#so please dont worry about me right now
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Women make up for the other 50% of Tumblr’s audience.
Text
Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
how do you people study through extreme exhaustion? bc thats what always gets me during the exams & i cannot keep doing this forever
#the first time i had exams i kept going through pure desperation#bc i cared a lot more back then#but now i just dont see studying as important enough for that to work#redoing a year wont be fun but i know people the year below me & it wouldnt be bad either#anyways to pass this next exam i probably wont get any sleep#or maybe 2 hours#which i know is bad but since its only 2 exams this time im less worried about sleep & more about just getting through#so i need to know how to keep myself going#i have no available caffeine :( otherwise thatd be my first idea#but idk ive tried so many things#turning on the big light#movement breaks#short naps#sleeping a few hours & just getting up really early#music - which does help a lot but its not enough#mine#please no one ever taught me any of this i just keep guessing & hoping i get it right#like at school they do 'teach you to study' but really its just a few tips#mostly to take care of yourself & not pull all nighters#like okay. but what if i have to otherwise i will not pass? how do i manage that?#i never had to study before high school#& that combined with my horrible mental state at the time meant my grades went from really good to horrible#and yet somehow passing#but idk i dont want to be hanging on by a thread and just one mistake away from failing anymore#thats not fun#i think it was kinda good for me since i made peace with maybe failing & dont really care about that anymore? like if i fail thats okay too#but yeah anyway#im rambling so i dont have to start studying
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.
Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!
Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...
I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm
Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.
Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.
“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.
She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.
Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.
“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.
It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”
She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.
Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.
She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.
Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.
So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.
“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.
“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.
At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”
Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.
“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”
The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.
But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.
Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?
At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.
“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”
#milgram#mahiru shiina#yuno kashiki#amane and fuuta mentioned#i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk#i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that#anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0#drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result#i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together#the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices#im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd#i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared#but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off#not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky#i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon#and *shes* the odd one out for craving company#then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else#i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can't believe the Younger Brother (1689) by Aphra Behn has the only one bed trope
#act iv scene i#olivia is in disguise as mirtilla's page endimion and she's wooing welborn on her own behalf#and welborn is like well im hosting a gentleman in my lodgings right now but u can sleep w me#and olivia is like uhmmm uhmmm i can't do that not for any particular reason i just can't sleep in ur bed#(bc she's modest but she is kinda tempted. but also worried if she denies too hard he might suspect her of being actually a woman)#and he's like what are you afraid my bed's diseased? do u think im gay? im telling u there's nowhere else for us both to sleep#im not gonna make u sleep on the floor kid#PLEASE#the younger brother might be one of my new favorites from behn. i haven't finished it yet but it kinda has everything i love from her#mirtilla in particular is such an interesting character#text post#aphra behn#restoration comedy#in the edition edited by janet todd for vol. 7 of the collected works#i believe it's based off of the original quarto text that was published after behn's death#i highly suspect a lot of this prose dialogue is supposed to be blank verse#SO. MUCH. of it flows exactly like blank verse. it kinda bothers me#i do dream about editing and publishing my own edition of behn's plays and i would definitely amend these to be verse#i wonder if montague summers' version is verse? idk this is the first janet todd edited play ive read#i dont yet know the differences between their editing styles#god i wish more than 2 ppl in history had ever bothered to edit and publish this woman's collected works#oxford world classics should definitely put out another volume of her plays#i love the one they have featuring the rover/feigned courtesans/lucky chance/emperor of the moon#but she's got what like 15 other extant plays? and oxford world classics has the range and capabilities to do it#or if penguin classics ever wants to pretend they're really as good as oxford they can print their own#as far as diversifying the canon and widening the availability of older texts. oxford still beats penguin any day#but it does piss me off that no classic book publishers take this period of early-modern women's drama and proto-novels very seriously#or rather. no big ones that i know other than oxford#im not counting print-on-demand companies that reprint the texts of public domain works w no editing#those serve a purpose but those are not leaders in the publishing industry for a reason. theyre not sposta be
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
THEY DONT EVEN SEEM LIKE THEY MISS ME WHAT THE FUCK😭😭😭😭?????
