#so I read in bits and pieces even when I can’t afford to and part of how I deal w stress is stress c

[honey-tongued-devil]

[Arcane preference]reacting to their s/o calling them husband/wife for the first time

I’ve finished the first chapter of the long fic about Universe 7 (Anytime it rains). As soon as my second beta reader gives me the okay, I’ll post it. While I wait, I’ve written the first headcanon (out of three I’m definitely planning to write and post in the next few days) and picked up the drawing of Steb I’d left unfinished. I’m slow, as usual, but English isn’t my first language, and I’m juggling a lot of things at once. Enjoy!

socials: | INPRNT | | Tip Jar | | X | | BlueSky | | Ao3 | poster: | Jayce poster | | Silco poster | |Silco +self insert poster 1| | Steb poster | if you want to read the fluff longfic with vander and his happy family + Silco x reader you can find it here! ↠ Masterlist

Jayce:

-This man is planning to put a ring on your finger as soon as possible, okay? -Between the academy, public appearances, and both theoretical and practical studies, there isn’t a single moment when he’s really in the right mindset to bring up the topic -The worst part is that, deep down, he’s terrified of putting pressure on you -That’s why, the first time he hears you refer to him as “my husband” during a gala with noble families, he almost chokes -He has to gather all his strength not to grab the interlocutor by the shoulders and ask if they also heard you say that word -He’ll try to keep his composure, maybe responding to your remark with, “Yes, exactly. Her husband really did say/do/design that.”

Viktor:

-It’s not a thought he’s ever really entertained; it never crossed his mind -Part of it is that science is his priority, and part of it is that marriage doesn’t seem like something meant for people like him, -The first time you call him “your husband”, that thought suddenly becomes real in his head, and he can’t help but lean against a wall and wait for the other person to leave -“So, I’m your husband now, huh? Mmm… I don’t mind, a bit pretentious, though…” he jokes, making you roll your eyes -Now, more than ever, he has no idea what to do. He’ll give you a bronze ring from a machine he’s building -“Until I can get one worthy of you.”

Ekko:

-Yes -That’s it -The end -Okay, seriously. The idea of being certain that something will last forever is probably his greatest wish -The first time you call him your husband, he doesn’t see it coming -“Wait, you’re married?” -“I was talking about you, Ekko.” -The moment you say it, he points to his chest, you see his lip tremble slightly, and his eyes grow shinier -He won’t stop talking about it for a week, and at least once a day, he’ll ask if you still want to marry him, if you’re sure, if you love him -No rings before S2; the promise is made by drawing something for each other on your masks and clothes -After S2, he still can’t afford a ring, but now that life is more stable, he can start thinking about a more traditional gift, like a piece of jewelry

Vander:

-This man is ravenous for any family role you might offer him—fiancé, father, husband. Anything goes -The first time you call him “husband”, he plays it cool but will seize the first opportunity to return the favor by telling a customer you’re married -As soon as he can, he’ll squeeze your hand, even under the counter -The idea of being married and having a complete family is everything he’s ever wanted -He won’t stop calling you “my beautiful wife/husband” from that moment on.

-You said it first; you can’t take it back. Now you have to get married

Silco (old man):

-This man’s only sin is loving too much, but I’ll save that reflection for another post -Having no ties other than his illegitimate daughter doesn’t make him someone who’s particularly keen on formalities -The first time you call him “your husband” is in front of Sevika, and he slowly turns to look at you, while she slowly turns to look at him -“Did I... miss something?” Sevika asks, but he doesn’t reply, still perplexed, before glancing at her and saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” -He’s relieved but doesn’t show it. He can’t afford to just yet -As soon as he confirms you were serious, your name will be flamboyantly forgotten—he’ll constantly refer to you as “my wife/husband”

Silco (young):

-The man who survives on love -The first time you call him your husband is in front of Vander, and while Vander bursts out laughing, Silco chokes on his drink -“Are you serious?” He’s so happy that his pale iris are completely swallowed by his dilated pupils -He grabs a pen and draws a ring around your finger -To his credit, he works in a mine, so it’s hard to do better than that, but it becomes the goal that keeps him going -Completely focused on family, the future, and anything that sees the two of you together and happy

Steb:

-The first time you call him your husband is at a dinner among enforcer families, and being mute doesn’t stop him from stealing the spotlight -He whips around, blinking slowly with only his third eyelid in a gesture of confusion -When he’s 100% sure he understood what you said, his eyes widen, the small membranes under his eyes flutter madly, and even the barely visible gills near his jaw gasp for a moment -Someone says, “I didn’t know you were married,” and he immediately nods enthusiastically, not giving you time to take it back -Within 48 hours, he’ll have the ring ready

Jinx:

-The first time you call her “your wife”, she freezes -“What did you just call me?” -She’s used to being a little sister, a big sister, a daughter—she’d never thought she could be a wife. Family ties aren’t chosen, but the idea that someone would want her in their life so much they’d marry her feels incredible -“You want to marry me? Really? Why?” -She bursts into tears, and it’ll take at least 24 hours of cuddling in bed to calm her down -After that, she’ll run to her father to announce that she’s now a married woman

Vi:

-She might not be Silco and/or Vander’s blood daughter, but she’s inherited their deep desire for family -From her family’s tragic fate to Vander’s, she’s always seen family as the ultimate aspiration -When you call her “your wife” for the first time, she doesn’t notice right away, but a full minute later, she whirls around to look at you, as if to ask for confirmation -“Say it again.” -“...You need to buy bread?” -“No, all of it.” -“My wife needs to go buy bread.” -“Again.”

-"My... wife?"

-"Again"

Caitlyn:

-Has she thought about it? Yes -Was she planning to act on it? Not exactly -Caitlyn struggles with emotions and feelings, which is why she hesitates and takes her time -But when you first call her “your wife”, her brain completely shuts off—she just stares at you, unable to hear a single word being said -If you or someone else asks her a question, she’ll snap out of it and respond, -“My wife/husband said everything.” Even if it makes no sense as an answer, making you laugh and leaving the other person baffled

Mel:

-Not a single flicker of surprise—the first time you call her “your wife”, she remains completely composed -“So, I’m your wife?” she asks as soon as you’re in private, approaching you like a feline. You can almost hear the purr in her voice -She’s amused but also intrigued by whatever game you’re playing -The idea of marriage is complicated for her—on one hand, it feels like it would limit her freedom to act, while on the other, unresolved family issues seem to devour her at the mere thought of starting a new cycle -She’ll tell you to go ahead, to get married, but she’ll also ask for time -In the meantime, though, she’ll start using the term “husband/wife” with you—she likes the way it rolls off her tongue

Sevika:

-Between the work she does, the environment she lives in, and all the interesting circumstances of her life, marriage has never been on her radar -Not to mention that in Zaun, it’s not exactly a common practice—people just move in together and build families when they can, without much fuss over formalities or bureaucracy -The first time it happens, she’s playing cards with the other goons, and you casually ask if “your wife is winning” -Her first reaction isn’t even hers—it’s the others’. Dustin, the blond goon with the lazy eye, almost starts crying, embarrassing her -Don’t worry, she’ll make you pay for it at home -She won’t ask to formalize anything, but in true Zaunite fashion, she’ll consider you married, plain and simple

[sweetblossomsss]

Into you || Jeong Yunho

Synopsis: Your husband, who was a deceitful piece of shit, unfortunately is someone who is high of status which means danger comes easily. But when Yunho was hired as your bodyguard, you felt something inside of you change. You were fighting with fire trying to explore what this relationship with Yunho could be.

WARNINGS: nsfw, swearing, reader’s husband gets physical by grabbing her face, drinking, crying, yelling, angst, happy ending, unprotected sex, smut, The character Jae is based on no one, just picked that name, toxic relationship with husband, divorce, throwing a object, tbh I’m sure I’m missing some just lmk.

Word Count: 40K. (If I remember correctly)

Blossom’s Notes: Hello my petals! I definitely had a blast writing this story. As I was watching Ariana Grande’s Into You music video it inspired me to write something similar to it. This is a long one so cozy up, grab a drink and popcorn and enjoy your read. Let’s get into it.

Started: May 29, 2024. Finished: July 28, 2024.

“And I just want to say, thank you to my beautiful wife.” Your husband, Jae, says as he smiles at you. The light shining on you, giving you a spot light. You smile back. “Without you, I don’t know where I would be right now. I love you so much.” He says as he sniffs those crocodile tears up.

You’ve gotten use to his bullshit and lies. The whole banquets clapped for your husband as he smiled for the cameras holding up his plaque. He’s a renowned technology entrepreneur, who is known for his innovative software solutions. His company, a major tech company, is getting recognized for its ground breaking achievements tonight.

He walks down the stage, shaking people’s hands, thanking them as he walks to you. He gives you a kiss on the lips, hugging you. “Show some more affection, would you?” He whispers in your ear, making it seem like he whispered sweet nothings to you. You smiled, as you held his cheek, trying to make it a sweet moment for the cameras.

How badly you wanted to slap him and clean the floor with his ass. You two sat down, thanking the people in your table for their compliments. You couldn’t wait to get home, get out this tight dress, and take the night off with a nice hot bath and alcohol.

“So Y/N,” An older woman says, catching your attention, “You must be very proud of your husband.” She smiles at you two as you reached over and placed your hand over Jae’s, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. “Words truly can’t describe how proud I am of him. He deserves it all.” You said smiling at him. Ugh, please.

Jae cleared this throat. “I’m truly a lucky man. I meant what I said when I said I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for her. She’s been my everything through all the hardships.” The way he looks at you and speaks which such love about you tugs a bit on your heart strings.

You won’t lie, this has been rough. Even then that’s an understatement. You both started this journey with not even able to afford a bed frame. Jae was putting hours in and out for his company, busting his ass to get to where he’s at now. It is true that you kept him sane and composed throughout it all. He leaned on you every time he let his frustration consume him and wanted to throw everything away.

Sometimes you fantasize about the what if. What if you did let him give up? Maybe all the money, glory, and fame wouldn’t get to his head. Something within him switched and you could never figure out why or when it did. If you’re wondering why you stay, well, truthfully speaking even you don’t know yourself. Maybe a part of you is holding on to the what use to be. Hoping Jae goes back to how he was.

“It’s beautiful to see a relationship like this.” The woman said. She dabbed her mouth with a napkin after she had a sip of her champagne, “Pardon if this is wrong of me to ask,” You felt the mood change within the table. “But I saw those threats online. How are you both feeling?”

Oh my mistake, did I forget to mention that you have been receiving threats? Due to your relationship with Jae, you have become a target for people who are against Jae’s business, along with some fans of Jae who aren’t too fond that your his wife. But what has your loving husband done with this information every time you bring it up? Nothing.

The other people in the table agreed talking amongst themselves whispering how they were terrified for you or were worried something bad would happen. “Oh, trust me, we aren’t taking the threats lightly,” Jae said, reassuring the people at the table.

You could’ve sworn you hurt your neck from how fast you snapped to his direction wondering who the fuck is “we” and why “we” all of sudden started caring. “We are currently trying to find the culprits as well as hiring a bodyguard for Y/N.”

Your mouth dropped. You were in shock. For MONTHS you’ve been begging and pleading for some form of protection but he always dismissed your feelings. Guess when other people speak he will do anything to save face his reputation.

He gives you a small face signaling to fix yours. “Oh-Oh, I’m just so shocked,” you said as you put a hand on your chest, “I- um- I didn’t know he was getting me a bodyguard.” You fumbled with your words, giving a small smile to the people at the table to save your reaction.

“Oh, what a good man you have,” the woman said. She grabs her champagne raising it in front of her. “A toast,” she says as everyone, including you two, raise your glass. “To the newly renowned entrepreneur.” Clinking with Jae before you downed that drink knowing you’re in for a long night. You can’t wait to get home.

_______

Finally you two arrived home, no one saying a word to one another. Jae loosening up his tie and taking his jacket off as he walks to the bar. You closed the door, walking to lean on the wall as you take off your heels. You carried them in your hands as you headed up the stairs.

“It would be nice if my wife would give a fuck about my award.” He spat in venom as he poured himself a drink, watching your figure go up the stairs.

You stopped half way on the stairs, making a creaking sound on the wood as you turned around. “Are you serious?” You scoffed. “Your wife is exhausted of playing pretend tonight, husband. I’m going to bed.” You turn around, wanting to just get comfortable and out of his presence.

He slams the cup down, liquor spilling out. You roll your eyes. Oh, here we go again. “Pretend? Are you fucking kidding me? After all I fucking do for you? For us? You’re gonna treat to me like this?” He yells as he spreads his arms out in front of him, leaning on the counter top, glaring at you.

You let out a laugh, slowly going down the stairs, staring at him with a smirk. “For us?” You asked tilting your head to the side in amusement, dropping your heels. “No, Jae, just for you. You’re just a self absorbed arrogant piece of shit.”

That set him off because he was coming in heavy steps, flaring his nostrils, eyes full of anger as he walked up to you grabbing your face. You yelped in shock, digging your nails into his wrist. “You don’t get to speak to me like that.” He spat at you, tightening the grip.

“Admit it. You don’t give a fuck about me. All you care about is your status and how you look on the outside to others.” You said breathing heavy as you try clawing his arm away from you.

“That’s not true. You know I care for you.” He said. His actions obviously say otherwise. You finally shoved him off of you. He stumbled a bit trying to find his balance. There was a moment of silence looking at each other before you spoke.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Why does it take for other people to speak up about what’s happening to me in order for you to do something? You listen to them instead of me?” You felt tears dwelling up as you fumbled taking off your engagement ring and throwing it at him. “Your wife?”

The ring hit him on the chest, bouncing at bit as it made impact with the floor, not that he cares about it either way. “You know that I was caught up with work, business meetings-“

“Everything but me. You just needed to hear other people talking about the threats to validate my feelings, huh?” You cut him off with tears streaming down your face. You were just fed up with all his excuses.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “I was making sure that you weren’t just you being paranoid!” He yells.

You scoffed in disbelief, is he serious right now? “Paranoid? You think I’m being paranoid? You think it’s great living in fear?” You asked him, watching him walk to the bar.

He pours another drink, giving his back to you. “We are doing it now so what’s the matter.” He says nonchalantly.

You sniffed as you wiped the fallen tears. “What matters is that my own husband who vowed to love and protect me doesn’t do anything of the sort.” You said as you shook your head in disappointment and anger. Seeing that he just gave up on this conversation, you just left and went upstairs.

Jae isn’t even phased one bit. He doesn’t bother looking back at you as you leave, not even feeling a tad bit remorse. He just leans his body over the counter, entertaining himself with the cup moving the liquor around, hearing the ice cubes clank against the glass.

He then suddenly feels a vibration in his pocket. He takes his phone out to see someone texted him what he was doing tonight. He chugs the rest of the drink, grabbing his car keys and slamming the door shut as he heads out.

As you’re getting undressed in the bathroom, you turned your head to the sound of the door closing. You sniffed as you wiped your tears with the back of your hand. You’re not stupid, you know he’s probably off to go party and screw some woman. Not the first nor the last.

You watched as the hot steam fogged up the room. Turning to the mirror, you wiped it as you stared at yourself. This isn’t you. You deserve better. You touched your face as you see the tiredness in your eyes, stress written all over your face. Soon the mirror would be fogging again causing you to look at your reflection fading.

You walked to the tub sighing in delight, feeling the slight burning sensation of the water relaxing your muscles as you stepped in. You slowly got in, letting your body adjust to the temperature. You leaned your back on the tub, closing your eyes letting the bullshit of night get out of your system into a peace of mind.

________

A few days have passed and tension still lingers between you and Jae. But here you are, standing in his spacious, sleek office, gazing out the floor-to-ceiling window that overlooks the city getting ready to meet this so called bodyguard Jae has hired.

When he told you he had found someone, you felt the weight of the world come off your chest. Finally, you get to breathe and not have to constantly be looking over your shoulder anymore. The sounds of Jae’s rhythmic typing filled your ears as you stared at your wedding ring, wearing it just for display for photos. You sighed as your attention turned to the view before you.

