#every ‘son’ being replaced with ‘sir’...

[e-vay]

CC’s Present

[A/N: A quick little Lovebytes-sized ficlet for the holidays! Please forgive grammatical errors, I wrote this while on my flight home. Merry Christmas!]

“What do you want for Christmas?”

CC replayed the audio clip again in hopes it would spark a solution, to no avail. Normally, she could answer any query her lab-partner-turned-life-partner presented to her, but for the first time, Tails had her completely stumped.

After all, apart from Tails’ affection there was only one thing she desired; something that couldn’t be purchased or crafted. So when “The Team” floated the idea of meeting up to check out the holiday marketplace as a group, she immediately cleared her and Tails’ calendar so they could attend. This would be the perfect opportunity to study the art of gift-giving and hopefully spark some inspiration.

CC found that this time of year brought out one of the traits she adored most in Mobians. There was something about the holidays that encouraged a sense of camaraderie unlike the rest of the year. No matter the number of board meetings, busy schedules or other duties that plagued daily life, everyone seemed to drop everything in order to spend time with each other during this particular season.

Upon entering the market, the group broke up and darted in various directions. Sonic and Knuckles linked arms with Tails and began chanting “Brats! Brats! Brats!” before carrying the tall, yellow fox towards one of the food trucks. Tails looked over his shoulder to CC. “Sorry, it’s our favorite. I’ll be right back!”

“Please, enjoy yourselves,” CC encouraged, chuckling at the “brothers” antics. She politely clasped her hands behind her back before meandering through the market to analyze the crowd. She smiled at the numerous small children whose pupils dilated at the sight of candies on display. Women laughed and clinked souvenir mugs brimming with spiked hot chocolate. Merchants cheered and greeted customers in numerous different languages.

The Robian decided to make her way to a booth that was currently occupied by two familiar hedgehogs.

“Gaia, look at this one! It’s so gorgeous—Sir, you are so talented!” Aurora had her hands clapped over her cheeks in excitement. Her green eyes were sparkling like gems as she ogled the handmade decorations that were hanging all over the merchant’s booth. “Oh wow, did you see this one Shadow?! Oh Gaia it’s the prettiest thing in the whole wide world!” She bounced on her heels trying to contain her enthusiasm. “But wait this one! This one looks just like you! Look at that grumpy little face- ahh!!!” The black and red hedgehog smirked while sipping his mulled wine and sent a pointed look and nod to the vendor who secretly began boxing up each of the items the woman had pointed to.

CC didn’t follow as Aurora ran off to another booth that had caught her attention. The Robian furrowed her brows. Sure this market had plenty of pieces of art that were pleasing to the eye, but nothing that stirred a desire in her. Nothing made her “want.” How was it these things came so easily to Organics? It was so… frustrating.

Her grimace was quickly replaced with a soft smile and a sigh. Every emotion, no matter how negative, was a blessing. Not every synthetic-being could experience these feelings, so she thanked her lucky stars for the brief ”annoyance” before moving on for more analaysis.

One of her ears rotated to catch the sound of some youthful hollering. Following the commotion, she spotted Rouge with her two sons. The bat was adorned head to toe in luxurious faux furs with fibers so ivory they rivaled the fresh winter snow. Her poise and glamor was in complete contrast to the young hyena boys who play-wrestled and tugged on each others scarves. But to everyone’s surprise, the refined woman suddenly scooped the boys up in her grasp and attacked them with tickles that sent them howling with laughter.

“Are you boys hungry?”

“Yeah I’m STARVIN’!” groaned Tumble. He patted his round, youthful belly. “I’m waistin’ away, Ma!”

“How do s’mores sound?”

Both boys jumped out of Rouge’s grasp and looked at her with eyes as wide as saucers.

“Seriously?!” asked Ruff, the oldest. “They’ve got s’mores here?!?”

“Only for kids who say ‘Please’,” the bat teased.

In unison, the two hyenas clasped their hands in a begging motion and wagged their tails side to side. “Please please please please please!”

CC giggled at how aggressively their tails wagged, to the point it made their entire bodies sway. How interesting it was that this extension of the vertebrae was used not only for balance and steering, but for conveying emotions. Hmm.

“Okay let’s go!” Rouge took her children’s hands and the three ran through the crowd, laughing and cheering.

“There you are, my darling husband!” Sang a familiar voice. CC looked over to spot Amy Rose waving at Sonic who was finishing up his third bratwurst. Though his mouth was stuffed, he smiled and beckoned with his hand to come meet him. He swallowed down the last large bite. “Heya, I was just about to look for-“

In a sudden mad dash, the pink hedgehog closed the gap between them and leapt forward, arms outstretched. Sonic managed to catch her but stumbled back a few steps from the sheer force of her hug. Amy crashed her lips into his and kissed him with such vigor one would think the lovers had been apart for years.

CC had to avert her eyes for a moment, her cheeks warming up from being an onlooker to such strong displays of affection. Still, Amy’s passion and the ease with which she showed her love was something CC truly admired. She hoped Tails and herself would be able to express themselves as freely one day.

“Wowza!” Sonic laughed breathlessly once he and Amy finally broke their kiss.

“You taste like mustard,” Amy teased, her nose scrunched up.

Sonic wiped his thumb along her bottom lip and smiled with a large, lopsided grin. “I coulda warned ya if you didn’t come at me all gung ho like that.”

“You know I can’t help myself,” the pink hedgehog took Sonic’s muzzle into her hands, combing the tan, shaggy fur that filled out his cheeks. “Especially when you’re extra fluffy like this!”

“Extra fluffy, extra irresistible,” Sonic chuckled before Amy kissed him again with an enthusiastic “MMM-HMM!”

CC turned her back to the couple to spare herself from more blushing. She reached up and placed her fingertips along her own cheek. Though the muzzle she built herself was outfitted with a soft, suede like texture, it didn’t have nearly the plush or fullness of Tails’ or even Sonic’s during the wintertime. She removed one of her signature charcoal gloves and studied the segments in her robotic fingers. Her eyes glazed over as she ruminated over the data she had collected and an idea began to grow.

She was startled when a gloved hand took hold of her own. Her electric blue eyes followed the arm to identify the owner and felt a growing warmth in her soul once she realized it was Tails.

“Hello there,” the fox smiled.

“Hello. I did not see you returning from the delicatessen.”

”Lost in thought?”

CC’s smile grew wide and she laced her fingers with her partner’s. “Yes. I have decided what I want for my Christmas present. However, I would like to ask that I receive it earlier than is customary. It is a ‘topical’ request, you see.”

Tails grinned. “Sure! Let’s hear it!”

His girlfriend leaned in close and whispered her idea into his ear. His eyes lit up and his twin tails swished with inspiration.

“That’s brilliant! Let’s do it!”

———

It had been almost two weeks since The Gang had heard from Tails once again. It wasn’t unusual for the fox to go “radio silent” for long periods of time as his work at Yellow Sky Industries kept him plenty busy. But when the group received an urgent request to come to Tails’ home out of the blue, it had them raising their eyebrows.

What made the situation all the more suspicious was that Tails had everyone waiting on the lawn standing before a curtained off display. The group of friends and family members huddled close and muttered curses under their breath for making them gather in the frigid winter air.

“Bud, why exactly do ya have us all gathered outside? It’s cold as Holoska out here!” Sonic groaned, rubbing his arms in an attempt to keep warm.

“It’s vital to the presentation,” Tails responded curtly.

Knuckles snapped his fingers. “Then hurry it up, already. My wife’s wings’re about to snap off!”

Rouge elbowed Knuckles. “My hero.”

“Very well,” Tails clapped his hands before suddenly jumping into a crouched position, his hands splayed wide to entice his audience. “Ladies and gentlemen!” He projected a voice far more confident and engaging than his friend group was used to. It was clear Tails had transitioned into ‘tech-presenter’ mode. “This holiday season we are thrilled to introduce to you-“ he pressed a button on his wrist-watch and a drumroll began to play from a series of hidden speakers. He stepped backwards towards the curtain, waving his hands to emphasize his words.

”The stunning-“

He gripped onto the curtain.

“The dazzling!-“

With a dramatic flourish, Tails drew back the curtain and the small crowd gave a collective gasp.

“CC: Winter Edition!”

Upon the makeshift stage, CC was a vision in white posed gracefully to best show off her recent upgrades.

“Marvel at CC as you’ve never seen her before,” Tails continued with his best salesman impersonation. He delicately took the Robian’s wrist into his hand and held her arm up, waving and gesturing along her limb. “-With brand new features perfectly suited for this frosty weather.”

Where CC’s external bodice was once gray with short fibers or smooth, hard casing, she was now fully covered in plush white fur except for her slate ears. Instead of traditional gloves, her hands were covered with just enough artificial pelt to hide her seams and give her fingers a more natural look. Her smile was accentuated with a muzzle that had tufts of fur on either side of her cheeks. Her short, silver hair was now a few inches longer, ivory, and considerably more voluminous.

Tails’ fingers trailed up CC’s shoulder where he delicately twirled one of her locks. “Now adorned with a luscious winter coat as pearlescent as the winter snow but as soft and warm as a summer’s day.” The fox paused for a moment as he locked eyes with his girlfriend and the two shared an unspoken blush. He cleared his throat before continuing with the show.

“And with the most highly anticipated feature yet-!”

CC grinned and twirled, fanning the group with a breeze as they were brushed with a large, soft object.

“THAT TAIL!!!” Everyone exclaimed at once.

Protruding from a seam in her miniskirt was an extra long, extra fluffy tail that rivaled her partner’s. It would still take a good amount of practice to determine when and how it would best be used, but for her friends’ enjoyment CC gave the appendage a few swishes and flicks which was met with oohs and ahhs.

“Oh!” the Robian turned to face the group once more, earning a whine from some of her friends who were enjoying the warmth and softness of her new tail. CC excitedly pointed in the air with one hand and used the other to clutch onto her stomach. “Additionally, I now have the ability to brew hot cocoa! I simply open this compartment-“

Tails quickly placed his hand atop hers to stop her. “Let’s skip that demo. It’s pretty unsettling but she insisted we add it.”

CC shrugged and recalled a phrase she had heard Sonic use on similar occasions. “Your loss.”

A small hand raised up from the group. Tails resumed his showman performance. “Yes, young man. You have a question?”

Tumble, the youngest of the crew, stepped forward. His teeth chattered as he fumbled with his scarf, “Ssssss-CC, d-d-do you ssstill have your toasssty mode?”

CC smiled and opened her arms wide. From the center of her chest, a subtle orange glow was visible even from under her light sweater. ”Come see for yourself,” she invited.

All at once, friends and family rushed forward and embraced CC in a giant group hug. There was a muddled collection of sighs and compliments as everyone soaked in the warmth.

“Yes, so warm!”

“Your fur is so soft, I could fall asleep!”

“You look beautiful,” Amy cheered, affectionately holding CC’s chin to get an even closer look, “but more importantly you look so happy!”

”I don’t know if I’d say that’s more important,” Rouge chimed in. She hugged CC’s arm to drape around her neck like a shawl. “Look at that shimmer in her fur! Like diamonds!”

The Robian laughed at all her friends’ remarks. She was so thrilled when she and Tails first assembled these seasonal accessories, but now she was even more delighted at everyone’s response. Cozying up with her found family, she now had just about everything she could ever want.

Her tail found its way towards one of her partner’s and she curled it around his. The touch made Tails look her way, and when their eyes met once again they found their blush return to their cheeks.

“Thank you,” CC mouthed so as not to speak over everyone else’s commentary.

“Merry Christmas,” Tails mouthed back with a wink.

[martyrbat]

grimm – batman: legends of the dark knight #149

[ID: a panel sequence of young Dick Grayson just two months after his parents' murders. He's sulking at the dining table in the grandiose Wayne Manor. The dinner is taking place in front of a lit fireplace that causes the entire room to have a soft, bronze glow to it. The table itself is long and decorated and Bruce Wayne is sitting on the opposite end of it. Alfred Pennyworth prompts, “More mashed potatoes, Master Dick—?” But Dick is too busy thinking about a young criminal he ran into when he snuck out earlier. He quietly mutters the taunt she told him, “‘Spoiled brat in a circus suit’—?” Alfred asks, “Was that a yes or a no?” The pouting child brusquely tells him, ”no,” which causes the butler to clear his throat. Dick begrudgingly corrects himself, “No thank you, Alfred.” Alfred responds, “As you wish, Master Dick.”

But Dick is already uttering another taunt under his breath, “‘Lap of luxury’!” Bruce leans forward slightly and asks if everything is okay but Dick dismisses his concern. He excuses, “I'm... I'm not very hungry, Bruce. Is it okay if I go to my room?” Despite his obvious qualms, Bruce awkwardly smiles and replies, “Uh... Of course. Certainly.” Dick gets up as Alfred tells him the food will be in the refrigerator if he gets hungry later but Dick just ‘uh-huh’s him as he walks away. With the child upstairs, Bruce immediately stands up and paces. He stops in front of the fireplace and stares into the blaze as he monologues his worries, “Maybe this was a mistake. What in the world made me think I could raise a boy? I don't know the first thing about it! I've always been a loner! I don't have the knowledge... or the disposition... to make this work.” Alfred wryly asks, “Are you addressing the fireplace, Sir—or me?” But Bruce stresses his demur without looking at him, “His parents are dead, Alfred! What gives me the temerity to believe I can replace them in his life?”

Alfred solemnly reassures, “I asked myself the same questions once. What in the world did a butler know about raising a young man who'd just lost the two people he loved most in the world? But strangely enough, Sir—I adapted. I learned. I learned because I wanted to... Because I cared. And... despite some difficulties along the way—I think the young man in question turned out splendidly. And I think Master Dick will too.” Bruce doesn't say anything but he his eyes closed in thought as Alfred talks before looking at him with a soft smile. He straightens his posture when Alfred finishes and puts his hand on his shoulder, silently grateful for the man's fatherly reassurance and support once again. END ID]

[lacrimosathedark]

Bat-Family Nicknames and Insults

So I went off the other day because fans keep having people who aren't Roy Harper call Jason Todd "Jaybird" and now I'm thinking about all the other nickname misconceptions so here's a probably non-comprehensive list of nicknames among the Bat Fam.

(Special thanks to @sohotthateveryonedied for a bunch of my data, she made a whole powerpoint with actual comic panels! Go check that out! Also got some info from @kiragecko who was writing some lists with more specific references.)

This list is an active document and will be edited in the event I find more nicknames or have more to say

Addendum note: I'm more than willing to add something I forgot, but you must have receipts. I'm not just going off of memory. Nothing will be added to this list without proof. If you don't have a source, please don't make a suggestion.

This is aside from assorted common insults and nicknames like jerk, ass, shorty, dude, idiot, etc.. Sidenote, every not-Steph Robin has been called “Little Bird”, “Birdboy” and/or “Wonder Boy” at some point. It’s kinda part of the job lol Secondary side-note, the only ones who REALLY use nicknames for people are Barbara and Jason. And Tim specifically in reference to Damian. Everyone else pretty much uses their names 98% of the time. Final note (sorryyyyyy) generally unless they're funny to me, I'm not including things used only once unless I have gotten vibes that it's a trend. This is an attempt to compile recurring nicknames. So ones noted to be used once are either I can only confirm it happened once but could happen multiple times, or I think it's hilarious.

Alfred Pennyworth

Al/Alf Seems to be a common nickname among the boys.

Alfie Dick, Tim, and Jason have all called him this.

Alfredo Jason called him this at least once and I think that’s funny. Not sure it’s exclusive though.

Mom Dick seems to have referred to him as such once…I’m sorry but that’s so funny.

Alfred also has specific ways of referring to everyone: Bruce: Master Bruce, Mister Wayne, Lad, Bruce, My Son Barbara: Mistress Barbara, Miss Barbara, Miss Gordon, Miss Oracle Dick: Master Dick, Master Richard, Master Grayson, Dear Boy, Young Sir, Young Man, Richard, Dick Cassandra: Miss Cassandra, Young Cassandra, My Dear Jason: Master Jason, Young Sir, Lad, Jason Tim: Master Tim, Master Timothy, Young Master Tim, Lad, Young Sir, Young Man, Timothy, Tim Damian: Master Damian, Young Master Damian, Young Sir, Young Man, Son, Damian

Bruce Wayne

Spooky Oliver Queen calls him this, others might as well but I legitimately have no idea.

Batsy Everyone and their goddamn dog, but Joker uses this notably a lot.

Detective RA'S AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. I think? But this is how Ra's generally refers to Bruce.

B-Man HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE...I think. She calls him this a lot though.

While Dick and Jason will internally think of Bruce as their father, Dick rarely says so and extremely rarely calls him “Dad”. Jason would only say so mockingly or under pain of a second death. Tim rarely even thinks of Bruce as his father (he didn’t become Robin to be Bruce’s kid, and he doesn’t want to replace his own father—much the same way Dana didn’t replace Janet) and never refers to him as such outside of WE work (where he very much uses that to his advantage). Damian almost exclusively refers to Bruce as “Father” but has called him "Dad". Steph sometimes calls him “Boss”. Everyone usually calls him "Bruce".