#I mean sure they tell me there worried but I need more.#What’s worse worrying about a boy or a friend…erm#WHAT THE FLIP#NOT EVEN A VENT BITCH THIS IS PURE RAGE#GUESS WHO NEEDS CONSTANT REASSURANCE ME BITCH#I SWEAR TO GOD#IM ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY#TEXT ME BACK#RIGHT FUCKING NOW I SWEAR#PLEASE YALL PLEASE#STOP TEXTING SO DRY PLEASE#IM JUST A GIRL#DONT TEXT DRY AROUND ME PLEASE IM MENTALLY ILL#GIVE ME MY MEDS ILL TAKE THE WHOLE THING#PLEASEEEEE#WHAT THE HELL😭😭😭😭
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Little mostly positive waterfall ramble/rant under the cut~ (warning, I do swear a lil haha~ and feel free to ignore ofc!~)
Finally got the dumb panic-induced false confidence nerve to tell one of my only two in-person (well, one province over, but USED to be in person till earlier this year) friends about The Kink. I've told a handful of internet friends before, but never an actual real life friend I might have to see in person one day.
He actually took it really well, my other irl friend (of 15 years, his girlfriend, known him only about 3-4) would not want to know, we just don't have that type of relationship, she doesn't have that comfort level, but me and him have always been able to have deep and honest talks~
I was. Honestly scared out of my fucking mind. We were in call, but I typed the messsage and then IMMEDIATELY deafened until he read it, but once I got back we had a good talk, he asked a few questions, we made a few jokes, and overall the mood didn't change at all.
I'm honestly always so worried people will think I'm getting off to them sn--zing every time... or anyone else who does... which, ofc, just isn't how it works, but he didn't even consider that. (and made a few joking-yet-honest comments that even if I did get off to him snzing, he wouldn't honestly care. Which knowing him, is completely true~)
Anyways, this is a bit of a random/personal thing to post, but I've been so deeply ashamed of this part of me for so long, and then only recently started feeling more comfortable, and I've been toying/struggling with the idea of telling him for almost a year now, so to finally do it, and get such a good response... honestly it just feels so good. I don't think anything's gonna change in our dynamic, or get weird in any way, and that fills me with so much relief. (and yes, he knows I have a tumblr, but he promised not to search for it thank GOD)
#waterfallrants#waterfallrambles#waterfallpersonal#thats not a tag but now it is! because this is my blog! and i can do! what i want!#actively using it as a journal at this point but you know what i dont care#im out of my mind right now- literally just got off call my heart is POUNDING#but he took it so well and was like 'oh- that's it??'#the only time he was like 'woah what thats a bit weird' was when i told him how long ive felt this way (since lil child)#but otherwise he was so supportive (in his own 'makes jokes about it but gives genuine comfort with them' way)#and honestly it feels. so refreshing?? that now he.... i guess TRULY knows me?? like- knows this side of me. knows ME me#idk guys please feel free to ignore this honestly might even delete it later idk but im just kinda exhausted in a good way#it was a good talk (liek we always have) and im honestly not sure why i was even so worried in the first place ToT
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry ive tried to avoid being a hater for no reason like . hating on stuff just bc i resent its popularity rather than actually genuinely disliking it. i try to avoid doing that now. but can the eras tour please just end already so i never ever have to hear about it again ever.
#its bad enough it keeps popping up on all my social media feeds but now that stupid movie is completely dominating my movie app#so im like can i get tickets to see a movie this week and its like sure but only if you scroll past like 5 taylor swift ads. is that ok#yes the movie isnt out for over a month but we're still going to keep it parked right at the top. in front of the movies that ARE playing r#also when i went to the showtimes screen it just. automatically took me to the showings for oct 13th bc thats when her movie is out#not. showings for this week. which it always used to do by default. no. showings for 10/13 for her movie#like omfg i know its not a big deal but i am so sick of hearing about this tour already#so for it to be adding this many minor nuisances & obstructions to me going to the movies this week is just like. go awayyyyy#like twice as frustrating as it would have already been -_- maybe more.#avpost#me: can i see a different movie please#theaters: see taylor swift? buy the taylor swift popcorn bucket? oops you almost saw showtimes for the movie you wanted#not to worry we replaced those with the showtimes for taylor swift. which you obviously want to see.#we are going to shove this extremely average pop musician down your fucking throat for the entirety of 2023 is that okay.#beyonce is currently also on tour. the highest grossing tour of all time. and i dont hear abt it even a quarter as much as i hear abt eras.#so like. no this is not in correlation to her popularity its too fucking much. please leav me alone.