#and dont come for me its a very low dose and i think its doing nothing but side effects anyway | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

creative-caramel-coffee · 1 year ago

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PROMPTS LIST

Hi welcome to my prompts list, if you have an idea for a fic or would like one of these prompts in a fic let me know the number or letter or both in a request (feel free to use more than one) and I (if your request fits the guidelines) will write it at some point. If you are requesting you don’t have to use a prompt but feel free too. :)

please also look at my do’s and don’ts before requesting :)

DIALOGUE PROMPTS

1. “honey i know you really don’t want to but can you please take your medicine?”

2. “give me that, did you even look at the right dose before you started chugging cold medicine love?”

3. “if you can walk from here to there you can come with.”

4. “dont speak honey i can tell it hurts.”

5. “love you act like a child when your sick”

6. “honey no your not gross, you cant help being sick sweetheart.”

7. “no honey it happens i don’t blame you please don’t cry my sweet.”

8. “what are you doing out of bed my love?”

9. “look at me, hold my hands. breathe with me love your ok.”

10. “do you think you can eat something or will you be sick again my love?”

11. “honey you must be boiling from the inside out here come to bed and let me look at that fever of yours.”

12. “love we need to check your temperature again. i know i know you hate it.”

13. “your looking a bit pale love are you feeling alright, come here.”

14. “let me feel your forehead, no buts, come here.”

15. “this cant be new, love how long have you felt sick?”

16. “i don’t like the sound of that cough, let me hear your breathing my sweet.”

17. “no. you need to be in bed now come here ill carry you back.”

18. “can you walk?”

19. “is it your head?”

20. “if this happens again I’m taking you to the sickbay.”

21. “ready your obviously not capable of walking I’m going to carry you. ready? one two three up!.”

22. “slow sips my love or you’ll be sick again?”

23. “have you taken anything for it?”

24. “come on babe just a nibble its all I’m asking you need to eat something.”

25. “oh love you must feel awful.”

26. “let me see that right now, how did you even do this?”

27. “that sounds like a nasty cold, do you need anything?”

28. “honey you cant come with you can barely walk.”

29. “here put this over your eyes and sleep.”

30. “i got you a cold wash cloth and some pain medicine to help.”

31. “aww love come here.”

32. “is that the grim reaper?”

33. “did you get your period love.”

34. “its ok we can get the blood out.”

35. “honey can you come with me, your bleeding through your shorts.”

36. “come have a bath and i’ll get you something for the cramps.”

37. “oh love its that time of the month isn’t it sweets.”

38. “its ok, a little period blood wont kill me.”

39. “honey the boys haven’t noticed yet but the blood on your suit isn’t from the mission, aunt flo came.”

40. “Love we need to get you changed.”

41. “Um I think im gonna-“

42. “I’ll admit im not feeling so hot.”

43. “Honey you’ve lost your colour sweets you very pale.”

44. “Honey we need to get you checked out”

45. “It’s alright love I know you didn’t mean to.”

46. “Its ok you’ll be alright. Im right here.”

47. “I need you to tell me if your going to be sick again.”

48. “That doesn’t sound good.”

49. “Don’t lie to me I know somethings wrong.”

50. “How about you tell me the truth this time.”

51. “If the next thing you say is a lie I will leave you here by yourself.”

52. “Sweets you feel like a furnace I need you to let me check your temp.”

53. “Please let me look after you.”

54. “At this rate your going to collapse.”

55. “Stop running yourself into the ground.”

56. “I’ll always be here to pick up the pieces. Always.”

57. “One hug then you need to let me get up so i can look after you.”

58. “Darling come here, you clearly need cuddles.”

59. “I don’t care if your sick nothing will stop me hugging you love.”

60. “If you don’t come back to bed I won’t give you cuddles for a week.”

61. “How dare you threaten my cuddles. That’s low even for you.”

Scenarios

a. spontaneous collapse

b. acts like a child when sick

c. difficult when sick

d. insists their ok

e. cant speak so uses sign language

f. suffers in silence

g. hiding illness / injury

h. throwing up in bed

i. throwing up on someone

j. throwing up on the floor

k. bleeding on sheets (period)

l. bleeding through suit / clothes (period)

m. hiding cramps

n. hiding that their on their period

o. shaking hands

p. shaking body

q. fever + sweaty

r. needs to be carried everywhere

s. needy when sick

t. wandering around confused when sick

u. confused when sick

v. waking up confused.

w. Forehead kisses

x. Nightmare

y. Fever dreams

z. Cant walk properly

AA. Broken bones

AB. forehead kisses

AC. sniffles

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trainwreckgenerator · 2 years ago

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Hi there! I just came across one of your comics dealing with your own self-image and T and I saw in the comments, one of your replies saying that you shouldn't have a singular self-image and that you should think about yourself the way you view others. I was just wondering if you could elaborate on the singular self-image idea more. I'm not trying to bait you or anything I'm just interested because I've been trying to make decisions about going on T and how I want to present myself and I didn't realize I could be thinking about it in unhealthy ways.

sure! so the big pitfall with any kind of appearance-altering procedure, especially one that takes place over such a long timeframe as HRT, is going into it with an image in your head of exactly what you'll look like by the end of it.

