#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol

[scenesniper]

☆ "weeping clown" ; general sfw & nsfw headcanons

pairing / weeping clown x afab gn! reader

disclaimer / possessive nature, choking fixation, body worship, orgasm denial

word count / 1,335 words

author's note / i wanted more miserable, pathetic, lore accurate toxic weepy so i decided to just write it myself.

SFW

☆ a very clingy man that is far too quiet to ever be the one to initiate a conversation with you. after all, how dare he have such thoughts when you’re shining all so bright. altruist you can say but behind it, he is all but possessive.

☆ you will always find letters forwarded to you by someone of anonymity but his handwriting is all but so familiar. you will always feel a set of eyes following you in everything you do around the circus. whether it be practicing for your next act, applying your makeup, eating, or paying attention to your own body care, it's always on you.

☆ weeping clown by his stage name is very self explanatory. even with his wishes of being so much more than what he is branded by, he carries on his sorrowful demeanor behind the stage. meeting you, whether you’re the first to ever truly acknowledge him or give him the light of day of your time, he will think of that interaction of so much more.

☆ he’s completely infatuated by you, not having the guts or confidence to ever approach you, he will make gifts for you in secrecy, going to great lengths to have it personally delivered to you by a postman to possibly hide the fact that it was him all along.

☆ however, you have suspected the clown for awhile now. the way his eyes avoid your own, his stuttering and brightening red state of his. you have always thought of it as normal for the clown, his cowering state, but there is just something about him that rang alarm bells.

☆ weeping is easily flustered. any hint of your attention on him has him already a profused bashful state. especially any physical contact with each other, even if it’s just holding hands, his hands will instantly clam up and become so warm. he gets embarrassed at these times and would begin to avoid eye contact so you wouldn’t have to see him in such a “pathetic condition”.

☆ kissing the weeping clown is rough due to his very chapped lips. he’s a clumsy and messy kisser, having no prior experience and frankly, only kisses with pure want and no thoughts at all behind it as if you’re going to disappear on him. you’ll always feel his hands messily messing the back of your hair and at times, when he’s pushing his tongue down on you, he loves it when you tug down on his scarf.

☆ his love, to be blunt, is completely unconditional. it doesn’t matter if you kill someone with your own bare hands, even if his idea of you shatters, his ideology still stands. he’s a man that is completely obsessed with the idea of you and while it is a harmful train of thoughts, that obsession turns into a sick love.

☆ even if his love comes from a twisted place, he cares for you in his own little way. he’s overprotective of you and attentive to your mental and emotional needs of yours. if someone is bugging you, he’s immediately on the band wagon in planning on how he’s specifically going to privately and in secrecy, handle it.

NSFW

☆ joker is not a confident man as we all know, and especially in bed. even if he’s bigger than most, around 8 inches or so, he is all but insecure about the approach. he’s a virgin and only has experience by touching himself late at night, clutching a crumpled picture of you and imagining your hands pumping his cock.

☆ he’s always the type to indulge in his personal fantasies and to finally have it happen to him, he’s all but overjoyed but extremely confused and insecure on how you can ever pick someone like him. he has always dreamed of you touching him, even when he’s ashamed of such thoughts when facing you upfront, he’d always go hard over the smallest things from you.

☆ your voice, your lips, your eyes on his, your scent, you brushing skin contact with him even if it’s just a small graze, oh god his dick is practically about to burst out his boxers. he loves the rough feeling of his dick begging to be dicked down and would often grind himself in his own boxers, imagining that friction is your pussy.

☆ he would get so long in those surreal fantasies of his, wanting to just breed you. but once actually having you, his insecurities of having little to no experience comes crashing down once more. you’ll be on his lap and he’ll be completely dumbfounded, absolutely having no idea where to put or place his arms and would stare at you undressing on him which god, is so hot to him.

☆ he’s the type to just cum right then and there in whatever you do to his body. touching his cock, oh he’s already seeing stars and tearing up. your warm mouth on his, he’s grinding his waist and dragging you by your hair to go deeper and deeper, causing you to choke and him getting off by your gagging sounds.

☆ he’s a big crier during it all, his eyes seeming to always tear up whenever he feels absolutely stimulated or from pure happiness, he’ll always throw his head back and bites his lips to the point it begins to start bleeding and then planting his blood soaked lips on yourself.

☆ body worship. weeping clown is ashamed of his disability and amputee, but you praising it and giving it utmost attention (not just only during sex of course) gives him an unexplainable emotion such as relief of your acceptance of him. how you don’t immediately shun him.

☆ he loves to worship you and your entire being, not just being the only one praised. he will always be going on and on, muttering about your beauty. he always feels as though he shouldn’t even have the privilege to be in your presence, let alone touch you. it’s an emotional moment for him the entire time, enveloping himself to your existence.

☆ he absolutely can’t get enough of you, always loving it when he’s the one on your lap or vice versa, he loves to look up at you and you wiping his tears off with your thumb. he loves to nuzzle on the palm of your hand every time you do it. once he’s more familiar and confident with your body, he finds himself more and more lost in sex.

☆ he’s a verbal partner, always gasping and lowering his moans. it’s not a hard feat to have him a mess over you and especially when you’re verbal, he can’t help but feel good knowing he’s the one getting those reactions out of you.

☆ he loves it when you deny him of his orgasm. tie him behind his waist and fuck his cock with your finger, palm, boobs, thighs, anything. he’ll start whining and drawing his voice out, begging for your touch, his tears practically streaming out by then.

☆ bouncing on his cock, he’s still so scared over the fact that you’re in his but he can’t help but get so lost in your touch. he’ll watch you with astonishment, watching your boobs bounce along your actions and begin latching his mouth on the bud of your nipples and sucking on it to the point there’ll be a prominent, red mark.

☆ aftercare with weeping clown would be him cleaning you up with a rag and bringing you the glass of water from the bedside, very quiet and unsure on what else to talk about. it’s a comfortable silence on your part but for the clown, he’s particularly anxious. you’ll have to be the one praising and tucking him for the night. during these moments, he’s especially emotional. he never wants to let go of this moment and then, decide to do everything that he can to keep you by his side no matter what.

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[justmossyall]

autism self-appreciation post!!

I love the way my hair bounces when I stim!

I love how I see all the little details in the world.

I love that I am accepting of all people and don't care about their differences, only who they are as a person.

I love that I have so much empathy and love in my heart and that people trust me to talk to them and make them feel better.

I love that I am not afraid to be myself and that I inspire others to do the same!

I love that I am finally gaining the confidence to unmask in public and to be who I really am.

I love that I notice things more easily than other people. while this can sometimes lead to sensory overload, it is also a positive trait that I love about myself.

I love that I have hyperlexia and I'm an avid reader. not all autistic people are hyperlexic, but that is just one more thing that makes me special :)

I love that I find happiness in the simple things in life, and that I appreciate even the smallest things.

I love that I can see into a person's heart and get to the root of why they're acting a certain way (well, most of the time) so that I can try not to get angry at them.

I love that I have so much passion for the things I love. my special interests are amazing, and I love to spend my time learning about them and taking part in them.

I love that I am so creative!

I love that I don't act my age, because I don't need to and I can do whatever I want. if I want to enjoy childish things, that is completely fine and valid! nothing wrong with watching Daniel Tiger as a teenager :D

I love that I can recognize when other people are neurodivergent like me and help them to accept and love themselves.

I love that I see the world in a different way than others, and therefore can think of things that others don't notice.

I love that I am so much like a cat! I love cats!

I love that I find everyone beautiful, even if they don't match society's portrayal of beauty.

I love that I have such a good memory, even if I don't always remember the things I need to.

I love my stims! stimming is beautiful and wonderful, and no one should ever be ashamed of it <3

I love that I can understand animals on a deeper level than others, and that I can make them all love me :D

I love how strongly I connect with nature, and how I feel so at peace when I am in nature.

I love that I prefer comfy clothes over stylish clothes. I look beautiful in everything!!!

I love that I can connect with other autistic people and help them to feel safe around me.

I love that I stand up for what I believe in and advocate for what is right.

I love that I have such a rich and vibrant personality, and that I am just so amazing and wonderful.

Most of all, I love everything about me! And all autistic people - and all neurodivergent people - and all the people of the world! we are all so special and unique.

read these to yourself every day if you can. you are wonderful, my lovelies. don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they are wrong. I love you <3

[youremyheaven]

I am the dog yoni gal. Ashlesha moon here (I was here during that drama and had a good laugh because of that stupid anon😂) and he’s a Swati moon. Yes he IS dominant both in bed and in general.

On daily basis — He’s again dominant can go a little overboard with it sometimes and VERY controlling. Stubborn as hell (we both are). Always looks for a way to make me feel bad or ashamed of myself. Would blow up on me for the smallest things and if I do something good he’d never be happy for me always dismiss them as irrelevant. Anger issues at peak. Severe trust issues but he’s the player as well over here. Would fuck anything that has a vagina. I used to let him do all of this and be the mouse but that’s no longer the case I don’t like to be controlled and value my freedom way too much so I just give him a piece of my mind whenever he starts acting like an ass. I don’t hold back on my words and just say all the things I want to cause I can’t stand being disrespected like that at all. It’s as if I was blindfolded and only now it has been removed. I know he can never stand a chance against me cause I’ve never done something shitty to him. So yeah he’s TOXIC. I’d say delusional as well cause he’d just spew sone of the most absurd shit I’ve ever came across when he’s jealous. Tries to manipulate me but I see through his bullshit and let him believe his fantasy.

In bed (TMI ahead) — He’s dominant and a top. Not as kinky as I thought he would be but we have done sone great shit together. One time we literally did it on a street. He’s fearless and doesn’t shy away from touching me in public. He’s actually the one who initiates a lot of times cause I’m just way too shy. He’s a sucker for curvy women. Doesn’t last long and gets tired too easily. Even tho he says he wants to make me squirt (or atleast cum) infront of him he can’t and he’s never done that. The most we’ve done is 2 rounds and that’s it. It’s kinda frustrating cause I never get to cum and my libido is very high. I don’t really get tired easily. The way to my cat is through my mind and he’s never understood that. You need to stimulate me mentally and only then I can get turned on.

omg 😲😲pls tell me you're not still with him??? none of my business but this does not sound healthy?? 😶

one thing im grateful for with astrology is that it helps me filter out creepy men (and even then i suffer but i blame that on my delulu nature)

[puppygirl82]

I tend not to over share much. I am a relatively private person so sharing this is a huge step for me because I struggle with being vulnerable but I think maybe it's time.

I have spent so much of my life worried about how much space I took up in the world. Trying desperately to make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible. I learned early on that people are cruel and trust can easily be misplaced. So I closed myself off and in the process I lost myself.

I am a big person, with big emotions and sometimes, more often than not, that makes people uncomfortable. I let other people's discomfort control who I was, what I did, or more so didn't do, what I said and so on to the point that I never got the chance to find out who I was. I spent so much time being who everyone else thought I should be, who society told me I should be, that I never got to have those experiences most people had growing up. I missed out on so much because of fear. Fear of judgment, fear of being endlessly teased by my peers, fear of rejection from my loved ones, that now, I'm 40 and just beginning to allow myself to let who I am come out and meet the world.

The great part is I still have time to do it. I can still be who I am unapologetically. I can wear the clothing my 16 year old self wished I had. I can buy the things that make my strange macabre heart flutter. I can indulge myself in everything society told me I shouldn't.

Society dimmed my shine because I was different. I wasn't the traditional body type, I wasn't conventionally attractive, I wasn't interested in the traditional. I was however interested in the stange and unusual, I took up more space than most, I exist outside the social norms and that was simply unacceptable.

Now I get to undo all that and remake myself into someone I like looking at in the mirror. Trying to learn to love the face and body staring back at me. Some days that's the hardest part of existing but knowing only I can fight for myself. No one can save me from my own mind but me.

I can be open about my mental health struggles, my self doubt, my paralyzing fear of abandonment. Knowing that the anxiety within me, my dark shadow following me through life, just waiting for the smallest trigger to come along so it can scream "I TOLD YOU SO!" so loudly in my head that at times I can hear nothing else. Knowing that inner monolog of how much of a failure I am isn't going anywhere, all the voices in my head telling me that everyone would be better off without me is just my brain lying to me. Trying to trick me. But also knowing that I am trying to obtain the tools to manage it in a healthy way rather than a toxic one. I can admit that I have days where the sun physically makes me sick and I want nothing more than to not exist. But those day pass and I have days where I see beauty in thunderstorms and tranquility in darkness and joy in madness.

I can acknowledge that I am somewhere on the spectrum and things that I never understood about myself, finally make so much sense now. Finding out as an adult why loud sounds and bright lights are so overstimulating. Why crowds send me into a panic, why simple textures and smells can make me gag when others are unaffected. Knowing my fidging and restless and unfocusedness came from somewhere. Why I bust out singing the most inappropriate of things in a snappy tune just to release the nervous energy because it has nowhere else to go. Understanding that my brain simply just works differently than others.

Giving myself to grace to know that even though I fell hopelessly in love with a man, I still prefer women and that does not invalidate me. Struggling with imposter syndrome rearing it's ugly head on a near daily basis but understanding that it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Allowing myself to admit that I am demisexual and not being ashamed of it.

Pride month is about so much more than just celebrating our sexual freedom. It's about finally have a safe space to exit openly in a society that has tried it's damnedest to snuff out the whimsy of the world. Pride month is about acceptance, openness and compassion just as much as about pride. I am happy to be part of such a beautiful colorful community.

With all that being said Happy Pride month to everyone in the alphabet mafia. 🌈

If sharing this little glimpse behind the curtain helps anyone, in any way to feel even a little bit better, accepted or understood, than my job is complete. However, if you are reading this and it makes you upset or uncomfortable in any way, well you know where the unfriend button is and I encourage you to use it. 😉

[angstmonsterwrites]

A lot of easily accessible resources on trauma go in depth and bend over backwards on the concept of shame; on the impact it has on one's self concept, and rightfully so.

But what doesn't get nearly enough attention, and what I personally struggle with more, is how it fucks with beliefs and ideas about other people and the world--how it conditions the mind with deep distrust and fear.

Yes, yes--I get it. No one gets to tell me who and what I am but me. My parents were assholes. None of their shit was my fault and I'm not worth any less than any other ordinary person.

That's all good and well, but how do I go about not sleeping with one eye open? How do I reach a point where I don't feel almost cosmically picked on for how intensely I expect cruelty and rejection? How do I stop suspecting and expecting hatred out of every corner without putting my guard down too much? How do I stop from feeling like a small, trapped child unfairly in trouble for coughing too loud when I'm sick (among anything else that might be vaguely described as "disruptive")? How do I teach my whole-assed nervous system that not all risk taking is fundamentally irresponsible? How do I offload the severe minute by minute tension that comes with expecting the most severe backlash for the smallest of missteps? How do I ever believe that there isn't *always* someone waiting to pull the "gotcha!" on me, especially when I've dealt with that again and again and again? How do I dispose of the conditioning that tells me that if I get hurt, I can expect nothing but mockery and shunning and ham-fisted insistence that it's my own fault for not "being careful enough". How do I stop feeling like every decision I must make is a catch-22 trap where someone will be there to tell me I'm wrong no matter what I do? How do I rid myself of the idea that every other person is a potential monster in disguise, but that it's entirely on me to know which ones, all while acting like there are none so as not to be "embarrassing"?

