#so you know how his entire character is based on wasted potential he can’t consistently act on bc this is a comedy

[snowsoftime]

Never forgetting that dramatic ass line he said too

[miraculouscontent]

Do you have any salt about Furious Fu? Maybe it’s just me, but something is rubbing me wrong.

yes, take the salt

Firstly, the episode freaking begins with the kwami arguing with Marinette over wanting to go see Fu, who is apparently coming back to Paris for a while for no explained reason (Marinette's there so we can imagine that she's part of it but that’s not enough).

Sure, they explain that they miss him because they were with him for over a hundred years but they were in the box for basically all that time?

They also give her puppy dog eyes and I s2g we’ve done this and had a lesson around it in "The Puppeteer"...

And... look, I get it, the show clearly wants Marinette to struggle at being guardian, meaning that the kwami have to be a hindrance of sorts, but it'd be nice if they didn't do that by behaving like literal children. It's not even that I can't see some of the kwami acting this way, because we don't even know all of their personalities, but when they all share one personality - and brain cell apparently to not understand why they can't come along - it makes the kwami less like actual characters and more like props.

I complained about it in "Sandboy" as well but at least that episode had Sass be an odd one out and showed moments of the individual kwami having lines separate from each other. Barkk is the odd one out here, but it feels more like a necessity, like someone had to stay behind (and maybe they thought it was funny to have it be the “guard dog,” which... you know what, fine, I’ll give them that).

Even if they were in groups, it would've been nice to see each kwami have different opinions, some liking Fu, some not, and some being indifferent to him. I just can’t see characters like Sass or Trixx or Pollen (especially Pollen, who seems to be the “takes orders” type) begging so hard to go.

The kwami even keep making noise in Marinette’s bag even though she told them to keep quiet. Again, it's way too convenient that so many of the kwami who were in the box act like this, and I hate that it's just another jab at Marinette for being “too nice” by letting them roam freely outside of the box. It’s as if the episode is saying, “See, Marinette?? If you just trapped them in the box and didn’t give them a say in things then this wouldn’t have happened!”

There’s also the scene later with Wayzz literally crawling on the ground towards Fu which--why. Did they really want to stretch the “they’re acting like children,” thing that much? Because Wayzz could’ve just flown under the bench and watched from below, but instead we get Marinette panicking and being embarrassed and having to lie because Wayzz kind of “fanboys” over Fu touching him??

Then there’s Su-Han who just--is a mess?? Like, first off, he invaded this teenage girl’s room and I would think that he’d have at least some respect for other people’s space. It’s really distracting that our flashbacks to the temple seem to imply that these people are more zen/chill (similar to Fu) but then this guy is strict and rude because of course he is. He has to criticize and pressure Marinette so they intentionally wrote him that way.

Secondly, there’s not even any self-awareness from him. He complains about how Fu didn’t live up to his expectations but I guess we’re just going to ignore that it’s pathetic that the temple didn’t keep tabs on the teenager who clearly didn’t want to be there.

Thirdly, he spouts a bunch of sayings/proverbs and it’s just--”hey did you know this character is Chinese???” (I’m not going to get on him for the “doesn’t know technology” since he just hasn’t been around in 150+ years).

Fourtly, the timing. I hate the timing. “Feast” happened like mid-Season 3 and now this guy shows up, after Marinette has had this responsibility thrust upon her? Not only that, but he shows up on the same day that Fu happens to make an appearance? “Kwamibuster” already tested my limits for coincidental happenings, but this episode went too far. It’s all too much.

Fifthly, there’s the lack of... consistency, I guess you could say? He says that Plagg is “free” even though Marinette just told him that Plagg has a holder, and then he blames Marinette for losing miraculouses (she did in the “Queen’s Battle” two-parter but there’s literally no way he’d know that) after Marinette tells him that FU lost the peacock and butterfly. He even pulls out a rulebook while doing so as if Marinette knows any of the rules, and he’s doing this to this teenage girl who became guardian while the temple was destroyed so there was no one else to teach her.

Speaking of "Queen's Battle," this episode does something similar by ignoring any plot point with Marinette and making it more about someone else, in this case being Su-han and Fu (Furious Fu specifically also spouts a bunch of proverbs by the way; ugh).

Remember how "Queen Wasp" gave Marinette the option of going to New York with Audrey, but then immediately brushes it aside and gives it no consideration in favor of Chloe, boiling down Marinette's whole thing to, "well, she's Ladybug so she can't go, end of story."? Here, we know for a fact that Marinette has been struggling in past episodes due to her status as guardian (something could’ve changed, though I doubt they’d drop that entire plot point in five episodes), but the episode doesn't even bring up the fact that Marinette might be happier without being the Ladybug guardian that she is. The kwami don't defend her as their guardian and Tikki doesn't have a big reaction to Su-Han essentially saying that he's taking her miraculous and forcing her to revoke her guardian status.

The episode is from Marinette’s perspective but it’s not about Marinette. She doesn’t really get a say or thought in things. We spend three full minutes in Marinette's room at the beginning and it's just wasted time when they could've spent it focusing on the actual conflict. I don't understand how the season’s trailers could put so much stock into Marinette suffering because of her responsibilities and then not even get into her being given the option to free herself from them.

Obviously we want Marinette to continue being an awesome Ladybug/guardian but we also want her to be happy, yet the episode presents this conflict as if Su-Han taking away - you know - the thing that’s caused her tons of anxiety and stress is a bad thing and only a bad thing. Su-Han is put in the wrong and Ladybug only gets one comment about how “maybe he’s right because we haven’t defeated Shadow Moth yet.”

I’m not saying that Su-Han is in the right - maybe there’s no better Ladybug than Marinette - but she’s been suffering for it and I hate that we don’t even get one moment of Marinette considering that she’d be free. Just something like Tikki or the kwami (who had already been set up to be a hindrance/annoyance to Marinette) feeling some level of guilt and thinking that it might be best if they leave.

But we don’t get that, because Marinette not being Ladybug means that the show’s plot is over. Therefore, it’s bad.

We’re also not given a reason as to why Marinette wants to continue being the Ladybug guardian. She’s willing to give up her miraculous and so is Chat Noir, but once the subject of Ladybug’s memory being wiped is brought up and Chat Noir is presented with the realization that she’ll forget him specifically (because of course it’s about him and not all the other potential memories she’d lose), he shifts gears and forces Su-Han to fight him if Su-Han wants his miraculous, which then suddenly gets Ladybug to change her tune as well.

And yes, we don’t know how much of Ladybug’s memory is going to be wiped because it’s not explained, and I also understand that Sunk Cost Fallacy applies where we’re not supposed to want Ladybug to wipe her memories because she already went through so much so why throw it away now, but...

If guardians are doomed to wipe their memory eventually anyway, wouldn't it be better for Marinette to do it now (cue all the Lukanette fanfics about Marinette forgetting and then being super uncomfortable around Adrien because all she feels around him is humiliation and discomfort) and at least have the rest of her life to build those memories back up than do it later and die not knowing such a large chunk of her life? We can presume that the show is going to have some way around the memory loss but they don’t know that.

So yeah, I don’t like that the episode basically comes in with the kwami being a burden to Marinette, Su-Han lecturing her (and there’s not even dialog about him potentially tutoring her; he only says that he’s sticking around Paris), and coming off of what we know are episodes based around Marinette suffering due to keeping secrets, yet the episode throws all of that under the rug because we’re supposed to not want her to give all her stress-inducers up for some reason.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: The Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad has frequently been touted as one of the worst comic book movies ever, and honestly? I don’t really agree, even if I almost wholeheartedly agree with every criticism of it. The editing is bad, the story is a mess, the Squad’s friendship is nonexistent, characters like Waller act like absolute idiots, Enchantress is a bad character and an absurd villain for these people to face… And yet, the core cast of scoundrels are all pretty likable when you wipe off the crap they’re buried under. These characters all could have shined bright if they were given competent writing and direction; the ideas are there, but the execution is unbelievably flawed due to excessive executive meddling (and probably a bit of pretentiousness on director David Ayer’s part). If only there was a director capable of taking the concept of a bunch of C-list villains getting together and performing dangerous missions and, along the way, becoming a found family…

That director thankfully exists, and his name is James Gunn. Gunn has already shown twice that he is capable of doing “a bunch of assholes become a found family” really well with the two Guardians of the Galaxy films, films that have a lot of style and flair that help make them the best films in the MCU, and considering Suicide Squad was mangled the way it was to try and be more in line with his Guardians films, it only makes sense to pull him in to give Task Force X another shot. Why settle for imitations when you can get the real thing? It’s not like he was doing anything else while Mickey Mouse put him in time out for naughty tweets, after all.

But this isn’t Gunn under the thumb of the Mouse, oh no; this is Gunn allowed to go absolutely wild. This is Gunn given the budget of a modern superhero film and asked to make a Troma picture, with all the blood, gore, and cheesiness that entails, and by god did he pull it off. Right from the get go we are given a taste of just what sort of movie we’re in for as a mangy child-murdering weasel man shows up and Nathan Fillion detaches his arms from his body to gently tap enemy soldiers on the head, and somehow things only get wackier from there.

Gunn seemed to actively go out of his way to fix every single problem of the original film. The characters, for instance, are all fairly similar to those of the first film. Bloodsport is clearly the stand in for Deadshot, but where Deadshot was just your average charming, funny Will Smith role to the point it could get distracting, Idris Elba makes Bloodsport a tired straight man to the wacky antics around him and portrays his growth through the film very well. Peacemaker is the jackass of the team in the vein of Captain Boomerang, but where Boomerang had little use in the narrative despite being the best and funniest non-Harley member of the team, Peacemaker is given his full due, with John Cena making him one of the funniest assholes ever put to film and even giving him a bit of depth and moral complexity. King Shark, AKA Nanaue, is obviously Killer Croc’s replacement, but where Croc was bland and really just stood in the background the whole movie, Nanaue is a sweet, charming, funny oaf with brutal strength who is just absolutely lovable and adorable, all capped off with hilarious vocal delivery from Sylvester Stallone himself. Polka-Dot Man is something of a replacement for El Diablo, though while El Diablo was really bungled by the narrative despite being well-acted and sympathetic, Polka-Dot Man is given ample opportunity to be funny, tragic, and useful all at once, and gives him a bit of an arc (pretty impressive for a character who was added in solely because Gunn googled who the lamest DC villains were). And finally, Ratcatcher is something of the replacement for Katana, being the second woman of the squad and the token good teammate, though where Katana was awkwardly shoehorned in at the last minute, Ratcatcher is clearly the heart of this team and brings the band together. Overall, the new Squad is leagues better than the original, and you will care for this band of criminals by the film’s end.

Returning characters get their due as well, particularly the ones really screwed over by the first film Waller and Flag get it the best of all. In the first film, Waller’s entire scheme was stupid, nonsensical, contradictory, and basically everything she did went against what was told to us about her, namely that she is a master manipulator. It was really a waste of Viola Davis, who had the presence and mannerisms down but who was constantly being failed by a shoddy script. Thankfully, that’s not the case here; Waller is very much the ultimate, manipulative girlboss she should be, from using her own troops as a distraction for another team to threatening Bloodsport with his daughter getting raped and murdered in prison over a minor offense if he doesn’t join her Suicide Squad. She is a stone cold bitch you will love to hate, and is easily one of the best comic book villains in film now (quite the turnaround all things considered). Flag is an actual character in this movie, with great chemistry with the members of the new Squad, particularly Bloodsport and Harley. Much like Bloodsport, he also gets a bit of a rivalry with Peacemaker going, which ends up being entertaining and even leads to a truly sad moment late in the film. Quite impressive for a guy who did nothing but spout awkward exposition in the first film.

Then we have Harley. I’m going to be honest, Harley has never been written better than she was in this film. While Robbie has had the character down from day one, the scripts have consistently failed her. The original film did nothing with her but sexualize her and have her spout crappy one-liners, and while Birds of Prey was a massive step up and had her written as she should be, the overall narrative of that film didn’t quite give her the due she deserved due to her feeling like a passive character pushed around by the flow of the plot. Here, though, Harley fully grasps at what’s given to and takes charge when she can, leading to one of the best action scenes in a film full of them. She ahs great interactions with her teammates and is just consistently funnier than she ever has been before, and it makes me happy to know someone who loves this character as much as Robbie does is finally getting to truly shine as she deserves.

The music and editing are vastly better. Remember how the original film had a new licensed song every minute, and almost all of them made no sense, and the music that played for Deadshot was exclusively rap artists (which was lowkey kinda racist)? Well, Gunn is bringing his ability to weave songs into the narrative with this one, but he also gives plenty of time for the music composed for the film to shine. As for the editing, gone are the obtrusive comic-book style cards that announce stupid throwaway details (and in a few cases, plot points you will very likely miss), replaced by more amusing and less obtrusive gags. The movie is also cut in a way where, you know, it makes sense. Everything flows naturally, and while there are a couple of points where time rewinds so we can see how we got to a certain point, it’s never so confusing that you can’t follow it.

The stakes are vastly overhauled. It made zero sense in the first film that Waller would assemble a team that consists of people whose powers range from “is good with weapons” to “is an Aztec fire god” to “is a big ugly crocodile man” to take on Superman-level threats. This is like if you sent a Boy Scout troop to fight Godzilla, it’s just not gonna end well and there’s an absurd disparity in power levels. Here, the team is being sent on a general black ops mission and have their skills selected by who would be most useful for the mission, and while they do end up taking on something a bit outside their context in the form of a certain cyclopean starfish alien, it’s a bit easier to swallow because of the buildup and because “big angry alien” is a lot more sensible as a threat to black op vigilantes than “ancient interdimensional witch goddess with a zombie army.”

Most importantly, though, is that this film lives up to its title. This is very much a suicide mission, and where the last team made it out relatively unscathed, this film suffers a lot of casualties. Characters die for gags, characters die suddenly, you might think a character is going to be a big, important part of the plot only for them to be dispatched right when it seems they’re getting going. For a film like this, it works perfectly, and some of the deaths are absolutely hilarious. That being said, you can kind of predict who lives and who dies based on star power alone; do you really think Harley’s gonna bite it? Come on.

I don’t really have many issues with the movie, but I will reiterate: this is essentially a Troma film with a massive budget, made by one of their alumni. Troma is a studio that makes gory, gross, and awesome B-grade movies and a similar irreverent mentality is on display here. If you can stomach gore, violence, and absurdity then this is a film you’re probably going to get into, but it’s definitely not the kind of comic book movie for everyone. Thankfully, it is exactly the kind of comic book movie for me. It honestly feels like the sort of movie I’d want to make, where I take a bunch of stupid C-list villains with dumb powers and give them actual development and characterization to the point the audience feels something for them. You’re going to be moved by a girl who controls rats, a stupid shark man, and a depressed dude who shoots polka-dots from his hands, and you’re not going to care.

I really hope they follow this up with another one, especially if they bring James Gunn back. There were a lot of characters he considered for the team, and a lot of them have potential, be that hilarious or dramatic. I mean, the man considered Mr. Freeze, that guy could be one hell of a leading man! Round out the team with some of the considered ideas like Rainbow Creature, Solomon Grundy, Chemo, Livewire, Punch and Jewelee, Man-Bat, Dogwelder, and the almighty Kite Man, and you’ve got one hell of a Suicide Squad! Also, maybe get Gunn to consider Crazy Quilt and Condiment King.

Really, the possibilities are endless, and that’s what the fun of a Suicide Squad movie should be: seeing the dumbest dregs of comic book history thrown into a place where they’re probably going to die horribly. Gunn managed to get that when Ayer couldn’t, and the results are perhaps his magnum opus. This is Gunn at his best and most free, unchained from the restrictions of forcing a film to tie into a bunch of others while also using all the tricks of his signature style to craft a damn fine film that easily holds up on its own outside the context of the DCEU. These are the kind of comic book movies we need, so let’s hope this film gets the respect it deserves so it acts as a wakeup call for studios content to churn out

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Alright because clearly I haven't spammed my blog with enough posts about the Mandalorian, here are my thoughts written out.

The finale has left me very conflicted. The simple fact of the matter is there won't be a resolution to this confliction until after Season 3 premiers and I see what they're doing with it from here. It's in a very raw and tentative spot for me, because it could very easily go bad from where they left it, but upon further-further thought, I've moved beyond being largely disappointed and into more of a "I hope to God they do it right" stage.

Initially, I was thrilled with the episode. I, being mostly distant from Star Wars minus the original 6 movies (which I'm by no means obsessed with) and this show, absolutely did not call that Luke would show up--or R2, lol. Grogu's tender touch of Din's helmet, asking to see his face? Destroyed me. It was a very cathartic ending and an emotional wrecking-ball. But even in my temporary euphoria, I remember being confused as to why we didn't get to see the moment when Din and Grogu were reunited.

Then I thought about it some more, and I became...much less pleased. Why didn't Din ask to go with Grogu and Luke (or at least ask where they're going)? Why did he voluntarily give him up so easily? Why did he take off his mask in front of a room full of people and a literal stranger, thus seemingly turning away from a tenet of his Creed? I was frustrated that the narrative allowed these things to happen when the issues could have easily been avoided by having a reunion scene with Grogu and Din alone before going back to the main room and by adding a couple lines of dialogue. This left me worried that Grogu's story was over, that Din was no longer going to follow the religion he has thus far steadfastly adhered to, and that the next season would be spent having him become the reluctant ruler of Mandalore (another man-becomes-leader-against-his-will story when literally all he wanted, as he stated several times, was to save his son. And he just lost him). I felt that the show used fanservice to cover over the fact that they simply didn't have a narratively satisfying ending.

Looking at it again, not all of my issues are resolved, but I understand a bit more of why they did what they did with the story arc. In all honesty, for as much as I treasure the father-son bond between Din and Grogu, the whole plot of the show thus far has revolved around Din finding a Jedi to give Grogu to. Without that "transaction" actually occuring, the previous two seasons would have felt largely pointless. (Well, isn't the real point of the series about Din learning that Grogu is his son and that he doesn't have to give him up?) That's what I'd thought, but really, if that was the plot of the show, it should have ended after season two (with some changes to the ending). Din should've kept Grogu, and that final moment of "No, he's my kid, and he's staying with me," wouldn't leave anywhere else for things to really go, so the show could end with the "dawn of a new day" feeling of potential (where will they go from here?) and that would be curtains. It would work wonderfully as an ending, and I would have been happy with it, but we have another season (which I'm happy about). This means that the plot has to continue to move forward, and that also means honoring the plot that you've already set in motion.

Additionally, I'd like to emphasize what I've seen some people write about: ultimately, it was Grogu's choice to leave. Din refusing to let him go would be acting counter to all of what he had been trying to do--he was bound by Creed to deliver the child to one of his own kind, and that is what he did. Not only would Din refusing to let Grogu go ruin the trust they had established by denying him his choice, and also effectively invalidate the sacrifices he made on his journey (although he learned to see Grogu as his son, many of the sacrifices he made came as a direct result of attempting to fulfil his quest to deliver him to the Jedi, so refusing to do so would render those sacrifices useless to some degree), refusing to let Grogu go would also mean Din would be turning his back on his Creed. He delivered Grogu safely, and let him choose (as he chose on the Seeing Stone) to go with the Jedi.

And if Din were to go with them, there wouldn't really be much for him to do besides...stand around and watch? That's all he did when Ahsoka was working with Grogu--and that wouldn't leave any room for him to grow (nor make for an interesting show). He himself has expressed that he can't train Grogu and has always treated the situation as one that he can't participate in once he gives Grogu to the Jedi. Although they are ancient enemies, so it makes sense why he wouldn't want to just...hang around, I think it has more to do with the fact that in mentorship, you need to see your teacher as a parental figure, in a way (including in Jedi training--take Anakin and Obi Wan, for example). Din wouldn't want to be a distraction, nor would he fit in in that environment. His life wasn't nearly as fulfilling before Grogu came into it, but really, from both a character and a writing perspective, the only realistic choice is for them to part ways.