just like with teen puberty or aging, there is no real way of knowing precicely what you'll look like after a year, after 5 years, after 10 years on hrt. think back to being in highschool: for some people, puberty changed their whole body until they looked like totally new people. for others, it just slapped some boobs or a beard on them and called it a day. my puberty as a teen made my nose bigger! i dont know why! hrt can have similarly unexpected effects.

holding on to a detailed, idealised version of what you want to look like by the end of hrt is likely to set you up for disappointment when it gives you changes different to, or less extreme than, what you were hoping for. there are some things that are more guaranteed - like a deepening voice on T - but not everybody is going to come away with a full beard, or reduced cheek fat. there are cis men out there with round, smooth faces! hormones are unpredictable for everybody.

so, ive been trying to encourage myself to instead consider the possible changes in a vague, agglomerative way - for instance, there's a lower and upper limit to the quantity of facial hair i would consider ideal, but ive stopped picturing my future face with a highly specific hair distribution, because chances are im going to get something not quite like that, and i dont want to be bummed out about it, i want to be able to appreciate what i get when i get it.

as some people have pointed out, you can sort of predict what hrt will do to you by looking at the men and women you're closely related to and seeing if there seem to be genetic trends cropping up. chances are, hrt will do to you the same thing puberty did to your relatives. the men in either side of my family aren't tall, so im not expecting my bones to change much, but they do tend to have defined jawlines, so my hopes are high for facial fat redistribution - but again, that's only a chance, not a guarantee.

ultimately, deciding whether to go on hrt should be based on whether you want to move your appearance "in the direction of" the changes hrt can bring about - if you look at the list of changes and think "yeah i really want some or all of these, to varying degrees; and the ones i dont want, i wouldnt really mind that much", then hrt is probably a good idea.

but if youre thinking "i have an exact future body i want to achieve, and hrt could give me this body, but if it gives me a different body i will feel terrible", then either hrt isn't for you, or you need to step away and do some self-reflecting before commiting to the process.

this post is already super long but i will add one last bit of advice if you're still not sure: with some forms of hrt, you can deliberately choose a very low dose, so that changes come about much more slowly - making it much easier to notice if a change you don't like is happening, giving you the option to back out. in the early stages, many hrt effects are reversible, including fat redistrubution and hair loss. (note that voice deepening and new facial/body hair growth are not reversible, unless you undertake more surgery to reverse it.) (infertility is sometimes reversible but its complicated. if you plan on having kids do extra research specifically on that)

#rambles #hrt #long post

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thekrows-nest · 1 year ago

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normally i dont have my OCs be yanderes when I set them up with someone else's yan OC but i like the idea of a yandere primmy with krow <3<3<3 some more naughty stuff will come eventually

General Things:

Prim 100% has her hands on Krow all the time she's so insatiable 😭 (Ofc she stops whenever Krow asks- consent is sexy :lipbite:) I know she'd love to press long and drawn out smooches on Krow's lips only to nip his lip as she pulls away. Prim adores holding his hand all the time or wrapping her arms around his neck from behind. She peppers kisses all over krow's hands calling them pretty and gushes about how talented they are as an artist. Constantly compliments him on anything and everything. Prim would frame anything that Krow gifts her 🥰 She'd put little braids in his hair, transferring some of her hair clips onto him.

Prim's huge on gift-giving. I haven't specified it too much i think??- but Primmy’s not the type to just buy expensive gifts because they're expensive. (She haaates most of the popular luxury brands) She honestly puts the effort to buy gifts that are meaningful to her darling. I'd say Prim would avidly watch Krow paint/sculpt and take note of any paint/material he runs low on. As much as she would love for krow to let her spoil them with her money she understands that it can be overwhelming so she tries to be careful about it. She buys him groceries often because he probably cooks all the time for her since she cant cook for shit 😭

Yanyan things:

I don't think there's very many things that Krow would do to make her act rashly 🤔 I think they pair so well that its just unlikely jdhdbdbd

But i still wanna talk about kidnapping so lets pretend Primmy lost a few (more) screws

Krow would wake up in a plush bed, leg chained to the wall, enough slack to move around the room. Prim sits at the foot of the bed, perking up as she spots him awake. "Birdie! Good morning, love." She coos, leaping over and tightly hugging him. A sweet strawberry scent fills his senses. She tightly grips his face, looking at him with absolute adoration. "I know this seems a little scary but it's for the best. I can't have you getting away from me." She nuzzles him close, sharp nail nicking his cheek as she moves. She presses a kiss over the cut and licks the small bead of blood. Krow lifts a hand to feel his neck, a collar customized to suit him sit snugly on him. "Oh I'm so happy I have you here with me, birdie. We'll be together forever and ever." She lets out an airy giggle, lacing their fingers together.

Okay NOW I think I have the spoons to actually respond to this ndfgbld

Krow is totally fine with all the physical affection Prim wants to give him (the only time he'd really ask her to stop is when he is trying to work on some art, ESPECIALLY if it's something where he could accidentally nick her like if he was carving something). He'd definitely get a bit bashful over the compliments, but accept them in good stride. What affection she gives him, he returns in equal doses. Krow is like a mirror, reflecting the love and attention his Dove gives him in turn.

