#so terrified of your own mind
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
0 notes
Text
Oh oof I slipped and hit them with dark and serious beam. 😣
#connverse#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Quartz Universe#Steven Universe#This had been WIP for almost a year and has been edited a bit some days ago#I did not pick up on it now to see if I can edit further though. I'm just going to leave this at that#This was inspired by a dream I had about watching a post-apocalyptic(?) anime movie about two survivors going through their lives#Apologies if that one was yapped before in this blog. Trying to keep repeating statements already mentioned before is a habit I hope to avo#Anyway. It was almost a dialogue-less movie. actually not sure if the characters did say anything#The movie doesn't explain stuff to you. You just got dropped in a world and experience with the main characters for a few days#In the dream after watching that movie I went to Tumblr (naturally. Lol) and theories about it popped out#And there was a connverse cross-over fanart of it. Lmao#One of the main characters was EXTREMELY calm and stoic. And the connverse AU version of it was that's because Steven is in a comma and his#Pink mode activated as a defense mechanism against the creatures around while in such a state. 😭 So Pink Steven from Change Your Mind#And like. Oh? What if he's conscious? He's just watching his body have a mind of it's own and he can't control it? That's kinda terrifying#And of course like most of my dreams about shows I enjoy. I woke up before I could dream more about it. 😵#my shiz#skedoobles#SU#SU AU#also implied Pink Steven I guess#pink Steven#I rage-stopped drawing this because I know what needed to be fixing but the fixing I've been doing isn't fixing it. Lol#I'm specially frustrated with Connie's bangs and eyes. And like. Man. I'm just going to stop it right there before I make it worse.#It does make sense she has a bad haircut given the dream's setting. But it was not decided that was exactly what this drawing is about.#Also I'd imagine Steven to be having a full beard if that was the case.#Anyway enough yapping I have to get some sleep. Lol#Ohmygod just realizeddd. the in-dream movie sounded like I was describing 'Angel's Egg' jshsjajdbdjfbskkd Haven't seen that film in a while#My dream's movie had a Studio Ghibli artstyle and pretty colorful. But I would actually really like the somber vibes in Angel's Egg#for this AU though. 🤔🤩🤩
375 notes
·
View notes
Text
probably been said before but i think we need another regeneration into david tennant for the bit -- but this time its the master
#or any other time lord tbh. this just allows for a lot of thoschei parallels and angst#doctor who#dr who#the master#david tennant#koschei oakdown#thoschei#(target audience)#i need them to share a face and the doctor thinks its himself again and that its a crossing your own timeline wipes your memory thing#and the master can pull it off so well because theyre so similar but it would terrify them both#youre the only person who gets me but i will be nothing like you#the master later claims its because he knows him so well but even when he gets more murdery hes not that different#he is Not thinking about why he ended up with That face its locked in a room in his mind with a sign that says Bad Thoughts#the doctor tries to use it to win the master over but hes scared of the implications too#(sad this can never happen with 13. shed hate him for taking one of HER faces and making a mockery of her. which. fair. if my beloathed ex#regenerated into my face id be pissed too. and the master would just be like hey!! i didn't really want this either!! i didnt plan to take#this body it doesnt work like that!!)#come onnn guys remember how youre basically made to get along youre so similar accept that you can look into the face of someone you hate#and see yourself (but also youre still doomed. always)#anyway an Everyone Regenerates Into David Tennant gag would be such a fun way to do that
42 notes
·
View notes
Text




grimm – batman: legends of the dark knight #149
[ID: a panel sequence of young Dick Grayson just two months after his parents' murders. He's sulking at the dining table in the grandiose Wayne Manor. The dinner is taking place in front of a lit fireplace that causes the entire room to have a soft, bronze glow to it. The table itself is long and decorated and Bruce Wayne is sitting on the opposite end of it. Alfred Pennyworth prompts, “More mashed potatoes, Master Dick—?” But Dick is too busy thinking about a young criminal he ran into when he snuck out earlier. He quietly mutters the taunt she told him, “‘Spoiled brat in a circus suit’—?” Alfred asks, “Was that a yes or a no?” The pouting child brusquely tells him, ”no,” which causes the butler to clear his throat. Dick begrudgingly corrects himself, “No thank you, Alfred.” Alfred responds, “As you wish, Master Dick.”