Also, it is a little short-sighted to assume that the show is only as good as the Din-Grogu bond is. We now have an opportunity to get closer to Din as an individual, which could be interesting, if they keep his character consistent. I think it would be a huge mistake not to bring Grogu back (preferably next season--maybe Ahsoka is right and he isn't good for training since he is too attached to Din? Luke delivers him at one of Din's lowest moments and we get a joyful reunion?? I would take that), but I don't think it's out of line to try to explore Din's character apart from Grogu.

In fact, it might ultimately be better. If the show can prove to us that we're not just there for the bond, but for the characters and their bonds, that's infinitely superior. And the show does need to avoid getting locked into just one thing. In branching out, it's trying to establish a stronger base for what it should build on later. It also keeps things varied, which makes them interesting.

The trouble is, where they go from here is what will determine a lot of the validity in that last statement. Changing the story entirely is a big risk, but that means the characters need to stay the same, at least largely, so that the audience feels that they are watching the same show. And some of the decisions made in the finale can go either way. When Din takes off his helmet, is he honoring his son's request, but thus putting love or emotion above his faith? Is he following his Creed by protecting his child (albeit only emotionally)? Is he turning away from his faith altogether and returning to the broken, lonely man he was before, but now without his Creed to guide him? Is he proving Bo-Katan right? Does he consider those he's with to be family (as they all just saved his child), including the Jedi stranger (because Din is giving Grogu to him, trusting him to mentor him and act as his parental figure), thus allowing him to remove his helmet by Creed? Did he not think of these things at all, and simply acted because his son is precious to him? Really, what does that decision mean for Din's character? The answer ultimately won't be known until next season. The same goes for the plot about the Darksaber. Will this end up being another reluctant-hero story (with the traits of the protagonist being reworked to fit into it), or will this be a refreshing subversion of the trope? We can't know until next year. (And don't even get me started on the "foreshadowing of Grogu as evil" stuff. We had better not see that. I don't need that angst...)

The largest source of my anxiety comes from not being able to imagine how they can work with the show from here to maintain the primary aspects of why I love it. I don't want any romance (but without Grogu, will they feel compelled to add some in?) and I don't want Din to become a typical tropey figure (but with the plot about the Darksaber being set up as it is, will they have the guts to avoid that?). Most of all, I want Din to get his son back, but to walk back that decision after only an episode or two would again make everything that came before seem rather unnecessary.

In summary, then, after oscillating wildly between conflicting emotions, I am just left to say: I can't figure out how they're going to do it, but ultimately, time spent worrying is time wasted. I have to just trust that they've got some ideas. The people in charge have proven that they know what they're doing before (Chapter 15 was excellent, for example) and although they aren't perfect, it would be premature to say it can only go downhill from here--they may well have a larger arc planned out that this proves to be an essential part of. It may well be horrible. It could be great. But for now, let's just make the most of what we have.

[rwby-redux]

Hi there, big fan of your blog! If you’re still taking asks, I’m curious about what details you’re changing for certain characters’ backstories. I’m particular I think I’m most curious about Salem and her inner circle’s backstories? Thank you!

Anon, I want you to know that I love you. I’m telling you this because I want you to know how much it pains me that I can’t answer your question without spoiling massive chunks of the Redux.

Well, I can’t answer all of it, anyway. I can at least give a pretty general answer without turning this entire post into one big [REDACTED]. Let’s see what I can do for you, shall we?

Salem — Let me start by saying that every change I’ve made to her character is a direct response to my disappointment with the canon. As far as villains go, Salem’s motivations are banal, and her potential is both wasted and compromised by the show’s inability to portray her consistently. I’ll get into specifics when I write my deconstruction post on her, but for now, let’s talk about how Redux Salem differs from canon Salem. First and foremost: Salem did not spend her youth locked in a tower by her father, writing manipulative letters to any warrior who would risk their life to save her. Salem in the era of the gods had far more agency, and a distinctly improved relationship with her father. She was an ambassador for her father’s country; a shrewd, pragmatic politician who knew how to keep the peace while promoting her country’s interests. Her relationship with Ozma and the Brother Gods (who actually have names that aren’t just God of Light/Darkness) is something that you’ll have to wait and see. Same goes for her brief rule with Ozma’s first host, during the era of Humanity v2.0. I’m afraid that’s spoiler territory for now. The one thing I will say about Salem and her relationship with her (current) lieutenants is that they’re all very loyal to her—either because she saved them, helped them rebuild their lives, or provided closure/information they were otherwise denied.

Watts — Watts is probably the character I’ve spent the most time redesigning because I love the shit out of him. He was my favorite part of the show hands-down, so you can imagine how disappointed I was when he was killed at the end of V8. Unlike in the canon, where the show never specifies how he was “disgraced,” the Redux is very clear on what Watts did that landed him in hot water. I won’t get too into specifics, but if you want to get an idea, check out Slings and Arrows. It’s very much a Redux-adjacent fic. Some of the details (like Penny’s creation) differ from the Redux, but by and large it’s fairly accurate to his backstory. What more or less happened was that he was implicated in appropriating military research and using it to perform an illegal surgery that resulted in someone’s death. He was stripped of his medical credentials, fired from his job, had his passport revoked, and was shunned by quite a few people (with the notable exception of Pietro, James, and Willow). According to public records, he committed suicide shortly afterward. Watts is arguably Salem’s most valuable lieutenant because of the huge number of services and responsibilities he fulfills for her—upkeeping everyone’s weapons; providing medical care; performing research on Aura, Dust, and Grimm; and coming up with some rather novel solutions for implementing Salem’s plans. Rest assured, Watts’ role in the Redux is more than just “hacking Mantle.” Much, much more.

Tyrian — Much like in the canon, Tyrian was a serial killer who operated across Anima. He was originally born in Vacuo, but immigrated to Mistral around the age of fourteen. His identity wasn’t known to the public, so most people refer to him by his title—the Ghost in the Mist. Tyrian was a Grimm-worshipper, and many of the deaths attributed to him were part of the rituals he performed. Salem’s decision to recruit him was based on the fact that Grimm-worshippers tended to be predisposed to loyalty to her, by virtue of her having absolute control over the Grimm. She planned on contacting him through one of her scouts, but before she could get the chance, news reached her that he’d been apprehended by Pickerel. When she learned that he was being transferred to Atlas’ maximum-security prison, Íssvangar, she chose to intervene. If you want more specifics on some of his backstory, I’ve got a post on my main blog that talks about his past in slightly more depth. I’ve also got a fic called The Almighty Maker Him Ordain, which is also fairly Redux-adjacent in that it details his capture, detainment, and jailbreak.

Hazel — Watts may have the distinction of being Salem’s oldest lieutenant, but Hazel’s been in her service the longest. He and his sister, Gretchen, grew up in Mistral. They lost their parents at a young age, and were forced to fend for themselves. Hazel and Gretchen managed to get jobs as colliers (Dust miners) at the SDC-owned Bysignu Mine. (Jacques’ managers are all cut from a similar moral cloth, and have no problem looking the other way and employing underaged minors.) I can’t talk about Getchen’s death without spoiling things, but I will say this: She ended up becoming a Huntress, but not because she wanted to, and certainly not because she chose to. Hazel was very much justified in his anger when she died, in no small part because of how the nature of her death was hushed up. Hazel’s loyalty to Salem is out of gratitude, because she was able to answer his questions and provide him with a new purpose in life. He may not serve her enthusiastically like Tyrian does, but he does so with a steadfast conviction.

Cinder — Cinder is probably the only character on this list whose backstory I can’t talk about without giving away major spoilers. Sorry!

[danwhobrowses]

Justice League Snyder Cut - Review

Fan Power has willed the Justice League back to life

The much-awaited Snyder Cut came out earlier this week and at last I have found time to watch it, so now it’s time to review it

Did it live to the hype or did it fall and flounder like Whedon’s?

Spoilers for the Snyder Cut underneath, find 4 hours to watch it and come back. You can watch via HBO Max, NowTV (who do a 7-day free trial) and Sky Cinema

I will also preface that these are my opinions, everyone has them and they are not all the same, these are my thoughts about the film

And I did like the movie, I think it was much better than the Whedon one but not as much a flawless masterpiece it could’ve been

What wasn’t Great Every movie has flaws, and longer movies tend to have more flaws. While these are gonna be things I didn’t think were great about the movie this does not mean they entirely ruin the film for me.

4 Hours is Probably Too Long The 4-Hour runtime was manageable in terms of pacing, however, there were several scenes that kinda felt like padding - which for a 4-hour movie isn’t really necessary. Scenes like the two where it’s just a character walking to a song wasn’t needed and felt more like it was there for the sake of it being in trailers, and while I am a heavy advocate of trailers not showing us scenes not in the movie. As much as it was nice to see Iris West, because it didn’t really do anything for the film it didn’t need to be in the film, Quality over Quantity. The Epilogue’s Knightmare and Martian Manhunter sequence for the most part felt like it was lumped on too, like we had 2 other Knightmare Sequences of Superman breaking bad, the third one didn’t really give us anything new except for Joker, Mera and Deathstroke being a part of the Knightmare Squad.

Some Still Sour Casting While not entirely Snyder’s fault you do get a bit of a pit having to see some actors reprising their role, Amber Heard as Mera particularly. Eisenberg’s Luthor also didn’t feel like it was much better (though these were old scenes, I am aware of that). Leto’s Joker also was a mixed bag, ups and downs.

Keeping Some Bad Scenes from Whedon, and Cutting the Few Good Whedon Scenes So while it was rumored that the film would be completely different from the Whedon JL film it was of course not the case. While many, many scenes were altered, some scenes that weren’t too great still made it to the Snyder Cut, small scenes with crappy dialogue for sure but you notice them. I think the one that annoyed me though was the omission of the good scene in the Whedon version and it’s when Bats gives Flash the ‘Save One Person’ pep talk, I thought that scene went a long way in imbuing Flash with the confidence to embrace his heroics more, I also liked when he sharpied the guy’s face before visiting his dad in prison, sold his more playful personality.

Flash needs to Pick a Lane As much as Flash was the comic relief character at times, it did feel like he would flit between Competent and Incompetent throughout the film. This is where the Whedon JL pep talk scene could’ve forgave this, because Flash will either be invaluable in a fight, or a detriment to himself and others, sometimes at the same time. Boy trips over a lot! And his Iris scene was kinda creepy...

...And So Does Diana’s Romance Angle Frankly, Diana doesn’t need a romantic subplot, it doesn’t really progress her character at all for the situation at hand. But across the film there seemed to be bits here and there that looked like the movie wanted to nudge potential romances with her and other League members, and that’s members plural. The main romance seems to be the Bruce/Diana bit, they have had a tiny flirt in BVS so the one scene makes sense, but then there was this weird energy with her and Cyborg and then also her and Aquaman. I can understand the sentiment that every dude there finds her attractive but it’s not exactly necessary to try and push any of the three to be more than platonic, and Diana isn’t quite the mother hen trope that Alfred is.

Some CGI and Dialogue doesn’t quite fit TV CGI of course gets a hit and miss, but Cyborg many times does suffer a bit of uncanny valley, as does Steppenwolf’s armor. The dialogue also suffers sometimes, some things that look good on paper don’t come across the same way because of the tone and inflection used in the speaker. A prime example is when Diana, for some reason, only seems to call Clark by his Kryptonian name, another being Silas’ recording to Victor. The ‘Mrs’ ‘Doctor’ is always a cringey cliché, the headmaster wasn’t undermining you by gender, if he called Silas Mr. Stone there wouldn’t be such offence, it’s just an eyeroll. Cyborg’s ‘Didn’t think you were real’ is also dumb in context, he is a cyborg made from a Mother Box who recently talked to an Amazon goddess and fought Parademons, he knows about Superman but the Dude dressed in a Bat Suit for 20 years can’t possibly be real.

“This Place, it’s Toxic” This is a small one, but Steppenwolf’s base of operations isn’t much better than Whedon’s. Though it’s not populated, it’s supposed to be toxic, something Steppenwolf makes not of when he arrives. But all that kinda goes out the window when the Justice League lot come in and raid it. At the least when Whedon’s had a family living in it we could see that the environment wasn’t too hostile for humans to breathe in let alone fight in.

Cyborg’s ‘heart’ doesn’t fully land Upon promoting the Snyder Cut, a lot of focus came down to Ray Fisher’s Cyborg. The promotion suggested that he would be the ‘heart’ of the story, and the league, but upon watching the story unfold it didn’t quite land. When I hear that someone’s the ‘heart’, it’s more than just that they are core to it, it means that they carry the emotional story as well, and Cyborg’s emotional story wasn’t really something to be moved by. He rightfully has resent for his father and his father tries to make up for it, mutually having care for each other but not being great at showing it. While Cyborg was a good character showing good development, I wouldn’t say he kept the promotion of him being the heart of the movie. Also his ‘helping’ breaks the financial system, I mean you could’ve helped a different way.

There’s not Six, there’s Seven! But J’onn sits this one out The reveal of Martian Manhunter was great, J’onn has been one of my favourite DC heroes since the animated Justice League Unlimited where Carl Lumbly gave us a uniquely compassionate, intuitive and someone ethereal kind of hero. But in Justice League his reveal as the army guy in Man of Steel left me lacking a little bit, why has J’onn sat out of this? If he’s been around since MoS he would’ve had some idea of all the stuff going on from BVS and JL, and it’s not like he’s simply not caring because his human form is a military person sworn to protect people. It just would’ve been nicer if J’onn’s contribution was more than just getting Lois out of the house you know? Like if he was saving other hostages from Parademons or gifting the League intel it would have been nice. Also, ditch the glowing eyes, I know he has red eyes but the glow makes it more menacing, at first I thought Martha had been Parademon’d or had the Omega imprint.

Apokalips Technology kinda sucks For a planet that has razed several tens of thousand of planets, mind controlling their lives into Parademons, being able to open Boom Tubes and capable of space flight, the technology the League face doesn’t seem that great. Consider Steppenwolf’s 'Stronghold’; it is easily undone by breaking the ‘tower’ which the Batplane crushed through like a Kit Kat bar - after penetrating a weak outer shell - after that the Parademons have cannons that can barely even harm the Flash and stormtrooper aim. It does really feel like the only valid technology Apokalips brings to Earth is on Steppenwolf’s person, but even that suffers. Clark freezes the axe and shatters it with his breath, his armor is eye lasered off - more on those later - even though Bruce’s gauntlets were able to stave off the lasers for a bit. Consider that: Alfred built gauntlets that fared just as well as Steppenwolf’s armor...it just feels off. And it wouldn’t be as bad if the technology was praised, but Steppenwolf made note of how primitive the technology was, then lost. Even with the Mother Boxes that brought Clark back to life and were said to be able to rearrange matter however it is willed, but Steppenwolf’s fortress couldn’t make it out of a sturdier material.

Amazons take the L The Amazons are a warrior race, with superhuman power, no fear and enhanced skills in combat - but they barely ever win. Granted, the Amazons had to lose to Steppenwolf, but they were for the most part wasted as they were with Whedon. This would’ve been much easier to stomach if the Amazons were showing contributing better to the Darkseid flashback, but you don’t really see any of them fight Darkseid like the Atlantean King, the Greek Gods and the Green Lantern. You could make a call for Artemis being the Amazon pile since her arrow warns Diana but it’s not exactly enough, I don’t think it helps that the Amazons are consistently bringing swords to a gun fight. They only lasted longer than the Atlanteans in protecting the Mother Box because they kept throwing it out of Steppenwolf’s reach, only earning credit for failure and stubbornness.

Also I have to add, the Female Chanting that becomes the Amazon and Wonder Woman’s theme was heavily overused to the point where I got sick of it, needed more of Diana’s actual theme.

Too Much Slowmo! Snyder has his style, but he needs to have some restraint. Some slow-motion scenes did hurt the pacing. Slow Motion needs to fit a purpose of showing something we’d want to see that at normal speed would be hard to track, Bryan Singer knew this, but Snyder uses Slowmo as much as JJ Abrams uses lens flares.

Look at these Cars, MERCEDES CARS! Product placement happens, it needs to, but Mercedes needed to be a little less blatant with it. The cars looked ugly as balls as well.

The Over-Deifying of Clark Kent *sigh* So this is gonna probably be a me issue more than anything. I understand the crux of the plot is that Superman kept the Mother Boxes from calling Steppenwolf before, but I have to make this clear: Superman is NOT a God.

I have to make this clear because Diana is a God, daughter of Zeus, and she frequently struggled against Steppenwolf alone. While the resurrected Clark going unchained against the League led to the cool scene of Flash noticing that Clark can track him, it still left the sour realisation that in this universe, Superman is above all the other 5 league members combined, as well as being almost as fast as the Flash...who can turn back time. And that always hurts, Diana and Aquaman have at certain times of the comics slapped around Superman and have more than been enough to be his physical equal - the same is for J’onn and Shazam btw, Supes is weak to magic. It annoys me because making Superman the alpha defeats what makes Superman the leader, he’s considered one of the best heroes not because he’s the strongest but because he is humble, kind and reasonable, regardless of his genetic strength from an extinct race of aliens what makes Clark Superman is the Kansas Boy Scout attitude and what made the Mother Boxes fear him should’ve been his ability to bring people together.

His flexing on Steppenwolf did not nearly give me the catharsis others might have had, Diana’s sword and gauntlets are godly relics but a Kryptonian eye laser can fare better against Steppenwolf’s armor, Kryptonians aren’t gods.

Also they don’t really explain how Clark can resume normal life, people think he’s dead.

What was Great Okay that did look like a lot of complaints...but remember, 4 hours! There was still a lot more enjoyable moments and improvements upon the Whedon version, which we can delve into now.

Improved Character and Motivation Of the characters in the Snyder Cut there is definitely a greater improvement in fleshing out the main League Members think and feel, where they come from becomes key to how they act. This also is true for Steppenwolf, while a fully disappointing villain in Whedon, Snyder kills the ‘mommy issues’ dialogue and paints a much more desperate, outcasted and slightly pitiful antagonist, even in his defeat it’s shown just how little Darkseid cared. The inclusion of Darkseid also adds to Steppenwolf, because we see the head of the table we know that if Steppenwolf is overwhelmed there is still Darkseid, who was so tough that it took 2 of the strongest gods to wound him. While his emotional story didn’t land so well, Cyborg getting the backstory and the mental turmoil really helped with his character and made his declaration of ‘I’m not broken’ earned and emotive, through Vulko - and Dafoe’s glorious mane - we get to explore Aquaman’s reluctance to meet expectations of him a bit further. Affleck’s Batman also gets good development, attempting to assemble the League out of honoring his promise to Clark and trying to bring himself out of the darkness and anger. Barry’s dad happily rejoicing that Barry has his ‘foot in the door’ was also a sweet moment.

In the Knightmare sequence we see improvement in Leto’s Joker, a lot more like the Joker we are fond of and his underhanded taunting of Batman. Remove the orange gloves though...

R for Red, Blood Red I read somewhere in criticism of the Snyder Cut that it did not earn its R Rating, and I think that was dumb. You got blood, violence and cursing, Steppenwolf freaking bisects a dude and the rating allows Diana to behead Steppenwolf at the end. There’s believable brutality that never comes off as overcompensating or gratuitous.

The Fakeout That caught us off-guard didn’t it? A great way to use Flash’s time travelling powers by having the Unity actually be achieved. Seeing the Unity atomize Superman as well as Arthur and Diana was also a good display of the dangerous power of the Mother Boxes. For a film where we already know what’s going to happen because we’ve seen it before, the fakeout of the League failing was a great shock value moment.

Good Exposition The story had a lot of background  and backstory to cover, so it had to make sure that the exposition they used wouldn’t be dumps of preachy dialogue. This was done really well thanks to the way the story showed Cyborg’s abilities, producing simulations that Vic would then walk through such as when he explained the Mother Boxes, the Murals in the tomb forewarning Darkseid’s first invasion - which later became the flashback story - and the Mother Box visions were able to tell valuable information without overwhelming the audience with it.