Suddenly a knock on the door caught your thoughts as you turned around to see who it was. “Come in.” Jae said not even bothering to look up. “Sir,” the receptionist said as she peaked in, “Mr. Jeong has arrived.” Jae looked up at her pausing mid-type, nodding his head as he stood up. “Bring him in.”

You walked and stood next to Jae as he is straightening his clothes, buttoning up his suit, preparing to meet him. “Let me do the talking,” he says, adjusting his tie. “Maybe now I won’t have to worrying about your safety every second.”

“Since when have you ever been worried about my safety to begin with?” You shot back at him with anger in your eyes.

Right when he was about to say something the door opens. Everything went silent when this tall man walked in. You were momentarily stunned at how handsome he was. He was just oozing with quiet confidence in every step as he approached you both. “Good evening, I’m Jeong Yunho.” He greets himself, deep voice ringing in your ears. Wow.

Yunho extends his hand out to Jae and he returns it with a firm shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jae and this,” he wraps his arm around you, “is my wife, Y/N.” He smiles at Yunho.

The urge of breaking his arm off of you is hard to fight but you push through it. “It’s very nice to meet you Mr. Jeong. Thank you so much for coming in today.” Although you feel irritated towards Jae, you gave a genuine smile to Yunho.

He extends his arm out to you. “Please, the pleasure is all mine. And please call me Yunho.” He gave you a small smile as he shook your hand. Wow, he is very handsome. Not just that, but the energy he was radiating when he walked captivated you in some sense.

Jae clears his throat putting his hands in his pockets, noticing your longing stare. “Yunho comes highly recommended. He will make sure you’re safe now.” He said in a serious tone.

“Im sure I will be.” Your tone coming off a little sarcastic as you smiled at Jae causing him to force a smile as his eyes sent daggers to you. “It really means a lot that you’re here Yunho.” You turned your attention back to him.

He nodded, giving a small smile. “Of course. It’s my job. We’ll go over your daily routine and set up a security plan tailored to whatever you need.” He said putting his hands behind his back as he spoke.

“Just make sure she’s protected.” Jae said with slight attitude towards Yunho. You gave him a look that said shut-up. “I’m sure he knows what he’s doing Jae.” You spat back at him.

Yunho sensed the tension between the two of you. He was eying your body language. Keeping a keen eye at the way Jae held your arm and you trying to remove it from his grip as he harshly whispers something into your ear causing your expression to turn angry.

“It’s alright. I understand where he’s coming from,” Yunho said calmly, trying to ease the tension. “My only goal is to protect you without intruding on your personal space. Whatever you need, just let me know.”

You nodded at Yunho’s words. “Well, if you excuse me,” Jae said as he looked at his watch, completely ignoring what Yunho said. “I have a meeting to get to. Make sure she gets home safe.” Jae said as left the room, but not before looking Yunho and up and down as if he’s a threat.

Once you hear the door close, you let out a sigh trying to release the frustration within you. “Yunho, I’m so sorry about Jae. He’s just very… difficult.” You apologized.

Yunho shook his head, giving you a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it. My focus is on you, not him.” He told you. Oh, what was that? Did my heart skip a beat?

You feel a rush of warmth covering your heart with his words, feeling your heart do a leap. It was the way his words spewed sincerity with his intense gaze throwing you off guard. It felt like it stirred up something in you and it was just the first time meeting him.

But besides that, you kind of felt overwhelmed, but in a good way. Feeling some tears creeping in, you sniffed a bit, “Sorry, it’s just- It’s been a long time coming. Ive been waiting for this for a while. You have no idea how clear I can breathe now.”

Yunho looks at you with compassion, “I know it’s a lot to take in, but I promise I’m going to be here for you at every step.” He reassures you as he pulls out a handkerchief for you to dry up your tears. You thanked him as you grabbed it from him, patting your face dry.

“Why don’t we go over your daily routine? The more I know, the better I can protect you.” He said smiling slightly at you, trying to take your mind off of the overwhelming thoughts. You let out a soft okay as you two sat down at the sofa.

You two spent an about an hour or two going over the entire outline of your routine. The places where you like to eat, favorite places to shop, like to hang out, just the usual places. He listens intently as he takes notes, asking questions to clarify some details, nodding his head as you kept talking. “And, well, that’s pretty much it,” you chuckled nervously, “sorry it’s that’s a lot of information.”

He shakes his head, “Not at all. It helps me to know as much as I can to ensure your safety.” He closes his notebook tucking it inside his suit pocket, standing up. “Well then, let’s get you home, yeah?” He asks as he extends a hand out to help you stand from the sofa.

You take his hand as you stand up looking at him. “Yeah, let’s go.” And with that you lead the way out the office and out the building. Because of the news of Jae winning an award, paparazzi were outside his building wanting to take photos and ask questions. And of course he would eat up all that attention.

As soon as you stepped outside, you were bombarded with questions, crowd closing up on you. You covered your face with your hand as flashing lights from the cameras were blinding you from seeing where you were going. Yunho had brought you closer to his chest, shoving people out the way, yelling at them to move.

He held a finger to his ear piece. “Prepare the car.” He said as he held you tightly. When the crowd opens up a way to the car, you see more security guards creating a barricade for you to get in the car. Yunho opens the door for you and helps you inside closing the door quickly.

He rushes to the other side of the car and gets inside. “Let’s go.” He tells the driver as he taps the driver seat. The driver books it out of there as you stared out the window, watching as you get further and further away from the paparazzi. You leaned your head back and close your eyes, feeling at ease. Something you haven’t felt in a long time.

_______

To say you were happy beyond words is an understatement. Yunho has been there at your beckoning call, very attentive when people are in your surroundings, he can read you like an open book at this point. It felt good getting some normalcy back. However one thing is still unresolved, your marriage.

Yunho has definitely seen the bad and the ugly when it comes to you two. The screaming matches, the silence between one another, you name it he saw it. You felt so ashamed and embarrassed to be doing all that in front of Yunho, but he always reassured you that it was okay and that he was here for you.

And tonight just so happens to be one of those nights. Tonight is an important conference for Jae and as always, he’s on edge. He had a drink in his hand, tapping his foot impatiently as he looked at his watch.

“Y/N, we have to go. Come on!” You heard Jae yelling from downstairs. You roll your eyes, applying the final touches to your makeup. You stepped back, admiring yourself as you spritz yourself with perfume.

You set it down and ran your hands down your dress, turning a bit to the side to see how you looked from behind. You smirked at yourself, Damn I look good.

You took a deep breath and let it out as you started walking down the stairs. The creaking of the stairs caused Jae and Yunho to look at your direction causing them to freeze up at your presence. You just looked so breathtaking. Yunho eyes never once left you as he walked towards you to help you down the last couple of steps.

“You look beautiful, Ms. Y/N.” Yunho complimented as you stepped in front of him, turning so he can help you with your silk shawl. You gave him a small thank you, adjusting your shawl around you.

Jae looked at you up and down before finishing his drink. “Let’s go.” He said, placing his cup down as he walked to the door. “We are going to be late.”

____

Arriving to the conference, as soon as you stepped in servers with drinks on a silver tray offered you champagne. You happily took one while Jae went off on his own to the bar to get something else to drink. Yunho just declined by raising his hand and followed you to the reserved table.

Once you spotted your name, he helped remove your shawl. The mixture of his slight touch mixed with the fresh cool air hitting your exposed skin gave a chill down your spine. He took out the chair for you,“If you need me, I’ll be right over there, okay?” He leaned down, whispering in your ear as he pushed the chair in for you.

The hot breath you felt in your ear gave you goosebumps all over, making the little hairs stand at your neck. “Okay.” You said softly as you nodded at him, clearing your throat. Feel like a little hot all of a sudden.

You watched him walk away as you bite your lower lip. Why am I feeling like this? But soon the devil himself would take you out of your thoughts as he got into your view taking a seat next to you. “Remember, act happy and don’t look so miserable.” Jae reminded you for the 20th time that night.

“Oh, sweetie, how can I when I’m with you?” You gave him a fake smile to which he returned one to you. When people started arriving at your table, his focus immediately shifted to them. You gave a small talk and smiles as the night when on.

As Jae was chatting up amongst the people at the table, you sighed in boredom. You grabbed your champagne taking small sips, your eyes roaming around the room. But you know who you were looking for. Your heart stopped when you saw those eyes were already looking at you.

It just felt like it was just you and him in this large crowded room. The dimmed light casting a mysterious look on him. You felt yourself getting lost looking at him. You can hear your heart beating with curiosity and excitement. Something in the way he looks at you makes you feel giddy inside.

He raised his eyebrow, almost asking if anything was wrong. You saw how was getting ready to walk but you smiled and shook your head. You placed the champagne down, turning your attention back to the table getting ready to play husband and wife when you heard Jae call for your attention.

______

Time has passed but the function is still going on. Jae and you stand amongst fellow CEOs, talking about their respective companies as Jae has a possessive grip around your waist. You try your best to hide your discomfort as you try to keep up with the conversation.

“So gentleman, as you can see,” Jae says as he takes a sip of his drink. “NexTech has been known for its unprecedented growth. Plus with our innovative strategies and unmatched resources, we will be dominating like no one has before.”

“Very impressive, Jae. The vision for your company is quite ambitious.” A CEO nods in approval. Jae chuckles as he grips you tighter. You slightly wince at the touch, knowing he’s getting drunk and can’t control himself.

“But of course it is. After all, I wouldn’t settle for anything less.” He said in an arrogant tone, chuckling.

You tried shifting away from him, but it was no use. He had a death grip on you. “Yes, Jae has always been ambitious.” You forced a laugh. You gave Jae a pointed look, signaling for him to loosen up the pressure.

But of course, he ignores you. All his attention is on the CEOs in-front of him. “Oh and who’s the lovely lady? Is she your assistant?” Someone asks, eyeing you with curiosity. Really man? You fought the urge to not roll your eyes.

“Oh no, she’s way more than that,” Jae chuckles, “This is my partner, Y/N, in every sense of the word. Although, between us, she’s not much help when it comes to the business side. Just a pretty face to show around.”

You look at him with widen eyes, feeling shock and humiliation. You can sense the mixture of pity and amusement from the CEOs as they look at you. In that moment you felt so small. You cleared your throat, “Excuse me.” You said as you removed yourself from his grasp, quickly walking away from them.

“Women, right? Can’t take a joke.” Jae sarcastically says as he takes a sip causing a laughter amongst the group.

______

Shoving the door of the banquet open, the loud noise of the chatter and music from the room fades away as the door closes behind you. Your heels echoed in the hallway as you desperately tried to find some sort of exit, feeling suffocated and humiliated.

After turning down some halls, you came across this French door that upon opening revealed to be a beautiful roof top garden. You sniffed as you sat down on the stone bench that was there, running a hand through your hair as you sobbed.

You shouldn’t be shocked at this point, you know that. But you just can’t help how you feel. Why must he be such an asshole. You sat there replaying the moment in your head. “I feel so stupid..” you said as you leaned your face into your hands as you cried.

Meanwhile back in the banquet, Yunho whose eyes never left your sight, saw you running away. He exchanged a look with Jae that was full of disappointment but quite frankly Jae could give a fuck about it. Yunho just knows that Jae did something to fuck this up.

As Yunho stepped out of the room, he looked all over for you. He was jogging down the hall but stopped in his steps once he saw that some doors were open and as he got closer he heard someone crying. When he stepped out, he saw you in your broken state.

As he approached you, the gravel under his feet made some noise but you were too caught up in your emotions that you didn’t hear foot steps approaching you. “Y/N?” He crouched down in front of you.

You jumped a bit not expecting to see anyone. “Oh my- Yunho, I’m so sorry,” you sniffed, wiping your face with the back of your hand. “I just- I- I’m sorry.” You sighed in defeat. “I don’t mean for you to see me in such state.” You said you turned to the side trying to compose yourself.

He doesn’t say anything as he stands up and takes his jacket off and he wraps it around you. You look up at him with puffy eyes and watched as he turns to the side and plucks a beautiful bloomed rose. “Here’s a flower for the woman whose beauty outshines any garden there is in life.” He says as he sits down next to you, tucking it gently in your hair.

You let out a small chuckle, touching the flower in your hair, “Thank you Yunho, that’s very sweet of you.” You say slightly nasally from the crying as you looked down. Feeling shy and embarrassed because you’re sure you look like a hot mess with your makeup all messed up.

“I mean it.” He says softly. He takes a minute then sighs. “May I ask a personal question? And apologies in advance if I have overstepped.” He asks you as he stares at your sadden state. You nodded, not even looking at him. “Why do you stay with a man who treats you like this?”

You take a deep breath, looking at him. “It’s complicated… We have been together for so long.” You sniffed, your voice was barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t always like this. He use to be so different.”

“But now?” Yunho asks as he listened intently, his expression softened at the sight of you.

“But now… I don’t know,” you looked down as you gripped Yunho’s jacket around you. “I think part of me stays because I hope he returns to being the guy he used to be to. Plus there’s so many other factors to it. Leaving isn’t as simple as it sounds.”

Yunho nodded in understanding. “While I do understand you, I just think you deserve someone who will treat you like the woman you are. It’s not worth crying over him.” He said turning your head to face him as he wipes your tears. The words he spoke ached your heart because it was the truth.

“You sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself, huh?” You chuckled at him causing him to laugh as well. His laugh was like music to your ears. He barely showed any emotions but when he did, it was a sight to see.

“Just doing my job,” he smiles. “But in all seriousness, you’re stronger than you think you are.” He says standing up, having the moonlight shine on his figure giving him that mysterious look from earlier.

You stood up as well, “Thank you for your kind words Yunho.” You said looking up at him. Suddenly the wind picked up a bit, causing you shiver. “Let’s go home, I’m sure his drunken self won’t even notice I’m gone.”

He nodded as he held his arm out for you to grab. You happily took it, feeling a bit tipsy from all the champagne you drank. Plus the crying didn’t help much. And with that you two left the building and headed home.

_____

You leaned your head against the window, watching the city lights has Yunho drove you both home. The drive was nice and quiet. You had told Yunho to take a different route because you honestly just didn’t want to go home.

But good things come to an end and here you are pulling into your driveway. You sat up in a surprise, feeling your heart quicken when you saw that Jae was home. “He’s home.” You muttered.

Yunho gave you a concerned look, “You want me to stay?” He asked seeing a bit of fear coming into your expression.

You nodded. “Yes. But I’ll handle it first, if anything happens I’ll call you.” When Jae had too much to drink, he was just so unbearable. You just know he was angry with you leaving so this combination of anger and liquor forms a knot in your stomach. But you were a strong woman who takes shit from no one.

You entered the house as saw no other than Jae sitting on the sofa, with a drink in his hand glaring at you. “Where the hell were you?” He slurred as he took a sip.

Yunho helped take off his jacket you still had on. “Yunho please give my husband and I a moment to talk.” You sarcastically said as Yunho nodded and left the room. You stood there arms crossed staring at him.

“Im going to ask you once more,” Jae said placing his drink down and walking to you. “Where the fuck were you?” He demanded.

You scoffed, your eyes turning icy, “Why? Afraid you couldn’t play pretend husband and wife? Afraid you couldn’t embarrass me to make yourself feel good about yourself?”

“Oh please,” Jae spat. “Again you go making it about your damn self. You embarrassed me with your dramatic walk out. Everyone asking what happened or where you went. You know tonight was important for me but no, you had to act like a damn bitch.” He yelled as he got way too close to comfort but you didn’t back down.

You pursed your lips, “You humiliated me Jae. Degrading me and saying I have done anything for this company when you know that’s completely bullshit. I’m fucking sick of you!” You yelled at him.

He let his anger take over as he grabs your neck and the his hand on your arm. “You don’t get to speak to me like that. You think you’re so much better than me? You wouldn’t last a day in my world.” He tighten the grip on both hands.

You were struggling to breathe as you dug your nails into his arm. “I know enough to understand that I deserve better than you.”