But Dick is already uttering another taunt under his breath, “‘Lap of luxury’!” Bruce leans forward slightly and asks if everything is okay but Dick dismisses his concern. He excuses, “I'm... I'm not very hungry, Bruce. Is it okay if I go to my room?” Despite his obvious qualms, Bruce awkwardly smiles and replies, “Uh... Of course. Certainly.” Dick gets up as Alfred tells him the food will be in the refrigerator if he gets hungry later but Dick just ‘uh-huh’s him as he walks away. With the child upstairs, Bruce immediately stands up and paces. He stops in front of the fireplace and stares into the blaze as he monologues his worries, “Maybe this was a mistake. What in the world made me think I could raise a boy? I don't know the first thing about it! I've always been a loner! I don't have the knowledge... or the disposition... to make this work.” Alfred wryly asks, “Are you addressing the fireplace, Sir—or me?” But Bruce stresses his demur without looking at him, “His parents are dead, Alfred! What gives me the temerity to believe I can replace them in his life?”
Alfred solemnly reassures, “I asked myself the same questions once. What in the world did a butler know about raising a young man who'd just lost the two people he loved most in the world? But strangely enough, Sir—I adapted. I learned. I learned because I wanted to... Because I cared. And... despite some difficulties along the way—I think the young man in question turned out splendidly. And I think Master Dick will too.” Bruce doesn't say anything but he his eyes closed in thought as Alfred talks before looking at him with a soft smile. He straightens his posture when Alfred finishes and puts his hand on his shoulder, silently grateful for the man's fatherly reassurance and support once again. END ID]
#losing my mind at this....#bruce worrying and doubting himself and if he can give dick the life he deserves#he loves him. he cares. but he knows love alone wont save someone and his own worries about what if he fails#alfred who started this cycle of caring about someone elses son and trying to raise orphaned children while fearing you arent good enough#you see your own heartbreak in their face and you try so hard to save them because its saving yourself in a sense.#bruce doom spiraling because dick didnt want his mash potatoes....#dicks chubby little face....#alfreds love and support but always with that barrier. he loves & raised bruce like hes his own child but hes always going to be the butler#every ‘son’ being replaced with ‘sir’...#and bruce internalizing that barrier and that layer of separation and distance so he duplicates it because its all he knows#he doesn't want to but its all he knows and hes still terrified of what if he fails them? what if he loses them#by disappointing them and them seeing hes not qualified and good enough to be their father?#but also if he isnt good enough he'll fail them by getting them killed. he'll lose his loved one yet again#just this cycle of fear and doubt and love and trying your best despite it not always being good enough and GAH#also cannot stress enough bruce monologuing and doubting himself because dick is upset and didn't want dinner is so funny#c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 149#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#dick grayson#bruce & dick#alfred & bruce#happy sad boy sunday !!!#<- it counts enough only because im posting this on a sunday >:3
202 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have finally FINALLY got up to the dream scene at the start of the last mabelcorn in kmky and everything is flowing nicely finally, and the scenes and characterisation all are smooth and make sense and I am no longer going over the same establishing scenes like a pedant trying to make them perfect. SUCCESS!
Just have to knock out these next few bits then it's onto unicorn beatdowns, funny hats, pizza parties and loophole heists!
#i am so relieved#i feel a lot happier writing now that im happy with those establishing scenes#they didnt pan out how i originally planned but i think theyre better for it#i kept wanting to make bill and py fight but thats just not what they want to do#and das flavor pups have downgraded themselves from terrifying imposition to mild annoyance with potential for drama down the line#but these things will make everything else make better sense so i dont mind the bits i scrapped#now im cackling to myself writing out the dream scene and yes it will diverge slightly from how it panned out in the show!#because why the hell not#i also have been inundated with ideas for a sequel so im steadily noting down dialogue lines and ideas i want to see#and hopefully i stay on task and don't get too distracted by sequel daydreams#it'll be good tho when it gets there i promise you that#a true healing narrative that doesnt rely on punitive justice and creates a positive outcome without repeating codependant patterns#that we see so often in billford#yes love redeems but love for yourself is important in redeption arcs too and knowing that you can make something good with your own hands#is just the game changer i want to bring to the billford fandom#but anyway thats for later for now im back in action and hopefully on track for finishing the chapter by the end of the month#fingers crossed buds#I'm doing my best so all the folks needing a pick me up after world events get something fun to look forward to#kmky#knowing me knowing you
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.
