#soooo uh yeah sorry

[atinydragon]

Squish!

Fun fact, if you squeeze Mallow it'll feel like you're squishing a marshmallow! Yes that's why I named him that (and why his parents did too!)

Tried to give him an autumn themed hoodie. Mostly because when it was plain orange it reminded me of Velma lol

Don't worry, he's fine and he gets to do it back at Omni too.

Second fun fact: Omni is a slime monster! Squishing their "hair" (as shown) is just like those fidget slimes things.

[bandtrees]

they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one

alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way

[bees-draws]

Had a blast reading @spark-hearts2's fic, Yeah, I'm Not Calling Her Mommy. I didn't really have strong opinions on her until reading this, and realized just how fun she could be as an ally.

[signed-sapphire]

Um. Can I. @annymation @uva124 @emillyverse

How hard I had to fight to not make Aster a twink was. So hard.

Idk experimenting with canvas sizes

@gracebethartacc has RWTS!Aster with star-shaped pupils and Cielo has glowing golden pupils, so I decided Imma draw KOW!Aster with stars IN their pupil.

The firefly one??? Is okay??? It doesn’t really look lika Aled’s art but idfc (I do, I really do but I gotta go to sleep)

Boots are a bit stiff but what can you do. I wanted to get some fanart out there so I can practice drawing the boy a little more later

[brutal-nemesis]

E&T: Caught in the Clutches of Lust

No im not sorry for any of this. cope and seethe

Btw I used a line from @painsandconfusion and @wormwriting's degradation starter list that I saved THREE YEARS AGO for this very moment. I am always playing the long game (⊙ˍ⊙)

←Previous - Masterlist

Ingredients: VERY creepy/intimate whumper, implied threat of noncon, a lot of noncon touching (unsexy but right on the edge), implied noncon kiss, unsexy nudity

Shiori?

No, it couldn’t be, she was a world away, she was human, he’d left her waiting by the fountain after the party and she’d moved on and forgotten about him, no reason to follow him here, into the depths of hell, looking exactly like she had the night of the party, jarringly out of place in her pretty dress, smiling at him like he wasn’t a blood-covered, unrecognizable version of himself.

And then he blinked, and all of a sudden it wasn’t Shiori at all, but Lythia, wearing the same yellow bandana that she always did while she was working in the palace gardens, the little black braids of her hair just as beautiful as he remembered. There was no pity in her dark eyes, like there had been the last time he saw her, looking up at him from the crowd while he was chained to that pillar, promising he’d be rescued after it was already too late. Actually seeing her hurt, and Erebus looked away for a moment, just a moment…

When he saw the woman in front of him now, his jaw dropped, eyes widening, his tense, burning hands finally relaxing.

“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.”

Her voice was just as he remembered, and she was smiling at him so kindly, her eyes soft, her gloved hand outstretched, she was here to save him, she’d found a way to bring him back, he was too tired and scared and stressed to do anything else besides surrender control to her once again, to take her small hand and follow her blindly towards the fate she’d chosen for him. She was squeezing his still-healing hand tightly in hers, but she could do whatever she wanted with him just as long as she got him out of this place.

“Well, that was easy.”

The voice wasn’t Shiori’s, or Lythia’s, and it certainly wasn’t Neteri’s.

Erebus jumped back, finally seeing the person next to him clearly for the first time. She-they?-smirked at him, bright purple eyes sparkling. Their white hair was long and wavy, partially braided back with impeccable precision. Gold jewelry and a low-cut black dress accentuated their natural beauty, seeming very out of place in this hellish world. Most striking of all, though, was their bright red skin, a shade that was very familiar to Erebus.

This was a lust demon, and she’d lead him right into her lair.

“You-how did-I-”

They laughed, deep and bright, obviously amused by his shock and confusion. “You only saw what your heart wanted you to see, darling. It’s not my fault you turned into a meek little lamb and followed me here.”

