#but yeah back when i was still in college and writing like chapters 3-6 ish of E&T (like him getting branded)

[brutal-nemesis]

E&T: Caught in the Clutches of Lust

No im not sorry for any of this. cope and seethe

Btw I used a line from @painsandconfusion and @wormwriting's degradation starter list that I saved THREE YEARS AGO for this very moment. I am always playing the long game (⊙ˍ⊙)

←Previous - Masterlist

Ingredients: VERY creepy/intimate whumper, implied threat of noncon, a lot of noncon touching (unsexy but right on the edge), implied noncon kiss, unsexy nudity

Shiori?

No, it couldn’t be, she was a world away, she was human, he’d left her waiting by the fountain after the party and she’d moved on and forgotten about him, no reason to follow him here, into the depths of hell, looking exactly like she had the night of the party, jarringly out of place in her pretty dress, smiling at him like he wasn’t a blood-covered, unrecognizable version of himself.

And then he blinked, and all of a sudden it wasn’t Shiori at all, but Lythia, wearing the same yellow bandana that she always did while she was working in the palace gardens, the little black braids of her hair just as beautiful as he remembered. There was no pity in her dark eyes, like there had been the last time he saw her, looking up at him from the crowd while he was chained to that pillar, promising he’d be rescued after it was already too late. Actually seeing her hurt, and Erebus looked away for a moment, just a moment…

When he saw the woman in front of him now, his jaw dropped, eyes widening, his tense, burning hands finally relaxing.

“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.”

Her voice was just as he remembered, and she was smiling at him so kindly, her eyes soft, her gloved hand outstretched, she was here to save him, she’d found a way to bring him back, he was too tired and scared and stressed to do anything else besides surrender control to her once again, to take her small hand and follow her blindly towards the fate she’d chosen for him. She was squeezing his still-healing hand tightly in hers, but she could do whatever she wanted with him just as long as she got him out of this place.

“Well, that was easy.”

The voice wasn’t Shiori’s, or Lythia’s, and it certainly wasn’t Neteri’s.

Erebus jumped back, finally seeing the person next to him clearly for the first time. She-they?-smirked at him, bright purple eyes sparkling. Their white hair was long and wavy, partially braided back with impeccable precision. Gold jewelry and a low-cut black dress accentuated their natural beauty, seeming very out of place in this hellish world. Most striking of all, though, was their bright red skin, a shade that was very familiar to Erebus.

This was a lust demon, and she’d lead him right into her lair.

“You-how did-I-”

They laughed, deep and bright, obviously amused by his shock and confusion. “You only saw what your heart wanted you to see, darling. It’s not my fault you turned into a meek little lamb and followed me here.”

Erebus’s face grew hot. “Well I-I…” his wings sank behind him. He’d thought he was about to be saved. Like an idiot. She’d led him away from the bubbling pools and acrid air into a sort of cave, a furnished one at that. But now he was cornered in here, at a disadvantage in the cramped space. He swallowed and changed the topic, hand resting on the pommel of his sword. “Who are you and what do you want with me?”

“Apologies.” She bowed slightly, the sort of bow people gave when they were pretending to show respect during negotiations, but then declared war a few weeks later. “My name is Asmodeum, and really,” they gave him a disapproving look, “I’d rather not fight with you. I heard you’ve defeated Somiaken and Vorath already, but I believe you and I could work something out without coming to blows.” They held their hands up briefly, but the way they watched him made it clear that their guard was still up. “So, tell me your name, now. Unless you’d prefer I just call you darling?”

Erebus very much did not want that, so he complied. “Erebus. But you didn’t really answer my question. What do you want, if not to fight me?”

Asmodeum sighed wistfully. “Well, I can tell that you’re the sort of person who’ll never agree to what I really want, but I believe something can be arranged. You see, I’ve been stuck here for Akumo knows how long with no toys to play with. So, I was thinking-”

“I-I’m not gonna be your toy,” Erebus choked, his throat feeling like it was closing up. 

“Ah, ah, ah.” Asmodeum wagged a finger. “Let me finish, dear. I could have my way with you quite easily, you know. It would be oh so effortless to drag you back into my domain proper and throw you into a pool of boiling water or lava and watch the show. However, I think your forced cooperation would make this a little more fun, and it would be nice if you behaved for me. So, if you let me do what I want with you, barring the most intimate acts, I’ll let you kill me once I’ve had my fill.”

“What happens if I don’t say yes?”

Asmodeum casually examined their nails. “I will take you by force and I will defile you.”

“D-defile?! You don’t mean…” Erebus quickly glanced down, and Asmodeum smiled wickedly.

“Oh, I do mean. If you let me play with you, I swear I won’t do anything of the sort. Call it an incentive. So come on, Erebus, get rid of your sword.” Erebus just tightened his grip on it, weighing his options. As much as he didn’t want to let this demon…play with him...did he really have any other options? He was exhausted, and there wasn’t much room in here for him to try and put up a proper fight. And more than anything, he really, really didn’t want to risk being...Despite the anxiety building in his chest, Erebus unbuckled the sword belt around his waist, setting it carefully on the ground.

“Fine. But if you so much as touch me there I’ll-I’ll make you regret it.” How would he do that? He wasn’t sure. But he just-he had to make it clear that he wasn’t surrendering. He was just…agreeing to play along. Just to get a break from fighting. He was okay with this. He’d be fine. He'd been through so much worse.

He'd be fine.

“I promise I won’t cross that boundary, don’t you fret.” Asmodeum walked over to him, kicking his sword out of reach as they took his hand. “First things first, you’re absolutely filthy. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

Erebus pulled his hand out of her grasp. “I mean, I-I can do that myself,” he muttered. Asmodeum raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure you can, but I want to wash you, dear. And right now,” she grabbed his hand once more, “I get what I want.” They pulled him along into a bathroom, and he followed reluctantly, feeling an odd sense of familiarity in just going along with this sort of thing. Their threat was certainly a motivator, but that didn’t mean he was going to roll over completely on every little thing, right? He had to make it clear that he wasn’t happy with this, despite agreeing to it. She started filling up the bathtub with water, turning to him with a smile. “Let me strip you now.” 

“I-I’d rather-”

“Shhhh.” She placed a finger on his lips, her other hand starting to undo the ties on his shirt. “None of that, dear. I can’t get you all clean if you’re wearing these dirty clothes, now can I?” He looked away as they tugged his shirt off, hoping that they’d-nope, now they were going to try and take off his pants, too.

“You said you weren’t going to-to do that to me.”

“I won’t. But that doesn’t mean you get to keep your clothes on the whole time, you shy little thing. I just won’t touch.” Erebus stifled a whine as she pulled down his pants, and his underwear along with them. “There we go. You can get in now.” He did so, almost jumping into the warm water and crouching down, hugging his knees close and spreading his wings around himself protectively. They gently pushed his wings back, stroking his face as he glared at them with wide eyes. “There’s no use hiding when I’ve already seen everything, silly. I think I’m going to need to get these arms out of the way, hmmm?” They pulled out a pair of manacles, and Erebus’s stomach sank.

“Wait, I won’t resist just-just don’t-”

“Too late for that, Erebus.” She clamped them around his wrists, twisting the chain securely around the faucet. “Besides, you look absolutely darling like that, all helpless. Now, keep those wings out of the way or I’ll pierce them together.” Erebus’s wings sank in defeat, slowly moving back until they were behind him. There wasn’t any winning here, was there? “Good boy.” She grabbed a cup from the countertop and started using it to pour water on him, rinsing away some of the pieces of flesh stuck to his bloodied skin. After she lathered a washcloth with soap, she began to gently clean the dried blood off his face. He screwed his eyes shut, fists clenched as he tried to think about anything else. 

Even back when he was a prince, he’d hated being fussed over, preferring to take care of himself when he could. Asmodeum, however, seemed to have no concept of personal space, or just didn’t care. She had to work hard to get through the blood caked over most of his skin, leaning in close, starting with his face before switching to his hair. Their hands slid in, tenderly working through tangled bloody mats and massaging his scalp. He hated how nice it felt, how much it reminded him of the way Lythia always used to play with his hair, forcing himself to open his eyes and look at Asmodeum, to remind himself who was…

Lythia smiled at him sweetly, and Erebus felt his blood run cold. That wasn’t her, no matter what he saw, no matter how he felt. She wasn’t here. She was back home, probably still tending the palace gardens despite the change in management. Did she still think of him as she looked at all the places they used to laugh? Or could she not get the image of him screaming and sobbing up on that podium out of her mind, unable to remember any other version of him than the one he’d left her with? Maybe that’s what he deserved to be remembered as, since he’d hardly thought of her since that day, the memories too painful. 

Erebus shuddered when Asmodeum moved to his horns, which were always far more sensitive than they had any right to be. She seemed to be able to tell, continuing to stroke them long after they were clean, and as much as he wanted to ask them to stop, he was afraid it would only encourage them. At the very least, the disconnect between Lythia and his horns was enough to push the thoughts of her out of his mind, and Asmodeum changed back to their normal form.

Her hands finally slid lower, caressing his neck, fingers slipping under his collar, making sure the skin underneath was clean, pressing down against his throat every so often as they did so. It wasn't enough to really choke him, but the message was clear.

They moved onto his shoulders, his wings, his arms, his back. He caught their smile as they saw what his right arm really looked like, and her fingers traced his whip scars as they were uncovered. Dread started to pool in his stomach as she moved to his chest, scrubbing away, revealing-

“Oh, well isn’t this pretty.” They marveled at his brand, stroking the lines of the scar, pausing over his rapidly-beathing heart. “Too bad you’re already owned by someone else, huh? But I suppose they’re not here now, are they?” Erebus just bit his lip, refusing to make eye contact. The thought of his…of Neteri not being here hurt, and, try as he might, he couldn’t help but think of her, of the way she’d always protected him. He wondered how angry she’d get if she saw what was happening to him, or if she could feel now that someone besides her was touching him. He could imagine her bursting in, yelling at Asmodeum to get their hands off of him, unchaining him and letting him cover up before pulling him into a hug-wait wait what was he thinking she’d been his captor she’d hurt him and ripped him into pieces and kept him locked up but she'd promised to save him and he missed her.

“What’s wrong, darling? Is even this too much for you?” Asmodeum brushed away a tear he didn’t realize had been falling with her finger, her skin no longer red, but brown. He couldn't look her in the eye. Not while she wore that face. “Such a sensitive little thing.” Hearing those words in that voice was already bad enough. Erebus tugged at his chains, wishing he could rub away those stupid traitorous tears, because he wasn’t crying about Neteri or Asmodeum or any of this. 

Their hands plunged beneath the surface of the blood-clouded water now, and Erebus couldn't stop himself from tensing up as they scrubbed his stomach, glad the parts of him that were previously under clothes weren't as caked in blood as those that weren't. Still, there was enough to clean that she had an excuse for her hands to wander lower still, caressing his hips, his thighs, and now he was trembling, fists clenched, tears dripping even more steadily into the tepid, cloudy water, no one had ever touched him there, at least she was wearing her own face now, but please, please stay away from there, you said you wouldn't touch me there and if you do then why am I here why am I letting you do this why do I keep letting people hurt me if I just stood up for myself more if I wasn't such a coward maybe I'd still be-

"You're rather pathetic, aren't you?" Asmodeum mused as they cradled his face, turning him towards them. Erebus blinked away tears, just now realizing that they'd finished cleaning him, the tub already drained. He couldn't exactly argue, crying and shivering like he was, so he just swallowed and gave the tiniest nod as he pulled himself together, hoping it'd be enough to get them to move on.

