#so i am a bit winded from it all
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here’s the thing… I’ll never settle on that this is it, that it’s the end of it all bc there’s too many things that don’t make sense but also if anyone in this world deserves karmic justice it’s Daniel and I simply refuse that this is the end after everything he’s dealt with in the last four years.
I need to believe good things happen to good people or I’ll go absolutely crazy so I’m gonna stay in the place of hope and possible delusion that this isn’t the end, simply because it can’t be.
#daniel ricciardo#dr#dr3#f1#formula 1#formula one#him going quietly without a fight doesn’t sit right one bit him not getting a proper send off or actually getting to leave on his own terms#it’s not the end#this might be the summer break of it all also and that my mind will go another round once Cota actually comes around#but I don’t believe it and I won’t ever I think#if there’s anything people love it’s a good comeback story and nothing would be greater than his right now redbull has made sure of that in#their achievement of out doing mclaren in his treatment#so I am holding on to my little candle gently shielding it from every hint of wind bc I need this I just need to believe good things are#coming. they’re coming we just don’t know it yet#joey rambles
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There are two wolves inside me. One wants to embrace a new hobby in dance so I can be active and feel elegant and graceful and strong. This wolf wants to try something new and exciting, finally indulging in something I've always had an interest in.
The other experiences such frustrating emotions on a near daily basis that I want to go back to boxing, which is arguably easier to break into since I've already done it before. This wolf doesn't think of elegance, she just wants to fuck shit up until her body's so overworked and warm it fogs up car windows without having to do anything but sit inside.
Which one do I fucking feed??
#t. lee woes#like. do you know how hard it is trying to start something new that you've never done at all ever before??#and you've got no mode of transport until december - and ONLY if things go well#and now you're contemplating ways to mkre regularly earn a bit of money to afford the classes since paying weekly means my income#would wind up like $9 a fortnight since $40 would be spent by the end of each fortnight#it wouldn't necessarily be stagnant but it's not a desirable position to be in#I still have stuff saved up in a jar but I'm always hesitant to dip into that stuff#originally it was going toward a violin and lessons for that but I'm putting it off in favour of something a bit easier to dedicate time to#boxing is easy. in fact I could get support from my fam for that cause they like it#they don't see the point in dancing but I really want to at least try it and I'm worried about affording each term if I do end up liking it#also I already have boxing gear from before#but I'm hesitant about boxing at the moment for a lot of reasons I can't quite articulate but weirdly might have something to do with#internalised misogyny and biases... which is WILD cause my dad supports women learning martial arts#I can't do karate though I tried that and the class drove me a little insane#and it doesn't push you the same way boxing does and I really like to be pushed#if I don't leave sweating and hot and lungs and muscles aching then what's the point?? I can do mediocre exercise at home#and find more intense martial arts classes that also teach other kinds of self-defense#it's like... ehhhh#anyway but also I want to do something that's for fun that isn't so Serious Fight Mode#hence dancing#but I can only afford one not both and basically I'm grumpy today cause I was gonna trial a dance class - got ready and everything - but#my ride was suddenly unavailable. and I still can't stomach public transport. nor am I good at navigating it#it feels so different here compared to where I used to live - and I knew trains better not buses
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i have. too many things to do.