He refers to ALL of the boys as “chum” and “lad” at some point. It’s just how he used to talk honestly. He DOES NOT call them “sweetie” or “honey” or anything like that. He DOES, however, speak to small children this way. There are multiple instances of him using "sweetheart" and similar terms when dealing with young children. This differentiation I think is for two reasons. One, Bruce is emotionally stunted and being open with anyone outside of actively comforting is difficult for him, and two, the youngest child he has ever had himself was 9 years old so he's never had a small child he'd be likely more inclined to be extra super soft with.

Barbara Gordon

Babs Most people call her this. Bruce doesn’t seem to though, oddly enough.

Babsy/Babsie Both Dick and Jim Gordon have called her this. Very cute.

Barb/Barbie Nearly exclusive to Jason Todd, actually. I think her dad calls her this once in a while, but specifically Jason calls her this.

Babes A few of her friends call her this, but mostly Luke Fox when they were dating.

Red A few people call her this, but mostly Jason and not real often. Probably cuz we already have a red-head often referred to as “Red” (Pam Isely by Harley) and as to not be confused with the other two Reds in the family (Red Hood and Red Robin).

The High Priestess of Tech More of a reference than a nickname, but I think it’s funny. Dick referred to her as such.

O For Oracle!

Dick Grayson Exclusives because Boyfriend Baby Love Beautiful

Richard Grayson

Dick Everyone calls him this. Almost no one calls him Richard.

Dickie His parents also called him this, along with other people who knew him from Haly’s Circus, but otherwise it’s mostly just Jason.

Dickster I…hate that this is canon lmao. Dick has thought this one in his inner monologue, but Jason has also said it at least once. It’s…Something.

Circus Boy Common insult, Jason uses it a few times.

Tight Ass No comment.

Rob Kinda rare for him and more a Tim thing, but his Titans team call him this sometimes. I specifically remember Wally doing so, and Roy too I think.

Boy Wonderful Not marking this as exclusive because Babs probably used it at one point but, shockingly (or not) this comes from Wally West! Wally has also called his Titans team as a group “Dear Hearts” at least once which is just so fucking cute. Neeeeeerd.

Kid Not exclusive to him, but consistently called this by Slade Wilson/Deathstroke over most anything else.

Marcia TIM DRAKE EXCLUSIVE. A joke between him and Tim, assigning each Bat-boy a Brady Bunch member.

Little Robin MARY GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. This is where the hero name Robin came from; Dick’s mom used to call him this.

Dickie-Bird JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Jason calls Dick this a lot during his weird appearances in Nightwing that I pretend never happened because it was weird and dumb. But it is a canonical nickname. And it’s funny.

Amy Rohrbach Exclusives because Partner Rookie Stud Cowboy Sherlock Mr. Confident

Barbara Gordon Exclusives because Girlfriend (and because she’s funny) Flatterer Boyfriend The Brightest, Sweetest, Most Handsome, Wealthiest Young Bachelor on the Entire East Coast Buckaroo Bucko Candy-Gram Darling Lover Love Hunk Wonder Man Wonder Hound Wonder Former Teen Wonder Twenty Something Wonder Blue Wonder Poor Lovable Naïve Dope Pixie Boots

Cassandra Cain

Cass Pretty much everyone calls her this.

Cassie Some people call her this, specifically the people closest to her; Stephanie, Tim, Barbara, Bruce, and Duke. It’s generally used sparingly, especially considering Tim is close to ANOTHER Cassandra who goes by “Cassie” almost exclusively, so Cass is generally preferred to avoid confusion. But Cassie is tossed around.

Batghoul Possibly Stephanie Brown exclusive, though easy enough that I wouldn’t be surprised if others called her that. She is notoriously spooky.

Bat-Babe KON-EL/CONNER KENT EXCLUSIVE. These two are actually good friends and dated for a short time. They’re very cute. And they met at the time Kon was just…Like That.

Jason Todd

Jay Literally everyone calls him this sometimes. It’s a common nickname.

Jace/Jase Also pretty common, but seems to mostly be among family. Dick and Bruce have at least both called him this.

The Toddster Was called such by Danny Chase, implying they were friends somehow? (Jason didn't have many Titans missions so idk how they were close enough for him to call him that). He calls him that when he discovers Jason’s status in the system is “unknown”, leading him to find out he’s dead.

Rojo Referred to himself as this once while he was still a crime boss, so presumably some of his gang called him this too. Obviously Spanish for red because Red Hood.

Little Bird Possibly exclusive to Barbara Gordon, she called him this in a flashback.

Jan That Dick and Tim Brady Bunch joke. Just imagine one of them looking Jason dead in the eye and saying “Sure, Jan.”

Little Wing DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. Called Robin Jason this in Nightwing Year 1 and it’s very cute.

Jaybird ROY HARPER EXCLUSIVE. The reason I’m making this post because no one seems to remember that Roy and only Roy has ever called Jason this. But any time these two appear together, it’s usually said at least once.

Stephanie Brown

Steph Pretty much everyone calls her this at one point.

Stephie A few people if I recall, but I know Tim’s called her that.

Blondie Pretty sure a few people call her this, but notably Harper Row.

Damian Wayne Exclusives because He Was A Brat Wench Fatgirl Girl Blunder

Timothy Drake

Tim Everyone to the point where it’s just his name.

Timmy A lot of people call him this pretty teasingly. Dick, Jason, and Babs do it consistently, but that’s older siblings for ya. Bernard has done it too.

Timbo Dick and Jason as well as his friend Ives have called Tim this at the very least. Tim notably doesn't seem to like it, though he has used it himself in a derogatory way in his inner monologue.

Timbers I’ve only ever seen Jason call him this, but I could be missing things. Would not be surprised if Dick did too, but it’s very Jason.

Rob Most of Young Justice called him that up until he revealed his name (which took a while because Bruce was being controlling and overprotective, as he does). Short for “Robin”, obviously, which is all they knew him as.

My Robin I’m pretty sure each member of Young Justice has said this about Tim, though Conner does it the most and has the biggest negative reaction to literally anyone but Tim being Robin.

Cindy DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. It’s that Brady Bunch joke again!

Little Brother DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. I didn't originally include it because it had the same vibes as like "dude" or "jerk"; something that's easily tossed around, y'know? And it feels like a descriptor, but it is actually used as a title/nickname several times, especially when Dick is messing with Tim.

Pretender JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Though it should be noted, he only directly called him this one time. Aside from that, he more refers to Tim as A pretender, not as like a nickname or title. It’s a description. (like “replacement” was but fandom made that a nickname yes I am in fact bitter)

Duckboy HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE. She says this once, but it’s hilarious so I’m keeping it.

Detective RA’S AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. Ra’s is very particular about titles. The only other person he refers to as “Detective” is Bruce, and Dick one time in his internal monologue, so he is acknowledging Tim’s competence. And then proceeds to get a large portion of his resources obliterated by Tim <3

Stephanie Brown Exclusives because Girlfriend Sweetie Muffin Boy Virgin

Duke Thomas

Narrows Almost Jason exclusively, though I think Harper has called him this once or twice. In reference to the neighborhood he grew up in, as opposed to Jason and Harper's Park Row aka Crime Alley upbringing.

Newbie Jason calls him this frequently, though it's likely the others have too.

Baby Bird ELAINE THOMAS EXCLUSIVE. Yeah, surprisingly Duke is actually called this by his mom.

Damian Wayne

Gremlin Mostly exclusive to Tim, but Jason has called him this too. This also seems to be Tim’s go-to for Damian when not using his name or codename.

Dami Used by Jon Kent and Talia al Ghul, so presumably those closest to him.

Little D I think Barbara Gordon exclusive but I’m not sure.

Cousin Oliver Not said to his face to my knowledge, but the Brady Bunch in-joke between Dick and Tim.

Prince/Your Highness (other royal variations) A common way to mock Damian for his haughty air and stuck-up attitude. More common in the past because Damian was The Worst and never shut up about being the heir to Batman and the Demon's Head. He's grown a lot since then and this kind of joke is used less. He is still pretty snooty though.

D JON KENT EXCLUSIVE. I have yet to see anyone else call him this at least, and this is how Jon almost always refers to him.

Baby Bird TALIA AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. I’ve seen her call him this once, and I don’t recall ever seeing anyone else call him this. Just wanted it known that Talia is the only one to call Damian this.

Tim Drake Exclusives because Tim is Petty and Damian was a Brat Little Monster Hobbit Homunculus Little snot Spoiled, vicious and homicidal little punk Heir to the Kingdom of the Damned

Note on how Damian refers to others: Damian usually uses full first names or surnames, depending on circumstance and closeness. He occasionally calls Dick “Dick” or “Richard”, but often calls him “Grayson”. He almost always refers to Tim as “Drake”, but occasionally as “Timothy”.

Fanon names that I dislike

Replacement Jason never once calls Tim this, and refers to Tim as A replacement about as much as Dick did about Jason (Yes Dick has at least once when talking to Bruce referred to Jason as his replacement). How common it is in this fandom to call Tim "Replacement" (with a capital R like it's a name or title!!!) drives me absolutely insane. It's not canon and tbh you can do better. Hell, "pretender" is right there! And Jason's a nerd, he would do better.

Baby Bird Like…it’s cute, but given it’s used in fanon almost exclusively for Tim, and POST DAMIAN, it just feels infantalizing. Especially when the only canon uses are mothers towards their kids. I see this a lot with Dick and Jason using it, which is...just no. Like, Dick, I get it, but he's more likely to call Tim "Little Brother". Jason would never allow himself to be seen as this soft to Tim. If he were trying to be gentle with him, he'd probably call him "kid". He's done that before.

Baby Bat(s) I have seen this used literally twice. Once where a goon mockingly called Tim that, and once in an AU where Harley said it to Damian. "Baby Bat" isn't a thing. Sorry.

Big Bird More amusing than anything but a little annoying. No one ever calls Dick that in canon and whenever I read it all I can think of is Sesame Street so unless a giant yellow muppet bird is what you're going for, maybe don't do that lol

Demon Brat/Demon Spawn Not the most egregious thing, especially considering the numerous nicknames Tim comes up with, but the consistency of its usage in fanon is a little frustrating. This is never used in-canon, and if you want to use it in your fanworks, just maybe intersperse it with other more creative nicknames, yeah? It's just unoriginal at this point.

Jaylad I don’t hate this one, but it’s such a huge misconception that it’s canon. Bruce has said “Jay, lad” a couple times because he calls like every boy he meets “lad” and people made up “Jaylad”. Not the worst thing ever, but it's not canon.

Golden Boy I don't actually have a problem with this one, but I may as well clear up that this is canon as a descriptor but not as a nickname for Dick. Like calling Jason "the dead Robin". Like, people have said that about him in-canon, but they haven't called him that. The common derivative "Goldie" is entirely fanon.

Non-canon nicknames I think are funny

Dick-face/Dickhead I’m sorry, I find it hilarious whenever someone (usually Jason) in fanfic calls him this. It’s also to me just a silly exaggeration of the obvious joke that has been made at least once (but probably several times by now) in canon about someone being about to call Nightwing a dick and someone else reminding them not to use names in the field. I think it’s hilarious.

Timberly I can’t tell you why this specific deviation of Tim is funny to me but it is. And I'm surprised I haven't seen Jason call Tim this in canon.

[stereksimp]

*It's the first night after the Void was captured. When Stiles wakes up screaming from a nightmare. He feels arms wrap around him and whispered words that he's safe now, but those are not his dad's arms or his voice. Is that a rumbling purr he hears?*

*When he opens his eyes, he's not in his room, where he fell asleep a few hours ago. He's standing in the middle of Derek's loft with said man hold him.*

Stiles: What is going on? Why am I here? How did I get here?

*The soft whispers of safty stop, but he does not release his arms or stop the purring.*

Derek: You were having a nightmare. I don't know why you're here, but for how you got here. Well, you popped in suddenly.

*Stile's heart rate is slowing down, and the smell of fear is being replaced by curiosity, so he lets the boy go and takes a step back.*

Stiles: What do you mean popped in suddenly? It doesn't feel like I walked all the way here, and I certainly did drive. Dad still has my keys.

Derek: No... you appeared here out of nowhere. You smell like magic, too.

Stiles: So I just what teleported in at 2 am. Wait, why were you awake to see me teleport in?

* He takes in Derek's appearance now. He has his shoes on and his patented leather jacket, and the keys to the Camaro are on the floor by his feet. At the sight, his heart rate starts racing again.*

Stiles: *a little frantic* Where are you going?

Derek: Nowhere.

Stiles: You are awake at 2 a.m., ready to walk out that door. *he bends down and grabs the keys, getting mad at Derek's blatant lie.* You were going to leave town, weren't you.

Derek: What. No. Ugh.

Derek: I was heading over to check on you, ok.

*Stiles' shoulders relax at that.*

Stiles: Oh. I should get back home then. Thanks for this.

*As he turns to leave Derek grabs his wrist lightly.*

Derek: You have no way to get home right now. Why don't you just sleep for a bit, then I'll take you home in the morning.

Stiles: ok, yeah, thanks.

*Before he makes I past Derek to head to the couch, Derek directs him over to the bed instead.*

Derek: You'll sleep better here.

*After Stiles lays down, Derek grabs a blanket and heads to the couch.*

*Stiles buries his head in Derek's pillows, and surprisingly, he is asleep in the next moment. Derek falls asleep listening to the calm, quiet breaths of Stiles sleeping.*

*In the morning, Stiles wakes up to voices talking. He lays there listening.*

Derek: I'm not sure, sir. He just appeared here last night after a nightmare, so I calmed him down and let him sleep here. I was going to bring him back after he woke up. If I may, how did you know he was here?

Sheriff: Oh. This isn't the first time I have found him here after he fell asleep at home. Back before you came back, I got a few calls from deputies at night about my son walking down the street in his pajamas. He was sleep walking, so I just had them follow him to make sure he stayed safe. Every time he came here. I would come find him sleeping in front of your door and bring him home. He never woke up, so he didn't know. It only happened a couple of times, so when I woke up for shift this morning and he wasn't in his bed, I just came here.

Derek: You should tell him. He deserves to know.

Sheriff: It's too soon. I'll just scared him.

Derek: Why don't you go to work and I'll make sure he gets home safely.

Sheriff: Thanks, Derek. Have him call me later.

*After the Sheriff leave Stiles sits up staring at the door.*

Stiles: You knew I was awake. Thanks.

Derek: *shrugs* You would only freak out more if you didn't have all the facts.

*Stiles smiles a bit for the first time in a while.*

[starlightshadowsworld]

Heroes of Olympus but when Jason returns to Camp Jupiter, he's pissed.

He doesn't cower at the sight of his camp but stands taller. A steelness in his eyes no one at Camp Half Blood has ever seen before.

But one those in Camp Jupiter know all to well.

"Twelth Leigion Fulminata, stand at attention."

He doesn't even need to raise his voice as every single Roman demigod stops what their doing to look at him.

The only thing on their faces is fear.

"Oh would you look at that, you do know how to follow orders." Says Jason, strolling forward and.

Two centurions scramble to get a seat for him, Jason sits down nodding in thanks and dismissing them.

"Does anyone care to explain, just what the fuck has been going on here in my absence?"

Octavian raises a hand and Jason snorts.

"Augur, why am I not suprised? The floor is yours."

Octavian nods, a grin on his face and began to explain what had occurred.

All the while Jason listens, his expression giving nothing away. When Octavian finished, Jason sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair.

"If there's one thing I can't tell you idiots off its for making my life boring. Your dismissed...actually one last thing Augur?"

Octavian paused, turning back around to face Jason. "Yes, sir?" Jason frowned "wipe that smug look off your face before I do it for you."

Octavian went pale, all traces off amusement gone from his face.

"Thank you. Your dismissed, get out of my sight." Octavian left without a second word.

"Jason"

"Praetor Ramirez-Arellano"

Reyna winced, and she wasn't the only one. Jason never called her by her title unless they were in the Senate.

He was hurt.

"Do tell me, has Augur Octavian missed anything in his explanation?" Reyna shook her head, for as pretentious as he was Octavian had spoken the truth.

Jason rose to his feet.

"Oh but he did, he neglected to mention that there were 3 Praetors standing before us. Now, unless the rules have changed their are only supposed to be 2."

Jason looked past Reyna, his gaze resting on Percy who waved awkwardly. "State your name."

Percy, feeling very much like he was intruding in on something answered him. "Percy Jackson."

Recognition flashed in Jason's gaze, and he softened momentarily. "Percy Jackson, son of Posideon? Formerly apart of this Camp?" He asked, gesturing to his orange Camp Half Blood top.

"Yup."

Jason nodded "apologises, Jackson. Your friends and I traveled here, you may wait in the Senate. I will release them to you momentarily." Percy grinned "thanks, erm... Sorry about all of this I really didn't know."

Jason held up a hand "that's quite alright, you are not at fault for this." Percy left and Jason's smile vanished.

"Tell me, when did the Senate allow for a new Praetor to be reinstated? And why someone so new? I'd get if it was due to an it emergency field promotion, but that wasn't the case."

He couldn't even look at her and it hurt.

"I thought you were dead, Jason.

Jason laughed, but there was no humour in it. It sent chills down everyone's spines.

"Really? Than please, show me the search parties, point me to the evidence you collected that bought you too such a conclusion. For that matter, where's my funeral pyre?"

Jason shook his head, anger and sadness in his eyes. "Don't bullshit me. You didn't think I was dead, you didn't even look. And frankly I don't think you cared too."

