#i am not repeating things and bringing up our exact problems bc im looking for pity or trying to guilt trip for money

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Feeling slightly better today because I finally cleaned up the last worst part of the mould so now keeping everything clean should be a lot easier

Also recieved $30 (thank you!!) bringing the total this month to...around £90, after exchange and processing? Currently sitting with £40 bc my phone bill came out and, yeah, we're generally short a couple hundred and we got less in this month to begin with. Currently trying to decide between electricity and being allowed to work lmfao

Kofi as always, just in case anyone is still up to helping <3

[izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]

Now back to the other situation. I have had time to think. I was wrong for sure for not properly expressing my feelings. I actually spoke with my new little friend about it and he gave me some insight and advice. A lot could have went better. For both of us. I definitely need to work on that still. I’ve been doing pretty good lately just not this time, again :/.

I think I’m just scared? Is that the word? Like I’m scared to speak up bc it’ll create a problem or drama. Like he’ll think I’m catching feelings if I speak up or I’m scared he’ll avoid the convo cause he thinks i can’t be an adult. I’m also aware i may be projecting but he wanted avoid the conversation so that didn’t help either. That’s what triggered me a little. I wanted to leave it alone but I couldn’t. And when i expressed that, I didn’t get the response I wanted back. I’m trying to be understanding and say I did say “bye” which triggered him. But what about what triggered me? Why couldn’t the response have been let’s talk about it later when we aren’t riled up? Why couldn’t it have been different, better? A lot of why’s and what if’s. I don’t blame him either. And this is where working on my communication in a polite way comes in. I didn’t give myself the opportunity too and I’m disappointed in myself since I’ve made a lot of progress. Neither did he.

I just wish he understood where i was coming from. it’s not about having expectations it was the lack of communication. We had plans that day. We created a newer bond and spoke everyday for a while and then it went cold turkey. Am i not supposed to feel a way? And he says he forgot the plans but he never forgets and has been thinking abt stocks and looking at stocks all day. I just wish he communicated that. Create the boundary, go ahead, but acknowledge my feelings about it too bro. We’re friends now I understand that. I’ve accepted it. I just thought we were best friends living our best lives.

Can i be honest i also felt it? When he fell asleep i knew it wouldn’t be the same once he woke up. I felt the shift. I can’t explain it. I just lowkey knew he wouldn’t hmu after asking to stay on the ohone while he slept. When I asked that he asked why? I told him bc he stood w me last time for a little, and it was just for a little bot to sleep with him. His response? “That was an accident” An accident my guy? He WANTED to stay. He initiated it. And as i was falling asleep o heard “you falling asleep cutie”, i quickly ignored that. And he restarted the hand thing and kiss. The first time we spoke on the phone again. I was just trying to leave so I just went along with everything. But again part of me knew it’d end up like this again. So I enjoyed the experience. And I’m grateful for the days I got to speak with him in happy moods. To experience bestie him for a little.i hope it was the same for him.

I have a lowkey ptsd from this time last year. I feel like history repeaTed it’s self. i feel defeated as well. I didn’t communicate properly and it ended up with me feeling, not as badly as last year but a similar feeling. And i want nothing to do with that. I deserve to be happy this year.

I don’t know. Again it’s not me catching feelings. I know that. I like the comfortability and convos as a close friend. I can understand being busy but going cold turkey like that w no communication sucked. And of course me not communicating that properly made it suck more. And i can accept responsibilities in that.

More recently, we haven’t talked much about the situation. Or since then. And we probably never will. I mean we “talked” and established boundaries like not talking everyday. I asked if we were good just to see if he was so I wouldn’t drag. Cause there’s still a lot for me. But i don’t want my energy falling on deaf ears with anyone anymore. I’m personally not satisfied and I will have to accept life for what it is. Mostly bc i feel ignored but i could just be projecting. Im not upset about the situation just feel defeated history repeated itself. Another small situation happened... so when I was fighting w my cousin I didn’t a really have anyone else I wanted to call but him. My family doesn’t like that family and would definitely pull up and fight too and i don’t want that. I could’ve hit up my two other friends but they’re older women w kids and it was late on a weekday and they work. So my next bet was my friend but I forgot he was working. I texted him i got into an argument w her and got no text back. I texted right after he texted too. I get it. He’s at work. I gave it a few minutes before I came back to my senses and took care of myself and texted him sorry for involving him. I got no response till the next day in the afternoon. Which is fine. I can understand people have lives but dang man it hurt. Don’t call me a bestie or friend if ya can’t be that. One thing abt me Im there for my friends. Even when I can’t mentally handle it. That’s why I say I’m too nice. And I know my place now.

I’ve decided to keep my distance for good. I don’t want to be close anymore. We can be friends from afar and hit each other up on important dates or if needed. It’s never any beef. I’ll always be there. Just don’t want any drama. This situation really takes me back to this time last year. And it ended the same exact way. Lesson learned. Distance and boundaries creates. The old and best memories will never be forgotten. But it’s time we lay us to rest. Rip

I feel like reading this back to myself again, sounds like I’m super sensitive and making things a big deal. But my peace and mental health come first now. Not anyone else. If I feel uncomfortable somewhere I’m removing myself. And I’ve been doing so good with that. That’s also how you lose people though and it sucks. Not everyone can be understanding, not even a little. Those are other stories for another day though.

I’m asking God to take the situation in his hands and to bring us back to whatever situation we end up in when we’re both ready. Until then I’m staying away from anything that doesn’t make me question myself or them.

[steroidusr]

digimon anode tamer part 1: super old man

^ index ^ | part 2 ->

[the game’s full title is digimon digital monsters - anode & cathode tamer - veedramon version. holy shit, i am not calling it that.]

ALright here's a most likely inaccurate history lesson off the top of my head about... video games

way back in the day, bandai decided they were way too fuckin cool to release games on systems people actually owned, like the game boy. so they made their own handheld system... the wonderswan. i dont know why it's a swan, but i dont really know why the game boy is a boy either. they released a series of games on it which tied in to the tv series and were a canon part of that story, except for when they weren't. the wonderswan games were never released in america though. this wasnt actually a problem, until digimon 02 introduced a character from "tag tamers", and parts of that game (i.e. like half his backstory) were referenced. even in the english anime. this led to a whole lot of "wtf is going on" from viewers, which it would have even if we did get the games, because 02 is incomprehensible. of course, while AMERICA never got any english wonderswan games... hong-kong, inexplicably, did. but only of the first digimon wonderswan game. apparently the translation is really bad.

and THAT... is the kind of content im here for

..............and after that dramatic introduction, norton ate my emulator

yeah uh hang on lemme fix this turns out this is a super outdated version anyway (thanks emuparadise) so yeah

what the fuck is wrong with norton. "this program doesnt have any viruses in it but ONLY a few hundred people in 'the norton community' have used it so it MUST be dangerous so we're gonna just delete it first and ask questions later"

once i was trying to find a trainer editor for pokemon gsc and i found a perfect one that was like, exactly what i needed but it wouldnt open. it just would not fucking open. no error messages or anything, i'd double click it and nothing would happen.

fortunately that is not the case tonight

no wait--

ok that's better. ...sort of

so this game was originally released in two versions, "anode tamer" and "cathode tamer". i dont know what the differences were or what those words mean. anyway what we're playing is the "veedramon version", which... i thought was an upgraded third version, like pokemon yellow

but... apparently it's literally just... the two games on one... cartridge?? o...kay

it is officially too late for livetweeting (THANKS NORTON) but here's our first Audience Participation Time: pick one of those "but what are the differences" man i dont fuckin know just pick one

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TIME, AGAIN, ALREADY: we need a name

please hurry this music loop is really short and repetitive

(fyi the default name is ryo)

In a perfectly normal housing area... The long, long adventure starts here.

the adventure is long (and long), unlike these sentence fragments

He’s on winter vacation and, today, he was going to get a new computer as a Christmas present from his Dad.

well, he was, before his dad realized that christmas was over like almost a week ago (also i snorted at "His name is Nyo." same nyo)

>TAKE: Hello! Chatting on New Year’s Eve is cool, isn’t it? Oh yeah, do you remember about the little incident in the summer?

you mean the "little incident" where giant monsters destroyed fucking everything

uh-oh looks like we've got a weeb on our hands

The town got really wrecked, didn’t it...

YEAH UH THAT'S STILL NOT A "LITTLE INCIDENT"

>UK: Yeah, I know! But was that really an earthquake? My dad said it was a terrorist attack!

what's that wacky prankster duke crabtree up to this time

>TAKE: Yeah, I know. Some people even said that it was because of the Digimons!

go to bed, TAKE

this is taking too long so i'm gonna give you all a helpful summary of the rest: "digimon arent fucking real shitlord"

i cant believe tai liveblogged digimon adventure

....so are we using dub names or not, bc on one hand we have the english logo and "tai", but we also have... "maa-kun"??

anyway then the power suddenly goes out. this somehow affects nyo's battery-operated laptop computer

>Tai, Matt, everyone has been captured...

ok so i guess the plot of this is that all the main characters have been kidnapped so agumon enlists the help of... this random kid to save everyone. remember when i said the games are canon to the storyline, except when they arent? this is one of the "arent" parts. ...the game's plot is canon to the anime's storyline... except for... the game's whole plot?? sasuga digimon