How do I stop feeling like the stakes and standards for *every fucking little thing* are so, so much higher for me than anyone else, and that I'll be brutally punished for failing to meet them?

It's all rhetorical in the end because a solution is in sight, but how do I unwire all this unfair bullshit that was imposed upon me? How to heal what amounts to a terrorized inner child?

Why isn't there more out there about this? I'm not ashamed. I don't think I'm fundamentally bad or deserve cruelty, but I'm scared. Always, always. I'm always scared that people might want to hurt and sabotage me and then take turns kicking me while I'm down. It feels like a law of nature or a curse--not something wrong with me necessarily but the consequences of living.

Because apparently "responsibility" dictates I should have known better than to be born; that I got myself into this situation and am simply suffering the consequences.

So absurd, but there it is.

[hallelujahmeatgod]

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS WHEN YOU PRANK THEM TELLING THEM YOU DON’T WANT TO SHARE A STRAW

+warning/s: There’s really none, just cursing is all.

+word count: 2227

+note: The characters are very random because they’re the first ones I had an idea for. I want to write for the other ones too, so please do tell me what you guys think about this one. 

KUROO

"What did you just say?" He asked, eyes wide from shock.

"I said, grab another straw if you want to take a sip of my drink. I don't want to share a straw." I said, as calmly as I can, immediately looking away from him. Because Lord knows I just want to laugh at his dumbfounded face right now.

He gave me a sarcastic laugh. A laugh that says "are you serious right now?"

I raised a brow at him acting like I don't have a clue as to why he's acting the way he is. 

And that was the last straw for him.

"So you literally shove your tongue down my throat and you wouldn't share a straw with me? What's that about?" He said angrily, looking at me with daggers in his eyes.

I laughed and instantly covered his mouth, looking around at the café. "Bitch, shut your mouth. I was just playing with you." I whisper-yelled, while trying to control my laughter.

He rolled his eyes and snatched away my drink. Muttering a "not funny" under his breath, as I continue laughing at him.

KIYOOMI

"Can I try yours?" Omi asked calmly.

I nodded, but before he could grab my drink I pulled it back a bit. "Oh-- can you not use my straw though?" I said as innocently as I can. 

He rolled his eyes at me then scoffed. I thought he's actually gonna get riled up, but that's until he said "Brave of you to assume that I'll share a straw with you."

I gave him a dumb look. What?

He raised his brows at me, a sly smirk making its way to his lips. "I'm literally afraid of all kinds of germs, and you are no exception." 

Did I really just forget that I'm in a relationship with a germaphobe?

"Whatever" I said, pouting.

I handed him a new straw but then he gave me a look of disgust. 

Can I be any more disgusting to this guy?

"Now you're trying to give me a plastic straw? You turtle murderer! Get that animosity away from me." He said, as he dramatically whipped a metal one from his bag. 

Just how many does he have in his bag?

"Now, repent from your sins and start using this babe." 

BOKUTO

"WHAT?!" His dramatic ass yelled.

"Sit your ass down, right now!" I ordered like a mom.

I pulled him back beside me on the couch as he looked at me sadly.

"What do you mean we can't share a straw? We kiss all the time though and we share more saliva doing that than just sharing a straw." He pouted. 

Which is so cute that I had to stop myself from just pinching his cheeks and hugging him.

"I just don't want to share a straw today, okay? Just get another one. I have some in one of the drawers in the kitchen." I said, scrolling through my phone so that it'll seem like it's not a big deal.

I kept on scrolling, but then I realized after a while that he's still beside me.

 When I looked at him, I KID YOU NOT, there's tears welling on his eyes threatening to fall. His lips even quivering as he tried holding back the tears.

I instantly held his face and pulled him close. "Oh my, Bo, what's wrong?"

When asked he became more emotional and the tears finally fell. "You wouldn't share a straw with me." He said, sobbing. So I pulled him into a hug.

"Bo, stop crying. I was literally just joking, no need to cry you big baby." I said, chuckling lightly as I ruffled his hair.

He instantly pulled away, looking at me expectantly. "Huh? You're not for real? I can use your straw? You're not disgusted?" He asked and I nodded, giving him a warm smile.

He jumped at me and gave me a bear hug. "I don't like that joke though" He said, pulling away enough so he could look at me.

"I'm sorry, Bo. I won't do it again."

"YAYYYYYY!" He exclaimed, as snot trickled down from his nose. This kid.

"Let's wipe that snot away first though before you come close to my straw, yeah?"

OIKAWA 

(Now this is about to turn into a soap opera. Everyone knows this dude is the queen of all drama queens)

"Tooru, baby, use another straw." I said, not even sparing him a glance. Eyes focused on the anime we’re watching.

No reply. No reaction. No movements for a solid moment.

Eventually, he sighed then stood up. I heard him shuffling around so I thought he's actually gonna grab a straw for himself. Y'know, be compliant for once?

But since we're talking about a professional drama queen here, that obviously isn't happening. Duh.

"28th of August, in the year of the Lord. It's a warm afternoon, an afternoon filled with sunlight. Everything's bright, sunny, and happy. But just as everything is fitting into place, everything turned dark '' He monologues, standing at my balcony.

Oh Lord, save me.

"It is on that one afternoon, that Oikawa Tooru's heart has been shattered into million little pieces. It's shattered so good that no glue, not even E6000 glue, can put it back together." He continued, fake crying. Looking back at me once in a while to see if I'm looking at his drama. Then just exaggerating even more, putting his all into it.

I rolled my eyes at him, completely done with him.

"I thought there was love. I thought we felt the same way, that we're on the same page. But I was greatly mistaken! Nothing's fine. I'm torn. I'm all out of faith and this is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm ashamed, not lying naked on the floor-- but I'll think about it. Illusions never change into something real--"

"DUMBASS JUST TAKE A FUCKING SIP. JUST SHUT UP"

And that's all that needs to be said. He darted towards me and easily drank half of my drink, cuddling next to me.

"Now is that hard? It isn't right?" He teased, which earned him a solid smack on the head.

ASAHI

"Grab another straw for you to use, Asahi" I called out to him as he stood up to get some more snacks after he announced that he wanted to try my drink.

"What did I do this time?" He asked quietly when he got back, dropping the snacks on the table.

"What do you mean? Did you do anything?" I asked him back.

He crouched down in front of me so we're at eye level. "You just told me to use another straw. So what did I do, woman?"

At this I immediately broke into a fit of laughter, which made him confused yet concerned. 

"You're scaring me right now babe."

"Ohhh~ Asahi, you really are too precious." 

"Are you being sarcastic right now? Is that you getting more angry at me for whatever reason? Wait! Are you actually angry at me? What did I do--"

"YO! Breathe." I clamped a hand on his mouth. "Who said I was angry?"

"Well you don't wanna share a straw so I'm assuming you hate me right now" He shrugged.

I ruffled his hair and lightly pinched his cheek. 

"I was just messing with you, so no need to be a panic mess." I reassured, caressing his face ever so softly.

His face instantly calmed as he leaned onto my hand. "Don't do that. You know I panic easily over the smallest things. I was about to have a heart attack." he pouted.

I kissed his cheek and offered him my drink, and he happily took a sip.

"Wait till Daichi hears this" I chuckled, earning a groan from him as he hid his face from me.

KAGEYAMA

I'm getting so impatient. 

Impatient for Kageyama to ask for a sip of my drink so I can mess with him.

Why wouldn't he just ask? He kept on eyeing it yet still wouldn't ask for a sip.

"You know, eyeing my drink like that wouldn't make you taste it. If you want a sip, get another straw." I said as if I don't care, when in reality I'm watching his every move and expression.

His eyes then diverted from the drink to me, raising a brow. What's he raising his brow for?

"Bold of you to assume I'd like any of that." He said lazily.

Me=Jaw dislocated.

I looked at him not knowing what to say. What does he mean? 

"Huh?" Was all my dumbass could muster.

"As if I'd drink that '' He said, sticking out his tongue in disgust. He took a sip from his milk and smiled, completely satisfied. "I'm all good with my milk, it makes my bones stronger. You can close your mouth now." 

"B-but you kept on eyeing it"

"Yeah I did. Cause I was asking myself how someone can even consider that a drink."

USHIJIMA

"Can I please have a small sip of your drink? That seems like a new flavor I have yet to try. So if you don't mind." Ushijima asked beside me, looking straight into my eyes as he did so.

Does he really have to be this serious and proper asking for a sip? 

I'll never understand how his robotic self works, but I still love it though. I actually find it cute, so it took a lot from me to not break character.

"Sure thing. Just get yourself a new straw." I said, pushing my drink towards him.

I can see he's quite surprised by that since he didn't just do it right away. He gave me a look but then again didn't really say anything. He stood up from our booth and went to get a new straw.

I almost facepalmed when he did so, but then again what was I expecting? That he'd go crazy over it? That he'd have a big reaction? This is Ushijima we're talking about. The only time you'll see a big reaction from him is when that kid Hinata goes head to head with him or when he sees Oikawa CAUSE WHY THE HECK DIDN'T YOU ATTEND SHIRATORIZAWA, DUMMY!

Ushijima is very simple and calm, so he doesn't make a fuss about things easily.

When he got back he just silently put his straw in and took a sip. "That's quite good but not as good as the one you always get." He said honestly. Typical Ushijima.

We were silent for a little bit. Usually I'd be talking his ears off by now with all the gossip I've found out. But I'm still a tiny bit down because of his lack of reaction.

"You're weird today" He said out of the blue.

"What?" I asked, choking a bit from my drink.

Lost. That's what I am. He doesn't really blurt out things like that. I mean, yeah, if he finds something weird, mostly if you're asking him about it he'll say it's weird. But he doesn't really just blurt it out the way he just did. 

"You never had problems sharing with me. You don't mind me biting into your food, drinking from your bottle, making me eat the ice cream when you only want the cone, yet you made me get a new straw. It's just new, I guess. That's why it's kind of weird."

He said calmly and I can tell that he's genuinely calm. Like he isn't trying to be calm or he's mad deep down. He's simply sharing his thoughts.

"So you did notice." I pouted. He looked at me and nodded for me to continue talking. "I was actually just doing this thing I saw on YouTube, telling your boyfriend you don't wanna share a straw."

"Oh" He nodded in understanding. "No wonder you're weird today. You'd never do that." He actually said in a very humorous tone, with a small smile on his face.

I beamed and sat closer to him, resting my head on his arm. "Sorry for that."

He shook his head and gave me head pats. "It's fine. And of course I'd notice, I prefer it when you share with me, it makes me feel closer to you. And you've always been sweet to me even though I can't do it well, so I instantly caught on to it."

"You're sweet in your own unique way, more than you realize, Ushi" I said, smiling at him. He returned the smile with an even bigger one. My heart is about to burst, it's not everyday I see this guy grin like this. This smile might be a small one to others but for me this is a whole ass beam!

"Can we share properly now?" He asked, very VERY cutely. It almost brought tears to my eyes. And when I say cutely I mean him just looking at me seriously. In conclusion whatever this giant does I find cute, okay? I'm whipped and I'll even write it on my forehead if I have to.

"By all means" 

[sabraeal]

Tenderness Like a Bruise

[Read on AO3]

Sequel to Creatures of a Brief Season; written in honor of @puffdragongirl‘s birthday! Robin requested anything that included Od Ana, and what would incur more Od Ana commentary than Bergatt (and potentiality Eisetsu) Arc?

They could spend a hundred years in this snow, a hundred lifetimes, and Od Ana knows: she’ll never get used to it.

You’re meant to be here, Obi would tease, trailing a gloved finger up her sternum, ruffling her feathers. They still hunt with birds like you up north, riding on horseback and snatching hares from the snow.

They’re real birds, she’d huff, snapping at that finger. I’m you, and you’re me, and we’re cold.

It makes her wings stiff, a heavy weight when she lifts them-- not something she needs when they’re already so big, so awkward unless she’s in the air. The wind cuts right through her feathers, ignoring the ribbed bulwark and clinging right to the skin. Obi always tells her to take a flap if she can’t stand it, but the higher up she goes, the crueler it is. Sure she might get some heat in her muscles, but that doesn’t do anything for the parts of her that aren’t involved with flight.

“How many of these are you gonna make?” Perkunas hops around Obi’s knees, big, clumsy paws raking at his trousers. Obi puts him off with a pat, sweeping a gloved finger up his muzzle to still him. It’s no longer like lightning when they touch, just a soft buzz, muted by leather and fur.

See, another reason to suffer down here, shivering-- if she spent all her time up in the air, she’d miss the show.

Shirayuki perches on the edge of a planter, raising her feet as Perkunas scuttles under them. He pokes his nose over her notes, skimming the page until he’s cross-eyed. That little meat bun might think himself bookish, but this is far from the first time he’s lurched from her lap, word-drunk; she spares him a small pat, laying her gloved hand carefully over the ridge of his muzzle. Right where Obi ran his finger, Od Ana can’t help but note.

She snaps her beak, chuffed. Her man’s mistress might play at being busy, too absorbed in her work to pay attention to the silliness surround her, but Od Ana has an eagle’s eyes. Whenever Obi’s all energy and no sense, Shirayuki’s got one eye on him. Not to keep watch, like she’s so keen on saying when she’s caught, but because she likes to turn two toward him if he bends over.

Even now her lips twitch, a smothering a smile before it can take flight-- Od Ana’s grateful for it. The last thing he needs now is encouragement.

Perkunas waddles back over when Obi squats, resting his chin on his knee. A glove reaches down, smoothing the fur between his ears before riffling it again, leaving thick globs of snow. “Until there’s one for all of us.”

That small head cocks, taking in the row of snowmen. Obi might be good with his hands, maybe might even be fine enough to put pen to page, but an artist he’s not-- all his attempts are round and squat, their snow daemons snuggled in beside them. Even Od Ana has to squint to make out which one is which.

“All of us?” Perkunas echoes, sitting back on his haunches. “I don’t know if there’s enough.”

“Sure there is.” Obi levers himself to his feet, one hand free to point. “That’s Master and Miss, Miss Kiki and Mister, and over here’s me...”

“That’s supposed to be Shirayuki?” Perkunas trots up to the smallest one, sniffing at the spherical snow daemon beside it. “Is this me?”

Obi nods, mouth quivering. “Mmhmm.”

Perkunsa snorts, skittering back. “I don’t look like that!”

“Sure you do!” Od Ana clacks her beak, drawing his glare. “Just a little snow sausage, waiting to be grilled up!”

“I’m not!” he squeals, rushing up to where she sits. It’s too far for his squat little legs to reach, paws flexing as they try to find purchase on the stone.

“Take it back!” he growls, hopping uselessly beneath her. “Take it back! Shirayuki, did you hear her? Make her take it back!”

It’s no use-- Shirayuki might keep one eye on Obi, but Perkunas’s plaintive whines are too commonplace to lure her attention away. He grunts and skitters, but Shirayuki sits with her heels hooked on the edge of a stone, unmoved. Od Ana can’t grin with this beak of her, but she can flap her wings, skipping along the stone with a screech that might fall on the more purposeful side of taunting. And like always, Perkunas rises to her bait.

He’s stretched as long as his elastic body can go, every strand of fur on his ringed tail standing on end--

And he tumbles, the way he always does. Just collapses into an uncontrolled roll, more sphere than sense, careening across the yard-- and right into one of Obi’s snow friends.