#and of course what i WANT to do is write fanfic and read the ten different books i want to read and make art just for fun#and also be a couch potato and watch youtube videos for a couple hours with no guilt#but i was sick for a week and that's a week's worth of missed classes and homework i'm now trying to catch up on#in addition to new stuff#and i was already falling a bit behind in a couple classes because they don't have enough structure for me#and like. i'm managing. i'm getting stuff done.#but it's exhausting to know that tomorrow when i only have to go to one class i will be spending all day on homework#....i need to not tell myself that. i need to build in space for breaks or i will burn myself out#i do not want to be at risk of burnout in the first month of school with an intentionally very low courseload#this is just. so frustrating and stressful#and i'm coping. but i wish i didn't have to#vent#school stress#stars rambles#i am somewhat grateful that needing something to wind down from homework with has made me excited to write fic for the first time in months#but the downside of that is that i do not have enough time right now
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sneeping with his legs up over his head for some reason... weird boye
#cats#love the second picture... skrungly sleepy well rested boye face...#since he's an elderly boy now sometimes when he wakes up from a nap he looks a bit scruffy and squinty eyed#Hard to beleive he's like 15 though.. he still looks like a kitten to me.. due to his giant round creature eyes and childlike demeanor#I think it's interesting that like... baby cats are babies. kittens are kittens. and you can tell a cat is like 'young adult' phase#looking from like a few months to maybe 1yr or 2yrs.. but after that they just always look the same to me#a 5 yr old cat is a 10 yr old cat is a 15 year old cat. unless the cat in question is particulalry aged or youthful#I still have so so little energy... it's been icy here this week. like not even FUN but just scary icy even thoguh i lOOOVE the cold#and its my favorite weather. I think it'd be okay actually if I had a woodburning stove/fireplace/hearth thing. literally thats my only#concern with the power going out. I genuinely don't mind stuff like having to go to the bathroom in buckets or cook over a fire or do other#less conveninet things. Its just that if eveyrhtng is electric then you have no way to cook and all of that. well.. and I literally need#background noise to go to sleep lest my ocd sprials become so loud I am slowly driven into maddness.. but a few battery packs or something#and a phone with one downloaded video I could play on repeat is fine for that. I dont need internet. ANYWAY.. so so sad that my fav#orite season ever (winter) is here. and the first cold of the winter is like... just an ice storm that you cant even walk in. I#love like 4 feet of snow where you can play in it and stuff. But just a thin flat sheet of a few inches of ice over every imaginable surfac#is not really playable. the wind speeds are so high and so many trees fall it's actually not that safe to go hang out outside anyway unless#you were in a totally clear open field. which is SAD also because i love ice and high winds. i love to stand out there and get whipped in t#he face with ice crystals and feel like I'm in some dramatic movie or something. but alas.. the threat of being attacked by a falling tree.#I did go out some but again it's like. literallyyou cant walk on it. so I just squatted and dragged myself along the ground lol#One of my stories has a whole section where the main characters are trapped in a deadly cold environment for a week and have to use magic#to survive and etc. etc. so I'm always like.. ouuu.. I should go in the ice.. it's Writing Research actually.. *foolishly gets frostbite*#THOUGH yesterday I went on a harrowing evil journey down a bunch of icy hilly roads to go check on some person's cat because the cat#had been left in the house for like 5 days at that point with nobody to check on them and nobody else seemed to want to do anything#about it (like call all of the neighbors or try to get someone out there) so I just went myself with a roommate who agreed to drive me.#It seemed acting totally normal and I gave it more food and water but.. I am still worried about it.. Apparently the person will be able#to get back to their house tomorrow but.. I dont trust them. But I couldnt take the cat with me because it's like.. a stranger's cat#basically and also no carrier + very skittish.. so I feared if I just tried to carry them bare handed they'd definitely leap from my grasp#and then it'd be like.. sliding on a sheet of ice chasing a cat and so on.. I still think they need to be watched for health issues tho >:|#ANYWAY.... many cat adventures lately... and strange weather... I wish for a normal week without always so many Things Happening.. augh
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Oh mother, tell your children Not to do what I have done Spend your lives in sin and misery In the house of The Rising Sun
#okay but can we agree? House of the rising sun? beautiful amazing incredible timeless masterpiece? yeah?#all i want is to put on a cute 70s dress with the bell sleeves and some gogo boots and get my hair all pretty with the flip curls#and go to one of those really cool and dark and lowkey shady bars you see on the movies. with a pool table and a jukebox#hard-looking bartender with an impressive mustache named Mitch or Hank#and go up to the bar and he'd be like “whatya having doll?” “oh. anything sweet please”#and he hands me some soda-gin or whatever with a lemon slice. and the guy next to me notices my drink and is like#“hey Mitch. give the lady something nicer eh? maker a double from the back shelf. extra ice”#“i'm fine with this actually. i don't drink whiskey” “tonight you do sweetheart”#and he's wearing some really nice jeans and boots and a dark shirt and a leather jacket. dark hair but has some freckles. charming smile.#“what is a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this? i think them church youths go bowling next door”#“i am not lost. can't a girl enjoy some music” “does the boyfriend know?” “i answer to no one”#and he takes a long drag of his cigarette and chuckles. Mitch brings my new drink as gives him a look before drafting some beer#“so. the pretty lady likes a little danger eh?” “the lady has a name” .#i take a sip of the whiskey and try real hard not to cough. he thinks it's funny. i think he's a little cute#“does she now? and does the lady dance by any chance” and he's standing up quite tall and offers me a hand “she does”#and we go to the dance floor near the jukebox where quite a lot of people are dancing and eventually this song starts playing#and he kisses me surprisingly gentle and tastes like menthol cigarettes and hard liquors and I'm definitely a bit dizzy from the drink#he probably has a cute name like Daniel (Danny is what everyone calls him)#and maybe he has a bike or a really nice convertible. obviously red. je offers to take me home but we're just driving for a bit instead#“didn't you daddy taught not to get into stranger's cars?” “my daddy also taught me not to kiss pretty boys and yet”#“so you think i'm pretty?” “pretty enough”#and we laugh to the wind and the radio is on and this song starts playing again and it's a perfect moment#anyways. great song great band 👍#darya's mixtape#Spotify
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"Oh it would have been more satisfying if the humans had invented a technology which defeated the Martians rather than have them killed off by accident just when humanity's impotence in the face of disaster seems to be confirmed". I
To me that's just a fancy way of saying "Yeah but humans could totally handle the Martians and the writer has a duty to reassure the audience of that!"