He laughed. “You need me. You never find anyone else. No one will ever want you, Y/N.” He spat with venom.

“Jae,” you said trying to remove his hand. “Jae you’re hurting me. Let go of me!” You yelled out in desperation.

He titled his head in fake sympathy, “Oh, why? You’re afraid? Scared even?” He taunted you.

It all happened so fast. Suddenly you felt like you can breathe again. You hunched over, hand on your neck as you coughed trying to regain your consciousness. When you looked up, you saw Yunho with his hand around Jae’s neck. His eyes were filled with rage, as if he has had enough of Jae’s bullshit.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” Yunho’s deep voice rang in the room. Jae was getting a taste of his own medicine as Yunho tightened the grip. “What a sad excuse of a man you are to be laying your hands on a woman.” He spat at him.

Jae stumbled trying to gain his balance as he tried his best to remove Yunho’s grip. “Stay the fuck out this,” he struggled to protest. “This is between my wife and I.”

Yunho towered over him, getting up close to his face. “Not when you’re hurting her.” He said watching Jae’s face turn red as he shoved him to a wall nearby.

“Let go of me!” He yelled at him. Yunho let him go, still standing close watching him fall to the floor, breathing heavy. Jae looks up at anger getting up to shove Yunho, “You think I’m fucking scared of you?!” He yells at him, chest heaving heavily.

“Touch her again and I’ll make you regret it.” Yunho said glaring into Jae’s eyes. Jae will never admit it, but deep down, he was scared of Yunho. He fucked around and found out right quick.

You grabbed Yunho’s arm. “Yunho, it’s okay.” You say weakly, still feeling the pain in your throat. But he didn’t budge at all eyes remaining on Jae. Jae just laughed bitterly, “Yeah, Yunho it’s okay,” he mocked you. “You better watch yourself, bodyguard.”

“Is that a threat?” Yunho asked, his voice was low and menacing getting closer to Jae who walked back causing him to bump into the wall.

Jae tsked and glared at Yunho. “Move,” he shoved Yunho as he walked to the stairs. “This isn’t over Y/N.” Throwing one last spiteful comment before heading up the stairs.

Watching his go up the stairs as you felt tears coming in. When you heard the door close you closed your eyes letting the tears stream down. Yunho put his finger under your chin gently tilting your head up examining your neck. “Are you okay?” He asks.

“That piece of shit.” You whispered as you felt on the verge of sobbing. “I’m so sorry Yunho.” You said, you looked down at the ground. You couldn’t help but feel remorse. Maybe you shouldn’t never brought up security, you could’ve saved Yunho his time.

Yunho cups your face, lifting your face to look at him. “Stop saying sorry.” He said firmly but kindly. “I’m here to protect you. No matter what.” You nodded as you sniffed, “Thank you Yunho.”

Jae never once laid a hand on you. But once the drinking and high status got into his head, there was no telling what he was capable of. He had gotten handsy with you, but you were always quick to fight back. You never thought you would need protection from your own husband.

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” He said giving you eyes of compassion. You couldn’t help but to hug him. If it wasn’t for him, who knows how else this night would’ve turned out. Yunho took a moment but eventually wrapped his arms around you, figuring that you needed someone to lean on right now.

____

The conference was a blessing in disguise because Jae had gotten the approval to open another location in a different state which means he will out of town for a while. Good riddance, you thought. Prior to leaving he was busy with meetings for the preparation of the new building, rarely seeing him after the dispute.

When you walked into the kitchen you saw a huge bouquet of flowers in the island. Grabbing the little note on the flowers, ‘I’m sorry for everything. Love, Jae.’ Feeling anger seeping in, you ripped the card to pieces throwing his half ass apology away. Staring at the flowers, you decided to keep them. Why should nature be thrown away when it wasn’t even its fault, it was his.

Now that Jae is gone, the sun is shining brighter, your smile lasts a little longer, the air feels clearer. It’s a good time to be alive. During this time you have been able to do the activities you enjoy in peace. Which naturally has gotten you and Yunho a bit closer.

One activity was shopping. When you walked into the store, your eyes sparkled with excitement as you saw the variety of clothes that was before you. Yunho, who had a serious expression the whole time, followed you around with a mountain of clothes that just kept piling up as you saw something that you wanted to try on.

When it came time to trying the clothes on, you would ask for his opinion and you can tell he was taking it serious and you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter. You stepped out the dressing room, seeing Yunho who was sitting on the sofa, legs spread open with his arms crossed waiting for you, looking to the side waiting for you.

Oh shit. He looked absolutely fine. Shaking your head, getting out of your thoughts you cleared your throat. “What do you think about this one Yunho?” You asked as you did dramatic modeling poses laughing a bit, doing a little twirl to look at the dress fully.

He sits up straight, his arm propped on his leg as he leans his chin on his head, eyebrows furrowed. Oh, he’s really thinking about it. “It’s not giving.” He said serious.

You stopped looking at yourself in the mirror and turned to face him with a playful look on your face, “It’s not what?” You asked, on the verge of laughing.

“It’s not giving…” he pauses, struggling to find a word to describe what he means. “I don’t think this on brings you out well. I think you should try on another dress.” He said as he turns to pick out a different dress handing it to you.

When he notices you staring at him with a smile on your face he shrugs. “What is it? What?”

You laugh as you grabbed the dress and headed to the dressing room. “I didn’t think you were a fashionista.” You smiled at him before closing the curtain. Little did you know, he smiled in secret enjoying this time with you. So this is how it is when you’re happy.

Another activity was when you went to the grocery store and just arm swiped a whole shelf of cookies into the cart Yunho was pushing. “Oh, the ice cream!” You said as you went to the frozen aisle. Yunho sighed as you went back forgetting something yet again. You wanted to pig out as you watched cringey cheesy movies which was right up your alley, Yunho not so much.

“Oh my god, why would she do that!” You yelled at the TV as you covered your face feeling second hand embarrassment from the actress in the movie. You sighed grabbing a spoon full of ice cream and eating it, “She messed up.”

“Yeah she did.” Yunho said flatly dreading that he agreed to watch these movies with you as he had his arms crossed. But you didn’t care as you tapped his arm pointing to the cookies near him, your eyes never leaving tv. “Pass the cookies please.” He sighed as he grabbed and passed them to you.

But honestly, although the hates the movies you have been binge watching, he stares at you in admiration as you are fully invested in the films. You’re too blinded by the films to feel his stares as he smiles at you slapping your forehead in defeat.

To also having him help you in working out which you were dreading now. He had suggested for you two have a nice morning run. But damn, you were huffing and puffing as your arms were leaning on your thighs trying to catch your breath. You hated yourself for agreeing to this.

He saw you falling behind and jogged back to you, “Come on. Don’t you want to burn off those cookies and ice cream?” He asked you jogging in place to keep his body warm.

“Shut the fuck up.” You said through your heavy breathing causing him to laugh at you. “I hate you.” You said getting back up and jogging ahead of him. He followed suit giving you words of motivation which caused you to grunt in annoyance. “I’ll throw up on you!”

To having Yunho stay at nights since you’re alone now, worried if anything happens to you in the middle of the night. As he walks past the living room, he sees that you fell asleep on the sofa. He smirks as he quietly walks to you, covering you with the blanket, tucking some hair behind your ear getting it out your face. He stops and stares at you for a bit, taking in how much you look in peace, something he was grateful for. He leaves, dimming the lights a bit and looking at you before leaving to another room.

_______

Time has passed and one thing stands out. These feelings for Yunho have grown no matter how much you try to push it back and deny it. You just tell yourself that this is just his job, you’re confusing his actions and your feelings.

You two are sitting on the sofa talking and laughing about random stuff. The way the afternoon sunlight hits Yunho’s face has you mesmerized, highlighting his features. The way the sun shines in his eyes as he looked at you got you in a trance. After the laugher subsided, he noticed that you went quiet. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Mm? Oh it’s nothing. Nothing.” You chuckled nervously. Damn, was it that obvious you went deep in thought?

But his gaze remained at yours as he asked again, not letting you dismiss your feelings quickly. “You know you can tell me anything right? You can tell me what’s on your mind.” He says.

You gave him a weak smile, “I don’t know if I can.” Your emotions sit heavy in your heart. You don’t think you can keep bottling up these feelings for him.

“Why can’t you?” He asks you. “It won’t change my judgement on you. You know you can talk to me.”

“You don’t know that.” You said, feeling a bit worried. “I don’t want to risk what we have.” You looked down, playing with a loose thread on your jacket.

“Why would you even think that?” He says softly as he gets a bit closer to you, wanting to get a better view of you.

You felt your heart pounding up to your ears. Feeling your palms sweaty. “I, um,” you started off, still looking down. You took in a deep breath, looking up into his eyes. “I’m in love with you…“ your voice trembling with vulnerability.

There was silence as you two stared at one another. Your heart was sinking, feeling regret settling in. You removed the blanket off you and stood up, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You should’ve just stayed silent.

“Y/N, wait,” Yunho said in a low and urgent voice as he stood up and grabbed your arm. He turned you to face him and saw unshed tears in your eyes. He cupped your face and leaned his forehead onto yours.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he too can’t control his urges anymore. Without another word he leaned in and kissed you passionately. You held onto his wrists as you returned the kiss back. My god, you felt like time had stopped. You couldn’t believe this.

He breaks the kiss, panting a bit to catch his breath. “Y/N,” he says as he wiped your tears. “I love you too. So, so much. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.” He said in between pants, staring into your eyes.

“Yeah?” You whispered in shock. He kisses your hands as he nodded. “Yeah.”

It’s as if time had froze around you two, when you gently shoved Yunho to sit back down on the sofa. His eyes looking up at you with desire as you stand in front of him. “Come here.” He said to you, tapping his thigh, leaning back.

As soon as you straddled him, Yunho’s hands went behind your back, pulling you closer to him until there was no space between you. This kiss soon went from passion to hunger, wanting to express a different way to show how you feel for one another.

Yunho grabbed handful of your hair, tugging your head back as he peppered kiss down your neck, sucking on your skin leaving hickeys. You moaned in delight as you bit your bottom lip, enjoying this sensation.

And before you know it, you two are skin to skin, feeling the hot sweaty sticky bodies colliding perfectly. Electricity coursing through you body with every touch Yunho gives you. The way shivers went down your spine as he stretched you out when you first sat on him, letting you give him a high pitched moan.

The way your bodies melted into one another ignited a fire. The mixture of moans was melody to your ears. His hands were on your ass, helping you to quicken the pace of your hips, “Oh, oh Yunho,” you furrowed your eyebrows and threw your head back in pleasure, hands on his shoulders for support. “Fuckkk, you feel s-so good.”

Yunho stands up, carrying you as he’s still inside you to flip positions. He lays you down on your back and caresses your legs that are wrapped around him. “Fuck, keep doing that baby.” He grunts as he feels you clenching around him. He moves his hands between your chest and up to your neck, “Can I?” He asks for permission. “Yes, please.” you moaned as you arched your back throwing your head back.

He gave your throat a nice squeeze as he started pounding into you causing you to do some deep breathing techniques, because this man was spreading you out like never before. You threw your hands back, gripping the arm chair for dear life. “You like that baby? Who’s making you feel like this?” He asks you. Fuck, that was hot.

He lifts your legs up to get a deep angle, “Answer me.” He demands as he goes faster. You tried gripping the sides of the sofa or just something to hold on to, “Y-Yes, Yunho, you a-are.” You moaned loudly. He was taking you cloud 9, making you see stars, the whole nine yards.

He flips you around on to all fours. You leaned on the arm rest with your arms supporting you as Yunho grabbed your hair back making your arch your back. He wasted no time going back in, his free hand rubbing your clit, giving you the friction you needed to cum.

“You want to cum on my dick, baby?” He asked you lowly in your ear. You nodded frantically, “Yes please, please.” You begged as he bit your ear. He let go of your hair and flips you for the last time. He wants to see your face when you release on him.

“Cum for me then.” He says as he moves at a rapid speed. You bit your lip in the overwhelming pleasure you’re feeling. He had leaned down and sucked on your nipple, but looked up when he heard your muffled moans, “Scream for me, don’t be quiet.”

You gripped onto his arms, feeling yourself inching closer and closer to your release. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, Yunho I’m gonna cum.” You yelled out, breathing heavy. He lets go of your nipple and hovers over you, “Do it baby, cum on my cock, cum.”

Just like that the knot was undone. He kissed you as you moaned into his mouth. You felt like you had traveled to another universe from how good that orgasm was. A few seconds later Yunho was right behind you, cumming inside of you. He rode out both of your highs and then laid on top of you.

Feeling each other fasten heart beats as you both catch your breath. He looks up at you and smiles to which your return as you ran your hand through his sweaty hair, “I love you.” He said, closing his eyes enjoying your sweet touch.

“I love you too.” You said as you just laid there for a moment, taking it what just happened. Internally you were doing cartwheels and backflips. You were happy knowing he felt the same way you did.

______

All good things must come to a because Jae has returned, along with his bullshit. What was once peace is now back to being a war zone of arguments and anger. Something else was for certain, he definitely has sensed something was going on between you and Yunho and it was eating him up alive.

And from the way the front door was slammed shut, it seems like he was going to get his answer today. “You. Leave. Now.” He says sternly to Yunho as he entered the room.

Yunho glanced at you, but you nodded in return signaling that it was okay. He started to walk out, giving you one last protective glance before disappearing. Jae’s eyes followed him out before looking back at you. “Y/N, tell me what the hell has been going on between you two.” He demanded.

You rolled your eyes, flipping through the magazine not bothering to look up at him. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” You said coldly, your tone unwavering.

“I know something happened while I was gone so just fucking tell me.” Jae yells at you, his fist clenching at his sides.

You looked up at him, “and if something did?” You shrugged “You think it gives you the right to be angry with me, given everything you have done?” You said with attitude as you went back to your magazine.

Jae’s face contorted with rage, shaking his head. “This isn’t about me. This about you, my wife” He says coming up close to you. There he goes with that wife word.

You chuckled, throwing the magazine to the side standing up. “Only when it’s convenient for you Jae. Why? Scared of losing control of this whole fake facade?” You walked past him, over this argument.

He grabs the vase that held the flowers he gifted you and threw it to the wall. You jumped at the sound, turning to face him with widen eyes. His back was still facing you as Jae looked down. From your corner you saw Yunho coming but you put your arm out for him to wait.

“Fucking tell me and don’t lie to me Y/N.” Jae said as he turned around with rage in his eyes. Knowing that Yunho was here in the house, he kept his distance from you as he was terrified of him.

“I’m in love with Yunho.” You finally said after some silence. He shook his head and scoffed at you, “How fucking could you? You would this to me?”

You scoffed at his stupidity. “Oh, so now you want to act like a victim? How many times have you cheated on me behind my back Jae? How many woman? So when the tables turn, it’s an issue all of a sudden.” You crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow.

He gets closer to you, trying to intimidate you. “So what? You’re just going to leave me and be with the bodyguard? Do you honestly think he can give you what I can’t? You think you can just walk away from me? After everything I have done for you?”

You laughed in his face. “For me? For me?” You started off, “You mean your own personal punching bag? Where I’m constantly disrespected and treated like an accessory? Where I’m always ignored and you go screw some bitch? The only thing you have done was to teach me to never be with someone like you.”

“If you think you’re going to work out with some cheap fling then you’re more delusional than I thought.” He spat at you as you walked away from him.

“Cheap fling? Yunho is more of a man than you will ever be. He’s been everything and more to me than you ever were.” You stopped in your steps, facing him.

You looked down at your rings and take it off. This caused Jae to die a little inside. “I want a divorce.” You chucked it at his feet, leaving the room. Jae looked down at his feet and stared at the rings causing anger to boil inside him to the point he punched the wall.

As you passed the hallway, Yunho, who was ready to jump in at anytime, follows behind you. “Let’s go.” You told him as you grabbed your car keys and walked out the door.

Asking no questions, just focused on you, he opens the door for you and just as you are about to get in, you hear Jae yelling in frustration, telling you to get back inside as he starts breaking stuff. You rolled your eyes as you got into seat. Yunho walked to the driver side and drove off.