With a satisfied smile, she unhooked his wrists from the faucet, but left the manacles on as she pulled him up and out of the tub. He tried to cover himself as best he could as they toweled him off, hoping they’d stop touching him or at least give him clothes soon. Thankfully, they did, handing him a small bundle, and upon unrolling it he found...a pair of shorts that barely reached his knees, and that was all. Once he’d put them on, she dragged him into another room and let go, crossing her arms. “Kneel.” 

“I don’t-” Asmodeum raised an eyebrow, and Erebus stopped himself. They were expecting him to obey their every little whim if he didn’t want to be...he knelt, staring at the floor. She circled him a few times, and he clenched his fists in his lap, hating how much of his body was on display. Not that she hadn’t already seen everything.

“You were just made to kneel, weren't you? Absolutely gorgeous." Erebus's face burned even hotter than before. All he could hope was that they'd be done with him soon, but he'd never specified how long this would go on for when he agreed to it, so this might last…He was such an idiot, why did he just go along with this without any negotiation?

Asmodeum stopped in front of him. "Well, what are you in the mood for, dear? Pain,” her hand slid under his chin, tilting it up, “or pleasure?”

“Please just-anything but-” he choked, and she just laughed.

“Anything, you say? Then, I think...I'm in the mood for this.” They grabbed his collar, yanking him up onto the nearby bed. Before he could even try to sit up they were on him, wrapping themselves around him, worming in between his shackled arms, forcing him to embrace her back. A shudder ran down his spine as her skin came into contact with his, her arms pinning him flush against her body, her legs tangling around his. “Have you ever been this close to someone, darling?” she whispered in his ear, their fingers stroking his hair.

“I-I, um, a few times but-” 

“Aw, and you’re still nervous.” Her hand ran down the back of his head, stopping at his collar. “It’s so cute how you still wear this. I’m sure you could get it off if you tried, so you must like having it on, huh? Do you miss your owner?”

“She’s not-I don’t-I just-it’s…” he screwed his eyes shut, “I can’t take it off, alright?!”

“Such a dutiful little pet-”

“I wasn’t h-her pet!” 

“You’re so adorable when you’re in denial.” They stroked his back, rubbing around the base of his wings. Erebus just opted for staring at the wall, hoping they wouldn't touch his horns. “Do you know how lust demons feed, my dear?”

“By eating…?”

“Well, of course, but not the same way you do. We feed off of humans, more specifically, their bodily fluids.” She smiled widely, showing off her fangs. “And I haven’t had a meal ever since being locked up in here. I normally get my fix a different way, but, to be considerate of you, innocent little boy,” they shifted until their lips were right next to the base of his neck, fingers pushing his collar out of the way, “I’ll settle for feasting on your blood.”

Her fangs sank into his neck, and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden pain. He tried to breathe in calmly through gritted teeth as she sucked on the holes in his flesh, drinking his blood. Soon enough, his ears started ringing, and lightheadedness crept in. He gripped the chain between his wrists just too feel something solid, glad that he was lying down, at least. By the time Asmodeum pulled away, licking droplets of blood from their lips, a dizzy haze had settled over Erebus. He closed his eyes, tears leaking out as she snuggled back into him, just hoping that this would all be over soon. In fact, maybe he would just...let the blackness take him...just for a little bit...so he didn’t have to be...awake…

Erebus’s mouth tasted like dried blood when he woke up, and Asmodeum was still wrapped around him tightly. She smiled when their eyes met. “Did you have a good little nap, my darling? I hope you don’t mind, but,” she gripped his chin, her thumb stroking his lips, “I had a little bit of fun with you while you were out of it.” A bit of...wait is that why his mouth tasted like-

“W-you-you can’t d-do that to me I-I don’t-” his voice broke, and he couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, no matter how many fast little breaths he sucked in, just get away, get away from me stop touching me don’t do that to me please please I don’t want that you can’t do that to me you can’t you can’t I never wanted that not from you not from anyone and now now now I-I’m-I’ve been-

He felt something solid press into his hands, and he realized that Asmodeum was standing in front of him, and that was his sword in his hands, he was sitting up now and that was his sword and Asmodeum was smiling they were holding out their arms to him they were ready they were ready they were laughing they were coughing up blood they were on the ground there was so much blood how much of it was his he wasn’t sure he didn’t know they reached up and he backed away he had to get away he couldn’t stay here a second longer she was dead she was dead she was already crumbling away and he had to go he wanted to rip off his own skin he could still feel her touching him where where where were his clothes where was the key to these manacles he had to go he-

Erebus dropped his sword. He fell to his knees. He buried his face in his hands. 

And he screamed.

Tags: @dramaticcollapse @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @galaxywhump @as-a-matter-of-whump

@mnmlover2002 @tears-and-lilies @yet-another-heathen @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @starnight-whump

@unicornscotty @thebewilderer @kixngiggles @itallstartedwithharry @inky-whump 

@redstainedsocks @lonesome--hunter @his-unspoken-words @susiequaz12 @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog 

@whumpasaurus101 @patheticlittleguy @jadeocean46910 @whumpinggrounds @pumpkin-spice-whump 

@suspicious-whumping-egg @befuddled-calico-whump @whump-in-the-closet​ @pumpkinsncoffee​ @aryox​​

@vampiresprite

[noona-clock]

Now or Never - Part 10, Final Chapter

Genre: College!AU

Pairing: Jae x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: Extreme fluff 😍

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 | Words: 1,951

Just about one year later

You couldn’t believe it had already been a year since you’d moved into your new apartment. I mean, it wasn’t new anymore, but still. You get what I’m talking about.

A year ago today, Jae had called over four of his cousins, and they had all carried everything in from the small moving truck while you had told them where to put all of your stuff.

It had been glorious.

And! It had been just over a year since you and Jae had graduated from University. A year and four-ish months since you’d taken your friendship to the next level. Getting on five years since you’d first met and become best friends.

It’s so crazy how time goes by so quickly.

You were currently driving home, on your way back from a very important errand, and you found your mind wandering back to everything that had happened over the last year.

Both you and Jae had started new jobs at the same time, so for about a month after moving, the two of you had been pretty stressed and exhausted. You had started doing yoga, Jae had joined a gym, and the two of you had cuddled on your couch and watched so many movies. You both had been too mentally drained to even play video games, so that’s how you know it’s bad.

But once you both got into the swing of things at work, your routine began to take shape. Jae was in charge of dinner, and you insisted it was only because he got home from work earlier than you did. Not because you were still a disaster in the kitchen. 

After eating dinner, you would do the dishes, and then the two of you would settle on the couch for a tv show, movie, or a game. Most days, Jae would then head to the gym, and you would either do yoga or get some sort of chore done around the house.

Once Jae got back, you would both get ready for bed. Jae would usually read before going to sleep, and you would put in your headphones and watch YouTube.

On the weekends, you would go shopping, try out new restaurants, visit your families... whatever you felt like doing! And, yes, you did still play a lot of video games. You were out of college, but you hadn’t grown out of gaming just yet. (And you probably never would.)

Honestly, your life with Jae made it seem like the two of you were an old, married couple. 

And you loved it.

There was just one thing missing.

A dog.

The apartment was just too quiet, and you certainly weren’t going to have kids anytime soon. Plus, you and Jae had talked about it a few times, and you had both agreed that a dog was definitely in the cards for you.

So... that’s why there was one currently sitting in the backseat of your car.

You had done a lot of research and scouting your local shelters, and you’d finally found the perfect dog to add to your little family. She was small, so she wouldn’t feel cramped in an apartment, and you were 99% sure her fur wouldn’t make your boyfriend sneeze and itch. Plus, the shelter had named her Phoebe, and that was a character in Jae’s favorite book, so it really just seemed like fate!

You couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when you walked in the door holding her.

Jae couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when you walked in the door.

It’s already been established that Jae is not the most romantic guy. He liked to watch romantic movies, but he had never quite got the hang of being a romantic boyfriend.

You had never really minded, though, since you insisted he showed you he loved you in other ways. He didn’t have to buy you flowers or cook you dinner or write you poems or anything like that.

But tonight, he had. 

Well, he’d done two of those things, not all of them. He had bought you flowers and he had cooked you dinner.

Okay, technically, he’d only done one.

He’d bought you flowers, but he’d ordered dinner from Taco Bell.

But that was romantic because Taco Bell was your place. You’d eaten there together countless times, and seeing one always made him think of you, and he just knew that getting food from Taco Bell was the right move tonight, okay?

He had also put romantic candles on the table, and he had made a playlist of your favorite romantic songs, including songs from your favorite romantic movies, and he was pretty sure he had never been this romantic in his entire life.

But you were worth it. Tonight was worth it.

He slid his phone out of his pocket to check the time and to see if you had sent him any messages. It was currently just before 6pm, and you had sent him a text about ten minutes ago: On my way home! 😘

Perfect.

The Taco Bell had just been delivered, the candles were lit, the music was playing softly in the background...

Now all he needed was you.

He was in the middle of typing a reply to you, requesting you that drive safely, when he heard the jingle of keys just outside the door.

Yikes!

His heart started to race, and he strode over so he could meet you and put his hands over your eyes. He wanted everything to be a surprise starting from the second you opened the door.

As soon as he arrived at the front door, the doorknob turned, and it began to slowly swing toward him.

“Okay, close your -- what?!”

“Surprise!” you cried gently, the biggest smile on your face as you held a dog in your arms.

An actual dog.

A real, live DOG!

“Who is this?!” Jae gasped, reaching out and taking the dog from you.

“This is Phoebe!” you told him with a very soft, high-pitched voice. “And that’s what she was already named at the shelter!”

“Phoebe,” Jae marveled, holding the small dog so he could look in her face. Phoebe immediately stuck her tongue out and began to lick Jae’s face, and he heard the click of your phone camera go off a couple of times. “How -- why -- you brought her home, like, forever?”

“Yes, forever,” you chuckled. “We’ve been talking about getting a dog, and it’s been a year since we moved in here, and I figured I would surprise you!”

What are the odds that you would surprise him on the exact same night he was going to surprise you!

And speaking of, you finally noticed that the apartment did not look like it usually did. Your brow furrowed as your eyes darted around, and you said, “Wait, what’s going on? Candles? Flowers? And -- is that music?”

Jae cradled Phoebe in his arms and shot you a somewhat bashful grin. “You aren’t the only one who planned a surprise.”

Your jaw dropped, and you brought your hands up to cover your open mouth as you stepped into the apartment. “Oh my god,” you whispered. “Jae, this is so romantic -- is this Taco Bell?!”

“Hell yeah,” he replied with a grin.

“Jae! This is beautiful!” You walked over to him, sliding your arms around his middle and standing on your toes to give him a kiss.

Phoebe, of course, intervened and began licking your face. You squealed and sputtered, pulling away from your boyfriend only marginally.

“Thank you, Phoebe,” you giggled. “And thank you, too. This is a wonderful surprise.”

Jae simply nodded because dinner wasn’t actually the surprise, and he wanted to tell you that but then the actual surprise would be ruined.

“Is this just for our one-year mark of living in this place?” you asked as you delicately took Phoebe from his arms and set her down on the floor so she could explore all the new smells in her home.

...Well, great. You were straight-up asking him why he had prepared dinner, and he couldn’t very well lie to you!

I mean, he had been planning on doing this after dinner, so it was only about ten or fifteen minutes early...

Oh, well. Here goes nothing.

“No,” he answered. “It’s not just for our one-year mark of living in this place.”

