#so I have to find a way to fix the problem (or at least making it less noticeable) during editing
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I barely see any of these, but I like this kind of challenge. I'll be answering all of these as Chiasa.
🌧️: I usually use an umbrella on rainy days because believe me, as functional as is, it's very hard to find a stylish hooded raincoat that doesn't make my hair all static-y... But there's plenty of nice umbrellas. I like the rain (better from the inside!) I love the noise the raindrops make, the way it smells afterwards... Really an example of the beauty and power of nature.
🍳: I like to think that I am, I haven't had any complaints since I was still learning. I guess I'm alright, but I'm no chef, or my father. I enjoy it when I have time, it keeps me close with my family and is all around calming. And my favorite... Oh! Kare for sure. Out of everything I make, everyone thinks I'm the best with that.
🧼: Showers are for the morning (The ones alone at least, hehe...) and baths are for the evening. I love baths! Not only are they a vital part of my skincare, but also one of my favorite ways to wind down after a hard day. As for my favorite scent... I like anything earthy or floral, but I really like eucalyptus and jasmine.
❌: My sister Quinta loved to tell me to stop "galavanting with young lovers, dressing like a sorority girl (Wouldn't you believe she wore even less on the pageant circuit...)" really, just living my life. If my skincare and procedures did their job, then why should I hide myself away and quilt and "bingo" or whatever "old biddies" are supposed to do? Hell, I recall she had the same stuff done, even just so we stay looking alike. Since she's more concerned about appearances than my own well being... I'd listen to my own parents over her if they were still here. I'd listen to my brother in law, friends, Plutarch too, but none of that means I'm bowing completely.
🏳️: When there's absolutely no other way or someone would get hurt. I didn't get this far in the fashion world, no, in life, just to give up at the slightest problem.
📖: I guess I'm a little cliche for this, but I really like romance novels... Especially the trashy ones. Plutarch's been trying to get me into the philosophy and government stuff he likes, but they're much more fun to read with him than alone. He makes them very easy to understand and he's so cute when he's all passionate like that. Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to read... Even now I'm awfully busy.
⛸️: Mm, I'm not a big sports girl. I used to do some roller skating when I was younger, but that was only a phase. Unfortunately most of the "sporting events" I've been around for were rather... Barbaric. Hopefully there'll be something a lot less violent on in the near future.
😷: I don't get sick very often, I actually do my best to stay healthy. When I do, I try to stay home so I don't pass it on, no one wants that after all! If I must go out, I'll wear a mask, and I might if I hear about something going around. I've got a few cute ones on standby, so I don't mind at all.
🥼: Ugh, thankfully no. I haven't worn a uniform since that hideous thing I had to wear at the Academy, and believe me, the minute I graduated, I cut it up for scraps. I doubt I'll be wearing one now, but if I had to go back in time and change it, I'd keep the pants and skirt separate, change that awful blue mandarin to a white button down, and add a gold tie or scarf. That would at least fix the damn thing.
🥂: I like to be surrounded by my loved ones, maybe pop a bottle or two, enjoy some good food, music, and dancing. I've been raised to believe that life isn't worth living without any joy, and what's better than everything that makes me happy close after a great thing?
🛴: I have a car (A gorgeous pink roadster with fins!) to get to further parts of the city in less official capacity, but otherwise Plutarch and I also have drivers. I like to say I do my best, but urban drivers are the worst!
🕰️: I check my handheld most of the time, but sometimes I also have a fashionable watch on my wrist.
🥰: I'd have to say the biggest thing is acknowledgement, actually listening to what I have to say and taking an interest. I'm used to people marvelling at the surface, but it can get old, especially when those people's intentions aren't always the greatest. Actually listening to me, though? That's rare and I just adore it.
🐇: I guess I used to, but just between us, I wasn't exactly sober for most of that time... Plus even a lot of my spiritual side withered away with the world.
🎺: I really like psychedelic rock and synth wave. A bit of indie too. I don't play any instruments, I think I might be tone deaf I'm afraid. One of my exes let me try his saxophone once... It didn't end too well. Thankfully, that's not why we broke up.
💿: Oils, I guess? I don't really collect anything like that, but I do collect certain oils, some to burn as incense, some to use on my skin and in baths, some just to sniff.
🧋: I like a nice pink lady. If you mean non alcohol, I like both coffee and tea. The coffee I'll take both ways, but I like my tea hot. I like a nice chamomile and I take my coffee with cream and one spoonful of sugar.
🌻 random in-character questions
an ask game where, instead of replying from your perspective, you answer as if it's your original character/muse/self-insert/etc. answering the question ✨
🌧️ "When outside during the rain, do you use a raincoat, an umbrella, or something else? Do you enjoy rain?"
