#i am not repeating things and bringing up our exact problems bc im looking for pity or trying to guilt trip for money
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Feeling slightly better today because I finally cleaned up the last worst part of the mould so now keeping everything clean should be a lot easier
Also recieved $30 (thank you!!) bringing the total this month to...around Ā£90, after exchange and processing? Currently sitting with Ā£40 bc my phone bill came out and, yeah, we're generally short a couple hundred and we got less in this month to begin with. Currently trying to decide between electricity and being allowed to work lmfao
Kofi as always, just in case anyone is still up to helping <3
#to be absolutely clear bc these are things i think and worry.#i am not repeating things and bringing up our exact problems bc im looking for pity or trying to guilt trip for money#please please whatever else you may think reading these posts please know that has never been my intention#i hate. h a t e. how much we've been relying on generosity#but i am trying to be clearer about the exact state of things for us for the sake of clarity and transparency#like...i feel awful knowing ive taken nearly a hundred quid from people this month and im still stuck here trying to pick#what is less painful to sacrifice#its work lmfao i gotta get that paid today or else i dont get to actually earn my own money but the POINT is#i hate it. i hate it but i dont see other immidiate options.#right now we'll most likely lose power over the weekend but we're both working so. eh.#we're also out of a few groceries and if we DO lose power we cant cook what we have and will lose a freezer full of stuff#so. ugh. yeah at the end of the day thiscis me begging for even more money and i hate myself for it#we just. we gotta get through this month man#i need to believe things will be easier next month. ive been saying that for over a year now but i gotta
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Now back to the other situation. I have had time to think. I was wrong for sure for not properly expressing my feelings. I actually spoke with my new little friend about it and he gave me some insight and advice. A lot could have went better. For both of us. I definitely need to work on that still. Iāve been doing pretty good lately just not this time, again :/.
I think Iām just scared? Is that the word? Like Iām scared to speak up bc itāll create a problem or drama. Like heāll think Iām catching feelings if I speak up or Iām scared heāll avoid the convo cause he thinks i canāt be an adult. Iām also aware i may be projecting but he wanted avoid the conversation so that didnāt help either. Thatās what triggered me a little. I wanted to leave it alone but I couldnāt. And when i expressed that, I didnāt get the response I wanted back. Iām trying to be understanding and say I did say ābyeā which triggered him. But what about what triggered me? Why couldnāt the response have been letās talk about it later when we arenāt riled up? Why couldnāt it have been different, better? A lot of whyās and what ifās. I donāt blame him either. And this is where working on my communication in a polite way comes in. I didnāt give myself the opportunity too and Iām disappointed in myself since Iāve made a lot of progress. Neither did he.
I just wish he understood where i was coming from. itās not about having expectations it was the lack of communication. We had plans that day. We created a newer bond and spoke everyday for a while and then it went cold turkey. Am i not supposed to feel a way? And he says he forgot the plans but he never forgets and has been thinking abt stocks and looking at stocks all day. I just wish he communicated that. Create the boundary, go ahead, but acknowledge my feelings about it too bro. Weāre friends now I understand that. Iāve accepted it. I just thought we were best friends living our best lives.
Can i be honest i also felt it? When he fell asleep i knew it wouldnāt be the same once he woke up. I felt the shift. I canāt explain it. I just lowkey knew he wouldnāt hmu after asking to stay on the ohone while he slept. When I asked that he asked why? I told him bc he stood w me last time for a little, and it was just for a little bot to sleep with him. His response? āThat was an accidentā An accident my guy? He WANTED to stay. He initiated it. And as i was falling asleep o heard āyou falling asleep cutieā, i quickly ignored that. And he restarted the hand thing and kiss. The first time we spoke on the phone again. I was just trying to leave so I just went along with everything. But again part of me knew itād end up like this again. So I enjoyed the experience. And Iām grateful for the days I got to speak with him in happy moods. To experience bestie him for a little.i hope it was the same for him.
I have a lowkey ptsd from this time last year. I feel like history repeaTed itās self. i feel defeated as well. I didnāt communicate properly and it ended up with me feeling, not as badly as last year but a similar feeling. And i want nothing to do with that. I deserve to be happy this year.
I donāt know. Again itās not me catching feelings. I know that. I like the comfortability and convos as a close friend. I can understand being busy but going cold turkey like that w no communication sucked. And of course me not communicating that properly made it suck more. And i can accept responsibilities in that.
More recently, we havenāt talked much about the situation. Or since then. And we probably never will. I mean we ātalkedā and established boundaries like not talking everyday. I asked if we were good just to see if he was so I wouldnāt drag. Cause thereās still a lot for me. But i donāt want my energy falling on deaf ears with anyone anymore. Iām personally not satisfied and I will have to accept life for what it is. Mostly bc i feel ignored but i could just be projecting. Im not upset about the situation just feel defeated history repeated itself. Another small situation happened... so when I was fighting w my cousin I didnāt a really have anyone else I wanted to call but him. My family doesnāt like that family and would definitely pull up and fight too and i donāt want that. I couldāve hit up my two other friends but theyāre older women w kids and it was late on a weekday and they work. So my next bet was my friend but I forgot he was working. I texted him i got into an argument w her and got no text back. I texted right after he texted too. I get it. Heās at work. I gave it a few minutes before I came back to my senses and took care of myself and texted him sorry for involving him. I got no response till the next day in the afternoon. Which is fine. I can understand people have lives but dang man it hurt. Donāt call me a bestie or friend if ya canāt be that. One thing abt me Im there for my friends. Even when I canāt mentally handle it. Thatās why I say Iām too nice. And I know my place now.
Iāve decided to keep my distance for good. I donāt want to be close anymore. We can be friends from afar and hit each other up on important dates or if needed. Itās never any beef. Iāll always be there. Just donāt want any drama. This situation really takes me back to this time last year. And it ended the same exact way. Lesson learned. Distance and boundaries creates. The old and best memories will never be forgotten. But itās time we lay us to rest. Rip
I feel like reading this back to myself again, sounds like Iām super sensitive and making things a big deal. But my peace and mental health come first now. Not anyone else. If I feel uncomfortable somewhere Iām removing myself. And Iāve been doing so good with that. Thatās also how you lose people though and it sucks. Not everyone can be understanding, not even a little. Those are other stories for another day though.
Iām asking God to take the situation in his hands and to bring us back to whatever situation we end up in when weāre both ready. Until then Iām staying away from anything that doesnāt make me question myself or them.
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digimon anode tamer part 1: super old man
^ index ^ | part 2 ->
[the gameāsĀ full title isĀ digimon digital monsters - anode & cathode tamer - veedramon version.Ā holy shit, i am not calling it that.]
ALright here's a most likely inaccurate history lesson off the top of my head about... video games
way back in the day, bandai decided they were way too fuckin cool to release games on systems people actually owned, like the game boy. so they made their own handheld system... the wonderswan. i dont know why it's a swan, but i dont really know why the game boy is a boy either. they released a series of games on it which tied in to the tv series and were a canon part of that story, except for when they weren't. the wonderswan games were never released in america though. this wasnt actually a problem, until digimon 02 introduced a character from "tag tamers", and parts of that game (i.e. like half his backstory) were referenced. even in the english anime. this led to a whole lot of "wtf is going on" from viewers, which it would have even if we did get the games, because 02 is incomprehensible. of course, while AMERICA never got any english wonderswan games... hong-kong, inexplicably, did. but only of the first digimon wonderswan game. apparently the translation is really bad.
and THAT... is the kind of content im here for
..............and after that dramatic introduction, norton ate my emulator
yeah uh hang on lemme fix this turns out this is a super outdated version anyway (thanks emuparadise) so yeah
what the fuck is wrong with norton. "this program doesnt have any viruses in it but ONLY a few hundred people in 'the norton community' have used it so it MUST be dangerous so we're gonna just delete it first and ask questions later"
once i was trying to find a trainer editor for pokemon gsc and i found a perfect one that was like, exactly what i needed but it wouldnt open. it just would not fucking open. no error messages or anything, i'd double click it and nothing would happen.
fortunately that is not the case tonight
no wait--
ok that's better. ...sort of
so this game was originally released in two versions, "anode tamer" and "cathode tamer". i dont know what the differences were or what those words mean. anyway what we're playing is the "veedramon version", which... i thought was an upgraded third version, like pokemon yellow
but... apparently it's literally just... the two games on one... cartridge?? o...kay
it is officially too late for livetweeting (THANKS NORTON) but here's our first Audience Participation Time: pick one of those "but what are the differences" man i dont fuckin know just pick one
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TIME, AGAIN, ALREADY: we need a name
please hurry this music loop is really short and repetitive
(fyi the default name is ryo)
In a perfectly normal housing area... The long, long adventure starts here.
the adventure is long (and long), unlike these sentence fragments
Heās on winter vacation and, today, he was going to get a new computer as a Christmas present from his Dad.
well, he was, before his dad realized that christmas was over like almost a week ago (also i snorted at "His name is Nyo." same nyo)
>TAKE: Hello! Chatting on New Yearās Eve is cool, isnāt it? Oh yeah, do you remember about the little incident in the summer?
you mean the "little incident" where giant monsters destroyed fucking everything
uh-oh looks like we've got a weeb on our hands
The town got really wrecked, didnāt it...
YEAH UH THAT'S STILL NOT A "LITTLE INCIDENT"
>UK: Yeah, I know! But was that really an earthquake? My dad said it was a terrorist attack!
what's that wacky prankster duke crabtree up to this time
>TAKE: Yeah, I know. Some people even said that it was because of the Digimons!
go to bed, TAKE
this is taking too long so i'm gonna give you all a helpful summary of the rest: "digimon arent fucking real shitlord"
i cant believe tai liveblogged digimon adventure
....so are we using dub names or not, bc on one hand we have the english logo and "tai", but we also have... "maa-kun"??
anyway then the power suddenly goes out. this somehow affects nyo's battery-operated laptop computer
>Tai, Matt,Ā everyone has been captured...
ok so i guess the plot of this is that all the main characters have been kidnapped so agumon enlists the help of... this random kid toĀ save everyone. remember when i said the games are canon to the storyline, except when they arent? this is one of the "arent" parts. ...the game's plot is canon to the anime's storyline... except for... the game's whole plot?? sasuga digimon
[the only way this could possibly be canon is if all the other digidestined completely forgot about their new pal ryo nyo somehow. but frankly, i find it a little hard to swallow that theyād do something like forget about a fellow digidestined and never bring him up in conversation or even think about him. it just seems so out-of-character for those kids to go about their daily lives, utterly failing to acknowledge the existence or possible disappearance of such a good friend. im certain if ryo nyo had been replaced with, say, a mysterious evil cat-stealing doppelganger, his fellow digidestined would surely respond with shock, alarm, and most of all, deep concern for their friendās well-being. im positive they--]
so agumon... uh... emails? nyo tai's digivice, and-- --i just remembered "nyotai" is japanese for "woman's body". we fucked up
man that really couldve been spaced out better
what part of "the digivice" do you not understand, nyo
I need your help, Nyo!
i was gonna make a joke here but i cant fault agumon for repeating himself, since apparently nyo's a bit slow
WHAT PART OF "TOUCH THE DIGIVICE" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, NYO
IT'S A DIGIVICE, NYO, WE HAVE LONG SINCE ESTABLISHED THIS
so i guess then nyo's... parent? walks in and finds out their 10-year-old child is fucking gone. amazing i always say digimon is about traumatized children but it's really the parents who are the most traumatized of all
on a bad rpgmaker map, from the looks of it
Youāre Nyo, right? I was waiting for you.
You were waiting for me?... Agumon?
WHY DOES THIS DIALOGUE HAVE SO MUCH PADDING
"a... digital world? a world that is digital? im in a digital... world?"
"a digital network? inside a machine? like a computer? or a game? a computer inside of a machine? a DIGITAL machine?"
"OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT" WHY DOES THIS CHILD HAVE THE MEMORY SPAN OF A GOLDFISH
That doesnāt matter!
I was only borrowing it.
you...your dad bought you a computer... but you "borrowed" his instead
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NYO
"--to be sent to someone competent, but youll have to do"
so basically it's your average incomprehensible digimon plot. gotcha
Explain everything slowly!
"so, what youre saying is, we're in a... digital world"
look nyo i dont think even the writers ever figured this out
I have no idea what youāre...
......the end?
THIS IS JUST THE EXACT SAME BACKGROUND AS BEFORE BUT WITH A SHADOW AROUND IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE
IāM SCREAMING
ok so suddenly this eyeless fuck appears out of nowhere and murders nyo
[this is agumon. this is agumonās role in the game.]
then...
...we get this...
...long-ass cutsce--
--baby "frame"?? really????
...in which agumon basically plays the game for us...
...and wins a battle without any user input.
o...kay...? so nyo's completely useless then
"IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"
how is his mouth stitched if he's made of fire? wouldnāt the stitches burn?
so this uses dub names, but also jp terms like "baby flame" ābaby frameā and "chosen child"??
a mix between dub and jp terms.... i finally understand... this was translated by crunchyroll
No, Iām human and notĀ human at the same time.
oh my god itās tricky
that's more than enough of that for now. we've still only seen cutscenes! wow!
[August 14th, 2016 - 5:23 PM]
i havent updated in like two weeks because i, mysteriously, feel reluctant to keep playing... whatever that was
"we're in the digital world" "DIGITAL... WORLD? A WORLD THAT IS... DIGITAL? WE ARE... IN IT? RIGHT NOW? IN A... DIGITAL WORLD?"
this is all nyo's fault
Let me explain.
explain to him as you would to a child. a small child. a baby.
yeah, that sort of thing seems to happen a lot around here!
please dont list them all especially with text this badly spaced out
he actually didnt list any more after that. "just those three, everyone else just kinda stood around and watched"
There were still two left.
"there were still 41 episodes left"
TWO? TWO LEFT? AS IN THERE WAS ONE LEFT, AND ONE MORE AFTER THAT? STILL REMAINING?Ā
(also, i didnt leave out any caps, thatās really his entire line. nice lowercase, nyo. nyowercase)
SINCE WHEN THE FUCK DOES KABUTERIMON HAVE EYES oh wait that's chimeramon kimeramon. original digimon do not steal
(offscreen, apparently)
they survived with the power of gay feelings i guess
...so, wait, chimeramon was already around before 02?? are you telling me that ken's Original Digimon was somehow LESS original than we thought (he actually does call itćåć®ćŖćŖćøļæ½ļæ½ć«ććøć¢ć³ćand every time i remember that i cry. im crying now)
first the digital world was terrorized by milleniummon... and then it was terrorized by an 11-year-old chunibyo with a deviantart oc (...can you even have "eighth grader syndrome" in fifth grade)
yeah, pretty much, i guess, sorta
yeah ok blah blah it's evil and it fucked things up and THERE'S SO MUCH EMPTY SPACE IN THAT BOX YOU COULDVE USED
LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!!Ā IM CRYING THIS SPACING IS SO BAD
NYO
he proves his understanding by recounting all that shit back to us, near-verbatim, because that's how people talk
his... folks?? did milenniummon kidnap taiās parents too????
so basically the plan is to... uh, beat up a bunch of OTHER evil digimon until we've captured friended enough good digimon also level grinding i guess and THEN we can go kick milleniummon's ass. ok
allles
does nyo do anything but repeat what others say back to them because it sure doesnt look like it so far
^ index ^ | part 2 ->
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