Sir we cannot even handle climate change and I'm sorry to tell you that it's not entirely due to a lack of technological expertise
#In all fairness maybe we can handle climate change we don't know yet but it's going to take a lot more than a fancy new invention#As for war and genocide and all the other human ills that we can't seem to solve how do you think the atomic bomb worked out#And when I say technology or science I don't just mean in the normal STEM sense#As a history student you end up asking a lot whether your subject is actually beneficial to society or capable of solving anything#Or the political sciences- was the League f Nations or even today's UN a success?#Maybe if we just keep learning and studying we can solve it! Well maybe. But what will humanity look like when we're done?#Anyway I'm getting a bit far from the point of the War of the Worlds but maybe I'm just not enough of a science fiction nut for this convo#Maybe the image of societal collapse impressed itself on me more strongly than any delight over long-winded explanations of alien machines#Maybe it would be different if I'd read the book hoping for a good story about aliens#rather than to read one man's uncomfortable rather pessimistic views on what an alien invasion might tell us about human ity#I am simply asking certain fans to sometimes Dig a Little Deeper#Alright rant really over this time#...maybe#It's just that there are so many potential issues with that book but honestly I can't accept that the ending is one of them#Even the hint at the end that since the Martians proved it possible maybe some day humans might colonise other planets I just !!!!!
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trying to say things about the bsol finale & how it has these little twists about what you don't necessarily expect for these roles but would you believe it i'm like i can't use my [just saying some shit] ability i'm pressed about wanting it to be more coherent & verbalizing doesn't even really happen if i don't have the [just saying some shit] wind in my sails But trying to say One Thing, how about the little twist like the miracle banana gets being that he himself lives, vs his emotional resolution that he would have died to help the musician, even as the musician is like no bestie you're good, even as the audience may expect & approve of even dying from funny little second banana guy who may even be supposedly taken as Superfluous now that thee man & thee woman have reunited (but it was always queerer than that) like. more resolution to our themes that that very second banana is doing just fine vs that the hero is, more classic iconisiquisms
#good enough And Post#bsol#what a bummer if he Had died like. & that would not have been Surprising b/c like ''ah bummer but sure of course.#perhaps even proper & fitting'' like no [side characters are less of a person than main characters] here#nor certainly funny little guys < hardass main hero romantic lead guys who don't wanna cuddle their boy but Will die & kill w/o him#also fun that mitb is that like big part of [bmc most Known / bway produced iconis musical] but where its origins indeed are like yeah#Now it might be the first/sole thing someone knows about bmc but when this was a niche novel debuting experience; mitb existing#could be more so perhaps confusing / surprising like why are we having this moment w/this second banana character to hear all about how he#feels? b/c the second banana deserves that. & then thinking of like something that makes bmc unwieldy from a potential perspective being#like oh there's too much time spent on these side characters vs the protagonist. well any/every element / idiosyncrasy / Choice of a show#can be argued as like alas this is a roadblock to longer runs bigger productions w/e other measure of success; bitch....#let's get you some fruit (bananas (second)) (queerness (all over the place))#& i had a real literal fruit banana earlier i am metabolizing into queerness as i type....#general vibe has been a bit intense lately; not conducive to my Just Saying Some Shit. but not Not necessarily wanting to#though not that it even comes Peak Easily with the wind in my sails / less of an intention to be a bit more coherent than usual#saying any things taking plenty of time / effort / really ofc still self editing along the way even in incoherent just saying sm shit mode#no such thing as really Just xyzing at all; certainly not if to any degree it's some instruction / not what you already do all the time#anyway tl;dr it Would be more expected like ah rip banana :( but instead we get the miracle of banana does not die. thank fuck
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I recently decided to semi revive some of my crusty dusty splatoon ocs from when I was like 12, so here’s all of the goobers! Meet Cherry (she/her), Slosh (he/they), Egg (they/them), and Blast (she/they)
#keese draws#splatoon#splatoon oc#inkling#inkling oc#octoling#octoling oc#since they were from me being like 12 I. barely remember anything abt them.#I remember the most abt cherry and slosh but that basically amounts to their names and gender#the other two I only rember existing through vibes lol#anyways! I am never drawing splatoon weapons again! holy shit that fucking sucked!#on the bright side I got to mess around a bit with some hair style concepts I’ve been rotating in my head#also I’m still working on giving these guys an updated story but my basic idea is that they’re a professional tower control team that has#been facing some conflicts as of late due to them all getting old enough to start having aspirations outside of their team#cherry is from the domes but her parents left with her when she was around 10#blast went to the same school as her and the two became pretty close friends as selective mute buddies#then at some point cherry caught wind of this cool new sport called tower control and was like woahhh I wanna do that#so she just went up to the first person near the battle lobby she could find and was like hey how do I join?