Knightmare Warnings Although the final Knightmare warning was kinda lumped on the wrong place, it continued to give us teases of a different scenario, the fear of what will happen when Darkseid comes to Earth. Seeing the deaths of Aquaman and Wonder Woman paired with what seems to be the incineration of Lois and then Clark breaking bad forewarned Cyborg in a similar manner to how Bruce was warned in BVS and the epilogue. The scenes also teased their importance to the Knightmare resistance, since Cyborg and Bruce look to be a part of a bigger role which can be key to preventing such a thing. 

The Knightmare scenario did also make me want to see more of this apocalyptic scenario, as well as all the dynamics had with Bruce, Joker, Cyborg, Deathstroke and Flash (but not Mera, unless they change her actress because Fuck Amber Heard) as they try to face off with evil Superman.

Some Nice Easter Eggs As well as the awesome Martian Manhunter reveal and the Age of Heroes Green Lantern, we got cameos from Zeus, King Atla, King Arthur, Ares, Artemis, Iris West, Deathstroke, Joker, Commissioner Gordon - who looks really similar to his BTAS design, the voices of Jor-El and Johnathon Kent, Darkseid and Granny Goodness, we also got Ryan Choi - the third Atom - as Silas’ assistant and a cool nod with the policeman Lois gives coffee to every day. That guy is Mark McClure, who played Jimmy Olsen in the Reeve Superman and Dax-Ur in Smallville. There’s of course the Black Suit, which looks amazing, the code for the Mother Box is the issue which Cyborg’s origin story is introduced, one of the cops Crispus Allen would later become the Spectre and we finally see Arkham Asylum. You can also see Kilowog dead at the foot of the Hall of Justice in Cyborg’s Knightmare vision. You can also still see the open pod on the Kryptonian’s ship, implying Supergirl.

Two Fathers / Using Zimmer’s Flight Perfectly Zimmer’s ‘Flight’ is perhaps one of my favourite themes in Superhero movies, definitely the best in the DCEU next to Diana’s theme, so to hear it be used at the very mention of Superman was great. To hear it more than once was even better, especially in the Black Suit scene. With Superman about to return to the fight, hearing encouragement from his birth father and his Earth father was a wonderful touch, getting to finally embrace himself in the way Jor-El hoped and with the blessing of Johnathon. While the Amazon chanting was overused the film definitely made good on the rest of its music hitting at the right time.

Stronger Visuals While the visuals of Whedon’s version were never god awful, there was a lot of great visual moments in the Snyder Cut, Flash’s super speed scenes of course being one of the main highlights. Snyder is one for showing artistic frames and it does shine a lot here, the Comic Spread scene when attacking the Stronghold, the lineup after the battle, the view of Apokolips, the mural and even the Anti-Life Equation looked amazing. I particularly liked the ‘Melted Iron Zoom Call’ Steppenwolf did to contact Desaad and Darkseid.

Legitimate and Varying Dynamics Between Characters If every hero got along the same way then you’re not really doing much with your characters. Snyder made sure that each character had a varying level of dynamic with them, for instance: Barry is the same personality by default but he’s intimidated by Bruce, crushes on Diana, scared of Arthur and tries to pal with Vic and that affects his approach, Arthur doesn’t treat Vic the same way he treats Barry or Diana and so on. The dynamic is also sold by stuff like Bruce’s desire to atone with Clark, or Diana and Arthur’s people having been at war with one another causing distrust. There’s also the relationship between Vic and his Father which tragically only starts on the path of making amends, Alfred’s micro-managing of Diana’s tea making, Barry’s less-enthusiastic demeanor when around his dad, Bruce’s ‘hate you but need you’ dynamic with Joker and Steppenwolf’s estrangement with the rest of the New Gods are properly expressed.

Setting Up a Bunch More If the DCEU decides against picking up from the plot points of the Snyder Cut it’d be a huge mistake. As well as uniting the Justice League we’ve set up a future villain in Darkseid and Deathstroke, future members in Atom and Martian Manhunter (not to mention Shazam and the potential for Green Lantern), a potential AU film of Knightmare, and future normal developments with characters such as the potential Lois pregnancy and Barry getting a forensics job. With the Mother Boxes still on Earth as well there is potential to use them in a similar way that Infinity Stones were used in the MCU, Atom gaining abilities from the alien technology for instance such as introducing Nth Metal and then Hawkman and Hawkgirl, or just making more and the introduction of the New Gods allows other characters such as Mister Miracle, this can easily be a stepping stone for a lot more DC content to varying degrees.

Conclusion This film was very good, not the best superhero film ever but definitely a labor of love that succeeded in its expectations and bettered its previous version in nearly every way. Despite seeing the Whedon version and it having a similar plot it still had moments that surprised and excited me and the characters all felt better, whether every cut will have the same acclaim will be up for debate but the fan-charged attempt to salvage DC’s Justice League is definitely a success.

[ddaenghoney]

chapter seventeen

masterlist link in blog description.

As a successful songwriter, you want nothing more than the acknowledgment that the chart-topping musical pieces are your own creations. But contracts, relationships, and the difficulty of facing the stakes involved head on, keep your mouth shut until pressure builds too much.

Pairing(s): Park Jimin x Y/N, Min Yoongi x Y/N

disclaimer: any characters depicted do not represent the actual personality of the respected idol in real life.

Series warning(s)/genre(s): Chapter-based written fic, Slow-burn relationship(s), Fake-dating, Unrequited love, Songwriter/producer!oc, idol!Jimin, idol/songwriter/producer!Yoongi, friends with benefits, drama, romance, smut, angst, fluff (updated as needed)

Chapter warning(s): quite a bit of unsettling/paranoia themes around the middle of the chapter (again in regards to stalking from fans). Also, some making out that alludes to more after it ! 

Word count: 5481

if you enjoy please, please let me know!

Headlines of multiple news sites, trending hashtags, and seemingly hundreds of threads in online forums center around the topic that goes viral the day after. With SoundWave wasting no time to act subtly, choosing to take a blunt rebuttal of the independent release of music, they announce a separation of SUGA from the label. Without offering much other than the central reasoning in the official statement attributing a lack of loyalty, and openly rebellious attitude in the way of involving his personal relationships into his music without consent of the company, Yoongi’s public reputation takes a giant strike.

The primary attitude of his fanbase is startled confusion, as is similarly the feelings of pop culture commenters, who all agree that this action made by SoundCloud seems incredibly rash considering how high of status the title SUGA has in the music industry. A threshold of rumors contaminate social websites, all trying to gauge underlying motivations for the company’s decision to completely drop Min Yoongi from the label, feeling like there has to be more words each side could make but holds back.

With slowly passing weeks of conversation stirring faster from the sensationalized wonder that accumulates in the silence of both involved parties, fandoms grow impatient. A future tour scheduled to begin early next year is obviously squashed, and the subtle hints of new music thrown far from any burner of focus. Worry holds a multitude of loyal fans who are eager for clarification from their favorite idol, but no answers are clearly given. Blurry images of Yoongi to and from SoundWave only serve to prove that there are talks going on, especially when sightings of him and Taehyung begin growing consistent as well as thought to be moving vans relocating assumed sound equipment.

Naturally, frustration builds. Latching in tight grips onto every instance your name or image appears on the internet, angry shouts question your involvement with this entire ordeal. Confused as people are, they have little doubt that you deserve the bulk of blame for this dissent between Yoongi and SoundWave. After all, everything had always seemed steady in growth for SUGA’s career before your public involvement with him.

You realize this isn’t true. So much of the situation still lingers in the darkness, far from cameras and microphones to state the severity of everything that led the sequence of events to this point. You know that this whole problem isn’t entirely your fault, but it feels like it. Words cling to your psyche every time you try to peruse even the filtered social media feed of those you follow on instagram, but the comments still remain and grow on every one of your own posts, making you delete the app after only three days into the chaotic situation.

Apologies become common, though usually squashed within your reply to whenever Yoongi tells you them. Worry brims in his eyes just as well as his chest every time he notices anything off in your expressions that relate to all of the responses online. You’re quick to state that this isn’t his fault either, and not to worry about the silence he’s forced to keep while legal affairs are being handled. You’ve already settled yourself with the high chance that he won’t ever be able to make a statement that gives out the picture, just like you won’t ever be able to without losing every royalty you have.

While the online response does burn on your nerves, you can calm yourself by remembering it will eventually blow over to a new topic. It could take a lot of time, but eventually you’ll be able to not be the villain in every assumed narration of Yoongi being fired from SoundWave. Instead, concern wraps around any thoughts you have towards a new job.

With your work history visibly clean of any ink on your resume, you don’t have much to say to combat the fact. And as such you simply use your degree as well as projects from when you were a college student to talk yourself up. But you aren’t naive-- you realize that the gap of time from you receiving your diploma to the current date unease potential employers.

At this point, you’re no longer surprised. The man sitting across from you sits tapping his pen on papers in front of him. They’re spread in a controlled mess on a folder you brought. His eyes scan the words over, but because of the minute hand on the clock behind him reaching a new number, you’re inclined to believe the silence so far isn’t favorable.

Answering the initial questions isn’t usually difficult. In fact, you believe you win over a few uncertain glances in the way you speak with experience, but any opinion gained usually diminishes at the skinny portfolio you present. Every time you’ve passed it, you also feel underwhelmed by the humble sight of it, garnering none of the weight you should have the thin wings filled with. All of that is within your mind.

All of the tension in your mind fills more and more, contemplating what there is to take away from your meager showings of visible experience. This tension comes to a throbbing disappointment when the majority of those who have looked at the portfolio mention Yoongi’s name under their breath.

A large part of you becomes increasingly defensive from these tiny comments. Controlling your mouth from blurting questions in reply to their intentions is a difficult task, especially when the issues have been consistent. Multiple misinterpretations veil over the actual situation underneath the media’s depictions and what your residual contractual obligations to SoundWave will let you fix.

The man’s eyebrows furrow, his head tilting as something he sees perplexes him. You don’t openly react, simply sitting in the chair, legs not particularly tensely poised on the floor and your back only erect enough to be formal. Posture forgot a few interviews ago in favor of knowing glances at the employers body languages when reading through. This subtle confused realization on his face is familiar, but you smile politely as he gets up stating he needs to step out for a moment. As though he’s the first one to go ask questions about you to other people.

Walking into the lobby from the small meeting room, you do little more than sigh, reaching to rub your shoulder as you contemplate your next action. The man’s voice when he came back to the room and stated you’ll get contact in the future if they’d like to explore job opportunities was entirely monotone, and you can’t even be offended by the fact at this point.

Still, reality weighs on your shoulders, growing uncomfortably nagging, and at quickening paces when televisions like the one hanging on the opposite wall post pop news stations with Yoongi’s pictures and titles of dissention between himself and SoundWave.

“Oh,” A voice from the side disrupts the settling glare in your eyes. Softening your expression to one of surprise you turn your head as a figure comes to you. A smile on her face that seems disingenuous, but fitting when matched with the consistent brand name on each article of clothing apparent. “It was Y/N, right?”

In the medley of companies you set out to try landing jobs at, you didn’t take into consideration their current idols. More interested in just getting a place to continue working. But as Seulgi approached you from the way of the elevators, there’s a piece inside of you somewhat glad you’re likely to be rejected from this one. “Yeah.”

“What a coincidence to run into you here.” She says as she places her phone in her handbag. “Looking for work? Heard that you’ve taken a chance at the music production world.”

For the sake of pleasantry, you don’t irritably sigh from having to deal with this immediately following an unsatisfying industry. Instead just shrug your shoulder, “Something like that.”

“Guess it hasn’t been going well,” You’re unable to stop your eyebrows from narrowing at her, but Seulgi is unhindered from your evidently growing annoyance. “It’s a hard thing getting through scandals, especially when you don’t have anything to show for yourself.”

“Such a hard thing that you didn’t mind shoving your boyfriend into it.” You roll your eyes, head shaking as you start to walk away.

“Well, actually,” She catches up to your pace, overlapping you to cut off your trec to the front doors. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Hoseok could use a hand, right? If you want to try to get some work, why not ask him? Independent work is good to help build a resume-- though, I guess Hoseok’s reputation and Yoongi’s current one don’t make companies feel comfortable-”

“What are you trying for here?” Your tone causes a falter of expression in Seulgi’s face, shifting it into a muted shock. Her smile replaces itself with pursing lips, then eventually the picturesque way she poses her shoulders also deflates. Appearing much less superficial, though now openly tired with frustration from the little act she tried to play with you.

“What? I can’t try and do a nice thing for my ex?”

“Ex that you threw under the bus.” Unhesitant. You cross your arms. “Why in the world would I think you’re not trying to gain something right now too?”

“You’re just like Yoongi--I get the relationship now.” She sighs, playing with her hair as her eyes trail off to nowhere. “Well, the relationship you ended up getting yourself after all.”

Your arms tense over your front, quietly startled that she seems aware of the false beginning with your relationship with Yoongi, and even acknowledging that it’s currently real. Part of you wants to question how she’s found out the tidbit of information, though it’s not a top concern of yours. The small fact that she has methods to get information throughout the industry is odd, but you doubt it needs to be a worrisome issue.

“Anyways, I was just offering a suggestion. Three songs aren’t going to cut it to get top companies like this one to let you in.” As if you needed her to say that when the past week has only been proof of that. Seulgi adjusts the hoodie she wears so that it no longer falls off a shoulder, and her eyes appear introspective for the moment of silence before speaking again. “You’re not going to get anywhere without stepping on a few people along the way. You can’t play along with all the rules and expect to succeed.”

If her tone remained snarky, you would have shot a comment in return, as the instant thought in your brain relates Seulgi’s words to her actions against Hoseok in the past. However, the simplistic way she spoke was calm, almost bordering into a somber timbre hidden beneath the surface. At that moment you feel like you see something inside of that shadow, but you don’t have the liberty of pondering it.

“Seulgi, I thought you were using the big dance studio right now.” A voice enters into the conversation, making Seulgi’s head turn back towards the entrance. Looking beyond her, you see a face you again would have expected if you took any consideration to the companies you were skipping through for interviews. “Oh,” Jeongguk’s eyes widen, catching sight of you, a smile forming as he speaks on in happy surprise, “Y/N! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“Hi, Jeongguk.” You give a little smile and nod as a greeting.

“Yeah, I’m late.” Seulgi speaks up while she takes a step to begin a smooth leave, eyeing Jeongguk then you in curiosity of how there’s a mutual connection. But her final words have nothing to do with questions. “Sorry about that whole thing at my party, by the way. Taking your date and all. Just getting a conversation Yoongi owed me.”

Her vague insinuation makes your eyes narrow, following her figure as she casually goes. Already knowing the content of the conversation she had with Yoongi, you’re left to assume that she speaks in a way to ingrain seeds of uncertainty or jealousy under your skin, but all the needless comment does is further you from any positive opinions of Seulgi.

“Something about that seemed hostile.” Jeongguk states as the two of you watch Seulgi disappear down a hall. Instead of screaming out intelligibly from the frustration of your day so far, you just exhale a long sigh, turning your head back towards Jeongguk. His mouth curls into a slightly uneasy smile, not sure of what he just stumbled in on, “Everything okay?”

“I can’t wait to go home and sleep, to be honest with you.” You admit, trying to get humor into your voice, but you’re sure your expression betrays any chance of a joking ambiance as Jeongguk slowly nods bouncing his long locks of soft, warm-toned pink. “Your band is going to be performing at the river festival this weekend, right? Saw online.”

“Yeah, we have a set in the late evening. You going?” His demeanor is wholly casual, pronounced further in the relaxation of his shoulders and lazily situated hands in the pockets of his big hoodie.

“I would, but now’s not really the best time for me to be doing much out.” You smile as your eyebrows furrow a bit. For a moment you consider the fact that he may not know anything, as you recall him not being one to peruse comment sections of social media sites. But as Jeongguk’s lips cast into a frown, he recalls the news your words refer to,

“Oh, right; I heard about that all.” He bites his lip, while removing a hand from the confines of his pocket to push back hair from his face. “Actually, I’ve been out of the country with my group for almost six months now, and, it’s not really my place to ask, but have you been okay since,” He pauses, quickly taking a scan around the area like others may be listening in. “Well, you know.”

You nod your head, understanding that he means to inquire about your state of mind since breaking things off from Jimin at the beginning of the year. “For awhile I really wasn’t,” You admit, but find yourself able to smile as you continue on with full assurance, “But I’m more than okay now. My career may be sort of crazy, but I have people that care about me, so I’m fairing a lot better than I would’ve ever thought.”

“That’s good.” Jeongguk smiles, and parts of you are sure that perhaps he’s even the smallest bit sad that there isn’t hesitation in your voice because his friendship with Jimin would likely root for the fact. But he’s not unfair in that regard, always having been a supportive, close friend of Jimin, but not to the extent of harboring ill sentiment about things like this. “If you’re looking for song writing work just let me know; my band liked the three tracks you and Yoongi released, and I always thought it’d be cool to work with you on lyrics anyways.”

“What?” You blurt in surprise, eyes widening from the easygoing proposition, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk grins in return, wondering silently if the offer is odd because of your reaction. “I mean, why not, right?”

“Even if I’m not an employee here?” You question, still in disbelief at how simply he’d asked for even bits of collaborative work in the future. Where you have been learning to anticipate a lot of hesitation, and even flat out refusal from all of your interviews so far, Jeongguk breaks the cycle out of nowhere. Perhaps you should not be as excited from the simple prospect as you are, but you’re unable to stop yourself from the little success making you vibrant with joy.

“You don’t need to be an employee of any company, Y/N, your skills already speak for themselves to me.”

When you step outside of the building, Jeongguk’s words remain at the forefront of your mind. You type a location on the map digitally showing on your phone screen, unconsciously setting up a call for a taxi, but you think only of the small piece of hope given to you from the offer. The more you consider it, you believe there exists a deeper lesson from that small interaction. It’s like he said to you; the company isn’t as important as your own skills.

You bite your lip, thinking of any contacts made throughout the years. Frankly, not many people beyond SoundWave met you because of your job, but there were still some small acquaintances you’ve gained. Some friends as well, though fewer than you could count with your fingers perhaps. It’s unlikely many would jump at the opportunity to work with you in light of the current news, but perhaps there’s something to consider down that avenue.

Your spine tightens slightly, and suddenly you feel overly aware of the area around you. You lift your eyes from your phone screen to across the street beyond cars going along to wherever. People walk normally as the beginnings of evening traffic occur as they would any day of the business week. With a small shake of your head, you ignore the suspicion in your nerves, letting yourself check notifications on your phone instead as the taxi descends towards you from a few blocks away.

Alerting Yoongi that you’re going to head to his apartment to help him move around items delivered from the company, you eventually press the lock on your phone screen and turn your attention down the road to see if you can spot your taxi’s license. In the same direction is the stairwell into a subway station with its constant flood of people in and out that never remain in the area longer than it takes them to walk. But perched with their elbows on railings overlooking the descent into the subway is a small group of three similar in age to the ones assumed to follow you to Namjoon’s cafe.

Your eyes linger on their figures for a noticeable amount of time, and you don’t believe them to care that they’ve been spotted. You bite your inner cheek, and look back to the taxi app for the time of arrival. Your stomach knots, but you try not to focus on it, because of this occurrence being more regular in the past couple of weeks. If you kept your mouth shut and thoughts from roaming frantically, it would be over just as soon as you stepped into the taxi.

A bump on your shoulder startles you, shaking your heart around in the ribcage, as your throat assumes the worst by trapping air. A businessperson continues along, however, simply going up the road as they chatter away on their phone, completely unaware of the tiny collision. You swallow the air back down, squeezing your phone tightly as it vibrates a tiny series of beats to signify the taxi is soon to arrive.

As you look on at the back of the random person, you notice more eyes in your direction. These ones from a college-age duo, you think. But they’re clearly focused on you, walking on the sidewalk in your direction. Your leg muscle tightens, becoming highly alert of the phone’s they have clutched close to their chests with the camera lenses evident.

The abrupt stop of brakes in front of you brings you back to your current position as does a quick honk from a car bothered by the stop of your taxi as it drives around. Without hesitation you enter inside, stating an affirmative as the driver asks if you were the one with the given destination on his GPS. You can’t contain the sigh of relief flooding out of your lungs as he merges into the flow of traffic and away from the individuals whose walk stopped to stare at the leave of the taxi.