[the only way this could possibly be canon is if all the other digidestined completely forgot about their new pal ryo nyo somehow. but frankly, i find it a little hard to swallow that they’d do something like forget about a fellow digidestined and never bring him up in conversation or even think about him. it just seems so out-of-character for those kids to go about their daily lives, utterly failing to acknowledge the existence or possible disappearance of such a good friend. im certain if ryo nyo had been replaced with, say, a mysterious evil cat-stealing doppelganger, his fellow digidestined would surely respond with shock, alarm, and most of all, deep concern for their friend’s well-being. im positive they--]

so agumon... uh... emails? nyo tai's digivice, and-- --i just remembered "nyotai" is japanese for "woman's body". we fucked up

man that really couldve been spaced out better

what part of "the digivice" do you not understand, nyo

I need your help, Nyo!

i was gonna make a joke here but i cant fault agumon for repeating himself, since apparently nyo's a bit slow

WHAT PART OF "TOUCH THE DIGIVICE" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, NYO

IT'S A DIGIVICE, NYO, WE HAVE LONG SINCE ESTABLISHED THIS

so i guess then nyo's... parent? walks in and finds out their 10-year-old child is fucking gone. amazing i always say digimon is about traumatized children but it's really the parents who are the most traumatized of all

on a bad rpgmaker map, from the looks of it

You’re Nyo, right? I was waiting for you.

You were waiting for me?... Agumon?

WHY DOES THIS DIALOGUE HAVE SO MUCH PADDING

"a... digital world? a world that is digital? im in a digital... world?"

"a digital network? inside a machine? like a computer? or a game? a computer inside of a machine? a DIGITAL machine?"

"OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT" WHY DOES THIS CHILD HAVE THE MEMORY SPAN OF A GOLDFISH

That doesn’t matter!

I was only borrowing it.

you...your dad bought you a computer... but you "borrowed" his instead

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NYO

"--to be sent to someone competent, but youll have to do"

so basically it's your average incomprehensible digimon plot. gotcha

Explain everything slowly!

"so, what youre saying is, we're in a... digital world"

look nyo i dont think even the writers ever figured this out

I have no idea what you’re...

......the end?

THIS IS JUST THE EXACT SAME BACKGROUND AS BEFORE BUT WITH A SHADOW AROUND IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE

I’M SCREAMING

ok so suddenly this eyeless fuck appears out of nowhere and murders nyo

[this is agumon. this is agumon’s role in the game.]

then...

...we get this...

...long-ass cutsce--

--baby "frame"?? really????

...in which agumon basically plays the game for us...

...and wins a battle without any user input.

o...kay...? so nyo's completely useless then

"IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"

how is his mouth stitched if he's made of fire? wouldn’t the stitches burn?

so this uses dub names, but also jp terms like "baby flame" “baby frame” and "chosen child"??

a mix between dub and jp terms.... i finally understand... this was translated by crunchyroll

No, I’m human and not  human at the same time.

oh my god it’s tricky

that's more than enough of that for now. we've still only seen cutscenes! wow!

[August 14th, 2016 - 5:23 PM]

i havent updated in like two weeks because i, mysteriously, feel reluctant to keep playing... whatever that was

"we're in the digital world" "DIGITAL... WORLD? A WORLD THAT IS... DIGITAL? WE ARE... IN IT? RIGHT NOW? IN A... DIGITAL WORLD?"

this is all nyo's fault

Let me explain.

explain to him as you would to a child. a small child. a baby.

yeah, that sort of thing seems to happen a lot around here!

please dont list them all especially with text this badly spaced out

he actually didnt list any more after that. "just those three, everyone else just kinda stood around and watched"

There were still two left.

"there were still 41 episodes left"

TWO? TWO LEFT? AS IN THERE WAS ONE LEFT, AND ONE MORE AFTER THAT? STILL REMAINING? 

(also, i didnt leave out any caps, that’s really his entire line. nice lowercase, nyo. nyowercase)

SINCE WHEN THE FUCK DOES KABUTERIMON HAVE EYES oh wait that's chimeramon kimeramon. original digimon do not steal

(offscreen, apparently)

they survived with the power of gay feelings i guess

...so, wait, chimeramon was already around before 02?? are you telling me that ken's Original Digimon was somehow LESS original than we thought (he actually does call it「僕のオリジナルデジモン」and every time i remember that i cry. im crying now)

first the digital world was terrorized by milleniummon... and then it was terrorized by an 11-year-old chunibyo with a deviantart oc (...can you even have "eighth grader syndrome" in fifth grade)

yeah, pretty much, i guess, sorta

yeah ok blah blah it's evil and it fucked things up and THERE'S SO MUCH EMPTY SPACE IN THAT BOX YOU COULDVE USED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!! IM CRYING THIS SPACING IS SO BAD

NYO

he proves his understanding by recounting all that shit back to us, near-verbatim, because that's how people talk

his... folks?? did milenniummon kidnap tai’s parents too????

so basically the plan is to... uh, beat up a bunch of OTHER evil digimon until we've captured friended enough good digimon also level grinding i guess and THEN we can go kick milleniummon's ass. ok

allles

does nyo do anything but repeat what others say back to them because it sure doesnt look like it so far

^ index ^ | part 2 ->