🍳 "Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? What's your favorite thing to cook?"
🧼 "Do you prefer to take a shower during the morning or evening? Do you like taking baths? What's your favorite scent of shower gel?"
❌ "Would you do something that someone told you not to do? Why? Is there someone you'd actually listen to more than everyone else?"
🏳️ "What will make you give up?"
📖 "What kinds of books do you read? Do you have a lot of time to read?"
⛸️ "What's your favorite kind of sport? Do you follow sports closely or don't care at all?"
😷 "How often do you get sick? Do you stay at home when sick or do you end up going outside to, say, get some groceries? If you go outside, would you wear a mask?"
🥼 "Do you have to wear a uniform somewhere? If yes, how do you feel about it? If no, what kind of uniform would you love to wear?"
🥂 "How do you celebrate you accomplishments?"
🛴 "What's your preferred way of getting somewhere - own car, public transport, a bicycle, or something else? How well do you follow the traffic rules?"
🕰️ "What do you use to check what time it is?"
🥰 "What would make you feel happy and loved?"
🐇 "Do you believe in other dimensions?"
🎺 "What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Do you know how to play an instrument, and if not, which one would you want to learn to play?"
💽 "Do you collect anything? Why?"
🧋 "What's your go-to thing to drink? Do you prefer cold or hot drinks?"
#ask meme#rp ask meme#oc ask meme#oc: chiasa lapin#thg oc#hunger games oc#She knows what she likes#She knows what she's about#I hope I can find one of these asks again#Writing in character is a lot of fun#And poses a better challenge than just answering for them
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Another week has passed! And I'm still sticking to my weekly recap, though I know 2 weeks isn't super impressive but I'm sticking to this!! I've actually set up a whole system to make these posts and I'm probably going to make a post explaining how tomorrow (link to post)
As always, any constructive criticism is welcome and I'll probably keep improving this format for a while.
QL Recap for Week 2
The 6th of January to the 12th of January
🇹🇼 See Your Love
Episode 13 of 13 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
Final notes: This show was just so good and it definitely stuck the landing. Both couples were great, felt very fresh and I was super invested in both. If they'd had a longer runtime they could have definitely used more time on the core plot and the second couple but that's really more of a wish of mine. They used the time they had well and I can definitely see myself returning to this. And just the cherry on top of two great pairings came an interesting plot which didn't treat Shaopeng's disability as something to be fixed and instead showed all the ways he was perfect just the way he is.
🇹🇭 ThamePo Heart That Skips a Beat
Episode 5 of 13 || Watching on: Youtube
Another great episode! Was a little surprised that Thame hadn't realized he has feelings for Po yet but at least we got there now. I'm not entirely sure what Jun's problem is yet but at least it seems like Po knows he is up to something. Nano's fear of failure and desperate need to not feel like a burden to other people was so relatable and I'm really happy they all were there to help him understand that it's okay to rely on other people. It's safe to say I'm very invested in this show!
🇹🇭 The Heart Killers
Episode 7 of 12 || Watching on: Youtube
Oh this was delicious! Just the intricacies of Bison and Fadel now also knowing Kant and Style's motives and pretending they don’t. The BB gun scene was insane because it felt very close to home when Bison and Fadel are used to being out shooting people but this was just for pretend. Two things were said in this scene which I'd bet was foreshadowing: Style asking to be allowed to help which might mean he'll be shooting a real gun in the future and Kant saying he'll shield Bison which I'd bet means he'll try and shield Bison for real in the future and might actually get shot. Overall the acting in this episode was phenomenal!! Particularly the final boat scene was just *chef's kiss*
🇹🇭 Your Sky
Episode 9 of 12 || Watching on: iQiYi
Oh they are just the sweetest boyfriends!! Can't wait for Hia and Real to finally get their shit together and have a proper talk but luckily they'll take steps towards that next week. This show is just my happy space right now.
🇹🇭 Fourever You
Episode 16 of 17? || Watching on: Gray
I'm still one episode ahead but I wont spoil anything so don't worry if you haven't seen episode 16. I feel a little bad but I was pretty happy about having an episode for just Johan and North. I absolutely adore them so it was so great get more background story on them. For some reason I thought this show was only 16 episodes so I have no clue what the total nr. of episodes are anymore. I wouldn't mind a couple of more episodes with Johan and North as the focus though because they're the highlight of this show for me. I do also love seeing the two friend groups and their friendships which to be honest I could use more of. I love that even the very masculine group of friends have each others backs and are able to be vulnerable in with each other.