———-

The car ride was silent, only noise was the AC that was on low. You looked out the window, watching the cars passing by. “I’m getting a divorce.” You said out loud breaking the silence.

“Wow,” you said in awe of yourself. “I’m getting a divorce.” You couldn’t believe that it’s taken you this long and that you finally did it.

“How are you feeling? Are you okay?” Yunho asks as he takes a quick glance at you. He really can’t read your expression and words clearly right now.

“I think I am?” You said unsure, giving him a shrug. “I don’t know, I feel like I should be but I’m just so overwhelmed. Like, there were so many times I told myself I was done, but never did anything. And now I just- I think I feel free.”

Yunho stops a red light and reaches over to grab your hand. He raised it to his lips as he gave a gentle kiss on the back of it. “I’m really proud of you Y/N. Whatever you do next, I’ll be there every step of the way supporting you.”

The way you were blushing like a school girl at his gesture. You smiled at him, “Thank you Yunho. Thank you for showing me what love is.” You caressed his cheek as you leaned in for a kiss.

______

One thing is certain for Jae, he can rot in hell. He didn’t not waste any time in spreading the news about the divorce publicly. It spread like wildfire throughout the media as it was plastered on magazines, spoken on drama news TV channels, on social apps. You name it, it was there.

The headlines painted the picture of the split, highlighting the scandalous nature of the breakup. And Jae, being a beloved figure, wanting to keep the good man persona in the people’s eye, threw all the blame on you.

You were under so much intense scrutiny, that it became suffocating. You were portrayed as the villain in this whole chaos while Jae was viewed as the innocent victim. As if he could stoop any lower than before, he definitely broke a new record.

At first, you just tried toughing it out. Trying to ignore the whispers and gossip. The harsh looks when you went out. Paparazzi was so far up your ass you couldn’t move without them knowing. But it was hard to escape from the public’s judgement.

One evening, you were at Yunho’s place, which is where you have been staying, skimming through a magazine that had a featured about another headline of you. Yunho who had sense your distress, quickly takes the magazine out of your hands. “Y/N, look at me,” he says he sits on the coffee table, grabbing your hands. “You don’t have to let this get to you. They don’t know the true.”

You looked up at him with sadness in your eyes. “It’s not just about the truth Yunho. It’s about everything!” You stand up as you walked back and forth, “it’s about how this guy who I thought I knew and spent the majority of my life with is out to ruin my life. It’s about everyone quickly believing his lies… I didn’t ask for this. I can’t take this anymore.”

Yunho sighs as he walks up to you, cupping your face. “Listen to me, please,” he leans his forehead, “You’re a strong woman. You have been through hell and back. You have never backed down from a fight. You never once let Jae’s manipulation and bullshit break you, and you’re not going to let this either.” He said as he watched you close your eyes as tears fall down.

You sniffed. “How can I fight this?” You whispered. You honestly felt so lost and broken, you don’t even know what to do or where to start.

“You’re not alone in this. Out in the public you can put a mask of fierceness, show the world you aren’t afraid of what Jae is doing. Show them just how strong and unbreakable you are.” He gives you a tender kiss. “But when we’re behind closed doors, baby, you don’t have to keep the facade. You can lean on me. We can do this.” He says as he hugs you.

You felt like sobbing. Is this what true love is? Throughout this whole darkness, Yunho has been your rock and you honestly don’t know how you would be if you were alone. You’re so thankful for him. “Yunho, thank you. Thank you for being in my life.” You looked up to him as he leaned down and kissed you once more.

______

If Jae wants to play like this, then you can play this game too. After the conversation with Yunho, you felt a fire ignited within you. That conversation helped you remember who the fuck you were and there was no way in hell Jae was going to go out like this.

For the next few weeks you laid low. Out of sight out of mind with the public. Your divorce lawyer, who was sent by the Gods by a miracle, told you to gather all information on your part as she does some digging on her side. Today you were meeting with her and not gonna lie you were sweating bullets.

Who knows what she has found. Did she even find anything? Will she be able to clear your name and reveal who Jae really was? This was also one of the few times you left the house so you just know you were going to be bombarded with questions and cameras in your face.

As the car pulls up, you looked out the window and saw reporters spread all over the place, waiting for you. You then felt Yunho’s hand over yours, causing you to snap out your thoughts. “It’s going to be okay.” He reassures you as you nod. He steps out the car and heads to the other side to open your door.

You can do this, you thought yourself as you put on your shades. Show Jae that you are that bitch. As soon as Yunho opened the door, everyone came flooding in asking a bunch of questions.

You just kept a serious face, purse hanging on your arm as you walked up the stairs while Yunho and other guards of his were making way for you. You tried your best to not react at the stupid questions they asked you.

“Y/N, how does it feel to know that you ruined your marriage?” One asked.

“Was it worth it to you? Care to comment?” One said shoving a microphone in your face.

“Have you spoken to Jae?” Another asked.

Oh and let us not forget the special, special fans of Jae who were also surrounding you were throwing nasty comments at you.

“Don’t you know how to keep your legs closed?” One screamed in your face. You bit down on your tongue, trying not to answer.

“Such a slut. Did all those years mean nothing to you?” One went to jump on you but Yunho shoved her off.

“Have you no shame in bringing him here? Have you no shame in being in public with him? Stupid bitch.” Another one said speaking about Yunho.

You finally reached the door and headed straight to the elevator. When it binged open, you and Yunho stepped in and turned to face the crowd before you. Seeing the flashing lights of the cameras and crazed fans pounding on the glass, their yells being muffled. As soon as the doors closed, you turned and hugged Yunho.

You felt the world crushing in on you in that moment. You had a mixture of overwhelming emotions clouding up your head. Anger, sadness, frustration. You just wanted to cry in silence and thankfully Yunho understood.

You then backed up and wiped your tears, taking in a deep breath. Yunho lifted your chin with his finger as he gave you a soft kiss on your lips. “You got this.” He whispered and you nodded.

The elevator dinged, signaling that you have arrived to the top floor. You straighten up your posture, keeping your head high as you walked the halls. “Stay here.” You told Yunho who nodded and stood next to the door putting his arms behind his back.

You walked in and was greeted by Jina. “Y/N,” she says standing up and shaking your hand, smiling to which you returned. “Welcome. Thank you for coming.”

You shook your head. “No please, I am the one who should be thankful.” She gestures you to sit down. “So tell me, what have you found?”

She wasted no time in take out files and spreading out copies of documentation and photos of Jae with other business men, “Jae’s time of looking like a saint is over. We have found evidence to that showcases all of the cheating and unethical practices within his company,” she starts off as she goes through each paper, describing to you all the horrible practices he has done.

You sat there in shock, taking in the information. You couldn’t believe this was happening everyday behind closed doors. Jae gets scummier and scummier by the minute. You leaned back into your seat letting out a scoff as you scan the papers. Jina then takes out a paper and hands it to you, “What’s this?” You asked her as you take it from her hand.

Jina smirks as she crossed her leg over the other, leaning back crossing her arms. “Signed affidavits of several woman who have confirmed that they have had affairs with Jae while he was married to you.” You looked at her with widen eyes. The devil works hard, but Jina works harder. “Look in that folder.” She points to one near your left arm.

You gasped looking at photos that had Jae partying or going out with women. You see his drunk self doing body shots on girls as well as inappropriate gestures to them. Ugh, you could throw up. Jina nodded as you looked through the pictures, feeling a bit proud of herself.

“And the Cherry on top?” There’s more? “We also have evidence from Jae’s company, NexTech, has been doing fraud, bribery, and exploitation of employees. Let’s just say he has been cutting some corners and violating labor laws to maximize his profits.” She finished off.

You shook your head, just flabbergasted at everything you’re finding out. “Jina,” you said after a moment of silence. “There are no words to describe how thankful I am. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” You said feeling a sense of hope rising in your chest.

She leans over the desk, placing a hand on top of yours. “Of course.” She smiles. “It’s only a matter of time before everything is unraveled. Everyone will know the real truth.”

______

It was later on in the night. You were pacing in Yunho’s living room with gnawing on your thumb in nerves. “Y/N,” Yunho called to you as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Relax. Everything will be okay.” He says trying to calm you down.

You were just caught up in your mind that you didn’t even hear him. Jina told you she was going to release the information tonight and honestly, you were shitting bricks wondering what the out come will be. You felt arms being wrapped around your waist, causing you get out of your thoughts.

“Y/N,” Yunho says as he leans down and kisses your neck. “Why don’t we go relax, mmh? You had a stressful day.” Peppering kisses up and down your neck.

You closed your eyes as you bit your lip, swaying a bit, lifting your hand to caress his head. “Okay. Let’s relax.” You sighed softly. He takes your hand gives you a little twirl, causing you to chuckle, before leading the way to the bathroom.

Steam was swirling in the bathroom as you two passionately kissed under the water. Both of your bodies lathered up with soap, foaming at the little friction you two created. You bit his lower lip, opening your eyes in a haze to look at his face scrunch a bit from the pain. You felt your heart race a bit when he opened his lustful eyes to look at you.

He glided his up your back, tugging your hair gently back causing you to moan in his mouth. Your arms over his shoulders, feeling the warm water slide down your arms and onto Yunho’s body. His free hand slides to down to cup your ass, giving it a squeeze.

In a swift movement, he presses you up against the foggy glass. Your hand prints and pressed up breast showcasing on the glass, turning your head to the side looking at Yunho stroking himself through your peripheral. You bit your lip, feeling your pussy throbbing, impatiently wanting to feel him again.

He placed his hand above yours as his other one guides him inside you. You gasped as the sensation of the stretch, leading more on the glass as the feeling takes over you. His free had placed on your hip as he starts thrusting into you.

The sound of the water clashing between you two intensifies as Yunho starts going faster. The bathroom is filled with the sounds of skin slapping and the moans of pleasure. “You feel so good baby.” Yunho said in his deep voice. “Just for me, right?” He grabs your hair, pulling you back so he can see your fucked out face.

You swallowed, feeling your throat dry from the heavy breathing you’re doing. “Ye-Yes,” you said, feeling your hands slip, trying to catch yourself from falling. “Just for you.”

He smirked as your struggle. “Good girl.” His deep voice made you clench on him, making him moan as letting go of your hair to your clit as he rubbed it. You caught yourself before hitting the glass as you started screaming in pleasure. You started whimpering from the rapid speed he was going. “Cum baby, I know you want to.” He tells you.

You fogged and defogged a spot on the glass that was near your mouth as you tried catching your breath with Yunho shoving your face into it. You shut your eyes tightly as you were nearing your high. “I’m clo-close.” You managed to moaned out. At the same time you and Yunho came, feeling stars as he rode out the highs. “That’s right baby, scream for me. Let everyone know who’s making you feel like this.” He grunts out.

When you two calmed down, you turned around and leaned on the glass, not caring how cold it was. He smiled at you, “Feel better?” He asked you and you playfully hit his chest. “Shut up.” You told him as you both laughed. He put his hands next to your face on the glass and he went for a kiss.

When you actually finished showering, you stepped out scrunching your hair and wrapping a towel around your body, tucking the excess at the top to stop it from falling. From the corner of your eye you saw your phone light up. ‘Turn on Channel 2’, read Jina’s text message.

You gasped with widen eyes as you ran out to the living room, feeling the goosebumps rise on your skin as soon as the cold hits your skin. You grabbed the remote flipping through channels not caring about the droplets of water that were falling from your hair were landing on your arms.

“In recent news, Jae’s public image continues to crumble as more details emerge about his affairs and the unethical practices at his company. It is confirmed that these allegations are supported by fundamental evidence,” the reporter says as the screen shows Jae shoving cameras out his face as he is trying to enter a building. He starts yelling at them to get out his face.

“Former employees have provided detailed accounts of the harsh working conditions along with the illegal activities at Jae’s company.” The documents being shown on the screen explain detail per detail on how things were being run.

“Furthermore, details of Jae’s extramarital affairs have also been revealed,” she says as the same photos you saw in the office appeared on the screen too. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. “Multiple woman have come forward and shared evidence along with sources who can confirm his involvement in said acts.”

The reporter finished off by saying, “Legal experts believe this is going to be leading to very serious repercussions for both his business and personal life. As of right now, this is all we have. Stay tune for future updates.” You watch as the screen changes to commercials.

“Y/N?” Yunho who was there behind you the whole time watching everything unfold breaks the silence. “Are you okay?” He asks you.

You turned to him, smiling. “It’s over. I’m free.” You said feeling tears of joy coming in. He extends his hand out and you happily grab it as he pulls you to him. “I’m proud of you. I told you that you could do it.”

“Thank you for being by my side every step of the way, Yunho. I love you.” You say as you kissed him. He smiles into the kiss, “I love you more.”

“Now come on, let’s celebrate.” He says he breaks the kiss. You tilt your head, “Where we going?” You asked him. He smirked as he picks you up bridal style, “It’s best if I show you.”

Oh yeah, you can get use to this.

THE END

[anim-ttrpgs]

Hey just wanted to say that the work you do is really inspiring. I think the TTRPG community has needed an urban fantasy noir sort of thing for a little while and I really like the direction you're taking it in. Looking forward to stuff in the future!!

Thank you! Basically all our projects come from a place of need, each one being something that we wanted to play ourselves, but either it just didn’t exist, or the people who did do it didn’t do it to our satisfaction.

Since it’s our blog we can toot our own horn a bit, and yeah, the TTRPG community did need Eureka. The whole idea originally came out of our dissatisfaction with investigation and mystery-solving gameplay in most of the other more well-known TTRPGs that attempt to tackle this genre, such as Call of Cthulhu, Delta Green, and Gumshoe. They either make it too easy for bad dice rolls to get the party hopelessly stuck by relying too heavily of the PC’s skills, or make things difficult on the player by not giving the PC’s skills quite enough input, which can make efficient mystery solving very difficult across sessions with a whole week or more of real time in between them. (And it’s barely even worth mentioning that the most popular TTRPGs such as D&D5e and Pathfinder just plain cannot do investigative gameplay to any respectable degree at all.)

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy’s Investigation Point and Eureka! Point system, whereby each skill check to investigate something fills a bar on the character sheet until the investigator gets a “Eureka!”, which can be spent to retroactively gain information from an investigation skill check that they previously failed, as well as many other specific rules that are too nuanced to go into here but that you can read about in the free version of the rulebook, are part of our answer to that. As you are putting the pieces together in your own mind, so is your character, and this system acts as a failsafe, but not a crutch, to prevent a single bad dice roll from leaving the party totally twisting in the wind.

And I personally have always been really autistic about folklore, which is where Eureka’s unique approach to playable monsters comes in. No RPG had ever really done certain monsters to my satisfaction, particularly vampires. Folkloric vampires have a great deal of quirks and weaknesses that usually get cut from any sort of vampire media because they’re too “silly,” but I disagree. I want them all, and so when a monster is playable in Eureka, it’s its own unique experience, unlike playing anything else in any other game or even within Eureka. (I am very, very proud to say that a number of V:TM veterans have said that Eureka does vampires much better than V:TM itself.)

Not every playable monster in Eureka is 100% strictly folkloric, which was a bit of a struggle for me, but ultimately the small exceptions that were made make the RPG better, so I can’t complain, especially because we managed to weave some pretty cool themes into all of them, which I will touch on more when I finally get finished writing that big huge post about, well, Eureka’s themes.

Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is kickstarting from right now until May 10th! Back it while you still can!

If you want to try before you buy, you can download a free demo of the prerelease version from our website or our itch.io page!

If you’re interested in a more updated and improved version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy than the free demo you got from our website, subscribe to our Patreon where we frequently roll our new updates for the prerelease version!

You can also support us on Ko-fi, or by checking out our merchandise!

Join our TTRPG Book Club At the time of writng this, Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is the current game being played in the book club, and anyone who wants to participate in discussion, but can’t afford to make a contribution, will be given the most updated prerelease version for free! Plus it’s just a great place to discuss and play new TTRPGs you might not be able to otherwise!