#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh#and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past:#you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it#anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly.#like it was just like. Oh. You did it again#you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—-#until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality#while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem#but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing#I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts#and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis#I’m programmed that way#so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away.#and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today#these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me#anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!!#in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind#but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context#and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated#my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works#and wants me to be able to use it!!#so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward#ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't personally agree with the perspective that "miguel NEEDS to partially correct about canon events, otherwise he's a villain" because like. setting aside the issue of possibly naturalising the irl choices writers made (e.g. fridging gwen) through the concept of 'canon events', to me defining miguel's morality comes down to two questions:
What is Miguel's intent when pursuing his goal? <- it's unambigiously heroic. he desires to save people. and -
Can I plausibly understand how he has come to the belief system (and therefore goal) he has? Yes. I can understand why, when viewing the things he did (universal patterns of suffering between spidermen & the trauma of that dimension collapse), he came to the conclusion he did.
Keep in mind the other bits of information we and the characters are working with are:
Anomalies seem to affect the world they're in (Vulture appears to affect the Guggenheim's structure w glitches)
They're also in danger of dying if they don't have a stabaliser like the watch
But say for the sake of argument Miguel is completely wrong about breaking canon and doing so would not endanger anyone and the alt dimension collapsed for reasons utterly out of Miguel's knowledge or control. That still doesn't negate the heroic intent he operated by nor his desire to save people.
What "How much or little is Miguel correct?" affects is how tragic it makes Miguel's guilt and the moral concessions he feels that guilt about. Whether you would argue for it being needlessly tragic or bleak is another conversation entirely but how correct he is about what damage canon events cause doesn't actually change the fact he operated on sincerely good and heroic intentions.. And I think atsv already sets up that last point in an understandable manner.
#long post#tunes talks spiderverse#she came. she never shut up about miguel. she posted fdshfkshdfjsd#the reason i outline the knowledge of what seems to be the unquestionable consequences of anomalies in alt worlds#is so you can understand why miguel occum razor's miles changing canon as the reason theres a black hole under pav's world#we've already been shown it's possible for anomalies to affect the stability of a world (this seems to be a quiet change from itsv) and#spot firing up a baby collider and using his powers didnt open up a black hole under 1610 new york (as far as we know)#so if youre already predisposed to believing fucking w canon will cause harm i can understand WHY even if i think hes not correct#miguel and spider society assumes miles' action causes that unravelling. ESP when taken in conjunction w miguel believing his own world#jumping caused an unravelling and he applies that same fearful reasoning to whats happening here#i dont think hes correct but i understand WHY he came to conclusion he did esp when u keep in mind the kind of doublebind#miguel is IN already when it comes to being terrified hes got it wrong all over again but also being terrified of the stakes HE LITERALLY#THINKS HE EXPERIENCED (and he DID experience that trauma. even if it turns out it happened for a reason that wasnt his fault or even#related to him being in that dimension at all)
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just keep thinking about august when I had 2 nonbinary kids talking to me about how scared they were. One told me she might have to go back into the closet for safety.