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i wish ppl wouldn’t buy me things and expect me to pay them back without like. telling me or asking me first. like ik she said she isnt lik#worried about when i can pay it back but /i/ am#i hate owing ppl money it stresses me out more than anything else#its why im constantly stressed about paying off my car#even tho I KNOW that i will be able to finish paying it off in time before the cut off#but. its still really stressful and i hate it a lot#cause then its all i can think about till its done#like if someone gets me a gift thats awesome n cool#but if you get me something because they might run out before i can get it and you expect me to pay you back#please like#ask first? before doing it? so i can plan on that kinda thing#or say no if i feel like i need to#even if its not stressful for YOU its stressful for ME#im happy to have what they got me and its not that expensive to repay#but i really didn’t want that pang of stress right now when im already dealing w stuff#little stressors are still stressors and they add up yk#i just. needed to vent where they wouldn’t see cause i dont like venting abut ppl where they can see it i think its rude#so obviously obligatory this is about no one on this platform even a little bit#delete later
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feeling slightly better today because I finally cleaned up the last worst part of the mould so now keeping everything clean should be a lot easier
Also recieved $30 (thank you!!) bringing the total this month to...around £90, after exchange and processing? Currently sitting with £40 bc my phone bill came out and, yeah, we're generally short a couple hundred and we got less in this month to begin with. Currently trying to decide between electricity and being allowed to work lmfao
Kofi as always, just in case anyone is still up to helping <3
#to be absolutely clear bc these are things i think and worry.#i am not repeating things and bringing up our exact problems bc im looking for pity or trying to guilt trip for money#please please whatever else you may think reading these posts please know that has never been my intention#i hate. h a t e. how much we've been relying on generosity#but i am trying to be clearer about the exact state of things for us for the sake of clarity and transparency#like...i feel awful knowing ive taken nearly a hundred quid from people this month and im still stuck here trying to pick#what is less painful to sacrifice#its work lmfao i gotta get that paid today or else i dont get to actually earn my own money but the POINT is#i hate it. i hate it but i dont see other immidiate options.#right now we'll most likely lose power over the weekend but we're both working so. eh.#we're also out of a few groceries and if we DO lose power we cant cook what we have and will lose a freezer full of stuff#so. ugh. yeah at the end of the day thiscis me begging for even more money and i hate myself for it#we just. we gotta get through this month man#i need to believe things will be easier next month. ive been saying that for over a year now but i gotta
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do y'all ever feel like ur a puppet just goin thru the motions? I've been cleaning bc of impending apartment visit but I'm so tired and trying not to worry about something (several things) and I'm just going through the fucking motions
I got the cat messes cleaned and litter changed out. Took that and the trash out. And that was already so many of my spoons.
I still need to do the dishes and put away the groceries. And I was thinking about making pies... I got the things to make pies... and I know I would enjoy having pies tomorrow... which means making them tonight.
Paying it forward, ykno? I'm trying to take care of everything tonight so that tomorrow's me can take it easy. But I think I'm going into negative spoons by this point. Dipping into spoons-credit. I don't have these spoons but I'm taking out a loan and I'm gonna be paying them back With Interest.
At least I have tomorrow off. I gotta count my blessings where I got em.
#speculation nation#i dont really want to talk about the things that are worrying me. im really hoping one of them goes away w/o me doing anything#but im going to have to just... stay vigilant i guess. haha.#im sitting for a few minutes rn b4 i start on the next stuff. giving myself a rest.#then i will start on the pie... and work on the groceries... and then try to get the dishes done.#and then ill have to shower. hair washing day. ugh.#i did Nothing earlier today. just lounged and took a nap that only really gave me bad dreams.#and im making up for my inactivity Now. because i have to.#i just feel so... small and scared and tired.#i dont want any more repeats. please for the love of fucking god give me a break for at least a goddamn year.#negative/#ill be fine after i sleep i think. things just suck right now.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
OH I WAS GONNA POST THIS ON THURSDAY BUT I FORGOT. if vivian isnt kept trans in the ttyd remake im going to burn nintendo to the ground
#PLEASE. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. YOURE REMAKING THE GAME YOU CAN DO IT KEEP HER TRANSNESS IN ALL LANGUAGES#PLEASE#im so for real right now they better or im going to riot#localization errors/intentional changes make me want to rip my hair out and scream into the abyss#so when you have a chance to FIX those you better take it or there will be consequences.#i rlly rlly hope theyre not cowards about it and they actually do it#im scared tho bc people will probably get mad over ANY change made from the original#and a lot of ppl probably dont know she was trans in the original japanese version. so to them it could seem like this was something added#in to be more woke or something and thats what worries me#is that nintendo will think about that and thus decide to keep the english localization exactly how it was to avoid controversy#ugrgrgrghhh thats probably whats gonna happen if we're being real. but i can hope#serena.txt#paper mario ttyd#paper mario the thousand year door