“Oh!” Perkunas leaps up all at once, shaking snow from his snub snout,  snuffling pitifully. “I’m so sorry, Obi! I didn’t mean to.”

Obi crouches down where he lays, gloved palm landing gently on his muzzle. “I know, little guy.” He casts an eye over the ruined mound, clucking his tongue. “Well, there goes Mister.”

“Eh?” Shirayuki wholly drags herself up from her work now, glancing from Obi’s back to the snow-covered Perkunas and then all the way up to where she perches. Her mouth settles in a knowing line, and when she says, “Have you been getting in to trouble?” Od Ana knows it’s for both of them.

It’s good a bird can’t look abashed, no matter how many feathers she has. Otherwise she might have to try.

“It’s Od Ana’s fault,” Perkunas rushes to tell her, the little liar.

She sniffs, cocking her beak haughtily. “I would never have expected Shirayuki’s daemon to be such a tattletale.”

Od Ana expects a glare, a harsh word, something to quell her, but Shirayuki’s mouth only twists wryly. “You should have known me as a child.”

I did. It’s Obi’s thought, but it dovetails with her own, unobtrusive for once. It doesn’t bear saying that she was neither as excitable or pestiferous as Perkunas can make himself; Obi’s agreement radiates deep in her breast. Their secret, locked in a cage of hollow bone.

“She called me fat,” Perkunas grouses, sitting back on his haunches. It makes him round, like a ball, and Od Ana’s half-tempted to see if she could get him to roll again with just a squawk.

“You are. There’s no reason to be ashamed of it.” Shirayuki tells him, all fondness as she comes to crouch beside him, knee brushing Obi’s as easily as her hand strokes her daemon’s skull. Od Ana can feel his shiver from here, her beak rattling quietly from the one it sends through her. “Oh, Obi-- I’m sorry. He’s undone all your hard work.”

“No worries, Miss.” Obi cradles what’s left of Mitsuhide’s head in his hands. “I’m sure it’s only a bad omen. Poor Mister.”

Shirayuki cocks her head, leaning in to glance at the ruined snow skull. Od Ana might tease Obi, might mock him for never being able to puzzle out how to bridge the gap between him and his mistress, but he certainly knows how to get her to hover in his orbit. Black and red nearly eclipse each other, and oh, what she wouldn’t give to knock the two of them together just to see the spark.

After a long moment, Shirayuki finally says, dubious, “That was supposed to be Mitsuhide?” 

“Yep.” Obi chucks his chin toward the oblong mound, resting beside the remains of the prince’s foremost aide. “See, Sigrun’s right there.”

Shirayuki pitches forward, squinting. “Eh?”

Od Ana clucks, amused. Sigrun’s even-tempered, just like her man, but even she would be insulted by the snow sausage standing in for her.

“It’s too warm for this anyway,” Shirayuki decides, lifting herself to standing. “No wonder Mitsuhide fell apart. He’s the biggest, after all. Couldn’t hold his own weight.”

“It was getting colder. I thought maybe we might get a snow this afternoon, and I’d get to shore them up.” He stands with a sigh, knees creaking in protest. “Doesn’t seem like that’ll be happening today, Miss.”

Shirayuki peers up at him-- further than Od Ana remembers her needing. Ah, so her boy’s grown another inch. He’ll be out of those soon, if the men around him are any stick to measure by. He’s tall enough now anyway, respectable. Doesn’t need to get cocky on top of it-- at least not any more than he already is.

“Suzu told me it’s still too early for snow.” She casts a thoughtful glance at the sky. “Well, at least in the afternoon.”

Obi huffs, amused, eyebrows shooting toward his hairline. “Suzu said that?”

“Well,” Shirayuki wheedles. “Hermia did.”

“That sounds more reliable,” Obi grunts. Most daemons are, save for Perkunas. “Still, didn’t we have one just the other week?”

“Well, yes.” She sways on her feet, but it’s not from weakness or exhaustion-- it’s from energy that needs to be spent, like a child made to sit too long. Maybe Perkunas is more like her than any of them give him credit. “But it’ll be a few weeks before it’s cold enough for another. Lilias has to work itself into winter.”

Since when, Od Ana nearly says. Obi coughs; it barely covers his laugh.

“Ah, that reminds me. Mistress--” Obi turns, catching her eyes, and Od Ana uselessly wills him to close the space-- “the knights need me to help them with something starting tomorrow. You’ll have to look after yourself for a while.”

An idle threat, but Shirayuki takes it with a dutiful nod, just the way she expects. “Got it.” She hesitates before adding, “I hope it isn’t too serious.”

Obi casts one of his long looks over her, somehow both assessing and torn, before he looks away. A pity, since he doesn’t see how she looks back. “They’ve sent a few troops elsewhere for now, so they’re running a little thin at the checkpoint. I said I’d help out.”

“Ah, see.” Od Ana flutters down, perching on his shoulder. She’s too big for it to be comfortable, and he grunts as she knocks a wing against his head before folding them in. “What he means is that no one wants to do the paperwork. And Obi’s handwriting is so nice...”

He grimaces. “Something like that.” He flicks a coy smile towards Shirayuki, heedless of how it sticks. “If I get a cut, I’ll be sure to come to you and get myself bandaged up.”

“Oh.” Od Ana always likes Shirayuki’s sly smiles; Obi deserves to have someone who can make sure he gets as much as he gives. “I’ll be sure to tell Suzu to keep an eye out for you. He’s the best at bandages.”

Perkunas nods, oblivious to Obi’s scowl. “He always has them. A bunch!”

“Because he’s so accident prone himself,” Od Ana can’t help but add. Hermia has her work cut out for her, keeping that one alive.

“I don’t even carry any on me,” Shirayuki informs him loftily, the lie obvious on her lips.

Obi spares them both a thin look; it’s a good camouflage for how much he clearly want to kiss her. “Aw, at least let Little Ryuu do it, Miss.”

Her smile only curves more slyly. “I think that’s up to--”

“What was that about me?”

Ryuu appears out of the crowd, as sudden as Obi ever has; space empty one minute and the next filled with a boy about to hit his first growth, limbs all at odd lengths for his small body. Asasara noses out from beneath his collar, tongue darting out to taste the air before slithering back, settling against his skin. It’s nice to know that she’s not the only one who hates this weather.

“Little Ryuu!” Obi pivots sharply on his heel, unbalancing her enough to see her flapping back over to the wall. He grins wide, hooking his hands on his hips and he looks down at the boy. “Can you do me a favor and remind Miss to start bringing bandages around with her? I’d hate to go to anyone else if I’m wounded in honorable combat.”

“Eh?” He blinks, the blue of his eyes stark against the pale parchment of his skin. “Doesn’t she already?”

Shirayuki sends him a warning look, but it’s far, far too late for that. Obi’s already spun around, victory bright on his angular face. “So Miss does carry bandages.”

Her hands fly up as he looms, though it hardly seems she wants to ward him off. “Those are for emergencies, Obi. Not for paper--”

“Ah, Sir Obi!”

Od Ana cranes her neck, peering up the stairs that lead to the wall. There’s a guard there, waving like his limbs are too long for his body to control, eyes already round in limpid by the time they meet Obi’s. “Sir Obi, sir! I’m supposed to tell you-- His Highness’s messenger has arrived.”

She doesn’t need to look to know how Obi’s body has stiffened, how his breath has caught in chest and mind’s gone to static.

“Messenger?” Od Ana says quietly, stilted. “I thought that was you.”

A long breath hisses through his teeth. “So did I.”

[pastpatientlywaitingforimagines]

Andromeda |  Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 1865

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR 03x05 AND THE SECOND HALF OF SEASON 12, prison Reid, mentions of trauma/anxiety/therapy.

A/N: Remember this post?  I was talking about this fic. Anyways, the concept of both Spencer and Reader being groomed for the BAU was one that intrigued me so I wrote this. One day I’ll get tired of writing for this universe but today is not that day. Enjoy!

GALAXY MASTERLIST (not needed to understand the plot but there’s similar content here if you liked this fic!)

You had seen a lot of bad things in your life, but hands down the worst thing you had ever seen was Spencer Reid sitting on the other side of the partition in the prison visiting room. As always your proximity to the doctor cleared your head and relaxed you in a way you hadn’t felt in weeks, but due to the circumstances you knew it was only because he was alive.

“I don’t like this,” you wasted no time making your feelings known.

“I know, me neither,” even though he was alive, you could tell your friend was in rough shape, “how are you doing?”

You breathed a laugh, “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m the same as I was when Garcia visited last week, and we both know she called you as soon as she left here.”

He was right, Penelope had filled you in on everything he had said when she had gone for her visit the week prior.

“Have you gone back to work yet?”

“Yeah, but I’m still not allowed in the field. My therapist keeps telling Emily I’m compromised,” you rolled your eyes, “I think being back in the field would help me compartmentalize better than doing paperwork in Penelope’s office.”

“What have you been doing outside of work?”

“Has my therapist talked to you too? Yeesh,” you rolled your eyes again, causing Spencer to crack a smile, “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Luke, he reminds me of some of the guys from my Platoon. He lets me watch Roxy when the team is traveling, and we go to a veteran’s support group every Tuesday. I don’t think he actually needs the support but he definitely knows I don’t go if he’s not there.”

Spencer sighed, “support groups are good, is it helping?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “I already did the work to cope with my time in the military years ago. The problem isn’t my military trauma, the problem is that my best friend is in prison and the constant anxiety is dredging up old wounds.”

Your eyes narrowed, aware that he was definitely doing a light psych eval of you in that brain of his. You half expected him to start spouting exactly what was happening in your brain that was causing the increased frequency of your episodes, but it never came.

“Will you keep going, for me?”

“Sure, but only because you asked. And if Luke says anything about it you can’t tell him I don’t think it’s working.”

“Deal,” the light banter was the most normal thing that had happened to you since bringing Spencer home from Mexico.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“I know you’re a super genius and everything, but do you ever feel like you weren’t cut out for the BAU even though you were groomed for it?”  

“Yeah, I had to get waived on every physical part of training and failed my gun certification an embarrassing number of times even after I was hired. I wouldn’t have gotten the job if Gideon didn’t do some serious vouching for me. Do you… do you feel like that?” You thought it was ironic that Spencer was concerned for you when he was the one in jail.

“Out of everyone in my class at the Academy, Rossi and Hotch picked me. There were at least four other agents that were better at profiling than I was, I was not the obvious choice. My entire career has been defined by joining the BAU and yet I still get hit with some serious imposter syndrome, especially since you’ve been gone. Sometimes I wonder where I would have ended up if I hadn’t been picked, what kind of agent I’d be.”

“You would have ended up with the Hostage Rescue Team,” you knew Spencer was a know-it-all, but you were surprised at his confidence and quick response.

“How do you figure?” you questioned, watching the tips of his ears turn red as he blushed.

“Garcia and I overheard Hotch and Rossi talking about you when they came back from recruiting. We did some… ‘spelunking’ and found your file.”

“Anything juicy in there?” you teased, thoroughly amused at the image of Spencer and Penelope huddled around her desk investigating you.

“No. It said you were ex-military and had been psychologically discharged. We didn’t dig deeper into that, but I could see signs of anxiety the first time I met you so it wasn’t really going to be a secret anyways.”

“Fair, so how did you know about Hostage Rescue?”

“There was a note from their unit chief that they wanted you. It makes sense, you passed the field tests in the Academy with flying colors and you’re exceptional in the field. You would do really well on a tactical team.”

“In theory, until I have a panic attack and get thirty people killed,” you joked, “they probably asked Hotch to take me because I’d have the smallest chance of being a liability in the BAU.”

“Actually, Hotch said he liked how you had approached the exercise they had given you.”

You remembered that day like it was yesterday, Hotch and Rossi had come into your class with the bare bones of a case: an abducted child in a mall a week following a prior abduction of a similar nature. As a collective you had to solve the case, asking the right questions to get the information you needed from the two Supervisory Special Agents.

Your previously mentioned classmates that had a knack for profiling were quick to build a few theories and get a bit more information, including a glimpse of the girl on a security camera, but there were still a lot of missing pieces. Something about the whole thing felt off to you, so you finally spoke up.

“What if it was someone in her family?” Your classmates looked at you in confusion, a few of them jumping up to reiterate the evidence against your suggestion. “I see your point, and I’ll support the group if you still think I’m wrong, but hear me out. There’s evidence of the abduction being personal. I don’t think it’s related to the prior case at all.”

“The family has been with us the whole time,” one of your classmates argued.

“The father?” someone else suggested.

“No, not him,” your brain was working hard, “I think it was the aunt, Susan.”

“Well done, Agent,” you heard Agent Hotchner over the clamor of the room at your suggestion.

“Do you want to back up your theory?” Rossi asked once your classmates had settled down.

“Her husband shows signs of grooming Katie: he knows more about his niece than he does his own kid. If his wife noticed, she might be trying to protect her family. She was probably ashamed that her husband was a pedophile, her son had a record, and her marriage was falling apart. Susan already said she worked retail in a mall, even if she didn’t work at this mall she’d at least have knowledge of how malls work and where she could hide a body. The abduction from the previous week would have given her something to pin Katie’s disappearance on, and Katie would have trusted her enough to go somewhere without an obvious struggle.”

“Bingo, Agent…?” Rossi looked at you for your name.

“(y/l/n),” you offered.

“Susan took her own pain out on Katie. Our agents were able to recover Katie’s body and resuscitate her, and both Susan and her husband were brought into custody.”

Later, as class was dismissed, you were approached by the two men.

“What was it that made you look deeper into the family as suspects?” Hotch had asked.

“I just had a feeling, sir,” you told him honestly.

“What kind of feeling?” Rossi seemed genuinely interested in what you were saying.

“A gut feeling. I know we’re supposed to use the facts, and all the facts were presenting themselves as becoming a serial abduction, but it just didn’t feel right to me. When I started exploring other possibilities the relevant evidence jumped right out.”

“Sometimes we get cases with barely enough information to make decisions from. Following instincts can lead to breakthroughs that solve the whole case. Keep up the good work,” Hotch shook your hand before walking away with Rossi right behind him.

“Yeah, I went out on a limb with that one. I’ll tell you about it later,” you shook your head, knowing you didn’t have enough time to tell Spencer the whole story. He was quiet for a minute, glancing around the room before he spoke again.

“If I can’t get out of here, I think you should look into transferring to Hostage Rescue.”

“You’re not serious, are you? You’re getting out of here. I’m seeing to it personally,” you said it like it was a fact. His face told you he wasn’t kidding.

“Let me ask you this- if I’m found guilty at my trial, how are you going to take it?”

You wanted to tell him you would be fine and continue to fight for his freedom, but you both knew there was a reason your therapist wasn’t clearing you for field work that would only get worse if your best friend had to serve upwards of 25 years in jail.

The BAU without Spencer Reid just wouldn’t be the same BAU you fell in love with when Hotch and Rossi had hired you all those years ago.

“Do you really think the brass would approve a transfer to an anti-terrorism tactical unit when I can’t even get cleared for field work now?” you countered.  

“I do. Your coping mechanisms are well developed. If you separate yourself from the BAU… and me… I think you could pass their psych eval just fine. And everyone knows your tactical skills are off the charts, even after you’ve taken time off.”

“You’re not a very good genius if you think you can get rid of me that easily,” you were quick to point out, “even if I did transfer, I’d still be here as much as possible. Penelope wouldn’t let me cut myself off that easily from the rest of the team either.”

