and who are usually described in ways that we witnessed Cooper to be in the movie; and that presents a challenge to the audience. We’re faced with a protagonist, who is a murderer, and a good father, and a traumatised child at heart; and we want him to get away, until we catch ourselves wanting that and remembering who he truly is. But is that all true? Is he truly only a monster? I think that, specifically, is what makes Cooper Abbott as a character so intriguing. He challenges our perception of murderers being those monsters, through and through; especially when we witness him being a great father. It forces us to look into that and wonder how that might relate back to our reality.

To wrap this up, what I think it means for Cooper as a character is that he’s human just like everyone else, uncomfortably so. He’s an exploration of the darkest shades a human has, but also shows the brightest lights we have to offer when it comes to human interaction; especially family. And it’s uncomfortable to witness how the dark and the light can go hand-in-hand like this, possibly without anyone else ever knowing.

[romandaandromeda]

How Azumanga Daioh tells the difference between the "Old Web" and "Modern Internet"

a content warning for mentions of rape, pedophilia, and ableism (well, better safe than sorry!)

i had an entire thing written before this, but i decided to scrap it for when spacehey comes back online

so, the old web. we know what it is, we know how we see it, geocities, crunchy gifs, flashes and whatever. but have you ever seen the difference between its societies scattered across websites whether it be an imageboard, geocity, or forum against our discorded societies on major social media platforms?

a while back, i had begun watching azumanga daioh as a result of a sudden reinterest in the anime in this decade. this reminded me of how prevalent anime was on the internet as a whole 2 decades ago (and more or less, azumanga's iron grip on anons and lurkers alike), which led me to searching for how different this era was with memes.

memes, or a fad, wasn't very accessible as they are today, while some could be laughed at as an outsider (think awesome face, shoop da whoop, nyan cat, impact font memes), memes outside of the public conscious were mostly inside jokes spawned from forums like something awful or imageboards like 2chan or 4chan.

out of those many, azumanga was one of the more popular ones. think about it, funny teenagers do funny things and combine that with a major love from anime communities, you get things like these:

now what i've noticed about these memes from pre-2010 is their inside joke nature. ask the modern user what a sticky is or why they think osaka is pretending to be a nazi, they wouldn't know or be a bit offput. plus using kaorin's little lesbian crushing on sakaki to project their straight love for sakaki would probably be looked down upon now but that was just normal. if you couldn't handle it then it was either hit the road or deal with it.

you can probably guess that kimura was probably the most relatable character ever in those days, don't even get me started on the normalization of pedophile/rape jokes back then.

now that's fun and all, but how about nowadays? we no longer have a scattered culture, everyone is using one single site for entertainment and posting, and all of the forums and imageboards have been designated a hazard zone as their users have mutated into despicable folks that have been shunned away to the point where they seem more depraved than their past. AKA, they no longer care for relating over a character or talking about a show, they'd rather argue about their nitpicks of a specific character or show and just skulk on what used to be a thriving community. well, nowadays it seems you don't need to be part of a specific community anymore, just see a meme and laugh without any context. with azumanga's revival in interest, this has sort of spawned what i like to call "azumanga autism memes" (TO CLARIFY: I AM AUTISTIC, FEEL FREE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN NAME IF MINE DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT!). as they've mostly just become the most nonsensical and silly images ever, you practically don't need to watch the show to understand because its so disconnected from the source material it's like a cup of coffee, just pick it up and have a taste.

some examples:

notice anything? suddenly, osaka takes the center stage! with exception to the one chiyo image, osaka has become the face of azumanga as the modern internet knows it. compare that to how every character had about the same love through different edits in the old web, and it seems that most people would think that osaka is the main character of azumanga instead of the multiple characters' stories spread through the series. this has seemed to piss off many a gatekeeper, who are mad that this series is only gaining interest because of one character and her vague memes. to which i believe gatekeeping such a building block of the internet like azumanga is like trying to defend an unstable shack, it's useless.

so, what can we tell from the differences between ye olde and the new? to cut to the chase, the old web's fad culture was built from inside jokes outside of the "webcore/y2k-integrated" memes used for aesthetics. and nowadays people have publicized memes to a point where context is thrown from the picture and anyone can enjoy a meme instead of enjoying its source.

which is better? i can't tell you, you don't see much enjoyability and genuine appreciation in editing in today's memes than you did with old fads (you have to make people laugh, lest you be banished to the "reddit" label hell) but the normalization of taboo topics like racism, rape, and ableism should definitely be left behind in the old. it's just personal preference, really.

that's the end of this post, please enjoy kasuga.swf: