#sorry its kinda vent

[fridgrave2-0]

the moment of realization what im max kinnie

in the aspect of being fucking dumb and nerdy (but he's closed about it) and having an insane amount of frustration because of it. it's being so stupid and incapable of studying what i had to drop shittiest college bc i couldn't do it. im jealous of smart people or anyone who can do what i cant, i want to cry and break stuff and yell when i don't understand very simple things and it happens a lot. im repressing my anger all the time, home doesnt feel like home at all, im always tense while my mom is around and all i think when she's near is what she'll start talking again how useless i am and what she doesnt want me here

in the aspect of being in need of a positive attention even though feeling there is really nothing what can be done to get it. it believing someone does good to me when its not, opening my heart to the random people who had to say or do to me just one nice thing. it's a need of control because all i feel is my life falling apart in my hands

it's not in the aspect of hunting bullying killing harassing anyone. just for the note

[starscream-is-my-wife]

Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze

[nagitosstolenhand]

i don't like the growing opinion that people are being 'too hard' on deku for his failing to save shigaraki.

i've seen quite a few people complaining that a lot of the bnha-critical crowd are being too mean to deku for getting tomura killed, arguing that it isn't really his fault, and that hes a 16 year old child soldier who's been failed by almost every adult in his life, why should we be putting all of this on his shoulders? hes just a kid after all?

and the truth is, they're right. deku IS a 16 year old boy whos had the fate of the world thrust on his shoulders. but the story itself just plainly refuses to acknowledge this.

the narrative doesn't acknowledge how fucked up having a school that trains literal children how to be combo cop-celebrities is. it only tentatively acknowledges the fact that a universe having combo cop-celebrities is fucked up, and even then the only people who ever point this out are antagonists, who are portrayed and treated in-universe as untrustworthy. the narrative doesn't care how fucked up dekus circumstances are. the narrative treats deku like hes a fucking messiah here to touch the hearts of the evil depressed villains with his magical empathetic heart of gold before they get blown up or just sent to fucking superhell for daring to challenge the status quote.

deku isn't a person. he's barely even a fucking character at this point. he's a plot device, and a mouth piece for the objectively shitty themes bnha is trying to spout. the themes that tell you that if you're mistreated by society and want to do something about it, you're a villain. that disrupting the status quote and refusing to repent to some random teenage boy spouting empty platitudes at you means you deserve to get sent to fucking superhell. the themes that portray people fighting for civil change as mass murdering supervillains. the themes that look the audience dead in the eye and can call deku the greatest hero to ever live.

deku, who barely spared a second thought to lady nagant telling him the truth about the hero commission. who spouts meaningless platitudes about heroism and morality at nagant, and aoyama, and toga and shigaraki, when even the thought that he should question the world around him comes up. who's constantly talked about as this truly kind, empathetic person, but hasn't spared an empathetic thought to literally anyone who is classified as a villain. who listened to every authority figure around him except the ones who asked him to question his worldview. who saw la bravas tears, shigarakis various breakdowns, himikos plead for understanding, chisakis catatonic state, lady nagants truth, and barley batted a fucking eye. deku, who killed tomura shigaraki.

people don't criticize deku for failing shigaraki because they just hate deku. people criticize deku because of what he represents. because hes a mouthpiece for the atrocious morals and themes of this ideologically rotten manga. because any character he had was chopped up to bits in favor of the incomplete husk we have now. people criticize deku because hes the main character of my hero academia. theres nothing more damning then that.

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[so-worthless-so-empty]

Being unheard is like being a ghost, drifting through the lives of those you love. I hate this feeling…

[no-one-turose-shipper]