“Just think about it, please.”

You sighed, “I’ll think about it, but I’m still holding out that we’re proving your innocence and you and I will be back to our shenanigans in no time.”

“I’m looking forward to it. How’s my mom doing?”

“She’s been ok, I visit every day and JJ usually comes with me. Cassie’s been really great for her,” you told him.

“Good, will you tell her I-“

“Prisoners line up!” a guard yelled.

“Will you tell her I love her?” Spencer said quickly as he stood. You nodded, watching as he lined up with the other inmates and walked away.

As you left the prison you told yourself you were never getting used to this, and you were going to start working double time on proving Spencer’s innocence. There was no family like your BAU family, and whoever had framed Spencer was not going to destroy that so easily.

[some-dr-writings]

Rantaro x Fussy SHSL Model Reader: A Reunion

You and Rantaro had been best friends for as long as you could remember. You two had been together for everything whether it be holidays, weekdays, anything really. You also always supported one another like when you had to get surgery after fracturing your arm or helping Rantaro search for his lost sisters. Because the two of you were always together you were like another member of the Amami family, so you were great friends with his little sisters, like another older sibling. That was probably where you got your fussy tendencies. They were also the reason you became a model. The Amamis were rather rich so, they could have easily sent people out to search, but likely if word of the girls’ disappearances got out, someone would find at least one of them and hold her for ransom. Another reason was Rantaro’s parents weren’t exactly ever really around so in all honesty you weren’t exactly sure if they cared about their daughters going missing. But Rantaro and you cared. So, you became a model. If you got famous enough, you’d be well known around the world and maybe Rantaro’s sisters would see you, recognize you and try to contact you. That was your hope at least. But over the years as Rantaro kept traveling and you getting busier and busier with work, you slowly lost contact with one another.

Your goal was eventually reached though, or at least it was a sign you were heading in the right direction. You had gotten scouted and was asked to join Hope’s Peak Academy as the Super High School Level Model. You accepted without a second thought. In all this time, you never forgot your true goal. It was the only thing that kept you going down this path, even all the difficulties and hard work, with seeing and occasionally being forced to partake in the darker side of the modeling industry. There were some nights where you just wanted to quit and never look back, but not knowing of another subtle way to get well known in the mainstream you pressed on. It was practically guaranteed that anyone who went to Hope’s Peak would be known the world over or at least in their industry. You had to attend, you just had too.

It felt surreal going back to school. You ended up being homeschooled after modeling since the schedule was too restrictive. This was a rather refreshing change of pace. You were hardly ever there focusing on your modeling work, but on the rarer occasions you were there it was rather lovely. So relaxed. No posing for hours on end, no having to follow all orders and demands given, no creeps, no people judging you for your looks… kind of. You were a model so it was only natural it would happen.

Because you so rarely got to go to school you never really got to connect with your classmates but at least they were nice to you. You didn’t exactly have friends here, just acquaintances. And so, you were left to your own devices. Which included eating on your own at lunch.

One of the many good things about Hope’s peak is that because the school was solely dedicated to cultivating talent you were able to get rid of some of your coaches, particularly your diet one, since as the Super High School Level or Ultimate you should be able to do this on your own, so you finally had a proper excuse to get rid of them so you could actually eat healthy and not starve yourself! Sure, you’d have to exercise more but if it meant actually getting to be full sometimes you didn’t mind at all!

There you sat in the grassy courtyard, simply watching as students meandered about. The sun beamed down from that cloudy sky as a cool autumn breeze rolled past carrying along some warm colored, crisp leaves with it. You nibbled away at your meal more so lost in thought than truly savoring the taste and textures you had long ago abandoned for not being approved of by your coach. It was rarer to have a moment like this. A moment to just sit back with absolutely nothing on your to-do list. You could… just do anything.

…

“Huh? Don’t tell me that’s all you’re going to eat.” That voice! “Rantaro!? When did- what!?” He simply chuckled seeing your baffled reaction. “Here, have some of mine.” “Wait! No! Hold on! Firstly, you’re attending Hope’s Peak too. Secondly, how have you been. Thirdly, when did you start sitting next to me. Fourthly… I’ve missed you.” He passed you his lunch box before looking out to the courtyard like you had been moments ago. “I’m fine, and I missed you too. As for when I got here, maybe a minuet ago?” “You’re just as laid back and relaxed as always it seems.” “Yeah, maybe so.” “You don’t even button up your blazer! Rantaro we’re at school, please have some decorum at this prestigious place.” “Huh? Speak for yourself, your blazer is unbuttoned too.” “I’m a model, so fashion or something. I have an excuse! I doubt your talent would let you get away with this without getting scolded or something.” “Yeah, I guess Ultimate Traveler title doesn’t give me such liberties.” You set about fixing his blazer, temporarily ignoring the food.

Neither of you said a word about it, but… somehow, despite the years, this moment was exactly like when you were kids. Like nothing had changed at all.

“Okay, now that I’m dolled up, please eat.” “Okay, okay! Geez.” “Guess I’ll have to start making lunch for you myself if you eat so little.” “Excuse me! But… that…” You looked rather sheepish, mumbling your next words, almost ashamed by your next statement. “was actually the most I had eaten in a while.” For a moment Rantaro stared at you before his expression shifted to one you had seen a thousand times before. The look he gave you whenever you wanted to do something reckless, the look he had asking you if the surgery on your arm went well, the look he gave you when you told him of your plan to become a model to find his sisters and he explained how some of his sisters wanted to do so and in doing research for them he learned how strenuous and tough it could be. His concerned yet understanding expression. His brows slightly furrowed, posture a little slouched, his hands held together toward his face, often his chin resting on them. “Model work that rough, huh.” “It’s getting better. Right now, I’m working toward being able to eat a little more each day without gaining too much too quickly. It’s a slow process but soon I should be able to have a proper, full meal again!” “There’s that determination. Seems you haven’t changed much yourself.” He smiled and seemed to relax. Especially so once he saw you eating, humming in delight at his cooking. “Ah. I forgot how good your cooking is!” “I’m just glad you enjoy it so!”

“This takes me back. Remember how we’d make lunch for your sisters before school? It was always so fun! And chaotic since they all always wanted different things and would change their mind AS we were cooking.” “… Yeah, it was.” It pained you seeing how his voice withdrew becoming solemn. “So… have you found any of them?” “No, not yet. And you?” “Unfortunately, not…” Resting you chin in one of your hands, you sighed, looking out at the horizon. “Maybe I’m unrecognizable to them now. I’ve lost so much weight.” You placed a hand on your stomach. “I don’t get to wear my preferred clothes, the style they’d be used to seeing on me, when at photo shoots.” You pinched the fabric of your button up shirt and pulled it out a little. “So much makeup is caked onto me because of those swelteringly bright lights.” You placed a hand on your cheek. “My hair had been changed so many times, even I don’t remember that it’s my own sometimes. Feels like some cheaply mad wig when so much hair spray is placed on.” You ran a hand through your hair pulling it all back for a moment. “It’s been years so all that plus being older and more mature looking doesn’t help. I’m surprised you recognized me Rantaro. You even mentioned my determined look. Even without it you knew I was me. Maybe I am still recognizable, somehow…” “Maybe, but I have been following you since your career started so that probably helps.” “Even after we stopped texting and calling?” “Yeah, have a look.”

He took out his phone, quickly logged in to an account on some social media platform and passed it to you. Instantly you recognized the account name. “Y/N#1fanboy!? Excuse me, but that’s you!?” “Yep.” “The account that retweets, reblogs, everything I’m in!?” “Yep.” “Even the smallest of jobs!” “Yes.” “The account that famously is able to without a doubt disprove any bad press about me!?” “Yeah.” “THE account that has saved my butt more times than I can count!” “Your welcome” Your mind sputtered not believing this revelation and having no idea how to react. “I… You… What… Wh… WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER TELL ME!?” “… Oh, I guess it never crossed my mind.” “OH. MY. GOODNESS RANTARO! HOW ARE YOU SIMULTANEOUSLY THE SMARTEST AND MOST OBLIVIOUS PERSON I KNOW!” “Would you have believed me if I told you, though?” “NO! But you could have sent a picture or something! Or if not you have had an ‘I told you so’ moment right now! We could have been still… well I still would have been busy, but it would have been nice to know you didn’t forget about me!” “… That hurts.” He placed a hand on your head and lightly ruffled your hair. “You thought I could ever forget my best friend, or my crush.”

“… Your… Your what now?”

“My best friend?” “Enough with the teasing smile! The other thing, your crush!?” Your cheeks were flushed as you stared slack jawed at the man. Did he seriously just confess to you, in the most nonchalant way he could? “Yeah, I had a crush on you since we were kids but back then I was too embarrassed to tell you.” He gently laughed at himself as your mind just froze. “… And you decided to just drop this out of the blue!?” “Yeah. You’ll probably go back to work soon, so I better tell you now before I lose this chance.” “I… Excuse me, but WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!?” “Huh? Like what?” “YOU! Just… This is just like when we were kids all over again.” You buried your face in your hands, not prepared for this at all. “There, there. Take your time.” He placed a hand on your back and gently rubbed it.

“So… you uh… wanna go on a date?” “You’d go on a date with me?” Before you could respond he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a side hug. “I’d love too!” “Okay! But, uh… I’m not sure what to do. That’s actually what I was thinking of before you got here. This is the first time in a long time I had a day off from work, and now that I have it, I have no idea what to do with it.” “I can see that. Modeling work is demanding, you probably don’t have much time for yourself.” “Yeah.” “Want to just hang in my dorm room and play video games or just read? I’ve found some good books on my travels.” “That… sounds absolutely lovely.”

Quickly your mind wandered to the days ahead. Sighing in defeat you leaned your head onto Rantaro’s shoulder. “Although, if we start dating you know we can’t spend much time together, right?” He pulled you a little bit closer. “I know. Doesn’t make me like you any less.” “I just want to make sure. This can’t exactly be a typical relationship.” “Even if you weren’t a model this still wouldn’t be. I’d still be traveling, retracing my steps, trying to find my sisters. Finding them…” He paused for a moment truly considering his next words. They were true, without a doubt so, he shouldn’t hold back. “That’s my top priority. What kind of big brother or partner would I be if I left only you to work hard, trying your best to find them.” Your blush darkened hearing him call you that. “I travel a lot too for photo shoots. Even if we stay in contact, we’ll probably be in different time zones.” “Likely…”

You didn’t see it, but Rantaro looked down to you, his expression twisting to something serious. “But I’ll find a way. I have too this time.” You noticed the new tone he took on, the power, that deep rumbling in his voice. “This time?” “… I’m not that great of a guy. First, I lose my sisters, every single one, and then I lose you too.” “Hey.” You sat up and look him directly in the eyes. “No pity party. That’s just pathetic. We both lost contact with one another. The burden is not entirely yours alone.” “Y/N, you had work. Work you didn’t even like, but you kept at if for my sisters. You were busy trying to reach out to them the best way you thought how. I at least could have let you know I was supporting you.” “Rantaro. Stop it. This is just annoying!” You placed your hands on his shoulders, holding him at arm’s length. “Don’t dwell on the past! All we can do is move forward!” “You’re right. And moving forward, I won’t let go of you again. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. I want you around, I want you in my life. I could have before, but I just didn’t. But not anymore. I’m not going to lose any more people I care about.”

You smirked taking one of his hands into your own. “So, that’s your birthday wish.” “… Birthday wish.” “Oh my fudge, don’t tell me you forgot your birthday.” “… I did. But! Even if I did remember, that would not be it. This is a declaration. I will do this. I’m not going to lose you again. And… if I find my sisters, I’m not going to let go of them either.”

It was then those bells chimed.

You stood up, dragging Rantaro up with you. “You say you’re not that great of a guy, but you want and are trying to improve. I think that’s admirable.” You quickly straightened out and unwrinkled Rantaro’s uniform before picking a leaf off his head and tidying his unruly hair. “And don’t act like we’re in a competition to find your sisters.” You intertwined your fingers with his. “Let’s work together this time. On searching for them, and improving our communication skills, alright?” “… Yeah, I’d love too.”

[ey8508]

Rumors & Secrets LZ [触不可及]

[The years are long, and it is worth the wait.]

Note:

R&S for this card (CG above)

Chapter SPOILERS up to chapter 35-36 (read on your own risk)

Contains 5 chapters

Translation isn’t 100% accurate (or grammar error)

This is mostly in another Time Observer POV that recently joined the unit.

Do not repost to any other site (reblog is fine)

Chapter 1

Page 1

"Humans live not only in one world, but in millions of worlds and hundreds of billions of worlds. Each world has its historical evolution and its established trajectory."

"The work of the Space and Time Administration is to observe the evolution of different worlds on all timelines and maintain their stable operation."

One hundred years ago, I stood in the hall of the Space and Time Administration to deliver my inaugural speech. At that time, my passion was still there, and I had unlimited imagination about the future of being a time observer.  However, the expression of the man sitting behind the long table was very indifferent. He listened to me without a word, and then looked at Zero standing behind me.

"This kind of reception for new people will not be used to find me in the future."

Page 2

"In any case, you have assumed the responsibility of leading the Space and Time Administration." Zero shrugged and smiled, "This is our agreement."

He frowned and turned to me again.

"Why do you want to be a time observer?"

"Because this is what I see in the future." I froze and answered truthfully.

"It seems that you are well-suited for this job."

"Why do you say that?"

Page 3

The man didn't answer. He glanced at me, his voice did not give emotions, "Welcome to the Space and Time Administration."

Although he said it, his expression wasn't welcoming at all.

Zero seems to have become familiar with the scene in front of him. He took me out of the way. Taking me around and introducing my responsibilities as a time observer.

"I think you should know that the Space-Time Administration is an observation agency independent of all forces."

"Our task is to maintain the path of each space-time unit to follow the trajectory destined for reincarnation, which is not suitable for the imbalance of the universe."

Page 4

I nodded. It ’s not much time for Evolver, I am one of the few who can get here. One of the people who became time observers, this makes me both happy and proud.

After all, the world I live in was devastated by war ten years ago, and my family died because of it. I once eagerly shuttled between different timelines to find ways to change the future. But after learning about the existence of time observers, I realized that even if I looked at countless kinds of past and future, I could not change their destiny or change the destiny of this world.

Each individual is nothing more than a screw that maintains the world's orbit, and once it becomes loose, someone will tighten it.

Page 5

In the end, I came here, outside of this huge machine, and got rid of the destiny of making a part.  But when I looked up at the vast and endless stars and the infinite universe outside the dome, I still felt small.

"Eternal things are the everlasting truth." I can only comfort myself like this.

Zero stopped and looked back at me.

"You are still young and do not understand the pain of the word eternal."

Chapter 3

Page 1

"Eternal life means eternal loneliness". It took me a long time to understand the meaning of this sentence.

But that is another hundred years later.

On the observatory, the rotation of the planet is as usual.  Day after day, I record the observed data and calculate the possible path branches on each timeline and their impact on the future.  In such a monotonous business, I can hardly feel how slow time passes and how long it is for a hundred years.

Page 2

Occasionally, the man named Li Zeyan will come here.  Even if he saw me, he just nodded slightly, beckoning, and then quietly stared at the planet on the observatory.  I noticed that his eyes were only on one observation object.

As he came more and more, I gradually guessed what it was - it's his hometown world.