#I was marveling about how they figured out stuff so early. they knew they were queer and had words to describe themselves so young#Pansexual and nonbinary weren't really talked about when I was their age. And my identities overlapped cishetness enough no one bullied me#But what's the fucking point of knowing yourself earlier if it just paints a target on your back when you own it?!#Queerness is allowed to flower one moment and is ripped out the next#It broke my FUCKING heart when one kid told me about how they had to consider going back in the closet#And I didn't know what to say. Other than 'you're not a [AGAB] it's like saying you're a giraffe. It's not you'#Which is important for them to hear#But in the back of my mind I'm thinking about how they /would/ be safer if they weren't openly queer#But they should be allowed to get to live queerly before they're an adult#I got to know those two more than the other queer kids I've had and man. The joy and sorrow.#I worry about those kids so much. But it's really me worrying about thousands of kids like them.#I wish I could hug them and protect them#And [redacted] [redacted] with my bare hands 🪦#And just the one telling me they're not allowed out of the house on election night#Like I know a lot of groups are being effected and believe me my heart breaks in so many different directions#But there's something about having the children whom I'm directly supposed to keep safe come up to me and tell me they're terrified#And I can't disarm the fear like I can with other stuff#it's not a bumblebee that I can explain is non-aggressive. I cant suggest sheltering in a basement like w a tornado#Mostly I can say 'yes this is dangerous BUT here's how to keep yourself safe'#But I don't have a comforting second statement for these kids. I don't know what will keep them safe#elections#election 2024#2024 presidential election
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Say what you will about the Cyrano movie (and one day I'll be able to in a halfway articulate manner), but I am still mildly obsessed with "Every Letter", and I think about this ending couplet all the time...
Your letters are drawings on me from above I know who you are and I know you are loved
Just... the idea of Cyrano and Christian receiving a letter in return from Roxanne and feeling their breath catch both with ecstasy and with bitter regret.
I know who you are...
But she can't. But she mustn't. But it would break her heart--she would never trust them again. But it wouldn't be fair to Christian. But Cyrano could never show his face again. But they already feel themselves burn under her gaze, and to meet it honestly without the armor of a soldier, of these letters, would scorch them until nothing remains. But the only true honor is to hide, even if they know it's really the coward's way out. But the only safety (if they were being brutally honest with themselves) is to hide.
... and I know you are loved.
But God, they wish they didn't have to.
#It's four thirty in the morning and I have been slam-dunked back into Cyrano Hell...#Listen okay ever since the movie introduced the idea of *Roxanne actually writing back* I have been even less normal about these idiots.#The imagery is so fucking delicious either way because you get to imagine either the two of them sitting close enough together#that they can both read either together or over the other's shoulder and just... occupying that space together the two nearly becoming one#and I get to lose my mind over the proximity and the warmth between them forged in the fire of their love for Roxanne.#OR *or or*... the two of them taking turns reading and just *watching* the other's face as they read trying to glean from their expressions#what she might have said and the intensity of that study becoming its own terrible intimacy that right now they can only show through proxy#and I *also* get to lose my mind over Cyrano watching Christian and musing that even if his partner might look like a marble statue#he's never seen a marble statue make that face before but he's *definitely* seen it from Roxanne and it's just as coronary-inducing on both#and Christian watching Cyrano and musing that this might be the closest he'll ever come to seeing the pride of the cadets#and the mythic figure he's built around himself completely *shatter* if only for a moment... he's *human* and he's *exquisite.*#CANNOT be normal about it... it's 'So--here's my heart under your velvet now'--#it's 'I've loved but one (man) in my life and now I must lose him twice'--#it's the darkness of the balcony and the endless sunshine metaphors regarding Roxanne herself--#it's the goddamn Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and how much Roxanne *craves* it from two men terrified to submit to it...#God these three make me sick I love them so much.#cyrano de bergerac
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep
#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out#now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself#in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational#or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon#and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something#which are running away or getting mean#(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear#and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life#i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive#and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE#anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time#there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified#and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory#and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit#‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY#it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change#i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger#being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying#*change as a#personal#i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so#and this is the next best thing