You have high doubts that if the people were truly fans that they would berate you or angrily yell, but nonetheless you didn’t want the onslaught of questions they more likely had prepared to be said in civil voices. You already had the displeasure of weaning along a forceful and awkward conversation on a subway train days earlier. Leading you to start avoiding that means of transportation entirely now.

Arriving at Yoongi’s front door, your finger presses to ring the bell. Listening to the muted sound on the inside you feel your shoulders jumping ever so slightly at the sound, but you shake your head to rid away the sensitivity. Really no one had been belligerent towards you, you were overthinking any of the things that could have happened. Another twitch in your shoulders induces with the knob twisting and with it the door opens to reveal Hoseok whose face eventually slips into a pout,

“Wow, don’t look so disappointed.” He teases you as you roll your eyes and walk inside. “You should be thanking me since I did most of the heavy lifting before you got here.”

“Thanks,” You smile at him in an overly polite manner that causes Hoseok to scoff and shake his head in amusement. “I’m sure you were more than willing to since Yoongi offered to get you a fancy dinner as payment-”

“Wait, don’t tell him that; I was going to avoid it.” You turn towards the way of the bedrooms as Yoongi walks into the living area from it, hair tousled from moving furniture and a loose t-shirt hanging off his shoulders comfortably. You watch him grin as Hoseok shouts an irritated rebuttle about Yoongi’s deflection of payment for helping. As Yoongi comes to a stop a mere couple of feet from you his eyes look towards you and before you know it the teeth peeking from his joke drift away while his brows furrowed with concern, “Angel, what’s wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to disburse the worry in your shoulders that you apparently had not been successful to not think about. Wordlessly Yoongi steps closer, initiating a hug that you finish by clinging your arms around his torso.

Hoseok frowns in confusion since you had seemed fine when he opened the door, but glancing up at Yoongi whose eyes are just as unsure of the problem Hoseok decides it’s probably the result of some kind of build up. “‘m going to get that last box unpacked.”

“Thanks.” Yoongi says as his hands rub trails on your back, waiting for Hoseok to leave the room before speaking up again, “Baby, do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m just overthinking something.” You mumble against the cotton soaked in the familiar scent of laundry detergent. With a small sigh you adjust yourself to look up towards Yoongi whose attentive gaze meets yours. Gently he presses a small kiss against your forehead, settling his hands on your sides to give a little comforting squeeze.

“Was it more people following you around?”

“Yeah,” You hide your face against his chest again as you put the problem in the air. “It really, really wasn’t anything much. I just want a hug. It’s been a long day because of the whole job interview session parade I went on too.”

“I can do hugs,” Yoongi nods before perching his chin atop your head. The moment lingers on, granting a warming comfort as you remain encapsulated in Yoongi’s arms. But he can’t help a final, quiet question that is likely the reason for the rate of his heartbeat in your ear. “Did anyone do anything to you, angel?”

“No.” You squeeze your arms around him. “I doubt any of them really would. They probably just want to get information. It’s just uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, it is.” Yoongi’s chest fills from the breath of an inhale as he thinks of all the other instances since news of him being let go from SoundWave released. “I’m sorry, angel, once all the paperwork is done, I’ll try and figure out something to say to the press about everything.”

“It’s okay, Yoon.” You pull away to press a pecking kiss against his lips. He notes your expression to be considerably calmer than minutes earlier. “Really, it’s okay. It’s not your fault anyways. But besides that all, I do have some good news.”

“Oh, yeah?” He keeps his hands on your waist while your arms drop from their gentle encapture of his frame. Your quick nod matching the beginnings of a smile on your lips give Yoongi more cheerfulness as well, “Tell me then, sweetie.”

“I saw Jeongguk earlier and he said he’d be willing to work on songwriting together sometime.” You explain, allowing the excitement you felt then to take over the bulk of your tone. Inquisitively Yoongi’s head tilts,

“Jeon Jeongguk? Where did you see him at?”

“His company after I got interviewed--oh, right, I don’t think I’ve mentioned to you I know him.” You ramble along earning a chuckle from Yoongi as he nods to that fact as well. “Well, I met him through Jimin a couple of years ago, but he’s really nice. It was just an innocent offer on his part.”

“Yeah, I believe that-- he’s really easygoing.” Yoongi nods, turning his head to the hallway as yours looks in the same direction at the sound of Hoseok cursing as he hops on one foot into view while his other foot stays clenched between his two hands.

“I hit my toe on the corner of the door into the room-” He says with a wincing voice, “Didn’t mean to interrupt the emotional fest-- it just really hurt, and I think I should be owed more than just a fancy dinner because of it-”

“If it keeps you from suing me.” Yoongi shakes his head and refrains from laughter like the kind leaving your mouth as you listen to their conversation. Yoongi goes back to resting his head on yours, this time pressing his cheek on top of your scalp when you hug him once more. “But I’m picking the place to eat at.”

“That doesn’t even make sense if it’s supposed to be a payment to me.” Hoseok scoffs as he dramatically hobbles to the couch where he collapses himself onto it. “Y/N, if you asked your best friend to help you move your heavy equipment and this same friend stubs his toe doing it-- and this best friend and you are also getting into a partnership, would you just give him a dinner as payment?”

“Partnership?” You repeat as your eyes narrow, honing in on the one word that slipped into Hoseok’s monologue. “And no I’d buy my friend at least a house.”

“See!”

“A house,” Yoongi murmurs through pouting lips as Hoseok claps his hands to your method of penance. “He already has a nicer apartment than mine-”

“Wait, what did you mean about a partnership, Hoseok?” You ask, poking Yoongi’s stomach to get him to quiet from the tickling sensation. Hoseok actively twiddles his thumbs instead of a verbal. He glances towards Yoongi who responds to his antics with a sigh as he tugs himself off the comfort of hugging you.

“He and I were thinking we’d start our own label.”

“What!” Your eyes grow wide glancing towards Hoseok then back to Yoongi. “Your own music label? Like an idol company too?”

“Well, yeah.” Yoongi says without a lot of conviction as he shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know how many people would actually want to become an idol through us, but at least for Hoseok and I it would be a good way to keep doing music. And on our own terms.”

You stand looking at him awestruck, not at all anticipating the two of them to come to this type of business plan for the future. Frankly, you weren’t sure at all what Yoongi intended to do without SoundWave, but you would have sooner assumed he would simply relocate to another company. The requests for him to do so would no doubt flock after a month or two of the current news becoming history.

“Hey,” Hoseok gets up from the couch, phone in hand as the two of you look over to him. “I’m meeting a friend in a while, so I’ll get out of here. Don’t forget that you owe me a really fancy meal-”

“I get it, I won’t.” Yoongi rolls his eyes as he follows Hoseok towards the front door to see him off. You simply watch, still in a stupor from their casual way of telling you that their idea is to create their own fucking company. You wave at Hoseok as he shouts out a goodbye to you and walks out the door. Yoongi turns towards you as it shuts with an electronic click, finding you still baffled by the news. He rubs the back of his neck as he returns towards you. “We sound crazy?”

“No,” You shake your head and let it tilt as your imagination takes over to see an outcome where the two of them operate a successful idol company. With their production skills and overall talent with music, it didn’t seem far fetched that they at least make a small company that runs well. “I think you both should do it.”

Yoongi smiles gently at the hopeful gleam in your eyes. His hand falls from toying with the small hairs on the back of his neck to find itself entangling your own appendage with a delicate hold. “You’re free to do anything you want, angel, but I was thinking--and Hoseok agreed-- that you could join us and be a producer if we make a company.”

“Me?” Your voice barely mumbles the response, eyes struck wide in surprise at his offer.

“You don’t have to at all--I really understand if you don’t want to take the risk of it instead of finding a place that’s already settled, but,” Yoongi bites his lip, fiddling with your hand as he holds it. He finds your eyes as he sweetly smiles “It can be an option for you.”

With the two happy surprises of the day swimming in your chest, you stand in a stunned quiet as you take them in. For Yoongi and Hoseok, despite their respective scandals, you don’t have any doubt that they could definitely make something out of this idea for themselves. Especially happy about Yoongi being able to do as he wants for himself if they start a company. He’d be completely in control of his representation in the way that he hasn’t had ever since his debut.

And his offer gives the same freedom for yourself to create songs like you’d always wanted as well.

“Of course, I’m sure there’s a lot we have to do to get everything going, so really don’t feel bad about saying no-”

Interrupting his sentence by pressing your lips onto his chattering mouth, You let your arms wrap around his neck, silently grateful for Yoongi's hands steadying the two of you by finding a firm grip on your hips. “I say yes.”

Anticipation and excitement ricochets throughout your chest, exuding outwardly in your smile that you find Yoongi quickly returning with a growing grin. Running his hips in lips trails along your sides, he keeps silent in favor of kissing you again, practically bruising your lips with his own. Your hands mesh into soft locks of black hair, keeping Yoongi held in place as the kiss deepens into an oxygen depriving attachment.

Allowing time for air only when your mouth gasps as Yoongi’s hands find your backside and with a squeeze pulls your waist against his own, your eyes open along with his as you both take in quick sips of air, momentarily frozen from continuing action. Yoongi’s jaw clenches shut as you very obviously allow your hips to grind friction. He watches the beginnings of a smirk take over your expression, and stops the teasing attitude to dip his lips down to your neck.

There his trails tiny molten kisses along the skin, searching until your fingertips curl against his scalp and a small whimper casts out of your mouth. Attaching to the spot, his mouth blisters in a garden meant to flourish red and purple by next sunrise, and his hands continue to press into your ass riding up the fabric of your skirt as a moan escapes your lips, “Yoongi-”

“Do you want me to stop, angel?” He asks with a rough timbre the contrasts the soft ministrations he trails from the love bite to reach your mouth once more. Kissing the outline of your jaw, he hums against the skin waiting for your reply which comes as your hands remove from his hair to cup his face and bring his lips back to yours,

“Not at all.”

if you enjoy please, please let me know via ask, comment, rb with tags– however ! i’d just really appreciate feedback 🥺 i hope you enjoy the series, i’m working really hard on it! : )

also yes ik this chapter cuts off right before the smut lsjkdfkfdghg it’s also not going to be continued into the next chapter sO lkjdsffgdsfjkfg if it’s something you’d like to read as a blurb on its own lmk while commenting on this chapter hehe shameless incentive and i’ll try to write it as an additive piece to the story!

tag list (send an ask to be added): @jaiuneamesolitaiire​ @tsvkino-usagi​@xionysus​​ @baebyjoonie​ @honeyoongles​ @betysotelo18​

[magioftheseas]

How would you rank the sdr2 girls from worst to best written?

That’s pretty hard considering there are like...different kinds of bad writing, from functional bad to offensive bad. But, then again, there’s both of that in sdr2. Also all but one of the girls who die only die in like... Chapters 2-3, the first half of the game, which come to think of it, is extremely fucking weird. Shouldn’t it be more spaced out...?

There’s also just that there are certain things that annoy me more than others, and I’ll maybe try to make note of that? Idk how solid this list is, but... Well, whatever.

Note: I’m only taking sdr2 proper into account.

Decent All Things Considered Tier

Mahiru - Probably the least amount of sexism in her character, with pretty defined flaws that contributed in her dying (her short temper and narrow-mindedness). Guess you could call them...fatal flaws. Hahahaaaa. Ah. Anyway, she was also fairly involved with story events before her death and her personality was pretty consistent. While there are still some issues and inherent sexism in her personality, at least she...still has...one? A nuanced one, at that? She’s not a shallow character, at least. Still, her “be a man shit” is annoying but I’ll take that over the other crap we have in this game.

Sonia - Generally involved and usually palpable in terms of handling. The sexist shit is more Souda’s fault than hers, so I don’t feel like knocking off points for it. The only issue is that she’s lacks big character moments and is overall a static character. She does get more fed up with Souda’s harassment though, which is something, even if nothing comes from it. Bah. Also the romantic subplot with Gundam is fine. It’s probably the most fine a romantic anything has ever been in this franchise. But because she lacks anything super profound, I can’t put her above Koizumi despite liking her more and her...surviving to the end.

There’s At Least Something Here But URGHHHHHHHH Tier

Mikan - Y’know I was pretty resistant to the idea of putting her at third because of her...everything. But, like, even so... I wouldn’t call her inconsistent, I wouldn’t call her shallow, and I think she’s fleshed out a decent amount. It’s just her...everything. Anyway, I’ve gone on length as to why I love Mikan’s writing on paper, supremely tacky and gross execution of her character aside. She’s probably the best example of a deconstruction in sdr2, being a ugu doormat with like, AAAAAAAALL the actual baggage and shittiness that kind of person would have. Mikan’s personality of being emotionally manipulative with a huge victim complex while also being incredibly resentful of those around her (for good reason) is still SUPER fascinating. There’s layers to how she even exploits herself for sympathy points as well as attention. But...y’know... Still inherently pretty gross and not handled deftly by someone who truly understands what a fucked up mentality that is. She’s definitely not palpable...but I guess the actual nuances of her personality make up for it in terms of...whether or not I think she’s at least well-written. Would have less qualms putting her this high if the characters actually learned shit from her.

Hiyoko - WE COULD’VE HAD IT AAAAAAAAAAALL. I love Hiyoko. She’s my other favorite sdr2 girl with Sonia. Bully girls often get a bad rap, but they can be interesting, and Hiyoko’s a particularly stand-out example. She’s not manipulative. She’s in fact, really soft-hearted and sensitive, and she hates those aspects of her, so she targets people specifically for having those traits. She’s insecure! And it makes her shitty! I stan! That she cares for Koizumi for actually reaching out to her is super important. She could’ve been one of the best if not the best...but then Kodaka had her killed for bullshit reasons and had to throw in a dumbass quirk about her not being able to dress herself to justify her bullshit death down the line, so any profound development she could’ve had is just...unceremoniously thrown out the window. It’s really so tragic. Hiyoko deserved so much better.

Peko - What’s worse, a terrible trope that’s fleshed out or a good trope that’s grossly wasted? Tough call, and this is what I ended up with. Still not sure if I made the right decision. Anyway, Peko’s entire character is based on the incredibly sexist trope of Girl Exists For Dude. Thankfully, she makes her own decisions and she’s presented as very woefully unaware of how Kuzuryuu actually feels. Her existing for Kuzuryuu’s sake to the point of happily sacrificing herself is, y’know, a flaw. That gets her killed. So I can pretend that Kodaka is saying it’s a bad thing that she’s like this. He’s probably not, given how Peko’s never really given a reason to live outside of Kuzuryuu, bUT I CAN PRETEND. Although I will say that as annoying as her canonically having romantic feelings for Kuzuryuu is, it’s still incredibly fucking funny seeing Hinata get crushed and rejected.

Just Not Good Tier

Ibuki - I sincerely had no idea where to put her at first. Ibuki’s writing is...fickle, due to primarily being comic relief so more often than not her dialogue and writing is more...jokes...than facets of a personality. And what personality is showcased has little variety. She definitely has those layers but they’re few and far between in the main storyline. And there’s stuff in her FTEs (her strong belief in individuality) that I don’t think comes up. Not to mention there’s completely untapped stuff such as how lonely she must be due to her band splitting, and... Really, she’s just the most wasted of the characters in term of how little she contributes beyond jokes. And sdr2′s sense of humor is pretty fucking shit, so I’m not a fan of a lot of the jokes, either. Ibuki is pretty...ahem, pardon the pun. Pretty one-note. The most offensive part of her character is probably from her attraction to women being portrayed really creepily, which I definitely super hate, but it’s only like...a few lines of dialogue and...I know for a fact how much worse it could’ve been. It could’ve been so, so, so much worse.

Chiaki - Could she have gone above Ibuki? Probably. I mean, her writing *is* more consistent and varied (even if she only has like, two more facets of a personality) buuuuuut. Kodaka literally said she’s his ideal girlfriend. And that grossness *does* seep into her writing to the point where it’s pungent. The fact that she’s idealized and that even her potentially off-putting traits are either meant to be endearing or desirable is... Ew. Pretty ew. But, with all that, she’s bland in what the narrative allows her to offer. Having her be the most moralistic of the cast also makes her pretty annoying when she starts preaching about trust, doubt, hope, killing is wrong, and then she makes excuses as to why she can’t be bothered to be involved with the plot a la Chapter 3 where she doesn’t do shit about the sick kids. She’s seriously more of a mouthpiece than a character and those can be fine...but maybe not so much in sdr2, and definitely not at the expense of other characters developing through learning this shit themselves instead of her having to tell them. The inherent gross sexism that she’s supposed to be Kodaka’s Ultimate Girlfriend sure doesn’t help.

Akane - I honestly feel kinda bad putting her at the bottom but...jeez, the more I think about it, the more Akane’s character really sucks ass. Like, she’s really shallow and uninspired. Even her damn “talent pose” is derivative of Sakura’s just with less ferocity and a panty shot. And as offensive as Nanami’s concept is, at least it can go unnoticed by the player. Akane being Boobs and Food girl is constantly shoved in your face. And the fact she has a history of sexual abuse really, REALLY makes it worse. At least with Mikan, there’s layers. With Akane, there ain’t. She’s just portrayed as too dumb to know any better. Urghhhhh. But what about her personality? Shallow. What about her arc? Frustratingly non-existent. She doesn’t learn a fucking thing despite her flaws actually making her a damn liability. Her...backstory? Well, abuse aside, it’s...weird. Her backstory is about struggling to survive. When...in the main story she's too stupid to live despite being a survivor. So, I don’t think it clicks, much less informs/fleshes out her character beyond giving us a reason for why she’s so sexualized and obsessed with food and...yeah, no thanks. Akane’s writing is the worst, both on the outset and in what little nuance we have.

[echodrops]

Fanon vs. Canon Shigaraki

Belatedly:

This post gained a lot more traction than expected, so quick edit: the “canon” discussed below is only my personal interpretation of canon, and this post is definitely not intended to be a guide for characterizing Shigaraki in every fanfic! Please don’t use this meta to criticize anyone else’s writing, as that was not my intention. Everyone should feel free to create what they enjoy! 

Look y’all, I ain’t one to judge, but I love canon-based fics and sometimes the massive gap between Shigaraki in fanon and Shigaraki in BNHA’s canon just has me going whaaa???

I mean, like...

Fanon Shigaraki: Abhors all human contact. Lurks in his bedroom 24/7. Never speaks to others except to bitch them out. A vampire who will combust upon setting foot outside his lair.

Canon Shigaraki: Seen alone in his bedroom a grand total of one (1) time in the series; the only other time his room is shown, the rest of the entire League is squeezed in there too. Never out of contact with his followers except Dabi who is the real antisocial bitch here. Longest he’s ever been drawn spending time by himself without another major character to keep him company? Two pages. Gets mad... GOES TO THE MALL.

Fanon Shigaraki: Vocabulary consists of 80% “I’ll kill you” and 20% “Fuck off.” 1000% RAGE ALL DAY ERRYDAY. Has no concept of a good mood. Wouldn’t know how to smile if he tried. Either one step from a temper tantrum or one step from murder, there is NO IN BETWEEN BUT THERE IS FREQUENT OVERLAP.

Canon Shigaraki: Demonstrates the development of remarkable restraint, even when Bakugou damages precious “Father”...

Constantly comments on other people’s bad manners all right, this one might be a little hypocritical, but at least we know he knows what proper manners are... Is referred to on multiple occasions as being pleased with the League members’ work, implying they’ve seen him actively happy... Compliments people (even heroes) when they impress him... The second most likely villain to say “Thanks” (behind only Toga)...

Master of both the goofy grin:

And the soft smile:

Fanon Shigaraki: Can’t insult his comrades often enough. Say something nice about another human being? Hard pass. Friends? Quote: “I would rather die.” Only suffers the League because he’s forced to have allies to defeat the heroes; zero emotional attachment to his comrades unless he’s written as sleeping with Dabi and even then half the time this is still true. Would not give a fuck if half of them died except for how it would inconvenience him.