He looked Reyna in the eye. "You replaced me, with a Greek. I get shit for being named after a Greek hero, but none of you had a problem with this. You wanted to replace me, Reyna. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you."

He shook his head, turning his back on her.

"Jason, wait I-"

"We have several guests at our gate that we need to welcome. I've already had their weapons checked but you've proven how little you trust my authority so you might want to hurry up on that."

And with that he left to the Senate.

Jason swapped his outfit with Percy who apologised once again.

"Really man, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. My Leigion had been trying to get rid of me since the day I showed up. Unfortunately for them, I'm more valuable alive than dead." Explains Jason, Percy frowned.

"Well, fuck em." He grinned when Jason laughed in suprise. "You are definitely something else, Jackson." Percy grinned wider "see you're learning fast. I think we'll be good friends you and I."

Jason raised an eyebrow "you sure? Most of my friends stab me in the back." Percy nodded, a sincerity in his eyes that made Jason almost believe he wouldn't.

It felt too good to be true.

"Well, I'll just have to prove you wrong." Percy put a hand out "Percy Jackson, son of Posideon and former Praetor." Jason shook his hand. "Jason Grace, son of Jupiter and current Praetor."

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

[foxglovepng]

Random Head cannons 2 🌼🥀

Characters: Savanaclaw + Octavinelle

CW: Mentions of first years, Leona accidentally commits arson, Ruggie is a klepto, platonic bromances with first years, little bit of violence in ruggie's, mentions of ED and body hcs in Azuls, mentions of slight nudity in Floyd's.

A/N: These two dorms are relatively small so I combined both into one post. Scarabia and Pomefiore will be condensed into one post as well.

Likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated <3 hope you enjoy!

Leona

MY MAN <3 me and Leona are married Crewel officiated our marriage. (I literally don't know what headcannons to give this man HELP)

I like to think because he is a prince all the staff did everything for him so him changing to NRC and not having any retainers I can imagine he tried cooking once and almost set the dorm on fire.

He had to adjust to doing normal things himself since they were always done for him so I can imagine he STRUGGLED when Ruggie wasn't there (Unless he paid someone to do laundry for him before Ruggie than idk)

Off topic but I saw this one post and it was like "It's okay to commit murder but never okay to hit your wife." yeah that's Leona.

He'd hype his wife up in a fight and when asked he'd be like "I was taking a nap"

(How do you fall asleep in 3 seconds sir teach me your ways it takes me hours to fall asleep)

He can also get high on catnip btw

Ruggie

My favorite klepto freeloader

I can imagine first year Ruggie stealing from a particularly rich person and he goofed up badly Leona stepped in and beat them up and was like Bruh how do you fuck that up I am not helping you the next time you fail.

So *sips tea* even Ruggie has said himself his jaw is strong enough to where he can bite through bone and he can eat the bones too. Ruggie is a little terrifying because is Jaw is insanely strong (Stronger than jack and Leona's combined) so Ruggie could bite someone out of defense to break their arm and his jaw would survive. I think he figured this out once because he had to defend himself either because he got into a fight or someone attacked him and he bite them breaking their bone nearly ripping their arm off.

Between Floyd and Ruggie I'd rather not get bit by either :skull:

Jack

I can imagine first years as a bonding activity go to the gym together from an admiration point Jacks body build is really nice he's a buff guy and he's proud of it so I can imagine he gives tips to the others especially Epel and Deuce.

I also can imagine Ace trying to do a push up or a rep competition (He's not winning). Jack and Sebek end up winning.

Weird head cannon but I can imagine locker room talk between the first years is them admiring Jacks body build in a platonic bro way if anyone else does it Ace is running his mouth on them :skull: "Damn jack you seem to be getter buffer every day" Jack shows no emotion on his face but he's secretly happy to be receiving the compliments

Azul

I like to think he still has a bit of a tummy. It is implied that he has have an ED due to being bullied and an ED is something really sad to think about as much as I don't want to admit it I believe he may have one :(

His parents are divorced and I think he considers his step dad his "real dad". Now I don't know if he gets visitation, but basically in his mind he already replaced his deadbeat dad (I named him Liam because of a tik tok)

Ursula Canonically has a younger sister named Morgana so with this logic I want to say Azul as a half-brother who is an Affair baby. (I say half because biologically if you share a same mother you are technically full, but because Liam is his bio dad and he had another son it's half) and because of Morgana's character I think Azul wants to get to know his brother however I think his brother despises him and refuses too. New oc coming up.

Jade

Moray Eels have shitty vision so Jade wears glasses at night but contacts in the day. Floyd has glasses but chooses not to wear them Jade most likely tries to convince him to wear contacts 50% of the time he doesn't.

My favorite head cannon about Pookie Jade is he grows poisonous flowers and Poisonous flowers are one of my favorite interests. He likes to grow Oleander, Belladonna (Deadly Nightshade), and Azaelea. I feel like if he had a better greenhouse he can grow poisonous shrooms as well. (NOW I'm not saying he kills people, but Mafia theory people)

Floyd

Whenever Octo trio go swimming in a public place or at a beach, lake, etc. Floyd accidentally flashes people and almosst got charged with Public indecency many times so he's been banned from swimming in public.

Shrimps and Moray's have symbiotic relationship so I can imagine if he takes a liking to someone and names them his Shrimpy I bet he'd get real happy if they groomed him via brushing his hair, cleaning him up, etc. He'd give them food and would be their protecter by default in short he'd be down bad.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has ended up in Juvie before and probably has but got bailed out.

[testingthewatersss]

James Trigger warnings for PTSD, mentions of war, torture,  etc. Just unapologetic cuddling and comfort. Bucky Barnes x F Reader Oneshot 1960 words fluff, angst, comfort. 18+ MDNI

What's in a name?

She doesn’t notice when he falls asleep.

Not until he jolts, startling himself awake in her arms, empty mug rolling from his lap, hitting the floor with a dull thud.

“Hey” she whispers, not wanting to spook him further, “Hey, handsome…”

Instantly he pivots, turning to look at her with a muddled expression that makes her smile.

“You must be exhausted” she notes, “You don’t normally just pass out on me”

“Sorry?” he swallows, “Sorry, Doll, I-”

“Don’t be sorry, Bucky” she purrs, “You’re tired… I told you to try and get some rest”

“I didn’t try” he admits quietly, “I just… god…You just make me feel so safe, Y/N/N… I couldn’t help it.”

At first she thinks it sounds like he’s embarrassed. Especially when she sees the flush of red crawling up his neck to fill his cheeks. But then, she meets his eyes again, and realises that it’s vulnerability that she’s hearing instead of shame.

“You make me feel safe too” she tells him softly, wanting to encourage him to open up, “C’mere, love… forget the cup, we’ll get it later”

Bucky smiles, bashful but overwhelmingly happy as he turns fully, accepting her invitation and curling up into her arms completely.

His nose is tucked into her throat, and her heart is beating slow and steady beneath his head.

Even though every joint in his body is throbbing with tension he thinks that this is bliss.

“Can I ask you something”

Her voice is like music.

He’s saying ‘Yes’ before she’s even finished her question.

“Why do people call you Bucky?” she wonders, “I know it’s from your middle name” she adds, “but James is hardly a mouthful”

He’s never heard her say his name before.

His proper name, at least.

In all fairness, she rarely even calls him Bucky, favouring shorter, more affectionate nick-names instead.

“I don’t remember exactly” he says when he realises that he hasn’t answered her yet, “but, I know my dad came out with it first, and then it kinda just stuck… I think my ma fought it for awhile, but he won in the end, and I… I only got James when I was in trouble…”

“Well” Y/N sighs, curiosity satisfied, “I’ll steer clear of it then— Wouldn’t want you thinkin’ you’d done anythin’ wrong.”

He’s gawking at her again. He can feel himself just drowning in her eyes, in the soft, velvet lilt in her voice.

He thinks, James had sounded like a prayer, when she’d said it a few moments before. Like something precious, or maybe…maybe it was more like a secret… He’s not sure exactly, but he’s suddenly overcome with the need to hear her say it again;

“Will you say it again, doll?”

Now she’s confused. There’s a crease between her brows it takes a moment for it to soften, for her to offer him a sweet, understanding smile.

“James?” she tests, making sure she’s come to the right conclusion.

He nods, totally entranced.

“James” she repeats, more certain than before, “I think it’s nice” she coos, reaching over to stroke his cheek, “it suits you…”

Does it?

He remembers echoes of conversations between his parents. Playful and bickering as his mother tried to scold his father for replacing their sons name without her consent.

He remembers her calling him James when he was sick, once, as a small child. The ghost of a gentle palm against his brow as he sobbed, feverish, and worried for Steve-

“He’s fine, James… You got the worst of it this time, I promise — You can see him soon…”

Then, he thinks, he remembers the way it sounded when it was yelled.

Summoning him because he’d trailed mud inside with his boots, or been caught skipping school, or…

Or because Sargent James Buchanon Barnes was the name on his papers.

He’d corrected the Americans as soon as he could.

A polite ‘Bucky, sir’ being all it took for them to dismiss his formal name.

He hadn’t dare correct the others.

James, James, James—

“I should’t have asked.” Y/N says calmly, seeing how he suddenly looks very, very scared, “I’m sorry- I was just bein’ nosey”

His head shakes. Her voice overwhelming him for a moment.

James.

It’s her he can hear now, and he knows, just like that, that he’d never correct her either. He focuses on that, on how safe she makes him feel.

“..It… it’s just been a long time since… since anyones called me that without it makin’ me feel sick” he explains weakly, battling embarrassment as it claws at it his, “Some… some of the HYDRA officers they’d…” he gulps, “They’d try to get a reaction out of me, and I… I never knew what to do to make them happy…”

“Bucky” she whispers, brushing his jaw with her thumb

“They didn’t know about that” he says, aiming for jovial, “Nicknames must not’ve made my file.”

His smile falters, the one side of his lip that he’d managed to quirk falling back considerately as he builds up the courage to keep talking;

“They’d tell me I sounded American” he remembers, “They’d make me tell them where I was from… and they’d… they’d ask me what my name was, and I— I didn’t know what to do, I- I tried… I’d say that I didn’t have one— they, they liked that best, but if that didn’t work I’d just say I didn’t remember… but sometimes they’d act like they… like they cared, y’know? like they… like they wanted to me remember and then they’d just…”

Slap me, he thinks, fighting the urge to flinch, Slap me, spit on me, make me open my mouth—

He shivers, looking at her, desperately searching for a distraction. For a way to make the memory stop

“You’re home now” she promises, fingers slipping up to trace the soft curve of his lip as she wonders why he’s kept them parted, “And I’ll call you whatever you want…”

He pecks a kiss against her knuckles, forcing himself back to the present.

Now that he feels almost certain that this is real, that Y/N really is staying with him, no matter what he tells her, it’s almost too easy to slip into the parts of his past that he’s been managing to repress.

He considers the times when people would tell him that that type of openness was going to be key to his recovery.

They’d tell him that you can’t heal from things you won’t let yourself feel, and he remembers thinking that feeling them was bad enough the first time around. He figured back then that if his brain could shield him from even some of the horrors he’d endured then maybe that was the type of mercy he deserved.

Now though, feeling the raw sting of trauma slipping out from one of the more superficial wounds he’d sustained during his near century of imprisonment, he’s surprised at how comforting it is to be accepted while it hurts.

The vulnerability is a small price to pay, he decides, maybe this is healing.

“They hurt me” he hears himself confess, voice a whisper, “Y/N/N, they… they really hurt me.”

“I know” she agrees quickly, totally taken off guard by this seemingly random display of trust, “I know they did.”

Bucky just blinks, adjusting to the fact that he’s said that in the first place.

Why did I say that? he thinks, I’ve never said that out-loud before.

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Y/N asks him calmly, hand slipping down to the nape of his neck, “You don’t have to think about pain, baby… Not like you did before, anyway. No wonder you don’t like sleepin’ on your own”

He’s still just starring at her. Wide eyed and trusting.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore either” she smiles, feeling his arms flexing against her waist, “Since I’m here to keep you company, huh? and you can decide what you want me to call you… I know I’m prone to ‘sweetheart’, but I’m open to alternatives.”

“God” he gulps, still overwhelmed with the sheer acceptance she’s drowning him in, “God, Y/N/N… You, you can call me whatever you want just, just please don’t leave me.”

Please don’t leave me.

He’s never said that like this, before either.

Sure, he might have sobbed out the same sentence, desperate and terrified- He might’ve even whispered it in Russian against her chest as she slept, an unheard plea, but, he’s never said it so calmly.

Y/N has no idea what has caused him to speak so bluntly. She decides fairly quickly that it doesn’t matter.

“I’m not going to leave you” she swears, looking him in the eyes, “I love you, I’m right here.”

“James” he exhales, “I like it when you call me James… Nobody… Nobodies called me that in so long— not, not without it causin’ me problems…”

“Alright…” she murmurs, “…James, I love you very, very much, and I am staying right here…”

His chest aches. It feels like his heart is about to burst behind his ribs.

“Jesus christ-” he whispers, “— Y/N/N, I… I can’t even tell you how much I love you… You’re an angel…”

She beams at him, eyes rolling affectionately.

“You’re a sap” she tells him, “But you’re my sap, huh?”

And then, just like that he’s crying.

His eyes are stinging, tears burning his nose as they spill down across his face in uneven rivets.

Y/N tucks him closer in towards her chest as he starts to choke back sobs;

It’s heart-breaking. Really, truly, heart-breaking, but, it’s hardly unexpected.

“..C’mere…” she whispers, instinct guiding her hands to his back, so she can start to soothe his straining ribs, “…You’re okay…. You’re safe now, I promise…”

Both of his hands, metal and flesh are clutching her waist, betraying how desperately he needs her assurances. He’s way too busy bawling to try and formulate any kind of coherent response, so he doesn’t even try. He just clings to the woman he loves and retreats inwards as his body continues to weep.

He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so far gone. He’s not even certain that he’s upset…

When he tries to think about that, it only gets more muddy, because he… he doesn’t think this is anything he’s felt before.

It’s not isolated terror, or despair, or agony— but, it’s not a happy feeling either. This isn’t the kind of relief fulled weeping that he was wracked with on the first night he was brought to a room and it dawned on him that he really was free— that it was over— It’s some strange mixture that he can’t put a name too, all he knows is that it’s too much to process. His chest hurts, so do his eyes, and he can’t stop crying now that he's started,

“Shhhhhh”

Y/N’s gentle exhaling washes over him like a wave. Gentle and soothing as her fingers card through his hair;

“…Everything’s okay now…” she promises, “…You’re alright…”

He keens back into her touch before turning, letting his cheek rest against her chest. It’s different to how he was positioned before, with he was entirely hidden within the crook of her neck, and now he can’t help but whimper as the cool room air laps at his flushed, wet, face.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Y/N sighs, hating the fractured sound he’s just made, “You’re okay… You’re safe… It’s all okay…”

Her thumb is on his cheek. She’s drying his tears while she tells him over and over again that he’s home, that he’s not in danger, that she loves him, and that it’s all going to be alright—

and Bucky thinks in a startling break from hysteria, that this, this feeling is mercy.

Masterlist

[bluecollarmcandtf]

The Family Business

The portrait of the Malik family still hangs over the fireplace. Even though they don't live in this mansion anymore, I like to look at it.

Their name used to have influence. The wealth Mr. Malik (center) had amassed in his lifetime was only eclipsed by his influence. His firstborn son, Omar (left) eagerly followed in his father's steps, greedily awaiting his chance to replace the old man. The youngest son, Amir (right) occasionally went to board meetings when he wasnt travelling the world, going from one lavish party to the next.

Despite being on top of the world, each of the three men fell far from their pedestals.

They shouldn't have tried to swindle my restaurant. My place might've been going down the toilet, but it was priceless to me. The Maliks tried raising the pricetag, but they quickly resorted to thinly veiled threats.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of their smug faces and their pompous lifestyles. They didn't deserve that existence, and I was more than capable of taking it from them.

"You're gonna be my new fry cook, son," I explain to Amir, as he nervously shifts in his new uniform.

"Can I just wear something more dignified?"

"Heck, no!" I clap the youngest Malik on the head, "You are representing my business here, so you wear what I tell you to."

Amir's lip quivers, and he knows he's helpless to disobey. My mind controlling abilities have him and his family bending to my will. Their own wills have become irrelevant. It's been this way ever since I paid a visit to their mansion, walking away with the three men marching obediently behind me.

"Whatever," Amir relents disdainfully, grimacing at the humidity and oil in the air.

"I know it's not the fancy tailored suits you are used to, son, but there's a lot more pride in wearing the Grease Pit uniform.

"Really?" he scoffs sarcastically.

"Of course there is!" I remind him, "Don't you love it when you slide that yellow polo on, look in the mirror, and see a Grease Pit employee staring back at you?"

"No," Amir scoffs, but he doesn't sound convinced.

I can tell I'm finally winning over his thoughts.

"Are you sure?" I press, "Because that's not what you said to me."

"What'd I say?" he only looks confused now.

"You told me you couldn't wait to be a part of this: a down-to-earth, blue-collar life like this. That's why you applied. Remember?"

The former party boy paused, but a grin eventually stretched across his lips. It was the first time I'd ever seen his genuine smile. He was devilishly handsome when he smiled.

"You're right, sir," he sticks out his chest a little, "I'll wear the uniform with pride."