Small, meaningful gifts Krow can and does appreciate. Like I mentioned before, the more expensive and/or grand the thing, the more awkward he gets over it. Even if he KNOWS it is within Dove's price range, what makes him feel weird about it is that he cannot do the same in turn. Like, he can also gift small, cute stuff. But something impressive with a hefty price tag? Not at all. And he'll cook all the time for Prim. He enjoys it and food is something that makes him very happy. I hope Prim delights in different foods and cuisines like he does. You'll never get bored with Krow's cooking.

As for the yandere side of things hoo boy.

Like you said (and I think I did too), I highly doubt there's anything either one would do to make the other spiral into more crazy yandere acts. Prim I am sure wouldn't do anything to ignite Krow's jealousy (not to dangerous levels anyway) and I don't think Krow would do anything in turn.

But again, for the sake of the plot bunny, let's say he did.

Admittedly Krow is... torn?

On one hand, he is flattered that Prim loves him SO MUCH that she wishes to keep him forever and ever. He feels much the same! He'd love to stay forever! But also like... "Heheh, D-Dove, m-my Muse, y-you didn't have to g-go through s-such efforts. Y-you could have simply a-asked me to m-move in." And he was... never gonna get away from you?

And yet. And yet he thinks of his coworkers. Especially Luke and Jazzy. He loves the both of them too. He wants them in his life somehow. It is not like they replace Prim or are more important. Prim AND Luke with Jazzy are equally important! Krow knows he'll have to proceed with caution to convince Prim that he WILL be with them, forever and he isn't leaving them or anything. But he has some devotion to Luke and Jazzy too.

It's... a sticky situation for sure.

#krow asked and answered #krow in character #the krow's nest #dove prim #dove aviary

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themagicruby · 2 years ago

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i'm tripping for the first time in a while on a p low dose of an rc and im like out of the peak where i was just playing dragon age inquisition and i cannot decide if i should smoke marijuana or not like logically i know it is very synergistic and will make me peak again but also..... will it make me more sleepy or not probably not but also maybe it will. i also think that i could probably take half a klonopin to dampen the effects if i needed cause the rc im on is often compared to shrooms in effect and structure (ofc i know it's its own thing) but ppl say that benzos decrease the effects of psilocybin so it might also do that for this but who's to say - not a lot of info and i didn't have the patience to scroll thru this one guys trip report where he took a benzo at one point to see what the effects were. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i mean i took a very low dose of this rc which i've taken multiple times before and it will end so ultimately whatever i do doesn't matter usually when i trip i smoke a lot of weed throughout but that also was when i was smoking a lot of weed in general and now my tolerance is wayyyyy lower. but i did roll a joint with a more cbd heavy strain earlier so it won't b like getting hit by a semi if i smoke it

lmao tumblr mobile formatting is terrible i press enter and this paragraph is down here, maybe ittl look different if i post this which i think i will and probably no one will read which is fine but if you are reading this; Hi!

also i know how very much this reads like someone who is on a psychedelic lol i might delete this in the morning but maybe i'll keep it for posterities sake or whatever, and also if i smoke (which i almost certainly will go do after i post this) i'll probably reblog this with what happened. this is what blogs were made for folks! lol ok bye

while writing the tags i realize i have no idea what the rc community on tumblr is like maybe there are ppl who follow tags idk anyway bye for real until i reblog this

EDIT: uugh ok i can feel myself coming down do i just wait it out or do i smoke i kinda wanna smoke.... i really wanna smoke lol but i also dont wanna b up all night cause my gf's asleep and i can't like watch stuff on my tv and i dont really wanna sit at my computer cause my neck is stiff from playing dragon age lol. i know im probably gonna smoke lol but ok if this ends up fuckinf me over and making me stay up all night at least i'll have this post as reference for next time

#themagicruby talks #themagicruby #4-HO-MET

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beyondblessede · 4 months ago

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something ive always loved about myself is that im self aware. I know where im flawed and where im strong. as of right now im in a place of focusing on my flaws. I lack in a lot of areas, self control, patience, being less reactive. starting today July 21, 2024 im going to work on these things. i see where they can end me up if i dont. i hate the fact that im a late bloomer on just about everything, i just wanna be better and do better. & i know thats not going to happening unless i put in the effort and one foot in front of the other. i need to save more money, rebuild my credit i just need to do all these things. i feel like as I succeed in other areas i fail in others and that makes me upset within myself honestly. i realize i have anxiety really bad. I’m going to go to the doctors and see if they can put me on something to calm me down. i have all these things going on beyond the flesh and no one knows, or maybe they do and i just havent noticed that they know. my mind is always racing, im always thinking about the next thing, and i dont like that. i think maybe if i was more soical as a child/teenager maybe id be different, i have the responsibility/being accountable thing down pat. I’m very good at handling my business because i know what will happen if I don’t. but other than that … i just fee like i needa improve .. i’ll be 30 years old next year and im still impatient, still not a good driver, still very reactive, still suffering from high anxiety. i need to do just do better, idc about what others got going on .. moving forward im just focused on myself and getting better for Elena-Alisha cause if i dont its only going to effect me, no one else. i dont like my ways, and i dont like my body i need to work on that to, i needa lose like 50 lbs FAST! im going to put myself on carb blockers & fat reducing medication and get my disciplined when it comes to be nutrition/fasting. Really wanna get into the low carb/HIGH protein, veggies & fruit diet i noticed that dose my body GOOD and i lose weight FAST! i just dont like where im at currently and i know it wont change unless i put thr

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punkrocker56 · 4 months ago

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how can it be

its a dark way down I miss talking to you I have so many things I wanna say but I'm scared if I come face to face with you I'm gonna come up blank and not know what to say which usally happens I was safe in n your arms for a very short time what am I just a quick fix when ur mad at your gf I have nothing to believe but I guess that's what I was to you but the next time I see u I'm gonna treat you the way u treated me because I'm not some toy you can play with and discard after you get u get ur fix u left me traumatized with bruises and made me wet there seat of your damn car now all I feel is doubt you tasted to good. to be true cutting you off was the hardest thing I ever had to. do I get so nervous at work that im gonna run Into you because not only did u find my place of work but u know where I fucken live just like Ozzy and Anthony and susie and Jonathan and David and seako i just don't want my nightmare to become a reality where you come into my work or u drive by my house or I see u in town and I am forced to have a conversation with you and be a asshole because I'm unsure of what to say. I fucken hate you for everything you did but I also hate that you used my heart and feelings like a fucken toy and. you got me comfortable enough ti trust you you make me feel safe and loved for a hour and then poof your gone without notice your a stupid boy who plays stupid games u guess u play stupid games win stupid prizes I just don't wanna face you or see u every again but it seems like that isn't a option because I work at one of our hangouts and one of the popular places to shop I just. hope that if u by chance come into my job I'm. not there because I don't think I could mentally keep it together enough to hold down a conversation with. u anymore unless its you apologizing for how dirty you did me and made me feel so low and useless and no good and unloveable u made me feel the lowest of the low I wish it wasn't true but it is and now I'm living with the scars and consequences because of your stupid actions and your dumb mistakes I didn't do shit to u you even shotgunned kissed me who the fuck dose that who shares a cigarette and a bong with someone there gonna dispose of like trash excuses are like assholes and your full of them don't pull that fucken card you can't get off from doing what you did to me I got u off the night before just laying topless on. face time my heart is closed till further notice don't ever tear me apart and don't talk to me unless your ready to be a man and own up that discarding women like trash once you've had your fun is so awful you have no respect or morality for anyone if u do that and dont ever coax me into falling g. for your dirty trap your so sick and twisted and cruel that y u should not be dating anyone if ur gonna disrespect them some people never change and sone things are meant to be left in a box forever here's to starting over

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flower-blooming-in-hell · 1 year ago

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i need to scream into the void for a minute here bc like. idk who i can tell this who will understand

just rambling abt mental health (ptsd + depression mainly) and transitioning

but just. !!!!!!!!! i just took my first dose of T!!!!!!!! i officially have my androgel at home! and i just applied it to my skin!! and im waiting for it to dry a lil bit more before i put anything on it (like the sweater im gonna wear to bed tonight)

and im like. i could honestly cry rn not in a bad way but in a "this has been coming for such a long time and im so excited for the future right now" kinda way

i think a reason ive always disliked myself is bc i hate being a girl honestly

my voice is too high and feminine, and my face has never looked like my own (though that could also have to do with the did but still)

im currently planning on ending up looking more androgynous atm, but honestly im on a low dose so i can see which changes i want and how far i want to go

tbh im thinkin i might just end up going all the way tho? not sure

or. all the way isnt the right words but yknow what i mean basically lol

its ? very interesting figuring myself out like this

like im not fully confident on who i am but i know what i want, and i dont want to be a girl. i never really have, and i knew that at a young age. and to a point i do identify with "girl/woman" but thats only bc i was raised one, so i have similar experiences to a lot of ppl who could be called girls/women

plus my mom is def bioessentialist (which i need to look up counterarguments for that tbh) and i love her to death but she just doesnt really understand ... a lot of things

plus yknow. trauma . ive never gotten to fully be myself - i have always been what other people want me to be. its... an experience and a learning curve, finally figuring out who and what i am.

tbh this feels similar to when i got published (technically. it was a competition thing and a prize was getting published alongside others) with the like ... sheer positive emotion and wanting to cry and shaking with the excitement of what ive achieved and get to have

its really weird, being this happy. i didnt think id ever get to feel this way, or that id be excited for the future or have plans for it like i do right now. ive always had the feeling of "theres more things i have to do, so im not finished here." but its never really come out as starkly as it is now.

im really, REALLY happy.

yknow, sometimes i look back on my abuser and think that we were made for each other, and that ill never achieve anything greater than having dated them

and i think this is the first time its actually fully setting in and really occuring to me that i can have a life without them. i dont need them. i never did, and i didn't truly gain anything from being so close to them for so long.

and while i will always be resentful for having to grow up so fast and that i spent so much time on them, and there are still a lot of times that i'm upset with myself for being so unfailingly kind and giving and resilient, times where i wish i broke and wasn't here anymore, i'm truly glad that i didn't and i'm still here.

and i'm happy that i'm not with them anymore.

and i'm glad that i got to have this. and that nobody i currently know will speak negatively about this to me.

sometimes it feels a lot like i move on from them in jagged bits and pieces of glass, like im tugging them out of my skin years after impact

this feels a lot less like that, and more like...

ever since they came into my life, ive felt like . corrupted, evil, gross, whore, etc compared to their bright white purity. like i could never measure up

i think this is the first time in years where ive actually felt pure, in any kind of way

excited for the future, happy, not focused on anyone but myself, confident.

ive always wanted a truly clean slate. and now i have that

i have a better idea of things i want now too, and ive been taking better care of myself as well, and i have so much more energy

i still wish they could see and that theyd be proud of me, instead of whatever the hell manipulative gaslighty bs theyd think up

but im not thinking about them that much either

this is something that i want, and the focus is rightfully on me

...its a slightly weird feeling, but i dont feel selfish for it, for once

#also on a trauma note:#they both really left me in the exact same way huh #they got tired of me and looked for an outside force to make me break up with them #bc they didnt want to do it themselves #cowards

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bluntforceheadtrauma · 1 year ago

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want to hear a fun story about an edible i took? It literally gave me a superpower. so imma send the story but it's gonna be long lol lol. so i was a very novice user when this happened but my cousin got this 300 mg rice crispy edible and we split it in thirds, a piece for my cousin A, me, and my other cousin, T. so roughly we had about 100 mg each, and we do this at the movie theater right before going in to the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. about half way through the movie, it hits me, and it hits me *weird* you know? like i'd been high before, id even taken this same edible before with my cousin where we just split it in half and i was fine so i thought i could handle it. but something about the strain, or something must have been a little off. T, my other cousin, who had partaken with us, fell asleep /hard/ half way through the movie, and that movie is full of screaming pirates. i think it was hitting us all at the same time idk how A was doing i just noticed that around the midpoint of the movie, i was losing my grounds with reality a bit (there was a reason for this and i will explain) and the movie started not making sense. like i dont expect pirates to be coherent at all but i started thinking things in the movie weren't actually happening in the movie and that i was making it up i think it's needless to say i was high out of my mind, and come time for the end of the movie, i had arrived at the theater in one of my favorite pair of heels and i decided to walk out before everyone else, because i was feeling *strange*, like i was high out of my wits, but not the good kind of high. i was stumbling and twisting my ankle repeatedly after standing and then i get about halfway through that hallway to the doors, and i feel my blood pressure plummet straight to the ground. i have a heart condition similar to POTS but it occurs due to damage of the vagus nerve so extreme emotions can make this happen to me but it rarely ever did, BUT im always able to catch myself before i fall because passing out is a feeling that *comes on* to me and i have an allotted amount of time when i feel that, to sit my ass down. it's a lot better to faint when youre sitting because its less of a fall and the cure for it is essentially to stick my head between my knees as im sitting. usually makes me super weak and i need sugar to get myself going this time i make it out before everyone else and kind of just slump against the wall on the outside because man my chest was doing a funkkkyyy and low blood pressure makes you feel dizzy, bro, my head was doing cartwheels. in fact i distinctly remember this feeling that even though there was a wall behind me, i felt like i was doing backflips.

as my head is doing these backflips, it becomes the only thing i can feel just, perpetually falling backwards. and then I lost consciousness. Now everything that happened *after* i lost consciousness was told to me by my cousins. and during this time of being unconscious i was periodically rousing to awareness before completely passing out again. i then began to seize apparently, and something happened with the seizure where it constricted or did something to my vocal chords and i was apparently *screaming* through the seizure making croaking noises and i terrified my cousins and grandmother, my grandmother was out of the loop and didnt know we'd taken the edibles so to suddenly have this reaction she thought i was *dying*

and at one point (i think after the seizure) i felt this OVERWHELMING sense of sadness, so apparently when i would rouse i would start making more croaking noises while sobbing and then i would pass out again, i feel SO BAD for the movie theater workers at the hospital the doctor basically explained it to me as a sort of "brain cramp" it was overloaded with my medications and the sudden dose of THC threw off every chemical in my brain zone. they call it poly-pharmacy or something where too many drug interactions can cause issues. however after this WHOLE event. i tried to take an edible one day at a lower dose, and it didnt hit me at all. i then tried 100 mg, still, don't feel anything, i had tried the 100mg several times before going up to 200 mg and i still felt nothing. so i did a test one day, admittedly could have been stupid but i took 600 mg and only when i got up to 650mg-- well past the point of making someone uncomfortably high, i started to feel it a little-- but as i dosed up to 700-800mg, it didnt effect me much more than, say i took a long hit off a dab pen LOL wore off pretty fast too. this incident made me immune to edibles, an honest tragedy

WOW that’s terrible OMG. But yeah thc is whack if you’re not experienced with it + esp if you have pre existing medical conditions. They don’t call it a pseudo psychedelic for nothing! For me at its worst it can give me like extreme dissociation + psychosis but even when that happens to me now it’s much more tolerable…. I wonder why edibles don’t work for you anymore tho I’m thinking your tolerance just went up like crazy. But definitely try lower doses LOL

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drdemonprince · 2 years ago

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I will say, re: that danny lavery post about delaying transition until all one’s loved ones provide buy-in, that you actually do not have to ask anyone for permission to transition or even verbally run it by them at all before you do it. I think that if I felt that I needed to run my transition past everyone significant in my life before attempting it, I never would have gotten anywhere at all.