🇯🇵 Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu
Episode 10 of 10 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
Final notes: Oh these two! This was such a good story of living in a world that doesn't accept you. Just two lonely lost boys finding love and a home in each other. Even when they get their happy ever aften they still live in a society where they have to hide and it just breaks my heart. I just hope they find better friends. Overall I really liked this show and how it was produced. I could easily feel the pain of these two and put myself in their place. It was by no means perfect but it was a good little show with all the things that made me enjoy watching it.
🇹🇭 Petrichor
Episode 7 of 10 || Watching on: iQiYi
I'm still enjoying this very much and putting the killer in-between our two main characters was so delicious. The crime plot and the romance are heavily intertwined and one enhances the other. This was the same with Spare Me Your Mercy but also the reason why when SMYM didn't develop the relationship enough it also affected the rest of the plot. I don't find that this is the same problem here though.
🇹🇭 Caged Again
Episode 10 of 10 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
Final notes: This concept was absolutely bonkers but they made it work really well. I loved how they played into the animal characters because it made it feel more believable and original and fun. I fully believed that the two were transformed from specific animals and it made it great. It kinda lost it's magic towards it's end but I still think its well worth a watch.
🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners
Episode 12 of 24 || Watching on: Youtube
I'm still invested in Gun and Yotha, and I'm loving Arc's presence in their lives. I however was very confused about Aou and Boom's couple suddenly getting screen-time. I like these two as actors but since their characters came into this show already established and with very little screen-time before this week I'm not invested in them at all.
🇹🇭 The Boy Next World
Episode 2 of 10 || Watching on: iQiYi
This show is suffering from the large amount of shows airing on Sunday because I'm struggling to pay enough attention to actually get invested. The acting and production value is there and I like the plot a lot but I usually get to this third so I'm usually tired and anxious about in being Sunday when I get to it which isn't an easy situation to get into a new show.
🇯🇵 Futtara Doshaburi
Episode 1 of 7 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
I don't understand how you can slowly start moving your beds away from each other in a relationship. They got some serious issues and desperately need to talk about it but are doing anything but that. I'm a little confused about the otsee your loher couples(?) dynamic, are they dating? Just roommates? They're acting like they're more than roommates at times but I guess we'll find out. I assume that all that is something we'll find out so I'm intrigued by this show, even if I worry a little that they'll get into "cheating" territory at some point which is not my cup of tea.
🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw
Episode 3 of 8 || Watching on: iQiYi
Sangnim and Dinneaw are super cute and I love all the languange stuff and I'm also interested so see where the second couple goes. But other than that I kept thinking all episode: "What even is this show? " The Pony thing still isn't my kind of humor but I'm assuming someone is finding it funny. The third couple however, what even is the point of them? We don't know them at all so I'm not invested in them or their relationship and I don't even know what those sex scenes are? Like they're neither funny nor sexy, why are they there? This is the one time where I'll allow NC scenes to be called unnecessary. I'm just so confused so if anyone has any insights please let me know!! Maybe it's just not my thing? I don't ever remember watching a show where I really liked parts of if but then absolutely didn't like other parts.
🇨🇳 I'll Turn Back This Time
Episode 1 of 6 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
I really like Meet You at the Blossom so I'm very curious to see if this can live up to the hype. They pretty much speed ran "enemies to lovers to something more" so I'm worried that this will come back to bite them in the ass later. Either way I'm intrigued and I'll wait and see the show unfold more before I make more of a judgement on this show.
🇹🇼 Eternal Butler
Episode 5 of 12 || Watching on: Gagaoolala
I'm watching this incredibly casually because I'm not big on robots in romantic relationships and, like it's predecessor, Anti Reset, you shouldn't think too hard about the plot.
That's it for this week!