Erebus’s face grew hot. “Well I-I…” his wings sank behind him. He’d thought he was about to be saved. Like an idiot. She’d led him away from the bubbling pools and acrid air into a sort of cave, a furnished one at that. But now he was cornered in here, at a disadvantage in the cramped space. He swallowed and changed the topic, hand resting on the pommel of his sword. “Who are you and what do you want with me?”

“Apologies.” She bowed slightly, the sort of bow people gave when they were pretending to show respect during negotiations, but then declared war a few weeks later. “My name is Asmodeum, and really,” they gave him a disapproving look, “I’d rather not fight with you. I heard you’ve defeated Somiaken and Vorath already, but I believe you and I could work something out without coming to blows.” They held their hands up briefly, but the way they watched him made it clear that their guard was still up. “So, tell me your name, now. Unless you’d prefer I just call you darling?”

Erebus very much did not want that, so he complied. “Erebus. But you didn’t really answer my question. What do you want, if not to fight me?”

Asmodeum sighed wistfully. “Well, I can tell that you’re the sort of person who’ll never agree to what I really want, but I believe something can be arranged. You see, I’ve been stuck here for Akumo knows how long with no toys to play with. So, I was thinking-”

“I-I’m not gonna be your toy,” Erebus choked, his throat feeling like it was closing up. 

“Ah, ah, ah.” Asmodeum wagged a finger. “Let me finish, dear. I could have my way with you quite easily, you know. It would be oh so effortless to drag you back into my domain proper and throw you into a pool of boiling water or lava and watch the show. However, I think your forced cooperation would make this a little more fun, and it would be nice if you behaved for me. So, if you let me do what I want with you, barring the most intimate acts, I’ll let you kill me once I’ve had my fill.”

“What happens if I don’t say yes?”

Asmodeum casually examined their nails. “I will take you by force and I will defile you.”

“D-defile?! You don’t mean…” Erebus quickly glanced down, and Asmodeum smiled wickedly.

“Oh, I do mean. If you let me play with you, I swear I won’t do anything of the sort. Call it an incentive. So come on, Erebus, get rid of your sword.” Erebus just tightened his grip on it, weighing his options. As much as he didn’t want to let this demon…play with him...did he really have any other options? He was exhausted, and there wasn’t much room in here for him to try and put up a proper fight. And more than anything, he really, really didn’t want to risk being...Despite the anxiety building in his chest, Erebus unbuckled the sword belt around his waist, setting it carefully on the ground.

“Fine. But if you so much as touch me there I’ll-I’ll make you regret it.” How would he do that? He wasn’t sure. But he just-he had to make it clear that he wasn’t surrendering. He was just…agreeing to play along. Just to get a break from fighting. He was okay with this. He’d be fine. He'd been through so much worse.

He'd be fine.

“I promise I won’t cross that boundary, don’t you fret.” Asmodeum walked over to him, kicking his sword out of reach as they took his hand. “First things first, you’re absolutely filthy. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

Erebus pulled his hand out of her grasp. “I mean, I-I can do that myself,” he muttered. Asmodeum raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure you can, but I want to wash you, dear. And right now,” she grabbed his hand once more, “I get what I want.” They pulled him along into a bathroom, and he followed reluctantly, feeling an odd sense of familiarity in just going along with this sort of thing. Their threat was certainly a motivator, but that didn’t mean he was going to roll over completely on every little thing, right? He had to make it clear that he wasn’t happy with this, despite agreeing to it. She started filling up the bathtub with water, turning to him with a smile. “Let me strip you now.” 

“I-I’d rather-”

“Shhhh.” She placed a finger on his lips, her other hand starting to undo the ties on his shirt. “None of that, dear. I can’t get you all clean if you’re wearing these dirty clothes, now can I?” He looked away as they tugged his shirt off, hoping that they’d-nope, now they were going to try and take off his pants, too.

“You said you weren’t going to-to do that to me.”

“I won’t. But that doesn’t mean you get to keep your clothes on the whole time, you shy little thing. I just won’t touch.” Erebus stifled a whine as she pulled down his pants, and his underwear along with them. “There we go. You can get in now.” He did so, almost jumping into the warm water and crouching down, hugging his knees close and spreading his wings around himself protectively. They gently pushed his wings back, stroking his face as he glared at them with wide eyes. “There’s no use hiding when I’ve already seen everything, silly. I think I’m going to need to get these arms out of the way, hmmm?” They pulled out a pair of manacles, and Erebus’s stomach sank.

“Wait, I won’t resist just-just don’t-”

“Too late for that, Erebus.” She clamped them around his wrists, twisting the chain securely around the faucet. “Besides, you look absolutely darling like that, all helpless. Now, keep those wings out of the way or I’ll pierce them together.” Erebus’s wings sank in defeat, slowly moving back until they were behind him. There wasn’t any winning here, was there? “Good boy.” She grabbed a cup from the countertop and started using it to pour water on him, rinsing away some of the pieces of flesh stuck to his bloodied skin. After she lathered a washcloth with soap, she began to gently clean the dried blood off his face. He screwed his eyes shut, fists clenched as he tried to think about anything else. 

Even back when he was a prince, he’d hated being fussed over, preferring to take care of himself when he could. Asmodeum, however, seemed to have no concept of personal space, or just didn’t care. She had to work hard to get through the blood caked over most of his skin, leaning in close, starting with his face before switching to his hair. Their hands slid in, tenderly working through tangled bloody mats and massaging his scalp. He hated how nice it felt, how much it reminded him of the way Lythia always used to play with his hair, forcing himself to open his eyes and look at Asmodeum, to remind himself who was…

Lythia smiled at him sweetly, and Erebus felt his blood run cold. That wasn’t her, no matter what he saw, no matter how he felt. She wasn’t here. She was back home, probably still tending the palace gardens despite the change in management. Did she still think of him as she looked at all the places they used to laugh? Or could she not get the image of him screaming and sobbing up on that podium out of her mind, unable to remember any other version of him than the one he’d left her with? Maybe that’s what he deserved to be remembered as, since he’d hardly thought of her since that day, the memories too painful. 

Erebus shuddered when Asmodeum moved to his horns, which were always far more sensitive than they had any right to be. She seemed to be able to tell, continuing to stroke them long after they were clean, and as much as he wanted to ask them to stop, he was afraid it would only encourage them. At the very least, the disconnect between Lythia and his horns was enough to push the thoughts of her out of his mind, and Asmodeum changed back to their normal form.

Her hands finally slid lower, caressing his neck, fingers slipping under his collar, making sure the skin underneath was clean, pressing down against his throat every so often as they did so. It wasn't enough to really choke him, but the message was clear.

They moved onto his shoulders, his wings, his arms, his back. He caught their smile as they saw what his right arm really looked like, and her fingers traced his whip scars as they were uncovered. Dread started to pool in his stomach as she moved to his chest, scrubbing away, revealing-

“Oh, well isn’t this pretty.” They marveled at his brand, stroking the lines of the scar, pausing over his rapidly-beathing heart. “Too bad you’re already owned by someone else, huh? But I suppose they’re not here now, are they?” Erebus just bit his lip, refusing to make eye contact. The thought of his…of Neteri not being here hurt, and, try as he might, he couldn’t help but think of her, of the way she’d always protected him. He wondered how angry she’d get if she saw what was happening to him, or if she could feel now that someone besides her was touching him. He could imagine her bursting in, yelling at Asmodeum to get their hands off of him, unchaining him and letting him cover up before pulling him into a hug-wait wait what was he thinking she’d been his captor she’d hurt him and ripped him into pieces and kept him locked up but she'd promised to save him and he missed her.

“What’s wrong, darling? Is even this too much for you?” Asmodeum brushed away a tear he didn’t realize had been falling with her finger, her skin no longer red, but brown. He couldn't look her in the eye. Not while she wore that face. “Such a sensitive little thing.” Hearing those words in that voice was already bad enough. Erebus tugged at his chains, wishing he could rub away those stupid traitorous tears, because he wasn’t crying about Neteri or Asmodeum or any of this. 

Their hands plunged beneath the surface of the blood-clouded water now, and Erebus couldn't stop himself from tensing up as they scrubbed his stomach, glad the parts of him that were previously under clothes weren't as caked in blood as those that weren't. Still, there was enough to clean that she had an excuse for her hands to wander lower still, caressing his hips, his thighs, and now he was trembling, fists clenched, tears dripping even more steadily into the tepid, cloudy water, no one had ever touched him there, at least she was wearing her own face now, but please, please stay away from there, you said you wouldn't touch me there and if you do then why am I here why am I letting you do this why do I keep letting people hurt me if I just stood up for myself more if I wasn't such a coward maybe I'd still be-

"You're rather pathetic, aren't you?" Asmodeum mused as they cradled his face, turning him towards them. Erebus blinked away tears, just now realizing that they'd finished cleaning him, the tub already drained. He couldn't exactly argue, crying and shivering like he was, so he just swallowed and gave the tiniest nod as he pulled himself together, hoping it'd be enough to get them to move on.

With a satisfied smile, she unhooked his wrists from the faucet, but left the manacles on as she pulled him up and out of the tub. He tried to cover himself as best he could as they toweled him off, hoping they’d stop touching him or at least give him clothes soon. Thankfully, they did, handing him a small bundle, and upon unrolling it he found...a pair of shorts that barely reached his knees, and that was all. Once he’d put them on, she dragged him into another room and let go, crossing her arms. “Kneel.” 

“I don’t-” Asmodeum raised an eyebrow, and Erebus stopped himself. They were expecting him to obey their every little whim if he didn’t want to be...he knelt, staring at the floor. She circled him a few times, and he clenched his fists in his lap, hating how much of his body was on display. Not that she hadn’t already seen everything.

“You were just made to kneel, weren't you? Absolutely gorgeous." Erebus's face burned even hotter than before. All he could hope was that they'd be done with him soon, but he'd never specified how long this would go on for when he agreed to it, so this might last…He was such an idiot, why did he just go along with this without any negotiation?

Asmodeum stopped in front of him. "Well, what are you in the mood for, dear? Pain,” her hand slid under his chin, tilting it up, “or pleasure?”

“Please just-anything but-” he choked, and she just laughed.

“Anything, you say? Then, I think...I'm in the mood for this.” They grabbed his collar, yanking him up onto the nearby bed. Before he could even try to sit up they were on him, wrapping themselves around him, worming in between his shackled arms, forcing him to embrace her back. A shudder ran down his spine as her skin came into contact with his, her arms pinning him flush against her body, her legs tangling around his. “Have you ever been this close to someone, darling?” she whispered in his ear, their fingers stroking his hair.

“I-I, um, a few times but-” 

“Aw, and you’re still nervous.” Her hand ran down the back of his head, stopping at his collar. “It’s so cute how you still wear this. I’m sure you could get it off if you tried, so you must like having it on, huh? Do you miss your owner?”

“She’s not-I don’t-I just-it’s…” he screwed his eyes shut, “I can’t take it off, alright?!”

“Such a dutiful little pet-”

“I wasn’t h-her pet!” 

“You’re so adorable when you’re in denial.” They stroked his back, rubbing around the base of his wings. Erebus just opted for staring at the wall, hoping they wouldn't touch his horns. “Do you know how lust demons feed, my dear?”

“By eating…?”

“Well, of course, but not the same way you do. We feed off of humans, more specifically, their bodily fluids.” She smiled widely, showing off her fangs. “And I haven’t had a meal ever since being locked up in here. I normally get my fix a different way, but, to be considerate of you, innocent little boy,” they shifted until their lips were right next to the base of his neck, fingers pushing his collar out of the way, “I’ll settle for feasting on your blood.”

Her fangs sank into his neck, and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden pain. He tried to breathe in calmly through gritted teeth as she sucked on the holes in his flesh, drinking his blood. Soon enough, his ears started ringing, and lightheadedness crept in. He gripped the chain between his wrists just too feel something solid, glad that he was lying down, at least. By the time Asmodeum pulled away, licking droplets of blood from their lips, a dizzy haze had settled over Erebus. He closed his eyes, tears leaking out as she snuggled back into him, just hoping that this would all be over soon. In fact, maybe he would just...let the blackness take him...just for a little bit...so he didn’t have to be...awake…

Erebus’s mouth tasted like dried blood when he woke up, and Asmodeum was still wrapped around him tightly. She smiled when their eyes met. “Did you have a good little nap, my darling? I hope you don’t mind, but,” she gripped his chin, her thumb stroking his lips, “I had a little bit of fun with you while you were out of it.” A bit of...wait is that why his mouth tasted like-

“W-you-you can’t d-do that to me I-I don’t-” his voice broke, and he couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, no matter how many fast little breaths he sucked in, just get away, get away from me stop touching me don’t do that to me please please I don’t want that you can’t do that to me you can’t you can’t I never wanted that not from you not from anyone and now now now I-I’m-I’ve been-

He felt something solid press into his hands, and he realized that Asmodeum was standing in front of him, and that was his sword in his hands, he was sitting up now and that was his sword and Asmodeum was smiling they were holding out their arms to him they were ready they were ready they were laughing they were coughing up blood they were on the ground there was so much blood how much of it was his he wasn’t sure he didn’t know they reached up and he backed away he had to get away he couldn’t stay here a second longer she was dead she was dead she was already crumbling away and he had to go he wanted to rip off his own skin he could still feel her touching him where where where were his clothes where was the key to these manacles he had to go he-

Erebus dropped his sword. He fell to his knees. He buried his face in his hands. 

And he screamed.

Tags: @dramaticcollapse @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @galaxywhump @as-a-matter-of-whump

@mnmlover2002 @tears-and-lilies @yet-another-heathen @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @starnight-whump

@unicornscotty @thebewilderer @kixngiggles @itallstartedwithharry @inky-whump 

@redstainedsocks @lonesome--hunter @his-unspoken-words @susiequaz12 @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog 

@whumpasaurus101 @patheticlittleguy @jadeocean46910 @whumpinggrounds @pumpkin-spice-whump 

@suspicious-whumping-egg @befuddled-calico-whump @whump-in-the-closet​ @pumpkinsncoffee​ @aryox​​

@vampiresprite

[lillyosaurus]

who care

song

[bananasofthorns]

tell me about your worst guy

ok a summary of the campaign and what has happened so far, as quick as I can. the campaign is based on the life series started by Grian Minecraft (the irl guy) - tldr all the PCs plus a handful of NPCs are in a death game (kind of think the hunger games in terms of how much space they have. but add minecraft mechanics) and they each have a limited amount of lives; once they reach their last life (red), they get to/have to start killing people. last person standing is the winner. to make things more silly goofy, there is also the boogeyman mechanic, where at least one person per session is chosen to be the "boogeyman" and they have to kill another player or else lose all but their last life at the end of the session.

there are also these beings called the watchers. if you don't know what they are, think angels who love watching people Go Through It in these life games. Aphim is a watcher, but a disgraced one - this game is his last chance to redeem himself. so he NEEDS to win. additionally, he has been told that he has to kill Beau, an NPC who has been in the games previously, was formerly a watcher (which Aphim. dubiously knows in canon? I don't remember), and is currently trying to stop the games from continuing. also he and Aphim are uh. how do I say this. homosexual. Beau is trying to seduce Aphim away from the watchers and Aphim has no fucking clue how to feel about it because he has never been flirted with before. especially not by a hot man. anyway

something you need to know about Aphim is that his normal form, his watcher form, is nowhere near human. he is towering and winged and has far too many eyes and a few too many joints and when he does not need a contained physical form he does not really have one. imagine a desolate, snowy forest of birch. he is the trees and their eye-like knots and the blanket of snow and the spaces between and the void above and the distant stars. that is Who He Is. but for the game he has to be contained in a human form and he Hates It. there is nothing he loathes more. it's like gender dysphoria but for what kind of thing he is. the only thing he loathes nearly as much is the thought of losing his power and autonomy, which is what will happen if he fails the watchers.