Canon Shigaraki: Is he still manipulating the League members to use their strength to further his own agenda? Oh for sure. BUT AT LEAST HE’S DOING IT POLITELY.

Since the formation of the core “League,” he frequently talks positively about his comrades, even when they’re not around to hear it:

Knows his allies well enough that he can send them out without instructions and still trust that they will act in exactly the League’s best interests:

Expresses concern for the other members’ well-being:

And has zero hesitation about throwing himself into potentially deadly situations to protect the rest of the League:

Fanon Shigaraki: An innocent, traumatized angel who had no choice but to become evil; he definitely wouldn’t be this way if he knew better! Sometimes written as a weakling who needs to be defended from anyone, everyone, the world, and especially All For One. Feeble waif, constantly on the edge of wasting away. Might cry himself to sleep at night. Never Been Touched/Don’t-Touch-Me-I-am-the-NIGHT™.

Canon Shigaraki: Craves violence like candy...

Close combat quirk means he’s always up in other people’s business... Personal space bubbles are for the weak.

Easily capable of controlling the bickering and assuaging the concerns of his team members...

An unmitigated badass who carries on whole conversations while bleeding out from bullet wounds to every limb...

And jumps from speeding vehicles without a moment’s pause. There was literally no reason for him to be on the roof of the truck EXCEPT for it looking badass. This boy is just Extra AF and I won’t hear any arguments to the contrary.

EDIT to add one more because this is also bugging me:

Fanon Shigaraki: Absolutely the worst at adapting to new scenarios. Violently rejects any form of change. Has a comfort zone the size of a wasabi pea and only ever comes out of that comfort zone kicking and screaming, dragged by another major character. Every ounce of character growth will take twelve chapters and a dramatic mental breakdown to overcome.

Canon Shigaraki: (Deliberately) Tied with Midoriya for being the most adaptive character in the series.

Never tries the same strategy twice...

Learns from, consumes, and grows by flexibly incorporating the plans and attitudes of other villains...

Actively and intentionally changes entire facets of his own behavior to further his agenda...

And to motivate his allies... From:

To:

What MAKES Shigaraki so terrifying and effective as a villain is that he is so flexible and capable of change. He demonstrates the ability to admit and learn from his mistakes, to build new plans on the fly, to gain deeper understanding of how other people work (and can be manipulated) and to quickly and easily put everything he learns into action to forward his goals. He’s fascinating in his ability to simply pick up or discard new attitudes to suit his own ends, and his actions continuously call into question what aspects of Shigaraki’s personality/behavior are genuine and which are merely a construct he’s built up deliberately to further his own and All For One’s dreams.

Shigaraki Tomura is incredible at adapting to challenges, can blend in exactly when, where, and as much as he needs to, and is significantly more open to change than virtually any other villain we’ve seen so far in the series.

But I feel like it’s rare to see this side of him in fandom portrayals?

Sure, Shigaraki is still violent, unhinged, quick-tempered, and definitely keeping things secret from the rest of the League to use them to his benefit... But uhhhh...

He’s also become a ferocious defender to his men. His actively antisocial behavior (always exaggerated) has become increasingly reduced in the story--Tomura is virtually always seen in the company of others (contrast Twice and Spinner, who we’re deliberately shown spending time alone, and Dabi, who appears to frequently work without the rest of the League). Shigaraki exhibits a reasonable gamut of emotions, including many of which are not “Go die,” and he shows a positive and grateful attitude towards his comrades (might be fake, but still at least he’s bothering to fake it, unlike Chisaki). He’s also been shown to be a great actor, both in serious scenes and in silly ones, such as his doofy reaction to Uraraka...

In terms of leadership, Tomura has advanced to the point that he’s the one promoting group solidarity, allows and wants others to think of the League as close-knit, and knows his comrades well enough to rely on them in meaningful situations. We’re led to believe he was earnest in his attempts to recruit Bakugou, that Toga has seen him happy on at least a few occasions, and that he’s okay with bringing the rest of the League into what likely qualifies as his home (something none of the other League members have ever done, at least that we’ve seen).

Furthermore, every confrontation he’s been in in the manga can only lead readers to the conclusion that Shigaraki is an absolute beast on the battlefield, easily the League’s strongest and most dangerous player, and more likely to be protecting the other League members than being protected...

So like, I ain’t out here about to criticize anyone else’s portrayals of Shigaraki in their own works, and this isn’t intended to be a guide on how to write or not write Shigaraki in fics, but I do find myself wishing his characterization in fanworks showed the same evolution as his character in the actual story.

Why write level 1 Tomura behavior when my boy is out here grinding his way to 99???

Send me your Shigaraki fic recs fam, I’m dying...

[writtenbyhappynerds]

Unit 5- Twins Are Very Stupid

    If you haven’t taken the Exam 1 quiz for Fanfiction 101 go do that!! That quiz covers material from the first four units: Rules for the Universe, Formatting, Face Claims, and Names. Everything from this unit onward will be a part of Exam 2.

    Much like cliches in regular fiction, there are a plethora of cliches that exist in fanfiction. Some are specific to certain genres, some are on a wider scale as a whole. For this unit we are going to dissect common themes and ideas first based in specific genres (re: fandoms) of fanfiction and then open the floor up to widespread cliches as a whole. We’ll start with Twilight.

    In Twilight, the biggest cliche we see is Bella Swan having a sister who is, “not like her sibling at all!” This isn’t original. It isn’t creative, and 9/10 times the unique sibling is a lot like Bella Swan they just talk more than her. Regardless of your feelings towards Stephanie Meyers and her books, what this shows me is a writer who is uncertain of how to approach the quiet, observational, internalized thinking of Bella Swan as a character. It also shows me a writer who believes loud is the complete opposite of quiet and because someone shouts their opinions more boisterously than the next girl, that makes them unique. Neither statement is true. Imagine Bella Swan’s sibling really being the complete opposite of her. Like, imagine Bella’s little sister in Seattle doing coke off a stripper’s asshole. You can’t. So don’t say that she’s the opposite. She isn’t, and that’s ok. Siblings can have common interests and like the same thing, and your OC is not a bad one if they are similar to Bella Swan. A better contrast to Bella Swan would be an OC that’s athletic. Bella Swan from the get-go is described as someone who is not an athlete, doesn’t spend time in the sun, and likes to be by themselves. A sun-kissed volleyball-playing little sister would be more contrasting to Bella Swan than someone who is again, her but louder.  

    In BBC’s Sherlock the biggest cliche the Editor and I have seen is Sherlock having a twin sister who is also a detective. Now in Unit 3: Face Claims, we discussed that Sherlock’s sibling shouldn’t be the voice of reason or conscience while also doing the exact same thing as him. This still stands. If Sherlock has a twin, that twin shouldn’t be seen as “the good one” or “the nice one” when they shoot the same things, break into the same places, and act just as manic as he does. It isn’t consistent. The twin should not be a carbon clone that is smarter and prettier and gets along with everyone else. That’s not a character, that’s a Mary Sue that solves crimes. There are 10,000 jobs in the world, and the best way to break the monotony of Sherlock’s twin is to make her something that isn’t a detective. Make her her own person. For example, Sherlock could have:

    A twin sister who works as a crime statistician for the government. She’s been given a cushy office she doesn’t deserve because of Mycroft and she tries to call her brothers once a week. They don’t necessarily answer. She needs to use criminal trends to track where Moriarty will be so Mycroft can have him arrested and interrogated.

    A sister who went to school for law, and became a powerful and wealthy corporate attorney. Sherlock paid off everyone in a mile radius? She paid off everyone in a 5-mile radius. She makes sure his bills are paid, his fridge is stocked, and that he and John are happy without either of them knowing. She uses her knowledge of the law to find holes in Baskerville’s policies that would allow Sherlock and John to sneak in.

    A twin sister who’s a mom of two and likes to paint. She teaches at the local college and babysits her neighbor’s kids when she’s out. Mycroft is the godfather of both of her kids, and she likes to crochet when she has the time (she never does). She needs to figure out why the painting is a fake and what book fits the cipher.

    My point is that Sherlock can have a twin. I don’t care, and that doesn’t trigger me like it triggers the Editor (I think she just has something against twins). Sherlock’s twin should have a personality of their own. The cliche in this genre is Sherlock having a twin that’s essentially, “genius but better.” If you make her exactly like him you limit the potential to make a story that’s compelling. You also break the rules of the universe, as you’ll have to go back and rewrite all the episodes to include her. Don’t do that to yourself.

    In Supernatural, The big cliche is the boys having a teenaged Winchester sibling and/or a guardian angel. Bonus points if Cas is the guardian angel. I’ve also seen a lot of ‘Sam Winchester’s Guardian Angel’ and if that’s you after all the things that character has gone through you need to be fired. These ones just don’t make sense. They break the rules of the universe and make the cast have to bend over backward just for the character to exist. The original work should not be broken to fit your narrative. You have to make your prompt work in their established universe. Unfortunately, teenaged Winchester siblings do not work. There is not enough of a time gap between what we know about the story and this prospect to fit a 16-year old child. The same stands for Dean Winchester’s child. It doesn’t fit, so don’t try and force it to fit. You can have a teenaged hunter be significant and interact with the Winchesters without them being blood. By forcing them to be blood you go against one of the main themes of the show: Family don’t end in blood. Stop making Bobby Singer’s child OCs, or Cas’s, or Sam’s, or another illegitimate John Winchester child because we already have one who spent god knows how many years in hell. Instead, John Winchester could have family he’s estranged from. An older sister or brother who left the Winchester house after they turned 18 and never looked back. You could create a new pair of hunters, an OC who runs the halfway house for Hunters. Garth stepped in as Bobby when he died. Who stepped in for Jo and Tess? There are more options and much more creative options than pigeonholing one specific cliche.

    Moving on, in the same vein of not needing an OC to be bound to the cast by blood, Hermione/Harry/Ron’s twin sister is a huge cliche. Sometimes the Hermione twin sister is also, “not like her sister at all,” a phrase that usually means, “also brilliant, but more attractive and funnier.” The origin of these OCs, however, is minuscule to the fact that they always either end up dating Draco Malfoy or are in a love triangle and/or square, where all the boys in Harry Potter (Cedric Diggory, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Dean Thomas, and Draco Malfoy) are in love with the OC. As a matter of fact can we just get rid of love triangles altogether? They’re exhausting and not realistic. They don’t add enough to the story to make it meaningful, and an OC should have a story that’s more compelling than “which boy am I going to end up with?” Also, usually, these stories tell you in the title. I’m talking about the [Fred x reader], [Draco Malfoy x Reader] titles, though the same is true for any writer who puts [Love Interest x OC] in their title. What is the point of a love triangle my guys? What are you doing? We already know before we even read the first chapter who the main character is going to end up with, so why bother wasting our time with a love triangle?

    The other Harry Potter cliche, is the youngest Weasley sibling who is a girl. This is a huge no-no and should be stricken from the record entirely because, once again, it breaks the rules of the universe. We know from the Harry Potter books that Molly Weasley wanted and craved a daughter and kept having kids until she got one. This is why Ron is the least loved, as he was the last boy in the family before Ginny, as said by the Horcrux in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows “Least loved always, by the mother who craved a daughter. Least loved now by the girl who prefers your friend” (Rowling 375). What this means, is that if you make an OC who is the youngest Weasley sibling, and a girl, you completely go against the desires and intentions of Molly Weasley as well as devalue and undercut the importance of Ginny Weasley- her tokenism as the only girl is tied to the significance of being the first and last daughter Molly Weasley ever had. Without that, with another girl there is no need for Ginny Weasley, and as we’ve discussed numerous times here: Your OC should never replace a member of the cast. What is acceptable, however, is Ginny Weasley having a twin sister, or even being a triplet. If you are sold on a youngest-girl Weasley fanfic, make them a twin or triplet of Ginny. If you go above or below her you break the rules of the universe. They have to stay on her level. In addition, please see Unit 4: Nameberry.com to properly name your Weasley sister OCs, as they have to fit the style and vibe of being named after nobility. Moving on.

    The next handful of cliches don’t apply to any particular genre. Every genre is equally guilty of having these cliches, and what we’re going to do is use some works for specific examples of these cliches, but know that they apply to everyone; not just the work we’re referencing.

    If a character is marketed as a strong and capable badass who is independent and a boss and kicks ass and takes names, they should not turn into a wimp because their love interest wants to “protect” them. “Protection” as a whole is such a cliche. It’s in practically every story. If a character has been described as strong and has up until this point kicked a lot of ass, that character will not break down and destroy all the character development they just made for the sake of a love interest. A character who is described as strong will also not let their love interest try and stifle them like that. “Protection” is overused, and unless the character is going to crumble like a daisy at first blood or is living in a war zone, they can handle it themselves.

    Again… We’ve all seen Pretty Little Liars. It’s almost funny how many cliches came from that show and book series. Let’s talk about evil twins. I don’t just mean evil in the Alison DiLaurentis way where she stole her sister’s identity and had her carted off to inpatient treatment, I also mean evil in that they are everything their cast member sibling is, but superior. This is evident in so many siblings and twin fics. The evil twin is usually better at everything than the cast twin, and systematically destroys the cast member’s life for fun. Now, I’m not saying this isn’t a valid plot point. What I am saying is you can’t make the evil twin better at everything than the cast member twin. That’s not realistic, and it negates the need for a struggle. A villain is not a more intimidating adversary because they’re better at everything than the hero. An evil twin is not scarier or more frightening as a villain because they can do 3 flips into a punch while the hero only can do 2. Also if the villain is so wonderful and so much better how is it realistic when the hero defeats them? It isn’t. “The same but better” shows me as a reader that the writer is uncomfortable with character creation, and making stakes that mean something or seeing their character struggle.  Not only will it make the OC more realistic, but it will make the story more fun to write.

    A writer uncomfortable with the struggle is another cliche we see often. It takes the form of characters who are perfect, who hit every step just right and have the best comebacks all the time. We as people fail and fall down, and characters are meant to be a reflection of us that we can relate to. An audience won’t relate or root for a character that always accomplishes their goal. It actually makes the character boring because, we know they’re going to do what they set out to do so why bother reading? Characters are allowed to have flaws. Those flaws, and seeing consequences for those flaws are what make a character compelling, and for every positive attribute that a character has we should see 1-2 flaws that reflect that attribute. For example, in my own original work Trapped, the main character is an alien on a planet that is thousands of years ahead of Earth in technology, intellect, and scientific advancements. One of these characters is an upstart student training in one of the top labs to be a doctor. He has people working underneath him, and he’s clearly achieved. His work ethic is incredible and he is dedicated to his field. However, his dedication has cut him off from his family- their relationship is strained to the point where one of his siblings entered the same field just to catch a glimpse of him. He is afraid to be emotionally vulnerable because he has to have the answers to all these questions. He doesn’t know how to relax, because he’s always at work and this has cost him a life outside of the lab. He gets annoyed easily because he thinks fast enough to see the answer and becomes frustrated when he has to work with other people. We’re going to revisit this in the next unit, but a character without flaws is a boring character because the flaws are what allow us as readers to do our own analysis and find a deeper meaning in someone as a whole.

    Our final cliche is the ire of the Editor’s existence. It is twins who are separated at birth or end up in foster care that magically find each other at the start of the story. I also kind of hate this cliche, because again, we’ve all seen The Fosters or is it Switched At Birth? I don’t know, and I don’t really care. If you have a character who is taken from their actual family, you need to double-down and commit to the issues that OC would have. That character wouldn’t show up on someone’s doorstep and magically be taken into the family as one of their own. Life doesn’t work that way. The foster care system is a horribly broken system (at least in the US it is) and that character many times won’t have access to that. In the US, for that information to be given there needs to be reciprocated interest in both the fostered child and the biological parent (usually the father). In divorce proceedings, the courts will almost always give the child to the mother unless the mother has a severe strike against her that would make her unfit to keep a safe environment for her child (prison time, drugs, etc.). The courts really dislike the idea of taking a baby away from its mom, which means that fathers rarely get custody of the child, and a non-blood relative even less than that. When the child is underage, the biological parent can’t show up on a doorstep and demand to see their child. They need to go through the courts and express a desire in having a relationship with their child. The child would then get an advocate, who would speak for them in court and make sure their wishes (to see or not to see their parents) are expressed. The foster system is messy and wrong and sometimes cruel, and if you are going to write switched at birth or foster-twin stories, you need to do your research on the judicial system. It isn’t just showing up on a doorstep with a birth certificate. It’s gritty and messy and if you want it, you have to take in it all.

    Next week we are going to talk about realism, and how to really capture both the voices of cast members, as well as realistically write living scenarios. Remember to take Fanfiction 101 Exam 1 if you haven’t yet, and everything from this unit until Crossovers will be on Exam 2.

References:

Joanne Rowling. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Scholastic, 2007.

[senpai-no-lie]

Blue Lions Route

So I finished the Blue Lions Route! 

Why I chose Blue Lions: Okay, so when the first trailer was dropped, I thought Edelgard would be my favorite. I liked her character design and I just thought she was really pretty, but Dimitri was on my radar because lol they named a FE character after my chinchilla, nice. I ended up picking Dimitri, because what I knew about his character arc appealed to my sensibilities and I thought he was the nicest during the House introductions, talking about his classmates.

Who Was My Dancer: Felix. I thought he looked cute in the outfit, had the potential for magic anyway as well as swords, and had the avoidance to not be nuked by enemies with his pitiful defense/resistance. He made a great dancer! From my understanding, it might’ve been a bit of a waste, because of gambits, but I didn’t really understand them or use them much in this playthrough

What Paired Endings Did I Get:  

Petra & Linhardt 

 Ralpheal & Ignatz 

 Dorothea & Manuela 

Dedue & Flayn (this one really surprised me) 

 Annette & Mercedea

 Shamir & Catherine 

 Lysithea & Cyril

 Lorenz & Leonie (a bit miffed about this one, but it’s what I get for choosing to go for Seteth with Ingrid instead of with Leonie)

 Ingrid & Seteth 

 Ferdinand & Marianne 

 Felix & Sylvain 

 Ashe & Caspar

Who Did Byleth Marry: Dimitri... not so much because I ship them as characters as I just liked Dimitri the best. Don’t @ me 

Which Dimitri Do I prefer?: Pre-timeskip! I wasn’t a super fan of either character design at first, but I just do not enjoy how self-loathing and mean Dimitri was for a good chunk of the timeskip. I feel like the fandom calling that “feral Dimitri” is a bit of a misnomer. When he returns to being is usual self, it was a welcome change

General Thoughts: I liked the route! It was a good-enough personal arc for Dimitri to keep me engaged, despite some of the mechanics getting in the way of the story. I wish Dedue had been more important to the post-timeskip portion. Mostly, though, I was surprised how short the route was; I’m used to 28ish chapters, so I’m a bit nervous to see how long Crimson Flowers is if that’s the shortest route. I liked all my house characters and had a good time. 

The Blue Lions Characters: 

Dimitri: I think he’s probably the most well-developed, consistently done character in the entire game. I love his character, his supports, and his empathy. There have been a lot of other people who’ve done a great job analyzing his character, so I won’t bother, but A+ boi

Dedue: I like Dedue and his role as Dimitri’s retainer, but he’s not particularly appealing to me. In general, I don’t like the gap moe that comes with strong, silent types that have a feminine side. I think he was a bit of an improvement from Benny (who I liked but didn’t pay much attention to), and I was so grateful to make him not a Fortress Knight (War Master or whatever Dedue did a lot of good punching) because that is probably my least favorite unit type.

Felix: I had a good idea I’d like Felix, because I tend to like tsunderes regardless of gender, but from how the fandom memes about him, I was surprised by the depths of my fondness. He often gets labelled as an asshole, but I would be more generous and say he’s merely got an abrasive side, like a sponge. He had some good, cute moments in his supports and I think his presence added to the story of Azure Moon. I also like that he’s like the only character that has different endings if you recruit him to a different route.  