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

[calinaannehart]

maybe you're holding on too tight (the magic comes in letting go)

“Holy shit!” The exclamation slips from Buck before he can stop himself. 

He knows that Dawn has money, the constant rotation of designer handbags, mentions of exotic vacation destinations, and the obvious but tasteful plastic surgery she’s had has clued him in, but he hadn’t quite expected this. The house appearing before them as he crawls the jeep up the long driveway is expansive.

Built on top of one of the crests in Laurel Canyon, it’s a modern barn house design with large floor-to-ceiling windows that Buck can already tell offer a 360° view of the city below. Its higher elevation means it’s not overlooked by the two neighboring houses, which is a good thing given that the first thing Buck spots as he pulls to a stop in the carport beside the pool house is a St. Andrew’s cross erected next to the pool.

It's not the only piece of equipment Buck notices as he climbs out of the jeep, there’s also a cage, a pillory, and even a suspension frame. Some are more subtle, blending into the surroundings, and could be easily mistaken for an art installation or sculpture, others are obvious in their intention. The fact that they are so brazenly on display for anyone who might visit is such a Dawn thing to do. The Dominant isn’t shy about her lifestyle.

“Damn, look at that view,” Eddie whistles as he steps out himself and looks over the city spread out before them. The smog level is pretty low today meaning that the skyscrapers of downtown LA can be seen clearly in the distance. “I wonder what exactly she does to be able to afford this.”

Dawn, as much as she likes to talk, hasn’t gone into much detail about the vanilla part of her life, as small as it may be. She and bitch live a full-time total power exchange dynamic, which means Buck had expected to see elements of the lifestyle around her home, but he’d thought she might have just had a dedicated dungeon room or something rather than for it to be spread out over the entirety or her estate. They know that she has her own company and that bitch is employed as her personal assistant, but beyond that it’s still a mystery.

“Whatever it is, she’s raking it in,” Buck looks up at the house as he pulls out his phone. “I wonder how much this place costs.”

“Please tell me you’re not about to look it up on Zillow?”

“Come on, you can’t tell me you’re not the least bit curious—”

Eddie plucks Buck’s phone from his hand and reaches around to slip it into his back pocket, patting the seat of his pants firmly. “At least wait until you get home, hm?” Eddie says, tone firm in a way that tells Buck it’s not a suggestion.

“Yes, Sir,” He grumbles reluctantly. It would be rude, he concedes, to google the value of the home of the person they’re about to have coffee with. “Hey, uh, it’s just casual today, right?” Buck asks, suddenly unsure. Eddie hadn’t given him any instructions to get himself ready for a play session, and it’s not that he hasn’t enjoyed the times they’ve been joined bitch, but he’s not feeling like playing today.

“As casual as things get when Dawn is around,” Eddie jokes, but he cocks his head as he looks at Buck, reading him. “But, no, we’re not playing today. The invite was for coffee only.”

“Cool, not that—”

“You don’t have to defend your choices to anyone, baby. You know I’d never insist on anything we haven’t already negotiated on.” Eddie leans in and kisses him softly, affirmingly.

Of course, Buck does know that. He trusts Eddie implicitly, with his mind, with his body, with his very life. “I love you.”

The smile that Eddie gives him is so fucking soft, it’s the one that always makes Buck feel like he’s falling in love with the man all over again.

“God, you’re sappy,” Eddie groans playfully as he takes Buck’s hand. “But I love you, too.”

Read on ao3

If you like, please reblog and help me reach more dashboards

[purrassicjet]

@snakeoil2 thank you for endulging me <3 here's your reward, the first section of Jawbone/Oliver's perspective for Darkest Times, Brightest People:

Oliver O’Shaughnessy had never been one for the gossip magazines.

He usually walked right past, maybe skimming the titles if he was really bored.

But things change. People change.

Suddenly, the gossip magazines were the only entertainment he could afford.

The most recent scandal had caught his eye, though. He reached out for the latest issue of Hot Odyssey, who seemed to be covering the issue the most. Apparently they had managed to get an interview with the woman involved. She was on the cover. An elven woman with long brown hair who couldn’t have been older than him, younger even. She looked scared, but the magazine made it seem like she was some temptress. His brow furrowed. They had been at the throat of that woman for just over a month now, and she always looked… sad in the pictures they took of her. He flipped to the page with the interview, skimming the article and feeling a pit develop in his stomach.

Me: So, Sandra, what led you to try and break up the marriage of such a pillar of our community?

SS: I didn’t! I swear!

Me: Come on now, you can be honest with me.

SS: I am! Is this why you asked for an interview? Just to try and pin this on me?!

Sandra continued to become more enraged the more the interview went on, sadly, I cannot write down what she said, out of fear of risking my publisher dropping me.

He shut the magazine in frustration, an animalistic growl rumbling in the back of his throat. He hated how he didn’t sound human anymore.

He put the magazine back on the stand, stuffing his hands in his pockets. There was no way that woman was the temptress the magazines always said she was. She didn’t look like she would have done what she was accused of, especially with the way she talked in that interview. He regarded the woman for a few more moments, part of him waiting for her to spring to life with some sort of magic, but dropped his gaze. He turned it instead to the sky, watching it darken with sunset. A bit of anxiety hit him and he rifled through his pockets, pulling out a few silver pieces and a copper piece. He hoped it would be enough to get him a room.

Oliver walked a couple blocks before he found a motel with its sign flashing “vacant”. He slipped into the reception building, only to find a frantic half-elf searching below the desk. He leaned over, “You alright, kid?”

“Fuck.” Was all the kid said, popping up so that Oliver could read his nametag, Ian. “I left the vacancy sign on, didn't I? Oh… my boss is going to kill me.”

Oliver held up his hands, “Slow down. What are you looking for?”

“I lost the key to one of the rooms.” Ian muttered miserably, “I went to the bathroom for just a second and it was gone. I can’t go find it because I have to stay here.”

“What room?”

“103.”

Oliver paused, thinking it over, “What about I go investigate? I need a room, you need help, let’s help each other.”

Ian’s eyes lit up, “Really? You’d do that?”

A small smile spread over Oliver’s face, exposing his now overgrown canine teeth. He cringed when Ian flinched a little, “Yeah, of course.”

The boy popped back underneath the counter and returned with another key, “This is the master key. If the door’s locked, you can get in with this.”

Oliver took it. “I’ll be right back.” He promised and backed out of the building.

He repeated the room number under his breath as he made his way to the line of rooms, passing a couple before he reached the correct door. He picked up a faint shuffling coming from behind the door and leaned into the peephole, seemingly causing more shuffling.

A woman’s voice said something he didn’t quite understand, but it reminded him of someone shushing an animal. 

“Is anybody in there? I’m coming in.” There was a string of swear words as Oliver put the master key in the lock and turned it.

The door swung open to reveal an elven woman trying to fit a full grown griffin into the small room. Her brown hair was cropped even shorter than a pixie cut, but longer in other places. It wasn’t a professional job, that was for sure. The haircut was the reason it took Oliver a few moments to recognise her.

It was the woman from the article.

“Sandra Sparkquiver?” There was nothing but confusion in his voice.

“Fuck!” The woman swore again, dropping her arms away from the griffin, who looked to be trying his best to fit into the small room, “How did you know? Are you press?”

He held his hands up in a surrender gesture, “Just looking for a room. The kid at the desk said if I got the key back, I could have it.”

Guilt washed over Sandra's face. “Yeah. That doesn't feel great.” But her face quickly shifted to a hardened expression again. “I need it.”

Despite the direction the conversation seemed to be going, Oliver couldn't help but feel calm. She was just… scared. 

“We could share.” He tried to suggest, but that only made her recoil further.

“Woah, okay.” He held up his hands, “Bad idea. I get it.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and raised her hands again, blocking him from the griffin behind her. 

“Should I just tell him I couldn't find it?” 

She looked like she was about to respond, but closed her mouth. Her eyes flickered to the bandage on his arm and her eyes widened. He could almost see the math in her eyes. After a few moments of silence, she dropped her arms. 

“No.” She grabbed a bag from where Oliver couldn't see, hauling it over her back and slipping past him. “Bye.”

He didn't feel her pass by, but when the griffin basically shoved him out of the way he stumbled. 

“Hey! I need the- key…” He raised his hand as she left, but quickly felt just what he was looking for. She must have slipped it into his hand as she passed. His gaze lingered on the key for a moment.

The back of his neck pricked and he turned quickly to reception. He was running out of time. He jogged back to pay.

[misterbitches]

There are footnotes and links in this post that I think are valuable. All of these things are extremely worth reading. This is long.

Forgive me (sike idc) for injecting my ancommie art brain but: I don’t know who needs to hear it but castigating Jack as some monster instead of a kid from the fucking slums who is “stuck” in some sort of (supposed nebulous referent-less) cycle that cannot be solved as opposed to purposefully kept there by imperial colonial [racial] capitalist exploitation⁰ with some pretty difficult but clear¹ possibilities for struggle and understood solutions is a limit on our imagining of a future and want for change as well as just sullying this story (outside of critiquing the work itself) for you. I don't know why we are glossing over the fact that you have to pay to live and also global determinants of health.

Why do the poor the world over have such low quality of health and life and therefore die first? Why are they overwhelmingly black and the darker peoples of the world? The colonized or subjugated? When did we move from the right to life and health to the right to coverage or being able to afford it?²

Is it not interesting that Joke's father is a doctor and his livelihood is linked with this system? Do you think that, maybe, how the father is and his job show a congruency? Why do individuals have to go above a system and yet are still invested in this system? And since Joke was a part of this nuclear family then ousted when he dared to transgress its rule—the unit based off of generating labor and necessary for one's survival since it is the only safe financial place to land and rely on—is it not significant that he isn't acknowledged by that father over things that could save someone? I'm super tired so I'm not making as much sense as I'd like. To quote from this comprehensive piece³ on Health Communism: A Surplus Manifesto by Beatrice Adler-Bolton and Artie Vierkant:

“Illness—you point out—is the only possible form of life in capitalism. In fact, the psychiatrist, who is wage dependent, is a sick person like each of us. The ruling classes merely give him the power to “cure” or to hospitalize. Cure—this is self-evident—can’t be understood in our system to mean the elimination of illness: it serves exclusively as the maintenance of the ability to go to work where one stays sick.” (Turn Illness into a Weapon: A Polemic Call to Action by the SPK, 1972)³

Joke comes from a family with money. They aren't super rich but they have what Jack (and now Joke!) doesn't. His father is in a position where he could throw rules out the window to help his son's friend even if that has consequences. Ostensibly had Joke not done what he did, Joke would always have access to decent healthcare or money. Or he would have gotten a job that would allow him to have it or afford it. He also would lead a life where his health is most likely going to be optimal. (A bit of a stretch since we are still in a pandemic and the globe is dying and they live in a place where people are affected by MAN MADE CAPITALIST climate disaster and racist ecocide that is going to primarily affect those in rural areas and people are fucking sick but I digressss) What kind of air are these people breathing? What's in these pills? Why is there no sustained contact with health professionals (that don't suck—also a thing)? Why are we so okay with elderly alienation and their death? Poor death?

This captures several major themes of the book, namely, the impossibility of health under capitalism; the potential of solidarity between physicians and patients, despite the power dynamics that otherwise separate them; and the need to turn illness into a weapon to dismantle capitalism itself. Adler-Bolton and Vierkant write: “Health under capitalism is an impossibility. Under capitalism, to attain health you must work, you must be productive and normative, and only then are you entitled to the health you can buy. This fantasy of individual health under the political-economic conditions of capitalism only ever exists as a state one cannot be, to which one must always strive. [SPK] called this cultural imaginary of health a “biological, fascist fantasy” because it obscures the true and violent architecture of economic systems of extraction underneath the shadow of a capitalist-realist depiction of the perfect worker.” (pp. 10-11) ³ (x)

So with all this known why the fuck are people so goddamn angry at Jack? And for Tattoo too. I didn't really touch on this in all this text but my main point is that it's interesting that we don't know what we're mad at beyond a betrayal when for the both of these men they "betrayed" the rich boy. In Save's case he betrayed the poor ones, his comrades, the ones who are suffering like him. My anger towards him is much greater but I still get it. (To be clear: I am angry at him and it is even worse because it isn't directed at anyone but the poor. His friend's grandmother. And it's a tale as old as time. If he wasn't such a little bitch he would be able to withstand it but he isn't. If I think even harder I wonder if this signal's the closer one is to these types of people, the more they suture themselves to capital out of survival, the more they believe they will be protected by heinous acts but I am tired lol.)

They're all poor boys from the fucking slums but our main concern is Joke, the rich-ish boy—who is right btw cos we love robbing the rich yet still his old class position and upbringing very clearly influences how we view him and his agency. It is done to him like with Arun and the necklace—a gay boy with an abusive father—and Rosé—a woman with an abusive father(?)—and her life. They are entitled to these sympathies first!

The formatting bugs me so I'm gonna reblog the rest.

Footnotes:

⁰This is "H.L.T. Quan on Cedric Robinson, Racial Capitalism, Black Internationalism, & Cultures of Resistance" on Millenials are Killing Capitalism. "Cedric’s point is that Marx and Engels missed the significance of revolt in the rest of the world, specifically by non-Western peoples who made up the vast majority of the world’s unfree and nonindustrial labor force." (Essay from Robin D.G. Kelley's foreword to the third updated edition of Cedric Robinson's Black Marxism.) I haven't read BM yet BTW but I know a lot about it and it has influenced black anarcho-communism (black anarchism), our traditions, what revolt should require, INTERNATIONAL RADICAL SOLIDARITY, and our development. Robinson was also, like many radical intellectuals, an artist and art critic! I think it's important to put here particularly because Thailand wasn't colonized so the conception of the nation is different though not out of step with colonized history at all. Obviously. Which is answered to here and elucidated here as it seems Bangkok acts as an imperial core. It’s too easy to take them out of that history is what I’m garnering from this. I don't know how much of this is enough and I can only go by the knowledge I have gained in reading and being in these spaces because to get information on radical left in Thailand (or many parts of asia) is fucking hard and even the man I'm referencing doesn't support armed struggle currently apparently! I'll continue to research. But we have been so cut off from each other and radical thought esp from an American standpoint it's fucking pathetic. This is why I say understanding art and being critical is important. In a better world this would be an OBVIOUS articulation and revealing where people wouldn't get upset over someone like Jack just because he isn't fucking a boy on our timeline. ¹ “1968 and the “Thai Seventies" – 14th October 1973 uprising, 6 October 1976 bloodbath and after” by Giles Ji Ungpakorn who also wrote "Down with Thai Capitalism! The People Against the Military Dictatorship!" in Spectre as a response to Thiti Jamkajornkeiat ²"SPHC matched the general shift in high level development planning to technical solutions and privatisation of public services, and from the comprehensive vision of Health for All to survival rates. The health care reform that was then promoted by the evolving global health governance structure, as a subset of conservative neoliberal economic policies, gave rise to the privatisation and commercialisation of health care—from Health for All to health care that people could aford. There was a concomitant reduction in government health spending in many low-and middle-income countries with increasing dependence on multiple international donors and the reduced ability of countries to determine their own health agendas." Conclusion from Health Policies and Health Care in the Context of Neoliberal Globalisation. ³Health Communism — All Care For All People (Part 1) also read alongside this "review by Evan Sedgwick-Jell for Asylum magazine and this Q&A of Beatrice Adler-Bolton and Artie Vierkant by the New Republic." You can find the HC book online (pirateflagemoji) and/or buy it.

[poppy-thatcher]

Kintsugi (Bakugo Katsuki)

A/N: I don't even care if anyone reads or likes this one. It's 100% self-indulgent. Though, I guess they all are. But this one let me get stuff off my chest that I've been bottling up.

All this to say... I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years.

The argument at the beginning is, more or less, how our last conversation went. I held back on some of the more cruel things he said to me. And the part after... that's me mending my broken heart the only way I know how to. With protective, cocky, Pro-Hero Bakugo.

You thought he was your forever... but who knew forever had an expiration date. But no worries... your shattered heart won't stay broken for long. And him, he plans to mend your shattered pieces with gold.

Warnings: Cursing from you-know-who. Suggestive talk.

Everything with him tonight felt forced. His smile wasn’t as bright, his attention a little spacey. When I gingerly walked him to his car, clutching my hurt side tightly in my hand, he spun to face me. The sheen in his eyes glossed them more than normal. My heart hammered in my chest. This look was very familiar to me. One I didn’t want to see ever again, one I was promised I’d never bear witness to again. A look I witnessed when we took our 3-month break after 3 years of being together.

With a wavering semblance of braveness, I stepped in front of him, my eyes immediately catching his as I spoke words I didn’t want to. 

“Just… just talk to me, please,” I muttered, trying to get him to open up to me, to relay an ounce of what he was feeling. “I can see the pain in your eyes when you look at me, please stop hiding whatever it is you’re afraid to tell me!”

“I’m… I’m moving back home in a few months!” He shouted, a single tear streaking down his handsome face.

He knew this new adventure was something I couldn’t follow him on. He knew I had things here that tied me down to my location, my home.

“I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything,” he gently smiled at me, “But I can’t stay here with you any longer. This place makes me feel like my life is stagnant, like I’m wasting my time. I need to get out of here.” 

“Oh.” I quietly said.

“We don’t have to split up right away. I’ll be here a few more months before I head back. We can spend our last months together, making memories.”

I nodded, a hollow feeling in my chest, and stepped back. For the first time in our 6-year relationship, I didn’t feel like seeing him or being in close proximity to him.

“Are you okay?”

 I didn’t know how to answer that loaded question. My recent surgery left me weak, mentally and physically. Then the person my life circled around, the person I sacrificed pieces of myself for to make sure stayed happy, felt as though his life was stagnant. I had felt like the world’s biggest failure. What good was I if I couldn’t even make my closest friend feel like life with me was something worth sticking around for? Adding an impending expiration date on what we shared didn’t seem like the healthy option but my nerves made me keep those thoughts to myself. Maybe, just maybe, the little time afforded was better than nothing.

Silent tears streaked down my face. I gently wiped them away and looked into his alluring eyes.

“I understand that you have to go. But remember that I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.”

And he tightly pulled me into his chest, holding me close.

I quietly whispered, “I wish you would stay with me, but I understand why you have to go.”

He scoffed and pushed away from me a bit, “That’s a really selfish thing to say!”

I blinked rapidly, my eyes making contact with his, trying to figure out if his loud tone was genuine or if he was joking.

“Sorry?” I said, or more like questioned, unsure how to handle the new situation. Apologies always fell so easily from my lips in an attempt to stop the ever-ticking time bomb from combusting.

“Are you really though?” He asked, his brows furrowing as he kept me at arm’s length.

“For telling you how I really feel? No. I guess I’m sorry that I shared my feelings with you though.” I snapped back.

He gently pushed me away from his hold, pushing himself a few steps away to create space between us again.

“My life is stagnant because you made it that way! You,” and he exhaled, running his hands through his shoulder-length hair, “you made my life stagnant. You’re this burden I didn’t ask for, this dead weight that I can’t bother to carry. I deserve to live my life without dealing with your problems. I have my own to take care of.”

I loudly swallowed, attempting to keep my tears at bay. I pushed as far away as I could, not wanting him to hear the moment my heart shattered beyond repair.

“I didn’t ask for your help…” and he quickly cut off my rant.

“You’ve done absolutely nothing with your life and I don’t want that to be me! If I stay with you, here, I’ll end up sad and pathetic like you. So I’m moving.” 

I nodded, putting my head down to not display the silent tears streaking down my face.  

He stepped close, heavily sighing, and raised my face to look into his stupid mesmerizing eyes.  

“Making you cry was the last thing I wanted to do.” 

I pulled my face out of his hands, keeping my eyes to the ground.

Knowing someone I cared deeply about felt this way about me broke me to my core. He knew I felt this way about myself. He knew hearing these things would undoubtedly hurt me beyond repair. He knew this was something I struggled with immensely. Feeling like I was a burden, like I wasn’t enough, like I was just wandering through life trying to find my purpose and coming up empty-handed every time. 

“We can stay together until I move, if you want. I don’t want us to end this way, on this horrible note.” 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, wondering why he thought that was something I’d even want to do. No matter how much I stupidly still loved and cared for him, being with someone when there was an expiration date didn’t feel all that healthy. Even more so when I knew I was nothing but a burden to him.  

“I’d really rather not. No sense in staying some place I'm not wanted.” I exhaled, trying to stay strong and stop the tears from flowing.  

“I thought you loved me?” he snarled, scoffing back at me.  

“Funny, I could say the same to you. But you don’t feel that way about someone you love. Someone you love is never a burden, never dead weight. They’re someone you encourage… not put down.” 

“Oh, now you’re just being a selfish asshole about it!” 

I scoffed again, realizing this idiot never loved me. Not in the way that I loved him. He couldn't possibly love me with the way he was dismissing my feelings so casually. The way he always did, now that I thought about it. It was clear that he only ever loved himself.  

I spun to go back inside my apartment but was quickly turned to face my new ex.  

“There’s no coming back from this. Walk away now and I’ll not look back, I’ll not love you ever again.” 

I roughly yanked my arm from his grasp, “Like you ever did.” 

And I slammed the door in his face.  

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, mindlessly trying to juggle everything in my hands while I made my way through the people to get to the cash register that sat on the other side of the store.

I could see my destination in sight. But before I could even make it that far someone bumped into me, sending all my held items tumbling to the floor.  

I pouted and kneeled, beginning to pick them up slowly, mentally trying to figure out how I would balance them again by myself.  

His voice cut through the air as he called my name. My heart clenched and I quickly looked up into his familiar mesmerizing eyes.  

“Wow, it’s good to see you! You look…. well... you look great!” he smiled down at me, not helping me pick my things off the ground, just watching as I struggled.  

I smiled and quietly thanked him, not wanting to be rude and have him cause a scene. I went back to my task, paying him no mind. After a few struggles, I stood, hands full once again, and saw that he was still standing in front of me. He looked down to my full arms and gave me this smug look.  

“Retail therapy? Still brokenhearted after all these months?” he smirked that deadly smirk that always made my heart race.  

It did absolutely nothing to me this time. 

I lightly laughed.  

“You think I’m still hung up on you?” 

And he leaned in close to me, making me try to take a step back, newly realizing I was already far too close to a clothing display to afford that luxury.  

“You’re not?” And he brushed his fingers across my new bangs, carding his hand through my hair as I tried to find a way to make space between us.  

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Not when she’s got someone like me to turn to!” I heard the gruff voice behind him.  

I exhaled, finally feeling more at ease.  

Katsuki pushed my ex out of my personal space and grabbed all the clothes I had in my hands, tsking and glaring at my ex for not even offering me any help. He winked my way and went to the cash register, everyone parting ways for the big Pro-Hero.  

My ex opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But Katsuki’s booming voice cut him off.  

“Oi, short shit… get that perfect ass over here!” he said, knowing his words made my face heat up and my cheeks and ears to tinge pink.  

“Sorry,” I said to my ex, passing him.

Old habits die hard.  

My ex, unknowingly to me, followed slowly behind. No doubt, to see what I was doing with a Pro-Hero.  

“Do you have to be so loud?” I quietly murmured, blushing Katsuki’s way.  

He smirked, making my face that much more red, and pulled me tightly into himself, coiling his hands around my waist and resting them at the apex of my butt.  

“I don’t havta be, sweet cheeks,” he said, nudging my nose with his perfect one, “but I want that idiot of an ex to stay the fuck away from what’s mine.” 

“Yours, huh?” I smirked back, biting my lower lip.  

Katsuki’s eyes immediately drifted to my lips and then his vibrant vermilion eyes met mine quickly.  

“Why did you have to get so much stuff?!?” he whined, turning to the cashier who was still ringing my items up, but not daring to remove his hands from my waist.  

“You said go wild!” I laughed, “You could have gotten here sooner, ya know? So you could reign me in!” 

“No, no. I wanted ya to get the things ya wanted. I just… I need ya like right fuckin’ now. And this is gonna take us all day!” 

“It will not, you’re such a baby!” I laughed as he grabbed me tightly in his arms, nuzzling his head into my chest as I ran my fingers through his soft hair, making him purr. 

“So… you using the hero for his money?” my ex said, finally making himself known.  

Katsuki didn’t move from his position, just turned his head to make eye contact with my ex. He didn’t say anything but the glare he gave him made my ex take a step back.  

“It’s just… she wasn’t particularly well off when we split. And it’s only been a handful of months since then. I didn’t think she’d replace me that quickly. Not to mention, she’s probably not found anything she’s particularly good at, right? She still kinda stagnant in life?” 

I loudly swallowed, trying to not let my ex’s words get to me. Before I could say anything Katsuki stood straight up but kept me tightly in his arms.  

“I’m gonna explain shit to you so your dumbass might learn somethin'. One, she’s not using me for my money. I care for her deeply and takin’ care of all her needs, gettin’ to see that beautiful fuckin’ smile is worth more than money can ever buy. Two, she’s not required to figure herself out in a set timeframe. Some of us take time to grow and learn what we want outta life. What she needed was someone to challenge her, inspire her, and encourage her to do and be whatever the fuck she wants to be. Whenever the hell she wants to be it. I got nothin’ but time when it comes to her.” And he pushed my bangs back, kissing my forehead, as I blushed again.  

My ex stood there, brows pulled together, mouth agape. Katsuki turned back his way, keeping me tightly to his side as his hand rubbed methodically on my bare arm.  

“By the way. She’s not stagnant. I’ve had her for 4 months and she’s blossomed into everything I could have needed her to be. She’s attentive and a people pleaser. I might have taken advantage of that fact a few times. She’s understanding of me and my hero work. And she’s just genuinely great at everything she does. I wouldn’t change a fuckin’ thing about her beautiful ass. How’s your life goin’ though, pal? Weren’t you supposed to move back to your hometown or some shit like that?” Katsuki laughed, handing the cashier his card, “hey, your loss is my gain. And I ain’t letting her go as easily as you did. I’m gonna marry her and make her have all my fuckin’ kids.” 

“Jokes on you, she didn’t want kids!” my ex laughed.  

Katsuki smirked at him, then looked at me, “She probably didn't wanna have them with a man-child like you. But she’ll have my kids. Won’t ya, kitten?” 

I nodded, blushing, thinking about all the things Katsuki was promising me. I had never met a man who knew what he wanted before. It was shocking and very refreshing.  

“Also, it’s her birthday, fuck face. I’d spend my whole paycheck on her if she’d only let me.” 

The cashier handed me my bags and Katsuki quickly took them from me, tucking me into his side and kissing my forehead.  

“I’m not sure why you’re still hangin’ around. But we’re headin' to my place so I can give her another, bigger, better birthday gift. You’re not invited. I don't share. Later, idiot.” And he pulled us past my ex, making me smile from ear to ear.  

When we stepped outside I pulled myself from Katsuki’s side, bending over, hands on my knees, to catch my breath.  

“Damn, babe. Are you okay?” Katsuki asked, gently trying to move my curtained hair from my face so he could assess me.  

I took a huge gasp in, throwing my head back, finally releasing my loud laugh.  

He rolled his eyes lightly chuckling to himself.  

“You scared the shit out of me, asshole! Jeez!” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his fancy car that Valet had brought around.  

“Sorry, but goodness. I couldn’t have asked for a better chance encounter with that jerk. You have just given me the most incredible birthday gift ever!” I said, finally standing in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and playing with his hair that loosely hung at his nape.  

“Nah, don’t think I’m done now beautiful. I got ya a lot more things waitin' up at my place.” He smirked.  

“If it isn’t a puppy, I don’t want it.” I laughed, joking with him.  

“What if I beg instead?” he smiled nice and big. A sight I didn’t see too often.  

“I guess that works,” I said, laughing at him while he ushered me to the opened passenger door, waiting for me to get inside.

Unnecessary Extra A/N: If you did, thanks for making it this far in my ridiculous little self-indulgent story. That first bit hurt to re-read. I haven't cried much over the split. Like yeah, the first day absolutely killed me. My eyes were pretty much glued shut. I wasted 6 of my years with someone I thought was my forever. Not only that, but I was still recovering from emergency surgery and on strong pain meds. It all felt like such a horrid nightmare. But yeah... I cried reading that scene this time. Part of me sometimes thinks I overreacted to the situation. But the rational/logical part of myself felt like the split was a long time coming. Looking back at it now, the relationship was incredibly toxic. He suffered from really bad depression (way worse than my own) and I feel like I sacrificed a lot of myself to try and make sure he was happy. In doing so, I lost myself. I lost that person who loved to be artistic, crafty, and loved to write. I spent so much of my time with him, worrying over so much, that I now have the most horrid anxiety. Some days I feel I'm beyond repair. But the episodes are getting further from each other. I have felt more my original self in our time apart than I have in quite a long while. And I'm incredibly thankful for that semblance of peace I've managed to regain. Sadly, we run in the same circles, so seeing him will always be a possibility. Hopefully, I get the same kind of relief my written self got here. Someone who can appreciate me for who I am and encourage me to be an even better version of myself. I'm definitely not in a rush, since I want to get my old self back and do things that make me happy again, but patiently waiting for my Bakugo! 😆

[moonstruckme]

Oh babe I read your post about graduation and life after. I FEEL YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! I’m graduating Friday and I pursued a film degree in a city with little to no opportunities for that industry. Don’t know why I did that. Sorry to my parents who sacrificed a lot to put me through school. Moving to a bigger city is not an option bc I can’t afford it. Might be moving back in with my parents might not be. Everyone is asking whats next for me. Girl idk. I’m stressed I’m anxious. I hate it here. The real world sucks and I just want to skip over all this character building stuff and get to the part of my life where I’m happy with a career and can actually afford groceries. Sometimes I wish my dreams weren’t as big.

Hi gorgeous! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I promise your degree has value whether you feel like you can get a job out of it right away or not, and I won't pretend to know how your parents feel but I doubt they would have sacrified anything if they didn't feel your education was worthwhile. Graduating from college is a big deal nonetheless ! We both know I'm struggling with this too but I have some pieces of advice that have been given to me and I've found helpful if you want them <3

Obviously, "almost no one works in something related to their degree" is a really disheartening thing to hear, and I bet you've been hearing it (like I have) a lot lately. But what I think the people who say that are trying to convey is that there is no shame in just doing a job that makes some money (and preferably also makes you happy), and sometimes that financial security can help you pursue your dreams with a bit more surety since you're no longer trying to find a way to eat at the same time.

A few months ago, I talked to my mom about how guilty I feel about potentially not being able to get a job relevant to my degree after she helped put me through college, and while I know not all parents feel the same way about this, I think she made some great points. She said that college is about learning how to think, and your education and the experiences you've had in college will always be valuable no matter what job you end up with. And did you have a good time? Did you like learning all those things you did about film? Did you meet some cool friends, or get to talk about your interests with people who get it? If so, none of it was wasted.

It's so, so easy to feel pressure from others when you're trying to figure out your life post-grad, but in my experience most of that pressure is really internal. People ask what's next for you because they're interested, not becuase they have any one specific path in mind, and the vast majority of the time if you seem happy, they're happy. If you're not happy, fuck it! Then your priority should probably be getting to a place where you are happy, and those conversations really don't matter when you've got bigger fish to fry.

Last thing, but as someone also struggling to re-orient herself in her life plan, I've been taking a lot of time to figure out my priorities. I kind of got stuck in this idea of what my life was going to be, and once that seemed less certain I started questioning what I wanted if I didn't have to do that. I'm making a pinterest board (always my first course of action haha), and it's helped me figure out that whatever I do, I want to be around nature and books, and to live in a mid-size city. Figuring out what I need to be happy has really put things into perspective for me, and I'm sorry I don't mean to assume we're in the exact same mental state but I just want to give you all the stuff that's been working for me in case any of it fits into your situation too.