In that world, extreme weather and frequent natural disasters are happening, human beings are suffering, but this is just the beginning.  I investigated the previous observation data and was surprised to find that the world should have disappeared before I arrived here, but now it is still breathing in a strange way.

Page 3

A subtle sound slipped across the ear.  Another planet on the screen of the observation room is slowly falling.  This represents another possibility for this world to perish, and there is no turning point.  I looked at the silent man in front of me, and there was a trace of pity in my heart.

But it doesn't matter. Time is the best at consuming people's patience. He will understand in the next decade, a century, a thousand years, that the world is just one of our many observation objects.  At the end of endless time, the only thing we can't do is change the past that doesn't belong to us.

Page 4

For some time after this, I was sent to my home world to perform an observation mission. Decades before the current timeline, an unexpected change occurred. Although its impact was negligible, we have decided to go back to that point of time to make corrections and ensure future trends is foolproof.

The light beams gathered in front of my eyes, my vision gradually recovered, and familiar buildings and streets came into view.  This is where I grew up.  A group of pigeons took off from the dome covered with vines. In the sound of flapping wings, I stepped on the quiet street at night, and there was a trace of nostalgia.

Page 5

This is still what I remember.  It's just that it won't take long for human civilization to be destroyed in a war of fratricide.  I easily found the target building, pushed open the door and walked up the stairs, dived into the study, and took a letter of ink on the table as planned.  When the owner of this house comes back, he may only think that the letter has been blown away by the wind, or that it has been cleaned up by careless servants. No one will think that this small change will shake the destiny of the whole world.

On the way back, I thought absently. If he can come back in time, even a minute, everything might be different.

Page 6

The brilliant meteor swept a mark in the night and lit the sky above.  In this time and space, on the beach dozens of kilometres away, my family is gathering together, waiting excitedly for the meteor swarm tonight.

Although a few years later, they will die of an unstoppable disaster.

Unable to stop...

A strange thought suddenly filled my heart.

If I try again, if I go back to the past, the disaster that changed my life may not happen.

Page 7

I was taken aback by my thoughts, but my nerves shuddered with tension and excitement.  The point of change with the smallest error after accurate calculation has been deeply imprinted in my mind.  I have completed this observation task, as long as I turn the clock back one more time, and make a slight change to my past

Chapter 2

The dazzling white light swallowed me up and down the boundless space.  A powerful vortex swept me into it.

Page 1

When consciousness regained, I found myself lying on the floor of the observation room.  There was faint tingling in the limbs and torso. I slowly opened my eyes and found that the man named Li Zeyan was standing in front of me.  Fortunately, the rest of the life after the disaster rushed into my heart. I stood up strenuously and realized what I just experienced: I violated the rules and arbitrarily crossed the timeline, so I was accidentally caught in the crack of the space that exists between the worlds.  And there is no doubt that Li Zeyan saved me.

"I think following the rules is your instinct as a time observer.”

He frowned and looked at me, who was almost powerless, with a cold voice.

Page 2

"Thank you for saving me." I lowered my eyes to avoid his gaze. "This time the observation mission was completed, but the situation happened on the way back."

I never talk about my selfishness.  The fear of being engulfed and torn apart still seems to remain on my senses, and I secretly admonished myself that I would never risk a second time.

"Saving my subordinates is also one of my duties here."

"I'm not interested in your unauthorized actions. There is only one piece of advice. Don't do anything beyond your ability." He easily pierced through my lies.

Page 3

The expressionless look on his face made me feel ashamed and even angry.

"Don't you have the same idea as me? It's just that you haven't had time to take action."

"I kindly remind you that all of this is meaningless."

"Your view and Zero are exactly the same"

I don't understand the meaning of his sentence, and he obviously was also reluctant to explain more and walked straight out the door.

"No matter how many times you try, the ending will not change, what is the point of doing this?"

Page 4

My tone increased involuntarily. He turned around and looked at me calmly.

"Why are you asking me about your meaning?"

I was stunned.

It wasn't until a burst of kindness broke the deadlocked silence that I slowly recovered, not knowing whether to ask him or myself.

On the observatory, another planet is slowly falling.  We all know what this represents.

Page 5

He didn't speak anymore, and his eyes were always on the increasingly dim trail, and he hadn't moved away for a moment.

Page 6

The days of the Space and Time Administration will continue as usual. I wonder if it is because of him that I pay more attention to his hometown world.  It's just that no matter how long in the past, the life curve that symbolizes that world is still trapped in a black shadow, and the outline becomes more and more subtle and difficult to distinguish.

What else will that world experience?  earthquake?  Tsunami?  Or is it war?  These are not surprising, no matter how many possibilities are derived, these path branches will only reach the same ending.

Page 7

I don't understand why he chose to go back. Once he returns to that world, his fate is at stake.

I rubbed my temple and recorded today's observations.

On the observatory, a piece of light was spreading quietly, like thousands of trickle streams slowly penetrating, gradually surrounding the planet.

I saw something was wrong, and then realized something, immediately jumped from the observation platform and ran to his office.

Page 8

"When I was just observing your hometown, I saw an anomaly that had never appeared before" Every time I stood in front of him, I was extremely nervous.

"To draw an analogy, it is like a tiny path bifurcation on a straight road."

"Of course, there is a great possibility that this path bifurcation is a dead end, or it will soon be merged into its original orbit"

"Wait, where are you going!"

Chapter 4

Page 1

Long ago, Lianyu City became an isolated island disconnected from the outside world, a place other than Li Zeyan, even time observers could not freely enter and exit.  Zero can’t interfere with the abnormalities on this timeline, and can only warn him time and time again, if he ignores the rules of the world, he is destined to pay the price.

Every time he uses the ability in the future, he will cause a huge loss to himself and to the time he has.

Page 2

In the worst case, he stopped the time to block the stray bullet that should have taken the girl ’s life, but this action caused a huge backlash to himself.  However, Li Zeyan doesn't care about this price, or rather than the price, he is more concerned about whether he can prevent the death of the girl in every unpredictable future.

"Have you ever thought that the accident you are looking for is based on the prerequisite of "necessity"?"

"At least only in the Space and Time Administration can you repair your abilities. You know this better than me."

"How long will I stay there?"

Page 3

"Based on the time scale of the Space and Time Administration, ten thousand years."

"But you can rest assured that even if you still intend to return to that world after the deadline, the time flow rate there will be just a month."

"But stay here, you can continue to look for that ending."

"People standing on the shore will see the flow of the river more easily than fish in the water, will they?"

At that moment, full of hope and courage, I crossed the timeline again without hesitation.

This time, he accepted Zero's invitation.

Page 4

After a long wait, this unusual observation may be the possibility he has been looking for.

Successive collapses of time and space fragments drunk from him, trying to drive away this intruder who does not belong here.  He could hardly breathe, the air around him seemed to be pumped away, and huge gravity pressed against his body.

The broken picture flashed through his eyes like a streamer.  Sagging and collapsing surface, every step forward of the city submerged by the sea, he saw the unchangeable future and past that he had witnessed countless times.

Page 5

Li Zeyan's throat rolled, he was silent for a long time, his eyes fell on the flashing pictures.

He saw the girl sleeping fast on his shoulder, the blanket on his body slowly slipping from his shoulder, and the snowflakes outside the window were silently pouring wine to the ground.

He saw that he raised his hand trembling and thrust the knife into the girl's body.

These happiness and pain are indeed facts of existence, and even every death, he vividly remembered.

But in this vast and incredible space, there was still a tiny flash of light that attracted him to move forward.

Page 6

This is the meaning of him coming here.

His pupils gradually dilated, his eyes flashing in disbelief and joy.

That was a picture he had never seen.

More and more dense star clusters converge at one point, like thousands of white flames, in the expanding expanse of nebula, a small beam of light becomes grand to illuminate the infinite universe, covering the increasingly dim blue planet.

The white crown slowly fell on the girl's head, and the thin shadow almost turned into a phantom in the white light.

Page 7

Li Zeyan opened his lips, and subconsciously wanted to call her name, but could not make a sound anyway.

He raised his hand and wanted to touch her figure.  In countless attempts, her back passed away through his fingers like sand.

The shadow of the pendulum hanging overhead fell behind him, leaving only the faint light of starlight on the ground.  In the silent time corridor, there was only the sky, the night, and the aperture that fell when the pendulum wobbled.

"It doesn't matter." For a long time, he slowly withdrew his hand and whispered, "We will meet again."

Page 8

"I will not leave you alone. Never."

Chapter 5

Since that day, anomalous observations of that world have never occurred.  I began to wonder if this was my own illusion.

I even regretted telling Li Zeyan about that observation.

"I thought he would change his mind when he came here." After knowing what happened, Zero finally stared at the closed door of time and space and sighed deeply, "Only with him, I cannot verify the inevitability of time."

Page 2

Somehow, I remembered myself at the time.  At the moment of opportunity, I also desperately wanted to go back to the past.  But I don't have the strength he has, and the courage to endure failure and despair again and again.

We all know that he will come back, but we are not sure whether he will return empty-handed.  Maybe he did see something different on a certain path, but no matter how the process differed, the world he looked at was destined to be bleak and toward destruction.

Page 3

The dawn and dusk lines follow the laws of the universe, and the light slowly crosses the horizon and the light floats on the edge of the earth like fog.  I couldn't help but reach out and touch the tall French window behind me.  I want to know whether sitting here can really feel the distant and warm particles, and whether the warmth really makes people so attached, making him willing to go alone for this, and use the rest of the long, endless life to look for that little possibility.

Page 4

In the darkness, a heavy and slow footstep sounded from the depths.

In front of the door of time and space, Zero has been waiting there for a long time.

Page 5

"You're back."

Zero quietly looked at the man with a weary look on his face him, "It seems that you have found the ending you want."

"But I must remind you that the unknown and unexpected are more terrifying than the visible future."

"Only unknown and unexpected can bring hope."

"But why did you choose such a road? Even if it is a raw road, it is too narrow, so narrow that only one person can pass through."

"Indeed, your observations have never gone wrong."

Page 6

"But you are wrong. The person who can save the world is not me, it is her."

"As for myself and only mine-" his voice was very quiet, without shaking at all, "I know my ending line better than anyone and how much pain I can bear."

"I would rather take the risk."

Zero looked at him without a word, and sighed heavily for a long time.

"Time is up"

Page 7

"I still hope you will stay, at least, and will come back here."

Li Zeyan didn't speak, staring down at the pocket watch in his palm, and the reversed pointer was getting closer to the moment of zero.

He has been waiting here for too long.  Heavy bells knocked on the door of time and space and restarted again under the hook of countless hands and gears.  Under the swaying starlight, Li Zeyan turned around and walked through the dark walkway without hesitation. The clock hand shook off the dust accumulated by countless hours, disappeared behind the gradually closed gate.

Page 8

In a silence, Zero turned around, staring at the ripples in the air, and the ears still seemed to echo the last words of the man.

"Not to mention... because of the hope of seeing that world, I always think that the most rugged road is the best road."

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 120

120

There were moments in life Lance sorely wished he could go back and change. There were moments he wished would last longer, and moment when he wished time would speed the hell up. A five way fussing was one of those moments. Rieva, Hunk, Curtis, Shiro and Keith. The four biggest worriers known to man kind, were now stressing him out to the point he was he was glad to be exhausted. Rieva fussed the moment they got home. Curtis fussed because he was Curtis. And Hunk fussed over the fact they needed to go food shopping thanks to the lack of fresh food in his fridge. A trip he wasn’t allowed on, left to watch as Keith was dragged away, trying to argue that he should stay with Lance. In a way, he didn’t want Keith to go, and in another way he hoped Hunk would be able to comfort his boyfriend.

Forced to sit on his sofa, he was snobbed by Blue, Blue instead meowing her discontent to Kosmo, who insisted she was something he needed to groom. The moment he was free of two worriers, Rieva was there putting his legs up and asking if she could get him anything. Curtis had kept his worry limited to worried looks directed at him. Lance still trying to process there was two “macaroons” in his stomach. Shiro seemed on edge, Keith may have slightly cried over the twins on the way home, assuring him he was “relieved” and “processing” and “not mad”. Kind of like a person would when they were the opposite of those things. Rieva fetching him a blanket and insisting he rested pit Curtis on guard. Lance not very good at keeping secrets as it seemed, snapping at his friend to “leave him because he was pregnant and not dying”. At least he didn’t spring it on them all it was twins.

Yeah. He’d put his foot in it. Curtis went into “Full Curtis Mode”, a blood bag brought to him, as well as going about checking he didn’t have a fever and that the blisters on his feet were indeed healed... By the time Keith and Hunk came back, Lance was buried under a pile of blankets on the sofa, trying to “nap out” his friends, unsuccessfully he might have due Curtis asking him what felt like a million questions over his “condition”. Of all the times he’d turned into a bat, now would have been the time to channel that feeling, only when he tried Curtis seemed to think he was in pain.

Things didn’t improve when Shiro went back to Platt. Keith lost the support and distraction of his brother, while Lance lost the will to go against them all. Fucking Keith had told them all how Lance needed fresh blood, then forced his hand into Lance’s mouth mid yawn. He was officially on a feeding schedule, Keith setting alarms on both his damn phones. Coran had said to rest, but how was he supposed to rest when the others were shoving love down his throat every waking moment? When the day of his next scan rolled around, his friends decided that they needed to head to Platt to be with them and support them. He hadn’t even had a moments peace to tell Mami it was twins. He’d called her, then got distracted filling her in on Keith’s birthday weekend. Mami wanting to hear from the birthday boy himself, leading to them having this whole other conversation with Keith hanging up on the end of it. His boyfriend seemed determined to be okay with it being twins, while Lance just wanted to wallow peacefully in his undeath.

And then Krolia happened. He done gone fucked up with that one.

Annoyed over all the fuss and feeling crowded when all he wanted to do was experience the scan with Keith, Krolia had word that they were there. Not bothering with knocking, the woman blinked when coming face to face with 6 pairs of blinking eyes. Lance so annoyed, exhausted, and desperate to pee, he kind of maybe blurred out “I’m fucking pregnant. Either you’re staying for the scan or you’re getting out”. Whelp. She stayed, before disappearing off with Keith, Curtis, and Shiro. Rieva would have stayed with him, if he hadn’t told her to go call Matt and Pidge. Everyone might as well bloody know. He had the major crank, and Coran was the only one who didn’t seem affected by it. No. He chuckled over Lance’s mood, and Lance had finally enough. Storming off to the bathroom, he was still there when Coran came to fetch him.

Sitting in the end toilet stall, Lance found himself crying again. Hearing the heartbeats made it all so real. He’d already gone through half a roll of toilet paper when Coran knocked lightly on the stall door. Sniffling loudly seemed enough of a “welcome” for Coran to let himself in, despite Lance being quite sure he’d locked the door

“Oh, my dear boy. There’s nothing to cry about”

“I can’t fucking stop”

Which he couldn’t. He’d gone and got fiercely attached to those two little lives inside of him

“Oh. Oh, my boy. Hey, everything will be okay”

Coran hugged him tightly. Lance not bothering with the fact he was still sitting on the toilet as he hugged Coran just as tightly in return. He had his pants on, that was the main thing

“I feel like I’m going insane”

“Nonsense. You’re nothing of the sort. You’re adjusting, and that’s okay. You’re okay”

“But I’m not. Coran... I don’t think I’m okay”

“Lance, you will be. Why don’t you and me have a talk of our own? Hey? Just the two of us, like we used to?”