Sylvain: I know he can be a bit of a controversial character because of his playboy ways, but I like him! I like horse-mounted units and units that can use magic, so he was gonna be a winner for me. I also understand why some people don’t like him and find him to be sexist, but he didn’t particularly read that way to me. To be fair, I find Sylvain’s backstory to be relatable because I myself have a similar situation, of sorts, with my older brother, so I’m just inclined to be more lenient about his more negative traits. I think it hurts Sylvain’s likability that some (or maybe all) of his supports aren’t pre-timeskip locked to demonstrate he really does change his ways, but I think his supports are good and that he’s never irredeemably awful to anyone. 

Ingrid: Another hot take: Ingrid is probably my favorite BL girl lol. I think she’s cute, she’s got some gap moe to her with being so stern but also a food-loving goober and super excitable about knight stuff. My friend said she never was able to get Ingrid to be usable, but my Ingrid rocked. I feel like she had the most connections to the story of BL of the girls, and I wish they had used her more. 

Ashe: It’s a toss-up whether he’s my second fav or Felix is, but I love Ashe. I’m pretty pro archer characters (sans Bernadetta), but Ashe is also just so sweet and caring, despite some of the things he’s been through. I think he’s very cute and a great unit. I might end up marrying him to Byleth if I playthrough BL again (which I will to get DLC supports)

Annette: I like her, but I don’t think she really stands out. I feel sorry that she has to deal with Gilbert, but honestly you could erase Annette from the main story and it wouldn’t change a thing, sadly. I think she’s cute and quirky and I like her spunk, but there’s really not too much to say about her.

Mercedes: I love Mercedes, but similarly to Annette, she doesn’t add as much to the storyline as I’d like, outside of the thing with the Death Knight, which is almost a footnote tbh. I like her character design and her supports and she’s an all-around great unit and character. 

Gilbert: Ugh, I spent a lot of my time complaining about what a whiner he is. As I mentioned, not a fan of Fortress Knights, and Gilbert not only had a base speed of 2 but would regularly miss with an 70-80% hit rate. As a character, I thought he had some good supports, but in general I hate that Dedue took a backseat to him, and that Gilbert is a horrible father. I view as Gilbert a good model for Dimitri, in that Dimitri should not follow Gilbert’s example in how to express and process grief and guilt. Another reason I dislike Gilbert is that I got locked out of his support chain with Catherine, and that’s just annoying

Technically, since I’ve recruited every character except Claude, Edelgard, and Hubert (and I guess the DLC, but now I’ve unlocked them) and almost every associated support, I could write out my thoughts on them, but I’ll save that for the appropriate routes. 

Assorted Bulleted Thoughts: 

Hubert: Man, he just popped up as a cartoonish villain to defeat all the time, and I digged it haha. It became tradition to have Ingrid fly in and to kill him in one hit without taking any damage. It was great. I felt bad that Edelgard had Not A Word to say about Hubert’s death. 

Edelgard: She was built-up so much as the person that had to be defeated to end the war, but there was a lot of dicking around (and all the time we had to go back to homebase for long periods of time) that Edelgard didn’t really get the time to flesh her out as an antagonist or make me, the player, feel particularly motivated to defeat her. Especially when you learn she apparently had nothing to do with the Tragedy of Duscur, and Dimitri is pretty lukewarm about having to kill his stepsister, once he clears his head. Though, that final animated cutscene was top tier

Rhea: I think there should have been one chapter either before or after fighting Edelgard where you rescue Rhea, because as it is, the way her return is handled is incredibly sloppy and emotionally dead. Not even a scene where Flayn and Seteth greet her. Lame

Marianne: She was my favorite and first recruited unit. Love her. That’s all 

I wish all the Blue Lions had been able to reach A-support with each other, especially Sylvain. I think there woul’ve been a lot he could have gained as a character especially. 

It is dumb as hell male Byleth can’t S-support Dimitri, or any of the male Blue Lions, for that matter. If you could add one male student from GD and BL to be bi, I would’ve picked Dimitri or Ashe from BL. Everyone in GD is pretty hetero, so I will arbitrarily choose Ignatz 

[too-lit-for-fanfic]

The Dead Don’t Die; A Review. (Spoilers - it was shit a disappointment)

Hey guys! It’s Roen, one of the owners of this account! I’ve just watched ‘The Dead Don’t Die’, directed by Jim Jarmusch and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in a film for a long time, and that’s saying something. The star-studded cast was completely wasted, the talented likes of Adam Driver, Bill Murray and Steve Buscemi have some enjoyable scenes, though they were few and far between, and at the best of times barely raised a smile to my face.

Let’s start on a high note, the cops. Genuinely stole the show for me. Driver and Bill Murray? Yes please. They worked so well off each other and the chemistry was really good. The dynamics between their two characters was very refreshing as well, unlike the same bland emotionless voids everyone else (aside from Buscemi) appeared to be. Loved the little nod to Star Wars, the red car scene was probably the best in the movie, actually enjoyable to watch the two with their bits of banter, actually believable characters. Just get rid of the female cop, I’m all for diversity and inclusion, but again; she added nothing to any of the scenes she was in and had little to no chemistry with the other cast. You can’t have the entire set of characters acting nonchalant and then have one just fucking bawling their eyes out all the time. Got annoying real fast. The romance between the female cop and Ronnie (Driver) was not believable at all to me. I think they were aiming for a relationship like Tim and Dawn from the UK The Office but it fell so short. Not a fault of either actor, they did the best they could with the material given, however it just seemed like a pointless side piece left out to dry in the sun for too long.

Steve Buscemi, aka Farmer Miller was probably the best consistent character. I am a massive fan of a Buscemi so that probably has something to do why I liked his performance so much but i believe the little bit of *flavour* to his voice, the passion, the anger, just made the character stand out so much more from the rest. I would have loved to have seen more of his character, he only had like three scenes which was a massive injustice. I feel as if the framing/filming of the movie could have been done so much better than it was. It may just be the directors style but it felt as if there were so many pointless scenes, like the extended amount of silence in the car with the three fucking hippies that amounted to absolutely no character development that didn’t even fucking matter because they died practically the very next scene. It was just so infuriating how so much screen time was wasted on insignificant details (like any scene with the alien, the unneeded bonding between Bill nd the delivery man, the extra bit of the two diner workers just chit chatting, the hippy trio section) when it could have been spent on actually interesting characters like Miller. Also, that hat was comedy gold.

The homeless dude pissed me off to no end. What even was his purpose? He was like some bootleg token The Lorax, wandering about the woods high off of mushrooms commenting on the capitalist ideology of the townsfolk. Did he offer anything to the plot? No. Was he interesting in the least?!for the first five minutes. Could he be removed form the story by a disembodied Martin Freeman voice? Absolutely. I don’t know if this is just the directors style but what the fuck. The last bit on phones and technology and capitalism was such a slap in the face to the audience. Propaganda. Like okay, we’ve payed to sit here and wasted over an hour of our lives to watch one of the most disappointing movies recently released, with fucking Scottish aliens, even though it was marketed as a zombie movie, to be lectured on the usage of technology? Fuck off. Pick a genre and stick to it. So much valuable screen time wasted. I think the problem with this movie in particular was, there was such an abundant cast that the movie couldn’t really spend that much time on any of them, not allowing itself to develop their characters or for the audience to form an actual bond with them. If you are to do this with such a large cast some groups must eventually merge in order to provide a semi coherent story. A big downfall on the directors behalf.

I don’t really have much to say about Bill or Hank. They were okay, bu weren’t given enough screen time for me to actually care about them dying. Their characters needed some more spicing up. I’m not dissing the actors for this though, they matched the tone of the movie very well, some things are just irreparable. Could have been done better, could’ve been done worse. The beginning scene with the delivery man and Bill was unnecessary and devoured valuable screen time, so did the awkward as hell interaction between him and the Selena Gomez character.

I don’t even know who the three teen actors were. I’m not throwing shade, but for such a star studded cast i would of thought all man members would have some notoriety. Maybe they do, please correct me if I’m wrong, I just didn’t recognise them form anything I’d seen. Their acting was alright but the few scenes they had were just so pointless. They added nothing to the story and didn’t influence the plot in anyway; at least the Scottish alien lady inadvertently got the two main characters killed, that was something. Was this part of the political propaganda the film was trying to push? If so it went completely over my head unlike all the other in your face narration. Ate up valuable screen time that could of been spent developing far more interesting characters. What even happened to them anyway? The just sort of ran off screen and that was the last we saw of them. Maybe the director forgot about that side plot, I don’t blame him, they were just as forgettable to the audience.

Don’t even get me started on the fucking.. i don’t even know- Scottish Alien?? I thought this was a zombie movie but okay. She’s literally the token badass that just fucks off in a spaceship after ultimately leading the main characters (the cops) to their death by requesting they meet her there for no apparent reason than to flex she can be free and they can’t. Honestly, personally I think this was just an excuse to subvert expectations and throw a curve ball in there for the audience. I’m sorry but just because something’s shocking or doesn’t necessarily fit doesn’t mean it’s going to wow audiences, plot twists have to make sense. If they don’t it’s just bad writing and incoherent story telling. It was worse than the *subverdion* of Game of Thrones.

Overall it was such a waisted potential and an actual chore to get through. Would not recommend, at all. If you like this film I’m genuinely happy for you and glad you’ve found something else to enjoy. However, I feel that this is the long awaited final nail in the coffin for zombie movies (which is a shame because I love the likes of Shaun of the Dead). No matter how talented the cast, and by-god did they try to make the script work, if you have lousy material and a dead story there’s only so much they can do. As a Brit, however, I do feel it may be partially down to personal preference (although the shady plot and general inconsistencies are universal) particularly in relation to the comedy. Not to be insulting but I think I was expecting more witty/intelligent humour akin to Blacladder of Shaun of the dead, the contrast with the laconic style just really didn’t do it for me. Don’t think I laughed once apart from that red car scene. However if you enjoy that type of humour good on you, it’s just it something I connect with very well.

REVIEW ENDS HERE, BELOW IS MY INTERPRETATION OF EVENTS.

‘Oh it’s easy to throw criticism, I beg you couldn’t have done any better.’ Is an argument I am anticipating, so let me pitch to you my possible plot for the movie. First of all, get rid of the three juveniles in that delinquent-prison - seriously, what the fuck was their purpose in this film? Offered nothing to drive the plot forward, didn’t effect the story, had no even slightly funny scene - and replace their screen time with the buddy-cop-duo of Adam Driver/Ronnie and Bill Murray/Cliff. Just get rid of the female cop, the chemistry was better without her input. Bill and Hank? Had potential but I think they should’ve partnered up with Steve Buscemi’s character Miller to form an unlikely passive aggressive, comedy gold, getting by on the scrape of their teeth, trio. The homeless man, again, had potential. Instead of having him as some fucking narrator with a sociology degree I would have placed him along with the Billy-Hank-Miller trio. There could have been some great scenes filled with tension between Miller and him. Out of town hippy trio? Still a thing, but for two scenes max.

Now that the playing field has been set let’s get into my rendition of the story. We start off in the diner with Harry and Frank watching the news and having some not so friendly banter. Insults based on race, lifestyle and beliefs are thrown (the hat, which was hilarious, stays) to establish character dynamics. Scene ends with Frank/Buscemi leaving the diner as the theme tune begins to play. Cut to Ronnie and Cliff stood in a cell looking over the dead woman, Ronnie’s flippancy should remain whilst Cliff should behave like a much more real human, this adds a conflict of character that the movie only briefly explored. The two are in the midst of passive aggressively talking to one another over the body - Ronnie forgot to call the people to collect it - as a client steps into the station. Cliff engages in conversation with the client who is informing him of Miller/Buscemi and Homeless dude getting into a fight on Miller’s driveway. In the background, Ronnie, in an attempt to hide the dead body, drags it off into the background, horribly failing at subtlety.

Once the client is gone the body is placed in the receptionists chair, to ‘make it look like they got around to hiring that new member of staff’ and the duo drive to the scuffle. In the car they briefly chat about the scientific events occurring with the theme playing in the background, develops the world they’re in and further establishes their dynamics and relationship. Once they arrive Miller and Homeless dude are close to throwing hands, Miller with one chicken in his arm and a shot gun in the other and homeless dude with a skinned animal in his. Ultimate cop duo extinguish the scene with jokes thrown in, homeless dude just fucking slaps Miller with the skinned rabbit, Miller nearly shoots him, that hat gets briefly confiscated by Cliff. Scene ends with the four parting ways, cops in the car, Miller up to his house in search of the rest of his chickens and homeless dude off into the wilderness.

Diner deaths happen, but the lady screaming with the mop is considerably shortened. The following scene with cops pretty much stays the same, except the female officer is no longer present. That tiny red car for the absolute tank that is Adam Driver? Absolute gold we are keeping that. Homeless dude, who had seen the dead the night before absolutely fucking recks the crime scene losing his shit trying the convince Cliff. Ronnies already on board but must maintain the law. Homeless bro gets detained by Ronnie but manages to run off with only one hand cuffed. Immediate cut to Hank talking with Billy about weapons and zombies yada yada yada except this time he’s actually a traumatised old man. As Billy goes on a tangent about zombies I imagine Hank to be like ‘Moose’ played by the old guy in Jumaji: the next level. Completely gormless but hanging off of every word.

Scene at motel happens, along with the amazing line ‘fuck farmer Miller’ delivered perfectly by Murray.

Skip to night time; cop buddy duo set out on the town with a load of guns and other assorted weapons they managed to scrounge up, their mission is to keep the poeple of the town safe, do they succeed? No. Cliff accidentally drives someone over believing them to be a zombie. At the same time Miller, absolutely fuming about his chickens, is off in the woods behind the store Billy and Hank are camping out in in order to catch the homeless dude in the act of skinning a chicken. Billy and Hank have completely boarded up the front door but unlike in the film, they realise there’s a back door because Miller comes bursting through searching for another shot gun, the undead right on his trial. The trio officially buddy up, gather weapons and set off into the woods, absolutely shit but sumultaneously amazing fight scene ensues as they make their way out of the town.

Our unfortunate trio stumble across homeless guy literally eating one of Millers chickens in the woods. Miller tries to shoot him but is stopped. Banter is tossed, a mini argument happens, everyone has some chicken (Miller begrudgingly). We cut bsck to the cops who now discover the hippy trio dead at the motel, that scene is the same. Cutting back; At the prospect of teaming up Miller throws his chicken away and stomps off into the woods, Billy and Hank following. Homeless dude chases them and attaches himself with the one free hand cuff to Miller. He now has to come.

At some point Cliff absolutely totals the car, I’m not against keeping the zombies in wheels scene. And the two cops are backed into the graveyard. The amazing four are already there struggling to survive. Miller and homeless man keep trying to run in different directions and falling over, Frank has no idea what to do with a pair of branch cutters, Billy is far too happy to be able to finally use his vintage sword that turns out to be pretty shit in the end. Fight scene ensues.

Miller and homeless dude are the first to go, they couldn’t get along if their lives depended on it, which it did. The group scramble and in the process the pair can’t make up their minds. They die arguing. Something along the lines of ‘thank god for that’ but funnier is said by someone idk who. The next to go is Billy. His flimsy sword actually brakes and he’s left weaponless. Hank goes next, he’s been bit and Murray has to shoot him. I picture the scene from Shaun of the Dead, with Ronnie telling Cliff he has to shoot him.

The final scene is when Cliff and Ronnie finally reach another town, beaten up and evidently bruised. The only problem is, the towns already been overrun. The two share one last exasperated look before they charge in to battle, the screen fading to black as the theme song plays. Akin to the ending of Balckadder season 4 But less emotional.

(I know it’s not perfect but by god it’s not any worse than the actual fucking film. If anyone else has any thoughts or ways they think the story should have progressed please message me! I’d love to hear what you guys think!)

[mst3kproject]

615: Kitten With a Whip

Watching this movie is a very frustrating experience for me, and not for the reasons you might think.  Everything that happens in it just makes me squirm.  Every one of the characters is an idiot.  I hate them so much.

A young woman named Jodie Dvorak (like the keyboard) escapes from reform school and climbs through an open window to hide in a suburban house.  This happens to belong to ambitious politician David Stratton.  He finds her there in the morning and she spins him a story about how she was running away from her abusive stepfather.  For some reason David believes this, so he buys her some clothes and a bus ticket and heads home feeling like he’s made the world a slightly better place.

He’s wrong.  When he gets back to his house she’s there again, and she’s brought a heaping helping of blackmail!  Turns out Jodie not only ran away from school, she set the place on fire and stabbed one of her teachers.  Now if David doesn’t do everything she and her friends ask, she’ll accuse him of rape and ruin his career and his marriage.  He tries to make her see reason, but Jodie and her fellow delinquents aren’t reasonable people.  David will be lucky if he gets out of this alive, never mind with his political ambitions intact.

My god, this movie is terrible.  The idea had plenty of potential: David’s in a bad spot, being held hostage at the whims of this unpredictable young woman who has already demonstrated she’s happy to hurt people who get in her way.  But everything about it is done wrong, in a way that makes me want to throw things at the screen.

For starters, there’s the most noticeable problem, the acting. Kitten With a Whip was intended to be star Ann-Margaret’s big break, the movie that would prove to Hollywood that she could be a serious dramatic actress as well as a pretty face.  The character of Jodie is designed (very, very obviously, without regard to consistency or motivations) to showcase her range, running the gamut from innocence to evil, from elation to tears, terror to rage… and Ann-Margaret acts her heart out in every single scene and she’s absolutely terrible.  Not a single word out of her mouth is convincing, even on the rare occasions when Jodie is supposed to be telling the truth.  Her ferociously melodramatic delivery just screams look at me!  I’m acting!

John Forsythe isn’t much better.  He’s supposed to be a man who is trying to stay reasonable while surrounded by unreasonable people, but he never gives the impression of impotent anger (as, for example, I feel at the thought of continuing to watch this movie without actually being able to reach into the screen and strangle anybody).  Instead he just stands there bemused while everything goes on all around him.  At several points he has the opportunity to just leave the damn house with people who will listen to his problems and stand up for his character, but he never takes it.

The side characters are annoying, too.  David’s well-meaning friends and family are all stagey and false, and the situations that bring them into contact with him are painfully contrived. There is nothing to them as characters beyond the bare minimum needed to further the plot, and even that is forced and formulaic.  They’re there to ask questions and notice things and give him opportunities to escape or ask for help which he never takes.  None of them sound natural, because the things they’re doing and saying are not things any person would naturally do or say.

Jodie’s slang-talking friends are no more than an extension of her. It feels like the writers couldn’t think of any much more to do with Jodie on her own, so they decided it was time to call in more delinquents – but they can’t think of anything to do with them either, because they just go on doing exactly what Jodie’s already been doing.  It feels like the movie’s starting over.  Then, having realized it doesn’t know what to do with these people, the movie awkwardly dumps them one by one.  They leave the story having barely had any effect on it besides wasting the audience’s time.

If they were at least funny or in some way memorable maybe they wouldn’t feel so useless, but they aren’t.  The Girl is stupid, The Thug wanders around threatening people, and The Guy In The Hat rattles off pseudo-philosophical dialogue that’s supposed to be deep but transparently makes no sense, and you can tell the actor is reciting it from memory without a clue what it ought to mean.  All three of them, plus Jodie herself, go out of their way to annoy each other for no reason.  For about twenty seconds the movie attempts some kind of love triangle with them, but then realizes it’s pointless and gives up.

The plot depends on a series of coincidences, one after another. Things happen, people arrive, the doorbell or phone rings, always at exactly the wrong moment.  Jodie’s picture was on TV exactly when David was there to see it, on a screen exactly facing the table he and his friend were sitting at.  Why not have him see her in one of those stupid newspapers he’s been ignoring? That would have added some irony, in that if he’d actually read the damned things he wouldn’t have helped her in the first place.  Both his friends and Jodie’s just happen to want to go to Tijuana where they can run into each other.