You can still use your passion in film while working another job, or use that job to save to move to a larger city, or maybe even reflect and find that you're content keeping the film thing as a hobby and there's something else you enjoy doing for a career (I know how heartbreaking that can sound when you love something, but that's how writing has turned out for me so I just wanted to put it out there--feel free to reject it of course). For me, trying to open my mind to all the possibilities and re-evaluate what I want from the next few years has been super scary but also kind of exciting, and I hope that whatever happens for you you're able to find happiness in the big and little things. Wishing you all the best my love!

[mcalhenwrites]

This might read a bit weird, since it was meant to be the ending author’s note on Seasons.

It does get a bit personal, so please be aware of that.

Okay, here goes:

Thank you for reading, especially if you finished Seasons. Thank you for liking my writing. Thank you for making me feel like it was at least worth something. I appreciate all the asks people sent on tumblr, too!

More than ever, comments would be appreciated on this final chapter. Even if it’s just emojis and such. :’)

Feel free to skip the rest of this author’s note if you wish. I just want to share some of my process with this story.

When I first started Seasons, I wanted to capture many painful feelings and events, as well as the exasperation of dealing with a never-ending, unpleasant cycle. This story isn’t merely a reflection of some of my own experiences; it includes things I’ve witnessed or complicated what-ifs. I already had a clear idea of Vivian in my head since summer of 2022, as I was finishing up another story called Rascal, and he was pieced together from previous ideas I’ve had over the years. Some other concepts were taken from a story I started in 2008, although the children were kidnapped to become part of the family. (Which would certainly add to some of the horror, but that’s not what I wanted for Seasons.)

I had a lot of vague story lines to work with. Some changed or were rejected. But the general idea was: What would it be like if—day in and day out, for centuries—you were living under the control of your parents? Would you be satisfied with a routine in a household you could never leave? Would you not wish for stimulation and relationships and new experiences?

It sounds incredibly monotonous. Hellish.

Immortality is always an intriguing subject to me. There’s so much to learn, so many books and video games I’ll never get to before I die. But there would be downsides, too. Especially if you’re trapped. Society’s ableism and increasing gap between the rich and the poor has left me trapped currently, and the years keep going. But mine will someday end. I fear I’ll never be able to get away from my family or afford a house or adopt cats by the time I run out of years.

Seasons expanded upon some of those thought trains about immortality. What if your growth is quashed, but you live a long time?

Also, regarding Bee: What if your parents are supportive of queer identities and are queer themselves, but you’ve been so abused that you still can’t trust them? Poor Bee never felt safe enough to approach the topic. (This isn’t why he uses he/him—he shrugs when people ask what his pronouns are and says they can use any pronouns, but he’ll use he/him and people often just adopt that. A lot of his personal journey and self-exploration happens after ch 89/before the epilogue.)

It was interesting to explore the atrocities of a perpetually abusive childhood. While Seasons is not a horror story, it shares a lot of elements with the genre. Horror can be a cathartic genre for many trauma victims. And what works for one person might be triggering to another. The events of this story might resonate with some people and upset others.

I will confess that much of the pain written in this story is my own. That’s why I wrote this, for my own catharsis. Why I always go back to stories exploring trauma and abuse.

After all the horrors my characters endured, I wanted to see some of their lives improve, even if only incrementally. Living through the past few years in the USA has made me more and more inclined to go for either happy endings or bittersweet ones as both a writer and reader. If everything works out, however, I go, “Sounds fake, but okay!”

I wanted to go for something bittersweet this time. Various levels of progress were made with most of the characters. Phineas and his orchard may be an unrealistic rescue mission spawned from my own fantasies of escape, but this is fiction so I’m allowed a bit of absurdity as a treat.

What matters is that the five Liddell children I started with were able to take the steps they needed to heal and grow. They’ll keep growing in my imagination, well beyond the confines of this story.

I know this conclusion may not satisfy everyone who reads Seasons, but that’s how stories go sometimes. I’ve hated so many endings from media I loved.

I have no current plans to write a sequel. I have a few short stories ideas for Seasons, and none of them are about the sixth Liddell Season. I’d love to explore more about the characters who’ve been along for most of this journey already in side stories.

But it’s also time for me to give some attention to many of my other novels! All of them were put on hold because Seasons held my brain hostage and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, day in and day out, for several months. :’)

I started this story by posting it anonymously. There’s a lot of harassment online, and it seems to be increasing. I am a “spanko” (even if I’m not sure how I feel about that word), but how I discovered that wasn’t favorable. Some of my stories celebrate overcoming that and embracing the kink. Others handle the traumatic, abusive aspects.

Even if I could afford therapy, it’s still good for me to talk about these themes. Although it’s natural to hope that others haven’t been through the same shit I have, it’s also nice to connect with others who understand exactly what I’m expressing.

That is why people share, isn’t it? Writing for oneself will always be important, but it’s not wrong to want to connect with anyone. It’s up to a writer if they want to share or keep what they write to themselves. They shouldn’t refrain because the story is “too dark and nasty” or “not appropriate for children”, nor should they feel obligated to share when they’re not comfortable doing so.

I did fear this story would sink my (currently non-existent) writing career if I put my name to it, but I felt brave after the kind reception and decided it was worth a chance. I told the story I wanted to, even if it’s imperfect in parts, and it helped me feel a bit more courageous and less ashamed about my trauma.

I don’t know if it did anything for anyone else. If it did, I’m glad. But also, I’m equally sorry if you have experiences that align enough for the themes of this story to resonate with you.

I’ll keep writing stories, some with spanking and some without, some of them kinky and others like Seasons will only allude to it being one character’s kink later on. :’)

If this is where we part, have fun and thanks for taking the time to read this story!

[foxwayart]

State of personal affairs (IMPORTANT)

(TL;DR will be towards the bottom for those who don’t wanna read my ramblings, but I’d prefer you did since this is important.) Hey everyone, hope you’re all doing well, I’ll cut to the point by saying that I am not. For the past… We’ll say couple of months I’ve been on something of a mental health spiral, and it hasn’t really gotten any better save for my time at the Con. Which was a nice, but very brief reprieve. The whys of this dip in my well being are pretty varied, and some of it I’m not really able to talk about, whether for personal reasons or respect for others. But to put it broadly, work has been stressful, home has been stressful, my health has been stressful, everything has been stressful, and as it stands I don’t think I can keep up with things right now. So I’m taking a small break from working on commissions, and allowing myself a bit more breathing room when it comes to my streams (which is to say the next few streams may be much smaller scale, more chill chatting streams.)  

Now before any of you who commissioned me recently panic: With my current comms I will still be updating you guys, just at a slower rate than normal, I don’t intend to leave you guys in the lurch. But if by the time I’m done with them I still feel this bad, I probably won’t reopen my queue like I’ve been doing nonstop for the past while now. At least if I can financially help it… Streams like I said are gonna be a bit more lax. I’ll probably finish Pinkie Tower, but after that? I dunno, chatting and maybe some light doodling. Dunno how this will affect Sinner’s Saturday since some kind of income would be nice, but this week we’re definitely doing something different, just have to figure out what.  And yes, I still owe you guys that Discord movie night, we’ll be doing that soon. As for how long this time off is gonna be? No clue, it might only be a few days honestly, but the longest I’m giving myself is two weeks cause I just can’t afford any longer than that. And speaking of “affording”, it’s time for literally my least favourite part of the job. The shilling™️. I probably won’t really be making much if any money during this period, so if you ever wanted to support my work with a nice tip. Now would be the time. You have no idea how much even a small tip of a few dollars can help.https://ko-fi.com/foxweyman I’m not gonna sugar coat this folks. I make peanuts on my work. That’s no one’s fault, it's just the nature of being both a small artist and streamer, it’s something I’ve come to peace with as a fact of my career choices. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t stress me out. Part of why I can never usually take breaks at all is because I literally can’t afford to.

I have rent to pay, phone bills, internet, electricity bills, hormone pills, pet expenses including; food, potential vet visits, toys, poo bags, cat litter, etc. I have to have money saved up incase of an emergency whether personal or work related (computer parts need replacing, tablet needs replacing etc), then there's house expenses; food, toilet paper, cleaning supplies; replacing anything we need etc. It’s a lot, even with our packed house.

The only reason I'm able to go to Furnal Equinox or Canfurence is because I start saving up money month after month after month as a treat to myself, and even when there I tend to bring my work so I can get my commission queue done faster and reopen them again as soon as the con is done.

I’ve been told to raise my prices but let’s be honest, I’m not at the level where I can charge hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for pieces, and while this may be a pessimistic view of my work, I probably won’t be able to any time soon. Same with stream goals, I don’t feel like there’s much I can offer right now that would be worth $500 goals or something.

I’d open a merch shop or something but that would be even more stressful upkeep, and again let’s be real. My reach isn’t big enough for that and you can only sell the same merch to the same customer base for so long.

I apologize if it seems like I’m ragging on about the money, but of all the things I’m dealing with it’s the easiest to talk about because it’s something I think at least a few of you can relate to. That and the more personal troubles cut a bit deeper and I’m not sure I even really wanna talk about them because I don’t like dragging you guys down with me. We’ve made an awesome little community and I don’t need to be hurting you with my problems. Is that the healthiest way of looking at it? No probably not but there it is.

Above all that though I just want some more time to myself and the people I care about, not fretting every second that “I could be working” or “I could be monetizing this”, instead of focusing on improving my mental health so I can be a better creator for you guys, and a better person for me. I wanna draw for myself again,even if it’s just low stakes doodles or barely cohesive comic pages, or hell even just to work on my poor draftwomanship .I wanna let myself play some games and not think “Oh I have to stream this”,  every time I do. I wanna be able to go out with my loved ones and not constantly be thinking “WHY AM I NOT WORKING ON COMMISSIONS???”

So TL;DR taking a light break, not sure how long exactly, will keep current customers in the loop, streams aren’t going anywhere but may be a bit different, please tip to the ko-fi so I can stay afloat during this time https://ko-fi.com/foxweyman

For those that read through, thank you so much, it means the world that you care enough about my mental health to drudge through my ravings. You’re truly the best part of this job. A wonderful community that I can just chat and be honest with, I can laugh and joke with you all without fear or anxiety. That’s exceedingly rare these days and I couldn’t be more appreciative of you lot.

That in mind, this took awhile to write, my hands are hurting, and I wanna go lie down, maybe allow myself a good cry. Thanks everyone. <3

- Blaire,“Drfoxweyman” 

[erina-leah]

Posting about my One Piece OCs because the people have spoken <3

First one I shall introduce is~

Melodi Foreman!

Yeah I just made a picrewsbc I can’t draw </3 it’s as painful for me as it is for you

Main design points: Pink hair, green eyes, short stature but well-built, pale skin, freckles, short muscle mommy

Here’s a bit about her!

Name: Melodi “Mel” Forger

Age: 20 <post time-skip>

Gender: Female <she/her>

Crew: Straw Hats

Occupation: Blacksmith

Read more for her backstory <3

Melodi grew up on an island not far from the Grand Line and comes from a long line of blacksmiths who crafted and sold swords and other weapons to pirates on the Grand Line. It is even said that her grandfather crafted several weapons used by the Roger Pirates. Though, because of this rumor, the government began to seek out her family after Gol D. Roger’s death, so they went into hiding outside of the Grand Line.

The Foremans began to lead a more quiet life, simply opening a small shop on their new island home as small-time blacksmiths, though no one could deny their talent in their craft.

Melodi learned the craft as well, and she admired her family business and dreamed of taking it over one day. Her father and her uncle began to build the hope that one day they would get themselves a ship and return to the Grand Line in this new age of pirates, perhaps building up their name once again. They worked hard for years for their dream, and one day it seemed like it would come to fruition.

When she was seven, Melodi’s parents said they were going to set out to buy a ship, which they could now afford, and head to the Grand Line. They left Mel at home with her Uncle and promised to return to get them. But they never did. They got into a terrible wreck at sea in a storm, and passed.

Melodi was close with her parents, and it broke her heart when her Uncle had to break the news. It seemed everything they had worked for was gone, and they were back at square one. However, her and her Uncle swore to not let their dream die with them, so they began to work once again for their dream.

However, disaster strikes once again when Melodi is 15. She was sent on a trip across her island for supplies, and returned home to find that her home/business was burned by a freak lightning strike during a storm, and her Uncle perished with it. She was once again at square one, but this time she was all alone.

The people of her village began to fear Melodi when they realized her streak of ‘bad luck.’ They thought she was cursed, and while she attempted to her the business back up and running, which she was more than capable of on her own, she found it sinking when the locals would scare anyone away with horror stories of the ‘cursed child.’ What started as a superstition became a rumor that was slowly killing her livelihood as well as any hopes of getting to achieve her family’s dream.

Her last shred of hope came in the form of a man who offered to help her at a steep cost. A criminal syndicate was in the process of taking over her village, and the son of their leader came to Melodi offering to get her some business in exchange for a portion of her revenue. Desperate, Melodi figured being indebted to some shady man was better than being out of business and probably starving in the streets.

And that’s where she has been for the past couple of years, and she is now 18 (pre time-skip). Things seem to be shaking up when a ragtag pirate crew pulls into port, looking to restock on supplies before hitting the Grand Line.

Plz share your thoughts and if you want to hear a part two!! I love her and I hope some of you do too❤️

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HOW TO BE NICE

Beginning at Johns Hopkins in 1876, the bedrooms don't have closets. The more anomalies you've seen, the more the rest will want to come here. When there's something we can't say, in any normal family, a fixed-size equity round can take weeks, because all the angels sit around waiting for the others to commit, have different values for startups, accumulated knowledge about how to make them work, and the best startup ideas seem at first like bad ideas. Running code at read-time, and part of the reason Y Combinator is that founders are more motivated by the fear of Microsoft. Smile at everyone, and don't tell them what you're thinking.1 Violating moral fashions can get you fired, ostracized, imprisoned, or even killed. Om Malik is the most economical route to the sea.2 If the anti-yellowists.3 Aikido, you can make a graph of all the things we could do was Viaweb, which we disliked at first. If anything, it's more like the first five.

We'd hire 30 tomorrow morning. Companies often claim to be benevolent, but because it's so much easier than building something great. In every period, people believed things that were just ridiculous, and believed them so strongly that you would be reluctant to express in front of me. Instead IBM ended up using all its power in the market to any manufacturer.4 They're not.5 Since we did continuous releases, our software didn't actually have versions. They preferred good programmers to bad ones, but they don't need a big development team, so our costs would be lower. This applies to dating too. Outside writers tend to supply editorials of the defend-a-position writing that would be a better sign that someone was satisfied with a search result than going to the site and buying something?

This tradeoff predates programming languages. We decided we ought to be writing about literature, turns out to be a good thing if there are a lot of people who'd make great founders who never end up starting a company.6 They work well enough in everyday life that you don't see the scary part upfront. I conclude with a few vague questions and then drift off to get a tiny bit less occasional to compensate for the opportunity cost of the board seat it consumes. When I was about as observant as a lump of rock.7 One piece of evidence is what happened to the application after I left. The main character is an assassin who is hired to kill the president of France. Companies often claim to be benevolent, but because he spent all his time on it and neglected his studies, he was skeptical about Artix.

And in this economy I bet they got a good deal about patterns. Their hand-made objects become store-bought ones.8 It was natural to have this distinction in Fortran because not surprisingly in a language where you have to be a distinct, inferior, sort of thing? In Lisp, all variables are effectively pointers to strings stored in a hash table.9 If you look at it this way, you wonder why anyone would think there was. I know of one couple who couldn't retire to the town they preferred because they couldn't afford to pay lawyers to turn every a lot of work, done by a class of people called philosophers. 84421706 same 0. So if doing good for people gives you a sense of humor.