"Every day, right?"

"Yes, sir," he replies cheerily.

"Remember, the best Grease Pit employees always work with a smile!" I add.

Amir laughs respectfully at his boss's quip, turning the sticky stove on. Little does he know that it is no joke. His mind is under my control, and he's just been convinced that he's my little cook who's absolutely beaming with pride and joy in his work.

I give him a playful smack on his rear as I leave. His butt is basically mine to play, and he can only smile and shrug off my advances.

"How're the dishes, son?" I call to Omar, as he scrubs away in the back of the building.

"Screw you," the former executive mutters, "And I'm not your son."

"Oh I don't know if you want to take that tone with me, boy," I remind him, "Remember what happened last time you gave me lip?"

Omar's mouth seals tightly as he looks away.

"Go on," I command, "Remind me."

The oldest son growls, "You made me clean your boots," slamming a dirty dish beneath the steaming water with rage.

"More than that, I think," I continue, "Explain what else."

"You made me lick them!" he yells at me with bared teeth, "And when I wasn't doing that right, you made me slow down and drag my entire tongue across your goddamn shoe."

"That's right," I brush off his intimidation, "Isn't this work so much more enjoyable?"

"It's all terrible!" he growls, "Every second since you showed up has been terrible. This place is disgusting! There's mold in every corner, the place smells like rotten meat, and it's at least a hundred degrees back here!"

I chuckle at the sweat pouring down his shirt.

"Well, the AC hasn't worked for years, and the water always comes out piping hot," I explain, "But that's nothing to be upset about."

"Oh really?" he bellows in rage as he splashes more dirty dishes into the scalding water.

"Sure, don't you love some hard work?" I ask, knowing this man hasn't ever worked hard, "That's the only way you feel accomplished."

"What are you talking about?" he scoffs.

I already know he'll be easy to sway. Men as desperate for attention as he is usually are.

"I'm talking about how you love a good project. You are so hard-working. You need something to apply yourself to completely."

"Well, I do work hard," he reiterates.

"Exactly! That's why I hired you, son."

"I'm not your-"

"Right, your not my son. Im just proud of you, is all. You're my hardest worker here, and I hate seeing this place in such a sorry state."

Omar's eyes soften, and for the first time he doesn't look like he wants to murder me.

"Well, maybe I could see if I can't scrub off that mold later," he quietly suggests.

"You'd do that?" I feign gratitude, "Do you think you could fix the AC too, son?"

"I don't know how that works," he reasons.

"Oh," I give him a look of disappointment.

"But let me try," he calls, sounding slightly desperate, "I'm sure I'll figure it out."

"That's good, son," I say, patting him on the head. Omar can't help but relax as I do, happy he has earned my approval.

Both brothers are eating out of my hand. It's time to visit dad."

"Mr. Malik," I call, "How's the front?"

The mature executive doesn't even bother turning his head, stating, "No customers if that's what you mean. Can't imagine anyone coming into a piece of trash like this."

"You're in here," I remind him.

"Against my will," he reminds me steadily.

He is not going to be as easy to manipulate as his sons, but that's perfectly fine. I don't want to warp this man into the most respectful or dedicated employee. I just want him to watch as I do that to his charming boys.

"So who were you gonna give the company?"

He sighs, staring at the empty restaurant.

"Tell me!" I command.

"Amir," he frowns deeper as his voice betrays him, "Probably. If he ever grew up. Omar was too eager, but he was the backup."

"Which one wants it more, do you think?"

His lip curls warmly as he thinks about his sons, "They both want it more than anything. They just have different ways of showing it."

"Well, I doubt they care about it anymore."

His eyes finally dart to my own. I can tell the all-powerful Mr. Malik is finally scared. He has no idea what I've done to his boys.

"Hey, boys!" I yell, "Get your butts up front!"

I smirk at the petrified father as the stove simmers down and the sink turns off. Heavy feet race over as the duo reports to us. They don't mind their father. The brothers are waiting to hear what I have to say to them.

"Omar?"

"Yeah, boss?" the grown man can barely hide his desperation for my approval.

"I know you had a pretty good career before, son" I admit, winking at the stunned father, "I won't stop you if you want to go back."

"No," his voice cracks as he answers hastily. Casting a nervous glance to his dad, he continues, "I just like the work here. There's a lot to do, but I can help fix this place up."

"You can certainly try, son," I smile deviously.

"And Amir?" The boy straightens his back.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving the Grease Pit, sir," he beams. I reach around and give his rear a playful, squeeze as he smiles wider.

Mr. Malik's nostrils flair as he sees what I've turned them into, but the former tycoon can't do anything about it. I dismiss his sons to get back to work.

The man is helpless to stop his body from giving me everything I want. The mansion, the vacation homes, even ownership of their enterprises were all signed over to me.

"Keep up the good work!" I call cheerily as I leave the restaurant.

While I hop in a sports car and speed off, they stay open late into the night. A few people wander in during their graveyard shift.

When I finally arrive at the secluded mansion, they are finally closing up and cleaning for the night. Amir cleans the kitchen while his older brother mops the floors. Mr. Malik is stuck scrubbing the toilets.

When I finally sink into a massive sofa and enjoy the fire. They are turning out the lights in the back office. Mr. Malik and his youngest curl up on stuff cots while Omar stays up to take care of the mold problem. He is certainly willing to go the extra mile for me.

As I drift off, I chuckle at the portrait of the three men. It's a silly thing to have such a grand painting of three fast food workers.

[yoonia]

Last Line Tag

Tagged by @lo1k-diamonds | thank you so much, love! And I know that I was tagged by a few others before while I was offline or on break so I guess here it is lol

Rules: Share the last line you wrote and tag the same number of people as the words in the line.

I have a few WIPs opened which I've been working on back and forth today, so I'll share from each one. Maybe I should share a bunch of snippets/longer lines instead while I'm at it to make up for my absence lately:

From Bedroom Hymns [myg]

“There you are, little dove.”  You briefly close your eyes, relishing on the shudder that his deep voice brings. This isn’t an imagination, you muse to yourself as you open your eyes to see Yoongi walking across the bridge. The white mist formed by the flowing water beneath him breaks away with each step that he makes.   “You’re late.” Too many long days, three different trips late. “I almost believed that I wouldn’t be so lucky to see you today before I leave.”

From Ever A Never After [ksj; jjk]

You suck a deep breath, and Seokjin has no idea why the sound you make pierces straight deeply into his chest. Then you make it worse when you speak with an innocent, helpless voice of yours, “Anyway, you are right, Sir. I don’t have anything with me. I left all my gold coins back home, since I thought I wouldn’t be needing it today with the ceremony and all.”  Again, dread fills his chest. “Gold coins,” he groans under his breath with a grimace. He closes his eyes, trying to find that sense of calmness deep inside him once again before it slips away. “All right. Breathe.” 

From Hot Mess [kth]

“Thank you for your concern,” he says, “though I’d much prefer to discuss them with you. Preferably in private, where we can be thorough.”  Somehow, his request unpleasantly tickles your brain, and the sour mood you felt returns. But you hide it with a forced smile and an overly sweet voice when you speak to him again. “I wish I could. Unfortunately, I’m going to need to do some minor adjustments with our setup today and I would like to get things ready before we can start taking photos.”  “I see. That’s a shame,” he mutters with feigned remorse. “Then I guess I’ll have to wait until later to see you.” 

From Chance Encounter [DPR Ian]

“What are you doing to me?”  “Returning the favour,” he says, giving you a quick kiss on the lips before turning away. “You’ve been driving me crazy lately, so it’s time to make you feel how I’ve been feeling.” His words fade into a deep grunt as his lips descend, pressing against your chin before he starts kissing down the column of your throat. 

From Blood Moon Rising [pjm]

“You—”  Pulling himself up from the crashing waves, Hyun positions himself behind a pointy rock to hide as he shifts back to his human form. Only partly, however, as only his long legs appear to replace the fishtail, leaving the twin rows of his sharp fins still visible on his skin, blending into the skin of his thighs.  Lowering one knee on the ground, Hyun remains behind the rock to conceal his nudity. A brief moment passes before he slowly lifts his head. His eyes are glowing in silver as he returns Lani’s soft gaze, the gill slits appearing on the sides of his neck and lower ribcage are pumping with every breath that he takes as he slowly adjusts being on land. His hands, still in the form of a pair of talons, rest over his bent knee as he formally greets the Vampire before him.  “My name is Hyun, the son of Hirae, the former head priest of Siren’s Den,” he introduces himself with a deep voice, soft snarls coming out with each word. His sharp dagger-like teeth peek through the seams of his lips as he speaks. “I was sent here by Lord Jimin to retrieve you, Lady Lani.” 

From Alpha's Inferno [knj]

A mate bond is maddening simply by being present. This bond, awakened after a long period of time, has continued to grow stronger, binding their souls together before they even have any chance to fight against it.  “Why are you fighting it, Alpha?” the pretty vampire asks him, and Namjoon can already feel his resolve dwindling at the sound of her voice. He makes no move as Lani steps closer, her movement graceful and slick. Like a predator, yet enticing and captivating at the same time that he cannot look away. “Is it because I’m one with the enemy?”

(from the two last snippets, I think it becomes obvious why I keep saying I needed to write these two together lol)

Tagging some friends: @beomcoups @shadowkoo @caelesjjk @taegularities @bangtans-momma and whoever wants to do this. tag me so I can see what you're working on :')

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep. 5 Rewatch Thoughts Part 2

Phayu is looking WAY too happy to be called a bastard

Idk this shot is just funny

AHHHH It's our other resident cutie!! I missed you Prapai <3 Also yay for P' Aon and P' Saifah my beloveds

The exchange between Prapai and P' Saifah is so funny and I wish we'd gotten to explore the twins' and Prapai trio more in the show. That would've been so fun! As it stands take a P' Saifah side-eyeing self-proclaimed VIP Prapai

Ah so P' Saifah did hear things last night (poor him). Also I'mma need everyone to stop calling Phayu names when all he does is be a SIMP

If the beast was actually a puppy, sure. I'm not sure these boys know how metaphors work.

Poor Sky's world is about to get a lot windier with turbulence. It's not time for us to talk about that yet though. Also peep the manga collection, I stan

HE EVEN SNEEZES LIKE A KITTY I CAN'T HANDLE THIS CUTENESS

P' Phayu you're hilarious - wdym germ-spreader as if you don't literally stick your tongue down his throat in circa 5 minutes

Man is really gunning to impress the in-laws - do you see this smirk?? He knows he's won their favor (at least Mama Rain's so far). Poor Rain can feel himself being replaced as the favorite son >.<

I just know Phayu's inner-self is SCREAMING rn at seeing his triangle being so treasured by Rain. This is probably what prompted that very "you are my fate and the heavens themselves brought us together and ilysm" musical number coming up later on. Also for the millionth time, Boss has v nice hands heh

I love how utterly hypnotized Rain looks every time Phayu gets close to him. obsessed with this set of expressions, actually!

Why is Rain saying 'mia' with that look on his face so powerful?? Phayu sir how did you hold back from immediately smothering his face with kisses bc I certainly couldn't be that strong

Phayu I'm going to slap you bc what is this behavior?

Rain is understandably not ok. Noeul did a spectacular job here of giving us subdued shock and realistic tearing up. Generally speaking, he's a good crier (even in ep 3 I think he portrayed it well without overdoing it).

I love how they gave us dramatic thunder in the background to really impart the gravity of the situation. Foley artist I continue to love u <3

They also really went hard with the triangle imagery in this episode, or maybe that's just me seeing things. I do love how Rain's first instinct to get out of any Situation is to grab Phayu's arm.

"It's time to stop studying each other." Yeah ok say it without looking at Rain's lips like 50 times first, coward

You can see the tear track and Noeul does this little nose twitch here that's giving me poor meow meow. Even Phayu couldn't resist touching

Rain: is this clown serious rn?? we're talking about the WEATHER???

The audacity?!

Rain looks so distressed here, my poor son :(

He finally breaks and we get to see that oh-so-adorable-only-for-Rain nose crinkle. Phayu is lucky he's so cute or Rain would've pouted for a lot longer

Rain just went at him with the softest pillow in his arsenal. He's too nice.

I know every single one of you went back to the shot earlier of his clearly unmarked back when you first watched this. I should know. I squinted for like 5 full minutes. Phayu you're a liar :(

Rain hits him some more, and Phayu says he's already won. I really think this man looks wayyyy too smug, someone (Rain) should do something about it.

And we're back to the neck cradling. I continue to admire how quickly Rain just loses himself (as shown by his suddenly very focused on Phayu's face gaze)

To the next part we go!! Lots of sweetness ahead :)

[jrueships]

can you please walk us through the relationship between wemby and jabari the people need to know

i think the most notable thing about vic and Jabari's relationship is that they don't have one, when it would be so beneficial if they did. they're like two soldiers fighting for the opposite sides of a war, too loyal to the cause to stop and think about what could have been if they just lowered their respective weapons aimed by cold hands larger than their own. foils by fate, friends by freedom.

' remember, you will Always be Different. '

' remember, you will Always be Replaceable. '

'Replaceable'

Jabari's dad made it in the NBA, then didn't. He was a big that could shoot, but wasn't a post-up man. Back then, post-up was the desired style. Ironically, now, it's all about shooting. But his dad didn't live in the now, and his career in the US was short-lived, to keep it cordial. Jabari's older brother played basketball throughout his whole life, but stopped after college. Jabari's cousin, Kwame Brown, was drafted 1st overall in the lottery, and became a notorious bust for the Washington wizards.

Basketball is a business. Basketball is fleeting.

It doesn't matter that a big with sharpshooter skills is valued as something so 'prized' in today's nba, not back then, not when it would have mattered for Jabari's dad. Making it is one ballpark in its own, but Staying in it? Can perhaps be an even more painful ordeal when the hoops to accomplish it aren't circus hoops, but a plain hill some just don't have the strength, mentality, or the materials to help climb without distraction or pitfall.

Jabari's dad made sure Jabari had this threat forever ingrained in his mind. When he yells at Jabari for misplaced eye contact, for typing the wrong words in a public social media reply, for reacting in a way a camera might misinterpret, it's out of love. Jabari's dad was known for being a hassle to coach back then, maybe because he knew his potential and no one else did because it was too new to the mold. So he makes sure Jabari doesn't follow his same habits. Jabari is polite to authority, simply replies with a 'Yes Sir' or a 'No Ma'am', he holds eye contact, he wakes up hours before he needs to just to jump rope, just to uphold the standards that his family could not. He is Everything his father is and isn't, plus more. When his team wins, he's still talking about his missed freethrows even 8 hours later. Because someone else could have won the game And hit those free throws too . someone from a family that gained success and stayed in that success. Someone who wasn't Just Another Son of a basketball player trying to do what his father couldn't, someone who was Different .

Everyone knew wemby was different. When his literature class was asked to write an essay about your future dreams in life, he wrote a fictional romance about a couple where the woman got in a car accident and was comatosed as a result, but got better in the end. He didn't write about being a great basketball player one day, because his parents don't pressure him to hunker himself into the norm, even though his mother once was and now coaches. If Wemby one day realized this wasn't for him, they would encourage him to leave and follow whatever greater passions propelling him. He's so agile for his size because his dad was an Olympic talent in track and field. He is someone who has hobbies and talents that are considered common alone, but strange combined, because he loves what he has and what he does. He reads every night for one hour before bed not to appear as some pseudointellectual, but because he Genuinely loves it, and when he loves something, he excels at it. He does try to be different, but not out of ego. He just loves to be. He either accomplishes at 200% or zero. It may be 200% in an unexpected direction, but it's His direction and that's what matters. If he somehow does wind up a bust, a possibility he considers without fear but acceptance as potential fate, then he won't go down as yet another failed first pick. He'll fall as he flew, Victor Wembanyama.

' Different '

' Replaceable'

Jabari winces each time he's subbed out, even for a second, even on an injured ankle, he's silently Stubborn, his posture shrunken and his gaze at the ground yet his eyes, big, wobbling, staring up always at the speaker, he's silently scared.

Jabari doesn't Want to be different. He just wants to be what his family couldn't be when it came to fame: irreplaceable . His parents split when he was younger, he tries his hardest to appease them both as to not cause any more issues. The relationship relies on his shoulders more than ever, and he can't fumble it again. He has to be what his dad couldn't so his dad can stay, commenting on commonality or surprises. He wants to support his still working mother, especially after the split. He doesn't Want to be unique, he just wants Security.

Because this can crumble any moment now, it doesn't matter how high your pick was or how bright the future Could Have been or how the game would later shift to your style if you had just somehow Stayed. Why bet on low chances if you know you can't handle the risk. He shakes any college coaches' hands that showed up to his practices, personally thanks them for coming even though he's one of the best in the country so their presence should be a given to him, it's not. When he picks a college, he picks one that guaranteed their faith in him from day One, and didn't require any further prodding to finally say '.. Maybe we'll offer you a position' like Kentucky did, as big and famous as it is, it wasn't Secured . They saw him as a risk at one point, and that's everything he's been trying to avoid when it came to attention, negatively standing out.