#and he got super excited since he has a reputation for being incapable of shutting up so someone willing coming up to him came as a shock#they showed her where to get weapons and how to join battles and the two became battle buddies real quick#this lead to blast getting super worried and anxious as she didn’t want to see her only friend get hurt or stolen from her#at which point cherry was like oh I know! why don’t you come battle with us?#and blast was like wait wait wait no what if I die and dont come back and then die again :[#they managed to come to a compromise for a while tho and eventually blast was able to just barely squish past her fear enough to start#being kind of interested in tower control as she had started watching the other two play#and while she was still anxious abt the idea eventually she sheepishly admitted she wanted to give it a try#and she ended up really liking it! so the three kept playing together#and eventually they started to feel more and more like an actual team and egg noticed#they had been scouting a team to join for a lil while now and after getting to play with the three quite a few times and getting on friendly#terms with them they were like hey what if we became like an actual team who do tournaments and stuff
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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just
it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)
#text post#god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again#in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps#makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now#gonna sleep eventually#i think lmao#im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better#that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something#no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that#my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it#he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year#i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND#and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live#that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me#he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off#where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself#if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao#i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine#gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings#find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try#forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others
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FACTS HAYAMA-SAN!!!!!!!! SO TRUE YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
#this is vee speaking#when the merch dropped for this event i thought the wall scrolls were nice because wow takeuchi-san in pink!!!!!!! stupendous!!!!!!!#but what would i do with a takeuchi wall scroll lol#and then hayama-san graced us with his infinite wisdom 😌 and wore the wall scroll 😌 talented 😌 brilliant 😌 incredible 😌 amazing 😌 sho—#lol takeuchi-san’s program cost a little bit so i haven’t watched the part with ishiya-san yet#but the part with hayama-san was very entertaining lol they are on the same wavelength in the strangest ways lmao#i need to rewatch it again since i let it play while i was working but takeuchi-san’s opening video lol#had him listing 30 things he liked about hayama-san (spoiler he did not do 30 LOL)#for number two he said that hayama-san was cute (✔️) and it’s a little unfair he’s cute because he’s also a bully (✔️)#but he’s cute so he winds up not minding at all i think was the rather long reason and the commenters went ‘so he’s an M senpai………..’#‘hayama is his S kouhai huh’ also said the commenters and were proven right when hayama-san forced him to march around the perimeter LOL#i shouldn’t have made this a tag vomit post there’s actually a lot i wish to say lol#one part i thought was interesting was hayama-san’s first impressions of takeuchi-san#he said he thought he looked really cool…………… and then the highball happened lmao (takeuchi-san is bad with alcohol lol)#what i thought was interesting tho was apparently ishiya-san thought he looked scary when he first saw him#and i am of a similar mindset actually lol like i look back at bat’s debut pics from the 4th live and think ‘DAMN he looks intense’ lmao#he’s softening with age and it’s delightful to see lmao 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#like i’m apologising in advance for this statement but take-san now has a fun very handsome guy next door vibe#take-san 4 years ago looked like the bro that would have you faded in his lap from drinks he hand fed you slow and called you ‘good’ LOL#hayama-san and sakakihara-san were calling him papa from the beginning for a REASON LOL#c: seiyuu stuff
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I finished the stripe B)
#well. like.#I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball#you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad#and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour#so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball#and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself#ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN#I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here#*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails#but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch#but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along#my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.)#it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my#right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs#right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not#wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and#go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT.#so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow !#and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected#(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are#specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help#my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )
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...