and every time he fails to kill Beau, even though he's not red yet and so by the rules of the watchers' game can't yet kill Beau, the watchers threaten his wings. which he obviously is not a huge fan of. so even though he is very intrigued by Beau and what Beau's trying to tell him, the selfishness will always win out.

cut to the most recent session. boogeyman is rolled. the gang [Aphim, Beau, Orla (NPC), Carwyn (Mura's PC), and Apate (Laurie's PC) wakes up to find Synne (NPC who is someone from the real world isekaied into the game. funny as hell) gone. they go to look for Synne. Synne comes out of the bushes trying to attack Beau; Apate and Aphim (who, by the way, hate each other so bad - Apate has a lot of watcher trauma to work through and Aphim just finds her annoying) notice first. Apate (who has also latched onto Beau as a way out of her Literal Trauma Cycle) goes straight to trying to attack Synne. Aphim disarms Synne.

meanwhile, halfway across the map, Arsené (Ophelia's PC) and Achlys (Chrys's PC) both notice a Very Bad Vibe Shift in, like, the fabric of the universe. something is about to go so horribly wrong.

Synne lunges for Beau's throat but Orla blocks Synne; Beau briefly restrains Synne. the moment they touch, Aphim is hit with a wash of pain so bad his entire body just goes numb. it's the feeling he gets when the watchers summon him from the game to talk to him but far, far worse.

which is the bigger threat right now? Synne or Beau?

who is the subject every time the watchers summon him?

he attacks Beau.

obviously, Orla and Apate do not take kindly to this. in fact, they end up killing him about it LMAO (also, side note. all Beau did was push the axe further in. which was INSANE) (he didn't die; Arsené, Achlys, and their allies showed up and helped him). so he's on his second to last life right now

before he respawned, he had a vision where aforementioned Grian Minecraft (the character, this time) (he is also a former watcher) went hey bud. maybe think about what you really want. the watchers will fuck you up. and Aphim (digging his teeth into his monstrousness so hard it'll hurt) basically went hm. no 💛

and then he was also briefly back in the white space where the watchers summon him to talk. and all he felt was their towering presences and disappointment. and then he respawned. so obviously he is going to be so normal about all of this next session,

[patiann345]

Listen, listen, hear me out ok please-

I wanna talk about Tarantulas for a second, like specifically the multiple posts I've seen of people saying "Well ofc they toned down Tarantulas, it's a kid show"

I... ?? Listen I know you guys are all referring to IDW when ya'll say that, but BW Tarantulas was like, his own breed of fucked up and BW was for all intents and purposes a kid's show. He's not the same as IDW, but again he's got his own thing that's pretty fucky. And also like. Earthspark is really dark too? Or at least it's leading up to be??

SPOILER WARNING but uh, yeah no G.H.O.S.T is hella fucked up if you think about it for more than a minute. Everything they're doing to the cons with the memory wiping and generally how they're treated is really bad (in a good way I love this show-), and also labeling Bee a 'rouge Autobot' that they're trying to arrest, yeah not cool-

Plus. The last episode of Season 1?? Mandroid and his... EVERYTHING??? Bee having his fucking energon drained???? Did we all just forget that???????

I think they absolutely could've made Tarantulas really like, fucked if they wanted to. But I don't think they wanted that, I think they wanted a new take on his character? I mean, that's a huge part of transformers, no? Look at all the different conts and how characters change between them-

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think Tarantulas was toned down due to mandates or anything, I genuinely believe they just,, wanted to put a spin on him and make him more chill and lonesome, and something of a tragic anti-hero cause,,, I dunno, they just thought it'd be neat!