Lance snotted on Coran’s jacket, nodding as he ugly cried against the man who’d pretty much been the family he’d always wanted

“Please? I wanted to talk last time... but... it’s hard finding any time I’m left alone”

“You’re not one for feeling smothered. I’ll make us a nice spot of tea. Here, we’ll go downstairs and find somewhere nice for a long talk”

“Keith...”

“Never mind Keith. You leave him to me”

“He worries too much”

“He’s in love. And you’re both going through a lot. One baby is one thing, two is another, but we’ll talk about it somewhere nicer”

Lance nodded again, letting himself be drawn up by Coran

“You’re okay, my sweet boy. You’re okay. One foot after the other and we’ll be there in no time”

It wasn’t like Lance forgot there were therapy rooms at VOLTRON. It simply wasn’t something he thought about seeing it’d been a long time since he’d been down there for counselling. With an agency as important as the one Coran ran, all sorts of people came to him for help on a regular basis. Everything from hunter to werewolves were safe inside his walls. Coran settled them down in a small office like the office they’d met in when he was younger. They hadn’t always been so close to Platt, but Coran had always been there when they’d needed help working out how to have a vampire in the family.

Curling up in the corner of the sofa, Lance watched as Coran went about making tea. The fae humming some kind of tune to himself as self consciousness set in. He shouldn’t have snapped at Krolia. Krolia was there to see her son. How could she possibly have known what she was walking in on? He’d just felt so smothered and like his personal preferences weren’t being respected. Yeah. People knew babies usually came from sex, but that was something he liked keeping private. Being pregnant kind of felt like screaming that he was “doing the do” to everyone in the space.

Bring the tray of tea over, Coran dropped himself down next to him. Close enough to be felt, but far away enough that Lance felt he could breathe

“Are you feeling better?”

Lance wiped at his eyes, sighing more to himself over his behaviour than Coran questions

“A bit. I know the others care but... I haven’t been... doing that great mentally and their care has been too much to cope with right now. I feel so lost and un-me. I don’t even remember what I used to feel like”

“Would you like to tell me more?”

Lance nodded, the tension that’d left him highly strung finally felt like it was disappearing

“I love Keith. I love him and I want the best for him... but he didn’t sign up for twins. Curtis won’t stop fussing. Rieva is too enthused and insists on taking care of me. Hunk accepted it too easily. I wanted Keith to talk to Krolia in private and be able to tell her himself, in his own words and in his own way. I’m not supposed to be here. Pidge is still in the moon boot. I spent Keith’s birthday weekend bouncing from one extreme to another and I feel like I’ve hurt everyone in my life by existing. Plus, I’ve hardly been acting my age. It’s like since I met Keith I’ve turned into an idiot. I’m doing and saying things I’ve never done or felt. I feel territorial and my ego gets so mad over the smallest things. I wanted to work on myself and grow my relationship with Keith, and I was really looking forward to feeling useful getting back into work, especially when we both know what this time of year can be like. I don’t want to drink fresh blood. It makes me feel so fucking ashamed for needing it like I’ve never needed it before, then everyone cops my cocky ego until I fall asleep because I don’t feel rested thanks to everyone trying to manage my life around me instead of asking me how or what they can do to actually be there. I love them all so much. I know their hearts are in the right place, and all of them are important to me, but I can’t help feel they’re all stuck in a war their not supposed to know about. Plus if they’re not trying to figure out how to help Curtis, Rieva is researching Lotor with Matt. She’s so shaken by him that I feel like I put her in danger by having her near me. I don’t know how to be a dad. I don’t know how to have a baby. I don’t know how to have two and when I look at Keith, I want to throw everything out the window and all I want to do is feel better so he can breath easier... and now I’m talking too much about me and I’m just being really selfish and stupid right now. I should know better. I used to know better... I just want everything to stop so I can finally catch up”

Coran pulled him into an uncomfortable hug. Mostly because he was trying to look Lance in the eye but his body didn’t really bend that way with the angle of the hug

“You’ve always over thought everything in life. I remember the little boy who cried for the people who gave blood because you thought they must have been hurt for their to be so much blood. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I let you down by not prioritising working on stabilising your body and developing a contraceptive sooner. In the last six months you’ve have your brother attempt to have your life taken, then finally learned how good it feels to be accepted by more than those who knew your secret and loved you anyway. I care for a lot of vampires, werewolves, and humans, but you my boy will always be special in my heart”

God... if Coran didn’t have all the right words no one did. He loved this man, despite his weirdness and extremes, and his lack of personal boundaries

“I know you’ve been struggling with your mental health, and issues you had in the past accepting yourself, and I know you let it get to the point where you exhaust yourself and need a dirt nap. I remember the first time you had a test in college. You called me up to ask for my advice. I felt so proud you’d come to me... I was so very proud to see you following your own path. But I also saw how your heart hardened when you finally realised you had to leave your friends behind. I saw how guarded you became. How scared of society you felt. That fear that Nyma and Rolo were out there. All of these things cut you deeply. More deeply than any quintessence manipulation could heal. But even when you hit these lows, and trust me, this is a blip in comparison for your first lot of final exams, you always pulled yourself back and gripped that ego of yours. You sheltered yourself away. You’ve lived without letting yourself truly live and experience because no matter how much we adore you, you feel you have no right to exist. But you have every single right”

Lance sniffled loudly, before mumbling softly

“I’m scared of me”

“I know you are. I wish I could tear that fear from you”

“I don’t think I like being able to turn into a bat. Or drinking fresh blood... or releasing pheromones. I lasted so long and I was okay with everything, but... I couldn’t let Keith die. He’s a human”

“You did a very brave and silly thing, but also a very you thing. How many vampires do you think would save the hunter their to kill them?”

“Some would...”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps they’d feed then let them die. You showed Keith a great kindness”

“He’s honestly amazing. He used to be so timid. He didn’t feel wanted or loved. He felt suffocated too... sometimes his love scares me. It scares me that he could burn out before his time... He’s so fucking smart... then he gets upset because he didn’t graduate high school and doesn’t have a lot of money. I would give him the world if I could, but I don’t want him to feel like... like I’m trying to buy his love with gifts. I want him to be truly happy, because I’m happy when I’m with him but I’ve been bringing him down by not being well”

Coran rubbed his arm, Lance closing his eyes. He almost felt lulled, akin to the way Mami would rock him after he’d wake up screaming. She’d hold him tight. Her scent and warm skin against his cool body. Softly she’d rock him as she sung to him, reassuring him was loved

“It isn’t uncommon at all for the partner to feel guilt while watching their pregnant partner adjust. Keith would take it all on himself if he could”

“He’s still working out how to be accept that I’m not going to die, again. I just want him to accept he can’t fix this in any other way than existing”

“He carries a great number of wounds to his soul. He’s been left behind by the ones he loved. Perhaps counselling will help?”

Keith had to be ready. He’d come so far with being able to socialise that Lance was beyond proud. He loved when Keith talked in their group chat, or he’d make Lance wait a moment because he was replying to Pidge or Hunk.

“I think he’s ready to reconnect with Krolia, or make that really big step. I disrespected his feeling by telling Krolia... I’m tired of being fussed over. I barely feel rested because I drift off suddenly only to be woken up again, or I can’t switch my head off enough to sleep properly. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me on Monday, but I’ve been trying. I swear I’ve been trying to eat more and keep it down”

“I’m sorry. I was very much alarmed that you’d be dehydrated, and so ill. That and I was perhaps being a tad overbearing because you mean so much to me”

“I don’t know what to do. Keith and I are having twins, and I still feel like I need to work on me. I was struggling with my mental health a lot. Having a boyfriend is amazing, but the anxiety... I want to work out that balance between everything. I had it clear before. Mami. Pidge. Hunk. Blue. You and Allura. Work. Keeping Pidge and Hunk safe. Everything was defined”

“Everything was defined, and I know you were happy, but life can’t always be easily defined. Should I see about getting you a room to rest in here?”

That sounded amazing. Guilt bloomed at how good that sounded. Fuck... He was smart dumb. If he’d set an IV line up he could have slept and ate at the same time

“Everyone will worry”

“I am asking what you would like?”

“Keith would want to stay by my side”

He would. He couldn’t make this decision alone. It wasn’t fair on any of their group if he was making decisions that seemed to disregard the thoughts and feelings of others

“I think perhaps Keith also requires rest, and you two need to go have a hard talk. He will not be offended if you are honest with him”

“I know. I also love isn’t telling your partner what you think will keep the mood and happiness between you stable. That’s not a real relationship. I know I can tell him anything, but I know I feel so mixed up right now that I want to understand myself before I do explain... but... I also want to tell him everything and have him help me figure it out too, because we make a good team when we’re working together... then I feel like it’s my ego, and that I’m being selfish for wanting to have an honest conversation with him when I know he’s going to work out the answers for me before I do”

He missed the before. Before he felt so sick. He knew the symptoms would abate, but that was further down, and it’s not like he could make up for the now

“There’s nothing wrong with relying on Keith. He’d love to help you work through things. I’ve seen you both do so along the journey this relationship has taken, and I am confident you will get through this. I’ll have a bed readied. You may rest here as long as you need. I was going to ask if perhaps you and your friends would spend the night here for Halloween. For safety. I am not saying Sendak will make a move, but I felt perhaps they’d feel better knowing they’d have a safe place”

“What about Lotor?”

“Pish-Posh. He does not scare me. Not anymore, though I do worry for Allura. She’s making Lotor work on bettering himself. The incident with the opera was the last metaphoric straw. She’s bossed him into actively assisting the Blades, though he won’t hand over Sendak’s primary location. It is quite amusing to watch him humble himself before her”

“Allura is a queen. She’s amazing. Lotor should be grateful to kiss her boots”

Coran chuckled

“She is my pride and joy. The pair of you are. I love you as if you were my own”

“I love you too, Coran. I’m sorry I’m not... well, I’m not doing that good”

“You don’t need to apologise. Recognising something is wrong is a major step in making things right. You’ve always been more accepting of others than yourself. Now, let’s enjoy our tea, then we’ll have a nice break before finding our Keith and sitting down with him”

“Thanks for listening”

“Any time my boy. My phone has been awfully lonely without your calls”

“I know... I’m always getting caught up something or sleeping. It’s frustrating”

“Better than three months making grave soil?”

“I don’t know, at least I’d be able to sleep all I wanted”

Coran chuckled again

“You’ll be just fine, my boy”

[be-dazzled]

FT Rare Pairs Week 2020 Day 6

DAY 6: Fantasy Pairing: Rogue Cheney x Minerva Orland Part 1: Longing

Writer’s Corner: I really let go of myself with this one. I just loooove Roguerva. Took me a long time but the important thing is that yes, I made it. Hahaha. Last would be my Day 7 Entry, which is Navia. Please, look forward to it!

Masterlist

---

05:30 P.M.

Rogue could feel the rise of the embarrassment up his head. Everyone was looking at them, all those eyes trained at the little family coming into the front of the temple for a photo memorabilia. He wasn’t used to that kind of attention. He was a shadow, a cast hiding behind the darkness. No one ever paid attention to the shadow.

“Papa?”

Rogue’s down-casted eyes shifted to the little voice that called up to him – Raina, in her traditional kimono, a spitting image of the woman holding her hand; the other slender hand she offered to him. Rogue took it without hesitation, sheathing her small hands within his much larger ones. The thin line on her worried face broke into a wider grin. It was so contagious that Rogue caught himself also smiling.

“Next family please!”

Familiar with the surroundings, it was Kaname who led the faux family to their spots, arranging them under a decorated arc filled with colorful flowers and lanterns.

“Please stand in the middle.” The person behind the image-taker gestured towards the center, adjusting the figures to fit them into his monitor. “Just a little closer.” His gestures wanted the three to squeeze closer. The distance was translating into his lens and he didn’t mean it in the literal sense. The honey-haired young man scratched the back of his head, unsure how to say there was a lack of warmth he expected from a family. “A little bit closer.” Now, he was feeling uncomfortable as the ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ shot his way a menacing glare.

It was very tempting to just strike down the man with his dragon force. Has he any idea what he was asking of Rogue? Forcing the man to invade Ojuo’s personal space? No one even dared, not even the Guild Master, coming close to the woman. Then, suddenly, his internal one-sided battle was disrupted. He withdrew the menacing glare from the poor guy and glanced at Minerva who was now standing close next to him; so close that their shoulders brushed.

“Let’s not waste any more time.” She wasn’t looking at him but Rogue was sure she was talking to the dragon slayer.

“Y-yes, Ojuo.”

But brushing shoulders wasn’t enough.

“They are so shy.” The middle aged ladies giggled behind Kaname, prompting the caretaker to suggest that Rogue put his arm around his ‘wife’. The man was hesitant but Minerva was surprisingly reassuring that she wasn’t going to cut his arm off. So, freely, albeit nervously, Rogue put his arm around Minerva’s waist.

Then, flash. The white light nearly blinded the dragon slayer.

“Alright! Another one.” Because the kid was the only one smiling in the monitor. “I-if the couple w-wouldn’t mind.” He had to rethink that suggestion as an identical dark, murderous aura enveloped the “couple”.

“Yey! Another!” All thanks to the little ball of sunshine bouncing in excitement, the dark aura and the matching dagger looks quickly dissipated. “Mama and Papa should kiss now?”

“K-kiss?!” Rogue and Minerva had a shared expression on their faces: utter shock on the former; a slight mortification on the latter, to which Rogue took an offense. He wouldn’t dare do it but would it really hurt if Sabertooth’s ace didn’t act like kissing him was the grossest thing she was ever to do? Sure, it wasn’t the best idea but…

“Great idea, Miss Raina!” Kaname clapped her hands together, egging the young miss about her bright – crazy – idea.

“WHAT?!”

“Fro thinks so too!”

“Don’t encourage her, Frosch.” Rogue whisper-yelled at his Exceed.

“Don’t parents usually kiss?” The so called ‘parents’ looked down at the small dictator staring up at them, eyes rounded in that awfully cute pleading look. But both parents knew better. Her evil expression was telling, ‘I got you both falling in my trap.’

So evil!

Rogue wasn’t going to bite. He wasn’t born yesterday. Minerva, on the other hand… she wasn’t the kind of woman who would easily give in to pressure.

“They’re just probably shy around people.” One middle-aged woman suggested, making some excuse on their behalf.

“But they were so bold earlier in the changing room.”

Rogue was forced to recall that shameful, yet oddly titillating, experience in the family dressing room.

“But kissing is natural between married couples.”

The shadow dragon slayer wasn’t actually listening to the murmurs running around that middle-aged circle. He was too busy pushing the memory down the back of his mind to actually care. It had a weird way of raising the temperature and thinning the air around him. And he did not need any of those weird things messing up with his brain – and his innocent body.s

“We must… commit to our roles.”

Rogue hadn’t had the time – or the mental presence – to even decipher that code when suddenly Minerva had her slender fingers gripped at the collar of his own kimono, pulling him by it and crashing her lips against his.

It wasn’t as he expected. Not like he’d ever expected having to kiss Minerva. That thought never crossed his mind. But here he was now, his lips pressing against the woman’s – warm, soft, tender lips. He’d never given it any thought but kissing surprisingly felt really nice. He didn’t know what it was – a really good feeling, a sensation that made his head all fuzzy but also so focused on the woman right in front of him – that pushed him to dare, to step out of his comfort zone and shamelessly moved his lips over hers.