#i miss thunderstorms. summer thunderstorms especially. i guess i say that bc its only just spring and in the southwest it already feels#like summer midday. monsoons arent the same. theyre too patchy. they come and go on schedule leaving flooded roads and rainbows#i want a storm that builds. heat so heavy with moisture you can feel the air against your skin and the looming of dark clounds#distant rumbling and the smell of ozone. the ominous bending of trees as the wind blows in gusts. that suits my mood#i want to stand outside in a thunderstorm. barefoot and full of directionless rage. and i want to scream until i cry#ive been crying a lot today. i had to leave the lab early so i could lay down on the floor and cry for a while. such a blurry day#i started yesterday at about a 9. looked in the mirror and grinned like a maniac. danced around and talked too much all day. and then#started to slip around 8pm and by 2pm the next day i was desperately sad. which is probably a rational emotion to b feeling bc for the past#weeks. its been a lot ans before that idk when i last took a break. so im sad. and i have so much to do thst ive already signed away my 3#day interlude before i do back to 11hr days. so it goes. at least my energy is still pretty high.#but its weird. i went from +9 to -7. and ive been paying close attention now. its not consistent. the heights come and go. ill go from on#the floor crying to feeling perfectly normal in 2 seconds. or on the opposite end i felt happy and then this pulsating energy would#overwhelm me for a while then it would dim down to normal. like what am i supposed to do with that? track my mood i guess. collect data#make an excel file so i can run stats and make figures. track covariets so i can understand whats happening. a mood issue wasnt even a#little bit on my radar so im skeptical but its plausible enough to warrant investigating. so when i eventually end up in front of a doctor#i can b like: check this shit out. and present a beautiful graphical description of my irradic behavior#sigh. i should sleep. i was tried until 9 ans now i dont wanna sleep. but ive got shit to do tomorrow and it would b great if i could get#it together pls. whatever. next month i go on vacation so i just have to suffer until mid may#the things i do for thr collection of data i couldn't even begin to give a fuck abt. someday ill look back and b so sad abt this time#this time especially bc im not even drawing much. im too static-y#unrelated
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Achievements today:
Did some tasks for my favourite work project
Did a qual to hopefully open up more projects
Diagnosed (sort of) and fixed bugs in my sims 2 game
Ran outside in the rain for the first time since school (which I only used to do because I was forced to)
Confused my elderly neighbour and his raincoat-wearing dog
Stroked the dog’s floofy head
Ran more than a kilometre without taking a walking break
#feel like the running thing is more impressive when you realise that it was raining diagonally at my face (directly into my EYES)#and wind chill was something like 9 celsius. i was wearing a t-shirt and leggings mind you#this was how i confused my elderly neighbour. he just shouted something at me and i was like ‘yeah i know frank’#then i fussed his dog’s head and his dog wagged at me <3#his dog looks JUST like my old doggy; kim. which is not surprising since they’re both flatcoated retrievers#i LOVE flatties but they all kind of look the same. i mean max is a bit bigger and i think he’s entirely black#kim had runt of the litter vibes and a big white stripe down his belly and two white spots on his paws#i used to think he was a mix but i’ve heard from flattie breeders that they sometimes breed them to be smaller on purpose#and that even purebreds can have white on them. so i don’t know. dog breed of all time tbh#oh ane the sims glitch was just that i kept getting the jump bug and couldn’t work out why#but i pulled a few files out of my mods folder and eventually it stopped#weirdly it was only/mostly happening in one household? but it made that household completely unplayable so i had to fix it#i also had to delete some custom food because my sims straight up couldn’t make it#i’d go ‘make breakfast -> oatmeal’ and they’d get all the way through the process of making it#but then the bowl would disappear and they’d have to make it again.. and again.. and again#so i deleted all the files by that same creator just to be safe#i have plenty of custom foods anyway. i don’t really Need to have oatmeal#i think i’m going to stop downloading mods now that i know my current configuration is fine#just cosmetic cc from now on. and probably a lot of it. i need clothessss everyone is just in t-shirts and jeans#which i mean.. so am i (usually. right now i’m in pyjamas) but still#personal
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Hi guys guess who's literally shaking rn from excitement