Your forehead wrinkled with slight confusion, and Jae reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a small, black box, and the second you saw it, he heard a soft gasp escape through your lips.

“I planned a romantic night...” He opened the box toward you, and you gasped again when you saw the ring inside. “So I could... propose.”

Your eyes immediately filled with tears, and you shifted your gaze to look at him. “Are you serious?” you choked out.

“Yeah,” he answered with a bashful chuckle. “I know it’s only been, like, a year and a half or something, but when you know, you know. And I know I’m definitely spending the rest of my life with you, so we should just get married now. If you want to wait, that’s totally fine, we can. But I honestly never thought this would happen, so I just got excited and impatient and --”

You cut him off with a kiss -- a hungry, desperate, salty kiss as tears streamed down your face.

“Yes,” you mumbled against his lips, barely even pulling out of the kiss. “Absolutely yes. Of course. I would marry you right now if I could.”

Jae smiled when you first said ‘yes,’ and it only grew bigger as you kept on talking. He fumbled to take the ring out of the box, and when you held your left hand out, he slid it onto your finger.

“I love you so much,” you whispered before you kissed him yet again.

“I love you so much, too,” he replied with a soft laugh. “And now we got a little family and everything.”

“Oh my god, this day is going to go down in history as the best day we’ve ever had. A dog and a ring on the same day,” you grinned.

“And I didn’t even know about the dog!” Jae said with amusement before he looked around the apartment to see where Phoebe had gone. (Under the couch to sniff and probably eat rogue crumbs of various snacks.)

“And I didn’t even know -- okay, well, most people don’t know when they’re getting proposed to, but you know what I mean.”

Jae held you for a few moments longer, letting you stare at the new piece of jewelry on your left hand. And then he asked, “Are you sure you don’t wanna wait?”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure. We’re already starting a new journey being dog parents, so why not add ‘Getting married’ to that list, too? Like you said, it’s going to happen sooner or later... might as well be sooner. Now or never, huh?”

“Well, not never,” Jae retorted with a slight smirk. “But I get you.”

“You always do,” you whispered before you kissed him. You framed his face and stood on your toes and kissed him like the last time you kissed him had been ten years ago. You told him you loved him about five times. You praised him for getting the most beautiful ring you’d ever seen, and he praised you for adopting the most adorable dog he’d ever seen.

Like you said just a few minutes ago... it was the best day you’d ever had.

But it certainly wasn’t the last best day.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 3 of 26

Title: Shriek: An Afterword (Ambergris #2) (2006)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Memoir, Historical (like... in a fictional world lol), Horror, Fantasy, War, Mushroompunk (yeah), Postmodern, Female Protagonist, Disabled Protagonist, First Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 7/10

Date Began: 1/19/2020

Date Finished: 1/29/2020

Shriek: An Afterword is a pseudo-memoir by a woman named Janice Shriek about the troubled lives and relationships of her and her brother Duncan Shriek in the strange, fungus-riddled city of Ambergris. While Janice believes Duncan is dead, he's apparently found her manuscript and makes extensive edits and commentary throughout the story. (This is indicated in parenthetical sentences, like this one.) 

The closer I get to the end, the closer I get to the beginning. Memories waft up out of the ether, out of nothing. They attach themselves to me like the green light, like the fungi that continue to colonize my typewriter. I had to stop for a while -- my fingers ached and, even after all that I have seen, the fungi unnerved me. I spent the time flexing and unflexing my fingers, pacing back and forth. I also spent it going through a box of my father’s old papers -- nothing I haven’t read through a hundred times before... On top, Duncan had placed the dried-up starfish, its skeleton brittle with age. (I kept it there as a reminder to myself. After your letter to me -- which, while reading this account, I sometimes think was written by an entirely different side of your personality -- I wanted to remember that no matter how isolated I might feel, separated from others by secret knowledge, I was still connected. It didn’t help much, though -- it reminded me of how different I had become.) 

To qualify my rating, I have to be honest. This book is officially separated into two parts, and I found Part I -- which makes up about 60% of the novel -- pretty boring. On the other hand, Part II is brilliant, and everything coalesces beautifully in this second act. Is it worth it? I thought it was, but I understand anyone who tries and gives up. 

Even though Shriek is technically a standalone, I would strongly recommend you read City of Saints and Madmen (#1) first. Both Duncan and Janice are key characters in two of those stories (The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris and The Transformation of Martin Lake, respectively), and there are references and connections all over the place. I’m not sure if Shriek does a great job introducing Ambergris to new readers, so people starting here will be pretty lost without reading the first book.

Just to clear the air, I really liked this book... overall. As I said, the first half-or-so of the book was pretty rough, but the second half redeems it in a lot of ways, even justifying certain writing/plot decisions that didn’t gel with me at first. However “it gets good eventually” is not really an excuse for the rough first half. Hence the mediocre rating. I was close to giving this book a 6/10, but I found that I appreciated the first half much more by the time I got to the ending, so that bumped it up a little. Maybe I’ll enjoy this book more on a reread when I can see the patterns and know where they’re leading ahead of time. 

Before I dive into my issues with it, I’d like to discuss the strong points of this novel. 

At a base level, VanderMeer is a great writer. He has a mastery of the English language that always delights me when I read his stuff. So even when I struggled to like this story in the first half, his wordplay and prose were entertaining and thought-provoking. 

I loved the format. The story basically has two protagonists, since you see things from Janice’s point of view and then Duncan’s interpretations-- but it’s in a very postmodern way, not just a perspective switch like most novels do. Duncan’s commentary often brings much needed humor or heartbreak, depending on the situation. 

In particular, any scene in which Janice and Duncan interact directly is brilliant. Janice recalls a scene, but her memory is faulty (like anyone’s), so sometimes she forgets what they talked about, or interpreted an interaction in a certain way. Then Duncan dives in with his own commentary, supplying information Janice didn’t include or forgot, or correcting something she said, or offering an alternate interpretation... these scenes were fascinating to read and some of my favorite parts of the novel. 

There’s a lot of fun revelations and Easter eggs for people who read City of Saints and Madmen. In particular: 

My favorite story in the first book was The Cage, which is a work of fiction  within the universe of Ambergris by a man named Sirin. In particular there is a very creepy and distinct monster that plays a pivotal role in the story. However, since it’s technically fiction within fiction, that monster and the events didn’t really happen in canon... right? Imagine my surprise in this book when Janice encounters and describes a very similar monster. This struck me as odd, until I got to epilogue/afterword at the end... written by Sirin, and everything clicked. He got the idea for his “fictional” monster from Janice’s account in this story. He doesn’t state this outright, but it’s the only explanation that makes sense. I loved that. It was like putting a puzzle together and it would have been so easy to miss. And there’s the extra horror that something like that really exists in this world. There was other stuff like this but this one stood out to me, and I’m sure there’s other things I missed. 

This mostly concerns the second half, but the war sequences and memories are horrific and brilliant. It's very World War II-esque with a unique twist to it (the awful fungal bio weapons one of the sides uses). In particular, the war is introduced with a chapter about a ceasefire opera staged in the broken city... without spoiling it, it’s an excellent and intriguing self-contained story. 

And the horror chapter about the Festival, which is conspicuously absent in the rest of the story? Just so goddamn good. VanderMeer strikes just the right chord with me when it comes to horror. It’s always fresh and intensely creepy. 

If you told me this during the first half, I wouldn’t believe you -- but I ended up loving the characters and finding most of their relationships fascinating. This is a heartbreaking story and it really hit home by the end. 

With that lofty praise, what’s my issue with Part I? The simplest way I can put it is that the struggles Duncan and Janice face are so mundane. They would maybe be interesting in a generic work of fiction, but here they felt out of place. For example, Janice’s arc concerns her rise to fame, which leads to success, which leads to lavish parties and orgies, which leads to excesses and a drug addiction, which leads to a suicide attempt, which leads to rehab, which leads to a diminished life of poverty. Yes, these can be interesting and harrowing problems in the right context, but the strongest point of these books is the setting, and there was nothing that tied these events to Ambergris. You could easily go through and change the character/place names and it wouldn’t seem off. 

Duncan is a little more interesting in this regard, because his is a story of obsession. In particular, he’s obsessed with the gray caps (strange humanoid mushroom creatures that haunt the pages of these books), and it takes over his life until he becomes totally discredited as a historian. But even he falls into this trap when he becomes a college professor and has an affair with one of his much younger students (Yikes! Though it is treated as creepy within the story, at least). That takes over most of his character’s emotional core from that point. 

Said student -- Mary Sabon -- is a core antagonist in the story. Janice in particular obsesses over her and her personal vendetta against her, and honestly even with the second part I was never really sold on this or cared about it all that much, so I was disappointed it took up so much of the story. 

All of this would be one thing, but there’s all sorts of tantalizing hints about more interesting things. The gray caps probably have some ulterior motive that no one knows! There’s this crazy eldritch Machine hidden underground! Duncan is sort of turning into a mushroom! But these are only teased before the story pivots back to something comparatively uninteresting. Rather than encouraging me with the cool foreshadowing, it just got grating because it meant there were more interesting events and stories going on that I didn’t get to see for some arbitrary reason. Janice also rambles and goes back and forth quite a bit. This is clearly intentional (after all, you learn in the end this is a mostly unedited draft -- at least in the fiction of the story), but even so, it can be hard to follow at times. 

Part II justifies a lot of this because these hints do pay off. You DO get to see a lot of the interesting stuff in detail at this later point of the story, and it’s not always what you expect. There’s overt and subtle dramatic irony and contrast between what characters go through in the first half versus the stranger, more profound traumas of the second half. You learn Janice is suffering from some severe PTSD and it explains a lot of the manic style in the first half. But again, is it worth 245-ish mediocre (to me) pages? I think that probably depends on the reader. I had a problem with it-- but clearly a lot of people don’t, based on reviews I’ve skimmed. Many put the book down and don’t finish it, but that’s true for any book. Hell, lots of people preferred the first half, so who knows. 

Ultimately, I’m glad I read this book. For me it really does come together in an amazing way toward the end, and I found myself really caring about Janice and Duncan. If you read City of Saints and Madmen and want more of the characters and the world, then definitely give this a try. But it is a pretty niche book as these things go, so I can’t recommend it to everyone. 

Anyway, I’ve come this far -- so I’m going to read Finch, the final (for now?) installment in this universe. 

[callunavulgari]

Year-In-Life | 2018

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Got a big girl job! Got insurance! Made my very own eye doctor appointment! Got an apartment all on my own with my boyfriend! And this all happened since October! Basically I haven’t had time to do more than sleep in like two months!!!!!

But like. I’m making good money now, I can actually do things like go to the freaking doctor when I’m sick and not completely bankrupt myself if I get hit by a truck or something. Oh, and my new job has PTO! How rad is that, I can get paid for taking vacations now? The only downside is my eyes are not taking the staring at a computer screen all day very well and ache ALL the time now. But hey! Things are looking up other than my eyes being stabbed out of my skull?!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ugh I never remember what resolutions I actually made though! I mean, I know one of them was get a better job, which I did. I started smoking again for like two months and then quit again in November because holy shit I don’t need that in my life. I... briefly lost weight and then gained it all back because I stopped caring.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Couple high school people, I think. One of my best friend’s from middle school had her second kid. Another friend from middle school is expecting a third next year. But nobody particularly close, no. 4. Did anyone close to you die? I don’t think so.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? Ugh, no countries. Nick got to go to Germany for his job training but I had to stay here because y’know, money, and also, money. Didn’t have the big girl job at the time and he went to Germany the week before we were due to go to North Carolina and I’m sorry, but I can’t freaking afford two weeks off of work. Couldn’t? Eh, still probably can’t unless I work crazy overtime to obtain more PTO. 