The thing that makes me angriest in this entire infuriating movie, however, is what a fucking idiot David is.  Not only does he have chances to leave with his friends or tell them what’s going on and ask for help, he has multiple opportunities to just walk or drive the hell away and he never does it!  He could have told the couple who turned up to deliver the flowers!  He could have left Jodie at the motel!  He could even have said something in the strip club!  Mike and the bots talked about this a lot and sometimes I get fed up with them when they harp on a point over and over, but here they’re right.  You idiot, just leave!  Cut your losses and fucking go.  What is wrong with you?

Worst of all, it just goes on and on.  Again and again we reach a place where we could have stopped but then David’s an idiot, another coincidence happens, and the fucking movie just continues.  It never feels like there’s more to this story that we still need to see. It feels like somebody was counting pages and went, “we’re not at feature length yet, what else can I do?” So not only is everything that’s happening just frustrating, it’s also completely gratuitous.  There is no reason why I am still watching it, and yet here I am!  When Jodie steals David’s car keys at the motel, it’s all I can do not to throw my laptop across the room or stab the screen with my knitting needles.

Does this movie have a point beyond showing us how nicely that dress fits Ann-Margaret?  It tries to have a couple, but like the love triangle, it gives up pretty quickly.  One is that it’s a modernized tale of the succubus, the female sexual demon who drains a man of his will and turns him over to the devil.  David is helpless to resist Jodie and she leads him merrily down the road to hell, knowing that if he refuses she’ll ruin his life but helping her is ruining it anyway. This could actually have been a pretty nice metaphor if The Guy In The Hat hadn’t spelled it out for us letter by letter.  I guess the writers were afraid we wouldn’t get it.

The movie’s other point is the idea of respectability, and how fragile it is.  David’s friends are constantly urging him to do things that will make him seem respectable. Meet this newspaper man, tone down these points in his speech, be as appealing as possible to as many people as possible.  In order to lay the foundations of his election campaign, David must be squeaky-clean… but the thing the public loves most about squeaky-clean people is the opportunity to sully them.  This is particularly plain here on tumblr, where a person may be a popular blogger one day and then go down in flames the next, as somebody takes something they said or did in the wrong way.

Jodie seems quite drunk on the power David’s need for respectability gives her, and while I don’t understand why he doesn’t make the effort to escape, I think the reason she forces him to stay around is because she simply enjoys being in that position.  If she really did have an abusive stepfather and was then mistreated at reform school, she’s not used to being in a position of power.  Having been bullied yourself can make being a bully that much more intoxicating.

Of course, this plot thread comes with a side of ‘women only cry rape to ruin innocent men, don’t listen to them’.  That’ll be the reason you guys were expecting me to hate this movie.  Make no mistake, it does contribute, but it’s a measure of how fucking bad the whole thing is that it’s not actually the top of the list.

There have been all kinds of awful movies on MST3K and there will, I hope, continue to be.  There are ones that intrigue me, ones that amuse me, and ones that put me to sleep, but I honestly can’t think of one that makes me angrier than Kitten With a Whip.  Only Project Moon Base comes anywhere close but Kitten With a Whip still edges it out.  I’ve only seen the episode once before and I barely managed to finish it, I hated the movie so much.  Now that I’m done with this review I am never going to watch it again.  Ann-Margaret is actually still acting and she eventually won a number of Golden Globes, but I bet this movie set her career back by years. Fuck Kitten With a Whip and the horse it rode in on.

[fortunatelylori]

Hey, GOT! Turn on the freaking lights!

I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about this on my blog but I’m from a little country in Eastern Europe called Romania. I was born and raised in Bucharest, as was all of my family dating back centuries. 

One of the most important landmarks in Bucharest is this building right here: 

It’s called the House of the People or, more recently, Parliament House. This is so huge that you simply can’t escape it. At times it feels as if the whole of Romania lives in the shadow of this structure. 

It was built by Nicolae Ceausescu, our once communist dictator. Everything about it is meant to intimidate and impress. Entire neighborhoods and monuments dating back hundreds of years were torn to the ground in order to make room for it. 

It’s impressive in all its megalomaniac glory and the inside is just as over the top. You’ve got entire rooms made of marble, with columns so high it makes you dizzy just looking up. When you enter you’re greeted by a huge staircase made of marble as well and wall high paintings of the Ceausescu spouses going about their communist life:

Looking at separate elements, there is beauty there and even artistry. Taken as a whole, it’s a fucking architectural, visual and cultural disaster. 

Now, I’m not suggesting HBO and the Ds are communist tyrants but what I am saying that that a huge amount of money, time, talent and effort is being sunk into this tv show and the results are the story telling equivalent of the House of the People. There are good things sprinkled in there but the basic structure and flow of this story has sunk to such depths that it’s hard to find the experience of watching GOT pleasurable anymore. It’s become an exercise in futility and wasted potential. 

This episode is even worse because GOT has so much money to burn that usually you can at least enjoy the production values and the visual spectacle that offers you. This episode is, unfortunately, called the “Long Night” so buckle up for an hour and a half of complete darkness, punctuated by brief flashes of human forms darting back and forth on your TV screen. So this is the equivalent of the House of the People at night, covered in thick fog, when the electricity has gone out. 

The bad news about having the episode filmed in darkness is that it’s practically impossible for you to be invested in the action since you can’t see who is doing what or what they are going through while doing it. The good news is that the story tellers will do their utmost to make sure you also don’t give a shit.

General Impressions

This episode we are fortunate enough to get a respite from David Nutter, one of the worst directors I’ve ever had the misfortune of directing tv shows I like and we are treated instead to the talents of Miguel Sapochnik. I’ve loved most of his work on GOT, with my favorite episode of his being Hardhome. And I’m sure he did a fantastic job in this episode, coordinating what is essentially an hour and a half long battle. However, since I couldn’t really see much of what was going on in the action packed sequences, I’m basing that assessment more on faith, than solid proof. 

This episode also has the distinction of completing Jon Snow’s journey into complete irrelevancy.  Jon doesn’t do much of anything of consequence. Instead he simply stumbles from one failure to another: from following D*ny in destroying the wights army instead of getting to Bran (if D*ny wanted to destroy the wights, why couldn’t Jon hop on Rhaegal to go to the Godswood? why do both of them need to be there to burn the zombies?); to his almost success in taking down wight Viserion only for it to go to nothing when the dragon is still alive and proceeds to burn down Winterfell; to charging the Night King through a field of dead bodies only for the most obvious twist of the NK raising the dead to stop him in his tracks and finally completely abandoning his ethos to protect those in need by leaving Sam to die at the hands of the wights in order to get to Bran. He, of course, never makes it to the Godswood and ends the episode jumping from behind a rock to scream at wight Viserion, without even pulling out his sword to attempt to fight back. It’s enough to make one ...

My thoughts exactly, Jon. 

What a complete and utter waste. 

Talking of wastes, we are now 3 and a half hours through this season and the Starks have yet to be together in the same room, having a conversation. All through the seasons we have waited with baited breath for these kids to be reunited. The Ds, trolls that they are, baited us with just that at the beginning of season 7, only for it to never materialize. Now they have outdone even themselves by putting the Starks under the same roof and using every trick in their troll textbook to make sure we get absolutely no satisfaction for our Stark itch. 

On top of that, we have been led to believe that these 4 people (ok, 3 since Bran is a robot now) care about each other. You’d think that they would seek each other out and at least hug before the battle that could potentially kill one or all of them. That doesn’t happen. 

I think the reason why it doesn’t happen is because the Ds felt there was no point in wasting time on that when all 4 of them were going to survive. The problem is that the audience doesn’t know that and should at least fear that they won’t survive. 

Most importantly, the characters themselves have no idea that they got a death immunity card for the greatest battle to visit this planet in 8000 years. So to have them completely forget about one another is just piss poor writing. 

The closest we get is this scene between Arya and Sansa: 

Arya: Get down to the crypt. 

Sansa: I’m not abandoning my people. 

Arya: Take this and go. 

Sansa: I don’t know how to use it. 

Arya: Stick them with the pointy end. 

This might as well be a conversation between two strangers who kind of decided they really don’t like each other very much, instead of two sisters who might never see each other again. Sansa goes as far as to refuse to leave not because she doesn’t want to leave her sister but because she doesn’t want to abandon “her people”. 

It’s not wrong of Sansa to want to stay with the people of Winterfell but it does make the conversation less poignant and emotional because there’s nothing personal about this exchange. Nor do these two even spare one tearful glace for one another. That is reserved for this scene: 

That’s where the show’s priorities lay. Why did they include this scene? Was it only to fan the flames of the Sanrion ship? I would say no. I think they’re laying the groundwork for whatever plot point Sansa and Tyrion will be involved in, which will inevitably circle back to Cersei one way or another. 

And while it was a poignant scene, I can’t help but begrudge that they gave us this at the expense of the Sansa/Arya scene or a potential Sansa/Jon scene. 

Also, a lot of people are now complaining that Sansa didn’t fight during this episode which makes her useless (the same old tired argument so no surprise there) but they completely miss the point as to why her lack of fighting is frustrating. It isn’t because Sansa didn’t turn into Xena, the warrior princess, in this episode. It’s because the Ds set up something but then didn’t follow through. Sansa received a dagger and advice on how to use it. Normally that would lead to her having to do just that, particularly when in the scene above she pulls out the very same dagger. But wouldn’t you know it? Once she stands up and charges, she does absolutely NOTHING! It isn’t that she fails. It’s that the writers didn’t even feel the need to show her try. They set up that plot point and then left it dangling with no pay off. 

There are multiple examples of this type of tepid storytelling though out the episode but I think the most glaring one is Bran. He has been building up to his confrontation with the Night King since season 1. And all of that amounted to what exactly? Bran did nothing but sit in the Godswood and wait for the NK to try to kill him. So why did he go through that entire, excruciating journey exactly? What vital information did he discover that led to the demise of the NK? What magical abilities did he posses that were crucial against his greatest foe? He didn’t even warg a dragon for Pete’s sake even though that should have been a given. 

In the behind the scenes commentary, the Ds said that the key to destroying the NK was either stabbing him directly in the spot where the COF inserted the shard of dragon glass or killing him next to the Weirwood tree, depending on what you understood by their comments. 

Either way, that information did not make it into the TV show. Bran never says that, despite having opportunity to do so during the council meeting in episode 2. So it doesn’t matter what the Ds say in interviews. If it isn’t on screen, it doesn’t exist. 

On the whole, the most frustrating part of the episode was the actual battle. Leaving aside the poor lighting, what I got form this episode is that 130.000 men (based on my super duper math skills utilized for ep 2) had absolutely no strategy and no stamina to at least attempt to fight a hoard of mindless zombies. It took all of 10 minutes for all these hardened soldiers (with one exception which we will discuss later on) to break ranks and flee for their lives. 

Also why did Jorah lead 100.000 of those men, consisting of the entire Dothraki khalasar acting as the Winterfell army’s cavalry, on a charge into the darkness of certain death? I don’t know a lot about battle strategy but I do know that when you have a key position (in this case Winterfell), you don’t charge. You wait for the enemy to come to you. And once the army broke, everyone of those people were running around like headless chickens, with no clue how to regroup or mount an effective defense of one of the most impenetrable castles in the whole of Westeros. Robb Stark must be spinning in his grave like kale in a hipster’s smoothie. Imagine what he could have been able to do with 130.000 men. 

It pains me to say this but the Night King was genuinely the only one on that battlefield who had an actual plan, could adapt to what was thrown at him (the trenches, falling off the dragon etc.) and complete his mission. He was defeated in the end but his defeat consisted not only of the unexpected in the form of Arya and her FM training but also on the lack of reaction of all the wights and the white walkers that were there which, frankly, stretches disbelief. 

PS: While sparing not one single moment for character or plot development, GOT did find the time to rip off How to Train your Dragon ... again ...

Give it up, guys. You don’t have half the vision and talent of the HTTYD squad. This just makes you look silly. 

Favorite scenes

The “Blood of my Blood” scene: 

I loved the whole sequence of D*ny and Jorah. From Jorah sweeping in like a knight in shinning armor to protect D*ny, to him getting up through multiple stab wounds because he couldn’t give up on trying to save her, to D*ny picking up a freaking sword and fighting despite not knowing how to try and defend him, to her break down over his dead body and Drogon coiling up around her to try to comfort her. 

Just looking at these gifs makes me want to cry. One of the only truly meaningful and emotional moments in the whole episode and an apt ending to the most important relationship in D*ny’s life. Kudos to Emilia and Iain on giving it their all in this scene. 

The “You’re home” scene: 

Speaking of acting chops, Alfie Allen, ladies and gentlemen! Truly one of the best actors in this cast. And this scene really brought Theon full circle. The man who didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere, who went through hell and back, who lost his humanity and clawed his way back to it, died defending the only place he’s ever known as home. Alongside the D*ny/Jorah scene, this really broke me down. Also this: 

Bran: Theon! You’re a good man. Thank you. 

cue the ugly crying right now

Just wonderful! I hope Alfie has a long career in front of him because he’s sooo good. 

The “Final atonement” scene: 

The reason why I loved Mel’s death scene so much is because it brings to completion the burning of Shrieen. Despite her religious fantaticism and her ruthlessness, sacrificing that little girl did take it’s toll on Melisandre. It shook her to her core. So much so that she walked into the frozen wasteland, took off her necklace and killed herself. The fact that the entire sequence is punctuated by Davos watching her walk to her death makes it all the more meaningful. 

It surprised me that they chose this way to bring an end to her character but I feel it enriched her story and my perception of her. 

Episode MVPs

The Unsullied: 

I was curious about what they would do with the Unsullied during the battle because their fighting style is perfectly suited to castle defense. Also, because of this story from the History and Lore series: 

The Unsullied are known for their discipline and willingness to stand their ground against the greatest adversaries. They are canonically so impressive that not only did they beat the Dothraki but all the Dothraki riders cut off their braids and placed them at their feet to honor their bravery and prowess.

Considering that not only were the Unsullied the only soldiers at Winterfell to actually stick to their guns and fight strategically and bravely but they also ensured the retreat of all the other forces, the people of Winterfell need to be cutting off their own hair and honor these brave men. 

Arya “It is Princess after all” Stark: 

Aaaa ... yeah, she is the princess that was promised, y’all!

Arya’s story in this episode was the most complete and compelling one. Starting off with her “I know Death. He has many faces. I look forward to seeing this one” bravado, to her rawness and vulnerability when she realized what she was up against to her putting all that Faceless Men training to good use and managing to sneak up on the Night King just enough to end him. 

Arya Stark has just killed Death! A true warrior, if there ever was one! I hope this marks an end to her FM arc and a gradual return of at least part of the kindness and empathy Arya was defined by in season 1. 

Daenerys “Why do you want me to feel sorry for her?” Targareyen: 

Well, this is strange ... I never thought I’d make D*ny an MVP in these reviews but fair is fair. The girl was a champ this episode. 

I know some people seem to think that she’s the reason why the battle plan went haywire because she decided to attack the wight army after seeing her khalasar wiped out. However ... for one, she had just seen all of her Dothraki cut down. Clearly whatever strategy they had going wasn’t working. Secondly, I seem to remember in episode 2 that Tyrion offered to wave the torch so Dany could set the trench on fire so obviously she and Jon were not suppose to just stick to the Godswood for the entire duration of the battle. 

Still, I think the reason why I found D*ny so formidable this episode was because she was placed directly in contrast with Jon and unlike Mr. Can’t seem to get anything right these Days Snow, D*ny did actually put up a fight, saved Jon’s life even at the risk of injury to Drogon and attacked the Night King head on. 

Yes, dragon fire was ineffectual against the NK but she gave it her all and I appreciate that. As thanks for her bravery and loyalty (despite now knowing that Jon is her rival to the IT), Jon abandoned her without hesitation, proving once again that he genuinely doesn’t give a shit about her. At this point, I honestly don’t understand why D*ny stans are shipping her with Jon. They should have higher standards for their fave. 

The way they chose to portray D*ny in this episode is interesting because, despite D*ny’s actions, dark D*ny and the Dance of Dragons is still happening, in my humble opinion. That means that we are left in a bit of a conundrum: D*ny has now fulfilled her end of the bargain. She has fought the army of the dead and lost a significant percentage of her army and Jorah in the process. Which leaves us with the inevitability that Jon and the Starks will not only go against the woman that helped them protect their home but will prove themselves mercenary and dishonorable for doing so. Also because of the prolonged absence of Jon’s POV and the lack of scenes of the Starks together, D*ny, being the only one we have clear access to narratively, becomes more and more sympathetic. 

In some ways this choice frustrates me because D*ny has done some truly horrific things and story-wise those have yet to be addressed or paid off. By making her more and more sympathetic and the Starks more antagonistic in relation to her, it makes it harder to deliver the comeuppance she has earned over the seasons. 

On the other hand, there is something about this type of narrative choice that appeals to me. The line between hero and villain is practically nonexistent and it’s up to each and everyone of us to pick a side, based more on our subjective experiences and less on objective narrative reasons.  

It brings to mind the first Dance of Dragons where you could very well make an argument in favor of both the Black and Green factions because there was no clear cut answer on who was right and who was wrong.  

*none of the art work belongs to me. thank you to the content creators!

[dbhilluminate]

DBH: Illuminate- Hit and Run (part 1)

Characters: Connor-50 / Z, Dennis, Nick, Kate, Connor-51 / RK, Axl  Word Count: 2,598

Axl spots a trine of RK800's entering Detroit on a bus inbound from Belle Isle- Kate moves to tail them with the intention of finding out why they're there, but is spotted by Connor's doppelganger and forced to do something she regrets in order to escape.

( Chapter Art by triple_jays_art , Co-authored by grayorca15)

Previous Chapter

• Chapter Index • Characters •

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November 12th, 2038 - 12:54 PM

By the end of the journey, Dennis almost wished their special travel privileges had been revoked. Standing at the back of the bus might have been degrading for models of their ( dubious ) stature- compared to that, sitting wedged into an armchair-style seat wasn’t any more pleasant, but it was useless to rue any of it at this point, like insisting on taking the window seat in spite of irrelevant comfort. HIs partner squinted and placed a hand on the glass to see further out the window in anticipation of what their first glimpse of Detroit would entail. Thus far, the rolling expanses of countryside —field after field of unharvested late-season corn— had yet to give way to congested metropolitan sprawl. Nick sighed and turned back to him in disappointment. "How much longer? Why is it so far? I didn't know it would take so long."

Such questions were unsuspicious to the rest of the tour bus’ human group, but exhausting to have to answer ten times over. Instead of responding with his usual weariness, Dennis skimmed ahead to the next news article on his tablet, slouched down in his seat with his elbows bowed and his ankle crossed over one knee. He cut enough of a surly image he hadn’t been bothered by other passengers looking for small talk, though his covert attire helped throw off suspicion. In his Michigan State Wolverines hoodie, blue jeans, and ski cap crammed down over his brow, Dennis looked like just another laze about young adult catching the bus back to the city. He’d even left the laces of his boots untied to better help sell the idea. With every lazy turn the bus made they swayed one way, then the other. Dennis ran through a few possible responses before he opted for a casual nudge of his toe against his partner’s knee. This might have been a bearable arrangement, if only he would quit fidgeting every five minutes.

“You lookin’ for a distraction, or you want the same answer I’ve been givin’ you the last five hours?” Nick knocked his knee against his in rebuttal as he continued to look out the window, then turned and leaned back toward him, eyes wide under an old Detroit Tigers ball cap. "I'm just curious! It's been so long since we’ve been home… how much longer ‘till we get there?" The tablet in Dennis’ hands updated in real-time: a few mentions of road accidents that had waylaid everyday commuters at several junctions along I-75, interrupted his reading with a few annoying pop-up banners that he swiped away after reading. “An hour, provided the traffic doesn’t logjam between here and there,” he replied, then paused to take a sideways glance at his partner’s leg jittering up and down like a piston. Dennis recalled that had been their third’s plan to eat up the few hundred miles between Dayton and Detroit, but four hours in, Nick had recharged all he could will himself to. Now he was brimming with nervous energy he couldn’t work off, as always. Good plan, bad result. “What happened to sleeping your way back?” Nick reached to fuss with one of the arms of his windbreaker jacket and fidgeted in his seat. His leg stopped for a moment. "I tried that, but I'm not- tired anymore. We're going so slow… Too slow. Can't they go any faster? When will we actually be in the city?" “Soon enough,” Dennis replied, and dialed back the exasperation in his tone to spare them both the aggravation. Whether or not the delays could be helped didn’t stop Nick from whining about it anyway. There was no sense in getting annoyed.