For links and airing schedule check out World of BL (Only for BLs)
#Sof Watches Weekly#See your love#eternal butler#i'll turn back this time#when it rains it pours#futtara doshaburi#sangmin dinneaw#the boy next world#the boy next world the series#perfect 10 liners#perfect 10 liners the series#caged again#caged again the series#petrichor the series#miseinen#out youth#Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu#fourever you#fourever you the series#fourever you project#your sky the series#your sky#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#see your love#thamepo#thamepo the series#thame po
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being the youngest person at work is being the honorary IT specialist despite knowing basically nothing abt technology except how to use google
#im not even like being modest when i say i'm embarrassingly bad at tech stuff#but bc i can use google and sometimes find a convoluted solution to a problem on my own i am an expert#currently the classroom ipad has not functioned properly for months#and i'm the only reason it functions at all lol#as soon as i leave its gonna be a shitshow lol#they cant even open the gallery to see the pics of the kids like its supposed to it hasnt opened in months#i'm the only person who knows to go to files to see the pictures and delete some for more space#and it took me a minute to figure out how to delete hundreds at a time#i usually delete 2k or so at the beginning of every week#bc we take like hundreds every day then sort thru for the good ones to post for the parents#so it's got thousands of pictures on it and you get storage warnings constantly#and it stops working#its got other problems too tho#but i at least got the picture taking and deleting problem mostly figured out but its not the way it was#yet its usable thanks to me only#and all my coworkers will be fucked when i leave bc they're all old lol#we already sent it to the office to get fixed twice and it came back the same#and im p sure this school doesnt have an actual tech department#and they'll be annoyed if they're told they have to buy a new one#bc the KNOW that i was making it work for months#so whoever says its impossible is just a failure lol#anyway#lol#anyway when i go home i call my brother to handle all technology issues w anything#bc i really suck at it#but at work i'm like a tech genius just bc im under 30
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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option
#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause#to like charities and gfms and anyone else#but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job#and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything#and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week#but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week#the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything#you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something#but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets#like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going#but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it#and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy#and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own#but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough#my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space#bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected#and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll#get everything going again#but at the same time i could easily just die#I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs#what else is there to do with my life honestly#(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed#but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience#idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't#but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it#ramble#suicide tw#weight loss mention
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computer tell me how do i love one parent who cheated on the other computer help
#the only person i know in this situation hates her dad and always will#i thought i'd at least avoid that scenario#i was so firmly of the belief that neither of them did anything wrong#that's wrong on both sides of course#just not how i expected#she was taking photos of my brother on christmas day a few years ago#and sending them to this man#whilst my dad was in the same room#ALLEGEDLY#not taking his word as fact anymore but i do believe it#since she said i'd hate her after finding out#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#HELPPPPP#that's my MUM#who i love SO much#i'm so lucky to have her#but she's done this to my dad#so ????????????#what happens now PLEASE im about to start praying or something#jk i wouldnt i'll just listen to ghost for that fix but howwwwwww#do i continue#this is not a genuine question to any actual person sorry just ranting here because idk what else to do#should make some kind of tag#tw vent#i guess#for blocking#this is way too much to mention to any friend and its not like i can talk to my mum about my problems FJNFKFNFJ
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I woke up feeling so angry today I hate group projects
#so. that girl can't/doesn't want to remake her clip#so I have to find a way to fix the problem (or at least making it less noticeable) during editing#also I didn't notice I was tasked to make a second clip and I don't understand why since I already have to film the transition?#but it's too late to complain now so. guess I'll do that to 😐#god I should have said no when this girl from the group said she wanted to do the exam on the first possible day#I could have done it on my own and have january 6th as a deadline#instead of. next wednesday lol
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giving men a space in feminism doesnt mean letting them step on your toes. if you feel like your toes are being stepped on, you need to say something and tell that person to stop instead of try to get them fucking exiled essentially.
#i really do truly think peoples inability to socialize and do conflict resolution is a huge part of the problem here. they jump straight to#ostracizing someone from the community bc they're essentially too scared to actually have a conversation and tell that person to stop?#they're gonna say its trauma or w/e but if its a guy you dont know whos not traumatizing you you cant really... claim that.#no. be honest. you dont know how to communicate effectively. so its easier to just have people leave than try to fix anything#the same type of person to reject going to therapy with someone to try to fix things and just kinda jumps to saying 'fuck it'#but the whole point of therapy isnt to make you guys stay together anyways- its to resolve conflicts. you might decide you're better off#w/o eachother but need to at least know the other person whole perspective first before jumping to conclusions#therapy with others also! teaches you how to resolve conflicts and communicate more effectively. so even if things dont work out#now you have tools in your belt later on if you need to work on a different relationship.#im not saying go to therapy w some random dude who might be stepping on your toes in some way but you Do need to learn#how to communicate better so you can at least tell him how you're being negatively effected w/o... trying to advocate for his ejection#and it'd be even more helpful if you have an unbiased emotionally mature friend who understands communication well nearby to help#you guys resolve your conflict... doesnt have to be a therapist specifically lol#tho a therapist or counselor or w/e is usually the best option bc they're the least likely to be biased.#unless you can find an over qualified stranger... which... how would u even know theyre over qualified then... idk sdjhfshj#if it is like a community thing maybe (hopefully. ideally) the organizer can be the unbiased party? idk.