I need somebody I could rant to about the ABSOLUTE INJUSTICE HOP HAS FACED AS A CHARACTER. WHENEVER I SEE SWSH MERCH THEY ALWAYS LEAVE OUT HOP. BUT OH MARNIE AND BEDE ARE THERE. MOTHERFUCKER I AM GOING TO KILL YOU STOP BEING A COWARD AND GIVE ME MY HOP. HE IS CONSTANTLY ERASED AND PUT DOWN AND IT PMO. HOP IS NOT ANNOYING AND OVERCONFIDENT HE IS TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF COOL. HOP IS A PRETEEN. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HOP’S ERASURE IN HIS OWN GAME. IN HIS OWN FAMILY. BROTHER I MIGHT BE PROJECTING BUT THE FACT THAT LEON IS SO TREASURED AND FAVORED FUCKING MESSES WITH YA. ITS SO CLEAR HOP IS TRYING TO BE LEON. HE’S AN “ANNOYING FANBOY” BECAUSE LEONS HIS OLDER BROTHER. THAT HES CLOSE TO. I HATE YOU SWSH. YOU HAVE CREATED A CHARACTER SO GOOD AT BEING PATHETIC AND SUPPRESSED THAT PEOPLE HATE HIM. HOP ISNT EVEN ALLOWED TO HAVE A PROPER EMOTIONAL ARC. HE HAS TO PUSH IT DOWN. BOTH FOR THE STORY AND FOR THE OTHERS. HOP IS IN LEONS SHADOW AND IT FEELS LIKE THE FANS IGNORE THAT AND JUST PUSH HIM TO THE SIDE AS “ONE DIMENSIONAL.” HE’S NOT. ONE OF THE BIG POINTS OF HIS CHARACTER IS THAT HE ACTS. HE ACTS CONFIDENT. HE ACTS SELF ASSURED. HE ACTS LIKE HE DOESN’T HAVE ALL OF THIS SELF DOUBT CRUSHING HIM. LEON BECAME CHAMPION AT TEN. THATS SUCH A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT THAT WOULD OVERSHADOW ANY OF HOP’S. HOPS DEAL IS BEING PUSHED DOWN THE SAME PATH AS LEON AND TRYING TO BE BETTER. TO PROVE THAT HE ISN’T JUST LEON’S ANNOYING BROTHER. BUT HIS OWN PERSON. GRRRRRR IMAGINE LIVING LIFE KNOWING YOU ARE ONLY KNOWN FIR YOUR RELATIONS TO SOMEONE ELSE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE ARE NO MEDALS OR EVEN FUCKING PICTURES OF HOP LIKE THERE ARE LEON. IMAGINE EATING BREAKFAST AND HAVING TO STARE DOWN A REMINDER OF WHAT YOU’LL NEVER LIVE UP TO. BROTHER. GRRRR HOP’S IDENTITY IS LEON. GOOD CHUNK OF HIS LINES BRING UP LEON, HIS ENTIRE MOTIVE IS BEATING LEON, THE RARE LEAGUE CARD THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PERSONAL HAS HOP IMITATING LEON. GRRRRRRR I AM FUCKING TWEAKING OUT. EVEN IN POKÉMON MASTERS, HIS NEO-CHAMPION SUIT IMITATES LEON. I MIGHT BE LOONEY BUT I HAVE A POINT. I’VE BEEN THERE. FUNNY ENOUGH JUST LIKE HOP HYPER-FIXATES ON LEON I HYPER-FIXATE ON HOP. ITS COPING. ITS NEEDING SOMETHING, EVEN IF ONLY A IDEA TO FALL BACK ON. IT STARTS SMALL BUT IT GROWS INTO A OBSESSION YOU SINK YOUR NAILS INTO IT AS YOU TURN EVERYTHING INTO IT FOR THE COMFORT IT GIVES. YOU NEED IT. IT BECOMES YOUR PERSONALITY. IT BECOMES YOU. AND YES THIS SECTION IS ME PROJECTING BUT ITS FROM EXPERIENCE OF WHAT HE MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH. I HATE YOU HOP POKÉMON. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT YOU GOT. BOTH FROM YOUR OWN MAKERS, YOUR OWN GAME AND THE FANBASE. HOPEFULLY YOU’LL GET YOUR OWN OFFICIAL PLUSH ONE DAY… HOPEFULLY PEOPLE WILL RESPECT YOU.

[angelpuns]

Just another day wishing I didn't live with my parents but having to because I can barely take care of myself

[natsmagi]

honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her

and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse

[zuzu-romeave]

i know people are mostly joking when they insinuate that troy is too possessive or jealous to have a polyamorous relationship with abed but like that idea annoys me so much. when troy and abed both agree to take mariah the librarian on a date, troy is entirely okay with it UNTIL mariah chooses him over abed and then later calls abed weird. after that he tells abed “there’s someone out there for us.” he just wants someone who also wants abed, and that doesnt mean he wont get jealous over it. you can be polyam and still struggle with jealousy, which is the situation that troy’s in

[employee052]

turns out a brief moment of feeling ok doesnt mean im done grieving

anywho, heres a vent doodle with a pose i saw online, might not reblog the road trip thread posts for a bit (i feel bad for not being able to participate in my own trend but as long as people enjoyed it then i dont mind all too much)

i dont wanna call it a break bc i cant help but be on tumblr, but things might go quiet in terms of art or me talking.

hope yall are doin well today/tonight/timezone n ill see yall when i see you :3

[faunandfloraas]

... you don't have to tag every member if you're only posting one or two of them....

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

Okay maybe a bit of a ranty post but god i find that theory that Nadakhan had Jay in his room for “weird reasons” so fucking irritating. A) yall don’t need to make up stuff about Nadakhan being weird to a ninja Nya is quite literally already there and B) yall just fucking made that up and pretend it’s ‘implied’. He was probably in there for phycological torture reasons or because he was trying to escape constantly or Nadakhan’s just! Fucking like that!

[bacchuschucklefuck]

My Accolades

[satorugojoswiife]

tbh I kinda hate when people say no one cared about satoru. I know gege didn't show us anything, but knowing the characters there's no way that's true. Especially for yuta and yuji. He literally saved their lives and helped them so much & they were always happy to be around him and support him 😭 megumi definitely cared too, but we know he isn't someone that shows his emotions. Shoko too, remember how concerned and stressed she was during the gojo vs sukuna fight? Lots of the characters do care. Gege just didn't show any of it in the end chapters :(

[bugwolfsstuff]

I think converting to paganism was the best thing to happen to me because like

I never felt God or Jesus and only prayed when I slept at my grandparents house and they made me pray for 'mammy and daddy' or at lunch during school when we had to sing that 'bless the hands that made the food' song (I cannot remember the lyrics)

But i've felt Dionysus at my best and worst moments, dancing with me at my crazy messed up sugar high moments and holding me at my worst suicidal moments telling me i'm okay.

and i've felt Apollo when the sun shines brightly as I listen to music or write.

and i've felt Artemis, Áine, The Morrigan, Nemesis and Arawn be angry for me when i've prayed for some form of revenge/justice against some creepy old boy/man

and i've felt Hekate in some form as I pray for protection when things go bump in the night and i'm a little too paranoid.

And I know i'm not the best pagan because i'm primarily a riordanverse blog and I like to read comics based off the pantheons I worship but I really feel like the gods don't care about who I am here

[menheraamen]

I hate watching people I'm close to and people I bonded over vocaloid with grow out of it and start listening to real people and becoming more invested in other interest because that means they'll grow out of ME and I'll die