Instead, I just started trying shit, and letting the people around me figure out how to respond with everything that stuck. I started wearing men’s clothing, I cut my hair short, i tried low dose T, my name changed, my pronouns changed, the company i kept expanded, i evolved in real time, as all people do with age and time, and aside from a few emails making very specific demands of people (that they use my new name and correct pronouns), i didn’t let anyone into the decision making process at all whatsoever. because it was my decision, and it was up to me to determine what transition even meant, and those desires were free to evolve as i tried things out and saw what fit.

some people think it was terrible for me to start testosterone without ever telling a soul, including my partner at the time, who i had been dating for roughly seven years at that point. but i know that if i hadn’t gone about it in that way, i would have just kept on quietly dying. having my cis family and loved ones fretting about my transition prior to it’s start would have done nothing for them and it would have absolutely imprisoned me with anxiety over being abandoned.

instead, i chose myself and my comfort and right to self determination, every single day, applying my gel in the morning and seeing how it suited me and then continuing to choose it again and again. they figured it out. but not before i figured myself out. this option might not be safe for everyone but it’s a good bet for a lot more people than realize it i think. these things are subtle to others but they mean the world to us.

im glad i changed my name and gender marker one day without telling anyone first. im glad i got that hormone scrip without letting my fragile longing be trampled by anybody else’s skepticism. i discount my feelings so much, every time, and always prioritize others’ and assume that i am crazy. if i had waited until i was confident enough to speak my transgender truth to somebody that day never would have come. instead i just started fuckin transgendering and it felt so fucking good nobody’s bad reactions could push me backward into the closet.

when you’re gay, you dont have to come out to everyone before you start having sex. i think a lot of gay people would not ever be able to come out if they didnt know the rightness of fucking the way they wanted to first. some would come out without that obviously, some do and continue to. but making a bold declaration about who one IS can prove very difficult. its far easier to just do what feels right and color in the lines from there. transgender is a thing you do, not a thing you need to declare with finality that you are. so just do what you want, and what fuckin feels right, and just keep doing it, and let everybody who has a problem with it figure it out their damn self

if i ever get surgery my family wont know a fuckin thing about it until i show up to a beachside vacation in a banana sling and nothing else

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philipkindreddickhead · 4 years ago

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I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

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yourmamakira · 2 years ago

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Kira. you wont mind if you make a fluff story/chapter of the reader goes shopping with the dream team? dont ask how i got this idea.

I love this idea, thanks Simpyy <33

This'll probably be just a Chapter But I'll still make it worth the read!

Navigation

Dream Team Shopping!

You're stuck with us, wether you like it or not

I love the Boys, I truly do. But sometimes they can be alot. Miat od the time it feels like I'm baby sitting but I never really mind. I wouldn't trade them for the world...

Unless we were going shopping.

"COME ON GEORGE! GET IN THE CAR"

Always a hassle. A nightmare at most. I feel like a single mother gathering up her hard headed Kids

We got into the car with Clay in the driver's seat with me in the passengers. Nick is behind me and behind Clay sits a very sleepy George. Nick reaches in the front

"I got Aux–" I cut him off snatching the cord from him "Absolutely not. We are NOT listening to Anymore country music. I get the Aux"

He flops back down on his seat pouting and grumbling "But Johnny Cash.." he says in a sad tone

We all laugh at him as I turn on my music, one of my favorite songs come up

'Washing machine heart by Mistki'

"God i LOVE this song!" "We know" the boys speak in union I roll my eyes and sing the lyrics to the song occasionally hearing one of the boys sing along.

We decided to just go to Target to shop. On our way there we just talked about future streams and song along to my Playlist

It was a big Playlist and I never get bored of it considering its over 24 hours long.

We pull up to target and park the car. We all get out and make our way into the store. We split up, Dream being the independent boy he is went off on his own, George went with him for whatever suspicious reason and Nick Stayed with me

We got a cart and I got the shopping list out on my phone knowing we'll come out with more then we need

"Nick We need food" "But Candy?!" "Nick we can nit keep ordering food. We need an actual meal" "But–" "And No. Five guys dose not count as an actual meal" "But I love five guys" I rolled my eyes as he pushed the cart to the food section

Once we got everyone on the list eith the extra complaints of a whiney Nick. This is where things go out of hand.

As were walking to check out I spot Starbucks. I squeal and walk over, making the grave mistake of leaving Nick Alone.

I went up to take my order and waited for my drink. I smiled happily as I drank my Coffee and I turned around.

Nick was gone.

I look around for where he could be but didn't see him anywhere. "...Nick?"

I walked around for where I thought he could be. I go to grab my phone out of my pocket then I realize my phone is in the cart. I grone and throw my head back and begin my search of the roage man child that's on the loose

I walk around trying to find where he would be. I thank the Gods that I had my Wallet or who knows what they would ruin

I look at the last place I think he would be and find them...

All in the kids toy section Giggling like babies. I stand infront of them all with my arms crossed waiting for them to realize Im here

Dream realizing first and standing straight like a Sargent, he pushes geroge and he noticed me next he stood straight like George and then he cough. It didn't work do he pushed Sapnap

"Ow! Dude what the Fuuuc– Hey Mamas!"

I gave them the "you guys are so dead" look

They started to Chuckle nervously, They all looked away from me.

I rolled by eyes and started to walk away. They didn't say anything and just followed behind me with the cart

I walked into the Pet isle getting food for patches since she was low

I weeved in and out of isled getting things we needed and scolded the boys if they tried to slip away, soon thr cart was half of what we needed and half of what we didn't.