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹
#haphephobia.... and they list guts from berserk under pop culture references 😢😢😭😭 thats my guy....#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia#i find it really difficult to talk abt but i have a complicated relationship w touch/physical contact (likely trauma babeyy)#and while i do crave it a lot i also have a very physical reflexive fear response especially if its intentional + i dont expect it#which can sometimes even get triggered just being in proximity to ppl bc like. even the possibility sets me on fucking edge#it would be nice to be as physically affectionate as i naturally want to be without dealing w my fight/flight/freeze but alas#its weird bc there are some random situations where it doesnt get triggered at all but its so unpredictable every time#and varies wildly person to person for seemingly no reason. there r strangers im innately more comfortable with but also friends ive known#for years and will never be comfortable around. i think part of that depends on how strongly the other person communicates and whether-#i feel as if theyre demonstrably able to respect boundaries not just mine but their own too + understand theyre not always fixed#ideally i need to have had this conversation with them so i Know they understand. which is rly difficult i find it so hard to admit#and i have a complicated mental block where i need the other person to naturally bring it up which very very rarely ever happens#idk just an atmosphere of safety yknow. i think its intentional touch that specifically makes me panic bc im usually fine w like-#bustling crowds or even expected social rules like handshakes at interviews. bc its not like they're Trying To Touch Me its just rote idk#hopefully eventually ill reach a place where im able to unpack it and reduce its severity bc man sometimes its fucking heartbreaking to me#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world#and the way having to force myself to avoid it meshes w my rsd too augh.... its a clusterfuck#even just having one person im completely comfortable with. maaaaan.#almost makes me miss my ex. at least i was mostly cool around them#god its sucked lately ive been having weird vivid dreams related to it. but whatever its so far down my list of problems to prioritize#and at least i dont get it w my familys dog so i can cuddle her :^) i miss her i cant wait to see her next month :D#anywayyyy thats enough im so tired goodnight every1...#.diaries
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#feeling very. Bad lately#in a despondent 'there is no future at least not for me' kind of way#hard to feel optimistic about anything. if I think for more than five minutes about the more than immediate day to day future#I get lost in a fugue of scenarios that will never come to pass because I'm too willing and ready to just be a tool and not a person#to everyone in my life and somehow still pretend day in and day out that I'm actually living a life#I constantly feel like I'm sixteen years old and never got the guidebook for life beyond hs#don't have a job and can't find one without access to transportation and my hours would be severely limited by my caretaking duties#ostensibly I have all the free time in the world right and just absolutely no drive to do anything at all with it#except lay in bed and suffer anxiety over everyone else's problems and my limited/un-ability to solve all of them#logically I am aware this is ridiculous and self-sabotaging and also impossible and also NOT on me to fix#but I've never been any good at treating myself the way I feel the desire to treat everyone else. my problems aren't worth fixing etc#life is and just always has been something that happens to other people#and most days I'm fine with that. I can find some silly interest to lose myself in and not think about it.#I'm very good at disappearing somewhere else. I don't need to exprience anything. my brain is great at theater#but right now it's just nothing. and so reality crashing in on many sides at once is destroying me a bit#I've also got a migraine right now so that helps tremendously. obviously#maybe if I make dinner now before I become completely useless I can just go to sleep early#I know this'll pass. It is what it is. I'm just Tired. and wish everything were different. y'know.
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I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.
A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.
The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.
The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.
A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.
A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.
Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.
Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.
Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".
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lmao got birth control arm implant replaced this afternoon and like. on the one hand the numbness hasn't even fully worn off yet, but on the other hand the pressure bandage is Already driving me nuts. and there is some marvelous bruising starting to peek out the top of it too, so i know i definitely can't take it off yet but-- augh
#also i keep being like 'hm let's have a cider for a nice tasty distraction!'#and then gotta remind myself that will potentially worsen bruise formation and abort :/#ended up leaving fiber arts meetup earlier than usual in part bc it's so annoying#...though admittedly mostly bc i was getting frustrated with my yarn and hadn't brought the right tools to solve the issue#anyway. generally grumpy rn. definitely too grumpy to go and fix the knitting problems which is making me More grumpy >:[#probably one cider would not actually make a significant difference but it would be sooo annoying if it did so#in a week i will be happy i did this but rn i want smth intensely distracting but do not have anything suitable#storm's posts#personal#you can ignore this#oughtta keep pressure bandage on at least overnight but idk if i'll make it a full twenty-four hours before i get too frustrated#ALSO my dinner plan tonight is More Fuckin Leftover Risotto#which is good but it turns out not seven meals in five days good which i. probably should have anticipated before making a double batch#...do we have breadcrumbs?? a bit more texture would make it way more satisfying#...food planning is weird and kinda stressful rn bc i'm trying to stick w what's already in the house but.#that is less than usual And missing some of my standard fallbacks so#time for improvising :/ which i find frustrating#but also i don't have much else to occupy myself atm so at least i can handle it
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:(
#i also wish i wasn’t god’s greatest martyr like#why am i constantly falling on my sword for stupid shit#like do i really just love being unhappy????#why do i take every opportunity i can to punish myself#like!!!!!!! what is this ever present guilt and why should i have to put myself through constant suffering in an attempt to absolve it#it’s like i’m allergic to just picking the easy way out#peace is so foreign to me it’s like i can’t function unless i have at least 2 things making me miserable and if i can’t find them#i will CREATE them#something about stability is like so unachievable to me and it’s always me who’s blocking my own blessings#god#i want better for myself#anybody else in these conditions would not be having the problems i am having#my life isn’t BAD#it’s just my own sheer inability to take control of it and live in it#i just let stuff happen to me instead of initiating anything at all & i just do the bare minimum to coast by and then wonder#why nothing improves#when 6lack wrote prblms it was about me .#anyways back to the ever present mental debate of ‘am i just lazy or do i need to be medicated’ lol#an anti depressant would probably fix me i won’t lie
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hi maeeee!! can i request a poly! marauders where maybe reader is fighting with only one them and the others are shocked when they find out and try their very best to fix it even though things are quite tense? thanks maeeeee ilyyyy💐💐💐
Thanks for your patience with this one angel! It's not as angsty as I planned when I started writing it, but I hope you enjoy it <3
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.8k words
It’s James who finds you this time. You’re curled up in a corner of the couch, pretending to read whilst secretly feeling sorry for yourself. Your boyfriend sits next to you, touching your shoulder so that you turn to him for a kiss.