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think most art that tries to critique christianity, and specifically american charismatic christianity, is shallow and honestly corny unless it comes from someone who has experience w that institution
#and by experience i mean either grew up in it or has done a lot of research#i'm listening to saved! by reverend kristin michael hayter (lingua ignota's new project) and parts made me very nauseous in a good way#like for the most part she's just playing it straight and that's more effective than any over the top parody could ever be#like being raised to believe that you are constantly at war w yourself and your mind and your body and you cannot trust yourself#bc you're inheritantly sinful and these authority figures (both the church leadership and god) are the only ones who can properly guide you#and all of the ppl you love but aren't christian are going to hell and it's your job to either convert them or leave them behind#bc they'll just tempt you to abandon your own road to salvation so you should only form relationships w other christians#is already terrifying on it's own w no more random bits hooked on to it and her voice is so haunting and the production is so off putting#like she sounds so desperate in parts of this album like she NEEDS what she's saying to be true and she's gonna force it to be real#anyway parts of this album brought me back to being a child and seeing ppl collapse screaming sobbing and speaking in tongues around me#and i forgot how much that scared me#my posts#.txt
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m sorry i read Wii as in the game console but political stuff, (what’s happening)
oh gosh i wish we were talking about the wii…
but yeah, what’s happening? i’m sure by now you have heard about the war in gaza/ palestine and the millions of civilians dying not only through weapons but also starvation, no medical aid, etc; and if you haven’t, you should definitely read up on it on sources that are better at explaining stuff than i am (just not german media, they are not better than me /i wish i could put lh here)
about the wannsee conference thing: basically ��correctiv” a non-profit independent journalistic newsroom released an article called “secret plan against germany” (available both in german and english) where they detailed a meeting of germany’s far right party (afd) -though sympathising politicians from other parties were present too-, neonazis and supportive business people (like a founder of the burger chain “hans im glück” or a ceo of the bakery “backwerk”) gathering to discuss the plans of deporting millions of people currently living in germany
these plans would not only, as you might have guessed, affect immigrants but also people with german passports who are not “integrated enough” or people who support immigrants
if the similarities to the wannsee conference weren’t striking enough yet, there are parts of their rhetoric that is taken directly from 1940s; but this time they are not hiding it, a politician directly said “it’s not a secret plan”
now there are people protesting in masses, shouting to finally ban the afd and/or strip certain politicians of their rights; of course, many have already been aware of the afd’s dangerous ideology but this is hopefully the last wake up call needed for everyone who has been sleeping on it
the whole topic is much bigger than i could summarise here but i do recommend reading the article; by now, this party is not a choice of protest anymore and nobody can say they “had no idea” anymore
#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡#┊✩彡 unsigned letter ♡#while i’m trying my best#make sure you do your own research into this and not just blindly trust a random girly on the internet#but yeah#this has been on my mind#like i’m sure it has been for many#anyway#it’s great they are publishing this article in english too#so maybe it can reach outside of the german speaking bubble#the whole situation in europe is worrying at best and terrifying at worst#politics
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
some proof of life for Nightingale:
It wasn’t supposed to be a big, dramatic fight. The idea was to destroy the killer robots before it reached that point.
“They’re down this way,” Nick said. “Two guards. The problem is if we go for them, we have to make sure nobody else comes running. The doors all along this hall have more guards on the other side.”
“I can clear it out,” Flynn said.
“No, you can’t!” Carrie said. “What are you talking about? You have no powers.”
They glared at each other.
“Uh,” Nick said. He looked at Willie, who was picking nervously at his own nails. “That’s never stopped her before, but the Queen’s right. It’s not a good idea.”
“Maybe you could trust me when I say what I can handle?” Flynn said, still glaring at Carrie.
“Is this about me or –“ Nick began, but Carrie cut him off.
“Maybe you could stop putting us all at risk by trying to do things that everyone knows you shouldn’t do?”
“What?” Willie asked, jerking his head up.
“Stay out of this!” Carrie and Flynn said together.
“I wasn’t in it,” Willie said.
#julie and the phantoms#fanfiction#snippets and sneak peeks#nightingale#they're having so many breakdowns all at once folks why did i put this off for so long#can't really tag flarrie for a snippet this small but oh god do you see it. do you see the flarrie#when your fake girlfriend is self destructing by flirting with revealing her secret superpower that she's scared of and you're#going through your whole character arc about realising you're more than your horrifying power and you're terrified for her#but you can't say that because you used to hate each other and also your ex and his future queerplatonic partner are there watching#just. you know. a normal day in the life of carrie wilson the superhero#these tags also serve as a reminder of the shit that's gone down in this fic so you're welcome for the recap#this doesn't even TOUCH why nick and willie are breaking down in their own minds. rip this team
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
(@amorfati-rp Agares) She approaches the dragon quizzically. "You seem....different from the dragons I've heard about. How come you're so different?"