[lizzerswillpoststuffmethinks]

Chat

I

Don't know

Uh

Tags time

[stevespookington]

i started following you for your steddie reblogs and then you started reblogging ted lasso stuff all the time and that was what finally convinced me to watch the show and i’m so grateful cuz that show is AMAZING

anyways ted lasso and trent crimm are happily together and nothing can convince me otherwise

omg YESSSSSS SO GLAD !!! ITS THEM 👏 👏 best news of the day 👏

[acaciapines]

i need to talk about the dess raises kris au. or im gonna explode.

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

[melotuzu]

tagged by @stickers-on-a-laptop!

rules: in a new post, show the last line you wrote (or drew) and tag as many people as there are words (or however many you like)

With someone so devoted to his theatrics, he’d expected some form of snoring and constant tossing. And while that’s certainly not absent, the arms wrapped around him were not part of that equation.

tagging: @ramenwithgyoza, @bluebellswood, @sleepyserapha, @himahimac, and anyone who wants to do it :’) just say i tagged you!

[silverselfshippingchaos]

this is one of my favorite k.yohei moments!!

[flaskoflethe]

Ok trying to write something when my meds are still (nominally) in effect! Standard ramble/stream of consciousness, today on privilege

Having privilege fucking sucks? No, I don't mean in the "oh woe is me i had to pay 10% more for my luxury goods!" sense. I am a white person earning a living wage in the imperial core: objectively, I wouldn't have a leg to stand on! But analysis of privilege is relative to so many conditions it renders the statement "I have some privilege" and insufficiently defined statement t ok be communicatively valuable.

Like, I have no debt. Economically speaking, that puts me in the upper quarter of Americans wealth-wise. Undeniably, that conveys privilege. But that usage is imprecise; the privilege is of the form removal-of-burdan, not a hoarded-undue-excess. My interactions with systems is, undeniably, shaped by the fact I am able to somewhat select the services I engage, and with a degree of choice and freedom. Being white, on top of economic status, means I have even greater degrees of systemic benefit. But I'm also disabled. And autistic. And queer. And trans. It's absolutely correct to call me a complaining white woman - I am, despite my desire not to complain! - but my complaint is not "I should have it easier". Empirically, there are ways in which I do and ways in which I absolutely do not.

My point, the whole reason I bring this up, the reason it bothers me. I like helping my friends and communities. It's why I offer to send masks to people, if I see a person in one of my circles who may be in a dangerous situation or could use some help i try to be able to offer it. But despite my advantageous position economically, I'm *far* from wealth. If I lose my job, I have a few month's buffer to last me until I can find a new one or need to ask for help. But that's not enough to be able to pay for what everyone around me needs. Not in the literal sense - I'm asocial enough to not know my neighbors, for example - but in my communities, in the circles and spaces through which I move. There is so much need, any individual could exhaust themselves without making a significant dent. How do you balance it out? Anyway, you will note every privilege I mention save one is conditional. I can lose my job, or physical health, or insurance, or... And those benefits and privileges are gone.

Why has this been bothering me lately? Two reasons. It should not take having my actual metabolic curve for a specific estradiol ester mapped out to get an ester that my body reacts to appropriately. Being able to tell your doctor that you need a different medication should be sufficient. More seriously, you shouldn't have to fear retaliation for raising a concern about complicity to apartheid. The only ethical reaction to privilege is trying to twist it against itself. There's no "enough" anyone can do to fight these systems - all anyone can do is whatever they can. Sorry I can't be doing more.

[uncaught-coolfish]

every time I see a media that portrays a victim of any sort of abuse only as this uwu, meek and palatable (note here:palatable) person who is never allowed to be empowered by the plot and instead is used as a device for others to “protect” or benefit off of in character development, the more the statement of “siIent hiII 2 has one of the best depictions of an abuse victim in any media period” becomes truer