That said, I had lots of fun on our annual trip down to North Carolina. Once again I got to read a lot of books in the pool, chill on the beach, and play dumb drinking games with people five years younger than me. We also had an added date night, which I think I’m going to require every year.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Oh hey, I basically got everything that I wanted from last year. More steady job with insurance, apartment, not doing the college thing yet, but I’m going to have to think long and hard about how I want to proceed from here. This job opened up a LOT of opportunities for me, and I may pursue some of those instead of college. I just have to decide if that’s what I want.

Only thing that I didn’t get was, y’know, the ring thing. So here’s to hoping for next year? 

Also, ideally, we’re looking to buy a house sometime in either 2020 or 2021, so here’s to hoping we save up enough to make that happen.

7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 15th is when I started my new job. November 9th was when we moved out. Not many big events this year other than those. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got new job! Got apartment! Read a metric crapton of books! Bought a nice couch that is all ours!

9. What was your biggest failure? Honestly? I’m not really sure. This year was kind of a good one. I’ve been very patient with Nick’s mom whenever we go on our weekly outing to one of the bars in our hometown and haven’t dropkicked her into the street whenever she gets too drunk. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Since moving out of the old house last month my weird allergy thing has improved wildly. We’re still using the sensitive skin detergent and I’m using very mildly scented soaps, but all in all the itching is so much less. I got really sick and missed Thanksgiving because I got some kind of stomach flu, and I think I had another stomach issue a few months back, but it’s been mostly mild. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got new glasses at a vastly discounted rate because my vision insurance is apparently really good? We also bought a huge new sectional that is bigger, comfier, and LESS EXPENSIVE than all of the other couches we were looking at. I got Nick a sit/stand desk for Christmas and got upgraded to his old one by proxy. Got new books and a new painting for our living room. We also bought a new TV, because my old one was fucked and since we were moving out we didn’t have Seth’s to watch. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I was so good this year. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Eh. Nick’s mom drives me nuts, my mom drives me nuts, the roommates aren’t as bad now because we aren’t there, but it got a little spotty near the end there.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mostly things like bills, car payments, groceries, plane ticket to South Carolina to see my family, Christmas presents. While I got a reasonably good big girl job Nick got a reasonably good computer engineering job which means even if he is just a starting salary it’s still about 30k more than I make. Which just, blows my mind to say? Because I’m not making less than 15k a year now?  15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I’m sorry that you have to hear it again, but new job! New apartment! New books and new things and hopefully a new chapter of our life. I’ve been trying to not get too psyched about things just in case the bottom drops out, but for now I’m letting myself enjoy this.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018? Paradise Valley. The Sailor Song. Daddy. Smallest Light. Lots of things off the Stranger Things soundtrack. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier? Yeah, happier. ii. thinner or fatter? Little more, maybe? Again, lost a bunch but gained it back. iii. richer or poorer? Richer. With both of us having good jobs it’s so much easier to save. I dumped a little more than I should have into Christmas presents, but I’m still okay.  18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Write. I’ve been really bad about it, but I’m hoping that this year I’ll find my stride. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Still pretty chill this year. Maybe gotten my head out of my ass and tried to get a good job earlier, but I can’t regret it too much. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent Christmas Eve listening to Nick’s mom bitch about things and eating food that kind of turned my stomach. Spent Christmas Day at his mom’s in the morning and then his grandparents’ all afternoon. Only managed to squeeze a tiny amount of time for ourselves this year, but we had breakfast together and opened our presents. Hopefully next year we get Christmas Eve to ourselves again. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? So, last year we spent New Year’s cooking curry (him) and pirozki (me) and watching Planet Earth. I’m hoping to do something similar this year, but we might end up at his mom’s place getting trashed since we’re both off the next day. We’ll see. 22. Did you fall in love in 2018? Maybe a little more. 23. Best month for you this year? October? November? August? April-ish? Honestly most of my months this year were pretty okay. Like, I’m so sorry for all of you that had shitty years, but mine was so much better than basically anything from the past goddamn decade.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2018? Didn’t watch too much this year? Watched the second season of Westworld, Voltron, the Sense8 series finale, Killing Eve, Castlevania, The Haunting of Hill House, Bride of the Ancient Magus, Lost In Space... But honestly, most of them were good but not fantastic. I really liked the Sense8 finale and Hill House. Oooh, also, She-Ra. And Little Witch Academia! Those were good ones. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Spinning Silver was so good, guys. The Goblin Emperor, A Tale For the Time Being, the Queen’s Thief series, the Kingkiller Chronicle, and the Nightrunner series were highlights too. It was a real good year for books, okay. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Paradise Valley. Holy shit that song is the best. 28. What did you want and got? I got a lot of stuff I wanted this year. The job, the apartment, books, games. Nick got me a fucking switch for Christmas and this really pretty teardrop necklace made of green glass that’s just fucking gorgeous. And I got the glasses, the stupid tv, the better couch... ugh, we spent so much money this year, but I mean, it’s kind of about time that we had the money to splurge a little?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? A... ring? I mean, we’ve talked about it and we’ve both been moving steadily in this direction, but it didn’t happen this year. I foolishly made a bet with one of his brother’s friends while I was drunk. He thought that he’d propose before December of 2020, I thought he’d propose before the end of 2019, so now even if I’m right I’m wrong and I know he is going to give me shit about it.

Also. I think I might actively want kids now? Like, not in a nebulous eventually kind of way, but I think I might want to start trying? I don’t know. More on that next year. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? The Greatest Showman was really great. Other than that though, I didn’t watch that many. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 29 went a lot like 28 and 27. Had lunch with Nick at the Lantern, and then lazed around until we went out to Old Bag of Nails with a few of our friends. It was nice. Nick got me knitting supplies because I mentioned a million years ago that I kind of wanted to learn so I could do something while listening to audiobooks.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Honestly until I started having to dress for an office job my personal fashion concept was PJs all the time except for when I had to go wait tables for a few hours. Now that I have the office job I’ve been wearing lots of sweaters, scarves, and skirts with tall boots when it’s not too cold for them. My bet is next year I’m going to give up and buy scrubs like everybody else in the nursing department. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Eh. Amber Heard was recently very pretty on my tumblr dashboard? 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 2015678. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Nick, while he was in Germany and when I was in South Carolina. It was dumb. I wanted to smooch his forehead gently. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I have lots of new coworkers, but Bryan is my favorite. He’s pretty cool and I could see myself being good friends with him if he doesn’t fuck off to a different state. 

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: *Sherlock voice* I don’t have friends. ---- I’m just going to leave this here. 

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one in... early March, but it’s technically the earliest photo I took of myself that wasn’t technically from December of 2017. I really miss the dark hair.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

This was taken a couple days ago when I got new glasses. I am 100% not naked, I’m wearing a tanktop.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Uh. I don’t know if I actually tried any new recipes this year? Most things that I cooked were repeat favorites from last year and Nick hasn’t cooked too terribly much either. The new jobs thing has been nice, but also we have SO MUCH LESS TIME.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. There have been a few of them. I had a night that was kind of shitty and empty, and ended up reading that Cornstalk Fiddle fic that I’ve talked about and it turned into one of my favorite memories. The vacation and moving was pretty nice.

44. What are you excited for next year? Still wanna try for that trip that’s just me and Nick, but I’ve got my little brother’s graduation to go to in May and the North Carolina trip in August, which basically wipes out my PTO for the year, but we’ll see. Maybe we can take a weekend trip somewhere nice.

Oh. Also, I’m freaking excited for KINGDOM HEARTS 3?!

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018: Things can get better? Your life isn’t over if you don’t make it to college? Just. Things get better. We’ll go with that one. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I’m singin’ in the rain Just singin’ in the rain What a glorious feeling I’m happy again

First Fandom of 2018: January seemed to be an ecclectic mixture of Star Wars, Harry Potter, Captive Prince, The Exorcist, and Teen Wolf before I settled into Stranger Things at the end of the month. Favorite Main Character of 2018: Ahhhh. Fuck, I don’t know. Ryan Dalias or Doug Eiffel, probably. Favorite Villain of 2018: Damien, from the Bright Sessions. He’s not... exactly a big bad, but he certainly isn’t good. Also, Billy Hargrove. Favorite M/F Couple of 2018: I actually read a lot of Jaime/Brienne this year because astolat started writing it and it was just really solidly good. Oh, Miryem and the Staryk Lord was also A++ Favorite F/F Couple of 2018: I did not read or write any, but let me tell you, I felt Isabelle Lovelace and Renee Minkowski on a fucking galactic scale. Favorite M/M Couple of 2018: Mark/Damien and Billy/Steve absolutely dominated all of my other fandoms this year. But also, Ryan/Akmazian hurts my entire heart. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: The Bright Sessions? I did not expect to actually have feelings about these characters. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Read some Harry Potter and Thor fic sporadically throughout the year. And Pacific Rim 2 hit my like a freight train. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Uh. Stranger Things, I guess? Last Fandom of 2018: I mean, technically I’ve been reading more Harringrove because of the holiday exchange, but I’m still pretty hung up on Wolf 359 and the Bright Sessions. Unfortunately, neither of them really have fic? Favorite Fandom of 2018: I liked all of them, but Stranger Things and The Bright Sessions was so much of my year I’m gonna have to go with those two.

[sheepydraws]

I’ll Kick Your Ass, I’ll Kick My Fiancee’s Ass, I’ll Kick My Own Ass! (2/11)

Also on Ao3

Last Chapter Next Chapter

Part 2: Orientation

A slim black notebook with gilded pages. The cover is leather(ish) except for a shiny rectangle where the words “Diary” once were. However, on the inside cover is a nameplate that says, “This Diary Belongs To:” and is signed, “Akane Tendo”:

Why do I bother keeping this thing? All I do is read the entries where I’m happy and excited and figure everything will work out, and then I feel even more upset about what actually happened.

So, yeah. Dad went through with his threat-I mean, “frugality”, and made Nabiki drive down here with me and Kasumi. Nabiki was a total bitch about it so we didn’t get here till two. It’s a good thing Kasumi doesn’t look like a parent, cause she was supposed to be gone by five, but she couldn’t get out till six.

Once she was gone Nabiki went to the dining hall with me, probably just so I could ask, “Why is it so empty in here?” and she could say, “They’re probably all at their first assembly.” with a nonchalant sip of milk.

Her fucking soy milk that she isn’t even supposed to bring into the dining room.

So I scarfed my food and ran to the big arts hall, and I burst into the auditorium just in time for the sexual health and gender lecture.

They had just gotten to the part about gender identity.

I wanted to back out of the auditorium and punch myself in the face.

But I didn’t. Cause that would be even weirder than busting into an auditorium like it was prom night in an eighties movie.

So. Whatever. Great. A great way to start.

Technically nothing starts till tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll actually meet people tomorrow, and we’ll do reading and stuff, and there won’t be any more awkward lectures about consent where everyone wants to laugh, or, at least, I want to laugh, but not laugh, but there’s a part of me that just wants to giggle every time they say sex.

It’s okay. Already it’s better than last year because everyone here is going to know me as Akane Tendo, and Ranma Fucking Saotome is two hundred miles away.

Now that is a good way to start the year.