Jabari wants to be known as the strong shoulder to the world. He WANTS to be known as That One Guy who can just carry everything, nameless but Good. He just wants to be Good. Please tell him he's good. Please tell him what he's doing is Good. That basing his entire personality around yet another soldier who ultimately fell in battle but fought nonetheless being nameless is Good. Please feel free to give him all your burdens to bear like he's just some mule, an animal, a Tool .. because that means he's Useful, at least. That means he's Good. And if he isn't good, then he's nothing. Because you can always just buy another one anyways. A better one.

'Different'

Although his parents try not to treat Wemby by simplifying his differences into a strictly labeled, simple FUTURE BASKETBALL PRODIGY box at birth, that doesn't mean that can always stop others from doing it. Wemby signed his first autograph at ten years old.

It didn't matter if he was a kid who was so much more than just his basketball future, basketball fans wanted one thing from him and one thing only: Success. People didn't care about his literary skills or his drawing hobbies. The eyes on his alien needed to be smaller 'so your shoe can sell better, trust us, it's still Your drawing.. your weird little .. not money-making hobby, do believe me, Vic, We know what We're doing. You just stick to whatever you do.'

His differences, in the end, are minimalized just to that. He's just Different. That's what everyone says who wouldn't really care to say anything at all if he never hooped as well as they wanted in the first place. The youtube videos of 40 year old men criticizing his 15 year old games didn't Really care if he was just a kid, they just cared in the 'imagine when he reaches peak physicality? imagine the points (money) he'd make for the nba.' His beautiful differences, artistic, soft, unique but oh-so wonderfully common and passionate.. are all dissolved into 'Different', the Base definition.

he's an alien. Someone you can just dump all your poverty franchise worries onto because don't worry, he's Different. Trust me, he'll save your team. 'He's Different. ..am i talking about how he'd effortlessly answer questions in class while also trying to hide the fact that he's playing on his phone by tucking his bony legs awkwardly in his chair and crouching his spine over that it looked almost scary? HELL NO? what does THAT have to do with BASKETBALL?? no, he's just freakishly long, but like. Gifted. Though. ... I don't know, man, he's just DIFFERENT, okay? you can trust me, i'm a sports podcaster, okay? everything i say is gold.'

A celebrity approaches him because he was different than most famous basketball athletes. He was Different. And yet, when he didn't recognize or notice her presence due to Different cultures ( due to Being Genuinely, Detailedly Different ), he was scorned and ushered out of public eye so another possible pr bomb couldn't injure his reputation as a Difference That They Really Would Rather Not Want.

that's what his reading falls into, his old friends, his family, his art, his personality. If it's beyond ball, if it's beyond Business. The world only cares if it's marketable. Sure, some reporters will ask a question outside of sport, but only because it'll be a Different.. funny little nugget of knowledge for fans to laugh at then soon disregard for what Really made him famous. But, Wemby is what he always wanted to be. He's Different. So What if it's not exactly the kind of Different he actually wants, he actually functions on? No one has the time to perform 200% anymore. Slap the label you wanted and call it quits, stop being so High-Maintenanced. That's not marketable.

You're just different. And to some people, that's all you'll ever be. No need to explore it any further. Who knows, your Consumers might find something they won't like. And we can't risk that happening to our greatest circus freak.

i mean. Generational basketball talent .

If there's a press conference going on that somehow includes the two, then Wemby just wants to be sure everyone can hear what he really wants to say, in his own words, not echoing anyone else's, and Jabari just wants to Be in the Room.

His brother stopped playing basketball because his family said he didn't try hard enough. Jabari Can't have that. His whole life revolves Around basketball, around sport. He doesn't WANT to be DIFFERENT if that isn't the soundest option, he just wants to be GREAT. Because GREAT is SUCCESS. Jabari Smith is not success. It's just a retry at it . His father shares the same name.

Wemby's life did not always revolve around basketball, to people, at one point. At one point, Wemby's life was just his life. Now, it seems like only his family think that, and they're from a whole other country. When he comments on videos critiquing his playstyle, he doesn't do so out of anger or questioning, he does so because he genuinely Wants to improve. He Does want to be great. But, he wants to be great in Everything that he finds interesting. He always did. When he likes an author, he reads All their books, not just their most notorious novel. He wants to be transported into other people's worlds so he can learn, so he can change, so he can be Different. Even if he somehow were to lose all of this fame, this Greatness, this job, this opportunity, he will never really lose. Because he's someone who's always taken opportunities to the fullest, so even if they pan out a little differently, that's Fine, really, because he's different. Not in the minimizing, dictionary definition then leave the meaning at that different, but in the butterfly effect. What he once was ten days ago is not exactly the same of what he is now, and it hurts, sometimes, when people fail to see that, or simply don't want to because textbook different is easier to digest than worldly different.

IN SHORT.. theyre foils. i can't Exactly walk u thru their relationship bcs .. there Isn't one.. & that's what's so Interesting about them. That's what makes their relationship, to me. Because if they WERE to be friends, if they somehow in some alternate world WERE to get paired up on the same team... they would be friends. I really think they would be. Not only because their signs are so compatible, or their differences are so stark, but because their similarities would triumph everything beautifully. Maybe. We don't know because they Weren't paired together, we can only speculate. But i think it would be big and beautiful, whatever they would have, it would be Something.

unfortunately, we don't live in an alternate world where they're teammates though ! Double unfortunately, Jabari and Wemby's biggest similarity is their loyalty to the game (a double-edged sword in both their lives from Jabari's silent unhealthy desire to be limited and Wemby's silent desperation not to be) Wemby, in Jabari's eyes, is Indeed a powerful...

Problem.

He's not really a person to him . In all fairness, no one really is when they're involved in the basketball world, not to Jabari, not from the way he's been taught. Everyone's supposed to be Replaceable, a faceless tool in the pocket of good business.

.. except for This freakazoid. Apparently.

APPARENTLY, he's some supposed 'saint'. someone to be feared for being more. APPARENTLY, the reporters just LOVE yapping about him SO much, that Jabari HAS to take the time out of his training just to talk about some guy who doesn't even GO here, yet when they ask him about his opinion on future prospects. WELL, that's ALL wemby IS to Jabari, just another future prospect. Just another problem.

A problem he'll be sure to check off his list.

... okay, so Maybe he's a bit more than a problem.. maybe.. he's just a really persistent problem? yeah, that's it, nothing more. Jabari will work through this. He Always does. That's what he does well, Work.

Wemby wonders if that's all he ever does .

But he doesn't have long before Jabari's marching down the tunnel to beat himself up over all his mistakes other people would never make, and Wemby's being escorted to an interview that other people would never make solely to show how Much he just Stands Out as a soul... in basketball .

I hope they find each other in basketball, and out of it as well. I just feel like

Something would Happen

[taleofharrison]

I love the headcanon of Wayne and Eddie bonding over baseball, when Eddie moved with Wayne he thought he could bond with the kid by teaching him how to play, however his interest in playing faded and being replaced with music and nerdy interests.

However, he started dating Steve. Hawkins High former pride and joy. Eddie would roll his eyes every now and then when Steve would get so into the game he was watching that he would start yelling at the TV.

One day, Steve was visiting Wayne for their weekly sports day. Most of the times Eddie sat by the kitchen planning campaigns, song lyrics or just doodling but this particular day Steve was pleasantly surprised by his boyfriend.

" 'm sorry son but there's no way the Cubs are making it to the final" Wayne chuckled.

"I disagree sir" Steve said "I think we got a shot this time."

"Oh please the only way they are winning is if they do a perfect game and with their team this year is not happening" Eddie spoke from his usual spot.

"You..." Steve had never seen or heard Eddie so interested in any sport "you like baseball?"

"Yeah, I used to play as a kid" Eddie said as if it was obvious "Wayne taught me I just stopped playing when I found D&D and learned guitar"

"Why don't you join us this time son?" Wayne asked Eddie.

And from that moment on Eddie would only join them if they were watching baseball. Wayne couldn't be happier, he was bonding with his boys.

[4l3x-3ngl1sh]

The brothers as Types of Shoppers

Characters: The Brothers x gn!mc

Warnings: None

-----

Lucifer

You ever been makeup shopping with your dad and he's like standing on the other side of the isle as you blocking traffic and being like "Is that it?" every 5 minutes? That's him

Very focused shopper, not interested in mall walking with you. He gets what he wants, pays, and leaves. He knows what he likes and exactly where it is in the store.

If he's shopping for someone else, however, he'll take his time. Not too long though, he just doesn't see the point in being in stores longer than he needs to.

Mammon

You can send Mammon into the store for like a cucumber and he'll still come back with a shopping cart of stuff. Candy, a watch, a camera, you name it, which is impressive because the store was a grocery store.

On the upside, he will get everything you need. If you send him with a list he'll actually get the stuff.

Has a store card for like every store ever

Will definitely haggle with the cashier or debate them when they say he cant get a deal. No they cant give you a buy one get one free on the pencils they're literally in a pack together

Buys wayyyyyy too much of everything. I can see him couponing then selling the stuff for full price.

Takes tags off of clothes that are too expensive and urges Asmo to do the same.

Leviathan

He is an online shopper this is canon

He has connections, you will never see him in a store running errands ( ik hes been to stores in canon but now he hasn't bc i said so/j)

He goes to the anime store and the human world Japan themed store in the mall every once in a while if there's some drop that is in stores only. He tries not to though because he got into an argument with the store clerk after they mixed up the Ruri-chan fanmade ova with the main canon

Satan

Most normal guy in stores, mostly

He's always looking for something specific and won't settle for replacements. Will rant for 30 minutes if they moved items or removed them from the store.

I can't see him clothes shopping very often, look at the way he dresses

Uses the self checkout religiously because he apparently can do it better than the people who's job it is to check you out. He is his dad's brother's son brother

Asmodeus

World's longest shopper, not even with clothes, just in general.

Straight lollygagging

Read the labels and everything, even if he's bought it before

Has a store credit card or two, nothing like Mammon. Just for the stores he frequents the most like Majolish, starbucks maybe, he seems like a starbucks guy

One of those annoying people who argues on the phone in the middle of the store

Asks the store workers their opinions on the items he's buying way too much. "What're your opinion on these eggs? Have you ever tried them?" like ??

Beelzebub

Eats the food in the store, brings it to the checkout open wide. I used to be afraid of eating the grapes as a kid meanwhile he's eating the grapes, a rotisserie chicken, drinking the milk.

Always falls victim to the snacks at the checkout

Usually rounds up, not even to be generous he just doesn't want the change

Never gets a basket, dropping items left and right because he didn't grab a basket on his way in and refuses to go back for one. "Sir, do you want a basket?" "No 😊😊”

Belphegor

You're lucky if you catch him shopping

Another in & out guy, he's got better things to be doing like sleeping or napping or snoozing or dozing off

Cannot be bothered with cash, he's a credit card guy

I can see this grown man sitting in the basket while you push him around and shop

- - - -

[dark-elf-writes]

WHAT IF OBORO LIVED AND WAS LIVING EVERY HIMBOS DREAM OF BAGGING A MILF AND TRIPPED HIS WAY INTO BEING IZUKU’S STEP DAD AND POST

Let's do this 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

-(he is enraptured.)

Oboro, the ultimate simp.

-(all tangled hair and pillow lines on her face)

I know this man thought that she was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen in that moment. Like wanted a full blown painting of the way she looked.

-(one of his shirts to replace the one he got a little too excited to deal with the buttons of last night that hangs off of her)

Not sure who the friend is (Mitsuki? just based on canon, it's unclear) but I know for damn sure that she got pummeled with questions the millisecond she walked in the door.

-(Which yeah of course he is. That’s what moms are supposed to do, right?)

THIS MAN GETS IT!!!! We looooove him!!!!! Like this energy of parent gotta parent right? Like that a thing that just is? ahahah

-(“He’s quirkless”

He’s heard the whispers about what happens to quirkless kids and teens from other heroes,)

OOOOF like the amount of statistics and lived experience that must have flashed through his head at that moment. I know his hero brain went protec baby

-(times.)

I'm intrigued gooo ooooooon

-(And then, eventually, he meets Izuku. A timid little thing. All of seven years old)

Okay so some of my favorite fanart is little Izuku. Like they're always portrayed as positively tiny and the fact that Oboro is like seven foot tall and a scarred pro hero looking down at the itty bitty baby. I can only picture him looking down at Izuku before straight dropping to the floor to be on their level(also completely destroyed by the cute).

just

the woman he's already entirely smitten with and her tiny mini me in front of him. Never stood a chance.

-(He wants this.)

Understandable. As you should good sir

-('HOUSE HUSBAND OBORO, MALEWIFE OBORO')

rhtngjrakhuriwalngbjdksal I can't this entire ask!!!!!!

Like the image of this giant man in an apron that is meant for a 5'1" woman is fucking priceless, but the care of him making them meals and I just know that Inko became the most popular person at work for the next month solely for the gossip.(before things took a turn) Plus matching Izuku's socks by hero team up 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I love it so much!!!!!

-(DadOboro introducing his son to his best friends and little fanboy Izuku’s reaction)

I feel like this is a requirement. I think I need to learn to draw at this point, I 'll pencil it in somewhere, because I need to see this visually almost as much as I need caffeine.

-(when Oboro plops down on the couch next to him one day and asks if Izuku comfortable meeting them)

Oboro, my love, of course your fankid is going to lose their absolute shit at the opportunity. So cavalier about it, just drop next to them like hey, let me make all of your dreams come true.

~I have a weird thing about cavalier announcements about big things. My dad sorted my mail when he told me he had cancer the first time, like while he was talking. It left a mark😅😅 I need you to be as serious as what you are telling me is!!!~

-(the closest Tenya has ever gotten to a tantrum is when the train broke down and nearly made him late to daycare.)

djegilhaekagyhjaklefnrethro 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 If this isn't the most accurate descriptor of the little Iida oh my god

-(He asks Tenya about his favorite hero.)

The fact that these men have to come to terms with the fact that their biggest fans are giant hero fanboys(kids) that live in their house. AHAHAHAHA I know Shouta and Hizashi gave them sooo much shit for it. Only for the tables to turn later.

-(Shouta is very clearly A Favorite(tm))

As he should be. I come to the decision that if you don't like Shouta, I don't trust you. But for him to be Izuku's idol as a hero osdjkahgejkwabngmdfmaluigj.

-(Shouta looks in a mirror with Erasure in because he was laughing too hard and please won’t you tell me?)

I need to know this. like seriously 🤣🤣🤣 '

-(There’s not so much of a gender crisis that night as a gender revelation.)

Oh the impact of Hizashi *my heart*

-(Oboro Vs. Izuku’s elementary school.)

I need a whole stage production of this. Like broadway level. Complete with songs.

-(they won’t look at him when they say they forgot it at school.)

Those aren't flags anymore, that's a banner on a plane, that's sky writing, that a billboard on the interstate. Oh honey....

-(The man working the desk in the office sneers)

and that's a one way ticket to the hospital with a broken jaw. Oboro is absolutely making up a story to cover for Inko here. Because I know for damn sure he taught her how to knock someone on their ass. "He tripped, and fell straight into her fist, it was the oddest thing. And sorry about the security cameras, lost control of my quirk for a second, can't see a damn thing through the clouds. My bad"

-(if he doesn’t see his kid right now something very bad is going to happen.)

Oof that intuition must suck sometimes my guy.

-Okay soo the fact that the guy was just like fine whatever go, without checking paperwork is absolutely infuriating to me, as someone who (as a services provider) had to be escorted to the room I was meeting someone in 🤬🤬

But the absolute joy that Oboro felt when Inko made him official on the paperwork. Oh my goooooooood

-(Izuku sits at a table alone covered in trash and scraps clearly not left by them.

Then Izuku reaches for their pencil case, battered and mostly empty even though Oboro just bought them new pens and pencils a week ago, and he sees the red mark on their wrist when their sleeve moves.)

Oboro will level the school. It will look just like this. dramatic effect and all. Inko hit the detonator(she wouldn't have managed to stand through the force generated)

-(They were even less prepared for a Incredibly Pissed Inko Midoriya still in her scrubs from the hospital to descend on them with all the wrath of a mother bear protecting her cub.)

As much as I love a good, bad mom Inko Aizawa adopts Izuku story, there's something so special about empowered momma bear Inko. Just perfection.

-(has him call up Tensei so they can start the transfer to Tenya’s school that night)

That stings the pride. Oh sweets, I'm sorry😭😭😭

-(Imagine the sludge villain attack still happening years down the line. Imagine the conversation with All Might being mostly the same. Imagine, alone and heartbroken and on a roof, Izuku hits the emergency beacon their dad gave him with a promise to always come if they needed him.

Imagine Oboro’s rage when he finally hears what happened.)

djgavjkghalngjekwargh FUCK YESSSSS ♾️/10 no notes. Need it like I need oxygen. please please please and thank you brilliant one.

-(Thinking about the combined ADHD energy of the two of them leading to flour and mess everywhere but they’re laughing and hushing each other so they don’t wake Inko up.)

IF THAT ISN"T THE SWEETEST GODDAMN MENTAL IMAGE ON THIS GODFORSAKEN EARTH SDHJGHRJKEGSJDKghjkelsngjial

Art! Art!!! I neeeeeeed it!!!

-(when they get more serious he helps her divorce Hisashi, does this happen and how does he react?)

*maniacal cackling* of course it does... and he must suffer 😈😈

-(Endeavor once made a snide comment but got quiet real quick when Oboro asked how much older he was than his wife.)