Dennis glanced back and around at their company, most of whom were either asleep or too engrossed with their mobile electronics to notice, and made one slight tug at the ski cap. His LED dimmed beneath it, but he needn’t chance someone noticing the faint glow. As he opened the wireless communication channel between them, he reverted back to their usual banter: Don’t whine so much, you’ll draw attention to us. Their press coverage was still minimal as of yet, and most photos tended to consist of only one of their three faces. The odds they’d be outed were minimal, but it was still attention they didn’t need. And you know Zero could use the recharge. Nick twisted around and directed a too-obvious glance at their dozing primary seated a few rows back on the opposite side of the aisle. The RK800 (formerly known as “Connor”) faked a nap, head tilted back against the cushy headrest with a smart-looking cap pulled down over his eyes. Okay, okay, fine… I'll stay quiet, the anxious Android agreed as he settled back into his seat, then propped his chin up in the palm of his hand as he frowned at the floor You’re fussing more than the three-year-old in Row E. Dennis nodded to illustrate his point, directed a raised brow to the child in question, and rubbed at his eyes. I know you don’t like long rides anywhere. But you know why we’re being recalled, right? He had explained it. Whether or not Nick had been listening was another matter entirely. His partner leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms as he re-accessed the data, and remained quiet just long enough to formulate an answer. Yes… we're going back to Detroit to- uhm… help with something.

Nick never had possessed the longest attention span of their trio… Capacity for learning meant human mannerisms could easily sneak their way into all the machine-like tics that came with being an android, but they still needed to be tempered. Dennis shut his eyes before the urge to roll them got the better of him. Even if it was the perfect moment to indulge one, he refrained from exhibiting any deviant-centric behaviors, lest he give Amanda another reason to add a new tally his behavioral report. Yes. We’re going to help determine where Illuminate has been operating. Zero’s redundancy twin is a whisker away from rooting out their base of operations, and he could use some backup closing the net. The long and the short of it, as described by Amanda, wasn’t that their time around the Midwest had been a complete waste, but now that they were in the know about Zero’s “other half���, it stood to reason that they’d been sent out of the city to keep from overlapping on DCPD cases. Her patronizing reassurance did nothing to calm the faux bubbling of anxiety in Dennis’ lines, however; in fact, it had done the opposite by seeding the suspicion of irrelevance. He was simply better than Nick at concealing what he felt, as much as he wasn’t supposed to.

Nick bypassed the information that they were being sent to help uncover the largest connection that would help them prevent a deviancy uprising, and immediately went for the acknowledgment of Zero's twin. Instead of skeptical, he was genuinely earnest to embrace the notion of a lost ‘relative’. The prospect didn’t scare him at all. Oh, yes, I knew that. I can't wait to meet him! I wonder if they look different... you know, so we can tell them apart? I wouldn’t want to confuse one for the other. Dennis scoffed and twitched his crossed-over ankle to purge some of the subdued restless energy. That’s hardly our biggest concern. This isn’t a social call, it’s for the good of the mission. He may not have always liked being the anchor of their group, but someone had to be. I know, I'm just excited. The wait is making me anxious… Nick trailed off as he took a hopeless look out the window again, then realized what he should have said and turned back to Dennis. A-and to get started on the mission, of course.

With a slow, careless blink and a small sigh, Dennis cleared the news article he was no longer one-hundred percent focused on reading, just as a green mileage sign flashed by. Toledo, Monroe… then Detroit- all potential deviancy hotspots. Depending on what kind of network Illuminate had established, they could have connections everywhere. Thirteen months was a long time for roots to spread. Even if they had only been dispatched to try and round up stragglers, sending three deviant hunters after an un-quantifiable number of deviant Androids across several States was a slapdash attempt at containing the phenomenon, at best. Deviants were as varied and widespread as the humans they took after. Dennis doubted he and his partners would have been able to see so much of the Midwest any other way, though. Mission parameters raised no red flags against lingering on a rooftop a few minutes longer than necessary to watch the sunrise over a foggy Lake Eerie, or peer through a fence to appreciate the teamwork of two dozen grade-schoolers playing a round of baseball after class- or study the diligence with which a monarch butterfly moved from one milkweed plant to the next, carrying out its natural function as a pollinator against all odds, natural or otherwise. That instance in particular, Dennis remembered having to stop and remind Nick it was time to leave. The garage in the middle of that bough harbored no deviants, just a wild assortment of insects. He would have been successful, too, if the damn butterfly hadn’t thought to land on his partner’s wrist. Nick had gone completely still as soon as it landed, letting out a breathy gasp and donning a wide-eyed stare. " Look, Dennis, look- wait, don't come close, you'll scare it off! ” Which was how the presumed in-out inspection job turned into a thirty-minute ordeal of tagging along after a ziggy little monarch. Even after flitting away, its new fan put his android abilities to use, sprinting after and tracking it like a fox chasing a hare. Dennis had followed only to ensure no harm befell their third, while Zero went alone to determine the deviant’s next most likely hiding place. They returned to find Zero standing idle outside the tool shed, while a recovery team from the nearest Cyberlife depot tazed and loaded the exposed fugitive up for transport. That had been three months ago- now here they were on the cusp of winter, headed back to Detroit to take part in a far more important manhunt. Colder temperatures were already leaving flecks of frost on the Greyhound’s curvy windows. It was strangely foreboding. But there wouldn’t be any butterflies this time, or so he’d hoped.

November 12th, 2038 - 03:37 PM

The Rosa Parks terminal wasn’t the first stop their bus made within the city limits. On the off chance they had been noted by prying eyes between Dayton and Detroit, they had been instructed to disembark at random. This counted as such. They didn’t need to step off as a group, but months on the road together only served to reinforce the invisible tethers- where Zero went, Nick and Dennis would follow. If he asked them to wait, they would. If he ordered them not to speak to anyone, they wouldn’t. Anyone who wasn’t law enforcement or related to an active case weren’t to be extensively interacted with- Which was why the moment two parka-wearing children darted out of the crowd and tripped Zero up was so unexpected. Z’s nostrils flared as he barely sidestepped quickly enough to get out of their way, and a hand shot out to brace himself against the side of the idling bus. “Sorry, mister!” Amidst more carefree giggles, they wove back into the crowd, right back to their parents’ sides. After being cooped up on a bus for god only knows how long, it wasn’t any surprise a kid’s first instinct would be to run amok at the first opportunity. With his disguise intact and his cover no worse for wear, Zero returned his focus to locating the subspace storage compartments running the length of the vehicle and entered the six-digit code Cyberlife had forwarded. A panel slid back to reveal a black gym bag, right where they said it would be. All that remained now was to get to Central Station.

They could have summoned a taxi, but with the chill of winter rolling in on the heels of November (cool and breezy, tempered with city smog), it wasn’t unbearable. In contrast to the stuffy interior of a tour bus, one might even call it refreshing; besides, it would do them good to walk, to stave off freezing joints. They had an itinerary, but not an expected time of arrival. Hiking the last leg of the journey to the station didn’t go against any pre-existing orders, and it would give them time to acclimate to their urban surroundings. Zero shouldered the bag by pulling the bandoleer-style strap over his head, then grabbed the brim of his cap and gave it a firm downward tug. Underneath, his LED flickered and spun up. Would you two mind walking from here on? Nick looked around at their new surroundings and nodded absent-mindedly, not at all realizing that he looked like a star-struck tourist in a less-than star-studded city. Oblivious to this as ever, he straightened up and focused with a gleeful smile. Yeah, I’d like that! Just look how nice it is. The bus ride was so long… and the station isn't that far. ‘Nice’, Dennis scoffed over the line as he cinched up his for-show knapsack and led the way out of the boarding area under the iconic inverted-umbrella, funnel-shaped tensile canopy. They kept at least an arm’s reach from each other as they wove into the crowd, but stayed within each others’ line-of-sight. Sticking close together was the best possible formation if they wanted to avoid being sidetracked. Don’t go getting too used to it, Nick. You said the same thing about Chicago, before that breeze almost knocked you off the DuSable. I didn't know it would be so strong, Nick protested in defense, sounding half-embarrassed by the mention of the event. It was as close to an infamous public screw up as they had yet known. The smile dropped. I know now, I won't do that again. At least not when it's windy. Just stay away from the river, you should be fine. Detroit only has one.

That she did. Wide and noticeable as it was, an expanse of sky and sea was all that separated the states from Canada. But beyond that to the southeast, past the assortment of towers and the even-further faraway silhouette of Windsor, a lattice-covered spire shaped like a speartip pierced the horizon as if it were threading a needle through the clouds. Zero had glimpsed it as the bus rode the elevated interstate. Now, his brown eyes subconsciously scanned the urban skyline for it as it crossed his mind once more, as if he owed it at least one fervent glance for being the closest thing to ‘home’ most androids knew.  Even if it said place wasn’t for him, there was the illusion of disdain in looking at it. Knowing what he did about their excommunication from its shadow, he wasn’t in any hurry to lay eyes on CyberLife Tower again. Why should it feel familiar, or welcoming, when they hadn’t even had enough time to get attached to the sight of it? The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth, but before he could let it fester, he turned and fell into step with the other two.

[strechanadi]

POB Swan Lake overthinking no. 783

I don’t have time for this, she said. I have to work on actual papers, she said. And here she is, writing shitload of words about another POB Swan Lake, since she’s a respectable, responsible adult human being.

(Dear @spinmelikeyoumeanit, this is purely your fault, please do know I hate you right now. Enjoy the madness and all the mistakes I am far too lazy to correct. If I’d be able to find them in the first place, that is.)

Shockingly enough, I was yet again asked to share my opinions on POB Swan Lake. And we all know the real meaning behind question „what did you think about SL?“ is in POB case „What did you think about Wolfgang/Siegfried relationship?“ Can’t quite believe that after the madness that was 2016 recording, someone think it healthy to let me dive into this once again. But you wanted it, so here we go!

  You know, despite my academic title, that was supposed to made me educated in matters of history, theory, aesthetics, and who the hell knows what else of dance, I’m still just 5yo child in a overgrown body deep down. So watching anything on stage I am still very much driven by my feelings, my opinions formed by and based on my liking certain things and disliking others (and by disliking I mean hating – 5yo child, don’t forget that). I am all too well aware of my reviews, critics, even the supposedly professional ones, being strongly personal and not at all objective. (As I think is pretty clear even from bad English translations…) (And let’s not begin with the „is it even possible to write an objective, i.e. unbiased, review at all?“ let’s just… not.) (Because it surely is and it‘s just me, painfully incapable of doing so, and desperately trying to hide my own lameness by saying such things as „it can’t be done, so why wasting time trying?“) (However an essay on me and my way of writing things is absolutely different matter, that no one was asking for, and reasonably so. I’m going to shut up now and maybe even get myself to the point…)

  Thinking about yesterday’s performance, there’s one feeling coming back constantly, no matter how valiantly I’m trying to fight it. It’s disappointment. And I HATE it! Partly because – come on, disappointment is not at all something one should feel after watching Nureyev’s POB SL, partly because it’s utterly absurd – the company was in top shape, 2nd and 4th act corps de ballet flawless, Nureyev’s choreography still one of the best I know. And yet…

It’s like I cannot be given POB SL I would like 150%, without questions, without reservations.

Don‘t get me wrong, I love the 2005 recording. It opened my eyes, it made me realize French technique is IT for me, it showed me Karl for the first time and made me fell in love with him (and with Wolfgang) the second he stepped on stage in prologue (if anybody ever tells you love at first sight doesn’t exist, well…). I utterly loved Agnes as Odette/Odile and after few years I realized I actually adore the costumes, the faded colours, the weirdly dreamy atmosphere. But even though I got to understand José Martinez and his interpretation of Siegfried at the end (like after 3 years, never said I was the brightest one), I still felt there’s something missing for me to be completely happy. (But then again, there was Karl the-best-Wolfgang-one-could-ever-hope-for Paquette, and that alone could make me happy for days!)

Knowing me you are probably a bit confused right now, because hello, you were obsessing over 2016 recording for literal weeks, you wrote utterly mad review on it AND another positively deranged essay on main characters, you were clearly unable to shut up about it for even 5 seconds, so what the hell are talking about now, not being 150% happy with any SL recording so far. Well yes, I got to see Siegfried I loved embarrassingly much, and Wolfgang/Rothbart that worked so well with him, that I was almost able to forget Karl (for exactly 27 seconds or so), but then there was Amandine, whose Odette was just… well… eh, nothing special, and as minor issue as it may seems, it still left the faintest bitter taste somewhere deep, deep down, thanks to which I simply couldn’t make myself to say – yes, this is the best Swan Lake of all Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should just stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it (even thought it was one of the best Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it).

And now, now I got Odette/Odile with personality and strong charisma again, Wolfgang that is still more Rothbart that anything else, but that I got used to. And Siegfried, who I fucking hate. There. My inner child strikes again. In full force.

 Honestly, Germain was my biggest disappointment. And kind of the only one, thinking about it now. It’s rather ridiculous, dismiss the whole performance because of one character, isn’t it? And that character being Siegfried. It’s not like there are not quite few SL with a bit boring princes, right? It’s kind of expected, not that shocking, is it? But hell – if I love Nureyev’s ballets it’s because he’s given his male heroes more time, more space, more dance, more personality. If I love Nureyev’s SL it’s because of Siegfried being the main character (and because of Wolfgang/Rothbart, because of corps de ballet, because of many other things, but you get my point, surely). This SL demands much from its main hero, and is not forgiving. Or maybe in reality it is and the unforgiving bitch is me. And rest assured I am. I love Siegfried. I love his character, the possibilities the dancer’s given in interpretation and I fucking love his variations. And Germain kind of killed everything, or almost everything for me. It is personal, of course it is, how it cannot be? But one just couldn’t mess one of the most beautiful variations ever made and expect I’d be just, you know what, whatever, your feet were pointed, your 5th position perfect, your technique overall crystal clear, and you are pretty, so who cares? Who cares about interpretation? Who cares about how it seems you have no idea, what you were doing 5minutes ago, what you are doing now and where your character is heading? God, Germain, please, this Siegfried is not just some other prince. He’s so much more than that. You could do practically anything with his character, built it the way you want, the way you are, the way you believe. Just use that pretty head of yours and what’s inside!

There were moments in act 1 (that, let’s be clear, sets the mood for the whole thing), that were promising. I loved what a child Siegfried was, how eager he was to pleased Wolfgang, what an adorable little puppy he could be. (And what is it with me and puppies lately?! First Armand, then one of Bourne’s princes, now Germain, when does this stop? I should choose different animal, seriously. Or different comparison altogether…), but the more promising these moments were – like the one, where Siegfried was looking at Wolfgang as (and I cannot describe it in any other way) a blushing virgin, which, and I swear, made me screamed so loud it could be heard across the ocean! - the more frustrating the outcome.

As I said yesterday, Germain’s Siegfried was like 5yo. You can tell just by looking at him the moment Wolfgang stopped him from following the other boys. I kind of expected Siegfried’s going to stamp his feet or something equally mature :D (but he just went and killed off my favourite variation) (I cannot watch it without screaming, so don’t make me just so you would know what exactly I found problematic).

If anything, his interpretation was simply incoherent. All right, you decided to portray your prince as a child, so pure, so clueless, fine. But if the only thing you can do is one smile, it’s too little, and it is really hard to make your character convincing and not simply annoying after 5 minutes. (Yeah, we got it, you are dreamy, starry eyed kid, cool, could you maybe do something different now? ANYTHING?) But OK. Still could work. But then there’s Siegfried’s variation at the end of act 1. And suddenly you are acting like the teenage prince who is about to marry, who is forced to become and adult and who is scared and has his doubts and all that, but – there was exactly NOTHING before in your way of building your character, that would justify such change. No self-doubt during whole act. None. Zero. Who are you trying to convince now? It’s not going to work all of sudden! And then, another ultimate favourite part of mine – Siegfried/Wolfgang duet. And Siegfried is yet again his unsuspecting, depending, pure baby self. And reading this, you may think, OK, well it could make sense, don’t be such a bitch about it. But it didn’t make sense. The whole interaction had so much potential from Francois‘ part and almost nothing from Germain in return (apart from his perfectly perfect legs – I swear, should he spent as much time thinking about his character as much as he seemed to be thinking about his technique, what an interpretation we could‘ve seen)!

Someone on twitter or somewhere said Germain did his variations beautifully, but they looked more like from concours, than from an actual performance. And that’s exactly it. Not just he became all melancholic out of blue, but the second he was about to do a sissone or a pirouette or a developpé or anything, he was all about technique, about pointed feet, about jump higher and I wanted to scream (so I did).

What hurts me the most is knowing it really, truly could have made sense. Were Germain’s presence more genuine, more real… (or at least consistent!)

  Francois was his usual self as Wolfgang. Still more Rothbart in disguise (*sigh* I want Karl *more pathetic sigh*), smug smile on his face the entire time (I caught myself smirking with him, so he did something right, I’d say) (or maybe I’m just a bad person who would love too much to play with this Siegfried and make him suffer without him even knowing what’s going on) (I told you he was annoying, didn’t I?), he was aware of his power, he was using it freely, enjoying himself (maybe in a bit more reserved manner than in 2016, more for his sake, than for show, even though he could probably laugh at Siegfried’s face and the prince would still run to him happily). And there was Siegfried, all wide eyes, unguarded smiles, so out of touch with anything he physically needed Wolfgang to hold his hand to take him here and there (at one moment pretty disturbing idea crossed my mind – how it would be easier for Wolfgang to just have a leash… I sincerely apologize for my brain, I’d like to say it’s not my fault, truly, but it most probably is.)

Honestly – it was far too easy for Wolfgang this time. This Siegfried believed him implicitly, without question, without doubt, completely, unreservedly, with everything he has, while having no idea, while being completely unaware of a single thing going on around him, not to mention with him. Their relationship was (or could have been) (sorry, inner child, remember) even more uncomfortable, with all those touches literally all over prince’s body – his bare neck, his chest, his arms, his hands, and yet there was anything remotely sexual (not even intimately intimate – if it makes sense) between them. Which was a good thing, because that would be pure child’s pornography…

In act 4, Francois‘ Rothbart was positively mad. Like cartoon villain mad. And it is so not for me… (give me Karl, please, give me all his performances, and if it’s too much, give me just his 4 acts, that’s all I would ever ask for, pretty, pretty, pretty please with the whole cherry tree on top)

 You know me (well you don’t, but you do in a way, which is terrifying and I hope you all have already come to terms with me have to kill you some day), I love looking for things, for meaning of this and that, analysing every tiny bit of one interaction between characters (i.e. overthinking everything and making up more and more insane theories) (this applies on ballet only, I’m literally unable to see anything that is not canon in literature/tv shows/films/whatever, so if I had the misfortune of stumble over fandom of one thing or another, I’m more often than not at loss for what the people are talking about, but that is probably just my own autism showing…) – but with this SL, this Siegfried, I had to try unreasonably hard to see something. And that’s simply wrong. The (over)analysing should be an outcome of pure need, that was brought into life by strong emotions you felt while watching something, it should come naturally. There should be no effort, no trying… It’s quite easy – heart, then mind. If there’s nothing in your heart in the first place, why bother your poor, overworked brain with it? While it probably doesn’t even exist. It doesn’t make sense.

  So to sum this whole SL up, here you have my ultimate conclusion:

Siegfried wasn’t just autistic, he had serious mental affliction. I mean, weren’t Wolfgang right sadistic bastard, he could tell Siegfried to jump out of window, be done with it and spare himself all the effort.

  And since it’s 3.30 AM again, I’m going to bed. To sleep. Not watching Siegfried variations when they were perfect and therefore the world still made sense… (God, it is I who have mental affliction!)