We walked up to the cashier after paying everything onto the converbelt and onto the cart.

I pulled out my card, but just before I could pay, my hand was slapped away and somone else payed. I looked up to see Clay grinning. I rolled my eyes

"Unnecessary" "Consider it an apology for having to babysit us" I sighed and pushed the cart where it belongs

I made the boys carry all the bags to the cart as a punishment, of course not without complaints but I just ignored them and kept going.

They put the groceries into the card and got in with a huff.

I laughed at their exaggerated tiredness

"Don't be to outta breath boys. We still have to go home, put them up AND clean the house"

Nick shot his head up "You're helping right?"

All eyes were now on me as I smirked and looked forward

Clay started the car and we drives home.

As I said I made them carry in the bags, put them away and clean the entire house. And I just relaxed as I watched.

But as always. I do love them to death.

End.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Send in more requests, Here's my Masters List

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dog-teeth · 4 years ago

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is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

#ez answers #hrt #t #testosterone #gender stuff #Anonymous

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secretsniper3 · 3 years ago

Text

Part 2: Wet..

I wake, rolling over my alarm says 08:00, my day starts now. Blinking and drinking in my surroundings im surprised that im not bound anymore, Master probably released me from my situation before he too went to sleep, makes sense since I still have my morning routine to do. Spreading my thighs my hand creeps under the sheets and massages my clit, moisture instantly wetting my fingers as i rub up and down, fingers dancing expertly over my throbbing clit, being denied for so long my reaction is second nature now as my back arches up off my bed as my hand continues its assault on my senses. 1 edge moments later my mind abuzz with desire. Another edge, 3 to go and my morning can really begin. On and on my fingers go, dancing circles around my needy clit. Stopping just shy of another orgasm, 3 edges down. Pushing a finger and then another into my wet pussy I rub the walls and pull out seconds later. 4 edges down, returning my fingers to my box as my other hand clutches my breast, back still arched high, I slams down to the bed and thrusts my hands to my pillow. 5 edges done.

Climbing out of bed I go and brush my hair and then my teeth. A outfit is already laid out by my Master. A latex sleeveless shirt and matching pants, black high heels and a corset. My day will clearly be a tough one for me. Looking around I cannot find anything even resembling underwear. Knowing my punishment would be beyond measure if I were to dress my pussy myself I don my latex outfit for the day. Shirt, then the pants, sliding easily up my smooth legs as my juices made for handy lubricant. Pressing the latex on my pussy I pause. A simple deep breath removes my hand from what I know is forbidden to me now my morning edges are complete. Sitting on the bedside I clip my heels on so it doesnt fall off and put on my corset, only being able to loosly cinche it without help.

With great care, I walk out my bedroom door, slow paces in my high heels, my pussy rubbing against the latex with every step sending chills down my spine making my mind drift to my little buzzer throbbing away relentlessly. down the stairs, Master was waiting for me. Standing before him I assume my position on my knees, legs open palms up, head down.

“Good morning Master” I say keeping my head low.

“Morning my dear, sleep well i hope, i have a few fun things for you to enjoy today” my Master sounds eager.. its a little unsettling.

Standing up at his command I follow him to the dining room. Breakfast is already served. Im stunned, something is going on and Im concerned by what this means, my Master has almost never made breakfast for me. Heading to my seat I spot it. A large dildo, right where my pulsing pussy would lay, with my Masters guiding hand I ease down onto the large toy. The latex over my pussy parting at the intrusion! how could I not notice that gap when I put it on?? sliding down the thick cock my pussy serving to lubricate it all the way to the base. With a wet shlop Im completely full and I havnt even touched my bacon and eggs! perhaps a drink to calm my nerves, as I take a large gulp I feel warm.. a little too warm. Looking to my Master, he confirms my suspicions by raising his own glass. My pussy now spasming around the dildo as the aphrodisiac runs its course as I lean forward and stifle a moan.

My Master laughs at my situation. “Eat up my dear, your going to need your strength.” he says sending a flurry of chills down my spine leading right to my throbbing womanhood! gasping for air I raise a shaking hand to my fork and eat my food, likely spiked as well.. yes, its spiked. With each piece I swallow I feel the heat burn hotter, like a raging inferno my body craving the 1 thing my mind knows it must never have without consent! finishing my drugged meal my Master takes me by the hand and raises me up. Stopping several times to prevent a unauthorised orgasm. Leading me to the play room I see a device I have never seen before but it scares the hell out of me.

Standing, or lying in the middle of the room is a series of Stock restraints circling a large padded seat, leading me over to it, my Master lays me down flat. locking my wrists in their own personal Stock holders, followed by my ankles. Breathing faster at this development and my need constantly rising im hoisted in the air by the cushion im laying on, my restraints following suit. Standing beside me my Master reveals more holes in my latex, a hole per nipple with which he inserts a suction cup with a wire and covering it with the latex again, leaving just the wire exposed. moving down to my clit he reveals a suction cup, its thin and long and now, attached to my maddening, throbbing buzzer, he begins pumping. My eyes fly open in a combination of fear and arousal as my clit starts to get sucked into the tube, further and further its pulled from its hood till I feel it. Something hard is touching my clit, looking down Im greeted with a wire, pressing the tip of my isolated clit with the means to make me thrash around were I not restrained already. My drug ridden mind flooding with thoughts of my soon to be, hellish day that started too calmly as my Master slides a thick metal cock into my ass. I cant see it but I can bet theres a wire attached to it as well.