Fuck Endeavor. I hope someone empties multiple fire extinguishers on him on live television, before someone(Oboro) punts him off a cliff like he's aiming for a field goal. Scorecards are necessary.

-(Particularly after he cuts the “locker room talk” real short)

Gentlemen of the internet, take note. Locker room talk is bullshit when it's about femme presenting folks!!!!

- (She knows that there’s a type that men like Oboro tend to chase after and it’s not her. She’s short, has packed on a few pounds between late shifts and being a single mom, and while she sees herself as pretty she’s no model.)

Fuck beauty standards. That man would cause hurricanes to protect her. And Inko has MILF energy 💯

-(And he chose her. Time and time again)

^^^ Me when reading this

-(Oboro chose her, respected her, loved her and at the end of the day that was all that mattered.)

👏👏👏

-(It hurt, however, when Mitsuki pulled away.)

Ouch, like I find the canonical Bakugou family dynamics interesting as hell, but Mitsuki is always a wild card to me. Masaru seems to be much calmer. But this hurts. Like there's nothing like a friend to stab you in the back like this to leave scars that never fully heal and split open with just the slightest pressure.

-(Hizashi alone was responsible for the end of no less than fifteen journalists’ careers and Nezu sunk so many gossip rags and talk shows that he is the Macbeth of the industry.)

We love a social powerhouse or two.

-(He had all but forgotten his wife and kid. Had moved on. Then he gets served divorce papers and his perfect little fantasy shatters around him.)

Just desserts mother fucker!!!!!

-(I want to talk to my wife”

“Who?”

“Midoriya. Inko.”

“Oh I think you mean my future wife.”)

jfkgavnrjskdgh mcvjakghsjbnjef YYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS

-(So when Hisashi figures out Inko’s address (cough stalks her cough) and Oboro opens the door still half in costume with his bow staff draped over his shoulders and a scowl on his face because Inko definitely clocked that she was being followed and he has no patience for anyone that upsets his family)

Oh Oboro absolutely got laid that night. Izuku suddenly had a sleepover somewhere and Inko absolutely leapt on that ass. Not because she needed defending noooo, but the primitive hindbrain said fuck yes, to the impeccable specimen of a man intimidating the fuck out of the weasel that made her and her child's lives miserable for years.

-(squaring up with some low ranked hero)

She'd win. Hands down, no quirks necessary. Nope. My money's on her, any other bet is a sucker's bet. The rooftops found the popcorn and have scorecards ready and waiting for the absolute smack down

-So the combination of OfA and a big fucking stick still makes me cackle. Feral Izuku getting Yagi's attention and him pedo creepy stalking this fucking child home to use their fucked up power imbalance and pass along the quirk. Izuku should not be allowed to make big decisions without a full committee hearing.

-(she is going to shove her foot so far up the number one hero’s ass that he is going to be tasting her laces for the rest of his damn life.

Oboro breaks his jaw the next day.)

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAGUJKAGSKDGHNJKWALGNF Something about this landed just right to me and I fucking lost it reading that. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

-(BONK BONK BONK BONK)

Nothing further. No notes. Perfection. B O N K🤣🤣🤣🤣

-(I know I said that the experience of being hunted by the rooftops and Inko was unique but for Yagi it is becoming distressingly common.)

Okay but like, he should be terrified of Inko. Not just because she is Momma. But because she has multiple pro heroes that would actively cover up her crimes. Like you will never convince me that if it was for Izuku, any of the Rooftops would stop her. Noooo they would help her hide the evidence/body.

-(Oboro is very much the “actually sit on my face and if I die, I die doing what I love” Kind of man.)

As he should be.

-(ittle Zuku at maybe like ten at one of the galas Oboro has to go to in a cute little dress and sneakers)

art i neeeeeed aaarrrrttt

I can make king size blankets with a hook and string, I can make booties and hats. I can bind books, but I can't draw anything more than a stick figure and I'm so fucking angry about it.

Like everything about the gala is fucking perfection. Izuku standing on Oboro's feet when dancing, tiny sneakers and their giant counterparts. The Todoroki kids death glaring their father. Attempts at a waltz. Oh my god hgdjahterjaklnvfjkdalghuer

-"Found a stick on the ground" will forever be the best in universe joke of this AU. Because not only will Oboro never let it die, Izuku has got to make troll videos using the sound and stealing Oboro's staff. Like the idea of them with social media is amazing but like can you imagine. Oboro comes home and Izuku is very much playing it cool, only to be asked, "do you have any idea about why I may have been called in by my agency's PR department today?" Izuku "nope" runs for it.

-(Hisashi gets every headline of the three of them sent to him in triplicate.)

gkveajnrgjeaklngj AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SUFFER@!!!!!!!f

-Everything about the engagement and wedding. EVERYTHING I don't have wooooorrrdsss. Like the proposal is fantastic. Big on family, but small and of course there has to be glitter! And the backyard wedding with Flower Child Izuku turning petals into weapons. And the viral reception videos. I would pay money to see those actually

-Tattooed Oboro hhhnnnnnnggghhh OjgkahgrjklSOH MY GOD Yes. Please. Papaboro with the markers and bonding and looking fine as hell in the process and the earning of the baby's truuuussttt

-(Hizashi stumbles a cross a sad purple child while out on patrol and takes him home and suddenly Izuku has a cousin.

Oboro goes full gender reveal “It’s a boy”

Ten year old Hitoshi realizes he is the only sane member of his new family real quick.)

Okay but is he though??? 😁😁😁 I love this though. sososoooo much. Like they give each other a ton of shit but Oboro must've went full fun uncle in .02 seconds and Izuku had to have their first three sleepovers planned in his notebook before the party even started(the confidence is there people!!!)

And confetti cannons!!!!!!!

-Okay so the word prompts are great and the idea of Oboro and Hizashi both constantly losing staring contests to Shouta (who's quirk relies entire on his ability to keep his eyes open) is priceless. I know Nemuri just called them idiots and said, 'I know a losing battle when I see one'

and the home prompt!!! Like oh my god. Is that to Inko? Or Oboro? Either way I'm here for it but I'm super fucking excited for the context.

and (some unholy intersection between traumatized kids clinging to the only sources of comfort and stability they had ever known and disgruntled siblings shoved into the back seat of a cramped car for a ten hour road trip, one stray elbow away from outright bloodshed.)

nghjeaklgnjreaghrjkagn ahahahahhahahahahahahah fucking accurate. My parents specifically bought a van that had a dvd player to try to stop of from fighting and it still didn't work. Alll the sibling energy here!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHH I love this AU so much. Like Izuku deserve a dad that will go to bat for them every time. Including breaking the number one hero's jaw. And a crew of aunt, uncles and Bibi that will have an open door and a training schedule for them whenever they want. I'd also love to see Hitoshi brainwash Bakugou into punching himself in the face when they get to UA(when he makes the mistake of calling Izuku Deku), before that pomeranian is thrown in mandatory therapy from now until eternity.

I'm seriously so excited for this to come to life someday. Like it's going to be so fantastic!!!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is another one I keep wanting to come back to. I’ve had like 90% of a chapter (and most of a smut oneshot) written for this forever but I for the life of me cannot get it finished. I will definitely come back to it though I love it so much.

[lordkingsmith]

Eugene Skullovitch canon and non canon kids

-stares at his sheer List of close friendships, implied romances, romances, and everything in between- I think Skull vies with Tommy for sheer amounts. Tommy or Billy, but definitely up there. At the very least I can say this is because he’s a reoccurring character over several seasons and movies and not because they were trying to force a hetero romance so nobody noticed the actor was gay. Skull’s naturally flirtatious demeanor and huge presence in the show is certainly to blame for this. So. I’m more than likely missing some, but -shrugs- I am doing My Best lol.

Canon kids:

Unknown mother;

Spike Skullovitch. Like Minh the other parent isn’t known or needed, so Spike never got her named. It’s led to a lot of ideas of who the mom is, au’s where he’s a putty hybrid, and just a whole lot of fun. But let’s focus on canon. Spike is the teenaged son of a now very famous and very rich Eugene Skullovitch. He spent the summer with his “uncle” Bulk. He’s got a massive crush on Mia and he wants to be a samurai and he’s always eager to help the power rangers. And can I just say I love this guy? He’s a cinnamon role. He’s a sweetie. He’s a baby doll and must be protected at all costs. He’s the sweetest of the confirmed canon kids we know of so far (I AM looking at Coinless!Adam’s unnamed son, yes I am. Child I wish we’d seen you before you died. I’d love to know your name) unfortunately the descendants don’t seem to get a lot of personality as a general rule, and even Spike’s a little light on personality. He’s got enough to make him stand out from his dad. But, I can’t help but adore him lol. Sir who are you and who’s your mom? Second bit doesn’t matter but I’d love to know you better.

Non canon oc and alternate reality kids and grandkids:

for the sake of not wanting to sound repetitive, not every universe will have Spike, just ones that make sense/would be interesting for him.

Kimberly Hart;

Stormy Hart, aged seventeen. Her parents are separated. Despite the rocky start with Eugene being Kim’s rebound, they got together again after the Candace Incident. Kim progressed on Eugene’s terms, and they had a kiddo right as they were applying for colleges. It was a bit difficult and they made it work, but when Stormy was seven they finally had to separate, though they’re not on bad terms. Stormy is Spike’s half sister, and has her own band. Has anxiety and depression. Doesn’t spend time with brother or Bulk, at least as much as she should. Mostly for her appearance. Got extremely jealous of Spike over the power rangers thing though! She generally lives with her mom, not her dad, hence why she doesn’t spend time with Spike. She loves her goofy half brother but she’s at the age where her image is important to her. She doesn’t have any colors associated with her.

Katherine Hillard;

I thought his mild attempts at flirting were cute. They got together after Turbo’s movie. Kat realized she was never going to replace Kim for Tommy, and broke up with him. She got with Skull after a few months and some very creative ways to ask her out. They have two sons. The oldest is Squire Hillard. Aged 17. He’s average height and kind of a brilliant himbo. He lets his reputation cover him like a mask, but he’s pretty devious when he’s properly motivated. A little bit of a tail chaser. He keeps striking out, but that never stopped him. While he is a power ranger (pink), he’s having fun running a podcast questioning who the power rangers are. This cover is so good not even Kat’s figured out he’s pink turbo ranger. Looks like a surfer bro. Prefers it that way. Half brother of Spike Skullovitch. Has had to save his half brother three times so far. Barely gets along with his dad, county Sheriff Eugene Skullovitch, but they’re trying. He’s closer to Kat and like her is a professional diver. He wants to get into the Olympics. His general outfit could best be described as “someone from the peppermint forest in candyland decided to become a pirate”. He actually has a rap sheet. He’s got middle child syndrome and you can usually find him with his friends, the other Turbo rangers, or with Bulk, or egging grandmas house with Devon. He’s giving Eugene a bald spot is what he’s doing. Spike does his best, but they really don’t see eye to eye. Squire likes his big brother, there’s just a bit of frustration with him.

Devon Skullovitch, aged eleven. Unlike Squire he’s not blond and looks more like Eugene and Spike. Bulk calls him the baby buddy, and it annoys him so so much. Loves video games and fixing cars. Can eat his weight in lasagna. Not associated with any color. Knows his brother is up to something, unsure what. Often getting babysit by half brother. Is known to egg his grandmothers house. A lot. It’s a problem.

Billy Cranston;

After being best friends as kids, then not, then sort of friends, then maybe more...they have two kids. Charlie Cranston, aged twenty two, and Oscar "Skid" Cranston, aged twenty. Charlie and Oscar are both via a science experiment, where Billy combined his and Eugene's genetic codes in a randomizer, to see if anything would happen that was viable as a sperm and egg equivalent. Yes, he got permission for this from Eugene. He sold the patent, and lives happily with his and Eugene's kids. Charlie is a blue solar ranger. She has been since she was seventeen. Billy didn't know at first and when he found out....he grounded her for not telling him. Then came back thirty minutes later, apologized, ungrounded her, and told her to be careful. Eugene doesn't get it as much but he's trying, he really is. He worries more than Billy, though Billy does often find himself staring up at the stars on late nights with tea in his hand, knots in his stomach and hoping he sees his daughter for Christmas. It's different, somehow, when they're in space and not in town.

Oscar is friends with a Bulkmeier, of course. He's the family "problem child", in a general sense. The prankster, and he's super smart. He is mild enough nobody really thinks he's as smartass and clever as he is. His entire motivation is cause as much chaos as possible. He used to prank his sister once a month until she left, and he's the one who let slip she's a power ranger because she was thrown through a building in front of him. She didn't know he knew, and he's been apologizing since via no more pranks, and gifts. so many gifts. Her favorite foods, updates on her favorite bands, jewelry she'd like. He doesn't have to but he feels bad. This was the closest they ever got to the family splintering. Trini, Zack, and Jason do their best to help the three deal with Charlie in space. Oscar works as a janitor, isn't really interested in dealing with school or anything. He likes doing his hobbies while having a stable job.

variation; they get together when he helps Skull with his newborn son. Spike takes care of his little siblings, and helped Oscar get his nickname and his current job. Billy is eternally caring to his adopted kid, and does the best he can by Spike.

variation 2; Charlie becomes Charlie from A Team. This time, Billy DOES ground her. she never hears the end of it

Farkas Bulkmeier;

Absolutely nobody was surprised when they got together. Eugene became a teen dad and Bulk didn't even think twice. He could fit boyfriend in one arm and baby in the other and he often did in the early days when sleeping with the two. For comfort and sense of protection. Skull was his best friend, and everything he'd ever want in a partner. They didn't bother with a ceremonial wedding, it was just going to get the paperwork signed and then having a big party celebrating with their friends. They have Spike, of course, and adopted one more. Between Spike and Amy, they're good. Sharkie offered to be a surrogate, and Billy offered a way to mix their genetics, but after a long talk with each other and them, it was just Spike and Amy.

Amy and Spike are the same age, with a four month difference. Spike's more emotionally mature than his sister, but Amy's more cunning and less naive than Spike. Currently both eighteen. She's jaded in a lot of ways and makes sure her brother doesn't have to be. Spike has had to ask her not to threaten any partners he might get with, because he can handle himself. She's had to occassionaly ask this goes both ways. Amy is considering being a mechanic, or a roadie for Skull or Spike. She likes feeling useful, she likes puzzles and chess and general challenges. Cannot cook to save her life, but she's a whiz at baking. She's better at math than anyone else in her family. But english is the bane of her existence. Is not associated with a color.

Tommy Oliver;

Tommy invited Skull to a carnival. After first being asked if Skull was a rebound-with a fast follow up to make sure Tommy wasn't taking him to something run entirely by putties-and then asking if he was sure sure Goldar and Skorpina wouldn't be there-Tommy decided he was going to make this a date. and the best one of Skull's life. The effort to help this guy have a proper, healthy, fair love life, meant it more or less accidentally lead to falling in love and while not marriage, they do live together. They have Spike, an adopted daughter Eliza, and a son together named Hunter. Rita thought it'd "bury the hatchet" and had the forethought to let them know she'd decided her first act of being nice would be something that would benefit them. Has not in fact, buried any negative feelings but the effort did mean something. Tommy's straight up told all three of his kids they're not allowed to go to Briarwood. Just in case.

Eliza "Lizzie" Oliver is 21, and wants to be a reporter. Thinks Tommy's worries are a little extreme when they directly affect his kids' lives, but she humors him even as an adult, because she loves him and wants to see him happy. A little selfish, but very smart. Good at picking up on subtext and helps explain things that go over her brothers' heads when she's with them. Tommy's too because he might be smart, but the man is kinda dumb. Not very organized, but somehow always has what she needs in her giant purse. Very resourceful, knows how to pick locks, and is capable of two types of martial arts.

Hunter Oliver-Skullovitch is 16. He's just trying to get through highschool guys, please let him get through highschool. He's been kidnapped twice, and he really just wants to be left alone. More of a punk than Tommy gets, but Tommy and Skull are supportive of his tastes and choices in life. Unfortunately everybody wants a piece of this kid, and while he's not associated with any color (by sheer force of will), this is not from lack of attempts. Hunter's just very very good at making himself too much of a nuisance to be worth taking. Like his siblings he knows two types of martial arts, can pick locks, knows how to get into vents, knows four ways to get out of ropes and other bindings, and can say "help me I've been kidnapped" in twelve languages. as well as "fire!" and "that's not a human!". He loves monster movies, because the monsters actually seem to pose a challenge. He and Tommy do have an understanding, and Tommy and Skull are both happy to let Hunter have a choice in becoming a ranger. He won't get forced into it, if he does he will do this fully with his eyes open and knowing what he's getting into. He will become a black ranger, when he's around 20, and it will be his choice.

Jason Lee Scott;

They were paired up for a school assignment a little after Tommy was reformed and saved from Rita. It was annoying, especially with Skull being so cagey and Bulk straight up threatening him if he went to the Skullovitch residence or business. When Jason dared, he realized why. And had to get saved from Mrs Skullovitch flirting with him. Which earned Skull a lot of verbal abuse as he pulled Jason far away from the house.