“Still upset?” he asks after a peck.
You ignore the complicated, knotty feeling that makes itself known in your chest. “Not at you.”
“No, I know.” James smiles a little, gifting you another kiss. “I’d be coming in here with my tail between my legs if you were. I’d hate to be on the wrong side of either you or Rem’s wrath.”
You stay quiet. You wouldn’t go so far as to call what you’re feeling wrath—that seems a tad dramatic to describe the low flame of vexation you’ve been burning for your tallest boyfriend—but you don’t feel like opening yourself up to the subject with James. You’ve already heard it from Sirius this morning.
“Angel.” James gives your shoulder a cajoling squeeze. “Come on, when are the two of you going to get past this? It’s very awkward sleeping in the same bed with two people who are quarreling, you know.”
“We sleep exactly the same as every other night.”
“There’s underlying tension,” he counters lightly. You roll your eyes, and James laughs. “Oi, don’t get cross with me now, too. I’m just telling you about my lived experience.” He leans his head on your shoulder, all sweetness and treachery. “You’re really not gonna forgive him? You know he’s gonna stick you with Sirius in the divorce.”
You huff a laugh. James grins up at you hopefully. You know there’s some sense to what he’s saying; one of you has to be the bigger person eventually. It had started small, a stupid disagreement, but you and Remus are each stubborn and petty enough to not want to admit where you were wrong. Now you’re more angry with him for being angry with you than for anything else.
When you think of his coldness to you—never mind the fact that you’ve been cold to him in turn—that flame of vexation burns a little brighter.
“I don’t know why you’re over here trying to convince me,” you tell James. “I won’t have any problem forgiving him if he actually apologizes.”
James sighs. You look down at your book to avoid his disappointment.
“Okay, then. But he does feel really bad, so you know. He’s in the bedroom with one of his headaches, and he asked if you were still upset with him.” You look up. James levels you with a weighted look. “Could probably really use a cuddle, if you two were on good terms.”
James is at least only somewhat smug when you abandon your book to go to the bedroom. You pass Sirius in the hall, who gives you a smile and a firm peck on the lips, likely having just left Remus himself. You enter the bedroom expecting to see the curtains drawn, lights off, and your poorly boyfriend in bed, but instead Remus is standing, well lit by the daylight streaming in through the windows, book tented on the bed still made from this morning. He appears as though he was just on his way out.
“Erm, hi,” he says, brows pulled together in the middle. He looks to be studying you. “Are you alright?”
“Fine,” you answer, bemused. “Are…are you?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
The door clicks shut behind you. You startle at the sound, not having closed it yourself. Then, you watch as a resigned sort of irritation comes over Remus’ features at the same time as it settles into you.
“Pricks.” He moves past you to the door, jiggling the handle. “It only locks from the inside, you twats.”
“Love you too,” comes Sirius’ voice. “You can come out after you kiss and make up.”
“And say you’re sorry!” adds James.
Remus scowls.
“Open it,” you tell him.
“What do you think I’m trying to do? One of them is holding it shut.”
“Let me try.”
“Be my guest.” Remus steps back, letting you have a go at the handle. By putting everything you have into it you manage to twist it, but you can’t get it open even an inch.
“Don’t hurt yourself, gorgeous.” Sirius sounds smug enough to make your face feel hot. “James is holding it on the other side here, a few more minutes and you’ll make him break a sweat.”