Moving to my head Master puts a dildo gag in my mouth and a latex hood over my head, my long red hair pulled through the back and the hood sealed tight. I cant see, I can barely hear and I can only weakly moan around this toy in my mouth, and as my thoughts go to the toy in my mouth, it expands, and again, and again! My mouth now completely full with cock my pleas and moans now a dull grunt, barely audible to those outside my hood. My pussy feels cold air, Master has moved the latex away from my drooling slit, heat radiating off my hungry hole, I breathe deep as Master presses his tongue against my slick folds. If I could scream, I would have. instead my legs tremble uncontrollably and my arms spasm, locked in my restraints thats all I really can do. Master licks again and again drawing more fluid from me. My breathing now very audible as air rushes in and out through my nose, Then I feel it. its coming, shit IM CUMMING! and then.. pure agony. My nipples cop it first, but only by microseconds, as they light up with electricity, followed by my ass and worst of all, my throbbing clit. My eyes shoot up into my skull as Im torn down from the plateau I was cresting mere moments ago! My pussy spasms in need as my Masters tongue only redoubles its assault knowing he has me, right where he wants me.

A full hour passes, and Masters Tongue leaves my pussy as another orgasm is slammed away by the electricity as this setup is designed to deny, not reward so I scream into my inflated cock gag. A few moments pass by idle as Im left to stew in my burning need, electricity occasionally zapping my nipples to make sure im denied release from my drug fuelled arousal. I hear Master say something outside my latex hood, I cant make out the words but he seems to know that I was only moments from cumming just now and thats led his to this pause to let me calm down, if that were possible with the drugs coursing through my veins and the intoxicating latex still coating my body and head Im swimming in a sea of arousal and Im not allowed to cum even a little even in my intense exhaustion im allowed only this peace of not being dragged kicking and screaming to more denial! A familiar sensation returns as Masters tongue reaffixes itself to my Labia and once again im lit of with electricity as another orgasm is beaten back, Round 2 begins.

2 Whole hours of torturous orgasm denial at Masters hands and tongue pass as im finally lowered to the ground, it only took a minute to unlock my limbs from the hellish devices that held me down, and another minute to free my ass, nipples and clit from their own hellish devices. A flick to the clit confirms Im still conscious. My Master picks me up and carries me to the nearby lounge, there he removes my hood and gag, and rests my head on his lap and runs his fingers through my sweat soaked hair. Stripping me of my latex suit, leaving only my heels on he continues my massage, as I regain my senses slowly.

“Master.. Thank you for training this slave to serve” I say weakly, as he cups my cheek with his tender hand, I roll over and fish out his throbbing cock and begin sucking, after all that pain and denial i need something I love, i need Masters cum in my mouth to savour the taste then swallow like the Good Slave I am. Eventually im rewarded with a mouthful as i drink every drop im given and swallow, it really is delicious to me now, I cant go back to a normal life, I belong to my Master.

Taking me to the loungeroom Master instructs me to edge for my lunch. A simple task but as he turns to leave he gives me the number. 30 edges.. My pussy pulses again and the flood gates reopen, I still havnt had that orgasm my body just remembered it was desperate for. oh god could I really do 30 in a row without stopping or spilling over? My Master seems to think so. Already days into my denial and with drugs wracking my brain I begin my edges. It only took a hour but I finally got them all. Another dose of drugged lunch and Im back to normal, if horny out of my mind is normal. The rest of my day is fairly standard compared to my morning training, part of me wants to do it again but not any time soon.

Pleasuring my Masters cock I polish his shoes after that in my favourite maid outfit, remembering to always bend at the waist, never the knees, my Master loves a good show. My daily chores complete Im taken to the shower and cleaned by my Master, taking great care not to rub over my pussy too hard. A lovely steak for dinner with some wine, I could hardly taste the drug in that wine, but my pussy sure felt it. My Master, eager to set me to bed attaches a chastity belt tightly to my pussy. I dont see the point as I would never touch without permission.. right?

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secretsniper2 · 3 years ago

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Part 2: Wet..

Climbing out of bed I go and brush my hair and then my teeth. A outfit is already laid out by my Master. A latex sleeveless shirt and matching pants, black high heels and a corset. My day will clearly be a tough one for me. Looking around I cannot find anything even resembling underwear. Knowing my punishment would be beyond measure if I were to dress my pussy myself I don my latex outfit for the day. Shirt, then the pants, sliding easily up my smooth legs as my juices made for handy lubricant. Pressing the latex on my pussy I pause. A simple deep breath removes my hand from what I know is forbidden to me now my morning edges are complete. Sitting on the bedside I clip my heels on so it doesn't fall off and put on my corset, only being able to loosely cinch it without help.

“Good morning Master” I say keeping my head low.

“Morning my dear, sleep well i hope, i have a few fun things for you to enjoy today” my Master sounds eager.. its a little unsettling.

#Stories #Custom

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years ago

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Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.

I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.

I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.

Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.

All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.

There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.

Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.

My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.

I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.

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