While he found our later she was drunk and had mistaken him for someone older, it was still rather panic inducing. Also embarrassing for the Skullovitch brothers and Bulk. He had to stop Stan apologizing on behalf of her, and understood Bulk’s anger. Jason felt the need to make it up to Skull, and they went from antagonizing each other to friends to semi-secretly dating each other. Everyone knew except Skull’s family. Jason didn’t even know what made him angrier; the fact Skull felt he had to protect Jason, or the fact that he lived in Tommy’s house whenever Tommy’s parents didn’t live there, and Skull’s parents didn’t seem to notice. They have one adopted daughter. Skull’s a guidance counselor at their old high school, and Jason is a karate instructor. Rebecca Scott is actually Stan’s, but Stan died and his girlfriend died in a car crash caused by monster activity, and the newborn was the only survivor. Eugene would have adopted her with or without Jason there. Luckily Jason was there, and Jason fell in instalove with the baby. She was very small and he loved her.

Jason and Skull got married to make it easier for Jason to formally adopt Rebecca, in case something happened and because everyone felt distancing her and Skull from the Skullovitch legacy was the best idea, and this could be accomplished by taking Jason's last name. He was only too happy to do this. He was disinherited by his dad, but it doesn't matter. The guy lost out on getting to know a great kid. Rebecca’s blind from the car accident, and has a dog and a cane to help her around. She’s 15, and nothing stops her. She’s got a lot of caution, but very little outright fear. The power rangers will protect the civilians, and her skills and disability aids help keep her safe as well. She loves to read, and has read every braille book in the library twice. She’s aware her dads are power rangers, and most of her extended family. They’re not going to let anything happen to her. And she’s going to make sure nothing happens to them. Rebecca is opinionated with a very strong sense of right and wrong. She’s actually rather blunt, but tries to be nice about it. She knows her mind and she knows how to direct people, but she hates being in a confrontation. Not associated with a color, but it’d probably be red or bronze if she were.

Trini Kwan;

He kept asking her out until she agreed to go out with him. And actually had a nice time. So she humored him again, and again, it was nice. They weren't seeing seeing each other though, and both of them had their kids around the same time. Skull had Spike, and Trini had Minh, and they liked each other fine and loved each other's kids. They had one more, together. August Kwan. He's thirteen, and a complete introverted social butterfly. He loves showing off and gushing about his interests but he hates dealing with too many people for too long. He's really into piano, like Skull. A composer for video game music sounds like a really fun profession, so maybe when he's older he'll work towards that. But he's thirteen, he's got time. He has a stuffed animal he's been attached to since he was two, is half convinced stuffed animal is sentient, and carries it around in his hoodie or backpack. He's not ready to let it go, and Trini fully understands, supports, and gets this. When he's ready, Banjo the seal plushy, will be put beside her own childhood doll Ticklesneezer. Skull's following along with the gentle parenting; he's a bit out of his depth but he appreciates and loves that their kids are being actively supported. He's working on it, and so far the kids aren't traumatized, so something must be working.

Rito Revulto;

Eugene managed to get him and Bulk out of being turned into chimpanzees by a (justifiably) pissed off Rito by convincing him of a role reversal; Bulk and Skull be the maids, Rito and Goldar act as Bulk and Skull. But this means Goldar and Rito have to commit to the things Bulk and Skull were doing. In this case, junior officers. It is a very weird set up, but Rito likes a challenge, he and Goldar decide it's fair, and the power rangers, Vile, Zordon and Alpha and Rita and Zedd are completely confused, but Rito tends to commit to whatever he sets his mind to, and Goldar has a very specific moral code he lives by and this falls in line with it. Vile occasionally tries to cause the comedy duo to go back on their word so he can get his tool-I mean son-back, but the rangers do step in enough to help them. As does Stone, Ernie, and the others.

Eugene and Rito bond over highly shitty parents and realizing they're very similar. They're both people pleasers whose trauma responses is sarcastic quips and being class clown types. Rito turned Eugene's parents into a couple of dogs, and while he contemplated doing the same to Stan, he simply made sure Stan got a big break in the music scene. He couldn't convince Eugene to leave earth at first, until Eugene got left behind by Bulk. There was really nothing left for him on earth, so Eugene took him up on it. They're pirates, and have their own ship, and their son Elio is the apple of their eye. Elio is 26. He's cunning, fast talking, fast thinking, fast acting and has very little fear. He's as courageous as Skull and Rito try to pretend they are. He's bold, and wicked, but he's a man of his word. He has a devil's lock coloring in his hair. Stark black hair and stark white in streaks has gotten him an affectionate nickname of Skunk, but when he likes someone he asks they call him Elio. He listens to his parents and is completely loyal to them, but not out of fear. They're genuinely good at being leaders of their group, and sort of seen as the father figures of most of the crew. Elio follows his dads because he genuinely loves working for them. He did have a splash of rebelliousness in his teens though. He learned the violin, not the piano. When not pirating, they live on Mirinoi with Bulk. He's been to earth a few times, and loves fucking with JJ Oliver, it's hilarious. Not associated with a color, but he'd happily get to know a certain shade of Green.

Does Bulk especially like the lifestyle choice for his best buddy, best buddy's partner and best buddy's kid? no. Can he deny this is the happiest he's ever seen Skull? also no. He is literally living out a childhood fantasy, and thriving. Billy, however, is this close to losing it and throwing all three in a prison on Aquitar. Skull's not even sure if this is from jealousy or being a power ranger. Or the fact Elio's flirting with every ranger close to his age as a battle tactic. Some more seriously than the others.

a tangential au is where Vile kills his parents and forces Elio to work for him. He did offer him as a valid vessel to Specter, but it didn’t work. This version he does get with JJ, who went undercover on the ship to figure out what exactly happened. They manage to get Elio and the crew out of Vile's clutches safely. Elio goes from being like Rito to a lot more like comic!Skull. Divatox is partly responsible for what happens, having gotten tired of the competition.

Adam Park;

Eugene doesn't believe in himself, but Adam does, did, and always has. They started dating after Adam encouraged him to play the piano in the talent show. Adam loves his music, and they're both encouraging of each other. Aisha is a surrogate for their son, Lukas. Given how close she was to Adam, it was only natural in her mind to offer. She loves him, loves he's found happiness, and when they decided they wanted kids she wanted to help that happiness grow. Lukas Park's 17, plays piano, and volunteers at the animal shelter. Adam's a doctor and while Lukas respects and likes this, he'd rather be a veterinarian. Or, like Skull, a professional classical pianist. They support Lukas with whatever he wants to do or be, and he loves the fact he's not being pressured. Skull once sat him down with a list of every job he's ever done (the list was actually more like an entire manila folder bursting out the sides, it was frankly impressive), a ranking system and how much each profession made. Everything from a cop to a detective to an undercover agent for the government to a waiter at a bar to a judge at a pet show to rockstar to pianist-it was comprehensive and a little overwhelming, but at the end of each profession Skull said if it was what he wanted, he'd be proud. At the end it left Lukas fairly calm and certain no matter what choice he made, it'd be the right choice for him, and his dads would support him in this. not associated with a color

Aisha Campbell;

She asked him out and he thought it was a joke. It wasn't. They found they actually challenge each other in interesting ways. She also hates his mom and her parents love him, so that helped a lot. They've got a daughter, Kensie Campbell. Aged 15. Excitable by nature, is in the drama club. Has a near perfect memory, uses this for shenanigans, mostly when sassing her many many honorary aunts and uncles or annoying villains and monsters. Eugene is so, so proud. Aisha sometimes worries the know it all attitude is going to get her in trouble. However, nothing's happened-yet-and Kensie does seem to slowly be learning how to read the room. She plays piano to help her think. Her favorite is moonlight sonata. It partially annoys Skull, but his favorite composer is Bach, so it's more of a principle thing. Kensie is a soccer player, and has a very close best friend. Skull's getting the "what to in case you're kidnapped by a monster with your best friend" speech ready, just in case a group of crime fighting teenagers with attitude show up. not associated with a color

Zack Taylor;

Zack's always tried to give Bulk and Skull the benefit of the doubt and never felt any true antagonistic feelings to them. Annoyance sure, but he doesn't hate them. Eugene took a while to warm up to Zack though, because nice doesn't mean trustworthy, and the two eventually started dating when Eugene realized no, Zack really is just that sweet. They run an ice cream parlor together and have two adopted kids. Achibald "Archie" Taylor and Marigold "Mari" Taylor.

Archie was adopted in his teens, and while this means he doesn't get to have as much time growing up with Zack and Skull as his dads, he's got the rest of his life with them as his parents, and that's the best thing he's ever heard. He was adopted out of the foster care system at thirteen, and is nineteen. He loves botany and magic tricks. Being a stage magician or professional botanist would be really really cool. He doesn't play piano or dance but he loves watching Zack and loves listening to Eugene practice at night. Is unsure what he wants to do with his life, but inheriting the ice cream parlor would be nice, if the botany or the stage magician thing doesn't work out. is not associated with a color.

Mari was adopted last year. She's fourteen and getting used to living with her brother and her dads. They're kinda weird, but she likes them. It is weird going to a new school in a new town, with a new last name. She doesn't really know what she likes, she's still figuring it out, but she knows she likes it here and that's good enough. She does miss her old friends and home a little, but she is making new friends. Zack and Eugene give her space and understanding, and Archie's been great with advice and settling in. not associated with a color.

Sharkie;

They got together after Bulk left earth, but Sharkie did always prefer Bulk over Skull. They separated, but they're still friends. They have a son, Felix, aged 17, and he's seriously considering dropping out and going on a cross country road trip to find himself. He doesn't know what he wants or who he is. He's a lot like his parents, but he's not sure if that was just trying to make them happy or if he genuinely likes these things. They tried by him, he knows this. He's not even half bad. He just doesn't know if he's supposed to be having a midlife crisis at 17. Will be solar green ranger, and realize he enjoys country-rock (the kind of country rock that talks about murders, curses and being a gunslinger in a loveless land or people randomly turning into crows), has a knack for learning new languages, and likes ballet. He's been in ballet since he was four but so was Sharkie so the confirmation he likes it is nice. Also learns he likes playing piano, genuinely. Also nice. He comes home quite happy and a lot more settled into himself, and Skull and Sharkie are proud of him.

Tasha;

It was a complete accident, and they both feel really weird about it. But they kept the kid. Tuskin "Tusk" Skullovitch is lead singer in a punk band, and a bit of a bully at school. He's brilliant but finds it difficult to apply himself in anything he doesn't find an interest in. He loves puns, and loves confusing people. He likes studying rocks because rock music. It takes people a second. He's been smacked more than once over this, but doesn't mind. Bit clever, bit bored, bit of a troublemaker, bit of a pain in his parent's necks. Eugene does love his kid but wow, he's a little bit of a snot. Eugene's forced him into being a lifeguard over the summer to just-try and get this kid some sort of friendship with someone so he can have an attitude adjustment.

Marleau Eskin;

Surprisingly not the worst. He got her to be less of a bitch in an incident were they were taken together by a monster, and he actually lost his temper and snapped at her. When she tried to deflect by getting him to back down with a challenge (which to be fair normally worked), he raised an eyebrow, took a breath, and let loose. To say she had to do some soul searching after the extremely thorough roast would be putting it mildly. She stopped being as much of a mean girl, and he asked her out to prom. More as a dare, but she said yes. One thing led to another and while they don't talk anymore, they do have joint custody of their son Rusty Eskin. Marleau is the mayor of Angel Grove, Skull is a mechanic. It's kind of a whiplash every other month to go from mayor manor to an apartment over a carshop, but Rusty doesn't mind very much. Marleau's learned to be a lot nicer over the years, and she's a much milder version of herself to her son. Rusty on his part likes being at the carshop almost more than the manor, but it's less to do with Marleau and more to do with he hates the reputation he gets with "the mayor's son" and much prefers getting his hands dirty on a car with his dad. He likes problem solving, and fixing things. He likes shop class and he built his own motorcycle for one of the classes. He got his license and he's promised both parents he'll be careful. And he has been. He's also orange turbo ranger. This suits him more than fine.

Candice/Zelya;

Candice told him the truth about who she was, and to put it mildly, he was hurt. He had to put his foot down and tell her he needed to think about it. He really needed to think about what he was going to be doing, and what they were going to be. She waited, and he came back. And was accepting of it, mainly because she'd bit the bullet and been honest. However he had ground rules. She couldn't lie to him, if they had a kid (because things happen) the kid was going to be co-parented and if she wanted to raise future kids as an Eltaran fine but either they spent time on earth or Skull lived with them, or they did the best they could on earth. She was just grateful he was willing to try. Bulk eventually forgave her, when she went against her commander and stopped being the Bronze Guardian for the sake of her relationship with Skull. She fought in the Eltaran War against the Eltarans. While she was captured with the intent of re-educating, she was rescued by Jason and Billy.

They have a daughter, and Spike. Their daughter is Zephyr Skullovitch. she's sixteen, and she and Spike do get taught Eltaran tradition, as much as possible, on earth. Zephyr's got the Z name as she resembles Zelya more in a lot more ways. Spike's got more human dna here, but his sister's blue as a blueberry. Zephyr is best described as 'prickly' or 'grumpy' and the only person who gets her to smile is her brother. The pink ranger tries, but keeps striking out. Zelya wants to be an interdimensional diplomat, and travel universe to universe and see everything. She wants to see everything, know everything, experience everything. Intense, bull headed, one track minded, and has an almost destructive lack of self worth and imposter syndrome. almost. She might not believe in herself but her brother and her parents do. And the pink ranger chick. possibly. Zephyr is not associated with a color.

Matthew Cook;

Matt dives head first into the villain persona, and is happily doing so. He's thriving. Until he's forced into an ultimatum; save Bulk and Skull from certain death by the hands of Goldar, or vanquish the Solar Rangers. Against his better judgment, he saves Bulk and Skull. Skull, unfortunately for timing wise, had said he'd kiss whoever saved their lives minutes before Matt saved them. He's a man of his word, but he also punched him in the mouth immediately after. Matt's confused as hell. So instead of chasing after Kim, begins chasing after Skull because what was THAT. This leads to a very weird redemption arc because Matt has realized 2 things; he likes being kissed by Skull and he does not want Skull mad at him anymore. Cut to fifteen years later; they've got a kid of their own and no actual idea how they got there really. But, they're happy, don't hate each other's guts, their kid's thriving, it's all good. The entire empire of evil absolutely hates them though and Matt somehow managed to get himself on the shit list of Thor. As long as he doesn't go out while it's thunderstorming he should be fine.

Their son is ten, his name is Jude Cook. Jude is one of the weirdly luckiest kids alive. He's survived an insane amount of attempts on his life, falls, kidnappings, and things he should otherwise not survive. His parents have stopped asking how. Loki helped give them a son, which is partly why Thor's pissed, so they've at this point accepted demigod baby is just gonna do what a demigod baby do. It's probably for the best. Spike's his older brother, and is training with Loki to be some sort of spirit of shapeshifting mischief. They both love causing mild trouble. Like Skull, Jude's got a fear of flying which makes things a little interesting. Skull's got his sons and his partner on a very very strict promise; if the shenanigans could cause an enemy of something power, walk away. Walk far away. Neptune exists. We don't want to get on the bad side of Neptune.

in a tangential version, Billy coparents with the two, and studies demigod ten year old, and deals with the Norse gods being in his business. At the very least nobody's been sucked into Ares' prison jar, so that's good.

*Bonus Poly of Billy Cranston, Matt Cook, and Eugene Skullovitch has all above children mentioned. They live in a large house, Eugene's a famous rockstar and restaurant chain owner, and they actually use every room in said house. In this version they met via Matt asking the only person he knew with experience in bdsm for some help with his newly realized kinks; Skull's payment was pizza nights and then Billy got dragged in because he was certain Matt was abusing Skull, but realized it was fine, actually. And fun.

Au Grandchildren:

Prince Olympius;

Eugene and Bulk got dragged to hell, once, and found a little child demon who needed protection as much as they themselves did. The two survived long enough in the dimension with the kid to be rescued by Olympius and Spike. Olympius and Spike, though having known each other when they were younger, reconnected over this. Olympius named the kid Petrichor, and he was later given the nickname Pepper by the mystic red ranger Nick. Pepper is a fifteen year old power ranger, though he got his morpher when he was thirteen. His team is a team of nonhumans who all have unusual rare colors, with the exception of their sixth ranger, Deena, who is a human and a white ranger. Although Pepper is a demon that water can hurt, he is an aquaphile. He loves the ocean, he loves water planets, he loves the rain, and one day wants to study marine biology. Chipper, smart, but generally as easy going as Spike is. He is the crown prince, but knows he’s only in the position because he was adopted into it, and tries very hard to be a good prince. Be diplomatic, be strategic, have all the answers. One day he’s going to be depended on, and he needs to perfect it now. Olympius has cautioned him that even he hasn’t figured it all out, so Pepper’s going to be fine in that eventuality. Just so long as he tries, and he does. Pepper is the indigo ranger.

Mia Watanabe;

So that summer was…eventful. Skull got a grandson and a daughter in law in one fell swoop. He also moved to Panorama City because daughter in law was also a pink ranger and no, he’s not stupid. Rangers should stick to their cities with their teams. Plus Ji was making a stink and they found it easier to just smooth ruffled feathers than deal with him. Spike and Mia have one daughter. Ai Skullovitch lives with Skull while Mia and Spike are at school. She’s eight years old, and Skull loves her. Spike and Mia also dote on their daughter. The kid happens to be taste blind like Mia and feeding her and having her help in the kitchen’s always eventful. While Ji doesn’t spend much time with Ai he does give her presents and training. Neither Mia nor Spike want Ai to be a power ranger. At least. Not a Samurai Ranger, so things from Ji tend to get screened to make sure training and gifts are appropriate. Skull kinda likes being a grandpa.