You let go of the handle with a huff, turning and stalking towards the bedroom window. You start moving the desk out of your way.
“Would you really rather climb out the window than be in a room with me?” asks Remus. You look over your shoulder, and he’s sitting on the bed, side-eyeing you with his back propped against the pillows.
“It’s not about you.” You shove your hip into the desk, budging it enough for you to get at the window latch. “They lied and made me feel all guilty just so they could lock us in here.”
“What’d they tell you?”
You try to get your fingernail behind the latch. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Sirius had me thinking you were quite upset.”
“Yeah, and probably that I was asking after you, right? James told me you had a bad headache.”
A chuckle. “That was enough to make you come in here looking so flustered?”
“My mistake,” you huff, but it turns to a short whimper when your nail breaks. “Christ, you’d think they’d make these easier to open. What if there was a fire?”
“Don’t go out the window,” Remus says calmly. “You’ll ruin your tights.”
You work another nail behind the latch. “I can’t just let them win.”
“Mm. That’s a bit of a problem for you, is it?”
A bitter coolness settles over you. You turn, crossing your arms. “Something to say?”
Remus picks up his book, cornering a page. “Just making an observation, is all.”
“Remus,” you say sternly. “Don’t act like you’re any better. You could’ve apologized at any time.”
Your boyfriend levels you with a look. “Would that really have made a difference?”
“Yes!”
“Honestly?” He looks like he doesn’t believe you. “All I have to do is say I’m sorry, and you’ll forget about all of this and be completely happy with me?”
You shake your head, bewildered. “…Yeah. I mean, I would want to know that you understood how you hurt my feelings, but yeah. Really, it’s not that complicated.”
Remus’ expression softens. “I do understand that, dove. Do you understand how you hurt mine?”
“I…” You find you can’t quite look at him. “I imagine it’s sort of similar. Because I’ve been cold to you.”
“And because you wouldn’t hear me out,” he says. It doesn’t sound like I told you so, not smug so much as gentle. “But it was a small thing to begin with, wasn’t it? I’m ready to be past it.”
You frown at him. “It’s not about the argument for me. I’m already past that, it’s just everything else.”
Remus considers you. “Would you come here, please?”
You swear you wouldn’t go if he didn’t sound so kind. But you find yourself with your legs curled underneath you on the bed in front of him, Remus coaxing your hands into his.
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings,” he says sincerely, looking you in the eyes. “It was a silly argument, and I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.”
You chew the inside of your cheek, sizing up whether he means it. “I…also could have been less stubborn,” you admit begrudgingly. Your tone softens. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, too. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Remus’ touch coasts from your hands up your arms as he pulls you closer to kiss your forehead. “Are we okay?”
“Yeah,” you say, mollified.
He smiles at you. “Hear that?” he says towards the door. “You can let us out now.”
There’s no response.
Remus frowns as you get out of bed, going to try the handle. The door comes open, revealing and empty hallway.
“Pricks,” Remus mutters.
You find your boyfriends in the living room, James flicking through channels on the telly while Sirius reads the back cover of your book. James notices you first.
“Oh, hello.” He grins at you as Sirius looks over. “All sorted, then?”
You’re half tempted to pretend you didn’t make up just to spite them. When you look over at Remus, you suspect he’s thinking the same thing.
“That was sort of mean, lying to me like that,” you say to James instead.
He looks a bit contrite, but Sirius says insouciantly, “You were never gonna do it by yourselves, babe. We weren’t ready to start divvying up the furniture because you wanted to have a row.”
You kiss your teeth. “I think I might be having a row with you now.”
“What, us?” James’ eyebrows rise above the frames of his glasses. “What for?”
“You lied to us both to make us feel bad,” Remus reminds him, “and then locked us in the bedroom.”
Sirius isn’t impressed. “Well, it wasn’t really locked, was it. If you’d gotten desperate, you could’ve taken it off the hinges. Or just checked again after a couple minutes.”
“She broke her nail trying to get the window open.”
You hold up your torn fingernail as proof. Sirius coos, reaching for your finger and bringing it to his lips while you scowl at him.
“Sorry, lovie. We had a plan to bring you food in a couple hours,” says James. “We were even going to let you out for bathroom breaks if you needed to go.”
“Really, you wrapped it up much quicker than we were expecting,” Sirius praises. He’s still holding your finger, drawing his thumb up and down the side in easy, consoling strokes. “We thought you’d ice each other out until supper at least. I’m quite proud of you.”
Remus scoffs.
“Oh, come now.” Sirius grins. “Give us a kiss.”
You roll your eyes but turn to Remus, extricating your finger from Sirius’ grasp to meet him in a chaste kiss.
