#i love writing a manifesto of why one of my comfort characters is autistic

[battry-acid]

From your recent piece with Colossus in it, I would love you to elaborate on the autism mention!!

If it’s a hc, I love it, I have never thought of it before and it just makes a lot of sense

absolutely!!! apologies for the incoming ramble

yes it's only a headcanon, not actually canon (for now). i've always related to colossus both as a neurodivergent person and as an artist due to how it's easiest for him to communicate his feelings through art, and how he otherwise normally struggles with words. that is the main reason i view him as autistic, among many other reasons. the many other reasons are listed below!

<< DISCLAIMER: when i talk about x-men characters, unless i'm specifying a particular IP/media, just assume i'm talking about the original run of the all-new all-different uncanny x-men comics and how the characters are portrayed there. 1975-1990 is the sweet spot. that is the "source material" to me, the blueprint of what roles those characters are made to serve and what their most prominent traits are. yay >>

1. COMMUNICATES BEST THROUGH ART

piotr specifically says "my pencil can create far better pictures of this land...than my poor words." in "prison of the heart" (this story appears in vol 1 issue 5 of classic x-men as it was cut from the original run of UXM. it takes place between issues 97 and 98). yet he still calls his drawings "not very good". he thinks he's terrible at communicating no matter how he tries to do so.

to summarize in the story, he falls in love with a fellow russian immigrant with an artistic heart named anya. he expresses his affection by giving her a drawing of her performing, "from my heart to yours". it is the purest way he can express how he feels.

and yet, it doesn't work out. he protects her by turning into colossus, a show of his care for her, and she runs from him in fear.

this sequence makes my heart EXPLODE. mfw autistic people get called heartless all the time for struggling with empathy

the way he talks and acts as colossus is entirely different to how he talks and acts as piotr. it's obvious by how quickly his voice dies in his throat when returning to his unarmoured state. he was boasting such confidence in armoured form, and when it's over....all that confidence is gone. this is the purest example of how he switches between confident and quiet, protected and sensitive, physically and emotionally between forms.

from then on, he's afraid of himself, and more afraid to express himself. he continues to hide his art and he avoids forming stronger bonds with anyone other than fellow x-men, and even that is hard for him. he has intense rejection sensitivity (like meee) and i think he has incredibly high levels of empathy (LIKE MEEE) which is as much an autistic trait as low levels of empathy are. he cares so much, he cares so much it hurts, so he has to protect himself.

it is a common theme with the characterization of piotr that his powers are defense, they are to protect himself and others. he needs to protect his sensitive heart. so large, so compassionate, but so fragile. he may be able to protect himself from physical harm in his armoured state, but he cannot protect himself from emotional harm no matter what he does. he still has his weaknesses, impenetrable skin or no.

2. STRUGGLES IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS

when he gets another chance at romance in "first love" (classic x-men vol 1 issue 21, also in UXM issue 115) he is afraid. he says that he is afraid repeatedly and uhhh there's a lot of things that happen in that story that i am going to avoid talking about right now (it has triggering content and is recognized as a problematic portrayal of indigenous pacific islanders. boy oh boy do i hate the savage land. i may talk about this more in depth at another time if somebody wants me to!) it's like, yay, they don't judge him for being a mutant, or for being afraid!!! but at what cost (bad things happen to him)

and this is, of course, not the only instances of piotr having issues with romance. he seems to constantly experience issues in relationships due to his insecurities, rejection sensitivity, and (very reasonable imo) fears. he has as much trouble expressing his affections for someone as he does verbalizing his discomfort in others' advances towards him. because even when he has said no in the past, some have not listened to him. so he chooses to stay silent. I ALSO HAVE HAD THESE ISSUES!!! it can be so hard being in relationships (romantic or otherwise) as an autistic person, it can be so hard learning effective ways to communicate, it can be so hard constantly fighting to be treated like a person. that's what he feels like to me. he does make progress over time, but it's difficult for him, and he never truly masters it.

3. HAS HIS HEAD IN THE CLOUDS

there's also the entire aspect of piotr of being a bit oblivious at times. sometimes it's to depict him as a younger member of the group with less experience, or as the russian who doesn't understand american customs, or just simply a guy off in his own world that only snaps back to reality when he has to focus on a fight. he ain't the leader for a reason, he's a follower type of guy. my favourite thing ever is when they talk about him like he isn't there and he's just "?"

i don't know why they repeatedly depict piotr as just "❓" red question mark emoji personified but i never want it to stop. i actually adore it

but just being a little oblivious isn't enough sometimes. sometimes they gotta push it. sometimes he's portrayed as being so stupid that he can't even count!!! love to see it! (/s) people looove to insult his intelligence. people looove to call him an idiot both in and out of canon. don't that just remind you of somethin? of having your intelligence questioned all the time solely based on how you act?

you see this struggle to advocate for himself, or being a bit naïve in his hopes for another person, in every single depiction of piotr. or, at least, every single accurately characterized depiction of piotr. in as long drawn-out plot points of piotr feeling as though he can't join the x-men in x-men: evolution, from as small instances of deadpool grabbing his ass in the deadpool movies and him clearly being kind of uncomfortable but giving up on trying to sway wade, you see him struggle to verbalize how he feels. he always says nothing. he's called the strong but silent type for a reason.

4. PREFERS TO PLAY IT BY THE BOOK

on a different note, we get to see how much he loves rules and schedules and routines. he is definitely a goody two-shoes at times in terms of how inclined he is to follow the rules no matter what, usually because that's what he thinks xavier wants him to do. it takes encouragement for him to want to do something other than what he understands to be the socially acceptable thing to do.

just one mere example of his nature to follow the rules:

this one panel is single-handedly one of the best representations of how the three of them interact with each other and what makes them such a fun trouple

there's so many more examples i could point out, but it can all be summarized simply by the fact that he is always a follower, never a leader. he doesn't like to make the rules, he just likes to follow them. he likes to have a clear idea of what he is expected and supposed to do, and can easily be directed in ways that benefit others the most. i love being told what to do if it means i get to help other people!!! it's so much easier having someone tell me what to do and clearly communicate what is expected of me instead of playing this constant social guessing game i always find myself in.

IN CONCLUSION...

so he's kind of unobservant, emotionally illiterate, rule-oriented, experiences empathy at an abnormal level, and expresses himself best in artistic ways. so what, you may ask? that's hardly enough evidence to be autistic. make him take the RAADS, you fool. and to that, i say....y'know what, fair, you don't have to agree with me, but also i don't care and he's autistic and yay yippee yippee i love colossus so much yaaay he's autistic just like me :D!!!

i have so many feelings about piotr. can you tell x-men has been my special interest since i was 8 years old?

<< also yes i know there is a kitty-sized elephant in the room. if someone sends an ask for me to do so, i may talk about my feelings on her relationship with piotr at some point. that is a whole other can of worms >>