Last Five Posts on okonomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com:

5. A big ole gooey slab of okonomiyaki spread with special sauce and mayonnaise, marbled so as to resemble the pattern usually seen on mille-feuille.

4. Fanart for Elementary.

3. Beyoncé on feminism, gif set.

2. A photo of a dorm room. Thin white curtains hang from the open window, grazing a bookcase (doubling as a bedside table) scattered with perfume, contact lens case, note book, colored pens, and an orientation flier face down. #already a mess #of course #makes it feel more like home

1. A picture of two girls sitting cross legged on a bed together. One is chubby, with her hair done up in two big buns. It’s so dark it is almost purple (or is that a trick of the light, or a botched dye job?) She’s smiling and making a peace sign with one hand, the other wrapped around the neck of a bottle of grape soda. The girl next to her looks like she was doing the same thing, but she jostled her can of ginger ale, and the photo catches her mid-jerk, hair whipping out behind her as she turns, trying to steady herself.

The next photo is the chubbier girl laughing as the other slumps against the wall, a hand over her face.

She’s smiling, though.

From: lethemeatpussy@yahoo.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dude, bro, man, pal,  

I’ve got a tournament, so I won’t actually be at school till orientation’s over (I didn’t know orientation was a thing, but whatever, the dean cleared me, so it’s fine) so do whatever you want to the room. I’ll deal. Should be there sometime Sunday.

See ya!

Ranma Saotome

——Bitches ain’t shit!

From: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

To: prettyporkchop@gmail.com

Dear Akari,

it’s almost midnight, but I really wanted to tell you that I got here okay, and it’s actually a lot nicer than you thought it would be. It’s not Oxford, but I like the view out my window. Our dorm is kind of built into a hill, so my room is on the ground floor, but there’s a story high drop right out my window, then a hill, then the woods. They’re the kind of thin, scraggly woods you get a lot in America, but I bet it’ll be amazing in a few months when all the leaves start changing color.

That’s really all there is to talk about. I haven’t even met my roommate yet because he has a martial arts tournament and won’t be here for orientation. I looked him up and he’s apparently some martial arts prodigy—if that’s a thing??? Maybe I’ll have something more interesting to write about when he does show up, but for now I just wanted to tell you I’m doing well, and I miss you, and I hope you’re okay, too.

Love, Ryoga

A fluffy pink volume with a tiny heart shaped lock you could break by jamming a switch blade in it. Although why would you want to, since Kodachi would probably repurpose it as an overwrought metaphor, thusly:

The sun rises

But the black veil of my loneliness

Will not be pierced.

I walk the balance beam with purpose

But tears slide aimless down my cheeks.

My misery fills me up. Roots my feet to the beam.

I break from gravity

Yet I cannot fly.

If twirling upside down can not change my perspective—-

How can college ever hope to manage it?

From: Nabikitendo@email.nsj.edu

To: Tsubasakurenai@email.nsj.edu

Your receipt for transaction #34092:

1 Carton Bailey’s Farm Fresh Milk:Whole Fat

4 packs of erasers

2 Canisters Smirnoff Whipped Cream

3 Jars Bacardi Maraschino Cherries (1 without flavoring, 2 with watermelon)

Total: 167.55USD

From: Nabikitendo@email.nsj.edu

To: picoletchardin@email.nsj.edu

Your receipt for transaction #39475:

5 Cartons Snappy Ice Cream (peppermint, peach, cinnamon bun)

6 loaves of bread, Blue Ribbon Artisanal.

4 packs Dom P’s dogs

2 cartons Altoid’s Mints

Total: 443.46USD

Facebook messenger:

Shampoo: Psssst—You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s a party this weekend.

Ukyo: Who’d you hear that from?

Shampoo: Dude in my discussion group mentioned it. Said it’s a freshman only thing.

Ukyo: Sounds lame.

Shampoo: Nah, he said it would be in that four person room, in the basement of the guys dorm? It’s big and the closest TA is a floor away so…

Ukyo: What do you think freshman can even get up to?

Shampoo: Ukyo, we’re college freshman now. What can’t we get up to? ;3

Shampoo:  Also dude was bragging that there would be enough booze to drown in.

Ukyo: I guess I can’t say no to bathing in bacardi ;)

Shampoo’s phone ——> Mousse’s phone

Could you tell gran that I can’t come home

this weekend?

                                                                                              Why don’t you do it?

You know she’s bad with texting.

                                                                                              She has more social    .                                                                                             media accounts than  .                                                                                             you do.

Restaurant stuff doesn’t count.

                                                                                              Still.

                                                                                              You could tell her if      .                                                                                              you wanted.

She’ll just talk me out of it. Ask

me, ‘why can’t you come see

your poor ailing grandmother?’

                                                                                              Fine. Only because   .                                                                                             you still fall for that      .                                                                                             when I am literally        .                                                                                             watching her haul a    .                                                                                             dead pig out of the      .                                                                                             car and gut it like a     .                                                                                             fish.

From: prettyporkchop@gmail.com

To: TexmexTesco@gmail.com

Dear Ryoga,

I miss you so much!!!! At least once the term starts I’ll have classes to keep me busy, but for now all I do is think about you and hope America hasn’t roughed you up too much. I know it’s a small college, you wanted to be closer to your mom, etc. but I’m still a little worried about how a year abroad is going to treat you.

At least I’ll get you for Christmas. It seems so far off (121 days, if you’re bored enough to count) but I know it’ll be here in a second; some years it’s like I get out of the pool and slide right into a jumper and waffle treads.

I hope your orientation thing is going well. Are you actually doing any work, or are they just making sure you know where the washing machines are? Did I tell you that when my Aunt Jackie was doing her first term she slept in the washing machine room for a week because her roommate always had her boyfriend over? I’ve heard so many college horror stories now that I’m going there. It reminds me of my first cooking competition. It’s only after you’ve been accepted and can’t back out that everyone starts talking about that time their oven exploded or their creme fresh was trés rotten. But I’m sure we can tackle this together. <3

All my love,

Akari.

——killin’ me softly/and I’m still fallin’/Still the one I need/I will always be with you

Kodachi’s Journal:

Oh!

That I were like the sparrow!

Free to leave come the winter

And return to any nest I chose.

Trapped in this prison.

Smiling

And behind my smile

I wonder

Who here can not bear the pain of the ambiguity of their emphembral ephmenral limited existence?

Am I alone in my pain?

Perhaps I could relive myself

If only I had a true grand experience

A truly life defining moment

To write about

For this stupid assignment

Which torments my dreams.

Akane’s Diary:

He’s here.

I was in the boys dorm because Betty, (this girl I’ve been hanging out with, Bio major) wanted to grab her boyfriend for dinner. Like in the girl’s dorm, everyone’s room has a little paper square with their name on it on the door, and there it was. In smeary comic sans on door 1C: Ranma Saotome.

Fuck.

Why did I think I could ever just go somewhere and be Akane Tendo?

All I wanted was a school no one from my high school was going to. Somewhere really liberal and maybe on the small side. Somewhere where no one would know me as the guy who’s now a girl who got engaged and then threw down with his/her fiancé in the fucking parking lot.

It’s almost funny. I should have expected this out of my bad sitcom of a life. I should have realized that Ranma’s complete lack of drive, combined with his inability to let down his father, and my father’s apparent desire to ruin my life by associating me with them, would cause this to happen.

Of course he would be enrolled here.

Of course.

Why do I ever hope things will change?

No, no, no pity party. I can change this. I can set Ranma straight. I could get him expelled if I wanted. Fuck him! I am not the one who doesn’t belong here, I shouldn’t be the one to leave.

                                  Final Orientation Assignment  

Please write a narrative essay describing a life changing event. The event chosen may be big or small, but the essay must fully describe an experience that changed the way you view the world, how you choose to live your life, etc. The experience may be as personal in nature as you like. You will not have to read in front of your group, though you will be invited to.  

Requirements:1,000-2,500 words in length.

Must be narrative in structure. Remember, scene not summary!

Must be an event that affected you. You may not write about another’s experience.

NOTE: Due to issues in previous years, please do not write about losing your virginity, or other sexual experiences. Coming out has been a common topic among these essays, but we ask that you refrain from explicitly sexual material.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Ukyo Kuonji                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Orientation Group 1                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         August 18th

                                           How I Learned the Truth

Your best friend should always tell you the truth. I told my best friend that, and he told me the truth: that he had always been a boy. A few years later he told me another truth: That he liked me. Then I came out, and I believed that the truth will set your free, and every other platitude, besides. Love is friendship that has caught fire. The world is your oyster. Tuna is good for your health.

Then my boyfriend told me another truth: He was engaged.

I, the person, who would believe anything, said, “Yeah, right.” I was stupid enough to wonder if what he had said was the start of a proposal.

He stared at me, toying with the scarf around his neck. We were standing at the front gate of our high school. He’d been waiting for me there, early for once, even though it was November and was already cold enough that most people were scurrying inside as fast as they could.

The front yard was fairly empty, so Ranma’s boots scuffling on the cement became the loudest sound.

“I’m engaged to this guy.” He said.

“You don’t even like guys.” I said, forgetting that the rest of the world doesn’t know my boyfriend. Doesn’t always think of him as a boy.

“My dad, he wants me to marry this guy. He’s got this idea, you know, cause I’m going to take over the dojo.” “There isn’t a dojo to take over.” I said, forgetting that Ranma would dive into a pit of hungry cats if his father asked him to. Would gladly take over an imaginary dojo.

“His family has one. A real dojo. It’s really nice. They’re that family dad and I have dinner with on Sundays. You met them once, remember? That’s why I was so weird that day. Our dads were already talking about this.” Under his breath he added, “Making shitty innuendos, even.”

I had already forgotten the faces of the huge family who all rushed past me on their way out of Ranma’s house, but I remembered vividly how good they had smelled, one of them holding a stack of tupperware, steam condensing on the lids. Ranma had been a little weird after that, but I thought it was because we had sex for the first time about a week ago and it was that sort of, pass-me-a-chip-will-you-person-I-lost-my-virginity-to? awkwardness. Not Oh-and-by-the-way-I’m-engaged-to-someone-else-because-I-constantly-crave-my-father’s-approval awkwardness.

I didn’t even know they made that kind.

“But you love me.” I said, and that was the truth. I took Ranma’s hand and pressed it to my chest, except I was a bit overzealous and slammed it into the soft spot between my collarbone and breasts. It bruised. “If your parents are going to suggest a child marriage, why-why don’t you and I get married?”

The second worst truth I learned that day was that I would have done that. I would have skipped school, stolen my father’s car, and found a court house. I would have married Ranma. I could see him and I bursting into my house, red cheeked from the wind and happiness, clutching the marriage license between us, smiling and laughing and invulnerable.

Ranma’s hand slid from mine. Our marriage license fluttered to the ground.

“One, we’re not eighteen. Two…” Ranma held my eyes for a moment, and it was the worst moment of my life because I saw the truth: All those emotions I thought were love, they could be boxed up and pushed aside. Perhaps not without some angst, but it could be done. The truth was that love can not climb mountains. It can’t cure illness. It can’t even argue with your father.

Love is friendship that has caught fire, sure, but then it goes out and the friendship has all burned up. No love lasts. Not the love between a child and their parent, not the love between friends, not the love between lovers. Eventually all you have is a hope of love as you do everything in your power to hold on to the person who used to embody it.

The late bell rang and we both headed inside. We were walking next to each other, but not together. That was when I decided that if Ranma didn’t have to care about this, I didn’t have to either. I wasn’t going to become like him, chasing down love and trying to corner it in dark alleys. I boxed up all my feelings and tossed them down the back stairs. Along with all the shit he had ever given me or left at my house over the years. My dad watched from his chair in the living room as I found every single book, sock, and stupid trinket that I knew was his.