#rat rambles#oni posting#beta moments. explodes.#now as expected not everything is fully implemented and I imagine theres going to be more logs and such when the main story trait of this#planetoid is fully implimented in the actual dlc when it releases#but there are still some new logs that can be viewed already and Holy Shit#ok ok so first of all we have confirmation that gossmann is her last name and her first name starts with an e#I also am amazed at my hc of harold being a dad being true like yo I actually nailed it with that hc#however that news is far outshadowed by the fact that pretty much all of my jackie childhood hcs being completely obliterated#and by completely I mean COMPLETELY like its not even like a detailed retelling or anything its just an email#but as I honestly kind of expected my hcs are completely dead and gone in the wind rest in peace jackie hcs#Im honestly completely ok with this tho as while I did like my hcs ot definitely was the sort of thing I did not want to be canon#like honestly the fact that this implies that jackie actually has a decent relationship with her family is perfect to me#I also like how it gives us another bit of insight on jackie's life outside of gravitas without her even saying anything directly#its going to be sad to move away from my old hcs but I am honestly kind of digging the new implications#wait a minute#ok now I need to know what the family tree here looks like jackie are those your parents and are they divorced this is important#WAIT I NOTICED A SECOND THING#ok well first of all one of the presumably jackie relatives is a colonel which like so fucking lines up with how jackie is#but also I think that some of the other new logs might also be abt jackie relatives#one of the new logs in fact directly mentions a colonel#in fact the log in question seems to be a part of another trio of logs that probably are abt different outcomes of the same event#they seem to be about an incident that either resulted in the injury death or successful recovery efforts of a crew of piolets#with the one that ended up being able to be saved being credited to the colonel (telling us they were almost certainly in the air force)#all three end with gravitas showing some form of hostility towards the vertex institute for some reason or another#and in the two where things go wrong stretches out an invitation for those affected to apply at gravitas instead#and the one where things turn out ok theres mention of claims of corporate espionage#which I find Facinating on so many levels in either direction this could go#to be clear these three logs are written in a very broken up manner as they seem to be corrupted radio programs or smth#anyways this is all to say that smth fucked up happened over there and it has the chance to make jackie so So much worse
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On a happier note, I am enjoying having to research baby milestones for the Midwifery Charge AU (fic and nostalgia rambles below the cut)
(which at this point, thanks to the help of a good friend, I've realised is best done as a collection of lil one shots from moments in it. I just. don't have the mental anything nor the organisation to do a multichap full fic rn. Y'all know I lose steam too easily on those and just don't do them as well as I do simple oneshots. I wrote a full original trilogy at age 10 and again at like age 21; I used all my 'full multichap project' juice too early in life AND both trilogies kind of sucked ass. RIP to them may their memory never find me again let alone be a blessing but I digress)
Bc it means I get to remember all the cute shit the cousins did when I was helping raise them and like. certain bits can be used for baby in the fic even!
Like how the oldest one learned to roll over from one direction, but then couldn't replicate it going the other way, and she would just. lose her shit wailing until someone rolled her over that way. Then she was good until oh fuck oh no, she rolled over right to left again and to her lil brain it was too different from rolling left to right, she's stuck forever oh g-oh hey someone rolled her back to her tummy. neat.
We never let her sit for more than a second or two stuck (mostly to try and encourage her to. ya know. Realise that she could in fact roll herself both ways and it would be fine. Took her time but she got there lol) and I'm just
Dying at the image of the crew so carefully taking turns watching Baby (who I'm gonna reveal bc I don't think I have yet? if i have ignore me lol, is named Basilica after Izzy's deadname (he gave her the name, there's an entire Thing abt it and little moments abt his journey as a trans man tucked into this au), going by Baz for short (thank u to the aforementioned good friend for this as a nickname for the full name, bc I was struggling to figure out how to shorten it and Baz is !!! perfect!!!) )
And she's been with them longer than expected. 4-6 months is the average that I've found for when babies learn to roll over, so maybe she's abt 5 months old at this point.
Doing tummy time with Fang and she does it! Right to left rolling over, absolutely perfect, stunning, no notes, they're gonna make her a medal but-
Oh no. She's gotta roll left to right now, and instead of rolling the other way she just panics and weeps and everyone on this ship is a big fuckin softy (i get it lol, I was with the cousins) so they keep rolling her over the other way to calm her.
Until they have a crew meeting and Jim mentions Nana telling them that sometimes, babies have to just. cry for a minute or two and learn how to do the thing. You can help, but first you have to let them try and encourage them to do it on their own. (they gloss over the fact that Jim also makes clear with this anecdote that Nana absolutely would have taught a baby how to throw a knife. And honestly, is she wrong for this? who can say, not me, but I like knives and think a baby with a knife is hilarious, so I'm biased. I'm never gonna have kids, don't worry lmao.)