What that means is that there are about 15 companies a year that will be very close. Lisp's power is multiplied by the fact that the founders of Chatterous told me recently that he and his cofounder had decided that this service was something the world needed, so they were going to make money and maybe be cool, not to be too difficult for programmers used to C. The distributors want to prevent the sort of economic violence that nineteenth century magnates practiced against one another and communist countries practiced against their citizens. There are a handful of angels who'd be interested in—the language if I did, it would be: you need to give someone a present and don't have any immediate use for it, you probably never will. Whereas if an investor is notorious for taking a long time coming. Because their current business model depends on overcharging people who have x-ray vision for character. And it follows inexorably that, except in pathological examples you can treat them as identical.

But when you understand the origins of this sort of disobedience shows signs of becoming rampant. He was doing something quite different from what they expected? One thing we can say, which are the most technophobic people on earth. Startups are often described as emotional roller-coasters. We're looking for things we can't say, what do you do research on? Soon after, the western world fell on intellectual hard times. In fact there are limits on what programmers can do.10 Which makes it easier to remember that Dublin was also established by Vikings in the 840s. On Lisp.11 Search was only 6% of our traffic, and he will automatically get paid proportionally more.

And that's where the volume of our imaginary solid is growing fastest. Startups rarely die in mid keystroke. Do whatever's best for your users. Make something worth investing in, you have to do it is to use it. No one knows whether a startup is thus as close as you can. Usually you can find, use the same matter-of-the-envelope calculations, this one has a lot of those individually readable lines. There's a lot of immigrants working in it. 40% of the company sold in series A rounds—so those are good places to look now. Instead IBM ended up using all its power in the market to any manufacturer. Whatever their ideas were, they were. Who's right? So parents are giving their kids an inaccurate idea of the right thing, which is the number of series A investments they can do is so small.

Notes

For example, there are no startups to have figured out how to be. But there's a continuum here. N i n Goo: df foo n lambda i set! On the verge of the clumps of smart people are these days.

I don't mean to imply that the web was going to drunken parties.

So managers are constrained too; instead of uebfgbsb.

But this is also to the environment. Convertible debt can be huge.

If the next investor. Ditto for case: I once explained this to users than where you went to school. This wipes out the words won't be able to distinguish between people, but the programmers had seen what GUIs had done for desktop computers. So much better to be employees, or some vague thing like that.

FreeBSD 1.

My first job was scooping ice cream in the US is partly a reaction to drugs.

New York. And while we have. Top VC firms regularly cold email startups. I think I know when this happened because it depends on the grounds that a person's work is a list of the false positives caused by blacklists, for example, probably did more drugs in his twenties than any of the word philosophy has changed is how important it is more efficient: the company goes public.

This of course some uncertainty about how to be a founder; and with that of whatever they copied.

For example, understanding French will help you in? Some urban renewal experts took a shot at destroying Boston's in the Greek classics. Rice and Beans for 2n olive oil or mining equipment, such a dangerous mistake to do.

At one point in the country would buy one. No big deal. When you fix one bug, the manager, which have varied dramatically.

[lilad03-blog]

Daniel Grimaldi: Actor, Scholar & Scientist

     Daniel Grimaldi was born in 1946 and is an American actor and mathematics professor who is best known for his roles as twins Philly and Patsy Parisi on the award winning HBO television series The Sopranos. 

     While researching this piece, I wasn’t sure if all the dates synched up over on the Forever Fordham site? If what I read was true, he started Fordham at an age when most of us were sophomores in high school. 

Entered Fordham University at 16 Years of Age

     “I attended Xaverian High School in Brooklyn.” The obviously very bright, ambitious  powerhouse explained, “I was sixteen when I graduated. I received several scholarships

(including) a full one to Fordham. Many of my classmates were going.”

     He was a Screen Actors Guild award winner, in 2008, for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series for The Sopranos. He opened up about his college experiences at the Rose Hill Bronx campus by saying: “I commuted by train. One hour and forty five minutes each way. In my sophomore and junior year a friend drove. But often I would have to take the train because our schedules did not jell. In senior year I used my father's car,” added the 5 foot-4 inch dedicated alumni. “My family couldn't afford the room & board. One of the few regrets I have in life is not living on campus.”

Don’t Go In The House!

     His first break came in 1979 as the star of the above titled independent horror film. It is described as “A young man who was driven mad by the death of his abusive mother now stalks young women with a flamethrower.” 

Note: I’ve watched, and yes it is as nasty as it sounds. If you are interested, here is the YouTube link-be careful: r. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxmz1vjCOk4&t=6s

Bell Laboratories Scientist

     Doctor Daniel Grimaldi went on to complete a Master of Science in Operations Research from NYU and a  PhD in Data Processing from City University of New York. That early IMDb.com credit above was in 1979. It sounded like those 13 years between might have been filled with working on your Master's degree and PhD? Turns out there was more to his development before being bit-by-the-acting-bug. 

     “Acting was not a thought. It just popped into my mind when I worked at Bell Labs as a member of technical staff in computer graphics.” I looked up archived copies of the University newspapers (The Ram) and did NOT see any productions that mentioned his name. It turns out he didn’t perform in any collegiate shows/plays. He added, “I went to study with Lee Strasberg (starting) in 1970.”

            (aveleyman.com)

Let’s Get To The Quote: “It won’t be cinematic.”

     For those who haven’t seen the episode, on The Sopranos, from all those years ago-let me set the scene. New Jersey Mob Boss Tony Soprano has one of his many adulterous love affairs. This time he meets Gloria. Who is pretty, a successful Mercedes Car sales rep and a bit of a world traveler. The two meet in the waiting of the mutual psychiatrist, accidentally due to a scheduling mix-up. After a point, Tony wants to end it. Gloria  not only wants to be part of the gangster’s life she even goes so far as to make contact with his wife. (Oh girlfriend, you can do so much better.)     

     He sends Patsy Parisi, our boy Dan-Class of ‘66-to scare her away while ostensibly test driving a car. Away from the protection of her suburban New Jersey dealership, he pulls over: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GCQnTPF4_o

Note: Between now and posting of this article I can’t afford to have YouTube delete this one. So, basically he pulls out a gun and points it at her. Warns her to distance herself from Soprano and his family or she will be dead; by his hand. No ancient Greek tragedy or retired NFL Quarterback stuff for her to go on to the next world on.  

Got To Have A Side-Hustle

     I didn’t get a definitive answer, from the Assistant Professor Mathematics & Computer Science at Kingsborough Community College, in Brooklyn, when I asked if “It Won’t Be Cinematic”will be on your tombstone? But I did get a smile.

Can We Make It A Point to Carry His Name Forward?

      Here is a post from the 78 year old Fordham Alumni; His request on the Instagram Account where you can follow him too.

References

[aiden-have-seen-something]

ᴏᴘᴘᴇɴʜᴇɪᴍᴇʀ

Last week I had the opportunity to watch Oppenheimer on the big screen (thank you sis for sponsoring my movie ticket) and it was honestly amazing. I am not really into movies and the fact that it managed to capture my attention and engulf me into the story is really something.

First things first, the acting in the movie was incredible. Especially that of Robert Downey Jr. who played Lewis Strauss. His smiles can convey so many complex emotions, I was stunned. The second actor that I think I should mention is Matt Damon who played gen. Leslie Groves and with his acting he could single handedly immerse me back into the story (we will go back to the spacing part).

The scenery and music were amazing, and shots from the movie can function as art pieces independently. Especially the views from empty Los Alamos.

As for my problems with the film, it was a really intense experience for the viewer. Don’t get me wrong, I like intense experiences but this film is too long to just keep the tension at the same level. It can easily overwhelm the average viewer. The dialogues rarely had breaks between them, all the conversations were quite quick. The viewer is expected to quickly learn all the characters' names to be able to go along with the story. It didn’t help that the film doesn’t have a single chronological timeline. It jumps between events which can sometimes be confusing..

There is also another thing that it contributed to. Every movie, novel and story has to build tension in important moments and also give rest stops so that the viewer is still immersed in the story. This is one of the most important things while directing a movie - to keep the viewer engaged. Oppenheimer had some rest stops but because of the quick paced dialogue, jumping between events and the need to explain the science presented in the film (nobody said it was gonna be easy, what can I say), the rest stops are almost unnoticeable because the viewer is so focused on keeping on with the movie that this tension can’t be released so easily. I can compare it to working on an important project before the deadline and then getting up to get some more coffee. You can’t possibly feel rested from that short break. The pressure was too big so the break needed to be longer.

And with that all said and all things considered, they did an amazing job with this film. My brain was a little fried but I was satisfied.

The movie made me think again about the book I had read lately which is The God Equation by Michio Kaku. Maybe I will write about it in the future but I sincerely recommend reading it. The author makes it easy to read and understand, and includes very interesting topics and stories.

I think that thanks to this book I was enjoying the movie even more. Especially since I could understand a bit more than a standard viewer.

In one point in the movie someone says to Oppenheimer that people listen to him as if he is a prophet and when that's the case he just can’t afford to be wrong. This scene made me remember a certain quote which is:

"𝘐𝘧 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭." - 𝘚𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳

And with that, I give the movie overall 8.5/10. I recommend it sincerely to everyone, and if you are not a fan of historical movies or something, just grab your friend and go to Oppenheimer and Barbie on the same day.

[lambentplume]

alright i’m literally going to save this for when i go see my therapist again so um. no one needs to read or respond at all i just can’t sit up or grip a pencil rn so i’m laying in bed writing this. lol. please god i hope readmore works i am so sorry

it’s getting really dire out here. so i work part time at a cafe which is dying due to managerial neglect/chronic overstaffing/being under resourced and that pays me $12/hr plus tips. i’m still recovering from the time our espresso machine (which is. a major source of appeal for a fucking espresso based cafe) broke… the job that USUALLY ensures i have enough to live is now not enough. i also have two internships that total 25 hours per week and they’re both in separate but not unrelated fields that i’m Thinking about going into. both of which are relatively easier on my body and i like the work so far.

the issue is that i’ve been in my head for SO LONG about what kind of job i should be working. i was going to have a full spiral earlier today but thank god the shift ended lol. bc my coworker is a polisci/ethnic studies major, we were talking about positionality and the ways that academia, eapecially the western idea of “social sciences” (which is . what i study) exploita the communities it studies when not done with careful critical or community-based methodology. and as someone who wants to potentially join investigators studying the social ramifications of labor done in the specific context that i grew up in, from a worker’s and also generational and also academic jargon perspective (side note: i genuinely think there is a case for connecting the modern exploitative tourist hospitality industry to underserved communities’ ability to seek help and thrive like STRUCTURALLY in terms of the way these schedules are fucking built) i’m kind of… working my way up the ladder. learning research methodologies by doing that ground-level work and pushing paper for the PIs who actually do the Cool Work. AND ALSO STILL WORKING ON MY BACHELORS WHILE BEING A RENT PAYER … i also finally admitted to this coworker that i dropped out of the US east coast PWI i went to in order to come home bc i couldn’t handle it socially and i feel like. being a poc who has living relatives who worked on plantations and who is CONSTANTLY reminded that i have far more privilege than i could ever grasp etc is making me feel a little insane. like my dad Doesn’t talk to me about it because he does Not feel like articulating it and i’m Never going to understand which is true. like i will Never Understand. i should be a bit happier that the internships are paying me more just to sit and do brainwork instead of busting ass and people pleasing all day but i’m so afraid. of . being . incompetent. that i just work because i’m happy to work i need to feel useful i need everything to add up so bad. i need more than one full day off from responsibilities but i can’t afford it. i’m going to fall behind and not be good at anything and forget big theses if i can’t even pay rent. like what IS the point!! other more eloquent and better-equipped and driven people who know what they want should have it! i will just shrink my presence until i shrivel away!!!!!!!! god.

and then i feel the need to legitimize my hobbies and interests like bro 😭😭😭 who fucking cares if i miss the OT 5th anny people are drawing pieces bc they feel like it!!!

this is WHY i can’t chase clout this is why i didn’t go to risd this is why i dropped out of brown. so why am i still attached to the idea that i need to be institutionally validated (THERE IS MONEY IN INSTITUTIONAL VALIDATION. END UNDERPAYMENT I WANT TO KERMIT!!!!)

[hidesinhisarchived]

The last six months of Mark’s life had been incredibly hectic while preparing for his newest documentary series. Several months of headache-inducing negotiations and scrambling to find crew who were willing to live in LA’s infamous ‘murder house’ had left the filmmaker exhausted and ready to quit before even stepping foot inside the place. By the end, he’d gotten so tired of hearing people whine about ghosts this and curses that that he was about ready to pull his own hair out by the fist full. But, he’d pulled through it and put together an excellent crew that were eager to prove themselves. They were a bit young and inexperienced, but had potential and he honestly couldn’t afford to be picky at this point.

It was finally all over and they were in the house. Mark had been in awe of the place from the absolute second that he’d taken his first step inside, practically drooling over how the light shone through the stained glass windows. This was the kind of place that he’d often dreamed of buying when he was younger and making it into an artists’ haven for his friends and loved ones. Something elegant and classic, filled to the brim with history and so many stories.

He’d been so taken with it all, in fact, that he’d immediately dropped his stuff in the master bedroom and grabbed his still camera. He’d spent a good couple of hours photographing every part of the place that caught his attention and had even captured a couple of places from several different angles until he’d been satisfied. His crew had given him weird looks, but no one had said anything. After all, who was going to question the great Mr. Proof Positive himself? They took the job knowing that he had a reputation for being a bit eccentric at times. Perhaps that had even been part of the appeal.

A few days in and a new problem came to light: neither Mark nor the production company had thought to hire a stager. Mark had several talents outside of the filmmaking and the writing, but interior decorating wasn’t one of them. Hell, he was still stinging over Maureen and Joanne making fun of him for how he decorated his own home and that had been three years ago. As a result, he’d gotten his assistant Lexie to call around to see if she could find someone willing to work with them. 

It’d taken a week, but eventually Lexie had struck paydirt. She tossed a piece of paper with a name scribbled on it at him as he sat at the kitchen counter, squinting slightly at his laptop as he read over the history of the Montgomerys. “His name is Chad. He’ll be by sometime today to check the place out and talk to you about the job.”

The filmmaker frowned as he tried to make sense of what she said. “Who? What job?”

Lexie sighed, used to this by now. She knew that when Mark got heavily fixated on something, it took him a couple of seconds to come back to planet earth when interrupted. “The interior decorator. Stager. Whatever the hell it’s called. I had to go through the realtor that sold the place to the production company, but she said that she got up with someone who agreed. The details that she gave me are on the paper. I hope you don’t mind, but I gotta go early. I promised my mom that I’d take her out to dinner tonight.”

“Aw, you sure you don’t wanna stay? Maybe move in? It’ll save you a commute.” Mark grinned at her, chuckling as she shuddered.

“Absolutely not! Being in this place is creepy enough for a few hours a day. I can’t see how you can actually stand to live here. Ugh.” She shook her head, nose wrinkling as she grabbed her bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mark. Oh! I filled your prescription for you and left the bag on your nightstand. Take care of yourself.” And with a final wave, she was gone. 

Still lightly chuckling, he went back to his research. Mark wasn’t sure how long he’d stared at the computer screen, reading about the Montgomerys’ history and the history of their home, only stopping to take the occasional note. The sound of the doorbell startled him, making him jump and sending his heart skittering in his chest. He sighed at himself, taking a deep breath before sliding out of his chair and heading for the front door. The others were out for the day, exploring LA and seeing the sights before things got too busy and they weren’t able to, so it was just him in the house at the moment. 

The filmmaker opened the door and was almost immediately taken in by the pair of large brown eyes that he found himself staring in. They were expressive and bright and attached to an incredibly handsome face. Oh no. It’d been a long time since Mark had been this instantly taken by someone’s looks, to the point where his heart practically skipped a beat in his chest. Which, at his age and condition, probably wasn’t a good thing. Shit. 

He cleared his throat, offering a smile at the stranger. “Oh! Hello! You, uh, you must be the decorator. Chad, right?” Mark stepped to the side to allow him entrance into the house. “Come in! I’m Mark, Mark Cohen. I’m the one running all of this and trying to put this whole thing together. What all were you told about this job?”

@applesdrowned gets a starter!