“I thought you two were going to prom together.” My dad said while I was rummaging under the couch. Before my mother left she told me all sorts of important things, like that I should go to therapy and that my parents lost their virginity to each other at prom. I have a feeling my father suspected that Ranma and I were going to keep up the tradition, sans ditching our real dates by the punch bowl.

“Prom’s not till next year.” I emerged from under the couch covered in dust bunnies.

“Still. I thought you two had plans.”

“We do.” They just aren’t the same ones.

My father leaned forward in his chair and put his hands on his knees. “Ukyo, I just want to know what Ranma did to upset you, and if it warrants me going down there with a gun.”

“You don’t have a gun, dad.” I kicked up the rug to see if anything had been swept under it.  “And even if you did, you wouldn’t threaten a kid with it.”

“I don’t think you’re kids anymore. You can certainly hurt each other like adults.”

“He didn’t hurt me. He just doesn’t love me anymore.” Of course that was the fact that made my gut burn like there was a hot knife in it, but it was a fact. Ranma hadn’t hurt me. He told me the truth.

Genma’s phone——-> Ranma’s phone

Ranma?

Ranma?

Did you go to get the food? I want two breasts and coleslaw.

Ranma?

Ranma?

Either you’re dead in a ditch or you’re going to be.

                                                                                               August 20th              .                                                                                           Orientation group 4     .                                                                                            Ryoga Hibiki

                                 An Experience That Changed My Life.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

I’m in love.

Okay, okay, wait, here’s the punchline: She’s not my girlfriend. Or a friend. Or even my mom.

I just found out that I’ve never been in love before, not with any of those people. I fell in love two nights ago, when I woke up to someone screaming my roommate’s name.

It took me a second to wake up all the way, and for my brain to turn the sounds I was hearing into words, but then it was clear as day.

“Ranma Saotome! Ranma Saotome, I know you’re in there!”

I cranked the window open even further and stuck my head out to scream back, but then I saw her and I just…

She’s so beautiful. She was on the ledge where the hill behind my dorm starts. She stood straight, her fists clenched, shaking with anger. Her hair was cut sharp and short, and her eyes were huge in the strange light. Half blue moonlight, half disturbingly orange street lamp. The glow was unearthly. She was awesome—The old meaning of the word, beautiful and terrible and probably not to be touched, but magnetic all the same.

She paused for a second, then screamed

“RANMA SAOTOME!”

with her whole heart, and all her breath besides.

“He’s not here!” I yelled back.

“Shut up!” She took another breath, ready to scream all night for retribution, so I continued,

“I’m serious, he had a tournament. He won’t be here till orientation ends. He sent me an email about it. I’m his roommate.” It was probably a little garbled, because I don’t have the lung capacity that Akane does, but she understood me. She was quiet for a moment.

“Come in!” I yelled, “We can talk about it.”

“Shut up!” Someone screamed from a different floor.

“Okay!” She said, and she took off running. She was barefoot under her skirt and her legs were so long when she ran they shortened the ground beneath her.

I was watching her run when I remembered that I was in my boxers. I jumped back from the window, put on a light, turned on some pants, and hoped my room didn’t already reek of b.o.

Then she was in my room, and she was just as ethereal under the fluorescents as she had been outside. Her eyes slid from the bare mattress on one side of the room to my half. Not that there was much difference. White sheets, my yellow flannel pillow case that I’ve had since I was  ten, half of my key chain collection hanging over my desk and the tiny plastic replicas of the crown jewels. There were also a few postcards and the rest of my keychain collection piled on top of my desk, waiting to be hung up properly.

“I’m Ryoga Hibki,” I said, extending my hand to shake.

“Akane Tendo.” She said, and I found out that her hands had thick calluses on them. It was surprising when I had expected soft skin, but given the smoothness when she ran maybe I shouldn’t have.

“What do you need with Ranma?” I asked. I managed to lean casually against my desk and not slip and crack my head on a varnished corner and kill myself.

“He…” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “He and I have some history we need to sort out.”

My heart plummeted, then rose so quickly I felt dizzy. What did that mean? Was it good? For me? All I knew was that I had to say something similar if she asked about Akari. Lets say she somehow intuited that I currently had a girlfriend. Let’s say. But I won’t very very soon.

“So he put a tournament over orientation and got away with it.” She muttered. “Of course.”

“Well, it’s not like it takes much orienting.” I said, “Y’know, the dorms are here, the classrooms are over there, and the vending machine is down the hall. I figured it all out on my first day.” I puffed my chest up like that was an accomplishment, and she laughed, which actually was one.

“I know. All he’s really missing out on is having to write this dumb essay thing.” (I’m sorry if that offends you, but you said we should all be as honest as possible in these essays. Actually, if that’s true, I wonder if you’re going to have a stack of essays about how stupid these essays are. Not that I think they’re stupid, but that’s just the sort of smart-ass thing a bunch of college freshman would try to get away with).

Anyway, I’ll have to skim a bit, because she said some really personal things about her, and this guy, and the not-relationship they have, even though their parents seem to be bent on getting them together, and you said we weren’t supposed to write about someone else’s experience, so I’ll let Akane write about that in her essay if she wants.

But, even if I can’t tell you exactly what she said, I think I can tell you how she said it. How she enunciates the important words very clearly, how she wiggles her hips a little bit when she’s excited, and how we talked and talked and talked for so long I almost didn’t have the time to sit down and write an entirely new essay. Not that the original one was any good(it was about coming here, and how I’m really excited to be in one place for a whole four years, but that is an experience I hope to have, not one I already did, so I knew it was bullshit from the start), and maybe this one isn’t much better. I mean, it’s just about me falling in love. I’m sure this whole thing has been done to death, but goddamn.

I never got it, you know, the endless poems, and songs, and books about love. I suppose that’s proof right there that I was never in love. I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought, ‘Sure, love’s great, but does everyone really need to be going on about it all the time?’, but now that I’m in it, I mean sunk so deep I feel weightless, I’ve found out that love is more than worth going on and on about. I mean, I don’t know how I can keep myself from just getting up in the middle of class and saying, “Hey, this Sandra Cisneros poem is great and all, but who wants to talk about how perfect Akane’s laugh is? Like, is there a scientifically provable better sound out there? And, if so, is it even worth tracking down?”

All those cheesy things they say about love, they’re true. And when you feel them down to your bones you find that they fill you up until everything you know about love just comes pouring out.

Face book, Ranma Saotme, Latest post:

A picture of a slushie larger and more red than anything humans were ever meant to ingest in one sitting, jammed into a car cupholder.

The caption above reads: Road trip=cheat day, right? ;p

Ranma’s phone——> Genma’s phone

Just got to school. Figured I might

as well head out.

                                                                        Glad you were so excited to see            

                                                                        Akane. But how am I supposed

                                                                        to get my car back?

Seen ✓

                                                                        What the fuck does that mean?

                                                                        Ranma, I want my car back.

Ryoga’s phone——-> Ranma’s phone

I dunno when you’re done with

the dean or whatever

But some guys are having a

party in our dorm. You know

the basement room?

                                                                    No, but I’m ready to party

Excellent.

CRAZY DRUNK FRESHMAN CAN DANCE AND DUEL??!!

A video clearly taken on a smart phone and simply thrown onto youtube, given the huge black margins. The footage is grainy, but not badly lit.

It’s hard to tell if the room is a basement or a living room, given the concrete floors. It sure looks like a house party, though, young people milling around with red cups, someone laughing obnoxiously loud just off camera.

The music that was playing unobtrusively in the background suddenly blares into the foreground as the camera is trained on a desk covered in half eaten junk food.

“Oh shit!” Someone screams, “I know this one!”

Heads turn in the direction of the voice. The camera doesn’t.

A guy lands on the cluttered table. You don’t see him leap, just land. He’s debatably handsome, and clearly drunk, though he still manages to get down with considerable skill. A bit off balance, perhaps with more booty wiggles than a sober person would allow themselves, but the boy can dance.

People are starting to crowd around the makeshift stage, and the camera is hiked higher.

“Hey!” The guy yells, breaking out of his dancing reverie to single out someone not visible from this far back. “Come on, dance with me!” He slides out of view, but a second later he jumps back onto the table, carrying a girl princess-style. She’s wearing a conservatively cut red velvet dress, like she’s at her cousin’s Christmas recital or something, but she looks appropriately confused at this sudden turn of events.

The guy sets her down on the table and starts dancing around her. Not like a bird doing a mating dance, but more like she’s a pole. A pole he finds very attractive. Hoots and whistles emanate from the crowd. The camera is jostled, and for a second whoever is holding it turns and we can see someone with a long brown ponytail and a grin taking up their entire face.

“Send me a copy of this!” They yell. “That asshole’s my ex!”

“Oh, okay,” Says our cameraman. They focus on this person for another second as they laugh, before remembering what they were supposed to be doing and the camera swings back to the main attraction.

The girl on the table has gone bright red, and seems to be trying to distract herself from the fact that half of her class is watching a guy grind on her when she yells, “So what’s your name?”

He kisses her cheek and spins her around, before dropping to one knee, “Ranma Saotome!” He says, before taking her hand and kissing it, as though this is a proper introduction from another era.

“Kodachi!” Someone screams from the back of the room. This time when heads turn the camera follows. A man stands in the open door. He’s sober and wearing a nice button up, so he’s probably not a freshman. He marches toward the table, parting his underclassman like a green sea.

“Ranma Saotome!” He yells in Ranma’s face.

Ranma is still bent over Kodachi’s hand.

“That’s me!” He replies, with a shit eating grin.

The other man seethes for a moment. You can almost see steam rising off of him like a giant boar.

“Ranma Saotome, for besmirching my sisters honor, I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall duel you.”

“What, like, at dawn?”

Tatewaki reaches up and sweeps the girl, who, now that he mentions it, does share his dark, thick hair and elegant nose, down from the table. “At dawn it shall be. I look forward to seeing you on your knees.”

“I don’t swing that way, man.” Ranma says, smacking Tatewaki good naturedly on the back from his perch.

Tatewaki bristles. “You will be begging for mercy!” He goes back the way he came, stopping at the door to adjust his sister’s weight in his arms and announce, “You and I, at dawn, on the hill behind the science compound.”

“Can it be more like six am?” Someone in the crowd yells, and after a general murmur of agreement both men decide that six will be a better time.

“Six on the dot!” Tatewaki says, probably just so he has something to yell before sweeping out dramatically.

“See ya!” Ranma calls back with a cheery wave, ruining the effect.

The video cuts out.

A flimsy, spiral bound note book, with a little tulip on the front, and the words, “MY DIARY” in a faux-childish scrawl. It spends most nights under Kuno’s pillow. Not that he’s scared of his roommate-a brother in kendo-reading it, but he believes that if he sleeps with his transcribed thoughts near him someday his body and his mind and his heart may all line up and stop vexing him with different desires. It hasn’t worked yet, but it hasn’t messed his neck up either, so he keeps at it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Okay. Alright. I will remain calm. While this is not an auspicious start to this year, I am sure that all this can be cleared up before the end of the semester. Perhaps before September is out.

You recall, of course, how that vile creature, Ranma Saotome, assaulted my sister’s honor. So I challenged him to a duel in order to best defend it. A few students got into trouble for this sort of thing last year, but they were arguing over the Star Wars prequels, and I believe they had guns besides.