Lauren Shiba;

Spike and Lauren literally had to go into hiding, and are currently holed up under assumed names with their kid. The little cabin property on the edge of a small tourist ski town in Idaho never came in so much handy for Skull. He was able to help them, and they and the four year old are riding this out up there till the drama dies down. Lauren and Spike got very good at training together, and got very close. However life got in the way for a while. Lauren had taken some time from everything to do some soul searching and finding herself, and Spike was doing a music tour. Mica is not an accident, but he's not approved of at all by Ji and the rest. Skull, however, loves him, and loves his son, and is trying to help them so the kid doesn't have to live his entire life in hiding. Mica's got brown hair, but otherwise looks a lot like Skull and Spike, which is a good thing. "Sam" and "Isabelle" are making the best of it, and are planning on homeschool if things don't change soon. Or chancing moving to Angel Grove. Skull just wants them to be happy and safe, and at least he's not alone in that.

[cleolinda]

Varney the Vampire: Chapter 15

Chapter 14: So anyway, when do we kill him

I need to start this off with a full Previously On, and you’ll see why in a minute:

Fair damsel Flora Bannerworth was attacked one night by a befanged, leaden-eyed vampyre. Her mother mostly faints about it; it’s her two brothers, Henry and George, who have been trying to protect her and figure out what the fuck is going on. Their allies are their housemate/kinda-uncle, Mr. Marchdale, who was once their mother’s sweetheart before she chose the brothers’ shitheel father (RIP) instead; Flora’s recently returned fiancé, the virtuous young artist Charles Holland; and a Mr. Dr. Chillingworth, who thinks vampyres are bullshit. Amid several incidents where various Bannerworths shoot the vampyre, Henry realizes that the ancestor in a spooky portrait in Flora’s bedroom is one and the same. But also, a mysterious new neighbor keeps offering to buy the family estate. In the last two chapters, Henry and Marchdale paid a visit to this Sir Francis Varney, only to realize that HE is the vampyre/ancestor. Henry said to his face, “HOLY SHIT, YOU’RE THE VAMPYRE.” And the vampyre said, “Nah.”

None of these characters and none of these settings are in this chapter. Instead, two entirely new characters are introduced (for 4800 words). You are either going to love this, or you are going to hate this.

Chapter XV.

THE OLD ADMIRAL AND HIS SERVANT. -- THE COMMUNICATION FROM THE LANDLORD OF THE NELSON'S ARMS.

We've already been told that the servants (both the ones who immediately quit after the vampyring, and the replacements who reluctantly agreed to start working at Bannerworth Hall) have run out and told everybody in the neighborhood everything; Henry's already had total randos ask him about The Horrors. We're told now that:

The servants, who had left the Hall on no other account, as they declare, but sheer fright at the awful visits of the vampyre, spread the news far and wide, so that in the adjoining villages and market-towns the vampyre of Bannerworth Hall became quite a staple article of conversation. [...] Everywhere then, in every house, public as well as private, something was being continually said of the vampyre. [...] But nowhere was gossiping carried on upon the subject with more systematic fervour than at an inn called the Nelson's Arms, which was in the high street of the nearest market town to the Hall. There, it seemed as if the lovers of the horrible made a point of holding their head quarters, and so thirsty did the numerous discussions make the guests, that the landlord was heard to declare that he, from his heart, really considered a vampyre as very nearly equal to a contested election.

Ahhh, contested elections. Sad lol. But now, we're told, on the very evening of the day that Henry accused Varney of being a vampyre, and Varney just shrugged, two new characters that we don't know shit about have arrived:

One of these people was a man who seemed fast verging upon seventy years of age, although, from his still ruddy and embrowned complexion and stentorian voice, it was quite evident he intended yet to keep time at arm's-length for many years to come. He was attired in ample and expensive clothing, but every article had a naval animus about it, if we may be allowed such an expression with regard to clothing. On his buttons was an anchor, and the general assortment and colour of the clothing as nearly assimilated as possible to the undress naval uniform of an officer of high rank some fifty or sixty years ago. His companion was a younger man, and about his appearance there was no secret at all. He was a genuine sailor, and he wore the shore costume of one. He was hearty-looking, and well dressed, and evidently well fed.

James Malcolm Rymer's favorite humor format is Characters Who Don't Talk Classy Lmao:

"Heave to!" [the younger man] then shouted to the postillion, who was about to drive the chaise into the yard. "Heave to, you lubberly son of a gun! we don't want to go into the dock." "Ah!" said the old man, "let's get out, Jack. This is the port; and, do you hear, and be cursed to you, let's have no swearing, d -- n you, nor bad language, you lazy swab."

Lol. Rofl, even.

The Younger Man is Jack Pringle, and he helpfully informs The Old Man, one Admiral Bell, that he has been his [the Admiral's] walley de sham on dry land for ten years. The Dictionaries of the Scots Language (before and after 1700)  inform us that this term is derived from the French valet de chambre, a personal servant. (The search also turned up some British and Irish usage, and Jack does not otherwise sound Scottish, or even "Scottish.") Interestingly, when I googled this phrase, the image search tab pulled up nothing but Varney the Vampire illustrations. None of them had Jack or the Admiral.

I'm belaboring this point because about 85% of this chapter is just these two characters squabbling and it is draining my will to live.

"Be quiet, will you!" shouted the admiral, for such indeed he was. "Be quiet." [...] "Belay there," said Jack; and he gave the landlord what he considered a gentle admonition, but which consisted of such a dig in the ribs, that he made as many evolutions as the clown in a pantomime when he vociferated hot codlings.

"Hot Codlings" is a song from a Mother Goose pantomime. What evolutions are vociferating. Why are words doing this. Where are we.

Bruised and confused, the landlord of the Nelson's Arms is doing his best to be hospitable; finally, the Admiral reveals that he has been sent a letter asking him to stop at this very inn, here in Uxotter (which might be Uttoxeter), by one Josiah Crinkles:

"Who the deuce is he?"

I don't know, you're the one who just drove up! The landlord cannot seem to get anything useful out of his mouth for several lines, because James Malcolm Rymer gets paid more that way. Note: "d -- -- d" will show up several times; it's just "damned," censored, and it's the expletive these two mostly fall back on:

"I'll make you smile out of the other side of that d -- -- d great hatchway of a mouth of yours in a minute. Who is Crinkles?" [The landlord:] "Oh, Mr. Crinkles, sir, everybody knows. A most respectable attorney, sir, indeed, a highly respectable man, sir." [Several lines of banter] "To come a hundred and seventy miles to see a d -- -- d swab of a rascally lawyer!"

But then, Jack Pringle says something interesting:

"Well, but where's Master Charles? Lawyers, in course, sir, is all blessed rogues; but howsomedever, he may have for once in his life this here one of 'em have told us of the right channel, and if so be as he has, don't be the Yankee to leave him among the pirates. I'm ashamed of you."

Who in this story do we know named Charles? We'll get to that several hundred words from now. Meanwhile, a bit more of the rapport between Jack Pringle and the Admiral:

"You infernal scoundrel; how dare you preach to me in such a way, you lubberly rascal?" "Cos you desarves it." "Mutiny -- mutiny -- by Jove! Jack, I'll have you put in irons -- you're a scoundrel, and no seaman." "No seaman! -- no seaman!"

The fact that this line does not end with the dialogue tag "he ejaculated" is one of literature's great tragedies.

This goes on for so long that it starts to take on a nonsensical—dadaist? that can't be right? what is happening. I don't know—quality:

"Confound you, who is doing it?" "The devil." "Who is?" "Don't, then."

Over a couple hundred words, Jack and the Admiral demand grog and a private room at the inn, and for the landlord to send for one Mr. Josiah Crinkles ("and tell him Jack Pringle is here too"). After jawing a while about how they'll serve this rascally lawyer out howsomedever, Jack says something interesting again:

"And, then, again, he may know something about Master Charles, sir, you know. Lord love him, don't you remember when he came aboard to see you once at Portsmouth?"

And right when you think we might hear who Master Charles is, they start arguing again, this time about the time they were yard arm to yard arm with those two Yankee frigates (wait they were what now? when now? the War of 1812, maybe? they can't both be old enough for the American Revolution?) and "you didn't call me a marine then," which is insulting and distinct from "seaman" in some way,

"when the scuppers were running with blood. Was I a seaman then?" "You were, Jack -- you were; and you saved my life." "I didn't." "You did."

CHRIST ALMIGHTY THEY KEEP ARGUING ABOUT THIS (bickering is how they show they care) until finally the landlord, with a flourish, ushers in one Mr. Josiah Crinkles.

A little, neatly dressed man made his appearance, and advanced rather timidly into the room. Perhaps he had heard from the landlord that the parties who had sent for him were of rather a violent sort. "So you are Crinkles, are you?" cried the admiral. "Sit down, though you are a lawyer."

There is no respect for lawyers in the Admiral's house! Ship! Room! We are now about halfway through the chapter. God give me strength. The Admiral bids Josiah Crinkles read the full supercut of the letter from Josiah Crinkles, aloud. I will reproduce it in full whether you like it or not:

"To Admiral Bell. "Admiral, -- Being, from various circumstances, aware that you take a warm and a praiseworthy interest in your nephew Charles Holland,

CHARLES HOLLAND BABY

I venture to write to you concerning a matter in which your immediate and active co-operation with others may rescue him from a condition which will prove, if allowed to continue, very much to his detriment, and ultimate unhappiness. "You are, then, hereby informed, that he, Charles Holland, has, much earlier than he ought to have done, returned to England, and that the object of his return is to contract a marriage into a family in every way objectionable, and with a girl who is highly objectionable. "You, admiral, are his nearest and almost his only relative in the world; you are the guardian of his property, and, therefore, it becomes a duty on your part to interfere to save him from the ruinous consequences of a marriage, which is sure to bring ruin and distress upon himself and all who take an interest in his welfare. "The family he wishes to marry into is named Bannerworth, and the young lady's name is Flora Bannerworth. When, however, I inform you that a vampyre is in that family, and that if he married into it, he marries a vampyre, and will have vampyres for children,

Remember what I said about family stains and tainted bloodlines?

"I trust I have said enough to warn you upon the subject, and to induce you to lose no time in repairing to the spot. "If you stop at the Nelson's Arms in Uxotter, you will hear of me. I can be sent for, when I will tell you more. "Yours, very obediently and humbly, "JOSIAH CRINKLES." P.S. I enclose you Dr. Johnson's definition of a vampyre, which is as follows: "VAMPYRE (a German blood-sucker) -- by which you perceive how many vampyres, from time immemorial, must have been well entertained at the expense of John Bull, at the court of St. James, where nothing hardly is to be met with but German blood-suckers."

I was legitimately about five minutes from hitting post with this written as "I despair of figuring out who Dr. Johnson is," when suddenly I managed to dredge SAMUEL JOHNSON WITH THE DICTIONARY!! out of my covid-riddled brain. ~Dr. Johnson didn't define "vampyre" (any spelling), so whatever Rymer's on about here, he made it up himself with a wink to the reader.

I also wasn't going to deal with the fact that vampyres are suddenly German rather than Norwegian, or Swedish, or Levantine, or Arabian. But then I realized that this might be related to that time Empress Maria Theresa sent a guy out to deal with A Vampire Problem. (The fact that I'm the kind of person who would go, "Oh, right, the Austrian vampire problem" is why I'm recapping this godforsaken serial in the first place.) And you might refer to vampires as "German" because all the areas involved, including the Austrian Empire, were in the German Confederation at the time Rymer was writing in the 1840s. Referred to as "the 18th-Century Vampire Controversy,"

The panic began with an outbreak of alleged vampire attacks in East Prussia in 1721 and in the Habsburg monarchy from 1725 to 1734, which spread to other localities. [...] The problem was exacerbated by rural epidemics of so-called vampire attacks, undoubtedly caused by the higher amount of superstition that was present in village communities, with locals digging up bodies and in some cases, staking them.

I gotta refer you here back to Chapter 14 last week, in which we discussed a Romanian incident of this nature that happened in 2003. Meanwhile, back in the 18th century, some real-true vampire history is unfolding: this panic was the subject of Dom Augustine Calmet's classic Treatise on the Apparitions of Spirits and on Vampires or Revenants of Hungary, Moravia, et al. ("Numerous readers, including both a critical Voltaire and numerous supportive demonologists interpreted the treatise as claiming that vampires existed.") The hysteria spread to Austria, where Empress Maria Theresa sent her personal physician to sort this shit out; there is a movie somewhere to be made about Gerard van Swieten, Vampire Hunter. Except for the fact that he came to the conclusion that vampires were bullshit in his report, Discourse on the Existence of Ghosts; as a result, Maria Theresa decreed that her subjects must stop digging up corpses and doing unfortunate vampire-hunter things to them. (Or is that just what they wanted us to think??) "Dr. Johnson's" definition of vampyres as German could have been referring to any/all of the Controversy, and it has more real-life historical basis than Vampyres of Norway. So I'll allow it. *gavel*

by which you perceive how many vampyres, from time immemorial, must have been well entertained at the expense of John Bull, at the court of St. James, where nothing hardly is to be met with but German blood-suckers.

Wait, what?

Is this referring to young Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert, being German? Is this like the mystifying snark about "German princes" earlier? Have I finally cracked this? British citizens were chortling over their penny papers at such political humor, I guess?

Meanwhile, the Admiral is bellowing; the lawyer is stammering. What we come to understand, after all my digressions about German vampyres, is:

Josiah Crinkles didn't write this letter.

And he has no idea who did. He's only heard of Admiral Bell "as one of those gallant officers who have spent a long life in nobly fighting their country's battles, and who are entitled to the admiration and the applause of every Englishman." Well, when you put it that way: Jack and the Admiral decide that Josiah Crinkles, Esq., is a fine and honorable gentleman, even if he is a lawyer! I sure hope you didn't have anywhere you meant to go today!

"No. I'm d -- -- d if you go like that," said Jack, as he sprang to the door, and put his back against it. "You shall take a glass with me in honour of the wooden walls of Old England, d -- -e ["damn me"?], if you was twenty lawyers."

Uh, slow down with the false imprisonment there. What Josiah does know is a little bit about the Bannerworth family, by which I mean everything, and we're gonna hear all about it, again, because James Malcolm Rymer got bills.

There is still another 1700 words left in this chapter, by the way.

"Shiver my timbers!" said Jack Pringle, [...] -- "Shiver my timbers, if I knows what a wamphigher is, unless he's some distant relation to Davy Jones!"

Jack Pringle's interpretations of the word "vampyre" is maybe my favorite thing about the entire serial.

Jack and the Admiral bickering for another 300 words is maybe my least favorite thing about the entire serial. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THE VAMPYRE? "It appears that one night Miss Flora Bannerworth, a young lady of great beauty, and respected and admired by all who—Jack and the Admiral are still bickering. Nobly, Josiah Crinkles continues to recap chapters 1 and 2 for us (in fairness, this may have actually been helpful to penny dreadful readers in 1845). But what of the Admiral's nephew? Josiah knows nothing, much less what was written in the letter. You'd think it was Varney being nefarious, except that I don't know how he would know anything about Charles, either. One wonders who might.

[A couple hundred words of bickering]

The Admiral asks Josiah what he would do about a nephew who "has got a liking for this girl, who has had her neck bitten by a vampyre, you see."

[Josiah:] "Taking, my dear sir, what in my humble judgment appears a reasonable view of this subject, I should say it would be a dreadful thing for your nephew to marry into a family any member of which was liable to the visitations of a vampyre." "It wouldn't be pleasant." "The young lady might have children." "Oh, lots," cried Jack. "Hold your noise, Jack." "Ay, ay, sir." "And she might herself actually, when after death she became a vampyre, come and feed on her own children."

I did not remember any of this when I wrote the Consequences of Your Decision to Propagate the Family Stain section, and I'm starting to feel very smart for putting it in.

"Whew!" whistled Jack; "she might bite us all, and we should be a whole ship's crew o' wamphigaers. There would be a confounded go!"

For some reason, this bit is just absolutely fucking iconic to me. Indeed, Jack. In case of wamphigaers, the go would be confounded.

The Admiral steels himself to see "to the very bottom of this affair, were it deeper than fathom ever sounded. Charles Holland was my poor sister's son; he's the only relative I have in the wide world, and his happiness is dearer to my heart than my own." Having changed his mind about d-- -- d lawyers, Jack Pringle wishes Josiah Crinkles well, and he and the Admiral resolve to go find Charles at once—"our nevy," that is to say, "nephew," so—our nephew? Well, Jack and the Admiral definitely have an "argumentative life partners" vibe, be they employer and walley or not. So they'll go see Charles,

"see the young lady too, and lay hold o' the wamphigher if we can, as well, and go at the whole affair broadside to broadside, till we make a prize of all the particulars, arter which we can turn it over in our minds agin, and see what's to be done." "Jack, you are right. Come along."

As I've said, I did read halfway through the entire serial some ten years ago. These two are (give or take) 67% exhausting and 33% hilarious when deployed at just the right narrative moment. I'll run the numbers again once we're a few more chapters in.

Varney the Vampire masterpost