The other boys cheer. “There we are!” James tilts his face up expectantly. “Now one for me.”
You and Remus exchange a look.
“No,” you say coolly, “I don’t think so.” The two of you go to sit on the far side of the couch, away from both Sirius and James with you curled against Remus’ side. He looks a tad smug as he puts his arm around you.
“Oi!” says Sirius. “Look what you’ve done, you’ve made James pull his sad puppy face. What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“You lied to us,” you say again, slowly, with emphasis, “and locked us in the bedroom.”
Sirius scoffs. “So dramatic.”
“Oh, that’s rich.”
“Will it help if we say sorry?” James asks meekly.
Remus looks at you. You shrug.
“Maybe,” he says. “You’re more than welcome to try and find out.”
#poly marauders#poly!marauders#poly marauders x reader#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders angst#poly!marauders hurt/comfort#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders scenario#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders one shot#poly!marauders oneshot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders
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HEYY
i saw the vi x chubby user and as a chubby girl I NEED more of the girlies x chubby user. please 🙀
[Arcane preference (girlies)] with a chubby s/o
I made you wait so long for nothing, I’m sorry if it’s short, BUT I haven’t forgotten about you!
Jinx:
- Forget that thing called “personal space.”
- If you want to sleep with her, you’ll be the little spoon, and she’ll even throw herself on top of you. She loves feeling human warmth, and with a partner with more body mass, it’s not painful to stay in a long embrace because no (or almost no) bones are attacking her.
- She pinches your love handles and thighs, then bursts out laughing. It's done with tenderness, she loves it to bits, and it’s something extremely rare in Zaun.
- If you can't find anything your size, she'll sew it for you from leftover fabric, or by beating up a passerby to steal their clothes. Either way, you don’t have to worry.
- If you even try to say the words "lose weight," she’ll furrow her brow, deeply offended: you’re hers, and if you lose mass, she has less of you for herself, which means you’re trying to take something from her.
- Which means for the following week, she’ll do everything to make you eat more, terrified that you might lose weight.
Vi:
- What’s the point of being so strong if not to lift you into her arms effortlessly?
- She makes you stay on her back while doing push-ups, carries you to the bedroom, and holds you on her lap on the couch.
- She’s a fighter, not a coward. If she can’t lift you, it’s not that you weigh too much, but that she’s too weak. And within three days, she’ll make sure she fixes this shortcoming.
- But it never actually happens. Vi never misses an opportunity to show you how strong she is and how special you are.
- When you talk under the blankets, she often loses herself playing with your soft spots, almost as if she’s relaxing.
Caytlin:
- She sits on your lap, but if you want, you can sit on her without any issues.
- She loves your body to bits, and if you try to hide it, she might put on a little show just to take off your shirt and enjoy what you were hiding, like your belly.
- Clothes aren’t a problem; she’ll have them made so that they not only fit you but also highlight your best features.
- No jokes here—when you go out together, she wants the world to see how proud she is of her partner and how attractive they are. So, she takes care of your preparation herself, even stealing a kiss here and there, but letting you choose what you want to wear.
Mel:
- She has a personal tailor who makes coordinated outfits for every occasion. She can’t let you look bad, and she wouldn’t want to, so she personally ensures every detail reflects you.
- She knows what you like and dislike, so she can correct the sketches herself, so when the clothes arrive, they’ll be a complete surprise.
- When you're in public, she likes to sit on your lap, if the occasion is casual enough to allow it. Otherwise, she’ll leave subtle lipstick marks on you before leaving, just enough to discreetly remind people you’re with her.
- She likes being the little spoon, feeling protected and vulnerable at least in one place, even though, subconsciously, she changes position while she sleeps. But in any case, feeling your softness against her gives her comfort.
Sevika:
- Think you’re big? Be more humble.
- She lifts you like you’re a little bunny, carries you around on her shoulder, takes you to bed in her arms, and constantly pulls you onto her lap, always keeping one hand on your waist.
- She loves skin-to-skin contact, and she’s strong enough to lift you completely onto her shoulders, with your back against the wall, and hold you like that until her ‘hunger’ passes (or until you can’t take it anymore).
- She’s still terrified of hurting you, so she always keeps you on the side of her good arm, so she doesn’t damage your body with her prosthetic limb.
- When you’re resting, she pulls you completely up onto her, no matter how tall or heavy you are, constantly reminding you that she’s big and strong enough.
#arcane#arcane 2#arcane headcanons#arcane headcanon#arcane jinx#arcane vi#arcane caitlyn#arcane mel#jinx arcane#arcane sevika#jinx x reader#mel x reader#vi x reader#caitlyn x reader#sevika x reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#arcane writing#arcane x reader
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