At any rate.

There we were, he and I, (and the expected crowd of onlookers) standing on the field that slopes down toward the science building, the mist rolling in, dawn greying the sky above us. It was quite a romantic setting, rather like the rolling moors of Scotland or Ireland—Wherever it is that they have rolling moors and mist in great abundance.

Nabiki Tendo was strutting around as though she had organized the event. Anything for money or attention, I suppose. That she never wishes to be an actress is a great blow to the industry (and likely robs many fine directors of one).

At any rate, there we were, my opponent and I, and he had come unarmed. Also, he was swaying rather strangely. There was no music, and he did not seem to have any headphones. It occurred to me that he may be suffering from over intoxication, but he had agreed to this duel, so it was entirely his problem if he was ill.

Still, I had not expected him to bring a weapon, so I tossed him my back up wood.

“My back up wood.” I explained as he stared quizzically at the sword he had just caught.

He turned his confused gaze to me. “As in, like, back up onto it?”

I wanted to spit at his crudity, but I am not an eye for an eye sort of man, so I managed to restrain myself.

“Draw your weapon!” I said.

He held his sword out as though he were far sighted and needed a better look at it.

“Alright!” Nabiki Tendo yelled. I shudder to recall how her voice rolled across the hill. She makes my skin crawl, and I’m sure she knows it. She winked at me. I wonder if she chalked my shivering up to the mist.

“Gentlemen, you will stand with your backs pressed against each other,” Saotome made a remark related to his earlier statement about my sword that does not bear repeating, “Walk five paces, turn, and draw.” She damned me with her smile once again. “Just to keep things equal. Alright, boys?”

It was not equal, I will say that right now. I knew that my opponent was not classically trained, but I had not expected him to throw his sword at me! I deflected it, of course, but then it was his whole body that was hurtling toward me. I was shocked that I was immediately on the defensive, but I did not intend to remain there. I not only dodged, but managed to spin him with a slight blow which knocked him much further off balance than it might a sober opponent.

He retaliated and almost wrenched the sword from my hands by bouncing off of it, but I got in an uppercut that must have bruised one of his thighs, and I would have done much worse… Oh, he should tremble at night at the thought of what I may have done to him!

But that was when I heard screaming, and the crowd watching us dispersed. It took me a moment to understand just what was happening, but then I caught sight of the back of Nabiki Tendo’s head, and, though I am not a sailor, I too understand what it means when rats flee a ship.

Now, I am a man of honor, but I am also a man who doesn’t want an expulsion on my record. I ran into the green house that adjoins the science building, wiggled through the doggy door that would get me into the science building proper, and hid in the room where they’ve been doing laser experiments. A perfectly honorable way to flee, I assure you.

At any rate, though I wish I had given Saotome an real injury to consider rather than merely the threat of one, I feel safe that my sister’s honor was as protected as it could be under the circumstances.

Kodachi’s Journal:

My darling.

Forgive me

The vile things done in the name of my honor,

I assure you my honor was not bruised, nor even beset.

The purity my brother imagines of me is not of my design.

Though,

I admit.

Never before your hands

and thighs

and rock hard ass

has another man’s touched me as yours did.

I know you will understand when I explain it to you.

I hear you did admirably in my name

Perhaps you have grasped my feelings already

We share a link unbound by the laws of time and space.

In fact, as I fell asleep last night,

I could hear your name in my chest rather than a beat.

Ran-ma

Ran-ma

Ran-ma

Now my life begins.

[starsinursa]

Shout-out to @saminzat for tagging me! Like I needed an excuse to waste time. ;)

LAST

1) Drink:  Coffee... it’s like 10 p.m. at night, but I’m trying to stay awake to finish some work from the office (and yet I’m on tumblr doing this quiz instead, oops).

2) Phone call: A coworker called me so I’d have her new phone number.

3) Text message:  “FYI, they don’t give you the money right back, you have to wait 4 - 6  WEEKS for a check in the mail, uggggh”. I bailed the same coworker out of jail about three months ago and went to the city municipal court today to get the bail money back... turns out things aren’t that simple.

4) Song listened to:  Umm...so I’ve been listening to the Moana soundtrack pretty much non-stop for the last week. :D

5) Time you cried:  A couple of weeks ago, reading the fic “Cursed or Not” for the first time (hey, you get to chapter 18 and try not to ugly cry, okay?).

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice:  Yep. Good ol’ high school.

7) Been cheated on:  Not that I know of.

8) Kissed someone and regretted it:  Yep. Good ol’ college.

9) Lost someone special:  Yes, a couple of times.

10) Been depressed:  Yep, special shout-out to my Prozac and Wellbutrin, love you guys. ;)

11) Gotten drunk and puked:  Yes, a few times, unfortunately. Again, good ol’ college (although I can’t use that excuse for the last time because I had already graduated... to whomever had to clean out that train car up in Minneapolis, MN, about 2.5 years ago: I am so, so sorry, I’ve learned my lesson about taking it easy on the Everclear, you have every right to hate me).

THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS

12) Green

13) Purple

14) Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends:  Kind of? Do work friends count? 

16) Fallen out of love:  Nah, gotta be in love for that

17) Laughed until you cried:  Yes, most recently was while watching “Impractical Jokers” with my aunt (they took a guy who is terrified of cats and made him teach an improv “how to bond with your cat” class, okay, I found it hilarious as a cat-owner).

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you:  Yeah, there’s a lot of gossip about everyone at my second job. Look, I’m sorry I go through all the water bottles, okay? I drink a lot of water...

19) Met someone who changed your life:  Not anyone specific in the last year that I can think of...

20) Found out who your true friends are: Meh. I’ve always kinda known.

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list:  Nah

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook friends:  256

23) Pets:  Two! One dog, one cat, the best of both worlds.

24) Want to change your name:  Nah, I like my name.

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday:  Books, I always ask for books.

26) Time I woke up:  Around 8:30 a.m. this morning

27) Were you doing at midnight: Probably surfing tumblr, tbh, I am sadly predictable

28) Can’t you wait for: MY VACATION THIS NEXT WEEK

29) Was the last time you saw your mom:  A couple of weeks ago when I went home for a dentist appointment

30) Is something you wish you could change about your life:  I need to buckle down and really focus on paying off a couple of bills. It helps having a second job, but I’m just so impatient.

31) Are you listening to right now:  Nothing at the mo

32) Gets on your nerves:  Whiners. Don’t get me wrong, I love to bitch and complain as much as the next person, but people who blame the world/ everyone else for their problems? Just....yeah.

33) Talked to a person named Tom:  ...this question doesn’t make any sense. “What - talked to a person named Tom”? Also, no, I know several Tims, but no Toms.

34) Is your most visited website:  Pffft, tumblr, of course, is that even a real question

35) Elementary school/primary school:  [Name of my hometown] Elementary School

36) High School:  [Name of my hometown] Jr./ Sr. High School

37) College:  I’ve already mentioned in a couple of posts where I went to college, so I guess I’ll just say it: Kansas State University. EMAW!

38) Hair colour:  Dark brown

39) Long/short hair:  Long! It’s currently the longest it’s ever been in my entire life, I’m so excited (although holy shit, I shed a lot).

40) Crush:  Nah, not for a while. I creeped on a cute security guard a few months ago, but he turned out to be a jerk with a classic “crazy ex-girlfriend” (I put that part in quotation marks because I have no idea if she’s actually ‘crazy’ but he kept insisting she was...which is, just, y’know, a red flag on his part).

41) Do you like about yourself:  I’m actually pretty fond of my hair now, after a lifelong love/hate relationship. I also like to think I’m okay at singing sometimes.

42) Piercings: None at the moment, actually

43) Blood type: A+

44) Nickname: My family has always called me “Foo” (as in, “little bunny foo-foo”)

45) Relationship status:  Single, ayyyyy

46) Zodiac: Leo (pffft, but not really)

47) Pronouns: She/her

48) Favourite show: Supernatural (of course!), Psych, Once Upon a Time, Firefly, Scrubs, Nikita, Game of Thrones

49) Tattoos: None. I’m too fickle, I’d get one and then change my mind two weeks later.

50) Left or right handed: Right

FIRST

51) Surgery:  I had my tonsils out when I was 17 thanks to multiple bouts with strep throat. Oh my god, never wait until you’re that old to get your tonsils removed, it was absolute hell. 

52) Piercings: My ears. If we’re talking unusual piercings, I had a “nape piercing” for a while in high school.

53) Best friend:  Probably my cousin Kayla, since we grew up together

54) Sport:  I played softball for several years as a kid, until I got a bloody nose when the ball hit me in the face. Then I had to quit because I was gun-shy. To this day, I’m still afraid of balls flying at my face (hehehe).

55) Vacation:  I visited my dad in San Diego, CA for a week when I was ten years old

56) Pair of shoes:  First pair of shoes? I don’t know, I was a baby. Probably some over-priced cutesy pair that never even got any use because I was a baby.

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: Spicy Doritos

58) Drinking:  Still drinking coffee

59) I am about to:  Sort through my tumblr “Saved Drafts” and add tags for everything, then try to get some writing done

60) Listening to:  Nothing at the mo (this is the same question at #31?)

61) Waiting for:  Saturday when I leave for vacation! *o*

62) Want to see: Honestly can’t think of anything. I’d like to watch Moana again but it’s not on DVD yet?

63) Want to get married:  Sure, someday

64) Career:  Human services/ social work-ish? Basically, I work at a non-profit agency helping adults with developmental/ intellectual disabilities to get/ maintain services. Oh, and I also have a part-time job at an adult store. Gotta make ends meet, y’know.

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses:  Really depends on who they’re from. Probably hugs for the most part. :)

66) Lips/eyes: Aaagh, I don’t know... I love gorgeous eyes, but I also love me some tasty lips... y’know what, I’m gonna go with lips. Yep.

67) Taller/shorter:  Taller

68) Younger/older: Older

69) Romantic/spontaneous:  I can be romantic when I have someone to be romantic for, but I’m not the most spontaneous. :D Like, let’s just stick to the PLAN, okay?

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: Arms. I like squishy cuddly tummies anyways.

71) Sensitive/loud: ...I don’t know. Sensitive, I guess, because being around loud people wears me out pretty quickly. But sensitivity needs to have limits too...

72) Hookup/relationship:  Relationship. Been there, done the hook-up thing, not worth it. Good ol’ college.

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: At this point in my life, I’d say hesitant. Trouble-making was fun in the past, but, like, I’ve got an actual career now that I could lose if I go around trouble-making/ hanging out with trouble-makers.

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger:  So, so many times. Good ol’ college.

75) Drank hard liquor:  Yep. Still love me some vodka. It just mixes with everything, y’know?

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses:  Contact lenses, yes, but luckily I’ve never lost a pair of glasses

77) Turned someone down:  Yes. I hate doing that. I’m a horrible, cowardly person who would rather “ghost” someone than have to deal with an uncomfortable confrontation. 

78) Canoodling on a first date:  Depends on the definition of “canoodling”. Are we talking cuddling or snuggling up during a movie? Sure. Making out? Maaaybe, depends. No copping a feel on the first date though, c’mon now.

79) Broken someone’s heart:  Yes. Breaking up with someone in high school is intense. 

80) Had your own heart broken:  Kind of, not really? The only person I legitimately had feelings for, I never told them how I felt, so they never really had the opportunity to break my heart but it hurt like hell anyways. Have I mentioned I’m a cowardly piece of shit? :D I mean, that was like 10 years ago in high school, but I haven’t changed that much.