“T-t-that’s enough, Rogue.”

Minerva shoved him away, pulling him back to his senses. It got Rogue apologizing for what he tried to do; a little guilty and ashamed of himself for overstepping. But a part of him, that smallest part that was a bit more freeing, convinced Rogue he shouldn’t be sorry. But that part he’d always push at the back burner.

Rogue honestly didn’t know what came over him but that unexplainable feeling had him seeing things too, like the light blush that powdered Minerva’s cheeks rosy.

06:00 PM

No one spoke between them. They just continued weaving the Festival, led by the ever enthusiastic little dictator as she bounced amongst the crowd, holding a photo in her hands.

“Lady Raina sure looks energetic.”

“Yes.” Both Rogue and Minerva answered in unison, glancing at each other when they realized the sudden synchrony. Strange. Then, both swiftly looked away trying not to get caught. Minerva, however, was quicker to recover as compared to Rogue, who was still fighting the strange feeling warming his cheeks.

As they continue on foot, something caught the little lady’s attention, pulling her to a sudden halt. Her caretaker walked up beside, both palms planted on her knees as she read the announcement for her mistress’ sake.

“Look, Miss Raina, they’re having fireworks later tonight.”

Rogue wasn’t even that older than the young caretaker but she was acting more like the young miss as they both had a shared sparkle in their eyes, not the identical amused stares off the sign.

“Raina wants to see the fireworks!”

“Kaname too!”

“Fro three!”

Minerva, the voice of reason, quickly interrupted. “It’s a little late, Lady Raina. We need to return to your home as Rogue and I need to travel back by train.”

“Actually,” Kaname answered, her heart eyes glued to every word on the announcement, “the last train has left around four p.m.”

“What?!” Minerva’s dark green eyes uncharacteristically widened in shock and the coming trouble. “Why didn’t you inform us earlier?” It quite bothered her more than it should and it was showing. An expression no one would ever put next to the name Minerva – freaking out.

So, while Minerva was dealing with the surge of thoughts overloading her brain, the little devil seized the opportunity to make her move.

“Papa?”

Raina knew exactly how to play this and which parent to flash the expression no adult ever said ‘no’ to.

“Let’s see the fireworks together.”

“S-s-sure.”

07:59 PM

“You shouldn’t let a child dictate you, Rogue. You are the adult.”

Rogue respected the woman, he did. He really respected Minerva. He was somewhat the same as she was – reserved, rational and very sensible. But there were days when he wished that Minerva would loosen up a little. Like today.

“But, Ojuo–”

“–We shouldn’t answer nor tolerate a child’s every whim and capricious. They need discipline.” She continued lecturing the dragon slayer.

To Minerva, it was seizing an opportunity to call out her subordinates and correct their misconducts, well, misconduct in Minerva’s eyes. To the rest who didn’t know them, it was a picture of a wife lecturing her husband how to raise their child. It looked like the mistress was winning.

“If you let them take advantage of you like this, you can never demand from these wolves in sheep’s clothing.” She continued to a half-listening dragon slayer.

The reason for his scolding interrupted, unknowing of the position she put her father in.

“Look! They’re about to start.” She exclaimed, grabbing on the two adults and pulling the startled couple towards the gathering of people. The five of them grouped behind the protective railing and waited for the sparklers to light the evening sky.

“Maybe we should learn from these kids, Ojuo. There’s absolutely nothing wrong about stopping to smell the roses.”

Or in their case, watch some fireworks.

Minerva opened her mouth to shot back at the insolent dragon slayer, who took advantage of the brief silence to shame her. But the sound of the first cracker exploding into the dark sky stunned her briefly, transfixing her on the spot as all she could do was watch the magical shadow of the fireworks dance on the side of Rogue’s face. For a moment and for some unknown reason, Minerva could hear her own heartbeat, feeling the hard thump against her chest. Something else pulled her attention and her eyes magnetically drifted to the figure carried in the dragon slayer’s arms, reaching out to the spectacle in the sky as if she could catch them in her small hands. Catching herself staring and remembering it was rude, Minerva averted her eyes towards the heavens and, along with the rest of the village, watched as magic light up the darkened sky. It was beautiful but that lit-up sky paled next to the warm scene beside her, to that warmth Minerva had always been longing for – her father’s love.

9:00 PM

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

Minerva wasn’t too loud but might be enough to surprise the sleeping little miss, as she spat the words with much condemnation. She was confused and mad about being all confused.

“Ojuo, I think we should keep our voice down.” Rogue tried not to sound too indignant as he slowly and carefully lowered the sleeping figure on the large mattress. He wondered why Lady Minerva has been staring at him since after the fireworks show, twitching her face like she was grappling an internal battle. And losing it. “We do not wish to wake up the princess.” Rogue pulled the cover over Raina’s small figure sprawled on the bed, her chin was sticking out. He didn’t want his daughter to catch a cold.

And with every second that passed watching Rogue take care of the young lady, Minerva was getting pretty annoyed.

“Doesn’t make sense at all.” She obeyed the dragon slayer: less loud, but more confused.

“What does?” Kaname appeared out of nowhere but it didn’t seem to bother the spatial mage whose disbelieving eyes were still trained at the scene playing before her.

“This.” She said, brows meeting in the middle, nodding towards Rogue.

“I don’t see anything unusual about it.” Kaname was standing close to her now, which Minerva seemed to mind. She walked a few steps away from the helper, who had that a crazy smile on her face and an even crazier glint in her eyes.

“You and Mr. Rogue would have to share a room, Ms. Minerva.”

“What?!”

Rogue slapped his own mouth for reacting too loud. Good thing his daughter… good thing the kid was so wiped out that she only stirred to the side and resumed snoring like a drill.

“W-w-what do you mean… share a room? An unmarried man and woman i-is not allowed to share t-t-the same bed!”

His eyes darted back and forth from the woman who shamelessly suggested – pushed – the ridiculous notion and the lady who appeared to welcome it. Wait, what? Lady Minerva wasn’t opposed to…

“Let’s not overstay our welcome, Rogue.” She said, and stopped at the door frame without looking back. “Point us to the room, Kaname.”

And that little incident in the changing room flashed back Rogue’s very eyes.

Rogue? Sleeping with Lady Minerva? Even his heart couldn’t keep up with the idea. Then, he remembered the softness of her lips and Rogue’s heart had a whole new reason to marathon.

“Let’s go, Rogue.”

“Y-y-yes... Ojuo.”

“Are you running out of breath?”

---

7:00 AM

Rogue rubbed the backside of his shoulders. Maybe it was a bad idea refusing Lady Minerva’s offer to just sleep on the bed next to her. In his defense, it wasn’t right to share a mattress with a maiden and he was regretting it now. Sometimes, he wished he was just as clueless and shameless as Sting and sometimes, he wished Lady Minerva would get some clue. Did she just offer to sleep with anyone? Well, not ‘sleep with’ in the common context… was she okay kissing anyone, too? All this thinking about Lady Minerva was driving him off the wall. It shouldn’t. As a matter of fact, he shouldn’t be thinking about Lady Minerva, at all.

But how could he not when she boldly pulled him against her and claimed his first kiss? No! He shouldn’t be thinking about the kiss. Lady Minerva had probably kissed a lot of men.

“You seem dissatisfied with me, Rogue.”

Rogue shuddered at the voice. He only realized now that he was glaring at the woman sitting opposite him in the train.

“I-I’m sorry, Ojuo. I didn’t mean to... stare.” He wasn’t going to admit he looked ready to strangle the woman thinking she had kissed a hundred men. “Please excuse me, Ojuo. I need to use the washroom.” Rogue slid out from his booth, carefully lifting and moving his Exceed peacefully sleeping on his lap. Oh, how he wished he could get the same peace.

7:10 AM

Minerva watched him leave until he disappeared behind the door to the public toilet. She wasn’t quite sure why he looked mad at her. Yesterday, she wouldn’t even care. But now, every little thing Rogue did, she took notice. And every slightest thing about him bothered her.

“It doesn’t make sense.” The Lady barked, ladnding a fist on the leather she sat on, getting so mad not understanding herself, and waking up poor Frosch.

“Lady Minerva?” he sleepily asked, rubbing both eyes with his little fists.

“I apologize, Frosch.”

She was only answered by two confused half-closing eyes and little ‘hmmm’ before Frosch returned to snoring again.

Minerva couldn’t help chuckle. She always found Frosch cute. Actually, it wasn’t only Frosch that she thought was cute and that was the notion she’d been grappling with ever since… ever since… since when?! Since when had she been thinking that no non-sense shadow dragon was cute?

Minerva refused to answer that. Then, she decided she needed to splash her face with water; that ought to clear her mind. She slid out of her train couch, careful not to wake up Frosch, and headed to the toilet. Rogue was done using it, just stepping out of the door. He shifted on the side to make room for Minerva.

“Thank you, Rogue.”

Rogue nodded in response but unlike how he’d usually act around the Lady, he bravely met her forest eyes. That same feeling hit him again, one that got his mind hazy but focused at the same time, the one that pushed Rogue to dare. He stopped the sliding door with his bare hand, getting squeezed between the edge and the frame.

“Ojou…”

“What are you–mmm”

The dragon slayer pushed Minerva into the washroom, slammed the sliding door behind him and captured the rest of her words in his mouth. She wanted to push him and tell him off but her body refused to listen. All reasons abandoned, Minerva’s slender fingers grasped on his coat, clutching the garment in her fists and pushing herself up against him, wanting Rogue’s presence all around her.

“Ojuo…” He moaned against her lips, making Minerva cling to him desperately. “Ojuo…”

“Ojuo!”

The concern in Rogue’s voice quickly dragged Minerva out of her reverie. She wasn’t in the train’s washroom anymore. She wasn’t clinging to the dragon slayer. Minerva was now back at her own couch and stared into the eyes of a confused and worried Shadow Dragon Slayer.

“Your knuckles are turning white, Ojuo. Are you alright?”

The spatial mage looked down at her fist resting on the leather, drained of color. She released her fingers immediately, realizing that she was already hurting herself.

“Yes.” She only spared Rogue a glance, masking her embarrassment with her usual indifference, then, turned away from him completely to do something more safe than fantasizing about the unwitting dragon slayer. Minerva propped her hand under her chin and watch the green pasture pass by the train window. She internally thanked the dragon slayer for not prying into the real reason because the spatial mage herself could not offer the man an answer.

Because even to Minerva, “it doesn’t make sense,” what she was starting to feel towards Rogue Cheney.

---

Bonus Chapter 6.5:

Minerva was just looking at the request board, deciding which S-Class job to take next, a mission her and Yukino could work on together. She needed sometime to be away from the other half of Sabertooth’s Twin Dragons – the shadow half. She hadn’t come to terms about this strong feeling she started to harbor ever since that one job she did with Rogue.

“Minerva-sama?”

“A moment, Yukino. I haven’t decided on the request yet.” She answered without even looking at the owner of the voice.

“You have a visitor.”

Curiosity made her pull away from staring at the request board and towards Sabertooth’s resident Celestial Mage.

“Visitor?”

“Mama!”

The child appeared from behind the Celestial Mage, raced towards Minerva and threw her arms around her legs, her height only reaching the Spatial Mage’s belly.

“Did you grow taller?” She asked, patting the top of Raina’s head, who looked up at her, stretching her mouth into that bright smile Minerva really missed. “Only this much!” Raina answered animatedly, flatting her palm on top of her head to say, “I’ve only grown this much!”

Minerva chuckled. She acknowledged Kaname’s presence and returned to her conversation with Raina, telling her that she had learned spatial magic too, just like Minerva’s. She had that radiant smile, all the while, telling Raina she’d train her if she liked. Her unprecedented warmth towards the child confused the hell out of her guild-mates who were just standing by the side, watching the scene unfold, wrapping their little heads around the idea that some little kid – who had the same dango buns as Lady Minerva – just called Sabertooth’s Ace mama.

“Oh my!” Yukino grew red realizing that Minerva-sama had been intimate with a man and conceived a child they all didn’t know. Being the only one brave enough to dare, the Celestial Mage asked the question everyone had in mind. “M-m-minerva-sama… who… w-who is the f-father?”

“Raina?” Came the voice from behind the flustered Sabertooth mage.

“Papa!” She abandoned her mother and ran into the open arms of the Shadow Dragon Slayer. He picked her up and carried the little miss, asking, “How have you been, Princess?”

“Elexent! (Excellent!)” She beamed at him, her plum orbs disappearing.

And the rest of Sabertooth witnessed, for the very first time, how Rogue Cheney radiated with a brightness that rivaled Sting’s White Dragon Slayer Magic. After recovering from the brief shock, Yukino and the rest of Team Sabertooth demanded some answers, throwing the family questions like…

“What the hell is this commotion about?” Sabertooth’s Guild Master appeared annoyed, probably just coming out from filing all the paper works when he heard the noise. “Whose kid is that?” He asked the Dragon Slayer carrying the child.

And almost choked on his own saliva when the little kid introduced herself.

“I’m Raina and they are my parents, Papa Rogue and Mama Minerva.”

“P-papa Rogue a-a-and O-ojuo’s daughter?”

Sting Eucliffe turned white and not because of his White Dragon Slayer magic. A lot of question were probably running in his head, disbelieving his own ears when the kid claimed Sabertooth’s Ace and his own partner as his parents.

“Yup!”

But worse of all, how come Rogue never told him he was harboring a secret child with Lady Minerva?!

“In that case, hi. I’m Uncle Sting.” He extended his hand to shake Raina’s little one and showed her a toothy grin that mirrored Rogue’s secret child.

“Hello, Uncle Sting!”

Rogue would have a lot of time to explain later and he better start with how, when and where did that affair started and how come he never told him. For now, he’d like to welcome this little princess into his family.

tags: @ftguildevents @fairytail-rarepairs

[ala-mhinyan]

VII :: Nonagenarian

The Coeurl aren’t a people meant to last.

It’s clear to any that run into them; any that truly take a keen eye to their lifestyle. Their rituals seat them as sacrifices to the very eikons they worship; beholden with power not their own and sent glistening with a ferocity most men wouldn’t dare temper with. For a people richly cultivated with history and culture, they seem more beast than man at times--a people to fear more than to know. To those who see through city eyes, for men who cannot see beneath the surface; they are nothing more than savagery with a penchant to hunt the impossibly dangerous.

Nothing more than solar flares. Burn bright, burn fast, burn hot. Then fizzle out.

Those who see their daily lives and their struggles know that the Coeurl are a people borne of hardship and prayer; an intricately immaculate culture as deep as the core of this star, this hundreds upon thousands of different facets in something as easy as everyday life. So much that goes unseen for those that choose not to see, so many gestures and unspoken phrases that would mean scriptures in an encyclopedia of knowledge if only one paid attention. Their pride is their fuel, their devotion their blood. A people of immense sacrifice; a people who would martyr themselves to give the generations past and future an unquenchable flame that burned hotter than any other to preside on this star.

A people of blood, mystery and impeccable beauty--both surface and soul-deep.

This inalienable oath is the reason they are not meant to last--for good things can never last forever and despite how the world may perceive them, they stand at a balance between life and death that only they can shoulder.

The price for the drip feed of godhood.

.::.