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
one of these days my dad is gonna realize what my school schedule is in the meantime he will continue to exist adjacently to me and never in the same space
#guy who brags constantly about me getting into my program and didnt realize th school im going to is like good#until he told one girl and she recognized the name and freaked out#and now he wont fucking quit with it#meanwhile: keeps complaining its gonna get real old driving me to school and please please learn to drive#i have class. 3 days a week. technically 2 bc one class is online and i only go in that day really late in the afternoon lmfaoooo#does he know this. no not at all. has actually not asked a question about what im gonna be doing#instead keeps worrying i have no future and keeps asking what career i want to go into and also is it animation its animation right#why not animation... oh well maybe you can transfer into animation later : )#yeah ok. sure. why dont i transfer into animation so i can fucking smash a brick into my skull#screaming and dying he needs to go back to forgetting i am real he is paying too much attention to goings on now#idk how to relax and everything is coming up now and i feel like im dying slightly lmao. sitting at my desk working all weekend#working on what. who knows bc i hurt my shoulders too bad to do anything real. stressing myself out further for nothing#dies and explodes i should be excited and be doing fine but well lmao. lmao. i will probably feel better when i go in tomorrow#i dont know man ptsd brain is like nothing good can happen for long! standby for the other shoe to drop#and well it sure is coming to a head now bc getting in would be really. really good. so ofc the other shoe will drop right#i know it wont but my brain doesnt know that so fear sits in my whole body all day all night stress dream city baby#vent#ig#dies and explodes
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don’t want to wilt and wither at the end of that driveway again, flimsy sweater trying to keep me from getting sick in the rain and the snow, i just don’t want to fuck up again
#vent post mb#its midnight and im not coping#and there is no one to talk to#and also how fucking embarrassing is it to ask someone to talk (only if its me)#like ‘hey my brain is so overreactive right now and i need you to tell me i did all i could and i dont deserve to have to do that again’#stars i need someone to talk to what the freak#but also like#need someone to ask me if im ok first#and then i need to not lie#the hardest part/hj#i want the awareness that someone cares but also im terrified of someone being too worried about me and then not talking to me if they ever#need help because they’re worried about how it’ll affect me#like i’ll survive thanks#i just need you to not kill yourself pretty please#this turned into a horrible ramble
0 notes
Text
im. i feel weird. we almost did it. i had his hand there. i don't mean this negatively, i just. i want more. i worry he saw me teared up and thought i felt hurt and violated. i want this i want this so fucking bad i swear to god ill go insane, but at the same time i know ill fucking break down crying in the middle and i dont want him to think he hurt me.
#also what if he felt disgusted by my body#im seriously trying so hard to not spiral and break down right now.#im so fucking touch starved it makes me sick please please please please ple#i know i wasnt saying much when we were still in the like. making out phase.#in retrospect i was very incoherent#idk man#i feel nasty with myself after that#but also its like. pls i need to be held.#touched in any way. pls.#i worry i killed the mood somehow#man ill cry tomorrow about it when im back home#i rly want to rn but i dont want to worry either of them.
0 notes
Text
Really super loving that my haircut has unintentionally grown out into a style that the entire internet loves associating with horrible middle aged women. /s
#im away right now but dont worry I'll be getting the clippers out as soon as im home#it looks like shit#my mum innocently assumed i like having it like this#yeah of course i do i LOVE when the 2 of us are referred to as 'ladies' when out an about#as a trans man#i feel like i just stopped trying to pass around the same time as persuing medical transition#i got complacent thinking it would do the work#plus when i came out publically about a year ago people started knowing to use my pronouns#and new name and stuff...obvs with some mess ups but it was like 80% better than before#ive been fucking this transition business up big time :(#how the hell am i ever going to come out at work? they can SEE what i look like even in men's atire#how will they ever take me seriously?#i will likely be the first trans person some of them will have ever met so. i have to do this right#also please dont mistake my post as acceptance of casual misogyny and ageism#i worked retail middle aged women are no more likely to act shitty than other demographics#can we retire this stereotype please
1 note
·
View note