81) Been arrested:  No, thank goodness. There were a couple of close calls during my partying days, I’ve definitely been luckier than I probably deserve.

82) Cried when someone died:  Yes. Doesn’t happen often, luckily.

83) Fallen for a friend: Not really? Had crushes on friends, had friends-with-benefits, yes, but never technically “fallen for” a friend.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Depends on what we’re talking about here. In general, yeah, I like to think I do okay...

85) Miracles:  Ehhh, I can’t decide. It’s a wonderful thought but I’m also kind of a pessimist realist. You know what they say: “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”.

86) Santa Clause:  Not for many, many years

87) Kisses on a first date: Sure! End-of-the-date kisses are sweet.

88) Angels:  I...think so. 

89) Love at first sight:  I don’t know? It’s a wonderful thought but I’m just not sure. Maybe not love at first sight, per se, but I think there are definitely people out there that you can just tell right away they’re going to be special to you.

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: None, at the mo

91) Eye colour: Brown

92) Favourite movie:  That’s a tough one... I think it depends on my mood. Do I want to laugh? Something trashy like “Sorority Boys”. Do I want to cry? Probably something steeped in existential crisis like “A.I.”. Do I want a feel-good adventure with talking animals? “Homeward Bound”.

Holy crap, that took like 1.5 hours. Anyone need an excuse to waste some time/ procrastinate/ be distracted? Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast, @helianthus21, @destielmixtape, @beesandangelkisses, @emotionally-compromised-idiot, @castielsgracex, @apritelleorai, @honeybee-and-batman, @sunshine-hunters, @waaaaaayward-assbutt, @cool-fallen-angel , and anyone else who wants to do it. :)

[suckitsurveys]

Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? 100+ and even then it would have to be like way into the 100s. I love the heeeeeat. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hopefully will have more money in my life. And be healthier. But. Ya know.

How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? Maybe once or twice a year, give or take. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Hmm. Pokemon cards?

What was the best part of your day yesterday? The Cubs game.

What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? This one. The perks are amaaaaaazing. Do you still live in your hometown? Yes. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Pico de gallo and/or guacamole. Are you polite towards others? Always, unless they give me a reason not to. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? Either. I could probably get away with doing it by hand this summer. We have a driveway and a hose. What is/was your least favorite school subject, and why? English. I hate writing. Are you afraid of spiders? Not really. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? No. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? I dont know where we were in Canada when I was a baby but in terms of what I can remember, probably somewhere in Minnesota or the upper peninsula in Michigan. Farthest south? Arkansas. East? Boston. West? Wyoming. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? -- How often do you run the dishwasher? We don’t have one. Did you ever go to summer camp when you were a kid? Kind of. I went to a week long program with the YMCA as a kid a few times. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Both. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. No. Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. No.

Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? I’m sure, to some people. What year were you born in? 1989. How many exes do you have? 4. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? Hmm. Not that uncommon. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? I have no idea to be honest. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? Well, seeing as I work in the same building as my dad, kind of, haha.

Have you ever been on a motorcycle? No. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don’t freaking know. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Without training wheels, about 5 or 6. How old were you when you learned how to swim? I was young. Probably 3 or 4 ish. How do you react when someone is rude to you? Depends. Out of everything you’re wearing, which piece of clothing is your favorite? My Birkenstocks. Do you follow fashion trends, or just wear whatever you happen to like? I wear what I like with some influence from trends sometimes. Do you live in a city, suburb, or a rural area? City. What’s your favorite breed of dog? Rotties. Are you more rational or imaginative? Both. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? Yes. Do you prefer riding on wooden roller coasters, or steel roller coasters? Neither anymore. What is your least favorite kind of weather? Cold and snowy. How did you celebrate your last birthday? Had dinner with my family and a little party with my friends. Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? Yes. Is there anything other than keys on your keyring? Yeah, a little bead from Beads of Courage. A kid in Kansas fighting cancer has the other bead. I also have a Hello Kitty bow that was attached to another Hello Kitty key chain that fell off. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Sarcasm. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Minor floods. Thunderstorms. Wind. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? My dad. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? Transitional weather SUCKS. If youre gunna be warm, be warm. None of that 90 one day and 50 the next bullshit. Do you have a Netflix account? Yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? At my dad’s, yes. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? The Wilderness Resort indoor waterpark in the Dells. How long does it take to get there? About 3 hours. Who knows you better than anyone else? My husband. When you’re angry with someone, do you lash out, or keep yourself under control? Usually under control. I don’t like confrontation at all. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? A year ago when I got married. Is your hair long enough to tuck under your armpits? I haven’t tried. Maybe? What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? Uh the closet? What is the last random act of kindness you did? Held the door for a mom and her kids at Starbucks. Are you more of a girly girl or a tomboy? Gross. I hate these expressions. Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? Turn things off when not in use. Use LED bulbs. And last but not least, what is your name? Hannah.

[mnh7eruyu-blog]

so im writing an ua... any suggestions?

   Epilogue There I was standing in the middle of the Milton Gurgusses Community College Cafeteria. I had this terrible nauseated, butterfly-ish feeling in my stomach. I glanced down at my timer 36 seconds it could be any of these strangers. 28 seconds. 15 seconds. Oh, wait maybe I should back up a bit.

Chapter One

My name is Eleanor Gurfiler, but everybody calls me Ellie. It all started 2 weeks ago at around noon at the Cafè Chocolaté. It was the only coffee place in town, so if you wanted something actually WARM-ish you went there because the school’s coffee was nasty. Besides Mr. and Mrs. Marinara the elderly couple who owned the shop was as nice and as sweet as. Well, Chocolaté! Oh, I’ve digressed. So there I was sitting across from Isaac, my best friend, in our favorite booth. At that time my timer said 2 weeks 1 day 56 minutes 27 seconds.    “So, Ellie, what do you have planned for this summer?” asked Isaac.     “Nothing much,” I responded, ”Just interning at the MGCC for Dr. Alfredo”. “Oh gosh, the last summer before we go off TO college, and you are going to spend AT college?”    Isaac’s plans and my plans didn’t exactly line up. We had just graduated the week before and all he wanted to do that summer was go clubbing to find a rebound from his dead-beat boytoy, Ethan. Who, by the way, had dumped Isaac so his daddy would pay for him to go to Yale. All I can say is that was the worst weekend ever. Back to my story… “Yes, Isaac I am going to intern for two weeks, you know it was one of the stipulations in my scholarship and besides--”. “ But when will I see you again if you are interning?”. Man, Isaac could be such a whiner sometimes. But, he was just like the brother I never had, and WAY better than my four sisters. “It’s only until the end of the term, it’s only gonna be for two weeks,” I explained for the 50th time. “ But you only have,” Isaac stopped short and abruptly grabbed my left wrist, “ 2 weeks 1 day 32 minutes 2 seconds left until you met him. Or her of course. You can never be too sure.”    “He or she won’t come in the way of our friendship. What could break the everlasting bond of two arms broken by monkey bars?” “Two casts? Fine, but you have to stamp it.”    He reached over the table and we pinky-promised that we would see each other at least twice a week. Mrs. Marinara came over with two steaming cups. We finished our cups in silence and walked home. We had lived next to each other since we were in diapers, and every time he walked me home he made joked that he was better than whatever current crush/boyfriend I had because he walked me home safely. Tonight he didn’t though. I should have said something about it but, instead, I simply said goodnight and we each split ways. I to the left, him to the right. I spent the next two weeks interning with no happenings. Just the regular stuff, I started my summer reading list, setting up my schedule, and overall trying to relax a bit before summer vacation was over. I also arranged to work at the Cafe with the Marinaras. I was an hour and a half away from my timer running out and had no other plans so I decided to walk around campus for a bit. I walked around for 45 minutes before I started to get hungry, so like any person with a lick of common sense, I went to the cafeteria. I got my lunch and walked to a table instead of going to the library as usual. After I ate I still had 20 minutes on my timer, so I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone and my copy of The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger for my summer reading list. First I tried video chatting Isaac. When he didn’t pick up, I turned to my book. I had been stalling to finish it, but I had plenty of time know. As soon as I had closed the epic tale of Holden Caulfield, I glanced down at my timer. I had 1 minute. For some reason, I will never ever be able to explain, put my things in my bag, and stood up at the front of the cafeteria. So, there I was standing in the middle of the Milton Gurgusses Community College Cafeteria. I had this terrible nauseated, butterfly-ish feeling in my stomach. I glanced down at my timer 36 seconds it could be any of these strangers. 28 seconds. 15 seconds. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6. Somebody knocked into me and I started to fall. 3, 2, 1. Seconds before impact, he caught me. “Hi,” he said. I had my eyes closed, braced for impact. When I opened my eyes the stranger who had caught me was...Ethan?!? All the sudden the room went dark.

Chapter Two

Yep, I had fainted. Sooooo embarrassing especially in front of my soulmate. If you haven’t figured it out that’s what the timers are for. When I came to, I was in the nurse's office with an ice pack on my head and a very worried Ethan at my feet. “Oh my god, you’re awake. How are you feeling? I brought you here as soon as you passed out.” Ethan explained frantically. “ Yeah, Ethan I’m OK. Please don’t freak out. I just want to go home. Could you walk me?” I asked. I was still feeling a little woozy. “Uh, yeah… um, ok. Ok let’s go” “ Just a minute,” interjected the nurse “ Before you go I need to make sure you’re clear. ” Ethan excused himself so he could go get our stuff rounded up. “ You’re timer is at zero. Is he…?” the nurse asked without actually asking. “My best friend’s ex. Yes. My match. Also yes.” I answered. “Oh, well I hope the best for all three you. Especially when you break the news to your friend.” the nurse said. “Thanks…” “Well you are all set to go.” said the nurse. There was a knock on the door. “Mrs. G., I have a nosebleed again” stated a voice from the other side of the door. “Coming, Clay,” said the nurse, who was apparently Mrs. G. I walked out to find Ethan loaded down with two backpacks and a duffel bag. I took my bag from him and we awkwardly walked out the door, arms linked. CHAPTER 3    “So, how’ve you been since graduation” I started, still in shock, my match was Ethan. At birth, hospitals in large cities surgically implant timers into newborn baby's wrists. It was government mandated so that children and adults wouldn’t have to go through the heartbreak of divorce if your first guess at your soul mate was incorrect. Except, you never knew who had the same countdown as you. Yeah only a little bit stressful. “I’m good. I got my acceptance letter to Yale on Monday.” Ethan said, making little to no eye contact. “That’s good….” I said “Where are you going to college at? Didn’t you get that full scholarship the bank was giving?” “Yeah. I’m going to Yale as well. I interned the last two weeks with Dr. Alfredo. Yesterday was my last day.” “What are your plans for tomorrow? Maybe we could catch a movie or something?” asked Ethan looking hopeful. “Actually, I’m going to hang out with Isaac tomorrow. He’s going to want to know all about today, and we haven't had much time to hang out since I was interning the last two weeks. What about Saturday? Oh, wait, no I have a campus tour on Saturday. When would work for you?” I asked. “Actually I have a campus tour on Saturday too. We could carpool up and catch lunch afterward,” said James. “ Sounds like a date!” I agreed. “Does it?” Ethan asked with a wink. “Here we are, your house. I’ll pick you up here at 9:45 on Saturday morning.” He leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss on the top of my head. “Bye, babe,” he said as he walked down the block to his house. I was standing, grinning like an idiot when I turned toward my house. Isaac was sitting on his front steps, mouth open wide in shock. “Oh. My. God. ”  Isaac asked.