There is but one among them that has transcended the rote of time; one who has witnessed what many would only cite to be calamities--one who has been through Jauhar--one who witnessed the Garlean empire in its prime and the revolution of their country. One who Sees, Hears and Feels with all of their being.

Her name whispered among their people, too soft to catch the wind and carry but felt in the tremor of the sand beneath their feet. Too many who would forgo her in fear of what her presence and words mean, who make up stories of what did and would happen to her if one would find themselves in her presence.

C’arha was one among the fearless, sure steps carrying her along a well-worn path through the caves toward an isolated cavern busting at the seams with plant life that surely could not grow with no sunlight. The tickle of leaf and petal was familiar as she journeyed along the path that steadily grew tighter and smaller until one would have to crouch to make their way through the overabundant foliage. She did so without terror, without hesitation; into the very heart of the curse her tribe swore her to stay away from.

And when she emerged from the smallest opening, her bright green eyes settled on an elderly woman sitting in a comfortable rocking chair; basking in sunlight from the cracked portion of the cave that hung overhead. A smile pulled on the young woman’s lips and she approached easily, slinging the stuffed bag from over her shoulders onto the ground near the older woman.

<“C’aarya.”>

The elderly woman turned slowly, round ears tweaking just a moment too slow--though the smile on her drooping features brought sunlight to the Seeker’s soul. She was in a good mood today. <“Arha…”> A whisper-soft voice of age, wonder and magic. C’arha bobbed her head in a nod and knelt in front of the woman, gently touching the top of her foot and running that hand over her hair in a sweeping arch. Only then did she look up into familiar green eyes, a warmth settling into her bones to know another that was the same as her.

<“I brought you fresh fruit and stew. I have a bunch of salted meats and grains that will be good for you to make your porridges with, as well as a couple of pre-made meals.”> C’arha pulled the bag over, untying the lead and widening the opening so she could show the older woman the bounty she’d brought with her. C’aarya smiled fiercely, her long tail giving a distinct flick at the very tip only. 

<”You are kind to me, young one. I’m grateful.”>

C’arha nodded, gathering the bag and pulling it off to the side where a kitchen had been crafted for the elderly woman; her own stove, cupboards and an ice box that C’arha had fashioned together out of hard clay, brick, palm fronds and ice clusters. It did well to keep C’aarya well taken care of, so the runt didn’t seem to mind. Once the food was put away, she made her way back to the elderly woman’s side--settling down on a seat cushion she’d pulled from the pile of cushions nearby.

<”You are well today.”> C’arha made a gesture toward her head, index finger curling and then moving outward. <”Coherent. How do you feel?”>

The elderly woman let her head tip back, her smile never leaving those lips. <”Well, better than I have in a long, long while. It’s even better to be seeing your face.”>

<”I do not fear you, C’aarya. I have no reason to push you away back into this corridor and never visit you, it is cruel.”> Her lips turned up in a brief snarl, one that faded when the older woman waved her hand dismissively.

<”They fear the unknown. You cannot fear what you are, Arha. That is why you come here.”>

C’arha felt her ears press down, letting out a quiet sigh--leaning forward to rest her face against the older woman’s thigh. It was warm and homey--something she only felt when she laid against C’ohna. This woman was not family to her, none that she knew, but her imprisonment had burned a special place in C’arha and their visits had grown more frequent after C’sah’s betrayal.

As far as she was aware, no one else visited the woman but C’tolemy.

<”I don’t understand, elder. I still cannot understand. I don’t know if I’m blinded by emotions too deep to crawl out of or if I’m just too lost--but I still cannot seem to understand. Misery haunts my every shadow and my personal life is unraveling in ways I can do nothing about. How did you stay at peace--through all of this? You carry the same curse in your blood that I do and yet you’ve outlived so many… So much so that even your own blood cower at the possibilities. How did you not succumb to the pain of it all…?”>

The elderly woman listened carefully, long tail picking up a stuttering sway while she hummed a bit to herself. <”Let me ask you something Arha… Do you hate what you’ve been given? This affliction?”>

C’arha cocked her head, little ears wriggling just a little. <”I… Do you not hate it? It is a curse…”>

C’aarya shook her head, smiling to herself. <”By its definition, yes it's a curse. But does it feel like a curse to you?”>

The younger woman frowned sharply, <”I am punished with pain and suffered to silence for holding back the emotions that hurt me in favor of keeping another’s joy. How is that not a curse?”>

Wise, vibrant green eyes shift aside and peer at C’arha as though she were looking through a mirror to her younger self--bemused at the similarities. Of course she would feel this way. <”Are your emotions a curse, Arha? Is feeling and being felt--seeing and being seen--wanting and being wanted--a curse?”>

C’arha recoiled at those words, her face screwing up in frustration and part-way fear. No… The answer to all of this couldn’t be that misguidedly simple, not for such a complex disease that had robbed her of years of her life already… Surely, to reverse this, it was not just as simple to…

<”That cannot possibly be true.”>

<”Believe in that which cannot be disproven. If you doubt me then attempt it yourself--I have not lived this long just because I’ve had an easier life than you, Arha. I was also far less stubborn about the truths of my life.”>

<”It is not being stubborn about my life! It is knowing--”>

<”That at the crux of your being you are hurting, confused and lost. Why, I will never understand, you feel that is wrong of you? I cannot say. Why you are ashamed to be this--to be you? That is what is killing you, not this curse.”>

That froze C’arha in place, stunned to silence--very quickly veering from frustrated so depressed and right back to anger. No--it couldn’t be… But… could it? The younger woman sighed in defeat and slumped against C’aarya’s robbed thighs once more, hooking an arm loosely about the woman’s ankle as if that would get her closer to the truth.

<”...How did you get to that point? Of acceptance?”>

<”Mm…”> A moment of pause, the sing-song of her hum wafting about the space. <”It took time, that it did. Time and understanding of myself, my person-hood and my feelings. You must allow yourself the will, the right, the ability to feel and not to be ashamed of those feelings. The more you suppress it, the deeper you hurt. You wouldn’t believe how lighter you are when you welcome yourself home instead of running from yourself all the time.”>

C’arha sighed aloud once more, turning her head to bury her face into soft--warm fabric. All she could think of were what felt like the hundreds of times her Xaelic brother had sat her down and about begged her to trust him and be open with him about her feelings. Had told her that a burden shared was a burden lighter--had promised that all would be well if she just trusted.

How foolish she was to believe that trusting hadn’t meant trusting herself as well.

<”I’m an idiot,”> Came the despondent mutter.

C’aarya’s sweet laughter filled the space, the wisdom and warmth in the moment doing much to soothe C’arha’s frazzled nature to tears--swept up in herself with the old woman present to watch over her.

<”We are all foolish at least once in our lives. It is wisdom to learn from that foolishness.”>

<”And if I never learn?”>

<”You will, we all learn someday.”>

[kayliemusing]

21

1. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately?  - There’s kind of a few, because I feel like they all tie into one. Self acceptance is a big one, self-discipline, productivity, and trusting in God (which has proven to be the hardest thing. It hurts to trust in something you don’t see the outcome of, but it hurts too much not to trust in God.)

2. If you ever feel like you are different from your extended family, in which ways is this?  - My dad/s side of the family is really toxic. There’s a lot of hypocrisy, drama, mental illness, drug addictions, and religiousness on that side (and when I say religious, I mean shame-y religion which I don’t agree with at all.) But my dad was really different from them. He was very kind, open to council, very steady and stable despite coming from such a dysfunctional background, and he loved God so truly that a lot of that pure ‘religion’ that exists within his family was broken off of him, and then I have my mom too, who is very fun, kind, caring, etc, so I grew up around more normalcy than my cousins did. My parents just parented me well and they talked about God to me and my sister a lot in such a good way that I never grew up around pure, shame-y, rule-bound religion which I think is the explanation why I (and my sister) are very different from our extended family. My dad died when I was fifteen so I don’t see that side very often, especially because they’re just entirely chaotic and dysfunctional so when I am around them it’s way more noticeable how different we are. (Sorry for big explanation. I’m in a super reflective mood lol.)

3. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not?  - I’ve always kind of wanted to have this leader-esque feeling to my career, but no, I don’t see myself being a CEO. I really just want to be an author so I guess I would have some level of being a leader to my own business, but not quite on a CEO type level. Right now, I’m trying to focus on fiction but I’m easily overwhelmed by it so I have been considering other mediums of writing. I just don’t know what that is or what fits right.

4. Is there something that you are sort of weird about talking about? Like, a thing that other people find casual, but you feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up? - Sex, is the first thing that comes to mind, but not sex in general. More like the conversations that are too much, you know? Lol. Some people go really into detail or can be graphic about their sex lives and I’m just like, please don’t. I don’t mind generically talking about it, but there’s a line.   5. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name?  - I don’t think so. 

6. Do you ever make negative comments about other body types? How does it make you feel when you see or hear negative comments about your body type, or a physical trait that you have (even when it’s not directed at you)?  - Sometimes I have the tendency to judge other body types (i.e. I really don’t like the thigh gap look), but it’s never malicious and I’m always trying to be aware that others can’t help what they look like and if they’re happy in their body, that’s what matters. I struggle with disordered eating and kind of sit on that line between having an eating disorder and not having one so I’m very sensitive about my body and its type. I have a chubby tummy and I’m so insecure that it’s not flat that when I hear anyone say anything negative about not having a flat stomach it’ll ruin my day or I’ll just feel really ashamed.

7. If you are in a situation where you feel like you are being attacked or not respected, how easy or difficult is it for you to stay and keep your head rather than leave in a huff?  - I’ll usually leave the conversation. Maybe slam a door lol. I’ll usually stand my ground until I finally feel like I’m not heard or no one cares and then I’m out.

9. When you think about how attractive you feel and your favorite features, are you comparing yourself to a societal ideal?  - Yes. I happen to be well-acquainted with the comparison game.

10. If you have a favorite song right now: What is it? How did you first hear it? Why do you like it so much?  - My favourite song is probably Coney Island by Taylor Swift right now. It’s from Taylor’s new album Evermore, but I have a couple on that album that tie for my favourite song right now (Honorable mentions: Willow, Cowboy Like Me, Tis The Damn Season). I absolutely love how poetic this song is and I think one of my all time favourite lyrics she has ever written is in that song: “If I can’t relate to you anymore then who am I related to?” This song for me just feels like I’m reading a poem and I just sink right into the story she’s telling. 

11. Have you ever had someone that has been your friend for a while come to you and tell you they had romantic feelings for you? How did you respond, and did the friendship survive?  - I did have a friend of mine tell me they had feelings for me. We had become friends in the eighth grade and then he confessed his feelings for me in the ninth grade, I told him I didn’t feel the same way but we stayed friends and it didn’t ruin anything, and then he confessed again in the eleventh grade and I said no to him again. After that final rejection, we never really made it back to being friends for a few reasons a) We stopped being in the same classes, b) I think he was really hurt and c) his friend (who is most dramatic than a girl by the way, and ironically dating one of my friends at the time) stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and gave his two cents and that was kind of when it fell apart. I didn’t really know his friend so it was weird that he had this narrative of me that he said “was leading X on” when I was just trying to be his friend but it’s whatever now. That was when I was like sixteen lol. 

12. Hypothetically speaking, if Hillary Clinton were running for President as a democrat against Chris Christie as a republican in 2016, who do you predict would win the election?  - Well, since it’s 2021 now, I would predict that Trump would win and divide America. 

13. When you are getting to know someone new online (particularly someone male), how cautious are you of the possibility that they are serial killer/kidnapper? - I honestly never think of this, mostly because we live in such an online world now and I’m an adult. I don’t really know how much of this still happens, but you just don’t hear about it anymore. Not to mention, if it is a male, it’s most likely a pedophile (which is still gross) rather than a killer or kidnapper.

14. If you are talking to someone that you want to get to know, what are your go-to conversation topics? What subject makes you disappointed when another person isn’t interested in or knowledgable about it? - Tbh I feel like I’m really bad at conversations and I don’t know how to lead them because I’m quiet and scared of looking stupid. I know I really like deep conversations more than basic questions. However, it’s very important that I know their opinion on Taylor Swift because if there’s a chance they don’t like Taylor Swift, I already know that the person is probably not worth my time. For real though, if I’m having a conversation with someone, I usually get disappointed if I find out they’re a partier or drink a lot, because I’m really not into any of that stuff so it’s immediately like playing the Sims and having the minus sign appear above my head.

15. Say you have a lot of free time and want to join a club or class. You are browsing postings on local bulletin boards and online. What sort of group would you be interested in joining (e.g., book club, game group, crafts, golf lessons, etc.)? - A romance-only book club, DIY club.

16. Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after?  - Nah I’ve never been kissed

17. Have you recently learned anything about your personality? If not, have you ever consciously tried to change your personality? - Sort of recently, it was something I discovered last year which is that I’m a neurotic perfectionist and what I mean by that is I’m a perfectionist in a very self destructive way. I’ve always known I was ‘particular’ or others would say ‘has high-standards/expectations’ but I realized that it’s literally just perfectionism.

18. Are you or any of your friends in a sorority or fraternity? Would you be interested in belonging to one?  - No and I don’t really understand what they are or why they’re a thing.

19. Can you recall a recent time that you were surprised, but in a bad way? - Yes. When my job eluded that they thought I was stealing from the registers. This happened around September 2020? Basically they didn’t flat out say that’s what they thought, but they made comments that the tills were either short or over at the ends of the night whenever I would be working and dead ass said “it looks suspicious”. I think it was surprising because I’ve worked there was two years and really felt like they should have known my character. (I literally am afraid of getting in trouble for the smallest things and they seriously thought I was capable of stealing from them lmao)

20. Do you feel uncomfortable when you receive praise for doing certain things? If so, does this make you less likely to do those things?  - No totally the opposite. I really struggle with validation and I never feel good enough, which is something I’m working on, but it feels almost like I thrive on praise. Maybe it’s because my love language is words of affirmation?? I just always like/need to know when I’m doing a good job so when I don’t get praise or validation my self esteem plummets. 

21. Do you make spontaneous purchases often or rarely? When you are upset does it make you temporarily happier to buy yourself something new?  - Spontaneous purchases, often because I have no self control lol, but lately I’ve been working hard to try to save more. And yes when I’m upset, it does make me feel better to buy things.

22. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early?  - 5 am. I think I can manage 6 am, but anything before that is a no from me. I used to work at 5 am when I worked at Chapters, but it was a nice shift because I finished work at 10 am and then went home and napped for two hours and then had literally the entire day.

23. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? - I’ve never had a romantic relationship oops. But at least I read romance novels every day (and I write romance too!) I’ll try to answer this based on what I think would happen. I think it would start as a physical attraction and I think a lot of relationships start that way but they become something when you have a real connection. I think there are relationships that can start the other way though too, but I’d say for me it’ll probably be physical attraction first. 

24. Do you ever catch any of those conspiracy shows on Animal Planet, like Bigfoot hunting or proof of Mermaids? Do those shows make your more or less likely to believe in the existence of such creatures?  - No, but I DO watch ghost conspiracy theories/”REAL GHOST CAUGHT ON CAMERA” videos on Youtube for fun. But no I don’t believe in any of that stuff. 

25. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? - I’ve never technically written a fan letter to a celebrity but I wrote a post on tumblr to Taylor Swift a couple years ago that she’ll never see lol. And I’ve never submitted anything to a magazine, but I’d like to one day.