::THE GREEN DRAGON
Of all the people of the village who could have approached it, it was the half-elf girl that was most unexpected. That girl, always flitting to and fro. Back from her home, across the village, into the forest and out again to the wells - it was understandable. To the dragon's knowledge, she was without a father, she and those two brothers of hers. The priest had been happy to share the news of a pregnancy in the village, one directly attributed to that girl's mother, and so it could only be expected that weight be put on the eldest's shoulders. Even so... Similar to most residents of a grown age, the half-elf named Agares didn't press herself with coming too close to it most days, if ever. For some, it was merely their way of showing respect to a being as powerful as a dragon, no matter how diminished its powers had become in its old age. They didn't wish to bother it, and the dragon didn't mind - as a matter of fact, the gesture was appreciated some days when the pain had become overwhelming and it remained incapable of doing much else than simply laying with closed eyes. There were others, however, who feared the Green Dragon and its watchful rest over the village, that whatever gossip or slander spoken in its presence would be taken and relayed to the priest. Of course, it had enjoyed listening to all sounds of the confined, bustling life inside the forest's walls - but it could hardly be thought of as anything more than simple interest and adoration. These worries that came from those humans were stemmed from fear. Fear from their old home, fear from the very same mistakes that had led them there - it could hardly bear any resentment against that. Still, the priest hadn't been the dragons only company, much to its relief. The children, covered in dirt from their play, flocked to it nigh constantly despite their parent's lectures, climbing and shouting... It was a painful, but rewarding feeling. Most had never seen a dragon before, and paid little mind to the weakened form in distraction of the awe of its great wings and coiled tail. For those too shy to approach, it typically could afford to open its eyes enough to gaze back at the child, a cause of excitement for many. In these times, the priest would typically stay by its side, keeping careful watch ensure that the pain wouldn't grow too much, nor that any child ran astray. And from the shadows of the trees, that was when it had typically picked up on her presence. Not with the other adults, but staring from afar. Neither an adult nor a child, as the dragon had understood it, but still - far more child than adult. Those eyes were never settled on it, but rather, the priest besides it. In a way, that feeling of "Love" no matter how misplaced was the closest she had gotten to womanhood. Most others her age had already been married, or were much too caught up in their own affairs to afford the luxury of such needless pining and delusions. It was an obsession, one regarded with the same nonchalance as the dragon had with all affairs of the village, and so remained an unspoken secret between the two. It could tell it clearly; she meant no harm. She simply didn't know what to do. It was unexpected, then, that she had saw it. It was with the same bravery and innocent curiosity of a child that she had approached the resting dragon, and only after those words were spoken did it began to stir. Beyond the priest, the dragon didn't care to speak to anyone, simply preferring to watch their lives and interactions without its interference. And in those rare moments it did have something to say, it was always through him that those thoughts were conveyed. And this girl... There wasn't anything special about her. At least, not that commanded it's attention - she was a villager, a simple but precious existence it had seen years and years before. The dragon knew she would get along well without the need for words. Dulled, yellow eyes rolled open to stare drearily up towards her, and a long, tired sigh was its answer.