Cut to everyone having tummy time while the ship is docked/anchored somewhere safeish (let's be real, for the Kraken crew, nowhere is really fully safe with all the raiding they've been doing. But Ed and Izzy and Fang all know the quieter spots other ppl have forgotten that they can rotate going to for moments like this)
In a circle, around Basilica on the blanket Frenchie designed and knit for her, while she whines and cries bc goddamn it, why is rolling the other direction so hard? So scary?
And they're all lowkey trying not to cry (Ed and Izzy the most out of all of them, for varying personal reasons that all ultimately culminate in a want for Basilica to have a better childhood than they did, including the little moments/early achievements like this) while babytalking like mad, trying to encourage her to roll the other way
It's just not happening, but juuuust as Izzy is abt to break and gently roll her over, a cannon booms in the distance
And if that adorable little shit doesn't roll left to right, then again, trying to lift her head up to see where the big noise came from. She's not even crying anymore, she's just curious!
Unfortunately, said cannon is a sign they need to head out, so they have to pick her up and get her settled in Ed's room(really Ed and Izzy's room, by this point. Are they back together in a healthy way? Not really, but they're Aware of their mutual issues and are just barely talking some of them through. or starting that process, at least) for her own safety and now she's crying bc she's so mad! She wanted to keep rolling over! She was literally on a roll, how fucking dare they pluck her off the floor so easily!!
Despite the potential incoming danger of another ship, everyone is giggling as they get the ship moving. I'm envisioning it like. U know when a baby is So Mad So Incensed, they're making those angry babbles that are loud enough to hear a room away? That sound is all they can hear aside from the waves and the far off cannon fire, and it's a mood lightener. Yeah, they might be about to fight for their lives, but listen to her! She's swearing! (I do absolutely have an idea for her first word being 'fuck' thanks to Izzy lmaooo)
And they're all as excited to escape not just for their lives, but so they can lay the blanket out again and have her show off her new skill. A little soft moment in between having to fight to save themselves or raiding for more loot (and baby gear/supplies, my god not a one of them ever thought they'd be threatening ppl for additional cloth diapers but. here they are lol.)
Anyway. Eventually I'm gonna get all the snippets posted up in an ao3 collection, including the few I've already posted here. When I get that started I'll drop a link, in the meantime I'm gonna see if I can get my brain to actually finish another oneshot for this au today lmao
#text post#long post#adding that tag to b safe bc i scrolled but have no concept of if this is too long or not so it probably is#i also need to start writing the sadder bits of this au that happen away from basilica/when she isn't in the room#maybe i should dip into those for today idk idk#i could also tackle the draft i have that starts with Izzy having his morning coffee and a convo with her#aka she babbles wildly and he nods and asks questions completely seriously#'i can see your point but do you really think you can keep a crew under control that way?' '*incomprehensible babbles*'#'of course that's your methodology I shouldn't question you.' and he sips his coffee and giggles while also lowkey hoping#that she won't wind up ever having to manage a crew. or if she does may she be many years older and able to keep herself safe#bc Izzy's fear then is that he and ed and everyone might already be dead and gone and yes she'll be an adult but. he worries anyway#i should be writing instead of tagging all this brain baby cmon and let me actually write today i am BEGGING
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from me to you — gojo satoru x f!reader
a/n: this takes place in chapter 268, soo sort of spoilers ahead? also long live gojo satoru; gojo leaves you a letter 🙏
“y/n-sensei, there is a letter for you as well!”
that catches your attention, and you look up at the first years. you tilt your head slightly, and yuuji hands you an envelope.
you gently take it from him, and the first thing you notice is “wifey” written on it then the doodle of satoru with his blindfold on. you feel your throat tighten, and your hands shake slightly.
you let out a small breath then shakily open the letter.
hey, honey!!
it first reads.
I feel like there is still much I didn’t tell you in our last meeting, so here I, your beautiful and handsome husband, am writing them down.
you swallow lightly, and a small smile appears on your face as you imagine satoru saying that, then you continue to the next line.
first, I changed all your computer passwords to variations of “satoruisthebest” at one point. your confusion was so cute!!
you quirk an eyebrow at the admission, but when you rack your brain, you remember that one day when you couldn’t log into your computer.
what you vividly remember was satoru being sat beside you the whole time, and now that you think about it. he was smiling so widely the entire time, letting out small chuckles every now and then. oh, that sneaky man.