#||Reply||:Agares#||1.3||#{/*crumples* i have an admission to make}#{/How i was talking about how super awesome this reply would be and how it would blow your mind?}#{/i probably shouldn't have had 14 tabs open; i PROBABLY shouldve saved it as a draft; but my browser shut down and it got wiped :(}#{/I WAS LITERALLY LIKE A PARAGRAPH AWAY FROM FINISHING IT TOO MY RAGE IS UNCONTROLLABLE}#{/but i pushed through!!! because i'm strong! and thats what strong people do!!!! *BAWLING*}#{/okay but WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS}#{/It REALLY dawned on me when i first wrote the (MUCH BETTER) ask}#{/the truly diseased is a horror story about becoming a woman}#{/HEAR ME OUT}#{/MY THOUGHTS ARENT AS COHERENT AS THEY WERE BEFORE BUT LIKE}#{/THE VISCERALITY OF PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH; ARIOCH'S ROLE WITH MOTHERHOOD; AND OFC HER PLAYING PARENT TO HER BROTHERS}#{/THEN THERE'S LEONARD BUT ITS NOT SO MUCH HIS ROLE AS A PERSON THAT PLAYS INTO IT SO MUCH AS HER RELATIONSHIP TO HIM AND HER CRUSH}#{/HOW THAT'S TIED IN WITH THE IDEALISED NOTION OF THAT TRANSITION FROM GIRLHOOD TO WOMANHOOD BECAUSE OF THE}#{/'RECLAIMING' OF FEMININE ROLES GIRLS ARE TYPICALLY FORCED INTO FROM BIRTH (COUGH) AND HOW THEY FEEL THEY}#{/CAN 'MAKE THAT THEIR OWN' AND GO FULL INTO THE; AGAIN; IDEALISED IMAGE OF GROWING UP AND 'BECOMING A WOMAN'}#{/ONLY TO GET *VERY* RUDELY BETRAYED BY THAT EXPERIENCE WHEN IT COMES AND SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE THAT 'hey!! you still have no control :)'}#{/AGAIN; TYING IN WITH THE *VERY* HEAVY}#{/CHILDBIRTH/MOTHERHOOD/PREGNANCY THEMES LATER ON WHICH IS OFC THAT WHOLE CHANGE FROM 'GIRL' TO 'WOMAN' AND JUST HOW TERRIFYING THAT IS}#{/THATS KINDA THE BUDGET SUMMARY OF THE POINTS I MADE IN THE FIRST THING BUT MAN}#{/matsuhita ayaki; you are a fucking GENIUS and ily <3}#{/gonna be salty for a second and say why do we have literally the worst pair of people running and managing everything in this series}#{/when we have SUCH good authors like aizawa tadashi; matsuhita ayaki; SAWAKO NATORI....}#{/but anyways. this is SERIOUSLY not a great reply compared to the original but i hope you enjoy it anyways :') i did my best}
2 notes
·
View notes
Text

Speaking of fashion, I will eventually have the appropriate amount of time to dedicate myself to a proper attire headcanon post. For now, I only have examples for silhouettes pertaining to dresses gathered. Which at this point can ultimately be narrowed down in explanation as Muu holding preference for a bodice that does not require even just a modest breast size.
Although he does wear bralettes (which is not out of gender dysphoria or euphoria on any account actually. Instead, it is more so like a running joke with himself at this point due to the fact he's actually had an infatuation with wearing them since he was a sixteen year old boy that found a bra lying in the street) he doesn't do so with the intent of applying padding to them-- especially when considering the fact he has some minor gynaecomastia due to stubbornly persistent baby fat going on. He can deal with those, but he definitely doesn't want to even so much as imply he has "real breasts."
He also isn't one to gravitate towards those built around the necessity for breasts due to the fact that he does not wish for the attire adorning his body to appear as though something (or somethings) is missing. Which is also the given reason why even in his decision to wear what is considered women's underwear underneath the dresses similar to above, he does not engage in the act of tucking. Yes, that does come within treacherous territory per the fact that he is then advertising himself as a flamboyantly youthful individual with an occasionally visible (and not incredibly well endowed, mind you) genitalia outline in his attire. That's not even to mention the detectability of his disabilities on establishing conversation with him.
Beyond that, he's not too partial to much else. Length and material is otherwise irrelevant as long as he can freely move within it to accommodate an in-between active and sedentary lifestyle. He would also best appreciate those that are not overwhelming to the senses in one manner or another-- this includes itchiness, heaviness, lack of breathability, and so on. Textures usually aren't too worrisome to him, however, as he has been raiding the closet of his female friends (such as Hannah of @kannojo predominantly) for years, so by now he knows what he does and doesn't like with enough ease that even unexpectedly finding something is unappealing to him van be easily remedied without any fit.
The bottom line with all of this is while Muu strictly wears what is primarily marketed as women's clothing, he does not do so out of the desire to be a woman. In fact, he's asked that question within himself many times only to come up with the same conclusion each time: He is simply an aged up boy caught up in having to navigate too many things at once, therefore eccentricities intended to lighten his load have transpired. Being that 99% of abusers have been men throughout the years, and women his sanctuary from them, it became sensible at some point for him to cease one struggle for favor of mirroring his safety while he sources through another. Muu has no idea even how to be a person yet, let alone a gendered one.
That is also not to say he wishes to abolish entirely in favor of utilizing they/them pronouns. In fact, it still remains quite the opposite. At this time in his life, he's not looking to be othered more than he always has acquired for himself. Being gridlocked into a perpetual state of regression in his present has been isolating enough as is that he doesn't wish for more beyond that. It also has intriguingly been almost beneficial in keeping some of his identity centered, though, as being so interwoven with his inner teen provides connection with the perspective of character held back then.
When he was sixteen, he was very self assured in nearly all aspects in life until led to second guessing the bulk of them. Of those is one of which where he was well adamant that he was a boy with a preference for he/him pronouns to demonstrate that. And while he's been able to find appreciation for femininity that he'd have otherwise mocked in his youth, that is as far as it goes for the time being. Working beyond the semantics of that just isn't on the table at this time in his life.
Where he might go with it during Pride Month is still up to him, but, really, his focus is far more centered on fulfilling and answering other aspects of his person at this time. Generalized comfort and safety are of the utmost importance to his emotionally led manner of living. Once that is established, whether or not he opts for reintroducing what is considered men's attire back into his wardrobe is completely up in the air.
#; ♡ ; headcanons#muu doesn't even necessarily actively consider himself nonbinary due to the fact that he's open to the possibility#that he will feel centered in his identity as a man just as he was with boyhood once he is no longer Terrified to exist as is#identifying as genderflux in some aspect is definitely a cluch for him in regards to#when you've heard from people your whole life that you are not a man for aspects relating to maturity and physical appearance#you eventually may find yourself going I'm not a man maybe!! Out of safety and hopefulness that doing so might make people be kind to you#socially he definitely feels abandoned by masculinity and blocked out of spaces by his peers#but being a woman has never fit right in his head either as he genuinely knows he does not Want to be one#what he wants to feel included and wanted with so the bulk of muses who've so far made him feel that way are women#and only really a couple men at best with fran at the top of the list#women wise he has neff who he has commented even himself to be the only person not including his canon wife#to love him unconditionally#and suki who after one stint or another involving sully and calix was the only person to ask him how he was feeling#I'm also including lyla per the fact that she is one of few he can be fun and funny with which may not sound like a lot#but when you carry the burden of holding a notoriety for being melancholic it is actually really an act of kindness#to be considered something other than that even just once because he did used to be very cheeky back in the day#nowadays he just spends so much time worrying about what characteristics of himself must be so grotesque to others around him#that he's lost the ability to even breathe too loud around another person let alone take up space and time beyond that#which is actually why I find it very fitting he wears women's clothing because which section of the binary has gone centuries being told#to stay out of sight and out of mind for their own safety ??#not to mention the fact that can one really be too surprised that someone deeply in need of nurturing spaces#would then decide to dress like a woman because of the connection with motherhood#being that moms are usually the poster parent for unconditional love which is a whole mixed bag I'm not getting into today#nonetheless the bottom line is still that muu does not identify as either transgender transsexual or even as a crossdresser as#none feel applicable to him at this time and instead he's solid in being people's eccentric friend who happens to be#both feminine and jovial and most Definitely sensitive all while he figures out all else beyond that
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Also…
… To be fair to Sophie… I strongly suspect they wouldn't have been able to save her brother anyway.
#GARO: Vanishing Line#yes I am still talking about this anime#LISTEN I LIKE IT OKAY#SOMETIMES A FAMILY IS THREE ADULTS MADE UP IF TWO MAKAI KNIGHTS AND TWO MAKAI ALCHEMISTS AND THE TEENAGER THEY ADOPTED#anyway my point is honestly kudos to her#sure traumatising as fuck but like#I don't think they could have saved him#he had the ring on and was too deeply integrated w/ it#so honestly like#the balls on this thirteen year old#terrified out of her mind super confused no magical powers#but attempts to strangle her own brother bc she realises he's possessed by a horror#I love Sword Gina and Luke's sassy lost child so much#like yes it's horrible and awful#but in a way… yeah kudos#balls of steel babe you did good#it wasn't your fault#Things You Didn't Know Fire was Into#I need a GARO tag…
0 notes