“satoru, I am telling you it’s broken!”
“sweetheart, we spent over 2000$ on that. if it broke, then we could easily sue the company,” he chuckled, arm wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you closer.
“2 year guaranteed top performance my ass!”
you smile at the memory. it was pretty satoru of him to do that. your eyes then move to continue reading.
second, there are times when I would tell megumi that you would be coming with me, then he would turn and leave me when he found out I was tricking him.
your eyes glance up at said boy who is sat across of you. he made it out alive, despite everything. he suffered so much, but he made it.
it makes you relieved, and you can imagine satoru being bloody proud of him and saying something along the lines of ‘you handed sukuna’s ass to him, very cool!’
no matter how much megumi had frowned and grimaced at satoru’s presence or antics. it rooted itself as something—safe and familiar.
you can’t count on your hands the times when you and satoru would visit the siblings, and nobody really said it, but these meetings did all of you a favor, a chance to kind of wind down. maybe act like death might actually not be looming tomorrow.
it feels like just yesterday when megumi would cling to you when he got really sad or nervous, after so much time spent getting comfortable with each other.
he grew up well, you think, eyes gliding to next.
third, I hid your uniform every two to three weeks, so you have to stay with me.
at that, your eyes widen a bit. satoru’s schedule was pretty packed, but he somehow managed to squeeze time for quality time between you two.
it tugged on your heartstrings, and you made sure he knew how much you appreciated it, not a single space on his face left without a kiss. however, finding out that he went out of his way to make you rest and stay.
satoru’s care really showed in his actions, and you feel like this is the biggest proof of it.
“satoru, have you seen my uniform?”
“nope! maybe, it is a sign to stay home today? you’ve been working so hard, wifey!”
you cupped his face, pulled him down to your height, and kisses his cheek, “you’ve been working harder, ‘toru. let me take off some of the load at least.”
“we could both stay!”
“you’re kidding, right?”
“I already told yaga; I miss you!”
you try to stop the reminiscing further and try to compose yourself before reading the rest.
fourth, I’m the one who kept adjusting the thermostat. I just wanted an excuse to cuddle.
a fond yet melancholy smile appears on your face. you kinda figured that one out. satoru’s favorite pastime was cuddling, so it’s no surprise that he would go out of his way to create the need for it even further.
add to that, once you went to get some green tea and saw him from the corner of your eye teleport to the thermostat, click something, then teleport back to bed.
you figured that the room being chilly that night was not an exception in the middle of july.
“babeeee, it’s so cold! let’s cuddle!”
“maybe the problem is with the thermostat?”
“I checked! I think cuddling is the best solution.”
you giggle as you recall the moment, one of many similar. your heart feels a bit lighter as you go through the letter. something satoru managed to always do even in person.
he would plaster sticky notes, get you trinkets, and even pull pranks on other just to see you smile. feeling more encouraged, you keep on reading the letter.
then you feel your chest constrict so tightly that you might just throw up.
fifth, I am really gonna fucking miss you.
you read the line over again, and you purse your lip in hopes of silencing any noise that may come out as you feel the lump in your throat return, even worse than before. your breathing starts getting more difficult.
your grip on the letter tightens, and you find yourself thinking back to the good times. memories of late nights spent in each other’s arms, thinking about everything and nothing at once.
hushed whispers of confessions and quiet giggles as you reminisced on your highschool days. tight hugs when recalling the sad moments and the departure of a certain someone.
“you know, y/n, I think we might just be made for each other,” he said one night. you hummed and looked him in the eyes.
“three am thoughts?”
“three am admissions,” he grins slightly, “I am made for you, and you’re made for me.”
you remember him pulling you closer and kissing your forehead, while you teased, “and what would you need little old me for, so much that I got made?”
he feigns thinking then closes his eyes, burying his face in your shoulder, “grounding me.”
I love you. I really do, but you should know that already, right?
your eyes drift down to the corner of the paper, and that is when you feel your tears start free-falling. there is drawn a chibi satoru besides a chibi you and between them is a heart.
the chibi satoru is giving yours a big smooch, while she laughs. you never thought that the day your jealousy burns would be because of drawings, and drawings of you and your own husband, nonetheless.
“but wow, gojo-sensei is shit at writing letters,” you hear nobara remark.
megumi responds with a small chuckle, “I am fine with mine.”
“what about you, y/n-sensei?—”
the trio becomes silent as you let out a sob. a watery smile makes its way up your face as you kiss the letter gently and murmur, “so shitty.”
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